Not Stalking Zuko
by emletish
Summary: Katara keeps a journal of all the shenanigans that the Gaang run into. Chapter 49: there is much talk about the future - now that the war is over and everything is changing. Hakoda and Zuko talk. Katara decides that some things in life are worth the risk.
1. awkward apologies

Authors note: Just a little note to tell any lovely new reader that this fic follows directly on from my Stalking Zuko fic and I will reference occurrences from that story during this one, so I highly recommend reading it first!

Without further ado, let's start not stalking Zuko.

-?-

So I am starting a new journal about what it's like traveling with the Avatar and fighting the war. It's going to be a brand new, **very sensible** record of what has happened. I wanted to record what all my friends are like and the crazy shenanigans they get into. This journal will **not **become full of an obsessive amount of tidbits about Zuko. I am not going to write non-stop about him and his Zuko-ness, because that would be weird and stalkerish and _I don't do that anymore. _

Today I went down to the market with my brother. We haven't had much time to hang out just the two of us. There are always so many other people around. Sokka wanted to talk about what had really happened on me and Zuko's trip to the Southern Raiders. I'd told him briefly last night but he wanted more detail. Gah! What is it with everyone and more detail! We talked a bit about Mum and how I'd made the right choice with Yon Rha. My brother thinks it's a good thing that I didn't kill him, but he doesn't forgive him either. I asked him why he didn't take my side last night when Aang was going on (and on and on and on)about forgiveness but he just said that Aang had been really worried about me and he didn't want take sides.

We talked about Zuko and my resolution to stop stalking him. Sokka is the only other person who read my stalker journal (the dirty, sneaky jerk) and knows the sort of things I wrote in there. Sokka was glad to hear that I was leaving my stalking days behind me. He was probably the first one aside from Toph to make real friends with Zuko and has been on at me (for a while now) to give him a chance, stop stalking him etc.

I told him that I was going to buy Zuko some fireflakes as a peace offering. I got Zuko a family size pack of sweet chilli fireflakes (this will not last him very long. Subject's…I mean Zuko's love of fireflakes is well known among our group). Sokka thought I was going a bit overboard on the fireflakes and said 'geez how badly to you want to be friends again?' And I sort of sputtered in response because his comment took me by surprise. I was just being thoughtful. Sokka took my sputtering and blushing as an indication that _other things_ had happened on our Southern Raiders trip. He jumped to the same conclusion as my dad did when he saw Zuko giving me a moon peach.

All the men in my family associate food with love.

For goodness sake! They are just fireflakes not a proposal of marriage.

I mean nothing happened!

Fine! I hugged him and snotty cried all over him, but I had **told **Sokka that already. There was much embarrassment and bickering between Sokka and I. Sokka seemed to hear _naked steamy sex_ every time I said _snotty cry and cuddle in the rain._ Ever since Sokka and Suki started doing it, he sees sex everywhere! He's gone all sex maniac.

I know he _sexiled _Zuko from the boy's room last night. Aang prefers to sleep on Appa so Sokka only needed to get rid of Zuko to have the boy's room all to himself. Suki and Sokka think they are being so subtle. But I am not an idiot. Last night Suki snuck out of the girls room and didn't come back and Zuko was sleeping on the couch in the lounge room.

I know what's going on there!

I told Sokka that me and Zuko were just looking for mum's murderer so nothing happened. Sokka said he liked all his revenge quests with a _big side of sex!_ Zuko had just been helpful. Sokka asked if by helpful I meant_ sexy._ I told him he was being ridiculous and Zuko was just my friend. Sokka looked at the fireflakes and gave himself a slap in the forehead and said the most ridiculous thing ever.

"That's what all the fireflakes are for! You're going to go up to him and say : _please take these fireflakes… and my virginity… as a token of my friendship." _He put on a really high pitched voice that was supposed to mimic mine. I do not sound like that! I would never say that!

I started whacking him rather spiritedly and quite forcefully with the giant family pack of fireflakes and telling him he was an pervert and an idiot and a sexist and a jerk and…many other names, none of which are too polite. In the face of the Great Fireflake Offensive Sokka covered his head and eventually started to apologize.

When he had reached the requisite number of apologies to calm my wrath, I asked him why he was so sure me and Zuko had sex. He said that we'd been gone for _three days_ together as if that explained everything. I retorted that he and Zuko had gone on holiday to the boiling rock together and been gone for _five days_ and should I just _assume_ that they had _super kinky prison sex_ during these five days.

That shut him up!

I win at arguments forever!

-?-

We made a non-aggression pact because we still had heaps of things to buy. We had to get some new clothes for Suki. She's still wearing her prison outfit, poor girl and she can't go out and about in the town until we get some proper clothes for her. Suki is roughly my size. She's a little bigger in the… err chest area, so I just have to make sure that things feel loose there. I was going to go help Sokka pick out a few things for her.

We have had many arguments.

We have drastically different tastes in regards to what each of us would prefer Suki wear. I, being the girl and being in possession of better taste, won all the arguments.

I win again!

The sales lady was on my side and together we battled Sokka's poor taste! Suki will thank me for the great service I have done her this day. She will be grateful that she can walk about the town and not look like a drunken, blind strumpet who can't co-ordinate an outfit and who is not picky about who buys her drinks. Oh yeah! That was the look that Sokka was going for.

-?-

We carried everything back together and fell into good natured sibling bickering about strumpets and what we would have for lunch, etc, on the way there. Suki was really glad to get some new clothes and really quite pleased with all my choices. I kept giving Sokka these _I told you so_ glances as Suki tried things on and said how much she liked them and how well they fit her etc.

Toph and Zuko and Aang are training. Earthbending is more defensive and firebending is more offensive and they are trying to get him to use both bendings simultaneously. Aang is not allowed to Airbend. Toph and Zuko are in agreement that he is over-reliant on airbending and are trying to increase his confidence with other bendings. He's already pretty confident with waterbending, so I am not needed.

Boo.

However from what I can hear of the training; the array of frustrated comments and swearing (Zuko) and exclamations of _Gah! You airbended again twinkletoes_!(Toph) I think they are having mixed success.

-?-

They broke for lunch but then got straight back into training as soon as Aang had eaten his last mouthful. Zuko almost had to carry Aang back to the garden by the scruff of his neck-like he was a naughty and playful kitten. I know Zuko is just worried that Aang won't know enough in time for the comet. He's worried about Aang facing his father.

Now that I know how Zuko got his scar, I'm inclined to share his worry. Ozai's not…he's not _sentimental _about children. He's not going to go easy on Aang just because he's a kid.

Still, sometimes I wish I could just get Zuko to _relax._ If he were any more rigid I could use him as a surf board. I still haven't had a chance to give him the fireflakes because he's all firebending training -all the time.

-?-

So… um… I have just given Zuko the fireflakes. We have had an awkward moment. We have shaken hands. And nearly hugged. I have agreed to give fireflakes another try.

Gah!

Why did I do this?

So what happened was this. They'd finished training and Zuko was in the kitchen making tea for everybody and I came up to him with the fireflakes behind my back.

Maybe I started off on the wrong foot because I said I needed to talk to him about fireflakes. He sighed deeply and looked imploringly at the ceiling and finally said that he really was _trying._ I was confused, trying what? He said he knew how much I hated them and that I could spare him the lecture because he really was trying to cut back on his fireflake consumption and had only had them with lunch today and was planning on only sprinkling them sparingly at dinner.

Oh.

Bollocks!

Zuko has never previously listened to me in regards to the many evils of fireflakes. Why did he choose this day, of all days, to cut back on his immense flake consumption? Today when I bought him a family size pack!

Boo!

Why did he decide to cut back? He loves fireflakes!

I think he noticed the expression on my face and asked me what was wrong. I produced the giant bag of fireflakes from behind my back and said that I had gotten them for him. He looked infinitely confused by this turn of events. Like more confused than I have ever seen him. I don't think I could have confused him more if I'd whipped out a dragon egg and told him I'd laid it myself. I said that he probably didn't want them now, if he was planning on cutting back. Zuko made grabby hands for the fireflakes and almost hugged the giant packet and said that he _still wanted them_ really quickly. And then we were just smiling at each other like awkward dorks who are awkward. Zuko makes me act like a dork.

Zuko asked me why I had gotten him a giant family size supply of fireflakes.

And for a few moments all words left my brain. Where did they go? I actually knew the answer! But for some reason my words abandoned me and I became fascinated with the floor. Zuko was still looking supremely confused. Here it was: apology time. I never thought I'd ever have to apologize to Zuko and I wasn't quite sure how to go about it. Should I apologize for every unreasonable/crazy thing individually or just offer a blanket apology? I choose blanket apology.

I mumbled that I wanted to say sorry for being a crazy-lady with him and be friends. However I mumbled this really low and to the floor and Zuko didn't quite hear me. He came a lot closer and told me I'd have to repeat that because the only word he caught was crazy. I mumbled a bit louder. He still didn't catch that and had to get right up in my personal space to hear what I was saying. I was getting a bit frustrated and I ended up saying quite crossly/grumpily _I just said I wanted to say sorry and be friends!_

Gah! This apology was going all wrong. You're not meant to get cross mid-apology. But it was just so awkward. Zuko said I didn't need to get him a family pack of fireflakes. For him we already were friends. He smiled at me brightly and I smiled back and said that I just felt bad for how I'd been treating him and I wanted to do something to make it up to him. He said he knew what I could do to make it up to him. I think I must have made a worried face because he started nervous babbling like he does when he gets nervous. He said he was not going to ask me to do anything awful. But he thought I should just try fireflakes again, because I might like them and then I could help him eat the family pack.

At first I was a bit sarcastic, because to me- fireflakes are **the most awful snack** ever created. I made various comments to this effect but eventually relented and agreed to try some.

Why did I do this!

I said I'd do it, if that's what it took for him to accept my apology. And then to cap of this awkward conversation, Zuko made an attempt to hug me at the same time that I stuck out my hand for a handshake. And then we switched. I tried to return the hug and he held out his hand. I was feeling exceptionally dorky at this point so I grabbed his hand and shook it in an exaggerated fashion that was quite comical to me.

We have agreed to be friends.

I have agreed to eat fireflakes in about an hour. So this may be my last entry, as in about an hour I will know the taste of my whole mouth burning and may never recover.

Honestly! The things I do for Zuko.

-?-

Shocking news!

Fireflakes are not repulsive if you just sprinkle the _tiniest _amount on top of your dinner. They just make it a little zesty.

Everybody was watching me with eyes agog while I crumbled up some flakes (only 3) on my curry. I have had a long standing and well known opposition to the existence of fireflakes, so the others were very surprised that I was trying them again.

Aang asked me what I was doing in a very bemused tone of voice (I may have ranted at length about the evils of fireflakes to Aang back in the western air temple.) I replied that I was just giving them another go. Aang's eyebrows raised his eyebrows so high that they almost climbed off his face and wandered away.

Zuko was watching me expectantly with a glass of milk on hand in case I hated them again. I don't know what it was about the curry, but fireflakes tasted okay with it. When it is just a small amount and they are sprinkled through it- they are okay. So I told Zuko it was not the worst thing I had ever eaten. And he smiled like I had just handed him a million dollars..or his honor… on a silver platter.

-?-

Long rambly notes:

Hello lovely readers and welcome to _Not Stalking Zuko._ I hope you enjoyed what will be the first of many chapters of sillyness and shennagins. I've changed the breaks from -!- to -?- for this new journal because in my imagination at least, Katara is less angry now and more questioning. It is a whole new journal and while she'll probably end up writing predominantly about Zuko, I still wanted all the other characters to be involved and establish good character relationships. Because to me, by the end of their stay on Ember Island, they'll just be six people who love each other a whole bunch. So this fic may have more group dynamic stuff.

Sokka and Katara: I really love their sibling bond. Now wait, I flove it. Sokka is teasing Katara a bit in this chapter because she's being so awkward about Zuko and he's read her stalker journal and has made assumptions. He was the big assumer who assumed things. He's my shipper on deck! Bless his cotton socks. He's also got sex on the brain at the moment.

He's in that first flush of a new relationship and in my experience, when people are in that first flush, they want to set up all their single friends. Is this a global thing or just a thing among my friends? I'm not sure. But I have observed that people whoa re in that happy new-couple stage what to share the happy-new-couple-stage. He doesn't actually think they've had sex, but he thinks Katara has a crush on Zuko so he's just yanking her chain. Until she explodes Katara wrath all over him.

Suki's clothes: she's in the prison outfit for ages and then new clothes just appear. I thought they deserved some explanation/ acknowledgement.

Sexile: if you are unfamiliar with the word, is a term used when you have a roommate and they have… err _company_ over. Three is definitely a crowd for the activity they have planned and the third wheel gets banished/sexiled until _company_ leaves.

Zuko was going to try quit fireflakes for her, because nothing makes Katara angrier than fireflakes. But then she surprised him with that family pack and awkwardness ensues. Katara's apology was always going to be an awkward sandwich with embarrassing sauce.

Next up: Katara and Zuko will chat about the gender politics of their respective cultures.

Til then lovely readers!


	2. midnight conversations

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Midnight conversations

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My bed once belonged to someone called Kira and she has carved _Kira loves Azo_ all over bedhead and the side of the bed side table. She's draw a lot of hearts about the place like some silly lovesick girl. I have been wondering what happened to her and Azo. Did they ever get a chance to be together?

I couldn't sleep. It's not long after the full moon. I am always more awake at night around the full moon. My brain was buzzing with thoughts. I couldn't get it to shut up. I'd be lying there and telling my mind to just be quiet, but it wouldn't settle down. I was thinking about Kira and fireflakes and forgiveness and friendship and what I wanted to have for breakfast tomorrow and so many other things.

This house is so creaky.

If we were going to be staying long term, I wouldn't mind having a go at fixing it up. But I know we won't be staying for long. The boys were tossing round ideas of where we should go next after dinner but couldn't come up with a solution. Toph was asleep just in the bed next to me. I didn't want to wake her with my tossing and turning. Suki's bed across the room was empty again. So I got up and went for a wander about the house. It's a bit spooky, wandering about this house on my own a night. When I got to the living room I found Zuko sprawled on the couch. He'd been sexiled again.

He's a bit too tall for the couch and he couldn't seem to get comfy. He was tossing and turning and his limbs were hanging off at odd angles. His back was to me but I figured he must have been awake, because no one should toss and turn that much in their sleep. I called out his named softly, just to see if he was awake. He gave a shout of fright and fell of the couch.

Good. He was awake then.

I had walked so silently that he'd had no idea that I was there. He was a bit cross at being snuck up on. But I told him that I wasn't sneaking, I just couldn't sleep. Anyway he was the one who taught me how to walk so quietly. He said _yeah, that was me_, in a very resigned fashion and gave me and odd look and said _I have a feeling you're going to make me regret teaching you that._ But he said it with a smile. He said he was having trouble drifting off as well and suggested we have a cup of chamomile tea. His Uncle told him that was meant to help people sleep and for Zuko, everything his Uncle said must be absolutely true. He sighed and got up and made a groaning stretching noise.

There was a bit of quiet fussing in the kitchen because we didn't want to wake the others. Zuko made a chamomile tea for me and a jasmine tea for himself. I asked him why he didn't have a chamomile as well if he was having trouble sleeping but he said _all the tea in the world_ would not make the lumpiest couch he had ever come across more comfortable. I said that Sokka was being a berk for sexiling him two nights in a row and Zuko said that he'd put up with actual exile for years and by comparison sexiled for two nights was a breeze.

We sat on the front veranda with our tea cups in hand. There was a nice view of the beach from here. It would make a good moping spot really. I told him about Kira and Azo and how I couldn't stop thinking about them. He said that often couples in the firenation army were allowed to be part of the same division but not the same unit, so at least they would have been near each other. He said that the firenation had many women in its army but they normally didn't serve as foot soldiers and were often trained different fighting styles and espionage etc, so they rarely fought on the front lines. For all we knew, Kira had lived and just settled down somewhere else. That made me feel a little better about sleeping in her bed.

He spoke about women fighting in the army like it was just normal. I thought about the water tribes and how the northern water tribe didn't think women were worthy of learning how to fight and how hard I'd had to struggle to get master Pakku to respect me. I told Zuko how I'd had to fight Master Pakku just to be taught. I'd won him over in the end but it had been a hard fight and in the end only my grandmother's betrothal necklace had convinced him otherwise. I wonder if he would have taught me if I hadn't been related to Gran Gran.

Zuko thought it was a bit weird to just not train women at all, especially in the northern water tribe because they have a much smaller population. Zuko is firmly of the belief that everybody should learn at least basic self defense because terrible things happen all the time, wherever you are. He said that if people want to learn how to fight they should be taught and started going on about how women were more equal in the fire nation. I pointed out that wasn't entirely true because **he'd just said** that women didn't often serve on the front lines. Ha!

He said that was more of a brute strength thing than a gender thing. To be a foot solider you had to be built like a tank to carry around those heavy spears etc all the time. But it was true that more women normally had home army duties, training new recruits, being part of the local law enforcement etc. He said that most of the army got trained by highly competent women and his favourite firebending teacher aside from his Uncle had been a woman called Za Jei. She'd been the one to make him keep training unless he'd been knock unconscious, not the one who just threw fireballs at him all day.

It was just so different to the water tribes, especially the northern water tribe. It was all healing and cooking and arranged marriages for girls. I told him of Yue, who had no say in who she got _advantageously_ matched with and Yugoda who was one of the smartest women I've ever met and who would never be anything other than a healer. Zuko said being a healer was great and that if it wasn't for my healing capabilities he'd have at least a fractured wrist and three broken ribs at the moment. He said that they had arranged marriages in the fire nation for the nobility. His parents had an arranged marriage, but they hadn't seemed happy. So maybe there wasn't much difference after all. I thought the fact that women were able to lead and fight and teach fighting was a pretty big difference.

Zuko said he didn't know if it was any better in the firenation, because he thought the only reason why women were treated more equally was because of the war and the constant need for soldiers to keep fighting it. Everybody in the fire nation got involved in fighting in the war somehow and as a result _everybody_ had lost someone in their family to the various campaigns over the years. I asked him who he'd lost, and for a second I thought he wasn't going to answer me. It was rather a personal question, I guess.

He looked into his cup a little sadly and swilled it around. Then he told me that his cousin, Lu Ten, had died in the siege of Ba Sing Se when he'd been eleven. He said he thought his Uncle had never really gotten over it. I said I was sorry for his loss, because that's what you're supposed to say right? It just sounds so _shallow_ though. Zuko looked quite sad about it but he said it was okay. He didn't get to see much of Lu Ten as a kid and only really saw him when the family all went on holidays together to Ember Island. It was Lu Ten who had taught Zuko and Azula how to swim.

When Zuko was talking about learning how to swim his eyes widened like he had an idea. He then said _I have an idea really _excitedly. I made a dubious face. I had a feeling it was going to be a stupid idea but I heard him out. He thought we could go to Ember Island and hide out at the royal residence there, because it was literally the last place on the planet anyone would think to look for us.

See what I mean.

Stupid idea.

Hiding from the firelord at his own summer house? I mean really now. Zuko said that nobody ever went there anymore and it was on a secluded side of Ember Island so it would be easy to hide Appa and there'd be enough rooms for everybody to have their own room so he wouldn't have to be sexiled every night. I said that as tempting as the chance at having my own room was, he still hadn't convinced me. Ember Island sounded a bit too risky to me and the house would be full of creepy Ozai vibes. Zuko replied that his father often hadn't come on the family holidays so there shouldn't be too many creepy Ozai vibes. He made a weird face when he said creepy Ozai vibes. Zuko had him as a dad so he probably couldn't sense Ozai vibes, creepy or otherwise. They'd just be regular vibes to him.

I started going on about how if he was so worried about being sexiled, why didn't he just tell Sokka no and refuse to leave. Zuko said that would be against the **bro code.** I don't understand the **bro code** and I told him this. Zuko sighed and said that none of us knew what would happen in the future and that Sokka and Suki should be able to enjoy their time together while they could. He has a point I guess.

Then I said something **most ridiculous.** I invited Zuko back to my bed. I meant to say bedroom but the room part fell off when I was speaking. Oops. He got the most astonished look on his face. I started doing that babbly talking thing that Zuko does when he's nervous.

By George, it is contagious!

I never babbly-nervous talked before I met Zuko.

I explained that I meant that the girl's room and that he could sleep in Suki's bed, since she obviously wasn't going to be using it at all during our stay and it seemed a bit silly to have him trying to sleep on the lumpy couch when there was a perfectly serviceable bed in our room. Zuko said something about it not being proper and asked if me and Toph would mind. I said proper schmoper (yes, I said that. What is wrong with me?) and I was inviting him, so obviously I didn't mind and Toph wouldn't mind either. He acquiesced in the face of my proper-schmoper argument and came back with me after we finished our tea.

Zuko is a very deep sleeper and feel asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

I was still awake and I've gotten up again to make another tea and write this entry. I'm starting to feel tired again now.

-?-

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Very long and rambly notes follow:

Lovely readers! You have reached the end of _midnight conversations._ Congratulations! I hope you enjoyed it. In this chapter I just wanted to touch on the different gender dynamics in the firenation and the watertribes and Zuko and Katara's view points. Also, I just wanted to say that I have just seen **made in Dagenham** and it was fabulous! So if you have a few spare hours and want to see a delightful British movie, give it a go. But all the _gender equality _in that movie got me thinking about how that would apply to the Avatar world.

If you want to read my rant on gender in ATLA here it is. Otherwise feel free to skip it!

*START RANT*

Water tribes: Katara's been struggling against gender-roles and trying to gain recognition for herself as an equal to the male fighters around her throughout the series. It was her major arc in season 1, to go from that untrained watertribe girl to a water bending master. I think Katara would feel very strongly about women being treated equally because that is something she has really had to **fight** for.

The water tribes seem the most patriarchal of the four nations. The southern water tribe is apparently a lot less so, but I still get the feeling that there was some ingrained sexism there as well. In the first episode, Sokka is in charge of the southern water tribe by virtue of being the oldest and a boy. And I say this with much love for Sokka as a character, but he's a bit sexist at the start. He does get better quite quickly upon exposure to other tough strong ladies like Suki, which leads me to believe that, in himself, Sokka wasn't that sexist but, he was just reflecting his culture and environment.

The northern tribe: oh baby what was going on here! Arranged marriages seemed like they were common place and not just for the nobility (Pakku and Kanna weren't part of the northern water tribe chief's family were they?) And if a woman wanted out of her arranged marriage, running away was the only option.

Master Pakku refused to teach Aang because he had imparted some of what he learned to Katara. When you actually think about that, it is quite scary. Aang was seen as the one great hope for the future, the one chance to defeat the firelord and Master Pakku was unwilling to train him all over a petty sexist principle that women were not equal and not worthy of learning to fight. Katara does have to fight him and stand up for herself and she does this admirably. But it is only her grandmother's necklace that changes his mind. I was left with the distinct impression that if she hadn't been related to Gran Gran he would not have taught her. I don't want to Pakku bash, because I thought he was an interesting and nuanced character. While eventually he comes to respect and admire Katara, it was such an incredible struggle for both of them.

I have a feeling Katara (being a female master waterbender) is still the exception and not the norm for the water tribes, now that all the other southern water benders, aside from Hama, are gone at least. Things don't change over night and getting gender equality takes time. So to me, it seems naturaly that when Zuko talks offhandedly about women in the army, she'd be a little curious.

Firenation is a different kettle of fish entirely. I have gathered from my studies that most of the big surges in women's rights came during wars (granted the suffragettes pre-date WWI). To me, it seems that whenever a country is plunged into war, women experience a rise in rights and responsibilities and gain more employment, freedom and movement. Australia during both WWI and WWII employed many women as auxiliary support staff and I think the same thing occurred in Britain/Canada/USA. The fire nation has been at war for 100 years continuously and I think the integration of women into the army/navy/various other roles would have happen fairly naturally. While according to Avatar wiki, more women opt to take home guard/ training positions so they can stay in the firenation, it appears that the women in the fire nation experience much more equality. After 100 years of working alongside men, I feel that, at least among the lower classes, there is a great deal of gender equality in the firenation.

A few caveats: I think there is still a glass ceiling for women in the fire nation, there's no old lady generals are there? And I think for aristocratic women there would still be a little bit of gender inequality. It seems like arranged marriages exist for the aristocracy (and it's never the woman who gets to choose in an arranged marriage) and I think it cannot be overlooked that the only reason for all this gender equality in the fire nation is a war that the country has been waging for 100 years.

Zuko has been raised in an environment where it was normal and occasionally mandatory for women to learn how to fight and the attitudes of the water tribes would be a bit baffling for him. But he's trying to emulate his Uncle and learn from other cultures and put on his non-judgmental pants (bless him). He points out the similarities between the two cultures, but mostly he listens to what she says and responds as best he can.

Naturally YMMV on all of this lovely readers!

*END RANT*

Huge thank you to all my fantastic reviewers! You guys make me smile! Thanks for coming along on a second fic with me! And just a giant thanks so much to everyone who took the time to review and I just want you to know that every review brightens my day !

For the last chapter the lovely Donnacrunch *waves at Donna* mentioned Suki's lack of characterization in the series aside from Sokka's girlfriend/badass. I hope to remedy this in coming chapters and give her a more rounded personality. Donna also mentioned the foolishness of their fooling around (possibilities of getting pregnant etc) which I confess I had not thought much on. But it gave me an exceptionally foolish plot bunny that has now run off into _ridiculous land_, but that is still a few chapters way!

Next chapter: there will be a few arguments (but not between Katara and Zuko) the Gaang will move to Ember Island and Katara will once again use her healing as an excuse to get handsy with Zuko (for healing purposes of course)


	3. A different view

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A new view

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This morning there was a mild argument between Toph and Zuko. It is most entertaining to watch the two _most intractably stubborn_ people I know (arguably the two _most intractably stubborn_ people in the entire world) having a polite argument. Me and Sokka bet the last mango on the winner. Toph won, so the mango is mine! (Zuko was always going to give in to Toph.)

Toph and Zuko both feel that Aang needs extensive training in eartbending and firebending respectively. This morning Toph got a bit cross that Aang hardly spent any time earth bending anymore and said that out of the four elements, Aang is the least confident with earth. Zuko started deploring Aang's ability with fire and how he's still not aggressive enough and sucks a bit at it. Toph said he sucked way more at earthbending. While they didn't use these exact words, they did get into a conversation about which element he sucked more at.

In front of Aang.

In fact it turned into a three way conversation with Zuko exclaiming that he hadn't even mastered shooting fire out of his feet yet, Toph lamenting that despite her best efforts, Aang's metal bending was worse than Haru's, and Aang saying _seriously guys, I'm right here._ Aang got a bit ignored in this conversation.

Zuko and Toph decided to settle it by playing fire,earth,water,air. Toph won the first game and Zuko made them try best out of three. Toph won again. Zuko grumbled but ceded victory to Toph. Toph took Aang to the cliff tops near the beach to practice his earth projectiles.

Go Toph!

Secretly I am very glad that Zuko has taken the morning off training Aang and I think Toph is the only one intractably stubborn enough to accomplish this task.

-?-

Sokka and Zuko decided to spar with their swords.

Boys.

Always needing to whack things with swords. This morning they discovered that they were both trained by master Piandao and spent a large amount of time making _no way/yes way_ faces at each other when they first discovered this.

Suki and I watched their sparring and occasionally called out encouragement/sarcastic comments. We had a lovely chat about Sokka and his poor taste in girl-clothes and what the South Pole was like (Sokka wants to take Suki home after the war and show her how we live) and which of the boys would win if they were fighting for real. I think Zuko, but I would never tell either of them this in a million years. It would lead to over-inflated egos and hurt feelings and shenanigans.

I will say this about Sokka: he's actually gotten really good. He's quick and inventive and not just at sword fighting. It's amazing how far he's come in a year. Sokka, I am almost surprised to say it, is a good leader. I remember how much I teased him when he first tried to lead us and made us walk through the forest (and then we met Jet. I still don't quite know how I feel about that).

Now, for the most part, we all just fall in line with Sokka's ideas and plans. He's our plan guy. Sometimes it's a bit hard for me not to tease him and make fun of some of his more elaborate plans. Because he'll always be my sarcastic big brother with two fish hooks in his thumb to me. But I am proud of him and I probably don't tell him that nearly enough.

-?-

The boys tried an experiment where they swapped weapons. I called out that this was a silly idea. Sokka replied that he thought it was a fabulous idea and they had nothing to lose by diversifying (except their dignity and maybe an eye/limb). Despite my arguments/comments the swap happened.

Sokka was confused about what to do with the second sword despite how much '_helpful'_ advice Zuko called out. Zuko kept trying to block with his left hand and always realized a little too late that he didn't have a sword in that hand any more. There were shenanigans and it was most entertaining. Until it ended quite dramatically with Zuko bleeding and swearing and Sokka apologizing and saying that it was **the sword's** fault. What happened was that Zuko tried to block one to many times with his leftie and Sokka made a wild swing with his extra sword and clipped him on his shoulder.

Sword practice is over for the day.

-?-

We were all sitting lounge room having tea. Suki made it, she steeped the leaves for a little too long so it was a little bitterer than when Zuko makes it, but all of us were too polite to say so. I was healing Zuko's shoulder. He fussed a little at the start because healing open cuts stings a little but mostly he sat still for me. Zuko has rather nice broad shoulders. I've never noticed before, but they are nice. But he was so friggin tense that it was a bit tricky to heal his shoulder. I started rubbing both his shoulders to help him relax a bit. For healing purposes. This was also nice. He let out a sort of relaxed sigh at one point (when I ran my palm between his shoulder blades). That was _most distracting. _

Sokka wanted to make plans because Sokka loves plans as much as he loves Suki (but in a very different way.) The four of us left sat down to talk about where to go next. Sokka thinks we stand out too much on this island and Zuko suggested Ember Island again. There were many dubious faces all round.

Zuko was really keen on his Ember Island idea. He whipped out a list he'd written about the benefits of Ember Island from his pocket. What is it with the _lists_? Really, does he have a list for everything stashed away somewhere? Does he carry all his lists on him? What else does he write lists about?

His list of arguments in support of Ember Island included: The Ember Island house is big (big enough to hide Appa). It's mostly locked up and no one has been there in years. It's on a secluded side of the island but we'll be close to all sorts of services in the main town and because the island is so touristy in summer, a few new people won't stand out as much. There's virtually no military presence and only a small local home guard station. And it is literally the last place on earth anyone would think to look for us. There were a few other items on the list that he didn't read out because he didn't want to embarrass Sokka and Suki. I was still behind him, rubbing …err… **healing** his shoulders so I could see the list.

Eventually he convinced all of us. Well, he convinced Sokka first and then Sokka got a bit excited about the giant tiled map of the fire nation in the town square of Ember Island and then _by their powers combined _they managed to convince me and Suki. We decided to leave tomorrow morning, which will give us enough time to pack etc.

-?-

So Toph stomped in crankily and said that she hoped we'd figured out a plan for where to go next because we'd have to move this afternoon. Aang trailed after her and said she was making a big deal over nothing and he'd just helped some people and what was wrong with that. Toph told us that they'd come across some struggling villagers at the cliffs. They'd been rock fishing and there had been a big wave and some of them had been swept out to sea . Aang had got his Avatar on and saved them. And announced his Avatar status to the fisherman. Who had probably run back to their families and told everyone on the island by now.

Oh.

So we'd be leaving way ahead of schedule.

Aang sees nothing wrong in helping people who need it. Toph says she wasn't saying there was anything wrong with saving the fisherman, but he should have done it in a less showy, attention-seeking way and without announcing his Avatar status. Aang said that saving people is selfless and not attention seeking and there's nothing wrong with saving people anyway and their circular argument began anew. This argument has been going on for some time apparently.

We have been trying to keep Aang's identity a secret so we can just blend in and live in hiding but this has really thrown a big spanner in the works. There was much ado and shenanigans and hurried packing. Sokka was making sad panda faces at Aang because Aang has messed with **the plan**. Sokka hates it when people do that.

-?-

After much ado we got Appa packed with everything. I bended a big misty cloud around us so we could fly without drawing attention. Zuko had remarked that he noticed most of the navy had been deployed when we broke into that messenger hawk tower last week. So there are a few more firenation ships out there for us to avoid. I made the cloud **huge **so we would be less noticeable. It was hard work maintaining a cloud that size. After a while Aang handed over the reigns to Sokka and helped me. When Aang was standing near Toph, they both continued their argument.

Aang just wants to **save everyone** and help out wherever he can and that is something I love about Aang. He is unashamed of being the Avatar and doesn't want Toph to make him feel like it is something he should hide. He thinks it's time the world knows the Avatar is still fighting and that everybody probably knew he was in the Firenation after the Day of Black Sun anyway and… Toph was a meany-face for not wanting to save people.

Toph is adamant that she is not against saving people, but was saying that next Aang feels the urge, he should try and do so in a way that doesn't announce his Avatar status because we are trying to live inconspicuously. Announcing you are avatar is _pretty friggin conspicuous_ in the firenation. Unless Aang wants to go back to hanging out in caves, we should all try to keep a low profile. Zuko piped up in support of Toph and said that he wasn't a fan of the living-in-a-cave idea and that it would be better if Aang kept his identity a secret. Aang launched into a rather long and meandering Air-nomad philosophy-I-give-people-hope-and-hope-is-good speech. I piped up in support of hope-giving-but also voiced my opposition to living-in-a-cave. Nobody wants that again.

Suki tried to play mediator, bless her cotton socks. But the argument went round in circles. Sometimes, it was like watching a tennis match between Toph and Aang.

"The Avatar is meant to give people hope! Knowing I'm out there gives people hopeToph." Aang would say.

"Yeah, well I **hope **we don't run into another barrage of airships! What are you going to do about that **hope!**" Toph would parry back.

Zuko ended their argument by announcing (in an _exceptionally dramatic_ fashion-there were big hand gestures and everything) the fact that every single solider in the firenation army has been instructed to kill Aang on sight and every military unit is equipped with a special black ribbon carrying messenger hawk. If Aang is seen/recognized, we will all have to deal with the entirety of the firenation forces and his evil dad way sooner than we'd like to.

That put a dampener on everybody's mood. This is something Zuko excels at. All his dramatic announcements tend to be a little disheartening. So it is a blessing that he doesn't do them that often. Aang has, after Zuko's rather dramatic announcement, agreed to wear a hat in public and try keep his identity a secret when we are on Ember Island.

-?-

I am exhausted from waterbending that cloud the whole way here, but I will say this. I take back every negative thing I said about Ember Island. This place is awesome. It is so lush. The beaches are long and wide and sandy and there are so many fruit trees and the air is filled with that mango smell. It's just paradise.

We landed in one of the internal courtyards of the royal residence. There was a big fountain on the back wall that Appa started drinking from immediately. And everybody was all excited to explore the house and pick out their new rooms. All the bedrooms were on the second floor and it was going to be a race to get the best one. I asked Zuko quietly which one that was. Zuko whispered that I would probably like the room that was the third door from the left at the top of the stairs.

We had decided that the only fair way to divide up the rooms was a first-in-gets-the-room system. I already knew this would lead to chaos and competition and frantic racing. I made a beeline for the stairs and the third door to the left in the **mad rush** that ensued as soon as Appa landed. I got up the stairs first. I may have also used my water bending to get ahead of the others, but I don't think it counts as cheating. I just made the floor a little slippery. They'd just have to go a bit more slowly that's all.

But anyway, I opened the door and I was just greeted by the most amazing view. This room is so mine! I have a really large window that looks down to the beach on one wall and a nice little balcony on the other that would be big enough for a few chairs and a table. It has a view of the other side of the beach, the side with the small dock.

I opened up all the windows and the doors to air the place out and threw my waterskin on the bed and claimed the room! I've never had my own room before. It's great. I wonder who had this room before.

The sun was setting and it was just beautiful. I knew I should probably help the others unpack, but bloody hell, I help out all the time, and they could handle it without me for a few moments. I sat on the balcony and draped my legs over the edge and just enjoyed the sight and the smell of the place.

I heard a small polite cough behind me. It was Zuko. I thanked him for the room tip and waved him over and he came and sat next to me. He said he was glad I'd gotten this room because this room was the one least likely to have any evil Ozai vibes and he knew I was worried about that. Our legs were dangling over the balcony and we had a great view down to the sandy beach. There must have been a mango tree nearby because I could smell mango really strongly. I said I could get used to a view like this. Zuko smiled at me then and I smiled back. He asked, really shyly, if I liked the room.

Sometimes he is just so shy.

I gave him a big affectionate shoulder nudge and told him he was an idiot. **Of course I liked it!** I couldn't think of anyone who wouldn't like it. We watched the sunset together and it was nice.

Then we went down to help the others unpack because Sokka was calling us all sorts of lazy names from the bottom of the stairs.

-?-

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Authors note –long and rambly (again)

Lovely readers! You've reached the end of a new view. I hope you enjoyed it. Thank you so much for all your reviews and comments! I really appreciate them all and you guys are awesome for giving me feedback! I do get ideas/inspiration from your comments. Don't worry about Sokka and Suki my lovely readers! I hope to surprise and delight, not irritate and disappoint.

In this chapter: fire,earth,water, air looked like the avatar version of rock, paper, scissors when Aang and Sokka were playing it in that episode in Ba Sing Se.

I floated the memory of Jet (the ghost of crushes past) because I don't think Katara has forgotten about him at all. She just doesn't quite know what to feel. We will deal more with Jet in my chapters around the EIP but I just wanted to illustrate that Katara still thinks about him, even if it is just a passing thought.

I also wanted to acknowledge, or at least have Katara recognize Sokka's leadership role. While there's not really a hierarchy in the Gaang (I see it more as a six person love in), Sokka is the plan guy, the leader guy and I think the one they are all most likely to look to. Even Zuko looks to him for **the plan** in the boiling rock. I think Sokka is a very collaborative leader and always consults with the Gaang so he's not throwing his weight around like he used to in early season 1 when he was a bit more insecure about his place in the gang. I think Sokka feels quite secure in his plan/sarcasm guy role and he is one of my favourite characters so I just wanted him to get a bit of love.

Avatar Wiki tells me that Zuko and Sokka both trained under Piandao. I assume this would have come up in conversation at some point and they would have made no way/yes way faces at each other. So I wrote it.

It is entirely unnecessary for Katara to give Zuko a shoulder massage, but she does so anyway for… _healing purposes_ – and she will claim that is the real reason to all and sundry. Bless her handsy cotton socks!

One of the bigger themes I wanted to start to develop this chapter was Aang's conflict with his air nomad beliefs and his avatar duties and his personality (which is a little attention seeking- and I say that with a ton of love for Aang) and how this can affect the rest of the group. I also wanted to explore the theme of differing points of view and how the Gaang interact when there is a dissagreement, because they would not agree with eachother all the time.

One of the things I love in Aang is how genuinely he cares for people and genuinely wants to help. Invariably Aang is a helper. It's what he does. I have a feeling Aang is almost physically or physcologically incapable of turning away from someone who needs him and not getting involved. Aang believes that all life is sacred and it would be abhorrent to him to turn his back of someone in mortal peril. For better or worse, Aang is always getting involved and trying to fix things.

To me, this would logically be a problem in the latter half of season 3. In the first half, before the Day of Black Sun, Aang begrudgingly accepted that he needed to keep his identity a secret and live in hiding. But he felt very strongly about not letting the world down or letting the world think he had died/abandoned them again. Maybe it's a result of hanging around Katara too much, But Aang recognizes the hope he gives people and how important hope is. I think Aang has flashes of feeling intense guilt over disappearing for 100 years. I also think he hasn't properly begun to work through all that entails, but I'll give him a pass on that one because the kid has a heap on his plate. After the Day of Black Sun, everyone knows he's alive and in the firenation. It's not so much of an issue at the Western Air Temple because there are no other people around but in the towns and villages of the firenation where there are people who *gasp* might need saving. I can see Aang realistically saving them and revealing his Avatar status in the process, without properly thinking through the consequences. This would drive other, more prudent, group members _Bananas!_

The morning with the fisherman-Aang's ego has taken a bit of a blow. I think when he sees fisherman in trouble and he can help with the two bendings he's great at (air and water) he would do so without thinking. But because he's the only bald headed airbending 12 year old in the entire world, he pretty much gives himself away instantly. I think Toph is very practical and quite cluey about these things and she knows the second he shows those fisherman his arrowhead and airbending that they will have to change locations and quick!

Zuko and his dramatic pronouncement. He assumes that Aang realizes the gravity of the situation and how screwed they will all be if he's discovered. When it becomes apparent (on Appa)that Aang doesn't quite grasp the gravity of the situation, he reminds him of it. Dramatically.

YMMV on everything!

In the next chapter: Zuko and Katara will err…let off some steam together.

Til then lovely readers.


	4. letting off steam

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Letting off steam

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Everybody is quite tired because it's been a full on/stressful afternoon and the ride on Appa can be quite tiring. We've just dumped out bags in our rooms and left all the camping/communal gear in the lounge room. We will deal with it tomorrow when we've all had some sleep and there is more light. I'm going to just make a simple dinner of pickled fish and veggies and have a sleep because I don't feel like making anything too elaborate. Since I do all the cooking, the others will just have to eat it and like it.

-?-

Very eventful evening.

I made pickle fish and veggies. There were complaints and complaints lead to shenanigans. I think we all might have been a bit grumpy with each other as a result of being a bit tired/room competition/residue ill feeling from the earlier argument on Appa. The others were grumpy with me because of my little waterbending trick when we were all racing for the rooms. There was some bickering regarding rooms. Toph wanted a room on the ground floor, so she can _see _better and she's chosen what was an office/study/parlour/room of non-descript purposes and she wants the boys to hurry up and move a bed downstairs for her. She Toph-nagged them a bit about this.

Aang got the room two doors down from mine which apparently has a similar view (mine has the best though). All three rooms on that side of the house have a beach view. Aang flew to the balcony in order to claim the room and Sokka thinks this is **cheating.** Sokka thinks I am a **cheater **too and he thinks it's unfair that **cheaters **get the best rooms. Suki was the one who got the third room with a beach view and she asked if Sokka was implying that she was also a sneakier cheater. Frantic backpedalling from Sokka quickly occurred.

Zuko and Sokka have rooms on the other side of the stairs which have a nice view of the jungle. Sokka was complaining about how lame a jungle view was and how small their rooms were in comparison to the beach view rooms. Zuko told him that he was in Azula's old room and it has been good enough for her. I think he was just teasing, but now Sokka doesn't want to enter back into the room because it's been Azula-tainted (tainted with crazy-evil) and wants to swap with Zuko (none us beachsiders would give up our rooms). Zuko said there were other rooms he could pick on the other side of the house, but Sokka would probably get err…_lonely_ on the other side of the house and didn't want to move so far away from us in case something happens and we have to move quickly. I don't get why he's making a big deal, Sokka will probably spend the night in Suki's room anyway. Anyway, there was a bit of room related bickering for a while -until Aang put a stop to it.

Aang piped up that we should all stop bickering and just **forgive** each other and _accept_ our rooms. Sokka piped up that Aang had one of the best rooms so it was easy for him to _accept _that. Toph piped up that her room still didn't have a bed in it thanks to Zuko and Sokka's laziness so Sokka should stop complaining. Aang told them to _shut it_ in his Aang way (Aang would never say shut up). He started going on about how he hates it when we fight and he had **forgiven** Toph from their argument earlier because **forgiveness** was the best thing to do. He said this with a _pointed look_ in my direction.

I accidentally exploded the water jug.

And there was DRAMA!

I just felt this surge of **powerful anger** and there was nowhere for it to go. I've been trying not to get angry at Aang because he has _so much_ to worry about as the Avatar and he doesn't need to worry about my anger and my feelings on top of it. But I was so tired and tense. Honestly, if I hear say the **F word** one more time I do believe that my head will explode. It's been ages since I accidentally bended just because I was feeling something really strongly. In that moment I was **just so cross**! Water just exploded out of that jug and glass chards went everywhere.

Thankfully everybody managed to cover their faces. Aang and Toph were closest to the jug and Aang had luckily covered Toph's face and his own, with his super speed. They were fine but Aang had glass cuts all over his forearm. I rushed over and healed them quickly and started apologizing because I did feel really badly about doing it. Then Aang said he **forgave** me in that _tone of voice _and I felt that angry moment again.

Aang, oh Aang. Must you? Really?

My head did not explode and thankfully there was no more water filled glassware in the near vicinity. Suki was thinking clearly. She took Zuko, because he knew where everything was and had gone into the kitchen to get a broom and another jug for me to bend the water off the floor -so it would be easier to sweep up. Suki started to sweep up all the glass. Zuko told Toph not to move because she had bare feet and there was a lot of broken glass on the floor. Toph made a small speech about how she was going to bed because we were all too cranky for her to deal with. Sokka reminded her that he and Zuko still hadn't had a chance to move the bed yet so she couldn't technically go to bed. She declared that she was going to her room anyway. She cajoled Zuko into carrying her to her room with her Toph wiles. As she does.

There was an awkward silence after they left in which me and Aang and Sokka gaped at eachother awkwardly.

Suki broke the silence and made a comment about dinner ending with a **bang** and chuckled to herself. Sokka lame-pun high fived her. There was another awkward silence. More awkward than the previous awkward silence. The old silence would shuffle away from this new silence in public and would feel embarrassed for it. That's how awkward it was.

Aang and Sokka were both looking at me weirdly. Sokka has witnessed the most of my accidental bending and he knew that I hadn't meant to do it. I'd never do anything like that on purpose. He asked me _what the hell that was_ and I just didn't know. I was angry and guilty and embarrassed. So I did the sensible thing and had a small rant (about how I had a long day and it was an accident and I didn't appreciate his tone etc) and stormed off in high dudgeon. If in doubt, storm off-at least that's what I normally do.

-?-

I was sitting on the dock and just thinking. Thinking about why Aang going on about forgivness annoyed me the way it did. Thinking about how embarrassed I was about accidentally bending. I was feeling really guilty for hurting my friend. I was just a big old mess of emotions. Again! What is wrong with me lately? I just have all these pent up feelings. It surprises me how strong these feelings are. Toph said that yelling at Zuko was my stress release and now I couldn't even do that. Well I could, but I don't want to anymore.

I have a few ways of blowing off steam. Yelling at someone, moping and waterbending. I've yelled, I am moping and I will probably waterbend as well. I hardly get to really use my waterbending combatively at the moment because Aang needs to work of his firebending and earthbending more. Waterbending combatively used to be a great stress reliever for me. Now I just do ordinary household waterbending because Aang doesn't need my training as much. I miss it. Water whips and octopus forms. It just feels natural when I do it.

-?-

I'm making the small streams of water swirl in pretty patterns in the air until I feel better.

-?-

Aang probably wouldn't want to waterbend with me at the moment anyway with all this grumpiness between us. I just want us to be friends again. I don't want to be angry at him at all. I just want him to agree to disagree with me and stop forcing the **forgiveness **thing.

Because it upsets me.

-?-

Zuko found me a short while later. He'd been delayed because there have been some more shenanigans and room switching back at the house. I can only guess what they were. The others thought I just needed some time to cool off but he just wanted to check that I was okay. I told him I was fine and moved over so he could sit next to me.

We sat in silence for a bit. He got all awkward and asked if I wanted…to…you know…talk about it…or…something. That was all the prompting I needed. I just _blaahed _out all my various feelings. I just opened my mouth and went _blaaah_ and words came out. I had a rant about feeling guilty and embarrassed and cross and all sorts of other things. Then I ranted about not water bending combatively much and what Toph had said and now I couldn't shout at him for stress relieving purposes.

He said I could shout at him if I wanted. I declined. I didn't feel like it and I didn't have anything to shout at him about. He said he'd eaten **three times** his recommended daily intake of fireflakes today and I could shout at him about that. Then he gave me a teasing poke. I appreciated the offer. There was a time when such a pronouncement would have left me in a towering rage and there would have been a rant about the many evils of fireflakes and Zuko's idiocy for enjoying them so much, but now I just sort of feel this sort of resigned tolerance for his fireflake addiction.

We sat for a bit and then Zuko said _I have an idea_ in that excited way he does. His idea was that we spar because I haven't sparred with anyone in ages and Zuko thought that was contributing to my various frustrations (mostly because I had gone on (and on and on) about how it was contributing to my various frustrations). Zuko feels the same way about firebending. He says he goes a bit nuts if he can't firebend because he finds firebending a great way to channel and get rid of his anger about various things. He thought that us sparring would be a great way for me to _let off some steam_. That way I could get all my pent up frustration out with real proper combative water bending at a _worthy opponent_ (meaning himself). I could combine my two stress relievers, fighting him and waterbending and feel frustrated no more.

And much fun would be had by all.

I agreed because it seemed worth a shot.

-?-

Zuko's plan is great in theory. Most of Zuko's ideas are great in theory. Zuko's ideas, when put in to practice, is another matter entirely. Lots of things are great in theory after all. The thing about Zuko's sparring plan was that we both forgot one tiny little detail. We are both **super stubborn** people who are …er… a little competitive. Neither of us likes to lose, really. We are both fairly evenly matched in terms of skill. So the fight lasted ages and ages.

It was still great fun! I almost forgot how much fun it could be.

There was water and fire going everywhere and it was awesome. I realized that I've watched Zuko firebend so much that I now know most of his signature moves. He knows most of my waterbending moves as well. We just kept deflecting each other's blows and chasing each other up and down the beach and it was brilliant. Brilliant and tiring. There was no way I was going to let Zuko win this one but I just couldn't quite get him to give in.

Gah, just give in already!

He said he never gave up without a fight and I replied that we'd been fighting for ages and he should just cede victory to me because it was getting late. He said I could just cede victory to him if I was feeling tired.

Never!

I had to think creatively if I was going to win.

I remember something he said when we were flying back on Appa from Whaletail Island. About his mum tickling him. Was he still ticklish? It was worth a shot. Nobody can bend when they are being tickled after all. He wouldn't be expecting it. I had the element of surprise of my side.

I dropped my water whip and tackled him to the sand. He was definitely **surprised **by this and made a noise like_ ahhergh_ when I did that. There was a bit of scuffling but I got on top of him and started tickling him. Zuko is officially ticklish everywhere! Wow, like _everywhere._ But especially on his stomach and under his arms. He struggled against the **Great Tickling Offensive** and flailed a fair bit but eventually he gave in.

I win again!

It was great. I was relentless. He was doing this really adorable cheeky laugh and trying to swat me away but I was an immovable force of tickling! I was the **unstoppable tickle monster of doom!** He tried to reason with me between giggles and said that tickling was just plain cheating. You cannot reason with the tickle monster. Then he tried to retaliatory tickle! But I am only ticklish in one place and he does not know where that is and I will never tell him. Ha! I told him he'd have to say that I won and he refused between laughs. I tickled him some more. I tickled him until he did this really weird (but really hilarious) snorty laugh. After we reached snorty laugh stage, he relented and said that I won. I got off him and I did my happy dance.

And the water tribe is victorious over the firenation! Go me!

Zuko said the only reason I won was because I had cheated. Cheating scmeating! He never said I_ couldn't_ tickle him. Zuko could not find fault with this logic. He hadn't said tickling was against the rules. I told him to accept defeat with honor and he made a rather sarcastic comment about my underhanded tactics and I tickled him again (only lightly) in retaliation as we walked back to the house. I am quite glad to know this ticklish secret about Zuko.

Next time he annoys me I am just going to tickle him until he does the snorty laugh again.

It was so much fun and I am feeling much better and less frustrated now. He asked me if I wanted to _let off steam_ again tomorrow night and I have agreed. I can think of worse ways to pass an evening. It's weird but Zuko has really cheered me up. Or maybe I'm feeling so good right now because I won.

That always cheers me up!

-?-

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

* * *

Authors note: long and rambly once more

Hello lovely wonderful readers! You have let _off some steam!_ (high five if you love lame puns.) Congratulations and I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter. I just wanted something a little on the fluffy side and for our dynamic duo to spend some quality time together.

It would have been a stressful afternoon for the Gaang so they are a little bit grumpy with each other at the start of this chapter. This happens at a few points in the series and I think it is quite realistic. It happens all the time. People bicker and over-react and fight and make up and the Gaang is no exception. I thought it was vital that Katara finds another outlet for her stress and anger now that she's not yelling at Zuko a lot. So I have them fighting but in a nice way.

Aang and forgiveness: I'm not trying to hate on Aang (because I love him), but he is single minded about his beliefs and understandably so. He wants all his friends to understand air nomad culture, customs and beliefs because for him that helps keep the air nomad spirit alive. He's living a nomadic life with the Gaang and I think he wants to pass on his knowledge of his culture. He is passionate about what he believes in and that is lovely, however it lacks perspective.

In my imagination, Aang is still worried about Katara as a result of the F-word related shenanigans in the Southern Raiders. He thinks she is _his lobster_ and he wants her to understand his beliefs most of all. He crushes on her and if they are to have a long term future, Katara would have to embrace Air nomad ways a bit more. But she is very resistant, especially to the notion of forgiveness for someone like Yon Rha. Aang is not subtle, he hopes that he can show her by example. He thinks if he forgives and mention forgiveness a lot, she is going to catch on and agree with him. And in this episode, when she's a bit tired and cranky, she snaps.

I think Katara feels quite maternal towards Aang and would be reluctant to confront him outright about the F-word because she does not want to belittle his beliefs (which are so important to him) while at the same time he's been driving her bananas for a few days now. So she explodes something. I wanted a visual symbol of Katara's anger that couldn't be overlooked by Aang.

For Katara, I think 'accidentally' bending would be embarrassing because she's meant to be at master level and have more control. She used to bend accidentally back at the South Pole when she got angry. She would just have felt this powerful surge of anger and been unable to help herself. I think her bending was a subconscious reaction because she's getting to the end of her tether in regards to the f-word.

Bending in general strikes me as very much linked to the personality and emotions of the bender. I think it probably would have been a great stress reliever. Katara doesn't train much with Aang after the mid-point in season three because he has a more pressing need to learn firebending. In Sozin's comet Aang is still learning firebending and earthbending but feels pretty confident with water. I think Katara would feel the loss of a sparring partner greatly. Water relies on turning your opponent's moves back on themselves, and while she could practice alone, waterbending strikes me as something that is better practiced with a partner. So Zuko volunteers.

I do think Katara and Zuko are pretty evenly matched in terms of skill and I didn't want either of them to beat the other with bending. But they are both exceptionally stubborn people who wouldn't be prone to giving in to each other. I think had their fight continued Katara would have eventually won because its night time and she draws power from the moon but she decides to end it quicker by cheating. Bless her cotton socks. Katara's not opposed to cheating (just a little) if it helps her win. Zuko mentioned being tickled many chapters ago and I wanted to show that Katara is listening to him and remembering the things he says. I also just love the idea of her being a tickle monster and the mental image of the great tickling offensive. I think it has been **many years** since somebody tickled Zuko so he is taken completely aback by this turn of events (but he kind of enjoys this turn of events). They both thoroughly enjoyed _letting off some steam_ together and I think it's something they both needed.

YMMV on everything!

They will let of some steam in the future, but our next chapter will focus on the Gaang exploring the town and preparations for Katara's birthday.

Til then lovely readers.


	5. in harmony

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In harmony.

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Zuko woke up Aang quite early this morning to work on firebending. Sun salutes or whatever. I know because I overheard Aang's rather reluctant progress from bed to going down the stairs. There was much ado and exclamations _five more minutes_ and _can't I have a cup of tea first. _Zuko said there was something he wanted to show Aang and they had to go now. I don't have to get up and watch them because that would be_ stalky _and I am no longer a stalker. I am planning to just lie in bed most of the morning and sleep.

-?-

Okay, so I know eavesdropping is bad. But I defy _anyone_ to hear their name in conversation and not listen in! This morning I have overheard an interesting conversation between Aang and Zuko. They'd come back from the ruins of this Sun Circle that Zuko wanted to show Aang (For Avatarness! For firebending! For honor! etc). They were in the courtyard drinking tea and taking a break from fireball accuracy practice. I have been going through the house and opening all the windows to air it out. Anyway, I was just in the study behind them. I was just going to open the windows but Aang was talking about me and forgiveness. As soon as I heard my name, I was all set to eavesdrop!

Aang was talking a lot about the monks teachings and how he wants us (especially me) to understand their ancient wisdom and how he's the last of his kind and he has to keep the Air nomad culture alive. Zuko said that he respected Aang was in a tough position. He actually said _being the last of your kind, that's rough buddy,_ which has got to be the understatement of the century. But then he added that Aang should try to understand that I_ wasn't_ an air nomad and if Aang kept harping on about forgiveness etc he would only push me away/ annoy me greatly. Aang said that I had always been interested in hearing about air nomad culture before (and I have been previously) and that Zuko was **really lucky** that Aang was all about forgiveness.

There was a small silence. Zuko didn't seem to know what to say to that.

Eventually he replied that he just thought it would be a good thing if Aang apologized to me/stopped harping on about forgiveness. He asked Aang to think about what he said earlier. I have missed the start of the conversation so I don't know what he said earlier. Aang thanked Zuko for his advice and he sounded sincere. But then he said that he had known me for a lot longer than Zuko and as a result he _knew me_ better. He added that the last time he had followed Zuko's advice it had blown up in his face (rather dramatically) and that I had said Zuko was _the worst person in the entire world _to give out advice.

Whoops. I did say that, didn't I?

I wished I could go back in time and make a few amendments to my rant. I would say that Zuko will often be the source of bad ideas/advice, but every now and again he will be right about something. These moments are rare and fleeting and _surprising._ So, if in the future, Aang felt surprised by the amount of sensibleness coming out of Zuko, he should listen to that advice!

There was another small silence and then Aang said something that surprised all three of us. He said_ I can't believe I'm saying this to you… but can we stop talking about our feelings and maybe learn some firebending now?_

This place should not be called Ember island. It should be renamed _opposite_ land. Because everything here is backwards and inside-out. Zuko is giving out good advice and wanting to instigate/continue conversations about feelings. Aang is wanting to really work hard at firebending and not slack off. What is the world coming too?

-?-

I have just realized that it is my birthday the day after tomorrow. It's crept up so quickly! I haven't even noticed the time flying by. I reminded everybody at lunch.

Repeatedly.

Now no one has any excuse to forget my birthday.

Because it is in two days.

But I will remind everybody again this afternoon, just in case.

-?-

Suki and Sokka and Toph and I left Aang and Zuko to firebending practice and went to wander about the market at the centre of town. We had to pick up some supplies, especially cleaning supplies. Zuko says we don't have to worry about it.

Boys.

I am not living in the house _where dust bunnies go to die_ without at least having a stab at cleaning it up. Seriously, there are dust bunnies bigger than Momo everywhere! I can't ignore that.

There is an enormous giant map of the firenation in the town square. Tourists were walking all over it and saying things like _hey I can see my house from here._ The tiles are raised and decorated intricately and the whole thing looked amazing. Every island in the archipelago was exactly rendered. There was so much detail. The raised orange roofs and green fields made a nice contrast. It almost looks like how things look from the air on Appa. They have added the miniature towns and mountains and even made the beaches sandy. The tiles for the water are a wavy and very glassy smooth and the land is rough and sometimes covered in tiny ceramic trees.

Toph was completely entranced and kept running her hands over where the islands met the sea, the tiny clay towns, the mountains. I guess this is the only sort of map that Toph can see. Sokka thought it was brilliant because now he could see all the terrain properly in a way that you don't get from paper. They were both such _keen beans_ for the giant map that I didn't want to drag them away from it. We still had a bunch of stuff to get and so Suki and I left them there and said we'd pick them up on the way back.

-?-

We wandered around and Suki asked me what I wanted for my birthday. I don't know - a fun day. Not having to cook or wash up and for us all to relax together and enjoy each other's company.

And for everyone to do what I say. No arguments!

Back home, my birthday falls in summer, so it's not a very relaxing day because there is so much that we need to do during the quick polar summer. But for one day everybody has to do what I say and I get my own way with _everything _and at night we all sat around and I didn't have to cook or do any chores and everybody would tell my favourite stories and sing my favourite songs.

We talked a bit about South Pole songs and stories. Suki wanted to learn some for my birthday. I told Suki that I wouldn't mind hearing more about Kyoshi Island and some more Kyoshi songs. I loved the song she'd sung the night the boys got very drunk on sake. I felt bad to say this, but I don't exactly miss the South Pole. I miss Gran Gran immensely and I miss the village and the feeling of community we had, but I don't miss the monotony and hard work that was life down there.

Suki has promised to sing me many Kyoshi Songs. She also said having mixed feelings about home was normal. I asked her if she missed Kyoshi at all and she said that she mostly missed the other warriors and that they were a real family unit. She'd been a real leader there and had been almost an older sister to all her warriors. Now she wasn't quite sure what to do with herself without them.

I remembered overhearing that conversation between Zuko and Toph (ages ago) about how hard they had found it to integrate into our tightly knit group. Did Suki feel the same? We have mostly seen Suki as Sokka's girlfriend and not as a warrior in her own right. We'd been friendly, Suki and I, but I knew so little about her that I didn't know if we were proper friends yet. Even so, I could tell she was homesick for her tribe of lady warriors. I said she could feel free to be an almost older sister to me. Suki smiled in thanks and threw and arm around my shoulder and gave me a squeeze. Then she told me to be a good younger sister and tell her something that she and Sokka could get me as a birthday present. I told her to surprise me.

We wandered back to the map with our baskets full. Toph and Sokka weren't there. We waited for a little. I just as I was starting to feel a little worried and cross, Toph and Sokka sauntered over looking pleased with themselves. Toph had found another fancy lady day spa and had book us in at the last minute (using her Bei Fong wiles/money).

The three of us would all go and get a spa treatment on my birthday Toph announced. She said that she knew I had enjoyed the last one immensely and thought a girls day out would be a great present. She said it kind of bashfully. Toph will never admit to liking anything girly (the horror!), but I knew she loved our day spa day back in Ba Sing Se. I gave her a hug and said it was a great idea. After all, I only really wanted us to have a fun day and relax together for my birthday (as well as everyone doing what I say, but that goes without saying) and I couldn't think of a better way to do this than for us all to have a girly, pampery day together. I think it will be awesome. The three of us don't get much of a chance to hang out without the boys.

-?-

After lunch me and Suki and Sokka got started on cleaning the house (the other three where still training). I say Sokka helped, but mostly he 'supervised the library'. We found a library on the ground floor and Sokka was in **book love.** He has spent most of the day in there exclaiming over titles and dusting them and reading them and 'suggesting' titles he thinks I will like. There is an exceptionally soppy looking novel called _'love amongst the dragons'_ which Sokka thought would be totally up my street because it's about _love _and_ hope_ and _soppy girly stuff_. I have whacked him with my mop in retaliation. He protested at the mop whacking and I pointed out that the only reason why I had a mop was because I am actually being _productive_. Sokka did not take my hint.

I am a bit of a rummager. I know I gave Sokka a hard time at Hama's for going through all her stuff, but this is different. Zuko doesn't seem to mind if we go through the house and there are just so many nooks and crannies and little rooms to explore. This house was just made for rummaging! It's an explorer's delight. We only tried four rooms today and found a veritable treasure trove of entertainment.

Me and Suki cleaned the kitchen and the living room and then had a big explore. One room was locked and one room was Toph's (already in a state of haphazard mess), one rooms didn't have much in it (aside from Sokka and many books). We hit the jackpot on the fourth room we tried. It was a music room. There is literally an ass-ton of instruments in here. I can't play anything except the drums (it's the only instrument we had back home at the South Pole) but here there were horns and mandolins and flutes and all sorts of other things. There were some instruments I didn't even recognize.

We check over the instruments and most of them were in pretty good condition -except for the mandolins which were, apparently, woefully out of tune. Or so Suki said. Suki made a face as she strummed her fingers over the strings. Suki can play the mandolin and set to work on tuning one up. She offered to teach me how to play one and I thought that would be a great idea. She said I should look for some sheet music, so she can teach me better. Water tribe drums don't require sheet music and neither Sokka or myself can read it. I started going through the draws on the other side of the room. There were lots of songs that looked ridiculously complicated. I was in search of one that didn't have as many dots and lines.

I found a certificate from the Ember Island Orchestra Summer Program for Zuko. Zuko is apparently an expert tsungi horn player. Who knew? I dusted it off and took it out. I looked about the room and wondered which one was the tsungi horn. I could hazard a guess that it was the giant horn shaped one. I wonder if he'll play for me, if I ask nicely.

-?-

Soon Suki had tuned two mandolins and I found a piece of music that didn't seem too complicated. It was called _four seasons._ She was able to play it skillfully after a few minutes and showed me how to hold the instrument and the chords and how to move my fingers and strum. It was really tricky. My fingers didn't move as deftly as Suki's and it took a long time for me to be able to play the song through once. Together we managed some semblance of the song. Suki started singing the words. It was a pretty song.

Sokka came in, drawn in by the sound of the music and the idea that somewhere sillyness and fun was going on without him. Sokka can't be having that. He dusted off a set of drums and joined in! Sokka is a boisterous drummer, so '_four seasons'_ took on a faster tempo. We were playing it quite loudly which attracted the attention of the others. Aang yelled that _he loved this song_ and grabbed a long flute like instrument that I didn't recognize and joined in. When we reached a pause Aang said that he was great with woodwinds and Suki made an exceptionally lame pun regarding woodwinds and airbending. And added the _bah-boom-cha_ noise at the end, incase we didn't get that she was joking. Toph patted her rather patronizingly on the head (Suki was sitting) and said she should leave the jokes to her and Sokka.

Toph can play a few instruments herself. It's a side effect of being posh- her parents wanted to make sure she was _accomplished. _Toph loves big instruments with lots of vibrations, like the giant drums and the big horn, but she can play the other 'more lady-like' instruments as well, like the yueqin and the flute. There was a part for the yueqin, but Toph wanted to be a drummer like Sokka and got another drum for herself and started bashing merrily away.

Zuko claimed we were butchering one of his uncle's favourite songs (in truth what we were playing now had varied wildly from the initial _four seasons_ that Suki and I were practicing). He tried in vain to get the others to return to training. Judging from the gusto with which Toph was whacking the drums and Aang was playing his flute, all attempts to get them to cease and desist their…err…music making would meet with failure.

I told him to stop being such a spoilsport and to play the tsungi horn for us. He looked a bit startled and asked me how I knew he played the tsungi horn and I revealed his old music certificate and waggled it about and said that he couldn't deny his musical talent because apparently he was an _expert._ Zuko said that they just gave that out to every kid who attended, but he look the certificate and smile a little and said _I can't believe she kept this _quietly. I almost couldn't hear him over the din- the sounds that everybody was producing now **did not** qualify as music. I don't know who the _she _was that he was referring to but I think it's his mum.

I asked him to play for us (me) and he was a bit resistant because apparently he hadn't played in ages. I told him I'd never played anything but the drums before and I'd picked up _four seasons_ on the mandolin quickly enough and I'd really like to hear what a tsungi horn sounds like. He was a bit surprised that I'd never heard a tsungi horn (because apparently it's the best instrument ever). I told him I didn't even know which instrument it was. I reminded him that it was a firenation instrument anyway. When would I have encountered a tsungi horn before? Zuko said I couldn't go through life never hearing a tsungi horn and picked up the big horn (it was the one I guessed) from where it hung on the far wall. He dusted it off and blew on it once really loudly to get everyone's attention. He told us he would play _four season___**properly** for us so we could know what it was **supposed**to sound like. He said this with a pointed look at Toph and Aang who had been merrily playing their own tune in the corner.

It sounds really beautiful on the tsungi horn. Really melodius. Zuko's actually _really good._ I wonder why he'd been so reluctant to play for us. I mean I know he can be a bit shy and it can be embarrassing to perform for a bunch of people, but we're his friends and he's really talented with that horn. I could listen to him play four seasons on the tsungi horn all day.

After he'd played it once all the way through, Suki joined in on the mandolin and Sokka on the drums and by the third run through Aang and Toph both joined in and by the fourth time, I had a go on my mandolin. It was a nice afternoon with all of us just playing in harmony together. I want to always remember this. It was just lovely to sit there with the five people I adore and just make music with them. We don't get many afternoons to just relax all together like this

-?-

I was in the kitchen making dinner and Aang came up to me and without any preamble or awkward dithering, he apologized to me. He said he was sorry for forcing the forgiveness thing and making me angry. I dropped the veggies I was peeling in surprise. I mean I wasn't expecting such a direct and blunt apology. I wasn't expecting an apology at all. It had sounded like he didn't think he needed to give me one when he was talking to Zuko this morning. I gave him a hug and said that I accepted his apology and we shouldn't talk about it anymore. I don't want to dwell on jug-smashing unpleasantness after all. He snuggled me back and I rubbed his bald head affectionately. I've never liked being angry at Aang.

I'm glad we're all friends again.

-?-

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Authors note:

Lovely readers! You've reached the end of another chapter and I hope you have enjoyed_ in harmony._ Sorry it has been a little longer between updates! Real-life has been a little hectic for me (but in a fun and very time consuming way). I thought I'd post this chapter to tide you over until I get to post all of Katara's birthday shenanigans. I'm super sorry to all my lovely reviewers who I haven't got back to! You guys know I love ya and I love your reviews! Thanks for all your comments and encouragement!

In this chapter I wanted all the gaang to get along again (be in harmony- geddit?) and what better way to do that than with an afternoon jam session/sing song. Seriously, joint singing is healing!

Zuko and Aang's conversation: Zuko wants to help in his Zuko way. Aang and Katara are good friends and don't like fighting with each other or having grumpiness between them. He wants the people in his new circle of friends to get along and he wants Katara to be happy. He knows that Aang dropping the forgiveness stuff will make Katara happy. While we don't get to see much of it, because this fic is from Katara's POV, I do think Aang and Zuko have a sort of older brother/kid brother friendship, so I think Zuko would hear Aang out with re: airbender philosophy etc before telling him to ease up on it a little. Aang dismisses Zukos advice at first because the last time he followed Zuko's advice it blew up in his face with the great sea prune debacle. But after the afternoon session he realizes how much he misses just hanging out with Katara in a friendly way and takes the path of least resistance (apologizing and dropping the forgiveness stuff) to get back into her good graces.

In a few chapters we will get the wonderful return of the _girl's day out._ This time with the added bonus of Suki!

Sokka loves libraries and I can tell you that someone will read _love amongst the dragons_ during this fic, because I have a very silly idea for it.

Instruments: this is a royal family holiday house and I figured that there would have been a room for musical instruments. Being musical is pretty popular in the firenation (all those kids at school could play an instrument) and I imagine the royal family would be no exception. I always got the impression that Ursa was musical. I just did. Zuko's ability on the tsungi horn gets mentioned a fair bit in season 1 and I figured he must have been pretty good at one point, but probably gave it up after his mum disappeared. He's a bit shy and embarrassed to play it in front of everybody because he doesn't think he's that good at it as a result of not playing for so long. But Katara uses her wiles to get him to play for them.

Drums seem like the most common instrument for the Water tribe. Toph lived a fairly posh life before joining the Gaang so I figure she would have had some musical instruction. I imagine Aang would have picke dup how to play a few instruments during his travels with monk gyasto. He doesn't know how to play anything expertly, but he can play chopsticks etc on a few different instruments. Kyoshi seemed to be modeled on Japan and the kyoshi warriors seemed to be a group of communal living lady samurai to me. Samurai had to be scholars and poets/musicians as well as warriors so I figure it's not out of the question that Suki could play an instrument quite well.

Mostly I just wanted them all to chill together and I thought _four seasons_ was a nice, little, easy harmony for them to learn together and the song also emphasizes the harmony between the four seasons/elements.

More rooms will be rummaged through/more secrets will be discovered in the coming chapters, but the next one will focus on the preparations for Katara's birthday – _someone _will give her a lovely early birthday present.

Til then lovely readers…


	6. Wishes and Rainbows

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Rainbows and Wishes.

0o0o00o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Zuko and I were doing the dishes together after dinner, as we always do. I was saying that I was looking forward to a day with no chores. Zuko said I'd probably still _'supervise'_ and offer _'suggestions' _to whoever ended up doing the chores. He said this in a very amused tone with a little smile. There was a small splashing battle. I won. I rubbed the soapy suds in his hair and it was sticking up all at odd angles.

He asked me what I **really wanted** for my birthday and I said I wanted all my wishes to come true and rainbows everyday and a lionpony named _miss fantastic sparklepants._ He made a face at me. Really, I don't know if there's anything I want or need, aside from all of us having a fun, relaxing day together. I told him about trying to get Aang to relax before the Day of Black Sun and how hard that had been. Zuko told me that the whole island was volcanic and there were many hot springs and steam pools dotted about the place, so if I wanted to, I could take Aang for another yoga session.

I worry about our stress levels.

I wanted my birthday to be a day of fun and just relaxation. Zuko said that should be easy for me and Toph and Suki because we were going to the day spa. I wanted to help the boys relax too. I asked if they would want to come to the day spa as well. Zuko made the most **horrified **face when I suggested it. I'll take that as a no then. Zuko is not a day spa kind of boy.

Then I suggested that we all do steamy yoga together as a group bonding exercise. Zuko said he didn't think it would be his thing. I said he was too tense and needed to friggin relax because even his hair was standing to attention (I know this was caused by the soap suds and not tension, but my point still stands). Zuko said he was always tense and I replied that I would make it a birthday command that he would have to relax.

Zuko was a bit confused about birthday commands and I told him that at home everyone does what I say on my birthday. No complaints or arguments! It is my favourite part of my birthday. Zuko said he _wasn't surprised_ that being a birthday commandant was my favourite part of my birthday.

Another splashing battle ensued, but I made sure that I rinsed his hair with water bending this time-so it would stop sticking up ridiculously.

When we were wet faced and grinning at each other and the last of the dishes were clean, he asked me again about what I wanted. I really don't know. Unlike Zuko, I don't have a list in my head for everything. I just wanted small things that would be easy to pack and to carry around with me. I told him to get me nothing bigger than a breadbox. He said I'd have to tell the others because he knew Sokka had already got me something much bigger than a bread box.

Bollocks.

-?-

We let off some steam again after this. It was great. I won again. I cheated…errr used the _great tickling offensive _again. I think Zuko is trying to figure out where I am ticklish by process of elimination.

He hasn't figured it out yet.

-?-

I have made an announcement at breakfast that I only wish for items smaller than a bread box on my birthday. Sokka face-palmed and said 'now you tell me' but all the others seemed alright with this.

-?-

Aang and Zuko were training in firebending in the courtyard. I decided to watch in a non stalkerish fashion today. Aang's really come along way in a short amount of time. Zuko was trying to teach him how to do what I think is the firebending equivalent of the octopus form. Aang was able to pick it up pretty quickly and has earned a 'well done' an 'I'm really impressed' and eight smiles for his trouble.

Aang wanted to talk to Zuko 'in private' and gave me a look. It was a look that said _please go away while we talk about you!_ Humph. At first I thought I could just refuse to leave but I realized that would be childish and counter productive. I told them I would be making tea in the kitchen and waited until they'd wandered off. Then I followed them using my sneakiness and some of the stealthy tricks Zuko taught me. They were just sitting on the front deck, so it was quite easy to eavesdrop on them.

Aang wanted to know what was the rarest and the most expensive and the most special things on the island. Zuko said the rarest would be the _burning passion firelilies_ because they only grew on Ember Island and as a result they were quite rare in the firenation and _very expensive_ off the island. Zuko said that a guy would normally get them for a girl when he just wanted to…(there was a long pause)….. Zuko sputtered and then trailed off. He took one look at Aang's hopeful, innocent face and couldn't finish his sentence. What this anonymous flower-giving chap wanted will have to remain a mystery for Aang. I can hazard a guess at what he wanted. I think it's the _one thing_ my dad is always warning me about when he says boys are only after _one thing._ But that is just a guess.

The most expensive (and tastiest) would be dragon berries. They were really difficult to harvest and had only just come into season. They were a firenation delicacy and a favourite of posh people everywhere. They were so expensive because they were so scarce and had to be picked by hand from the very top of the dragon berry trees.

The most special thing was probably the white crystals but they wouldn't be a suitable present for me because altogether they would be bigger than a breadbox and everybody already had **a plan** for them. Aang could not get them as a present for because of **the plan**. Aang agreed and asked if they were still working on **the plan** this afternoon. Zuko said that Toph and Suki would help them and Sokka had agreed to distract me for the duration of **the plan.**

This is what happened when I stop stalking! Sneaky people come up with sneaky plans behind my back just to surprise me. I have no idea what **this plan** is and I am wracked with curiosity.

-?-

What is **the plan!**

-?-

Everyone has been acting shiftily. They've all disappeared, leaving me with Sokka who is trying to get the proper recipes for _five flavour soup_ and my other favourite foods out of me. I know he was trying to distract me and I wanted to go follow the others and find out what **the plan** was. I thought there would be nothing Sokka could say/do to successfully distract me from this course of action. Then Sokka mentioned that he might like to add fireflakes to _five flavour soup_ and make it _six flavour soup._ And I was successfully distracted.

Sokka just knows how to push my buttons.

You can't do that to _five flavour soup_.

You just can't.

No…just no.

Sokka and Zuko can add their bloody fireflakes afterwards. I can tolerate those bloody flakes in curries, but they will absolutely ruin the delicate flavour of _five flavour soup_. Sokka was treated to a long lecture about the many evils of fireflakes. I said various things about my birthday culinary wishes and stated that even though I now have a grudging tolerance of his and Zuko's fondness for them, if he dared to add **that baked good** to _five flavour soup_ he would be making an abomination of water-tribe cuisine, a mockery of my birthday and a cranky person out of me.

-?-

Everyone came back and their general shiftyness continued. All inquires about what they had been doing and where they had been were met with non committal answers. I bet I could get one of them to break and tell me. I have honed in on Suki. As my honorary older sister figure she should tell me these things after the requisite amount of nagging.

-?-

Suki is like a vault! She is locked down.

-?-

I was going to pester Toph about **the plan**. She is the most upfront of our group and I think would tell me with the right persuasion. But there has been a horrifying turn of events. She is trying to learn the tsungi horn. I say **trying to learn** when what I really should write is **making the most tremendous, dreadful racket I have ever heard**. It's not music. It's just noise! How can an instrument that sounds so lovely when Zuko plays it- sound like this with Toph playing it.

She makes it sound like a fog horn or the distress alarm of a fire navy ship.

Toph has realized that the only instrument that can make a noise louder than the drums in the tsungi horn. Toph likes noise. She likes loud noises even better. She's never come across a tsungi horn in all her posh life. Or at least her parents never let her play one.

I can see why.

Zuko has gotten down the smallest horn for her and it is taller than her. She's earthbended herself a little platform to stand on. Now she can be tall enough to play it. Zuko has got down his own horn and he was showing her how to hold it and how to play a melody. It would sound quite lovely when Zuko played it. Then Toph will just blow her horn loudly and make up a tune of her own. This tune, invariably, did not sound quite as lovely.

Aang has vanished (presumably to escape the dreadful noise) and Suki and Sokka have absconded together (also presumably to escape the noise and canoodle discreetly). I am alone with the tsungi horn twins. I can't seem to stop watching despite the noise. I've never simultaneously seen Zuko be so patient and Toph so be bad at anything. Toph is normally pretty good at everything she tries her hand at. It is unusual to see.

-?-

After a while, Toph got a bit frustrated with her Tsungi horn and said that maybe she was too short for it anyway. It seemed like she wanted to give up on the horn completely. This seemed to alarm Zuko, because he _never gives up._ He said that he was shorter than Toph when he started to learn and he was pretty terrible at it at the start, but the tsungi horn is an exceptionally difficult instrument and he just needed practice. He thinks Toph is doing great –because she can already (just barely) play the scales on the horn. Toph asked him how he even reached the horn if he was shorter than her and couldn't earthbend a little platform. Zuko said he practiced while standing on the _complete compendium of firenation history. _This has cheered Toph and now she is back to playing the scales with gusto.

More gusto and noise than I think is strictly necessary, but she seems happy enough.

-?-

Zuko and I left her practicing and went to _let off some steam_ again. Sometimes I think this is my favourite part of the day. It was great, even with the scales playing loudly and badly in the background. I feel like I'm actually improving. With bending, there is always room for improvement I say. I feel I'm getting especially good in fighting fire now. Me and Toph would occasionally spar when we were travelling with Aang and she gave me a good idea of typical earthbender moves. Zuko does the same for firebending. And it's just so much fun! We taunt each other in a friendly manner and chase each other up and down the beach and normally I win by resorting to ...err…sneaky tactics.

I think I'd eventually be able to beat Zuko if we kept bending at each other. My bendings a little stronger than his at night, after all. I prefer to win by tickling. I'd never tell him this, but I just love the sound of his laugh. It's more fun to beat him by tickling than it would be to beat him with bending. And if I beat him by cheating…err tickling, it's not like either of us really lose.

But tonight the most extraordinary thing happened.

We had a stalemate!

A draw!

Or a tie!

However you say it. It was even steven.

I tackled Zuko and was tickling him relentlessly and he was struggling a fair bit. Then he reached around me and grabbed my left foot and started tickling me in retaliation! He's discovered my ticklish spot. My one weakness! The bottoms of my feet!

Oh noes!

And the great tickling battle was on! It was a tickle war of attrition! It was a very inelegant and sandy struggle for dominance! He tickled my feet and I tickled him everywhere I could reach. I thought I had more of an advantage because Zuko is much more ticklish than me, but he is also incredibly stubborn and just would not yield. Not even when he got to the point where he did the snorty laugh. In between laughs, I told him that he should just let me win because it was my birthday tomorrow. He said he'd let me win tomorrow but tonight he was tickling for honour! And in retaliation for being tickled into defeat two nights in a row!

We just messed about tickling each other for ages. It got a bit ridiculous really. It became obvious that neither of us was going to give in easily. I said that we should call a truce or a tie and Zuko agreed and declared that we were equals and we had reached a tickling impasse and further tickling would just be superfluous. I asked him how he knew where I was ticklish. He said he _had his ways_. I said _you asked Sokka-didn't you?_ And he nodded in confirmation with a cheeky smile.

-?-

When we got back to the house the others were asleep. Toph had left the tsungi horn lying in the living room. I put it back in the music room for her while Zuko made us some tea. We sat on the side balcony and drank our tea together.

I asked him something that was had been on my mind since he'd been teaching Toph.

Why the Tsungi horn?

Why, when he had the choice of a room full of instruments did he choose the biggest and the hardest to learn? He said that his Uncle and his cousin could both play it expertly. That was part of the reason, but not the full reason.

I know when he's holding something back.

He told me previously that his Uncle could play most of the instruments in that room expertly, so he could have used that reason for any other instrument. Zuko said he wanted to learn it precisely **because** it was the most difficult. He wanted to _prove to himself_ that he could do it. He said this with a shrug as if he was already dismissing what he was saying. It was such a Zuko answer. Doing something just because it's difficult and he's stubborn. I didn't quite understand the need to prove something to yourself at the age of nine (that's how old he was when he got the certificate).

He said that his mother wanted him and Azula to have a more _rounded education_ and learn other things, creative things, intellectual things, _anything_ aside from firebending and warrior arts. His dad said Azula was **special** and she didn't have to worry about learning music and other things. The unspoken message was that Zuko wasn't special. I understood a little better, after he said that.

It made me a little sad to think that it had always been so easy for Ozai to make Zuko feel like he wasn't good enough. That he did it with things that should just be happy, like learning music. I leaned my head on Zuko's shoulder and said that I thought the way he played _four seasons_ yesterday was **special**. He said_ thanks -_really softly and we sat in silence for a while.

I asked him if he would play it again for me on my birthday. He said with a cheeky smile that he'd have no choice because I would be a _birthday dictator_ and he'd _have_ to what I said. I asked him if he'd play something for me when it wasn't my birthday and he said he would- if I asked nicely.

Then he noticed that technically, it _already _was my birthday, because it was after midnight. I looked up and the moon and saw that it was part the halfway point in the sky. Zuko was the first to wish me happy birthday. He got up to get my present (a bit excitedly for Zuko, I thought) and I took our mugs into the kitchen. He came back and lit the wall sconces in the kitchen, so we could see each other better. He held out his hands and told me to pick a hand.

I tapped leftie first. He opened it up and there was the intricately woven leather necklace in there. It had three large knots that had been tied into flowers with blue beads in the centre. It was quite pretty, but the first flower was a little wonky. Zuko said it was really hard to get the flowers to sit right and it had taken him ages to make. He explained that they were wishing beads. It's a big superstition in the firenation. The colour of the beads mean something. Blue means hope and Zuko thought it would be perfect for me. I get three wishes (one for each flower) and when it comes true the flower will come undone and the bead will fall off. It's long enough so I can tie it as a bracelet or an anklet or a necklace. I tied it around my ankle and made my wishes.

1 tomorrow will be a fabulous day and I'll not feel sad for a second (My birthday normally makes me a little sad because it is so soon after I lost mum.)

2 We all survive the war (this is more of a wish for everybody and is a bit more weighty than my first wish)

3 we win the war (see above)

I started saying thanks-but Zuko interrupted me and said my present had a second part and waggled his right hand. I tapped that and he flipped it to reveal a clear crystal. It had six long flat sides and a pointed end and a loop of leather holding it at the top. Zuko said it was a prism and would make a rainbow and he knew how much I wanted to see more rainbows (I had a small rant about my mother and rainbows on the way back from the southern raiders). I wasn't sure how a crystal could make a rainbow, so Zuko showed me. He held it near one of the wall sconces and concentrated for a second so the flame burned a bright white. When it was bright, the light went through the crystal and painted a rainbow on the near wall.

Amazing.

Zuko said it looked much better in daylight with the sun and I could hang it on the window in my room and get a rainbow everyday and if the hope beads worked my wishes would come true – the only thing he hadn't been able to get me was a lionpony named _miss fantastic sparklepants. _He said it with a really shy and bashful smile and I was stunned into silence for a second.

It was a really thoughtful gift. When I said everything I wanted last night, I was being a little sarcastic because I thought he was just asking to be polite. nobody ever gets me anything I really want anyway. The honest truth is that rainbows and wishes was what I really wanted. Zuko really listens to me when I speak. Who doesn't want all there wishes to come true and a rainbow everyday?

Zuko mistook my silence for a dislike for the gifts and blushed and started going on about _how silly it was and_…..He was about to start doing that babbly thing he does when he's nervous. I held a finger up to his lips to silence him. I looked him in the eye and told him that I _loved_ the prism and the wishing beads, I was just surprised that he remembered what I said the other night and got them for me. He looked at me and said that _he remembers everything I say_. Then it was my turn to blush. I said I hoped he doesn't remember everything, because there were a few insults I tossed around earlier that I wouldn't mind taking back. He said some of my insults were pretty memorable. But he said it with a smile.

Then we were just staring at each other and smiling. It was nice. After a long pause Zuko wished me happy birthday again. I realized I hadn't said _thank you_ properly so I gave him a huge hug. He wrapped his arms around me and I may have snuggled against him a little bit. His heart was beating quickly but steadily. I breathed in his Zuko smell and gave him a little squeeze around the middle. He gave me a little squeeze back around my shoulders. I said _thanks for my present_ and he said he was _so glad I liked it. _It is actually one of the most thoughtful gifts I've ever gotten. Gran Gran and Sokka normally always get me socks and mittens and scarves.

We stood **just cuddling **for ages. Maybe it's a little weird to have long cuddles with your friends like this. But it was so nice just to hold him and smell him and listen to his heart beat. He wasn't complaining or fidgeting or anything. If Sokka saw us, he'd definitely think we'd been exchanging moon peaches and if Toph saw us she'd laugh and blow the tsungi horn loudly and announce it to everyone and if Suki saw us she'd probably want to get me drunk on saki and have another girls night and ask me _all about it._ If Aang saw us he'd….. oh bollocks it all. Zuko's a good cuddler and I don't have to make excuses for our cuddling or worry about what the others will think.

It's my birthday, I can cuddle who I want.

-?-

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Long rambly Author's notes:

Lovely wonderful readers! You have reached the end of Rainbows and Wishes. This chapter is exceptionally fluffy (pure unadulterated fluff!) and I hope you've enjoyed it! An enormously big thank you to all my fabulous, wonderful reviewers! If I could , I would give you all prisms and wishing beads so that you too can have all your wishes come true and start everyday with a rainbow! Thanks so much for all your comments and reviews! They make me smile!

In this chapter we get to see that Gang getting ready for the auspicious occasion of Katara's birthday. You'll have to wait til the next chapter to see what **the plan** is all about.

A few things come up in this chapter.

Katara worries about the Ganng and especially Aang and Zuko's stress levels – She's seen what Aang is like when he's stressed and Zuko is just a ball of tension sometimes. Never fear dear readers, she will find a way to help him relax!

I imagine most of the islands in the firenation archipelago would be volcanic and have hot springs/mineral waters etc. I used to live on a volcanic island in Italy and it was fabulous and very fertile and lush. When I imagine Ember island I always seem to think of some sort of hybrid paradise between Ischia and hawaii.

Anyway much fun can be had by all at a hot spring. The Gaang will explore one at some point.

Aang wants to show Katara how he feels and he thinks the best way to do this is through rare/expensive flowers or a rare expensive item. See the fortuneteller episode in season one. Bless Aang's cotton socks, flowers are often a good way of showing that you care but they are also a little bit of a generic gift. Everybody loves flowers after all. Anyway he consults Zuko for all things rare and expensive on Ember island and there is a rare and expensive flower that grows there for no other reason that because there is in my imagination. The _burning passion fire lily_ is a little like red roses. Romatic etc but mostly given when the guy wants some nookie or is apologizing for something.

The lovely and fabulous Kimberley T *waves at Kim*suggest bottoms of the feet for Katara's one ticklish place! This is a fabulous idea! Thanks Kim! Now that Zuko knows Katara's ticklish place, they will be on a more even playing field.

Toph and Zuko- I flove em! I think Toph would have a great fondness for noisy instruments if only because they vibrate much more and I imagine that would be great for a blind person to be able to 'feel' if they are doing it right. The Tsungi horn is enormous and looks like it could make a lot of noise. I just love the mental image of tiny Toph playing a massive horn. And then I loved the mental image of tiny Zuko playing a massive horn. And I put those two mental images together and it was flove! I think Zuko would love to show Toph how to play it properly and would be very patient with her –but I think she'd get a little frustrated with it. She will need lots of practice and may go back to other less deafening instruments during this fic.

I hinted at a few more serious themes regarding Zuko and the tsungi horns. I think this house will stir up a lot of memories for him and not all of them will be pleasant. I think Ozai would have been quite callous in his attitude to Zuko and wouldn't have a problem emphasizing how special and wonderful he thought Azula was in comparison. Zuko would want to prove to himself that even though he wasn't as good a bender as his younger sister he could still be good at other really hard and complicated things.

So he picked the biggest and hardest instrument he knows and tried to master it.

It doesn't hurt that it is Iroh and Luten's instrument either (though I think Iroh can play at least a few instruments- he did a pretty good job on that mandolin in tales of Ba Sing Se). I think his mother would have been really keen for both her children to have a more rounded education- but she was more successful with Zuko. In a chat with the lovely Em Dixon *waves at Em* she said she got the feeling that Azula was 'Ozai's kid' and Zuko was 'Ursa's kid' and I couldn't agree more. I think he would have wanted to make his mother happy however he could and if she wanted him to learn an instrument – he would have been all over that!

So, for Zuko, I think things like the tsungi horn will simultaneous remind him of his father's rejection and his mother's love and his feelings will be a little mixed on the matter. Throughout the final season of Avatar, I felt that one of the bigger changes was Zuko progression past the point where he needed his father's love and approval and could stand as a person in his own right without needing to look to either Azula or Iroh for guidance.

The gifts:

The wishing beads he gives Katara are similar to Brazilian wish knots and karma beads put together. My friend went to Brazil and said that they have these bracelet/anklets that are tied into quite elaborate knots. The superstition is that you make a wish on each knot as you tie it around your wrist/ankle and when your wish comes true the knot will come undone. My friend swears by them because all her wishes came true. I used to work in a hippy shop (in the days when I smelt of patchouli and lavender and did a lot of yoga) and we sold karma Beads. Similar concept to the wish knots except they came in different colours. I remember that blue was the colour of hope. Pink was love. Green was courage etc.

Anyway I thought blue beads for hope would be perfect for Katara. So I put the two superstitions together and had Zuko make her a gift (it would have taken him ages) because I put a lot more stock in gifts that someone has really thought about and taken time to make/choose. Katara is a little superstitious so she's quite into the wishing beads.

The prism – ah year 8 science – you have been useful to me! Prisms are great! I have one on my window. Zuko knows Katara (at least in this fic) is into rainbows, so he gives her one so she can have a rainbow everyday. She would have had a rant about rainbows and her mother on the way back from the southern raiders and Zuko really is paying attention to everything she says. When she jokes that all she wants is wishes and rainbows, a little part of her is telling the truth and I wanted to show that Zuko takes what she says to heart.

And they cuddle for a good long time.

Don't judge me too harshly lovely readers. I just really like cuddling!

In the next chapter Katara will use her birthday powers and a girl's day out will be had. Someone may have witnessed the tickling and the cuddling and jumped to conclusions.

Til then lovely readers…..


	7. the Auspicious Occasion: trust

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

The Auspicious occasion of Katara's birthday.

-?-

Part 1: Trust

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Momo is in my room, vaguely irritating me with his crazy hijinks. He's spent the better part of the last ten minutes trying to catch the rainbow on the far wall. I hung my prism from the window last night like Zuko said. This morning I woke up to all the colours on my far wall and it was amazing. I just watched it moving in the breeze and relaxed.

Until Sokka put Momo in my room.

When he wants me to wake up but doesn't want to suffer my just-woken-up-wrath, he resorts to a Momo alarm.

You can't ignore a Momo-wake-up-call. But oh how I tried! Momo is just a bundle of cuteness and noise. I commanded that Momo leave and let me sleep - as it is my birthday right that everybody do as I say. Momo looked at me with a confused expression. He clearly doesn't understand birthday rules.

There's only so long I can lie in bed pretending to be asleep. I could hear shenanigans going on downstairs without me-so I got up.

-?-

There was an enormous amount of fruit and pastries and other baked goods on the table when I came down. There was a bit of fussing between Suki and Aang over some streamers they were putting around the window. Sokka was already tucking into the pastries and calling out suggestions to them and to Toph and Zuko. Toph was standing on Zuko's shoulders –she was trying to metal bend the light fixture into a curl so they could hang something off it. Sokka kept saying '_a little to your left-no your other left-no the other left._' Zuko made a small noise of frustration and said that he only had the _one left._ When Toph was satisfied, they got Sokka to hand them the other end of some streamers – so the room was nice and colourful and festive! I made a loud cough and everybody turned to look at me. Then they all cried happy birthday in unison.

We all sat down together and started passing around the various fruit and yogurts and pastries. Me and Sokka had a conversation about his Momo wake up calls. The others were a bit cross that he'd woken me up before they'd finished decorating. Sokka said decorating schmecorating – the food was ready, so he woke me up so they could all get started on the birthday deliciousness!

I birthday commanded that he do ten push ups for waking me up. He grumbled and muttered something about the _great birthday dictatorship starting already._ But he did the push ups. The others watched open mouthed in astonishment at Sokka's compliance. Sokka said that's what a birthday dictatorship was like and everybody had better do what I say...it was **just easier**. I said I was a benign dictator and only used my birthday powers for evil if I had been woken up too early. Sokka grumbled something that sounded suspiciously like '_if you say so'_ under his breath.

I asked Suki to pass me the moon peaches. Next to mangoes, they are my favourite fruit. Suki brought them over and gave me a _deep curtsey_ as she presented them. I was confused. Suki said that Sokka had _insisted_ that this was how I liked everything to be presented to me on my birthday. Okay – four birthdays ago, I made Sokka bow to me every time he addressed me or presented me with something. Four birthdays ago! And he really deserved it at the time!

Now he's told everyone I'm like some evil birthday dictator with delusions of grandeur.

I have made him to push ups again in retaliation.

We got in to a conversation about favourite fruits and how they had all gone together to the most amazing fruit market on the other side of the island that had fresh produce from _everywhere._ Suki said that they even had sea prunes and she knew how much Sokka and I had liked them. She was quickly and promptly silenced by the others. Do sea prunes have something to do with **the plan?**

Zuko tried to steer the conversation back to fruit and he and Toph got into a conversation about passionfruit. Was the firenation purple passionfruit superior to the earth kingdom golden passionfruit? Only time and possibly a small sparring session will tell. I told them that I found them both equally delicious.

Aang said _'speaking of fruity deliciousness –happy birthday.'_ At first I didn't quite understand comment but Aang presented me with a big bowl of spiky berries. He explained that they were dragon berries and they were really rare and expensive in the firenation – he looked to Zuko for confirmation and Zuko nodded and said they were a **luxury extravagance**. I passed the bowl around so everybody could try a little bit of **luxury extravagance.** When everybody had a few on their plates, Zuko showed us how to peel them- because he was the only one who had eaten them before. It was a lot of work because the outer shells were so spiky and scaly (that's how they got their name- because their shells look like a dragon hide), but Zuko said it was totally worth it.

It was.

Oh my god -that is the best thing I have ever tasted! It was just like honey and icecream and all other sweet delicious things at once. Suki was really enjoying her dragon berry on the other side of the table and loudly exclaimed that they were **better than sex** which caused Sokka to eye the berries mistrustfully. It didn't stop him from eating them and making his own happy-delicious-food-noise. There was a little awkward silence after Suki's pronouncement and she blushed and stuttered that she meant it was better than icecream or some other none-sex related food product.

Toph asked, quite cheekily, what would constitute a sex-related food product and Sokka frantically said that we didn't need to know.

I agree.

Eww.

I used my birthday powers to declare that conversation over.

We all tucked in with gusto and soon all the dragon berries were gone. Toph said that they were totally worth standing around in the woods for an hour while Aang got them. Aang apparently had the others stand look out while he engaged in some petty produce-thievery from the nearest dragon berry orchard. Was this **the plan?**

No, there had been so much secrecy about **the plan** that it will be a bit anticlimactic if **the plan** is just fruit related deliciousness.

Aang said that wasn't his only present and scooted off. Suki called after him that they had agreed to do presents _tonight_. But too late. Aang scooted back and he'd something behind his back and said that he wanted to be the first to give me a birthday present.

There was a little awkward moment. Zuko and I glanced at each other for a second.

I said that was really sweet, but I didn't mind about the order of presents and when they were given to me and Zuko had already given me his present last night. Aang gave him a look and Zuko blushed a little and said sorry to Aang, but he didn't know that Aang had been so keen on being the first. Toph asked what Zuko had gotten me and I stuck my foot in her lap so she could feel the anklet and told them about the prism. Toph ran her fingers over the anklet and declared it pretty and then Suki came over to have a look and the awkward moment passed. When we had all sat back down Aang came over to me and presented me with a huge bunch of firelilies.

-?-

Oh.

-?-

I took a deep breath and took the flowers and gave him a smile and said thanks. The whole time I was just thinking –_they're not the same flowers-they're not the same flowers_- I was trying to act normal. Aang was talking about how they were some really rare firelily that only grew on the island etc. When I heard him talking about them with Zuko yesterday – I never thought he'd get me the flowers. It's not Aang's fault. He doesn't know.

Firelilies always remind me a little of Hama.

But the firelilies I saw with her had been the common firelily. Red petals and orange tips. These ones had a deep dark purple centre and dark red petals with pink tips. They were totally different flowers and I should stop being silly.

Zuko offered to go put the flowers in a vase for me and I handed them over gladly and he took them into the kitchen.

Aang was looking at me hopefully and I smiled at him and gave him a quick hug and said thanks. The flowers were lovely-really. Sometimes small white lies are better. He doesn't need to know about Hama and firelilies and it would be impolite to say those flowers give me the _jeebies._

Suki and Toph and Sokka went off to get their presents and left me alone with Aang for a second. Aang started asking if I really liked the flowers and I resorted to a small white lie again. Then I said that I probably enjoyed the dragon berries more because they were delicious and started talking about dragon berries with him. He was telling me how hard it had been to get them and began regailing me with the tales of his dragon berry heroics.

Zuko came back in and put the vase on the front window sill and said that firelilies like full sun- so it would be better if they stayed in this room because it got the sun all day. I agreed. Toph bounded back in, present in hand. She asked if she had to bow before giving me a present and I re-iterated that Sokka was only being silly and no bowing was necessary. Sokka and Suki came back in and Sokka was trying to hide something behind Suki's back.

And it looked like present time was upon us!

-?-

Toph said the day spa was her main present but this was just a little something extra. She handed me two long thin bits of metal with little dents at one end and a small loop at the other. She'd run a long piece of leather through the loops.

Was this a necklace?

I guess it must be.

I was a bit confused but said thanks for the necklace. She asked if I had any idea what the metal bits were. I did not. Toph explained that she knew enough of me and Sokka's **sneaky ways** to know that we both loved to snoop around and these two bits of metal would be able to pick most locks and she could show me how to use them. She'd bended them herself. Sokka thought this was** awesome **and tried to steal my present thunder. Toph has agreed to show him too. I have protested at being called a sneaky snooper in a backhanded manner. I declared that I wasn't really a snooper.

I have never snooped in my life!

There was a small awkward silence that followed this pronouncement and the others glanced at each other for a quick second.

Someone coughed politely.

Aang said my sneaky ways weren't a _bad thing._ Toph started recalling all the times I've been sneaky with her/ snooped through her stuff. She said all this in a very affectionate manner and gave me one of her friendly punches on the arm. I can't really be mad at her. She does have a point (she often has a point). And she means so well! And I have snooped through her stuff a fair bit.

Okay... so sometimes I'm a bit sneaky. I admitted it. I thanked Toph and gave her a hug and popped the keys around my neck. Really, it is a great idea. You never know when something like lock picking will come in handy. Then Sokka started going on about my sneaky ways back home and making everybody laugh with sneaky tales and the conversation took an alarming turn.

Sokka has to do push ups again.

Suki said that she was really impressed in how quickly I picked up all of Zuko's stealth tips the other day and that it was amazing that I was able to sneak up on her after only a couple of hours stealth training. She has had **years** of stealth training. That alone was a strong testament to my sneakiness. But she said this in such a nice and complimentary way that I felt really flattered.

Everybody turned and glanced at Zuko for his comments on my sneakiness. Out of everybody present, I had probably been the sneakiest with Zuko. He smiled and said that I had stalked him quite successfully for a long time and that was an even bigger testament to my sneakiness because he had also **years** of stealth training. Suki gave him a look and said she'd been stealth training since she was _eight._ Zuko replied that he'd been stealth training since he was _seven_. I thought the conversation was going to descend into a stealth-off between the two of them. So I made them shake hands with my birthday powers.

Aang was looking a little perplexed and said that he never knew I had stalked Zuko. I replied that it was back at the Western Air Temple and I had only stalked him** a little.** Zuko started coughing quite loudly on the moon peach he'd been eating. Sokka gave him some firm pats on the back.

-?-

Suki pulled out a thin long box from her pocket. It had been elegantly wrapped and had a green and gold ribbon around it. I opened it up and gasped. It was a beautiful and ornately carved sandalwood fan. I held it up and smelled it. Ooh I love that smell. Then I opened it up and started fanning myself in what I thought was an elegant manner. Suki said that she wanted to make me an honorary Kyoshi warrior but couldn't find any gold kyoshi fans in the firenation, but then she thought an ordinary fan might be more useful because it was so unrelentingly hot on this island anyway. I gave her a big hug and said I loved it. I really did. It was a useful gift.

-?-

Then it was Sokka's turn. He produced from behind his back a long straight stick. It had been painted in water tribe blue and white and he'd carved a little handle at one end and on the other he'd carved _– common sense-_ and painted it a darker blue.

Was that an actual common sense stick? Sokka replied that he thought I would enjoy having my own _righteous stick of common sense_.

I do!

I really do!

I squealed in delight and gave him a big hug. My big brother is such an idiot sometimes and I never thought the day would come when I'd be glad that he'd read my stalker journal. It's such a lame, ridiculous present but I can't help but love it. I gave Sokka a light whack with the common sense stick -to test it out and because I was a little embarrassed that he'd bought up my stalker journal in a round-about gift-y fashion.

Sokka explained that it was a water tribe in-joke to everyone else. They were all wearing very confused faces. He said that with the stick I would be able to whack commonsense into people. Zuko face palmed and said _that is going to be so bad for me_ under his breath. I have frequently told him that he is lacking in common sense.

I'm a bit thrilled with all my presents.

-?-

After breakfast was packed away and everybody was ready to face the day I called a birthday silence with the common sense stick. I had thought up some group bonding activities for us to do together. These were activities that would normally meet with some reluctance from certain group members, but on my birthday everyone has to do what I say.

I demanded everyone do trust falls.

Because I could! No arguments!

Just trust falls!

Okay- there were some arguments. Toph said trust falls were lame and if someone tried to trust fall on to her they'd probably smush her and then **all trust would be lost**. I've paired her with Aang who has promised not to smush her and to make** trust falls fun**. Toph has raised an eye brow dubiously at Aang's trust fall enthusiasm. Sokka and Suki wanted to be paired together. I think so they can subtly feel each other up.

I was paired with Zuko which I was a bit thrilled with. Not because I want to subtly feel him up or anything.

...err just because trust has been _a really big issue_ between us and I just think it would be nice if we could do trust falls. And it's good for group bonding and whatever else.

-?-

Zuko was a little reluctant and I told him it was either trust falls or a hundred push ups. He asked me if I would be mad if he choose the push ups. I told him I certainly would be! And then I poked him with the common sense stick.

He was looking really nervous and I got right up in his personal space and asked him what the problem was -really quietly. He looked at me a little shyly and said that he wasn't a very trusting person and found it really hard to just _trust_ people and didn't think he'd be good at trust falls. I told him that I _really_ _trusted_ him and I asked if he _trusted_ me. He looked away for a sec and then looked back at me. He said _yes _really softly. It made me really happy. That yes.

I told him that I promised I wouldn't let him fall and he promised me the same.

Sokka called out that we should stop whispering to each other already and just get our trust fall on! He and Suki had already done _six_ trust falls and were way ahead of us! Aang said that he didn't know that trust falls was a competition and that he and Toph had already done _seven._ If it wasn't a competition before, it became one -after Aang said that.

Still the others seemed to be having a good trusting time. Except for Toph who wasn't enjoying it at the start. Toph **hates** trust falls and has the tendency to shriek as little as she falls back but Aang always catches her in some fancy and unexpected manner. Then when it's her turn to be the catcher, Aang places her arms out and tells her not to move and then just flops on her affectionately. She got the hang of it by the end.

As I predicted, Sokk and Suki got a bit touchy feely with their trust falls.

So did I.

Not in a bad way or anything.

I'm not going to lie. Zuko just has a _really nice_ body. I may have gotten a bit err... handsy with his really nice body when I was the catcher. But he didn't mind and... it was all in a friendly and affectionate manner! Just because he seemed so nervous about the whole trust fall business. I caught him around his middle every time and I'd give him a little squeeze and whisper something like _that wasn't so bad -was it? _in his ear. He'd smile at me and then we'd switch places. He'd be nice and firm and strong to fall against. He'd catch me carefully every time. He may have been a bit more gentlemanly and less handsy with his catching technique. But he'd give me a little squeeze in return and say that trust falls weren't so bad after all.

He's right. They weren't so bad _at all._

-?-

Exceptionally long and rambly author's notes follow:

Lovely wonderful readers! You have reached the end of the first part of Katara's birthday shenanigans! I'm planning to do her birthday in three parts. This part deals with the morning of her birthday. The next part will be more of a girly chapter (just to warn any men-folk out there!) and the third part will be about the plan! I hope you enjoyed reading part 1: trust!

Big thanks for all the wonderful reviews! You guys are just all kinds of fabulous and if I knew you in real life I'd want to do trust falls with you! Anyway reviews help my imagination come up with wacky hijinks! And I love reading all your comments and suggestions!

I have a small note of sad news: my computer is having a tantrum and has eaten my rough draft of the coming chapters.

Oh calamity!

I'll think I'll be able to get them back and all will be well, but for the moment they appear to have disappeared. My lovely fancy-man works in IT and is very computer geeky so hopefully he'll be able to get it back for me. I still had most of what would happen in this chapter in my head and I had a day off today - so I've been able to get this one up. I've written this chapter on his laptop and I am a **fail whale** at laptops so there maybe a few more typos than usual in this chapter. Sorry about that lovely readers!

Err fail whale is aussie slang for a really epic fail.

Never fear dear readers! We will go onwards! To infinity and beyond!

In this chapter:

Sokka employs the Momo alarm technique to wake up his sister. Waking up with pets is a tradition in my house. When you need someone to get up but you don't wish to deal with morning grumpiness – you let the dog into their room and voila! They are awake! No one can stay asleep in the face on her unrelenting cuteness/noisiness.

Birthday rules: So everybody has to do what she says – no arguments (or maybe just slight arguments.) I think this would be a family tradition! I think Sokka is used to copping it on her birthday and probably make similar retaliatory demands on his own birthday – give me a foot massage – make me stew etc. During this chapter Sokka is ordered to do push ups many times and he does it without fuss because it is just easier! She starts out ordering Sokka around the most because he's her brother and she's used to him and she's never previously had this many people at her birthday command before and she doesn't know how they'll all take it – the more at ease she feels with people – the more likely she is to get a little birthday bossy with them.

Dragon berries made an appearance in my _Zuko's adventure with miss smarty-pants bossy boots_ fic. They are like lychees only more delicious! They are food orgasm inducing. Ooh a food orgasm is when you eat something so incredibly and fabulously delicious that you make that mmmhmhmmhm noise almost involuntarily –because it is **that **tasty!

Firelilies- I didn't want too much seriousness in this chapter, but I think the Hama experience would have been _really traumatic_ for Katara, even though she's pushed most of her thoughts about it away. That bit with the firelilies in the episode was when I started to get really creeped out by Hama. I think for a long time to come – firelilies will remind Katara of Hama. Aang doesn't know this and he gets them because he wants to give her something romantic. She tries to be gracious about them but Zuko can tell when something is a little off with her and he takes them off her hands.

Sneaky ways- Katara has them and we all know it! I think she was in a bit of sneaky way denial. I just wanted a little group acknowledgement of her sneakiness and I thought Toph would be the one most likely to point it out (bluntly and affectionately). I also realised that everyone in the group except for Aang knew that Katara was stalking Zuko at the western air temple. So I wanted to let him in the loop about that. He has thoughts about that which will become apparent in another chapter.

Sandalwood fans are awesome!

The common sense stick- it just seemed like such a Sokka present. He is the only one who's read her stalker journal and knows how much she wants a common sense stick and he's just having a little joke with her. Katara will become a little too fond of her commonsense stick. Then she may misuse her commonsense stick! Then someone may hide it from her.

Everyone's presents gives an idea about how they see Katara. Zuko sees her as a hopeful optimist. Aang sees her as a romantic prospect. Toph sees her as an affectionate snooper/busybody (mother figure) and Suki sees her as a sister figure/equal and wants to initiate her into Kyoshi sisterhood. Sokka sees her as his little sister - a purveyor of commonsense and ridiculousness simultaneously.

Trust falls- okay they are lame! I know it. but I love them and they are a great vehicle to explore some trust issues. They are a great group bonding exercise and Katara is all about group bonding and being a family. But there are several people in teh group who would be a bit reluctant to do trust falls and I think Katara could only get them all to agree to do them on her birthday. Using her birthday powers.

Something that doesn't get developed much in the series but which I want to explore more is that Zuko has **serious trust issues**. Understandably so. Poor kid. But even in the crossroads of destiny – he seems a little more open to Katara (he lets her touch his scar and all). I think he is really starting to completely trust and care deeply for her (more than just crush on her) and this is a new and bizarre sensation for him and he's a bit elated/terrified of it. He didn't trust Mai very much when they were dating and felt quite insecure about her feelings. But he's developed something a little deeper with Katara and has come to a place where he will agree to do trust falls with her.

Which gives her an opportunity to get a little handsy/physically demonstrative with him. A handsy Katara is a happy Katara after all.

In the next chapter the girls will hit up a day spa together and there will be shenanigans and lady bonding.

Til then lovely readers...


	8. the Auspicious occassion: friendship

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Auspicious Occasion of Katara's birthday.

Part 2: friendship.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

After trust falls I announced that we were all going to do relaxing yoga together and a collective groan went up from the group.

Really now!

Yoga isn't that bad!

There were several attempts at arguments from Toph (she already did trust falls, did she **have **to do yoga) and Sokka (I'm too manly for yoga) and Aang (Last time you made me do yoga it really freaked me out and did not relax me at all.) They will have to do it- No Arguments! I poked the three of them with the common sense stick quite firmly. It was my birthday and they were ruining it by being anti-yoga jerk-faces.

In fact only Suki and Zuko were not categorically opposed to yoga. Suki said she found it relaxing and Zuko said yoga wouldn't be so bad because it was beneficial for Aang's breathing techniques and breathing is very important for firebending. Aang countered that breathing was very important _for life_ and because Aang was alive, that was proof that he knew how to breathe_. _Zuko had no counter argument for that.

We needed to find a steamy place to do it because yoga done in a warm environment has more health benefits. I asked Zuko where the nearest steam pool was. He'd told me there were lots on the island. The other exchanged shifty glances. After a few moments, Zuko said there was one about twenty minutes walk from here, but we would have to hike temporarily through the jungle to get there. Another groan went up. Honestly a few days on a tropical island and we've all become lazy bones. I birthday commanded that Zuko lead the way.

Everyone went to put there swimmers on and then we all walked along the beach for a bit and just before we went in the jungle Zuko gave a little speech about all the poisonous and nasty creatures that live in the jungle and how to identify them and the best ways to avoid them.

Wow, the firenation is just full of poisonous creepy crawlies.

I don't do rhino-snakes.

Squirpions- fine! Scorpildillos –I'm cool. Porcu-spiders - sure.

Rhino-snakes – oh hell no!

Zuko's little speech about all things poisonous had a little dispiriting effect on the group. There were a few comments to this affect. He said he didn't want to be a no fun party-pooper, but that there were dangerous things in the jungle and he just wanted us to be safe. He added that all the creepy crawlies were far more scared of people than we were of them and generally avoided the main paths and tracks, so we should be fine if we just stayed on the main path and didn't _get distracted and wander off._ He said this last part rather pointedly at Aang who had gotten distracted by a butterfly and wandered off before Zuko reached the end of his sentence.

Zuko sighed quite comically.

I pulled Aang back into line and birthday commanded that he stay with the group and we were ready to get our hike on!

-?-

Creepy crawlies aside – the jungle was actually quite beautiful. Very green and lush and filled with bird songs and all different sort of flowers. The air smelled sweetly floral because of all the star jasmine growing in big wild clumps. There were frangipanis and hibiscus trees everywhere and there were many rare bright moonflowers clinging to the shadowy, shady places on the side of the trees. There were flowers I'd never seen before. One was quite pretty. It was a little like a daisy – Zuko said they were sun poppies – so named because of their happy yellow colour. They were common everywhere in the firenation and had a lot of medicinal properties. I leant over and smelled some and they smelled great. I'd never smelled anything quite like it. It smelled faintly like vanilla and frangipanis had gotten together and made a smell-baby.

Why couldn't Aang have gotten me sun poppies instead of firelilies?

-?-

Eventually the trees opened up and we were in a small clearing at the base of a cliff. There was a large and rocky pool that has steam rising faintly off it. There was a large cave at the other side that hung over the pool. It had star jasmine clinging to the side and its tendrils reached down towards the water's surface, which made almost a flower curtain over the cave. Zuko said the cave opened out at the back and there's be room enough for us all to stand back there and it would be nice and steamy, but we'd have to swim through the pool to get there. I birthday commanded that everyone strip down to their swimmers and follow me.

To yoga and beyond!

-?-

Toph was exceptionally reluctant to get in the water and I went over to her and reminded her of my birthday powers. Then she reminded me in a rather petulant voice that she couldn't swim. Oh. Well I feel like a goose. Toph** hates** the water. Sokka volunteered to carry her to the cave and she acquiesced. Toph **loves** being carried by Sokka.

The water was deliciously warm. Like a big giant bath. There were a few cold currents eddying around about it was mostly just a lovely. The pool got a little deep at the mouth of the cave and Sokka had to put Toph on his back in piggyback style and swim while she was holding onto his neck with a vise-like grip. We all made it to the platform together and it was perfect for steam yoga. There was enough space for all of us and the air was warm but not too hot.

It's yoga time.

-?-

Suki was my best student and stood next to me and performed all the stretches with aplomb. She is my favourite because she gave me no trouble at all. Toph wouldn't copy my movements and moved to her own yoga beat. Aang asked repeatedly _am I meant to be relaxed yet? _In a similar manner to how Sokka would ask my father _are we there yet? _when we were kids. I gave Aang a speech about the many health benefits of yoga and he started doing some air nomad yoga instead of copying me, which I guess was an improvement. Sokka and Zuko were there worst! They had clumped together at the back and were making various jokes and comments and laughing quietly and I think, at one point, giving each other noogies. At this point I separated them and made Zuko stand next to me at the front. And…

Oh my.

I have a great…. Err…. Appreciation for the sight of a shirtless Zuko. All sweaty and muscular.

Hhhhmmmm.

I was greatly distracted for a moment. I hadn't got a good look back at the clearing when he took his shirt off and now…. Anyway I greatly enjoyed my current view and I may have ordered everyone to do stretches that would improve my view.

Could I birthday command Zuko stay shirtless the entire day?

Or will the others think that is weird and then tease me forever.

Still it could be worth it.

-?-

I had hoped that by separating the boys they would stop being silly but they did not. Sokka just called out all his comments more loudly. I left the commonsense stick back with the clothes so I couldn't whack him with it. Sokka said something about being too manly for yoga again and Zuko made a sarcastic comment about Sokka's manliness. Sokka said that Zuko was definitely getting a noogie for that one and there was an inelegant struggle at the edge of the water. I birthday commanded them to stop goofing around and get back to yoga….. to no effect. At some point during their inelegant struggle for noogie dominance, Zuko lost his footing/Sokka pushed him in the water and he landed with a big splash. Sokka declared himself victorious.

Zuko didn't resurface.

The Zuko less moment stretched on to half a minute- then a minute- but it felt like a million years. We were all crowded around the water's edge and it was so murky. I couldn't see him anywhere. I started catastrophising in my head.

Maybe he'd hit his head and was unconscious and drowning.

I was just about to jump in and waterbend all the water out of the pool and find him when a pale hand reached up from under the ledge where Sokka was standing. Zuko grabbed him by the ankle and Sokka made a startled noise that sounded like _aaeergh_. Zuko flipped him into the water in one smooth movement and Sokka landed with another tremendous splash! Because we'd all been standing on the water's edge we all got soaked. Toph let out a squeal of surprise. Aang let out a whoop of joy and declared it was now _swimming time! _He got a run up and did a giant cannonball into the water and we were all splashed anew. Suki looked at me a little apologetically and gave a slight shrug and dived in gracefully.

Oh well. I wanted everyone to have fun and relax. And judging from the amount of splashing and delighted noises coming from everyone swimming, I had achieved this end. Yoga time was abandoned.

I turned to Toph and asked if she would like me to swim her back to the shallow end. Toph was pursing her lips and putting on a brave face but she nodded slowly. She'd never in a hundred million years admit to being scared of anything. But I knew how much she hated the water. She'd prefer Sokka, but he was otherwise engaged at present. Toph always feel more comfortable with solid earth under her feet and I could get her back to the shallow end easily.

She put her arms around my neck and I swum us carefully around all the water based-shenanigans and splashing of the others. When we were in the shallow end I told her to put her feet down and a wave of relief visibly passed over her face when her feet touched the rocks. Toph had been a really good sport about everything today. I put my arm around her and asked if she'd like me to teach her how to swim. She shrugged noncommittally and said she didn't know if she wanted to learn. She said she knew it was stupid to be scared of the water, but the in the water she felt _really blind _and she hated that feeling.

Zuko swum over to us grinning and asked if he could join us. I felt a wave of crossness at him. Just five minutes ago he had scared the bejeezus out of me. And accidentally started a pro-swimming/ anti-yoga rebellion.

And now he was here, just smiling and grinning. He had no idea how worried I'd been. He'd nearly given me a heart attack. I'd thought for a second that he was drowning and it had been horrible. There was only one thing for it. I got up and grabbed the common sense stick and started whacking him with it and exclaiming that he should _never, ever do something like that again!_ He was rather perplexed by this turn of events and held his arms up and kept asking _what have I done now?_ I paused in my common sense stick whacking and told him (ranted a little) how worried I'd been and how he'd nearly given me a heart attack with his _little trick_ back there and how dare he worry me like that on my birthday (or any day come to think of it). I whacked him anew with the common sense stick. He said that it had just been a _joke_ and I said he was terrible at jokes and that making me think he was drowning was not very funny at all -next time he made me worry about him dying -he better at least be _seriously injured._ He apologized for worrying me and gave me an apologetic smile.

Gah! I can't be mad at him when he smiles at me like that. I poked him with the common sense stick instead. Toph, who we'd both forgotten in the common sense stick whacking melee, had been sitting there, cheerfully witnessing the whole scene. She expostulated _aaaww Katara-you really do care _quite loudly and affectionately.

I have poked Toph with the common sense stick as well.

-?-

Soon the sun was near the noon point in the sky and it was time to head over to the main town and the day spa. Toph had booked us in for the entire afternoon. We all walked back together along the path. Zuko picked me a sun poppy as a peace offering for his earlier antics and I have put it behind my ear. We left the boys back at the house. They will have to sort out lunch for themselves because I am not cooking anything today. Toph says she got the lunch included package and that _Angi's bounty day spa_ will provide all the snacks and beverages we need.

Go Toph! She is so practical.

When we arrived a super friendly and conciliatory lady showed us to the change room where we could leave our clothes/bags/shoes. She gave me a little vase to put the sun poppy in. She had a nice round face and a gracious manner. She said that she would be looking after us this afternoon and gave us big fluffy towels and dressing gowns and asked what we'd like to drink/eat first and handed us a small menu.

The menu contained 18 different types of fireflakes. Boo.

But also had 23 different types of dumplings. Yay.

She gave the order to a lackey who had appeared from nowhere and then lead us through a series of rooms. There were a few scattered mandolin players who were plucking away a 'relaxing' melody and the whole place smelled like cinnamon and vanilla. Wow this place was even more lush that the fancy lady day spa back in Ba Sing Se. They really go _all out_ in the firenation over relaxation.

The first treatment was a mineral spa. Toph groaned and said _not more water!_ The gracious lady smiled at her indulgently and said it was only a shallow bath and so there wasn't _that much_ water and the volcanic minerals would be really good for our skin. We all hopped in what appeared to be a giant bath together. It bubbled away in an alarming manner and had steam rising faintly from the surface but the gracious lady said this was normal and it was meant to do that.

The gracious lady bustled off and we all stretched put and Suki gave an especially blissful sigh. The gracious lady returned with our drinks and snacks and said she'd be back when it was time for the next treatment. Suki had ordered a mystery selection of dumplings because she wanted to try new things.

The first bun was ridiculously spicy and Suki made a series of comical faces after she bit into it. Her eyes were watering and she was fanning her mouth. Zuko said milk was good for soothing that spicy –just-licked-the-sun-feeling. I didn't have any milk, but I did have a smoothie. I gave her my mango smoothie to drink and she felt a little better. She made a lame pun regarding the fire nation and hot food and spices. Oh Suki. Lame jokes are her thing. I said the only person who tells lamer jokes was Zuko and that was saying something.

Toph made a sly face and asked exceptionally bluntly "speaking of Zuko- what exactly is going on between you two?"

Suki piped up that she was going to ask me the same thing because she'd seen us cuddling last night when she got up to get a glass of water and she'd been _most curious_ but wanted to wait until it was just us girls to ask me. Toph was curious about the cuddling and asked if it was kissing and cuddling but Suki said it had only been cuddling when she saw, but she hadn't stayed for the whole time because it looked like we'd been cuddling for ages. I blushed brightly but blamed that on the steam rising for the pool. Steam just makes me red in the face okay.

I told them both very firmly that no kissing had gone on and Toph looked a little disappointed and said that she was sure some kissing should have happened after we rolled around on the sand together. Suki spat out some mango smoothie in surprise. Toph explained how last night when she'd been able to do the scales perfectly, she'd come out to find us because she'd wanted to show Zuko. She had felt us –err rolling about and tickling each other. Toph had assumed we were busy and left. Suki's eyebrows nearly leapt off her face and she turned to me and said "you did what!" I explained that we were just letting off steam together and Suki nodded knowingly and said "if that's what you want to call it" with a smile. She and Toph were making big assumptions like big assumers who just assume things. Like Sokka!

No!

I got a bit ranty and said that it's not that _I want to call it that_ – that's what we were doing. That's ALL we were doing! No kissing of any sort had ever gone on between me and Zuko. Despite my denials and exclamations to the contrary, I couldn't seem to persuade them that me and Zuko were not having a torrid, secret love affair and were just friends. A great deal of assuming was done and and great many teasing comments were made by Suki and Toph and in the end I had to use my birthday powers to end the conversation.

We are not talking about this!

This conversation is over!

Thankfully at this point the gracious lady came to get us for our hot rock massages. Which were done individually. So I had a brief break from all their assuming glances and assuming comments and assuming smiles at each other.

-?-

I just feel I need to write how much I LOVE hot rock massages. That was awesome.

-?-

Toph also loved the hot rock massages. And she talked and great length about what an awesome idea it was and how it reminded her of home. There was brief silence. Toph almost never mentions her home voluntarily. I didn't want to push her in case she shut down. But all three of us were encased in some mud mineral scrub and were meant to stay wrapped up until it had set – so she couldn't really run away from this conversation.

Apparently she'd had a nanny who had been especially kind and this nanny knew a lot about bending and benders and she knew that earthbenders were normally comforted by rocks around them. The nanny had been the first one to notice that Toph had earthbending tendencies and when Toph cried the nanny would give her some smooth river pebbles to play with (all of Toph's other toys had been fancy dolls etc) and would run one of the bigger pebbles over her back in soothing patterns. The hot rocks had reminded her of that a little.

When we had all been rinsed off and were sitting in mineral spa again, I asked her some more about the nanny. Toph couldn't remember much because she'd been really young, she could just remember the pebbles. One day the nanny had stopped coming to work and that was when Toph ran away for the first time. She went looking for the nanny, but found the badger moles instead. She let her sentence hang in the air. Finding the badger moles was what helped her unlock her earth bending ability.

We were quiet for a second and then Suki piped up that if Toph was meant to see the nanny again, she would. Toph asked her how she could be so sure and Suki just shrugged and said 'because of _cheong_' as if that explained everything.

_Cheong _what?

Suki explained that _cheong_ was a Kyoshi Island belief in togetherness and connectedness. We are all connected, but when you have a shared experience with someone, or spend any amount of time together, this connection increases. When someone has an impact upon your life, you will have bond with them forever. Just passing all those years with the other Kyoshi Warriors meant that she would always be attached to them in some way.

Suki thought that Toph and her nanny would always be connected in some way because she'd had a great impact on Toph's life and if Toph was meant to find her again, Suki was sure that she would. Toph smiled at her in a way I have never seen Toph smile at Suki before. All open-like.

I like the idea of _cheong._ I said the water tribe had a similar concept, but we didn't have a name for it. Then I told them about that crazy swamp me and Aang and Sokka had visited and how Huu had thought we were all branches of the same tree.

I said that I thought we'd all be connected forever because of the experience of travelling together and fighting with the Avatar. It was like Aang said. Friendship can last a lifetime (or many lifetimes, if you are Aang.) Then faster than you can say _cheong_ Suki reached for me and Toph's hands and we sat in the mineral pool just holding hands. Even though the boys weren't with us, in that one moment I felt connected to them too.

There are the five people in the world who I just can't imagine being without.

I really do think we will always be friends.

-?-

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Frighteningly long Authors note:

Lovely wonderful readers! You have reached the end of the auspicious occasion of Katara's birthday, part 2: friendship. Congratulations and I hope you enjoyed it! This was a lot of fun to write but I am once again on the bf's laptop, so there may be a few more spelling/grammar errors! I'll try edit them when my normal computer is feeling better. Anyway this chapter was had a bit of a friendship- especially a girly friendship focus and I hope it was a fun read.

Anyway huge giant thanks with cherries on top and hot rock massages for all my wonderful and fabulous reviewers! You guys know I love ya! Really reading your comments just gives me a warm old cheong feeling!

In this chapter:

The firenation, like Australia, has lots of poisonous creatures. I think there seems to be more poisonous animals in temperate to tropical climates and that's the firenation! Zuko knows a bit about how to be safe around poisonous animals and he's a safety first kind of guy when it comes to his friends.

That steam pool they hike to is not the closest one. But it gave me a chance to send them on a hike through a lush jungle and see other firenation flowers. I mean it can't all be firelilies can it? They have to have more floral bio-diversity in my opinion. They'd have to have jasmine growing at the very least! So I have introduced a few more flowers.

Birthday obedience is a bit hard on Toph, especially when it comes to the swimming. I am under the impression that she can't swim (this may be remedied later) but she wouldn't want to be a spoilsport and ruin the birthday activities for Katara and so she puts on a brave face and goes along with it. I also realized I hadn't had much Toph-Katara friendship love lately, so I added some.

I very obliquely floated the idea of where I think some of Zuko's recklessness comes from. Zuko can hold his breath for a freakish amount of time in the siege of the north and I think after Sokka pushes him in he gets the idea to play a trick on his bro and swims under the ledge and waits until he can pull Sokka in too. While he's just goofing off with Sokka he doesn't think for a sec how this will drive Katara bananas with worry. I think Zuko is not at all accustomed to people worrying about him and caring about him, save his uncle. And even then, uncle was rarely demonstrative about this (I say this with oodles of love for Uncle Iroh. But it seems like a firenation custom to be a bit more reticent and just more reluctant when it comes to showing affection. Like the lovely brits and their stiff upper lip.)

Knowing that people care about you and will really miss you if anything happens to you can be a huge inhibitor of more reckless behavior and I think previously, Zuko's felt a little unloved in this respect and hasn't feel like he had that much to lose per se when it came to reckless behavior. It's not until Katara goes nuts at him that he realizes that she really does care on a deep level. He'll make an effort to do less dumb stuff that will make her tear her hair out with worry in the future.

He was always going to be the first person Katara really used the common sense stick on.

The day spa – I just think the firenation had a very wealthy upper class and it would make sense that their day spas would be super lush and more volcanic-treatment orientated, so it is a little different from the fancy lady day spa.

The girls have a lot of fun teasing Katara (wouldn't you), but in all honesty they are both wondering what is going on between Katara and Zuko. She may have shut this particular conversation down with her birthday powers – but tomorrow is a new day! I think Katara is not at all sure how she feels at this stage. She is not only the birthday girl, she is also the queen of denial! The Zuko love is just at inception levels and will still have to bust through a whole bunch of dream levels before it becomes something she'll admit to herself.

But never fear-there are many more chapters to come!

Toph's nanny: Toph, though I love her, didn't come into this world as a delightful 12 year old badass. I feel that she had a very coddled over protective childhood. With her parents, I'm surprised that they even figured out she was an earthbender. Of all the elements I reckon earthbending would be the hardest to pick up on in early childhood. And I don't think Toph got allowed outside much as a young kid so she couldn't even be around earth that much. They didn't seem that encouraging of her earth bending in any case. Then I had the idea of a lovely nanny and it made a bit more sense to me. I think it's likely Toph would have had a succession of nannies and one of them knew a fair bit about bending and figured out what Toph was. This nanny would have opened up a whole new world for Toph but when she went missing *cough* got fired *cough* Toph would have missed her. In the episode where she explains how she ran away and met the bagermoles she never explained why she ran away. So I reckon that it is plausible that she was looking for somebody.

We may see this nanny again. In fact we may already know her ;)

When Suki is talking about cheong and Toph finding her nanny again, Toph really warms to her. I think she would have been a little stand offish with Suki as a result of her crush on Sokka. But she has come to terms with the fact that Sokka loves her like a little sister, but not in that other way. She much more astute at reading these situations than other people *cough* Aang *cough*. Now I think she's starting to really warm to Suki as a person and get over her adorable Sokka crush.

Cheong: is not only the name of that nomad guy. It is actually a lovely Korean philosophy of togetherness and connectedness that my friend Hannah explained to me. Sorry Hannah, if I'm not doing it justice. I went to school with Hannah and I ran into her a little while ago and we went for a lovely chat and coffee and a catch up and it was great. Anyway Hannah explained about cheong and how because we'd been to high school together (shared experience of several years) we'd always have a connection. She explained it much more profoundly and I don't know if I'm doing it justice, but anyway I think it's a lovely idea. So I made it a Kyoshi Island philosophy so I could put it in my fic. But I do think strands of it appear through the t.v series (huu and the tree). The Gaang are connected on a quantum level and I just love their friendships and group dynamics.

*In musfasa voice* and so we are all connected in the great circle of life.

In the next chapter we will see what everyone has planned for Katara!

Til then my lovely readers…


	9. the Auspicious Occassion: hope

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Auspicious occasion of Katara's birthday.

Part three: hope.

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After a long afternoon of delicious pampering, we emerged from _Angi's bounty day spa_ looking and feeling fabulous. We were given more tea and dumplings and fussed over at great length by the gracious lady until she pronounced herself satisfies with our appearance. She had overseen a trio of beauticians for each of us, who buffed and scrubbed and did our hair and applied a subtle but lovely layer of make-up. One of them wanted to apply some green to my eyelids but she had tutted dramatically and said that there would be no point in _fighting my eye colour in such a barbarous manner_. The gracious lady took colours quite seriously. My make-up had been applied in a less noticeable and obvious fashion to the way they had done it in Ba Sing Se. They favoured more subtle shades and softer colours in the fire nation, apparently. A lackey had woven some fresh flowers through my hair, which had been piled in a elaborate fashion. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror on the way out and nearly gasped. I mean I know I'm not ugly or anything, but I just looked ...well, quite pretty.

I looked like some sort of _half dazed-_**mostly fabulous**_-floral wood nymph._

Toph's hair was as rebellious as the rest of Toph and had broken free, here and there, from its arrangement. Suki's hair had been brushed and heated and blown and combed until it wafted around her face in a gravity defying fashion. Toph said she thought we all looked fabulous and there was much hilarity. But I told her sincerely that she looked really pretty and she beamed at me in response.

We bid farewell to our gracious lady and started walking back home. I almost felt too relaxed to walk anywhere. If the boys had been present I would have demanded one of them carry me. Port Ember, the main town is about half an hour's walk from the house. It doesn't seem so far on the way **into** town, but the way back felt like it took forever.

When we came near the house we saw the boys having a three way stick-whacking battle on the beach, apparently for **funsies.** Why is whacking each other with sticks fun? I noted, with some annoyance, that Sokka was wielding the commonsense stick. Aang was flitting about like an agile sparrow and using his air bending to whack the other boys from above, which was something they both protested against.

Boys.

Always needing to whack at things with sticks.

Zuko noticed us first. He looked up and saw me and our eyes met and he gaped a little. His mouth fell open and his eyes widened and he blushed and was just staring at me in a dazed fashion. He was looking at me in a really strange way. Nice strange. I gave him a small wave and he waved back in a rather stunned fashion.

Then Sokka clobbered him over the back of the head with the commonsense stick.

Much ado! (and swearing and head-holding from Zuko)

Sokka, in all fairness, hadn't noticed he was so distracted and was fully expecting Zuko to block his commonsense stick assault. This has not saved him from my **wrath** and twenty birthday push ups! After his initial commonsense stick whack he started apologizing and said that he thought Zuko was paying attention and wanted to know what had distracted him etc. Zuko pointed at us with the hand that wasn't holding the back of his head. Then Sokka and Aang looked up and saw us coming down the beach. (I may have been stomping.)

Sokka was entranced by the sight of Suki in all her floral glory (she had also had flowers woven through her hair). It seemed like he forgot all the rest of us were there. He ran over and lifted her up and gave her a sweet twirl and said she looked beautiful. She giggled and whacked him affectionately with one of her flowers. Suki is not one of life's gigglers so this was a very unusual occurrence.

I demanded the commonsense stick back and that he do twenty push ups. Right now. Grumbling, he gave me the stick and started doing the push ups while I poked him with the stick a little.

I have also declared crossly that nobody, and I mean **nobody **gets to whack Zuko with the commonsense stick but me!

Zuko was perplexed by this and piped up that he would prefer it if **nobody** whacked him with the common sense stick **at all.**

Hush Zuko!

I told him the common sense stick was for his own good and went over to him. I fussed over him a little and demanded he show me his head, for healing purposes. He said he was fine and had been whacked in the head before. I put my hand on my hips and made a **face **at him. A very persuasive face it turns out, because he complied straight away. I ran my fingers through his hair where he'd been whacked and I could feel an egg coming up there. I tutted and I opened my water skin and healed it. He closed his eyes and sighed with my touch. And then we were just standing close and staring at each other and I was having these…thoughts. Zuko's eyes are a really nice colour.

Anyway, it was a nice moment.

A moment which was interrupted by Aang, who was bouncing up and down next to me in a rather enthusiastically, claiming that he had also been injured by the commonsense stick at some point during their ill advised-stick battle. This is why we shouldn't leave the boys alone. It's all fun and games until someone gets whack with the common sense stick. I crouched by Aang and scrutinized his arm (which he had proffered for my examination). I couldn't see or feel anything, but I ran some water up and down his arm anyway and this seemed to satisfy him. Sokka had finished with his push ups and had wandered over with Suki and Toph.

Sokka asked if I was ready for my surprise yet. I really was. And we started walking down the beach as a group. I asked if it was far away and Sokka replied that it wasn't very far. Even still, I wasn't walking anymore on my birthday. I demanded that Zuko carry me in a rather regal tone and he complied. Well, he bowed and said _yes your majesty_ in a tone that could be interpreted as _joyfully sarcastic._ He didn't carry me piggy-back style, but lifted me up with one arm under my knees and the other at my back. I put my arms around his neck. Zuko carried me pretty smoothly, but that didn't stop me from making various demands and _advising _him in this regard. After this, I overheard Suki as if Sokka would carry her and from the sound of it he complied, but with much ado.

We set off as a group and walked to the other end of the beach and round the rocky outcrop and the headland that separated our beach from twenty mile beach (so named because it was twenty miles long). At the other end of twenty mile beach was the second biggest town on Ember island, Equinox bay, and I could very faintly see the glow of the town lighting up against the sunset. It looked beautiful. The beach and the sunset and the jungle and the distant town.

There was cave coming out of the other side of cliff face that had unlit candles strew around it. Zuko announced that we had arrived and tried to put me down. But in his attempts to set me down gently he accidentally grabbed my boob. He gasped! I gasped! He dropped me in surprise (thankfully on my feet). He then blushed red furiously and started stuttering an awkward apology and I was blushing and he was blushing and it was an _awkward blushing festival of embarrassment_. All I was thinking was: _Zuko grabbed my boob. Oh la la!_

I waved off his apology and told him it was fine before the others started noticing our _festival of embarrassment_. Aang came over and was bouncing happily and said that I was going to love my surprise. He took my hand and started leading me towards the cave. The other's followed and Zuko lit the candles with a pass of his hand.

Oh my.

Good surprise.

They'd laid out some of the blankets from the house and set up a lovely picnic of all my favourite foods. Or at least they had attempted making my favourite foods. The first thing I noticed was small pot of what I assume was a gallant attempt at making stewed sea prunes that had gone a little awry. Half the cutlery and the plates from the house were here in the cave too as well as an instrument for everybody. The instruments lay against the wall in a haphazard fashion, but I still noted the tsungi horn amongst them. There had been a candle stuck into every imaginable crevice, some of which had been artificially made by Toph. At the very back of the cave was a large steam pool that had steam rising softly from it.

We sat down to delightful picnic and much fun was had by all. Sokka regaled us with the tale of how he and Zuko tried (and failed) to make stewed seaprune this afternoon. Sokka had got us a small amount from the fresh food market they'd visited yesterday. It really is only me and Sokka who enjoy stewed seaprunes, so he only got enough for three (Sokka eats double what a normal person would).

Suki gamely tried some, because she had never had any before. She made the most comical face after her first spoonful and has begged off all other offers of water tribe cuisine since. She has also drunk a gallon of moon peach juice in her attempts to wash away the taste. Zuko got her the moon peach juice and said _we warned about the seaprunes_ under his breath while he handed it to her. She made a face at him.

Sokka and Zuko have had an interesting afternoon 'experimenting' with water tribe cuisine. They tried to prepare stewed seaprunes again, they both got a little confused about the recipe, gave each other several sea prune noogies at some point, and more than a few stewed sea prunes had been dropped by Zuko in fright- _look, I just find it __**really disconcerting**__ when an animal keeps friggin wiggling __**after**__ you chop off its head-_ Sokka had the wonderful idea of adding fireflakes to them and Zuko agreed wholeheartedly with this decision. Fireflakes and various other spices had been added to the sauce and the result is ….interesting. It doesn't taste anything like stewed seaprunes should, but it is edible. Sokka is eating his creation with gusto. I am eating his creation politely-because it really is** the thought that counts. **

Their attempt at _five flavour soup_ went a little better. I had written out the recipe for Sokka EXACTLY but the recipe was lost at some point. For five flavor soup they had the assistance of Aang. (Aang hates the sight and smell of sea prunes so he'd slacked off a bit for the preparing stewed seaprune portion of the afternoon.) Aang is also fond of culinary experiments and by their three powers combined they have made something which I can only adequately describe as _eight flavour soup_. There are three more flavours than I was originally expecting. Thankfully none of the extra flavours are fireflakes.

Every tale of this afternoon's various culinary adventures only further reminds me **why **I do all the cooking for the group.

They have also got me a lovely cake. It is obviously from a bakery – there is no way on earth the boys could have baked something like that without accidentally setting it on fire…or whacking it with a stick…or adding fireflakes to it. The best part of the birthday picnic is the vast assortment of tasty firenation goodies, plump dumplings and zesty salads (I have a suspicion that these were also acquired from a shop).

Zuko is making everyone something called shish kebabs, which is really just meat and veggies on a stick (or just veggies if you are Aang) that he then sets on fire and cooks with his firebending. It is one of the _only things_ he knows how to cook and he is quite proud of his meat and veggies on a stick creation. Sokka finds them delicious and has eaten at least twice the amount that everybody else has. They are not too bad, if I say so myself.

The one great advantage about bringing a firebender on a picnic is that you don't have to worry about anything getting cold. Zuko keeps all the hot dishes warm with his firebending so everything was still toasty and warming long into the night. It had gotten full dark by the time we had all finished eating. The boys piled all the empty plates and dishes in one corner and got my cake ready. Then Zuko and Aang put out all the candles with their firebending and the only light came from all the candles on my cake. Suki held it out in front of me and asked me to make a wish. I'd already made three wishes last night so I was at bit of a loss. I blew out my candles anyway and suddenly the most amazing thing happened.

As soon as the candles went out the whole ceiling lit up in a bright blue colour.

Crystals, just like the ones Aang and I had seen in the cave of two lovers, shone in the darkness. They had been wedged into the top of the cave and arranged to spell out _Happy Birthday Katara._ I gasped in surprise and delight. How did they even do this? How did they even know?

This was amazing!

I had loved the crystals in that cave. They had given me so much hope at the time. I find that blue light comforting for some reason. Those crystals only shine in the complete darkness. They filled the cave with a soft light and I looked around at everyone and smiled at them with what I think must be the biggest grin I've ever had on my face. They were all looking at me expectantly.

I told them it was the best surprise ever. They told me of the various roles in getting the crystals up there. It was quite a mission. Zuko had come up with the idea originally and everybody had hopped on the band wagon. Aang knew what sort of crystals they were in the cave of two lovers and said that they could probably find them in the fire nation. They used for non-bending families who go camping. Everybody, except Sokka, who's primary role was to distract me for the duration of the afternoon, and Zuko, who's worried about being recognized in the town, (he came here to draw a rough outline on the ceiling) had bought a vast quantity of crystals from the camping store. Aang and Zuko and Suki would hold the crystals in place while Toph earthbended them further into the ceiling. Aang had used his airbending to hold up the ones in the very centre. Suki and Zuko had climbed the walls and held the side ones in place, and stayed up there using only _pure stealth_ and_ badassery_, according to Suki.

And then I did something really embarrassing.

I had a small **extremely happy** cry.

Gah!

I mean it was just so sweet, but they are all so daft to go to such lengths for me. I mean a huge amount of effort went into this and I just...I mean, I know intellectually, on one level that everybody in this cave cares about me, but it's another thing entirely, for those same people to go ahead and do something that **really shows** me how much they care.

The others were a bit alarmed about my small cry and many soothing motions were made in my direction. I explained that it was happy cry because I was really happy and I hugged them all individually and told them they were crazy for going to so much effort-just to surprise me like this on my birthday.

Then cake and fun were had by all.

Later still I demanded _four seasons_ on the tsungi horn and Zuko smiled at me and complied. He was joined by Suki and Sokka on the mandolin and the drums. Aang raced over and got a set of drums for Toph, his flute thing and my mandolin and we all played the song together.

After a few rounds of _four seasons_ had finished I asked Zuko if he could play _secret tunnel_ on the tsungi horn. If we have the crystals we may as well have the song too. I love that song! Sokka gave a groan at the mention of the _secret tunnel_ song but still banged out a beat. Secret Tunnel sounds hilarious on the tsungi horn. Suki knew it as well and strummed away on the mandolin and sang the lyrics. She remembered much more of them than the singing nomads did. If we had heard _Suki's version_ of secret tunnel, I don't think any of us would have been that keen on going in. The way she sang '**And DIIIIIIIEEE'** was most solemn indeed.

Then Sokka passed round a small flask that he had procured from Chitsang back at the Western Air Temple and our music making increased in enthusiasm but not skill. we all bashed away merrily on our instruments to _four seasons_ again because _Four seasons_ is the only song we all know and can play together. I was full of cake and feeling content and surrounded by the best of friends.

I hope to pass all may birthdays in this manner.

In fact I have decided that will be my cake wish. I hope this time next year, the six of us will be here doing exactly the same thing.

I couldn't hope for anything more.

-?-

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frightfully long author's note:

Thank you my lovely wonderful readers who have made it this far. You have reached the end of Katara's birthday shenanigans and I hope you enjoyed it! Tomorrow she will revert back to her regular state and no longer we able to command her friends to do whatever she says! Alas!

But she will still boss them enthusiastically anyway. I wanted her night time celebrations to give her hope and voila, the Gaang got crystals like in the cave of two lovers. Because I said so and for no other reason than because I thought it would be a sweet gesture.

Huge thank you to my fabulous, wonderful and brilliant reviewers! I think my imagination would have gone splat ages ago, if it hadn't been for your constant encouragement- so thanks a million! Every review puts a smile on my face!

If I ever write this from Zuko's point of view, this section would be entitled kitchen adventures with Sokka. Much ridiculousness would have occurred in that kitchen as they attempted to cook without Katara to supervise them. The only thing they cook with aplomb is barbecued meat products because in my experience most menfolk will beg off cooking, claiming they can't do it, however if there is a barbeque (or firebending), meat and beer involved, they suddenly become jamie oliver. Bless. Most of the really edible and tasty food comes from a shop.

They also hold impromtu stick sword fights for no apparent reason (or at least my male friends do. I don't know if this is an across the board occurrence.) I think the boys would have been waiting for the girls, Sokka would have had the common sense stick and...these things just happen.

Zuko is having a moment where he realises how sexy-fine Katara is. I mean I think he's always found her pretty, but every now and then her fabulousness sneaks up and surprised him. It's not like he loves her all of a sudden- because now she's pretty and that's all you need. Bah! And fie on that trope! I think proper love is a gradual thing. But I do think that in this moment he finds her breathtakingly beautiful and is a little stunned by her hotness. Then Sokka whacks him.

The only person allowed to whack Zuko is Katara, and even then she whacks affectionately.

Aang is a little jealous that Zuko is getting all the attention. Look, Aang is not an idiot in my opinion. He was awfully quick to assume that everything that happened in the play (regarding Katara and Zuko) was going on. That suspicion has to come from somewhere. He keeps seeing these little moments between Katara and Zuko and he does not like it! His _injury i_s his way of saying 'pay attention to me now.' and he keeps trying to get her attention through out this chapter, in his subtle Aang fashion.

Boob grope added for the lovely moonspirityang! Voila awkardness!

They have a lovely fun night together and play _four seasons _with great enthusiasm (and slight drunkeness later in the evening). The crystals are a great surprise for Katara. She would have waxed peotic about how much hope they gave her back when she and Zuko were talking about favourite places in the Western Air Temple. While Aang wants Katara to pay attention to him all the time, Zuko just pays attention to Katara because he is really exceptionally interested. He does remember everything she tells him. I think Zuko, who's a bit of a pessimist, loves how optimistic Katara is and wants to give her more hope if he can. So when he's thinking up stuff to do for her birthday he comes up with this idea. He can't do it on his own so the whole gaang get on the band wagon (and some of them try to steal the credit)

YMMV on everything my lovelies!

in the next chapter: we deal with love and other tragedies and what certain people _really _think about romance. Oh la la


	10. Love and other Tragedies

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Love and other tragedies.

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I had a huge sleep in this morning. We'd all had a really late night last night, playing music into the wee hours. I may have drunk a little more from the flask than I should have, but it's my birthday! Anyway, I was a little too merry last night to be bothered taking my hair out/washing my face etc. So now my hair is a squashed floral mess that sticks up all over the place, in unlikely peaks and tangles. Boo.

This is the worst bed-hair I have ever had.

I tried but I just can't get any of the flowers out. Especially the ones at the back. I figured that I could find Suki to help me with them and I got up in search of her and her sensible hair de-tangling abilities. I wandered into the kitchen and Zuko was in there, tackling the last of the dishes from last night. He took one look at me, dazed and confused with my hair sticking up at odd angles and nearly burst out laughing. Thankfully he did not, or I would have splashed him with all the dirty water in the sink.

I am a bit grumpy in the morning. In fact I think it would be fair to say that I am not a morning person. I told him to shut it- _whatever he was going to say- just ssshhh_ and he managed to restrain himself. I asked for Suki, but apparently she and Sokka have absconded together, presumably to the hot spring. I bemoaned the state of my hair at length while he finished the dishes. He tried to console me and say it wasn't as bad as I was making out. But he said this in such a sheepish manner, that I was sure that it was **worse **than I was making out. I complained about the lack of Suki and asked if Zuko would go to the hot springs and get her for me (I was not walking out of the house like this.) Zuko said it wasn't my birthday anymore so he was going to politely decline the Suki fetching mission. Boo. But he did put a cup of something warm and fragrant and soothing in front of me. Yay!

He thought Sokka and Suki would be back soon, but he knew they wanted _'alone time'_ (ewww) so he thought it would be better to wait. I couldn't wait. I looked ridiculous. The only other people in the house were him and Toph. Aang has buggered off and Zuko couldn't find him anywhere. He'd been looking for ages this morning. I made a joke that he was losing his avatar-finding mojo, which was exceptionally funny to me. Aang would be useless for my predicament anyway. Toph is right out. Hair is not her thing either. I am doomed to look ridiculous for the rest of the day.

-?-

I continued with my small complain about my tragic hair situation while Zuko finished off the dishes. He offered to help me with it diffidently, in a tone that he would normally use for going into battle etc. I considered his offer and accepted it. Then he added the caveat he was _absolutely crap_ at doing hair. This does not surprise me. It also didn't inspire great confidence in his hair fixing services.

Even still, some help was better than no help.

Gah!

Tui and la save me from Zuko's hopeless hair ministrations!

-?-

Zuko wiped his hands dry on the towel and set about the task of getting all the squashed flowers out of my hair with great care. They'd all become so tangled at the back that this was quite tricky. He did his best not to pull my hair and slowly got most of them out. I stayed seated, nursing the cup of tea that Zuko gave me. Sometimes I feel like I'm not really awake until I've had a cup of tea in the morning.

Aah Tea! Work your magic! Wake me up properly.

It was just me and Zuko and sometimes this is really nice. He talks to me more when it is just the two of us. Something very strange has happened and I don't quite know when this occurred or what has prompted this feeling- but I **like **listening to Zuko. I like his voice, I like knowing what he thinks about things and I like telling him what I think about things.

Weird huh?

Anyway, it was just the two of us and I asked him something that had been on my mind since last night. What had **possessed **him to tell all the others to wedge the crystals in the ceiling like that. I mean… it was just such a daft idea. Super sweet but daft. He looked a bit worried for a second and asked me if _I hadn't liked it after all_ in a quiet tone of voice.

Now he was just being regular daft.

I told him that I had loved it, but it just seemed like a ridiculous amount of effort. He asked me if I'd had a good birthday and I agreed that I had. I'd had a brilliant birthday actually. It has been the first birthday that I hadn't been plagued with thoughts about my mother. I hadn't felt sad for a second yesterday and on the whole that was a wonderful and surprising thing. Of course, then I felt a little sad when I thought that I hadn't felt sad at all yesterday. But I think I'm starting to move on and that's got to be a good thing, I reckon.

Zuko smiled at me and said that if I'd had a good day then it was **worth it.** I grinned at him. I kept pestering him about the crystals. I mean I had told him about the cave of two lovers **ages **ago. He said, shyly, that he really does remember everything I say. Apparently back in the Western Air Temple I had gone on (and on and on) about how the crystals gave me hope and were pretty and shiny etc. Zuko had wanted to give me a little more hope, if he could. Oh. I looked at him… and he looked at me …and we were having another one of those moments. Like the moment we were having yesterday.

A moment where we just stare at each other and I feel possibility and indecision in equal measure.

What is this feeling? This smushing, churning in my guts?

Zuko seemed to shake himself out of it first. He said that the story of Oma and Shu is such a well known tragedy. It is apparently a famous folk tale in the firenation. He never thought it was real. Hearing that the secret tunnel actually existed and that they were real people ...that was pretty memorable for Zuko. I corrected him and said it was a _love story_ not a _tragedy._ But Zuko disagrees with me about this.

He said the story seemed like a basic revenge tragedy. Her boyfriend dies, so she goes nuts and kills a whole bunch of people and then everyone is too scared of her to fight anymore. I said that **it wasn't like that at all **and because I had been there in the cave, I should know. It was a romantic story about trusting in the power of love and love overcoming all odds.

Zuko** snorted** derisively in reaction to this statement, which is a most un-Zuko-like thing to do. He said that love hadn't really overcome all odds. Her boyfriend had died and she may have stopped a war but she didn't get him back. I countered that she got to name the city in memorial of their love and now the story of their love was well known and would live forever. And he said that was all well and good, but they didn't get to live together their lives. I got a bit irate because I felt like he was missing the point and belittling the cave and the crystals and the hope etc. I got a bit ranty about this actually.

He said that he wasn't making fun of the cave or anything; he just didn't find stories about a guy dying in war and his girlfriend going nuts with grief _especially romantic._ He started ranting back at me about his cousin Lu Ten. When his cousin Lu Ten had died, he had a girlfriend back home in the firenation who went... a little strange. She sort of lost the plot and brought shame upon her family etc. I asked how she did that. He smiled ruefully and said that she had started publicly denouncing the war and had been eventually charged with treason over it. (denouncing the war and speaking out against Ozai are both treasonous crimes in the firenation apparently.)

Oh.

I asked what had happened to her. Zuko looked really sad for a second and said that she'd been offered enforced military service instead of jail time, because she had been a talented firebender. She had died in a colonial dispute not long after.

Wow, I didn't know what to say to that.

Zuko seemed embarrassed that he had shared so much. He had blushed a bright scarlet colour. He rarely ever reveals stuff like this. He started doing that nervous babbling thing and talking about how it was stupid for him to think about that sort of thing now …..and how just because his cousin had died and his girlfriend had gone mad...it shouldn't affect my enjoyment of the Oma and Shu legened.

Zuko **always does this** when he thinks he's revealed too much. He tries to act like what he says doesn't matter. But really, I liked it when he tells me things, even if they are sad things. I didn't know what else to say, so I just thanked him for telling me. He smiled sadly and pulled out the final flower from my hair. It had gotten a bit stuck above my ear. His hand stayed near my cheek and he stroked it, very softly. It was just for a second. It was almost like he was unaware of what he was doing.

I let him.

It was nice.

Then Sokka burst into the room and proclaimed that he and Suki were starving and he hoped one of us had made lunch. Zuko retracted his hand a lightening speed and I glowered at Sokka – the big interrupter- but he remained happily oblivious as he rummaged through the cupboards. He found some birthday leftovers which he started munching on with gusto and began telling us all about his crazy dream, while he piled a plate high, allegedly for Suki. (Suki will not eat that much and most of it is for Sokka.)

I have given him a poke with the common sense stick (I carry it with me everywhere) and stalked off.

-?-

Zuko is still looking for Aang. I can hear him calling out his name repeatedly. Without the flowers, I have been able to brush my hair. Now it no longer looks like birds nest in it. I am snooping about my room now. There are so many cupboards and drawers and they are all locked. I have tried Toph's two little keys, but she hasn't shown me how to use them yet and I have had no luck.

-?-

Aang is back and in a little bit of a funny mood.

He asked me if I wanted to go into the town with him. I needed to pick up some more supplies and something for dinner tonight so I said yes. Sokka also wanted to go shopping and check out the book store – he has been going on (and on and on) at Zuko about all the volumes that his library lacks and has received several gold pieces to remedy this travesty. Sokka lost his atlas and several of his books regarding metal engineering in the Day of Black Sun. Sokka has great enthusiasm for his book shop mission. Suki and Zuko had a quick conversation about the book shop mission. Anyway the end result of this was Sokka and Suki wanted to come along to the shops with us, Suki was to _supervise _Sokka in the book store. They will most likely make out in the engineering aisle when they think no one is looking.

Still -the more the merrier I say.

Aang did not seem to agree with me and wasn't his usual cheerful self on the walk into town. I didn't understand what had brought on this grumpiness. We walked around the market together and after we'd gotten the supplies and dinner (Sokka wanted something really meaty –obviously) we walked Sokka and Suki to the book store and agreed to meet them back home. I took Aang off for an ice-cream, just the two of us. Aang and I always used to talk. I hoped that I could shake him out of his funny mood. I had some success because he cheered right up after we got the ice-cream. We wandered around town and just had a friendly chat.

Aang was feeling a little miffed because he feels like we rarely hang out, _j__ust the two of us_, anymore. I reminded him that it had hardly ever been _just the two of us_ because Sokka was always around and always _friggin interrupting_ and _making assumptions_ and doing all the other stuff he does. Aang smiled in agreement over Sokka's interrupting tendencies.

But then he started going about how we always used to waterbend together and now we rarely do that. Only a couple of night ago, I was thinking the same thing. But now I let of steam with Zuko every night, so I've been waterbending plenty. The thing is, Aang already is quite proficient with waterbending and his time is so limited. I know he needs more practice with earthbending and firebending and I feel like he should concentrate on those more.

But at the same time, he's just a 12 year old kid who wants to have fun. He finds water bending with me fun. So I have agreed that we will go waterbending this afternoon.

-?-

When we got back home, Toph and Zuko were messing about on the tsungi horn again. He was teaching her to play a melody that is called _brave solider boy _while they waited for Aang. They both had arranged to 'share Aang' this afternoon and teach him for three hours each. But after a speech from Aang about how he needed to improve waterbending as well, and how he found waterbending relaxing etc. they agreed to a three way share. Toph said, _fine go splash about until you feel better_. I have him for two hours.

We went down to the beach and practiced our octopus forms and then went iceboard surfing together. I love iceboard surfing and if Aang needs more fun, then I can't think of anything better than that liberating feeling I get when I catch a wave. I don't know if I invented this, but I've never seen anyone else do iceboard surfing. I'm the only waterbender I know in the firenation and I reckon you could only iceboard here. The water at the poles would be too cold and all the earth kindom beaches we visited were quite rocky. Here the beaches are just perfect for it. The sand is soft and the waves crest just perfectly for barreling and the water is warm when you fall in. I'm getting better at doing tricks and so is Aang but Aang does way more aerial stunts than me.

We had a competition about who could get the most air and Aang won (like I knew he would.) Now he is back to his chipper self. Aang would never admit it, but he is competitive and loves winning at this sort of thing. I just think he seemed like he really needed a win today.

-?-

We got back and it was Zuko's turn with Aang. I was pottering around the kitchen. I'd gotten stuff for a slow roasted stew and I was going to put it on so it would have all afternoon to cook. Anyway, there I was -just peeling veggies- and I have overheard the **most ridiculous** conversation between Aang and Zuko. I was just innocently eavesdropping this time. I was just minding my own business and they were just there, outside the window, talking.

Aang wanted to talk about feelings (as Aang is often wont to do) and Zuko was bemoaning the fact that Aang was taking up some of their _precious two hours_ with this 'feelings' talk. Aang said that Zuko had always emphasized how much emotions and having control of them can affect firebending and Zuko reluctantly conceded his point and asked Aang what he wanted to talk about - in a tone of resigned defeat.

Aang wanted to know about love. Zuko made a frustrated noise that I found rather comical. He said _what about it? _in that same resigned fashion. Aang, very solemnly, wanted to know what made the love you had when you were in a couple _special_ and how could he tell if he loved someone _in that way._ Zuko was a bit taken aback by Aang's sincerity and said that he probably wasn't the right person to ask. Aang said that he'd been in a relationship with Mai and surely he **loved** Mai if he'd been in a couple with her. Aang went on to mention Mai at length and how Zuko used to talk about her all the time and now he doesn't. Zuko silenced Aang's flow of words and asked him in a very perplexed tone -_what has brought all this -love stuff- on?_

Aang replied simply that just want to know what it is like to be in a couple. There was a short silence and a frustrated sigh from Zuko. Zuko asked if Aang wanted to talk about any other feelings. Aang did not. Zuko sighed again. Eventually he said that being in a couple was _nice,_ in a most unconvincing and uncertain fashion. Aang pointed this out. Zuko sighed again and said _nothing's perfect Aang. _

Aang asked if Zuko loved Mai. I dropped all pretense with the veggies and laid them quietly in the sink and I listened more closely. In fact my ear was pressed right against the wood paneling in order to hear him better.

Did he? I'd have never been able to ask so boldly.

Now, it wasn't just Aang who really wanted Zuko to answer the question. Zuko seemed acutely uncomfortable in this conversation. He actually said, look _I'm a bit uncomfortable with the conversation, do you have any other feelings, __**really **__any other feelings at all that you want to discuss. _Aang did not. Aang was quite insistent that Zuko answer the question and eventually Zuko snapped back that he didn't think he really did.

Love Mai that is.

Yay!

He said that the sort of love Aang was talking about, means loving the other person **exactly** as they are. He had always wanted Mai to change and be more emotional and talk to him more, but you can't change people. He finished his little rant by saying that Aang really wanted to know about being in a lovey-dovey couple he should go ask Sokka or Suki.

I couldn't see Aang but I could guess that he was making that sad face he does when ever he gets snapped at. This was confirmed by the fact that Zuko quickly started apologizing and saying that he was sorry for being snappy at Aang, but Aang was just asking some _really personal_ questions and he didn't feel like discussing it. Aang replied that the monks had never taught him anything about this sort of love (they'd been more about universal compassionate love for all beings, not about romantic love for one being in particular). He just wanted to understand better. He'd asked Zuko's Uncle about love back in Ba Sing Se and his Uncle had been helpful and he thought Zuko could help too. Zuko sighed loudly and dramatically. The mention of his Uncle's helpfulness and Ba Sing Se seemed to have shamed him into being more forthcoming. He said _Bollocks it all. Do you really want to know what I think about love and all that? _Aang did. Zuko spoke a bit emphatically - from his frustration with the whole conversation. I have written it down word for word.

_It's just that sort of love...it just makes you so vulnerable. You can get __**really hurt**__ loving someone like that...do you know what I'm saying to you._ (Here he paused for a few moments, possibly to look pointedly at Aang). _That person could mean everything to you, __**but they might not love you back**__…. or they might leave you, or they could die and... I've always been too scared of that Aang, so I'm not the best person to ask about this sort of thing. _

There were a few moments of silence and then Aang said that he hadn't thought Zuko was scared of anything. Zuko sniffed and sighed and said _now Aang knew_ and _could they please, for the love of all that is under Agni, get back to firebending practice. _

Aang agreed and fireballs were thrown ferociously for the next hour.

-?-

I am thinking a lot about their conversation.

-?-

I should stop thinking so much about their conversations

-?-

I came up to my room to have a nap and I have overheard another conversation. An unintentionally hilarious conversation. Aang, it appears, has taken Zuko's advice. After he finished practicing with Toph he went and found Sokka and said that he needed to talk to him. Sokka was deep in _the fine art of metalwork_ but he laid it aside and followed Aang outside. They ended up sitting right under my balcony and their words carried up. Aang asked Sokka about romantic love and how it was different from friendly love. Sokka said the main difference was _touching_ and…then he completely got the wrong end of the stick. It quickly became apparent that he thought Aang was asking about sex. He has now treated Aang to the **most awkward explanation** of the birds and the bees that I have ever heard.

Wow!

I have overheard the tale of _the penguin and the igloo_ and the fable of _the badgermole and the cave _and _the legend of the flower garden and the big hose needed to water it. _(or a small hose- Sokka didn't want to make judgments on hose size).I worry that, as a direct result of this conversation, Aang will now have an unhealthy obsession with flowers.

Ooh Sokka!

When Sokka has children, I vote that Suki explains the facts of life to them.

Then the conversation took a dramatic turn and Sokka started telling Aang about the things boys do when they are_ on their own_ and it's okay and it's normal and Uncle Sokka wouldn't judge him. If Aang has been going _penguin sledding_ a lot recently- that is perfectly normal for a kid his age. It's good for a penguin to be -sled-every once in a while. But girls often get grossed out by penguin sledding-so Aang should only sled in private. Aang was exceptionally baffled by this and said that I had gone penguin sledding with him the first time we met and I hadn't been grossed out. I had actually really enjoyed it.

Sokka said **you did what with my baby sister?** with the most comical and perplexed look on his face. Aang explained that he thought was in a conversation _about actually penguin sledding_ with… ya know actual penguins, not the penguins that Sokka was referring to. He didn't seem to know the other meaning that Sokka was getting at when he was talking about by _penguin sledding._ There was much confusion! And embarrassment! Sokka excused himself politely and said he was just going to talk to Zuko.

-?-

So I'm having a day of eavesdropping. Whatever. It is hilarious. Sokka found Zuko playing the tsungi horn with Toph. He told Toph that he just needed to speak to Zuko for a sec and dragged him over by the stairs. They were standing right under my door again. How can I **not **eavesdrop! Zuko and Sokka's conversation went like this:

Sokka: You need to explain penguin sledding to Aang.

Zuko: What's penguin sledding

Sokka: You know (I imagine he gestured here because Zuko instantly clicked about what Sokka meant by penguin sledding)

Zuko: Oh hell no! You tell him!

Sokka: I **tried,** but I don't think he knew what I was getting at.

Zuko: Um no, I have already had one mortifying conversation with Aang today. There is **only so much humiliation** I can take in a day.

Sokka: And here I was thinking you would have **gotten used** to humiliation by now.

They then proceeded to have a noogie off. The loser would have to attempt to have 'the talk' with Aang. It was a noogie-off for dignity, something they are both fond of. Suki came across them, locked in their joint noogie giving struggle. She asked them what they were doing and had the situation explained to her. She muttered _boys_ under her breath and has gone looking for Aang.

-?-

Aang appears somewhat scarred from his conversation with Sokka and hadn't moved from the tree under my window. Suki came over and asked if he wanted to talk about something. Aang shrugged and said that he'd asked Sokka about love and then Sokka had gone on (and on and on) about penguins and now Aang was confused. What did penguins have to do with love?

Suki asked, just for clarification, if Aang had been asking Sokka about_ love_ or _making love._ Aang said he'd just asked what the difference between friendly love and romantic love was. He wasn't quite sure about what Suki meant by making love. Suki sighed and looked away, and when she looked back it was with a look of pure determination. She was going to do this!

'Well Aang when a man and a woman really love each other and they want to celebrate that love and maybe…. when they are much older and ready … they might want to make a baby and…."

Aang cut her off and asked if she was talking about sex and Suki gaped at him in surprise. Aang said quite emphatically that he knew what sex was! Why didn't everybody just call it sex if they were talking about sex. Suki was looking at Aang in open relief. She said '_well- that's good then'_ in a business-like tone and got up to go. Aang piped up that he didn't see what sex had to do with love and he'd been asking about love. Suki sighed and sat back down. There was no such easy escape from an awkward conversation with Aang.

Suki said that sex was something that couples did together and friends did not. It was something that occurred when a couple wanted to affirm their love. Aang said that air-nomads didn't do sex like that.

Huh?

Is there more than one way?

Suki seemed to be in a similar state of bafflement. She gaped at Aang and asked _how else could you do it_ in a hushed whisper. Aang explained about all the male monks going to the eastern air temple and meeting up with the lady monks and then there would be a festival and they would **do sex** (he said _do sex_ with a slight shudder)and then nine months later new babies would turn up at the southern air temple. That was doing sex meant to Aang. Aang didn't want to know about sex, he wanted to know about love.

Suki (bless her cotton socks for sticking this conversation out like a trooper) explained that for other cultures, sex normally only happened just between two people who loved each other romantically. That was why the two (sex and love) were all bound up together and sometimes confused with each other. Aang asked if that's all there was to romantic love –just sex and Suki hastily backtracked and said there were many things involved. Aang asked what exactly and Suki sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose and thought for a sec.

She said she thought love would vary from couple to couple and person to person. Aang asked what is was like **for her** and there was a few moments silence. Suki played with the hem of her skirt and then said that love was a tricky thing to define. She felt that it was such a mix of feelings. For Suki- love was not solace or joy or comfort but a combination of all of those feelings. She patted Aang on the arm and got up to go. She said that she didn't know the feeling was love until she felt it for herself. Aang would know _real love_ when he felt it.

-?-

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* * *

Frightening long authors note:

Lovely fabulous readers! You have reached the end of _love and other tragedies._ Congratulations! I hope you enjoyed it! Once again enormous thank you to my brilliant, beautiful wonderful reviewers! You guys are just the best! In this chapter I wanted to have a bit of a closer look at how certain members of the gang feel about love and sex and the awkwardness that abounds in these conversations.

So at the start of this chapter Katara is having a _hair disaster_ very similar to the _hair disaster_ I had yesterday. long story short- I went to a pirate party (and imbibed a bit too much rum- alas). For my costume I had plaited feathers in my hair and it had looked awesome – but ye be warned dear reader, if you don't take it out and just fall into bed – disaster awaits! Anyway I had already written Katara getting flowers plaited in her hair and I figured that she might also face a similar problem the next day. And it gave me an opportunity to have a nice, tender, hair-assisting moment between Katara and Zuko. Zuko is finishing off doing the dishes because I think the sight of a guy doing the dishes is just _oh la la!_ Also the dishes are his and Katara's thing and he doesn't want her to have to clean up after her own party.

I think there would be a real growing attraction between the two of them that they would be a bit nervous to act on. But it is there and getting stronger. Katara doesn't notice it, but she is unconsciously seeking Zuko out all the time and she does love just chatting with him and she loves exchanging ideas with him. Notice that Zuko points out the fact that he and Mai had poor communication skills as a big problem in their relationship, but he and Katara communicate quiet well.

I think one of several problems for me with Maiko is that they both are clearly hoping the other person will change for them. Zuko wants Mai to talk and express herself and show emotions etc. Whereas Mai who is much more reticent and composed, looks on in askance at all of Zuko's various Zuko tantrums. She doesn't actually say 'get a hold of yourself man!' but I can tell she's thinking it.

Oma and Shu – Am I going out on a limb here? Is this an unpopular opinion? I know their story is meant to be epic and super romantic etc, but I just find it super sad. All those tragic love stories when the guy dies in war and the girl will remember him and love him forever, (sometime she is barefoot and preganant but then she will have his baby and remember him and love him forever). Bah. And fie upon that trope! A life of mourning! Boo! They are depressing. I just think those stories are not really about love and living together (because invariably one party is dead).They are more about the **idea of love** than the reality of it.

So I have Zuko say that he doesn't find the story of Oma and Shu romantic at all. I hope his reasons aren't too out of left field. The way I see it, Lu Ten would have been almost a mini Iroh, he would have been a smoothie, a bit of a flirt etc. I think he would have been old enough to have a girlfriend in the firenation. I think if I were Lu Ten's girlfriend and I lost a mini-version of Iroh, I'd go a little nuts and be a little anti-war myself. I think Iroh would have been a bit beside himself with grief/out of the country and returning home, when all the shenanigans with Lu Ten's lady friend happen, so he couldn't protect her from her traitorous fate. Lu Ten and his lady friend loved each other and then he died and she went nuts. For Zuko he would have learned that even when love works out and the relationship is great and the other person loves you back, it can still end in tragedy. When Zuko is talking about how vulnerable love makes you – he mentions how the other person can die on you. I think he's been thinking about Lu Ten for a while after his conversation with Katara and that has further reinforced for him that loving someone totally is an enormous and giant risk.

Zuko is exceptionally uncomfortable in his conversation with Aang. I don't mean for Aang to come off as rude. He is just extremely inquisitive and persistent. I notice in the series that Aang just has this wonderful confidence. He will just **ask stuff** without worrying about feeling awkward. Zuko has probably had a few awkward conversations with Aang by this point and he realizes that it is better just to answer the kid's questions because Aang's not the sort to let things go. If he wants to know something he will just keep asking and asking and asking.

I think Zuko would feel reluctant talking about this sort of thing with Aang. He's much more guarded in his feelings whereas Aang is just so open about everything. Also I think he would probably feel better talking about these sort of soppy things with Katara – she's his go-to girl for soppy conversations and I think he finds himself sharing things with her more easily that he does with the rest of the gang. I also think Zuko also has an inkling about who they are talking about and regardless of whatever has popped up between Katara and himself, it's pretty obvious to him that Katara isn't returning Aang's crush, so he does his best to gently dissuade Aang by saying the _other person might not love you back._

Aang, I think is curious and inquisitive about romantic love. It is completely outside his scope of experience and I imagine this is something that the monks did not have any handy go-to teachings on. Air nomads strike me as more Buddhist in their philosophy than anything else. As far as I know, Buddhism emphasizes love for all things – a sort of detached but universal love- but they do not encourage the intense personal attachment that occurs with romantic love.

On her birthday, Zuko is not the only one who noticed how sexyfine she is (yes that is a reference to the abridged series ;) Aang saw her hotness as well and his crush has intensified. That was what his mysterious disappearing mope was about in the morning. He is crushing on her hardcore. He is also under the impression that the reason why the crystals in the cave of two lovers mean so much to Katara is because that is where they almost kissed. So he thinks he's got a shot! But he is a bit sad that they never do anything _just the two_ of them. He mopes his way into an icecream/surfing/waterbending. Katara thinks she is just being a good friend, but he thinks it's almost a date. So Aang, with his deepening crush on Katara is a bit confused about where things go from here. He's not certain if he just feels intense friendship or if it is real romantic love. So he seeks out advice/validation of his feelings from others.

First he asks Zuko because he and Zuko used to talk about Mai a little bit (back during the great sea prune debacle) and Zuko is one of only three people he knows who has had a relationship. Also Aang has noticed a few moments between Katara and Zuko and wants to subtly remind Zuko of Mai. It is Aang's way of saying _you know that girl who is __**not Katara**__,-remember her-yeah, good – so stop mooning over my girl! _

His conversation with Sokka is a bit more disastrous. I think Sokka is still in that happy first flush of a relationship and he does have a bit of sex on the brain and when Aang asks what the primary difference between friendly love and romantic love, he immediately jumps to the conclusion that Aang is asking about sex and to be fair he does valiantly attempt to have 'the talk' with Aang, but only succeeds in confusing Aang a great deal. Sokka and Zuko are perfect happy to let Suki take the awkward conversation ball. Explaining the facts of life to Aang is something that neither of them wants to do. Ever. Also Sokka's comments about sex being like are garden are inspired by the brilliant movie 'now and then.'

Suki just strikes me as the practical, down to earth sort. I think that if anyone had to explain that sort of thing to Aang, Suki, with her calm competence and experience would be a good choice. She has been leader of a teenage band of girl fighters and I reckon she's the veteran of a few supremely awkward conversations. Anyway I love Suki, and I wanted to incorporate her more into the story.

Also their conversation allowed me to highlight what I think would be Aang's attitude to sex. He doesn't see how sex and love go together. Part of the problem for me with Kataang is just that Katara seems miles ahead of him in the sexual maturity department. Aang is just so young, bless his cotton socks. So sex is a bit icky for him. He probably just innocently crushes on Katara. He fantasizes about holding her hand and chastely kissing her.

But also I think in airnomad culture, sex and love and romance did not go together at all. They were a gender segregated society and Aang was brought up by all male monks. I think sex for them would have been a means to an end- a way of procreating the air nomad race rather than a way of couples to express love. The fantastic Kimberly T *waves at Kim* explains this so much better in her 'promises to keep' fic that all of you should go read! It's brilliant! Anyway in 'promises to keep' the airnomads have a festival where they all meet up and get their nasty on (power to ya airnomads) and then nine months later the next batch of babies are born and then these babies are divided up between the temples. So air nomads don't have a father and a mother per se, instead the entire airnomad race is one big family and the monks raise the babies together as a whole group. Sort of like it takes a village to raise a child philosophy.

But anyway the point of the matter is that the monks would have explained sex to Aang in these terms – it is a way of procreating the race, rather than giving him _the when a man and a woman love each other very much_ speech. So Aang thinks a little differently about sex etc. he doesn't quite associate sex and sexual attraction with romantic love. He is completely lost when Sokka is talking about penguins (penguin sledding is Sokka's extremely euphemistic way of saying 'playing with ya willy'). It is only when Suki mentions babies that he realizes that they are talking about sex.

Next chapter: There will be more misunderstandings about what a man and woman who love each other are getting up to. Zuko will worry. Suki and Katara will have a perplexing conversation. Sokka will owe Suki five silver pieces.

Til then lovely readers…


	11. Misunderstandings involving penguins

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Various misunderstandings involving penguins

0o0o0o0o0o0o0oo0o0

After dinner, Zuko and I went down to the beach to let of steam again. We always make time to do this, no matter how weird/wacky/tiring the day has been. Normally we call it a draw after a while but tonight we ended up in a eerr ….compromising position. We were rolling about on the sand and somehow, I don't even know how, Zuko ended up on top, straddling me. How did he do that?

He is so wily.

Anyway he was on top of me and we were just looking at each other and our faces were really close and instead of thinking _get off me now _my brain was just whirring and going _this is the hottest thing ever!_ And my stomach was doing this weird smushing thing. It's a weird feeling. I don't know how to describe it.

Anyway we stayed like that for a moment and I have a horrible suspicion that I had **the dopiest smile** on my face. Zuko smiled back at me and then seemed to realise the..eerr compromising nature of our position. His eyes widened and he blushed scarlet and got off me really quickly. He reached out a hand to help me up and we brushed the sand off each other and walked back to the house.

-?-

Zuko made us some tea and we drank it together on the verandah. Zuko asked me how Aang had seemed to me today. Hmmm... Aang seemed, I wasn't really really sure. He's definitely in a funny mood. Zuko asked if Aang had asked me heaps of _really personal question_s during training. In all honesty, he had not. Zuko said he hadn't asked Toph any either. I said that I guessed it was _just him_ who had the joys of answering Aang's personal questions about love. And he said _lucky me_ quite sarcastically and then looked startled and said _wait, did you hear what he was asking me? w_ith some alarm. I tried to act nonchalant and said I hadn't really been listening (just a little white lie) and that I had just assumed that's what Aang would be asking about-because he'd asked Sokka and Suki about love all afternoon. And that Sokka had answered him by talking at length about penguins.

Zuko smiled and said from what he overheard of Sokka and Aang's conversation, Sokka has an unhealthy obsession with penguins.

He asked me how waterbending training had gone and I told him about the iceboard surfing. He said that he and Toph had been talking. They both thought that Aang was getting too tense and frustrated with their respective bendings. They agreed that it might do him some good to practice another bending that he was really good at. Being good at something was always a confidence boost. Zuko is of the opinion that airbending and waterbending both came quite easily to Aang. He thought a large part of the reason why Aang got really frustrated with earth and fire was because they did not come naturally to him at all.

They had created a schedule with Sokka, (Sokka loves schedules) and he thought it would be better if there was more waterbending on it. He was wondering if I would be willing to waterbend with Aang three times a week (Well initially he thought only twice a week would be sufficient but we have had a bit of negotiations regarding this. Twice a week is not enough for any improvement! But more than three times will eat into precious firebending time.) I have agreed. We got out the schedule and made a few changes to it and Zuko left a little note to Sokka that apologised for messing with the schedule.

Sokka hates it when people do that.

-?-

Sokka has had a weird dream. Which he told us (Me and Zuko) about this morning over breakfast.

At length.

He dreamed that Suki turned into a penguin while they were making out and Suki was just this penguin with red hair. Zuko looked a little aghast at this conversation and just said _a penguin? You big pervert!_ Sokka got a bit defensive and said it's not like he _enjoyed_ the Suki/penguin dream. Because I felt like teasing him I said there was _a lot of truth in dreams. _Then it was Sokka's turn to look aghast. He asked if I was implying that he fantasised about penguins and I grinned and said _yes, deep deep down. _He said the penguin-ness was not the point of the dream, because he was a penguin too. But that the Suki/penguin had given him a bag of fireflakes to look after. Sokka, in penguin form, had sat on it and then the Suki/penguin had swanned off with me (I am also a penguin in Sokka's dream) and he'd been left alone sitting on this bag of fireflakes.

Zuko said that he _worried about Sokka_ in a very condescending tone and I chipped in that penguin fantasies are not exactly normal and I'd certainly never dreamed about snogging penguins. Sokka replied that I had been the one who dreamed about grand master Pakku dressed up like a Ba Sing Se show girl and doing a naughty dance for the whole northern water tribe.

Okay that was me.

But I had too much ice cream just before bed. That's the only reason why I would dream something so ridiculous. It was a dairy overdose. I now regret telling Sokka about the dream and I ranted about how it was only caused by ice cream and at least I hadn't snogged bird life in it ….and that the dress had quite suited Pakku so it wasn't too weird. Zuko was looking at me with that frowny face he does when he is trying _really hard_ not to smile.

I have poked them both with the common sense stick.

-?-

Suki has started reading _Love Amongst the Dragons _and has gotten quite engrossed in it. I cannot engage her in conversation until she reaches the end of the next chapter.

-?-

Sokka has found Zuko's amendments to the schedule. He is displeased. He has drawn up a new schedule so it will look 'neater' and gently scolded Zuko for making a mess of the first schedule. Zuko was feeling a bit cheeky and made a remark about penguins and sitting on fireflakes. This caused Sokka to chase him around with the common sense stick (which he snatched off me). I proceeded to chase Sokka to get my common sense stick back. And there were shenanigans.

Suki called up that if she had to put down _Love Amongst the Dragons_ and get off the couch to sort us out -she was going to be pissed off.

Toph and Aang returned from training and were perplexed by the shenanigans going on. I cheekily recounted Sokka's dream (much to his embarrassment). Toph laughed her arse off but Aang thought about it seriously for a second. At first I thought he was humouring Sokka, but then he said that the daddy penguin normally sits on the eggs and if penguin/Suki had given him a packet of fireflakes to sit on- maybe Sokka's dream was telling him that Suki had the magical ability to make fireflakes, or that he had to take better care of our supply or fireflakes, or maybe he should eat more fireflakes.

Suki sighed, put aside _Love Amongst the Dragons _and announced that she was not a magical fireflake producing penguin – there is a sentence I bet Suki thought she'd_ never_ have to say.

-?-

So me and Zuko were in the kitchen making tea. We have had an awkward conversation. About penguins.

What is it with penguins today?

I blame Sokka.

Well it started off about penguins and Sokka's penguin dream. Zuko was worried that the penguin dream would come true. I gaped at him in a most incredulous fashion and explained that there was no way **in the entire universe** that Suki was going to turn into a red headed penguin. That wasn't was Zuko meant. Zuko meant...here he just gestured hopelessly and looked supremely embarrassed. If I knew what he was getting at I would have been able to help him out, but I was at a loss. He fluffed off for a second and made a **compose yourself** gesture at the door and came back for a second try at this ridiculous conversation. I was sure that whatever he was about to say would be really ridiculous to warrant this much awkwardness.

He came back and fussed about unnecessarily with the tea for a second. He started going on about how we all knew that Suki and Sokka were being _intimate_ but the penguin dream had made Zuko worry that they weren't being _careful_ at the same time that they were being _intimate. _

This worries Zuko because he is a big worrywart.

At first I thought he was worried about accidentally walking in on them. I thought he was going on about the locking the door sort of careful not the _other careful._ I told him not to worry, they have been discreet about it so far. This prompted a worried rant from Zuko about how you can't be discreet about a baby. If Suki got pregnant, pregnancy usually led to an infant and what would we all do with an infant. He asked if I was I ready to be Auntie Katara?

I felt a thrill of cold horror go down my back.

No. No I am not ready to be an auntie just yet. I hadn't ever worried about that **before **Zuko mentioned it and now I **can't stop** worrying about it. Zuko thought that I should have a quiet word with Suki, because I was a healer and a girl and I knew about babies and lady bits etc.

I countered that he should have a quiet word with Sokka too and he looked **horrified**. Apparently boys don't talk about this sort of thing together. Why not? I pointed out the blatant double standard present. Zuko said that if a boy needed to talk about something touchy feely he would go find a girl because girls were just better at that sort of thing. I pointed out that he had touchy feely conversations with Aang and his uncle and they were both boys. He said that was different and that he normally **looked for me** if he wanted to talk about something touchy-feely.

Aww, I'm like really flattered...in a really strange way. Anyway he got a bit embarrassed after this statement, so I could get no further touchy feely comments from him. I have agreed to have a quiet word to Suki about the different ways of being _careful _etc. This has reassured him somewhat.

In truth, now I am worried about it as well. I think a quiet conversation between me and Suki is the best way of putting everyone's mind at ease. Afterall, I have miles more tact that both Sokka and Zuko put together. If the two of them tried to have this conversation...

Okay, now my brain just got this mental image of Sokka going on (and on and on) about penguins and Zuko whacking him with the common sense stick.

Yeah, it's best for everyone concerned if I just talk to Suki.

-?-

I had to wait for Suki to get to the next chapter in _Love Amongst the Dragons_ which gave me a bit of time to figure out what I wanted to say. She sighed happily and folded her page down and we were ready to go. We walked into town together because I didn't want anyone overhearing our conversation. Suki was giving me a slightly bemused expression but agreed to have tea with me in a nice little tea house overlooking the harbour.

We had a nice view of the boats. After we had ordered and our tea and dumplings had arrived, I knew I could no longer avoid this conversation. I chickened out at the last minute and started talking about **my friend, **who had just started _being intimate _with **this guy.** I said this with an exceptionally pointed look at Suki so she would know that she was the friend I was referring too. She did. She gushed a little about how great it was for **my friend** that she had found a guy that she clicked with and how she thought **my friend **and **this guy** were both really compatible.

I agreed that they were. Sokka and Suki do go quite well together really and I wanted to reassure her that I did support their relationship and I wasn't judging them for being intimate with each other or anything. I talked a little bit about how **my friend ** was the sensible one in the relationship and Suki whole heartedly agreed with me. I told Suki that her sensibleness was why I had sought her out because I wanted to ask her something private. Suki told me to ask away. I started going on about how being intimate was a _really big deal_. And Suki interrupted me to ask when the _intimacy_ had started -which struck me as a little odd. I mean surely she had been there at the time!

I wasn't quite sure about the date or anything. It's not like I've been keeping track of them. So I just said it had started ages ago. Suki seemed really surprised by this and I was surprised by her surprise. She kept pestering me about the date. Was it before we came to Ember Island? Yeah, I knew they started ages before we got here and said as much. Suki then said something most strange. She said _Damnit! I owe Sokka five silver pieces_. I was confused. I mean I've never had a boyfriend before unless you count Jet or Haru, which I don't. But surely you don't exchange funds after a certain amount of time. Maybe this was a Kyoshi Island tradition.

There was a slight pause in conversation before Suki asked me what I wanted to talk about. I replied that I wanted to talk about the various ways of _being careful _when you are _being intimate_ with a guy. Suki appeared a little alarmed by this and asked suddenly if **my friend **and **this guy ** had _been intimate_ without using contraception. I didn't know-that's why I'd brought her down here in the first place. All I managed to say was that _I'm not sure _ and then Suki came over and gave me a hug and said I should have come to her sooner.

I mean all hugs are good, but this was a weird hug. Something was _askew_ in this conversation and I couldn't quite put my finger on it.

Suki was acting quite strangely. She gave my hand a little squeeze and said she was a little surprised and dissapointed but that _we would figure it out. _Then Suki started going on at length about the various forms of contraception. She even got some ink, a brush and some paper from the front desk and started drawing diagrams. She got quite into her explanations of the various forms of contraception and how it was important to finds one that was right for **my friend.**

I kept trying to interrupt her politely and eventually I had to click in front of her face to distract her from her rant about sponges vs these tablets they have on Kyoshi Island that you take once a day. When I had gotten her attention I explained that while I appreciated her (long) lecture about contraception, it wasn't necessary. I already knew all about contraception. I was a healer after all. Aside for all the various herb compounds and sponges and tablets, there are a few handy waterbending tricks that Yugoda taught me _just in case. _ Suki was quite confused and asked me why I was asking _her _about it then. I told her that I was just hoping to impress upon ** my friend ** the importance of using contraception. We are in the middle of a war after all and if she got pregnant it would be a big problem.

There was a really long pause.

Suki gaped at me in shock for a few seconds and then cleared her throat. She asked, in a very dignified voice, if she was ** the friend ** we had been talking about. I told her that of course she was. Who else did she think we were talking about? She shrugged delicately and just said that she had assumed that Zuko and I had finally got it together and I had wanted to tell someone.

What?

I may have said something rather rude in my shock and surprise. Me and Zuko? Where did she get that idea from. She said that the two of us are always talking and whispering and cuddling and messing about with each other and she just figured it was only a matter of time.

I went on a little bit of a rant about how me and Zuko were just friends and I hadn't bought her down here to talk about my friendship with Zuko. I had brought her down here to make sure she didn't end up _up the duff _and I didn't have to become Aunty Katara at 15. Suki laughed at our weird and crazy misunderstanding and reassured me that all my worry was for nothing.

There was a brief lull in conversation. I was feeling supremely awkward. This awkwardness was not helped by the fact that Suki really wanted to talk about me and Zuko and ascertain the status of our friendship. She asked if we had ever...and then she made a _rather rude _gesture. I said _no_ with a bit of indignation. And she smiled and said she knew we wouldn't have yet. And then grinned and said that Sokka owed her five silver pieces

Okay, what was with the five silver pieces!

Suki told me that she and Sokka had a small innocent bet (for funsies). Sokka is convinced that me and Zuko got our nasty on back at the rendezvous island. I asked (a bit grumpily) why Sokka didn't just ask Zuko instead of making childish bets. Suki gave a small laugh and said that boys didn't talk about this sort of thing easily. Then she said _Can you imagine; Sokka would probably just mention penguins a great deal and whack Zuko with the common sense stick a bit. _

I had to concede her point.

After a brief pause, Suki coughed delicately and said j_ust for clarification, both of us at this table know about the importance of - and different methods of -contraception._ I agreed that she was correct in this summation. she said _Well that's good_ then in the same tone that she used dealing with Aang yesterday.

-?-

We we were walking back, I asked Suki what she had meant by _yet._ Back in the tea shop she said that she knew me and Zuko would not have been intimate yet? Did that _yet _mean that she thought we were going to do it eventually. Or did she just mean that we hadn't done it and probably would not in the future. Suki shrugged and said she just meant that she thought we would get around to it eventually, when we were both ready.

I protested at this. I had another small rant. We are **just friends.** Can't a girl be friends with a guy and cuddle him and let off steam with him and want to talk to him. It doesn't have to mean anything more than friendship. And there is a war on. I don't have time to think about boys _in that way_ in the middle of a war. Can't me and Zuko just be friends without bloody assumers making big assumptions and bets at our expense.

Besides Zuko drives me crazy most of the time.

Suki smiled knowingly and said that when two people drove each other crazy the way that me and Zuko drove each other crazy, _it meant something. _

I told her that it only meant that Zuko needed to be poked with the common sense stick more often.

Suki smiled and said _if you say so honey _in a rather condescending tone.

-?-

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

* * *

Lovely wonderful readers! You have reached the end of 'various misunderstandings involving penguins'. Congratulations and I hope you enjoyed reading it! Big thank you to all my brilliant splendid reviewers! You guys are brilliant! I know I've up-ed the awkwardness in these last two chapters, but I think anything involving sex is bound to be a little awkward at that age! I felt there were a few more misunderstandings and awkward conversations regarding sex to be had!

But naturally YMMV on everything!

In this chapter: Zuko suggests that Katara and Aang spend more time bending together. Don't be cross! There are reasons! Aang is a principle member of the group and I still want him and Katara to interact and have conversations etc. even though this is a Zutara fic, I still adore Aang and want him to have a role. I also do think that Zuko primarily wants what is best for Aang regardless of if it conflicts with his own desires/needs etc.

Zuko knows what it is like to fail and feel like you are not good at anything and what a good confidence boost it can be to realise that despite struggling with somethings, there are other things you are good at. Zuko struggled with his own firebending as a kid and I think he would have take solace in things like dao swords and ninja skills because those were things he was really good at. Aang is really good and water and airbending. I think he sees Aang struggling with firebending and he wants to make it a bit easier for the kid.

Sokka's penguin dream and Katara's showgirl Pakku dream are just ridiculous bits of fluff. Sokka over shares with his dream because it was quite vivid and really weird. The dad penguins do sit on the eggs and babysit – but Sokka wouldn't have gotten **that** from being told to sit on the packet of fireflakes – at the kitchen table he is just wondering if the other guys think he is a big weirdo for dreaming about penguins. Yes Sokka, they do. But I still love ya! It's only when Aang mentions daddy penguins that Zuko's worrying tendencies go into overdrive. I think Zuko is a bit of a worrier at heart.

Zuko knows that he's not too good at touchy feely conversations. Katara is his go-to girl for touchy feelyness and when he starts to worry about a possible penguin baby- she's the first person he tells. He hopes she can fix it. Katara didn't worry about a possible pregnancy for Suki and Sokka until Zuko mentioned it. But she is a worrywart as well and after he brought it up, she would have been consumed with worry.

Suki is reading Love Amongst the Dragons because all the Gang will have a go at reading Love Amongst the Dragons.

So ages ago, I wrote that I had gotten an idea regarding Suki being pregnant and I think I worried a few of my lovely readers. Don't worry, this idea was as silly as the rest of my ideas. This fic isn't going to go an turn into _one of those fics _on ya! My idea was just that Suki and Katara would have an awkward sandwich of a conversation regarding contraception.

So Suki and Katara have a big giant misunderstanding of conversation. Suki is sure that Katara has brought her out to the tea shop to spill her guts about getting her nasty on with Zuko and is using the term **'My friend' **because she feels a little shy. Katara thinks that Suki knows that she is the **friend** and that Suki is just playing along with the code name. They both get the wrong end of the stick when they are talking about **their friend ** It's only when Suki thinks that Katara and Zuko are doing it without protection that she gets **really ** worried and the **my friend** ruse falls apart.

***** a short rant about contraception follows*************

I know everyone's MMV wildly on this, but in my imagination, there is contraception in the Avatar world. I just think that it is important thing to acknowlegde. _Being intimate_ with someone is a Really Big Deal with contraception and it is an Impossibly Big Deal without it. I'm very much of the mindset that whatever happens between two consenting adults is their business, but that safety is of the utmost importance. I think sex is a crucial part of romantic love and shouldn't been seen as something shameful. It is a huge expression of trust and affection. However, unless the people involved are well ready to have a kid then contraception should absolutely be used.

So in my imagination Katara and Suki both sensible girls. They both know about contraception and they are both the sort of girls who would be 'safety first' when it came to sex and wouldn't just throw themselves around. When Suki first thinks that Katara would engage in sexual activity without contraception she is surprised and disappointed (and a little appalled). She proceeds to give her a long lecture about contraception. In my imagination they even have options for contraception in the avatar world! because I want to look after the lovely ladies and give them options. (That Kyoshi Island Tablet that you take one a day – is the pill. Because I say so and for no other reason.)

**********end rant***********

Suki is also a bit of a shipper on deck – possibly a consequence of hanging out with Sokka too much. I've given Suki a bigger role in the last two chapters, but there hasn't been much of the fabulous Toph. I love Toph and I seek to remedy this instantly. The next chapter will deal with what happens when Hawky returns with a response from Toph's parents.

That thread was just left hanging in the show!

Til then lovely readers...


	12. Letters from Home

0o0o0o0o0o0

letters from home

0o0o0o0o0o0

Toph and I were in my room. She was showing me how to use the keys she gave me. We were practice on the dresser drawers and had gotten most of them opened. You have to be patient when picking a lock and wait until you feel the click. Toph said I had picked it up really quickly.

Go me.

Sokka burst in, super excited because Hawky had returned! Sokka didn't even know how Hawky had found us but he was quite pleased to have his hawky back. Hawky was perched on his shoulders and he kept stroking the bird and cooing at it and saying all sorts of nonsense like _who's such a clever boy then. _It was all a bit sweet.

Anyway Hawky had brought a response from Toph's parents and Sokka handed it to her. It was on shiny, expensive paper and it had the Bei Fong wax seal emblazoned on it. Toph ran her fingers over it and then put the whole message in her pocket. Sokka was looking at her expectantly and said _'don't you want to know what it says?' _to which she shrugged and said maybe later. We both offered to read it to her, but she declined and said she'd get one of us to read it to her in her own time.

She didn't want to talk about it and was quite emphatic about this. The three of us got back to unlocking the drawers.

Sokka also wanted to be shown how to do it.

He was a most enthusiastic student.

We both caught each other's eyes whenever Toph touched the message in her pocket lightly. I wanted to say something, but she was in such a funny mood about it. Miraculously both me and Sokka managed to hold our tongues and not harp on about it or nag her about it.

But I was very sorely tempted.

-?-

After a while I got up to start preparing lunch. There were a few locked cabinets in the library that Sokka and Toph went to tackle. Suki was sprawled on the couch completely engrossed in _Love Amongst the Dragons_ and Aang and Zuko were in the courtyard practising fire kicks. It was a most peaceful little domestic scene... until Hawky flew down in search of Sokka and saw Momo.

Hawky and Momo are archenemies.

A loud and boisterous battle immediately interrupted in the courtyard and there was much ado. Aang was trying to pull Momo out of the fray and got terribly clawed by Hawky for his trouble. Zuko shouted a command sternly at the bird. Whatever he said would make hawky go still for a few seconds. However, invariable Hawky would see Momo out of the corner of his eye and their battle would being anew.

Appa let out a loud roar and both animals relented.

Aang picked up Momo and cuddled him. Zuko picked up Hawky, holding the bird gently, but in such a manner that prevented Hawky from flying away. He took him over to Sokka, who had emerged from the library with Toph, to check out the commotion. Sokka made a great fuss over Hawky.

I healed Aang and then set lunch on the table. Aang and Sokka tried to get Hawky and Momo to _be friends. _This involved holding on to both animals and putting their faces near each other while both animals struggled to get away and fight anew.

-?-

I have been quiet stern about a new rule I made up just now.

Today there will be no animals at the table. Both Hawky and Momo have been separated and banished to different corners of the room. Hawky is making a plaintive noise squawk in Sokka's direction, but is otherwise obeying.

Sokka cannot believe that Hawky found us again (I am beginning to wish he had not.) Zuko explained that all messenger hawks have a bond with whoever they consider their master (sadly for Hawky- this is Sokka). The birds apparently feel a bit lonely at the communal Hawkeries and communal birds are less reliable than birds with owners. They are loyal and intelligent birds with a unique tracking ability. Hawky will always find his way back to Sokka eventually. Sokka is overjoyed to hear this and has been, well, rather cute with Hawky since. Sokka called Hawky over from his banished corner – breaking my no animals at the table rule and incurring my wrath and several whacks with the common sense stick- He has used what I call his 'Hawky voice' and said variations on '_Who's a loyal Hawky then' _while Hawky nuzzled him affectionately.

Sokka thought for a second and piped up that Hawky was a bit like boomerang because he always came back and Zuko gave him a funny look and said _that not everything was like boomerang._

Sokka turned to Hawky and asked the bird if it would like to be renamed boomerang. Hawky shook his head and screeched indignantly in response.

Zuko is right.

Messenger hawks are intelligent birds.

-?-

After lunch, Toph came and pulled me aside and asked if I could read her the letter in private. I agreed readily. Her first letter had explained that she was safe and fine and that we were talking good care of her, but that she intended to stay with us and teach Aang earthbending. She made sure that I added a few tales of our adventures which highlighted Toph's competence with earthbending.

She had sounded quite un-Toph-like when she was dictating the letter to me and she used quite formal language. I had commented on this at the time, and she had explained that she and her parents always spoke to each other that way. She wanted to make it as easy as possible for them to understand why she was doing everything. Toph said she'd been a bit reluctant to read the letter this morning. Getting a response had just come as a surprise to her and had thrown her. She was worried that they wouldn't understand. But now she felt ready.

I opened the letter and skimmed it. I think I might have inhaled sharply in surprise. Toph rarely talked about her parents, but if she did say anything about them, she would usually commented that they hadn't understood her. I struggled a bit with this. What is so hard to understand about Toph? Toph is one of the most straight forward and direct people I know. She is normally is pretty upfront about what she is thinking and feeling. I had a hard time imagining how her parents didn't understand her, but just skim reading the letter made it clear.

Wow, her mother didn't understand her at all. This was bad.

Toph wasn't going to like this at all. I half contemplated just reading out something kind and reassuring, because this letter was **really** going to upset her. Toph could tell I had this inclination straight away and she said firmly Y_ou don't need to lie to me Katara. Just tell me what it says._ I took a deep breath and started reading and I did my best to keep my voice even. It's a horrible job, reading a letter like this to a person like Toph.

-?-

the letter said:

_Dearest Toph_

_This is mother. I hope one of those wild friends of yours that you seem so unusually fond of will read you this letter accurately because what I have to say is of great import._

_Firstly, I must admit that your letter has distressed me somewhat. I was quite unable to formulate a reply for several days. I am sorry if it seems like I have been remiss in my attentions to you, my only daughter. I hope this letter reaches you promptly and that you are in good health and spirits and in a more reasonable mood that the obtuse one you must have been in when you wrote me that first missive. _

_Secondly, but most importantly: COME HOME IMMEDIATELY! _

_Toph dearest, what on earth do you think you are doing? You claimed such outlandish things in your letter. Teaching the Avatar earthbending? Racing round the world? Fighting bad guys? Don't be so fanciful dear one. I am surprised that you should think to fight any one in **your condition.** I am sure you are much more a hindrance than a help to your friends. It sounds like they care for you and would not wish to tell you directly, but it cannot be easy travelling with someone of **your condition.** It would be better for them and better for you -if you returned to us. Tell me where you are and I will be there as fast as humanly possible. I would like to take you home and care for you my dearest daughter. _

_I worry for you greatly, not just because of **your condition.** Please tell me you are not exerting yourself too greatly. You know that you have a **weak heart** my darling. _(I would never, until that very moment, have thought of Toph as having a weak heart) _It is simply not able to withstand the trials and tribulations that would come from travelling with the avatar. I know you found life here a little confining, but I knew that this life was best for you. You need to be kept safe!_

_The avatar does not need your help. He has saved the world in previous incarnations single handedly. To use the avatar requiring you services as an excuse for your deplorable behaviour is unacceptable. I'm sure he could not require the help of someone with all your limitations._

_I have done my best to bring you up to be a fine earth kingdom lady. It sounds to me as though you have thrown all the lessons I have bestowed upon you in this regard completely by the wayside. It was my dearest hope that you would find a kind and wealthy gentleman who would be willing to overlook **your deficiency**, and make you a good match. A good marriage for you will be impossible in you continue gallivanting about the country side like some wild child. Your reputation will be ruined! if your friends have any sense they will see that it is in your best interest to come home immediately. _

_Thirdly, I miss you so very much. You can have no idea how precious you are to me, my fragile baby girl. I am the only one who knows what is best for you. Please come home to me so that I can keep you safe. _

_Love always, _

_Mother. _

There was a long pause when I finished reading. Toph had a heartbreaking look of wide-eyed hurt that I have never seen on her face before. I searched for the right thing to say. So many things about Toph became clearer now; her fierce independence, her reluctance to let anyone help her, her determination to never be thought of as incapable or helpless. She was right, her parents really didn't understand her. Her mother obviously loved her, that much was evident. But she didn't know her at all.

I crouched in front of Toph and and I reached out and gave her shoulder a squeeze. She recoiled from my touch angrily and said that she was fine and that she didn't need me to comfort her or mother her. She practically spat the words "Don't mother me" out with a great deal of vitriol.

Then she ran away.

-?-

I have searched high and low but I can not find Toph anywhere. She's been gone for hours now. She was meant to start training Aang in earthbending but she didn't come back for that. I had half hoped she would. They others were quite worried and I ended up telling them what had happened.

We all decided to split up and look for her. Me and Suki were given the house to search.

-?-

There are some boulders that sit of the cliff face to the north. I had a hunch that she might have gone there and after I had searched every room in the house, I started up the hill. I was just sure that Toph would be there. I was right.

But Zuko beat me to it.

I heard his low, raspy voice making occasional agreements while Toph ranted about the ridiculousness of her parents and various other things. She complained at length about their expectations and fine manners and not being helpless and having to waste time in manners lessons and learning the flute and being obedient - just to make her parents happy.

I waited a little further down the hill for them. Toph hadn't seemed to want to speak to me after I read the letter to her. I didn't want to intrude on their conversation. At least she was talking to Zuko rather than just being angry and running away. So I waited and their words carried down to me.

Zuko voiced his agreement about the general uselessness of etiquette lessons and regaled Toph with some of the more ridiculous firenation customs he had to learn (apparently there are 32 different pieces of cutlery at a formal banquet and Zuko knows the correct use for all of them). This seemed to cheer Toph up somewhat and she countered that she used to have three servants to dress her and it would take three hours to get everything pinned and zipped just so and heaven forfend if she ever got her dress dirty. Her parents would never let her run barefoot outside – can you imagine anything more unladylike.

She said running away with us was the best thing to ever happen to her and she didn't miss her home at all.

Then Toph made a small noise that just made me want to cuddle her and just protect her from all the world. She'd never let me do that. In fact she'd be furious with me for trying, but still the urge was there.

She said in an entirely different voice that she knew her mother missed her, when Toph was declared too old for a governess, it was her mother who took over her education. They'd spent everyday together. Toph wasn't allowed to go to school and never had any friends before she met us. All because her mother was convinced that she was blind and helpless and had a weak heart. Toph was convinced they'd never see her as anything else. Zuko asked why and Toph explained that she'd been born premature and it had been a traumatic birth for her mother. Because she was born so early, she'd been blind and the doctors thought she would always be a weak and sickly child. They said that she had a weak heart and should be kept from the stress of the outside world as much as possible.

There was a small silence and the Zuko said that she wasn't the only one with a _weak heart. _He said weak heart with this bitter, sarcastic tone that I haven't heard from him in ages. Zuko confessed that he'd been born early as well. He had been a sickly baby and his dad always used to comment that he was lucky to be born, whereas Azula was born lucky. What was worse than being born early was being born in the middle of winter which is considered exceptionally unlucky in the firenation. Winter babies are not supposed to be able to firebend, or if they do, it's only ever weak firebending, so Zuko had put up with comments about his weak heart and weak lungs and weak firebending for a long time during his childhood.

Zuko's point was that he knew how Toph felt like she had something to prove, but she didn't need to prove anything to us. We all knew she was a brilliant. She was an incredible earthbender and a general bad ass and he was sure that one day her parents would recognise that about her. Toph said that they might recognise that about her, but that wouldn't change anything. She said _they'll still want me to come home and be a lady and make a good match. When this war is over …they'll just want me back there living some useless fancy lady's life._

Zuko said that whatever happened, she would not have to go back to Gaoling after the war, not if she didn't want to. There was a small pause and then Zuko added much more quietly and shyly that she was his friend and she'd always have a place with him. _If we win, I'll have a palace …and you can have your own suite... and I'd never boss you around …..and there would be lots of bad people for you to beat up. _He said all this really uncertainly-almost like he was sure Toph would say no. but she chuckled and said _You'd let a blind twelve year old girl beat people up for you. _Zuko replied that he would let the **best and toughest earthbender** on the planet beat people up for him. There was the sound of a light punch and a whispered _Thanks Zuko._

Then Toph said that they should be getting back because she knew I was waiting at the bottom of the hill and I was just itching to fuss over them. Bollocks. I'd forgotten about how far Toph's ability to sense me stretches. She explained that I had been eavesdropping this whole time, then she added _well not the whole time, but most of the time. _Zuko gave a soft laugh and said _Yeah...she does that._

-?-

Toph let me cuddle her and fuss over her a little bit. I tried to restrain myself and not fuss too much or be too motherly. I know how she **hates **that. I repeated Zuko's offer that we would look after her . She could come back with me and Sokka to the South Pole if she wanted. Toph made a sardonic face at me and said that she would take a firenation palace over the South Pole, but thanks for the offer -in her usual sarcastic Toph tone of voice.

I am glad that she is sounding like her usual self.

-?-

When we got back to the house, everyone was called back from the search using Hawky. There was much rejoicing and fussing over Toph, which annoyed her greatly. She told us all to cut it out and stop being ridiculous. Aang was most enthusiastic about seeing her and praising her and showing off how good he'd gotten at earthbending as a result of her teachings so she shouldn't be sad. This seemed to mollify Toph somewhat, but she said their earthbending lesson was cancelled for the day. Because she had a letter to write. She asked if I would help her with it. Sokka also wanted to help, but I kicked him out. He is in the lounge room now, bothering Suki with Hawky. He keeps sending her little love notes while she attempts to finish 'Love Amongst the Dragons'. She cannot read three pages without getting a little missive.

This is annoying her greatly.

-?-

This letter was a little less polite and formal than the previous letter. She re-iterated that she intended to stay with us and that she was strong and tough and independent, not fragile and helpless. She concluded by saying that she loved her parents, she really did, but she would not be coming home in the near future, thank you very much.

When I'd finished writing, and we were waiting for the ink to dry, I sat next to her and asked if I could just check something quickly. She agreed curiously and I explained that I just wanted to check her heart and she nodded reluctantly. All this talk about weak hearts had me a little worried and I just wanted to make sure that she was okay. I put one hand on her chest and one on her back and felt her heart. It beat strong and steady. There was nothing weak about it and I told her so. She smiled and said she's always thought so too.

I folded up the letter and attached it to Hawky. We have sent him back to Gaoling. Sokka waved goodbye to Hawky for a long time. Sokka is quite sad to see Hawky go, but I have reminded him that Hawky will always come back.

I think Sokka will miss Hawky much more than Suki will.

-?-

Me and Zuko were having tea in the kitchen after letting off steam. I had let him win which was most unlike me. He had called me on it. He knew when I was going easy on him and this had annoyed him. I brought up what I had overheard him say about being born early and having a weak heart etc. He got a bit grumpy and said that it was just a standard diagnosis in the firenation for premature winter born babies. He said that he had never had a problem or anything but that it was just a label that they put on winter born kids. I asked if he would let me check, just to be on the safe side. He agreed, a little nervously.

I placed one hand on his chest and one hand on his back, just liked I'd done earlier with Toph. But this was way different. This felt really..what's the word..._intimate_ I guess. I felt his heart beat out a quick but steady rhythm. I may have held him 'just checking' for ...err... a little longer than necessary, but he doesn't need to know that. I moved a little closer and his pulse quickened. He looked down and asked me if Sokka and I were really planning on going back to the South Pole after the war. I shrugged and said that we hadn't really discussed it, but that I wasn't certain we'd go back.

I told him to take some deep calming breaths and his pulse slowed a little. We just stood together for ages. I might have drifted off into a bit of a daydream. He looked down at me and smiled a little nervously and asked if he was okay - heart wise – because I'd been 'checking' for ages. Whoops! Ah yes! I was not just feeling him up. I was feeling him up for a purpose. A **legitimate medical purpose**.

I told him that his heart is fine.

In fact it has one of the strongest beats I've ever felt.

-?-

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

* * *

frightfully long and rambly author's note. As usual.

Love wonderful readers, you have reached the end of 'letters from home' congratulations and I hope you enjoyed it! Big thanks to all those fabulous wonderful people who review! Seriously guys thanks! I'm not going to lie, I love reading that you guys are enjoying this story. Praise makes me a happy panda! It also makes me write faster! All my reviewers! You guys know I lave ya!

This chapter puts a bit of a spotlight on Toph's relationship with her parents. This never really gets resolved in the series and it's something that always puzzled me. So I guess I wanted to put a few ideas here. I think Toph's relationship with her parents is very complex and will probably pop up again in future chapters. It really has shaped some of Toph's more defining characteristics. Her resentment of authority and being babied, her determination etc.

Firstly I don't think Toph's parents are bad people at all. They are misguided yes, and they don't know Toph very well, but they do love her. That much is clear in the blind bandit. They are immensely and crazily worried about her and they see her as this tiny, blind, helpless girl. This view will not change easily. Even after seeing how bad ass she is at earthbending in the ring, and having her earthbending teacher say she is the best he's ever seen, all her dad can do is try and impose more limitations on her – to keep her safe-.

Toph has always been keep secret from the outside world which was something I found a little puzzling. Surely being blind is not that shameful. I had the idea that she might have been born premature (being a premie can be a cause of blindness from birth). This would have had a myriad of health problems that her parents would have been worried about, they would have been told about her delicate constitution and her weak heart etc. and so they kept her as safe and coddled as they could.

Premature babies can still thrive and be healthy and I think Toph is perfectly healthy, the only consequences of being born premature being that she is very short and petite for her age and is blind. But I think her parents always saw her as this rare and delicate flower who had to be protected. I got the feeling that the Bei Fong's are a very traditional family with the male as the head of the household (this is why Toph's appeal at the end of the blind bandit is addressed to her father – because he is the ultimate decision maker in their household). However I think Toph was closest to her mother, based on her excitement over getting a letter from her mother back in Ba Sing Se and how she either talks about her parents as a unit or her mother as a person in her own right.

I think her mother would worry about what would happen to her poor, blind baby girl when she was gone. To her mother, it would be impossible for Toph to make her own way in the world and so the most suitable solution would be a good marriage. She would want to groom her to be a proper young lady and that is why Toph knows so much about fancy manners and fancy ways despite never being allowed into the outside world or allowed to mingle with society.

I got the impression that Toph for the most part, played along with her parents idea of her. She had a charade as the helpless blind girl by day – incredible fighter by night – down pat. She was leading a double life because she thought her parents would not accept the Toph who was an impolite street fighter the same way they adored Toph the helpless blind girl. Mr Bei Fong's biggest reaction in Toph's fight scene is actually when she spits (how unladylike). After she is outed by Aang she offers a very heartfelt plea for them to accept her as she is – which is rejected by her father (oh my heart broke for her then) but we never got to see her mother's opinion.

I think her mother would have lead a very similar, sheltered and coddled life to the one that she was trying to bring Toph into. I also have this mad theory that she suffers from 'nerves' in a similar manner to Mrs Bennett in pride and prejudice. Her letter is not to make her out to be a horrible person, she is just a person of limited experience. Travelling and fighting with the Avatar is too alien and too scary and Toph's first letter would have really thrown her for a loop. Toph would almost seem like a stranger to her and she only wants her sweet helpless baby girl home so that she can take care of her. Toph and her mother's relationship is full of misguided love and protection, strict confining rules and smothering underestimation.

I think Toph's relationship with her mother occasionally spills over onto her relationship with Katara. Toph hates being mothered (as she associates that with been sheltered and thought incapable amongst other things). That's why I have her react so viscerally when Katara tries to comfort her and 'act motherly'. But at the same time I think that Toph has come to see Katara as a sort of positive motherly force. She's a mother figure who tries to understand Toph and who really cares about her and accept her as she is. So she still turns to Katara to read and write her letters and she does like (some) of the motherly attention Katara gives her.

I actually thought that Toph would be a nice foil for Zuko in this chapter, both of them were undervalued and unappreciated and thought of as incapable/inferior as children (Toph was in a more loving way). Both have _really fought_ to prove themselves. I was always a bit puzzled by Zuko's comment that his dad used to say that Azula had been born lucky, but he'd been lucky to be born. So I have thrown it in here. I guess I interpret it that Zuko had a complicated birth and was born a few weeks early and at an unlucky time. Being labeled as weaker or lesser since birth is another thing that I think he and Toph have in common. I thought Zuko would be best placed to understand the myriad of feelings that Toph's mother's letter would stir up in her.

One of Toph's unspoken fears is that she will have to go back home and that everything will go back to the way it was. She has run away previously before Aang, but had no place to go and invariable ended up back home again. Her mother's letter confirms for her that her parents would prefer it if everything went back to the way it was. But now Toph has experienced the outside world and freedom and having friends and she doesn't want to go back. She loves her parents but she doesn't want to have to play the role of the helpless blind girl for them anymore.

I think Zuko is perceptive enough to pick up on this and offers her a solution. She wont have to go home if she doesn't want, he can take care of her and offer her a place to stay instead. He doesn't want to promise her something he can't deliver, so he adds the caveat _If we win, _But he is sincere in his offer. I think Toph was his first proper friend of his own and they have a lovely platonic friendship. He doesn't want her to have to go back to a life that would make her unhappy. But he's also very afraid of rejection so he and adds many more compelling arguments, her own room, people to beat up etc. Toph would have been happy to accept even without the people to beat up.

And because I am a sucker for the mush I have Katara check their heart function and get a little handsy with Zuko. Seriously though, they've both brought up being born premature and been diagnosed as having weak hearts and I think Katara is a good friend and would just want to check to be very sure and to see if there was anything she could do. Thankfully, they are both completely healthy.

In the next chapter Katara will go through the drawers and cabinets that she and Toph opened at the start of this chapter. She will get her rummage on and discover who's room she is staying in and a few other surprising things.

Til then lovely readers...


	13. the personal effects of Lu Ten

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

The Personal Effects of Lu Ten.

0o0o0o0o0o0

Both Sokka and Suki are out of sorts this morning.

Sokka was despondent over the loss of his beloved hawky. Aang has lent Sokka Momo for a week to cheer him up. Momo has taken up residence on Sokka's shoulder at the moment and is chirruping contently. Suki was in tears over a particularly tragic chapter of _love amongst the dragons_. At first when I came down and found her crying on the couch I was quite concerned, but she is fine. I asked her what had happened, but she doesn't want to spoil it for me in case I read it. I pestered her anyway and she burst forth anew about _long lost twins_ and how is was _so sad. _

_-?-_

Toph and I have taken to watching the fire bending practice when Zuko and Aang are in the courtyard. Well Toph _feels _the practice I guess. Ostensibly, we do this because we want to see where Aang is at with firebending. We are all trying to blend our three teaching styles a little better so that Aang can use all four elements at once. Or at least that I what me and Toph claim we are doing. I actually think this is the real reason why Toph is watching or feeling. I may have ….another reason which I hope Toph cannot sense. She is so wily. Look, the thing is - it is _so hot_ now that they train with their _shirts off_ everyday. I have a... great appreciation for the sight of a shirtless Zuko.

How am I supposed to **not **look?

I look but I don't touch. Okay. Well sometimes I touch, but either in a nice friendly way, or when I have a legitimate medical reason. No _other touching_ is going on. Not that I am thinking about _other touching._ But even if I was -it would **not be happening**. Because we have stuff to do that I need to focus on. We have an Avatar to train and a firelord to fight and evil to defeat and lots of other stuff to do. So I should focus on that!

And not on other things.

-?-

Aang has perfected blasting fire out of his feet. This has made Zuko very happy because he has been trying to get Aang to do this for a very long time now. He did this really dorky little happy jump when Aang perfected it which I found a little hilarious. Aang is very joyful and he and Zuko have high fived and hugged and it is all very sweet.

Aang wants to take Appa on a celebratory fly around the island, because Appa needs to get some exercise and is going a bit stir crazy. There was a bit of reluctance from Zuko towards this idea because Appa is really recognizable, but eventually, in the face of Aang's sad panda expression, he relented on one condition: Aang promises to fly only around our house (because we are far away from the main town) and to fly very low.

Aang has agreed, yipeed and taken off on Appa.

-?-

Aang still not back! He is meant to be earthbending with Toph. This has thrown off Sokka's schedule and has made Toph a bit cranky. She has commented that he never slacks off and disappears for firebending or waterbending training. Zuko replied that the only reason he doesn't disappear on him is because Zuko has the morning slot and has taken to waking Aang up exceptionally early so that Aang cannot escape his lessons!

They both looked at me and I shrugged. I've never had a problem getting Aang to come waterbending with me, but this maybe because I favour the gentle encouragement approach instead of the stern disciplinarian approach (Zuko's) or the random and terrifying approach (Toph's).

-?-

The magical Momo effect is wearing off and Sokka is still a little down about Hawky. Zuko suggested that they could set up some giant hammocks because giant hammocks are always fun. He then tried to tell a joke of his Uncle's about hammocks. He mangled it. Badly. Wow, it was so bad that none of us could even laugh politely. Sokka put an arm around his shoulder and said _what have I told you about the jokes? _Zuko has agreed that he shouldn't try to be funny.

Anyway there's this big dusty storeroom that Suki and I haven't gotten around to cleaning yet and the boys went and got out a giant dusty hammock and got Toph to earthbend the dirt out of it. They have been trying for the last half an hour to set it up. It is complicated. There is much frustration and ado and commotion coming from _team hammock._

But Sokka is occupied and not feeling sad about Hawky so this is an improvement.

-?-

Aang returned a little bit later and we all had lunch. Still no luck on the hammock front. There are even instructions. The boys were arguing over them quite comically. _It said to insert hook A onto slot B – well which was slot B huh plan guy? It's not my fault that nothing is labeled! Hey it's your hammock._

Sokka also scolded Aang for ignoring the schedule. Sokka is very fond of the schedule and doesn't like it to feel ignored.

After lunch, Toph went off to throw boulders at Aang, team hammock returned to whatever they were doing and Suki and I took to freshening up the house again. We opened up all the windows and doors and got rid of all the dust the other day. Today Suki went to go pick some nice fragrant flowers so the place would smell nice while I mopped all the floors with my waterbending. It's all terracotta tiles on the ground floor -so that was easy. The upstairs is all polished wood so that was also done in a flash.

I decided to sort out my room, now that me and Toph had unlocked all the cupboards and drawers and unpack all my stuff (which had previously been tossed about the room a little haphazardly.) I may have gotten my rummage on a little. There was some really cool stuff all locked away in the cupboard. An incredible number of useless nick knacks and souvenirs and keepsakes from places all over the firenation (judging from the the different place names carved into the various sundries), and incredibly large bundle of letters that had been kept in an elegant box, eight different pai sho sets, twelve different fine tea sets, a vast number of different weapons and training tools and some really beautiful artistic scrolls that had been rolled up. Mostly landscapes in vibrant colours. I opened a few and hung them on the walls. So now my room feels a little brighter.

The rainbow from my prism moves across the walls through the day- according to where the sun is in the sky. I just noticed. The anklet Zuko gave me is missing a flower as well. I guess the wishing beads really do work because my birthday wish came true. I have tightened it so that I wont lose it.

I started going through the dresser and there were a many books hiding in the drawers. Book of proverbs and quotes, books on strategy (I have put those aside to give to Sokka) and many books on tea and botany. I flicked through one that looked well thumbed and a picture fell out. It was a family portrait. At first I thought no one looked familiar, but when I looked again at the dad's face (he had such a dad face – is that a weird thing to write. Anyway he had a face that looked like it was made to give advice and stick up for people.) I realized I knew him. This was Zuko's uncle as a younger man- this picture was of Zuko's Uncle's family. His Son and his wife. He looked happy in the picture. Everybody did. I popped it up against the mirror in case Zuko wanted it.

I was in Uncle's room. No wonder Zuko had said it would have the least Ozai vibes in it.

I wonder what Uncle's name is. Zuko just refers to him as Uncle but surely that is not his actual name. Surely no one would name a child Uncle. But who knows, the firenation is a weird place. I have met him several times but never really been introduced. I guess it's hard to exchange names and pleasantries in the middle of a battlefield.

I found a box next, a neat wooden box with a label – the _personal effects of Lu Ten, deceased with Honors_.It was weird to think that this was the stuff of that kid in the picture. Anyway I felt this insatiable curiosity. Sometimes I can't help myself. I knew is was bordering from rummaging into snooping, but I opened the box anyway. In it was a dagger, a few more trinkets and other useless objects, some clothes and several letters. There was a letter to Zuko, which I got out and put with the picture.

It was like I summoned him with my brain. There was a faint tap on the door and I heard him say that he and Sokka had gotten the hammocks up if I wanted to...he trailed off as he looked at the chaos with some surprise (I may have scattered some of my more interesting finds all over the room.) I felt like I'd been caught doing something naughty so I sputtered an explanation about how I was just _sorting _through the drawers. (Sorting, not snooping.) I said that I had figured out that I was in his Uncle's room which was really just stating the obvious. Zuko smiled and shrugged and said that his Uncle was always able to wangle the best rooms and this one was best room in the house. I asked what his Uncle's name was a he seemed a little surprised that I didn't know. Uncle's name is Iroh.

I told him I'd found a letter for him from LuTen and his eyes nearly popped out of his head and he asked me _what? _in a really shocked fashion. I told him about finding the box of personal effects and the family portrait and I handed him the letter . He brushed the letter with his fingers and still seemed a little dazed. He said that they normally made soldiers write letters to loved ones before a big campaign,_ just in case_, but he'd never known that LuTen had written to him. He said _'why didn't he ever give this to me?'_ really softly. I think he was just asking metaphorically, but I answered anyway and said that it looked like the box hadn't been opened in a very long time. There was a small silence. Zuko said his Uncle had gone a _little strange_ for a while there, after Lu Ten had died. He said that most likely his Uncle had put the box of Lu Ten's effects here and then forgot about it, almost like he was trying to convince himself.

I pestered him about opening the letter. I'll admit it. I was a keen bean to see what the letter would say, and it wasn't even my long dead cousin writing to me from beyond the grave. He popped the seal and read the first few lines (I was trying to peer over his shoulder but I couldn't make anything out). After about a minute he put his had over his mouth in what I can only describe as _sad surprise. _He got up abruptly and said _excuse me_ politely and has scarpered off. I find it strangely endearing that even in really tense situations, he tries to be polite.

-?-

Where the bloody hell is Zuko? I have searched high and low. This is the second time in two days that someone has disappeared after getting a letter. It is driving me to distraction. I gave him a few minutes after he'd left my room so abruptly, because he had seemed like he needed to have himself a _moment. _But I had assumed that I would be able to find him again pretty quickly.

I assumed wrong.

I have been looking for at least two hours now!

Gah!

This house is great, but the biggest drawback is that now I don't know _any _of his moping places off by heart. If we were back in the Western Air Temple I would have found him by now. But I was stalking him there and than made it easier. Maybe I should just start _lightly stalking_ him again? Nice stalking, just so I'll know where he goes if he absconds in the future.

No! No stalking!

Because that would be weird.

-?-

Maybe I can ask him to write me a list of all his usual moping places.

Zuko likes lists.

-?-

really now!

This is just getting ridiculous!

This is a really elaborate and messed up game of hide and seek!

Three hours of searching!

-?-

I didn't want to have to ask the others to help in finding him. I mean I just think this is the sort of the thing Zuko would like to keep to himself and that's why he's buggered off. But I have been looking for ages and I am feeling frustrated!

When I found them ,all thoughts of finding Zuko were pushed from my mind, because Sokka gave me a light scolding. I had been meant to be training Aang for the last two hours according to Sokka's schedule. Oops. Sokka was complaining that I had thrown the schedule way off. It's easy for Sokka to criticize. He has scheduled himself_ nothing to do_ but lie in a hammock and chill out all day.

-?-

Aang had been waiting most expectantly and impatiently for waterbending training. We went down to the beach and practiced our giant waves and iceslides. I have accidentally stepped on a sharp shell and it hurt like the blazes (there may have been a great deal of swearing when I first did it). I was just about to heal it, when I realized that **I have never taught Aang to heal. **Terrible oversight by me.

I called him over and tried to demonstrate for him. His first few tries were unsuccessful and stung quite a bit but eventually he got it. I have decided that Aang must learn healing, because the more healers the better. What if he gets injured and I'm not nearby? Next time somebody gets injured I will make Aang heal it. Unless he's being **really crap** at it and then I'll gently take over.

I was telling Aang about my plan to teach him healing. Most other forms of waterbending come quite easily to him. Aang seemed excited to learn healing and was glad that this would be impromptu waterbending (that would arise if and when somebody injured themselves) rather than scheduled waterbending. Aang **hates **Sokka's schedule. Aang's not really a schedule kinda kid anyway. He sees the schedule as more of a guideline. I said that was a good thing because the schedule had been a bit disregarded today and I would be surprised if the schedule ever got followed exactly.

Aang asked me where I was for two hours and I felt a bit on the spot. I wracked my brain for something that legitimately could have taken me two hours, but in the end I settled on the truth. I just said that Zuko had buggered off and I had been looking for him and Aang made _a face _first and ask me _why _quite sincerely.

I said _I don't know,_ but really I do know. I want to find him because I just like to know where everyone is. Because I'm worried that he's feeling sad and having a mope. Because I'm really nosy and I want to know what the letter says. Because I want to make him feel better if I can. Aang said I probably wouldn't find Zuko if he didn't want to be found and I protested at this. I am **really good **at finding him when he doesn't want to be found.

Aang asked me about why I was so intent on stalking Zuko and I got a bit ranty. Okay, so I got a bit stalky in the Western Air Temple and now everybody knows (and they occasionally tease me about it). But that was **ages ago **and it was **stalking with a purpose**. I was stalking to ensure Aang's safety. But this afternoon wasn't stalky – it was friendly concern! Aang brightened and asked if I really was stalking because of him. I said yes. And that **is the truth.** Or at least it was at the start.

I definitely **started **stalking to ensure Aang's safety.

-?-

We got back to the house and Aang went off to play with Appa again. Apparently Suki is cooking this evening to give me a night off. Cheers Suki! I could hear her banging away in the kitchen and for a brief moment I wondered if I should go in a help her...but I got distracted. I could admire the boy's hammock handiwork for the first time(I was bit too preoccupied earlier to inspect the hammocks.) They'd set up two enormous hammocks on the back deck. They will get lovely dappled sunlight all day there. Each hammock looks big enough for at least three people to lie in comfortably. Toph and Sokka were in one, lying top to tail and just chilling out and chatting about metal bending.

Zuko was in the other.

This was what distracted me.

He was sprawled out and re-reading the letter for what could be the billionth time for all I know. I went and stood grumpily over him and made a little _ahem _noise. He looked up and folded the letter away and said _hi_, trying for an innocent and normal tone. That did not fool me. I folded my arms in front of me and I said that I had been looking for him _all afternoon_. He had the decency to look a little sheepish and said that _he knew. _ Apparently I had walked under him a couple of times in my search.

He'd been in the big mango tree behind the house. I will look there first next time.

I was a little cross that he hadn't let me know where he was and he apologized and said he just wanted a little time to himself. I hopped in the hammock with him and he scooted over to make room for me, even though it was a bit unnecessary.

You always end up smushed together in a hammock anyway.

I wanted to speak to him alone and I needed to be close enough to speak quietly to him so that the others wouldn't overhear. I asked him softly if he wanted to talk about it. He said _not really_ and that's was the whole point of _having time to himself_ this afternoon was about. We lay together for a little while and eventually I asked if he would let me read it. I am so curious about that letter. It's such a mystery. It's almost like getting a message in a bottle. He said _no_ really quickly to my letter reading request. I made a face at him and the _no _changed to a _maybe later. _

I'll take maybe later as a _yes!_

He gave me a little grin and said that _I was impossible _under his breath. I protested at this mildly, but really I was glad that he was smiling. I leaned my head on his shoulder and he said _thanks for finding it_ really softly, because he never would have found it otherwise. I said he may have and he countered that he didn't make a habit of going though other people's stuff. I have tickled him for this comment in retaliation. I don't make a **habit **of it! I just **very occasionally **do it. He has relented and taken his comment back after much ado.

I started talking about my new plan to teach Aang healing which Zuko thinks is a good idea, but he hopes that he is not the one we have to test out Aang's healing abilities on. And we just lay smushed together in a hammock talking about waterbending and healing and how it works. Zuko is mystified by waterbending healing and I was explaining some of the finer points of it to him. Then I heard some loud bangs from the kitchen and Suki's voice plaintively calling out for me. I got up to help her, with a little big of difficulty- hammocks are easy to get into by really hard to get out of. When I looked back Zuko had that letter out and was reading it again.

What does it say?

-?-

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usual rambly notes:

Lovely wonderful readers! You have reached the end of 'The personal effects of Lu Ten'. Thank you and I hope you have enjoyed it! Thanks a million to all my brilliant reviewers! Seriously guys you are all awesome!

In the EIP Toph and Katara are watching the firebending practice. This is when that starts. Toph is actually watching for legitimate reasons, katara has cottoned on to her legitimate reason and may be using it as an excuse to be a little pervy. Bless her cotton socks. I don't blame her. That much shirtlessness to look at, everyday! I think she is started to develop a pretty big attraction for Zuko but she is trying to ignore it. Katara is queen od\f denial in my imagination. But in all honesty, she does want to concentrate on the war and preparing Aang and doesn't feel like she should be focusing so much on crushes etc when there are so many monumental and important things happening.

All that being said, she is also fascinated by Zuko and suffers a slight stalky relapse – which she gets defensive over when Aang calls her on it. I also think that Katara should have taught Aang to heal at some stage because that is a really crucial skill.

The giant hammocks would be from IKEA if they had IKEA in avatar land. The instructions would be difficult to understand/in swedish and the boys would have gotten a bit frustrated. I think this is something that a servant would have previously set up for Zuko so he's never had a bash at hammock setting up for himself. But Sokka is quite logical and eventually Team Hammock prevails!Seriously though they are on a tropical island and I think Hammocks are mandatory on tropical islands.

Now people can snuggle in giant hammocks. Yay!

The wishing beads work! Double yay!

Is Katara introduced to Iroh properly at this point? Toph knows him and Aang and Sokka got to know him in Ba Sing Se, but I think Katara knows him from the all the time he spent chasing them with Zuko, the Seige of the north (crazy battle) and when he got shot by lightening. They actually haven't exchanged that much dialogue at this point, and Zuko only refers to him as Uncle so I think she knows who he is but not much else about him etc.

I think Iroh was grieving something fierce after loosing Lu Ten. To me I think he would have come back to ember Island at one point, as this was a place he and his son were really happy together. I think he would have wanted to just shut himself away from the world of firenation politics and back stabbing for a time and just grieve and I think Ember Island would have been a good place for that. I think that he took the box of Lu Ten's effects their and didn't want to open it/disturb it's contents. Sort of like how some people leave a loved one's room as it was after they have passed. He didn't not give Zuko the letter on purpose, I think he just forgot/never got around to it.

Zuko needed to have himself a moment after getting the letter. I think he adored Lu Ten as a kid (in my imagination Lu Ten is almost like a loveable mini Iroh) and getting a letter form him all these years later has really thrown him for a loop. He wants to read it in private and mope about it in private and process it in private. I think it would be dishonest to his character to have him be willing to open up and share every little detail about what he's feeling. I think Zuko is very much of the keep calm and carry on/stiff up lip school of thought. Before Katara I don't think he was prone to big long talks about his feelings (just big long sulks about his feelings) and so he's still not comfortable sharing everything. Katara still instigates most of their touchy-feely conversations after all and almost has to prie/bribe/tickle some pieces of information out of him still. I also didn't want to have Katara read it because I think her snooping has limits. She reads Toph's mother's letter because Toph asked her too and I think she'd only read Zuko's if he let her. I also didn't want to have to 'letter based chapters' close together. You will read the letter dear readers, but a little later.

And I have a question: what do you guys think is the cheesiest, soapiest plot devices out there. Any bad fanfic peeves? I'm talking lost twins, sudden magical powers, big melodramatic scenes! Any fiction/t.v pet peeves! Let me know! Trust me, it's relevant!

In the next chapter, Sokka will read love amongst the dragons, Aang will be oppressed by the firenation (but only a little) and much fun will be had by all.

Til then lovely readers...


	14. the Winds of Change

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Winds of change

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So Suki is quite good at many things. Cooking is not one of them. I'm grateful that she tried to give me a night off but I think it's just for the best if I cook in the future. I don't even know where her mad urge to cook had come from. The land of bad ideas? I asked her and she said that she had felt like trying it out. Umm, okay. We need a new hobby for Suki. Was that an inedible giant hunk of wood? No, it was a roast, apparently. I have to say the meat had a rather remarkable crispy factor that you don't often get with a roast. I decided the only thing for it would be to chop it up into tiny pieces and make a stew.

She'd also made a sauce that looked and tasted like congealed sadness and boredom with chunks of berries in it. This was meant to be a Kyoshi island dessert, not a sauce. She'd been trying to copy this Kyoshi Island recipe that her Aunt used to make and it had taken her hours and she really wanted everyone to like it. I had a small taste, schooled my features and made a quick trip outside and told everybody to eat what Suki was about to serve them and pretend to like it.

No matter what!

Toph said it wasn't my birthday and she didn't have to do what I said. I said if she did not -she would hurt Suki's feelings and nobody wanted to to do that. Zuko, who has had to eat many unpleasant things in the name of politeness (and honour!) told her the trick was just to get a small piece and just try to swallow it whole so you didn't have to chew/taste it. Toph thought this sounded a bit gross. Sokka said that he was sure that whatever Suki had made would be delicious.

Oh Sokka. He has no idea.

I went and found Aang with Appa and delivered him the message and he said it was okay because he would just eat the vegetables and you can't ruin those. Oh no. Aang was not getting out of this one so easily. Aang had to eat the dessert as well. There was no meat in the dessert so his 'I'm a vegetarian' excuse wasn't going to fly this time! Aang gulped.

I went back and added the finishing touches to the stew. And Suki thanked me for helping her out. She was worried that she'd ruined dinner. She confessed to me that cooking wasn't her strong point and I pretended to be surprised by this news and said that I was sure it would be delicious (just a little white lie).

The best part of dinner was the expression of everyone's face when they had their first mouthful. In truth Suki had burned the meat until it was a shadow of its former self. It was crunchy in a way that meat is not supposed to be. But she'd put in so much effort and I didn't want everybody to complain and make a fuss and hurt her feelings, so I gave everyone a little warning glare at the start. Sokka's face was the funniest! But after he had chewed for a very long time he exclaimed that it was absolutely delicious and tucked in with feigned gusto. Everybody looked at him a little strangely except for Suki who blushed happily and said if he liked it so much, she could make it for him everyday. Hardy ha ha! Sucks to be you Sokka!

-?-

Me and Zuko were sitting on the veranda after letting off steam. Another tickling draw- Zuko has made me promise that I wont ever _just let him win_ after last time. We having a tea and a bit of a laugh over Sokka's predicament regarding his future dinners. Still if I learned anything from this dinner, I know it is definitely **true love** as far as Sokka is concerned. And I said, in all seriousness, that it was nice that Sokka and Suki have found each other. Zuko agreed with me and said they were _really, really ridiculously lucky._ There was a funny tone in his voice and I was a bit perplexed by it. It's not that unusual is it? To find someone you really click with? Zuko smiled a little sadly and said he thought it was more difficult than it they make it seem.

We were silent for a bit and then he asked if he could ask me a question. I said he already had, just to be cheeky and he made a face at me. Normally when someone asks if they can ask you a question – it's a pretty important question and they want to give you a bit of a head up that a Really Important Question is coming your way. He was quiet again so I poked him and told him to ask away. He cleared his throat and asked me if I thought people could really change.

Um, wow. Not the question I was expecting. I had been expecting something about...anyway.

But I guess it is an important question none the less. It seemed really important to Zuko,at least. I had a think for a moment. I didn't just want to answer flippantly.

I asked if _maybe _was an acceptable answer. Because, really, I think it would depend on entirely on the person. I'm not sure if people can easily change themselves. I think most drastic changes in character occur after something terrible has happened. People get changed by things that happen to them. I know that my mother's death changed the way I looked at the world. But some people just stay the way they are regardless of whatever terrible things happen to them. Aang has stayed pretty constant. He is still the joyful, happy-go-lucky-kid me and Sokka found in an iceberg -despite _everything_. Even finding out that everyone he knew was dead, and that he was the last of his kind hadn't dampened his positivity. Sometimes it amazes me how Aang can be so cheerful, but I hope he never changes. So I guess I think that some people change and some people don't and I don't know why it is that way. I asked why he wanted to know and he just shrugged and said _something my cousin wrote._

_what is in that letter?  
_

He asked if there was also a dagger in the box of personal effects. I said yes and then he asked me really quietly if he could have it. I told him not to be silly, of course he could have it. And we went up to my room and I got out the box and handed him the dagger. It was plain and of good quality steel. He smiled when I gave it to him and said that his Uncle told him it was always good to have a dagger on you -_because you never know._ I stifled a small giggle and he looked really perplexed and ask if I was laughing at him. I said that wasn't it at all. It was just that my mother used to always tell me to have my parka nearby-_because you never know –_ in that _exact same tone_ of voice. It just struck me as funny that's all.

Did Zuko's Uncle chase him, dagger in hand, saying _you never know _every time he left the house without it? My mother would always chase after me if I left the igloo without my parka. Zuko smiled as said when he was a kid he probably would have run away from _anyone_ who was chasing him with a dagger. I commended this wise hypothetical decision.

-?-

Observed fire bending training after breakfast! May I say that watching firebending and eating mango and passionfruit smushed together is the best way to start the day.

-?-

The three of us have scheduled a three way training session. Aang is in the center and he has to deflect all of our combined attacks. This was our first time trying it. Mixed success. Aang did very well for about 20 minutes but then one of Toph's earthbended rocks went a little rogue and knocked Sokka from his hammock (he was relaxing and reading _Love Amongst the Dragons_ on Suki's recommendation). He landed in a big heap and there was much ado and complaining from Sokka. Toph was apologizing in her Toph way and I helped Sokka up when I noticed he had some gravel rash on his elbow from his rough landing. I declared that I had been waiting for this happily, and Sokka made an unhappy face at me and asked if I had been waiting eagerly for him to get injured.

Never mind that, it was healing training time.

-?-

Sokka was a** most impatient **patient. He squirmed, he protested, he didn't see why he had to be the one we experimented on. I told him to shush and just let Aang get on with the healing. Aang took a deep breath and splashed water on Sokka in an unhealing manner. He tried again, but was unsuccessful. He tried again and again and again and started to get a little frustrated. I spoke encouragingly to him and outlined the basic healing procedure many times and told him to just be patient with himself. Sokka piped up that his patience had run out and he would just live with his gravel rash forever! He didn't need healing anymore! He didn't need his elbow! He just needed lunch.

Also he wanted to get back to _Love Amongst the Dragons _because apparently Zali had just discovered she was part dragon and had dragon powers and could fly and firebend at the same time._ Love Amongst the Dragons_ sounds a little stupid if you as me. Long lost identical twins? Dragon powers? I healed his gravel rash quickly, gave him a few pokes with the commonsense stick because he was so difficult and sent him on his way. I fussed about the kitchen for a while and went about preparing lunch.

Aang sat on the counter while I diced veggies and we had a chat about healing. He just could not seem to do it. He said he felt like there was something blocking him. I pointed out that he had done it yesterday after a while and he looked a little sheepish and said that it was actually my constant 'demonstrations' that had healed my foot. Apparently I had healed it over , but I had been so into my explanation about healing that I hadn't seemed to notice. He hadn't wanted to disappoint me by telling me yesterday because I'd seemed so happy when I'd noticed my healed foot and thought he had done it.

I gave him a few pokes with the commonsense stick for not telling me yesterday.

We brainstormed different ideas about how I could teach him better. Maybe I should get one of those chi mannequins like Yugoda had. That way I could demonstrate healing without having to have an actual live (and complaining/squirming) patient. Aang thinks this is a good idea. I might see if Toph can make me one after lunch. Aang said there might not be time after lunch because he had **an announcement.**

-?-

Well ...lunch was eventful.

Aang announced that he wanted to celebrate the North Wind and there was much ado (and an especially lame joke from Suki about wind and the especially beany dish I had served for lunch- Sokka high-fived her.) Anyway, Aang wants to take a week off training and celebrate the North Wind in proper Air nomad style. Zuko was exceptionally unimpressed with this announcement and made an announcement of his own. There was no way under angi that Aang was going to get out of a week of training.

Aang said that the North Wind hadn't bee celebrated properly in a hundred years because _some nation_ had _wiped out all of his people. _Zuko was silenced. You can't argue with somebody who brings up the Airnomad genocide without looking like a dickhead. Aang explained that the Air nomads had a celebration for each of the four winds. We hadn't been able to celebrate any of the others winds because we'd always been on the move or had heaps of other adventures/shenanigans going on. But now were were just doing nothing and chilling around the house and had time to properly celebrate. Zuko got a bit beside himself at the allegation that we were _doing nothing_ because he was certainly working really hard at training Aang. Aang hand-waved this comment and continued with his announcement.

The North Wind was the migration wind. It was the wind of transition and turbulence. It was celebrated in the week of the dark of the moon in the last month of summer – meaning from tomorrow. The Airnomads would celebrate by a week of games and activities that were meant to develop the qualities an Airnomad needed to soar through a changing and inclement wind. There was a day of logic, a day of patience, a day of bravery, a day of creativity, a day of preparation, a day of co-operation, and a final day of celebration. Aang considers us all his family and wanted us all to celebrate in proper Air nomad style, hence taking a week off.

There was a bit of resistance – mostly from Zuko, but also a little bit from Toph and myself. Toph said that she still had so much to teach Aang and that while she wouldn't mind celebrating Airnomad style, she didn't think they should just slack off for a week. This was my point too. Zuko said he was touched to be considered family etc but he loudly exclaimed that Sozin's comet wasn't that far away and Aang should be training _all his waking hours _because he was nowhere near ready to face the fatherlord. Sometimes Zuko slips up and refers to Ozai as the fatherlord, but I don't know if he is aware he does this.

Aang expostulated quite loudly that he was being _oppressed by the firenation_ in response to this comment. Zuko protested and said that he wasn't oppressing him and he just wanted to train him and they got into a small argument about Zuko's disciplined training style vs Aang's lack of initiative re: firebending etc. Aang would preface all his responses to Zuko's further comments with a very cheeky _don't you oppress me!_ This annoyed Zuko greatly.

Sokka put forward the idea that we compromise and still celebrated Air Nomad Style, but we could just play one air nomad game a day rather than filling up the whole day with games. That would still be celebrating but leave plenty of time for training (oppressively or otherwise). We have all agreed to this. Sokka has made a new schedule that will allow for Aang's games but allows time for lots of training. Aang has been given the afternoon off to set things up and has joyfully scampered off with great enthusiasm.

After he left we all had a quick chat and decided to **just go with** Aang's week of fun. Whatever Aang came up with, we would roll with. Suki piped up that she thought Aang deserves a break from all the training and intensity because she'd never train her Kyoshi Warriors this hard without allowing them some time for fun. I said that if Aang wants to honour his people's memory then we'd be the biggest jerks on the planet if we didn't allow him this festival. So we have all agreed and are bracing ourselves for Aang's week of Airnomad fun.

Sometimes I think the Airnomads must have had a different sense of fun to normal people. Aang finds hurling down the mail system of Omashu fun. I (a normal person) did not get quite the same thrill from nearly hurtling to my death. But that is just me.

-?-

Dinner was also eventful.

Aang is bursting with excitement about his week of fun and says that we are all going to love it. The Airnomads always competed in teams and they tried to match up people so that each team was equal in skill so that the games would be fair. Aang had paired us into three teams. He had decided that the teams should be boy/girl and bender/non-bender. The teams for Aang's week of fun are:

Me and Aang

Toph and Sokka

Suki and Zuko.

Suki and Zuko were not especially pleased with this arrangement. Suki glanced at Zuko and asked if she could go with Sokka instead. Aang answered no because that would mean that Toph and Zuko were together and they were two benders and that would give them an unfair advantage. There was a small eruption of protest from the others regarding this statement because me and Aang are two benders and we were on a team together and Aang was the avatar – didn't that give our team a **giant unfair advantage. **

Suki said if it was about advantage the then easiest thing would be for her (a non-bender) to go with Aang and for me to be in a team with Zuko. Zuko expressed approval for this arrangement but they got shot down by Aang. Aang said that would be the same problem as before, there would be two benders together. It wasn't a problem for me to go with Aang precisely because he was the avatar. As the avatar and keeper of peace and balance in the universe etc, he could be relied upon to be fair and not cheat. Also it was his festival- so they both had to suck it. (He didn't actually say they both had to suck it- but that was the general gist of Aang's _I'm the avatar_ speech.)

Suki grumbled about being paired with the grumpiest and least fun person in the entire firenation and Zuko shot back that being on a team with her wasn't his ideal arrangement either. Sokka sat between them and told them to _make nice_ – like he would if he were dealing with Hawky and Momo. Zuko and Suki have shaken hands in a disgruntled fashion upon Sokka's request.

-?-

Zuko was a bit cranky at being called the most grumpy and least fun person in the entire firenation. He complained about it (at length) while we did the dishes together. He was complaining about being called grumpy in such a grumpy fashion and the irony was not lost on me. He said he wished that we could be on a team together for Aang's week of fun. I said it would have been nice, but it was Aang's week and we'd all agreed to let him celebrate his people properly, so we all had to go along with his team allocations. I told him that he'd have to be nicer to Suki if they were going to be on a team together for the week of fun. He grumbled that he hated this week of fun already. I pointed out that perhaps his (admitted) hatred for the week of fun was why Suki had called him the least fun person in the fire nation. He ask me if he really was no fun. He was a bit worried that he was becoming the _unfun _one.

I teasingly said that he wasn't becoming the _unfun _one, he already was! He is the most serious person I have ever met in my life. Secretly I am very glad of this, before Zuko joined us, I was the _unfun_ one. But Zuko makes me look like I'm an extraordinary comedian. Still, I remembered how it felt when the others were teasing me for hating fun. It hurt a little. I nudged Zuko affectionately and said that I found him a lot of fun to be around. He smiled at me tentatively and asked if I really meant that. I assured him I did and that he was fun _in his own special Zuko way_

-?-

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alarmingly long Authors note:

Lovely wonderful readers! You have reached the end of _Winds of Change_. Congratulations and I hope you enjoyed it. Huge thanks you to my brilliant fabulous wonderful reviewers! You guys are definitely a lot of fun!

Change is a big theme in this chapter with a few characters trying on new things or experiencing changes. Suki is trying new things. She is trying to cook, which I think would be a new thing for Suki. She is exploring new roles in the group and the chef is a role that Katara normally fills but Suki just thought she'd have a go. She experimenting with more than just cooking. She's experimenting with her place in the group and she's trying on the traditional feminine domestic role.

I think Suki would at some point feel a bit insecure about her place in the team. She was a leader, but now that role is mostly Sokka's and she is still quite new to the group and is reluctant to boss them around. She is highly trained and very stealthy, but so is Zuko (this maybe a source of conflict for them). I think, like Sokka, she would have a moment to herself where she thinks "I am just an ordinary person surrounded by all these amazing benders." Sokka got a whole episode dedicated to him finding his place and I want Suki to have the same experience. In the show she gets treated like 'Sokka's girlfriend' rather than a person in her own right.

I put her with Zuko partly because I think they still have some issues to work out, they hardly ever interact in the show and because I think they would have some hilarious arguments over who is stealthier/more of a badass. And I think Zuko would be the person she would most likely have open clashes with. Zuko is Sokka's bestie and she's the girlfriend and they are both a bit feisty and I think a bit of mild bickering would naturally happen. She's not trying to be a bitch when she calls him the grumpiest person in the fire nation because a)he is, b) she's quite disappointed about not being on a team with Sokka.

One of my lovely reviewers wrote ages ago that it would be reasonable for Zuko to be a little jealous of Suki and Sokka's easy relationship, because in his experience relationships/marriages were more for political expedience rather than love and seeing a really loving couple would be a bit jarring. He would never have expected to be as lucky in love himself (I think there is a little bit of political expedience in his relationship with Mai – but that is for another chapter). He would feel a bit like a bad and disloyal friend for feeling this way, but would feel it none the less. You are brilliant whoever you are! I love the idea and think it is spot on and I think shades of this would come through when he is refering to how really ridiculously lucky Sokka and Suki are when he is talking to Katara.

Zuko is a bit preoccupied with change because Lu Ten has written something in his letter about Zuko's ability to change and it is weighing on his mind. But that's all I'll say about that. You will have to wait lovely reader. One of day in Aang's week of fun is a day of patience and patience is a virtue! I think Zuko lost his _never give up without a fight_ Dagger in Ba Sing Se. I think the Dai Li would have taken it from him before throwing him in prison. So he needed a new one for my fic and now he has Lu Ten's.

The lovely Donnacrunch * waves at Donna * said that Aang wouldn't be able to heal because it is only available to a select few waterbenders. I always thought Aang would be well pretty terrible at healing because I think Katara had never really struggled to teach Aang anything. Waterbending has always come quiet naturally to Aang and I wanted her to experience the other side of the master's fence that Toph and Zuko are on.

However I don't know if there are only a small number of waterbenders with healing ability. Is it only women who have this ability? I got the impression for the episodes in the northern water tribe that it was something that all water benders could do but they deigned it to be a "Woman's job" so only women got trained in healing. So men might have picked up bits and pieces but it was mostly a woman's role. To Jeong Jeong, he might have seen a smattering of waterbending healers, but not understood the cultural background of healing = woman's role. I would bet my last dollar that the northern water tribe would be reluctant to let their women folk near a battlefield. So to Jeong Jeong it looks like very few waterbenders can actually heal. I think Aang has the _ability _to heal but he will find it exceptionally difficult to master and may not acquire the skill for a very long time.

Sokka hates being the test dummy because Aang is a bit crap at healing and he is in a really good bit of _Love Amongst the Dragons._ Dragon powers= dual bending! And both twins can do it! And they will both fall in love at first sight with the same man! Oh yeah! It's that kind of story.

This chapter introduces an Airnomad festival that I just made up and Aang's desire to celebrate his people's traditions, especially now that they are settled at Ember Island for the time being. I actually think this would be a good thing for Aang on a few levels. It will help him honour/remember his people and make him feel more of an affinity with them and their teachings. I think feeling close to them and remembering them will attribute to his 'I'm not killing anyone' schmoozle in Sozin's comet, much like Katara remembering her mother contributed to her anger at Zuko in the lead up to the southern raiders- in my head canon at least.

Also this will help me have an entire week of shenanigans which I hope you all will enjoy. I think the air nomads would have celebrated the winds and the changing of the winds. I learned from Ma jong/ _the joy luck club-_ that the east wind is the where things begin and is the wind of possibility/ I gathered from the movie _Chocolat_ that the north wind is the wind of change and turbulence. If you are interested I even assigned festivals to the other winds in my imagination. I think it would go in a cycle beginning with the east wind and ending with the south wind, therefore the south wind would mark the ending of a cycle and the continuous and circular nature of the Avatar universe. That leaves the west wind to be the wind of freedom and higher Airnomad ideals of detachment. Voila! Airnomand wind festivals in my imagination. I think there is one festival approaching the end of every season.

The others (especially Zuko) are reluctant to let Aang have an entire week off, but at the same time they recognize that the wind festival would be important to him. So a compromise is reached. Aang has also learned that he can get is way _pretty quickly_ with Zuko if he mentions the Airnomad genocide. It's like when someone brings up the holocaust- you can't argue with that.

Of course Aang puts himself on a team with Katara and then makes 'rules' for the others. He wants to spend time with her and thinks they are very much a team already so it is just logical that he would make the teams in such a fashion. However I think he does want the teams to be even and as fair as possible. There was an episode where all the air nomad kids decided that Aang couldn't play with them anymore because he was the Avatar and that would give which ever team he was on an unfair advantage. Oh Aang, let me hug you. So I think Aang does care about fairness (personal desire to be on a team/spend time with Katara aside) and would be conscious of the fact that Sokka and Suki would want to go together and as two non-benders they would be at a disadvantage. But when Suki suggests that she goes on a team with Aang (for Fairness!) leaving Zuko and Katara together, Aang Does Not Want! and gets a bit high and mighty.

The lovely Irako of the Desert * waves at Irako * has directed me to the TvTropes site! Wow! thanks! That site had eaten my brain! The sites has introduced me to the concept of the unfunny or unfun one. It says they are a character who ostensibly has a serious, composed personality, but is funny because he or she is put into funny situations. Apparently this is Katara according to TvTropes, however I think it is equally applicable to Zuko. Zuko is the most serious member of the Gaang but Katara still finds him fun in his own special Zuko way.

Next chapter we will deal with the start of Aang's week of fun and the various ramifications of that.

Til then lovely readers...

oh anddo you guys have any suggestions for a cute nickname for Zuko that is not Zuzu? right now I'm going with Snug-bug or snugs or some variation on snuggles, but I am open to suggestions!


	15. a test of patience

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

A test of patience

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

The first day in Aang's week of fun was a day of logic. Aang has set up a few logic puzzles that he bought from the shops around the house and the first team to complete all of them would win. Our team name was team Avatar (Aang's idea) and Aang and I were doing quite well. I am quite logical about most things. However we were still coming second. Sokka and Toph (they have named themselves team boomerang on Sokka's request) were leading by a mile.

Sokka is in logical heaven! He is in his element! He is solving puzzles like it was what he was _made_ for. He especially loved one where you had to get a brass ring off these two ostrich horse shoes that had been welded together. He actually stroked the puzzle in a vaguely loving fashion. Toph is looking in askance at his enthusiasm for the impossible puzzles and has taken to asking if he wants to be 'alone' with them. Sokka has taken to gushing about how clever but easy to solve some of the puzzles are. Everytime he gushes or points out how much faster than me he has solved a puzzle, I feel a surge of annoyance. It is most annoying.

I can solve a puzzle without gushing! Aang can solve a puzzled without gushing. I would say Zuko and Suki can solve a puzzle without gushing, but so far they have only broken two puzzles. However they did break them without gushing so that is a positive.

-?-

Zuko and Suki have not come up with a team name. The last idea was team grumpy because according to Suki, Zuko has enough grumpy for the both of them. Zuko did not agree and they started mildly bickering. They have continued mildly bickering for most of the logical game. They have agreed three times today. Once when they got to the secret puzzle box. You had to open it by making 27 exact moves with the different pieces of wood that formed the box. There were three marbles inside and each team got one to prove they had done it. When they both got to the box and read the instructions, they both looked at the box with what I would call a withering glare. Zuko loudly expostulated that this puzzle was pointless. This box was no kind of storage system. What if you really needed what was inside. Suki asked if everyone else had gotten their marbles. We had (because me and Sokka are blessed with logic.) Suki then stomped on the box quite forcefully and was joined by Zuko. They got a bit _into_ stomping on the box actually. They got their marble and headed off to the next puzzle thinking they have solved it.

Aang said _not so fast_ and took their marble off them for cheating and there was much ado. Suki claimed that smashing the box was the most logical solution because it was a useless and pointless exercise. Zuko agreed with her and this was the first time they had agreed all day. Zuko said that if he ever came across a box like that and needed what was inside, surely smashing it was the quickest and most logical option. Aang refused to give them back their marble and they argued some more. Aang gave them minus five points for breaking the box and there were _shenanigans. _

I had managed to solve three puzzles during the time this argument had taken so me and Aang were well ahead and nearly catching up to Sokka. Aang came back and joined me and there was some disgruntled muttering from Zuko and Suki that Aang was rigging the game against them. This was their second agreement.

Their third agreement was to glue another puzzle together (the main idea had been to get 17 different wooden pieces to balance together perfectly and support each other.) Suki did have a point – gluing was by far a quicker way of doing this puzzle and they held the pieces in place while waiting for the glue to dry, which for them is an _unprecedented level of co-operation_. Aang noticed, shook his head and said they should have learned from the box smashing kerfuffle and took another five points off them. Not cheating- no smashing-no gluing-just logic. There has been some more protesting regarding Aang's judgment. During the course of the next little while, Zuko set one puzzle on fire in his frustration with it and earn them a further minus five points and Suki took to resignedly listing out loud all the other things she could be doing right now that would be a much better use of her time._ I could be brushing my hair, or clipping my toenails or sharpening my fans or …. etc. _

-?-

At the end of the two hours of logic Sokka had solved all the puzzles and had time to spare. He has done a few victory laps around the house carrying Toph on his shoulders and exclaiming variations on _Water tribe rules! _Toph pointed out that she wasn't from the Water Tribe but Sokka has said that she was an honorary water tribe member as far as he was concerned and she blushed happily. They have come up with what they call the boomerang five – which they do whenever the completed a puzzle. It is endlessly cute.

I am happy for them and I have written up the scores. Aang was a bit sad that we couldn't keep playing logic games all day. Zuko and Suki have loudly disagreed with him on this point and have come up with a new team name. Team we hate useless logic puzzles. Aang has urged them to think up a different team name that is more embracing of the air nomand festival and more in the spirit of the games. Team we hate useless logic puzzles have refused, which makes the fourth time they have agreed with each other today.

-?-

After lunch Toph took Aang earthbending. Team we hate useless logic games had been holding in the bulk of their complaints about today's activities (after a small discussion with me about us all needing to support Aang and not complain endlessly) while Aang was in the room. As soon as the sound of earth bending came from out side they _erupted with displeasure._ Their complaints were almost identical: Logic games are stupid, they are useless, they don't even test logic because I am definitely smart and logical, etc. Sokka piped up that he thought the logic games were quite useful challenges and quite fun and has earned a few affectionate whacks from Suki for this. Suki piped up that logic was Sokka's _thing_ so of course he liked the day of logic. But he'd better watch himself if there was a day of stealth. Stealth was her _thing_. Zuko said that stealth was his thing as well and she arched an eyebrow and said_ I think stealth is more __**my**__ thing than it is __**your**__ thing. _

From this one seemingly harmless comment – the great stealth off has erupted! Zuko loudly protested that he was plenty stealthy and that his firenation training was far superior to Suki's kyoshi fighting style. Suki loudly expostulated that she had more stealth in her little finger than Zuko had in his entire person and used what she had done at the boiling rock as an example. Zuko said that wasn't stealthy- it was awesome yes, but showy and flashy and not at all stealthy. He said that he had broken in and out of 3 firenation prisons and one of those times he achieved this feat with Aang, who was being noisy and attracting attention and chasing frogs. _Have you ever tried breaking out of a firenation fortress with a loud, rambunctious, frog-obsessed Aang? _Suki had not, but maintained that she would be able to, if the situation ever came up and she would probably be able to do it better than Zuko because she always remained calm no matter what obstacle presented itself- whereas Zuko was firenation and more prone to losing his cool.

Bickering ensued again.

-?-

They decided to settle it like warriors (or stealthy ninjas) and have a stealth off. The four of us went outside and they had a race to the top of the house by climbing on the outside. First they raced for speed (Suki won) and then they raced for stealth -for the ability to slip past us unseen. If we saw them, we'd have to call out and the person would be disqualified. Zuko won this one easily. I don't even know how he got up to the roof there without me seeing him. Sokka said diplomatically that it was a tie and they should agree that they were both equally as stealthy. Neither of them were quite happy with this. They needed some other method of testing stealth. I suggested they could do the sneaking up on people thing that Zuko made me do before we went to find the southern raiders in a joking fashion.

Oops.

I was just joking guys!

This idea was seized upon with great enthusiasm by team we hate useless logic puzzles. Zuko has declared that I am a genius which pleased me greatly. However, they have both planned to spend all of tomorrow sneaking up on us, which displeased me even more. All logical arguments against this particular stealth off have been rebuked. They talked quickly when they were ironing out the details. They will start during tomorrow's round of useless games and continue til dinner. Each of us has been assigned a number of points for every time we get snuck up on and and the person with the most points wins. The other has to suck it and put up with the gloating of the winner.

Sokka was deemed the easiest to sneak up on. A Sokka surprise is worth 3 points. Sokka protested at this quite loudly but Suki gently shushed him and said that he was talented at very many other things, which has appeased him somewhat. I am worth 5 points apparently, Suki initially thought I should be classed in the same category as Sokka (we watertribers are not known for our stealth) but Zuko said that I was actually really sneaky and would be hard to surprise. Cheers Zuko. Aang is worth 7 points because he is so quick and so full of energy and is perpetually moving about the place. Toph is worth 10 points. I think if she knew she was worth the most points she would be greatly pleased. But team we hate useless logic puzzles have asked us not to tell Toph and Aang that this is what they plan on doing tomorrow. Because they think they can do it this silly competition as well as play Aang's games and they don't want to steal his air nomad festival thunder. And if we tell Toph neither of them will have a chance at surprising her – because she is so wily. We have reluctantly agreed. They have shaken hands on the terms. And the stealth off is on!

-?-

I have taken Zuko aside for a light scolding. Zuko is in a odd mood. I've never seem him quite so defensive about anything. This stealth off is ridiculous and pointless and childish and I have told him so. And poked him with the common sense stick. I would poke Suki too, but Sokka said that he would handle her. They are both more mature than this! I am a bit cross in general (but also a little happy that I have been deemed harder to sneak up on than Sokka – but that was irrelevant to our conversation.)

Zuko says that the stealth off is necessary, otherwise they will both keep sniping at each other over who is stealthier all week. I asked why it even mattered so much to him, couldn't he just let Suki be the stealthy one and concentrate on firebending, teaching Aang etc. normally evoking the necessity of teaching Aang would work in this situation, but this time Zuko just said that being stealthy was his _thing _and that I probably wouldn't understand. I got a bit huffy and said that I would try to understand. I've **always tried to understand him** before, why should this time be any different? He just said that it was something to do with what his cousin had written. I asked him if I could see the letter again and he said _maybe later _again. I have gotten a bit irate, declared that he was driving me crazy and was ridiculous. I have given him another light whack with the common sense stick and stalked off.

-?-

Sokka has also had no success with talking sense into Suki. She has called Zuko a long list of expletives and declared her intention of whipping his arse (metaphorically) tomorrow. We have debated the merits of absconding to town tomorrow and leaving them to it. They can't sneak up on us if we are no longer here.

This is the logical solution.

This is why the water tribe excels at logic.

We have made a pact to do this if team we hate useless logic puzzles gets too annoying.

Me and Sokka have done our secret handshake in agreement, which I now realize is quite similar to Team boomerang's high five. We haven't done the secret handshake since we were kids, but it was nice to bust it out again.

-?-

Very interesting morning. Today was a day of patience. Aang wanted us to play some very complex Airnomad game. He explained the rules at length and with great enthusiasm. I think the real test of patience would be the ability to listen to the rules in their entirety without drifting off. I may have stopped paying attention to Aang at some point and started focusing more on Suki and Zuko and their shenanigans. They quietly talking to each other in a way that made me worried for some reason. After a while Aang rang a little bell and gave us all a piece of string (what was this for?) and said our time had begun. We all began wandering around the house for some reason that had something to do with patience. I was not quite sure what to do with my piece of string, but it soon became irrelevant.

Team we hate useless logic puzzles had vanished and kept reappearing just behind you when you least suspected it. Gah! it was annoying! How am I supposed to be patient with that going on. Suki has surprised me twice, but seems to enjoy scaring Sokka much more, judging from the amount of times I have heard Sokka's loud yell of surprise. Zuko prefers to frighten me. After Zuko had snuck up on me seven times (in very quick succession) I told him if he did it again I would be extremely cross and would tickle him unrelentingly and then all stealth would be lost.

He did it again.

I have tickled him until he did the snorty laugh and then tickled him some more until he was almost crying with laughter, then I poked him with the commonsense stick and taken to hiding in a cupboard. Ha! No one can sneak up on me here.

-?-

I heard Aang make a few noises of surprised exclamation and after the third time he asked _what on earth Zuko thought he was doing _with some confusion. Zuko replied that he was_ being patient?_ but he raised his voice at the end so it sounded like a question. Aang said that he was playing the patience game **wrong** and at this stage Aang would definitely win. He offered to explain the rules again, but Zuko politely declined. their conversation was interuppted by Sokka loudly exclaiming _not again Suki!_ After a while I heard Toph's surprised shriek and Suki's triumphant laugh come from the next room.

-?-

If this is a test of patience then, by the all the spirits, I am failing at it. Have lost all patience with team we hate useless logic puzzles and have gone with Sokka into the town. We are escaping the madness. I just want to be able to eat a mango without Zuko or Suki popping up behind me. Is that so hard to ask!

-?-

Me and Sokka had a great lunch together. Sokka is a bit down over Zuko and Suki's shenanigans. He had hoped they would tire of the their stupid stealth off after a while. He wants Suki and Zuko to get along and doesn't understand why they have been snapping at each other for two days. I said that he should just tell them to try and get along better, if only for his sake. They both patently adore Sokka and would probably put aside their differences if he urged them to. Sokka thinks that I could do the same, because they obviously both adore me too. I have shushed him and told him he was being silly and it was his job as leader to try and keep the peace. Sokka loves it when I call him the leader and has agreed to have a word with them so that the stealth off madness can end.

-?-

Aang had noticed our absence and was a little cross that almost no one was playing the patience game properly. He gathered us all in the living room with the score board. And declared that he was awarding zero points to team we hate useless logic games. He was not even sure if Zuko and Suki realized we were playing _wait and see_ not _surprise sneak attacks. _He asked if they had even been paying attention to the rules and they both managed to look a little shamefaced at this.

Apparently Sokka and I had left before the patience game had ended so we also get zero points. Aang was a bit dissapointed in us. I didn't have the heart to tell Aang that I hadn't been paying attention to the patience game at all and probably I have not been playing it right the whole time. Aang declared that me and Sokka forfeited by leaving. Thankfully for Sokka, Toph is actually brilliant at the patience game. Toph was listening to the rules? Toph knew what to do with that piece of string? Toph was playing properly? Toph has won the day for team boomerang in any case. They have team boomerang high fived over this.

Current scores

Team boomerang - 20 (ten points for winning each game)

Team Avatar - 0 (boo!)

Team we hate useless logic games -minus15 (If they make it back into positive numbers I will be surprised)

-?-

Toph has, in retaliation for being constantly snuck upon during the patience game, earthbended Zuko and Suki up to their knees in the courtyard. They are stuck with each other and they are both displeased by this. I am rather amused by this turn of events. Toph has given them a small but hilarious speech. In short she exclaimed that they are idiots who are bickering over nothing and need to get over it. She has declared that she will not release them until they make up.

Go Toph!

-?-

Me, Sokka, and Toph eavesdropped on their progress. Aang arrived later. He looking for Zuko to firebend with him- but he had to wait a little while. He had the whole sorry stealth off -they-are-driving-us-crazy situation explained to him and joined our little eavesdropping group. Sokka got fireflakes at some point and started snacking on them. Why he did this still escapes me. Aang thought the stealth off made so much sense- in light of today's shenanigans and concurred with us that the stealth off was childish etc. He wanted to go into the courtyard and offer his avatar services as a mediator but Sokka and I held him back. I didn't think either of them would appreciate this. Sokka said that this sort of thing was something they'd have to sort out between themselves. I said that I was sure that they were both mature enough to work it out. We listened hopefully.

There was an grumpy silence for a while, then a few lazily tossed insults over who was the better warrior. Mmhh, not quite the maturity level I was hoping for. Aang gave me look and I shrugged. Well, I was sure someone would eventually put on their 'bigger person' pants and apologize.

Eventually Suki cast a few aspersions cast on Zuko's character and bought up him burning down the her village on Kyoshi Island again and then he apologized (immediately and sincerely) for that. He asked quietly if anyone had been hurt. Suki scoffed and said _like you care. _Zuko said that _of course he cared _( with some emotion that I can't quite put my finger on. it's not anger, or guilt but it sounds like both of them at once) There was another small silence. But there seemed to be a change in mood between them. Suki eventually said that there had only been a few minor injuries – no deaths. Zuko gave a sigh of relief and said he never meant to hurt anyone, especially not innocent bystanders. Suki said s_he knew that_ simply. Then she said in a joking fashion that he hadn't even managed to burn the whole village down and had only scorched it slightly so he could stop doing his guilty dance.

He said _guilty dance?_ in a really perplexed fashion. Suki explained that it was what I called the various things he does when he feels guilty and said that I had gone on (and on and on) about his guilty dance at length last time we got drunk together. My fellow eavesdroppers glanced at me in what I thought was an unnecessarily cheeky fashion ! I got up to go into the courtyard and **mediate**, by which I mean - tell Suki to shut up about the things I told her when I was drunk. Sokka pulled me back and said they were finally talking so I shouldn't interrupt! Boo.

Zuko was a bit confused – he didn't even know he did anything that could constitute a guilty **dance** and Suki said that he would have to ask me about it because I was the _expert _on the guilty dance. All she knew was that apparently he did it when he felt guilty and there was moaning involved. Oh my god! Shut up Suki! I think it might be possible to **will** someone quiet. I was certainly thinking_ -time to shut up now_ – quite firmly at Suki and thankfully she did.

There was another pause. A sort of confused awkward pause. Zuko was the first to break. He said he was sorry for the past two days and he didn't know why he was being so immature about this whole 'who is stealthier' thing. He actually thought that Suki could do some amazing things. He said that the way she had nabbed the warden at the boiling rock was incredible. He didn't even know why he was making such a big deal over the stealthy thing.

Suki smiled at the compliment and accepted his apology. But then she quietly offered that she knew exactly why she was making a big deal about it. Being stealthy was her _thing _and she didn't want to share it. Suki said that everyone here is so amazingly talented. So_kka is the only other non-bender and he's like your genius plan guy. I mean I'm fairly talented at most warrior arts, but in comparison to the sort of things you guys can do with your bending…_ she trailed off a looked around her and then gestured a little hoplessly. _look stealth was my thing... _She stopped and looked at Zuko and shrugged and said that he probably wouldn't understand. But he smiled a little sadly and said that he knew exactly what she meant. He confessed that he'd struggled a lot with firebending as a kid and that it was really hard, especially because he was always being compared to Azula – but ninja arts had always just come easily to him, so being stealthy was his _thing_ too. It was the one thing he'd always considered himself to be good at.

Suki confided that she felt a little unremarkable in our group of incredible people and thought that her stealth was the only thing that set her apart. That was why she had been so mad at him for impinging on her territory. She just wanted to find what her place was. Zuko said she shouldn't feel insecure about her place because as far as he could tell we all thought she was fabulous, which was surely a better place to be in than the place he was in most of the time (being firenation, grumpy, oppressive and unfabulous). He said that when he first joined us, none of us had liked him or trusted him and that hadn't been any fun at all, but went Suki arrived everyone was saying 'oh yay – it's Suki.'

Suki said it wasn't so much about everyone liking her, she was more worried about who she was becoming. She thought everyone just saw her as Sokka's girlfriend and that made her sad because she had used to be this incredible leader. _ I used to be a leader! I had a whole gang of ninja girls at my command and now I only have Sokka to boss around_. (All the eavesdroppers glanced at Sokka for his reaction to this statement - he was perplexed and trying to figure out if he was in trouble somehow.) Zuko said that he knew what she meant. _I used to have a a friggin ship, I had a whole boat load of people that I could boss around, now I can't even get one rambunctious 12 year old to do fire squats (_everyone glanced at Aang and he shrugged good-naturedly. Well all know about Aang's tendency to slack off when he doesn't enjoy things and fire squats are one of those things.) Zuko continued and said that he was stuck_ doing logic puzzles with the stealthiest person in our group. _ Suki swatted him with her fan in an affectionate manner at being called the stealthiest person, but she said that she couldn't claim she was the stealthiest because they were both _equally stealthy._ They smiled at each other then and it was all very touching.

Suki sighed and said she'd have make herself remarkable some other way. Zuko suggested she could consider herself the calm and sensible one. Suki said this was a lame thing to be remarkable for. Zuko asserted that being _calm and sensible_ (these last two days notwithstanding -I think they both were tactfully ignoring these last two days) was definitely a _remarkable trait_ in our group. She fussed a little and said that now he was just being silly. But he was serious, he said that all of us, except for Suki, have tantrums and sulks and moments of stupidity etc. But Suki was always pretty level headed about things. She was calm in prison and calm when she was explaining penguins sledding to Aang. (We all glanced at Aang but he shrugged again – this time in a rather confused fashion. I still don't think Aang knows what was going on in that penguin sledding conversation.)

Suki, however, smiled and said that Sokka had an unhealthy fixation on penguins. Zuko agreed and said that he also had an unhealthy fixation on boomerangs and they had a bit of a laugh over Sokka's various foibles and less sensible moments. Suki loudly exclaimed about the common sense stick. _What was he thinking? Giving her that stick! _Zuko agreed emphatically. (_Oh my spirits- that stick!_) he went on about how I have poked him with it every single day since I first got it. I never failed to poke him with it. (Me and Sokka glanced at each other open-mouthed in surprise – were they making fun of us?) Suki shrugged and said that she rarely got poked with it and Zuko said that was because she was the calm and sensible one and already had enough common sense. Suki smiled a little to herself and said that she could live with being the calm and sensible one.

-?-

Toph released them and Zuko went off to firebend with Aang. Sokka and Suki hopping in the hammock together for a discreet canoodle. I started making dinner.

-?-

Sokka joined me after a little while and helped out in the kitchen. This is a first. Really he just wanted to talk to me. Sokka and I are a bit cranky that team we hate useless puzzles have been laughing about us and have bonded over our commonsense stick/boomerang loving foibles. But bonded they have. They are no longer snapping at each other, sneaking up on all of us. This is a good thing. They have also changed their team name to team stealthy badasses. This name change has not given them anymore points and they are still in last place on minus 15, but this doesn't seem to bother team stealthy badasses one jot.

-?-

I am glad they are getting along now.

Really I am.

I am really glad.

Really.

-?-

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

* * *

typical rambly authors notes:

Lovely readers! I hope I have not tested your patience too much! You have reached the end of a t_est of patience_. Congratulations and I hope you enjoyed it. Big thank you to all my fabulous, brilliant wonderful reviewers! You guys make me smile! If I could I would give you all 10 air nomad points.

This chapter deals mostly with the relationship between Suki and Zuko and the way that they both relate to their various warrior skills and position in the gang and Suki gets a little more comfortable with her place in the group.

Firstly, those little puzzles are the Avatar equivalent of those little impossible puzzles you get at science shops/ markets/fairs etc. I am terrible at them but my boyfriend is great at them. I find having to separate two horse shoes that have been welded together a pointless waste of my time, however there is a logical and simple way to do it. This logical and simple way often eludes me. However Sokka is quite brilliant and very logical on the show and I think he would love these sorts of puzzles and find them quite easy to solve. I also think Katara gets overlooked a little bit in the brains department- but she is a clever cookie. She is also very quick on her feet and logical – she came up with the plan to trap Azula over the metal grate in the final battle quite quickly on her own. I think she'd be okay at the logic puzzles. Aang is maybe not quite paying attention to logic puzzled and is focusing more on his beautiful team mate and Toph is just along for the ride.

Team we hate useless logic puzzles on the other hand: they get frustrated, with the puzzles and with each other (both of them are wishing they were on different teams) and they resort to mild cheating/puzzle breaking. Zuko and Suki aren't dumb, they are just clever in different ways. Neither of them are great at those impossible puzzles and in all honesty breaking the puzzle box, gluing the balance puzzle together are quite quick and logical solutions to the problems the puzzle poses.

Aang disagrees with them and take five points off for each broken puzzle.

Sokka and Toph are the most functional team and rightfully win both games. Team boomerang five!

Sokka just wants them to get along. I think he sees Zuko as his bestie (though he's not just going to come out and say this) and he wants his bestie and his girlfriend to get along. Katara wants them to get along too and they both pull their respective people aside. I think both of Zuko and Suki would drop the shenanigans if either Sokka or Katara said 'stop this stupid stealth off if only for my sake' but Sokka and Katara rely on logical arguments. The stealth off is beyond logic.

I actually think that Zuko and Suki have some very similar traits when it comes right down to it, they are both very hard working warriors, both have terrible/lame senses of humor, both are young leaders etc. While they start off a bit grumbly with eachother, they would have always been able to eventually work something out between themselves. Toph just speeds up this process by doing the earth bending equivalent of locking them in a room together until they figure it out. Toph is blunt enough to do this and she also figured out what was going on with regards to the stealth off pretty quickly.

What the other guys don't fully grasp is that the stealth off isn't ever really about stealth. Not really. The stealth off is about identity. Being stealth ninjas is a huge thing to both Zuko and Suki. Suki can do some amazing things and she is a highly stealthy, but she is also a non-bender surrounded by amazing benders and she is having a bit of an identity crisis. She is used to being the best and the brightest and a leader and now she is none of those things. She is none of those things, but she is still an amazing stealthy warrior – however she is not alone in this because Zuko is a stealthy warrior too. This annoys her because to her -Zuko can be so many other things, he's a prince, he's a fire bender and he shouldn't be impinging on her stealthy/identity territory.

For Zuko, his ninja skills and his dao blades are one of the only things he doesn't feel conflicted about (being a prince and a firebender has brought him a rather mixed blessing afterall). He is good at stealth and good at being a ninja and he knows it. These skills have served him well and have rarely bitten him in the arse. I think it would have been a source of consolation and comfort to him as a kid to have some martial arts that he was really good at. And he is also going through a bit of a crisis of Zukoness at the moment,( the catalyst for this particular crisis being his cousin's letter which I promise you will get to see next chapter.)

Being stealthy is a _thing_ for both of them and they don't want to give it up/share it initially, however Zuko eventually offers Suki the role of stealthiest person – in his Zuko way – because he can see it matters to her a little more, but by that stage in the conversation Suki is happy to be on equal footing with him and share the stealth.

They needed to talk about/ acknowledge what happened at Kyoshi and bury the hatchet/clear the air. I needed a bigger conversation than that quick apology at the boiling rock from the show. Suki gets to express her anger about it and get it out of her system and Zuko gets to sincerely apologize and also show that he really does care what happens to people and he didn't mean to hurt anyone. This would be important to Suki. She can see that he feels guilty so she reassures him that he didn't kill anyone/completely destroy the town.

Katara would have gone on a bit about the guilty dance when she was chatting with Suki. Suki assumes that Zuko knows that this is what Katara calls it -so she is just being matter of fact when she starts talking about the guilty dance and is not deliberately letting any cats out of the bag- she doesn't say much more when she realizes that Zuko had no idea that Katara went on (and on and on) about him when she was drunk and she has given little nicknames to some of his traits/behaviours. So she tells him he will just have to ask Katara and keeps her mouth shut. This does not stop Katara from having a moment of Panic!

When Suki is talking about her place in the group she actually referring to her role or function- what she brings to the group. Zuko however, who really does want all the gang to like him, and thinks in these terms, believes that she is referring to how much they like her. To Zuko, it seems like Suki has had an easy run becoming part of the group because everybody likes her and he still has moments where he feels a little unwelcome/awkward. However when Suki explains that it is about uniqueness/position, Zuko can recognise how important that is in a group like the Gaang. Sometimes it takes an outsider to point out a really simple strong personality trait. Zuko does this when he points out that out of everyone, Suki is probably the calmest/most sensible (these last two days notwithstanding) and this is something that is uniquely hers in their group. Suki is the calm and sensible one to me. Perhaps this was because she didn't get that much screen time in the show, but we never see Suki completely loose her s**t, have a tantrum or do something really stupid. The girl takes over an airship like she's just popping out to the shops to get some milk, but to the gang she brings a much needed voice of reason. This is a role that Suki can feel more comfortable and useful doing.

Another thing they have in common besides lame/no sense of humor, being young leaders and being stealthy warriors, is that they are both very enamored on water tribe people and I thought it would be a sweet moment for them to bond of the various foibles of the objects of their affection. They both think the common sense stick was a bad idea. I think they'd have a lot of respect for each other and will be better friends in the future.

In the next chapter there will be further North Wind celebration shennagins. Team Stealthy Ninjas will get along much better and Katara won't be mad with jealousy. At. All.

Til then lovely readers...


	16. a little less conversation

0o0o0o0o0o0o

a little less conversation...

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

So Suki and Zuko are friends now.

They talk.

In a friendly manner.

They have been talking in a friendly manner ever since dinner. Zuko came to help me with the washing up and Suki followed. They were deep in conversation and comparing their different stealth styles. They have realized that they both know very similar moves and techniques even though they trained under very different systems and this has prompted much discussion. There are some moves that are identical. one of them will demonstrate and then Zuko will say something like _oh in the fire nation we call this the hidden lotus_ and then Suki will say _oh on kyoshi we refer to it as the shy lotus,_ and then sometimes they laugh when one of them has a particularly silly name for a specific move. And much fun is had by them.

This conversation is not much fun for me.

In not that they are deliberately excluding me from this conversation, in fact I get the feeling that both of them are trying to include me. But what can I add? I mean I could demonstrate some water bending moves but there wouldn't be a fire nation or a kyoshi name for those and this conversation is mostly about stealth anyway.

Stupid stealth.

I have been washing somewhat grumpily. Zuko is drying and occasionally demonstrating and Suki has been putting the plates away and occasionally demonstrating. After we had finished, they went into the courtyard to have a (friendly) competition over who could do the most backwards flips in a row. Me and Sokka went out to watch them. Sokka is really pleased that they are getting along so well because he has been on at Suki to give Zuko a chance ever since they got paired up, (_he's a nice guy, really etc.)_ Both Suki and Zuko can make it from one end of the courtyard to the other, flipping all the while, without taking a pause, so they have shaken hands as equals in the matter of flips.

-?-

Me and Zuko were having tea after letting off steam and he asked me about the guilty dance. I just explained that it was what he did every time he felt guilty. He'd make his sad panda face, then he'd have a mope/sulk, then he'd get a bit angry at himself and then he'd complain a little bit (eating a whole bunch of fireflakes/moonpeaches during this process is optional). It's not a dance per see, it's more like a predictable sequence of events. I actually find it charming in it's predictability. He smiled and said that he hadn't thought I found anything he did charming. I gave him a playful nudge and it was the only thing, (just a little white lie) and he should not read too much into it.

-?-

Today was Aang's day of co-operation. We have set aside a few hours in the the morning for this. Then Aang has earth bending and fire bending training. Aang had planned a three activities, a blindfolded race around the house (one partner will have to _lead_ the other) and egg relay and a three legged race. I think team Boomerang were at an unfair advantage in the blindfolded race and Aang made Sokka wear the blindfold to make it fair. We had to follow one of three equal paths that he had mapped out and drawn in chalk, one person must be wearing the blindfold at all times and the first to finish wins. The finish line was in the courtyard, just past the fountain. Suki wore the blindfold for team stealthy badasses and I wore the blindfold for Aang.

He blew a whistle and we were off. There were a few collisions at the start and I think Toph deliberately steered Sokka into Zuko and Aang a fair few times. It got a bit squashy at one point when we were all in the same corridor. Aang took my hands and gently steered me away from the others and their various shenanigans and told me to just listen to the sound of his voice. I was really trying, but I could hear bangs and crashes and _'Oi's_ from the other teams.

Progress was slow. How can Toph stand this? Not seeing where she's going all the time? I felt like sounds became a bit magnified. Every now and then I caught a bit of Zuko's low, husky voice, or Toph's brisk tone, but I tried to drown them out and concentrate on Aang's voice. We went up some stairs, then down some stairs and did a loop around what I presume was the living room. Suddenly there was a lot of exclaiming and commotion and accusations of cheating from the courtyard. I slipped the blindfold off and me and Aang went out to investigate.

Zuko and Suki had made it past the finish line first and Toph and Sokka were displeased. Apparently Toph could 'tell' that Zuko had carried Suki part of the way. Team stealthy badasses claimed that there was no rule against carrying and that it was _way quicker _and they had thought of it first and had won fair and square -so ha! Aang interjected that carrying wasn't really the point and that the game was meant to build co-operation, but Team stealthy badasses held firm and said that it was still a co-operative effort and Aang had never said they _couldn't _do it. Eventually Aang relented, much to Toph and Sokka's dismay – they still claimed that they were the rightful winners. Suki told Sokka to stop being a bad sport and if he stopped complaining and let her have this win (for she was still on minus 15 points,) he could _**win **_at other things later. Then she winked at him.

I think the rest of us are just collectively _ignoring _that comment, wink and the subsequent expression on Sokka's face afterward. Eww.

Anyway, Aang granted team stealthy badasses the win on this one. And there was much rejoicing from team stealthy badasses.

-?-

The next game was a three legged race. Normal rules, except Aang specified that there was to be** no carrying whatsoever.** We tied our legs together and got ready for this very silly and unequal race.

It was on the beach. It was a ridiculous idea. Me and Sokka were both at a big disadvantage because our team-mates were significantly shorter than us, which made a three legged race very tricky. Suki and Zuko on the other hand, did not face this problem. And that is the only reason why they won.

The only reason.

It was all very awkward and eventually team stealthy badasses took the lead with a very inelegant three legged gait. After they crossed the finish line, they **actually hugged. **Zuko doesn't often hug.

Then he and Suki did a happy dance because they were back in positive numbers. The happy dance was a bit hilarious actually. Toph tripped them both up with her earth bending and I approve of this action.

-?-

The next race was an egg relay. We had to run a short distance passing an egg between us constantly without breaking it. Toph protested that this game was unfair to her because she couldn't catch very well (being blind and all). So Aang said that he'd allow them a head start.

And we were off. Aang can run really fast. Well he can run like the wind I guess. And he ran really far forward while I threw the egg at him. He softened the eggs landing with airbending and waiting till I was closer and passed it back to me. Then he ran on past the finish line and I threw the egg to him again.

We win! We win so hardcore!

The others have protested a little at our win and said it was cheating because Aang used his airbending. Aang has shrugged and said that he had never said that any bending was against the rules. Also he was the Avatar.

Victory is ours!

-?-

Current scores.

Team boomerang -20 (team boomerang are a bit sad that they didn't mop the floor with us and didn't get any wins today and have been consoling each other and reassuring each other of their coolness and promising that they will get us all back tomorrow.

Team avatar -10 (go team!)

Team stealthy badasses – 5 (they are just glad to be back in positive numbers again. They consider this a big win and are celebrating and congratulating each other like they have won the whole festival. )

-?-

I am perturbed by all this friendliness between Suki and Zuko. They aren't doing anything wrong. They can be friends. There's nothing wrong with them being friends and I certainly would have no business telling them to stop being so friendly with each other.

And I know they'd never be more than friends. I know that they do not fancy each other at all and even more to the point there is no way that either of them would do that to Sokka. Zuko is just a big ball of honorableness in this regard and Suki really does have eyes only for Sokka. (She and Sokka had been winking at each other and playing a game of footsie under the table all lunch time.)

I know I was harping on at Zuko to be nicer to Suki and now he is.

I shouldn't be cross.

But he is **too** nice now. There is **too much niceness. **

Would it be contrary of me to say this?

-?-

why does this even bother me?

-?-

They are both my friends, I should be happy they are getting along.

-?-

Okay, maybe I'm mad about the hug. And the carrying. He carried her and he hugged her. In the same day. This is unheard of. Zuko is not very touchy feely. Zuko only normally carries or hugs **me** and even then he does these two things very infrequently... Well there have been all those times when he has carried Toph as well.

Look the point still stands.

Suki has got a lift and a hug in one day. I have never gotten a Zuko lift and a Zuko hug in the same day.

-?-

Zuko came to find me and asked if I wanted to let of steam again tonight. Of course I did. We went down to the beach and had our usual secret spar with each other.

It was another draw.

We were having tea after wards and I asked how it was going with Suki and team badass and he smiled and said Suki was actually really nice, and she was actually quite funny. He said they'd had a chat and they had decided that they were both satisfied with being back in positive numbers and wouldn't be too competitive in the future. He thought that it would be nice if me and Aang won – it being Aang's festival and all. Suki had told him that Sokka wanted to win really bad and she'd try to support team boomerang. He said few more complimentary things about Suki and added that it was nice to have somebody who he could talk about different stealth tactics with.

Hmph.

I told him he could have talked about stealth tactics with me (somewhat grumpily) and he said that he hadn't thought I would have been interested and said I could ask him anything about stealth if

I wanted. I sniffed in a disgruntled fashion and there was a pause.

He looked a little confused and asked if I was mad at him. I told him _of course I wasn't mad, why would he think I was mad, there was no reason for me to be mad_. He said I was just acting a little cranky. I said that maybe I was a little mad at him, but if he couldn't figure out why – then he didn't deserve to know. Then I put my cup in the sink, poked him with the old common sense stick and stormed off. Zuko called out after me and asked _what he had done__** now,**_but I didn't answer him.

-?-

Today was a Aang's day of creativity. Aang went on about how the monks taught him to think creatively about problems and how creativity is awesome etc. We are to spend the morning being creative and I wasn't quite sure what they would entail. It became apparent that Aang has been raiding the art room and the music room and the library. We could choose from art (do a painting together), drama (act out a scene together) or music (learn a new song together). Aang put the three categories in the hat and we had to choose at random. Me and Aang got art, Sokka and Toph got drama and Zuko and Suki got music.

-?-

Sokka and Toph are acting out an especially dramatic scene in _Love Amongst the Dragons_ (when Zara meets Kizu for the first time after their battle on mount warning). It apparently happens early in the book. Sokka kept telling Toph that it was the most **amazing** book and she **had **to read it and Toph kept making a disgruntled face and various blind jokes at him. Anyway he spent a great deal of time explaining to her what had happened before this illustrious meeting.

Their scene is full of very melodramatic exchanges like:

_thou art a dragon powered wench, what spell hath ye woven on mine heart- _

_You inconsistent scallywag, how dare ye doth declare so after our fearsome battle on yon mountain- _

They are both being exceptionally over dramatic, and have gotten some props from the kitchen ( a colander for a helmet etc). All I can tell from the scene is that it is meant to be sad and moving – this is only because both Sokka and Toph are prone to bouts of (mock, hilarious) weeping when rehearsing this scene.

-?-

Zuko and Suki were sitting on the verandah and playing their instruments. It was a very complicated melody, and they were playing together in harmony. I could hear the low sound of the tsungi horn and the gentle twang of the mandolin drift in through the open windows. It was a lovely melody actually. Soothing almost.

But it still kind of vaguely irritated me.

-?-

Aang and I have taken the very creative approach to our painting. We didn't bother with brushes but just smeared our favourite colours all over the big piece of paper Aang had found. Aang would periodically dry the paint with his air bending so that it didn't all smush together and make a sad brown colour. It was all blues and oranges and yellows and they intertwined all together in a rather hypnotic way. I had used my water bending on the paint. The blues went in big long arcs and graceful loops. Aang had taken to throwing the paint at the canvas with his air bending so there were orange splashes and splodges everywhere. It actually looked really cool by the time were were done. When we were finished I used my bending to get the bulk of the paint out of our clothes and it was time for the judging.

-?-

The others all enthused over painting and said it was very ..err creative.

Then Sokka and Toph acted out their scene. It was actually hilarious in its melodrama and over acting. Sokka, who I think is meant to be an evil character, took to laughing manically at every available pause and claiming everything was all part of **his brilliant plan** and Toph would **never get her dark crystals back**. Toph slapped Sokka with this feathered fan she'd found from somewhere and declared, in a rather unusual high pitched voice, that he was an _incorrigible brute. _Much fun was had by all.

Suki and Zuko then had their turn and Zuko said that when they knew that Toph and Sokka were going to do a scene from _Love Amongst the Dragons_, they decided to play the love theme from the musical version. Suki winked at Sokka and picked up her mandolin. She explained that the lyrics told a story of two warriors from different cultures, who eventually learn to understand one another and later became lovers. She said all this while looking at Sokka with a very soppy expression that I am unused to seeing on Suki's face. Is this what a _Love Amongst the Dragons _song does to someone? Make them soppy?

Anyway, Zuko lifted the tsungi horn and started playing this slow, sweet melody and after a few beats Suki joined in with her mandolin and began singing. The music got much more complicated quite quickly but they played it masterfully. It was actually lovely listening to them. Suki has a lovely voice and it was a beautiful song.

But it made me a little sad for some reason.

-?-

Zuko and I voted for our painting (Aang said I shouldn't vote for our team, but I did anyway.) Aang and Sokka both voted for team boomerang's stirring portrayal of the confrontation between Zara and Kizu from _Love Amongst the Dragons _(Sokka has also voted for himself. Go water tribe! We are of one mind in this).Toph voted for the love theme all the way. Suki cast her vote for Team boomerang and Toph and Sokka have erupted with excitement over winning again. Sokka picked Toph up and gave her a twirl and they have done another victory lap over the house, calling each other the various insults from their scene,_ you saucy wench, you incorrigible brute etc._ This was cute. They have also told us all we have to suck it because they are now twenty points ahead. This was not so cute.

Team boomerang are just sore winners I think.

-?-

After lunch, Toph and Aang went off to go earth bending and Sokka resumed reading love amongst the dragons. I went into the library to see if I could find a book for myself and I overheard Zuko and Suki. Talking.

In a friendly manner.

Again.

They were watching Aang train. Zuko was talking about how he didn't want to put too much pressure on Aang because he had realized that Aang doesn't respond well to pressure, but at the same time, everything was so serious and he had so much to teach Aang and Aang kept slacking off. Zuko didn't think Aang had properly realized the scope of his responsibility and the enormity of how hard it was going to be to face Ozai. Suki was giving some very sensible tips about the different training techniques she used when she was leader of the Kyoshi warriors.

After a while Zuko pointed out that she was a bit young to be the leader of the Kyoshi warriors and she shot back that he was a bit young to be captaining a ship in a teasing tone. But then she added in a different voice altogether that the only reason why she was the youngest leader of the Kyoshi warriors was because she wanted it more and had worked harder for it than anyone else.

She explained how it was such a status symbol on Kyoshi island to be a warrior and how she had wanted to be one ever since she was a little girl. When she was little she started sneaking into the dojo everyday to watch the older warriors train and one day the woman who had been leader then (Satsu) had found her and allowed her to join in the training.

Suki asked him how he started learning stealth. She was under the impression that they didn't normally teach fire benders stealth. Firebending is a very _in your face _style of fighting after all. It's about shock and awe – not sneakiness. Zuko said his story was a bit similar to Suki's and that he used to sneak into the training arena when his cousin Lu Ten was training for special ops. He watch and then try to mimic what he had seen and after a while his cousin started showing him some moves when he had a spare moment. Suki commented that it was ironic that they both learned how to be sneaky by sneaking into places and Zuko agreed.

-?-

Zuko is teaching Aang firebending at the moment. Suki is snuggling with Sokka in one of the big hammocks and singing him the Love Amongst the Dragons theme again. For the third time. Toph is trying to make me a selection of clay mannequins to my exact specifications. I can use them to better teach Aang healing. I was sitting with her while she works and occasionally offering _constructive criticism._

_-?-_

Toph has banished me for too much criticism and has said she can manage on her own.

-?-

I am in the second hammock pretending to read and listening to the _Love Amongst the Dragons_ love theme for the millionth time. Sokka had gotten Suki her mandolin and now she is snuggling with him and strumming and singing in a very relaxed voice.

The were cuddling some more and seemed to have forgotten I was there. Suki told Sokka he was right about Zuko and said that that he wasn't so bad if you gave him a chance. Sokka said _You and Zuko are getting along _in a dark tone of voice. Suki gave a small surprised laugh and said _really?_ a little disbelievingly.

She told him he knew he was the only **smushybear **for her and should stop being so silly -in this really affectionate tone of voice. Sokka said he knew that, sounding somewhat reassured. He added that she was his only **cherry blossom**. Then they started making out in earnest and the mandolin fell out of the hammock and I got up in disgust.

-?-

I don't even know why I am so cross. It is ridiculous. I am being ridiculous. Maybe I should read love amongst the dragons and then I can be soppy as well as ridiculous.

-?-

Zuko and me are friends.

We are just friends.

But we were... like..._special _friends. He told me things he didn't tell anyone else. It made me feel _special -_ that Zuko chooses to confide in me first. I liked being the person he went to with things. I actually probably confide in him the most out of everyone. Really. I don't even know how this came about, but there it is. When I think about it, if I've ever really bummed, or really mad – Zuko is the one that I will talk to about it. I've told him some of my secrets and I know he'd never tell a soul. And that was _special._

-?-

I think I know why it bothers me so much. Zuko and Suki are just friends too. They are just friends who tell each other things. Now I'm _not special. _That thing about learning stealth from watching his cousin. I did not know that. He told Suki first. Soon Suki will be the one he'll want to talk to because she' so _calm _and so _sensible _and doesn't whack him with the common sense stick.

-?-

Disastrous turn of events.

We were at dinner and Zuko and Suki were talking about various hand-to-hand blocking techniques and how this could be incorporated into firebending. They wanted to show Aang and. They. Decided. to. Spar.

Look there is a routine. We have dinner. Me and Zuko do the dishes, then go and let of steam and then we come back and have a cup of tea and nice chat.

That is our thing.

It is our thing that we do.

But not tonight. No- tonight he wants to spar with Suki. We've had dinner, we've washed the dishes and now he is sparring with Suki in the garden. We are all watching. The others are heckling and laughing. Occasionally Zuko will point something out to Aang that will be useful for firebending and the whole thing is degenerating into a firebending lesson. I felt irrationally angry after a while and have stormed off.

-?-

I was sitting on the dock and having a mope when Zuko found me. Apparently he'd been looking for me everywhere. He asked me what the matter was. I said nothing was the matter and he said he thought something was the matter because I was having a mope and he knew I didn't mope for no reason. I made a sarcastic comment about Zuko's powers of deduction and he looked a bit confused and asked _why are you mad at me? _I changed the conversation and asked why he was looking for me. He said that he thought we were going to let off steam again tonight. I told him that he should just go ask his _new friend Suki _if he wanted to spar again tonight and there was an odd awkward pause.

Zuko asked me, really uncertainly, if I was jealous. I got a bit defensive and said _me? Jealous! Ha! _I ranted about how I wasn't jealous, I had no reason to be jealous and if he preferred to hang out with Suki and tell her things and spar with her then that was fine by me. Because I wasn't jealous. at. All.

There was another long pause and Zuko was looking at me with the most baffled face. He said that I had been on at him to be nicer and more friendly to Suki just two days ago and now he was being nicer to her and he had thought I'd be pleased. I made a face at him. He said that nothing else had to change, just because he was friends with Suki now. I was feeling just cross and of sorts and had all this pent up crankiness from today. I stood up and faced him and told him that things had already changed and that I had_ heard them talking_. Zuko looked momentarily taken aback and said that he didn't mind the commonsense stick really and he'd gotten used to it.

This is not about the commonsense stick! (though if I had the commonsense stick on me at that point I would have whacked him with it.)

He looked a bit confused and asked what it was about then. I am normally a bit of an enthusiastic liar where Zuko is concerned. I tell little white lies a fair bit _(oh this is just for healing purposes, no- I wasn't snooping, etc) _I can lie about the small stuff, but for big things I just can't. I always end up telling the truth even if I don't want to. I now realize that enthusiasm is not the same thing as efficiency- when it comes to lying. An efficient liar would have been able to think up something on the spot. Instead I told (shouted) the truth.

I said that I had overheard them talking about training Aang and learning stealth and he'd told Suki about how he learned stealth from his cousin. He should have told _me_ that first before he told her, because _we tell each other things_ and I _liked_ being the one that he told stuff to. I told him things that I didn't tell anyone else (about Hama, about my mum, about how angry I was when Aang was harping on about forgiveness). I thought that he told me things that he didn't tell anyone else – but now I knew he was just _telling things_ to people wily-nily.

I have stormed off again.

-?-

the house was all asleep when I got back. I was sitting on my balcony feeling cross. I locked the door to my room, but I could still hear Zuko knocking quietly. Eventually he gave up.

-?-

No, he didn't! He had just climbed around the house instead.

Damn you stealth training.

I hadn't even known he was doing it until he swung his long leg over the railings and hoisted himself over onto my balcony. He sat next to me and took a moment to catch his breath. I pretend that I was unhappy to see him and cross my arms in a grumpy fashion.

He told me that I couldn't just say things like that and run away and I said that I hadn't run away, I had stormed off and their was a difference. He shrugged and said I couldn't say things like that and storm off because it wasn't fair and I hadn't even given him a chance to respond. I waited to see what he had to say and there was a long silence. Eventually I prodded him and said that he should say whatever he came here to say then. He obviously hadn't climb all the way around here to tell me nothing.

He did this frustrated little gesture and said that he was_ trying_ but he _wasn't good at this. _He sighed, looked around, crossed his arms, sighed again and then dug into his pocket and pulled out a piece of paper and handed it to me while muttering _I can't believe you're making me do this._ I was about to say that I wasn't _making_ him do anything, but then I realized what he'd handed me. It was his letter from Lu Ten. That stopped my grumpy/bitchy comments in their tracks. He sat with his hands in his lap and was looking at them intently. He said I should read it, if I wanted to so badly. I should read it -if that would prove to me that that I was the person he wanted...to talk to about stuff.

I was actually stunned into silence, which is a rare event for me.

He kept talking in a really embarrassed fashion. It was endearingly awkward. He said that he was just talking about boring old training stuff with Suki and it wasn't fair that I got mad at him about that. But even when I'm mad...I was still his favourite person to talk to... and he probably that talked more to me that he ever had to anybody else, ever. .. and he probably trusted me as much as he could trust anybod...at that point I cut him off with a big hug. It was almost more of a tackle than a hug, because I practically just launched myself at him and held him close. I wrapped my arms around him and leaned my head on his shoulder and his arms came around my back and he gave me a gentle squeeze. I told him he could be quiet now - he talked too much.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

* * *

Authors notes: usual rambly diatribe – a bit shorter than usual because I am time poor at the moment! Alas!

Lovely wonderful readers! You have reached the end of _a little less conversation._ Congratulations and I hope you enjoyed it. This chapter deals with la green eyed monster, but not in the usual way. Big thank you to all my brilliant fabulous and beautiful reviewers- you guys are the greatest! You know I love ya.

Also a little apology for not including the letter- I know I said it was coming in this chapter – but I think the chapter was already getting frightfully long and the letter really opens another kettle of fish and I think it would do better having a chapter of it's own.

But in this chapter we get a veritable feast of feelings. Katara has a lot of them. I actually think, in this case, Katara would be less possessive and jealous if she and Zuko were actually in a relationship. If they were in a relationship – they would be a couple and she would have a romantic connection with him that would be unique and special. But as it is- they are just friends and as such she is very defensive over this friendship.

In my mind, it's not even romantic jealousy really, because there is no chance that Suki and Zuko are going to do the nasty. I just can't see either of their characters going there. Also I do think Suki and Sokka are very much in love. Sokka has a small moment of _so..you two..._almost jealousy- but Suki finds it a bit humorous and is able to reassure him with her calm sensibleness. For Katara, however, she gets jealous, but she feels like she can't just ask for more snuggles and reassurances from Zuko. She has no way of knowing that she's still his smushybear– so she gets cranky instead.

She and Zuko do have a special bond, but it is one that neither of them are willing to move to the next level at this stage- they have both friendzoned each other in a big way. So they are friends, who confide a lot in each other and spar with each other and this is something that makes their bond special to Katara. When Zuko starts confiding in Suki and sparring with Suki (even though both these things are quiet innocent) she flips out. She is worried that she'll be replaced. So she has a small tantrum of jealousy.

Zuko noticed the minute she stormed off and started looking for her as soon as possible – but he really wasn't expecting a jealous avalanche when he found her. In his mind, Katara has been on at him to be nice to Suki and now he is -she should be happy! When she mentions hearing them talking – he thinks she is referring to when he and Suki were making fun of the commonsense stick last chapter. But then she just throws all these various feelings at him and gets all ranty and storms off. Zuko has a moment of baffled confusion. This is why he doesn't instantly chase after her, because he has to have a moment to say _WTF was that? _

But when she is talking about how she tells him things that she doesn't tell anybody else – that is true for Zuko as well. In my imagination at least, he confides in Katara probably more than he ever has with anyone – because she is constantly asking and reassuring and pushing at his boundaries and various emotional walls. And at the end of the day, they do have a lovely, almost easy way of just being with each other that I don't think Zuko's had much experience with. He's not good with these big emotionally tense conversations and he hates it when she's mad at him.

He shows her the letter because it is an enormous gesture of trust for him. He doesn't want to have to reveal so much of himself to her, but he does because it seems necessary at the time and it is his Zuko way of letting her know that he trusts her most of all. Katara recognizes what a big gesture it is and they hug.

If I were not following canon, I would probably have them make out here and move their friendship to the next level. It just seems like a logical place to me. But there are plenty of brilliant well written alternative season threes out there and I have decided to try be a little different. I want to do almost a missing-moment-filler-in fic than an AU fic. I want to show that **Zutara and Canon can be friends**. I have decided to try and be as true to cannon as I can be in this fic. That means that we will have to wait a little while for smoochy-time (But I promise you, it will happen). This fic is shaping up to be a bit long, but I hope I can make it worth the wait lovely readers.

In the next chapter, a letter is read, a game of courage – better known as truth or dare- is played- and much fun is had by all.

Til then lovely readers.


	17. just the way you are

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Just the way you are.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

We went down to the kitchen, where there was more light – so I could read the letter. Zuko busied himself making tea. I unfolded the letter and scanned it quickly. _Hey snugbug, _it started. I said _snugbug?_ out loud and Zuko shrugged and said it was what his cousin used to call him. It was short for snuggle bug. Lu Ten was the only person whoever called him that. He had insecty-nicknames for both Zuko and Azula. Apparently, he used to call Azula _dragonfly _and she hated it. Zuko put two cups of tea down on the table and leaned against the wall, arms folded and looking away from me. His usual mopey pose. I looked down at the letter again.

_Hey snugbug._

_If you are reading this right now it means that I'm gone. If this is my final letter to you then I have some things I would like you to know. Firstly don't be in too much of a hurry to grow up and join us out here Snugs. I know they tell you that the war is glorious and we are blessing inferior people with our superior culture. In reality, it is not like that at all. This war is not at all what I thought it would be. I don't think that we are so very different from the earth kingdom folk after all. We all bleed the same Snugs. _

_Secondly, if I'm no longer around, then there are a few things I will need you to do for me. _

_You'll need to take care of my dad for me. If I'm gone - he'll need someone who cares about him to make sure he doesn't get too despondent. Just be there for him snugs. You know how he gets. _

_You'll need to look after your mum as well. She's a gentle-hearted lady. You should always listen to her because she is the best person I know. You can't go wrong following her advice. _

_You'll need to be a good big brother for Azula. I know she acts like she is tough as irons, but I think she's not as hard as she'd like us all to think. Azula is a bit odd and scary at times, but she can't help being what she is. But also you know, watch out for her too – because she's turning out exactly like your dad and that is not a good thing. _

_Snugs this is important: I don't want to frighten you, but your dad is gunning for you. Keep your elbows out and your wits about you. You may not believe me now, because I know you want to think he doesn't mean all those things he says and does. Take care around him and try not to make him angry. I know you have a lot to say Snugs, but sometimes silence is golden. If he ever comes at you again the best advice I can give you is to dodge and aim for his left side. My dad says he never learned to properly balance his chi. He is all rage and no restraint, so his bending is a bit weaker on his left side. _

_If you ever get an audience with Grandpa, then know that he hates time-wasters. Say what you need in 10 words or less. Be obedient, modest, and brief and you'll be fine. _

_Keep practicing your Dao swords and your Ninjitsu. You've a natural talent for that my sneaky Snugs. We all have different strengths and blades and stealth are yours. If there is a dagger in my personal effects – it is yours. While I hope you never have to use it, it is always good to have a dagger on you. It's like my dad says – you never know. _

_Don't get too frustrated with your bending. We can't all be like Azula and that is a good thing. Practice makes perfect after all. If you keep at it and are disciplined in your training, eventually it will come naturally to you. _

_But more importantly, don't get too frustrated with yourself. You are who you are snugs. _

_In my opinion, people don't change, not really. I know you feel like everyone is wanting you to be more like Azula, but I think you should try to just be you. Your dad says you could go any number of ways if you just put your mind to it and try harder, but that's not true. If you have a sink full of water and you tell it that it can go any way it wants, if it just tries harder – and then you pull the plug- that water is only going to go in one direction. Try it and see what happens. You're the water snugs, you'll always be the way that you are and you should learn to accept that. _

_Finally, don't forget about me -but don't spend all your time feeling sad about me either. The best way you can honour me is by having a long and happy life snug bug . _

_With Agni's blessing, _

_Lu Ten_

I folded it back up and handed it back to him and he put it in his pocket and sat down across from me. I said you _two must have been close _and he nodded and said they were. I wasn't quite sure what else to say so I sipped my tea. Zuko sipped his and we sat in silence for a moment. It wasn't an awkward silence by any means.

We were both just quiet and sometimes I like just being able to sit and be quiet with somebody.

I asked what Lu Ten had meant when he wrote about his dad 'coming at him'. Zuko looked down at his tea for a second and took a deep breath. He explained that in the firenation it was a common teaching practice for the master to attack the pupil to see how well they could defend themselves. Being attacked was a good way of finding out how much a student had learned and how well they were able to put techniques into practice under pressure. I remembered how Piandao had attacked Sokka on his last day and how freaked out we'd been. But apparently that is just normal practice. I told him about how Sokka had used bamboo and his wiliness in their fight.

Zuko said that his dad had done it to him when he'd been really little. Was this how he got his scar? He shook his head and said no, he hadn't got it from _that time_. Afterwards, his dad claimed he'd been just trying to teach him a lesson- (what this lesson was still eluded Zuko). Zuko had adored Lu Ten for sticking up for him that day. He didn't seem to want to say any more about it but eventually I beguiled the story out of him.

I am so wily.

He'd been quite little and he'd said something (he couldn't remember what it was) and his dad had gotten **really mad **and had attacked him. Zuko had run away from him, instead of fighting back. That made his dad even angrier and he'd ended up cornering Zuko in the palace. Then from nowhere, Lu Ten burst in, fist flaming and it was ON. Lu Ten and his dad had fought crazily and his uncle had to come and separate them. But then his uncle ended up fighting too and it was a three way fight and there had been shenanigans and shouting and swearing. Azula had ended the fight by setting a vast array of tapestries on fire (ostensibly because no one was paying attention to her). That definitely got everyone's attention and then there had been more shenanigans. Lu Ten had sneakily taken him out for ice cream (while everyone else was preoccupied by the great tapestry debacle) told him that he was a smart kid.

I liked the sound of Lu Ten.

Zuko smiled and said that everyone had liked Lu Ten. He'd been clever and kind and funny and really good at everything and Zuko had adored him. Zuko confided in me that he used to just wish Lu Ten was still alive because everything went bad after Lu Ten died. His mum disappeared and his grandfather had a heart attack the day after they got the news...and then his dad was firelord and nothing was the same. He always figured that Lu Ten would have known the right answer to any of his questions and would have been able to make things better for him.

But now he had his cousin's answers and it hadn't made him happy.

I asked why. It sounded like his cousin had loved him and given him some good advice. Zuko huffed and said it was the _sink thing._ He looked at his cup again and said quietly that he had been trying _so hard_ to change. Ever since joining us, he'd been trying really hard to be more patient and less angry. He just wanted to _be better._ But then he got his cousin's letter. Lu Ten basically said that he was stuck the way he was and was just water in a sink and could only go one direction. He felt like Lu Ten was saying that change wasn't an option for him.

Zuko **always** has the most negative interpretation of things. I had a different take entirely. I said that I hadn't known Lu Ten at all, but to me it sounded like Lu Ten thought he didn't have to _try so hard _to be better – he was fine just the way he was. He scoffed at the thought of someone liking him just the way he was. I don't know what came over me, I really don't, but I reached out and took his hand and told him not to be like that. I didn't think he needed to change either. I liked him _just the way he was._

He looked up in surprise when I said that. Then he smiled at me this really hesitant, heartbreaking smile. It was true really. I do like him just the way he is – but it is another matter entirely to just come out and say it.

Out loud.

To his face.

I felt a bit awkward and shy suddenly, which is rare for me. I'm not normally shy about much (except dancing). But we were just holding hands and looking at each other and it was another one of those moments. I could've leaned forward and...but I didn't. I was feeling shy and embarrassed and I rapidly started talking about how it wasn't true anyway, what Lu Ten wrote about water only going in one direction. I could make water go in any direction I wanted after all.

-?-

I had a dream about Zuko. This is only remarkable because normally I don't remember my dreams unless they are exceptionally weird – like the dream about master Pakku as a Ba Sing Se showgirl. This dream was also exceptionally weird and also (shamefully) featured master Pakku as a Ba Sing Se showgirl. Zuko was in his prison outfit and he looked very fetching in it. Like really fetching. (am I weird for thinking this?)

A horde of Ba Sing Se showgirls (Master Pakku was their leader for some reason) had taken him captive and they were going to do whatever showgirls do to boys unless I intervened. I had to choose between kissing him, which would somehow save him from the showgirls AND NEVER KISSING ANOTHER BOY EVER. Or leave him to his floozy fate and get a horde of showboys who looked like Jet to command and bash with the common sense stick.

Zuko was waving at me and urging me to pick him and kept saying that he wanted to kiss me. The Jets were **gyrating **with each other and sequins were going everywhere and they were urging me to pick them because they only wanted to serve me (and gyrate with each other I guess). Anyway, in the end Master Pakku defected from the showgirls to help me fight them and I got Zuko **and** the Jets. I didn't quite know what to do with the Jets -so I made them carry a palanquin for us.

Anyway I woke up a bit dazed and confused.

It was all very weird.

-?-

Am I the biggest weirdo ever for dreaming something like that?

-?-

Does Zuko still have the prison outfit?

-?-

Was about to tell Sokka about my dream to see what he thought. Me and Sokka sometimes _over-share_ when it comes to our dreams. We always end up telling each other everything. There no secrets between Sokka and me really. Anyway, we were both eating breakfast and Sokka was telling me about his dream (the food eats people dream again). Anyway I was just about to regale him with my dream when I thought better of it at the last minute. I think he would tease me forever or even worse – tell Zuko. And I can't be having that.

-?-

We were joined first by Toph and Suki (both of whom had a sleep in this morning) and then later by Zuko and Aang, who have been firebending training since sunrise.

Today is Aang's day of Courage. Aang started chatting happily about courage and needing courage in the face of powerful winds/storms etc. The air nomads all had very courageous spirits and their courage would be tested during the North wind festival etc.

Today's activity would be a game of honesty and bravery.

The way he explained it sounded familiar to me and I asked if he actually meant _truth or dare_, which me and Sokka used to play. Actually our games always degenerated into just plain old dares because we both knew each others' truths.

But anyway.

Suki had played lots of times with the Kyoshi Warriors. Zuko had played one time with Azula, but he shuddered at the memory and said _never again._ Truth or dare is definitely not a game I'd want to play with miss crazy lightening bolts. Aang cajoled and poked Zuko repeatedly and eventually he agreed to play if it would make Aang happy. Aang said that it wasn't so much about making him happy, it was just that _everybody _had to join in.

Toph was the only one in our group who had never played – because she hadn't had any friends to play with and it's not really the sort of game that you play with your mother, is it?- she asked if it was hard to pick up. I told her she'd pick it up pretty quickly, in a reassuring fashion. Poor Toph. It must have been hard to be so isolated as a child. I always forget what a sheltered life she led before she joined us.

-?-

Screw Toph!

She is the worst person to play truth or dare with EVER! She is just so blunt and tactless and she can tell if you are lying and she seems to know exactly what will make people the most embarrassed! And she just LOVES embarrassing people. It's her thing. It's how she rolls.

Anyway, we were all sitting in a circle and we'd had a few rounds. Most of the truth and dares had been harmless. I have learned that Suki is not a fan of elephant rats and finds them really creepy and is willing to jump in the ocean fully dressed on a dare (She may have gotten out and given Sokka what she referred to as a _wet person hug,_ before I could dry her off.) Sokka can fit two whole apples in his mouth and likes alphabetizing the library best out of a selection of activities. Toph hates abrasive noises like things scratching really harshly on the wooden floor, or nails on a chalkboard, has agreed to let me and Sokka teach her to swim (just in case) and can fit inside the smallest cupboard in the kitchen. Zuko cannot juggle at all and is unnerved by clowns. Aang found this rather amusing and has made a few comments about the fact that Zuko is actually in great need of a clown. Apparently Zuko needs a clown to make him smile because he _so serious_ all the time. Aang's joking and clowning did not seem to have the Zuko-cheering effect he thought it would.

Zuko's next dare was for Aang to be quiet_ for five whole minutes_.

Aang last 3 and half. Which is good for Aang.

Aang we have discovered, (though I already suspected) cannot be quiet for longer than 3 and a half minutes and will do almost anything if you say _I dare you. _Aang loved being dared so much that we all started daring him with increased frequency. He just took so much pleasure in showing off/proving how brave he was. We didn't want to spoil his fun. He started handing out his turns because he had so many. After a while he gave Toph his go to dare somebody.

She dared me to kiss Zuko.

And there were **shenanigans. **

I didn't want me and Zuko's first kiss to be because Toph had dared us. I didn't want it to be public and in front of everyone and part of some juvenile game. I wanted it to be private and intimate and natural. We'd be on a beach and he'd be shirtless (or in the prison outfit. Mmmhhh). If there are candles or a fire of some description and a full moon – then great. If not, I can live with it.

This is not to say that I spend any time thinking about what it would be like to kiss Zuko.

Because I don't.

I have better things to think about after all and I am very busy and important. Too busy and important to spend my day indulging in fantasizing about Zuko. Pfft. Who would spend their time doing that?

Anyway, I did not want to kiss him in front of everybody as part of a game of truth or dare. He looked a little nervous and caught my eye and I think we were in silent agreement – this would be too embarrassing for words. We both started mildly protesting at the same time that Aang interjected loudly that Toph couldn't dare **his girl **to kiss another guy.

Oh boy.

Well then.

Now I was just plain **cranky.**

I am not **his girl **at all. Aang and me have never even had a proper conversation about this... and even if we did, I would not know what to say to him. He hasn't even **asked **me if I would like to be his girl. Does he just **assume** that because he is the Avatar, I'll say yes? I am **his friend **and I do love him, but I am not **his girl**. It just riled me the way he claimed me like that. I felt really cross at him and I had to prove my independence somehow. If I didn't kiss Zuko then I would be tacitly agreeing with Aang's proprietorial claim over me. I can't be having that.

So I got up really quickly and strode over and knelt down and just **grabbed Zuko's face.** He seemed a little startled actually, when I did that. I forgot that he _hates_ people making sudden moves towards his face. My bad.

Anyway I grabbed his face and planted a big one on his cheek. I made a big show of this and even made a _mwah _kissing noise while I did this. I may have...errr...smelled him a little while I did this. Not in a weird way or anything. I just like the way he smells. That's not weird. Zuko sort of leaned away from me at first – because he seemed exceptionally surprised/startled. But then he kind of leaned into it. I may have run my fingers through his hair a little absentmindedly and I felt him sigh deeply when I did this.

See, Toph had never specified _where_ I had to kiss him, just that I had to do it. The cheek is friendly. The cheek is not awkward for everyone later. I had been aiming for his cheek. Really. But I ended up kissing just above the corner of his mouth. It wasn't quite inappropriate – but it was just on the borderline between friendly and something else.

It wasn't a long kiss, just a few moments really. Then I got up, ruffled Zuko's hair and declared that everyone was very immature and announced that I was** finished with the game** and I was going to make lunch. Then I stomped off and got the common sense stick and came back and wielded it like **the righteous bearer of common sense** that I am. I have poked Aang and Toph especially hard with it and scratched the ground near Toph with it – so it makes a high pitch noise. She hated that. Serves her right! Truth or dare is over for the day.

-?-

While I set about making lunch, Aang and Toph were earthbending and Sokka and Suki were canoodling and I wasn't quite sure where Zuko had gotten too. I thought about looking for him, but I was just feeling this weird feeling in my stomach. It was like indigestion, but not.

And I just needed _a moment._

I was in the kitchen, just staring at some capsicum in a daze. I had been about to do something with it but I just kept having mental blanks and daydreams and it was all very distracting. It is hard to prepare lunch when you brain keeps wandering off like some lost, excitable child.

Come back brain.

-?-

Lunch was a little awkward. Aang was kind of pouting and Zuko was really quiet and Toph was a bit smugetty-smug. Sokka and Suki started trying to fill in the conversation blanks and engage people in any sort of talk. Eventually Suki offered to do a fan demonstration for us. Aang dances when things get awkward or he's in public...well, actually, Aang dances fairly frequently, with little provocation. Anyway, Suki's fan thing is the Suki equivalent of the Aang dance. It fills in awkward moments. It was certainly mesmerizing actually. Soon we were all watching and clapping and forgetting to be awkward with each other. Sokka re-iterated his food eats people dream and there was much commenting on the likelihood of this occurring. I feel like we can all put this little awkward moment behind us.

-?-

I was going to write some scores on the board. Everyone had done their dares-so each team got ten points. Then it was time to teach Aang some more healing. I was a little cross with him, but I tried to push that feeling aside and just concentrate on teaching him. I was going to be in gentle encouragement mode, not cranky-pants wench mode. This is very important stuff after all and Aang seems to find it exceptionally difficult, so I need to help him as much as I can.

I got one of Toph's mannequins out and was explaining the theory of how to heal cuts in great detail. I had even drawn diagrams and everything. But after a while I realized that Aang wasn't actually paying attention to what I was saying. He was staring at me in an odd fashion and seemed a bit preoccupied. There was a conversation we had to have – but, oh boy, was I dreading it.

Aang wanted to ask me a question and for a fanciful moment I thought it would be a question about waterbending healing. No such luck. Aang wanted to know why I had kissed Zuko when he could have used his Avatar-ness to get me out of it. Ugh. I did not want to have _this conversation_. I couldn't see a way out of this conversation that wouldn't end in awkwardness or me getting cross at Aang. I just didn't want to get into this particular topic. I have so far been able to avoid _this subject_ coming up with Aang like an expert. I decided the best course of action was just to play it light and easy.

I told him that it was just a silly and immature game and I had only kissed Zuko on the cheek anyway so he shouldn't read too much into it and it wouldn't have been fair on the others if he just used his Avatarness to get me out of things and furthermore – I didn't need him to get me out of things. I said this bit much more seriously because I really need Aang to understand.

I'm a person. I'm not a possession.

I don't belong to anyone and I can take care of myself.

I said that as a master waterbender- I could get myself out of things and I didn't need Aang to play the white knight for me. Aang nodded and said he understood what I was saying, but he had just wanted to help. Aang always just wants to help after all. I told Aang that the best way to help me would be to concentrate on his lesson. He did his best to pay better attention, but he is still struggling with healing concepts.

-?-

After our lesson, Aang had some free time and I let him fly around on Appa. As long as he flew low and didn't stray too far from the house. Sokka is reading _Love Amongst the Dragons_ and Suki is teaching Toph how to play this Kyoshi Island game, that looks a little like pai sho but isn't. They asked if I wanted to play, but I wanted to find Zuko, so I left them to it and started my search.

I hadn't seen Zuko since lunch and I hadn't had a chance to talk to him since the dare. I had used him to prove a point to Aang and that's not cool. I just wanted to find him and explain my various feelings on the matter. And just check if he was on the same page. I found him in moping mango tree and climbed up and sat with him. I started talking about earlier and he held his hand up to silence me and said simply that it was _okay that I didn't want to kiss him._

I actually hadn't come to say that I didn't want to kiss him. Not to say that I do want to kiss him. I mean- I don't know.

But he was just _dismissing_ the possibility of us kissing out of hand. He was acting like I already said that I didn't want to kiss him. I have never said that, so I don't know _where _he got that idea from. But I couldn't correct him because that would be like declaring **– I want you to kiss me-** and I am not about to do that. I don't even know if I...I mean we are so different...Kissing would complicate everything...he drives me crazy most of the time and I can't see kissing alleviating this...and he still has his family pack of fireflakes, so I am sure that he would taste like a fireflake. I've become accustomed to fireflakes but I don't want to taste them all day. Not to say that we would be kissing all day if we started kissing.

Bollocks to it all!

It is all very frustrating.

I think I made a frustrated noise and said that he was putting words in my mouth. He said he just wanted me to know that things didn't have to be weird and I didn't have to explain myself and that he thought people should kiss because they want to kiss each other, not because of some juvenile game. I was in complete agreement and we have agreed with each other and that is all very well and good.

But I think I have agreed to _no kissing _and I'm not sure how that came about.

I'm not saying that I want to kiss him, but if I did – Look, I am thinking to much about this and I'm am just going to stop thinking about this and writing about this because I am getting obsessive.

-?-

I wouldn't mind just being able to keep _the option open._

-?-

I have decided that Zuko is very frustrating.

-?-

Okay, so I told him yesterday that I liked him just the way he is, but I just wish he could be a little less obtuse and difficult and didn't automatically leap to the most negative conclusion over everything.

-?-

But I guess if he was a little less obtuse and difficult and pessimistic- then he wouldn't be my Zuko.

-?-

Gah!

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Usual long and rambly notes.

Lovely wonderful readers! You have reached the end of _Just the way you are. _Congratulations and I hope you enjoyed it. Cuddles and snuggles and oodles of love for all my wonderful reviewers. Seriously, you guys are just lovely and it makes my day to get all your comments so thanks!

So in this chapter I wanted to explore Zuko's relationship with Lu Ten a little. I think they were close. The lovely Em Dixon * waves at Em* hypothesized that Ursa probably had a big part in raising Lu Ten. Iroh's wife is never mentioned, ever. Her absence leads me to belief that she has been dead and gone a significant amount of time and I think Ursa with her _mama bear_ instincts would have stepped in and been maternal towards Lu Ten. She looks devastated when she gets the news that he has died after all.

All this is a long way of saying that even though Lu Ten was significantly older than both his cousins, I think he was a big part of their formative years. They would have all lived in the palace together after all. I actually think Ba Sing Se was his first campaign away from home. Not sure why, but I do. Anyway I think he was a bit of a _golden child _– he was Iroh's son, future heir to the throne if the proper succession was to be followed and I think he was _just a bit awesome_.

I think he would have tried to be good to both his cousins, but he would have naturally just liked Zuko more, possibly due to the fact that Zuko not afflicted with a mild form of sociopathy/narcissism (whatever is wrong with Azula is no little thing.) At the same time Azula is really young when he writes this and I'd like to think that he wouldn't just dismiss her out of hand. I think he would recognize that Azula is emulating Ozai's example and is really a product of her environment. She is not as tough as she acts. Her complete and rapid breakdown at the end, I think, is evidence of all this vulnerability and humanity that she's just **suppressed **for years. She's been on her own with Ozai and (no other role models) for a long time when we first meet her in the series and I think she has very much become her father's daughter.

I also think that Lu Ten and Ozai would have had a lot of simmering tension between them. Like Scar and Simba but with Mufasa alive and..anyway you get what I mean. I think there would have been a veritable ass-ton of dislike there. Lu Ten would notice that something is not right with Ozai and that the way he treats both his kids is pretty terrible. Lu Ten would have had a good role model in Iroh and he knows that it is not normal for a father to treat a son the way that Ozai treats Zuko. But at the same time he probably would have been reluctant to tell little Zuko _"hey, just so you know, your dad like __**really hates**__ you."_ because that would serious make little Zuko a sad panda. So he teaches Zuko things he knows, things he thinks will be of use to him and looks out for him as best he can. He sticks up for him the first time Ozai attacks him (I don't think the Angi kai was the first time Ozai would have physically hurt one of his kids) and earns Zuko's undying hero worship.

I thought it would be reasonable for Lu Ten to warn Zuko about Ozai in this letter. If it gets sent then it means that Lu Ten isn't going to be there to look out for him any more and he's got to keep his head down for survival's sake. Lu Ten Tells Zuko the things **he needs to know**. Ozai's weakness and how not to annoy their grandfather (the current firelord). In the episode with jeong jeong, he emphasizes how important restraint is to firebending but Ozai just had no restraint, so I have wildly leapt to the conclusion that it would affect his bending. He's a powerful bender, but he's not an expert, efficient bender and I think his chi would be unbalanced, which would result in unbalanced bending.

Lu Ten also asks Zuko to look out for the people they both love. He knows his dad will need someone to keep him going. I think he would worry about his mummy figure Ursa being married to someone like Ozai and knew that she'd need extra cuddles as well after he died.

The main point of his letter is that Zuko should be true to himself. This is the most important life lesson Lu Ten can offer. He's probably witnessed many scenes where Ozai has been at the kid, saying '_Why can't you be more like Azula?' _But he knows that Zuko needs to try be more like Zuko. This is very similar advice to what his mother tells him when she leaves. Zuko's main journey is figuring out who he is and how to be true to himself. I think Zuko was a sweet kid back then and his cousin thought he didn't need to change. Of course this all gets lost in translation for Zuko, because Lu Ten picks an unusual metaphor to illustrate this point. I think Zuko would have a tendency to jump to negative conclusions. He doesn't have great self image in general. He's really trying to change and be better when he's with the gang and then he gets this letter from his cousin who he adored that says 'you can't change.'

In all honesty, I think Zuko would have always thought that his life would have been a lot better if Lu Ten was alive. Everything thing goes to hell in a hand basket for him immediately after Lu Ten's death.

I think Zuko would have had this idea in the back of his mind that Lu Ten would know all the answers and could wave a magic wand and make everything better. But the he gets this letter and it doesn't have the answers he wants.

I think it is a **big gesture** for him to show something this personal to Katara. This is a big divulging of personal baggage for him. But she has a much more positive and optimistic spin on things and really cheers him up. Who wouldn't be cheered up by someone like Katara saying she likes you for who you are.

Katara's dream is just something I thought would be suitably ridiculous. She has to choose between one Zuko and a horde of Jets (gyrating and dressed in sequined costumes – just for shiggles).

Aang's a bit attention seeking, bless his cotton socks, and quite fond of dares/thrill seeking. That's why he's all for playing truth or dare for his festival of Aang. I think he wants lots and lots of the dares so he can show everybody (Katara in particular) how awesome/talented/brave his is. He just wants some more attention people! He is like Tinkerbell or Rachel from glee – He needs applause to **live! **Flameo Aang. Unfortunately his brilliant plan to show Katara how awesome he is through his ability to do dares backfires on him, when Toph dares her to kiss Zuko. And Katara does. This makes Aang a sad/confused panda.

I think Toph just likes to mess with people (Katara in particular) just a little. She's blunt, she's tactless and she knows that there is a bit of fancying going on between Katara and Zuko. Toph like many of my dear, lovely readers is thinking '_oh for goodness sake, just kiss him already!' _So she dares Katara just for shiggles and to see what will happen. In all honesty, I'm not a huge fan of the _truth or dare kiss trope_ because I think it cheapens the kiss – so I didn't have them kiss on the lips here. Like Katara, I want their first kiss to be special, not awkward and embarrassing and the result of a dare.

Aang does not want.

Aang and Katara dance around the topic of Aang's massive crush on her. Katara cannot _lace up her sneakers and head for the hills_ fast enough when they get _even close_ to this conversation. I think she avoids this conversation at all costs. She avoids this conversation like Aang avoids eating meat. So when Aang calls her **my girl,** she chooses to actively prove that he doesn't own her rather than enter into that conversation. She doesn't **blow a gasket** at him later because that would bring up the giant conversation of awkward and there is no way that Katara is going to voluntarily enter/bring up that conversation.

She is also entertaining the idea of kissing Zuko as a result of the dare. And because I am wily I have Zuko and Katara, sitting in a tree, talking about kissing – but not actually kissing at the end. Their conversation is another one that dances around the point. As I said earlier, Zuko always leaps to the most negative conclusion and in this case, he thinks she doesn't want to kiss him at all and that she only did it because it was a dare etc. So he mopes a little bit and tells himself not to be stupid, not to get his hopes up, they are just friends etc. He doesn't want to lose her as a friend – she is the first person to tell him she likes him for who he is, after all. So when she comes to find him (like he knew she would) he just wants her to know that he's okay with her not fancying him and things don't have to be weird at all between them. It is like the reverse of her conversation with Aang. He dismisses the idea of further kissing before Katara can get a word in edgewise and then Katara has thoughts. Rambly, obsessive thoughts. Bless her cotton socks.

In the next chapter we are approaching the end of the week of Aang. Cakes will be made, moments will be had and a calamity will strike!

Til then lovely readers...


	18. different ways of healing

0o0o0o0o00o0o0

Different ways of healing.

0o0o0o0o00o0o0

Today was Aang's day of preparation. It is the second last day of the festival. (Has it nearly been a week already?) It is tradition that on the second last day that all the teams make preparations and tasty goodies for the the final festival day and the great feast of the north wind. I suggested to Aang that we dissolve the teams for this particular day. I am the best (arguably the only capable) cook. Aang knows all the recipes. Toph cannot cook, Sokka is prone to 'experimenting', Zuko can only make kebabs and Suki will most likely try to make the Kyoshi Island dessert again. And then we will all have to eat it and pretend to like it.

Again.

Aang's face when I said this was almost comically afraid and disgusted. I have a feeling that Aang would face the Ungai before he eats one of Suki's desserts again.

-?-

Aang gave everyone a bit of a speech at breakfast about the necessity preparation, _always be prepared_ etc. He gave a brief history lesson about how the Air Nomads would prepare before long flying journeys and announced we would all be on the same team for today.

Smushybear and cherry blossom were most happy to be reunited.

-?-

Okay, you can have WAY too many people in this kitchen. My Grangran used to say_ too many cooks spoil the broth_ and I would never quite know what she meant by that. Our village was so small and there were so few cooks and I had so many chores – I always thought a few more cooks, more hands to help with pickling and preserving- would be a good thing.

It's not.

Nobody fights to defend the right to make blackberry filling the wrong way quite like Sokka. We had a disagreement over the very simplest instructions and flour and sugar went everywhere. This kitchen is designed for three people max. There are six of us in here now.

All is chaos.

Still much fun is had by all.

-?-

So we put Toph and Suki in charge of kneading the dough for the bases. When Toph found out that all she had to do was bash up the dough- she took to her task with gusto ( she actually started a one sided conversation with her dough which went like this: _Take that! And that! And that!_). Suki can knead dough without making it taste like congealed sadness with lumps – so that is a good thing.

Sokka and I were in charge of the fruity toppings and fillings. We have had many arguments over the right way to prepare the fruit toppings. Aang has given us a recipe with Sokka sees as only a guideline. He has _experimented _and made a berry abomination that I am adamnat willnot be used in our final product.

Zuko and Aang were in charge of custard because it involves much faffing about with different flames and you have to keep varying the heat to get the custard to set properly. Zuko turned this into an opportunity to teach Aang more about firebending and tried to get Aang to control his custard flame using only his breath. Sokka made many jokes about Zuko's ability to turn _almost anything_ into a firebending lesson. He has taken to commenting on what he's doing like he was Zuko giving me a firebending lesson. He lowered his voice to mimic Zuko's and tried to turn his berry abomination/dicing moonpeaches into a firebending lesson.

_You see Katara, the way you are cutting up the moon peaches is good but if this was firebending practice – you would need to be slicing with much more control and work on you breathing – breathe in on the downward slice- good – now breathe out through your nose – argh don't throw moon peaches at me woman–_

I found this supremely annoying and occasionally threw fruit at my dear brother. Zuko was getting steadily crankier and crankier and would keep protesting the he didn't talk like that/sound like that/ make everything about firebending. Sokka claimed he was just teasing and he thought it was cute and he'd learned a lot more about his breathing technique from listening to Zuko's lesson on custard bending.

I could tell a cranky explosion was coming and was unsurprised that when Sokka turned back to me and said solemnly _now Katara, when it comes to the ancient art of custard bending – _Zuko snuck up behind him and grabbed him and gave him a big mango flavoured noogie (he'd grabbed one of the mango skins from somewhere). And inelegant noogie struggle with various ingredients followed. Flour went everywhere, as did sugar. Toph declared _food fight_ rather excitedly and threw her dough to the fray and then started pelting the boys happily with fruit. Aang with great speed – saved the good custard and the bases and what fillings me and Sokka had made and put them in the lounge room. Then he happily started throwing the remaining ingredients around. I took this occasion to tip Sokka's berry abomination on his head and he threw some berry abomination back at me and pulled me into the melee of ingredients. Suki, bless her cotton socks, tried to separate people, or at least tried to stop Aang from getting the leftover custard involved, because that is going to be hell to clean up. She got smushed papaya in the face for her trouble. Then she said _oh bollocks, _picked up the eggs and started flinging them at everybody with great precision. I grabbed Zuko at one point and started jam tickling him – it's like regular tickling but there is jam involved. I only succeeded in making us both covered in jam. Both of us are now strawberry flavoured and delicious.

The great northwind food fight was on!

Eventually, I made it out of the kerfuffle and grabbed the common sense stick and started joyfully smacking people with it until they ceased and desisted with their various food weapons. When everyone had calmed and all food armaments had been put down, I declared that we all needed to go get cleaned up. Everyone looked a fright, the kitchen was a complete mess and I couldn't face cleaning it up until I'd gotten the jam out from my bindings- how had jam even gotten in there in the first place? I started trudging towards the hot spring in my birthday cave and they all followed after me like dutiful, dirty ducklings.

-?-

There is a large hot spring at the back of the cave. We all stripped down to our undies and hopped in. I dunked all our clothes in the hot water at one part of the spring -to let them soak. I got Toph to earthbend a little basin so they wouldn't float away. They'll be much easier to clean later.

At first there was much splashing and ado and a small water fight broke out. It was kind of sweet, everybody had gotten each other messy and now everybody helped each other get cleaned up.

Sokka had a hold of Toph, who was clinging to his neck a little uncertainly. After a while he started trying to teach her to tread water with Suki. Aang was sitting on a little rock ledge with Zuko and talking about how the airnomads used to make custard. I watched them for a bit while I spun the clothes around in the water with my bending.

Wet and shirtless Zuko. Mmmhhhh.

Zuko apologised for starting a food fight and ruining the day's activities. Aang laughed and said there was always food fights at the Southern Air Temple and the food fight had _made _the day's activities. At that point I swam over to them and they both smiled in greeting at me. I sat between them and listened to tales of the food fights of 100 years ago. Aang wanted to show us a trick he'd been working on. He was trying to incorporate all the different bendings into his party tricks.

This has made Zuko a happy panda.

Aang got a small pebble and a drop of water and a small flame and made them spin around each other in mid air. They all burred together and it looked really cool. We clapped and cheered and asked Aang to do it again (Aang loves applause and requests for encores). Aang did it again and we clapped and cheered anew. Aang said he was trying to figure out if he could do it on a bigger scale and make them circle around himself. He thought that would look awesome. Zuko and I agreed that this would be an awesome sight. He went to show Toph and Sokka and Suki his new trick.

When he was gone, Zuko asked me if he was really boring and I was very surprised at this. I can never imagine being bored around Zuko and I told him so. He smiled and said that he was just worried that he was boring us all after Sokka had teased him about always talking about firebending. I told him not to worry, Sokka was just teasing – he teases because he loves, after all (Sokka has a great deal of what he would describe as _manly affection_ for Zuko).

Besides we all knew it was important for Aang to learn firebending. When I was teaching Aang water bending,_ everything_ was about push and pull. I talked about push and pull so much that Sokka had declared that I was pushing and pulling him to insanity. Zuko smiled and said _I might have succeeded on that front_ as we watched Sokka and Aang have a cannon ball splashing competition, while Suki held onto Toph. Aang was using his waterbending to cheat – but I didn't tell Sokka this. I talked a bit about how waterbending feels – that constant push and pull and flow of life. Water almost felt alive to me. Zuko listened and said that that fire felt alive to him as well, but it felt more like a heartbeat.

I wonder how earthbending feels to Toph. I will have to ask her later.

-?-

After everybody started getting all wrinkly, we got out. Aang airbended us all dry while I got all the water out of our clothes and we trudged back to the house to clean up the kitchen. We all pitched in and there were more shenanigans with cleaning implements. Zuko and Sokka had a broom sword fight and have earned a few whacks with the common sense stick. But eventually the kitchen was cleaned and I set about making lunch. Zuko stayed to help me and Toph and Aang went off to earth bend for the interim. Sokka and Suki went back to the hammocks, which has become their favourite canoodling place.

-?-

Zuko and I were slicing veggies together and watching Aang and Toph earthbend out the windows. She was trying to teach him how to make earth slice projectiles out of a pillar. It was quite similar to this move that I do with water bending and she was having great success. Aang does well when learning similar fighting moves, even though the bendings are very different.

Zuko agreed and said that Aang had picked up firewhips the first time Zuko had tried to teach him and this had been a pleasant surprise. Aang said that they were very similar to water whips. I wonder what other things are similar. Maybe we should focus on those if we want to get Aang comfortable with other bendings. Right now he is still over-reliant on airbending. He will airbend first in any situation. We are trying to get him incorporate his other bendings more. Because me and Zuko let off steam so much, we have a fairly good understanding of each other's bending. We tossed around ideas about what moves have a lot in common and came up with a rough plan of what we could teach Aang together. We will have to talk to Toph about this as well.

Maybe later today we can have a four way spar.

-?-

I've just touched Zuko's scar again. He'd had a big smear of custard on his forehead, right where his eyebrow would have been, from our food fight. It had been hiding under his fringe and hadn't washed off in the spring. I realised he couldn't feel it there – I guess the skin must not be as sensitive.

Zuko never looks in mirrors so it would be ages till he noticed it. I just noticed when he blew the hair out of his eyes. His fringe is getting long and he's taken to blowing it out of his face when his hands are busy. I find it kind of entrancing when he does this. So I noticed the custard smear and I told him...and asked him if I could ...I just gestured here. I don't know how to ask. But Zuko understood and bowed his head and let me wipe it off. It was something I could have let him do himself, but I've been wanting to touch it again for ages and I haven't known how to ask.

I wet my thumb and rubbed the custard off, but I didn't take my hand away. I just lay it flat against the rough surface. He closed his eyes and sighed so deeply when I did this. Maybe he's been wanting me to touch it again and hasn't known how to ask.

It must have hurt so much.

I think we were both thinking about the last time I had done this. Zuko cleared his throat and asked me, really quietly, if I'd meant what I said in Ba Sing Se, about being able to heal it. Well he actually asked the floor because he seemed unable to meet my eyes. I told him that I'd used up all the spirit water when Aang had been shot by Azula and he nodded sadly and said he just wanted to check.

I wish I could just heal it for him.

I wish I could just make it better.

I told him not to be sad, there was plenty more spirit water – at the North Pole they have a whole oasis full of it. When this war is over, and we have time, I'll take him up there and see what I can do. He smiled, a small, private smile and I couldn't help myself, I stroked the rough skin a little before I withdrew my hand. I could do it. I'm sure I could do something for it.

We looked at each other for a heartbeat of time and then Zuko said, in an entirely different tone of voice, that we'd better get lunch on the table before Sokka started complaining about dying of hunger.

-?-

I am exceptionally distracted at the moment. I was exceptionally distracted during my whole healing lesson with Aang. I am thinking about Zuko. I also think I must be getting a stomach bug because my stomach has been fluttering ever since lunch. It can't be lunch because we all ate the same vegetable curry and no one else is feeling indigestion. This feeling is like indigestion really. But it is not bad or painful indigestion. It's almost a good, if weird, feeling of indigestion.

-?-

Zuko, Toph and I have all had a chat about what is common to all three of our bendings. There are actually quite a few moves and forms. We have decided to have a three way sparring session with Aang. He is not allowed to use airbending, but can pick and choose from the moves and forms we have selected. Aang ecstatic with the idea. We will start tomorrow before Aang's final activity and festival feast.

-?-

Tremendous success! Aang didn't airbend once. He did use waterbending more than other bendings, but still, he has come along marvellously. We have agreed to do this tomorrow for a longer period. Aang was a bit too excited about the feast and everything else today to concentrate for a long period of time. He's scampered off now to do some final preparations for his final activity.

-?-

At lunch Aang thanked us all sincerely for taking part in his Airnomad festival and sharing the occasion with him. He was glad that he'd been able to share his culture with us and he really hoped we all had a good time. We all agreed and reassured him that it had all been tremendous good fun.

Today's activity was meant to take all the lessons we have learnt and put them all together. It was a treasure hunt. He'd marked three paths through the forest with clues and each team would have to follow the clues and the first team to find their treasure would win the whole festival and then would could come back and have custard tarts and celebrate. This announcement was greeted with some mild protesting from team boomerang and Zuko.

Team boomerang thought it was most unfair that victory could be snatched by another team. They were _miles_ ahead of us! And Aang knew where all the treasures were hidden and would probably cheat and claim victory for our team. Me and Aang both protested at this accusation. Aang said that as the Avatar he wouldn't cheat and I wouldn't cheat either. Sokka mumbled something under his breathe about my cheating habits and Toph nodded and they both crossed their arms in unison and pouted and it was a little adorable.

Zuko shouted over the top of our bickering that he didn't think this was such a good idea. The forest was teeming with animals and some of them were poisonous and it was high summer now and they were all more active. Aang said he had been through the forest and hadn't seen anything. Zuko got a bit huffy and said that he wished Aang had_ asked him_ before he went because Aang could have been bitten and really hurt by something and we wouldn't have been able to help him. Aang said that Zuko worried too much and everything would be fine. Zuko said there was no way that we were all going through the forest unless we had learned some poisonous animal safety. We all agreed.

-?-

It was lesson time with professor Zuko. He made us all sit down and explained the various poisonous animals and their habits and what to do if you come across one. Some animals (most of the snakes) are more scared of people and will run away if you stamp lightly. Others, like scorpidillos and various spiders, will leave you alone if you just stand completely still when you see one. They will attack if provoked or to protect their babies, but if you leave them alone, they will leave you alone. The most dangerous creatures are razorback adders and they will actually attack with very little provocation and if you see one of them the best thing to do is run.

He even drew diagrams.

He got quite into his poisonous creature safety lecture actually. Zuko, when he is talking about something he's passionate about, is actually very mesmerising. I found professor Zuko to be a most engaging and endearing spectacle. It was distracting actually, because I was probably concentrating more on _him_ and his various gestures and exclamations, than what he was actually saying. The only thing that could have made me concentrate less on his lecture would be if he had delivered it wearing the prison outfit. Mmmmhhhh.

-?-

Toph and Sokka followed the blue clues into the forest. Suki and Zuko were following the yellow ones and me and Aang had the green. Aang said that for it to be fair to the others, he wouldn't help me figure out the clues and that way we couldn't be accused of cheating when we won the whole festival. I asked if that was really the rules – whoever one the last game won the whole thing- and Aang confessed that he'd made that bit up, but just to make it more interesting for everybody and to give all the teams a chance at winning today.

Fair enough.

-?-

We'd gotten deeper into the forest when it happened. I heard a faint hissing noise and made Aang stay completely still. We both listened and we could distinctly hear a faint _hiiiiiiiissss. _Zuko said that most of the snakes were more scared of people than we were of them, so if we both stamped our feet lightly, we'd scare it and it would go away. Me and Aang did this, but the hissing actually got closer. This snake wasn't most snakes unfortunately, it was a razorback adder.

It was a seriously ugly snake.

It slithered from the bushes, with all of the spikes on its back sticking up menacingly, hissing all the while. Me and Aang both made little shrieks of terror and ran for it. After all that is the only thing to do when you see a razorback adder.

-?-

We ran until we were out of breath. We stopped in a small clearing and were nervously giggling at each other over our near miss. Sometimes after a big adrenaline rush and a bit of a fright – I get the giggles. I don't know why. I just do. Aang was giggling with me but suddenly his face just dropped in horror and he told me to stay completely still. I thought he was having me on really, so I giggled again. But Aang wasn't laughing with me. I glanced over my shoulder and there was a mummy scorpidillo standing in front of her babies.

Oh.

The mummy scorpidillo's maternal instincts had kicked in and her tail was raised high. There was a burrow near where I was standing that must have been their nest. Zuko had said we had to stand completely still with Scorpidillos but I didn't think that would work if we were so close to the babies. Maternal instincts are very strong and this mummy definitely saw us as a threat. Me and Aang talked quietly to each other. Aang thought he could blast it away with airbending and then we could make another run for it.

She'd stay with the babies, she wouldn't chase us.

Aang stepped around me and blasted. The mummy scorpidillo moved fast. Faster than I expected. Faster than I could move. She ducked Aang's airblast and suddenly she was right beside me. She struck with her tail as fast as lightning.

Oh the pain!

I yelled out in shock and surprise and hurt. It hurt so much. I fell to the ground and clutched at my ankle. Aang yelled out to me and tried to blast the scorpidillo away again – but this just made the creature more mad. I scrambled away from her, but she was so quick. Suddenly there was a tremendous crashing through the bushes and Suki and Zuko burst through the foliage. Suki grabbed me and pulled me back from the creature while Zuko aimed a fire blast at the scorpidillo. She turned and ran away, in the face of a fire blast, taking her babies with her.

All was calamity!

There was much chaos and commotion. And a bit of shouting. Zuko wanted to know what had happened and Aang was looking white-faced, shocked, afraid and very young. He managed to sputter out that it had bit me on the ankle and he hadn't meant for it to happen. I couldn't even speak it hurt so much. I was just whimpering in pain.

Lots of things happened very quickly. Suddenly I was leaning with my head in Suki's lap while Zuko looked at my ankle. Zuko told Aang to run to the house and bring back a big thick bandage from the first aid kit, as fast as he could. Aang shot off.

Suki asked me if I knew how to heal scorpidillo bites with waterbending and I shook my head. Even if I knew how- I wouldn't have been able to do it right then. Everything hurt and I couldn't even think it all hurt so much. Healing required concentration and right now my concentration was screaming _oooooouuuuuuccccchhhh!_

I hadn't had time to learn everything from Yugoda and there wasn't much call for learning to heal poisonous animal bites at the North Pole – largely because there was no poisonous animals up there. Zuko and Suki looked at each other with worried expressions and then something like grim resolve passed over Zuko's face. He grabbed my hand and squeezed it and looked in my eyes and said he was _really sorry. Really sorry. But he'd need me to be brave and be calm._ I nodded. He and Suki exchanged another glance and Suki started smoothing my hair and trying to sooth me and urging me to breathe deeply while Zuko burned the edge of the dagger and made a very quick little cut where the scorpidillo had bit me.

Wow, that hurt.

I didn't think anything could hurt more than a scorpidillo bite, but I was wrong. He then put his lips to the cut and started sucking at my ankle.

Wow, that was weird.

What a weird feeling.

It was very bizarre and most unusual to watch as well. This could probably qualify as one of the weirdest things I have ever seen. It did actually take my mind from the pain. In fact, it felt like the pain was receding after a while. Zuko sat back and spat out what he'd sucked from my ankle away from us and gagged a little and wiped his mouth. I asked what he had been doing and he explained that with scorpidillo bites- you had to suck the poison out as quickly as possible. He thought he got it all -but he wasn't sure. Suki asked how I felt. My ankle hurt like hell, but it was a dull throbbing pain, not the burning pain in had been two moments ago. Zuko nodded and said that was a good sign. How can having a terrible dull throbbing pain in the ankle be a good sign? He said that he'd explain later, but for now I needed to be calm and not move.

At that moment Aang returned, face white as chalk and arms laden with bandages. He asked if I was okay and I waved at him and said I felt fine in a reassuring fashion. I didn't actually feel fine, but Aang looked so scared and I didn't want to freak him out more. Suki and Zuko worked about wrapping my ankle tightly in a compression and immobilisation bandage and repeatedly told me to be calm.

I was being friggin calm.

I wasn't crying or being hysterical or thrashing about. I was as calm as I could be, after being bitten by a bloody scorpidillo. Aang wanted to know what he could do to help and Suki said that he should probably go find Toph and Sokka and bring them back to the house. Aang raced off.

Zuko said we'd need to get away from the clearing because the scorpidillos were still around, but that I couldn't put any weight on my ankle or move too much. I got a bit irate and asked how he expected me to get away from the clearing if I couldn't move too much/put weight on my ankle, but he cut me off mid-rant by lifting me up bodily with one arm under my knees and another at my back. He said of course he wasn't going to abandon me to the scorpidillos. I put my arms around his neck and he started to carry us back toward the house.

Okay, my ankle was killing me and I had just been bitten by a really poisonous animal and I should have been thinking on those things. But instead, because my brain is obvious melting around Zuko, I was just thinking that it felt _quite nice_ to be carried by him. He was strong and reassuring and nice smelling. He really seemed to know what he was doing and this comforted me. I was glad that he and Suki had been so close. I may have snuggled against him a little bit and he gave my shoulder a gentle, soothing squeeze.

Suki walked in front of us to check that there were no more creepy crawlies ahead. Zuko told her she should pick as many sun poppies as she could and she started gathering them up by the giant fistful. When we got to the house Zuko lay me gently on the couch. Suki left the sun poppies in the kitchen and got some clean bandages as per Zuko's direction. She began unwrapping the bandage they'd put on in the forest while Zuko got up to faff about in the kitchen.

We both had a look at the bite. Suki drew in a hiss of breath at the sight. It looked terrible. All red and swollen, but the cut was neat and small and only bleeding slightly. Zuko brought in some hot water and said Suki'd have to clean it out. I said not to worry- I could just us the water to heal it, but they both stopped me. Zuko wasn't sure that he'd gotten all the poison and I need to stay as still as possible/not do anything to strenuous, like water bending, until at least tomorrow. He was going to make up a poultice that would draw any remaining poison out of the cut, but for now, I needed to be still and relax.

Boo.

Suki bathed my ankle and it looked a little better and Zuko came back with a bowl full of smushed sun poppy petals and papaya and a few other ingredients and a small bundle wrapped in a tea towel. He took my ankle gently and started rubbing the sun poppy paste into the cut.

Wow.

That was soothing. Zuko said simply that sun poppies are healing and should take the sting out of the bite and help with the swelling. It really did. Oh that felt _so nice._ I made many appreciative noises. It's not everyday I get a foot rub after all. It's also not everyday that I get bitten by a scorpidillo, so I guess there is that to consider. Zuko then placed the poultice on the cut and said that it should draw out any remaining poison and started wrapping up the bite in fresh bandages. He gave me a reassuring smile while he did this and told me I was going to be fine.

I think I like doctor Zuko even more than professor Zuko.

-?-

Zuko has brought me a glass of water, a jasmine tea and some cake in case I get hungry and put them all within easy reach. He has gone off to look for a little bell for me. He says it will be best if I stay off the ankle for at least two days and I shouldn't move about -so the bell will let the everyone know if I need something. I have sent Suki in search of the common sense stick. I would have only been on my own for about thirty seconds and just had time to wonder where Sokka and Toph and Aang were – when they arrived in a disastrous/emotional fashion.

Sokka burst in and ran over and practically flung himself at me and was nearly crying and asking repeatedly if _I was okay_ and saying over and over that _he loved me_ and_ I would always be his baby sister_. I was quite startled by this actually. Sokka and I love each other but we aren't really prone to hysterical expressions of affection. I told him to get off me and I was fine and I loved him too, but he was being ridiculous.

He looked a little surprised to be greeted in such a fashion and complied. He sat next to me and pulled Toph on to his lap. She had a scared face and looked even younger than Aang had back in the forest. I took her hand gently and asked if she was okay. She said that she was fine and then she asked in a really hushed whisper (the sort you'd use in a temple or at the bedside of a dying person) if I was feeling okay. I told them both to stop being silly and that I felt fine, my ankle was just throbbing with a dull pain. Toph gave my hand a squeeze and said that I wasn't lying and she and Sokka both breathed a huge sigh of relief. Sokka said that Aang had made it sound like I was dying and he'd been _so worried. _

Oh Sokka.

I know that horrible worry. Not knowing if someone you love is going to be okay. I gave them both a hug and reassured them again that I was fine and it was all very touching.

Why is it that when I get bitten by a poisonous scorpidillo, I'm the one who spends all my time comforting other people?

Suki came back in at that point with my stick. She handed it to me and took one look at Sokka's face and put her hand on his back and started rubbing in slow circles. I gave everyone a light tap with the common sense stick and told them all to stop looking so worried, otherwise I'd think I was really sick and stress myself and apparently (according to Dr Zuko) I am not supposed to be stressed at all. Zuko came back and gave me a little bell and I gave it a test ring. It was a pleasant sound. I smiled in thanks at him.

I asked them where Aang was and Sokka said that he thought he was in the kitchen. Zuko went and got Aang. Aang wandered in after Zuko, looking lost. I patted the seat next to me and he sat down and cuddled up to me a little and I rubbed his bald head soothingly.

Zuko said he had a few things to tell us. For some reason everyone else saw fit to snuggled about me like affectionate kittens, in preparation for another lecture from Zuko. I had Aang practically in my lap and Suki on one side and Sokka on the other and Toph was sitting on Sokka with her head on my shoulder. And they were all sort of _leaning_ on me.

Oh for goodness sake.

Zuko explained the situation to everyone. He said in a businesslike tone that everybody had to calm down and I wasn't dying. He told them that I'd been bitten by a red-bellied scorpidillo and they were quite poisonous. He and Suki had managed to get most of the poison out, but there was probably still some left and he'd put a charcoal and sun poppy poultice on the site – which would draw out any remaining poison by this time tomorrow. If I was feeling up to it, I could try waterbending healing at that point, but not before, he said with a little scolding look in my direction. Either way, he thought my ankle would still probably be sore and painful for two or three days.

The most important thing was for me to be relaxed and calm and to stay still, so everyone had to be extra nice to me, do what I said and fetch me anything I wanted for the next few days. That's why he had gotten me the bell, so if ever one of them heard it ring, they should come as quick as they could to see what I needed.

I gave the bell a little ring again, to test it out.

Everybody immediately wanted to know what I needed. I told them I was just testing. Okay, being bitten by a scorpidillo totally sucked. But being given this bell of power? I can definitely see the bright side of having to spend a few days abed.

-?-

I rang the bell and announced that I thought we should abandon the treasure hunt, declare team boomerang the winners of the festival of Aang and eat out tarts and cakes in the lounge room to celebrate the final day of the festival of Aang. Everybody has complied with my wishes.

I am a _benevolent bell dictator_ after all.

-?-

Okay, I'm not going to lie. I'm totally drunk on the bell power now.

-?-

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

* * *

Long rambly notes for your enjoyment.

lovely wonderful readers. Thanks so much my lovelies for all the wonderful reviews for the last chapter! You guys are brilliant and I would give you all egg custard tarts and snuggles if I could. Instead I write you fic. You have reached the end of _different ways of healing_. Congratulations and I hope you enjoyed it.

This chapter finishes off the festival of Aang in a somewhat disastrous fashion, with Katara getting injured. Aang has thought about this (and Aangst) which we will get to see next chapter. But it also got to introduce us to both doctor and professor mode Zuko. So I hope that works out nicely.

At the beginning there is no way that the gaang could spend any amount of time in the kitchen together without it all descending into a friendly food fight. Sokka is teasing Zuko out of love- he's not trying to be a jerk or anything. I thought it would be a nice bonding experience for the Gaang to get quite messy together and then have a swim together to get cleaned off. It also gave me and opportunity to let Katara touch the scar again.

I think she is the only person Zuko has ever let touch it and I think that's a big deal. Obviously bryke don't agree with me, but anyway. I think her offer to heal it would have come up again at some point- so I smushed it in here. I'm actually in two minds regarding the scar. On the one hand, it's done so much damage to Zuko and it hurts him so much and it is a horrible reminder of all the various messed up and horrible things that have happened to him -every time he looks in the mirror (I think he would avoid mirrors actually). I think it would be good for him to be free of it and all that baggage. The other hand says that it is such a part of his identity and it's become a part of him really. It is symbolic of his journey and he shouldn't deny/ignore that part of himself etc. He might have become accustomed to it and want to keep it. Sometimes when people have been really badly hurt and have come through it, it should show somehow. I'm not sure which way I'll go at the moment. Haven't made up my mind yet. But anyway, Zuko has been thinking about Katara's offer to heal it and Katara herself. a lot.

Another thing I wanted to start exploring is how the different bendings are similar and how they interact with each other. I think water and fire probably both feel 'alive' to the bender. And I also think it was time that Toph, Katara and Zuko started encouraging Aang to stop being so overly reliant on airbending. Toph and Zuko tried back on the rendevous island, without much success and I felt it was time for a second attempt.

Aang always airbends first, in any situation. I guess it's his native bending and he feel more comfortable using it. It's like a mother tongue I guess, for all you bilingual people out there. My host sister is fluent in 4 languages and can speak really well, but she says that she just prefers listening to french, because it is so familiar, even though she understands perfectly in other languages, french sounds natural to her. Eventually Aang will become 'fluent' in the four bendings, but I imagine air will always feel the most 'natural' to him. But as the avatar he's got to be comfortable with other bendings as well and use them when they are most appropriate. With the scorpidillos, he should have firebent at them, like Zuko does. All animals are scared of fire after all. But his over-reliance on airbending has now had a painful consequence for his friend. I'm not saying it's all Aang's fault. Accidents happen after all. But he is still going to feel a little guilty.

I also think that Katara's healing is not a magical cure all fore everything and there would be some things that would be beyond her powers at this point. I also think Katara, as wonderful as she is, would be a hilariously difficult and bossy patient and so I wanted to explore that a bit.

Katara's accident gives us a chance to meet competent, caring Zuko (like ninja nurse hakoda.) I think Zuko and Suki would have been close by and ran as soon as they heard Katara scream. Zuko knows that the most important thing with poisonous bites is to keep the person calm, so he does his best to keep it together and do what he can for her, without fussing or freaking out. His competence helps Katara stay calm. They scorpidillos are quite dangerous and he is really worried, but he keeps that under control, so he doesn't frighten her. He would have _hated_ having to cut her, (he'd never want to hurt her in any way) but it was necessary to help him suck the poison out and he knows that there is not time for him to have a crisis of Zukoness about it. Suki and Zuko work well as a team when they are treating her in the forest and getting her back to the house because they are both stealthy badasses.

In my imagination, Zuko does actually know what he is doing. I think Ursa would have taught him and Azula about the proper treatment for various bites. It's popped up in many fics that Ursa probably knew a lot about poisons and most likely poisoned Azulon. I also think she knew a fair bit of medicine and would have drummed important knowledge into both her children, perhaps in the vain hope that if ever anything happened – the other sibling would be there to help out. The firenation has a lot of poisonous animals and Zuko and Azula were active children. It just makes sense to me that she would have taught them what she knew.

There are heaps of poisonous snakes and spiders in Australia (but don't let that put you off visiting my sunburnt country lovely readers). My mum is a nurse and she made sure that we all knew what to do about snake bites etc, and I was also taught in school. It is just common sense that if kids live in a place with lots of creepy crawlies – you teach them how to keep themselves safe and what to do if something goes wrong.

So now I must confess that I have taken an artistic liberty with regards to proper medical treatment of bites. Up until the 80s (as far as I am aware), it was recommended that if you were in an isolated area and someone got bitten the best thing to do would be to make a small incision and suck the poison out. Suck it good. But you had to do this very quickly before the poison had too much time to move away from the wound site.

This is now recognised as being counter-productive and unhelpful and is not medically recommended. If you do succeed in sucking out the poison, then you have also succeeded in poisoning yourself. Boo. The very best thing to do, lovely readers, if you are ever with someone and they are bitten by a snake is to keep that person as calm as possible and as immobile as possible and to wrap the area in a compression/immobilisation bandage (but not so tight that it becomes a tourniquet) and get to a medical facility as quickly as humanly possible. The person should rest, and be kept calm and satisfied for the next few days while they recover.

The avatar world or at least Zuko, in my fic, is from the pre-1980's school of medical thought. For two reasons. 1) it was dramatic! And 2) there is not really a medical facility nearby that they can just take Katara too. So in this fic, while he is engaging is dubious medical practice, he does succeed in sucking most of the poison out and miraculously doesn't poison himself. Yay! Wrapping up Katara's ankle with a cleansing poultice and keeping her calm and immobile would be the best thing for her at this point. And in the next chapter, the Gaang will set out to do this and take care of their team mum.

What shenanigans will our _benevolent bell dictator_ get into from her place on the couch? How many of her friends will really regret that Zuko gave her that bell? You will have to wait until the next chapter to find out.

Til then lovely readers...


	19. Miss unreasonable and her bell of power

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Miss unreasonable and her bell of power!

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

So we ate the various tarts and souffles we'd made yesterday. Well, Aang had souffled them. Souffled? Is that a word. Whatever. He'd made them fluffy with his airbending. We were all sitting around and passing around all the cakes.

Can I just say that a meal of cake is a pretty awesome.

Everyone was fussing over me just a little bit too much. It got a bit annoying after a while. I rang then bell and demanded that I needed just five minutes WITH NOBODY TOUCHING ME. Just five minutes without being rubbed or patted or hugged or cuddled or sat upon. And that includes you Aang! Aang has gone a bit quiet (he hasn't spoken for a full ten minutes and this is unheard of). He's been exceptionally cuddly and for a while there I thought he was going to take up permanent residence on my lap. Do you know how hard it is to eat cake with a wiggly, figety, cuddly Aang on you lap.

Gah!

Aang says he wants to be close to me in case I need something. He can be close sitting while next to me. Really now. Aang has needed constant reassurance that I am fine and I am not mad at him. I am fine! Or at least I will be fine. I am not mad at him. I just want some space to myself. Just for five minutes while I finish eating my passionfruit souffle. Is that too much to ask?

Anyway we were all eating cake and congratulating Sokka and Toph on their victory. I didn't want my accident to put a dampener on the day or their victory. Both of them wanted to win _so badly_ this morning and now they were _hardly bragging at all_ and it was most uncharacteristic. I gave them permission to do their customary victory lap and they looked a bit unsure. I demanded that they do their customary victory lap and they complied, but with a little less gusto than usual.

I have demanded a foot rub from Zuko for my other foot. He rubbed some sun poppy ointment into my injured ankle and foot and it had been very nice and relaxing. But then he neglected my other foot. For a while I had one relaxed foot and one tense foot. I felt uneven. The only way to correct this was a second foot rub. So I sat with my foot in his lap and cheered on team boomerang while they did their victory dance.

I felt like music so I asked Suki play the mandolin for me. Zuko offered to get the tsungi horn as well. I'm quite fond of the tsungi horn, however at this point I was a little more fond of foot rubs. So I politely declined Zuko's offer. Not at moment Zuko. You're fine where you are. Suki started playing a tune about spring on Kyoshi. It was nice. Relaxing.

Sokka and Toph returned from their victory lap and Aang returned to his previous position on my lap. Sokka wanted to know what actually had happened in the forest. Aang is much more a storyteller than me so I let him tell it. I only interjected occasionally, because Aang has a tendency to exaggerate sometimes.

He did tell Sokka and Toph that I might be dying after all.

He told everyone else of our daring escape from the razorback adder and how we had run away like big, giggly girls, only to be confronted with an angry mama scorpidillo. He told them about how he had airbended at her but this had made her mad and that was when she struck my ankle. Oh noes! And then Zuko and Suki had come to our rescue. Oh yay!

Zuko finished rubbing my other foot to my satisfaction and asked me how the ankle felt quietly. In truth, the ankle felt absolutely terrible but I was putting on a **brave face** for everyone. They were all fretting so much and I didn't want to distress them further. Complaining constantly about being in pain would have only worried them and I can only take so much fussing. Besides, the pain wasn't so bad. Just a dull throbbing. I could put up with/ignore that. But when Zuko asked, I just told him the truth. I beckoned him over and whispered in his ear that it was really starting to throb and feel sore at the moment and was this normal for scorpidillo bites? He whispered back that it was to be expected, but he could get me something for the pain and I nodded in agreement. I don't know why I was whispering really. I mean everyone knows I got bitten and that it would hurt. It seems silly to keep it a secret.

Anyway Zuko got up and asked, quite suddenly, if Aang could help him in the kitchen. Except he wasn't really asking. His tone was more like. _Aang. Kitchen. Now._ Everyone was a bit surprised by this and Aang followed in a bemused fashion. It became apparent that Zuko had just wanted to talk to Aang in private. I don't know if he realized, but we could overhear everything they were saying. All of us in the lounge room abandoned all pretense of doing other things and listened in like the snoopy eavesdroppers we are.

I am among like-minded friends!

The sounds of quick dicing could be heard and Aang asked Zuko what he was doing and Zuko replied (quite tersely – even for Zuko) that he was making a sun poppy tea because it was good for pain relief. Aang asked if he could help quite brightly but Zuko said no, he hadn't asked Aang in to help, he had asked Aang into the kitchen to find out what was going on with scorpidillos. _Why hadn't Aang firebent at them?_all animals are scared of fire and Aang _knew _that. Zuko had taught him more than enough for him to be able to frighten some scorpidillos. Aang said that he hadn't wanted to hurt them and he felt better airbending at them.

There was a clatter of something. Zuko made a frustrated noise and said, _really crossly, _that Aang had to become more comfortable with firebending. Aang and I had been _incredibly lucky _this time, but I really could have been **seriously hurt.** Aang protested that Zuko had said that I was going to be fine and Zuko huffed and launched into a rant that said, in a nutshell; that yes I was going to be fine, but that scorpidillo bites are _very serious_ and what would have happened to me if he and Suki hadn't been nearby? He wasn't always going to be nearby to do the firebending for Aang. Aang's reluctance to firebend could have gotten me **seriously hurt or killed.** Had Aang considered that?

No, Aang had not.

There was a long silence. And then rather frantic shushing and calming noises from Zuko. He said _aw hell... Don't do that... Oh for agni's sake!... Don't cry... Oh bollocks... Look I didn't meant to get cross with you okay... Katara's going to be fine okay. _Then there was a few sniffles followed by a bit more swearing from Zuko. Aang said (voice coated in snot) that he'd never meant for me to get hurt and it was **all his fault** and if he hadn't had the **stupid festiva**l in the first place...Zuko cut him off and said that accidents happen and that it wasn't anybody's fault. He shouldn't have blamed Aang and that sometimes he forgot how _young _Aang was and it wasn't fair of him to shout at Aang.

More sniffling. I think they hugged at this point, but none of us could see, so I'm not quite sure.

Zuko reiterated that _accidents happen_, but he just wanted to Aang to understand that he needed to be **more serious** about his bending. He wanted Aang to really think about which bending would be the best in a given situation and not just rely on his airbending (Zuko is advising someone to think things through – the world has gone mad!). Aang said he was sorry and he didn't want Zuko to be mad at him. There was a long suffering sigh and then Zuko said he _wasn't mad, just disappointed_.

There was another pause. Then Zuko said _I can't believe I just said that,_ with some surprise.

-?-

They came back in a few minutes later. We all hastily tried to 'look natural' which really meant looking like we hadn't all been listening in eagerly for the duration of Zuko's scolding. Suki started hastily plucking at her mandolin and soon as they walked into the lounge room and Sokka shoved a huge piece of cake into his mouth and promptly started choking on it. Toph gave him a few strong pats on the back. Aang had washed his face so he didn't have that splotchy-post cry look about him. The only clue that he'd been crying was that his eyes were a little red rimmed. Zuko had a teacup in one hand and he handed it to me – the handle facing in my direction. He said it should help me feel a little better. I took a sip and said that I didn't feel better and Zuko smiled and said I'd have to give it a few minutes. Aang hovered over me and asked how I was feeling.

Still fine, if a little sore, and starting to wish people would stop asking me that.

There was a slightly awkward pause. Aang cleared his throat and said it was still light. This was a true, if a little obvious, observation to make. He asked if Toph and Zuko would train with him because he wanted get more practice with their elements. Toph and Zuko both looked a little surprised and confused at this sudden eagerness from Aang. This surely is one for the record books. Zuko hadn't thought his scolding was going to have immediate effects and he looked rather comically astonished and asked _right now?_ Toph said something sarcastic (_no, next year Zuko – of course now!)_ gave me and affection punch on the arm and got off the couch. Toph was all for a lesson, but Zuko hesitated, looked at me and asked if I would be okay.

Oh for goodness sake!

I have had a small grumpy rant that was directed at everybody. **I will be fine. **I will still have Sokka and Suki to fetch and carry for me. But I don't want people fawning all over me anyway! I am not some delicate doll to be pampered. Okay I've had a bit of a fright and I'm a bit sore but mostly I am fine. I am just getting irritated with everyone treating me with kid gloves and walking in eggshells around me. Aang needs to work on his bending so they should go and throw rocks and fire at each other while it is still light. And if they didn't go I would start getting stressed and I wasn't supposed to be stressed at all today. So there.

They have complied in the face of my very compelling rant.

-?-

Okay I take back my rant.

I miss people!

I miss people to talk to. Sokka and Suki have taken my strong, grumpy words about being completely fine to heart and have embarked upon some life/health affirming snuggling in the hammock. They are not far away and they are always super quick to come when I ring the bell. Suki once tipped Sokka out of the hammock in her haste to get to me. (He landed flat on his arse. I found this hilarious).

When they'd arrived, I'd tell them that I just needed someone to talk to. They would loiter and chat and I'd get a bit grumpy and send them back. Only to ring the bell again five minutes later. Not sure why I kept doing this. As soon as they came, I wanted them gone and as soon as they went I would miss them. I am just feeling contrary I think. Perhaps it is because I am bored and couchbound and alone and they are upwardly mobile and snuggly and lovey-dovey. The sun-poppy tea had kicked in and my ankle wasn't hurting anymore, so I don't think I can blame my ankle for all this bell ringing. I just felt bored and listless.

The next time I rang for them, I demanded Suki play the mandolin again and Sokka do push ups for my entertainment. Suki complied but Sokka protested. He said it wasn't my birthday anymore and doing push ups was neither _fetching _or _carrying_. I said that push up would be good for him and if he didn't do them I would feel stressed and I would tell Dr Zuko that he made me stressed and then Dr Zuko would tell him that he_ wasn't angry, just disappointed_ and _scold him until he cried. _

We have had a small argument. Sokka has declared that I am a most unreasonable sick person, but is doing push ups as I write this.

It is most entertaining.

-?-

I didn't say stop Sokka.

-?-

Sokka got up and wandered away and I got a bit irate and started ringing quite loudly and consistently for him to come back.

He did not.

Suki said that she would play me whatever song I wanted if I just stopped ringing the bell. Cheers Suki.

Just at that moment Zuko burst in, followed by Toph and Aang. They had heard me ringing from the courtyard and wanted to check I was fine. Suki explained Sokka's mutinous behaviour in a very even tone of voice. I claimed that I wasn't being unreasonable and really, more push ups would be good for him and he was just being ridiculously disobedient. Zuko looked like he was trying very hard not to smile. Just that that point Sokka came back and grumpily handed me a book and said _here _– _this will stop you from being bored. _

He noticed everyone looking at him and asked why they were staring and Toph piped up we had told them _everything _and she thought he had push ups to do - in a very teasing tone of voice. Sokka said _not you too Toph!_ and claimed that this was ridiculous and nobody else had to do push ups to entertain Miss Unreasonable (me).

Aang said_ he would do push ups for me_ quite happily and wandered over. Zuko picked him up by the back of his robes (as is his habit). It actually looks like he is picking up a stray, unruly kitten by the scruff of the neck when he does this. Seriously, all Aang needs to do is purr and the image is complete. Zuko said that Aang still had training to get through. I agreed and said that I didn't want Aang missing out on training on my account and Sokka was entertainment enough. The three of them trailed out back into the courtyard.

-?-

I told Sokka I was just messing with him and he didn't have to do the push ups anymore and he looked visibly relieved. I turned the book over in my hand. _Love Amongst the Dragons?_ Err, no thanks. Suki put down the mandolin and she urged me to read it and said it was a brilliant book. Sokka agreed and said it would really get me in and that he hadn't been able to put it down and they started gushing about the part where such-and-such met whats-her-face and how it was _so dramatic_. I said that it sounded a little stupid to me. Long lost twins? Dragons bending? Saucy wenches and incorrigible brutes? I'll pass. Sokka said that I should just give it a go. I could be pleasantly surprised.

I don't think so.

-?-

I have sent Sokka to the shops to get some meat and veggies so that Zuko can make kebabs again. Now that I am out of commission, somebody else needs to pick up the kitchen slack. Suki offered to do the cooking, but I have gently dissuaded her from this course of action. Toph can't cook. Aang can only make desserts and Sokka is too prone to experimenting for my taste. No, if somebody else has to cook, the next (barely competent) person is Zuko.

Surprisingly.

-?-

Okay, so I caved. I have started reading _Love Amongst the Dragons._ It's very... err...melodramatic so far. To say the least. All the characters are just a little bit hysterical and dramatic and there is lots of intrigue and drama. I am only up to the third chapter and I already have the urge to just go into the book and slap every character with the common sense stick.

How can Sokka and Suki like this book so much?

I'm a bit frustrated with Zara and Kizu at the moment. They both obviously fancy each other and they just can't get over themselves and admit it. They'd be first on my list to be smacked with the common sense stick.

-?-

It was dark by the time Sokka came back and he and Zuko set about making kebabs in a** manly fashion.** Whenever Sokka and Zuko do anything together – it is always done in a **manly fashion**. Kebabs were made and set on fire and much fun was had by all. We just ate them on our laps in the lounge room. It's great because we could just hold them by the stick and now there is almost no washing up. Sokka and Suki asked how I was going with _Love Amongst the Dragons_ quite eagerly. I told them I found it a little silly so far. Their faces fell and Sokka told me to give it a couple of chapters. Zuko made me drink another sun poppy tea after dinner when my ankle started throbbing again. It feels better now.

I have to find out how he makes this tea.

-?-

Everyone got all their instruments out (after only a little urging from me) and we played four season all together again. It was tremendous good fun.

-?-

I started to feel pretty tired. It was so early. I felt like a bit of a nanna – but I wanted to go to bed. I announced this and I got Zuko to carry me up to my room (if I have to be carried by anyone, Zuko is my first choice). He tucked me in and it was all very sweet. He got me a water and a sandwich (in case I got hungry during the night) and put them on my bedside table with my bell. he asked if there was anything else I needed. I said I wouldn't mind him talking to me for a bit, until I was tired enough to go to sleep because I was still a little awake. He looked a bit uncertain and I scooched over and patted a spot next to me on the bed and made a sad panda face at him. He sat down next to me and we sort of leaned on each other.

I asked him about the sun poppy tea and he told me that his mother had taught him how to make it. Sun poppies grew everywhere and if you dried and brewed the buds it had a soothing effect. it was a common painkiller in the firenation and different coloured poppies had different strengths. I asked if he could teach me how to make it and he said he'd show me tomorrow.

It's weird thinking those pretty flowers are actually useful.

Zuko said that they had a couple of uses and the petals crushed up were good for taking the sting out of bites and that's why he'd rubbed them on my ankle. But you had to be careful with the tea. It was mostly yellow poppies on Ember Island and they were average strength. White poppies were quite mild and good for headaches. But you had to be careful with the purple poppies. Those ones were really really strong and would knock somebody out and make them a bit loopy. But not my sort of loopy_._

_What did he mean by that _I asked giving him a light tickle. He said he was just referring to my hair loopies and I should stop tickling him right now. For real. Really. Stop it. Unfortunately this only encouraged me to tickle him more – and I did so, with increased gusto until he fell out of the bed in his efforts to get away from my tickle monster ways.

He landed in a bit of a heap, which I also found funny, and got up and brushed himself off and looked like he was trying to maintain his dignity. I know this pose well. Stiff back, stiff upper lip etc. He said _If that was all I needed_ – quite stiffly – and turned to go. And I gestured him back. Don't be like that! I just wanted to talk. If we couldn't let off steam tonight at least we could talk. I pouted at him and he pouted at me. He caved first and came and sat back down.

I said it was just weird that he knew so much about scorpidillo bites and painkilling teas and stuff. He never really struck me as a healing kind of guy. He smiled a little and said that his mother taught him and Azula a lot of basic first aid, in the vain hope that if either one of them were injured, the other would help out. I laughed aloud at the idea of Azula tending to anyone who was injured, much less Zuko, who she has expressed a _desire to kill_ on a number of occasions. Zuko laughed a little with me but said that it hadn't been so ridiculous when they were kids. There was a point when he and Azula got along and until Azula was about five they had always been together and did everything together etc. weird. I can't even picture it actually.

He said that she did have a softer side, but it was really rare to see it. One summer Azula was allowed to bring a friend here and she'd chosen to bring Ty Lee. Wow, dippy flippy was brave. One day Ty Lee had found a scorpidillo in her room and it had moved too fast for her and had stung her.

And there was drama!

His mum had rushed in and treated it and Ty Lee had been perfectly fine (this of course, **entirely depends **on your interpretation of perfectly fine). And Azula had almost been in tears with worry and had fawned over her and hugged her and taken good care of her for the next few days. And it had all been very sweet.

Until his dad had gone a bit** berserk** and went on a _scorpidillo killing spree._ He asked me not to tell Aang this particular detail, it would only upset him. But apparently Ozai had caught a few live ones and chopped off their heads in front of everyone and left them around the perimeter of the property as a warning to the other scorpidillos.

Fun family times with Ozai.

Zuko said that afterwards, his mother hand made sure that he and Azula knew what to do, medically speaking– because they were very active kids and were always getting into situations and shenanigans. She'd taught them a lot of basic first aid and Zuko remembered all of it. His Mum always knew how to make him feel better.

I said that when I was sick, my mother used to sing to me to make me feel better. And I gave Zuko a very meaningful look. He made a face at me and said _really?_ I nodded enthusiastically. I actually just wanted to see if he would sing for me if I nagged him enough. It actually didn't take much nagging at all (though I did have to promise never to tell anyone- ever- that he had done this). He asked me what sort of songs and I hummed the tune. Zuko listened and then started humming along with me. I taught him the words and he said they sounded a little familiar. I don't see how. Who would have sung him water tribe lullabies. Certainly not Ozai – scourge of the scorpidillos.

His eyes widened and he said _I knew it!_ in an excited tone of voice, it was almost like he was shouting out eureka. He turned to me and said _I knew you sang to me when I was sick and you __**lied right to my face! **_

Bollocks!

That was me. Boo. I thought he didn't remember. But apparently he did. He proceeded to imitate me and what I had said when he asked about it (back at the Western Air Temple- gah, it seems so long ago now). He was talking in a high pitched tone of voice that **did not sound like me at all**. Apparently I was all: _oh Zuko, you're just imagining it, you were delirious. Don't be a silly muffin._

Just for the record, I have never called Zuko a _silly muffin._ I have called him all and sundry other names, but never _silly muffin. _

Well now I was just all kinds of embarrassed. I hid my head under the covers and said I was _tired now_ and he could get out of here, because I was going to sleep. And we should _never speak of this again._ He gave me a little shake through the covers and told me not to be like that. I didn't need to be embarrassed. I shook my head through the blankets and said I was never coming out ever again. He said he'd sing me _soft little seal_ now and then we'd be even in the embarrassing stakes. I poked my head out of the covers and he gave me a big smile. He wasn't making too much fun of me. He was just looking really amused and very pleased with himself.

I emerged from my blanket hidey-hole and told him to continue with the singing then and it was his turn to look embarrassed. He blushed and gave me a shy smile and made me promise not to tell anyone again. I promised again. He sand me _soft little seal_ in his low, husky voice and I snuggled against him.

It was nice.

Then he ruined it by asking me what else I had lied to him about. I gave him a light smack and said **nothing **quite defensively. Nothing much, at least. Then he truth-bended at me! And I ended up fessing up about the fireflakes. He thought I'd taken them (which I had) and I told him I hadn't and then he'd found Sokka with them and been very confused. He smiled and said _I thought as much. _Welly well then, who's the smarty-pants know -it-all now?

I got a bit defensive and said that maybe I had told a few little fibs here and there, but I didn't lie to him about **anything important.** And he smiled at me again and said he knew that. I told him to stop looking at me like that or I'd tickle him again. He looking away, still smiling and started singing _soft little seal _again. Much better. We sang it as a round together until I felt really sleepy and couldn't stifle my yawns. Zuko got up and tucked me in and told me to ring if I needed anything. Then he left.

-?-

I kind of feel like ringing now actually. I wonder how fast he'd come back. I don't really need anything at the moment. It's like this afternoon with Suki and Sokka. I would miss them as soon as they went, but when they were around I didn't know what to do with them.

-?-

I rang, just to see what would happen. Zuko rushed in first after a few seconds, followed by Sokka and Suki and Aang who were all in the rooms next to me. Aang was wearily rubbing his eyes. Zuko asked me what I needed and I said I was _just checking._ Zuko tilted his head and made a confused face at me. Sokka smacked his forehead and said _not again_ under his breath. Toph shouted up from the ground floor, asking if I was okay. Sokka shouted down that I was fine and she could go back to sleep. And everyone stood about awkwardly for a sec before Suki said that _they should all get back to sleep then_ in her usual sensible tone. They all turned to go and Zuko looked back and told me to ring if _I did __**actually**__ need something. _Sokka elbowed him quite firmly and said_ you idiot, don't encourage her!_

They have gone again.

-?-

Could I get a different bell for each person? That way I could ring for who I want, if I only wanted to see one person in particular, thus avoiding further mix ups when I ring and get _everybody. _

-?-

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

* * *

author's notes for your perusal. Long and rambly as usual.

Hello my lovely, wonderful beautiful readers. You've reached the end of Miss Unreasonable and her bell of power. Congratulations and I hope you have enjoyed it. Huge thank you to all my brilliant wonderful reviewers. You guys are fantastic! Snuggles and souffles for all of you! I'm not going to lie, I love getting your praise and comments and constructive criticism!they make my day! So in this chapter everybody tries to take care of Katara and her reaction is a little mixed.

I think Katara is a huge nuturer and comforter. She is used to being the one who has to take care of everybody and she is a bit unused to being taken care of/comforted by other people. In fact in the series, I think she only has two big sad panda emotional breakdowns. Once with Zuko in the crystal caves over her mother and once over Hama. I think the others fawning over her would drive her a little bonkers at the start. I think she can see how worried they all are and she would do her best to put on a brave face for them. I think that's how Katara rolls. She's got a fair bit of stoicism. I think she'd get a bit uncomfortable with overcrowding and been treated so carefully because she is normally in charge and independent. She's not used to being in a vulnerable position and she is a bit of an unreasonable patient because of this. However, I think logically, she would let Zuko in on the fact that she is actually in pain when he asks because he seems the calmest and I think she would not feel the need to keep how she's really feeling from him to the same extent as she tries to hide it from the others.

Zuko for his part really is a bit beside himself with worry but he's not comfortable with the group snuggle. Zuko is a one-on-one snuggler – not a group hugger. So he stands back a bit while everyone is fawning and gives foot rubs. However when Aang tells the story of how Katara got bitten and he realizes this whole sorry mess could have been avoided he gets quite cross and has words with Aang.

Look, I love Aang, but he is so over reliant on air bending and I think he does sort of hope that Zuko will be around to do the firebending/hard stuff for him. Everything just comes so easily for Aang and he is rarely every proved wrong and I think that's a shame. Mistakes would help Aang grow and learn. And I feel, out of all the characters, he did not get nearly enough growth throughout the series. I think that he very rarely gets challenged directly on his behaviour/mistakes and how they affect other people. So when Zuko pulls him into the kitchen for a good scolding he's taken aback. He wants constant reassurance that Katara is okay, from Katara and from Zuko. To Aang, as long as she is going to be okay, then no harm – no foul.

As soon as Zuko points out some very real consequences and Aang has a second to really think about what could have happened, he immediately feels super guilty and has a small cry. I actually think Aang is not good with guilt about actually hurting people. Back in the jeong jeong episode, when he really hurt Katara, he had a big fat woe-is-me sulk. I feel ya Aang. I am prone to them myself. However, he did not go and see if he could help Katara, which would have been helpful, but had a good old wallow in his guilt over hurting her, which was not at all helpful. Katara actually had to come and get him out of his funk. Katara getting hurt is one of Aang's berserk buttons and I don't think he copes very well when he is the one responsible. So he has a little cry. Just a small one. He's only twelve and he's just been shouted at. Aang hates being shouted at.

Zuko was quite mad at the start of his rant. He really is worried about Katara and angry that this whole situation could have been so easily avoided if only Aang had just thought things through. This is ironic advice coming from Zuko, but no less true. I think he is taking out his anger a little on Aang but this very quickly dissolves in the face of Aang's tears. Zuko is not good with crying people (unless the crying person is Katara). Zuko will feel like a right berk for making Aang cry and apologizes immediately for taking his anger out on him. Accidents do happen and it is not entirely Aang's fault. Aang can just be so young sometimes and I think Zuko forgets this. There is a bit of a maturity gap between Aang and Zuko at this point in the series. So he tries to comfort Aang by saying it was only an accident etc. but he doesn't take back his main point. Aang has to start taking bending/his responsibilities a little more seriously. He meant this in general. It was meant to be a general scolding. But Aang is very much an instant gratification, hyper-active kind of kid and he wants to show that he is learning his lesson and wants to prove to Zuko that he is willing to work more on fire and earth. So he wants a lesson. Right that very instant.

I also think Zuko is being a bit of a team dad in the later half of season three, but he doesn't quite realize this until he utters the dreaded phrase – **I'm not angry, just disappointed.** I think he has heard this many times (oh so many times) from the various adults in his life and he is a bit surprised to hear them come out of his own mouth.

Sokka and Katara are very close and I think that she would take her frustrations at being out-of-commission on him a little bit with her bell of power and the push ups. She is feeling vulnerable and listless and bored and is frustrated by having enforced relaxation time. She's not quite sure what she wants. She wants company but then she feels a little like a third wheel with just Sokka and Suki, who obviously have_ other things_ on their mind. Sokka and Suki think, after her cranky rant about being absolutely fine, they have been freed up for some canoodle time.

People are more prone to canoodle after having a big fright. It's life affirming to have a canoodle I think.

They are not being deliberately neglectful and they do come whenever she calls them, but slowly they get a bit frustrated with her bell dictatorship. Katara is so active normally and being couch bound would be hard for her. She just needs something to entertain her for these next few days. Katara will read love amongst the dragons next chapter.

I have made sunpoppies a painkiller here because they are very similar to regular poppies. Poppies are opiates and they were a principle ingredient in laudanum and other 19th century painkillers and as previous established, the Avatar-verse, or at least my version of it, is a using old school medicine.

So Zuko and Katara have a big old snuggle at the end. I am obsessed with them snuggling. I just like it when they snuggle okay. Judge away lovely readers. I actually think that Katara likes talking to him just as much as she likes letting off steam with him. If they can't let of steam at least they can talk. I also think she wouldn't feel the need to keep her brave face on for him. He's already seen her snotty cry face a few times before this after all.

And I also wanted to introduce some more fun with the firenation royal family tidbits. YMMV on everything by the way. Everyone's mileage varies when it comes to Azula. In my head canon, I get the feeling that she and Zuko were quiet close when they were really young. They are close in age and do seem to understand each other quite well. Boy does Azula have Zuko's number. I think Azula has been playing fear and manipulation games her whole life, but she does still have a bit of affection for him, granted it is mixed up with a whole lot of other craziness and bitterness and general homicidal-ness. I think that as soon as the depth and breath of Azula's talent showed itself, Ozai would have been pitting them against each other and this would have contributed the veritable feast of ill feeling between them, but prior to that, they would have gotten along. She still calls him Zuzu which is obviously a childhood nickname and I think part of her will always see him as she did then.

I also think that she is not completely inhuman, she obvious does have feelings and emotions and vulnerabilities but they are so suppressed and she just is terrible at expressing them. I thought it was interesting that the only person she is ever, err ..gentle... with is Ty Lee. I mean Ty Lee is just a delightful chocolate chip muffin in human form, but I think more importantly, she is probably one of the only people that Azula genuinely likes, in her messed up Azula way. She definitely favours her over Mai. I think there is fear and manipulation in all her relationships, but she does seem to feel genuinely guilty when she hurts Ty Lee's feelings in the beach.

In my head canon there is a long story about this beach holdiay with Ty Lee. I think Ty Lee and Azula would have had a small dispute, the sort that Ty Lee is used to, having six sisters, but Azula is not. She is not used to being challenged, even as a kid and can't deal with it. Azula would have let that scorpidllo into Ty Lee's room for revenge and then felt tremendously guilty when her friend got hurt. I think Ty Lee knows that Azula did this (she's not as dumb as she seems) and would be a bit too afraid to challenge her again. At the same time Azula would have shown some genuine remorse and Ty Lee figures that it is easier to be on her good side. I think this little incident would have set up their future relationship, with Azula lashing out at her and then feeling guilty and apologising and Ty Lee being a bit to afraid to stand up for herself and going a long with the flow. Zuko doesn't know the full story and just thinks that Azula's care of Ty Lee in this summer is evidence that there could be a (tiny, miniscule) bit of sweetness inside the magnificent bastard that is his sister.

_Ozai-scourge of the scorpidillos_ – it just seemed like an Ozai thing to do. Who wouldn't want to behead a whole bunch of scorpidillos in front of their kids? I think the family vacations were always a little bit messed up and Zuko just has rosy tinted memories of them because his beloved Mum was there and she made everything better.

With the singing, I think that Katara is testing the limits of how much he's willing to do for her. Singing is a bit embarrassing after all. It backfires on her when he remembers her singing to him when he had cooler fever. She thought he was delirious and would forget about it and she had denied it rather vehemently when he first asked her about it. Zuko remembers but was beginning to think he might have imagined it/was going crazy. But then he hears her song for making people feel better when they are sick and he recognizes it pretty quickly. He has an _Aha _moment! Quickly followed by a _Hardy ha ha ha! _Moment.

This also gave me a chance to clear up a few of the little white lies that Katara has been telling. I think honesty would be a huge deal to Zuko (trust issues and all). She has told him a few fibs in the duration of this fic, but they have only really been about small little things. She doesn't lie to him about big important stuff and I thought it would be crucial to establish this. I also think Zuko has developed a has a bit of a knack for telling when she is fibbing or when something is a bit askew with her.

_Soft little seal _would be the Zutara equivalent of Penny and Sheldon's _soft kitty song _in the big bang theory, mostly because I love it every time they sing _soft kitty _to each other.

I just wanted to add that if Katara had a bell for each person, she would ring the Zuko bell with alarming frequency. Bless her cotton socks.

In the next chapter we will find out what Katara thinks of Love Amongst the Dragons.

Til then lovely readers...


	20. clearing the air

0o0o0o0o00o0o0

clearing the air.

0o0o0o0o00o0o0

I woke up and my ankle was just throbbing. I rang the bell and everybody came, rubbing their eyes blearily. I got Zuko to carry me down to the lounge room so I can be closer to everybody. He offered to show me how he makes sun poppy tea (he was just about to make me one). He sat next to me and started cutting up sun poppies really finely on the coffee table. I had a **bossy moment.** (Unbeknownst to me- Sokka has introduced everyone to the concept of my bossy moments. I had them frequently in the south pole. It is futile to argue with me in a bossy moment). Anyway this bossy moment arose because Zuko was chopping directly on the polished wood without a chopping board. You can't do that. He made a face, but got a chopping board.

Sokka went out with Suki to get me some of those little bakes pastries filled with fruit filling (I am partial to the mango flavoured ones). Toph was sitting next to me, just silently. She was awake early for her (normally she likes a lie in) and has sort of dozed back to sleep with her head in my lap. Honestly between Toph and Aang, it feels like I perpetually have a small body in my lap lately. Normally I don't mind, but Toph made learning how to make sun poppy tea a bit tricky because I couldn't lean over without smushing her head and waking her up.

Toph is an expert at making an awkward lump out of herself.

Aang was sort of hovering round me and offering to fetch me this and that. I made him get the common sense stick (I'd left it down here last night) just to give him something to fetch. He was still flitting about and Zuko told him he could sit down (he actually said _oh for Agni's sake sit down_) and he should try and heat the water for the tea using only his breathing. Zuko started talking about how today's firebending practice was going to focus much more on breathing and control etc while he diced poppies. Aang rolled his eyes and said _not breathing again!_ but otherwise complied. Zuko was a bit disconcerted by this and asked (a little sarcastically) if Aang wanted to stop breathing.

Aang complained that now he sounded like Jeong Jeong. Zuko made a really surprised face and asked if Aang meant _Jeong Jeong the Deserter_ soundingvaguely awed. Aang explained that Jeong Jeong was the first person to try and teach him firebending, but he had only made Aang breathe and it had been really boring. But Zuko had immediately started to teach him 'proper' firebending and Aang thought he wouldn't have to worry about breathing and all that other boring stuff again. Zuko looked a little worried. He said that Jeong Jeong was one of the most famous firebenders ever and that he had a point about the breathing. Breathing was very important for control and the next few moves that Zuko wanted to teach Aang would require much more control, so they had to work on their breathing a little more. Aang is still trying to be a good student so he gave a long suffering sigh and said _fine, breathing it is sifu hotman. _

There was a time, long ago when Zuko used try and get Aang to call him anything else rather than sifu hotman. He would correct Aang and say that nobody said hotman anymore except really old people and it would be like him calling Aang a whippersnapper. Aang thought whippersnapper sounded fun – so Zuko's point was lost. To make matters worse, Aang asked if he would prefer to be called sifu Zuzu instead. Zuko declined (quiet forcefully) and has accepted his hotman fate. Still, every time Aang says hotman- Zuko's eyebrow twitches ever so slightly in irritation.

My tea lesson was being very quickly overtaken by a firebending lesson and I got a little irate about this. The boys looked a little shamefaced, and we returned to tea. Aang started breathing and the water in the tea pot began bubbling. Zuko showed me how he diced the poppies and dried them a little before putting them in the water. It's not hard really, the hardest thing I think would be drying the leaves (Zuko does this with his firebending in a second). He says you can buy them in pre-dried packs from an apothercary, but that fresh plants are more soothing.

-?-

Have drunk my tea and feel soothed.

-?-

I was feeling a bit better after a sun poppy tea and some breakfast. Sokka only ate a quarter of the mango pastry things on the way back, which shows great restraint on his part. Sokka shows his love through food. Suki shows her love by making sure that Sokka doesn't eat all the food. They are now having a canoodle somewhere (as they are wont to do). I am in the hammock with Toph and we are trying to watch the firebending practice. I have heard Zuko mention breathing 18 times already and I can see Aang's attention wandering. Aang obviously doesn't find the sight of shirtless Zuko as entrancing as I do.

It is rather distracting.

I do appreciate observing shirtless Zuko. Mmmmmmhhhhh. But Toph kept obstructing my view. Boo. She's been a little odd today. She has been my constant shadow and has trailed me everywhere. She has only made eight sarcastic comments all breakfast. Usually she is dissing out sassy comments left, right and center. Normally she loves to have both her feet on the ground too, but today she wanted to climb in the hammock with me, which is a bit unusual. She can't see anything from the hammock after all.

We've been chatting a bit about Aang and different bendings and how they feel. I told her about how water bending feels like a constant pushing and pulling and how Zuko says that firebending feels like a heartbeat and asked her how earthbending felt to her. Toph thought for a second. She said that earth bending was almost like breathing to her, it was just so natural, she just did it without thinking about it. It was a constant, warm and stable feeling, according to Toph.

Sounds nice.

I asked her why she wanted to be in the hammock with me then, rather than having her two feet on the constant, warm, stable ground. It seemed like as good a time as any to ask her. She got a bit huffy and said that she could be in the hammock if she wanted, but if I had a problem, then she'd just go. No! I wasn't saying that at all, I scooched over to allow her more room and told her she could stay.

It's just Toph has never been clingy with me.

It is weird.

-?-

I think Toph just wanted me to give her something to do. I have made Toph fan me with the fan that Suki got me. It gave us something to talk/argue about as Toph was a bit reluctant to do this. Despite her reluctance, it has made Toph seem a little better. She has made many a sarcastic comment about my demanding nature, so she is sounding like her usual self. She gets to stand with her two feet on the ground while she fans me- so she is feeling more comfortable.

I think, though I would never say this out loud, that her alternatively clingy yet disgruntled behaviour this morning, is how Toph shows concern. I know she is worried about me so I am trying to act as normal (bossy) as possible so I can reassure her that I am fine (actually feeling a little sore again, but Toph doesn't need to know this, and she can't tell now that she is on the ground and I am in the hammock). I have told her many times that I feel okay and she has made many sarcastic replies, but she says these with a little smile. I think she appreciates being given something to do, despite all her complaining.

-?-

I'm reading Love Amongst the Dragons -I gave Toph a break from fanning and got her to get it for me. I have demanded that she fan me (again) and she rolled her eyes but has affectionately complied. I have gotten quite into this book. At first it really kind of irritated me, but now I am hooked! I haven't been able to put it down! There is lots of action and drama and things exploding. Zara and Kizu are very frustrating characters! If they both just sat down and had an honest talk about their feelings none of these shenanigans would be happening. But instead, they don't talk about it like sensible people, they just dance around each other and fight each other and it is all _getting ridiculous_. They started on opposite sides and hated each other for no apparent reason. Then they had an uneasy alliance and all was well. Together -they fought crime!

But now that has all been ruined by stupid Zali! Zali is Zara's long longs twin sister. She has shown up only to ruin things as far as I can tell. They are identical and Kizu keeps getting them mixed up. And now he has kissed Zali thinking she was Zara. Oh noes! And boo! I felt so mad for Zara.

-?-

As soon as it was time for Toph to go and earthbend with Aang, I got Zuko to make me another tea, which he promptly brought to me. Still shirtless. Yay! If I could think up some legitimate reason to ask him to stay shirtless all day I would. But alas, all the reasons I think of sound kind of pervy in my head and I would be too embarrassed to say them out loud. I put aside _Love Amongst the Dragons_ because I was getting a bit frustrated with it and beguiled him into staying a chatting with me.

I have become a bit demanding of Zuko. One of these demands might have been that he join me in the hammock so we can talk (ostensibly because I don't want to have to keep craning my neck to look at him. That's my reason and I'm sticking to it). And also that he give me another foot rub. Just because. No explanation necessary. He complied. We were lying top to tail and he was giving my sore foot a nice rub and it was all very sweet.

Zuko was a bit quiet/mopey and I poked him with my uninjured foot repeatedly (once almost in the face -but he moved just in time) until he told me about it. He is worried that he has gone about teaching Aang firebending **all wrong** and is having a small** crisis of Zukoness** about it. He didn't know we had met Jeong Jeong and Jeong Jeong was such a legend in the firenation – and Jeong Jeong thought Aang need to concentrate on breathing first, but Zuko had just jumped right in and started with the blocks and the fire squats etc.

I started giving him a foot rub in return. It seemed fair and his big bare feet were right there anyway. Also he seemed **so tense** and I thought he might find a foot rub relaxing. I certainly do. He giggled a little in surprise (he is ticklish on his feet as well) when I started, but settled down quickly.

Hadn't Aang told him about Jeong Jeong? Zuko said that for the first lesson, he asked Aang what he knew about firebending, and Aang had said _nothing_ and seemed a little sad about it and Zuko still felt _super awkward _with us then and hadn't wanted to pry. He knew about Aang accidentally burning me (he gave me a really concerned look here) and had assumed that he had just tried some experimenting with firebending on his own. But now he knew that Aang's previous teacher was Jeong Jeong (who is apparently a friend of Zuko's uncle and therefore awesome and infallible) and he'd gone about teaching Aang in a totally different way. Now Zuko was sure he'd done the wrong thing. He'd just thought that Aang would be good with breathing being a meditating air nomad etc and it was all very distressing.

I told Zuko I thought he was doing a fine job. Aang had learned a lot and had gotten a real confidence boost from Zuko in the firebending department. Just because he was getting all pedantic about breathing etc now (instead of at the start) it didn't make him wrong. After Jeong Jeong – Aang had said that he never wanted to firebend again – and now he was comfortable doing it (sort of). Zuko asked me if something had happened with Jeong Jeong that he should know about.

I told him that Aang and Jeong Jeong had clashed terribly and Jeong Jeong hadn't thought Aang was ready to learn firebending and had made him do breathing/control exercises etc all the time and Aang had gotten really impatient. The first time Jeong Jeong had let Aang play with fire (Zuko corrected me and said it wasn't _playing with fire_- it was all very complicated etc) yes, well anyway. The first time Jeong Jeong had let Aang play with fire it hadn't gone very well. It had been one of those control exercises – he made a small fire in a leaf and Aang had to stop it from getting to the edges- Zuko said he'd tried something similar with Aang at the Western Air Temple and Aang had freaked out a little and it had taken much coaxing to get him to try it.

I told him the story of the first time Aang had accidentally burned me (there was DRAMA.) _ It was only an accident_ I said quickly upon seeing Zuko's face after I told my story. And Aang had felt terribly guilty and decided never to firebend again because of that – also because Jeong Jeong got **really angry **at him and wouldn't teach him anymore. But on the upside – if Aang had never burned me, I wouldn't have realized my healing abilities until way later. Zuko smiled and said I found the bright side to everything.

We switched feet.

I told him that I had quite liked Jeong Jeong, but Jeong Jeong hadn't seemed to like himself very much and bitched constantly about how terrible/destructive firebending was and how he wished he was a waterbender etc. Zuko shrugged and said he sometimes thought the same. Then he back tracked quickly upon seeing my face (I actually had just got a mental image of Zuko as a waterbender and it was disconcerting to say the least. I mean he's so firenation it's not even funny – If he got _made in firenation _tattooed somewhere, it would not be entirely inappropriate.) He said he didn't wish he was a waterbender or anything like that. But when he and his Uncle had been traveling through the earth kingdom and he'd seen how much suffering firebenders had caused and how many refugees were burned...he trailed off and looked away a little sadly. I don't like it when he looks sad like that, so I poked him in the ear with my big toe – so he'd look surprised and a bit irritated instead of sad. He said _hey _and gave the bottom of my foot a (very gentle) tickle in retaliation.

I told him not to _do a Jeong Jeong_ on me, because the last thing that Aang needed was Zuko to start moping about how bad/destructive/terrible firebending was. Zuko said he had no desire to go live as a recluse in the woods so he wasn't going to _do a Jeong Jeong_ any time soon. He didn't think firebending was all bad anyway. When he and Aang had met the dragons, the dragons had show him another sort of firebending. It had been glorious and warm and light. Whenever he got gloomy about firebending and training Aang, he thought about that and how beautiful he thought it was.

Zuko told me that he and Toph had been talking about different ways to train Aang simultaneously in earth and fire while I was off my feet. He wanted to know if I had any ideas because Aang does seem to learn better from me. I confessed that I knew how they felt (now) with regards to having trouble teaching Aang. This was a big admission for me because I have always felt (and frequently told Zuko and Toph) that I knew the best way to go about teaching Aang. Now, I have tried everything _(oh spirits – everything)_ to get Aang to understand the basic underlying principles of waterbending healing and have had no luck so far. Zuko said that Aang responded far better to me and the gentle encouragement approach. He certainly didn't respond well to Zuko's stern disciplinarian approach. But this is how Zuko learned and it's the only way he knows how to teach Aang. He said that fire is really hard and he used to have to practice relentlessly to get it right. But whenever he says this to Aang, Aang doesn't seem to find it helpful and has expressed a distinct lack of enthusiasm for relentless training.

I suggested that it might be helpful for Zuko to use a different word other than **relentless training.** Relentless training sounds like hard work and Aang is not a big fan of that. Perhaps he could call it **enthusiastic practice** instead.

Zuko was considering doing that thing that Piandao did to Sokka and just randomly attacking Aang one day – just to see where he was at and how he would defend himself. I expressed concern for this plan. Zuko said that he didn't _want_ to do it, but he might _have _to, just to see if Aang can preform under pressure. Err no. Aang hates pressure. Aang and pressure do not go well together. Aang runs away from pressure the same manner that Toph ran away from home when she lived in Gaoling (ie. with great frequency.)

We have had a small argument over the effectiveness of attacking Aang as a teaching technique. Zuko has agreed not to do it after many convincing arguments from me- eg Zuko could accidentally hurt him, Aang will be a sad panda, he'll run away and then we will have to spend all day looking for him and no other training will be done – there are better ways of testing how much Aang knows etc. Still he is worried that he's not preparing Aang properly to face the fatherlord– but he doesn't know what else he can do. I told him not to worry so much. He's doing his best and that's all we could ask of him. I've always believed that Aang could save the world. I'm sure that Aang will come through when the time comes. Zuko thinks it's amazing I can be so sure and just have so much faith in a goofy kid.

I don't know exactly why I believe in Aang so much, I just do. I always have.

-?-

After a while, Toph and Aang had finished training and they wandered over and climbed in the hammock with us – for no apparent reason except that they both was to constantly smush me/sit in my lap/cuddle me lately.

There were a few noisy shenanigans. Toph succeeded in putting her foot on Zuko's face as she squirmed about- he protested. There was hilarity. Sokka and Suki came out to investigate. Sokka saw Toph and Aang wiggling about in the hammock and jumped in – just to be a nuisance I think. Suki stood over us and shrugged. Sokka pulled her in. then all six of us were in the hammock and it was one big giant hammock snuggle. Zuko offered to get out and tried to escape the giant hammock cuddle but was thwarted in this by Toph. She was being an obstruction again. Also I still had his foot and I told him he should stay. Zuko said that the hammocks were only meant to support five adults. Though he had never seen five adults in one. The adults in his family aren't inclined to share hammocks -or anything else for that matter. Toph said that she and Aang put together would almost equal one adult so technically there was one almost adult and four teenagers in the hammock and she thought it would be okay.

We are really testing how sturdy these hammocks are.

Zuko made a comment about how our hammock was more crowded that the lower ring in Ba Sing Se.

Aang started talking at length about how he couldn't believe we'd all been in Ba Sing Se at the same time and what a huge coincidence it was and how weird it was that we had never run into each other once in all that time. Zuko shrugged and said it was a big city. Suki had never been to the city and wanted to know what it was like.

Sokka, Aang and I filled her in on the basics of living in the upper ring and how they had provided us with a house etc but had watched us all the time. It had all been very posh but very weird. Toph expostulated loudly that she **hated **Ba Sing Se and its walls and rules and complained at length about the city and how she hoped we never went to another place like it. Zuko was a bit surprised that Toph had hated it so much, because he thought we were all _living the high life _in the upper ring. Toph said a few derogatory things about the high life in Ba Sing Se and regaled Zuko with a few tales of the snobs we encountered, the Joo Dee's we avoided, and the rules we broke and about how she'd accidentally collapsed the west wall in our house in her enthusiasm for said rule breaking.

She asked Zuko if the firenation capital was full of rules/spies/restrictions like Ba Sing Se, because obviously she'd have to take that into consideration if she was going to grace Zuko with her presence after the war (she said this very aristocratically and it was kind of cute). Zuko smiled and said that she could have free reign as long as she promised not to **break his palace** the same way she'd **broken our house**. Toph has magnanimously agreed to this condition.

Suki turned to Zuko and asked where he was when all this house/rule breaking was going on and he said that he'd been living in the lower ring most of the time and he hadn't even known we were in the upper ring until Aang dropped a giant stack of flyers. _There I was, minding my own business, trying to start a new life and forget about chasing the lot of you and BAM – _**Lost Flying Bison.** If found: Contact the AVATAR _with your address and directions to your house and what hours you all were normally home. _He turned to Aang and said _that wasn't so smart Aang. _He went on about how raining down flyers was just asking for trouble and trouble seems to find Aang well enough on its own without Aang putting out advertisements and encouraging it.

Sokka made a sad face at him and said in high pitched voice (like a jilted girl scolding her boyfriend): _you knew where we were the whole time and you never called, you never wrote. _Sokka was lying next to me and I was unsurprised when Zuko poked him in the ear with his foot in response. Sokka retaliated. A small foot nudging fight broke out between the boys. The hammock swayed alarmingly. The boys desisted. Zuko said that he might've bothered us, but there were about _27 million walls _and guarded checkpoints between the lower ring and the upper ring and he wasn't chasing us then and was trying to keep out of trouble for his Uncle's sake. Obviously keeping out of trouble hadn't worked out so great for him, but still, it is the thought that counts.

Suki asked what he'd been doing in the lower ring anyway and he explained about fake identities and posing as refugees and working as a waiter in a teashop and how his day had consisted of getting snacks/drinks for people who needed them. Toph's ears perked up and she said she was a bit thirsty, Aang piped up that he was feeling a bit hungry, Sokka said he was hungry _and_ thirsty, Suki said she wouldn't mind a tea. And they all turned and _looked _at Zuko. It took him two seconds to get what they were asking and he said _Oh hell no! Get your own._ Sokka pointed out that he had bought me all and sundry snacks and drinks etc yesterday without complaint and Zuko shot back that I was injured and Sokka was a berk. Sokka breezily replied that he was a berk who was hungry and thirsty and really wanted some dumplings. Maybe a kebab. Or some jerky. And definitely a watermelon juice. I brightened at the mention of watermelon juice. It is very tasty. I wanted one myself. Zuko sighed in a very long suffering manner, climbed over Toph and got up and said _okay, two watermelon juices, what else?_

Zuko ended up bringing out a giant pile of sandwiches and dumplings which he balanced on one hand, while the carried like three different teas in the other. He gave the teas to Aang and Toph and Suki (a little unceremoniously) and gave Sokka the plate of snacks. He returned with two watermelon juices (one for me- yay!) and a mango juice for himself. He was a bit reluctant to joint the giant hammock group snuggle again after he'd manage to escape it. He pulled up a chair and sat next to us. Sokka took a big sip of his juice and said Zuko was the best waiter he'd ever had. Zuko made a sarcastic face is his direction and Sokka said that he hoped Zuko didn't make that face at all the customers who paid his waiting skills a compliment.

Aang asked what the lower ring was like because we'd never been allowed down there unsupervised. Zuko said it wasn't so bad once you got used to it. His Uncle had loved it, working in a tea shop and living a simple life. Zuko said he thought he could have been happy there. Toph was most doubtful/sarcastic about this claim. But Zuko shrugged and said it was the first time in his life where he hadn't had _any responsibility_ aside from making sure that the tea he served was hot and he'd _hated _it at first, but then it was _kind of nice _and he started to really enjoy it.

Aang wanted to know what had happened. If he had enjoyed it so much and was trying to stay out of trouble etc how he ended up in the crystal catacombs with me. He shot me and Zuko an _odd look _when he said this. Zuko said one day his uncle had been offered a tea shop and an apartment in the upper ring because apparently his tea was just that awesome. Zuko had thought there was something weird about that because good things didn't tend to happen to Zuko and his Uncle, as a general rule. And he'd been right because Azula had found them a few days later and Zuko thought she'd been behind the whole teashop/apartment deal. They'd been officially invited to serve tea to the king but when they got to the palace, Azula was there and there was DRAMA and he'd ended up being caught by the Dai Lee.

He still wasn't quite sure how Azula had found them – Zuko's main theory was just that she has **evil genius powers **of finding people. Suki has voiced her agreement about Azula's evil powers, (apparently she can also tell when you are lying and _can smell fear.)_ Zuko said we should never underestimate her because he and his Uncle had been **so careful** and she'd still found them, even in a city as big as Ba Sing Se.

Aang got a bit worried that she could find us here before he was ready. Zuko said that it shouldn't be a problem if we were **very careful** and he gave Aang a pointed look. Aang still looked a bit worried and Zuko changed his tone and said, much more reassuringly, that this was probably the safest place for us because she wouldn't think to look here and she wouldn't want to come here anyway. She hates this place. Aang seemed somewhat comforted by this.

Zuko collected our cups and took them into the kitchen and I watched him walk away and felt this really strange flutter in my stomach. Not the normal good indigestion sort of flutter that I'm getting used to. This was a different flutter.

I know how she found them.

It was me who turned them in after all.

When he came back I couldn't even look Zuko in the face. I felt weird. Toph was lying next to me and she sat up and looked at me with this concerned look on her face and asked if I was feeling okay. Damn Toph's earthbendy-senses! I said I was tired and wanted a nap and some alone time. They all believed me. Mostly I just wanted to get away from everybody. I can't wander away and have a mope now, so a nap is just as good a way of being alone with my thoughts. Zuko asked if I wanted to nap here or nap in my room and I have opted for the hammock.

Everybody else climbed out (quite awkwardly -Toph kept falling back on top of me and Sokka had to lift her out) and I have the hammock to myself.

-?-

The others did a good job of leaving me alone and keeping their distance while I 'napped' but my "fatigue"/grumpiness has worried Zuko somewhat. He came over to bother me and to ask if I was feeling okay. He put his warm hand on my forehead to check if I had a fever. I don't have a fever. I didn't want him to be all friendly and concerned about me right at that moment. I just said that I was feeling all done in and wanted some quiet time alone. He has told me that I should ring if I need anything.

-?-

I should just tell him that it was me. I don't lie to him about important things after all. But I am worried that he'll get mad and cranky with me, or even worse, he'll make his sad panda face and abscond and go have a mope somewhere and I won't be able to chase after him with my ankle the way it is at the moment. I'm worried he won't like me as much when he knows.

-?-

I shouldn't feel so badly about this. He chased us everywhere! For so long we had to worry about him trying to catch Aang. We saw him once every week for months! And then nothing for ages and then that abandoned town and then nothing and then he turns up in Ba Sing Se. What was I supposed to think? It's not like I did it on purpose. I thought I was telling Suki after all. It would be unreasonable of him to get mad about this.

-?-

Zuko is prone to bouts of unreasonableness.

-?-

When Zuko came back, it was to have another look at my ankle. I could try waterbending healing now, if I was feeling up to it. He'd bought a big bowl of warm water and some fresh bandages. He pulled a chair up near the hammock and I scooted to the edge and I put my foot in his lap. He took off the bandages and the poultice. I bended some of the water on the cut to clean it out. I held my palm flat against it and tried to heal it. I couldn't do much for it now. Scorpidillo bites are funny things. All the poison has been drawn out by the poultice, but my ankle had still swelled up. I could only soothed the swelling a little bit. I couldn't even heal the cut over (old cuts are much harder to heal than fresh ones).

This has made Zuko a bit sad. It actually brought me out of my guilty funk to see him sad. I told him I'd poke him with my toe in his ear again (he hadn't liked that) if he didn't tell me what the matter was. He said really quietly that he was _so sorry _and _I was probably going to have a scar_ and he felt really bad about that. He started rewrapping my ankle and that sentence just hung between us. He is sensitive about scars after all. I reached forward really awkwardly (hammocks are awkward!) and gave his shoulder a squeeze and told him not to worry. It was a miniscule cut on my ankle. It'd heal over and I wouldn't even notice it, but if it really bothered him he could make me some more anklets to cover it over- voila problem solved. He smiled slightly.

I felt like I couldn't keep it to myself any longer. It would be dishonest of me to not tell him. There was a question I wanted to ask him first and I just came right out with it.

Did he really mean what he said about being happy in Ba Sing Se?

He seemed a bit surprised by the question. He said that he wasn't sure, he hadn't been happy very often before Ba Sing Se after all. But his Uncle had loved it and he'd been glad to see his Uncle so happy and well settled. Ba Sing Se had been such a novelty for him and he thought that he could have gotten used to a life without obligations and duties. I said I didn't think it would have made him happy in the long run (more to justify my actions to myself I guess – but in all honesty Zuko is not one to shirk his responsibilities and he would have missed having them I think). He said that I was probably right but it didn't matter anyway now. He concentrated on tying up the loose end of the bandage and tied it off and looked back up at me. He wanted to know why I was asking anyway.

I launched into a lengthy rant/explanation.

I just blurted out that I had accidentally walked into their teashop one day and I had seen them and I was the one who turned him and his Uncle over to Azula. But she had tricked me because she had dressed up like Suki and I didn't know it was her. I just thought he should know – she didn't have evil genius powers- she was just wily. And he shouldn't be mad at me about that... because he'd been chasing us for so long and... what was I meant to think.

At this point I launched into an **ill-advised bout of self righteousness** about his various misdeeds when he was chasing us and how I had just thought that he was still chasing us when I saw him in the city and he shouldn't be mad. (this was probably the third time I said that he shouldn't be mad and I was half worried that he was going to say the he wasn't mad, just disappointed again.) I got to the end of my rant and there was just this big giant pause. He didn't say anything (that was worse.) He just looked at me and blinked twice and then he got up abruptly and said _excuse me_ and left. It's the first time since I got bitten that he hasn't said to ring if I need anything.

-?-

I can't believe I am going to write this. I miss Zuko. He's buggered off and I can't chase after him and this is the worst thing about having to stay off your feet. Now I think he's mad at me and I hate that feeling. If he were here -I'd take back my ill advised bout of self righteousness. I didn't mean any of it and it wasn't fair to throw all his past misdeeds in his face like that. I can't stop thinking about that look of just _hurt _that past over his face when I was talking – but I couldn't seem to stop myself. All I meant by it was that he shouldn't be mad at me. Now I haven't see him for three hours and if I ring the bell I get one of the others.

-?-

I am reading _Love Amongst the Dragons_ again to distract myself from all these thoughts that are flying around my head.

-?-

Rang the bell again. Got Sokka. We got into a conversation about _Love Amongst the Dragons_ and I told him about my various feelings about Zara and Zali and Kizu and the great ball and Zali's newly acquired dragon powers (err what the hell? I did not see that coming). Sokka said that he knew I would enjoyed it and got excited about the next chapter and said – _you won't believe what happens, I cried._

He asked if I needed anything. No, not at moment. I asked, really casually – I like to play it cool after all- if he'd seen Zuko recently. Sokka raised an eyebrow and said he was somewhere about the place. I asked (still casually) how he had seemed and Sokka said he seemed vaguely grumpy and a bit mopey but that was usual for Zuko. _Yes, but was he more grumpy and mopey than usual today?_ I asked (still casually). Sokka said the grumpiness and the mopey-ness seemed at normal Zuko levels. He asked if we had a fight. I have denied this a bit vehemently (alas- I lost the casual aura I had been maintaining). We're not fighting at all – don't be silly- why would Sokka think that we were fighting. Sokka asked if I wanted him to get Zuko for me. (yes!) I said _No _quite forcefully. No, that's not necessary. Zuko knew where to find me and he'd come and see me if he wanted to – so no, thanks anyway Sokka, but no. The last thing I need is to get Sokka involved.

-?-

Sokka has taken it upon himself to get involved.

He went to look for Zuko but couldn't find him. He has reported this back to me. Sokka has decided to keep looking and he' ll keep an eye out for him and send him my way when he sees him. I have protested that Sokka doesn't need to do that. It is really unnecessary and also a bit _stalky. _Sokka raised an eyebrow at my stalky comment. His mouth quirked up and the sides – the way it does when he thinks he is about to say something_ really hilarious-_ I knew I would not like whatever he was about to say. I smacked him with _Love Amongst the Dragons_ and said that whatever he was about to say he could bloody well keep to himself. Sokka's face went through a variety of contortions but by some miracle he managed to keep his joke in.

-?-

Sokka has just gone and found Suki and Toph. They had a small whispered conversation – Sokka's face did that quirky thing it does when he is saying something he thinks is exceptionally funny. Suki fell about laughing. Toph was beside herself with giggles and actually rolled about on the ground she was laughing so hard. I am glaring at all of them from my hammock.

-?-

Toph has wandered over and asked if I wanted her to look for Zuko too – or would that be_ too stalky_? She said this very cheekily and is now standing out of range of the common sense stick while I valiantly attempt to whack her with it.

I feel that everybody is having fun at my expense.

-?-

Aang has come over and presented me with a huge bunch of firelilies. He has spent all afternoon picking them and has (thankfully) been spared Sokka's hilarious joke at my expense. I managed not to visibly recoil from the lilies (Oh, but the urge to lean back away from them was so strong). I schooled my features and said thank you graciously and kept my cool. I just told Aang to put them in a vase in the kitchen for me. Aang has gone off to do this. There is much clattering from the kicthen that I assume is Aang looking for a vase.

-?-

Toph found Zuko. He was on the cliff with all the boulders apparently. She has escorted him back to the courtyard and they appeared on the other side of it. I waved (casually- totally casually) and they started wandering over. Toph expostulated loudly that I had been asking after him all afternoon (patently untrue!)so he better talk to me and fix whatever he'd done wrong now. Then she scurried off, looking pleased with herself.

Zuko sighed and his shoulders slumped a little and he wandered over. I was just about to launch into my apology but he held up his hand and said he had something to say. But then he didn't say anything and just crossed his arms and looked off for a second before turning back to me.

He said (really quietly and to the ground) that he couldn't take any of it back, he would if he could – but what's done is done. He couldn't undo all the things he had done. He was really sorry and he'd apologized so many times and he didn't think it was fair that I had thrown it all back in his face. I cut him off there because I couldn't contain my interruption any longer. I said that this time, _I was the one who was really sorry_ and I had been most unreasonable and he hadn't deserved my ill advised bout of self righteousness at all and I didn't meant any of it. I was just trying to prove that I had reasons for thinking he was my enemy in Ba Sing Se and I just hadn't wanted him to be mad at me and I was really sorry and I would never mention Ba... He cut me off and looked really, incredibly confused and asked if _I was apologizing to him?_

Obviously! I had literally **just apologized **to him a second ago– were we in the same conversation. Apparently not. He was still looking confused. He asked _So... I'm not in the wrong this time? _I reassured him that I wasn't mad at him and I hoped he wasn't mad at me about either that whole turning him over to Azula thing or my ill advised bout of self righteousness. He shrugged and said he had been a bit _surprised_ by the Azula thing, but he couldn't really be mad about it for all the previously stated reasons. Then he waffled, blathered, blithered (adorably) that if he had been me and had run into him back in Ba Sing Se, he wouldn't have been happy to see him either. He wondered out loud about how if he was me in this scenario – would I be him? He was doing that blabbering thing he does when he's nervous. I find it endlessly dorky and endearing at the same time.

To stop the tidal waves of words -I grabbed his hand and pulled him into the hammock with me. I told him I really was sorry about it (again) and he said he accepted my apology. He asked if I really wasn't mad at him again. _I haven't done anything you're mad about?_ I said I was a bit upset that he'd absconded all afternoon and asked him what had he been doing. He pulled out a half made anklet from his pocket and handed it over for my inspection. It was a thin long piece of leather that had been intricately woven for about a quarter of its length. He said that he had thought I was really mad at him and we were going to fight about Ba Sing Se (again). He'd wanted to apologize (again) and also make me an anklet for when my bandage comes off and so he'd started this for me. He hadn't had a chance to finish it, because Toph had found him and dragging him back here.

According to Toph, I have apparently been asking for him non-stop and sending other people to go find him etc. all afternoon. I have refuted Toph's claims. I have done no such thing.

I was really touched that he'd half made me an anklet and I said so as I handed it back to him. He said softly that he really just wanted us to finally put Ba Sing Se behind us. I said I wanted to put it behind us as well and I promised I didn't hold what happened there against him anymore. I had been mad and felt betrayed when it happened because I couldn't understand why he would choose Azula over us. Actually I still didn't understand. I asked him and he played with the leather for a little bit before saying he wasn't so much choosing Azula over us, but it had been more about going home.

He said he'd been so young when he'd been banished and he had never been away from home before then. He'd been super homesick for most for his banishment. Azula gave him the chance to go home and have his honor restored and earn his father's respect and love. That had been all he thought he wanted. He said that he thought, in the end, it had been a good thing. I protested . He explained. He'd needed to go home if only so that he could realize that he didn't want or need Ozai's love and respect. He'd realized how much he'd changed and what the firenation was really like. He'd had a really idealized view of his home as a kid and it was only after traveling everywhere and seeing so much and then returning home that he was able the see things for how they really were (ie. really messed up). He said that _If I'd never gone back, I probably would have always wondered, _but now he was more sure than he'd ever been about anything - that helping us was the right thing to do. I told him that I could see his point. We have snuggled a little and made friends again.

Aang came out, firelilies in hand, still looking for a vase. He seemed a little surprised that Zuko was in the hammock with me. Zuko has gotten up now to go help Aang find a vase.

-?-

I am thinking about homes and going home and what what it would be like to go home again and see it with new eyes. Sometimes I have a vague longing for the South Pole, for snow and carved wood. But I know home is going to seem totally different to me when I go back. I am actually beginning to feel like everyone here is my home. My home is moveable. It is wherever Sokka and Zuko and Aang and Toph and Suki are.

They are my home.

-?-

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

* * *

Authors notes: long and rambly notes

Lovely readers you have reached the end of _Clearing the Air. _Congratulations and I hope you enjoyed it. Huge thank you to all my brilliant reviewers! You are all kinds of wonderful. I'm sorry I've been a slack updater! I'm heading into a uni assessment period and so real life has gotten a bit hectic for me. Updates might be a bit slower for October but I promise you I am still writing this baby! I have it all planned out! But this is the first time I have had a chance to write in a few days! Alas!

But I have written you an **extra long chapter **(it was originally two chapters – but I smushed them together for you!) but they both have a similar feeling of clearing the air of past misunderstandings.

I think that Toph for all her outward toughness would be a bit shaken about the idea of anything happening to Katara. Katara is a real replacement maternal figure for her. Of course Toph would never say this and admit to being worried or scared, but she becomes a bit snuggly. Katara senses right that this is how Toph shows concern for her and also that Toph needs to be given something to do. Toph is a very practical and hands-on person and would find a job – any job- helpful. Katara makes her fan her and there are shenanigans, but she is able to reassure Toph that she is fine and so Toph feels a little better and resumes her usual Tophness.

The first bit of the chapter focuses on different philosophies of bending again. A while ago I was watching the Jeong Jeong episode with a friend (I have introduced her to the series – but she is only watching one every couple of days. I predict her self control will lapse around the end of season two.) anyway I was bumming around at hers and she was up to the jeong jeong episode. It struck me that fire is the only element where Aang has two different instructors who clearly disagree. Katara and Pakku seem to have a similar view on water bending. Gender politics not so much. But with water bending they both espouse that it takes hard work and dedication etc. but both of them enjoy being waterbenders.

Jeong Jeong, on the other hand, _hates_ being a firebender and is very woe-is-me-fire-only-destroys-etc and is very disparaging and discouraging towards Aang. The Jeong Jeong incident is a HUGE blow to Aang's confidence and understandably so. Zuko on the other hand, while he feels conflicted about his firebending on occasions, actually enjoys being a firebender and takes pride in it. I think, especially after the dragon episode that he can see the beauty in firebending. I think he would have been a lot more encouraging to Aang. He would have perhaps over estimated Aang's abilities and started pretty quickly with what Aang considered 'proper' firebending- stuff with actually fire. But this gives Aang the confidence boost he needs to break his 'I'll never firebend again' crisis of Aangness.

But I realized after watching the episode that no one ever tells Zuko about Jeong Jeong as far as I can tell. He wasn't in that episode (alas) and I think Aang would have been trying to put Jeong Jeong behind him – so if Zuko asked if he knew anything about firebending, Aang would say _nothing. _Jeong Jeong is famous in the firenation and I think when Zuko found out that he was Aang's previous teacher and he had taken a totally different approach to teaching Aang -Zuko would worry that he had taught Aang _all wrong_. Aang is the first person he's ever taught after all. The firenation seem big on respect for elders etc and Zuko would think that as an elder, Jeong Jeong would probably know better than him.

Ultimately I think Zuko is actually a better teacher because he works _with _Aang and has high expectations of him. Jeong Jeong, while a very talented firebender, sets up such low expectations for Aang. He expects that Aang will fail and unsurprisingly Aang does. In my course we are taught that our expectations for our students will often become self fulfilling. If you expect a child to fail and this is evident in your attitude and teaching style, that will be a huge blow to that kid's confidence and increase the likelihood of that child not trying, failing etc.

Zuko just needed Katara to reassure him of his teaching skills etc and also I wanted them to give each other foot rubs and so I made it happen! I also wanted to float the idea that Katara knows about the whole attacking a student to test them firenation tradition and that she knew that Zuko was contemplating it. Considering she'd been all death-threaty about any attacks made on Aang's person a few episodes before - When Zuko does it in Sozin's comet- she has a remarkable chilled out attitude (for Katara) towards it. She is just angry that he could have hurt Aang which I think would be her main protest against the practice.

The hammocks are big enough for the six of them. Because I say so. Everyone hops in one together and has a big of a snuggle because this chapter needed some entire ganng interaction. Also they'd never talked about Ba Sing Se as a group and I wasn't sure if everyone was aware that they had all been in the same city for ages. Zuko's not quite comfortable with the group snuggle (he's a one on one snuggler and all) and is also called upon to be a waiter again. He is a bit reluctant to be a waiter for the others. But isn't it funny that when Katara pipes up that she wouldn't mind a juice -he suddenly becomes all about the juice fetching.

I just think they needed to clear the air a bit about Ba Sing Se. for all the Gaang know, Zuko and Iroh could have turned up in the city the day before they got captured. I don't think they knew that Zuko stopped chasing them etc and was living in the city and (eventually) trying to start over. Aang's flyer would have been the first time Zuko realized the Gaang were in the city. What do flyers about lost animals always have – contact details. But Zuko never bothers them or even does a Jet and lightly stalk them. I think all the rings were kept very much separate and were rigidly guarded. It does seem like they were hiding the steady constant stream of refugees in the lower ring so that nobody in the middle and upper ring would be aware there was that whole war going on. It would have been much harder for someone from the lower ring to ascend to the upper ring normally. But even when Zuko moves to the upper ring, he doesn't bother the Gaang (though this is after his 'metamorphosis' or whatever that was.) I actually hand wave that whole metamorphosis thing because I have no idea what the frak is going on there.

Anyway I think that he knew how to find the gaang for a fair while and didn't act on it directly (he did go and try to pinch Appa which was not a clever moment for our boy- Iroh has a point – what would they _do _with an eight tonne flying bison). Aang advertising his whereabouts all over the city isn't the smartest thing, but it didn't bite him in the arse in Ba Sing Se. so yay- I guess. Anyway, I think Aang/ganng didn't have a clear understanding of how divided the city was and how even if someone in the lower ring knew where Appa was – it wouldn't be a simple matter for them to pass the walls and come up and see Aang in the upper ring. The walls actually remind me a bit of the Berlin wall. Berlin was a city divided and you couldn't cross that wall easily at all.

Anyway, I thought we were well due for a big clearing of the air on Ba Sing Se.

I wanted Zuko and Katara to have a bit of a talk about it and finally be able to put it behind them and I think for that to happen, Katara would have to have a better understanding of why he choose Azula then. I think she's forgiven him by this point, but she just doesn't understand why and the why is important. I also think that she should have something that she felt she needed to apologize for (which is unusual for Katara.) This is mostly to even out their conversation- if Katara didn't apologize for some things every now and again then it's just Zuko apologizing profusely all the time and I don't think that is fair to him.

For Zuko, Azula just turns up and he would be a bit unsure about how she found him. He has come to the conclusion that she is an evil genius. I think Katara would not have told him previously about how she told Azula where he was. This is the first time she's felt really guilty about something she's done to him. Her apology at the start of this fic was more a friendship-smoothing-over apology rather than an I-screwed-up-and-hurt-you apology. She gets a bit awkward around him and he doesn't make it any easier by being so nice to her. Then she completely kooks up what was going to be her apology (but she doesn't mention serial killers thankfully) and turns it into an ill advised bout of self righteousness. I actually think ill advised bouts of self righteousness might be a default mode for Katara when she is feeling a little nervous/challenged. She doesn't intentionally throw everything back in his face, but she does – and it makes everything worse.

Zuko buggers off because he honestly doesn't know what to do anymore. He can't believe she's yelling at him about Ba Sing Se (again) after everything and he's starting to wonder how many time she is going to have to apologize. He wants some alone mopey time. While he's having a mope, he start to feel guilty all over again. Zuko feels pretty consistently guilty about Ba Sing Se after all and he knows he really screwed up there. So he thinks that he has to apologize again.

It is actually her ill advise bout of self righteousness that really hurts his feelings more than anything. It makes him a sad panda. I think he would have been willing to let her dobbing them into Azula slide – given the circumstances. But her ranting at him (again) about his various misdeeds would have really hurt. I think Katara can see this and would learn from this and never bring it up again. I think they really just needed to have an honest heart to heart about what happened, so that they can finally move beyond Ba Sing Se. I think a conversation like this would have happened at some point, with Zuko trying to explain why he'd chosen Azula. I think he was more choosing the_ idea of home_ that she represented rather than choosing Azula herself. Now Katara knows some of the things he was thinking and it helps her understand him a little better.

YMMV on everything by the way!

I think Zuko would also be a sad panda about Katara having a scar because of him. He is sensitive about scars after all. She made an offhand comment about how another anklet would make it all better so he starts making one while he mopes. It's like hitting two apologies with one anklet almost. Katara is very touched.

Katara thinks she is so sly when she 'casually' asks about Zuko's whereabouts. She is not being as sly and casual as she thinks she is. Sokka has thoughts. Many thoughts. Which he will share with Zuko next chapter. Also Sokka is not trying to a be jerk when he makes fun of Katara and her stalky comment- (or when he teases Zuko about being a waiter – I think a certain amount of teasing is part of their bromance). Mostly Katara is just being too hilarious from Sokka's point of view and he has to tell Suki and Toph. Sokka is a big fan of friendly teasing after all.

We will get snippets of _Love Amongst the Dragons_ from Katara's POV- it is exceptionally soapy and ridiculous. I think one reviewer call it shakespeare meets jane austen – this is true, if both shakespeare and jane austen were drunk and on an extreme sugar rush and had spent the last few weeks watching truly dreadful soap operas at the time that they wrote it. In this chapter there is a dreaded love triangle in _love amongst the dragons_ – mostly because I'm not a huge fan of love triangles. Or long lost twin siblings appearing for that matter.

If you have made it to the end of this the I have so much mad love for you! Thanks for reading lovely readers! Reviewers always make me smile so if you feel the urge to send a smile my way – don't fight it! give in to the urge!

The next chapter will feature Sokka getting a little big brotherly in his Sokka way and more shenanigans with _Love Amongst the Dragons. _

Til then lovely readers...


	21. big brothers

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Big Brothers.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

I have started asking odd things of everybody – just to see what they will all do for me. A lot, from the way everyone has been reacting to my outlandish requests. Yesterday's outlandish requests have included, that Toph play for me on the flute (the girliest instrument- she protested but did it), that Suki play for me on the mandolin and that Zuko play for me on the tsungi horn. I was feeling a bit musical yesterday. I have also asked that Zuko hurry up on my anklet and bring me various snacks/drinks (he is my favourite waiter) and carry me various places (I couldn't settle yesterday and kept wanting to move). I have gotten Suki do the fan dance for me again. I demanded that Toph preface every comment she made to me with the three words I love to hear **(you were right)**. I wasn't right about anything in particular yesterday, but I just LOVE to hear Toph said it. I asked that Sokka _not make one sarcastic comment_ all day and to cease and desist all jokes at my expense. Sokka has often made the 'I'm-about-to-say-something-really-funny' face but managed to keep all of his comments to himself. Within my hearing at least.

I have asked Aang to work on that funky ball trick he was experimenting with a couple of days ago– because that trick was awesome, it keeps Aang busy and it incorporated the four bendings- so it is brilliant practice. I don't know if I will make this particular outlandish request again. My entire afternoon yesterday became filled with Aang's constant requests to watch him and he would perpetually ask – _did you see me? Did you see what I did?_ etc. The correct answer to this is always _yes_ and to gush enthusiastically about Aang's progress and cleverness. I will admit I was impressed at the start – but I really wanted to get back to _Love Amongst the Dragons _– because I was in a really good bit – But Aang's persistent requests for my attention made it hard to read any of the book.

Zuko and Toph also watched Aang's ball trick and offered what they called _constructive criticism._ Mostly Toph was just calling out affectionate insults about Aang's need for attention/applause. Zuko said it was an impressive trick, but Aang needed to work more on his control etc and needed to think about a way to use the funky ball in combat. Aang got a bit stroppy with Zuko about this. Zuko was 'ruining' the funky ball with his talk of combat. **The funky ball is not for combat, **according to Aang. It is just to look awesome/prove to disbelieving people that he is the Avatar. Zuko got a bit stroppy right back and said that Sozin's comet is not that far away and if Aang wasn't going to use the funky ball in combat – he should be practicing something that he could use to defeat the fatherlord instead. There was a small schmozzle. I had to use my injured powers (which I am discovering are much like birthday powers) to get them to agree to disagree.

-?-

Have healed my ankle a little bit more and it is nearly better. When it has healed completely I will be sad to lose my injured person powers. But I will be back on my feet which is much better.

-?-

I'm not good at sitting around and doing nothing. I think I went a bit stir crazy with my outlandish requests yesterday and so today I am trying to do something nice for everybody and do all our mending. I figured I may as well be useful while I'm off my feet. Everybody had a few ripped and torn pieces of clothing anyway and there was a great deal of **enthusiasm** for my mending them (mostly I think because everyone else is _really crap_ at mending.)

Suki and Sokka had gone to the shops to get some supplies and stuff for lunch. Toph and Aang were snuggling about me – as they do lately. Though Aang has been banished a little bit further down the couch away from my 'done' pile of mending. Aang accidentally re-ripped one of Toph's pants that I had _just fixed_ when he was playing with Momo. I was vaguely irritated and said as much and Aang made the sad face he always does when I scold him. I have magnanimously said that he can still play with Momo – just not near anything that I have _just fixed.. _

Toph was lying on the couch with her feet in my lap. She was metalbending her bracelet into different shapes and listening to Zuko as he read out from _Love Amongst the Dragons. _I can't sew and read at the same time. And I was in a _really good_ bit. But the mending definitely needed seeing to – soon none of use would have any clothes that weren't ripped or torn in places. Would _certain people_ take to just wandering round shirtless all the time if they found they suddenly had no shirts that weren't full of holes? Mmmmmhhhh.

Something to ponder.

Anyway, this morning I couldn't think of many outlandish requests, but then I started doing the mending and thinking about how great it would be to find out if Zara could get Kizu back from Zali's evil clutches. I asked Zuko if he would read the book out loud, while I did the mending. I didn't even have to nag him that much to get him to do it. He said he _may as well_ because Aang had declared that he was taking the morning off (a side effect of their schmozzle yesterday.) Aang is finding **enthusiastic practice **very stressful and needed a break before his head exploded. Since we can't have Aang's head exploding, he has gotten his way in this. I know both Toph and Zuko have planned very intense training sessions this afternoon.

It was all very sweet and domestic. Zuko had his feet on the coffee table and was sprawled back in the big comfy chair while he read. He even _did the voices_. I was worried that it would spoil the book for Aang and Toph. Zuko has read it. (I asked him what he thought of it because I thought it was ridiculous and lame but _so engrossing._ He shrugged and said it was okay.) Aang said it wouldn't be a problem because he didn't normally read books (he lacks the concentration span- this surprises none of us). Toph said she didn't normally read books either, but much more sarcastically. She may have also made a few blind comments (re: her ability to read and my stupidity for forgetting this) at my expense.

Anyway I noticed that slowly Toph became more interested in the story than bending her bracelet. It was a good bit- Zara had taken in the orphaned kid Tian, because she couldn't just leave her. (Zara always helps people who need it and I feel great kinship with her). Anyway Tian is also a dragon bender and lots of things exploded and they had to chase down this bad guy and there was drama! Toph left my lap and slowly inched closer to Zuko. She, by sheer virtue of her Toph-ness, ended up squished in the comfy chair with him.

Zuko was a bit surprised when she first clambered on the chair with him. He asked if she wanted the chair, a bit incredulously. No she did not. She just wanted to be able to **listen better.** She elbowed him at least three times in the stomach (Zuko made a small noise of disgruntlement each time) but managed to maneuver herself into a comfy position. Zuko was a bit awkward about the whole chair smushing/having a small wiggling Toph sitting on him, but eventually started reading again in his normal tone (after Toph said _read on already!_). I was listening intently, (but I managed to listen intently _without _sitting in Zuko's lap). Aang was listening a little less intently because he was quite engrossed in his game with Momo – he was air bending little updrafts and Momo was floating on them and chirruping happily.

I'd gotten through three quarters of the mending pile and we'd all just gotten to the bit where Zali (bloody Zali!) wanted to take Tian because she was a dragon prodigy and she said that she would swap Kizu for Tian. Zara and Zali were fighting an intense duel, when Sokka and Suki came to join us. Suki just got stuff for sandwiches for lunch. She can make sandwiches easily. She went to the kitchen to start putting things away but Sokka stayed with us.

He sat for a bit and then coughed awkwardly. I didn't realize, but this was meant to be an attention-grabbing-cough, not a regular cough. He didn't get our attention and so he coughed again, much more meaningfully. Zuko stopped and looked up. Sokka asked if they could spar. Right now. Oh no! I still had a quarter pile of mending and I wanted to know if Zara would win her fight with Zali. I protested before Zuko could say anything and said that they could spar later. Sokka said it was really important that they spar now and he had something he wanted to talk to Zuko about. He said this and shot Zuko a _meaningful_ look. There were layers of meaning to that look. Zuko sighed, got up (with a bit of difficulty – Toph was being an awkward lump again) and said that Aang could keep reading for me. He passed the book to Aang and pointed out where he was up to and left with Sokka. Boo.

-?-

Aang had a good go at reading but he didn't do the voices and it just wasn't the same. He got a bit bored of it and I said it was okay and he could play with Momo instead. Aang and Momo both prefer this and it keeps them occupied/out of my hair (and my mending). This morning was meant to be relaxing for Aang after all and I was glad to hear the sound of his joyous laughter. I could always read it after I had finished the mending. Toph came back from the comfy chair and sat grumpily next to me and Aang. She wondered aloud what Sokka would possibly have to talk to Zuko about so badly.

Me and Aang tossed around a few ideas. Shopping? -Sokka wants to know the latest firenation fashion! Though why he would ask Zuko is a bit perplexing. Zuko's not really a shopper. Fishing? They want to go and have some manly bonding time and noogie each other until one of them falls in. Swords? Sokka wants to know more swordy tricks. The possibilities were endless, they could be talking about anything from not thinking ahead, thinking ahead, the war, plans, plots, to things Ozai is allergic too? (one of these things would be smiling- obviously).

Toph said sarcastically _Oh please, they're talking about you, Katara. _I protested indignantly. They are not. How would Toph know. Toph said she just knew these things airily. Now my interest was sparked! What are they saying? They were too far away to eavesdrop! Boo. Aang (who got up and went over to the window so he could see them sparring on the beach) said they just looked like they were messing about and just regular talking. I asked (casually) what it looked like they were talking about. Aang said he wasn't sure, he couldn't tell. Then he started offering a running commentary on their sparring session that ended with..._oh now there's big gesturing from Sokka... oh Zuko just dropped his swords in surprise._ Then Aang winced a little bit and _ooh that's gotta hurt!_

_-?-_

I was about to get up and hop over to the window to investigate, but I could hear the dulcet sound of Zuko swearing coming up the garden path and I was quickly able to summarize what happened. Their conversation went like this.

Z: Bloody hell – _every time _Sokka!

S: It was an _accident _– it's your fault for not concentrating anyway – you can't blame me if your attention span is shorter than Aang's!

Z: Well you distracted me – _every time_ we spar I end up getting clobbered over the head or bleeding profusely. That's it's! I'm not sparring with you again

S: Why you afraid I'll beat you and make you cry like a little girl.

Z: Pfft – I'd kick your arse to next sunday.

S: Then why is it I'm not the one who gets clobbered or bleeds profusely every time we spar?

Z: Because you trick me! You distracted me with.._what you said!_

They stopped at the door, we all looked up. Zuko was holding his forearm tightly and it was bleeding in a steady stream. I beckoned him over and asked Aang to get me a bowl of water for healing. Zuko came over and sat next to me and showed me the rather deep cut on his forearm. I immediately asked him to take his shirt off. He asked why- (no reason – just because I said so)- Eeerrr...because it would be easier to heal. He complied.

Mmmhhhh.

No, it was healing time!

And everyone else was here. _Daydreams are for alone time,_ after all.

Aang wanted to know what happened ( a bit excitedly). Sokka said that Zuko had been beaten by the awesome power of space-sword and Sokka's incredible skill. Zuko protested that Sokka had really distracted him and was super wily and would have never won if he hadn't been _so distracting_ so his only incredible skill was that of _distraction!_ There was a small, good-natured argument about who would kick arse (Sokka maintains that he would wallop Zuko if they were ever really fighting. Zuko disagrees). I would normally always say Zuko is the better swordsman, but now I'm not so sure. Zuko and Sokka spar frequently, but somehow, if one of them is going to get injured it is going to be Zuko. Sure Sokka can be distracting and annoying – but he can't be _that_ distracting and annoying. What did he say?

When it was just the four of us, Sokka would occasionally make sarcastic comments about the universe hating him- because if ever one of us got hurt, the odds are it would be Sokka and it would be in a ludicrously unlucky way. Following this logic - it appears that the universe hates Zuko even more than it hates Sokka. Perhaps this is why Sokka and Zuko get along so well, they both are used to getting randomly and ridiculously injured.

What were they talking about? Was it me – like Toph hypothesized or was it something lame like sword sharpening techniques. Toph beat me to it and asked the blunt question. She always asks the blunt question, bless her cotton socks. _What were you guys talking about anyway_ she asked nonchalantly while picking at her toes. –Zuko said _err nothing._ Sokka said _umm fishing. _I said _Fishing for nothing?_ incredulously with an eyebrow raise. Sokka told me it was a complicated manly warrior metaphor and I wouldn't understand. I threw some pants at him. Suki had come up behind him and she said _oh really? What was this complicated manly metaphor that we poor females couldn't understand? _Hardy har har har! Sucks to be you Sokka! Sokka's face registered absolute panic. Suki waved off whatever lame excuse Sokka was about to say and just said that lunch would be ready in ten minutes.

-?-

I finished healing Zuko's arm. He put his shirt back on after wards. Boo. We had lunch. It was delicious. He has gone off with Aang to throw fireballs and practice enthusiastically. Suki and Sokka are having a mild argument in the kitchen about sexism. It is quiet enjoyable to listen to. Suki wins at arguments forever! Toph was sitting with me picking her toes listlessly, but has since decided that she would rather go watch the practice and randomly bend rocks at Aang when he least suspects it – to test his reflexes.

I started reading_ Love Amongst the Dragons _again – but had to put it down when I was overcome by emotion. I was crying because Zali had_ just sacrificed _herself for Zara after everything! And it was _so sad._ They were long lost twins and they could have gotten along so well and they were identical and then Zali took Zara's place and it's all too much!

I had a bit of a cry and felt a bit ridiculous for crying over a book and crying over _Zali_ of all characters. It was a slightly noisy cry. Aang and Zuko and Toph came in and were a bit alarmed by my tears. Aang rushed over and hugged me. I explained that it was nothing – it was just this ridiculous, soapy, melodramatic book of ridiculousness and lamesness and I was being ridiculous – crying over something so lame. Zuko got me a hanky and said that I shouldn't be embarrassed; everybody found it a little bit sad when Zali dies or when Tian gets sick or when Kizu gets taken.

I gave him a look and asked him if he had _liked _the book (he had previously denied liking it after my rant about how lame it was earlier). He blushed and said he didn't like it, it was lame and ridiculous and I had said so myself. Toph sang out _I can tell you're lying Zuko,_ happily. Ha! Hardy har har! I told him he should just admit it. He was a big, fat _Love Amongst the Dragons _fan! Zuko blushed again and said that he had to go train Aang. Aang protested that they'd been training _all afternoon_. Zuko said that they have to go training again (now!) and beat a hasty retreat. Aang let go of me and followed.

-?-

After they had gone I tried waterbending healing my ankle again. I managed to ease most of the swelling and now my ankle is back to normal size. It is still a little sore, but I can walk on it gingerly for now. I have walked around the lounge room a few times and now I have climbed the stairs. I think I'll just need one more healing session tomorrow and it will be back to normal. I have decided to demonstrate my final healing session for Aang to see if it helps him pick up anything re: waterbending healing.

-?-

Dinner was kebabs again.

-?-

Zuko bought me a sun poppy tea in bed. I told him about how well my ankle had healed and he said he was really glad and that I probably wouldn't need the tea anymore after tonight. He sat on one end of the bed and I put my foot in his lap while he unwrapped the bandage for the last time. He gave me the anklet. Yay! I think my brain must be melting around Zuko. I just get this stomach fluttery feeling like indigestion around him all the time now. It is a nuisance- this feeling. I am in two minds about it.

On the one hand, (the less sensible, more swoony hand) loves this sort of thing. When Zuko does little things for me or smiles at me or talks with me – this hand does a little happy dance. This hand was **most excited **to get another present from Zuko. This hand is obviously my stupider hand.

The other hand, (the more sensible and practical hand), says that I should stop having daydreams etc about Zuko because that is a very silly (and time-wasting) leisure activity and also because he is Zuko and we are complete opposites and it would never work out between us so nothing can come of daydreams etc. This hand also says we are in the middle of a war and I should focus on that. Winning the war should come first. Boys should be the least of my concern. I like this hand. I wish it would take over – or at least slap some sense into the other hand. But whenever I'm around Zuko – the first hand takes over and I feel overcome by the urge to talk with him and tickle him and tease him.

Tonight I teased him about _Love Amongst the Dragons_ at length. He is obviously a fan. He got so_ into_ reading it out. He blushed and denied it a little bit. He is lying and I don't even need Toph's earthbendy senses to tell. Mostly because Zuko is a _dreadful _liar. Eventually in the face of my teasing (and a small amount of tickling) he fessed up. He loved the book. His mum used to read it to him when he was sick, so it is like his equivalent of _soft little seal. _He said whenever he reads it, even though he knows it's a bit melodramatic, it makes him feel home and safe. He smiled at me a little ruefully and shrugged and said I could _judge away. _I told him I would _nudge away _instead and gave him a big old affectionate foot nudge. He gave my foot a little tickle. And we smiled at eachother.

The first hand did a happy dance.

-?-

Sokka made breakfast. He invented a new jam. Actually he just added fireflakes to a perfectly good jam and called it Sokka's secret sauce. The only secret is how he could even think to make something this terrible. It is all kinds of repulsive. He has ruined the jam forever! I let Toph whack Sokka with the common sense stick (he kept dodging just out of my reach).

-?-

Aang is earthbending at the moment but later we will have another healing lesson. I was walking round the house slowly this morning, just to test out my ankle, and I have overheard an unusual conversation between Sokka and Zuko. They were watching Aang and Toph train and munching on fireflakes and I was behind them in the kitchen. I eavesdropped, as usual.

Sokka apologized for yesterday. Zuko asked if he was apologizing for slicing his arm open or for saying _that thing he said._.Sokka hand waved this comment with a _let's not get into that again. _Sokka said he had something to say but it just came out wrong yesterday. Zuko replied that he shuddered to think what it would sound like if it came out right. Sokka got a bit indignant and said he shouldn't be like that- because he was Sokka's best friend and if Sokka couldn't talk about this with him ...Zuko interrupted with a very surprised_ I am? _Sokka said,_ yeah, I guess you are. _There was a big pause before Sokka added _For goodness sake- don't look so pleased with yourself! _Zuko asked if they were meant to hug or shake hands or something after a pronouncement of best friend-ery, but Sokka shrugged and said _nah, I'm good. _There was another pause. It turned into a very long pause. Eventually Zuko said _so what did you want to talk to me about_.

Then Sokka launched into this little speech of big brotherly affection. In a really weird way, I find it kind of sweet (except for the cutting people into tiny pieces with boomerang bit.) Sokka and I always look out for each other, after all. It's nice that Sokka wants to big brother me sometimes. I find it irritating (because I don't really need him to big brother me – I'm am a master bender) and sweet (because it's nice that he still tries) at the same time. This is an unusual mix of feelings.

He said _Look what I wanted to say was thanks. Suki told me what you did in the forest when Katara got __bitten. Katara means the world to me- but you know that. And I should have started by saying thanks. Not that other thing... You're a good guy to have around in a tight situation and so... I'm glad that you guys are hanging out... but you should know that if any guy ever hurt her I would...I'd find the guy and cut him into tiny pieces with boomerang. _Zuko offered to hold the guy down while Sokka did his boomerang thing. Sokka said that while he appreciated the offer, he thought Zuko had missed his point and his point was...Zuko cut across him and said that he got the point.

Then Zuko said S_he means a lot to me too Sokka - I'd die before I'd let anything hurt her. _He said it so sincerely. I don't know, something in the way he said it made this cold thrill run up my spine. Sokka said he wasn't asking for any big noble sacrifices, but if anything happened to him, he'd want Zuko to look out for me. Zuko said Sokka shouldn't think like that. He wouldn't let anything bad happen to Sokka either. Sokka mock swooned like a character in _Love Amongst the Dragons_ and said _Oh my hero _very dramatically. Zuko promptly gave him a little push back and told him to shut up (but he did this very affectionately).

After a while (and a couple of handfuls of fireflakes) Sokka said that he was glad they had this talk. Zuko replied that he was glad that Sokka hadn't sliced his arm open again. Sokka made a very frustrated noise and said _Oh, for the last time, it was an __accident!_ Zuko said it hadn't felt like an _accident _when he was bleeding everywhere. Sokka said he was about to meet with _another accident_ if he didn't drop it. Zuko said _oh yeah – I'll accident you! _Then there was a great deal of the **usual inelegant struggling** that the boys always engage in.

Is it just me or does every conversation the boys have (even really dorky sweet ones) end with inelegant struggling.

-?-

Toph was right. They were talking about me. But in a nice way. I feel a great affection for the two of them (even though they are idiots). After their conversation, I have felt this warm, happy feeling in my chest as well as a bubbly feeling in my stomach and my swoony hand is quite happy and swoony. I haven't said anything about what I overheard (because I am not meant to eavesdrop after all.) but I still can't help smiling at the two of them and their antics a little more than usual.

-?-

After lunch – Kebabs again- I took Aang for a healing lesson. We went up to his room so there would be less distractions for Aang. Aang gets side tracked easily by the shenanigans of everybody else. Aang's room is a bit sparser than mine because I have hung paintings everywhere. But he still has a nice view.

I showed him how I healed my ankle and I let him have a go. I felt no improvement but a slight tickling when Aang tried to heal. I think a tickling sensation is a good thing. It's got to be progress at least. Sometimes I wish I'd had more time to learn with Yugoda, if only so I could teach Aang better. I finished off healing my ankle and it felt much better. I paced around the room for the rest of the lesson jut to make sure that I can walk on it properly again.

-?-

We did some theory (chi flows etc) and I think Aang was paying attention the whole time. He answered every question right at least. I kept getting distracted because Aang's room **really needed a clean**. He doesn't even have that many possessions (being a monk and all) but what he did have was sprawled _everywhere! _Stuff was all over the room. I mean they make cupboards for a reason Aang! I had a bossy moment regarding the state of Aang's room and how we have to clean it up pronto.

Yes, I have become That Person.

Aang said he knew where everything was and what was the point of putting things in a cupboard if he was just going to take them out again? It didn't bother him that his room was in a mess and besides the cupboard was locked anyway. Aang hadn't bothered to open it because it gave him bad vibes. Does neatness/organization give him bad vibes? I sighed and fumbled with the keys Toph made me around my neck. That Person doesn't let a locked door get in the way of neatness.

I messed about with the lock for a bit. I had a small rant while I fiddled. It would be easier for Aang to find things if they were all folded neatly in his cupboard and that would make it easier to differentiate between what was dirty and what was clean. Aang's current system of _everything on the floor _allowed for no such differentiation. If I was going to do washing, I would have no idea what was dirty etc. The locked clicked. I opened the door and gasped in surprise and slammed it shut again.

Maybe Aang shouldn't use this cupboard after all.

-?-

I slammed the doors closed before Aang could see inside. Aang was looking at me in alarm. I said there was a dead animal of some description in there (just a small white lie) and I didn't want Aang to see it. He is very sensitive about animals after all. Aang gave the cupboard a nervous look. I said that maybe Aang should go earthbend with Toph again, while I got rid of the skeleton for him. Aang agreed. He loves animals and finds dead ones very distressing. I asked him to send Zuko up to help with the dead animal removal.

I _wish_ it was a dead animal we were removing. A dead animal would be nice compared to the literal arseload of crazy evil that was in the cupboard.

-?-

So..umm...Aang is in Ozai's room. Very definitely. Sucks to be Aang. That cupboard was a crazy evil storage system! When I opened the doors and the first thing that greeted me was a list that was entitled **People to Kill. **It was a long list. Some names have been crossed off. Well that is... suitably psychotic.

That was when I slammed the doors shut.

I wasn't sure what to do with all this stuff. We'd have to get rid of it somehow. It would give Aang nightmares if he could see it. I thought I should ask Zuko first. It was his crazy dad's stuff after all. I wanted to show him privately because he's very touchy about this sort of thing. He's very touchy about anything to do with Ozai really. I think I'm getting a better understanding as to why.

Zuko had come up a quickly with a big bag for dead animal removal and a grim look. I told him it was much worse than a dead animal and it was a collection of all his dad's crazy evil and that I wasn't sure what we should do with all of it. I opened the cupboard and showed him the collection of crazy evil. I asked if he knew this was here but he said he didn't and he'd never been allowed into this room as a kid. His mum had moved into a bedroom downstairs when they'd been little and this room had always been Ozai's.

We had a closer look. On the other door, opposite the **People To Kill** list, was a picture of Zuko's uncle that had a giant X cut into it. Next to the picture was a scroll that said _mercy upon conditions._ I had a quick scan. It looked like Ozai had been defeated in something called an Agni Kai by Iroh, but Iroh had let him go, uninjured, on one condition. The scroll didn't say what the condition was, only that Ozai had agreed to it. I asked Zuko what it meant. He thumbed the scroll and said he never even knew that they had fought an Agni Kai together and he had no idea what the condition would be. He hadn't been born when this fight had taken place. So an Agni Kai is a fight? He said it was more than a fight, it was an honor duel and it was a big deal in the fire nation.

In small angry letters around the picture were little notes about weaknesses and ways of striking back at Iroh. One of these said _Iroh is attached to the boy. How can this be used against him? _Zuko gasped when he saw it and then his mouth set in a grim line and he said he thought we should **burn it all**. Have a big bonfire and put it all in a pile and burn it. This is a very firenation solution to the problem of the cupboard of crazy evil, but I do not disagree with it.

-?-

We started packing the cupboard's contents into the dead animal sack that Zuko had bought. Zuko shoved papers into the bag with unnecessary force and didn't seem to want to stop and read anything. Ozai had kept files on what appeared to be everyone he had ever met in his entire life. He had divided the world into three categories. Enemies, allies, and Miscellaneous obstacles. Zuko was classed as a miscellaneous obstacle under this system. He snorted derisively when he read this. I asked him if he wasn't at least a little bit curious to know what his father had written about him. He said bitterly that he didn't need to read some moldy old file to know what his dad thought of him. And that seemed to be the end of that.

-?-

Azula had by far the biggest file. In fact she had several big files. One was entitled Azula's lessons. Zuko said that his dad had started giving her special firebending lessons when she'd been six or so. The file probably had records of her progress and the stuff he taught her etc. We should at least have a better look at this, I said. It might give us an understanding of Azula and any of her sneaky special bending tricks. Zuko looked at the file like it might bite him and said he had enough special bending tricks of his own after seeing the dragons – but I could read it if I wanted. I thought it would be good to get a better understanding of Azula for the next time I fight her, so I did.

-?-

I picked up one of the papers that had fallen out of the lesson file and gave it a quick skim read. Wow, this was a disturbing insight into the mind of Ozai.

_The girl's pink friend has arrived. She is malleable and will be an easy training tool for the girl. Control and manipulation games for her. Just little things. We are only practicing now. _

_The girl is learning well. Small, scary things that cannot be traced back to her. The pink friend is now very obedient and this pleases the girl. She is learning to enjoy power over others._

_The girl has hurt the pink friend and feels rather guilty despite the fact that I tell her that she has made a remarkable achievement. No one, not even the wife, suspects her. _

_The girl cannot stop crying and fawning over pink friend. I think this is a result of the wife's or the boy's influence. _

_Have beheaded many scorpidillos in front of all the children. Pink girl sniveled pathetically and cried. I told her I was doing it for her sake. It proves I care and it is good for the children to get a stomach for gore and violence. _

_Threw scorpidillo stomach at the pink girl to get her to stop sniveling. The boy pushed her out of the way of said stomach and ended up covered in entrails. He promptly threw up. So weak. _(This must have been the Ozai- Scourge of the Scorpidillos afternoon that Zuko told me about.)

Umm... Ozai wasn't teaching her bending during these 'special lessons'. He was teaching her how to be a friggin psychopath. The file detailed the animals they hurt, the manipulation games and the cruel tricks she played on her family and friends, exercises in control and domination. It was appalling and fascinating to read. I just skimmed through it because I didn't have the stomach to read it closely. What became apparent was that Ozai didn't really see anyone else as a person. Not even Azula, really. He didn't call any of them by their names. Azula was referred to as _the girl, _Zuko must have been_ the boy_, he called their mother _the wife_ and there were many mentions of _the pink girl _– which I assume must have been Ty Lee.

Ozai is a **nutcase. **

Like seriously. Whatever is wrong with him, it is not a little thing.

-?-

The scary thing was that the file only detailed one summer's worth of special lessons. It appeared that Zuko's mum had had enough by the end of the holiday because they had a big fight. The last page said:

_Have gotten into a large argument with the wife. She has accused me of **turning the girl into a monster.** Within the girl's hearing. This is good. I have previously told the girl that the wife does not love her and thinks of her as a monster. Now she will believe it. _

_The boy took the girl away to her room and started play the tsungi horn for her loudly. To drown out the sound of the argument and to cheer her up. _

_I hate the sound of tsungi horn. _

_The girl has asked the boy if he thinks she is a monster. He does not. This pleases the girl. She wishes to spend time with the boy and forgo her lesson this afternoon. This displeases me. _

_The children are too close. The boy could taint the girl with his weakness. I will devise ways to separate them. _

I don't know why, but I showed Zuko the last page. He'd been quite adamant about not wanting to read anything, but I thought he should read this. It always struck me as a bit sad that Azula and Zuko spend a great deal of their time thinking of ways to hurt the other. They are brother and sister after all. I could never imagine me and Sokka behaving in that way. When Zuko spoke of her ages ago, he said they'd gotten along as children. Maybe it would do him some good to know that -left to her own devices- Azula may have turned out a little less sociopathic and crazyevil than she was at present. Ozai really had been trying to pit them against each other and separate them. Zuko closed the file and put it in the sack and said _well, he certainly succeeded._

While I had been reading, Zuko had cleared out every draw and ripped everything off the doors – so now the cupboard looked scrubbed bare and brand new. Aang could put his stuff in here now. We had a quick look around the room for any other artifacts of crazy evil, but found none. I folded all of Aang's clothes and put them in the cupboard. There now. I feel better now that the cupboard contains clothes instead of crazy evil.

-?-

Aang was still earthbending with Toph and Sokka and Suki were cuddling the the hammock when we carried the sack out of the house and down to the beach. We made small campfire and Zuko threw the whole sack on the fire, with this unreadable expression on his face. The sun was setting by this time and we just sort of sat together and watched it burn in silence. I wish I knew what to say to him. Maybe something along the lines of _I'm sorry your dad is such a nutcase_, only I'd be more eloquent and I would use a better word than nutcase. But really I had no idea what to say in this situation.

I just- my dad never made me drown Sokka's pet -just to prove a point to my mum. I just don't have any comprehension of that level of... He's just plain old messed in the head….I mean Zuko, on the rare occasions he spoke about his dad, would just say his dad wasn't a nice man. Not a nice man is the most ridiculous understatement. I just can't quite understand – but maybe that is a good thing. I'm oddly glad that Zuko doesn't talk much about his childhood. I think if he did, it would make me too sad. Or it would make me so mad that I'd storm to the capital myself and find Ozai and just beat the crap out of him and say _you do not treat people like that!_

I had no idea what to say, so I just laid my hand over his. After a while his fingers curled around mine and I gave his hand a small squeeze. He squeezed back and didn't take his hand away. We just sat together and watched the fire and the sunset and didn't say a word.

-?-

I made dinner again for the first time in ages. It feels good to be back on my feet again. Everyone has praised my cooking to the skies and I told them all they didn't have to give into my outrageous demands anymore (some people looked markedly relived at this pronouncement). Aang did a little version of the funky ball for me and Suki did the fan dance again – just for old times sake. Sokka ate more than his fair share of meat and Toph made many sarcastic comments so it seems like everything is back to normal.

Except for Zuko, who was pretty quiet throughout dinner though.

I am worried.

-?-

When it was just the two of us and we were washing the dishes, I tried to get him to talk about it. I actually said _copper piece for your thoughts _– which has got to be the lamest line ever. He shrugged and said he didn't want to talk about it and it took much nagging and truthbending to get him to open up. He just said that he didn't give _two coppers_ about his dad anymore. He was just feeling mopey about his sociopathic sister. They'd always been together as kids and Ozai didn't have time for either of them.

Then it became apparent that she was a prodigy. And everyday his dad would compare them and make them compete against eachother. _She'd beat me every single time and I just started to resent it and resent her and I trained every night until I was exhausted, but I still couldn't quite compete. _Zuko said he doesn't think he'd be able to beat Azula on his own. Mostly he was sad that he has to think about fighting her at all. If they meet up again it's going to be a fight to the death, because that's just how things are between them now. But she was still his little sister. His mum would have wanted him to look after her, not think about how one of them would probably kill the other before the end of summer.

If one of them is going down, it is **not** going to be Zuko if I have anything to say about it. He told Sokka, he'd die before he'd let anything hurt me. Well, I feel the same way about him. I feel the same way about everyone here. I couldn't manage without any of them. They are my family. I got a bit ranty and told Zuko he should stop talking about being killed etc because I certainly wasn't about to let anything like that happen and it made me upset to hear him talk about it so normally. I was quite upset already actually. Zuko came over and hugged me and said he was an idiot and he hadn't meant to upset me. I agreed about him being an idiot and hugged him back. Then I don't know who was comforting whom anymore, because Zuko sort of crumpled on me and I started rubbing his back soothingly.

He might be an idiot, but he's _my idiot_. I'm not about to let anything hurt him again.

-?-

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lovely wonderful readers! You have reached the end of big brothers! Congratulations and I hope you enjoyed it!

Thank you for being so patient with me! Once again I am dreadfully sorry for the late updates. But I have written another extra long chapter for you which I hope can tide you over until I can next post. Big thank you to my wonderful reviewers who are brilliant and lovely and fabulous! Snuggles for all of you!

This chapter deals a bit with the big brother relationship between Sokka and Katara and Zuko and Azula. I read from bryke that the families (water tribe and firenation) were almost meant to be mirror/foils for each other. Zuko and Sokka both have the big brother role and I wanted to explore that a little.

Side note: So, _everything _about Zuko and Katara, from their families to their bendings are mirrors of each other. Bryke create this perfect ying-yang balance between the two of them and they are then surprised that we ship it? Err okay. Personally I think it is hard to _accidentally_ create a perfect ying-yang balance, but there ya go. It can be done!

Katara is making outlandish requests at the start – because she is Katara and she can. She really does love to hear that she was right -especially from Toph. The Funkyball makes a reappearance. Zuko makes the suggestion that it could be used in combat. Aang disagrees. This was just to highlight that I think there was always this subtle undercurrent of difference between them with regards to battle etc. Aang is almost in denial that it is coming and he has to think seriously about it – and Zuko always reminds him of it without fail. This will lead to shenanigans later. I also wanted to further reinforce the maternal connection between Aang and Katara- that's what Aang's _did you see me? Did you see? _Is about.

Zuko reads _Love Amongst the Dragons_ out loud to Katara and Toph and Aang - because I thought it would be too cute for words and I am addicted to the fluff. Judge away dear readers! Seriously though – Zuko would _totally do the voices._ This is also the first time in a long time that someone has read Toph a story and she enjoys it and squishes on the couch with him. Because she's Toph and she can climb all over whoever she wants.

Sokka feels a bit awkward about having to go all big brotherly on Zuko. I think they are best mates really. Sokka thinks an activity like sparring will make the conversation less awkward. Fail whale for Sokka. Zuko may have said – she is not my girlfriend- in that stroppy way he does. What did Sokka say that makes Zuko drop his swords in surprise- I'll let you use your imagination. It would have had something to do with Zuko and Katara and everything Sokka thinks they are getting up to.

Slicing Zuko's arm open was an accident – but sort of further re-inforced the big brother point. I also realised that every time I have the boys spar – Sokka gets in a lucky hit and Zuko ends up bleeding/clobbered and swearing. I didn't want to break tradition now. Slicing Zuko's arm open also gives Katara another opportunity to heal him *****cough*****demand he take his shirt off *cough*. I think Katara is a bit in two minds about Zuko. She is starting to acknowledge to herself that she might like him, but she also sees a myriad of problems and consequences that will result from acting on this. So she hopes vainly that this good indigestion feeling will go away and that her more sensible hand will take over.

I know lots of people wanted to have a big brother moment for Sokka and I hope I didn't disappoint! I umed and ahhed a little bit about this. I think that Sokka and Katara have the most lovely and realistic sibling bond I've seen on tv in ages. They get along really well. They love and respect each other but also tease and fight with each other but at the end of the day- they are always there for each other. Sokka would be in two minds about the Zuko/Katara thing. Mind one is :she's my baby sister and if you mess with her I'm going to chop you into little pieces with boomerang. Mind two: Zuko's his best mate and very reliable to have around in a tight situation. Sokka would be glad that Katara would have someone like Zuko around to look out for her, especially in their current war-fighting situation.

So I don't think he would come down on Zuko like a sack of sand.

I've read a few fics where Sokka does this and I am always perplexed by it. Unless Zuko has done something terrible to Katara in fic, it doesn't make that much sense. Whenever one of my siblings has a new person, we all try to get to know them first (and tease the other sibling a fair bit). But seriously, it would only be if the new person was _bad news_ that I would come down on them like a sack of sand. But I am an older sister, not an older brother. In all honesty, Zuko is a good guy and Sokka knows this and I think Sokka might be a little relieved that Katara has someone like Zuko around instead of a superficially charming but unreliable Jet-wannabe.

He also make the comment that he would want Zuko to look out for her, if anything should happen to him. This is not to be morbid. I just think the boys have a more realistic grasp of their situation. Neither of them are blind optimists after all. The gaang are at war and I think the others (except for maybe Suki) try not to think about the possibility of any of them dying. Sokka and Zuko on the other hand, both realize that it is possible that some of them are not going to make it.

They have declared their best-friendyness in an awkward fashion. (Of course Zuko wants to hug it out.) but then they have to reassert their manliness with inelegant struggling.

_Love Amongst the Dragons_ is very melodramatic and ridiculous and Zuko loves it! Katara is engrossed in it, but knows it is ridiculous. She has the guilty pleasure that you get out of soap operas when she reads it. When she rants about how lame it is- Zuko does the shifty eyes and says _yeah- it's totally lame._ But she discovers his secret, because she's so wily. She teases him (of course – but in a sweet way.) I think for Zuko, while Sokka is his best mate, Katara is his favourite person. If that makes sense at all. She's his favourite person and he's always going to fess up to her eventually.

Katara rants at Aang about cleaning his room. I can just see her doing it. Okay. She also opens the cupboard of crazy evil because I needed a way to segue into family fun with Ozai. Judge away. So she discovers the crazy-evil, but keeps it on the downlow and gets Zuko to see what he thinks they should do. It is his crazy evil dad's stuff after all and she knows he's a private person about this sort of thing.

I have actually written out a fair bit of Ozai's _teaching Azula how to be a psycho_ journal. But it ended up quite dark and didn't fit this chapter. I am in two minds about publishing it as a companion piece. It's a bit heavy but it does give us more insight into family fun with Ozai. As it is, I cut most of it out of this chapter and just left us two segments that include little Zuko. Because I find little Zuko adorable. He saves Ty Lee from flying stomachs, he plays the tsungi horn for Azula to cheer her up. Bless his cotton socks.

I have a small rant about Ozai. He's just so two dimensionally evil. I wanted some layers to him. Azula had so many layers (but she was an onion – not a parfait). What drives Ozai? Aside from crazy evil? It still eludes me actually. I have come to the conclusion that he was just a little bit nuts. I think he would have been ultra paranoid and kept files on everyone. The guy takes the _slightest affront_ to his authority VERY seriously and that to me says he is not entirely confident in his authority to begin with. I think Ozai, like Azula, felt that fear was a more reliable way than love to get loyalty. I think he hated Iroh and probably Lu Ten as well, had exceptionally mixed feelings about Ursa and resents Zuko. (you just know Zuko was getting more snuggles and love from Ursa that Ozai did). I think Ozai didn't see those around him quite as people, more like pai sho pieces to be moved against each other. That's why he doesn't name anyone in his record of the lessons.

I also think that at one point, when they were younger, Iroh beat the pants of him in an agni kai. This humilated Ozai and he still resents it to this day – even though Iroh was probably trying to teach him a very valuable lesson about humility etc and let him go unscathed. I wanted something to support Zuko's claim is Sozin's Comet that Iroh was the only other person who could beat Ozai (aside from Zuko's Uncle worship). So I have Katara and Zuko find a _mercy upon conditions _form – that Ozai kept to remind himself of his shame.

I think that kids don't get the way that Azula is in 'Zuko Alone' without a fair bit of help getting that way. So to me, it makes sense that some of Azula's 'special bending' classes would have been in people bending. Ozai would have taught her all he knew about manipulation and encouraged her when she emulated him. He would have used her as a pawn in his various personal vendettas against family members- knowing it would be more difficult for them to suspect/be furious at a six year old. Kids are sponges – they pick up what examples they are given and Azula would have lapped up this one on one attention from her dad. Azula in her own way, also wants affection and she would have learned that the best way to get this from Ozai is by constantly engaging in petty cruelties. I think she would have had flashes of guilt over these and felt bad if she ever really succeeded in hurting either Zuko or Ty Lee. But at the same time, she feels so singled out and special when her dad gives her this one-on-one attention, that she continues down the dark path. I think Azula always wanted this one on one attention from her mother – but she always had to share her mother with Zuko.

I think Ursa was of a different school of thought and tried her best not to play favourites with the kids. I do think she loved them equally, but she liked Zuko more and found him much easier to deal with. I always wondered where Azula got the idea that her mother thought she was a monster from and so I threw it in here. Ursa said it in a fit of frustration with Ozai (after a summer of special lessons) and Azula overheard and never forgot. This comment would have further re-inforced some of the things Ozai would have been telling her and she would have been more willing to completely engage in special lessons.

I think Ursa didn't want her children divided and pitted against each other. She would have encouraged the kids to play together etc (this is one of the things Azula says to her mother in Zuko alone and it works a charm). I think Ursa would have told Zuko, when he was younger, that he needed to be a good older brother to his sister, set a good example etc. and I think a part of Zuko always believes that, even in spite of everything that has happened since. He, like Sokka, is a realist and knows that Azula is too far gone now and if they ever meet again, one of them is not walking away from it. At the same time he really wishes it didn't have to be this way. I think he doesn't want to have to kill her at all, he certainly doesn't want her to kill him, but he can't quite see a way around this. It's all just a big old mess.

Zuko's a bit thrown by the cupboard of crazy evil. He wants to burn it all and forget about Ozai and his crazy evil and his messed up childhood. I think he can't articulate all his various feelings about his childhood etc very well and that's why he goes a bit quiet in this. Katara, coming from her background as a member of a very functional and loving family, can't quite get her head around how messed up everything was in the fire nation royal family. She wants to _snuggle it all better _and she gets a bit ranty and defensive when Zuko mentions the possibility that Azula could kill him. She's a bit protective of her idiot after all. Bless her cotton socks.

YMMV on everything lovely readers!

next chapter the Gaang will go see a delightful theatrical play called 'boy in the iceberg'. shenanigans will abound!

til then lovely readers...

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Edited to Add: notes on a daughter is now posted for anyone who wants to read Ozai's crazy.


	22. Embarrassment in three acts: Act One

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Embarrassment in three acts - Act one

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So this morning I was oddly creeped out when I was walking around the house. The _Cupboard of Crazyevil_ has given me the heebie jeebies. You know, I always used to think of this place as Zuko's house. When we first came here, it seemed more like his place. But now I feel the bad Ozai vibes everywhere. It feels more like Ozai's house somehow, after reading all the messed up shenanigans he and Azula got up to here.

I slept in this morning but was awoken by the noise of Sokka and Suki departing. Suki and Sokka had said they were going into town today. By _going into to town-_ they probably meant stroll romantically around and feed each other dumplings and call each other smushybear and cherryblossom, without an audience. Zuko was making breakfast for Toph and Aang. Zuko wanted Aang to have a good firebending breakfast etc because they were going to run through every form they had ever learned- ever- today, and Aang would need all his energy. Toph just wanted breakfast. I was _supervising_ the breakfast making and _offering suggestions_. Zuko got a bowl out for me and I was included in breakfast fun. I sat on the counter and took the skin off lychees while he diced the mangoes.

I told him about my heebie-jeebies and he said that his dad hadn't come here since the family was happy and so he hadn't been here in a very, very long time. He said this without looking up from dicing mangoes. I wasn't sure how 'happy' they'd been when Ozai did come here – but that wasn't a constructive comment to make, so I kept it too myself and focused on the lychees.

Zuko popped a mango cube in his mouth and a bit of juice ran down his chin. I was very distracted by this. Mmmmmmhhh. Suddenly I was overcome but just the **maddest urge **to just _lick it off. _Am I weird for thinking this? Would Zuko mind if I did this? Something to think on. Thankfully, I did not act on this, but I may have been staring a little because Zuko gave me an odd look and said _what? _I told him he had mango juice on his chin (nice save) and he wiped it off.

We headed out to feed Toph and Aang, who were sitting in the courtyard playing this little earth bending game that Toph had invented. It is like jacks, but more violent, - that is the best way I know how to describe it. After breakfast, I took the dishes into the kitchen and came back and sat with Toph. Shirtless firebending practice was on. Mmmmmmmhhhhhh. This was a veritable feast on shirtlessness. Hours of shirtlessness! Toph, after a little while, lay back in the shade and dozed off a bit, but my attention was held completely for an _embarrassing amount of time._

-?-

I've come up with a joke:

what's better than Zuko in the prison shirt?

Zuko with no shirt at all.

I crack me up.

I don't know if anyone else would find my joke funny, so I won't try it out just yet. It still needs a bit of work.

-?-

When the practice was over (boo) I expostulated again that I couldn't believe we were hiding from the firelord in his own house. Just looking at the courtyard made me think about all the poor scorpidllos who met a very messy end there. I tried to focus on the shirtlessness in the hope that the shirtlessness could stop my brain from running off down these morbid tangents. Zuko sat down on the fountain and reiterated that nobody had been here in a very long time and it was the last place anyone would think to look for us. He said this with a reassuring glance at Aang (as well myself).

Aang has gotten this oddly panicked look in his eye, whenever the subject of the firelord comes up. When momo has done something bad (rummage through your stuff, eaten the snacks you were saving) he knows it. And when you go looking for him to scold his furry self, he just gets this look in his eye, like he knows trouble is coming for him, and runs off. Aang looks exactly like that sometimes.

Just then Sokka and Suki burst back into the courtyard. He and Suki had found this poster of a play about us and Sokka really, really (ridiculously) wanted to go. A play about us? How is that possible? Apparently, according to Sokka and the poster, the author had scoured the globe for info on us. He read out that the show was being put on by the Ember Island Players – Zuko made this funny exasperated groan and said that they were terrible and his mother used to take them to see them. He said they butchered _Love Amongst the Dragons _every year - as if this was the worst crime imaginable- on par with kicking puppies or drowning kittens. He is such and _Love Amongst the Dragons_ fan. It's adorable. (He told me later that the book was always better than any play adaptation of it. Never seeing any play myself, I will just have to take his word for it.)

Zuko really didn't want to go. I suggested that maybe it wasn't such a good idea to go see a play about ourselves. We are trying to live in hiding and I don't want our cover blown trying to see an play- especially a play that Zuko thinks will be terrible. What a lame way to get discovered! And isn't it a bit.. err... self aggrandising to go see a play about yourself? Sokka disagrees with me. He wanted some wacky, time-wasting nonsense and thought we all needed a break from intense training, beside we (Sokka and I) had never been to the theatre... ever. Didn't I want to go and see what an actual theatre would be like. Well...err...maybe.

Okay yes! Totally yes!

Maybe it could be fun.

Really, Sokka is the leader. There is no better proof that the fact that we are all (even Zuko, who was most against it) going to go see this play. Just because Sokka wants to go. There was a bit of talk over the logistics of going to a show. Aang will have to wear a hat, obviously. Zuko was a bit worried about heading into town because he has a rather, err, recognisable face, and has avoided going into town thus far, quite successfully. Sokka suggested he could just wear his ominous black cloak and use the hood to cover his face. Zuko said Sokka thought the solution to every problem was either cloaks, boomerang or shopping. Sokka protested. There was inelegant struggling. Aang and Toph were both also very keen to see this play and voiced this quite eagerly over the top of the inelegant struggling (Zuko had, at this point, cast a few aspersions _on the schedule _and was feeling Sokka's wrath). Toph and Aang both really miss the recognition we got in the earth kingdom. Eventually in the face of their enthusiasm, Zuko relented and agreed that we should go.

Yay! A night at the theatre for everyone!

-?-

I went into town with Sokka and Suki to get the tickets and buy a hat for Aang that would cover his arrow sufficiently. Sokka and me had a small argument over Aang's hat. Sokka wanted to get him one that would 'match' his outfit. I just wanted a practical one that would cover as much of the arrow as possible. Eventually we compromised (I let Sokka win) and got him this long pointy hat that could be pulled down a fair way. Suki got distracted by all the shiny things in the weapons and dangerous pointy objects store. So Sokka and I went and queued up at the dragon twin theatre. So named because it had two very elaborately carved dragons curled around the entrance – and two theatres I presume. Two showings of the play were running throughout the day and over-lapping slightly. When we got to the ticket booth, both the afternoon session and the early evening session were sold out and the only tickets left were for the late night session. The ticket guy thought me and Sokka weren't old enough and wouldn't sell the tickets to us.

What the hell?

He said the play could be a bit too violent and scary for kids and there were adult themes and mature content. Eer... excuse me? How can we not be old enough to watch our own lives in play form! We had lived through it -for goodness sake. There were shenanigans and a valiant attempt from Sokka and myself to seem older than we were, but the ticket man could not be dissuaded. Boo.

We wandered back to the dangerous pointy objects store and told Suki our predicament. Apparently we weren't old enough. Suki said _leave it to me._ She walked briskly and purposefully into a fancy lady shop where there were perfumes, jewellery and other geegaws etc. She went over to the table where there was a large selection of make-up testers. Suki had a bit of an experiment with the make-up, re-did her hair and checked herself in the mirror. She looked a little older now. She told us to wait in the shop, stood up straight, put her shoulders back and her...eerr... chest out and sashayed towards the ticket booth. Ten minutes later, Suki came back with six tickets for a private box.

Suki wins a life forever!

-?-

When we got back to the house, it became apparent that Toph and Zuko had told Aang to keep up the funky ball with all the four elements moving concurrently for as long as possible – because this was what he was doing. He was hovering just above the courtyard and had a very strained look on his face. Toph and Zuko were meant to be watching. They were not. They were otherwise engaged in being ridiculously cute. Seriously, them in the hammock was the **most ridiculously cute thing I have ever seen. Ever**. Like I felt like I was growing another heart watching them, it was so cute.

Zuko was reading _Love Amongst the Dragons _to Toph.

Zuko told me later that she'd been a bit upset that she didn't get to find out what happened and had (very shyly) asked him if he would read it aloud for her. She was a bit shy because he knew she didn't like to ask for help or like to admit she couldn't do something for herself. But when it came to books, Toph really couldn't do it for herself. Zuko had agreed readily.

He was _doing all the voices_ again. Toph was listening and seemed really entranced and was lying with her head on his stomach and her feet poking out over the side of the hammock. She was looking content. I couldn't stop the _aaaaawwww_ that escaped my lips. Zuko and Toph both looked up a bit startled, like they'd been caught with their hand in the cookie jar. I gestured for him to continue and he blushed a little and kept reading.

Sokka and Suki went off to canoodle. Sokka seemed very into Suki's 'older' woman get up. Aang came down and was exhausted and Zuko told him he had done very well and had kept the funky ball going for an hour and twelve minutes. Aang said that it had been way longer than that and Zuko had just made that number up (Zuko had – he told me later). Zuko ignored this comment about his time keeping skills and said Aang could have a break and a bit of a fly around on Appa if he wanted. Aang did.

I decided to climb into the hammock with them and stretched out next to Zuko and listened for a bit. I sort of dozed off in the hammock. It was the sun and the heat and Zuko's voice. It was all very relaxing. After a while (I'm not sure how long), Sokka came out and said it was time for Toph to train Aang. She was a bit disgruntled and said she just wanted to hear until the next chapter. Zuko read on for a little bit. Ooh... we were getting to a good bit...then suddenly **the good bit vanished**. According to Zuko the last line of the chapter they were reading was: _Then Kizu gave Zara a sweet kiss and they both went back to their separate beds and went to sleep..._

Toph made a face at him and said _that's it?'_Zuko affirmed that was the end of the chapter. Toph made a face, climbed out and called Aang down and then the dulcet noise of earthbending was heard in the courtyard. I smiled at Zuko teasingly._ I know that's not what that bit says _I said cheekily. I know this because it happened to be one of my favourite bits. I have re-read it several times. Had Zuko been skipping over the naughty bits when he read this to Toph? Zuko had. He said _Look I know Toph acts a lot older than she is, but she's still 12. I'm not going to read the smutty bits out to a 12 year old. _Good point. Zuko said his mum skipped over the naughty bits as well when she read it out to them as kids and he got a bit of a surprise when he re-read for the first time by himself. Zuko thought that even without the naughty bits - it is still a good story. Maybe, but I think the naughty bits definitely add something. Zuko said yeah, but not for kids. That's why his mum skipped over them and only took them to the matinee sessions of the play and never the late night showings. I asked what was wrong with the late night showings and Zuko just shrugged and said they were a little more saucy than the matinees. He didn't know how much more saucy, because his mum had never taken him to see one. I said we were about to find out because Sokka and I had got late night tickets for this play.

-?-

There was a quick chat with Sokka and Suki – do we really want to take Aang and Toph to a saucy play? Are we **Those People**? Sokka pointed out that Toph was blind and wouldn't be able to see _the cheeky._ _The cheeky_ became our euphemism for any unseemly/sexy behaviour there could be in the play. Toph wouldn't be bothered by _the cheeky_ anyway. Aang, maybe, needed to see a bit of _the cheeky_ because he was twelve and still had to have _penguin sledding_ explained to him. And the tickets were great and non-refundable and we'd been able to get a private box and I should stop being miss fussybritches.

I said the joke would be on him, because if what Zuko said was true, the only person who had ever gotten _a bit of cheeky_ during this whole year was _him!_ So this play was going to be super duper embarrassing for him! So ha! Who's a fussybritches now? Suki looked a bit dubious and the idea of everyone seeing a theatrical version of her and Sokka's_ cheeky time_. And voiced some concern to this end.

Sokka retaliated to my comment with _what about Zuko and Gloomy Hairbuns? They got cheeky!_ Zuko made a flabbergasted face and I thought he was about to say _well I never!_ in that pompous tone he sometimes uses. Instead he looked both embarrassed and confused and indignant. He said _What?... wait... who? _Sokka clarified that Gloomy hairbuns was what we called Mai. Sokka said _you told me __**all about it**__ when we were on the way to the boiling rock! _ Then Sokka added _Fruit tart – my lover? w_ith an eyebrow waggle. The obviously meant something to Zuko because he blushed a hilarious shade of absolute mortification. And made big shushing motions at Sokka. He said _I told you that in confidence and nobody is supposed to know about that. Mai will kill me! _He did look quite worried about impending death by Gloomy Hairbuns and her ridiculous amount of knives. Sokka said _she can't hear us buddy_ with a big, amused smile on his face. Zuko crossed his arms in front of himself and looked a bit grumpier than usual and said that there was no way that he and Mai would be in the play because they'd been very secretive about everything. So this play was only going to be embarrassing for Sokka and then he added _So Ha!_ quite spiritedly. Suki gave him a look and raise her eyebrow. He shrugged and said _what... I have ridiculous, embarrassing things happen to me All. The. Time. It would just be nice for once, to see it happening to somebody else. _

I actually can't argue with this. Embarrassing things happen to Zuko fairly frequently after all. Sokka was willing to risk potential embarrassment to see the play; because and I quote : _it's a play about us! How can it not be awesome!_ Suki took a bit of persuading but eventually agreed in the face of Sokka's enthusiasm. We had gotten the tickets now – we may as well go. We decided whoever is next to Aang should cover his ears and eyes if it got too _cheeky,_ because none of us want to have to explain things like penguin sledding again!

-?-

For no reason whatsoever, I kind of hate Gloomy Hairbuns right now. Like a lot.

And fruit tarts.

-?-

What was with the fruit tarts? Did fruit tarts get involved in the cheeky time?

How could fruit tarts get involved in the cheeky time? The mind boggles.

I should stop thinking about this.

-?-

Before I knew it, it was time to head into town. We'd had a light dinner of fried squid and veggies (well- just veggies for Aang) and everyone had gotten dressed. Aang had his hat and Zuko had his ominous cloak on. We were ready. Dragon Twin Theatre here we come. My very first play in an actual theatre! I'm a bit excited.

-?-

We got to our box and there was a slight shenanigan involving seats. Aang wanted to sit next to me and unfortunately the first thing that popped into my head was not very nice. I was worried that now I would have to spend a fair bit of the play covering his ears and eyes and it was my very first play ever and I wanted to watch it properly. Zuko walked over and sat straight down next to me(yay) and the exact time that Aang tried to sit next to me and there was a bit of squashing. Zuko ended up sitting next to me with Aang on the end. Aang demurred some protestations and Zuko got a bit stroppy and said _just sit next to me- what's the big deal? _ in his grumpy Zuko way. Aang sat next to Zuko.

Now Zuko is on Aang sitting duty.

Toph was a bit grumpy that we had gotten the cheaper tickets in what she referred to as the _nosebleed section._ Apparently her feet couldn't see anything. I reassured her that I would tell her feet what was going on. And then the curtain rose and we were greeted with an amazing amount of white and blue. It was the south pole – or at least a firenation interpretation of the south pole. There were a boy and a girl in a canoe and Sokka tapped me on the shoulder and gestured happily between us and then at the two on stage – as if I hadn't figured out they were meant to be us.

One minute later we were looking at each other a little less happily. StageSokka was just meat obsessed and not really very funny. While realSokka has a great affection for meat, he can actually be really hilarious. I never tell him to his face (his ego is big enough as it is) but he makes me laugh. He was quite irate at stageSokka's lameness. Toph, however, thought that the actor had Sokka pegged. Sokka made an unhappy face at her, which she was completely oblivious too.

StageMe was absolutely nothing like me. She just cried, sorry_ -tearbended- _the whole friggin time and made over-emotional pronouncements and melodramatic speeches about hope every few seconds. The canoe gave her hope, the fish gave her hope, hell even StageSokka gave her hope. All the others laughed (except Zuko) when StageMe went off her nut and just started tearbending everywhere about hope and how she would never relinquishing it, even to her dying breath etc. I was a bit grumpy. I don't sound like that!

StageMe, I also must add, dressed a little inappropriately for the south pole. She had so much leg and cleavage showing. I couldn't go outside at home looking like that and I definitely couldn't stay inside (Gran Gran would make a face at me). I have never, in my whole life, worn such a low cut top. I was worried that we were all (except Toph) in danger of seeing StageMe's nipples at any point. It was all _just spilling out_ up there. Was this the inappropriate content the ticket man had warned us about?

Then Aang's iceberg appeared and StageMe cried out some exposition _(who is the boy in the iceberg?)_ and delivered it very unconvincingly. Then she and StageSokka climbed the iceberg. Thankfully StageMe was not completely useless and opened the iceberg by going waterbending hiiiya (urgh).I had been worried that she would try to open it with her tears or with exposition. Suddenly this woman dressed in yellow and orange popped cheerfully out of the iceberg and announced she was here to spread joy and fun.

Oh my goodness!

Was that Aang?

Aang was being played by a flying bald lady? For a second there I felt I had been a little too hard on StageMe, she had thus far, managed to be the same gender as myself. Toph was just dying of amusement next to me! She thought it was the funniest thing ever. She was most gleeful and teasing of Aang. Aang did not see the funny side. In fact Aang, who is normally quite cheerful, was the grumpiest I have ever seen him. When StageAang announced she was an incurable prankster, Aang got most irate and complained that he wasn't like that at all. I felt like telling him to join the club. So far, none of us had been happy with our portrayals. At least Aang's character was similar to him (the whole lady issue aside), StageMe was just this ridiculous over-emotional mess...oh and she was crying -_tearbending- _on Aang again.

Then it was Zuko's turn! A boat with stage him and StageUncle came on. StageZuko was at the bow of the boat and being a bit angry about the avatar and honour etc. Zuko's Uncle (who in the play was inexplicably obsessed with cake instead of tea) kept trying to get him to chill out (unsuccessfully). Zuko was quite grouchy because whoever the writer was had made him seem totally stiff and humourless. This struck me as very funny! Zuko is definitely the most serious out of us. He is very fond of the stiff upper lip, maintaining his dignity etc. I wouldn't say humourless, but it was quite a challenge at one point to get him to smile. Of course what was on stage was a really just an overblown exaggeration of what Zuko was like when we first met him. Still I couldn't resist leaning over and saying that I thought that actor was spot on, in a teasing way. Zuko got a bit grumpy and said _how could you say that!_ with some surprise and irritation. The universe obviously likes me better than Zuko. Right at that very moment the StageUncle said something about massages and StageZuko said _'how could you say that'_ with very similar intonation and inflection to my Zuko, thus proving my point for me. I made a smugetty-smug face of satisfaction at him. I will probably say that this little exchange was probably the high point of the evening for me! It was all downhill from there.

Suki made an appearance! StageME cried on her a little bit and offered some exposition about the Kyoshi warriors. There was a funny bit with Sokka in a dress – Zuko turned around and made a very amused face at Sokka and said the dress really showed off his figure. Sokka crossed his arms grumpily. Zuko asked him if he's been one of the warriors on Kyoshi that day – _had they fought while Sokka was wearing a dress? _Sokka smacked him with a program and told him to just watch the play. On stage we found a flying rabbit monkey (momo?). There were shenanigans with King Bumi and I was generally useless the whole time. At first StageMe just cried and was a hopeless fighter, but after a few more wacky time wasting shenanigans on stage, another alarming trait of StageMe presented itself.

She was a floozy.

A big one.

She just floozed or cried or exposited (sometimes all three at once.) We had come to the section of the play about Haru. Me and Haru were in prison together (except Haru was trying to save me in this play because StageMe's only discernible skills are crying and exposition. StageMe would not be able to bust anybody out of prison). I had tearbended on Haru several times. I had made a few melodramatic speeches about hope. Then StageMe just totally floozed onto StageHaru. I called him my big strong earthbender man and there was a bit of kissing. Toph, who had, thus far been full of cheeky comments - simply made a face at me. When the kissing continued she said _You and Haru- ewww! _I told her not to be silly and nothing happened between me and Haru.

Okay, we'd kissed once, just lightly – so lightly that I classify it as nothing. I mean he was the first boy I had ever met who was even close to my age and an acceptable candidate for kissing. I just wanted to see what kissing was like and we were alone in prison together and bollocks it all – these things happen. It was chaste and quick and sweet. But really Haru is not my type and I didn't really fancy him and so nothing came of it. Toph wasn't having it and she crossed her arms a bit grumpily and said_ I bet you had a secret thing with him_. I didn't and I told her so. The universe hates me more than Sokka and Zuko combined because at that moment, StageMe said _ooh we must keep our love a secret – this will be our secret thing!_ And they kissed some more. Then StageMe tearbended over how much hope Haru gave her. I think I died a little inside from embarrassment. I have never been more embarrassed.

-?-

StageZuko was pacing about angrily on his little ship and having a bit of a shout. Real Zuko was shaking his head an watching with this combination of vexation and bafflement. StageZuko had a little tantrum about his honour and Zuko winced a little. He turned to me and said _ I don't really do that. Do I?_ in worried tone. _What?_ I asked. He said _stomp about and have tantrums about my honour._ I said something along the lines of: Well I wouldn't call them tantrums perse. Zuko made an unhappy face at me and I smiled at him and told him I was just teasing. StageZuko then sputtered/muttered/stuttered – either way he totally messed up his line and flounced off a bit embarrassed before he re-entered and had another go at his line. My Zuko got a bit indignant and said _I definitely don't do that!_ Ummm... he did that like three times in two days when we were first at the Western Air Temple. He'd start a conversation with me, then start tripping over his words, then he'd flounce off all embarrassed and then he'd come back again and have a second try at conversation. I smiled widely and said _Yes, you do. But it's adorable_. Then I patted him on the arm.

-?-

There was a bit of messing about with pirates and more tearbending and exposition from StageMe. Sokka said _hey look, it's your mates!_ to Zuko. Zuko got a bit grumpy and said they weren't his mates. Sokka said that they certainly weren't _our mates._ This is the sort of conversation that, if were we at home, would lead to inelegant struggling. However, here at the theatre both the boys were distracted by the play. Something very weird was happening on stage. Wow, this was really embarrassing. StageMe had floozied onto a pirate- who inexplicably found StageMe's crying and exposition very charming and wanted to make her his pirate queen. There was much tearbending and emotional speeches about how her rugged pirate gave her so much hope from StageMe. The pirate offered to _show StageMe his waterbending scroll_ and she accepted. Thankfully the curtains came down briefly and there was a change of scenery.

What the hell?

-?-

Okay, before when I said that whole sequence with Haru was the most embarrassing thing ever. I was wrong. This- with Jet and the treehouse and the tearbending was far worse. I think it was worse because I did actually fancy Jet. He was athletic and tall and had messy black hair and we really talked. And now he's probably dead and I just don't know what to think about that whole mess. I certainly didn't want to see that whole incident in the forest acted out (very badly and inaccurately) on stage in front of everyone. Jet was the first (and so far only) boy I ever kissed properly and he was also my first proper fight. The fight against Jet was the first fight I ever won completely on my own. I have really mixed feelings about him.

StageMe did not. StageMe called him various lewd and inappropriate names – Zuko dutifully covered Aang's ears at this point. Aang made a face at him. StageMe floozed and tearbended and expositioned about how nasty the firenation and firenation towns were. (this earned StageMe a few boos. Look, I don't like StageMe, but don't boo her! Or at least don't boo the actress, she's doing the best she can. It's all this stupid writer's fault!)

There was much talk about how nasty the town/firenation was and how it would give her so much hope if she could flood the town with her water bending. Zuko lifted his hands from Aang's ears- this sort of talk was just run-of-the-mill-dreadful for this play. Jet said he would wipe out that nasty town, just for her. StageMe cried in happiness and and said _Oh Jet- you're so bad. _Then they started to canoodle.

There was some precarious kissing while they were being lifted into the trees as the town was wiped out by a blue sheet. StageMe and jet were off stage, having been safely lifted up. There was a few moments silence and then StageMe yelled out happily _Harder-you bad boy! _And there was much ado. Branches were shaken. Leaves fell down artistically on the stage. Many necessary comments were made by StageMe and StageJet. Zuko tried, but he was too late to clap his hands over Aang's ears for the first bit. Aang turned and looked at me with this puzzled and hurt face. I couldn't meet his gaze and I looked down at my lap and started fiddling with my hair. I do that sometimes when I feel nervous or embarrassed. I can honestly say this is the most embarrassed. I have ever felt. Ever.

-?-

In the play Zuko had caught Aang.

This never happened.

Well a lot of the shenanigans on stage had never happened. But this was just getting ridiculous. Toph thinks the whole think is hilarious and that the writers did his research. Research schmesearch! For one, it was Zhao who caught Aang, not Zuko. Two, during the time that Aang was captured, I was not _'getting reacquainted' _with my pirate friend while Sokka hunted for meat. We were both very sick, otherwise we would have rescued him. Suddenly 'the Blue Spirit' came of stage and poked a few people with his (obviously) cardboard swords. StageAang then jumped on his head and off they sprang to freedom. Zuko and Aang gave each other a weird look. Aang said with some bafflement _did you just save me from...yourself. _Zuko shrugged in confusion and said _apparently._

_-?-_

It seems like in this play, everything male, that is human and moves, I sleaze onto like a big old floozy. Seriously. I have been paired with Every. Male. Character! In the brief moment that admiral Zhao was in a scene with me – he looked me up and down and said _'how you doing'. _ StageMe tittered flirtatiously (as she does). StageMe is not very discerning when it comes to her menfolk. I have had so many boyfriends in the past hour I have lost track. Haru, Jet, random prisoners, pirates and villages, Zhao, and Zuko's Uncle have all fallen for StageMe's charms (Stage Zuko hasn't yet, which is a bit weird- all things considered). StageMe's charms appear to be just crying – _sorry tearbending_- over these various menfolk in a melodramatic fashion and being useless.

The worst so far has been Zuko's uncle. Okay writer – he is like five times my age – that is just nasty. Me and Uncle were chilling in the Spirit Oasis together. Uncle said something very charming (_come to daddy_- everyone is sufficiently grossed out by this) and StageMe accepted. Zuko went both green and red at the same time. Green from nearly vomiting and red from blushing furiously.

And we are only one act into a three act play.

-?-

I actually think that, had Yue lived, she would have been okay with her character (She would have only been mildly disgruntled -instead of seething with anger like Aang). StageYue was quite pretty and dignified – much like Yue had been in real life. She was still very melodramatic and also prone to tearbending -though less so than StageMe. Yue was my first girl friend who was my own age. I don't want her and her gentleness and courage to be forgotten. If I were writing this, I would make Yue, at least, less melodramatic and more respectable. She sacrificed herself for all of us, she deserves to be remembered properly.

Also If I were writing this, I would tell Stage to pull herself together, pull her top up, and close her legs for more than 15 minutes. Gah! Please Yue, you were always so dignified, do some spirit magic for me and keep StageKatara celibate for the rest of the duration of this play.

-?-

When it was intermission, we all went and chilled out on the steps leading up to our box. Zuko espoused that the intermission was the best part of the play (somewhat grumpily). He was voicing what was a widely held opinion. No one was happy with their characters. Though I must say, Suki had by far the least to complain about. Sokka was very cranky at his portrayal as just a guy who tells lame jokes about meat all the time. Suki arched an eyebrow and said he told lame jokes about plenty of other things. Suki wins at life forever. Aang was really quite cross about being played by a woman and said that at least the Sokka actor looked a little like our Sokka. Really I have never seen Aang so grumpy. I am a bit worried about him really. He ranted about how he wasn't like how the woman who was playing him at all. I tried to reassure him. I mean they aren't accurate portrayals. This is what I have been telling myself and it helps me be less mad about being portrayed as some crying floozy who cracks on to any dude who passes by. (I didn't mention the floozyness. I am hoping that if I don't mention it and just ignore it, the others wont mention it or tease me to death either.) I actually said I'm not some preachy crybaby who can't resist giving over emotional speeches about hope all the time. And there was a bit of an awkward pause. Everyone sort of looked at me and Aang said _yeah that's not you at all_ a bit sarcastically. Toph piped up cheekily that she thought the play was brilliant and fabulous and the writer had done a really good job. She thought that what we were seeing on stage is the truth. She seems to be loving our discomfort. I hope Toph is also played by an over emotional crybaby who makes inappropriate speeches all the time. Then she can see what it feels like.

-?-

The others had gone to the loo or to get snacks, and it was just Zuko and I on the stairs. We were sitting next to each other and I asked him if he thought I was a preachy crybaby. Aang obviously did. He said I was right, they weren't accurate portrayals and it was just a stupid play. He thought I was nothing like StageMe. He though I was brilliant and resilient and then he looked a little embarrassed because he'd accidentally rhymed. Awww. I thanked him, but said I was trying really hard not to take what happened on stage personally. He said that was a good thing to do. He felt like he was _literally going to die of embarrassment_ sometime before the closing act. I was a bit aghast. If anyone of us was going to die of embarrassment it should be me! I told him that embarrassment isn't lethal. Only embarrassing. And that I was infinitely more embarrassed than he was. My actor was is just spreading her legs for any old dude who wanders across stage. Zuko'd only been stomping around, trying to catch Aang and complaining about honour (which, when push comes to shove – is not that dissimilar from what he actually did.) Zuko said he just hated seeing all his old mistakes paraded before him. He hated being reminded of everything he'd done wrong. I told him it could be worse, at least he wasn't being played by a flying bald lady. Zuko gave me a small smile.

We sat in silence on the stairs for a bit. Eventually I asked him something that had been niggling me. When me and Sokka were sick and Aang had been captured, it was Zuko who busted him out. Zuko said it was. I asked why and he ran his hands through his hair a bit before answering quietly that I wouldn't like the answer. I told him to tell me anyway. He said he hadn't had a very noble reason for doing it. He did it because he'd rather Aang free than caught by that dickhead Zhao (Zuko added_ Agni rest his soul_ almost automatically after he said Zhao's name. There is something in the way he said that. It bothers me). When Aang was free, Zuko still felt like he had a chance at catching him. And also Zhao was an arrogant dickhead who deserved to have things go badly for him once in a while. Fair enough I guess. At least he was honest about it. I asked him how he even knew where to look and he said that Zhao had sent him a gloating messenger hawk right after he caught Aang. It said:

_Dear Zuko _

_Ha ha ha .I caught the avatar. _

_You idiot. Ha ha ha. _

_Sucks to be you! Ha ha ha._

_Zhao_

Zuko said that Zhao had commandeered a big giant fortress nearby and that on the whole it wasn't that hard to figure out where Aang was. He said that as soon as he figured it out, he knew he was going to free Aang ,if for no other reason than because it would make Zhao look like a right dickhead. He added _Who's laughing now _– under his breath.

So the firenation navy is made up of very mature people?

Zuko got a program from one of the ushers. I asked why he was bothering. Was he eager to see the Ember Island Players butcher _Love Amongst the Dragons _again. Zuko made a grumpy face at me and said _of course not. _He just wanted something else to concentrate on/read why the play was on. He was just going to try and ignore _this stupid play_ from here on out. When he was done reading it, he was going to fold it into a crane or a star or maybe a he'd make a smaller version of the common sense stick with it and I could poke Toph every time she laughed at our expense. Good plan. But I told him it might be unnecessary. We were going into the second act and Toph's character was going to be introduced. She probably wouldn't be so _friggin gleeful _after she had seen how terrible a stage version of herself could be. At that point Toph and Suki came back from the bathroom and Sokka and Aang came back with more snacks. Aang had kept up a consistent stream of bitching about being played by a woman and Sokka occasionally interjected about the lameness of StageSokka's jokes. This continued until we sat down and Toph shushed them because the awesomeness was about to begin anew.

Yue save me!

-?-

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Long rambly authors note.

Lovely wonderful readers- or at least those of you who haven't given up on me updating. I am so sorry this took so long. I have actually written out almost the whole of the EIP – but is it dreadfully long. I was originally going to post it as one giant long chapter – but I was worried that if I did that I wouldn't get to post the whole thing til next week (Act Two and Act Three still need a lot of editing.) so I thought I would break this super long chappy into three acts. This first act you have just read. Act two will deal with the second part of the play – Zuko and Katara's reaction to their cheeky scene and Katara and Aang's conversation. Act three will be the end of the play and the walk home.

I'm still a bit time poor, but I have handed in two very major essays – So it's not as intense at the moment and I have a bit of time to write. So I have posted this baby for your enjoyment. And I hope you enjoyed it! The EIP is such a lovely and hilarious episode and I wanted to do it justice. I have watched it a worrying amount of times for 'research'.

Ooh side note: I have noticed due to my many viewings that when Katara goes off to look for Aang, she has a black strappy thing round each ankle. They are not connected to her shoes and I have told myself that they are anklets – they are in fact the anklets Zuko gave her. Because I say so and for no other reason.

Big thank you to all my wonderful and brilliant reviewers who are just wonderful and lovely and brilliant! You guys make me smile!

So in this chapter I wanted to have a reason for why Katara is so surprised that they are staying in Ozai's house at the start of the EIP. I think she has really thought of it as Zuko's house, until they discovered the cupboard of crazy evil. Now she's got a heebie-jeebies and seeks reassurance from Zuko. She is also becoming a bit more aware on her growing crush on Zuko. If she could have thought up a legitimate medical reason to lick him again – she totally would have!

I don't think Sokka and Katara have ever been to a play. It didn't look like they had much in the way of theatre down in the south pole and I don't think they would have had time in the intervening period. I also think Sokka is the unofficial leader. When he really wants to do something, no matter how wacky, the others fall in line and do it.

So in my version, the Gaang are going to see a slightly cheekier version of the play. The late night session. Drum roll. I could justify in my head having all of the Gaang going – because it is a play about themselves. But I couldn't really justify that kid who was running around when Zuko and Toph were talking (the one who told him his scar was on the wrong side. Ooh side note – does Toph know Zuko has a scar? I don't recall it ever being discussed in her presence.) so to make me feel better, I made the dragon twin -a twin theatre complex – so there would be two groups of actors acting out the same play. That kid was seeing the early evening session which had just finished – that's why he's there. Also the play must have heaps of showings during the day to be the popular phenomenon it is by Sozin's comet. Anyway, my version of the play is a bit cheekier. And Sokka and Katara aren't old enough for it. Suki tarts herself up a bit to get the gaang tickets. Because she is so wily.

Zuko is reading to Toph because this chapter needed more adorable. Honestly, I think those two are just bundles of cute together. He also skips over the cheeky bits when he reads to her. Big thanks to moonspirityang for the suggestion! Katara loves the cheeky bits! And is a bit disappointed that it completely disappears.

I think Suki, Sokka, Katara and Zuko, as the four oldest kids, would have a mature(ish) conversation about whether they would go to the play after all, especially because it could be cheeky and Toph and Aang are so young. They decide to go because 1 the tickets are non-refundable, 2 it's a play about them, who wouldn't be curious, 3 they all think that the play will only really be embarrassing for Sokka (and Suki a little bit) and both of them are willing to give it a go. Seriously, Zuko just wants one day (one day) when the person feeling ridiculously embarrassed isn't him. Sorry buddy, **today is not your day.** Tomorrow doesn't look any better just quietly.

I think Zuko and Sokka had a big gossipy chat about girls in that hot air balloons. That was a long commute. It was just the two of them. They bonded about girls and swapped stories. Zuko obviously knows about Suki. In the boiling rock when Sokka says 'It's Suki!' Zuko instantly knows who he is talking about. So it stands to reason that if Sokka was talking about Suki, Zuko would have talked a little bit about Mai – and maybe shared some_ cheeky time_ details that now he wishes he kept to himself. Sokka just likes to tease him a bit after all. I think having a fruit tart was Zuko and Mai's codeword for their_ cheeky time_. They weren't being kinky with the tarts or anything – at least in my imagination.

I have made the play even more ridiculous and made StageKatara a bit of a floozy in it. Apparently there is a portion of fandom that thinks she is a slut. (haters to the left!) look I think Katara's just a bit awesome! Sure she's really bossy and motherly, but I love her for that! I can't have anyone calling my girl a slut. So thought I would send up the sluttyness and I went the opposite direction and had stageKatara be a giant floozy and showed how the the real Katara was somewhat perplexed and embarrassed and put out by this. However, I do think that Katara is trying to be zen and mature about the play and just tells herself _-they aren't accurate portrayals._ She knows they are totally exaggerated and she tries not to let the play upset/anger her for the most part. Unlike Aang who takes it all so seriously and personally.

I also think that some of the cheeky scenes where there was some actual grounding in reality (Haru, Jet) would make her re-evalute her relationship with them. I think Katara and Haru had a cute and chaste little kiss. Haru is actually the first guy she ever meets who is her age, pretty cute and not her brother or a brother/son substitute. They were alone in prison together, it just stands to reason that there would have been a little something. Nothing comes of it because neither of them quiet fancy the other. Haru is not Katara's type. Toph however, might be a smidge jealous. Haru was her worshipper!

I don't know if I'm going out on a limb here, but I think Katara has a very clear type. _Taller than her, athletic build, messy black hair, tragic past and two pointy swordy things. _ Sound like anyone we know? I think that Katara clearly does fancy Jet. She has a major but very superficial crush on him when she first meets him. I think she has very mixed feelings about him. He's her first proper kiss and the first opponent she defeated decisively on her own. But I think she still finds him attractive even when she is extremely angry at him. At a superficial level -Zuko and Jet are quite similar. I would even go as far as saying Zuko is her type. Beyond the superficial level, I think that Katara and Zuko are a much better fit for each other (well that should probably be obvious by this point) but I also think that bit lusty-superficial layer is there as well.

Aside from Jet/Haru – the whole chappy was a bit of a blast from the past. I brought up a couple of late characters who I think would still be remembered by the Gaang.

Yue: because I think she deserves a little more fanon love. I think she and Katara made friends in the months that Katara was at the north pole. She is the moon spirit and Katara is a waterbender. I have in my imagination that sometimes Katara implores Yue/moonspirit to act on her behalf. Katara has more thoughts on Yue which will be more relevant later.

Zhao: he and Zuko had a super antagonistic relationship. They hated eachother in life, but Zuko still doesn't think he deserved to die the way he did. I don't think there would be a worse was for a firebender to die than by drowning. I think Zhao was petty and wasn't above taunting Zuko. In fact a perchance for taunting seems to be a fire nation trait. Zuko really didn't like him, but he still tried to save him at the north pole despite everything. He did help Aang escape primarily to spite Zhao and to give himself a chance – and he tells Katara the truth about that here, even though he knows she wont like it – she appreciates the honesty. At the end of the day I think Zuko still has mixed feelings about Zhao. I think seeing Zhao reaping what he sowed and choosing to meet a messy end rather than Take Zuko's hand would have had an impact on Zuko. This will also be more relevant at a later chapter.

Also I just wanted to write a very immature letter from Zhao to Zuko. I am sure they happened. also I saw one onf teh ATLA abridged series that really tickled my funnybone.

Also during the play, I was struck by how close Zuko and Katara sit together, even with the scooting in the second Act. Before they scoot, they are right next to each other– why is this? There is literally a whole bench for them to sit on- but even in the show, in a episode which was meant to make fun of Zutara – they are practically on top of each other. If I wasn't meant to ship it, why are they always close together?

Zuko is the only person aside from Katara, who doesn't laugh at stage Katara's tearbending. I like to think this is out of solidarity with her. I'd like to think that he would reassurance her of her awesomeness after Aang's sarcastic comment (yeah, that's not you at all.) I like them having nice, friendly, honest conversations on stairs. So they had one.

YMMV on everything!

Next time (which will hopefully be posted very soon- I didn't meant to leave you guys hanging for so long). We will see Act Two and there will be an exceptionally awkward scene, moment and conversation.

Til then lovely readers.


	23. embarrassment in three acts: Act Two

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Embarrassment in three acts: Act two.

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We all resumed our seats. Toph was most excited because her character was about to be introduced and so she sat on the edge of her seat with anticipation. Zuko slumped beside me in resignation and Aang crossed his arms in indignation. I'm sure that Sokka and Suki were having a light canoodle behind us, where they thought no one would see them. Zuko got out his program and held it in front of his face and started studying it with great concentration.

We were ready.

The curtain came up. Our stage counterparts were looking for an earthbending teacher. Stage Aang announced she was going to have a look around (quite girlishly). Aang made an angry noise. Zuko looked like he was steadfastly trying to ignore the shenanigans on stage. Toph was super excited. StageAang flew around the whole theatre (this was actually quite impressive, I didn't know the rope could stretch that far) in her search. Stage Aang landed again and said she had no luck. A booming voice said that we had to look for an earthbending teacher underground. And then the most hilarious thing ever happened.

Toph was being played by a GIANT GUY!

A giant guy with no neck – just muscles- appeared on stage – wearing a much bigger version of Toph's earth kingdom dress. We'll it is not really a dress. It's pants that look like a skirt but isn't. Aren't. Whatever. Anyway he was wearing a larger version of Toph outfit and even had her little headband. Oh My goodness! This is too good to be true! This is even better that having Toph played by an over-emotional crybaby. StageToph actually reminds me somewhat of The Boulder. All stage Toph needs to do is refer to herself in third person and the illusion is complete. I am beside myself with glee and judging from the giggles and muffled laughs of the others, they are in complete agreement with me. Zuko dropped his program in surprise as StageToph flexed her/his muscles a bit and claimed that she was called Toph because it sounds like_ tough_ and that's exactly what she was!

The play reflects the truth! Hardy ha ha! Sucks to be you Toph!

Toph was on the edge on her seat and was holding on to the bannister in excitement. Her expression looked a little baffled when StageToph was speaking. She cleaned her ear out and said, with a bit of confusion, that she sounded like a guy. A really buff guy. I told her that was she heard on stage was the truth. Now she knows how it feels. Toph is actually ecstatically happy! She wouldn't have cast it any other way! She thinks buff Toph is the coolest thing ever.

StageToph announced she could see with a _Sonic Wave_ that she released from her mouth. And then she let out this unholy, incredibly loud scream that possibly **deafened the entire front row**. It was the worst noise I have ever heard! How can a human mouth produce such a sound! StageToph finished screaming and turned back to the audience and said in a completely normal tone of voice

_There. I got a pretty good look at you. _Toph is so overjoyed by the_ Sonic Wave _that I fear we are to be treated to several of her _Sonic Waves_ back home. She'll try it out just for shiggles, knowing Toph.

-?-

The play continued to be dreadful (but occasionally hilariously so.) Stage Toph did start referring to herself in third person._ The Toph is going to crush you!_ Uncle continued to be obsessed with cake, much to Zuko's consternation. _I don't understand, he doesn't even like cake that much._ My character continued to flooze onto random guys. _Have you been working out? _Sokka's character continued to tell lame jokes, _I am way funnier than that!_ Aang character continued to be played by a woman. _Can't she just try to act a little more manly?_

Zuko had discovered that this play wouldn't go away if you just ignored it. In fact his plan to just ignore the play wasn't going to work. _There's no ignoring this play – how can you ignore a sonic wave from Toph's mouth?_ After Toph's initial scream, he didn't retrieve his program and started watching again with a very baffled look on his face. I schooched over and whispered _I thought you weren't going to watch _in his ear. He leaned over and whispered in my ear that _ this play is so bad it has hypnotised me with its awfulness and I can't look away._

From that moment on we started quietly heckling the play. It seemed like the only sensible course of action with a play this ridiculous. We made fun of the melodramatic delivery, the various inaccuracies and inadvertently hilarious shenanigans. StageMe's tearbending. Stage Toph's tendency to stay _The Toph wants to crush! Crush now? _Occasionally we were shushed by Toph, who was really enjoying the play. We had to scoot closer together to whisper to each other and not disturb her enjoyment of this unadulterated ridiculousness.

-?-

Something rather alarming (for Zuko) and hilarious (for me) has happened.

I am no longer the **only floozy** in this play.

StageMe has been joined in her strumpety, floozy ways by StageZuko, who after a slow first act on the strumpetry front – appears to be trying to make up for lost time. In the first act, most of StageZuko's scenes were with his uncle. (This play is cheeky, but it is not that cheeky) and now he has been **unleashed upon the Earthkingdom** in all his grumpy glory. StageZuko's love of random earth kingdom women knows no bounds. Typically one of them will wander on stage, be immediately besotted with StageZuko, who will say something grumpy/rude to them and then they will start canoodling for no apparent reason. Also, it seems like the various random peasantry of the earth kingdom have all been to Suki's school of lame punnery. The ladies in question frequently made comments like _oh you're so hot, baby you can light my fire etc._

Zuko is extremely confused/alarmed by this turn of events. I have laughed (maybe a bit too much) at his expense. Really I am just glad to have someone else join me in inaccurately portrayed floozy solidarity. He got a bit grumpy at the start, when he had it off with this cabbage selling lady (why StageZuko had it off with cabbage lady remains a mystery). He was most irate that people would think he was some sort of _ trollop for Cabbages_. I reminded him that it could be worse. StageMe had it off with his Uncle, as well as all and sundry other male extras, after all. At least the actress who played cabbage lady was quite young/fetching and had a name and more than three lines. I have absconded with gents who didn't even have a name and a line. All they had to do was wander across stage and StageMe fell for them.

I shoulder nudged him and told him not to take it personally. That's what I was doing. The best we could do was just make fun of _this stupid play. _ It was obviously mostly fiction anyway. I think having a good sense of humour about the play was helping me not to take it so seriously. If I thought this was a serious and accurate portrayal, I would be** very offended**. But it is just a very silly play. Zuko nodded and agreed with the play's sillyness. We started heckling our stage counterparts poor taste in the opposite sex as well as their general hussy-ish behaviour. We were both a bit perplexed as to why our stage counterparts were so alluring. All I did was _cry on people _and make hopeful speeches. Zuko pointed out that all StageZuko did was be rude to people and presumably eat cabbages (he had received many from cabbage lady). I told him that I found cabbages very alluring. He looked up in surprise and said _really?_

No! Not really, you dolt!

-?-

At one point Zuko got most irate about his uncles love affair with cake again. During a scene where Zuko **had a threesome** with these two random villagers and then stole their ostrich horse, Uncle had to stop to get some cake before they made their sneaky get away. Zuko said _This is getting beyond ridiculous, he hates lemon and poppy seed flavoured cake. _It's kind of cute that he gets all huffy about his Uncle's uncharacteristic cake eating. But still. There were many other things that I would get upset about if that were my character acting that way. Cake would be last on my list of things to get huffy about. I said _that's your biggest problem? You really think lemon and poppy seed cake is the biggest characterisation error in this play? You just had a threesome with that woman and her mother and then you stole that woman's ostrich horse and I know you'd never do something like that. _

Zuko made his Shameface – the one that normally precedes the guilty dance. I said _You did?_ with some surprise. Which one, the threesome or the ostrich horse thievery? He looked surprised at my question and said _of course the ostrich horse thievery -What do you take me for?_ Welly-well-well then, not everything in this play is completely made up. I responded with _an ostrich horse thief _and he crossed his arms grumpily. I made a slightly concerned face at him. Why had he nicked someone's ostrich horse? He said _he wasn't proud of it _and looked a bit guilty before he explained a more. He whispered to me that he and Uncle had nothing at that point and he wasn't used to being dirt poor. He sent the villager enough money to buy two ostrich horses anonymously when he got back to the palace, but that didn't make it better. He seemed so down about it.

The guilty dance was starting! Oh noes!

Zuko always feels exceptionally guilty about everything, in the history of ever! He obviously felt a zillion times more guilty all on his own than he would if I gave him a lecture about the consequences of stealing etc. If he was sulking, he wouldn't be in the mood to keep making fun of the play with me and right now, finding the hilarity in the ridiculousness was the only thing stopping me from storming out in high dudgeon. I gave him a shoulder nudge and I told him that I was sure the random peasant would have been glad to get enough cash for two ostrich horses and that really would have made it _a little better._ Two horses are better than one etc. Zuko nodded and seemed less sad panda about it.

We went back to watching the play..

-?-

Azula came on stage and did a ribbon dance – oops sorry- firebending demonstration and announced to us in the audience that she was **the greatest firebender alive** and **heir to the throne ** (she said this exceptionally dramatically) and was going to catch the avatar and her brother and then she laughed. A little evilly, just quietly. She set about her mission. There were shenanigans and ribbon dancing and drama. Azula was cornered and she needed to get away and she distracted us with StageZuko's honour. _I think it's over there._ All our stage counterparts _actually looked_. Azula disappeared through a trapdoor and StageMe offered some exposition. _She escaped- but how?_ I repeated this after her and included her confused hand gesture. I have taken to mocking all of StageMe's ridiculousness and repeating her very badly delivered lines if they strike me as funny. Zuko laughed next to me.

-?-

There were a few battles. StageMe declined any opportunity to be less that useless and could most frequently be found crying in a corner, occasionally over a random dude. StageZuko would managed to pull himself away from his earth kingdom trollop-de-jour and do a ribbon dance.

A girl who was obviously meant to be gloomy hairbuns had a big smiley-face belt. This struck me as incredibly funny and Zuko made a bit of a face and said s_he wasn't even that Gloomy_. Sokka piped up that he was _just blinded by fruit tarts_. Sokka had joined in our heckling conversation and would make occasional interjections that he thought would be especially funny. Stage Ty Lee was another fellow floozy (and then there were three)- but she knocked people unconscious with her kisses – StageMe just made them wet from her tears and StageZuko just made them frustrated (and not always sexually).

-?-

In the drill scene I started to doze off a little bit. Azula was gloating evilly (actually she does this is real life as well. Maybe the writer did get one character right). StageAang was throwing rocks at her uselessly. Real Aang got a bit grumpy and said that it hadn't even happened like that and he hates this play. I think he hates the play very much because it makes him seem effeminate and useless. However, not as effeminate and useless as my character who was tearbending over one of the terra-team during the whole drill sequence.

Sokka, our fellow heckler, was confused by this. _Who even is that random guy_. I shrugged and said I had no idea. I had been kissing random characters who don't even have names now for most of the second act. Zuko shrugged and said_ So have I. _Sokka thought I protested a little bit too much and started telling Zuko about how **keen **I had been to **heal all the terra-team** back in Ba Sing Se.

Oh my god! Shut up Sokka!

This was embarrassing. Okay they were all quite good looking with their shirts off. Fine yes! I admit that. But that wasn't the reason I was keen to heal them. I was keen to heal them because I am a healer and they were injured. But Sokka went on (and on and on) about it while I steadily grew more embarrassed and cranky. _You know you were hot for them. You were all oh yeah! let me put my healing hands on you there- you big strong earthbender you – _at that point StageMe said almost exactly the same thing and Sokka was very very amused.I was not. I took (snatched) Sokka's fireflakes and poured them on the ground and stomped on them (quite spiritedly) over the sound of his protestations. I sat back down smugly. Sokka's not so funny without his snacks! Sokka made a few comments about my meanness re:fireflakes.

Real Toph shushed us at the same moment that StageToph stopped the drill with her _sonic wave. _ By the combined forces of the Tophs, we are shushed. You simply cannot bicker over that dreadful noise.

-?-

StageMe canoodled with Jet for a bit (and also Stage Long Shot- the hussy). Then we all went to free Appa from Lake Laogi. StageJet hid behind Stage Toph for a sec and put googly eyes on. He was now brainwashed. Apparently. Suddenly a rock fell on him and he crawled under it a little. Zuko seemed a little perturbed and sat back in his seat and glanced in confusion at the rock on stage. _ Did jet just... die? _he asked a little uncertainly. I'm not sure actually. Either on stage or in real life. Sokka answered for me and said _You know it was really unclear._ Zuko didn't seem quite satisfied by this answer.

Toph shushed us again.

-?-

The scene shifted and StageZuko and StageMe were in the crystal catacombs.

Oh bollocks!

This was going to be bad. Knowing our stage counterparts, _the scenery would melt with the combined power of their floozy-ness. _Both of them were _such tarts_ in this play. They both just threw themselves at any random person. Perhaps they were meant to be together. Strumpets unite!

I knew where this scene was going already. If they made it throw more than two lines of dialogue before canoodling- I would be surprised. StageME floozied onto him (as she does) and StageZuko acted all aloof and grumpy (as he does). Seriously, being grumpy seems to be part of StageZuko's charm. StageZuko _just grumpies_ at the various womenfolk and they love it!

Wow. This was going to be **awkward.** I glanced at Zuko out of the corner of my eye at just the same moment he glanced at me. This was friggin weird. Seeing stage versions of yourselves get snuggly. Zuko gave me an imperceptible nod and we schooched away from each other at the same time. We had been sitting **really close **to each other (on account of whispered heckling etc). But this was going to be so ludicrous and embarrassing already. Us sitting right on top of each other was only going to make it more so. Sometimes you just need a bit of space. Neither of us could think of anything funny or witty to say about this scene. It was really hard to see the funny side of this scene.

StageMe declared that she only saw Aang and a brother and she didn't see him in a romantic way. And the snuggle off was on! StageMe and Stage Zuko fell behind the rock they were sitting on in the throws of passion. I actually don't think the fall was deliberate. It was a rather graceless stack. I gestured that Zuko might want to cover Aang's eyes and ears at this point, but he pointed to the empty seat beside him and said Aang had just left to get fireflakes for Sokka. Okay, I am nothing like StageME. She is a useless floozy. But we are in agreement on one thing. I don't really see Aang in a romantic way. I don't know if I ever will.

-?-

Okay. All those times that I wrote- this was the most embarrassing thing ever-_ Scratch all of those. _This what just happened, just then, is the most embarrassing thing ever. I was less embarrassed when I drunkenly licked Zuko. At one point StageMe protested slightly and said _You know you can't just be a jerk to me and then just kiss me and..._ StageZuko kissed her and she said _Bugger it! Let's get it on!_

This scene also had the freaky bonus of being incredibly surreal as well as incredibly embarrassing at the same time. StageMe and StageZuko were really, kinda, **going for it.** Various costume accoutrements were being scattered joyfully by the actors who, ostensibly, were very rapidly getting to a state of undress (they were still mostly behind the rock).

It is one thing for me to have these daydreams _in the privacy of my own head_ but an entirely different matter too see them _acted out on stage._ In front of my brother and friends. And the boy in question.

I have never previously experienced this level of embarrassment.

If I were home I would pull the covers over my head and never come out again. The Haru scene was bad, the Jet scene was really bad, the Uncle scene was just disgusting. (this is not to mention all the other random guy scenes). But I didn't have Haru or Jet or Uncle or a host of random guys, sitting next to me while the scene was happening. Zuko was **right next to me!** The Zuko scene was so much worse because of this. As it was I blushed and me and Zuko moved even further away from each other out of intense embarrassment.

Even with the us scooching away from each other- I could practically feel Sokka's assumptions going haywire. I could feel all the various comments he was going to make. I didn't need to turn around to know that Suki's eyebrows had risen to the top of her head and that she was going to browbeat me later about what is going on between me and Zuko. Toph was shaking with silent laughter. Aang thankfully hadn't come back at this point.

To make matters worse (as if they could get any worse)– there was no dialogue in this scene now and Toph pretended that she was having a hard time following what was going on. She asked me to explain it to her. Err. I told her that StageMe and StageZuko were...wrestling. Then StageMe called out quite enthusiastically _oooh harder, you bad boy. _Zuko (the real one) groaned and hid his face, which had gone **bright red,** in his hands – which he rested on the bannister.

Our stage counterparts started moaning eagerly. Toph made a face at me and said that it didn't sound like any wrestling she'd ever heard before and that Zuko and I don't make those noises when we wrestle on the beach every night. Just at that point, Stage me called out _that's not how your uncle does it _from the stage.

I am dead from embarrassment.

I will never recover.

Yue, Just smite me now.

-?-

No one else will ever understand this, except Zuko, but what actually happened in that cave was **more intimate** than any cheeky time between our stage counterparts could be, in my opinion. Our stage counterparts just get cheeky all the time. Being cheeky means nothing to them. Me and Zuko really talked in that cave and that will always mean something to me.

-?-

This is really strange to say, but I was actually glad when Zukop betrayed us in the play because it put an end to dreadful, terrible, ridiculous scene. Zuko hadn't moved from his slumped on the bannister position and was still trying to hide his face. When his Uncle and Azula were both on stage and trying to convince him to make a choice, his shoulders slumped further and he looked _so __sad. _

StageZuko wandered over to his Uncle and gave him a huge shove and said he smelled and StageZuko would hate him for all time. My Zuko looked, if possible, even more depressed. Ooh and his guilty face was back. He didn't actually say that, did he? He said _I might as well have _and turned his face away from the play and sighed like the weight of the world was on his shoulders.

I reached out across the space between us that our schooching had created and took his hand in mine. I gave his hand a little squeeze. He squeezed back and let go of my hand and sat back in his seat. We schooched a little closer together again. And I whispered_ it's just a stupid play okay_ in his ear. He nodded, but didn't look any happier.

-?-

It was time for the second intermission. Zuko was slumped against the wall in his super mopey pose. I kneeled next to him and he said that he knew I meant well, but he kind of wanted to just sit quietly and mope in peace. I rubbed his shoulder and got up. He was really down. He'd probably talk about it later over tea, when it was just the two of us. He doesn't like to have big touchy feely conversations with a audience. I didn't want to be seen paying too much attention to him after_ that scene._ People (Sokka) would get the wrong idea. We'd talk later and I would try to cheer him up then. Everyone else seemed okay, mood wise. Toph was gleeful, Sokka was only mildly irritated and Suki hadn't been in the play enough to get upset over anything. Where was Aang?

Suki was making a comment about how we barely make it out alive from most of our situations. Sokka fired back something about being captured by Azula and she made a frowny face at him and asked if he was trying to get on her bad side. Retreat Sokka! I had a quick look around, but I couldn't see Aang anywhere. Out of all of us, even Zuko, he seemed the most upset by this play. I should go find him and see if he's okay. I asked the others if they had seen him but nobody had. I told them that I was just going to have a quick look outside.

-?-

It didn't take long to find Aang. He was on the balcony looking at the moon. It was nearly full. I felt like waving at it. This play has got me thinking a little about Yue. Beneath us it looked like the earlier session of the play had let out. Crowds were pouring out of the lower theatre of The Dragon Twin. Everybody seemed happy and there was much hilarity and laughter as they quotes pieces of dialogue to each other. The play must end well then.

Aang looked grumpily down at them. I asked him if he was okay, with a lot of concern. Aang is always happy and cheerful. It is one of the things I love about him. I hardly ever see him so angry. It always worries me when Aang is angry. He told me he was angry enough to be in the avatar state and I don't know if he was kidding. I told him that even though it was upsetting, I thought he was overreacting.

Look, not that I want to get into a whole thing about who was portrayed worse in the play, but really Aang got off easy. So he was being played by a woman. So What! At least he wasn't made out to be a completely useless hussy with not talent (only tears). I have fought so hard to be taken seriously as a bender and warrior and to be portrayed like that...look the best thing for me to do was to try and take my ridiculous portrayal in stride and not let it get me down. That would be the best thing for Aang as well.

We both looked at the moon for a little. Oh Yue, what do I say. I never know quite what to say. Boys can be so sensitive about their masculinity. I don't really relate to it. I can find the words for most other situations, but aside from telling Aang to cheer up and not take the play seriously, I didn't know what else I could do for this particular little snit of his.

Aang turned to me and asked if I meant what I said in there. In where? What did I say? He started talking about how in the play I had said_ he was just like a brother to me._ Oh for goodness sake! It's just a stupid play. For the last time, **it is not real.** I told him that I hadn't said that, an actor said that. Aang was still huffy and said_ it's true, isn't it. _He said we had kissed and the invasion and he had hoped we would be together. But we weren't.

Were we really going to do this? Here? Now? In the intermission for _some stupid play?_ I have been successfully avoiding this conversation for so long. I had kind of been hoping that Aang would grow out of his little crush on me and we would **never** have to have this talk. Look, the crush you have when you are 12 is fleeting. When I was 12, I was convinced I was going to marry my dad's friend Bato. I thought he was dreamy. But I grew out of that pretty quickly. Why couldn't Aang?

I didn't want to hurt him. I turned away and looked and the beach and said that I didn't know. Aang asked (quite insistently) _why don't you know? _

I do not want to make Aang sad at all, especially now. We are so close to Sozin's comet and Aang needs all his concentration if he's going to beat the firelord. Aang is quite emotional. A rejection from me would send him into a woe-is-me funk and we can't have him flaking out like he did when Appa was taken right now. But at the same time, I couldn't lie to him. The odds of me and Aang getting together are quite slim after all. I do see him as a brother and I have tried to make this clear through my actions. I've always been rather maternal with him. I've never intentionally romantically encouraged his affections. I do love him, but just not the way he wants me too. I had hoped just loving him like a friend and brother would have been enough for him.

I told him that were were in the middle of a war and we had other things to worry about.

**THIS IS TRUE! **

We should be focussing on winning. Not our love lives. The future of the whole world is resting on Aang's shoulders and he is getting huffy at me over _some stupid play_ and _some stupid crush. _There are things I would like to do, if we were not fighting a war, but in my opinion the fate of the world deserve my focus more than any feelings I have (that I might want to act on).

This is just so awkward and we shouldn't have to talk about this now. We shouldn't have to worry about this now. I told Aang it wasn't the right time. He said _when is the right time? _– like he expected me to say 3.17 pm next Thursday. Life is more complicated than that. Maybe it would never be the right time. But how do I say that to someone like Aang? I couldn't. I backed down to lies. I said I was confused. I pulled on my hair again. I do this when I feel embarrassed and awkward. I turned away from Aang slightly. I hoped Aang would understand the delicate, gentle _no_ in that sentence.

Aang did not.

The next thing I knew, Aang had put his face in mine and was kissing me. Just a light touching of the lips. It was a chaste kiss really. But it still made me mad. After what I had just said! I had tried to let him down as gently as possible. **Hadn't Aang been listening to me at all!** I had put up a very clear boundary! Did he not respect that! I was quite mad. I am not used to being mad at Aang, so this was an unusual feeling. I snapped that _I said I was confused._ Saying I'm confused is not an invitation to kiss me! I turned away and loitered for a second. What was I even doing out here? I didn't even want to look at Aang right then, I was so cross at him. I said I was going back inside and practically **ran away from him**, from this awkwardness and from this conversation. This was awful. This whole night had turned awful.

-?-

I ran back to the hallway and caught my breath for a second. When I had composed myself, I went and looked for the others. I found Zuko and Toph, sitting cross legged in front of each other, next to the doorway to our box. Toph asked _can I feel it? _Zuko looked away torn for a second. A huge range of emotions went over his face before he turned back to her and said _okay. _He took her hand and placed it on his scar. Toph gasped. She ran her fingers over the perimeter very gently. More gently than I knew Toph had it in her to be. What on earth was going on here? _How did it happen?_ Toph whispered in a surprised tone of voice. Zuko frowned and said _I don't like to talk about it_ quite firmly and repressively. Toph took her hand away and leaned back and said _Well it feels like it's always been on that side to me_ in her usual Toph tone of voice.

Zuko looked up and saw me and smiled and waved me over. I sat crossed legged with them. Zuko smiled dropped when he saw my expression and he made a concerned face at me. I waved him off and asked what they had been talking about. Zuko started complaining about some kid who'd told him his Zuko costume was great, but his scar was on the wrong side. This has made him a grumpy panda. Sokka and Suki came back. Sokka was crowing about his success backstage. Apparently he and Suki had snuck back stage so Sokka could give some tips to StageSokka. He told us the next Act would be much funnier. I don't think that even a riotously funny third act can save the evening at this point. The bell for the end of intermission went and we all got up and filed back into the box. Aang still hadn't come back. This is probably a good thing. We both just need a little space.

We sat down and Zuko took my elbow gently and whispered _ are you okay?_ I nodded. I didn't really want to talk about it now, in the middle of a crowded theatre, seeing a ludicrous play. I said _I'll tell you about it later. _Zuko nodded. Toph piped up next to me _hey where's twinkletoes?_ I said that I was sure he was coming.

And the curtain rose again.

-?-

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Authors notes: long and rambly as usual. Includes bonus hand-wringing about religion and a small tirade about Kataang.

Lovely wonderful readers who I adore! You have made it to the end of Act two, hopefully with your dignity intact. I hope you enjoyed it. Huge, giant enormous thank you to all my wonderful reviewers – snuggles for you all! The _lovely Irako of the desert _wrote a wonderful review about religion in the firenation and it prompted much thought from me. Not being religious myself (I love all the denominations equally), I don't know how fit I am to comment on this. But if you want to read my rambly thoughts, here they are:

Irako had the idea that there had been a shift in religion to a more monotheistic (one god called Agni) during Sozin's time. I love this idea. Sozin's a bit like Henry the 8th with the reformation. He's changed the country's religion to suit his own purposes and crushed anyone who disagreed. It's always easy to win an argument when the alternative is crushing. I actually think this make a great deal of sense, canon wise, while all the other nations seem to have stuck with a polyteistic-spirit-and-seasonal-worship, the firenation have gone on a different path. The firesages now serve the firelord rather than the spirits and there is one god (Agni) who is on their side. It's easy to send people into battle when you have convinced them there is an all powerful being who supports them.

I'm not sure about the fine details of how Agni-ism, I imagine there would be a great deal of patriotism and superiority of the firenation involved. I do think that whatever faith he was brought up in, Zuko has now lapsed in his belief. A lot of bad things have happened to Zuko and he has had his eyes opened to different perspectives and ways of seeing. He's seen the power of other spirits and has grown to respect other peoples. But I still think some things, like respect for military dead etc would have stuck. That's why he says_ Agni rest his spirit_ when he first mentions Zhao. It's out of very engrained habit.

_Moonspirityang:_ asked me how I felt about the anti-zutara comic con video (the one where they say Zutara fans will have doomed relationships). In all honesty, I didn't know it existed until a little while ago. When I first saw it, it made me **rather cross **and it struck me as exceptionally rude of bryke. I think it is just in very poor taste to troll you own fans. I know they love Aang etc, but they should not love Aang to the point where they alienate and insult their other very dedicated fans (who also buy merchandise, dvds etc). Who thought this was a good idea? Who thought this would be funny? It just struck me as a very immature and dumb thing to do. Like a frat boy prank. Why couldn't they have taken the JK route and just said 'it's nice people care so much'. Just** have some class **guys.

That said, the actual canon ships, Maiko and Kataang, both strike me as exceptionally dysfunctional and maybe if that is what bryke see as an ideal relationship – shrugs shoulders- we will just have to agree to disagree on that point. I have actually taken the 'selective ignoring policy' when it comes to bryke. I actually think ATLA would have stood much better if they left those little shippy bits (those ones that make no sense) out of the final and just let people make up their own mind. But I will get to that when I am writing the Sozin's comet arc.

In this chapter we have the second act. Many lovely reviewers pointed out that Zuko is also a fandom bike (everybody wants a ride on the **grumpy express**) and I thought _why not?_ Most of his lady folk happen in the second and third series. So Zuko got a giant slutty upgrade for act two Zuko, Katara and to some extent Ty Lee really get around in fandom. So they are all hussies in the play. Zuko can join Katara in inaccurately portrayed floozy solidarity. And they can bond! I think they both have to start heckling and making fun of the play's ridiculousness for their own sanity. They are like those heckling muppets in the muppet show! Only they heckle much more quietly and mainly to each other.

I think they take the sluttyness in stride. In the show Katara is the most level-headed about her character, even though in my opinion she had the right to be the most upset. I think she understood it was just mostly fiction and had found a way to laugh at it. I had Zuko join her in this mature attitude. However they both still get a bit upset when something strikes too close to home, or has more than a grain of truth in it. Katara gets embarrassed when Sokka is teasing her about the terra-team. I'm not judging honey. She is a 14/15 year old healer, and they were a room full of very fit shirtless guys who needed some healing. I get it. I get it. Still she doesn't want Sokka teasing her about this, esp in front of Zuko.

Zuko for his part, gets very sad panda about anything to do with his uncle, or anything that he _actually did do _that he feels guilty about (the ostrich horse thievery etc). Zuko's had a really tough journey to get to where he is now, and along the way he lost his Uncle. He still hasn't had a chance to make peace with Iroh and I think that weighs heavily on him. He misses Iroh a great deal. Thematically it makes sense that this was a journey Zuko had to make on his own, but it's still rough for the poor kid. For Zuko, seeing all his past mistakes paraded in front of him is just recipe for the giant sad panda mope he has with Toph.

So I think that Katara and Zuko can laugh about all the ridiculousness, but the minute the play comes close to the truth, they both struggle to see the funny side.

That scene (you all know the scene I mean) was a always going to be a giant awkward sandwich. Both their characters have been _getting their hussy on_ for the last 40 minutes (or however long these acts are). The minute they are on stage together – both Katara and Zuko know where this is going. In the show they schooch away for each other at this point. Some people thing this is proof that there is nothing going on between them. I beg to differ. If there was nothing going on, there would be no need for schooching. If there was nothing going on, they would not be sitting right on top of each other. They schooch because it would be embarrassing on so many levels to go see a play that depicts a scene of you and the person you fancy _doing the nasty _– especially before you Haven't even had a chance to do the nasty/are unsure of your and their feelings etc. Zuko and Katara are in that awkward mutual crush/but nothings happening phase and then suddenly on stage there is a whole bunch of _something happening._ I mean, who wouldn't be embarrassed. Who wouldn't schooch away a little bit. Especially if your brother (who is very prone to inappropriate teasing) is sitting right behind you. I think the fact that they are _sitting right on top of each other_ and schooching is necessary is more of an argument for Zutara, rather than against. But that is just me.

At the end of the act, Katara goes maternal and just wants to make sure that everyone is okay. Zuko is having a mope, but she knows he won't want to have a _big old lets share our feelings chat about this_, in public. Also I do think Toph's tough love was what he needed to hear a bit more. So she figures they'll talk later and goes to look for Aang. She has noticed that Aang is exceptionally upset over his character and wants to cheer him up.

Okay, Aang really thinks the play is real, even though he must know it's all fake. I mean obviously. He's not actually a woman is he? Aang had done this before (at the firefestival in season one, where Katara was the volunteer from the audience.) Is this an immaturity thing on Aang's part? Being unable to distinguish fiction from reality? What are they trying to show us? I'm not 100% sure. Maybe he already had some doubts about Katara and her feelings and the play just reinforced those doubts. Getting exceptionally grumpy over these doubts is not a mature reaction, it is an understandable reaction, but not a mature one.

Small tirade re: Kataang.

That scene with Katara and Aang on the balcony, is hands down **the most awkward thing I have ever seen on television, ever!** I felt like _really embarrassed_ for Aang when I watch it. It was like watching someone on fire. I wanted to go wrap him in a blanket and roll him on the floor. Abort Aang. Abort! Abort! Katara had been giving him no romantic signals what so ever. She had been giving him a giant ass-ton of friendly/maternal signals and I was sure that this was not going to go the way he hoped it would. When I first watched it, I thought I was watching the death knell of Kataang. Because it is a hot mess of Awkward. Katara clearly doesn't feel the same way. If she felt even a smidge of what Aang felt for her, it would have been less awkward, she would have given him a little ounce of hope. But as it stands, in that scene **Katara is clearly shutting him down** as gently as she knows how. The scene ends with an inappropriate kiss (and not the good kind of inappropriate) and Katara storming/running away from him in high dudgeon.

They do not have another scene together, just the two of them, again. Until the kiss in the final.

WTF!

Really! This scene is what gives me so many thoughts and issues with Kataang. I dealt more with what I thought Katara's pov on the whole mess would be in my chapter. But I have some thoughts of the Aang side of Kataang for those of you who are interested in reading my rambly tirades.

I don't want to judge Aang. He's twelve, it's his first crush. Normally I would say bless his cotton socks. I think Toph's crush on Sokka is a bit adorable. However, Toph never forces her feelings on Sokka and never makes things supremely awkward for Sokka and herself. Is Toph just more mature and better at reading social cues? I don't know. But this scene only reinforces Aang immaturity especially when it comes to romantic issues.

Why does a immature 12 year old end up with and exceptionally mature 14 year old? It is **just weird**. Age differences mean a lot to teenagers and there is a giant maturity gap. I do not think this sort of thing is easily overcome. It's not Aang's fault, but he is too young for Katara **in all **the different senses of the word. I don't think anybody ends up with who they had a crush on when they were 12. that's why I have Katara mention her crush on Bato. She grew out of that, she hoped Aang would grow out of this.

In all honesty, I do think Aang would grow out of his feelings for her. Aang is a very flighty and adventurous. Aang loves to try new things and have new experiences. Aang loves getting amongst it all. Someone like Aang **should **have many lovers, many girl-adventures and break a few hearts as well as his own before he was ready to settle down.

This is just something I want for Aang. I want Aang to experience life, in all its richness, before he settles down.

Actually, Aang's a friggin nomad. I don't even know if he wants to settle down. And that is fine too.

What is not fine and will always sit a bit weird with me is Kataang.

I think Aang is delightful. I think the fact that he wants to ride a different wild animal in every place he goes **says something **about his character. What this tells me about Aang is that Aang SHOULD NOT settle down with the girl he has a crush on at 12. Ending up with Katara is almost against all of Aang's other character traits. It contradicts who bryke have established Aang to be. Aang needs more than one lover. Aang is all about variety of experiences. And I think when he was older this love of variety and adventure would translate to his love life. I'm not judging.

Katara, on the other hand, is steady and stable and I think she would want to settle down and feel safe and secure in a relationship. Aang loves the thrill of the chase and the thrill of new experiences. She would not get this stability from Aang. I think she and Zuko are very similar in that they both just want to feel safe and loved and secure. They are both more steadfast people. They have adventures because it is required of them, but I think if given the choice, they could be equally happy just chilling out together. I think that they could give each other the loyalty and security that they both want. But this is a tirade about Kataang, so I'll get back to that.

Aang really forces his feelings on her, even when it is really clear that she is not reciprocating. I cannot handwave this. I know he is only 12 and was raised by monks etc. BUT STILL. Katara has drawn very clear physical and verbal boundaries. Seriously, watch her body language in that scene, even without the dialogue she is making it very clear that she does not want. She is perpetually turning away from him and moving further back from him and crossing her arms to protect herself. Aang does not listen to her and what she wants and needs and is instead only focussed on his own desire. Then he totally crosses a line and it is not cool. Look I know Aang's young (see start of my rant), but this sort of behaviour is never a good sign for a budding relationship. Aang wants Katara, but **he doesn't respect or listen to her** and I just can't see how this would be romantic.

Note: Some more militant zutarians equate the kiss to some sort unclassified face-rape. I don't go that far. Much love fellow Zutarians, but chill out. It's just a peck. I do love Aang. I don't think he's a bad kid. But I do think he's** just a kid.** Katara is a young woman. The kiss is actually just a very chaste peck on the lips. I actually don't think Aang thinks about things going any farther with Katara anyway. As soon as she very clearly says no, he backs off and gives her space and doesn't come near her again for the rest of the episode. He's not a giant jerk. He's just a self-centred and impatient kid. Seriously, the way he says' when is it the right time' sound so much like a kid saying 'are we there yet'. The kiss is still not cool to do. It's still showing a lack of respect etc. but Aang doesn't mean any harm by it. He just wants Katara to love him and the only way he knows how to do this is to force his affections of her.

This scene for me, really just showed how messed up a Katanng relationship would be. If it is this awkward at the start, what happens further down the road.

The mind boggles.

Katara and Aang are both good people. But they are very different people with very different wants and needs. They are not the opposites attract sort of different. They are the you-two-make-no-friggin-sense-together-different. They would not make each other happy in the long run. I want them to be happy. I think both Katara and Aang deserve better than each other.

So I am making my own fic to make the ending more palatable to myself and hopefully you guys too!

*End tirade*

It also struck me when watching the episode that when that kid says to Zuko 'your scar is on the wrong side' it is the first time anyone mentions the scar in front of Toph. Toph cannot see people with a sonic wave (though she will try later on). In my imagination, Toph doesn't even know he has scar until that point. She's never touched his face before after all and none of the gaang mention, talk or tease him about it. Because I think all the gaang are nice people and they cantell it is a touchy subject. I think part of Zuko's growth is learning how to let people in. He's doing well with Katara and really trusts her. But I think he has quite a strong (but very different) bond with Toph. He has to learn to let other people (not just katara) in as well. Prior to this, Katara is the only person he willingly let touch it and it just made sense in my head that if he would let anyone else touch it, it would be Toph. They would have had a conversation about it after the kid ran off. Toph can't see it and doesn't know he had it until that point. She's a bit curious. She would have asked if she could 'feel' it. And Zuko let her. Because she is his friend and he trusts her and they have just had a very nice conversation. He lets her feel/see it, but he still doesn't want to talk about it. With her or with anybody. She can sense this and tries to make a small Toph joke to clear the tension.

Zuko can tell the minute he sees Katara's face, that she is upset about something. But he waits until he can ask her quietly (whisper in her ear) about it. They will talk about it (and a few other things) next chapter. Til then lovely readers...


	24. Embarrassment in three acts: Act Three

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Embarrassment in three acts: Act Three

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The curtain rose and more ridiculousness ensued. There was a great kerfuffle over Aang's unconscious state. StageAang was not good at being unconscious and kept wriggling about. StageMe ** healed Aang with her tears.** Her tears apparently have magical healing properties. Sokka thought this was most hilarious and said _why should we bother with spirit water when we have a magical tearbender._ I picked up Zuko's program and flicked him with it.

The show just wasn't as funny now. I couldn't think of anything funny to say. My conversation with Aang had sucked all the heckling right out of me. I felt odd and out of sorts and just a mess of emotions. I dazed out and stopped paying attention to the play and just started tearing the program into tiny pieces. I was worried about what would happen when Aang came back, about how awkward and weird it would be the next time we spoke to each other.

Zuko and Sokka kept up a steady stream of comments that just washed over me. I think Zuko was trying to engage me in our old game of making fun of our floozy counterparts, and I appreciated the effort. But I couldn't think of anything to say. I just wanted to sit quietly and think at the moment, so I just nodded along with all his various comments.

Until StageMe got a job as an eeerrr...exotic dancer. I had a _whole lot to say about that!_ This job of mine was ostensibly in order to support Aang and Sokka and Toph in the style to which they were accustomed while we were living in the firenation. Why nobody else got a job except me is still a mystery. What is also inexplicable is why someone behind the scenes thought that a musical section was necessary for this play. It was like another musical play got lost and accidentally wandered into our play and then felt possessed to **jazz-hand the audience to death. **

StageMe did quite well at her chosen profession and wore an even more revealing outfit than she had on previously. I had actually thought that this was impossible, but there you go. An unexpected bonus/pitfall (depending on your point of view) of this costume change was that at one point we all (except for Toph) got to see StageMe's nipple. Just the one. Her boob popped out of her_ unusual garment_ and the actress blushed a brilliant shade of scarlet readjusted her clothing as quickly as possible and carried on with her dance. Am strangely impressed with Stageme's composure after the nipple incident. Sokka made an unwise comment regarding nipples and Zuko high-fived him. Suki whacked them both on the back of their heads (rather firmly) and tutted _boys_ under her breath.

StageMe was a good singer and she had the starring role in three big, naughty musical numbers. The three songs featured in this completely random musical section. _Drinks are on me!_ And they were, quite literally. _Hold my hand...that's not my hand. _I cannot believe the body parts of of the male clientele mistook for StageMe's hand. And finally _I love willies_ (no explanation necessary for what was going on here).

Sokka and Toph were almost doubled over in laughter during the musical section. They found this most hilarious. Sokka also thought it was exceptionally ironic that StageMe was working as a dancer considering my actual dancing prowess. I rarely dance (actually I only really dance if coerced by peer pressure) mostly because I don't want to make a complete wally of myself. I do not think this is an unreasonable position to take on dancing in public. Zuko agreed with this position on dancing. He is rather fond of maintaining his dignity after all. At the close of _I love willies,_ Zuko said that _the play was now so ridiculously, grotesquely, hilariously bad it was almost good._ I asked what could possibly be good about it and Zuko looked a bit lost and thought for a moment. He said _the drinks are on me_ song was pretty good. I said that was easy for him to say, his character hadn't burst into naughty, cheeky song yet. Zuko said _knowing this play, it is only a matter of time_. And the heckling was back on.

-?-

The universe likes me again.

The whole play as turned into a musical for reasons unknown!

Everybody had a song!

At the close of my all singing/all dancing number, Stage Zuko had **another threesome.** With Gloomy Hairbuns and Ty Lee. And burst into song. A delightful little ditty called _the boat ride of shame. _It was about the consequences of having a threesome at the beginning of a** long boat trip** and then having to be stuck with your threesome partners for _weeks of awkwardness._ Gloomy Hairbuns also put on a frowny face belt after said threesome. I found this whole sequence most hilarious. And commented on the hilarity frequently.

Then StageAzula found out about the threesome related shenanigans and there was drama! And much of the stage got set on 'fire'. Then Gloomy hairbuns and Ty Lee busted out with a big brassy song entitled _why is everything on fire? _The chorus of this was especially funny for me. Something about their nonchalant attitude to everything **being on friggin fire **really tickled me.

_Something is wrong- _

_everything is on fiiiiiiire – _

_unless it was like this before- _

_then everything is fiiiiiiiiine. _

I actually think that the purpose of all the songs was to pad out the third act, because there really wasn't that much story line in the play now. Not that there was much to begin with. But it became apparent in the third act that the writer really had know idea what we were getting up to and just started making stuff up and mixing bits from other plays in here and there. Mostly it was just an awkward amalgamation of confusing song and dance numbers and more ridiculousness than I thought one theatre could safely contain.

The scenes changed. There was a song and dance sequence where StageToph sang about how she wanted to be pretty (all six feet of her) and felt that she was really ugly and mannish most of the time. Stageme gave her a rather unusual make over and found a magical necklace that could fit around the place where her head joined her body (StageToph has no discernible neck) And it instantly make her pretty. We sang about it together and danced it out. Beside me Toph crossed her arms grumpily during this song sequence. Toph is actually quite pretty in her Toph way, but I know she is super-sensitive about this subject. I rubbed her shoulder reassuringly and told her she didn't need a magic necklace to be pretty, she already was. Toph smiled at me then, a really nice, genuine smile. And gave me a little punch in the arm.

Sokka found the mighty spacesword and sang a song (_I love polishing my sword_) about his mighty sword. Most of the lyrics were naughty double entendres about wanking. I fear I will never look at the spacesword in quite the same way. I actually got a bit confused in the sword sequence. We came upon a town and Sokka pulled his spaceword out of a rock and was crowned king of the town for this feat.

Is this how people become nobles in the firenation?

By pulling swords out of rocks?

What kind of system is that?

Zuko told me it was an old firenation legend and there was a king and a magical sword and ladies who hang about in lakes etc. apparently it is a long story. But we got treated to a very short version of it. Sokka had to abdicate his noble title and handed over power to Combustion Man (for reasons unknown). But Combustion Man wanted the sword and Sokka refused to give it back. And so Combustion Man chased us and more dancing/singing shenanigans ensued while we ran away from Combustion man. StageAang sang a song called _Running away is what I do best._ Though I am mad at Aang, I was glad that he wasn't here for this song. He's a bit sensitive about his tendency to run away and this song would have made him a sad panda. Aang cannot take this play in stride at all.

Combustion man was left alone on stage. So naturally he gave a long and indecipherable speech about the futility of life etc (_is it nobler to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune? _**What does that even mean?**) and then he went on (at length) about Sokka's inability to hit him with his booming Aang. Booming Aang? I think this is what they call boomerangs in the firenation. Combustion man's last words were _he couldn't hit the backside of a Kimodo Rhino from that dis..._then Stage Sokka 'threw' the boomerang and hit him with it. Actually one of the stagehands bopped Combustion Man on the head with it. With one last _forsooth! _Combustion man struggled off stage.

Is combustion man dead? That forsooth seemed especially tragic.

The scene changed and we were on the river and came across the river village where everyone was sick. There was a song about how hungry and sick everyone was. However they were dancing extremely energetically for hungry and sick people in my opinion. Stageme floozed onto the one healthy male in the village (unsurprisingly) and then decided she had to give the people hope somehow. So she painted-ladied around ineptly for ages and then _cleaned the river with her tears._

They are magical tears after all.

Zuko got a confused look on his face and leaned over and asked me about it during the painted lady sequence ( it was an intolerably long dance number). I told him how it had really happened. I had to scooch closer to whisper to him. I explained about how I had pretended to make Appa sick so we could stay near the village and then dressed up like the river spirit and healed the villagers and eventually broke the factory. Mostly I told him just how _sad and hopeless and poor_ that village was and how I couldn't just leave them. I couldn't not do anything. I told him about how Sokka thought I was crazy and was wasting time trying to help the villages. He smiled and said that wasting time or not, I had done a really nice thing for those people.

He told me his dad had built dozens of factories during his short reign, but they had been done on the cheap, with lots of cost cutting. All the new factories polluted the surrounding area and the palace was always getting reports of sicknesses sweeping through the surrounding villages. But nothing was really done to help them because his dad had final say and he didn't give a toss about the villagers and Zuko thought that wasn't fair on the people who hadn't asked for a factory to be built there. But because of _the painted lady,_ that factory near the floating village had been decommissioned, so things would be much better for that village (in the near future) at least. I felt that horrible knot of ill feeling (the one I'd had in my stomach ever since my conversation with Aang) ease a little. I had done the right thing. I had really helped that one village. Even if I am being portrayed as a horrible, useless floozy in this play, even if I had just crushed my friend's romantic hopes, at least I could still help people.

I'm good at that.

-?-

Aang crept back into the box as silent as a shadow. This attempt at slipping back in quietly was flouted by Sokka, who noisily greeted him and tried to catch him up briefly on everything he missed. Sokka, bless his cotton socks, did not mention StageMe's brief career as a dancer. If Aang had been present during that bit, Zuko would have had to cover his eyes for the entire duration of those scenes. He was back. I had been half worried that he might have absconded back home on his own and we would have had to worry and look for him at the end of the play. Aang does have a tendency to run away and he never thinks about how worried this makes everyone else. I didn't turn around to look at him and just looked steadfast at the stage. I was still mad at him and I felt a grumpy quiet settle over me, so I stopped making fun of the play and just watched in silence.

The invasion passed quickly (and ridiculously). StageSokka told some of the jokes that Sokka had given him during the intermission. Sokka was overjoyed! He was beside himself with glee. He would crack up with laughter every time he heard one of his own jokes. He would poke us all and say _that's my joke!_ I could actually tell which jokes were Sokka's without him poking me and crowing with laughter. I glanced at his joyful self. He was leaning on Suki and shaking with laughter, while Suki smiled indulgently at him and rubbed his back and giggled slightly. Even if this night has been dreadful for me and Zuko and Aang, at least Sokka and Suki had a nice time. (Toph had been less gleeful after her pretty song.)

The invasion failed and StageZuko joined us and we all ran off stage and the curtains closed briefly. Sokka got up to go, just as the curtains re-opened. Suki pulled him back down and told him that the play wasn't over. And he made a comment about how there couldn't be any more, because the play had caught up with the present. Unless the play was showing us the future. He said this exceptionally dramatically and I whacked him lightly with the program. Idiot. This play had been so beyond ludicrous! As if it would show us the future. I'm sure what ever was about to happen was going to be silly (though hopefully not more silly than the _I love willies_ song. Nothing could be more silly than that.)

Suddenly the play changed, from almost joyful nonsensical drivel, into something absolutely dark and horrible and terrible. The music and the fun stopped abruptly. The rest of the play could have only taken ten minutes tops, but it was the worst ten minutes of my life. It was no less dreadful for its brevity.

We were attacking the firelord. StageZuko was to fight StageAzula and Aang was to fight the firelord. StageZuko's fight was first. Azula declared _You are no longer my brother! _And there was some squabbling about who was the rightful heir to the throne. There was ribbon dancing and then suddenly little fires popped up all in a line and covered StageZuko while he said _Honooooooooouuuurrr! _And then disappeared from the stage (probably down a trap door). Did Zuko just die? Oh hell no! That was not happening any time soon! Not if I had anything to say about it. The flames dissipated and Azula said** Victory is mine**, laughed and ran off stage. Zuko's eyes widened and his face fell and the audience exploded into joyful applause. Oh my god! Stop clapping you jerks! We all turned and look at Zuko and his shocked face while the crowd applauded around us. He looked around the theatre really uneasily at all the people who seemed quiet eager to see him die.

I was at a loss about what to say. I mean, did that really just happen? Did we just see that? I scooted closer till I was right next to him. He grabbed my hand and gave it a squeeze, quite firmly. I put my hand over his and squeezed back. We didn't say anything. What could you say after that? I thought that would be the worst part of the play.

But the worst was yet to come. The stage version of Sokka, Toph and I were all killed trying to help Aang get to the firelord's quarters. But we didn't get any profound last words either. Sokka said _all I want is one last meaty dumpling before I die!_ Actually someone in the audience closer to the front threw some fire gummies on the stage and heckled a little bit about how Sokka could eat those instead. Then a trap door opened under Sokka and he fell through it, alas with no fire gummies. Toph said_ Toph wants to crush?_ in confusion as the flames engulfed her huge self, but she exited gracefully to stage left. Stageme said _but I had so much hope! _And some stage hands wrapped her in a big red sheet and took her off stage.I hadn't liked Stageme at all, but it was horrible watching her go out like that. At least the audience didn't cheer riotously when StageMe died. Actually, from the sound of disgruntled muttering that greeted Stageme's death, not all the audience was glad to see her demise, but this might have more to do with her frequent display of cleavage than anything genuine affection for her character.

Aang fought the firelord, but the firelord announced ominously that he was **too late** and **the comet had arrived** and now he was **unstoppable. **And there was much drama! The stage awash in fire. There was ribbon dancing, but it was all futile. Another huge sheet came and wrapped up Aang while the actress hammed up her 'death' incredibly. Seriously, her _Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo! w_ent on for an exceptionally long time. Eventually Aang died and Ozai announced his plans for **complete world domination** and the audience exploded into more joyfully applause. There was much clapping and whistling and calls of bravo and encore.

We all decided, almost instantly and unanimously, not to stay for an encore, or even the curtain call.

Aang made a terrible, terrified sound and fled our box. Everybody got up to leave and chase after him. Aang had run away a little distance. Sokka took off after Aang (he was sitting rigth next to him and was the closest) and caught up with him near the exit of the theatre. We all had to walk quite briskly/jog to catch up. Sokka grabbed Aang's shoulder and made Aang turn around and face him and told him it was **just a stupid play and it wasn't real** quite emphatically. Aang nodded and then, much to Sokka's surprise, he wrapped his arms around his middle and gave him a big hug. Sokka waved his arms a bit uselessly and awkwardly before he gave Aang a few pats on the back and said _there there_ and _you're okay now _few times.

The sound of the encore number (it sounded like a cast wide version of _Why is everything on fire?) _came from our theatre and wafted gently into the night air. I did not want to hear this song again after **that dreadful ending.** I said _let's get out of here_ quite firmly and we all left together. Toph stuck quite close to me and I think there were a few times when she tried to grab my hand. I patted her shoulder gently and she covered my hand with he small one and held it for a second and seemed to take a deep breath. Then she shrugged away from me abruptly.

We all started the long walk back home. The mood had definitely been dampened by that terrible, terrible ending. We had all died, except for Suki and that was just because Suki hadn't been in the play after the first act. We walked in silence for a while. What do you say after you've just witnessed nearly all your stage counterparts **die a grisly, fiery death? **What was the right thing to say to cheer everybody up. I couldn't even think of anything. I was feeling a bit shaken myself actually. Suddenly Zuko piped up with _that wasn't_ _a good play _(Zuko has always had a knack for understatement) and amazingly, that started the conversation going. We all voiced our agreement of the play's complete horridness (except for Sokka who pointed out the effects were pretty good). For the rest of the walk home we all chatted about how terrible/inaccurate/ridiculous and dreadful the play was, mostly to make ourselves feel better I think. Still, we were all quite sombre when we got back home and everybody has gone to bed without much comment or conversation.

-?-

I feel sad and mad and out of sorts and I just don't know what to do with any of these feelings.

Tonight was meant to be wacky fun! Instead this was the worst play/evening out ever!

-?-

I have had a small **stalky relapse. **

Just a small one.

It was the middle of the night. I was tossing and turning and I couldn't get to sleep. I am normally quite awake a night around the full moon, but full moon wakefulness feels calming and full of potential and power. This was a different sort of wakefulness. This was a worried, anxious wakefulness. This was a grumpy, _how could Aang put me in this position_ wakefulness. This was an _I don't want to die in a fire_ wakefulness.

And suddenly the solution to my wakefulness popped into my head. Zuko.

I wanted to talk to Zuko.

If anybody could make me feel better about this dreadful, horrible night, it was Zuko. I wanted to check he was okay. I saw his face when everybody cheered and it just broke my heart. As nuts as it sounds, watching StageZuko 'die' was almost worse than my own death scene. I just wanted to check he was still breathing. I wanted someone to reassure me and Zuko was the best person to do this. I wanted to talk to somebody about what had happened on the balcony. I wanted to hear what he thought I should do about Aang. I knew he would listen and tell me honestly what he thought.

But it was the middle of the night. He'd probably be sleeping.

But this was a conversation emergency. I needed to talk to somebody or my brain would explode. I was sure he'd wake up for me and make me tea if I asked. And then we'd have a chat and I'd feel better.

Good plan

-?-

I got up and went to his room. I walked as silently as I could. I didn't want to wake the others. But all that silent creeping was for nothing. He wasn't in his room when I got there. There were some indents in the sheets, but no Zuko. I should have gone back to bed then, but I was up and I knew I wouldn't get back to sleep. I started quietly walking around the house, looking for him. Where had he got to? I checked the mango tree and he wasn't there. I checked the hammocks and he wasn't there either. But from the front balcony I spied a figure sitting at the end of the dock. Small wisps of flames were shooting up periodically. A circle. A starburst. Two fiery blobs that circled around each other.

I set off towards the beach and the dock. The old dock creaks terribly and as soon as I first stepped on it, it made this groaning noise. Zuko whipped around and the little fire he was holding went out. Ooh he was just in his pyjama bottoms. No shirt. In the moonlight. Oh la la.

He said _Katara? What are you doing here? _ in some surprise, but he seemed pleased to see me. I said _I could ask you the same question_. He stood up and said he hadn't been able to get to sleep and he was just thinking. I shrugged and said _same here. _The night air was a little chilly and just at that point, I shivered slightly. Zuko noticed and said if I was cold we should go inside. I didn't want to. I love being close to the sea and the moon. I find it calming. And I needed some calm after _that __stupid play. _

Zuko said he'd build me a fire then, and we walked up the dock and along the beach to our old little fire pit, (the one where we burned all the contents of the cupboard of crazy evil). Zuko lit us a fire and we sat next to each other. Zuko buried his feet in the sand a little bit. Apparently he likes the feel of sand between his toes. I did the same with my feet and wiggled them about.

He asked me what I was thinking about and I just said _that stupid play. _ Zuko made a sad face at me. He'd probably been thinking about it too. I wanted to reassure him and myself, so I erupted with displeasure over the final sequence of the play and how stupid and lame and ridiculous it was and how it was horrible that everybody had cheered and it wasn't going to end like that and that scene at the end with him and Azula was not going to happen under any circumstances.

Zuko stared in the fire and said he hadn't been thinking about that. I was surprised. If I'd just seen a play that depicted me killing Sokka, I would not be able to stop thinking about it. And writing very strongly worded letters to the writer. Zuko shrugged and looked off and said it was different for him and Azula. He said really quietly _I've always known that wou...could happen to me. I knew it when I left to join you guys. _He said it with this resigned sigh at the end. He seemed to just accept that Azula might kill him and that people in the firenation would cheer if that happened. I couldn't quite understand how he could be so calm about that. I asked the blunt question rather quickly. _So you weren't bothered at all by all those people cheering?_ Because that** really friggin bothered me**. In a big, giant way. Zuko shot back _of course I was bothered by it! w_ith equal speed. We stared at each other for a second and the fire crackled next to me. Zuko looked away first and let out a long huffy sigh and flopped back on the sand. I flopped back as well and lay next to him and looked up at the stars.

He said after a bit of a pause, that he hadn't really been surprised by the ending and he didn't really blame the audience for cheering. I protested. He explained. He told me that in the firenation, they get taught that the firenation is the greatest and best and most incredible nation and it's their duty to bless the other nations with their greatness. I made a face ( a very disapproving face) and he made a face back at me. He said he wasn't agreeing with them, but it's just want they teach kids in schools. He thought for a second again and finally said _Those people in there, they don't know any better. They just know that I turned my back on the greatest country ever. And that is unforgivable in their eyes. I don't know if you noticed, but we're not so big on forgiveness in the firenation. _He gave a half shrug as if he was trying to pretend that he didn't care. He did. I knew he did.

I told him the play's ending had put me in such a bad mood and I hadn't been able to think about anything else, but he was trying to pretend like he wasn't bothered by it at all and it was driving me bananas. He said fine, he was fair bothered by it. But on the scale of the things he was bothered by – it would be like a four out of ten, because he was much more bothered about other stuff. I rolled over so I could look into his eyes and truthbended at him and asked _what other stuff? _ He truthbended at me in retaliation and said _I'll tell you, if you tell me what's got you up in the middle of the night. I know it's more than that stupid play. _I thought for a sec and then said _deal, but you first. _

He'd been thinking about his Uncle. In the play he and his Uncle had never had another scene together after the end of act two. Zuko would hate it if he never got to see his Uncle again . All Zuko wanted was to see him one more time so that he could say how sorry he was and that his Uncle had taught him so much and Zuko would always be grateful. Even if his Uncle didn't forgive him, Zuko at least wanted to be able to say this. I protested that of course his Uncle would forgive him. Zuko was not so sure. I told him he was being an idiot and if he told his Uncle what he just told me, I couldn't imagine Uncle staying mad at him. He is rather hard to stay mad at after all. Zuko told me that Toph agreed with me about the idiot thing. She had told him about how she met his Uncle and she thought he'd forgive Zuko straight away. But Zuko said that Toph had met him a long time ago and before Ba Sing Se.

I told him that Toph_ had_ met his Uncle so she would know. She has her ways of knowing these things. I explained that she'd run away from us not long after she first joined us. Me and Toph and Aang had a...err...disagreement. Apparently Toph and Uncle just chilled out and drank tea and gossiped for ages. Whatever he said to her must have made an impact because she was in a much better frame of mind when she rejoined us. Apparently he gives good advice. Zuko smiled and said _He does. I just never listened until it was too late. _We lay in silence for a bit and just watched the stars overhead and listened to the crackle of the fire. Zuko said, really quietly, _I don't want to die before I've gotten a chance to tell him I'm sorry. _

oh.

I felt the thrill of many different emotions run through me, but the one that won out, the one that I acted upon, was crankiness. Zuko shouldn't be thinking like this. Zuko shouldn't be talking like this. I whacked him in the shoulder and told him not to talk like that and nobody was going to die. He smiled a little ruefully and said_ You're an optimist. I'm a realist. The odds of all of us making it thro... _he didn't get to finish his sentence because at that point I err...rolled over and tackled him a little and started tickling him and demanding he take it back and say we were all going to live, because **I simply wouldn't accept any alternative**. He said something about facing the reality of our situation. Reality schmeality. I tickled him some more and he squirmed and giggled and tried to roll me off him. I tickled him until he did the snorty laugh and then I paused and he said _okay, okay. We'll all live and dance about in meadows and everything will be sunshine and rainbows_. I told him I could have done without the sarcasm, but _that was more like it_ and rolled off him.

He propped himself up on an elbow and looked at me and I did the same and then were were just looking at each other. I confessed quietly why I had sought him out tonight. I said_ look the ending of the play really scared me and I hoped you could cheer me up, not depress me further. So don't talk like that okay. _Zuko looked a little shamefaced at this and said he was sorry. We were quiet for a second and then his face lit up (like it does when he thinks he's got a good idea). He said _Here, I know what might cheer you up. pick a shape. _Eerrr what? I queried his strange request and he shrugged and said pick a shape again and then added (a little cheekily) _There's only one meaning I think. _

I picked a circle and he gave me a smug smile and said _too easy. _He rolled onto his back and made a little fire circle that spun round above us. Ooh pretty. Zuko said his cousin used to bring him and Azula to the beach and when he was younger. Lu Ten would make all these amazing shapes for them and later they'd have shape competitions and he'd always found it cheered him up. This must have been what he was doing on the dock when I first came down. There was much fun with fire shapes. Triangles, squares, triangles in squares, rectangles, pentagons, hexagons. I watched him for a bit and I thought that I could do the same with waterbending, so I told _him_ to pick a shape. He made a confused face and I said _see it is a confusing request. _I explained that I was going to have a go with waterbending and he smiled at me and said,_ fine- a pyramid_. I summoned some water from the ocean and concentrated and soon there was a wonky pyramid floating above us.

I could do it!

Go me!

I said _beat that _and he smiled at me and the competition was on! We kept demanding more ludicrous shapes from each other, the earth kingdom symbol, and umbrella, a turtle duck, Suki's fans...etc

I was trying to catch him out and think of the absolute hardest and most obscure thing. Sokka had been talking about a really obscure shape the other day. He'd had a mad idea for it. Momo had a big role in this plan. Sokka just had to figure out how to make a firework in the shape of ..what was it?...A dodecahedron! That was it. I said _a dodecahedron_ with some satisfaction. Zuko stopped making the triangle within a square within a pentagon circle round each other and said _What is that?_I explained that I didn't know but Sokka had been talking about them earlier and I just wanted to see if anyone else, who is not Sokka, knew what they were. Zuko made a bemused face at me and asked if he could interest me in a fire dragon instead of a dobihexadron.

He could.

He made a very miniature version of that fire dragon we'd seen at the firenation festival all those months ago. It was actually kind of cute, and very mesmerising to watch. The fire seemed to sparkle somehow. He said it was a very small version of the sparkle dragon that Aang was always on at him about. The sparkle dragon was different to just making shapes. It seemed alive somehow. I asked him to show me how he did it again and he complied and offered some explanations. There was a lot of breathing involved. There usually is. I concentrated on his... movements and when I felt I was ready, I tried copying them a little. I breathed deeply as I shaped the water into a little dragon. A water dragon!

Ha!

How awesome is that! Zuko was most impressed. I chased his sparkle dragon around with my water dragon and they were just zipping in circles around each other. I told him my water dragon was way faster than his sparkle dragon and a challenge was officially issued! We both we raced our little dragons for a while. Waterdragon totally won, but I had a feeling Zuko let me win so I'm not counting it. We made the dragons circle lazily round each other for a while. This was kind of calming actually. After a while we wanted to see what would happen if we put them together and our dragons collided in a puff of steam. Water droplets splashed on us and I couldn't help but smile widely. Zuko smiled at me and asked if I was feeling better. A bit, yeah.

I rolled over to look at him and said something that had been niggling at me since I saw it back at the theatre. _You let her touch your scar. _He looked a little embarrassed and said _Oh... eerr... yes. I did. _ He explained about that bloody kid in his stupid Aang costume who thought he was in Zuko costume and said his scar was on the wrong side etc. He was still quite grumpy about this. I said he should look on the bright side. He could come into town with me now and people would just think he was dressing up as himself (Zuko hasn't come into town so far, for fear of being recognised).

Zuko said that wasn't his point. His point was that Toph hadn't known until that moment that he even had a scar. He said _She must have been the only person on the planet _a little unhappily. I said she was not the only person, there are other blind people out there after all, in a lame attempt at joking to cheer him up. I got rewarded with the grumpy face again. Zuko said Toph was the only person he'd ever known who couldn't just _see it_. And he'd liked that there was someone who didn't see it. But she was Toph and she had asked and he thought maybe she should know. I said that I don't really see it either now. I mean I _see _it, but it's just there. But it's not like I _see_ it-see it. I didn't know how to put this into words so I mangled what I was trying to say and it all came out in a confused word blob. Zuko smiled and seemed to understand what I was trying to say anyway and he said _thanks_ softly.

He didn't seem to want to talk about this any more in any case. He turned the conversation back on me. And said _What about you? We had a deal. I told you all my secrets. What's got you awake in the middle of the night. _ I asked him if he would accept that I was a waterbender and it was near the full moon as an answer. I got the grumpy face again.

He asked me quite bluntly what had happened in the second intermission? He said that I had looked **really upset **when I came back from looking for Aang and he was just worried. I felt that awkward knotting feeling in my stomach and looked away. My plan to pretend Aang didn't have a crush on me and ignore it and not encourage it, had backfired. I kind of wanted to pretend that whole horribly awkward and unfair incident on the balcony had never happened. I wish I could do that. Just wave my hand and make that whole incident disappear. But I couldn't. I thought I wanted to tell Zuko, but then _he'd know._ Even worse I would have said it out loud and that would make in more real and then I couldn't just pretend it never happened. I started drawing intricate patterns in the sand and the silence stretched out.

Zuko coughed awkwardly and I looked up and he said if I didn't want to tell him, I didn't have to. I looked up in surprise. I guess we've always been pretty even about sharing our secrets. _I tell you something - you tell me something_ sort of deal. But he could see I was uncomfortable and even though we had a deal, he'd let me off the hook and wouldn't pester me about it (if the situation was reversed I would probably pester and truthbend and tickle him until he told me. That's how I roll). Zuko'd given me the choice about whether not to tell him and I liked that. I think my first instinct back in my room was right. If I could tell anyone, it was Zuko.

I cleared my throat and said pretty quietly (so quietly that he had to scoot closer) _It was Aang. We had a... I don't even know if I can call it a fight. We had an awkward moment. _He asked me what had happened and I just _blahed _everything out.

I told him about how trying to ignore Aang's crush had blown up in my face. And now things would be weird and awkward and awkwardly weird. I said_ Aang kissed me_ and Zuko made a face and the fire flared up to my right. He waved it back down and said _sorry, please continue_. Oh continuing wasn't going to be a problem. I was in full on rant mode now. A veritable tirade was in the works. I went on about how Aang kissing me again was like the Great Sea Prune debacle but worse. So much worse. I mean, what do you do. He just kissed me after I had very gently tried to let him down and tell him no, but he didn't even listen to me. He clearly hadn't heard a word I said. And it was **just rude **to put your face in someone else's face without asking them if they were okay with the faceness of it all. Aang has **never asked me. J**ust kissing me didn't give me a choice. And I ran away like a little girl and it was all a big old mess.

Talking about my various feelings on the subject may have turned into a somewhat grumpy rant about respect and boundaries. There may have been irate hand gestures. If a soap box was handy, I would have stood on it to deliver my speech to Zuko, the fire and the assorted marine life gathered on the beach. I have dubbed this speech my _boundaries and respect speech. _There's this thing called **boundaries **– there's this thing call **respect, **etc. I said that I knew he'd been raised by monks etc. but you can not just stick your face in a girls like that and this is **the second time **he's done this. He's never even asked me or waited for a clear signal from me. I don't want anyone to kiss me until I say it's okay.

There was a moment of silence after I finished my rant. Zuko asked if I wanted him to talk to Aang for me. Spirits no! Don't you say a word Zuko! This whole situation was already a giant awkward _thing._ I just want to ignore this _thing_ and pretend it never happened. If Zuko talked to him it will grow from a _thing_ to a **schmozzle.** We have enough **schmozzles** to deal with as it is. Zuko smiled at me and promised to keep my secret and said he agreed with me re: schmozzles. The last thing we need is more of them. We smiled at each other. Zuko really does have a nice smile.

I asked him what he thought I should do and he shrugged and said he didn't know, but maybe we could all just pretend it didn't happen and not make a big deal out of it and it would go away. This sounds very much like my original plan. Zuko said that Aang would have to understand what I meant by running away and Zuko didn't think he'd try kiss me again after that. So if we just ignore it...yes! This is the best plan ever! Rather than talking about it, (boo talking), I though the best thing for everyone would be for us to just ignore it. Tomorrow we would all play a game called_ let's pretend this never happened_ and everything would go back to normal.

I swore Zuko to secrecy re: balcony shenanigans again and he said really softly that I didn't have to worry. My secrets were safe with him. I was lying closer to the fire, with my back to it and his pale face was reflecting the firelight and he was smiling at me, a little shyly and then it hit me. It was more than my secrets that were safe with Zuko. This is really weird to write, but _I just feel safe with him._ An hour ago I was a big ball of anxiety and worry and frustration and now I just felt... ooh what is this feeling. I felt happier. I felt calmer. I felt this smushing churning feeling my stomach really strongly, but that was a good feeling too.

I have a few daydreams that start like this. Shirtless Zuko and I, on a beach, under a full moon with a fire. But this wasn't a daydream. This was real. Could I? It would be a simple thing to lean over and just give him a little kiss. Would he like that? Would he kiss me back? Or would _he give me a speech _about respect and boundaries? Was I brave enough to just give it a go. I think I was. He wasn't looking at me, but was doodling little patterns in the sand. I reached over with my hand and held his for a second and intertwined my fingers with his. He looked up in surprise at me. I said _thanks for listening and cheering me up _and he said _any time. _His mouth looked really soft and he was looking at me with this weird expression, confused but hopeful, not unwilling. I looked at him with what I hope was a sufficiently encouraging and sultry expression. I felt like we were having a conversation just with our eyes. I was just about to lean in for... gah... I can't even lie to myself and say there is a medical purpose for what I wanted to do.

I wanted to kiss him.

Fine I wrote it.

And I would have too, if not for Aang. Right at that very second, we both heard a bloodcurdling scream from the house. Aang. Our eyes widened in alarm. We both broke apart and leapt to our feet. Zuko put out the fire in an instant and we both sprinted towards the house. And all thoughts of kissing or nearly kissing were abandoned. Boo.

-?-

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Authors notes: frightfully long and rambly, but this should surprise no one.

Giant humongous thanks to everyone who reviewed! seriously! I love all your comments and I'm glad I could make some of you laugh. There were some brilliant kataang rants in the mix for this last chapter that warmed the cockles of my heart! High five fellow ranters! And flameo! Snuggles and love and sparkle dragons far all my lovely readers - especially the ones who leave reveiws because they make me a happy chappy! You guys are fabulous!

Lovely readers! I hope you have enjoyed _Act three_ of the ember island players, in all it's glorious ridiculousness. So I was thinking, and YMMV, that there is almost no storyline for Act Three of the boy in the iceberg. So I made it a musical.

Good decision?

Bad decision?

You decide.

The firenation don't know that much about the Gaang's activities. If they did, I would call shenanigans on that. There are probably a few rumours etc, but mostly the Ember Island Players are left with a very bare third act. What is the obvious solution? Just stuff it full with long singing/dancing numbers and speeches from other plays. And ta da! The previous showing of the play had just finished and that gives the Ember Island Players many more singers and dancers to fill in the late night cheeky version's musical numbers. Fishnets and chorus lines for everybody!

A few songs were written especially for the boy in the iceberg, others the would have shamelessly shamelessy plagiarised from their other plays. Katara's songs (_I love willies_ and_ hold my hand, that's not my hand)_ are actually from this quirky British show called _the it crowd._ I watched one episode -where they all go to a musical together- and just died with laughter. So I borrowed their song names as a little nod to quirky British wit.

Ooh for any of you who don't know, willy/willies is slang for dicks. That's why when _free willy_ came out in Aus, several people looked askance at the posters and demurred about appropriateness for children. Why not just call that whale billy? But I disgress.

Zuko and Katara's stage counterparts both have very cheeky little numbers that fit their floozy characters. StageKatara has accidentally wandered into scenes from _chicago_ or some other musical about scantily clad women who want to make it big on the stage. StageZuko has another threesome and sings about it. As you do. Ty Lee and Mai's song is actually from one of those _texts from the firenation_ captions. My friend sent it to me and I thought it would make a great song. And I just think that after hanging out with Azula, nonchalance would be Mai and Ty Lee's reaction to everything being on fire.

I gave Combustion Man hamlet's speech. For no reason than because I thought it would be funny to give a huge guy who never speaks a very complicated and famous soliloquy. Sokka inadvertently pulls the sword from the stone and briefly re-enacts the firenation version of King Arthur. Because I say so. To the firenation Sokka's not a bender, he's just the guy with the boomerang/sword. On a more serious note, I think Toph was having too much fun at everybody's expense, so I made her song one that would hit one of _her_ soft spots. The _why can't I be pretty _song, would have seriously bugged Toph. And she doesn find the play quite as funny/accurate after that.

I threw in the Painted Lady thing, because I think Katara needed a boost after the humiliating, awkward moment with Aang on the balcony. Zuko would have heard about a whole factory going explode-y and the painted lady etc back at the palace. He wouldn't have thought much of it. I don't know how much stock Zuko puts in spirit world shenanigans. But he would have put two and two together during the play and asked Katara about it. They get to have a nice chat and Zuko gets to reaffirm what I think is one of Katara's finer qualities. Her sense of compassion. And make her feel a little better about herself when he tells her that she really did help that village immensely. There might be more conversations on the painted lady/blue spirit later.

So anyway I made the play exceptionally ridiculous and then killed everyone. The play is still firenation propaganda and so obviously Ozai is going to win and I just figure the rest of the Gaang would be going down along with Aang and Zuko. I think given time, the play's ridiculousness will soften the blow of the ending. How seriously can you take the ending of a play in which your stage counter part sings a song entitled _I love willies. _Still, it doesn't stop Katara from worrying and tossing and turning and fretting about it. Especially Zuko, because he would have seemed like a very distressed panda (even more sad than a sad panda) when everybody was clapping after his death scene.

So Katara has a bit of a stalky relaspe and wants to talk to him and have him cheer her up and she hopes she can cheer him up as well. I wanted to explore the mutual comfort that they get from each other and so I did a bit. Katara feels safe with Zuko, but I think the same is equally true for him. I think hanging out with Katara is probably as comfortable and safe as he's felt with anybody for a long time. It's certainly the first time he's felt this at ease with a girl. She still makes him nervous in that good _crushing on you_ way (not the bad -_she'd kill me as much as look at me_ -way.) so they have a little beachy campfire and there is tickling and fun competitions and an exchange of secrets. Judge away lovely readers. I think they are adorable together and they should just chill out on the beach together more often. The beach does smooth away rough edges and reveal the real you after all.

In all honesty, I think Zuko is a realist and he does realise that it is possible that his sister is going to kill him. But he knew this when he left. I don't think the ending of the play surprised him greatly. The fanatical cheering did, but the actual play did not. But I think he knew what a risk he was taking when he left. He's always known how much is at stake and that is why he is the most disciplined in his teaching Aang. Zuko has put all his eggs in Aang's basket so to speak. And he doesn't have anywhere near Katara's level of optimistic hope/blind faith in Aang. So he's a touched bothered by the ending.

I think he would be more bothered about his Uncle. Zuko wants to make peace with his Uncle more than anything and to see that just be one big unresolved plot point in the play would have really bothered him. (much like the various unresolved plot points bother me). I think anything to do with his Uncle is going to induce a Zuko mope. He and Toph had a lovely conversation, but really Toph talked to Iroh before Ba Sing Se and Zuko does always see thing quite negatively. He might think, _well he adored me then, but that was before I betrayed him and now he probably hates me and I might never get to see him again and just.._. there would be many sad panda thoughts guys. That's all I'm saying.

I think staying in the house makes Zuko think about his various family members who were not jerks. I think Lu Ten was a golden hero to both Zuko and Azula for a while there and would have liked to entertain/show off for them. He was probably told to keep the kids occupied and down at the beach and The fire shape game is what he came up with. So Zuko takes himself down to the beach for his mope and makes fire shapes. And then later he and Katara play the shape game together and much fun is had by all. I had them make their dragons circle each other- in my imagination, this would look like a blue and orange version of Tui and La. Because my imagination works like that.

Zuko letting Toph touch his scar would have niggled at Katara, not bothered per se. but niggled. But when he explains she understands a bit better. I think for Zuko having a friend who doesn't see his scar would be a huge novelty and a blessing, but he let Toph touch it anyway. Katara sees it, but she's gotten to the point where she sees past it, if that makes sense. Katara is just as ineloquent as I am about this actually. But it's okay, in my imagination, Zuko understands what she is trying to say.

And they have a big old chat about Aang, because Katara would have had to talk to somebody. I don't think she'd tell Toph or Sokka, she'd think about telling Suki, but ultimately Zuko is the better choice for her. I didn't want Zuko to hassle her about it, but he could see how upset she was at second intermission and he is worried. But when she looks so unsure and awkward, he doesn't force the issue. I think this would mean something to Katara. Not being forced into the awkward situation/conversation and being given the space to decide for herself if she wanted to tell him would have be very nice for her. Zuko wants to know, but he clearly doesn't want to make her uncomforatble. I think Katara is much more easy with pushing him to open up, but he probably wouldn't be as forceful with her about opening up to him. Combination of shyness/fear of saying the wrong thing or her getting so mad she slaps him etc.

So she tells him about the kiss and he has a jealous moment with the fire, but keeps it together and tries to be a good friend/listener. I think Katara would have gotten a bit ranty and respect and boundaries and nobody kissing her until they get a very clear signal from her. She's a bit caught up in the moment and very cross at Aang and is not thinking about the ways that Zuko might take her little speech. Zuko is not great in the confidence department when it comes to girls and he is going to wait until he gets the clearest signal imaginable. A signal so bright it could be seen from space. She may also have to post a billboard, draw him a map etc.

but anyway just talking to someone and having them agree with her _lets put this all behind us_ plan would have been a great thing for Katara. and for Zuko, i think just being around Katara's relentless optimism is comforting. They both have really cheered each other up during their little beachinterlude. and then they have a moment.

Katara, despite the little speech she just gave, is hoping to push some boundaries and get a kiss. They have that leaning in eye-contact conversation that precedes a kiss. But she's sort of waiting for him to make the first move. Zuko is a bit confused by this turn of events (he was listening to the speech people) and he is waiting for a clear signal and so alas! nothing happens. Don't hate me lovely readers, something will happen, further down the track. The point in this chapter is just that something nearly happens and they both will kind of acknowledge that to themselves. But then I had Aang block them from afar. Zuko inadvertently blocks Aang all the time and I just thought it would be nice for symmetrical purposes if the same thing happened to Zuko but in reverse.

YMMV on everything my lovelies!

In the next chapter there will be a few explosions of jealousy. Aang has a lot of grumpy feelings re: the situation with Katara and he knows who's fault that is! Zuko has a few feelings about Jet and he will try to keep them to himself, but one of the problems with being a firebender is that fires around you** just react** when you are really pissed off. Zuko should never try to do that thing Katara does (_angry? me? Ha! I'm not angry at all! Why would I be angry?)_ around an open flame.

Til then lovely readers...


	25. the great jealousy eruption

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The great jealousy eruption

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We pelted up to the house. Zuko was in front, because he is the faster runner. I may have been _enjoying the view _more than concentrating on the matter at hand. When we burst into Aang's room he was sitting on his bed and shaking. He must have had a bad nightmare. My first instinct was to go and hug him, but I kept it in check, I was still mad at him and I didn't want to send him the wrong message. I hung back at the doorway. Everyone else was here. Someone else could hug him. Suki was the one who went over to him and gave him a hug.

Toph asked him bluntly if the nightmares were starting again and Aang nodded sadly. Aang wanted to get up a train right then, so he'd be ready for the comet. Oh we've done this before. I remembered how Aang was before the invasion. Aang looked at Zuko and said that they should go work on the swirly firediscs thing they'd been practising earlier. (Zuko had made many grumpy comments over Aang's progress with the swirly firediscs during their practise). Zuko said _Right now? w_ith some surprise. I almost forgot that Zuko wasn't with us before the invasion. He didn't know about Aang's tendency to procrastinate and slack off training until _just before _a big battle. Aang started going on about he was nowhere near mastering firebending and Zuko nodded (he agrees with this statement) and wasn't Zuko all about relentless training/enthusiastic practise (Zuko is). Aang said Zuko was the one who said he should spend every waking moment training (Zuko did) and he was awake now and he didn't want to go back to sleep.

Zuko glanced at me and I looked at him and smiled a little before I shook my head imperceptibly and tried to communicate _Don't humour him, just encourage him to sleep _with my eyes_. _ He looked back to Aang and said Aang should probably try get some sleep and they could train relentlessly in the morning. Aang looked between us and made a very grumpy face and crossed him arms huffily.

Sokka piped up that he and Aang could try talking it out again and pulled out his wangfire beard from his pocket. (what the hell? Does he carry that around with him, just on the off chance someone wants to talk it out?) Aang made a face at him before saying _no thanks. _Toph offered her back pounding services and this was also declined politely. I stayed quiet, but felt guilty. Aang was looking at me hopefully, but I would to stop being mad at him before I would offer my yoga services. They hadn't worked previously anyway, so I don't know why he was looking at me like that.

Suki gave him another hug and said that she had an idea, if Aang was having trouble getting to sleep. There was an old kyoshi remedy that the kyoshi warriors drunk before a big battle. It was a tea that ensured a dreamless sleep, so that the warriors could conserve their strength. Aang thought this sounded like a good idea. Suki got up to make it and asked Zuko to help her with the tea. He looked a bit perplexed at this and she clarified that he was the best tea maker. He got up to follow her and gave me one last look before he left.

Regardless of whatever is going on with Aang, I feel like the chance of kissing tonight is gone. Making Kyoshi tea is nowhere near letting off steam. I said that I hoped Suki's tea would help (this was the first time I'd spoken to Aang) and said good night to everybody and went to bed, somewhat frustrated. There didn't seem to be much point in staying awake.

-?-

It was breakfast. Zuko was looking a bit tired, but seemed okay. Toph and Suki and Sokka all seem to have slept okay and hadn't been troubled by a restless night sleep/nightmares after that dreadful ending of that stupid play. Sokka shrugged and said how seriously can you take a play that features a song called _I love willies._

Good point.

Toph started humming _I love willies_ under her breath as she peeled a banana, much to the boys' dismay. Sokka was trying to encourage her to sing any other song. Really anything else. Because it was really disturbing him to hear 12-year-old Toph singing about loving willies. Zuko agreed with this statement and said it was a very indecent song. As soon as he said this I thought _You idiot! _Toph loves indecent things! Now she'll never stop singing it! Indeed Toph shrugged her shoulders and said _what? It's catchy and it's stuck in my head _and began singing with more gusto. The boys glanced at each other in alarm.

Aang was still asleep. Sokka pointed this out and said it was incredible that Aang had slept in considering how early he got up before the invasion (4 am – every morning. Why oh why?) Wow. I hadn't noticed. Suki's tea must really work. I said I wished we knew about this magic tea earlier. Suki and Zuko gave each other a weird look before Suki fessed up that there was no magical Kyoshi tea. There wasn't? Well how was Aang still sleeping? We were definitely overdue for an Aang freak out.

Suki muttered something that I couldn't quite make out. I asked her to repeat it. She blushed a little with embarrassment and said _we kind of, maybe, put a few purple sun poppies in his tea._ Purple sun poppies? Meaning the really strong sun poppies that can knock somebody out? Zuko said they hadn't given him enough to knock him out, it was just enough to make sure he slept. Then he looked around sheepishly and said maybe he might have used a pinch too much because he thought Aang would have been up by now. Toph stopped singing and gaped at them both. Sokka said _you guys drugged the avatar! _Zuko said_ only a little. _Suki shrugged and said that Sokka had told her **all about **how Aang got before the invasion and she thought a few purple sun poppies were for the best. Zuko knew how to make it properly and _voila_ sleeping Aang. It seemed like the simplest solution to Suki and Zuko. I actually can't argue with this logic. We can't have a repeat of Aang's crazy sleepless behaviour just now. But still. It's just so sneaky. Shouldn't be surprised. They are both stealthy badasses. Suki said, in her defence that it sounded like we'd tried everything previously to get Aang to go to sleep and nothing had worked short of building a koala sheep cloud bed. Because a koala sheep cloud bed wasn't an option for us right now, sun poppy tea was the next best thing.

-?-

After breakfast, Toph started poking Aang with his glider to get him to wake up. Aang did, blearily. And eventually joined us downstairs. Suki asked him how he slept and Aang look a bit surprised and said he'd slept great, he hadn't had any dreams after the Kyoshi Tea. Suki cast a smug look at all of us and said she'd make it for him again tonight. Zuko told Aang to have some breakfast and then join him in the courtyard because it was time for enthusiastic practise. Aang crossed his arms and muttered something in response, but I couldn't make it out.

-?-

I went to go watch the firebending practise (as I do). Shirtless Zuko. Mmmmmmhhh. Suki joined me. She wanted to talk to me. Not observe the shirtlessness. I know this because she was not distracted by the shirtlessness at all and kept trying to engage me in conversation. Sokka was inside reading the books on strategy that I had found in my room. Toph was with him and trying to annoy him. We could hear her singing _I love willies_, while Sokka periodically told her to Just. Stop. Singing. That. Song. I said Sokka is going about this all wrong. Toph is contrary. You tell her not to do something and she will have increased enthusiasm for it. She probably doesn't even like the _I love willies _song that much, she just _loves the reaction_ she gets. Suki agreed with me and said the thing to do to get Toph to stop would be to sing it loudly and proudly with her until she is sick of it or we make it uncool with our singing. Whichever happens first. I agree with Suki in theory. But I am not singing _I love willies. _Ever. Especially not loudly and proudly. Suki tried to convince me, but I refused. It was bad enough with Stageme singing that song. I cannot bring myself to do it. After a while Suki got up to go and test out her theory on Toph and told me to have fun watching the practise (with a sly arch of her eyebrow).

-?-

Aang has been...well... incredibly rude to Zuko all morning. He was rude during their warm up, rude during firebending practise, he was rude when they took a break, he was rude when they ran through all the forms again. Like **really rude, **especially for Aang. He just keeps making these _little comments._ Zuko is getting more and more annoyed with him but so far he hasn't retaliated/exploded with grumpiness/frustration and has only made a few snappy comments back at Aang. But we are getting close to exploding levels. I can tell from the way Zuko is clenching his fists and taking deep breaths and almost visibly counting to ten.

When they took another break, I made them watermelon juice. When I handed Zuko his glass our fingertips touched and I smiled at him. I asked (really quietly) if he wanted Toph to take over and start earthbending with Aang. And I glanced over at Aang who had finished his juice and was doing fire squats and glancing at us while we talked with some disgruntlement.

At that moment the sound of Toph and Suki loudly singing came from inside. They were trying to hit a high note together. Toph doesn't have the greatest singing voice, but what she lacked in skill she made up for in enthusiasm. Suki has a lovely singing voice and I never thought I would wish her to _just stop singing._ But I was trying to have a whispered conversation with Zuko and that was immensely hard with _**willies, willies, I luuuuuuuuuuuurrrvvee WILLAAAAYES**_ going on in the background. Zuko glanced in horror at the direction of the singing and said it sounded like Toph was busy at the moment and he was okay. He was just going to _ignore it_ (Aang's behaviour) as best he could. We were pretending nothing happened after all. And on the bright side Aang was bending with much more aggression, so that was a good thing. I said it wasn't like him to try and find the bright side and he said _well I have been hanging out with this optimist a lot _ and we smiled at each other. At that moment Aang called out _break time is over lazy bones _at Zuko. This is normally Zuko's line. Zuko rolled his eyes and took a deep breath and went back to training Aang.

-?-

I'd come in to start making lunch and was greeted by the site of Suki, mandolin in hand, belting out the second verse of _I love willies. _Toph was looking in sidelong at her and Sokka had the most unusual expression on his face. He came to 'help me' in the kitchen. By help me he actually meant pick at the food and taste-test things and eat snacks. He started munching on a sandwich of sokka's secret sauce and left over chicken (ewww- this has got to be the most revolting combination ever). He said didn't know if he should be weirded out or turned on by the willy-loving shenaningans in the living room. But maybe... he was little more turned on than weirded out. Oh gross. Too much information Sokka. I diced, sokka munched and Suki sang a few more times until Toph declared that _she was over I love willies and didn't want to hear it again_. Suki had made it uncool.

Suki wins at life.

-?-

Things all came to ahead a lunch. I knew an explosion was coming. Still, it was a relatively minor act of rudeness that set it off. Zuko asked someone to pass the fireflakes (we put out a huge bowl of them for him and Sokka to sprinkle happily on everything for most meals). Aang looked disdainfully at the bowl in front of him and said _Why don't you just take it! Just like you take everything else! _Zuko made a frustrated noise and clenched his fists and said_ that's it, _under his breath. He got up abruptly and walked over to Aang and picked Aang up by his robes and said _we're having a talk_ and carried him outside to the courtyard. There was an awkward moment where Sokka, Suki, Toph and I, just sort of paused at looked at each other. This lasted approximately two seconds. Then we all got up and followed them quickly. I am among like-minded friends. We are all keen eavesdroppers after all and there was about to be drama! We sat around the door to the courtyard where we could hear them but they couldn't see us.

Zuko was shouting really loudly that whatever Aang had to say, he should just come out and **say it** because they did not have time to be fighting with each other. They had to get ready to fight the fatherlord and... Aang interrupted Zuko's speech with a shout of his own. He shouted **She was mine first! I saw her first! And she was mine first. **There was a moments pause. I knew they were talking about me. I'm not that dense. In fact I think all my fellow eavesdroppers knew they were talking about me. They all turned to look at me at least.

I felt a surge of irritation. Aang still didn't get it. He couldn't just claim me. Zuko fired back that Aang couldn't think about people like that and said Aang couldn't just say **she's mine **and have it happen. Aang stopped shouting and instead said (quite crossly) _Why not! I'm the avatar! Roku said I should be able to get any girl I want! And I want Katara. _Well none of us could even pretend they weren't talking about me any more.

Oh this was awful.

I almost didn't want to hear where this argument was going, I felt so awkward. But I was glued, horrified to my place. It was like a canoe crash, I knew I shouldn't listen, but I couldn't help myself. Zuko said something sarcastic re: Roku living more than 100 years ago and things were different now. Aang said _oh and you know how things are now? _ Zuko said he did and launched into an almost exact replica of my **boundaries and respect speech. **You can't just claim a girl and you have to respect a girls boundaries and respect her as a person etc. Aang interrupted and said _I'm not listening to this from you. Katara said you were the worst person in the world to give out advice._ Okay, I did say that. But I said it months ago and my opinion of Zuko has changed dramatically since then. Would Aang trot out that old chestnut every time Zuko said something he didn't want to hear. Zuko reiterated that Aang had to understand that he couldn't just have me. Aang fired back _Please, that's rich coming from you. You'll take her, first chance you get! _

There was a stunned silence (for two seconds) in which nothing was said. Then Aang declared that he didn't want Zuko as his firebending teacher any more. And then very much lot was said. Quite irately. Aang declared Zuko couldn't teach him unless he could say that I belong to Aang. Zuko refused and said I belonged to myself and Aang was being ridiculously unfair. Aang had to learn firebending whether he liked it or not. And Aang had no idea how much Zuko had given up to come and teach him, Aang was being an insufferable brat, etc. Aang said he didn't want to learn firebending from _the jerk who chased us all across the world _and he should have never accepted Zuko as his firebending teacher back in the Western Air Temple and the only reason Zuko was with us now was because of Aang! Aang had allowed him to join us and now Zuko was **ruining everything. **Zuko was flabbergasted and said _ME! I'm the one who's ruining everything? I'm not the one who's gone crazy over some stupid play. You're the one who..._He never got to finish his sentence because at that moment Aang fired a powerful Airblast at him and he sailed backwards. Aang jumped on the roof and presumably ran away. I know this because Zuko got up and dusted himself off and chased after Aang for a bit shouting **Aang get back here!**

Well that was eventful.

-?-

Zuko stormed back into the courtyard, fists flaming and he made and indecipherable frustrated noise and let off a few fireballs in quick succession. And yelled, presumably at Aang's retreating form _how can the last great hope for peace be so frustrating and annoying!_ He looked up, noticed us all crowded round the door and dropped his fireballs and looked sheepish. We looked sheepish. And it was one big old sheepish festival. He said _did you guys listening in for all that?_ But he looked directly at me when he asked this. Sokka piped up with _not all of it per se_, but Toph elbowed him and said _yeah, we heard it all_. Zuko sighed and wandered over.

Suki asked if we should go off and look for Aang. But Sokka thought we let him be for a little bit and he'd sort himself out. The play last night had obviously put him in a funny mood and we'd just have to give him some time to get over it. Zuko muttered that this was ridiculous and Sozin's comet wasn't that far away and we were just wasting time while Aang has a tantrum. And Sokka's schedule said they were meant to be firebending all afternoon. Sokka clapped him on the shoulder and said _I'd definitely give it a bit of time on the firebending front champ_ and he'd be happy to let the schedule slide in this instance_._ We all gaped at Sokka. Sokka loves the schedule and is often speaking out in its defence, I never thought I'd see him abandon it. Toph declared that she agreed with Zuko and someone should snap Aang out of his tantrum because this was just ridiculous. She volunteered to find him using her Toph wiles and knock some sense into him.

-?-

Toph left to find Aang and Sokka and Suki went finish their lunch and it was just me and Zuko in the courtyard. He was rubbing his neck with his hand nervously. He looked at me and said _sorry. I know you didn't want me to say anything, but it was turning into a schmozzle anyway_. I wasn't mad at Zuko, I was kind of glad he'd said some of it.

This is weird but I have avoided outright confrontation with Aang for so long that I don't even know if I can fight with him properly and tell him what I really think. I can fight with almost anybody else, but I feel like Aang really is my responsibility somehow. He looks up to me so much and no matter how mad I am at him, I just can't bring my self to completely **just shout** at him and tell him how I really feel. I have snapped at him maybe five times the whole time I've known him. I've never really shouted at him the way I've shouted at Sokka and Zuko and Toph and my Dad. I don't know if I could give the** boundaries and respect** speech to Aang's face, because I know he's make that face like a kicked puppy and I would just feel like the worst person ever. So in a weird way, even though it was an ugly fight, I'm glad Zuko said what he said. I shrugged and said it was okay, perhaps a schmozzle was always unavoidable. I smiled at him and said _Thanks for trying to talk some sense into him anyway. _And we walked back into the house together to have lunch.

-?-

After lunch Sokka cajoled Zuko into sparring with him. They haven't sparred in a few days and Sokka thought Zuko was too tense after his argument with Aang. I don't know if it was Zuko's giant frown or his clenched fists or his grinding teeth, that gave it away, but Sokka diagnosed him with too much stress. Apparently whacking each other with swords is good stress relief and will help in getting over arguments and grumpiness if you are a boy. I do not pretend to understand.

Suki and I went off to watch them for a bit. Mmmmmhhhhhh.

-?-

I got up to get myself a juice and while I was in the kitchen I observed some of Toph and Aang's session. Toph had found him and dragged him back and made him train. I hoped Toph with her blunt and crazy Toph wisdom could smack some sense into Aang.

Toph and Aang were earthbending in the courtyard. Loudly and forcefully. Toph was begrudgingly congratulating Aang. Rocks were smashing with more alacrity than I have ever seen previously from Aang. When Aang had exhausted himself and was panting for breath, Toph made them take a break and they sat in the shade under the kitchen window. Toph came into the kitchen to get them drinks and noticed me. She put her finger to her lips and motioned for me to be quiet. She got two juices and took one out to Aang.

I heard Toph say, _You did really well today. You're finally earth bending more stubbornly_. Aang said he was imagining the rocks were Zuko's face and that made it easier. Toph sighed a big long put-upon sigh and cut right to the chase and said _you can't blame Zuko for Katara not loving you the way you want her to, twinkletoes. It's not his fault._ Aang made a huffy noise and said it had to be someone's fault. There was a small pause and then Toph said with surprising gentleness _no it doesn't. it's nobody's fault. These things just happen. You can love someone that way and they might not love you back the way you want them too. It doesn't mean you can't be friends. Katara does love you, I know it, but it's as a friend Aang. You have to content yourself with loving her as a friend. _Aang sighed sadly and said Toph didn't understand what he was feeling and it wasn't that easy to just stop loving someone. Toph made a huffy noise and punched him in the arm and said Aang would have to find a way to do it and pull himself together, because he was worrying all of us with the way he was acting. He was the avatar, he was meant to keep the peace and how could he do that if he kept fighting with all of us.

There was a few moments silence and Aang asked what Toph thought he should do because he just felt so sad. Toph said _give me a gold piece and I'll tell you._ Aang didn't have a gold piece. She said _fine,_ _give me your glider for the week and I'll tell you_. Aang asked why she needed and she said _just because I want it_. Aang handed it over. Toph said_ find some other way to feel. _Aang got most grumpy and said that was **useless advice** and he couldn't believe he'd given her his glider for such stupid advice. Toph pointed out that now he was pissed off, not sad, so it was working already. There was a pause and then Aang said, _huh? I guess so._

They sat together in silence and then Toph said, _okay, next step. Stop thinking you own Katara. No girl likes that Aang especially, not a girl like Katara. _Toph tutted and then added in her usual sardonic voice _And seriously, you call her ma'am sometimes. No self respecting girl will ever do the squelchy with a guy who calls her ma'am. _Aang asked what _the squelchy_ was. Toph said it was like kissing, with a straight face. Aang asked if he stopped calling me ma'am, would I want to kiss him. From the sounds of it, Toph bopped him over the head with his glider (rather forcefully) and said _No, you doofus! _Aang rubbed his head and said _ow_ softly. Toph had one more suggestion, but she warned that Aang wasn't going to like it. Aang said he hadn't liked any of her other suggestions either and Toph made a nonchalant noise and I imagine she shrugged her shoulders quite emphatically. She said her final suggestion was that Aang apologise to Zuko because he'd been a right berk to him at lunch. Aang got a bit cranky at this suggestion and Toph said he was doing well at finding other ways to feel. Aang said he wanted his staff back and Toph said he could collect it from her at the end of the week. Aang stormed off again.

Toph wandered into the kitchen, Aang's glider in hand and looked smug and satisfied with herself. She said _you can thank me any time Sugarqueen_. I was a bit confused by Toph's smug attitude. As far as I can tell, she had only hurt Aang's feelings and made Aang cross. A cross Aang would not be apologising to Zuko any time soon. A cross Aang was a pain in the arse to live with and would be bitchy with us all. A cross Aang was not a good outcome for someone who wanted to diffuse the situation. Toph said I worried too much about hurting Aang's feelings and someone had to show him some tough love. She said _trust me, he'll think on my wisdom and be better for it._ She held up the glider and said _plus I got this for a week so at least if he tries to run away again, he can't get too far. _

-?-

it was later in the afternoon. Toph and Zuko were in the hammock near the kitchen and Zuko was reading her L_ove Amongst the Dragons_ again while I cooked and listened (because I am good at multitasking). Zuko still skipped the naughty bits and at this rate they'd be finished _Love Amongst the Dragons_ in record speed. Sokka and Suki were down at the beach going for an afternoon swim. Aang came back, just before dinner. Just to prove Toph was freakishly, flukishly, incredibly right. She will be smugetty smug about her wisdom after this. She will make her smug face at me.

He walked over to the hammock. I eavesdropped, as I do. At first Toph and Zuko didn't notice him. Zuko was concentrating on reading and Toph didn't have her feet on the ground. Aang cleared his throat and they looked up. Aang looked down at the ground and said that he and Toph had been talking. And then he mumbled a bit, crossed his arms, sighed, looked off, uncrossed his arms, and kicked the ground a little before finally saying _I think I might owe you an apology. Seeing you and Katara in that play just made me so mad at you. _

There was a pause.

Zuko said _apology accepted. _ He gave Aang a quizzical look and said_ Aang, you do know that play wasn't real at all, don't you?_ Aang scoffed and said of course he did, but he said it a little uncertainly and raise his voice at the end like he was asking a question. Toph piped up that of course it wasn't real. It wasn't like Aang was actually a woman. Zuko pointed out that they called Momo a flying rabbit monkey – how factual did Aang think it was? Aang brightened a little and said _So none of the play, none of that stuff about Katara and all those guys was real?_ Zuko made a frustrated noise and said _Aang, you know Katara, you know she's not that sort of girl. _

Aang brightened considerably and looked like the fact that I am not a floozy had only just occurred to him. _nah, I guess not. So you two never..._Zuko sighed with a lot of frustration and said _no, nothing's happened between me and Katara. _Toph looked incredulous and rolled over and said with some surprise_ wow, you're really __**not lying.**_

At that point I called them for dinner.

-?-

Aang was much more cheerful over dinner. He apologised to everyone for being out of sorts this morning and just said that the play had put him in a bad mood. But now he knew it was all fake and was feeling better. There was talk about the various factual inaccuracies in the play and much hilarity was had by all. Aang seemed to be getting back to his normal jolly self and this is good thing. When Zuko asked for someone to pass the fireflakes again, Aang got up, and quick as lightening, he snatched the bowl from Sokka's grasp and brought them over to Zuko with a casual _here ya go. _Zuko gave him a look and drawled out _thaaaaanks?_ really slowly. I think this is Aang's way of trying to make it up to Zuko for being a complete dickhead to him at lunch.

Eventually the conversation turned to the ridiculousness of my many boyfriends in the play. Much fun was made and me and Zuko's expense over our stage-counterparts' floozy ways. Sokka found stageZuko's tendency for threesomes hilarious. Toph is absolutely convinced I had a secret thing with Haru and no amount of denials on my part can shift this perception. Suki started laughing over some of my more outrageous lovers. The pirate was Suki's favourite. She did a very bad impersonation ofhim and said _Gaarr Katarrrra, ye be my pirate queen._ Toph's favourite was the entire terra team (stageme floozed onto **all of them**). Sokka still thought that, hands down, Stageme's most uproarious romantic adventure was with Zuko's Uncle. Zuko piped up in his Uncle's defence. And he and Sokka started gesturing at each other across the dinner table. Aang chuckled and said _I still can't believe the writer paired you up with Zuko. I mean you guys can hardly stand each other. _

In response to this comment I said something ridiculous and wrong and stupid. I don't even know why. It is a complete lie, but I just opened my mouth and _blah-_it came out. I think I said it because I wanted to keep the mood light hearted and not make dinner awkward. If I didn't confirm what Aang said, dinner would have become the most awkward meal of the day (and this was after a very awkward lunch). Aang was back to acting like his old self and I need Aang to act like his old self so I can play _let's pretend this never happened_ tomorrow.

Something in the surprised way Toph said _you're really not lying _to Zuko when he declared nothing was happening between us was niggling me. It was like she actually expected that we'd been shagging non-stop. There were so many layers of assumption in Suki's arched eyebrow this morning when she said _have fun watching the fire bending practice._ There are so many layers of assumption in _everything Sokka says_ in regards to Zuko and me. I am sick of everybody's assumptions and glances and wry subtle comments and teasing. It makes me feel embarrassed and awkward. And so I think it was a combination of all these factors that lead me to say:

_Yeah, Zuko and I? How ridiculous! I'd rather kiss the Unagi than Zuko! _Why mouth, why did you say this? Why?There was a bit of hilarity from the others. Zuko shot me a very puzzled and slightly hurt look. But then he schooled his expression and said _well you're not really my type either. _

Oh really?

Welly well well then! I_ know _he wanted to kiss me last night. I could tell! He was just as keen for it as I was! And now I'm _not his type?_ Well bollocks to that! Unless...did he want to kiss me last night? I mean we didn't talk about it. It just nearly happened. I only know of two other girls that Zuko has kissed and one of them is bloody Gloomy Hairbuns and the other is Perky Ponytail. I am not like either of those girls. Maybe I really am not his type. I looked at him and he looked away and blushed. The others were chuckling and Toph was making very amused looks at the two of us. She shook her head slightly, but said nothing. I thought I should say something else, to move us all on from this little awkward moment, so I clarified again, for Aang's sake, that all that stuff in the play, with all those different guys, was completely made up.

Sokka cleared his throat and said_ not all of it was completely made up. You did get it on with Jet. _According to Sokka I was all like _oh Jet, you're so manly, oh Jet your so great._ He said this teasingly. Sometimes, before we got to Ba Sing Se, Sokka would to tease me about Jet and my poor taste in guys and would state that he wanted veto power for any boy I fancied. There were arguments and shenanigans. But Sokka hasn't teased me about Jet since we left him under Lake Laogai. I protested. The way Sokka said_ get it on_ made it sound like Jet and I had _done the squelchy,_ when we'd really just had a night of heavy petting and making out. I pointed out that me and Jet had_ just kissed _and Sokka was being a berk. The little fires in the wall sconces burned a little brighter. Sokka shrugged and said that we might have just kissed that night, but Jet was planning on much more with me after he blew up the dam. And this was why I needed Sokka to veto my boyfriends.

There has been an argument.

The usual argument that ensues between me and Sokka when he announces his intentions to interfere in my love life. Toph and Aang have both heard it before. This argument ended differently to how it normally does (It normally ends with me ranting about sexism and storming off.) Sokka said he hadn't told me this before because he didn't want to upset me, but when Jet took him into the forest, he'd apparently said _Sokka, you moron, I'm going to blow this dam and then I'm going to knobble your sister and there's nothing you can do about it._ And for this, Jet would forever be in Sokka's bad books.

As soon as Sokka said this, the fire sconces **went crazy** and leapt up really high and **set the curtains on fire**. Zuko swore and leapt up and calmed the flames and put out the curtains. There are now huge giant scorch marks above every little sconce. Zuko looked a little embarrassed. Probably because_ everyone was staring at him._ He shrugged and said he just didn't like to hear about dudes who treated ladies like that and he really hated the word knobble. It sounded so tasteless. There was an awkward pause, which Sokka broke. He said see _Katara, Zuko gets it. Jet was tasteless. This is why you need me to pick your boyfriends for you! _Sokka and I argued about his right to have a say in my boyfriend for the rest of dinner.

-?-

Did Jet really say that about me? I know he'd had a few girls before me. That night in the tree house, he did try for a little more than heavy petting, but I said no. I had only just met him and didn't know him very well and I didn't feel emotionally ready for that. Jet said he'd understood that and he didn't mind waiting. Was that just a line? It could have been. Jet was very smooth after all. Charming people can be untrustworthy I reckon. It just takes a lot longer to realise. I think that when you are with a handsome boy in takes on average twice as long to realise they are a berk than it would with an average looking guy. Jet was very handsome.

I hadn't just liked his looks though. But I will admit that was a pretty big factor. He was the first boy I felt really crazy infatuated with. He was gorgeous. He had charisma. He was a great leader. He took care of all those kids. I liked that the most. He was the second boy I'd ever met and spent time with, who wasn't my brother or a 12-year-old-monk. Of course I fancied him. He'd been sweet that night, and I'd like to think what he said to Sokka was just stupid male posturing.

Jet was militant and traumatised and he hated the firenation with such a blind passion and it led him to do **absolutely dreadful things.** But at his core, I don't think he was a bad guy. He definitely didn't deserve to go out like he did. I was so mad at him for so long, but thinking about it now, in hindsight. There could have been worse guys to be my first kiss. I certainly learned a lot from my experience with Jet.

Mostly I think the experience was a good one. I learned the wisdom to my Gran Gran's words. Gran Gran would always say that when it came to boys, I should **trust what they do and not what they say**. Talk is easy, but it's when you watch what a boy _actually does_ that you see what he's really like. I think I might have been a little naïve before Jet. I couldn't imagine someone being duplicitous enough for there to be a big disparity between what they said and what they did. We are all pretty straightforward people in the south pole after all, and I was used to people like that. If I say something, I will do it. But Jet said the most lovely things and then did the most horrible things. If I've learned anything from that, it is to be a bit more careful about who I bestow my infatuation on in future.

I also learned what I like, romance-wise. I'm not going to lie, a fair bit of messing about went on that night. And even though Jet had heaps of girls before (or so he said), there were some things he obviously didn't know about women. If there had been the time and the opportunity and I had the inclination to kiss him again, I would have had to sit Jet down and give him at least two pointers.

Thing number one : that throaty flap thing at the back of everybody's mouth. It must have a purpose. And I don't think that purpose is to _be a goal._ Jet should not try to get his tongue all the way back there because that was a little gross and physically impossible. I enjoyed a bit of tongue-kissing but as soon as he shoved it _all the way_ back there, I almost gagged. Not good.

Thing number two: Okay, so I let him touch my boobs. We didn't go any farther than boob groping and he had such enthusiasm for them. And he was the first boy I'd ever kissed and he was gorgeous and I was blinded by his manpretty. That's how I explain the events of that night to myself. But though Jet had lots of enthusiasm for breast, he had yet to learn one very crucial thing. Nipples can be a lot of fun, but they do not, nor will they ever, **revolve.** _That's a no on revolving, there Jet._ Honestly, it felt like he was trying to twist them off at one point. This was also not good.

But still, I'd had a nice time and Jet had been very sweet about everything. I believed him when he said he wouldn't mind waiting for me. It had been a lovely evening and though everything that happened the next day was horrible and dreadful and I cried myself to sleep the next night, I still can't quite bring myself to hate Jet. I hate what he did, but I can't hate him.

-?-

Zuko and I were doing the dishes and he was a grumpy-pants. I can just tell when he's grumpy even when he is really trying to pretend he's not. He was trying now. He even said _angry? Me? I'm not angry. Why would you think I'm angry?_ when I asked him about his crankiness. I pointed behind him to where one of the wall sconces was burning out of control again. Zuko said _damn it _and waved his hand at the fire and it got back under control. Then he fessed up to being a bit cranky. Well obviously. I can see that. I asked him why and he paused for a long time and then said _just ...you and Jet..._ and then he made a very disgruntled face.

What?

What is with the face?

I said shrugged and said he was charming and handsome and, he was the first boy I'd ever spent a lot of time with who wasn't my brother or twelve years old and bald, and Zuko should stop making that face! Right now! Anyway, how could he even make that face? He didn't even know Jet and for all he knew Jet was actually a nice guy. Zuko said that he did know Jet and Jet was a friggin jerk. I was a bit surprised by this actually and asked him how he had ever met Jet. Zuko turned back to drying and said (mostly to the dish in his hands) that they had been on the same refugee ferry to Ba Sing Se. Within an hour of meeting him, Jet had told Zuko all and sundry North Pole jokes and that told Zuko all he needed to know about Jet. What's a north pole joke? Zuko made a strange, almost angry face and said they were really unpleasant. I nagged and eventually he told me one. _What do you call 1000 firenation soldiers at the bottom of the north sea – a good start. _Oh. That did sound like a Jet thing to say. I could see why Zuko thought ill of him. Still there was more to Jet than that and I said that he was a bit of jerk, but he wasn't all bad. I got the grumpy Face.

I tried to explain myself. I wasn't saying he was all good, but he wasn't all bad either. He was militant and blinded by hatred, yes. But he did his best to take care of a large group of orphans and that wasn't easy. Why was I even explaining myself to Zuko? He was one to judge! He went out with friggin Gloomy Hairbuns and what was the point of her? She was _just a big blob of meh_! What happened with Jet happened ages ago and I didn't have to justify myself to Zuko.

So when Zuko said he couldn't understand what I saw in Jet, I fired back that I didn't understand what he saw in bloody Gloomy Hairbuns, but I didn't give him a hard time about her! He sighed in frustration and said she wasn't even that gloomy. I said _Oh please! She is a sucking black hole of fun!_ Zuko said she was just a bit grumpy and then I got rather sarcastic and said _Oh now I understand. You're grumpy, she's grumpy. It's a match made in disgruntled paradise. _Zuko huffed grumpily and said _Well at least Mai never flooded a town full of innocent people_. I fired back that Jet would never abandon a child the way Mai was so willing to just give up her baby brother. She just handed him over to us, she didn't give two craps about him. What kind of person does that? Zuko stroppily said that for all her faults, Mai had never attacked his Uncle. What does that even mean? Does she get a cookie for the incredible feat of not attacking someone? I retaliated by saying that she attacked us plenty of times. But then I thought for a second. Did Jet attack Zuko's uncle? No wonder Zuko hated him. I held up my hands in a placating gesture and asked him what he meant by Jet attacking his Uncle. What happened?

Zuko had put away the last plate and he crossed him arms and said _It's a long story and I'm not going to tell you because you are being impossible right now_. I crossed my arms and said that he was more impossible. He said I was double impossible. I said you are impossible – infinity – no returns! I win.

Just at that moment, Toph walked into the kitchen and strode between us. She got herself a glass of water and went to walk back out. She paused between us. We were standing across from each other, crossing our arms grumpily. She shook her head with some amusement and said _you two are both idiots _and walked back out_. _

-?-

I declared I was going to bed after that and stomped off. Bloody Zuko. His grumpiness is contagious. Now I am grumpy!

-?-

What the hell did he ever see in Gloomy Hairbuns? Really now?

-?-

Are girls like Gloomy Hairbuns his type? Is that what he meant by I'm not his type? I am nothing like Gloomy Hairbuns after all.

-?-

Well fine! He's not my type either. I can't believe I wanted to kiss him last night!

-?-

Gah! I am going to stop thinking about his and go to sleep.

-?-

I just had a nightmare. Zuko was in it. And he died like in the play and I couldn't do anything and it was awful. I can't get back to sleep now.

-?-

I have had a major stalky relapse.

It was an accident.

I couldn't get back to sleep. It really was a bad dream. I don't want to write about it, but it left me feeling a little shaky. I was still a bit cross at Zuko, but I was worried about him too. I don't know what possessed me, but I just had the sudden thought that if I got up and _just peeked_ at him to make sure he was still alive, I would feel better and could go back to sleep.

Yes I am crazy. I know this. Zuko is making me crazy.

But I got up and I crept over to his room. He was sleeping. I walked silently over to him and held my hand in front of his nose. He was breathing. Good.

Of course he was breathing. It was just a stupid dream!

I should have left then, but I did not. I just sort of... loitered. I loitered and stood there and watched him sleep. He looks very peaceful when he sleeps, which is such a contrast to how he is when he is awake. I realised as I stood there, that I was being a bit creepy. If I stood there any longer and just watched him sleep, I would officially be a really creepy stalker.

I decided then, that the most sensible thing to do would be to bugger off and pretend I hadn't had this particular lapse into creepy stalkerdom. Unfortunately the universe obviously hates be me. At the very moment I turned to go, the floor board under my right foot let out a little creak. Boo! Zuko was awake and on his feet in a flash and made a little startled noise when he realised someone was in his room. His fists lit up, but he lowered them when he saw me.

He said _Katara?_ With a great deal of surprise. I said _yes it's me_, though this was a bit redundant now. Oh bollocks, this was awkward. He titled his head and looked at me quizzically and asked _what are you doing here?_ My brain went blank, it was blanker than the desert. Blanker than an empty page, blanker than some really blank thing. I could not think of a single excuse. My brain was just empty of words. Then suddenly I blurted out _I came to apologise. _

Nice save.

But as soon as I said it I knew it was true. I'd feel better if we weren't grumpy with each other. I think it was our argument in the kitchen, just before bed, that had unsettled me so much. I don't even know what our fight in the kitchen had been about, but I know that I don't like feeling cross at him. I don't like him being cross at me. We shouldn't be fighting with each other in the middle of a war. What happens if we have a fight and then we get ambushed by fire nation troops and we all die a fiery grisly death. I don't want my last words to him to be spoken in anger. He said _I'm sorry too. I'm more sorry than you'll ever know. _ There was something in the way he said that that bothered me. This was more than a _regular sorry_. I asked him what was going on with him and he confessed quietly that he thought what happened to Jet was his fault. What? How? He said was a long story. I said _Tell me over tea?_ a little hopefully and he agreed.

-?-

I was sitting on the counter next to the stove while Zuko made tea in silence. Not a grumpy silence, he just looked like he was collecting his thoughts. He handed me a cup of fragrant jasmine and leaned on the counter next to me. He said _do you remember when I was telling Toph about that crazy guy who stalked me back in Ba Sing Se_. I did. I had been eavesdropping. Zuko said he knew that. He said that Jet was the crazy guy who stalked him. Okay, me and Jet didn't have a whole lot in common, but I never thought one of activities we would both partake in would be stalking Zuko. The world is a weird place.

Zuko explained that Jet was obsessed with him and his Uncle and thought they were firebenders. I pointed out that they were firebenders. Zuko made a sardonic face at me. He said they weren't firebenders in Ba Sing Se. They were pretending to be simple refugees and neither of them had bent is weeks (not being able to bend really drove Zuko to distraction.) Jet just followed them everywhere and kept stealing their spark rocks etc and trying to catch them out. Then one day Jet had burst into the teashop and threatened his Uncle with his hook swords. (Zuko was very sarcastic about the hook swords. Apparently they're not even proper swords). Jet said that his Uncle would have to use firebending to defend himself and came towards him. Zuko wasn't having a bar of that. He stepped in front of his Uncle and there were some lower ring guards in the tea shop and so Zuko stole their swords and then he and Jet **just went at it. **

I know I should have been concentrating on the story, but just at that point I was struck by the mental image of Zuko and Jet – in a sword fight. Both them doing that thing they do with their swords. Mmmmmmhhhh. Where they both all sweaty and possibly shirtless? That would have been sexy as hell. The only that could make this mental image better would be if Zuko had been in the prison outfit. No wait... Both of them in the prison outfit. Double Mmmmmhhhh.

Focus Katara!

Zuko was explaining about how their fight spilled onto the street and many stalls were smashed and there was much drama and messing about with swords. Until the Dai Li came. The Dai Li terrified the lower ring. It was common for people to disappear in the lower ring. You'd never see the men again, but apparently, sometimes people would see women who had disappeared months before. These women wouldn't know their own name or their own children or anything. They would introduce themselves as Joo Dee and you'd never get a straight answer out of them, if you asked them what had happened. Nobody knew what the Dai Li did to people, except that it was bad. Really bad.

You didn't mess with the Dai Li.

Jet, like an idiot, refused to co-operate and attacked one of the Dai Li agents and then they arrested him and took him away and Zuko hadn't seen him again. And now he knew that Jet might have died in that Dai Li head quarters and he felt guilty.

I said I didn't quite see how this was Zuko's fault. Zuko said that he should have just let the guards handle it, but he was just so furious at somebody threatening his Uncle, and at not being able to bend and at their crappy situation and he didn't think. He just grabbed the nearest weapons and went at it. Zuko thought it was his fault that the fight got so out of hand and spilled into the street. Zuko shrugged and looked away and said _If your boyfriend is dead, it's because of me and I'm sorry._

Zuko is just a magnet for guilt. He manages to find a way to feel guilty about absolutely everything that ever happened, ever. The guilty dance was starting! I put down my cup and corrected him and said that Jet wasn't my boyfriend. He nodded, but didn't say anything. He still looked sad. I rubbed his shoulder and said softly _Not everything that has gone wrong is somehow your fault._

Zuko shrugged and said, _maybe, but it's definitely my fault that Jet got arrested by the Dai Li. _He paused and then added, _I didn't like the guy, but I didn't want that to happen to him either._ Well now he was just being ridiculous. From the sounds of it, Jet attacked them. I don't think Zuko is lying about this. It sounds like something Jet would have done. If he suspected they were firebenders, I can well imagine him not leaving them alone. I'm sure if it hadn't been Zuko and his Uncle, Jet would have found some other enemy to obsess over and probably would've ended up getting himself arrested either way. Jet was the sort of person who would always find himself enemies. He saw firebenders where there were friends and firenation strong holds where there was only a harmless little village. Maybe Zuko could have let the guards handle Jet that night, but what about the night after that. I don't think it would have made a difference in the end.

I hopped down and stood in front of Zuko and reach up and put my hands on his shoulders. (He is getting tall now. I hadn't noticed till right now. I only just come up to where his chin is.) He let me. He still looked sad and guilty and I don't like it when he looks like that. I like it when he's happy. I said _listen to me, Jet wasn't my boyfriend, but I did know him. And I know that you can't blame yourself for what happened to him. He made his own choices and those choices led him to Lake Laogai. I'm not saying he deserved it, but it's definitely not your fault._

He looked up asked me quietly if I really thought that. I did. He asked me if I was mad at him. Of course I wasn't. I don't like being mad at him really. He smiled shyly at me and said he didn't like being mad at me either. I said he should avoid it in future then.

And we smiled at each other then.

I felt the oddest sensation in my stomach. More than good indigestion. It was like the bottom just dropped out of my stomach. I know what it felt like. It was like that feeling when Aang made us ride in the mail system at Omashu. That feeling, just as our cart crested a hill and started to plummet down. This feeling feels just like that. It's exhilarating and terrifying. But there was nothing really to be scared of. It was just me and Zuko, alone in the kitchen.

What could be so exhilarating and terrifying about that?

-?-

0o0o0o0o00o0o0

* * *

Authors notes: once again, horrendously long and rambly.

Lovely wonderful readers, you've reached the end of _the great jealousy eruption._ Thank you and I hope you enjoyed it. In this chapter the green eyed monster visits several members of the Gaang and there are shenanigans. Huge thank you to all my wonderful reviewers! You guys are wonderful and lovely and just awesome! Because many of you found the _I love willies _song funny, I have brought it back by popular demand. Toph sings it, mostly to get attention and annoy the others, especially Zuko and Sokka. Toph is like their little sister and neither of them what to hear her sassy twelve year old self singing about how much she likes willies. I actually think that this is how Toph gets over the various ill feelings the play would have stirred in her. I think she would have been a spot bothered by the ending, but instead of having a big freak out or a mope she seeks attention. And she gets a lot of it!

I think Sokka and Suki would have been able to shake of the play the best and take comfort in each other, so they are not as bothered by its ridiculousness or its ending. Aang on the other hand, has a nightmare. A bad one. Aang is prone to nightmares, poor thing. I have recently re-watched nightmares and daydreams and I thought it would have been a bit odd if Aang didn't have a similar freak out leading up to Sozin's Comet. Aang's procrastination induced invasion freakout is exactly how I feel before exams. I stay awake and just study and try to make up for slacking off during the year – so I really feel Aang in that ep.

I thought it would be natural for Aang to start having nightmares again after the play. However, this time the Gaang have Suki and Zuko with them. Stealthy badasses the two of them. At one point Sokka would have told Suki about the gang's adventures and told her about Aang's sleeplessness and nightmares before the invasion. Suki thinks up the most practical solution. Just knock him out with something to make him sleep. She enlists the help of Zuko and they make him a purple sun poppy tea and _ta da _Aang sleeps. Getting a good night's sleep does not help Aang's mood in the morning.

I don't have Katara and Aang interact a whole bunch during this chapter. Originally I thought about the two of them having a chat about the awkward scene. But just nothing came. I actually think this is because I really can't picture the two of them having a mature conversation about it. Katara is a major avoider when it comes to Aang and his crush and all that entails and Aang is a bit passive aggressive and so the whole thing is just going to be weird and awkward for a bit until the two of them can get to place where they can play _let's pretend it didn't happen. _

So Aang had lots of feelings about Katara, but he doesn't talk to Katara about them. Instead he takes his disappointed hopes and jealousy out on Zuko. I think it is telling that Aang only storms out at the Zuko/Katara scene during the EIP. I think he has seen many little moments between them and does consider Zuko a rival for her affections. So Aang would have sniped at Zuko all day until Zuko exploded. Zuko is trying to be patient and just ignore it, but the guy's got a temper and he is not afraid of confrontation the same way that Aang is. Zuko's not really passive aggressive when he's **pissed off,** I think he's much more on the aggressive aggressive side of the fence. At lunch he just snaps. I think, in all honesty, Zuko would be more comfortable confronting Aang's jealousy head on and hashing it out and clearing the air and then getting over it.

So they have a fight. About Katara. And it gets heated. They are coming from different places, Aang still wants Katara, but he still doesn't quite get it. The way Aang sees it, he did Zuko a big, giant, wonderful favour when he accepted him as his firebending teacher, and now Zuko is stealing his girl. Zuko on the other hand, relays Katara's respect and boundaries speech (he was really listening) and tries to get Aang to understand that Katara is not his, just because he met her first. And then Aang says the avatar equivalent of 'you're fired!' and there are shenanigans.

I think all of the Gaang were aware of Aang's feelings, even before Aang has shouted them in a courtyard. But I think if anyone could talk some sense into him, it would be Toph. I think Toph knows what it is like to have an unrequited crush on somebody, she is crushing on Sokka after all. But Toph understands that Sokka doesn't feel that way about her. He loves her, but it is as a friend or a little sister. Toph has made peace with this. She is trying to help Aang make peace with his relationship with Katara, using her brand of Toph Tough love. She knows Katara is listening, and she also knows that the two of them are not going to be able to have a conversation about this, so she tries to smooth the situation over as best she can. The only real action she requires of Aang (her first two suggestions involve him thinking about/processing his feelings) is that he apologise to Zuko. She's looking out for her bro. She is also wily enough to get the glider and limit Aang's options of running away for the next week. Because Toph is a mad genuis.

Also, if you were wondering, _the squelchy_ is Toph's word for sex. Aang doesn't know this (he's not up on his slang for sex after all.) also Toph doesn't believe Katara's protestations about Haru. Katara did give him a litle peck, so technically she is lying when she says nothing happened and this is what Toph is picking up on.

Aang would have stormed off, because things really aren't going his way today, but during his storm off he would have seen the wisdom in Toph's words. He's not a bad kid and he realises he has been a bit of a berk to Zuko. So he swallows his pride and comes back and apologises. I think Zuko wouldn't want to hold a grudge, especially so close to the comet, so he forgives Aang pretty readily. Zuko tells Aang that there is nothing going on between him and Katara and Aang brightens up a bit and gets back to his more cheery self. Aang thinks that even though Katara's not with him, she's not with Zuko either, so he still has a teensy shot.

I also think someone needed to very emphatically states to Aang that **the play was not real**. I still don't know why Aang thinks it is real, but anyway. This cheers Aang up and everyone can joke over dinner about how ridiculous the play was and they tease Katara and Zuko slightly about their many fictional lovers. Until Aang ruins it all but pointing out the unlikelyness of Zuko and Katara getting together (this is mostly to reassure himself). This really puts Katara on the spot and she has a spot of word vomit and says she doesn't want to kiss Zuko. Alas! Don't hate me dear readers! Sorry!

So Katara declares that she would rather kiss the unagi that Zuko. Zuko would have had a confused moment and thought to himself – _did I just imagine that last night? Oh bollocks! I did! I am a sad fantasist! I read the situation all wrong and I fail at girls forever!_ His pride's taken a hit, so he declares that Katara's not his type either and she has a moment of disbelief (followed by paranoid jealousy for gloomy hairbuns later). And it's all a big old misunderstanding. Now both of them are a bit unsure of the other's feelings.

Sokka brings up Jet. I think Katara definitely would have gotten a bit of teasing from Sokka re: Jet. He does want veto power over Katara boyfriends. I think this is an older brother thing. I think this stems from his protective older brother-ness. The Jet incident left a bad taste in Sokka's mouth. Sokka_ really doesn't like that guy_. Katara would have been infatuated with him and this would have made Sokka worry about her taste in menfolk. Sokka thinks Katara just needs a little help in pick out acceptable candidates for her boyfriends. Katara disagrees. They have had a few arguments regarding this. Also there are no prizes for guess who Sokka would vote for to be Katara's boyfriend, if he got a vote, but you will get much love and a high five from me for guessing right.

This little argument also let me display some of Zuko's accidental jealousy bending. Bless his cotton socks.

It also let me segue into Katara's feelings about Jet. I haven't really clarified them until now. Ooh note, I do think she and Jet got a little grabby hands and made out a whole bunch, but I don't think it went any further than just heavy petting. They are there, in Jet's treehouse, for two nights and after the first night Katara is very fluffy about Jet and has made him a hat etc and doesn't disagree with Sokka when he calls Jet her boyfriend. I think Jet has his own little cabin in that tree house and he and Katara went there and had a canoodle. Jet is a smoothy, I think he's had a few girls previously (however not as many as he claims he has). I do think he is still prone to inexpert teenage fumbling. So Katara's first canoodle is not a runaway success or a trainwreck, it is somewhere in the middle. She has thoughts regarding this. If the opportunity had ever come up, she would have been a back-seat-maker-outer. She would have offered her bossy constructive criticism, with the best of intentions.

I think now that some time is passed, Katara is a bit more charitable about Jet. When she thinks of him, she tries to remember the good stuff about him. She thinks there is a good possibility that Jet is dead and she doesn't want to think ill of the dead. However I also think that Katara has moved on from Jet, so he doesn't inspire the same impassioned rage in her. I think, on balance, Jet was a good learning experience for Katara. He taught her (accidentally) that often it is the really smooth guys you have to watch out for. She learned that there is wisdom in her grandmothers (actually, these are my grandmother's words of advice to me). **Always trust what they do, not what they say.** But at the same time, I think Jet did genuinely like her and I think that Katara is getting to a place where she can remember him fondly despite his many many faults.

So Katara is a little defensive about Jet when Zuko is having his moment of jealousy in the kitchen. Oh Zuko buddy, you're a terrible liar. You can't do that _angry? Who? Me?_ thing, especially around an open flame. Zuko didn't like Jet before, but oh boy does he hate him now. Zuko is a fair bit jealous, but he tries to keep it under wraps until Katara starts pestering him about 'why are you so angry?' I think he had a poor opinion of Jet to begin with, but what Sokka said would have only re-inforced this. He can't believe Katara would have made out with someone like Jet, but would still prefer the unagi to him.

Katara has also been rather jealous about Gloomy Hairbuns for a while now and this little argument in the kitchen allowed the perfect moment for that to come out in the open. They are both a bit jealous of the other's previous partner and make many derogatory comments about them. This has revealed that Mai gave away Tom Tom (Zuko did not know this, and it will be relevant later). And that Jet attacked Zuko's uncle. They have an impossible off (which Katara wins). Toph is just a little amused by the whole thing at this stage. She can tell they were both lying through their teeth when they said they didn't fancy each other at dinner. She thinks they are just being idiots who are overcomplicating things for themselves.

Katara goes to bed grumpy, as you do after a fight. But then she has a nightmare and she has a giant stalky relapse. I think that neither Zuko or Katara like being angry with each other and as soon as she has her bad dream, she just wants to check on him. And then she loiters like a creeper and gives him a bit of a fright. But never fear lovely readers, even if they fight, I'm not going to leave our dynamic duo mad at each other for too long.

They talk out! As they do.

I think Zuko, had gone to bed thinking _stupid Jet, with his stupid swords and his stupid jet-ness,_ but the more he thought about it, the guiltier he would have felt. Especially as there is a good possibility that Jet is dead. It was because Jet was fighting with him that he got arrested in the first place after all and so Zuko blames himself. That's how Zuko rolls. Katara reassures him. That's how she rolls.

Katara also has a shallow moment when Zuko tells her what happened and she pictures the two of them fighting (in prison outfits). But can you blame her?

Next chapter, the Gaang will deal with some belated fallout from the Seige of North. The older kids make a decision regarding Aang.

Til then lovely readers...


	26. Lest we forget

0o0o0o0o00o0o0

lest we forget

0o0o0o0o00o0o0

I had another dream about Zuko last night. It was like my last dream where Master Pakku and the show girls had taken him captive. Except this time I didn't hesitate to kiss him.

That bit was lovely actually.

Our lips touched and there was a lot of groping and tongues and it was all very nice. I remember at one point Zuko made what I think was a witty double entendre about **rising with the sun** and then he made a distinctly cheeky face, winked at me and looked down at his err...anyway. That when I knew for sure I was dreaming and it was one of those really weird dreams where you know that you're dreaming but you can't do anything to change the dream. I knew this was dream because there is no way in the entire world that my Zuko could say a line like that without blushing and stammering and falling over his words. But dream Zuko was a smooth talker and it was all very _Oh la la!_

Then Jet, dressed up in the spangly showgirl outfit came and yelled at me about betraying my people and fraternising with the enemy. Master Pakku was there, also inexplicably dressed as a show girl (why is he always dressed as a showgirl in my dreams?) and he agreed with Jet and said the fraternisation had to stop. Then me and Zuko had to fight Jet and Pakku over this rainbow trout. Jet and Zuko fought for some time and that was very Oh La La as well. While everybody was distracted with their sword fight, I grabbed the trout and we won! Master Pakku told me to use it well and he had taught me all I needed to know about trout bending. I woke up.

Am I the weirdest person every for dreaming something like this?

-?-

When I got up this morning, Zuko and Aang were firebending in the courtyard and trying to pretend they didn't have a giant fight yesterday. They were having mixed success. Sokka was the only other one up and he was eating a sandwich of Sokka's secret sauce and banana (Why Sokka? Why?) and watching the practice. I thought that I would ask Sokka about my dream. If someone like Sokka who dreams of Suki as a red-headed penguin thought my dream was weird, then I would know for sure that I am going a little crazy (possibly from all the stress of the war, or possibly close proximity to Zuko is melting my brain).

Sokka got out his Wang Fire beard, much to my irritation. But he likes it so and he thinks he sounds smarter with it on, so I didn't make him take it off. I didn't tell him much detail and I changed some names, but Sokka still kept trying to guess who everybody was in my dream. I have denied some of his guesses rather vehemently so he will know that I am definitely **not** dreaming about_ that person_ in _that way._

Sokka arched an eyebrow at me and said that if I was dreaming about Jet dressed in a spangly showgirl outfit, that was okay by Sokka. He hadn't liked the guy and he found the mental image of Jet in sequins hilarious. Sokka said that he thought my fraternisation partner would be able to take Jet in a fight. I said he didn't even know who my fraternisation partner was. Sokka shrugged and gave me a knowing look.

Sokka didn't understand what was going on with the trout but said he wouldn't mind baked trout for dinner. He started talking at length about baked trout. Could I make baked trout like gran gran used to make? Was that even possible in a firenation summer? We could get trout from the fishmarket and give it a go. He had been craving trout for ages and maybe my dream was my brain's way of telling me to make baked trout. Sokka's Secret Sauce would go great with baked trout. In Sokka's dream, Bosco came and had dinner with us and he really wanted some baked trout too (if dream bosco swayed me in any way on matter of the baked trout).

Okay! Okay! I'll make trout!

But I'll need to go shopping to get ingredients.

Sokka has said he will come with me. He has some shopping to do to.

-?-

Aang and Zuko have had another small skirmish over something. Me and Sokka both missed what it was about. They are sitting at the breakfast table now and being disgruntled with each other again. Aang has announced that he only wants to work on earthbending for the rest of the day and Zuko has made a sarcastic comment about Aang's commitment to firebending and they haven't spoken since.

This is awkward.

But this awkwardness has not been caused by a fight about me, as far as I am aware. So I am okay.

-?-

Toph got up, had breakfast and took Aang earthbending. Suki declared that she would come shopping with us and Sokka decided it was his mission in life to get Zuko out of the house and make sure Zuko came shopping too.

So Sokka has been trying to convince Zuko to go shopping with him for a long period of time this morning. Without much success. Zuko doesn't have much interest in _offering a guy's second opinion,_ or whatever it is Sokka wants him to do. However Zuko has all day free now and is a bit at a loss with what to do with himself. This day off is unexpected and I think a little unwelcome to Zuko. When normal people have a day off, they relax. I have been trying to encourage Zuko to embrace his day off and relax etc, but this is a completely foreign concept to Zuko. Apparently he never relaxes.

Sokka's many arguments in support of shopping went like this; it will cheer Zuko up (Zuko maintains that it will not, but will most likely have the reverse affect and make him lose the will to live) Zuko needs to get out of the house (this is true and I have voiced my support of this!) if Zuko comes he will get quality time with Sokka (Zuko said quite sarcastically that Sokka wasn't making the compelling case he thought he was with this point), Sokka will buy him a packet of firegummies (Zuko prefers fireflakes). I piped up that we were running out of a few things and I needed to do a big grocery shop anyway and I wouldn't mind the company and somebody else to help carry all the stuff and we needed at least one person to carry the big trout. Zuko looked between us and threw up his hands and said _fine, I'll come! But I'm not picking out belts that match shoes with you _(this last comment was directed at Sokka).

We told Toph and Aang we would be back, Sokka grabbed Suki and a list of things he wanted and we were off!

-?-

Later, after much persuading of a certain reluctant group member, we had made it to the leather goods shop and we were trying to help Sokka match his belt and shoes. Sokka was _ooohing _and _aaaahing_ over this belt and that belt and Suki was helping him find ones that would match his soon-to-be new shoes. Sokka was apparently 78% sure about the shoes- not 100%, but 78% was pretty good (Zuko is 78% sure he is going to die of frustration before the end of this shopping trip). Because of Sokka's recent and continuing growth spurt, his shoes are now way too small for his ginormous feet. So really he _did need_ new clothes and shoes and a belt.

We'd picked him up few new tunics/pants etc just before coming to the shoe shop. Sokka had frequently asked Zuko to give a _guy's opinion_. Eventually Zuko made a sarcastic comment that the red one made Sokka's arse look big (this was the first time he'd deigned to give an opinion on Sokka's various outfits that wasn't _oh for agni's sake, it looks fine_.) Sokka made a retaliatory comment re: Zuko's arse also looked big, so there! Months of my cooking was making Zuko fat!(this is untrue, but Zuko did look down at himself with a worried glance when Sokka first said this.) Inelegant struggling in the change rooms ensued. A rack of clothes got knocked over and in the ensuing struggle, Suki and I got treated to a nice view of the arses in question.

Mmmmmmmhhhhhh. Even better than in my dream.

Not that I'm like a pervy pervert or anything. Zuko's just got a bit of a nice arse that's all. And it was right there, how was I supposed to** not look**. And Suki looked too! So I am not alone in having a little perv!

-?-

After we had bought shoes, a belt, some new clothes and a few books, Sokka pronounced himself satisfied, shopping-wise and said we could go do the boring grocery shopping stuff now. When we were walking to the fruit market, suddenly this loudly gonging bell rang out and shops started closing. Sokka, Suki and I didn't know what was going on, but Zuko explained that the gong was the bell of mourning in the firenation. Somebody important had died. Or there was an official mourning ceremony. In the firenation, if someone very important has died, people have to take an hour off work to honour their departed spirit. So none of the shops would open for another hour.

oh.

Zuko said that from the way the bell was being rung with such force, it was a either very important person who died or a big official ceremony. Sokka (rather hopefully) espoused that someone could have assassinated the firelord. And odd look passed over Zuko's face and he shrugged and said it was possible. But we'd have to check out the ceremony to know for sure. Sokka put all his purchases in his new over the shoulder bag and the four of us followed some shop keepers who had just finished locking up.

It was a longish walk, right to the other side of town. I had never been there before. It was a bit of a poorer neighbourhood. We could tell we were getting closer because the crowd got thicker and there was a bit of jostling. The crowd was feeding through several small alleys. Suki was in front and said we should hold hands so we didn't get separated, she reached behind and took Sokka's hand, who took mine. I reached out for Zuko who was bringing up the rear and took his warm hand in my own and gave it a little squeeze, he squeezed back. Now we were all joined like some great human chain.

I glanced around at the crowd. Could we ask one of them what had happened and who had died? There were many people wearing white (Zuko told me later that white is the colour of mourning in the firenation.) Some people were crying silently, but still walked in that straight-backed, chin-out firenation way. Everybody looked very sombre. I felt suddenly shy, I didn't want to bother someone who was looking so sad. I think the others felt the same.

Suddenly the space opened up. We were in a large square near where the town hall was. Opposite the town hall, there was a giant moon gate that lead into what looked like a garden. Carved into the top of the moon gate was the inscription : _in memorial of those who lost their lives in the Siege of the Northern Water Tribe. _ In front of the gate stood a man who was dressed like a firesage. He was reading aloud from a list of names. Every so often, he would read out a name and there would be this dreadful cry from somewhere else in the crowd. At one point, the woman who was standing just in front of us, slumped on herself and let out a very low muffled sob in response to one of the names.

oh.

I didn't want to be here. I felt weird and awkward. I felt like I was intruding. I looked around but the square had filled up behind us, we wouldn't be able to get out of here without having to really shove our way through the crowd. It would be rude to do that. Even though I wanted to get out of this square quite badly, I didn't want to be rude to grieving people at a memorial service. So we stayed.

I had fought against these people. I had been defending my sister tribe and I know I was doing the right thing. I told myself that we had been fighting for our very survival. We had been mercilessly attacked by the firenation. We had done the right thing. Any casualties the firenation had suffered, they'd brought on themselves. But right then, standing in a square while a man read out names and women cried, I didn't quite feel it.

I had never given any of those men another thought, not really. Not until now. They'd all had families and people who cared about them. Zuko had told me about how the navy and the army had to bring in conscription to boost their numbers. How many of those soldiers had actually wanted to be there? How many had just been randomly conscripted and had been plucked from their regular lives? How many people had died in this terrible, stupid war?

We all scooted close together. I looked at Zuko and he was looking at the firesage and listening intently. Twice, after the firesage read out a name, Zuko made a little sigh and closed his eyes and looked so sad. When the firesage stopped reading out the names and he lit this large cauldron in front of him and the flame burned a brilliant white for a second. A Tsungi horn was played low and mournfully. The firesage bowed to the crowd and they all bowed and saluted in reciprocation. Zuko's hand slipped front mine and he did a firenation salute. Suki, Sokka and I copied him. The firesage cleared his throat and said _Agni rest their spirits,_ which the crowd repeated after him. The firesage then recited, in a sombre voice:

_At the going down of the sun and in the morning,_

_We will remember them. __Lest we forget. _

The crowd (and Zuko) bowed again and repeated _lest we forget_ after the firesage. The Tsungi horn played again. This seemed to mark the end of the ceremony, because the firesage stepped aside from the front of the moon gate and some of the crowd started walking towards the entrance and the rest of the crowd started to disperse. I think the four of us were all feeling a little sad after that. Zuko especially. He was watching the moon gate with this odd expression on his face. I reached for his hand with my right and Sokka with my left and I said_ Come on, let's get out of here_, and I led us all out of this square of sadness.

-?-

Shops were opening up again and by the time we got back to the market all the stall roofs were propped up. But I didn't feel like grocery shopping right then. I lead everybody into the nearest tea shop and we all sat down in the back. I think we all needed a spot of tea to lift our spirits. I couldn't stop thinking about that woman in front of us, the way her shoulders slumped and her quiet sob. Was she crying for her son? Her brother? Her husband?

We ordered tea and dumplings and the tea lady bought them and bustled off and left us alone. Suki had a couple of questions about the ceremony. Why now? The Siege of the North was ages ago. Zuko explained that in the firenation, if someone was lost at sea, it was customary to wait two full seasons or more before declaring them legally dead. Most people in the firenation knew how to swim and sometimes people could wash up, still alive, in the most surprising places. That's why the ceremony was such a long time after the battle.

The Siege of the North had been such a huge navy defeat for the firenation, less than one in twenty ships had made it back. When Zuko was in the capitol, he knew they still hadn't properly finished counting the death toll and there were still a few islands who were holding out hope that there might be some more survivors. Ember Island had refused to hold the memorial ceremony on the appointed day and the governor had said he would hold the ceremony on a day when he felt it was appropriate, (when the island sages were sure there were no survivors). The ceremony we attended today was just for the sailors from ember island.

oh.

That list was just the dead from this island? I had never realised how big the scope of the defeat was. For us at the time, the only thing that mattered was that we had won. The moon spirit had survived (thought poor Yue had not) and balance had been maintained. There were a few injuries, and some waterbenders were severely wounded, but the healers had seen to them. We had been very lucky. Zuko said it wasn't so much luck as it was Aang and the giant Koi Fish of Doom thing he did.

There was a little silence.

Suki asked quietly _what should we tell Aang?_ To her knowledge, Aang believed he hadn't ever killed anybody, but next time he came into to town, he might see that giant moon gate and that huge arse memorial and wouldn't it be better if he knew from one of us. What was Suki suggesting? That we go tell gentle, generous Aang that when he was one with the ocean spirit, he had killed a large amount of people? I politely disagreed with this idea.

We should never tell Aang about this. Ever.

In fact it would probably be better if we discouraged him from coming into town in the future, so he wouldn't accidentally stumble across the memorial. Zuko gave me an odd look. Zuko pointed out that Aang should already know what he had done at the North Pole, hadn't Aang been there? I told him that it was the oceanspirit (not Aang) who had done that. Aang didn't remember much from the time he fused with the oceanspirit and what possible gain could there be in telling him.

Zuko said that if Aang was going to find out what happened sooner or later. Yes, okay. That is true. But that doesn't mean we need to tell him any sooner than necessary. I felt the same fierce protectiveness I felt back at the Southern Air Temple, when I tried to stop Aang from finding out about the genocide. I can't protect him forever from all the bad news out there, but I can at least try to protect him for as long as possible. If Aang knew just how many people had died that night because of the ocean spirit (I tell myself it was all the ocean spirit, not Aang)... well Aang would never get over it. He'd blame himself. He wouldn't ever want to think he killed anyone. He might not want to fight any more if he knew he was capable of such destruction.

I looked to Sokka to back me up, but Sokka was poking a dumpling listlessly. He never likes talking about the Seige at the North Pole. It makes him think of Yue and that makes him sad. I popped my dumpling on his plate too, in an effort to cheer him. Meaty dumplings comfort Sokka.

Zuko pointed out that by keeping stuff like this from Aang, I wasn't just protecting him, I was keeping Aang from facing consequences for his actions and understanding the reality of our situation. Perhaps Zuko has a point, but protecting Aang is a habit with me. I can't help it. He's just an innocent, sweet kid (for the most part) and I want him to stay that way. What point would it serve to tell Aang now? Zuko said it would make him feel better if Aang_ just knew what he had done_. He said this rather stroppily and with a few different layers of feeling.

There was a bit of silence following this outburst. Zuko said quietly that he knew two of the people from the island who had died. Cookie (the cook) and Pi (the galley hand) had been on his ship. His crew were mostly people who had been dishonoured/shamed themselves somehow, but they were still his crew. Cookie had been caught putting unmentionable items in Zhao's soup (back when he was just a captain) as was assigned to Zuko's ship instead as punishment. (I like the sound of Cookie). Pi had been assigned to Zuko because he'd been kicked of his own ship_ for lewd acts with a koala sheep_. (I don't like Pi so much- Lewd acts with a koala sheep? the mind boggles). This sentence shook Sokka out of his broody-Yue-funk and he stared and Zuko aghast and was most curious as to what lewd acts with a koala sheep would entail. Zuko gave him a look and said that he had never actually had a chat with Pi about his tendency for preforming lewd acts with a koala sheep, and he really **didn't want to know**what that would entail.

Anyway, Zhao had comandeered them and they'd all had to go into the siege. Even though they weren't his crew technically when they died, Zuko still felt responsible for them. Lewd acts aside, they hadn't deserved that. And he felt that even if it was the ocean spirit who did that, Aang was partly responsible as well. Aang didn't even know what kind of destruction he had wrought and what he was actually capable of. People were dead and Aang didn't even know. And if Aang didn't even know then Aang didn't even care. If we didn't tell him, then he'd never have to think about the consequences of his actions. If we didn't tell him, then Cookie and Pi were dead for no reason whatsoever.

I said that they were already dead for no reason whatsoever. This war is pointlessly destructive and the only way to end it is with Aang. But if we told Aang something like this, I could guarantee we would get either : a) an Aang tantrum b)or an Aang depression or c) Aang would run away for a period of time, or d) all of the above. Did this sound like a good idea to Zuko? It did not.

If we told Aang now, it would throw him off needlessly and right now we needed to help Aang stay on top form so that he would have a chance at defeating the firelord. Sokka who'd been listening mostly silently up until this point (curiosity about lewd acts with koala sheep aside), voiced his agreement with me. Something like this would crush Aang and we need an uncrushed Aang. We have all made a pact to keep silent on the matter of the firenation losses at the north pole. Though Zuko has agreed with some disgruntlement.

-?-

After we had finished our tea, we got up to go to the market. We collected a bunch of fruit and veggies and some rice from the market and then we went to the docks to get a large trout. Sokka is overjoyed that I'm going to try make gran gran's baked trout and has volunteered to carry the trout. Zuko and Suki and I had our arms piled high with groceries. We started the long walk home. Sokka was messing about with the trout and trying to lift it high enough so that it could "kiss" Suki. She was dodging and diving this way and that and had thus far, successfully avoided the over-amorous fish. Every now and then she let out a shriek of surprise and delight from behind us.

Zuko and I were walking side by side. He was pretty quiet, even for him. I asked if he was mad at me about how I wanted to keep the firenation losses from Aang. He sighed and looked off and said that he understood my point about Aang's temperament and I was probably right. Aang wouldn't be able to cope with this information. But it still didn't sit right with him. I must have made an alarmed face because he quickly reassured me that he wasn't going to tell Aang or anything, once he promised something, he stuck to his word. But still. He felt like he was ignoring or forgetting Cookie and Pi somehow. By not telling Aang, like he was somehow diminishing their sacrifice.

We got further ahead of Sokka and Suki and Zuko started talking more about his crew. He rarely ever talks about them or all that time at sea. But they had all been together for more than two years on that boat and that counted for something. Even though Zuko tried to act aloof around all the crew (he had very much wanted them to respect him and back then he thought that respect came with a certain amount of arrogance) he still knew who they all were and why they were on his boat. There wasn't that many of them and they had all screwed up in their own way. But most of them had been decent people, if a little to prone to drink or cheekiness or lewd acts. He didn't know if any of them had made it, and that was weighing heavily on his mind.

For all Zuko knew, he and his Uncle were the only ones from their boat who had survived. Cookie and Pi both had not much in the way of family. They'd both been conscripted young and the navy was their family. But Cookie could do the most amazing things with pickled herrings and on the few occasions when Zuko had addressed Pi, the older man had made an effort to look at his whole face and not just stare at his scar like some of the other crew members did. Uncle, who'd spent a great deal of time in the kitchen, said that Cookie wanted to open up a little restaurant on twenty mile beach when he retired and Pi was going to help him and now they'd never get to do that. Even worse Zuko was one of the only people in the world who knew or cared about that and if he didn't acknowledge them, then who would? He said that he felt like if he didn't acknowledge them, it would almost be like they never existed after all.

I didn't know what to say and normally when I don't know what to say, I try and touch him in some sort of reassuring manner. If I'd had a free hand then, I would have reached out to him, but both my arms were full of groceries. So I said nothing and Zuko turned his face to the ocean and we continued walking in silence.

-?-

Zuko helped me pack away all the groceries. Toph and Aang were still earthbending and the loud thumps of their rock blasts could be heard throughout the house. Suki was playing the mandolin for Sokka while they canoodled in the hammock. The sound of the mandolin and the earthbending were blending together in this rather strange symphony. I wish I knew what to say to make Zuko feel better. He was sad and broody and moody and I hadn't been able to shake him out of it.

I was putting away the rice in the pantry and I saw it and I knew what to do. On the top shelf near the back was a small collection of glass bottles filled with amber liquids in various shades. I had seen them when we first cleaned up the kitchen, but had left well enough alone. Now I reached up for them and opened a few and had a smell of the contents. They smelled nasty and alcoholic. I grabbed one that said _sweet chilli flavoured firewhiskey_. Zuko loves sweet chilli flavoured everything else, so hopefully this one wouldn't be too bad.

I got two small glasses which I held in one hand while I grabbed Zuko with the other and pulled him into the pantry with me. He looked quite perplexed at this. He had a strange mix of expressions on his face. He almost looked vaguely hopeful actually, in the half light of the pantry. I told him I had something to show him and I produced the bottle of sweet chilli firewhisky. He took it silently and looked at me curiously and asked me if I wanted to get drunk now with a great deal of confusion.

No you idiot.

I still had dinner to cook. I had to stuff a whole fish and manhandle it into the oven and I would not be able to do that if I were squiffy. So that's a no to the getting drunk. Zuko looked even more confused and handed me the bottle back and just tilted his head and looked at me and asked me whey we were hiding in the pantry with firewhiskey then?

I said that I did want to honour Cookie and Pi in some way with him, if that was okay. He looked really surprised when I said this and his mouth fell open a little and he gaped at me. I explained to him about how in the water tribe, my dad and his friends would honour fallen warriors with a small drink of strong,sweet ice wine. We toasted the person and had a drink and it was our way of honouring their spirits. Sweet chilli fire whiskey seemed pretty similar to thick ice wine and I thought it would do Zuko some good to honour Cookie and Pi in some way. He was obviously thinking about them a lot. Zuko nodded in agreement and stared at his glass.

I said this would have to stay between us. This would have to be a sneaky drink. I'm sure if Sokka knew all this whiskey was here, there would be drunken shenanigans of some description. Zuko smiled at me and agreed about the drunken shenanigans. It was the first time I'd seen him smile all day and it made me feel very warm on my insides. I poured us both a small measure and put the bottle down. We clinked glasses and I said _to Cookie and Pi, lest we forget, _because that was what the sage had said at the memorial earlier, and held my glass up. But Zuko gently corrected me and said that _lest we forget _was only for official memorial services and it was customary to say _Agni rest their spirits_ instead, when toasting someone who had died.

I toasted Cookie and Pi in the customary firenation way and then Zuko and I clinked glasses. He whispered_ thank you Katara,_ really softly, in that husky voice of his... and ooh I felt like I was drunk already and I hadn't even taken a sip yet. I smiled at him and he smiled back and we both sniffed our drinks experimentally. Zuko had never had sweet chilli firewhiskey before. Well neither had I. I said that you had to drink after you toasted someone, otherwise I'm sure it was some sort of bad luck. We agreed to drink them on the count of three.

One..two..three

-?-

Gah!

-?-

Oh firewhiskey! She does not burn so good!

-?-

Oh my god! Why would anybody make a drink this vile. This is like Sokka's secret sauce in alcoholic beverage form.

-?-

Do not feel like such an idiot for spluttering and finding firewhiskey vile. Zuko made an absolutely hilarious face after he tipped his glass back. He coughed and spluttered and his eyes went wide and he almost snorted some out his nose but he kept it down like a champion. We have agreed to never drink firewhiskey again. That stuff is nasty. But Zuko feels a little better for doing something to honour Cookie and Pi, so I have succeeded in my original endeavour.

-?-

Feeling a bit happy now, actually.

-?-

Trouts are weird. What am I even doing baking a trout?

-?-

Zuko tried to help me with the trout. But trouts are weird. Couldn't remember what gran gran did so we experimented. Actually, we just ended up slicing it open and stuffing it with all the spices in the entire kitchen. Don't know what we put in it exactly or just quite how this will turn out. Zuko lit the oven on with his firebending and manage to manhandled the whole trout in there. It is a huge fish. Its tail was sticking out weirdly, so Zuko chopped it off with one of his dao swords, which could have been overkill. The fish is already dead, so why attack it with a sword? But now the fish fits in the oven and will bake. Mission accomplished. Yay!

-?-

Zuko tumbled over the couch, and then just lay on the terracotta tiles in a heap. I laughed. He said that he had meant to do it (his little tumble) and the terracotta tiles were soothing. A likely story. He waved me over and I joined him on the floor...Actually they are soothing. They are very cold and the day was so hot and it was refreshing to lie on them. So we stayed, laying together side by side and giggling over something. This seemed like a great idea at the time, which makes me think I should never have fire whiskey again. Zuko said we were ridiculous for getting drunk on one tumbler of firewhiskey and declared that we should get some water and sober up. Then he nudged me.

What is with the nudge?

He said I was a water bender, I should get us some water. I tried. Was unsuccessful. I have said that if Zuko wanted water, he would have to get it for us and it wasn't fair to expect me to do everything water related. I didn't expect him to do all the fire stuff. Zuko got a bit argumentative. Apparently I always expect him to light my fires. This struck me as exceptionally funny. I said _oh baby you can light my fire, _which was one of the dreadful lines that one of those earth kingdom floozies told stagezuko in that terrible play.

I crack me up!

-?-

Zuko was a little tippy and when he's a bit tippy he's a bit more prone to sharing. Some tidbits I would have to wrench and tickle and cajole and truthbend out of him when he is sober, he _just says_ when he's a bit tippy. We had been talking about responsibility (this is one of Zuko's favourite words) and how Zuko is not sure Aang understands. We'd chatted a bit about Pi and Cookie. Zuko hadn't known them very well, but his uncle had perpetually been in the kitchens and spoke highly of them. Zuko felt like it was his duty to take care of all his crew and now two of them were dead. _I failed them, you know, _ He confessed quietly before adding. _I'm sick of failing people and feeling like people have died and it's all my fault. _I protested, he explained.

He still thinks Jet is partly his fault (more protesting from me). He couldn't do anything for Zhao and then that ocean monster ate him. The ocean monster ate him? My brain went _what? When was this? What happened?_ But instead I said that Zhao deserved what he got for killing the moonspirit, so Zuko shouldn't feel guilty about that. Zuko said that he thought what happened to Yue was his fault too. If he hadn't been so pigheaded and taken Aang I would have been there in the spirit oasis and I could have stopped Zhao. I wasn't sure, Zhao was pretty good. Zuko said _you're better_ firmly. Perhaps he's right, but what good are all these thoughts to him now.

I told him if anyone was to blame for what happened to Yue, it was Zhao for killing that fish. I got a bit stroppy with him and told him he was being ridiculous and couldn't keep blaming himself and playing the _what if_ game. That game drives you crazy. I played _What if_ non-stop after my mother died and it never does any good. What happened, happened. If he hadn't taken Aang everything might have gone really differently.

Yue had been lovely and she was my friend. But she had been brought up to understand that she duties and responsibilities to her tribe. Zuko said quietly that he _understood about responsibility. _Yes, I'm sure he did, it is one of his favourite words after all. I explained that Yue loved her tribe and when she knew that she could restore the moon spirit and save her tribe, there is not a single thing any of us could have done to stop her. Suddenly I remembered this one conversation I had with Yue so clearly. She thought my bending was amazing. She wished she could do it too, but it had never entered her mind as a possibility. Princesses were allowed to do even less than regular girls in the Northern Water Tribe. She told me she thought she would be too scared and too weak for bending anyway.

She was very strong and selfless and brave, in the end.

We were quiet for a bit before Zuko said softly _she was my age. She was my age when she died. _I reached out for his hand and said _she didn't die, she became the moonspirit._ I drew a big circle above our heads to symbolise the moon. I confessed that sometimes I talk to Yue. On the fullmoon. She never answers me, but sometimes it's nice just to ask her my questions and think about what she would do.

-?-

Some time later again, not sure how long, Zuko stretched and groaned and rolled over and then stood up. He reached out and helped me up and I did the stretchy groany thing too. I didn't let go of his hand but pulled him into the kitchen with me. We had 2 very big glasses of water. Still felt a little tippy, but I think we were both sobering up by then. We could be tolerably sober for dinner. Zuko made us a ginger tea and I checked on the fish. It was a little ...err...crispier than it should be. And someone had put a very large amount of fireflakes in the mouth (I blame Zuko). It was stuffed with all and sundry herbs and spices. It looks nothing like my Gran Gran's baked trout, but I imagine Sokka will eat it anyway.

It will certainly taste interesting to say the least.

-?-

Dinner was interesting. Sokka was very perplexed by my experimentation with baked trout. _What did you do to it? _But as soon as he took a mouthful, his eyes went wide and he made this little happy food noise and began to eat with gusto. Suki found it intriguing that I had put fireflakes and mango and lime all together. This flavour combination perplexes her. It perplexes me too, but it doesn't taste bad. Just weird. Toph found it intriguing that I had used so many fireflakes at all, considering my previous strong opposition to the flakes. Aang was eating the salad I made for him and so he didn't have an opinion on the trout. He asked us how shopping was and then there was a little awkward pause.

Sokka thankfully filled in the silence rather enthusiastically and told Aang all about his new purchases _(the belt and the shoes match perfectly!)_ he offered to show Aang all his purchases and before Aangh could say yes, Sokka had gotten up and put some of his new clothes on and started a fashion show for us. Sokka asked Aang's opinion on several pieces. _What do you think of this Aang? Zuko says it makes my butt look big, but I think it's okay. _Aang replied that it looked great and Zuko was probably jealous because red wasn't his colour. Zuko got a bit defensive and said of course red was his colour. He got a bit irate about this actually. (It was quite funny). He said _I'm friggin firenation. I'm all about red._ Aang shrugged and said it would depend on the red, some reds would wash him out and wouldn't work at all with his complexion. Aang has gotten the grumpy face. Mild bickering over colour has ensued. Sokka has declared Aang his shopping partner for life. Aang understands about colour.

-?-

I was feeling a bit tired and so I went straight to bed after Zuko and I did the dishes. Sokka loitered in the kitchen and picked at the trout while we washed and dried and continued his mild argument with Zuko.(_Green really is more your colour Zuko, it would bring out your eyes – That's it, I'm going to have to beat you over the head with your new shoes! No, even better, I'm going to dye your new shoes purple so they won't match anything at all! _) I left the boys still bickering about colour. I feel sure that there will be inelegant struggling before they go to bed.

-?-

So I had a bad dream. It left me feeling uneasy. The ocean spirit was actually a monster, not a spirit, and it was eating everything and I was trying to reason with it. I woke up with a jolt and it was still dark outside. I think that I woke up so early because I had gone to bed a lot earlier than I normally did. Before I could even stop myself, I had walk silently to Zuko's room, just to check if he was awake. He'd said the ocean spirit had eaten Zhao yesterday, granted he'd been a little tippy at the time, but what did he mean by that? But he was still asleep when I crept into his room.

I have been a little stalky. Again.

I snuck into Zuko's room. Again.

I watched him sleep for a bit. Again.

I know, it's weird and wrong and I should stop doing this before it becomes a habit. A weird and wrong habit. But I'm just worried about him and sometimes I just feel better for checking on him. When I saw he was still asleep, I decided to leave. I swear.

But he said my name.

He said my name in his sleep. In this soft little breathy tone. At first I thought he was awake but he wasn't. He was still dreaming.

He was dreaming about me.

Yay!

And obviously it was a good dream! how could any dream with me in it be anything _less than awesome. _I waited for him to say it again, just so I could be sure I didn't imagine it. I stood completely still. I am so wily. I am not going to make the same creaky floorboard mistake this time. He said my name **twice more!** Double yay! The third time he said it, he made this sexy little rumble in his throat that I found very distracting.

I might have loitered for a big longer than I should have. I wanted to talk to him. Could I poke him and wake him up? Would that be weird? Whatever, he'd have been up soon anyway. I shook him gently and he gave a startled little yell and got all tangled up in his sheets and fell out of bed. It was adorable. I laughed (quietly, I didn't want to wake the others)

He got up and brushed himself off and wrapped the sheet around himself regally, in his _trying to maintain my dignity _pose. This was also adorable. He said indignantly, _Katara! You scared the crap out of me!_ He looked around with some confusion and noticed it was still dark outside. He asked me what I was doing here. In his room. In the wee hours of the morning.

Oooh..ummm...think brain.

I said that I had had a bad dream and I had wanted to talk to him about something, but he had said my name in his sleep and I thought he was awake and I was just checking if he was awake and that was when I woke him up.

That sounded much more plausible/reasonable in my head.

Zuko was looking at me sceptically and was blushing slightly and denied saying my name in his sleep. Nah uh! I heard him, he said it not once, not twice but three times! I was sure it must have been a nice dream, if it had me in it. He blushed a brilliant shade of scarlet and denied dreaming about me some more.

If you say so Zuko.

Zuko changed subjects and said _enough about my dream, what was your dream about anyway? _I paused for a second and he prompted me. _That dream you mentioned...you wanted to talk to me about it...oh..._ suddenly he started doing that babbling talk thing he does when he's nervous. _If this is about your Master Pakku as a Ba Sing Se showgirl dream, it's okay. I don't think it's weird. Well it's a little weird, but not as weird as other dreams and all dreams are weird anyway. _ Oh mygoodness! Did Sokka actually tell him about the dream. I burst out with _Wait Sokka told you about that! _But because I was dead from embarrassment I didn't stay around for him to answer and just declared that I was going back to bed really quickly and ran away.

-?-

Five minutes later there was a slight tap on my door. Zuko was there. He'd put on a shirt. Boo. He blushed and I blushed and it was a blushing festival. He said we didn't have to talk about dreams or anything like that and I breathed a sigh of relief. I had been half worried that he was going to tease me re:showgirls. He asked me if I was really going back to sleep or if I felt awake enough to see something. I said reluctantly that I was pretty awake.

He stammered _Come on, I got something to show you_ and took my hand and led me though the house. Two rooms down from his bedroom there was a little hidden staircase. How have I never noticed this before. Zuko told me it led up to the very top attic which was just full of old junk. He popped out the window and then climbed out and reached out his arm to help me up. I climbed up and then suddenly we were standing on the roof of the house.

The view was spectacular, even better than the view from my room. The horizon was just that light grey colour that happens just before the sun rises. The clouds were a little pink and it was very pretty. It felt like island was still sleeping. We sat down on the top of the roof together. Zuko said shyly that he wanted to show me the sunrise, because I normally sleep in so much, so he imagined sunrises would be a rarity for me. I got a bit cranky, he was making it sound like I was a lazy bones. I didn't sleep in all the time! Zuko just grinned knowingly at me and I said that if we weren't precariously perched on a roof I would be forced to tickle him. But I scooted closer to him.

Zuko said quietly that he thought the sunrise would help me if I had a bad dream. He finds sunrises help him feel a little better after he's had a bad dream and the roof of the house was the best place to watch them from. We watched the clouds go from pink to orange and I felt a little better. I didn't ask him about his dream again. I'm pretty sure that further inquires on that subject will just be met with more staunch denials. He didn't ask me about my dream either but after a while he asked me if I wanted to talk about it, because I only wake him up when something was really bothering me.

I told him about my ocean spirit/monster dream and how it just destroyed things and I hadn't been able to stop it. Zuko picked at the hem of his shirt and said it was like that in real life too. He'd seen the whole thing and he hadn't been able to do anything. He'd been on one of the balconies with Zhao, they'd been fighting and they'd both turned to see this giant blue thing go past them and into the ocean and start sinking all those ships. _They never even stood a chance you know. all those ships, all those people. I saw the whole thing and there was nothing I could do and I couldn't help but think that everyone I knew in the navy was dead, or dying. _

We paused for a second and Zuko asked me again if Aang really didn't remember any of that. Aang did not. Zuko said quietly, _I wish I could forget too. Aang really scared me that day. _ He'd scared me too. I never like seeing Aang go into the avatar state. It's almost not Aang in there any more when he does that. I told Zuko about how Aang and I had a chat after the Siege of the North. Aang told me he can't remember much except this incredible feeling of rage and pain and power.

I asked Zuko what had happened to Zhao. Zuko said the ocean spirit ate him yesterday. We knew he had died, his body washed up in one of the canals one morning (this was another thing Sokka and I didn't tell Aang -Pakku sunk the body with his bending and there seemed to be no reason to tell Aang). I had always assumed Zhao had drowned. I didn't even know he and Zuko had fought.

In fact what had happened to Zuko as well. One minute Zuko was tied up in Appa's saddled and the next, he and his uncle had vanished.

Zuko said he'd come to and seen Zhao run away from the spirit oasis. He'd wiggled out of the ropes and followed him. He wanted to fight Zhao because Zhao had tried to kill him again. _What? _Zuko shrugged and said Zhao had pirates blow up his ship while he was on board nonchalantly. I gaped at him a little. He said _Look in the firenation, when someone tries to kill you, you're meant to try and kill them right back _abit defensively. He knew he was a better fighter than Zhao and he just wanted to kick his arse again. _Again? _Zuko said they'd fought an agni kai earlier in the year and Zuko had won... anyway... the ocean spirit had come back from the harbour and had picked Zhao up and Zuko had managed to roll away just in time. The ocean spirit was pulling Zhao under and Zuko thinks drowning is just the worst way to die. He had hated Zhao but he couldn't just stand back while he drowned. Zuko told me he reached out to Zhao to try and help him but Zhao wouldn't take his hand and then he and the ocean spirit had disappeared beneath the canal. He confessed quietly that he hadn't known what to do after that happened. Zhao was the first person he'd seen die, right in front of him. Oh. Zuko thinks he might have been in a bit of shock because he had just stared at the canal for ages until his Uncle came and found him and said they had to get out of there. I put an arm around his shoulder and leaned on him a little.

He said_ Zhao must have just __**hated**__ me, to choose drowning over taking my hand _really quietly. I held him closer and said it was probably for the best. _If he'd grabbed your hand the ocean spirit _(not Aang)_ probably would have just drowned you both and then we wouldn't be able to sit here- watching the sunrise together._ And I gestured at the sky with my other arm. Zuko nodded and said we wouldn't be able to make truly dreadful roast trout together either. Or spar I added. I would have never discovered how awesome fireflakes are Zuko countered. I said he never would have tasted the delicious sensation that is stewed seaprunes. Zuko smiled and said a bit cheekily that he could have lived without the stewed seaprunes. Even though we were sitting precariously on the roof, I tickled him slightly in retaliation. We teased each other some more until the sun rose up properly and there was a new day to get getting on with.

As we were climbing back down into the house, I had a quick second to think about what life would be like without Zuko, if he had drowned in the Seige of the North. I can't quiet picture it. Perhaps if he had died then, I never would have had a chance to miss him, but now I just can't imagine my life without him.

-?-

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* * *

frightfully long and rambly authors notes. As per usual.

Lovely wonderful readers! You have reached the end of _lest we forgot._ I hope you enjoyed it. This chapter took ages to write and I found it very difficult to strike the right tone. It's a bit more serious than some of my other chapters and I don't know. I'm still not 100% happy with it, but I'm 96% happy with it and I didn't want to leave you guys hanging any longer! So I posted!

Huge thank you to all my reviewers! Seriously you guys, I have so much love! I will totally have a small celebration when I reach 500 reviews. There will be dancing and shenanigans! Have actually been thinking I might post some of the _collected lists of Zuko_ after we reach 500, for any loyal reviewer who might be interested in reading them. I've written a couple, but they never seemed to fit in the chapters. I could never find a reason for Katara to 'accidentally find' them or they didn't suit the tone I was going for etc.

So in this chapter I wanted to deal mostly with the various feelings the seige of the north would stir in the Gaang, particularly Zuko. Because I think a lot of firenation people died that night and I think Zuko wouldn't be Zuko if he didn't have feelings on the matter. But I also didn't want this chapter to be bogged down in seriousness, so I added some sillyness. Some lovely anonymous reviewer suggested that Zuko should have a (possibly naughty) dream about Katara that she would overhear. Thank you anonymous reviewer! I liked that idea and used it. Katara also has a vaguely naughty dream about Zuko. Zuko... ahem... _rises with the sun_. I have many lame puns re:this, which may never make it into this story, unless I wanted to change the rating.

**Note:** this lovely anonymous reviewer was in fact moonspirityang! *claps* take a bow lovely, your suggestions help me make this fic a little cheekier than it otherwise would have been!

Sokka and Katara and oversharers when it comes to dreams and I wanted him to pull out that silly wang fire beard again. But Sokka latches onto the one thing in Katara's dream that really catches his interest. Food specifically roast trout. Why trout. Dunno. Just like typing trout and also I imagine a whole big arse trout would be quite difficult to cook.

I think everybody would be trying to 'act natural' after the various arguments and jealousy explosions yesterday. There may be small eruptions in the future, but I think for the most part the Gaang try their best to get along and smooth over problems. Zuko gets a bit frustrated with Aang during training today, but the reason for this is an issue for another chapter.

The four older kids go shopping together, because the discussion they have later regarding the seige of the north and what to tell Aang would be one I can see them having and also one they needed to have far away from Aang. Also I think Zuko would be hilariously disgruntled on a shopping trip. In canon Zuko hates shopping, but Sokka loves it and I thought it would be nice for them to shop together. Also Zuko would need to get out of the house, if only for a bit.

Also Sokka and Zuko must be having big arse growth spurts and then occasionally shrinking. Their heights are all over the place during the show. It confuses me. There is some height bending going on I tell you! Anyway for my own sanity, I have stopped thinking on it too much. now I just think that Zuko probably got a whole bunch of new clothes in the palace, but Sokka on the other hand is still wearing his water tribe stuff at the final. Sokka would need a new outfit at some point, Katara too, but this chapter was for Sokka.

Anyway this shopping trip allowed me to have the coincidence fairy visit and Sokka, Suki, Katara and Zuko would inadvertently attend a firenation memorial service._ Lest we forget_ is actually from the australia/new zealand ode to remembrance. Do any other countries recite lest we forget? I'm not sure. Anyway, I thought it would be an appropriate thing to recite, mostly because I can't really imagine a military ceremony without it.

The ceremony is for the Siege of the North, mostly because I think the losses must have been catastrophic and I think there were some issues I wanted to deal with. Ember Island probably contributed more to the navy, being an island. I think the firenation mainland would get more recruits for the army, but the islands in the archipelago would have more navy sailors. I was under the impression that people who were lost at sea were given a bit longer before they were declared legally dead just in case. So I made it a tradition in the fire nation to wait at least two seasons before holding a memorial.

Katara always feels for people on a personal level, and though she knows she did the right thing in the North Pole and was fighting to defend her sister tribe, she would find it hard to stand in that square with all those grieving people. I think to the gaang, before Zuko joined them, saw random fire nation soldiers just like henchman #1,2,3, they were obstacles and opponents rather than people. But by now Katara is seeing them as people too, people who are also suffering from the war, in their own way.

I think Zuko has a large dollop _noblesse oblige _going on. He does feel responsible for people under his care and I do think, his tantrum-ing in the storm aside, he takes that responsibility quite seriously. Actually even in the storm, he risks his life to save that dude. I think Zuko on his ship did care, he just had no idea how to show it and was doing his angsty emo-nobody-understands-me thing then. I also think Zuko did know their names and probably what they had done to get on his ship. It's only a small ship and they've all been at sea together for two years +. I think to get on Zuko's ship, you had to have screwed up somehow. It was a ship of other shamed sailors.

I think Iroh had a good relationship with the kitchen staff, Cookie and Pi (I'm bad at names alas) and they, in turn, liked him as well. I think Cookie was caught pissing in Zhao's soup and it wasn't the first time either (if Zhao was my boss, I would probably do the same thing.) But because Cookie was quite fond of Iroh, he would refrain from adding unmentionables to the food. Pi was just a bit simple and did engage in that most unusual hobby of being inappropriate with sheep. But they weren't bad guys. I think when Zuko was back at the capitol, he would have tried to find out what happened to most of his old crew. but he doesn't know anything for sure until the memorial ceremony.

I think he would feel a whole mix of feelings upon finding out that two people who he was meant to look after are dead for sure. They were commandeered by Zhao, this is true, and Zuko was really pissed off by that. But in hindsight he knows that none of his crew had a choice in the matter and I think he still would have felt a little responsible for them. When Sokka and Suki and Katara want to keep the firenation losses a secret, it bothers Zuko i**n a giant way.** Many reasons for this. But one would just be the personal loss he feels. He did need to do something to acknowledge their passing and that's what his tipple with Katara is about. He has a lot of love for Katara for helping him toast Pi and Cookie in firenation style. It also gave me a chance to get them a little squiffy together.

I think sweet chilli firewhiskey would be nasty and quite strong. I tried chilli scnhapps the other day and can I just say...never again. Anyway I think neither Katara or Zuko would have a big alcohol tolerance and they have just had the avatar equivalent of a tequila shot, so they drunk cook and experiment and then they get a bit snuggly and share-y on the floor. I think there are somethings Zuko wouldn't be able to fess up to without some liquid courage in him. So he confesses how much he blames himself over certain things (like Zhao and Yue's deaths) and his feelings of failure. Zuko is a wallower, he has a hard time putting things behind him. He is probably really jealous of Aang being able to brush off what happened at the North Pole completely. Zuko would give anything to forget and Aang just doesn't remember and Katara wants to keep it that way. I think want happened at the North Pole would have messed with Zuko's head a little bit and he doesn't know how to feel about it. He did see Zhao and a lot of his countrymen die and I don't think that would be an easy thing for him come to terms with. I think Katara can see how messed up he is about it and tries to reassure and comfort him in her Katara way.

I think Katara also has mixed feelings about the North Pole. She is glad that they won the battle, of course she is, and she doesn't regret defending her sister tribe. But at the same time she is much more against Aang going into the avatar state after the Siege of the North. I think the giant blue Koizilla would have frightened her a little bit as well. Even though she is a water bender, seeing that much ferocious raw power would be humbling and I think a bit scary. That the Koizilla is also her friend Aang would be a difficult thing for her to get her head around, so she just imagines them as two separate entities instead. The ocean spirit AND Aang, rather than just one Koizilla being.

She has a bad dream about it (hey two dreams for Katara in one chap) and decides to go see Zuko again. Though she is still a bit in denial over her feelings, it is becoming her pattern to seek Zuko out when she is feeling out of sorts. I think the two of them do find comfort and reassurance in the other.

Zuko is having a sexy dream about her (and it's not the first one), but he will deny that vehemently until the end of time. That's why he's a bit more embarrassed than usual and wraps a sheet around himself. He does rise with the sun after all. Oh I crack me up! But he can see she's a little bothered by whatever her dream was. Sokka did not actually tell Zuko about Katara's dream, but I realised that the last time they really talked about dreams was when Sokka was teasing her over her Master Pakku as a showgirl dream. That image has stuck with Zuko, so went she says she had a dream, that's the first thing he thinks of. But it is enough to embarrass her and make her run away.

I think Zuko would have calmed himself down and put on a shirt and gone to see her and to see if he could cheer her up. I think Zuko would like sunsets and sunrises. (that scene with Mai where he claims to hate the sunset – I felt like saying _y__ou liar, you're all about the sunset_). Seriously though, I think watching sunrises would help Zuko shake off a bad dream and he thinks it might help Katara too. So he takes her to the roof and they watch the sunrise and they have a nice chat and a snuggle and all is well! Katara cannot imagine life without Zuko, but she will still have a hard time admitting she fancies him. There is also a tiny firefly reference in there and if you can spot it, well then I will bounce with joy.

Anyway, at the end of the day, I think Zuko takes on too much responsibility and Aang not enough in the series. I actually do think Katara is right about not telling Aang about what happened at the north pole. He would not be able to cope with that at all. But at the same time I just wish Aang would take some responsibility for his actions. He really doesn't think he's ever killed anyone in Sozin's comet and he **really really gets up on his high horse about it **and is quite rude to his friends who have only ever looked out for what is best for him. I was actually quite surprised when I first watched Sozin's comet regarding Aang's vehemence about this, considering the Siege of the North. The earth kingdom general said the entire fleet is sunk in minutes. Sunk into icy waters. I think most of those sailors aboard died and even though Aang can palm off responsibility on to the ocean spirit and say it was necessary to win the day- to assuage his guilt - he doesn't. He just doesn't acknowledge it at all. So I have come to the conclusion that he just doesn't remember what happened when he merged with the ocean spirit.

Katara always tries her best to protect Aang from the harsher realities of the war. He is so young and happy-go-lucky and innocent and I totally get why she would want to protect him as much as possible. I do think this comes from a place of love and with most young children, it is the best course of action. But Aang is the Avatar, he is not just an ordinary child. He has this huge responsibility which I don't think he properly understands or appreciates. Aang is disconnected from reality sometimes with regards to the war and his duties and responsibilities as Avatar and this always leads to drama!

His Sozin's Comet tantrum I think is living proof that Aang hasn't quite grasped the realities of the war. I think Aang thinks that if he decides beforehand to kill Ozai, it makes whatever he does pre-mediated murder, instead of self defence. This is my fanwank for Aang's motivations. Avatar Yangchen says he has to put the world ahead of his own needs, but in the end he does value his spiritual needs more than his responsibilities to the world. And nobody says anything? Umm...okay.

That Aang actually succeeds in stopping the war without killing Ozai (the biggest war criminal/homicidal maniac) is a miracle (or a deus ex machina, one could demur quietly). But even still, what the hell kind of problem is he leaving for Zuko to clean up. Leaving Ozai, the former leader and symbol of the old regime, alive is a huge mistake and will be a big problem for Zuko for years to come. But Aang happily palms that responsibility off and all is well. Umm okay.

Ooh sorry guys, this is turning rantier than usual. Anyway I think the biggest contrast between Zuko and Aang is their sense of responsibility. Responsibility might be something Aang grows into, he is young yet. Or he might stay a free spirit and have as few responsibilities as possible. Either way, I think the next conflict between Aang and Zuko will be about their differing attitudes to duty.

Til then lovely readers...


	27. Just Friends

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o00

Just friends

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Zuko and I climbed down from the roof and Zuko went off to wake Aang for one of their ridiculously early dawn firebending sessions straight away. Aang hates these.

I have a new appreciation for them.

Zuko is right, because I often sleep in, I am not normally up early enough to witness this sight. Will endeavour to remedy this oversight by me in the future. Really, it is _worth it_ to get up early for the sight of them, firebending training, in that lovely golden morning light that happens just after the sun has risen.

Zuko and Aang took a break and Zuko got us all a coconut. Zuko had insisted we get an enormous bunch yesterday at the shops. I had no idea what to do with a coconut so I was most curious about what he would do with them. He got three straws and his swords. Then in one quick swift movement he sliced the coconuts open with one of his swords. I found this _distractingly sexy._ He handed me the coconut and a straw and told me to drink it. Apparently young coconut juice is very popular in the firenation and is very hydrating and cooling and is good to have in the middle of firebending practice.

Good to know.

It was thick and sweet and nutty but very refreshing. Aang really liked it, but he had had coconut juice before, so the taste wasn't such a surprise to him. They went back to training and I continued to drink my juice and eat my mango and watch them train.

Sweaty, shirtless Zuko- mmmmmhhhhhhhhh.

It was a nice start to the day.

-?-

Zuko and Aang did a bit of meditation. This is not nearly as fun to watch as training, but I know it is necessary so I wont boo it. After a while I got up and started making breakfast for the other guys. I was up, I may as well. Suki trickled in first, with her hair sticking up in a haphazard fashion. Suki is normally up before me and is normally looking a little better put together than she did right at this present moment, so her just woken up demeanour was a bit of a surprise. Suki is normally rather talkative and friendly, but I have discovered that, like me, she is quite taciturn before she has had her tea. I put one in front of her and started cooking the bacon. The smell of bacon always wakes Sokka up and brings Zuko to the kitchen.

success!

Zuko called the training session to an end and he and Aang came into the kitchen and tucked into breakfast heartily. Sokka wandered down and joined me in the kitchen for bacon frying. Apparently he was 'helping me', but really he was just picking at everything as I cooked it. He said that according to his schedule, I was due to train Aang in some one on one waterbending healing this morning. Oh. Sokka just wanted to check if that was cool with me.

I have been neglecting Aang a little bit since the play and this would be the first time we have spent time one on one together since that terrible intermission. Sokka said if I wasn't up for it, maybe we could let Aang have a morning off. But Sokka thought it would be better for our group if me and Aang could get back our normal level of friendliness. Sokka did have a point, it would be better for me and Aang and our group harmony, if we were not awkward with each other (we have been a little awkward recently).

Also Aang really does need to learn healing and I have been very neglectful of late. Just because me and Aang are having issues, is no excuse for slacking off in training. He is the avatar and he needs me to prepare him as best I can for what is coming. The comet is not that far off after all. So far pretending nothing had happened had worked okay. Maybe it would be good for Aang and I to train together.

I really just wanted to put this all behind us.

So today I would just be friendly to Aang, but perhaps a little more distant than I normally am. We'd get back to our original level of friendliness given time, I'm sure, but at this point I do not want to do anything that could be construed by Aang as a romantic intention for his person.

I could be strict waterbending master Katara, rather than kind and motherly Katara.

And Aang will understand waterbending healing and that I just see him as a friend.

And everything will be great.

-?-

Toph woke up and joined us and breakfast got under way. During breakfast I ended up handing the lock picks Toph made me over to Suki. She wants to learn how to do it as well and Toph has promised her a set as well for her birthday (**note: **Suki's birthday is the seven day in the month of the Oxdog). Toph is going to teach Suki all she knows about lock picking this morning. They are going to practise on the various doors in the house. Toph says the firenation have the most complicated locks and if Suki can learn how to pick a firenation lock, all other locks will seem easy. They wandered off together and I noticed out of the corner of my eye, Suki rub Toph's head affectionately and whisper her appreciation for Toph's skill. This made Toph smile.

Then Sokka coughed and cleared his throat and announced that he needed to talk to Zuko. About _manly things _that the menfolk must discuss. When Sokka was pestered as to what manly things pertained, he admitted that he wanted to pick Zuko's brain about everything firenation (the military structure and the capitol layout etc) and come up with strategies for when we have to attack the firelord. Zuko agreed and followed Sokka to the library, but he kept glancing back at me. He gave me a little encouraging wave from the library door and then it was just me and Aang.

-?-

Okay, so it was a little awkward at first. There was a bit of silence and not the good, companionable sort of silence, the_ I have no idea what to say to you_ silence. I got one of the mannequins Toph made and me and Aang when onto the front balcony where it was a little cooler and there was a sea breeze. Today was already monstrously hot and it was only just after breakfast.

The silence stretched on and we could hear Suki's cry of dismay as she accidentally broke a lock somewhere and Toph started giving her more detailed instructions – clear as a bell. Me and Aang sat in silence on either side of the mannequin and were just all kinds of awkward. This was not helped by the fact that we could both hear Toph being a much better teacher than I was being at the moment.

Okay I just need to say something and get this lesson started and stop acting weird around Aang. He was glancing at me hopefully. I crossed my arms and I started talking in a brisk and businesslike fashion about healing theory. Aang followed my lead and nodded along like he was listening.

I started demonstrating chi flow and how it mimicked blood flow and eventually the sound of Suki's lock picking progress was drowned out by my own lesson. Aang listened and kept his distance from me. We didn't touch or talk about anything other than healing, but slowly after a while, it because less awkward. He smiled at me warmly when I congratulated him on demonstrating the chi flow properly and for a second he looked exactly how he did that first day in the village, right after me and Sokka had pulled him out of the iceberg. Happy, hopeful, eager to please.

Aang never changes, not really, and it is nice to know that some things stay constant.

-?-

After a while I moved on from chi flow to blood flow. Aang was having a hard time visualising it and concentrating on it. Blood is real and solid, whereas chi is ephemeral and invisible. What he needed was a liquid to use that was like blood, but not. Water wasn't quite the right consistency for what we needed. I thought about the coconut juice this morning. It was thick, but not too thick. It would probably do nicely. I told Aang to keep practising with the water until I got back and I went into the kitchen and got some coconuts.

I was able to manipulate the liquid inside the coconuts so that it would drain out. I got a jug and started draining them one at a time. While I was waiting for my coconuts, I couldn't help but overhear a conversation between Zuko and Toph.

Zuko and Toph were in one of the hammocks and he was reading her_ Love Amongst the Dragons_ again. Or at least trying to. He kept getting distracted and telling Toph about how smart Sokka really was, like this information almost came as a surprise. I know Sokka acts like a goofball most of the time, but really, he is very clever. I felt quite proud that he was my goofball big brother when I heard Zuko talking about him. Apparently he had given Sokka enough information and now Sokka was brainstorming. Zuko is most impressed with Sokka's grasp of strategy etc and kept going on about how smart Sokka was and how detailed his plans were and how he came up with them so quickly.

Toph was listening with affectionate exasperation. She finally, very blunty, told Zuko to get back to the adventures of Zara and Kizu. She said_ Look as adorable as you and Sokka's mancrush on each other is, can you please get back to reading now! _Zuko got a bit defensive over the mancrush bit and denied having one on Sokka, he was just impressed with him, that's all. Toph scoffed and said O_h please, if Sokka didn't have a girlfriend and you weren't hopelessly in love with Katara, you and Sokka would be the cutest couple ever. _

There was a loud crash as Zuko fell out of the hammock in surprise.

Toph laughed and he blushed and said really quickly,_ I'm not in love with Katara. you can't know that. we're are just friends._ At least I think that's what he said, it all came out in one smushed together jumble. Toph just raised and eyebrow and said archly, _well I certainly don't sigh longingly after my friends._ Zuko stood up and started brushing himself off and retorted _You sigh longingly after Sokka _quickly and with unwise cheekiness. Toph rolled over in the hammock until she was even with his stomach and she gave him a rather forceful punch. He make a oooff noise and said_ that was too much affection Toph!_ Toph smiled sweetly at him and said _that wasn't affection, that was for being a smart arse. _She rolled back over to make space for him in the hammock and reminded him to read again. Zuko complied.

I am _all aflutter. _

-?-

I cannot even concentrate on anything after overhearing that conversation. I am just in a happy daze of happy.

-?-

Okay, shake it off. I am probably getting ahead of myself. He did deny it after all. But in that flustery embarrassed way he does.

Is Toph right? Maybe. I'm not sure.

No! Stop thinking about Zuko and focus!

I have a lesson to teach that deserves my concentration.

And I am going to focus on that and stop thinking abut this.

-?-

My healing lesson with Aang passed in a gentle daydream after that. I brought the coconut juice out and made Aang practice with it. He did and I observed and I would occasionally make comments, but I wasn't really paying attention, so I don't know how helpful my comments were. My brain may have wandered off into really happy daydream land and there was no calling it back.

There was me and Zuko and large beds and full moons and candles and_ lots of frolicking _on the large beds under full moons and candles and then there was f_rolicking on beaches_ (there was lots of cheeky frolicking okay, that's all I'll say). There would be long days together and sunrises and sunsets and sillyness. And then much later there would be a double wedding with Suki and Sokka. I'd wear purple, like Yue was planning on doing. We'd have it here, in this beach house. I love this house.

Oh, if only Aang and Toph fancied each other, and then it could be a triple wedding.

I am not one to let reality crowd into my daydreams, so a triple wedding it was.

Toph would look gorgeous and deign to get all girly for the occasion. Aang would twirl her around happily and wouldn't even remember crushing on me and the current awkwardness between us. Her parents would be happy for her and she would be free to run about the world like the rebel wild child she is. Sokka and Suki would just as cheesy and snuggly and plain old coupley together as they are now. Sokka would carve her a necklace and it would match her fans perfectly and they would make _terrible jokes _at each other all day.

And much fun would be had by all.

And then later it would be just me and Zuko and _we'd just take care of each other_ and wouldn't have to worry about anything. Eventually we'd have a little girl called Kya (after my mum) and then another little girl called Yue (if Sokka didn't mind) a boy called hmmm...don't have a boy name. I'll let Zuko name the boy. Zuko would spoil them rotten and read to them every night.

And the five of us would come here every summer and...

-?-

Snap out of it!

Like really!

-?-

I think the heat was making my brain fuzzy and prone to whimsical thinking. I just needed to dunk my head in cold water and snap out of it. I declared that Aang was progressing nicely and me and Aang should stop with the healing and go swimming and practise some combat forms. Really I just needed the cold ocean all around me and to stop thinking these thoughts.

-?-

Back from swimming.

Feeling more sensible.

Passed Aang onto Toph for earthbending practice. Sokka and Zuko and Suki are making plans. They asked me to join them, but I declined in favour of a nap. By nap I meant time alone in my room, getting my thoughts together. Also, I was worried my fuzzy brain might accidentally let slip something about double/triple weddings and the three of them would look at me weirdly.

-?-

My thoughts are: no, he doesn't love me_ in that way. _

He did deny it after all.

And I don't want to be a sad, mad fantastsist!

Day dreaming like this is stupid and wasteful and wont do me any good in the long run. We are in the middle of a war and I need to be practical and focus on fighting the war! I do not need to be wasting time thinking about frolicking and future triple weddings and other such ridiculous things. Besides, Zuko is normally so take charge about most things. I imagine if he did have any feelings like that for me, he would say something, or let me know in some way. He is right. We are just friends. He would say something if he wanted more from me and because he hasn't said anything, then he must be happy with this friendship between us. And if he is happy with it, then I should be happy with it and not expect/fantasize about more from him.

Zuko is probably my closest friend now.

Surprisingly.

Have no idea how this happened, but there it is.

If I have something to say, a secret, or a wish or a hope, I always _want to tell Zuko first_. And he just listens and doesn't judge and helps and sooths and somehow I always feel a little better after talking to him. This is probably the most surprising, because out of the two of us, he is definitely a lot grumpier and pessimistic than me, but somehow he always knows what to say or do to make me feel a little better about things.

He makes me feel like I am young and fun and I probably only really get to feel this way around him. Sometimes around the others, I just feel... _a little old._ I've been playing the mother for so long. It can be so tiring sometimes- trying to keep everybody happy and to keep us all alive and together. Don't get me wrong, I don't resent it at all. Mothering is something that **someone in the group has to do **and that someone is me. Maybe I put myself up for it, but I honestly don't know anyway other way to be. When our Mum died, Sokka and my dad really just needed someone to take care of them and there wasn't really another option. I've been mothering people for so long now, I think it's just part of who I am. It kind of hurt when everyone was teasing me for being motherly and not very fun. But _I don't need to play the mum around Zuko_. He doesn't need that from me. He needs from me what I need from him. Someone to listen and understand. We are on more equal footing.

I like our friendship and I wouldn't want to make it weird and awkward in any way. Aang and I got along so well earlier and now were are so stilted and stiff with each other. All because Aang developed a crush on me and I couldn't feel the same way. What happens if Zuko doesn't fancy me and this is all just me _reading waaaay tooo much_ into things?

I think I really couldn't bear losing the easy comfort of our friendship as it is now. I would miss that too much. If he doesn't fancy me and I make a move, say something about large beds and triple weddings etc, it could make things _super weird _between us. I don't want to risk what we have now, which is something I haven't had with anyone else before.

I have resolved to be happy with our friendship and not say anything to make it weird.

Unless Zuko says something to make it weird and then_ I will be all over that like woah!_

-?-

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authors note, long and rambly:

Lovely wonderful readers! You have reached the end of _just friends_ and that is what Katara has resolved to be with Zuko. Don't hate me lovelies! This is not a permanent and binding decision and we will still get Zutara smooches later! Never fear!

To all my brilliant and lovely reviewers! You guys are all kinds of wonderful, really. Frolicking and large beds for everyone! Seriously though, I love reading all your thoughts, especially the thoughts of some lovely first time posters who've left me some feedback! Thanks first timers and welcome! Reviewers, you guys know I have nothing but love for you all! I'll miss reading your comments when I am on hols, but never fear, I will be back very soon!

So if you are wondering why this chapter is so much shorter than the others I have been writing recently? I'm going away to Vietnam (from the 12th to the 28th of november) and so there wont be any updates for those two weeks. I wanted to leave you guys with something before I went away. This chapter was originally planned to be much longer, but the next bit of it gets us started down the road to some _serious shenanigans_ and Sozin's comet related schmozzles, catastrophes and tantrums (oh I have some great stuff planned for you all!). So I didn't want to open that can of worms if I wasn't going to post forever (well just two weeks really). So this chap was sort of an attempt to consolidate their relationship so far. Does that make sense? Everybody is in a good place for now.

Fun fact for this chapter: Young coconut juice is almost the exact same consistency as blood and was used as a very, absolute last resort for intravenous hydration fluid for Aussie soliders in WWII on the kokoda trail. So there ya go. Good choice by Katara (and if she hadn't gone for coconuts, she never would have overheard that conversation.)

Aang and Katara are trying to get back to that friendly level they were at before the intermission. But it is still weird and awkward and uncomfortable between them. They are trying their best to pretend that nothing happened and they do not talk at all about what went down in EIP and Aang's subsequent tantrum. I just see them having a giant communication fail over this whole thing and just sweeping it under the rug.

Okay, we are quite close to Sozin's comet now. I am bad with maths/dates, so I am going to guestimate about two weeks - a weekish. Sokka and Zuko must have come up with some plans about what they would do when the time came.

One thing that struck me as very odd in the show and doesn't quite fit in my universe is the entire Gaang wide communication fail over Ozai's-burn-everything plan VS Aang's wanting to wait til after the comet. I think the Gaang actually had pretty good communication for the most part in the series and I have run with that idea in my fic. So in my head, I have hand waved this communication fail and told myself that Aang only decided to wait the night before that scene. If it is any longer, then I just don't know what is going on. I can't see any of the Gaang (except Aang, really) keeping that sort of thing from Zuko. I think Aang would have told them he wanted to tell Zuko himself, and he really was going to tell him, but he was a little scared of Zuko's reaction, so he kept putting it off and procrastinating (as Aang does). And then we have joint bombshell reveal.

During the planning sessions in this chapter, Sokka and Zuko and Suki are working on a plan to strike before the comet, because Zuko thinks that Aang wont be a match for his Dad during the comet, when all firebenders are super charged. Because Sokka would be emphatic, at this stage, (before Aang decides to wait), about striking before the comet, Ozai's crazy plan never comes up.

That's just how it makes sense for me lovelies.

I love the Sokka/Zuko bromance, but for me, I see it as platonic guy love ( for all you _scrubs fans_ out there, sing it with me! _…..it's guy love, that's all it is, guy love, he's mine I'm his, nothing gay about it in our eyes..._) but I know there is a rather large group in fandom who disagree with me about this. Toph's comment about how Sokka and Zuko would make the cutest couple is a nod to the HMAS Sokka/Zuko. It's not a ship in my armada, but bless its cotton socks anyway.

I flove their friendship, but I think the morning's planning session is the first time Zuko gets to see how amazingly smart Sokka is. At Boiling Rock, he's making things up on the fly, but here Sokka is at his planning/strategic best and I think Zuko is impressed by this. This is not to say that he never thought his goofball buddy was smart, but this is the first time he really sees just _how smart._ I think Sokka is a fabulous genius actually. Aww Sokka, ten points to ravenclaw (you know that's where he'd be sorted).

Toph and Zuko's conversation where she teases him over his mancrush and his actual crush has been in my head for ages. It was actually originally going to take place after TSR, but when I got to it, it didn't feel quite right. It just fits here, because I think by this point, Zuko is head over heels and ass-backwards in love with Katara. And Toph knows this and is fondly exasperated by him and by Katara and all their shenanigans. Toph is just lightly teasing, but she is also saying _Oh for crying out loud, you are the most obvious person in the history of ever, just go kiss her already!_ in her Toph way.

Zuko teases her lightly about her crush on Sokka in retaliation and meets the business side of Toph! Mostly he and Toph get on like snugglebugs, but when he pisses her off, Toph is pretty upfront about it. (it's okay they still love each other!) I do think that Toph started to get over her crush the longer she spent time around Suki. I think Suki would be lovely to Toph and is a confident and competent warrior that Toph can look up to, but without being overbearing the way that Katara (though I love her) can sometimes be. I think Toph would have warmed to Suki, almost despite herself. She and Suki are proper friends now and she is at the stage where she can spend a morning showing Suki lock picking and enjoying Suki's praise of her awesomeness without feeling jealous. She really likes Sokka, but she values his and Suki's friendship more and so she has gently put her feelings aside. Bless her cotton socks. But she still has occasional lapses/ longing sighs.

Their conversation prompts some daydreams from Katara. Daydreans that feature cheeky frolicking, large beds and/or moons and candles. I mean of course she desires him, so there is going to be lots of cheeky frolicking, but her daydreams are more than just lusty. She daydreams about them taking care of each other and Zuko reading to their imaginary kids etc. so there is a deeper connection and desire there. For a little while she just lets her imagination run wild and this is what we get, a compilation of hopes and dreams for all the Gaang and a comfortable and happy future.

She hopes that Sokka and Suki will still be as much in love in the future as they are now. She also has thoughts regarding the possibility of Taang.

Thoughts on Taang for anyone interested.

Tanng. I see it! I do. I even kind of like it. For symmetrical purposes. Two opposing elements balancing each other out. And I like the idea of Sokka/Suki, Katara/Zuko and Toph/Aang. All six members of the Gaang together and with someone I think suits them. Ahh lovely. I like it even more for the plot bunny I have re: the triple wedding and the delightful shenanigans that would entail.

For Toph and Aang, if they were to become a couple, I can see it happening later and when they are much **much older. **I think Toph and Aang would provide for each other's _deepest wants and needs._ Aang **needs grounding** more than anyone else. Aang needs someone who is solid, reliable and practical. Someone who will let him float off when the whim takes him, but pull him back to reality quickly when it is necessary. Aang needs stability and this Toph can provide in spades.

Toph, on the other hand, **wants freedom** more than anything else and she would definitely get this with Aang. Toph craves an escape from her rigid life in Gaoling ( hence the perpetual running away/ earthrumbles) but she also very much wants to please her parents. A relationship with Aang would allow for both. With Aang she would get freedom, but she would also be partnered with the avatar and for the Bei Fongs, who would want her to make an advantageous match, you can't do any better than _kung-fu-ninja-action-jesus-Aang. _

I think that Toph's tough love would be more beneficial for Aang than anything else. She would call him on his hypocrisy and would never take his crap, but at the same time she'd offer him stability and support. She wouldn't let him get away with his shenanigans and would help him face up to his Avatar duties. At the same time, Aang's sense of fun and freedom is something that Toph craves and wants for herself in her life. They have very similar senses of fun and humour and I think they would have delightful adventures together. Toph grounds Aang, but he lifts her up – if that makes sense. Also in that swamp episode, everybody saw a character they loved/missed the most and Aang saw Toph, even though he hadn't met her yet. Symbolism anyone?

Well I guess it would have been symbolism on a different show, or if Bryke had not gone with ships that I think are very unseaworthy vessels.

So yes, I see Taang. I think they would be a great fit for each other and would have a lot of fun together. Doesn't grab me in the same way that Zutara does but I do get it and why people ship it. It's the whole opposing elements balancing each other out thing, all over again. People love that sort of thing, because that thing normally makes great story telling! -gives Bryke the side eye-

So in this chapter, I had Katara decide to try to just be friends with Zuko, unless he makes a move on her. Don't hate me lovely readers. I promise I'm going somewhere with this. I just needed to put the brakes on a little bit, because at rate we were going, the fic would explode with all the UST I was stuffing in.

Seriously though, I have built up their friendship to this point where they both really and truly value, respect and adore the other. They are both each other's confidante. I think this really strong bond between them is a very new and wonderful thing for both of them. Neither of them have experienced the level of trust and comfort that they have here before, at least with anyone else who was not a blood relative. So their friendship does mean a lot to both of them. It is something both of them will be reluctant to risk/ screw up, in anyway. And making the jump from close friends to a couple is huge and scary and daunting, especially if you are unsure of how the other person feels. Sometimes I think, at the start, it is easier to start being in a relationship with a new person, because there is less emotional risk if it doesn't work out. Starting up something with a great friend can be devastating if it doesn't work out. Also there have been a few mixed signals for these past few chaps, and while Katara and Zuko are still good friends, they are both a bit confused as to where the other person stands with regards to taking their relationship to the next level. Both of them will be reluctant to broach this subject out of fear of rejection/ruining the friendship.

Katara is waiting for Zuko to speak up, but that will be a **long wait **because he is waiting for the same thing from her. I also think Zuko would be a little more shy that Katara in the romance department. I think he has a **much stronger and more potent** fear of rejection, due to being rejected a fair bit in the past. And seriously, all his lady friends _practically throw themselves _at him (not that I blame them) and he's never been the one to put himself out there first, so to speak.

Katara has acknowledged at least to herself, that she would not be opposed to something more. But due to her current weird and stilted situation with Aang, she would be concious of how unrequited love/crushes/unwelcome expressions of romantic affection can really wreck havoc on a friendship and make things awkward. She does not want to be the one who puts herself out there, if there is a possibility that Zuko isn't on the same page as her. She's not quite at the stage where she'll think _bugger it, I'm willing to risk what we have now for the chance of being something more. _Not yet at least. ; )

When I get back from hols, there will be DRAMA (as well as the requisite shenanigans and sillyness)! Katara will find out exactly how Zuko got his scar, Zuko will find out Aang can't go into the Avatar state any more, Aang will have to make some hard decisions, Sokka will have a few mad ideas and some very sensible ones, Toph will be wise and exasperated and Suki will win at life some more.

And Sozin's comet will be upon us! Oh noes!

Til then, lovely readers...


	28. Naked Shenanigans!

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Naked shenanigans

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

So breakfast erupted with shenanigans. Yesterday while learning lock-bending with Toph, Suki broke several locks, including the one on her and Sokka's ensuite bathroom (all the upstairs rooms have one). This has made Sokka a sad panda. Apparently he does all his best 'thinking' in the bathroom and doesn't want to be interrupted by anyone when he is 'thinking' in there, not even Suki. Sokka spent an hour last night with Toph's keys trying to fix the lock (unsuccessfully). He'd absconded with them previously yesterday, after Suki and Toph's lesson, to try and open some locked compartments he found in the library. I had to subtly warn him about locked compartments in this house. Last time I opened a locked cupboard, I'd had an unpleasant surprise.

Anyway he'd tried to fix the lock for a long time after dinner last night and was still slightly complaining about it this morning at breakfast. Suki told him she thought he was carrying on a little bit. It's only a bathroom. They were the only two people that used it and she'd seen everything there was to see, so to speak. He could 'think' anywhere. There were shenanigans. Eventually Sokka appealed to Zuko and said it was Zuko's house, he could get the locked fix. Zuko looked perplexed at being put on the spot. He turned to Toph, who was sitting next to him, and asked her politely if she'd like to fix the lock. She shrugged and said _maybe _non-committally and added that is was really time consuming, fixing locks, and she didn't really see the point, we'd probably have to move soon, what with Sozin's comet about a week away.

At this casual sentence, there was much ado!

All talk of locks was abandoned at this juncture and it was like Toph had slapped Aang in the face with her casual reminder. She certainly got a giant reaction out of him. Aang got a bit panicked and said _What! Why didn't anyone tell me!_ Like the imminent arrival of Sozin's Comet came as a surprise to him. Zuko got a bit irate and said he was always telling Aang about Sozin's Comet and why did Aang think Zuko trained him so hard? Aang said that Zuko never mentioned it was only a week away. Zuko said that Aang could read a calendar as well as anyone else. _Except me,_ Toph chimed in. _You can read a calendar as well as anyone else, except Toph _Zuko amended and took a sip of his juice. Aang's eyes popped out of his head, he pushed his chair back and paced a bit. _We Have Like Got To Train, Like Right Now! _Aang declared in a panic. Zuko spluttered on his juice in surprise. Toph gave him a smack between the shoulder blades. Aang said Zuko should stop eating breakfast and being lazy because they had to train! Zuko mouthed _lazy_ and looked more incredulous that I have ever seen him. And I've seen him plenty incredulous.

Toph told Aang to chill out for a second. _You chill out_, Aang fired back, before he demanded her presence at training as well because his earthbending was still rusty and Sozin's Comet was in a week! Toph said _just let me finish my pancakes and I'll be right with you _with her usual sardonic tone. Aang swiped her plate from under her and said _no pancakes for you! Just training!_ Toph said _Hey!_ with some irritation and surprise and grabbed the plate of pancakes. Aang didn't let go and there was some inelegant struggling. I tried to break it up and said _Aang, Toph,...guys ...Guys...GUYS! _I had to end up shouting to be heard of there bickering.

I told Aang that we would be with him in a second, but he should really let Toph finish her breakfast (breakfast being the most important meal of the day etc) before training. I had a plan. Aang really needed to work on all of his bendings and we could do that four way spar thing we tried ages ago, right before I got bitten by the scorpidillo, that way Aang could train in three bendings at once. Aang agreed but said we should all eat quickly and walked into the courtyard and started doing firesquats with enthusiasm.

Zuko was stunned into silence over the whole scene and he watched Aang's retreating form with an exceptionally baffled expression. _Did that just happen? _He asked somewhat bemusedly. _Yeah, Aang gets like this before big battles_ I said. _At least he's not making you climb a cliff _Sokka added. Zuko pointed out that he could climb things just fine. At that point, Suki stood up and said that she was going to pop into town and get a haircut while we all were training. Sokka was surprised and said _Haircut? _somewhat comically. Suki said it helped to relax her and would help to keep her hair out of her eyes when she fought and she was sure some big fights were heading our way. Sokka raised an eyebrow and she said _what? You prepare your way, I'll prepare my way. _She gave him a quick peck, gave the rest of us a wave and grabbed her bag and left. Sokka decided that his way to prepare would involve more planning or whatever, in the library and he got up as well. We could here Aang saying _twenty five firesquats, twenty six firesquats _in the courtyard, but Zuko and I waited while Toph finished her pancakes before we all went out to join him.

-?-

So training was actually really successful. The rules were that each of us would throw a move at Aang with our respective bendings and he would have to defend, deflect, or attack back with a different style of bending. He was not allowed to airbend (Zuko is right, he is over reliant on this). Slowly we increased the speed of our attacks until mud and water and fireballs where flying everywhere. Aang did really well and only lapsed into airbending 5 times (during a three hour, huge sparring session, this is a brilliant feat.) We all ended up ridiculously muddy and exhausted but pleased. Aang had done really well. I have such unshakeable faith in Aang, and I knew in that moment, that if we could keep training like this, he would be ready in a few days. The thought made the knot of anxious worry in my chest ease somewhat. Aang has got much congratulations from me, a friendly punch in the arm from Toph and a _well done_ and a smile from Zuko for his efforts. I gave everybody a quick rinse before we went back into the house, but we were all still super muddy and the heat from some of the fire bending had sort of baked he mud onto us a little. Toph tried to earthbend the rest off us, but there were still little bits of mud left over. I even had mud in my ears. So I declared, in my bossy tone, that everyone should have a quick wash and then we'd reconvene in the kitchen, have lunch and decide what to train Aang in for the afternoon.

-?-

If I'd know what was going to happen next I would've...well... in all honesty, I would have possibly done something** very pervy** and **stalky,** so it is perhaps a good thing that I did not know. Instead I went to the bathroom en suite in my room, Aang went to his, and Toph bags-ed the enormous downstairs bathroom, leaving Zuko with the one in Sokka and Suki's room. They were both busy, (Suki with her haircut and Sokka with this book that he found absolutely engrossing in the library) and Zuko assumed that neither of them would mind him using their bathroom.

Just as I was drying my hair, I heard two surprised cries of dismay and a door slam. I hastily pulled on my clothes and went to investigate. Suki was leaning on the bannister just outside her room, face red from embarrassed and giggling quietly but unstoppably. _What happened? _I asked her. She burst forth anew with more uncontrollable giggles and finally sputtered out _I just saw Zuko naked. _

What?

Where?

I will admit my first impulse was to go wherever it was and have a _little peak _myself. Just a little peak. Look if Suki gets a peak, I should to. I mean, it's only fair. But by sheer force of willpower I did not. Zuko wouldn't like that. I wouldn't like that, if someone did it to me deliberately (Suki's nudity viewing had been genuinely accidental). It wasn't a nice thing to do.

_I just opened the door and he was there. Naked naked naked _Suki explained. Apparently she'd only just got back and had wanted to get her brush and play with her new haircut in front of the mirror (it is a very cute 'do for her) and she honestly wasn't expecting anyone else to be in her bathroom and now she was very embarrassed and suffering from what she called embarrassed giggles. At that moment Toph joined us because she could hear giggling going on and she wanted to be included in whatever the hilarity was. Aang was still in his bathroom humming while he washed. I realised with some horror that he was humming the willy song (Toph and Suki had sung it so much the other day and gotten it 'stuck in his head'.) Aang's humming of the willy song accompanied the following scene, which somehow made everything more embarrassing than it already was.

Zuko burst out of the room. His face red from embarrassment and his hair was wet and was plastered to his face and it looked like he pulled on his clothes and quickly as humanly possible (and also before drying himself properly, his clothes...clung to him...a little bit.) He saw us all and blushed scarlet and looked around, presumably for an exit from this extremely awkward situation. He looked all shades of embarrassed and so did Suki. She immediately burst forth with apologies.

_Oh I'm so sorry, really sorry about this whole..._ here Suki paused and thought for a second and did a couple of useless hand gestures, before saying._..nudity situation. _Zuko nodded and Suki continued explaining (trying to make it better in these situations is normally not a good idea.) _I was just looking for my brush and it wasn't in the room so I figures I'd try the bathroom and then bam _(here she did a little clap) _– nudity. _Zuko said _did you look everywhere..._I could tell there was more to the sentence but Suki cut him off and _Okay, okay fine,__** I looked**_she confessed_...I'm a girl, you have a nice body... I looked. _Zuko blushed again, his eyes widened in surprise, and then narrowed in irritation. Beside me, Toph started shaking with silent laughter.

_Did you look everywhere... for your brush...before you barged in?_ Zuko said slowly, finishing his sentence. Suki's mouth made an O of complete embarrassed surprise and then she collapsed into mortified giggles. Toph just fell about with laughter beside me. The sound of the now extremely loud, hysterical (Toph) and mortified (Suki) laughter managed to draw Sokka's attention away from his book for two seconds. We heard him shout from the library – _hey what's going on up there._

_Not much, don't worry! _I called down to him. _Okay_ he called back and presumably continued reading.

If it was possible to die of mortification, Zuko would have keeled over by this point. He was just sort of standing, frozen in horror, staring at us aghast. I decided I was just going to try make this awkward moment go away. I tried to 'fix' the situation and stepped between Zuko and the girls and said in my best reasonable voice_ Okay, lets all be mature about this and pretend this never happened. _Pretending something hadn't happened had worked in the past after all. Toph paused in her giggling and said _of course you'd think that's the mature response_ and laughed again. Zuko behind me agreed with me and said _this never happened okay_ and just at that point Aang popped his head out of his room to see what was going on and Zuko seized his opportunity to escape. _I'm going to go to train Aang now. _He stomped off all embarrassed. I thought about going after him, but I think he probably wanted some time away from giggling girls and to pretend this never happened more than he'd want me to **talk it out **with him. He grabbed Aang's arm as he strode past his door and said _Aang. Training Now. _ Aang was perplexed by this development and said _what about reconvening in the kitchen and lunch? _Zuko didn't break his stride and just called over his shoulder_ no lunch for you! _

-?-

When Suki had composed herself, us three girls went and sat on her balcony for a second. She leaned over the railings with her head in her hands, saying oh_ bloody hell, I can't believe that just happened._ I told her it wasn't the worst thing in the world. Really, if I had been in Suki's place I wouldn't be complaining so much. I probably would have …...anyway. I gave her back a little rub and said it would be okay. We've all had many embarrassing moments as a group and we've managed to get past them. In truth I was a little nettled that I hadn't been the one to burst in and see the naked. And now the naked opportunity was gone! Of course I did not express this particular feeling to Suki and Toph. That would be like confessing that I wanted to see Zuko naked and I don't think I could put up with their smugness regarding this.

Suki said _I'll never be able to look Zuko in the face again. And I'll have to tell Sokka and then there'll be shenanigans. _I told her there wouldn't necessarily be shenanigans. Sokka would most probably get a little huffy, but be okay with it. He might even find it a little funny. He would definitely use it an evidence for why they needed a lock on their bathroom door and we would all be treated to a another round of his complaining about this matter. Suki laughed a little at this. I continued in my supportive, smoothing over the naked incident speech. Sokka's quite level headed most of the time. And he and Suki are very together. So it's not like Sokka would feel jealous or anything. Toph agreed with me but said he might be a bit miffed that Suki had a good old perve, but he'll be okay. Then she repeated what Suki had said earlier, _okay I looked, I'm a girl, you have a nice body, I looked. _And chuckled to herself. Suki groaned, said _oh bugger it!_ and put her head in her hands again.

Ssshhh Toph. Not helping.

I tried to reassure her again. Embarrassing stuff happens to Zuko all the friggin time. He'd get over it. Eventually. And it was just a stupid naked accident and as far as I could tell. Besides, Zuko's Sokka's best friend and there was no way anything would happen between Suki and Zuko, so naked incident aside, Sokka would have reason to feel threatened. And we could all move on!

Suki said that the fact that Zuko was his best friend made it worse not better. Your boyfriend's best friends and brothers were completely off limits. Girls could talk to them, be friends with them, but they should never, ever, **see backstage** – so to speak. _I have seen into the heart of the forbidden lands, I can never speak of what I saw_ she concluded. Toph said she thought Suki was going to tell Sokka, not never speak of what she saw. Suki was. She and Sokka are honest with each other afterall.

But she could already tell what was going to happen in that conversation. Sokka was going to ask if she _liked _seeing Zuko's bottom, but what he'd really be asking is 'do you fancy my best friend?' I asked if she did like it – seeing Zuko's naked bottom, that is. Suki gave me a wry look and said it was quite a nice bottom, but she preferred Sokka's obviously. But she could understand why I fancied him so much. I made a face but let the comment slide. There was a time when I used to protest (most irately) when someone accused me of fancying Zuko. But now I just try to **ignore** all comments on that subject.

Suki decided to tell Sokka this evening at dinner because he was completely engaged in reading at the moment and the only thing that could distract him was food or se...she glanced at Toph and trailed off and didn't complete her sentence. Instead she said that she'd planned to just reassure Sokka of his own sexiness when she told him and all would be well.

-?-

Afternoon training was not as successful as morning training. Zuko did relent on his _no lunch for __you_ stance and had lunch with Aang while we were having a girly chat, but Zuko's embarrassment must have been affecting his bending somehow because his fireballs were a little more erratic in the afternoon. Toph was still far too amused by the whole thing and would occasionally chuckle to herself when she was meant to be throwing rocks at Aang. And I, unfortunately, was exceptionally distracted. It's not my fault, but after the naked incident, I literally **could not stop** imaging Zuko naked. The mental image was **most distracting** and severely affected my concentration levels. He'd talk to me, and suddenly, in my head, he'd be naked. How am I meant to listen with that much nudity going on. I retired from training early so I could go and cook dinner and get away from the source of the distracting naked thoughts.

-?-

Dinner was also eventful.

Sokka was uncharacteristically late to dinner as he had gotten most engrossed in his book. It was the autobiography of Yangchen, the last airnomad Avatar. The locked compartment he found had been a treasure trove of the collected works of Avatars past and it was literally Sokka's most fascinating discovery yet. We were all surprised at this. The fact that the collected works of past avatars were hidden in a locked compartment of the firelord's summer house was pretty astonishing. Sokka lead us all into the library and he showed us where he found the compartment, half hidden and mostly behind the bookshelves. Sokka had noticed it only yesterday when the sun hit the lock at just the right angle and he could see a bit of metal glinting behind the shelves. Zuko offered the fact that the library and the music room had been added to the original house by his Uncle a long time ago. He'd always had secrets and maybe he just needed a good place to hide everything. The library was a perfect place for a secret compartment. His dad wasn't a big reader after all. Sokka's eyes narrowed at the mention of Ozai not being a big reader, as if a disdain for books was his biggest crime. Sokka **has views** on people who dislike reading.

Sokka said it was a sound theory, but it hadn't been his Uncle who had hidden stuff here. Previous owners had listed their names on the inside cover and the last person to own this stuff was called Ursa. Did the name ring a bell to Zuko? I gasped. Zuko's eyes widened and he said _what? _really quietly. And then he snatched the book from Sokka at lightning speed and flipped open the inside cover and his eyes scanned the names. I peeked over his shoulder. Ursa's name was written in small neat letters under a few others. She wrote her r's the exact same way Zuko did. He ran his finger over the name gently and then sighed and closed the book and handed it back to Sokka reluctantly.

_She was my mother. _He explained to the everybody else. Zuko's only ever talked about his mother with me, so they didn't know. They nodded in comprehension. Sokka asked how his mother had gotten all these books and scrolls. Wasn't it a bit weird that the firelord's wife secretly read up on all the past Avatars? Zuko looked a bit startled to be put on the spot like that and looked down and them mumbled something that not even I could make out. Sokka said, _sorry, you're going to have to speak up buddy. _Zuko cleared his throat and said that his Uncle had told him that Avatar Roku was his mother's grandfather. She must have inherited the books somehow and hidden them here.

Well!

I certainly didn't see that coming!

I shot Zuko a look that said _we are going to talk about this later!_

There was a small surprised silence which Aang broke first. Aang said _so you're Avatar Roku's great grandson? _Zuko nodded. _Does that mean you're sort of...like... **my** great grandson? _Zuko looked really startled at this development and shook his head rapidly and said he didn't think it worked like that. Aang disagreed and said he thought it did. He talked to Roku all the time and Roku always referred to their past lives as 'their shared past'. Zuko pointed out with some sarcasm that Aang was a bit to young to be his great grandfather. Aang thought they should hug. Zuko did not think a hug was necessary. Aang said that family members normally hugged and then said _right guys? _And looked at me and Sokka. Sokka seemed to be enjoying Zuko's discomfiture at having Aang express grandfatherly affection towards him and said _yes, we often hugged Gran Gran. _Zuko shot Sokka a disgruntled look as Aang gave him a hug around his middle. He patted Aang on the back awkwardly and looked in askance at the ceiling as if he was saying **why me? **with his eyes. Aang let go and said, _there now! That wasn't so bad was it my great grandson? _Zuko looked both irritated and dumbfounded. Aang made a confused face and said _it sounds really weird to call you that._ Zuko made an exceptionally comical face and said _Don't call me that again Aang. Ever! _Aang smiled blithely back at him and said _okay._

Suki had pulled some more books out from the secret compartment and said with some excitement _ooh this is Avatar Kyoshi's completed works! Even her earlier books on the four key virtues. These are really rare! There are only 12 surviving copies! _She opened it excitedly. Sokka smiled at her enthusiasm and said_ Yeah, I only got to skim read her autobiography but Kyoshi was a total badass!_ Suki smiled back and said _that's what I've been telling you all along._ And it was all a bit sweet.

Suki decided to 'borrow' the Kyoshi works and went to put them on her bedside table while we all went back to dinner. Sokka explained over dinner that he knew Aang still hadn't mastered the elements completely. He shot Aang an apologetic look as he said this and added that it took most avatars about 12 years to completely master the elements and Aang had only had twelve months. But with Sozin's comet so close we needed to help Aang as much as possible. Aang gulped a little at the mention on the comet. Sokka said that as soon as he found the Avatar works he started scouring the lives of the previous Avatars to see if they could offer any useful advice for Aang. So far Avatar Yangchen's autobiography had been the most helpful. Because she was an airnomad too, she had met the same difficulties as Aang when it came to earthbending and she'd also struggled to muster up the aggression for firebending.

Apparently Yangchen found mediating on or nearby volcanoes helpful and it gave her a breakthrough in firebending and really helped her develop some really creative earthbending moves. She had already mastered earthbending, but always felt there was room for improvement and development with regards to bending practise. I agree. Even though I am at master level, I still like to test my limits and try experimental new things with my waterbending. I like the sound of Avatar Yangchen.

According to Avatar Yangchen, or Sokka, who was paraphrasing Avatar Yangchen, volcanoes are a force of nature that combined earth and fire. That was what lava was, liquid earth, or solid fire. They were destructive, but not aggressive, they were just doing what volcano did. It was their nature. While they destroyed towns, they also created mountains. Yangchen concluded that fire was not an inherently aggressive element. It could create as well as destroy. She could bend it without being aggressive, as aggression was not in her nature. And so she was able to master firebending.

Aang loves the idea. He has always struggled with being aggressive and this has cause him and Zuko much frustration during their lessons. He wanted to go to a volcano right away. Zuko said that Ember island was home to the second biggest volcano in the firenation (the biggest is on the capital island). There was a giant volcano with a huge temple at the top near Equinox Bay on the other side of the island. Meditating on volcanoes is a bit of a firebender thing. Everyone has to do it at one point with their teacher, but Zuko had felt it was a bit pointless as a kid because it hadn't felt like training. His firebending teacher had told him to be awe of it's raw power, not all that stuff about firebending without aggression etc. but if it would help Aang have another breakthrough.

So it has been agreed that tomorrow we will all trek to Mount Ember. Zuko has told us that it is a bit _of an intense hike and it had become _really really touristy. He said touristy with some disdain. Apparently, people who've never been to Ember island before see it as a challenge to do the climb . Toph pointed out that technically, by that definition, we are tourists. None of us had been to Ember Island previously after all. Zuko acknowledge this point and backtracked a little and said he wasn't saying it was a bad thing to be a tourist. It's just there were so many tourists.

The views are great, but now they've been ruined by the little gift shops that have popped up everywhere and the whole temple complex is teeming with people trying to sell tourists useless knick knacks and so it would be hard for him and Aang to find a quiet place to meditate. But they will try anyway. We will leave just after dawn tomorrow, ostensibly. I reckon we will actually leave much later because certain people like to sleep in and will be very reluctant to get up at the crack of dawn.

Aang was quite touched that Sokka has spent so much time researching on his behalf. _You've been doing this all day?_ he asked somewhat awed. For Aang, sitting still and reading all day would be an almost insurmountable task. He just has so much energy. But for Sokka, it's a breeze. Sokka said_ mostly all day. _He had taken a break for lunch (after the rest of us because he got really engrossed in how Avatar Yangchen banished the smugglers from around the mountains of her air temple. Apparently there was drama and Yangchen is also a badass) and had written a list of **very reasonable** reasons why Suki/Toph needed to fix the lock on the bathroom, but otherwise he'd been reading and planning all day.

There was a delicate sort of pause. Suki and Zuko glanced at eachother and then glanced away really quickly. Suki started off with, _Look, Sokka about the lock..._ Sokka said _I know you're going to say there's no point to fixing it with the comet so soon, but what would happen if one of this lot,_ he gestured to us, _really needs a bathroom and the other three a busy. They could catch you with your kit off and that would be really embarrassing for everybody!_

Zuko and Suki both went absolutely bright red and Toph started sniggering behind her hand. Sokka looked perplexed and said, _what? I'm missing something here._ Suki and Zuko blurted out simultaneously. _Suki saw me naked! I saw Zuko naked. _Sokka said _what?_ with some surprise. _Naked, Naked, Naked _Suki confirmed, in case we were in any doubt over the nudity of the situation.

Zuko said _If you had__** just knocked! **_quite irately and with a big hand gesture at Suki. _Well it's my bathroom, I wasn't expecting any naked people in there who weren't me or Sokka_. Suki responded defensively. Sokka said _see this is exactly why we need the lock back!_

Toph pointed out that it would take her hours (and hours) to fix it and it's not worth the effort when we are leaving so soon. She said that we all knew to knock now in the unlikely event that we needed the troublesome bathroom (that is actually what she called it) so Sokka didn't even need a lock. Sokka protested that _he really did_ and Zuko agreed with him and said it was his house and he wanted it fixed ( a little pompously, I must say). He then added in his normal embarrassed Zuko tone (is it weird that I can tell how embarrassed he is just from the tone of his voice) that none of us would like it if he burst in on us naked in the bathroom. (I am in actually in two minds about this fanciful occurrence. I'm not **entirely opposed** to it. I may have, in fact, had a small daydream about this occurrence as soon as he said that. There was nudity for both of us in this particular daydream and the nudity did not result in shenanigans over dinner, but resulted in …..anyway.) Zuko concluded that boys need bathrooms that lock.

Toph asked _why?_

Zuko opened his mouth but Sokka cut across him and said _I'll take this _and at that launched into the most hilarious and well thought out speech I have ever heard him deliver. He was actually reciting from his list of **reasons why Sokka needs a bathroom lock**. Sokka might not be good at public speaking in front of a group of dad's warriors, but his speech in defence of bathroom locks was spoken with real passion and aplomb.

_We Are MEN!_ And he banged the table a little too emphasise the manliness of his statement. _In the water tribe, in times of great stress, we men have to retreat to our ice caves for alone time. I don't have an ice cave here! I have a bathroom instead. And alone time in the bathroom for me, is happiness. Katara never understood about the icecaves,_ (he gestured at me at the point)_ but we men need a little man space to call our own! Girls might not need girl space, but we are MEN! We are different from you girls. We men have only one word for soap, we men have never seen anything of any value in a craft shop, we men do not get haircuts... recreationally! girls may got to the loo in groups of two or more, we do not pass judgement, but we men will always walk the bathroom mile alone! _He banged the table again. Aang clapped and Zuko gave him a high five in agreement.

Toph smiled with amusement and looked like she was struggling to hold in her laughter. She diplomatically offered to try and put the lock back on the bathroom door tonight. Sokka was pleased.

-?-

Zuko and I were washing dishes together after dinner. Zuko was pretty quiet at the start and was standing in his _trying to maintain my dignity_ pose. He's had a pretty undignified day after all, what with Aang wanting to be his great grandfather and hug him and being caught naked etc. I didn't want to tease him about the naked mishap because he was already dying from embarrassment over that. I searched around my brain for another topic of conversation that did not include nudity.

I grinned at him and said _so boys never get haircuts recreationally then? _He said _not really, no._ I gave him a soapy hair ruffle so his hair stuck up at odd angles and said he really should think about it because his hair was getting really shaggy and messy. He gave me a slight smile and playful splash with the water and we had a small splashing battle. The splash fight helped us get back to our usual rhythm. He seemed a lot more at ease afterwards at least.

Zuko started talking about how weird Aang had been acting this morning. He had never seen Aang so _into _training. It confused Zuko not to have to nag Aang about training and really threw him for a loop. Zuko said that it almost reminded him of when he was at school and how he used to frantically study for tests the night before. And that might work for school tests but it didn't work very well for bending training. I told him not to worry, Aang would be ready in time. Aang _just panics _sometimes, that's all. Zuko made a face and said _well forgive me for not being reassured that the fate of the world lies in the hands of a 12 year old kid who __**panics sometimes.**_I told him (somewhat cheekily) that he should have more faith **in his great grandfather.** I got the grumpy face again and a small splash. I splashed back.

_So... Roku was your great grandfather? _I said in my questioning tone. He said _yeah,_ quietly and looked away for a second before he explained more. Apparently he had found out because his uncle had told him not long before he left the palace. Zuko didn't know quite how to feel about it and he hadn't really had time to think about it properly because so much...just stuff...had happened. He made a weird face, a little like his shameface but not. I said it wasn't anything to be ashamed of and he could have told me about it. I dunno, I was a bit miffed that he hadn't told me, just quietly. Just when I think I've got him figured out, he has another surprise for me.

He said that he hadn't been deliberately keeping it a secret or anything, it had just never come up and he didn't like to think to hard on it anyway because it got him thinking about other stuff. What other stuff? I asked. He paused and looked up at the ceiling and then back and me and said _It's just...my family has so many secrets... _he paused again and I just watched him and waited. He continued eventually and said _sometimes it's hard for me... finding out stuff like this. Stuff about father and Azula, Stuff about Uncle. You know, I never even knew they fought an agni kai. And all this stuff about my Mum..._there was a big long pause here and I thought he wasn't going to say any more. I was quiet too and didn't press the issue. Eventually he said _ I keep finding out things about her and I feel like there was this whole other person who I didn't even know. Sometimes I think that I didn't even know her at all. _He whispered this last part really quietly, as if he was confessing something really quite terrible.

I took the plate he was drying from his hands and put my wet soapy hands over his dry ones and said that he did know her. She was his mum after all. But it turns out she was a lot of other things too. Like Roku's granddaughter. Just because she was those other things, it didn't make her any less his mum. (I don't know, it made sense in my head). Zuko smiled, ever so slight, but then his smile dropped and he said, really quietly, _can I tell you something really pathetic and lame?_ I didn't let go of his hands but schooched closer and said of course he could. He could tell me anything.

He said that he'd kept everything she'd ever written to him. Birthday cards and little reminder notes etc. After she disappeared he collected them all and kept them in this little box. He'd taken it with him on the ship when he'd gotten banished. When his ship blew up, the one thing he was the most upset about wasn't that someone had tried to kill him again (though he was pretty cross about that too), but that all those notes and cards were gone forever and it was the only reminder he had of his mother and he couldn't ever get them back.

I think my heart cracked a little along with his voice, right then, when he said that. I dropped his hands and wrapped him up in a big hug around his middle and he hugged me back. I didn't know what else to do. It's just so sad. Not having anything to remind him of her at all. Having all those notes and cards burned up. Those sort of things are irreplaceable. I had my mother's necklace and it felt like I'd lost her all over again when I lost it. I told him I didn't think feeling sad about that was pathetic and lame at all. He said he was okay. It was okay now. Just seeing her handwriting again, in that book this afternoon, had really meant something to him. I held him closer and breathed in his Zuko smell. If they hadn't been all burned up, I think I probably would've promised to swim to the bottom of the ocean and get them for him. But it wouldn't do any good now. Some things do get lost forever.

Eventually we parted and went back to doing the dishes. Dishes won't do themselves after all. We started talking about Sokka's readings and Avatar Yangchen and going to a volcano tomorrow. Zuko really hopes it helps Aang have a breakthrough with firebending and hopes it won't end up being a complete waste of time for everybody. I said Sokka normally had good ideas and his great grandfather Aang (Zuko gave me the grumpy face here) really wasn't aggressive, so maybe learning how to firebend without aggression could do him some good. From the sounds of things, only Avatar Yangchen firebent that way and she was an airnomand avatar, just like his great grandfather Aang. Zuko made an irritated noise and told me to stop calling Aang his great grandfather. I said that his great grandfather would be hurt but Zuko's refusal to acknowledge him with a big smile. Zuko splashed me a little. I splashed back and we had our second small splashing battle of the evening. I had annoyed him a little with the great grandfather stuff (sometimes he's so easy and so fun to tease that I just can't help myself) but he was looking happier than he had a few minutes ago after our splashing fight, so I consider it all worth it.

I said that I thought Aang would make a wonderful great grandfather very teasingly. Zuko said he thought Aang would make the most embarrassing grandfather ever. I said it wasn't even that embarrassing, having Aang as a great grandfather. After having a naked mishap with Suki, Aang as a great grandfather would be much lower on the list of embarrassing things. Zuko groaned with humiliation and muttered _I was wondering if you were going to bring that up, _under his breath. I had just meant it as a throwaway line really. I didn't want have a big naked conversation or anything. But I had had thoughts of naked Zuko in my head like _all day _after the naked mishap and it just came out accidentally. I tried to smooth it over, mostly because I could foresee that this was going to be an immensely awkward conversation.

I said so Suki _saw you naked...it's not that bad!_ Zuko said _no, it's worse!_ I said that at least Sokka wasn't making a big deal about it (though he was making a big deal about bathroom locks) and there were worse people to catch you naked than Suki who was really quite sensible and did feel very embarrassed over it (eg me! I confess that had I been in Suki's shoes, I would not have left immediately – I did not say this thought out loud -thankfully). Zuko said _Suki's embarrassed?_ with some incredulity. I said _yeah, apparently she had seen the forbidden lands_ (I gestured in Zuko's general direction on forbidden lands) _and will never speak of what she saw. _

Zuko looked up a ceiling as if beseeching some sort of embarrassment spirit for patience. He ran his hands through his hair, sighed in a very long suffering manner and said, _you know, long ago, I had this thing called dignity, but I've given up on ever having it again!_ He was standing next to me and so I gave him a gentle nudge with my hip and said _it wasn't that bad_ (again). He replied _not that bad? You know how embarrassing that stupid play was, this is like that, but a million times worse._ I said really he was being a bit melodramatic. He had such a _gorgeous body_ that being caught in the buff would definitely be on the less embarrassing end of the humiliation spectrum than that stupid play. I said this in such an offhand manner that it took a while for my brain to catch up with what I was actually saying. There was a delicate, awkward little pause and I realised I had actually said he had a gorgeous body.

Out loud.

To his face.

Bollocks!

I just have naked thoughts on the brain and it was only a matter of time until one of them slipped out. Zuko was looking baffled, embarrassed and pleased all at the same time. He said _you really think so_. Being unable to speak for fear than more naked thoughts would slip out, I just nodded. He said _oh _quietly and then turned back to drying plates with a slight smile on his face. We finished up doing the dishes but spent the rest of the time casting shy looks and shy smiles at each other. And it was a bit awkward, but in a nice way.

-?-

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

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Incredibly long and rambling author's note ahead: seriously long. You may want to take a loo break now. Just a suggestion.

Lovely wonderful readers! I have returned! I had a great time! Thanks for all you well wishes! Huge giant thanks to all my wonderful reviewers! What a lovely surprise to get back and read all your wonderful comments! To everyone who PMed me, I'll get back to ya. To all my lovely first time reviewers – big thanks, it's always nice to read that people are enjoying the shenanigans and I loved that some of you de-lurked and reviewed! To other lurkers – much love to you guys as well. To lovely Sabbie who asked me if I watched coupling (the uk version right?), I do and I love it! It was in fact one of the TV shows on my inflight entertainment on the way back and as a result this chap borrows shamelessly from the episode _her best friend's bottom_ and _the girl with one heart_ (I watched both episodes on the plane and laughed my arse off!).

Also I notice there's been some dismay in my lovely fandom with re: to the new 'official' comic that has appeared in my absence. I don't know if this is really the place to comment on it but I wanted to offer a group snuggle! I haven't read it and only read comments about it, but it seems like everyone is OOC to me, so I'm just going to ignore it. I have a selective ignoring policy with re: to bryke. They delightfully ignore their own canon, so I, in turn, selectively ignore them.

Anyway.

I hope you enjoyed _naked shenanigans_. It was high time somebody caught Zuko naked in this fic! I know of you might be a bit sad panda that it wasn't Katara! It's for the best at this point lovely readers! And this chapter was to delve a bit more into the past avatars and bring up Zuko's family and it's secrets again anyway. I also wanted to look at where Aang is really at in terms of master the elements and to establish that Sozin's comet is quite soon. Don't quote me on the week thing because maths is not my strong point, but yeah, it's just around the corner. Really, I'd love to have them chilling out in the house forever, but I am trying to follow (and elaborate on and fix) canon, so Sozin's Comet had to come some time and so soon the beach house shenanigans will draw to a close. I hope you guys will enjoy what I've got planned for you. This fic will continue on a bit past the comet so don't be sad lovely readers!

So, at the beginning Aang has a freak out that Sozin's Comet is in a week (ish). He did this in nightmares and daydreams before the eclipse and it makes sense to me that he would do it again here. Suki is drugging him so he can sleep, but that doesn't mean he's not going to freak out during the day. Zuko compares Aang's panicked training before big battles to frantic cramming before a test. This is exactly what I thought when I watched nightmares and daydreams. Aang is like me in exam season! Ooh Aang- I feel ya! A semester of slack off and having beverages and writing fic and then suddenly GAH! Exams. Although in Aang's case it is Gaah! Sozin's comet. Regarding Zuko's comment about school. The firenation obviously has a rigid but very functional and organised school system and I think Azula and Zuko went to a good school for some time (probably the very elite one for royalty and the children on nobility in that crater capital thing). She teases him a couple of times in the series about not paying attention in school, so I assume they went together.

The firenation also have developed plumbing and indoor bathrooms. Because I say so. And also because we see a couple in the series and the firenation in general seems quite technologically advanced. Later, if I can fit it in and think of even the flimsiest justification for it, I would love to have a monty python-esque scene with characters bitching about the firenation and saying what has the firenation ever done for us, aside from the schools and the plumbing etc. * waves at Vaneria Potter, my monty python quoting buddy *

Everyone is starting to prepare for the comet in their own way. Sokka's way is to read and plan frantically. Suki's way is to get a haircut. In honesty, she's been in prison for months and she must have gotten it trimmed at some point. It makes sense that she'd want it out of her face during fight scenes. Suki, like me post-haircut, wants to stare at her new 'do in the mirror and brush it and pose and look at it from this way and that. It's called new haircut vanity and I think it must happen to other people too. So she walks into her own bathroom completely unaware and not expecting a naked Zuko (who would have just gotten out of the bath/shower/whatever.) And there are shenanigans.

Both Suki and Zuko are **just dead from embarrassment.** It is a super embarrassing thing. Katara is miffed that someone in the Gaang has seen Zuko naked and it wasn't her, but she manages to repress this feeling and instead tries to smooth things over. Toph, though I love her, has a tendency to find other people's discomfit/embarrassment quite amusing, so naturally she finds the whole thing hilarious. Aang is a bit oblivious (as Aang is wont to be) and Sokka is so engrossed in Avatar Yangchen's badassery that he misses it. That's happened to me too, I've gotten so into a book that the house could have fallen down around me and I wouldn't have noticed.

Anyway Zuko huffs off embarrassed and takes Aang for training and Suki has an embarrassment attack._ How can she look him in the face again etc._ I think Suki and Zuko both respect each other and though this is super duper embarrassing, because they both respect and genuinely like each other, they wouldn't want to make a huge deal about in. Instead they try to kind of ignore it and move on. That's why neither of them bring it up again until Sokka does at dinner. Also I didn't want either of them to lie to Sokka about this (it's not in either of their characters to lie to Sokka as far as I imagine them) so they fess up pretty quickly.

Sokka for his part is pretty level headed about it and uses it to prove his point re: locks on bathroom doors. Seriously I do think Sokka wouldn't make a huge deal over it either. He is much more secure in his relationship with Suki and knows it was just a naked mishap. Later, after dinner when it is just him and Suki in their room, Suki will tell him the whole story and he will say _so did you like seeing Zuko's bottom _and she will reassure him that she likes his bottom better etc and all will be well in their world.

I hope Sokka's bathroom lock rant doesn't come off as terribly sexist. That's not my intention. He is making giant generalisation about being a man, but he does still have a very deep respect for all the girls present. However, he does feel a bit defensive over his bathroom and he does feel like the girls are ganging up on him. (they aren't really, they are just being practical about the time constraints with regards to lock fixing and they have different priorities at the moment.) Also his buddy has just fallen victim to the lack of lock and so Sokka has a manly rant in solidarity. He did write out a long list of reasons when he took a break from Avatar Yangchen for lunch and this helps him rant.

His rant is inspired in part by a hilarious rant from _coupling _and in part by the various menfolk in my life being **exceptionally defensive** over what they classify as 'manspace'. Is this a global thing? or just an aussie thing? Or just a thing with my menfolk? Some toilets, occasional whole bathrooms, all sheds/garages seem to acquire the 'manspace' label and any attempt to improve manspace with candles, air fresheners/fresh air, open windows etc is promptly and proudly rebuffed – because it is MAN SPACE and so _who cares about the smell!_ The lovely BF explained to me that while the women in my circle of friends all tend to congregate around the kitchen/lounge room etc and generally like to talk a lot, most dudes prefer to have 'a cave' that they can retreat to, so to speak. All dudes apparently need 'a cave' like equivalent. A place they can retreat too in times of stress, trouble or to escape for a few hours. Don't know if this is true for all men, (any lovely reader out there care to enlighten me re: manspace in their area?) but it is of the ones I know at least.

So in canon Avatar Roku is Zuko's great grandfather. The maths in this really confuses me. Is this even possible? How old does Ursa have to be for this to work? How is does everyone have to be for this to work? Is this just an example of creative-writing-types having maths fail (it's okay, I do it too). Anyway, I have decided just to go with it. I am trying to closely follow (and elaborate on and fix) canon and it's there, so I'll have to deal with it at some point.

My thoughts on it are this: this definitely would have come up at some point! It should have come up again between Aang and Zuko at least. I don't know where I stand on how the whole past lives things works. my thoughts on the whole re-incarnation this are a bit sketchy, but I think Aang would be much more into it that Zuko.

Zuko is a bit aghast at Aang declaring himself his great grandfather etc. Some of it is his general skittishness when it comes to familial relationships (_who would __**want**__ to be part of this family_ sort of thing), some of it is his scepticism regarding spirity-mumbo-jumbo etc. He and Sokka share this scepticism but for slightly different reasons. I think for Zuko, if the spirits are real, they have been complete jerks to him and so he does not trust them. And then part of is that severe and serious Zuko thinks that fun and flighty Aang would be the most plain-old-embarrassing relative ever. When Aang's older he's going to get rip roaring drunk, tell inappropriate stories and dance/sing with great enthusiasm at parties and call Zuko my great grandson in front of people and Zuko doesn't want that!

I think Aang on the other hand, might be a bit happy at finding a direct relative (sort of). Aang is very attune with his past lives and does over identify them (see his indignation over people besmirching the name of kyoshi in that episode in early season two. He acted like they were directly insulting him and indeed he felt that they were). His past lives themselves foster this view of oneness with them. Roku refers to him and Aang like they are the same person or at least similar parts of the same entity. He refers to the events in the _Avatar and the firelord _as 'our past' when he is talking to Aang. So Aang because he's got more that the usual amount of identity confusion on account of having past lives that talk to him etc, gets a bit excited when he finds out Zuko is Roku's grandson and feels like in some way Zuko is his great grandson too. I think while Aang was brought up without traditional family dynamics with the air nomads (the whole temple was one big family) he has become part of a small insular family with the Gaang and he has come to enjoy and rely on that family bond. But he doesn't really know how families work, so he looks to Sokka and Katara. He knows are are meant to be close, so he immediately thinks he should hug Zuko. Zuko disagrees.

This hug is **more than a bit awkward. **

I think the Zuko and Aang hug at the finale was a little awkward too, just quietly. I think in comparison with the Zuko/Katara hug in the southern raiders, it was much more stiff as opposed to snuggly. Reasons for this I think are just that Zuko and Aang are very different people and I don't know if they were quite at the huggy-stage yet. And some people aren't just very huggy together, despite being huggy with other people. Zuko might be a bit of a snuggly bug, but I think that is only with specific people (like Katara.) Aang hugs confuse him.

So there is a hidden compartment in the house that is full of old Avatar written works. Ursa and Iroh hid them there. I think Ursa and Iroh were rather close. They obviously knew eachother very well for Iroh to know that she was Roku's grand-daughter. I think this is the sort of information you would keep close to the chest in Azulon's firenation. But Ursa told Iroh at some point and gave him that crowny-thing, so she must have trusted him.

* Side note: What is the deal with that crowny-thing. I kept waiting for it to re-appear and have more significance. Silly me.

Anyway, in my imagination, Ursa and Iroh were close and trusted each other. (I'm still undecided whether their relationship went any further or not). I think Ursa would have known her family history and like Iroh, believed in spirits and that the avatar would one day return, and so she was guarding her family's secret legacy until that time came. At some point, Ursa would have needed to move the books from their old hiding place, wherever that was, and she would have confiding in Iroh and he would have told her that when he added the additional rooms to the summer house, he installed secret compartments in the music room and library (hey Iroh's got secrets aplenty of his own, he could find uses for secret compartments). The library compartment would have seemed like the perfect solution. I think Ursa and Iroh enjoyed a good scroll, and probably would have had a small chuckle regarding hiding something from Ozai in a library, Ozai never reads etc. Iroh would have read the works and they would have hidden them away, where they lay undiscovered until Sokka found them.

Another side note regarding Ozai: Ozai seriously doesn't strike me as much of a reader really. He just doesn't seem especially bright to me. Especially in 'normal' subjects like economics and politics eg, you should only play that whole **scorched earth** thing if you intend** never to use that land again** and totally mess with an invading enemy. Scorching the earth of territory that you wish to take over and burning everything you wish to be yours to a crisp is just..all kinds of counter-productive and stupid. I think he was exceptionally gifted at mind games and probably sacred the bejeezus out of his court and those that surrounded him, he's no great shakes at governing a country with a fair hand or well thought out strategy. He's exceptional in the areas of psychopathy etc, but normal human interactions and sound governance elude him.

The Gaang find the avatar books because I wanted us to get to know more about Avatar Yangchen, because I think she was **just a bit awesome** and otherwise she just turns up randomly in Sozin's comet for a five minutes and then is never heard from again. I think we should have gotten to know a little more about Yangchen, especially because she is the previous Air Avatar and could have really helped Aang. But that is just me.

Okay, confession: I don't think Aang had properly mastered the elements by the end of Sozin's comet. Especially earth and fire, they definitely needed work. I would be surprised if he had completely mastered water too. Look Aang is an exceptionally gifted bender and he does pick a lot of things up very quickly, but just getting the hang of something quickly is not the same as mastering them. Toph, Zuko and Katara have all worked _extremely hard _to master their elements. It didn't happen easily for any of them and I think if Aang could just easily do in a few lessons what they'd _spent years_ learning, there would be a bit of hurt feelings/grumpiness towards Aang.

Even though Aang is the Avatar and had previously master the four elements in other lives, it took him 12 years in those lives. Even if we take the theory that each subsequent Avatar learns the elements quicker as a result of previous learning on face value, it still took Roku 12 years and he didn't like he was slacking off for those 12 years. Rokus 12 years does not equal Aang's less than 12 months.

I think it is variety of bending rather than complete mastery of all the forms that helps Aang in the final battle. He can use four bendings (five bendings if you classify the energy bending), while Ozai can use only one, granted the most powerful one at that point, but Aang still has four (5) different ways of striking back. And he still loses! He ends up hiding in that little ball thing and it is only when he goes into the all powerful Avatar state that the tables turn on Ozai and Aang starts winning.

I think he is getting a great deal of help from his past lives here. When Aang speaks when he is in the Avatar State at this point, it sounds like it is many voices, which I think is meant to symbolise that his past lives are there with him and trying their best to help him win the battle.

Anyway all this is a long winded way of saying that I think that before Aang decided to wait until after the comet, there would be much panicking and frantic training and attempts to help Aang better learn the elements he still struggles with (Earth and Fire). I don't think Toph or Zuko would harp on about him being a bit crap at their elements because they wouldn't want to discourage/frighten him (eg Toph's reluctance in saying that his earthbending needed some work etc), but they would be **very worried** about his progress. I think Earth would still be difficult for Aang as it is his complete opposite. Fire would be difficult because he has exceptionally mixed feelings about firebending and I think a little bit of dragon sparkle would only go so far.

Some people think the dragons made Zuko and Aang super awesome special benders, but I think that while they gave them both a deeper appreciation for firebending and some new and fancy moves, the dragons did not magically turn either of them into a master. Most because Zuko has really struggled to master fire and I think it would be a bit unfair to him if Aang just got a magic wand waved over him and voila mastery and because they still train in firebending after this episode.

Avatar Wiki says that firebending is the most aggressive form of bending and relies on continuous, and powerful attacks. It does not dodge or weave, but blasts forward. This is not Aang's fighting style or personality. Aang is just not very aggressive, except for when he is in exceptionally heightened emotional states. I think that while his trip to the dragons was helpful in the initial stages of his training, that episode was really just to get him started in terms of firebending. He thought firebending was completely evil a few days earlier and never wanted to do it again. The dragons helped Aang see the positive side of firebending and probably gave him some fancy firebending tricks, but I think one trip to the dragons does not a master make (otherwise why did Aang need to keep training). The dragons could not just breathe on him and make him a master. That has to come from Aang.

And so I thought some sound posthumous advice from Avatar Yangchen would help at this juncture. Yangchen would have faced similar difficulties as Aang did (though she would not have had the same mixed feelings about firebending, it is still a very different fighting style and she would have striggled with it initially.) Volcanoes help Yangchen understand both fire's destructive and creative powers better. And Aang would do well from her lesson that fire, in and of itself, is not evil. No bending is. It is the intentions of the bender that make the bending good or evil.

So the whole Gaang will go on an outing to a volcano next chapter! Yay! I hope you guys will enjoy the Mount Ember Trip. Advocaat has left me a delightful little challenge – insert some vietnam touristy shenanigans into my next chapter! I couldn't fit them into this one, but I have set up the perfect touristy location to put them in next chapter. See if you can spot them.

Zuko is unwillingly caught actually naked in this chapter, but he is also emotionally naked of his own volition with Katara when he tells her about losing his mother's notes and his mixed feelings regarding all the family secrets. Yay emotional and physical nudity!

Zuko just strikes me as the sentimental sort, he would have wanted to take a little reminder of his mother with him when he was banished. He never knew if/when he was coming home after all, and so he wouldn't want to leave it. When Zuko's ship blows up, it all goes. All his stuff. He escapes without anything and so he would have lost those letters too. Katara understands about mothers and having a little something to remind you. She would understand what a big blow it would be to lose something like that.

And they hug.

Because it's my fic and I want them to hug/bond every chapter.

Seriously though, in the whole third season there are a bunch of reveals about the firenation royal family. From Zuko's perspective, it must have been a bit of an intense experience. Zuko keeps finding out surprise facts or sneaky secrets about his family members and it must be getting to him a little bit after a while. Nobody he's related to is really what they say they are. All these people he thought he knew have been deliberately lying, or gently hiding the truth from him. Azula always lies, his dad's a pyschopath and his only just realised, his gentle loving mother is alive and killed his grandfather, even his beloved uncle kept a whole bunch of information from him regarding his heritage and white lotusy shenanigans etc. I think Zuko would be a little sick of all the secrets and would have mixed feelings about even the ones that reveal good stuff, because it's still a secret and Zuko has major trust issues after all.

I think stuff about his mother would be especially hard for him to deal with because he cherishes her memory so much. I think he has an extremely idealised view of his mother and so finding out she was capable of murder and had all these secrets too would be a little jarring. I think all young children idolise their parents to some extent and Zuko was quite young when she left. Normally kids get to grow with their parents and come to see them as people in their own right, with failings and flaws just like everybody else. They are not the all powerful mum and dad, they are often just people who are trying their best. Zuko never got that. Katara and Sokka didn't either. (I imagine that if you even vaguely alluded to Katara that her mother might not have been the perfect person she imagines her to be, you would **meet the business end **of an icicle pretty quickly). Anyway for Zuko, his mother left when he's young and so she's stayed as this image of this perfect person in his mind and now he's finding out all this stuff about her and it's problematic for him because it doesn't fit with that image. He still loves her very much, but he's wondering how well he really knew her.

There is also a bit a friendly teasing regarding Zuko's new great grandfather and nudity situations. I think Zuko needs some more friendly teasing in his life. I think a spot of gentle friendly teasing would do wonders for him. And Katara delivers on this front. The way she says 'oh lighten up, I was only teasing' in Sozin's Comet makes me think that she has teased him on previous occasions and he's been okay with it and maybe even teased her back a little.

Anyway, they had a very antagonistic relationship at the start, and were constantly fighting for dominance. Now they are on much more equal footing but having such a past between them would still leave a reminder. I think that by this stage, all that remains of that old antagonism would be a tendency to tease each other in a friendly manner and have small splashing/tickling battles. Their battles aren't for dominance any more, but for funsies.

And it also gave me a opportunity for Katara to let it accidentally slip out that she finds him a bit gorgeous while she's teasing him. She literally cannot help herself, but she's been thinking it all day and it just slips out unbidden! And there some shy awkwardness – but the totally good kind. And seriously, Zuko needed a boost after his terrible, bad, no-good day.

YMMV on everything!

So next chapter we will all go to Mount Ember for a touristy day. We will get to know a lot more about the workings of firenation and firenation colony society and we will meet some original characters. I know people can be a bit meh on original characters, but give them a chance and I hope they'll grow on you! There will be shenanigans, knick-knack purchasing and haggling and friendly international teasing and good natured cultural stereotypes. Katara will get jealous, Sokka will get curious, Zuko will get grumpy (more grumpy than usual) and Suki may get a tiny bit drunk.

Til then lovely readers...


	29. Volcano day

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Volcano day: part 1.

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So this morning there were shenanigans with getting everybody up and awake and breakfasted and ready to go, just like I thought there would be. This is the problem with planning on doing something all together, because all of us are on slightly different wake/sleep patterns. Look not everybody wants to get up at the crack of dawn okay, some of us like/need this thing called sleep and without it, we get a little cranky. Leaving just after the crack of dawn was always a bit of an over optimistic plan in my opinion. Zuko wanted to 'beat the hordes of tourists', but I am happy to be one of the merry tourist horde who have gotten to have a sleep in – thank you very much.

Aang was the most excited out of all of us and was ready first and giving everyone else the hurry up. I know Aang gets excited by new places. Maybe it's something to do with being an air nomad. Me and Sokka and Suki somehow managed to drag ourselves to the breakfast table. Zuko had already made a huge pot of tea for everybody, so we all partook of the tea and felt a little more awake. Toph was the least enthusiastic and stayed abed all through breakfast in protest over having to get up at an ungodly hour. When Aang went to shake her awake for the 6th time in 20 minutes, she threw her pillow at him most irately. Aang then went and made her a giant sandwich, filled with 5 different jams and took it too her so she could have breakfast in bed and skip out the whole 'getting up for breakfast' step of the morning. Aang had forgotten which jam was her favourite (it is raspberry) and so he used every jam we have, (except for Sokka secret sauce, which fills everyone except Sokka and Zuko, with the deepest revulsion). Toph was touched by her five jam sandwich. But as soon as she'd finished her last bite, Aang was all, _okay you've had breakfast now lets goooooo!_

-?-

We trekked into Port Ember together. To get to Mount Ember, we had to travel to Equinox Bay, the next biggest town on the island. Equinox bay is 30 minutes away by train, or an hour by ferry. We chose train. I thought it would be like the trains in Ba Sing Se and wondered how they would go without earthbenders to push them. Zuko said it was steam powered and then Sokka piped up with a long/lengthy blathering explanation about steam engines and how they worked and how he'd read a book on them and steam was really quiet powerful and blah blah blah. I'll admit I tuned out at some point. Sokka's big long, precise and scientific explanations can be a bit much sometimes. As long as the train will get us there, that's all that matters.

The front of the train looked a little like that thing Azula chased us with, all those months ago when Toph first joined us. But it was less menancing somehow. Probably because is looked clunkier and had heaps of passenger carriages attached to it. Not nearly enough though, by the looks of things. The platform was literally swarming with people. I didn't think I'd ever seen this many people clustered into one area in my life. Zuko said it was 'peak hour' and that was why it was so crowded and this was why he had wanted to go early so we could avoid the hordes of people. The queue for tickets was immense and Aang was already getting impatient. A queue that size could kill him. Zuko and I found some benches and decided that I would wait there with everybody while he went to get the tickets. Only one of us needed to wait in line after all.

-?-

Another group of kids bagged the bench next to us. Well just one kid really, a boy who reminded me remarkable of Aang, yelled out _I bags the bench! _and a slightly taller girl sighed and drawled out that he didn't have to bags every single seat he came across. There were three of them and they all looked rather similar. Olive skin, brown hair and brown eyes. They must all be related. This suspicion was confirmed when the tallest girl, who was rather bossy looking, told them both to stay there while she got tickets and strode off in such an older sisterly manner. I know that long suffering tone of voice, I know that purposeful stride. I'd bet a million gold pieces she was the older sister and in charge of their little group. The younger girl took out a book and started reading while the boy pestered her. I turned away from the two of them. I had my own older sister duties to attend to.

Zuko said there might be a few longish waits during the day so Suki and Sokka had both grabbed a book before we left. Suki had taken Kyoshi's autobiography, Sokka had taken Avatar Yangchen's _book of days_ and as soon as we gathered near the bench, they both sat down and started reading. I had never, until that moment, seen quite how similar Sokka and Suki were. They sat in identical poses and at one point they turned their pages exactly in unison.

My task was the thankless one of trying to keep Toph and Aang entertained while we waited, without bending. We'd all decided not to bend today (after Sokka's suggested it) on the walk down to town. We were still living in hiding and to bust out some earthbending/waterbending/airbending in the middle of the firenation would be a dead give away (emphasis on the dead). Firebending was okay, but the rest of us were just pretending to be simple colonial tourists.

Very bored simple colonial tourists from the looks of Aang and Toph.

_What is taking so long! I thought the firenation was supposed to be efficient and always punctual and all that stuff! _Toph expostulated loudly. From her left, the boy leaned in and said _I know right? My sisters and I have been here three weeks and we've had to wait everywhere. This nation colonised half the earth kingdom and they can't figure out proper train timetables! _ Toph looked momentarily startled at being addressed so directly by a stranger and said _who are you? _quite bluntly. _I'm Rozin, _the kid answered cheerfully _and that's my sister Rei,_ he said and gestured to the girl next to him, who much like Sokka and Suki, was reading intently. She lowered her book and inclined her head towards us in way of greeting and then resumed reading. She was reading a _beginner's guide to firebending _and looked to be halfway along it. Rozin saw me notice and whispered _She's a firebender, only we're not supposed to talk about it _conspiratorially at me and Toph and Aang. Rei, who was sitting next to him, casually gave him a whack with her book and resumed reading.

Toph said _I'm Toph and that's Katara and_ she said and pointed at me, she gestured at Aang and paused for a second. Aang's name was really rare and recognisable after all. _...I'm Kuzon_, Aang cut across her and smiled at Rozin. _Are you lot colonials too?_ Rozin asked with some excitement, We said yes we were (we are just simple colonial tourists after all). _Oh Fabbo! We've been hoping to meet some more colonial kids, Mam said there should be a few here on the island. Are you lot new to old smokey? Because let me tell you we've had crazy delays everywhere! _

Old smokey?

Rozin explained it was what they called the firenation in Oyster Bay. _Rena, that's my other sister, she's in the queue right now (_he waved his arm vaguely at the queue)_, and Rei and I are all from Oyster Bay Colony._ _ What colony are you guys from?_

Bollocks! Obviously I always knew there is more than one colony. We've always called them the colonies, which is the plural form, after all. But normally just saying you were from the colonies sufficed as an explanation for all our unusual colouring/not quite perfect manners in the firenation. Normal firenation citizens don't seem to differentiate between the different colonies after all. But this was a colony kid and he was obviously asking for a more specific place of origin. I didn't know the names of any individual colonies after all. What colony? Hmmm? Toph and Aang looked at me and I had a moment of blankness. I looked over at Zuko in the queue. Would I look weird if I ran over and asked him where we could possibly be from and then came back. Suddenly I had a moment of cleverness (I am so wily). I remembered the name of that village near Jet's forest. That little harmless firenation town.

_Gaipan!_ I practically shouted at Rozin, like he'd give me a prize if I got the right answer. _We're from Gaipan! _Toph and Aang looked relieved next to me. Rozin looked nonplussed and said _'oh the logging town. Right? _We said yes, it was the logging town. Toph asked what Oyster Bay produced (all the colonies and towns normally produce something) and Rozin smiled cheekily at her, and said it was the **wine colony.** Best of all colonies. His mum and dad had a big winery on the river and when they'd come to the firenation, they'd bought an arseload of wine for all his mum's firenation relatives.

_Did you guys get a really random letter from random firenation relatives too?_ Rozin asked innocently. He didn't seem to actually need an answer from us and kept talking anyway. I have never met anyone who talked quite as much as Rozin, except for Aang. He said that when his mum decided to marry his dad, her father -who was some big general in the firenation and you know how they are - stopped speaking to her and Rozin and his sisters had never met their grandpa until a few weeks ago. At the start of summer, suddenly, out of the blue, they get two really urgent messenger hawks, one from her father (the general), one from her brother (not a general – but a wine merchant and so he was mega rich). Both letters pretty much saying that she needed to come back to the firenation and to bring the whole family and they had both sent enough money for the sea passage for everyone. _Like a whole thirty gold pieces_. Rozin said with some awe. Anyway, now they were on Ember Island and staying in their uncle's family home and trying to make friends with their poffy cousins. But their cousins were such poffs! And Rena and Rei and Rozin were sick of them and had escaped for the day.

What's a poff?

_Wow, you lot must use really different slang in Gaipan. A Poff is what we call kids from the main island, because they're all poxy, snotty, poffs. _Poff sounded like an insult and I don't know, I felt vaguely defensive over Zuko. He was from the main island and he was neither poxy or snotty.I said as much to Rozin. Rozin was really surprised that we'd been able to make friends with a poff because poffs aren't normally very friendly and said that maybe our friend was a rare breed of nice poff. He'd heard they'd existed, but had assumed they were like flying bison or bears or unicorns or other such mystical creatures.

Most of the poff kids they'd met had been a bit snotty and aloof with Rozin and his sisters. _As soon as they find out you're from the colonies they make this face_ Rozin said and made a very comical disdainful face. Both Aang and I laughed (because it was a really funny face) but Toph didn't even blink. Rozin gave her a little poke and said _hey Toph, didn't you see. _ He may as well have been saying _pay attention to me. _Toph lifted her fringe and let Rozin see her milky eyes and said no, she didn't see. Rozin looked a little shamefaced and looked about to say something else (unsurprisingly) when a taller girl came up behind him and said _Rozin, stop bothering these nice people, _to him and _sorry, my brother talks a lot_ to us.

Rozin said it was okay and we were colonials too. The girl, I assume his older sister Rena, instantly smiled more widely at us. I said it was true, we were colonials and we hadn't minded Rozin talking and it had been nice for us to meet other colonials. Rena smiled again and said she knew what we meant. The ember islander kids were okay, but poffs were so standoffish, weren't they? It was nice to meet people you can have a friendly chat with. She'd just gotten in this argument with a poff in the queue because she'd pushed in (but she was in a rush) and he'd got a bit cranky (as poffs do) and there had been bickering all through her long long wait for tickets, until one of the guards sent him to the back of the queue (he had been persuaded by Rena's claims of innocence as well as her rather remarkable cleavage). It hadn't been worth all the pushing in and arguing because there was still an big wait for the next train. _Gosh, the transports a joke at the moment isn't it. _Rena said lightly. _It's been like this ever since we got here! Efficiently disorganised. Who would've thought a few random water tribe warriors and earthbenders could cause this much chaos!_

_What? _Sokka said, dropping his book and entering the conversation for the first time. _Wow, you guys must be fresh of the boat. Didn't you hear about the watertribe invasion on the day of black sun. It's what's screwed up the transport royally. _ Sokka looked immensely curious and said _no, we hadn't heard, what are people saying about it?_eagerly.

Rena said that she didn't know all the details. All she knew was that on the eclipse day a small force of water tribe warriors and earthbenders had invaded the capital. _What's was all that about really? Did one of them have too much ice wine as say **'Ve must invade the Ze firenation at ze veakest spot! Ze giant 'eavily fortified capital!** _(I wanted to correct her and say that water tribe people didn't speak like that but I was meant to be from Gaipan and she wasn't being mean or anything, she really just seemed to think that water tribe people spoke like that) _Like seriously. I mean back home in Oyster Bay, people get drunk and talk about splitting from old smokey and getting independence, but nobody actually tries it. Anyway I think we've all learned a valuable lesson from the eclipse invasion. Don't mess with firenation people. Because they don't take kindly to it. And they mess with you right back._ Sokka was watching her with a strange look on his face. I could tell he didn't like hearing his invasion plans (which I thought had been quite clever) being so roundly dismissed as foolish. Suki next to him had also dropped her book and subtly taken his hand.

Rena said that after the invasion, harbour city, which was a big transport hub, had been completely locked down. It had been the first time the poffs had ever been invaded and they were all freaking out – which for a poff meant **keeping a little less calm** and **carrying on a lot more**. And a rumour had gone around that Ozai knew of the invasion but hadn't done anything to stop it and the poffs were unhappy about that. Another rumour had gone around that Ozai hadn't done anything to stop it because he'd been busy killing his son, prince whats-his-face, and his brother, general whats-his-face, because they had both just disappeared during the eclipse, and according to Rena's uncle, the firelord makes people disappear on a regular basis and a lot of people had disappeared recently and when someone disappeared they were usually dead. (I felt a stab of anxiety for Zuko. His mum had disappeared. Was she really dead then?) The poffs were very unhappy about all the disappearances and each disappearance had sprung up its own batch of rumours. And another rumour had gone round that the avatar had lead the invasion and he'd nearly succeeded and the firelord had hidden from him like a coward, the poffs were exceptionally unhappy about that. And then another rumour had gone around that Ozai was going to throw into jail anyone caught spreading rumours, and so the rumours had stopped.

Because of all the invasion shenanigans, they had to wait for a week before they could dock in harbour city and then their transport ship was cancelled and so they had to travel the long way. (Train across capital island to Lightning Ridge- which was the nearest port to Ember island). The funniest thing about all the transport chaos and something that told Rena all she needed to know about poffs was what happened the day they had to go to the train station on capital island.

The big train station was just at the base of the volcano and there was normally a rhino bus (_a giant cart pulled by kimodo rhinos- gosh we really were new weren't we- all the big firenation cities have them_). After the invasion, all the kimodorhinos has been recalled for cleaning up the city. So they'd all crashed at their mam's friends house for a few extra days and waited for the bus service to start running again. And there was so much disorganisation and disruption and everyone was being all poffy and keeping calm and carrying on etc.

Anyway the driver came, without a rhino, and said they wont be getting the rhinos again til tomorrow. _You could tell who the colonials were on this bus because all the Poffs were sitting still in an orderly fashion and all of us were like __**blaaaaah what are we going to do?**__The driver said he lived at the other end of the bus route and so he was going to walk home because it was the only way to get anywhere, what with all the chaos on the roads. Keep in mind they'd only been invaded by like 12 drunken water tribe people and four earthbenders- mam couldn't wait another day to see her brother so we decided to leave our big bags with her friend and take our small packs and walk with them. _

_And the funniest thing was that the poffs formed an orderly little bunch behind the bus driver and we actually looked like some imaginary bus. We would actually stop at the bus stops and poffs would 'get off' and then walk in the opposite way – the way we had just walked from! And the best bit is that when I looked around, we saw the next imaginary bus coming along – but this one was__** all poffs**__ and so they marched quickly and orderly and soon they were almost over-taking us – because poffs are competitive about everything, even imaginary buses! And our driver turns to the second driver and says – what the hell are you doing? And the second driver says – what am I doing? I'm WINNING! _

We all laughed over her imaginary bus story. I told her what I had told Rozin, that not all poffs are so bad and our friend in the ticket queue was a poff and he was quiet nice. Rena just shrugged and said _well stranger things have happened I guess. _ She asked us all where we were heading off too today. Aang eagerly told her we were going to the volcano so he could learn some new firebending. Rena smiled and said that's where they were going as well because Rei was a firebender, and she really needed some training and then Rena was sure she was going to be wonderful. Rei, who had stayed out of our whole conversation, buried her face deeper into her book and blushed brightly.

Rena said that she'd read in that book of hers that all firebenders are meant to go and meditate on volcanoes or some such nonsense like that. They were meant to hike up some perilous path to earn the experience and then toss fire about and play with lava or whatever. It sounded like a lot of marlarky to Rena -excuse her omashuian- but she had heard that there was a lovely restaurant at the top of the volcano which had a fabulous view over all the island, so she and Rozin were going to look at that, and to support Rei, of course. Rei blushed again and said she would have been fine on her own but Rena gave her a small pat on the shoulder and said wasn't it more fun with all of them going. Rei rolled her eyes melodramatically.

Rena turned to me and said _Tell ya what, why don't we all go together? We're all heading to the volcano and it's great to met other colonials, may as well spend the arvo together._ Arvo? Afternoon, Rena explained. I agreed because it seemed rude not to and we'd probably keep running into them anyway, seeing as though we were all going to the same place.

Just at that moment, Zuko rejoined us and started handing out tickets to everyone in our group. I introduced him to our new colonial friends. When he bowed at Rozin, he openly stared at Zuko's left side and forgot to bow back. Rei looked at his scar and visibly gasped and recoiled. Zuko, to anyone who didn't know him well, showed no reaction. I, however, didn't miss that tiny, almost imperceptible look of hurt that passed over his face. I gave his shoulder a little squeeze and introduced him to Rena. She didn't gasp and recoil. She had already met him, apparently. Zuko saw Rena and his eyes narrowed in dislike. The feeling was obviously mutual. He said_ I know you! I got sent to the back of the queue because of you! _Rena shrugged breezily and said if he had just let her push in, there wouldn't have been an issue. Zuko made a frustrated noise and was about to argue some more but I grabbed his arm and said in a calming tone that it had been nice for us to meet _other colonials, because we hadn't met any other's since we left Gaipan_ (and I glanced at everybody else and tried to say _remember we are just being ordinary colonial tourists today _with my eyes) and Rena and Rei and Rozin were going to accompany us because they were going to the volcano too. Zuko seemed to say _oh hell no _with his eyes. We had another conversation with our eyes (which I won) and eventually Zuko rolled his and said _fine_ with some disgruntlement.

-?-

When the train came it was a mad scramble to get on. Firenation people have the uncanny ability to let people off a train while, at all times, pushing forward impatiently. Rozin found us some seats, quicker than a flash and waved us over. I looked apologetically at Zuko who was still a bit grumpy and muttering about undignified colonials and about being sent to the back of the queue. I said that they'd only be with us for today and at least one of our new friends was good for finding seats on a crowded train. It was too crowded for all of us to have a seat to ourselves as there were only four seats in the booth.

Some surreptitious lap-sitting that went on.

Rozin sat on Rena and Suki sat on Sokka's lap and Zuko and I sat next to each other and had Aang and Toph. I will admit that I was going to try and use this opportunity to sit on Zuko's lap, but unfortunately, being a bigger kid, it somehow made more sense for Aang to sit in mine. Boo. And also Toph had bagsed Zuko's and Aang bagsed mine before I got a word in edgewise. Double boo!

The quiet firebender, Rei, opted to stand up and hold on to one of the bars. Zuko had also opted to stand and tried to give up his seat for her, but he was overruled by Toph, who said that if he stood, she would have to stand as well and right now she was engaged into some slappy-clappy-game that Rozin had taught her. Aang squirmed in my lap and wanted to play slappy-clappy as well, but it was more of a two player game. Aang grumbled and looked darkly at Toph and her new friend.

Rena pulled some a packet of wine gummies from her bag and shared them round. She asked us about what we were doing in the firenation and how long we'd been here etc. There was much umming and ahhing because we hadn't really thought we'd need a story now would we. Aang piped up that we had only just got to ember island and we were all cousins and staying with Zuko, who was also our cousin. (We must be very distantly related cousins in Aang's story. I mean really now, we all look so different, I mean there is no resemblance what so ever. Rena raised an eyebrow but didn't seem to question it.) Aang seemed to borrow from their story a little bit and said that our mum, like their mum, had got a message from her relatives in the firenation to come and visit and now we were here.

He said it all so self assuredly and confidently and Rena nodded along when he mentioned getting a surprise letter. Aang can lie so smoothly sometimes. I remember how, with such easy grace and aplomb, he told that story to those two warring tribes in the great divide. It is a handy skill to have. I am not as expert at lying as Aang and I always seem to give myself away somehow.

Rena thought for a second and said _it was a bit weird wasn't it._ They'd met so many colonials in the firenation this summer and it was always the same story. Suddenly firenation relatives that hadn't been heard from in years, would send urgent messages and pots of money and demands for everyone else to pack up and visit. But wasn't that just like poffs, They didn't invite you for a holiday- they demanded your presence. Zuko rolled his eyes (as he had done every time Rena had criticised poffs) and Rei spoke up grumpily and said _leave off about the poffs will ya. Uncle Azan's __not so bad is he, and neither is Auntie Ming._ Rena looked indignant and said _I'm just looking out for you! What those poffs said to you back in the capital is not on!_ Rei snapped back sharply _lets not get into that again! _And there was a brief and awkward silence. There is a story there, but I don't know what it is and we were all too polite to ask.

Rozin however, seemed perplexed and ask – _so if you're all cousins, how come these two were kissing earlier_! He said with some bafflement as he pointed at Suki and Sokka. Then his eyes widened and he said u_nless cousins can do that in Gaipan and then that's okay...I guess_. I stifled a chuckle at his confusion. Suki reassured him that she wasn't a cousin, she was actually Sokka's girlfriend and Aang just called her a cousin for simplicity's sake. Cousins didn't **do that** in Gaipan. Rozin looked relieved.

Rena looked up at Rei and said _what does you guide book say about the volcano?_ in a placating tone as if she was trying to get past their earlier awkward moment. I know that tone well. Rei pulled out her beginner's guide again and said that the Mount Ember Temple was the most popular in the firenation and that firebenders normally did the rice-paddy-way-hike to get to the top of the mountain, but due to the temple's increase in popularity, and the newly built restaurant, a cable car had been installed to help those less mobile up to the top. She put her book back in her bag and said with a sigh, _I'm going to do the hike, you guys can take the cable car and I'll meet you at the top_. Rena cut across her and said, _no we are coming with you!_ Rei rolled her eyes and said _you guys will hate it, you both hate hiking and you'll complain and embarrass me in front of other firebenders!_ Zuko muttered_ too late_ under his breath. Aang looked at Zuko and said with some resignation. _We're doing the hike too aren't we. _Zuko said _Oh yes we are. _ Aang looked a touch sad before he brightened and said _Can we get the cable car on the way back? I've never gotten a cable car before, can we, can we? _Zuko said this would be okay. Sokka said cable cars weren't so great, just so Aang knew. Rena asked if Rei knew the way they had to hike, She did not, but the guide book said the path was easily marked out. Zuko offered that he'd done the hike as a kid and he knew the way.

Rei looked at them curiously and seemed about to ask them a question but she decided against it. I gave her a big encouraging smile. She seemed so shy and she rarely spoke and I guess I just thought she needed some more encouragement. She smiled very faintly back and then turned to Aang and Zuko and asked them if they'd been firebending long? Aang said he'd only been learning for a couple of months, but Zuko was his Sifu hotman and had been doing it since he was a kid. Zuko groaned audibly at being called Sifu Hotman in front of other people.

Rei asked Aang shyly, if he'd learned all the blocks yet, because she'd been trying to teach herself for a couple of months but hadn't gotten anywhere. Zuko looked alarmed but Aang breezily said, in what he obviously thought was a reassuring tone, that blocks were **super easy **and he had picked them up in a couple of days. Rei's face fell tragically and I gave Aang a light smack on the back of the head. The poor girl had just said she's been **trying for months** to no avail! She didn't need to hear how everything came so easily to Aang. Aang looked a little abashed and said that he had a really good teacher and he gave Zuko a little smile. Zuko offered to show her some blocks before they went into the temple. Rei looked a little aprehensive and shy, but said that she'd like that, she hadn't ever had a teacher before. Zuko said he'd show her what he could, enough so she could get in. Rena smiled at him and Rei nodded and said she'd read that they didn't allow in benders who couldn't at least do basic blocks and she'd been a bit worried. Aang cut across the two of them and said _Don't worry! We'll help you out! _And Rei smiled a slight little smile, that oddly reminded me of Zuko when he first came to the Western Air Temple. Shy and hopeful at the same time.

-?-

We got off the train and walked away from the giant crowd gathering at the cable car and followed some signs (and Zuko) around. The path lead slowly up the hill and the ground was rocky and uneven. Rozin became absolutely fascinated by Toph's progress and how she just walked forward and never hesitated. A couple of times he reached out to help her but she just brushed him off.

Rozin was a little taller than Toph and a little shorter than Aang. But like Toph, what he lacked in height, he made up for in attitude. He asked, with the blunt curiosity of male youth, _So you're blind? But you don't have one of those sticks or dogs, how can you tell where you're going. _Toph paused for a second. She couldn't use earthbending sight as an explanation (because we were all just simple colonials after all). A decidedly cheeky grin spread over her face and she said _I see with a sonic wave I release from my mouth._

And then she turned to Rozin and went **AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH** and released an ungodly scream.

All of us except Rozin (who appeared delighted) cringed away from the dreadful sound. After what felt like an age, Toph stopped making that spirits-awful noise and said nonchalantly_ There, I got a pretty good look at you. _Rozin looked completely entranced and delighted and said A_wesome! Do it again!_

Me and Rena said at the exact same moment _no, that's not necessary._

Toph did it again anyway.

-?-

When we got to the edge of the rice paddies, we all eyed the path apprehensively. This seemed like a bad idea. There was nobody else here, did people still do this? There was a perfectly serviceable cable car just a short walk away. Was Zuko sure about this? Was Rei sure about this? Was this really necessary. Apparently it was. According to Zuko. It was a short cut and we'd be up the top in half the time that it would take to wait in the queue and it would be good for Aang to_ earn the experience _and put hard work in for it. Toph piped up at the back that while it would be good for Aang to earn the experience, did everyone else- those of us who were not firebenders- really have to? Zuko said she could get the gondola up if she wanted but he thought it would be a good idea to stick together, because the temple was really crowded and it would be hard to find each other. Toph mumbled in agreement.

We started along the thin paddy terraces. We had to go single file and edge our way slowly along the boggy strip of land. As the oldest and boys in our group (or as manly men as they liked to call it) Zuko was in the lead and Sokka was brining up the rear (ostensibly to collect those who have fallen into the rice paddies – I actually think it will be Suki who ends up picking Sokka out of a rice paddy- her balance is far superior). I was behind Zuko and then it was Rena. Aang and Rei were together and Aang was excitedly talking to her about learning firebending while she nodded shyly. Behind them were Rozin and Toph. Rozin had taken a real shine to her and when we started out on the rice paddy trek of doom, he'd grabbed Toph's arm and declared_ I'm going with sonic wave girl. _Toph loves her new nickname. after a final moment of indecision, we started the long hike.

-?-

So it had come to this, trudging precariously on very thin rice paddies terraces to the steady sound of both Toph and Rozin's complaints, unable to bend on account of our new friends and not being able to give ourselves away, feeling muddy and sticky and occasionally shrieking with fright. These rice terrace ledges were so thin and boggy that it was a question of when, not if, some of us would fallen into a rice paddy. I was either going to fall slightly sideways into the one on my right, or slightly downwards into the one on my left. Everyone was in much the same boat, except Aang who seemed to be gliding along (I think he was using his airbending to cheat, but not in a obvious way, so at least he wasn't giving us away.) Sokka was muttering angrily. Suki made a lame pun about having a sinking feeling about this (at a point where her feet were actually sinking into the bog). I tripped into Zuko and grabbed his shoulders to steady myself, but instead he made a noise like _errgh _and we swayed alarmingingly. After much arm flailing and ado, we righted ourselves and didn't fallen in. this time. This was actually the third time I'd grabbed Zuko to stop myself falling and he suggested we switch places so he could go behind me and randomly grab me in an alarming fashion. (this was actually impossible. You cannot switch places on a rice paddy terrace, you have to keep edging along in the order you came) We had a small good natured bicker about this. I ended up saying that I blamed him for this whole ridiculous rice paddy predicament._ It's a short cut is it? Oh it seems like a good idea huh? We'll be up the top in half the time, will we? _

I said that as soon as we got home, he was getting a good walloping with the commonsense stick. (I actually haven't used the stick in ages, I must be getting out of practise) Zuko said he'd find the stick first and set it on fire and then what would I do. I gasped in indignation. He wouldn't! Behind me, Rena asked with some confusion _what's this commonsense stick?_ I told her it was a stick with commonsense written on the side and I used it whack commonsense into people. Rena said _oh fabbo! I'm getting one!_ I said _fabbo? _She shrugged and said _fabulous._ Oh, okay, I think I'm getting oyster bay speaking. They just shorten everything and add O.

Somewhere from the back Toph piped up with this is the lamest vacation day ever! And Rozin joined her saying _I'm not even a firebender, why do I have to get all sweaty and muddy and tired and thirsty. _Rena shot back grumpily _Because we are supporting our sister, you drongo!_ I could sense this was an argument they've had before. Rei, the sister in question, had been quiet through out most of the morning piped up with _I didn't ask you lot to come with me anyway! You're both drongos for coming!_ What is this word drongo, what was that short for? I couldn't even fathom. Rena behind me said it was a word for an annoying idiot. And Rozin was an idiot and so was Rei if she thought she could have done this hike all on her own. Rozin piped up that he wasn't an idiot, he was in fact the sensible one because he hadn't even wanted to hike up a volcano in the first place. Rena said we were already halfway up and he couldn't go back now, so he should just get out of the kitchen and quit his bitching.

_Get out of the kitchen and quit his bitching? _

Rena said it meant stop complaining. Toph loves the phrase _Get out of the kitchen and quit your bitching. _I have a feeling next time one of us complains, we are going to hear that phrase. Zuko expostulated loudly that we were nearly there and everybody needed to calm down. Rena said _Typical Poff, always trying to be in charge and boss everyone around. _Zuko got a bit indignant and said he wasn't trying to boss everyone around. Rena said that he had been like _everybody follow me, even though I have no idea where I'm going!_ Zuko said he knew where he was going, sort of! The sort of is what gave Rena cause for concern. Gave a lot of us cause for concern actually.

Rena asked if he's ever worked in rice paddy before and Zuko said no, that was peasant work. Rena tutted and said _honestly, you poffs, you think anyone who wasn't born in that capital volcano crater_ (The Caldera_ C_ity- Zuko corrected). _Fine, you think anyone who wasn't born in __**the Caldera City **_(she said that bit with a lot of sarcasm)_ is a peasant. _Zuko protested that he did not think everyone was a peasant. Sokka piped up that Zuko used to call me and Sokka peasants all the time. Zuko shot me an apologetic glance. _And you called me an oaf! _Sokka added cheekily. _That was ages ago!_ Zuko shot back in Sokka's direction. _Yeah but it really hurt my feelings _Sokka said with great melodrama and he wiped away an imaginary tear. Zuko shot Sokka a look that said -when we get off these paddies, I will smack you!- but then out loud he said _Sorry I hurt you tender, flower-petal-delicate feelings. _Behind me, Rena said_ Poffs, even your apologies are pompous!_

-?-

In the end it was (unsurprisingly, in hindsight) Toph and Rozin who fell into the paddies first. They had been playing this game which I will dub **'what am I doing now'.** it seems Rozin had invented it to test the limits of Toph's sonic waves. In front of her he'd start walking funny/carrying on and would ask _Hey Toph, what am I doing now?_ Toph would always grin and be able to answer and he would usually remark _wow, sonic waves are awesome! ….Okay what am I doing now?_

Eventually these shenanigans got everyone else's attention. Aang started playing 'what am I doing now' too and Rozin and Aang kept trying to out do each other for Toph's illustrious attention. I wanted to tell Aang that it wasn't as cute when he did it, because he already knew how Toph actually saw! But anyway. I think he just didn't like the amount of attention Toph was paying to Rozin, because he seemed a little well, jealous...just quietly. Part of me was a bit hopeful that this small display of jealousy over Toph might mean that he was moving on from his little crush on me. Fingers crossed this is the case.

Rena from behind me started up a steady litany of scolding, in the long suffering older sister tone. I know that tone of voice so well._ Oh Rozin, stop acting like a drongo. Stop bothering Toph will you_ (Toph piped up that she didn't mind- it was good to practise her sonic wave) _It will only end in tears. Do you know how stupid you look right now? If you fall into a rice paddy, I'm not fishing you out. You know that's the only way this will end right, someone is going to fall into a rice paddy and it's probably going to be you and I will laugh when that happens. _

It was as if the universe was testing her right at that second because Rozin had been trying to..skip..I think...anyway he'd been trying to do something very acrobatic and ill-advised on a rice paddy and had just been saying _hey Toph what am I do...aaaaah _when he tumbled in with a tumultuous crash and pulled Toph in with him. He'd windmilled his arms for a second and reached for her because she was the nearest person and then they both went arse-over into the paddy. Aang yelled out _Toph_ really loudly. Rozin and Toph broke the surface instantly and Toph gasped and shrieked, because she still can't swim and the rice paddy was mostly water. And soon as she cried out that she couldn't swim, it looked like Rozin tried to grab a hold of her and push her out, but Aang was already there. Aang knocked Rei out of the way (and unfortunately into the paddy down hill) and grasped Toph's hands and pulled her out in a heartbeat and gave her a big hug, which she she tried to struggle out of saying,_ twinkletoes, I'm fine! _

Rei was most indignant at being pushed into a paddy was was calling out some not so affectionate insults at Aang. Rena looked quickly at both her wet, soppy siblings. Rena went and grabbed Rei and helped her while Rei grumbled _this is why I didn't want you guys to come. you're both such drongos! you ruin everything!_ Rozin was trying to pull himself out and Suki was helping him and tutting silently.

Well that was eventful.

-?-

During the course of the trek, Toph proceeded to make everyone about her wet from rice paddyness – she gave Suki and Sokka what she called a 'wet person hug' – it's not really a hug, she just wanted to make them wet too. Rei had 'accidentally' pushed Aang into a rice paddy and Suki had to help him out again. As I predicted, it is Suki who does the most fishing people out of rice paddies, not Sokka who was bringing up the rear for this purpose. Sokka is struggling and (swearing frequently) and holding onto Suki most of the time for balance. Out of all of us, Suki is probably the best at this whole rice paddy terrace thing. There are a few rice paddies on Kyoshi island and she's had to walk over them once or twice. So I guess she's had practice. There was some more bickering between Rena and Zuko.

_This is what happens when you follow a poff! no good can come of it - _

_Well it isn't my ideal situation either, being followed by a bunch of complaining, rambunctious colonials ! -_

_Was it really hard?- _

_What?-_

_To leave peasants off the end of that sentence?- _

_WHAT – _

_Come on, admit it, you wanted to say **complaining, rambunctious, colonial peasants**, didn't ya? Come on, you can tell me! Go on! Say it! You know you want to, go on! _

_Will you just be quiet! -_

_Ooh spoken like a true poff! "will you just be quiet!" Very posh way of telling someone to shut up- are you mimicking me? -_

_just trying to learn to speak like a poff- _

_Well Stop it!-_

_Well Stop it- _

_I mean it – _

_I mean it – _

_Really now!- _

_Really now!-_

Zuko got **really frustrated **after a while and asked her why she wanted to copy him/drive him insane so very badly. Rena piped up with this theory that it was the poff 'voice' that helped them colonise so many place. The Poff voice is all business-like and commanding. According to her, in Oyster Bay, you could tell the colonial born from firenation born people by how they ordered a wine. Colonials would say _ooh, I'm not sure...hhhh...can I have a white wine please? _While firenation people would say _I WILL HAVE A WHITE WINE!_ According to Rena, it was Sozin's voice that made Oyster Bay colony in the first place. He turned up and spoke to the local lord at the time, (called Lord Shushu by the populace, but rather patronisingly 'Shuey' by Sozin.) According to Oyster Bay history, Sozin rocked up with an arseload of warships and tanks and then very politely went to see Lord Shushu first and said:

**Hello, hello, what's you're name. Shushu? Shuey? Well, I'm firelord Sozin Shuey. Listen Shuey, I'd like to have from where you're standing... to the horizon, if you don't mind. Oh you do mind... well I've also brought all these tanks and badass firebenders to back that up... so yes... this is all mine now. **

According to Rena, because his voice was so commanding and he had all the tanks and everything, every one was like – okay, fair enough, have our land! Zuko said that he didn't think that colonisation happened like that. Rena said of course a poff would think that, but she was a colonial, half firenation and half earth kingdom, and she knew how it had really happened. Zuko retaliated and said that if poffs were so awful, why did she want to learn to speak like him. Did she plan on going around and colonising places. _Oyster bay dwellers would never colonise anywhere! That's what I'm telling you. Instead of saying ALL THIS IS MINE, we would say I'm just popping round to my sisters for a __**quick drink. **_

_-?-_

Eventually, by some wonderful miracle we made it to the top without a) anyone else falling in, b) Zuko's head exploding from frustration and c) giving ourselves away. I consider this an extraordinary achievement.

When we got to the top, I was taken aback by how beautiful the place really was. The view was absolutely spectacular. You could see the entire island from here. Where the lush green foliage met the sea was the immense expanse of the crystal blue ocean. The sun hit it _just so_ and it was sparkling beautifully. I stared for ages. I could see why some many firenation nobles chose to have summer houses here. I'd have one here too, if I could. This place was lovely.

At the top of the volcano there was a huge elaborate temple with dragons carved all over it and big red marble stairs leading up to it. And next to it was a big sprawling restaurant with chairs and tables spilling out into the garden. We all chose to eat in the garden and enjoy the sun. the sun would also help those of us who had fallen into a paddy dry off a little bit. There was a clearing where some other benders were practising in front of the temple. Zuko took Rei and Aang there so they could start practising the blocks, after the three of them had a quick glance at the menu and told us what they wanted.

There were tourist milling about everywhere and lots of dudes with their arms laden full of trinkets, trying to sell them things. I could see many haggling exchanges going on from my seat, but my eyes kept being drawn to Zuko as he was patiently demonstrating firebendery stuff for Rei and she smiled at him in a way I didn't like. Rena was watching as well, looking thoughtful.

We looked at the menus and there was a moment of confusion. Everything, literally everything, on the menu came with a chilli rating. Meaning there was nothing on here that wouldn't come out covered in chilli.

1 chilli was colonial mild

2 chillies was colonial spicy

3 chillies was firnation mild

4 chillies was firenation spicy

5 chillies was eat at your own risk.

Rena said _you want to know what the worst thing about the firenation is: the food. They take a perfectly good meal and then completely cover it with chillies, unnecessarily! It's like food warfare! This steak has insulted us! Quick- we must bomb it with spices until it tastes like no semblance of its former self._ Sokka said that he had actually gotten used to the spicyness of everything and asked what Zuko was getting. Zuko's asked me to get him a category five meal (eat at your own risk) and Sokka said he'd have that too. I have a feeling he is going to regret this decision, but that is just me. Everyone else chose a 1 chilli dish (because we are clever and will not end up downing milk and milk before the day is through.)

Rena looked at Aang and Zuko and Rei again and said, trying for a casual tone s_o …you know your cousin's alright... for a poff. _I agreed that he was. Rena continued diffidently..._does he like, have a girlfriend or anything?_ She asked. I was scandalised! I knew exactly what that tone, what that question was asking! I think I gaped at her, astonished, because she quickly added _not for me mind, but Rei seems to be crushing on him something fierce. _She said and nodded in her sisters direction. Rei was smiling at Zuko the way that she had been earlier and I felt a flash on (unjustified , I know I was being ridiculous) anger towards her. I said _YES! Yes! He does!_ very quickly (and not at all casually I must say) in response to Rena's question and she raised an eyebrow at me and shrugged and said _mmmhhh, what a pity. _

I was a bit surprised. She'd been complaining about poffs, and to a certain extent Zuko, all day (causing me to have a few bossy/cranky moments in his defence). Why would she want him going out with her sister. She shrugged and said _I thought a firebender boyfriend would be good for her. You're cousin's probably the nicest poff we've met...truth be told, he's the only poff we've met who kept talking to us after finding out we were colonials. It was hard for her back home without any other benders around. _

She told us that back home, all the other kids teased Rei something fierce about her bending and it made Rena really mad. Rozin piped up that she'd kicked Scooty Vines in his gonads for calling Rei a freaky jerkbender. I don't know who Scooty Vines is, but from the way Rozin said this, kicking him in the gonads was a very big deal. Rena smiled proudly and said he'd cried like a baby and hadn't bothered Rei again for months.

The problem was really that the firenation and the colonies didn't know what do with colonial benders, especially benders from mixed parents. They were a rarity and so there was no bending school in Oyster Bay. The firenation guards there refused to teach Rei, because she wasn't full firenation. Their Mam tried, but she wasn't a bender (her brother and father were) and she only knew what she had picked up from watching them bend. Rei was nervous about her bending and she had constantly set things on fire accidentally and she'd become really sad and withdrawn. Rena thought that a firebender boyfriend would help Rei feel like less of a big weirdo. _Look she's smiling now._ Rena said happily and we watched the training for a second. Zuko corrected Rei's stance and Aang fired a small blast at her and she successfully blocked it and smiled widely.

_And besides_ she added with a decidedly cheeky glint in her eye, _who wouldn't want a firebender boy friend. I hear firebenders are meant to be the best lovers. They are apparently __**complete volcanoes**__ in the sack! My friend Malin went out with this firebender and he did all this crazy stuff with his bending while they were...you know... apparently he always used to heat his hands before he... _(shamefully) I was immensely curious about where this story was going but Suki coughed meaningfully and glanced at Toph and Rozin who were looking at Rena with wide (horrified and curious) eyes. Rena paused for a sec and then said _this is probably a story for another time. _She mouthed at me and Suki _we'll talk later. _

Just then our food came and with the arrival of food, Zuko, Aang and Rei returned from their little training session. I have grabbed Zuko (just a little possessively) and sat next to him. Rena poured us all a drink and lifted her glass and said _To our new friends. _We joined her in toasting new friendships and started eating.

-?-

Just as I predicted, Sokka had one mouthful of his _eat at your own risk _lunch and then his eyes went wide, his face went red and he ordered several large glasses of milk.

-?-

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Authors note: long and rambly.

Lovely wonderful readers! You have reached the end of _Volcano day: part 1. _Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it. This chapter actually ended up being freakishly and crazily long, so I have chopped it into a few parts. Not sure how many it will end up taking up. It turns out I have a lot of ideas about colonials. It took me ages to get my thoughts sorted and and I had some real life shenanigans (two of my friends got married and there was much rejoicing and emletish had a bit too much Osyter Bay sav blanc) so this chapter took a little longer than usual! sorry about the wait! I hope to get the next one up in a more timely fashion!

Anyway there's a few things going on in this chapter. We've met the three R's. (Rena, Rei and Rozin) who in my imagination are delightfully dysfunctional, like the modern family kids. I wanted to start to flesh out the firenation/colony social system and I thought the best way to do that would be to introduce new characters. Each sibling acts like a foil for one of the Gaang and to help illustrate some of the dynamics going on, as well as attitudes to and from colonials as a whole.

I know people can be a bit meh on new characters, but I hope you will tolerate the three R's for the brief duration they are with us. They will be important and will lead us to some discoveries and revelations. They are also from Oyster Bay which is the name of my favourite NZ wine! Delicious sav blanc! I actually am modelling oyster bay slang/manner of speaking on aussie slang. Things I didn't even know I did, like abbreviate everything (arvo for afternoon, ambo for ambulance etc) get pointed out to me when I speak to people from other countries and so that was a fun discovery for me. Except more slang in the coming chapters.

So being from australia (colony of dear old blighty, england for those of you who don't call it old blighty) I ended up having thoughts of how the colonials see the firenation which started out being based on the australia-england relationship, but then evolved because I think relations between the firenation and its colonies would be much more complex. In england I got a lot of good natured teasing about being from australia (which is full for criminals bwhaha, terrible at the cricket bwahaha etc) I teased back in much the same friendly manner about the English stiff upper lip and terribleness at rugby etc. so it's all very friendly now. Every now and then there's a bit of shenanigans about becoming a republic and separating officially from england but we never seem to get around to it in aus.

However historically, there have been a few times were we have been quite unhappy with our mother england and wanted to cut all ties (but didn't end up doing so due to various reasons). First time was after WWI when we realised how badly the aussies got treated by the british commanders, aussies were seen as expendable cannon fodder, and all that dreadful Shot-At-Dawn stuff. And the second time was during the great depression when a few english govt representatives came over and took an arseload of taxes to prop up the english economy and let the aussie one also fall into depression. So from what I gather there is the most resentment towards a colonising power by its colony when it either 1) gets dragged into a war and has it's citizens treated poorly by said coloniser, 2) gets treated poorly fincially with unfair taxes etc by said coloniser. On the whole relations have been harmonious with australia and england because england is lovely, we share a sense of humour and on the whole it only did thing 1 and thing 2 once. but I imagine the firenation does thing 1 and thing 2 to its colonies all the time and holds on to them by force rather than goodwill.

All colonies end up developing their own culture and identity separate to that of their colonising power, especially after a few years have passed. Most of the colonies are atleast around 80ish years old, (if the time line in correct and Sozin did go on a massive colonies spree after the air nomand genocide). 80 years is enough time to have a few generations born in the actual colony (which would be a mix of earth kingdom and firenation) and for the colony to develop a culture and identity a little separate from the firenation. I think at the start Sozin would have been brutal in his colonisation attempts and the first few places he conquered would have been dealt with severely. But after a while, word would spread, and it would be enough just to show up – like he did at oyster bay- with an arseload of ships and tanks and just let his reputation speak for him. It would have been an almost bloodless conquest, but that does not mean it was without resentment.

All the colonies exist entirely for the war effort. They were colonised because they had something, or produced something the firenation needed. They are expected to pay money and wares/produce and goods as well as man-power and soldiers to the war effort constantly. This is both dragging the colonies into war and treating the citizens poorly and causing financial hardship. I imagine the colonies wouldn't mind splitting from the firenation under such a system and being independent. But because they were colonised by force and there would be the **ever present threat** of that force returning to wreak havoc and punishment, colony people are probably a little to scared to voice this feeling of rebellion too loudly – and I imagine if they did, all the subsequent firelords would have dealt with them harshly.

Ooh just so you know, the word poff is not meant to be a terrible insult. More like a mostly affectionate insult. It is a combination of Pom (aussie/nz slang for british people, stands for prisoner of his majesty) and Toff (slang for a snotty rich person – because the firenation seems rather elitist and snotty). I think colonials use poff to refer to everyone who was born in the firenation in an affectionately insulting manner, and maybe in a plain old insulting insulting manner for rude/snotty firenation people, especially those from the calderra – who I imagine would be the snottiest of the lot. Poff probably stands for prisoner of his firelordy-ness or something like that, because to me, the firenation seems a lot like a dictatorship and so essentially, all the citizens are prisoners in some way or another. Colonials, who I imagine are kept on a looser leash, coming to the firenation for the first time, would find the society quite rigid and unfriendly.

Two of our new friendly colonials stare/ gasp recoil when they see Zuko's scar for the first time. The non-reaction of everybody in the actual show puzzles me a bit, because though I love zuko – that scar is huge! It is noticeable! It is normal for people to have some reaction when they see it for the very first time. It would be a reflex, not done deliberately to hurt, but just out of surprise. I think starring and or gasping and recoiling would be common reactions when people met Zuko for the first time. Zuko is sensitive and I think this would not have helped his self esteem and helped him push people away for all those years he was at sea. But Rozin and Rei aren't trying to be mean or anything, they are just showing what I think would be common responses in real life to a big facial burn scar like that. For Rei there is the added horror of being an untrained firebender, she is worried she could injure herself or someone else in that way (yes later she looks past the scar and develops a little crush on him, but her first reaction is to recoil). Zuko is used to people reacting like this to his scar and has learned not to react to it/show his hurt overtly. But it still will hurt his feelings a little bit. He's gotten so used to being around the Gaang who don't see it anymore and meeting the three R's is a jarring reminder.

Rozin, the youngest, is much like Aang, but without the Avatar responsibilities. The lovely ignorant sparrow asked me for a pinch of Taang and I hope you aren't disappointed. I actually think Aang and Toph are a bit to young for anything romantic between the two of them just yet. (see my many rants regarding this), but realistically I can see Aang, as he is in the show, getting jealous of any other boy paying serious attention to her. I can also see Toph, as she is in the show, secretly being thrilled with some of **that sort **of attention. Not in an obvious external way, but knowing someone is crushing on you does warm the cockles of the heart. And Rozin thinks Toph is just awesome. He is fun and carefree and quite demonstrative of his affections (always wanting her to pay attention to him etc- he's sort of like the way Aang is with Katara. Actually Rozin comes with the added bonus of not crushing on Katara and so he is much more accessible to Toph). Basically I think Toph deserves a bit of affectionate crushing/romance and it was a bit of a shame she never got any love in the show. I think Toph is fabulous and will break a few hearts when she's older and I wanted her to have a admirer.

So anyway, Rozin's obviously into her and is lavishing her with attentions and Aang gets a bit cross/jealous and tries to get Toph's attention back. Aang loves attention and I think he feels quite secure in Toph's affections. They are friends and she frequently HAS to pay attention to him as a result of being his earth bending teacher. But this is the first time that attention has been seriously challenged by an outsider and Aang doesn't like it. He's still got his old troublesome crush on Katara (he does want to sit in her lap on the train after all) but still, he doesn't like that Rozin or the thought of some other guy getting Toph's attention. She was his Toph first after all. Perhaps this jealousy could later blossom into a crush.

Rei is the middle child and she is a shy and nervous bender. She's never had a master before and she's trying to teach herself but it's all a bit daunting. She is much like Katara in the very first season, quite talented but with no one to teacher her. Her mother tries, but can't really help and the local firebending authorities refuse to teach her (they probably have orders not to and are a bit wary of teaching someone who is half earth kingdom). I imagine things get set on fire accidentally a lot around Rei and she would get teased by the other kids. Rei more than her siblings feels like she doesn't belong anywhere and in that respect she's a little like Zuko, who knows what it is like to feel really out of place.

The three R's are mixed race kids, which, theoretically should have happened frequently after the initial push for colonisation. Historically speaking, people do tend to mix together despite differences and initial warfare. Eg for a random example, the red haired trait of the scottish and the irish is actually from the many waves of viking invasion and all the viking/irish kids born – it is now considered part of their natural identity, but there was a time when being red haired was a symbol of being a descendant of the invading army.

I think that the colonies have been there for years and were probably mostly stable under Sozin and probably Azulon. Some towns really seem to flourish and seem quite firenation and were probably left mostly to their own devices and to periodically pay taxes/tribute/contribute their goods and produce to the war effort. But other towns, like, and I'm just assuming here, Jet's original town, might have rebelled against the firenation and then had that rebellion brutally subdued. I think the firenation would have to periodically subdue rebellions and these brutal acts would help keep the other colonies in line (**rebel and we will burn your town to the ground too** – sort of thing). I imagine there would be a lot of propaganda, to try and maintain firenation loyalty in a mixed race place. I think the colonies would end up being half and half.

According to Avatar wiki, The colonies are all situated on original towns and are never attacked by the earth kingdom army. If the earth kingdom wants to get rid of the firenation from its lands, attacking the colonies makes sense, but they do not. This leads me to believe that there are still a large number of earth kingdom people living in their original towns, despite being colonised. The earth kingdom are (the dai lee and the village bullies excepted) steadfast and loyal and would not wish to attack their fellow earth kingdomers. Also in the episode where Aang goes to school it was made clear that the firenation do not expect as much rigid adherence to the rules from colonials. Colonials are almost expected to be a little rougher and a little ruder. All Aang has to do is say he is from the colonies and all his missteps are explained. If it was 100% firenation, I would expect more adherence to rules would be a must, but if it is more half and half, I think allowances would be made, especially if the colony was producing something valuable.

So there a firenation soliders and colonisers living along side earth kingdom villagers in what appears to be an uneasy peace. There's probably much simmering but unspoken ill feeling towards the firenation from the earth kingdom people and must mistrust and disdain for the earth kingdom people from their firenation conquerors (see the prison guy calling earth bending a brutish savagery). But firenation and earth kingdom mostly mix with little outright disharmony. I think that as more generations are born into this strange duopoly, intermarriages would become more common. They might perhaps be frowned upon, but they would happen. I believe that love can grow despite differences in culture and childhood (obviously as I am writing a Zutara fic).

I also think that something like republic city would be necessary just because of the sheer existence of the colonies. The people who live there are neither completely firenation or earth kingdom and it is their home, where else are they going to go. A city that is not aligned with any nation was necessary to make a place for people who don't identify completely with one nation.

Anyway I think that the mother of the three R's was sent to the colonies during her mandatory service and during her tenure in Oyster Bay, she met and fell in love with a dashing wine maker from the earth kingdom. Her family (staunchly loyal firenation, father quite high up in the military) would not have approved, but she would have married him anyway and then not heard from her dad in years. Her brother kept in contact and their connection has now help him grow rich as a wine merchant. (I just get the feeling that there would be a lot of subtle alcoholism among the firenation nobility. If I had to sit a banquet table with Ozai, I'd be hitting the sav blanc pretty hard aswell.)

But then the dad hears about Ozai's **crazy plan **to BURN THE ENTIRE EARTH KINGDOM! And despite the years of estrangement, he does not want his daughter hurt by the **crazy plan **and reaches out to her. I think that, at least in my version of the ATLA world, this would not have been an unusual occurrence that summer. Because there are _many colonies in the earth kingdom_ that are at least half full of firenation people and if you burn t_he entire earth kingdom to the ground_, you are going to burn those people as well. This is just one of many problems I have with the **crazy plan.** It literally is cutting off your nose to spite your face. I have Rena say offhandedly that every earth kingdom family they run into have a similar story, suddenly the firenation relatives really want to see them. I do not think firenation people are all evil and would let their extended families suffer as casualties of war, if they could prevent it. I think that if someone with relatives in the colonies heard about the **crazy plan,** they would be pretty snappy about trying to get their relatives out before sozin's comet.

So the firenation is a bit of a dictatorship. Avatar wiki says it is an absolute monarchy which is pretty much the same thing. Ozai is a supreme ruler. In my mind, he's a bit like Caesar just before everybody stabs him. He is getting way to big for his boots but everybody has to go along with what he is saying, even if it's nuts - because otherwise he will make you disappear. But I reckon aside from the toadying yes-people he's elevated (Like Zhao – I bet Zhao did a lot of Ozai arse-kissing to get his admiralship) there would be a bit of uneasiness and disgruntlement among the firenation elite re: **The crazy plan. Because the crazy plan is crazy. **

I think that the** crazy plan** is meant to be a secret, but it is not a very well kept one. I think many people in the upper eschelons of firenation society and the army/ airship fleet, know about the **crazy plan. ** You aren't meant to talk about the **crazy plan** or you risk disappearance. But these people would use some of their bravery and try and save their relatives anyway. But swear them to absolute secrecy. The three R's don't know about the **crazy plan** (though their mum does and she hadn't told them) and the fact that they might not be able to go home because it is about to be burned to the ground, but they know something is up, in that uncanny way that kids have.

I have included a few vague references to the simmering uneasiness that I think would have accompanied Ozai's various actions in the last season, especially after the invasion (during which their firelord hid from a 12 year old child). Even though the invasion failed, the firenation were attacked in the capital, on their home turf and that always makes people uneasy. Also they lost Omashu in a rather calamitous defeat (a whole army defeated by one earthbender). So there is uneasiness and well as transport delays, shenanigans, rumours and general disquiet amongst the capital and Ozai would be trying to reassert control. Avatar Wiki tells me that the capital city is divided into a few large sections. One of these is the caldera city in the crater of a volcano and the other is the harbour city, which is unsurprising , on the harbour. The harbour suffered a lot of damage and would be made up of people from many different classes, rather than just the upper class, and as such it would be a little harder to regain control of, in my imagination at least.

I also vaguely mentioned that there is a rumour going around that Zuko and Iroh have been murdered by Ozai. Both of them just disappear during the eclipse and in general, relatives have a knack for disappearing around Ozai – what do fire nation people THINK happens to them? This will be expanded upon in the next few chapters, but I just thought I'd mention it here.

So anyway, All of this is another long and rambly way of explaining how exactly the gang fit so easily into the fire nation without anyone raising an eyebrow. Because lets face it, Sokka and Katara at least, would stick out like sore thumbs. They are water tribe through and through. So I think it is so easy for them because there must be an arseload of other colonials, enough colonials with unusual skin tone/ eye colour combinations to make the Ganng not seem unusual and help them fit in.

I also don't think colonial kids and poff kids would play well together like the headband episode would have us believe. I think Aang gets along with the kids at his school because there is only one of him and he is Aang – he gets along with everyone. But elsewhere, there are colony kids streaming in to the firenation is large numbers. The firenation is a highly elitist society and there seemed to be a great deal of disdain for the colonies. I think the colonies are almost interchangable for the firenation nobles and they don't know much about them. And I reckon the firenation noble children, especially in the capital, where it would be the most snobby, would be quite rude to the colony kids and would probably exclude them to some extent. That's why Rena is a bit more vehement about her dislike of poffs.

The poffs have been quite rude to her younger siblings and I think, for all her faults, she is a very protective and good older sister. They would have picked on Rei terribly when she tried to learn bending and made her feel like more of a freak and for this Rena will always have a large dollop of resentment for them. Rena is probably frustrated from weeks of putting up with poffs being rude to them and so she is a little abrasive with Zuko. In many ways Rena is a foil for Sokka, she is older and despite not being a bender she is protective on her younger siblings and she is also quite clever and very opinionated/sarcastic. She knows how colonisation and the social structures within the firenation work to classify her and her family as second class citizens and she doesn't like it one bit.

I think that someone had to give Zuko a hard time about calling the others peasants back in season 1. and at this stage in the fic, that someone wasn't going to be Katara (because she luurrves him). I think that Zuko has moved on along way from season 1 and grown out of his elitist world view, but it is clear for the other firenation kids (Azula, Mai and even Ty lee to some extent, seem to look down most of the people around them) that the elitist world view is alive and well in the firenation. Even when she's going nuts in the final agni Kai, Azula still makes time to call Katara a peasant. What does that tell us?

Zuko being fond of **his dignity**, is trying not to totally lose his temper with the three R's (he's trying to be better at keeping his temper etc on the whole, but it is really going to be tested in the next few chapters). Rozin is like another Aang to deal with and Rena is worse. He feels a little sorry for Rei and her trouble with bending – which is something else he'd have empathy for – but he is completely oblivious to her crush on him (I think Zuko is often in a state of obliviousness when it comes to girls – bless his cotton socks). He does genuinely want to help her out, even though she gasped and recoiled. For Rei, he is the first person to validate her and her bending and so naturally she develops a little crush. Rena notices this and by this time in the day, she thinks that Zuko is alright...for a poff. Really, Zuko is the first poff they've talked to for an extended period of time who hasn't been horribly rude to them. She thinks that being around other benders and learning to control her bending is a good thing for Rei (who has become quite shy and withdrawn) and if this poff boy can teach her bending and make her smile, then he is okay by Rena. All this is **not okay** by Katara, who gets a little possessive, because even though nothing's been said, he is her Zuko after all.

So I wrote most of this chapter to _endless summer,_ which is the new song from aussie band the jezabels, as well as foster the people's _I would do anything for you_. Go listen. Trust me. To anyone who knows how to make those music video things, I think _endless summer _would be a good zutara song (here I am giving you a not so subtle wink and nudge). The day of volcano fun with friendly colonials will continue next chapter. The Gaang will be invited to a party and will have a few manners lessons. Sokka will be in full on planning mode, Suki will win at life some, Katara will be fabulously sexy and Zuko will be stunned.

Til then my lovely readers!


	30. Keeping calm and carrying on

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Keeping Calm and Carrying on.

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After lunch Zuko took Rei and Aang into the temple and the rest of us chilled out and admired the view. Well the rest of us, except Toph and Rozin; who (tragically, embarrassingly, unfortunately) went to try out Toph's "sonic wave" on unsuspecting passer-bys. (why oh why!) Rozin really wanted to see how it 'worked' and Toph was delighted to wander about, making loud noises, startling people and generally making a spectacle of herself.

_What's that?_

_AAAAAAHHHHHH- it's a palm tree_

_awesome! Okay, what's over to your right_

_AAAAAAAAAAAHHH – a frightened and perplexed lady and some stairs. _

Zuko's departure also seemed to coincide with a veritable swarming of trinket merchants. Zuko had been giving them the stink eye throughout lunch and this had managed to keep them at bay. But as soon as he left, they all came and zeroed in on my brother. Some people just attract trinket merchants. Sokka is one of those people. It didn't hurt that the trinket merchants were all cute kids who had practised their 'sad face' very well. Sokka ended up buy something from nearly every kid there. He haggled happily and enthusiastically and bought many a useless item. Many postcards (who does Sokka think he is going to send these to exactly?) a guide to the temple's history, some gimmicky inks that apparently have something volcanic in them and will make whatever Sokka writes glitter. (I suspect they are just regular ink with glitter inside) a pipe in the shape of a dragon (sokka and I have had an argument over whether this pipe is for smoking or for playing music, it is kind of hard to tell) a few pumice stones for getting the dead skin off his feet (eewww), two packets of a special flavour of fireflakes that is only sold on ember island as well as many bracelets for me and Suki that we didn't really want (because a few of the kids were only selling bracelets and how could we say no to their cute little faces?) Sokka loves the fact that here, the shopping comes to him.

Rena ended up buying a bracelet as well. But when she handed over her money, the bracelet selling boy looked at the coins shed given him like she'd just handed him a dead elephant rat instead. _Do you have any real money ma'am? _The kid said and Rena got a bit stroppy and said it was real money, it was just colonial money, but it had Ozai's head on the back and that meant it was valid currency here. In the face of her snappy tirade, the kid retreated and pocketed the money and wandered off. _Honestly, using colonial money in the firenation – there is nothing more tense in life! _Rena said with a laugh as she slipped her new bangle over her wrists. _It's the exact same currency you know, we just have a picture of a bunch of grapes on one side instead of the sun symbol, _she explained with a shrug.

Conversation turned to financial woes when travelling and how hard and confusing it was to have to keep converting things. Rena told us that even though it was the exact same money used in both the colonies and the firenation, she would constantly come across other colonials who would say –_ it's a pretty good exchange rate that- it's one gold florin... to a florin_. There was more hilarity an jokes and the four of us just soaked up the atmosphere, the sun and the view.

There was a small lull in conversation which Rena broke saying _It's nice here on this island. It seems peaceful. There's no curfew or anything. _We were all a bit intrigued by this curfew concept because neither Sokka or Suki or I have ever come across one. Rena was once again astonished at how new we were to the firenation and said that we really must have come straight to Ember Island and missed out on all the "fun." she said fun most sarcastically.

Apparently in most of the big cities there was a curfew now. Something had the poffs all jumpy, probably this bloody comet of theirs and there was a lot of fights and shenanigans breaking out. So the firelord had decreed that everyone who lived in the big industrial cities had to be home by half an hour after sundown. No excuses. It had started when they were all in harbour city. He called it a crackdown on misbehaviour. But the small islands, like Ember Island were exempt from curfew and crackdowns etc so far. probably because they were relaxing holiday islands and weren't prone to random outbreaks of trouble. Rena said something was up, but she just hadn't been able to figure out what it was yet, consiprationally.

Rena thought the most hilarious part of the whole crackdown on misbehaviour was the posters that had sprung up, seemingly over night, when they were staying in harbour city. Harbour city was prone to misbehaviour and as part of the crackdown, heaps of posters trying to portray Nice, Friendly, but Strong Uncle Ozai had popped up over night. S_ee these posters are trying to portray him as a nice guy and a good leader right and the all say things like __**keep calm and carry on **__etc, but even in the posters Ozai looks scary as all get out. He just has one of __**those faces. **__You know when someone is so rude so many times that their face just...contorts into being constantly unpleasant? It was this kind of face... _ this point Rena made a hilarious growly angry face._ Honestly,_ she continued, _I took one look at those posters and I thought to myself, that is not a nice man! Nothing good can come from that face. __Even when they try to make him look friendly, they can't quite manage it._

She seemed to shake herself for a second and said _lets talk about something else, Ozai gives me the willies. _The conversation stalled, as it tends to do when someone announces **let's talk about something else**. That phrase is pretty much a conversation killer, right there. I think you have to allow a few moments for everybody to think up another topic but the silence seemed to make Rena uncomfortable and she broke it first by asking _Hey are you guys free tomorrow arvo?_ We gave her confused faces and she said _afternoon_ for clarification. _Because if you are free, My grandpa is having a huge party and I'd like you guys to come. _

Umm why?

Rena explained her grandpa had been really on at them to make friends here and he had said she and Rei could invite any new friends they made. Rozin couldn't because he was too young for the party and was being left with an auntie for the evening (poor auntie), so we might have to leave our younguns at home too. But we older kids should definitely come. We seemed like a lot of fun and the party would need more fun people because it was mostly going to be lots of firenation military people and snotty poffs on holidays from the caldera, from the sounds of it...oooh but we shouldn't let that put us off because Rena and Rei would be there and there would be heaps of free plonk and it would be great.

Suki asked what we were all thinking. _What's plonk? _Plonk is wine. _So there's heaps of free wine at this party_? Suki said and looked a little more intrigued. Sokka was also looking intrigued and asked her if she thought there would be lots of poff military people there. _Oh loads,_ Rena said. _I mean my grandfather and like heaps of his buddies all resigned or retired or whatever it is you do here and this is like a big 'Yay, we are out of the militray party' so there is going to be heaps of the old blighters_. Rena was most insistent that we shouldn't let that put us off. Rena was sure we'd all be able to find a nice corner to enjoy the plonk- away from the poffs. Sokka readily accepted before we'd had any chance to discuss it and I shot him a warning look, which he waved off. Rena looked delighted that we could come and pulled an invite from her bag. _I brought one along, just in case we met any groovy people today, oh I'm so glad you guys can come. It'll be at our house and it starts from three. _She started giving Sokka detailed directions about how to get to the house from the main square in town and then turned to me and Suki and said that we should _dress classy but a __little slutty_, because most of the poffs were bringing their older kids and her mum had told her there would be some really cute boys in the bunch. She said this with a cheeky wink. 

The wink was wasted on me because there was only one boy I was interested in and at this point he showed up. Zuko and Aang and Rei had came back from the other side of the temple. They were all **ridiculously sweaty.** I will admit I may have been a bit entranced by the sight of sweaty Zuko. His hair all plastered to his face, his shirt sticking to his well toned muscles. Mmmmhhhh. I realised that I wasn't looking at him in a very _cousinly_ manner and so I tried to school my expression and look elsewhere (I may have failed in this attempt to look elsewhere, but at least I tried). Aang declared that he was going to go dunk himself in the nearest fountain and never come out. Rei agreed with this plan. Zuko told them there was a big fountain in the atrium of the temple, but they would both have to learn to get used to the heat if they wanted to bend better. Neither of them heard this because as soon as Zuko said _there's a fountain in the main atrium,_ they both took off in that direction.

-?-

_Don't you want a too get cleaned off too?_ Sokka said to Zuko cheekily. _Nah I'm good,_ Zuko said it a shrug. Sokka kept making the cheeky face._ What?_ Zuko asked crossly. _Well, you are a bit of a sweaty bastard at the moment_ Sokka said. In a fit of maturity Zuko got Sokka in a headlock and started giving him a sweaty noogie and said _who's a sweaty bastard now._ Sokka got up and tried to get Zuko in a retaliatory headlock. Inelegant struggling ensued.

While the inelegant struggling was in progress, I started clearing away all the crap Sokka bought from Zuko's seat (next to me of course). Sokka had bought so much crap and in Zuko's absence, in naturally gravitated to his chair. When the boys had finish being boys. They came back to sit down and Zuko gave me a big smile as he sat down. But then the great pile of trinkets on the table caught his eye. He stared a bit dumbfounded at the pile of useless trinkets and said _What is all this stuff? w_ith a great deal of bafflement as he picked up the dragon pipe. _Sokka bought a lot of crap_ I said by way of explanation.

Sokka got defensive and said it wasn't crap, it was just some stuff the kids were selling. And how could he say no to them? _Easy... no. _Zuko said in a deadpan tone. _I knew you'd get like this, which is why I got you some fireflakes _Sokka said as he pulled a bag of fireflakes from the pile and tossed it at Zuko. Zuko caught the bag and looked really happy and said _Really! Hey thanks. _ He opened the bag and took and handful happily, but then seemed to realise that he;'d just been fobbed off with a bag of fireflakes. He looked at the pile again and said _Really now, how much crap did you buy?_

Sokka shrugged innocently and said _I think I just got caught up in the novelty of it all. How cool is it. Here the shopping comes to you, _by way of explanation. Zuko was persistent. _How much did you spend?_ Sokka did the innocent face again. _Don't worry the kids said they'd make me a good price._ Zuko made a frustrated noise and said _at least tell me you didn't pay the asking price._ Sokka seemed offended by this and said _No, I'm not a moron. I'm a good haggler._ Zuko just said _Sokka_ in a- it must be said- a very dad-ish tone of voice. _Okay fine, it was only ten silver crowns, but isn't that a good price for all of this!_ Sokka said and he gestured at the pile of junk with a flourish and gave Zuko an eager grin. Because I was sitting next to him, I noticed the momentary look of horror that passed over his face when Sokka said_ ten silver crowns,_ but he schooled his features and said with only the tiniest pinch of sarcasm. _oh, um yeah that's a good price there buddy_.

-?-

Later, when we were on the ferry, Zuko told me that Sokka had in fact been disgustingly and incredibly overcharged, but he's seemed so happy with his pile of touristy junk that Zuko hadn't wanted to **kill the dream. ** I said that the bright side was that we got to make the acquaintance of some very nice trinket selling children. Zuko smiled at me and said he loved what an optimist I was, but I didn't need to find a bright side to **everything.**

-?-

We collected Toph and Rozin from their favourite past time of scandalising all about them. Toph was trying to 'teach' Rozin to do a sonic wave. (Why oh why?) Toph has found someone just as boisterous and noisy and she is and she is delighted. Toph can't actually do a sonic wave, this salient fact cannot be overlooked, so all Toph was really doing was encouraging him to scream at the top of his lungs and make lots of noise. I had stifled the urge to be all motherly and point out that Toph was being ridiculous and very noisy! We collected Aang and Rei from the fountain and put them in the sun for a bit to help them dry off and then we started the long trek home.

-?-

We waited in line for the tickets for the cable car, then waited for the cable car. _Remember the last time we were on one of these?_ Suki said to the boys quietly and they had a little **-we've all been to prison together- **bondy moment about the boiling rock and I felt a little left out. I mean I am not saying that I want to go to prison or anything ridiculous like that. But the boiling rock is this _whole big thing_ for the three of them and I didn't get to have any part in it.

Toph **hated **the cable car and alternated between clinging to Sokka and throwing up. Halfway down Sokka realised that she was actually throwing up in the little bag he put all his stupid trinkets in. Go Toph! Sokka is most displeased.

-?-

We waited in line for tickets for the ferry, which we had to catch because all train services were cancelled for the rest of the week. The coal was needed more for the war effort that it was for public transport, ostensibly. This reason did not seem to calm the irate firenation holiday markers who had already bough their tickets. The line for the ferry was disgusting long and the wait for the next ferry was even longer and the queue for the ladies bathroom was even longer still. (I decided to hold it until the ferry). During the long wait there were many more complaints from our colonial friends about how much better things were in the colonies and how much the firenation sucked. I could see Zuko fighting the urge to snap, _Well if things are so great in the colonies, why don't you go back there. _Eventually the ferry came and we all clambered aboard. The ferry was big and sturdy and so Toph felt a little better and didn't throw up for the duration of the journey.

-?-

I came back from the loo and found our little group all sitting on the lower deck, the first thing I noticed was that Zuko wasn't there and so I explored the ship a little bit looking for him. I found him on the top deck leaning over the rails and looking back at the island and watching the sunset. Sunset already! This day had just flown by!

I went and leaned of the railing next to him and gave him a little nudge. _What are you doing up here all by yourself? _I asked softly and Zuko said grumpily _I've hit my daily limit of how many times I can hear 'the firenation sucks arse' without losing my temper, so I thought some fresh air was in order._ A wise decision I commended. We watched the sunset for a little while. I know that the colonial kids had annoyed the hell out of Zuko, but they were lots of fun really. I didn't mind them on the whole. I didn't want him to sulk up here being all anti-social. _I know they can complain a lot, __but Rena and Rei and Rozin are all okay really. They mean well. _I ended up saying quietly. Zuko sighed and his shoulders slumped and he said _I know...they're fine, really... _he looked at the ocean for a bit and then turned to me._ I'm just not good at meeting new people_. He confessed quietly.

This did not surprise me. Zuko hadn't hung out with kids his own age much before he join us (unless you count his crazy sister, which I don't). He hadn't had much of a chance to meet new people and make new friends. Perhaps more days like today, meeting people like the colonials would be good for him. He'd been very patient with them actually and hadn't gotten all shouty once I remembered a time when he would get all shouty over the smallest thing. He really was making an effort at being more patient and I guess I didn't realise till right then, how far he'd come. I put an arm over his shoulder and said _Well, for what it's worth, I think you did really well today. You were very patient with them. _I said happily. Zuko seemed a bit surprised by the quick hug but he smiled back and said _Thanks_ quietly. _And that Rei has a crush on you,_ I added somewhat grumpily. Zuko scoffed and said, _oh now you're just teasing me, _I said I wasn't and she did and Zuko said _She does not _dismissively.

I am pleased that he dismissed Rei's crush. (I will admit that every time she made goo-goo eyes at him, I felt a little cross.) Mostly I know being jealous is a bit silly. I mean Zuko doesn't belong to me or anything, so it's not like I can go all crazy and chuck an Aang and say **hands off, he's mine! **Or anything like that. Other girls can crush on him and it shouldn't make me as mad as it does. It doesn't really matter anyway because I think Zuko's a bit oblivious when girls fancy him.

We stayed on the top deck and just chatted for the rest of the boat trip and watched the sunset. It was nice.

-?-

After the sunset we went back downstairs and joined the others. The ferry was getting close to Port Ember. Rena smiled at us when we sat back down and said _there you guys are! I was just telling Sokka and Suki directions for tomorrow night. Ooh I'm so excited!_ Rei perked up a bit and looked at Zuko and said _are you coming tomorrow night?_brightly and then she smiled at him adoringly. I felt the strange urge to just splash her all over with water, but thankfully I didn't act on this (because it would be inappropriate to waterbend at harmless colonial girls, juts because they make adoring faces at Zuko). Zuko himself looked a bit perplexed at the whole thing and asked _what's tomorrow night? _Oh, I forgot he hadn't been there for the party discussion. _Rena's invited us to her house for a party._ I said by way of explanation. Zuko shot me a quick look that said _oh hell no!_

_Yeah, it's going to be a huge garden party! My grandpa is a top general in the army and he and five of his buddies are celebrating their retirement. I will say one thing for the poffs, when it's time for a party -you guys go all out! Granpda's hired performance benders and there's a tonne of free plonk and now you guys are coming and I'm so excited. _Rena said in one long smush of excitement.

Zuko picked up on the only point that stuck out to him from her long _yay-party _jabbering. _Wait_ s_ix generals are retiring at once? That's really unusual!_ Zuko said with some disbelief. _I know, that's why they are having a big party to celebrate_! Rena said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. _But will the firelord be there? _Zuko asked and my stomach fell, I hadn't even considered the possibility that Ozai would come, that Ozai would be here on this island. I know we have to fight him soon, but I didn't expect we would have the opportunity to fight him tomorrow night.

_Oh no, don't worry. Firelord Ozai turned grandpa down flat when grandpa invited him and it was a big TO DO._ Rena said in her breezy tone. _Really?_ Zuko asked with some disbelief.

_Yeah, and he was rude about it too and now all grandpa's friends scandalized and are like **that's sooooo rude! **_(here she held her hand up to her mouth in a mock scandalised pose) _As if rudeness is Ozai's biggest fault! So we will not have any of the royal family grace us with their presence and ruin our fun tomorrow night. _She said happily. Zuko was looking a little uncertain and said that he didn't know if we could make it. _Sokka already said you guys were coming,_ Rena said and then Zuko shot Sokka a look that said _we will talk about this later!_ But out loud he said _did he now?_

_So that's settled then! Here, I'll give you all directions to our house so you don't get lost. _Rena said and proceeded to give directions while the ferry docked. We disembarked and there was much ado at the docks while we all said goodbye. Well all us older kids would see each other tomorrow, but Toph and Rozin seemed especially sad to part because neither of them could come to the party. The colonial kids walked off in a opposite direction and we waved at them and then set out for home.

Less than thirty seconds later we heard the sound of swift running feet and Rozin was back. He tapped Toph on the shoulder and she turned around in surprise. Rozin proceeded to blither at her and his blithering went something like this: H_ey Toph... I was just...really...um...oh bugger it. _Then, in what appeared to be an act of insurmountable bravery, he leaned forward and gave her a gentle peck on her cheek. _I really like you _he said and then he blushed. Toph blushed an impossible red shade and appeared stunned speechless. Me and Suki both said _aaaawwwww _in unison. He looked up and realised we were all there and watching eagerly and then his small face flushed with embarrassment. He said, _okay, bye then_ and ran away like a whirling dervish while Aang glared knives at his retreating form.

Toph is **all aglow. **

It is most adorable.

-?-

Sokka teased Toph most affectionately about her new 'boyfriend' for the duration of the walk back, but she was not as rude or standoffish about it as I thought she would be. She kept smiling this private little smile to herself. Aang would periodically say that Rozin wasn't so cool and was kind of annoying and he talked way too much (etc) in a very disgruntled tone that went ignored by Toph.

-?-

When we got back home, Toph and Aang went for an earthbending session while the four older kids gathered in the kitchen 'making dinner'. We were actually discussing the logistics of the party as a group, while_ I _made dinner. Sokka was very keen to go, Zuko was not. Out side, Aang seemed to be earthbending with much more vigour and this impressed Toph and every now and then we'd hear a tumultuous crash and _well done twinkletoes!_

The main argument of Sokka's pro-party stance is that we could find out a lot of extremely useful information for his attack plans. A party with heaps of recently retired top level generals and heaps of free wine! This was a fantastic opportunity to find out more about the inner workings of the firenation military and what was going on now. Zuko said that he'd already told Sokka all he knew about the inner workings of the firenation military. Sokka said more information was always good and all of Zuko's information was months old now and who knew what army had gotten up to in the meantime? Recently retired drunk generals, that's who.

Zuko still thought the party was a very bad idea. He said that it wouldn't just be colonials who didn't mind our less polished manners (we all bristled with indignation – much like we did when Toph said we had no manners back in Ba Sing Se). Zuko back tracked and said he wasn't trying to insult us or anything, but the firenation had a really complicated etiquette system and manners were a huge deal. There was a system of etiquette for nearly every situation. While the colonial kids today disregarded it, people like those generals would not, they would expect a certain standard of behaviour, especially if we wanted to get information out of them. Sokka said that Zuko could teach us, after all Toph could teach me to pass for a fancy earth kingdom lady and manners couldn't be that hard anyway and Zuko would be with us to make sure we didn't accidentally offend anyone.

Zuko said he wasn't coming with us quietly. Those people would recognise him in an instant and someone had to stay and look after Toph and Aang, because if we leave Toph and Aang alone in the house, the house might not still be standing when we get back. Oh. I felt a bit sad, I had kind of wanted him to come, but I could see the sense in what he was saying. Leaving Toph and Aang alone was a bad idea. Sokka said if he wasn't coming, then he'd just have to give us very rigorous manners lessons and then we'd be sweet. Zuko crossed his arms and looked grumpy but said _Okay , fine. But I still think this is a bad idea._ Sokka clapped him on the back and said _Well that's settled then, tomorrow manners lessons... then shopping _(Sokka said this with a great deal of excitement)._... then party! _Zuko groaned melodramatically and said _why do I get the feeling your __more excited about shopping for the party than the actual party!_

-?-

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Lovely readers! Thank you for reading _Keeping Calm and Carrying On!_ Or part 2 of the day at the volcano. Huge giant thank you to all my reviewers! You guys are awesome! Thanks for sticking with me while we have a short wander through OCland. Also big thanks for Lux Aureus for her really interesting review with lots of handy information about the roman empire and Caesar, I will admit that I know _nothing _of roman history so I found it all very fascinating! And her suggestion of using some sort of martial law to illustrate a crackdown! I used the idea of curfew and propaganda posters in the big cities of the firenation. The idea of "Uncle Ozai" and some poor media and communications boffin trying to make him look like a friendly but good and strong leader makes me chuckle (because the man is crazy and hides from 12 year olds and how can you put a positive PR spin on that?). I think these posters were done pretty quickly (the colonial kids arrive a week after the invasion) and it shows just a little.

So in this chapter we have a re-introduction of Sokka's shopping love. Because he loves it so. And also because I, like Sokka, attrack trinket sellers wherever I go. The shopping love and trinket buying frustrates Zuko. Well this whole day really frustrates Zuko actually – but look he's growing as a person! I think that Zuko really did evolve from the shouty spoiled brat he was in season 1, to the more mature and patient guy he was at the end of season 3. and I thought that a nice way to illustrate it would be to confront him with some_ really annoying _people (like Rena) and have him NOT get shouty at her and chuck a tantrum. (if you found her a little bit annoying last chapter, don't worry, it's because she's meant to come off that way). See season 1 Zuko would have told her where to shove it, but late season three Zuko tries to be polite and patient and not totally lose his temper with her, because they are stuck with the colonials for a day and he doesn't want to make shit awkward. And Katara notices that he really has come along way and they bond!

They get invited to the party because I've always found that when I was travelling, I got invited to heaps of things from people I randomly met. When travelling, I'd meet fun people and we'd all be in the same town for a while and it would just make sense to do things together. The Gaang are the first fun people the colonials have met and so it makes sense that they would want to hang out with them some more. I think their mother and grandpa, who both know the kids wont be going home, have been not so subtly trying to get them to make friends with the firenation kids around them. The kids will have to start new lives in the firenation, and that is always helped by making new friends. So their grandpa has allowed them to invite people to his shindig. For those of you who are wondering the colonials' ages are comparable to the gaang. Rena is 16, Rei is 15-14 and Rozin is 12.

Toph gets a sweet little kiss from Rozin because she's the only one in the series who doesn't get a little kiss and I really want her to get a bit of love. Rozin, like Aang, just _gets amongst it_ and puts his face in there when he fancies a girl. However, unlike Aang, he goes for the cheek and not the lips for the first kiss. He and Toph have hung out together all day and he is crushing on her hard core and he knows he may not see her again and so he goes for it. Toph is quietly delighted and Aang is exceptionally jealous. (but jealousy helps him earthbend, which will get him some Toph praise and that'll cheer him up).

So this party is a bit unusual. It is a big retirement bash for what in the firneation would be like a mass exodus from the upper eschelons (6 generals at once, the scandal!). Don't worry, I am going somewhere with this! So in the firenation I think there are **very few** ways of getting out of the military. Death and retirement. Jeong Jeong is the only successful deserter in a 100 year war for goodness sake. He's famous for it. So obviously, just quitting isn't an option.

But Iroh and I presume Piandao retired with (varying) degress of gracefulness. I think one of the many reasons was because they didn't want to be a part of the firenation war machine any longer. Well neither do these generals. It's only six of them so it is not the whole war cabinet by any means, but I think having six generals opting for early retirement all at once would be a blow. It's a small minority of dudes who have just had enough and are close enough to retirement anyway and have decided to throw in the towel rather than be a part of such senseless destruction.

These guys aren't part of the white lotus, but **everyone has their line in the sand **and I think Ozai cross it big time with his **crazy plan.** While I think most of the generals in the war cabinet now would have been cultivated by Ozai (and thus probably quite similar to him in terms of personality and outlook). These Arse-kissers are going down with the ship. Ozai's elevated him and they were always going to go along with what ever he came up with. Men like General Bujing, who's plan Zuko spoke out against (thanks Kimberly T for the name!) and men like Zhao, I see as being more part of Ozai's inner circle. But there has to be other sorts of men in there as well. Some of the old guard who served under Azulon and probably fully expected to serve under Iroh. In that scene in the war meeting when Ozai decides to burn all the earth kingdom to the ground, I don't know if it just my imagination, but not all the faces in that room look as enthusiastic about the plan as Ozai is.

These men are loyal to their country, but everybody reaches their limit of how much they are willing to let slide. I think that the retiring generals, aside from knowing people or having families who live in the colonies and worrying for their safety, there would be some good old economic common sense driving their actions. The main point of colonisation/invading the earth kingdom is to reap its riches and natural resources. Previous colonisation hasn't completely destroyed the surrounding enviroment/industry because that is what the push for colonisation was about. Trying to get more resources. If Ozai wants to burn all the earth kingdom, he's going to be burning the very reason to invade the earth kingdom in the first place. It is just moronic as well as insane. It really is mindless slaughter and I think certain men, like the colonial's grandpa, while not being a member of the white lotus, still wouldn't want to stand for something like that.

The generals would have hung out for a bit out of etiquette and optimism and trying to be good citizens. They would have tried to talk Ozai down from the crazy ledge and reason with him. What about the colonies, it economically doesn't make sense etc. But Ozai doesn't respond well to reason (neither does Azula really). So the generals who aren't on board with the plan are in a tough spot and I think the ones old enough for retirement would have opted to take early retirement before the comet rather than be a part of such mindless violence.

But the firenation being the firenation, there must be rules and manners and protocol for this. I think previously, long serving generals retired in dribs and drabs, rather than all at once, and normally when they did so the firelord of the time would send them off with honours. This is why Zuko is surprised that so many are retiring at once and that his father refused to go to the party. Ozai's refusal to attend the retirement bash would have been a grave insult and the height of rudeness. But that is the sort of firelord Ozai is.

The party I think is there was of celebrating a little and enjoying the resources of the earthkingdom while they still can. Because they all know that soon it will be gone and there is nothing they can do to stop it and so they may as well get drunk! (see previous long and rambly Authors note about subtle alcoholism in the firenation). So Grandpa gets his winemaking daughter to bring an arse tonne of the booze and much fun will be had by all. Some people, when they know the end of the world is coming, and feel like there nothing they can do to stop with, will invariably, just want to party. They may as well.

The party will be a great opportunity for the Gaang to learn some more info from all the drunk and disgruntled generals there, Sokka is right about that. But there is still no way Zuko can go. Colonials didn't know who he was, but the firenation snobs at that party will recognise him in a heartbeat. So he'll stay home like a good team dad and take care of the kiddy-winks while Katara goes off to have a bit of fun. Katara will look awesome, but more importantly she will learn some surprising things at the party and there will be shenanigans.

Til then my lovelies...


	31. Party tricks

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Party Tricks.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

So the firenation has like a ridiculously complicated system of bows and addresses. Some people need to be called by their full title and some people need to be called by a name that is not in fact their name and some people get a full bow and some people get a half bow and some people get an incline of the head and **oh my spirirts** how do they keep track of it all?

All morning was spent on this sort of thing. Bows and greetings and addresses and what was acceptable conversation (until people got drunk that is and then ANYTHING became acceptable conversation.) Zuko explained and demonstrated and even in one rather memorable occurrence, drew a diagram until we were all mannered-out and feeling most frustrated. Suki had a tendency to put her left foot back in the shadow of a curtsey because that was the standard greeting in kyoshi and she felt compelled to do it. This was a bad thing in the firenation, because the curtsey-bow combination was a sign of servitude. Sokka kept talking in his Wang Fire voice and trying to pretend to be posh and saying things like _spiffing do this party, what ho my good man, where does everyone summer? _Until Zuko got most stroppy with him and said_ no really, don't do that!_ I learned the best, but I guess I had practice before with Toph, which made it a bit easier. In the end, Zuko said that if we made a mistake, we could just shrug and say we were from the colonies. People didn't expect as much from colonials anyway.

-?-

We gave ourselves a strict budget for clothes. When we looked in the place where we'd stashed all our money (it's really Zuko and Toph's technically. Zuko's from the palace and Toph's from all the scamming) we noticed that we were starting to run low on funds. Not dire straits low, but certainly the coffers were lower than they'd been in a while. If Sozin's comet wasn't so soon, we might have to let Toph lapse back into her scam artist ways.

Sokka started out ecstatic about picking out his party outfit, so we bought his first (nice black pants and a shirt with those ties - like Zuko's). Then me and Suki went into a ladies shop to find our outfits. A long time later, Sokka had very much lost his shopping enthusiasm and had resigned himself to never leaving the shop, but taking up permanent residence in what the shop lady called the loitering chair (for loitering men waiting for indecisive women folk). Suki had already decided on her dress, but for some reason I couldn't seem to pick one.

All the dresses I had tried felt _okay,_ but none of them were _right._ I had tried on a large pile, and Suki kept offering 'helpful' suggestions and Sokka kept saying _that one looks great, lets take that one and go! _I am not normally so indecisive about this sort of thing. It is weird. Eventually Suki got up and sorted through my **maybe pile** and picked out three. She tossed them at me as she pushed me into the change room and said _these three were the best, so pick one of these._ I found it a bit easier to decide with only three to choose from. Sokka and Suki both assured me I looked awesome. Dresses and shoes were bought and now we are all ready for the party.

-?-

I smoothed the dress over my hips and admired myself in the mirror. The dark red with the gold edging really suited me (most vibrant colours will suit me according to Sokka and Suki, but still). My dress was fun and flirty little party dress, halter neck with a really low back. It was a sexy dress. I've never wanted to be sexy _perse _before, but tonight I did. Suki popped her head on my shoulder and smiled and said I looked great and then she turned around and got me to zip her up. Her dress was a bright red, tight, off-the-shoulder number with a swishy, short skirt. Sokka's eyes had bugged out of his head when she came out of the change room with it on and that was how she knew it was the right one.

I toed on the gold sandals with the big heels and experimented with my hair and ended pinning some to the sides with fancy hairclips. Suki was trying to 'fluff' hers (unsuccessfully so far.) I think we were both enjoying the girly-ness of the whole thing. Getting ready for a party was such an unexpected thing for us to be doing, but such a normal thing for most other girls our age. It was kind of fun and frivolous and I guess I wasn't expecting to have some frivolity so close to the comet. I hadn't really had a chance to be girly in ages. And it was nice getting ready with Suki in my bathroom (Sokka was in his **sacred space** in the bathroom Suki and he shared.) Suki did my make up first and she tried to copy the subtle shades that the beauticians had done that day at the spa and I almost gasped when I looked at the finished result. I looked...well, really lovely.

I was ready first and I will admit that my first thought was rather vain. I wanted to go show Zuko how good I looked. I told Suki I'd wait downstairs for her and Sokka and went off to look for Zuko. I found him watching Aang and Toph earthbending in the courtyard. I walked a little noisily in the sandals and he turned around as soon as I was at the corner.

He saw me and he made a little surprised noise. He looked momentarily gobsmacked. His eyes widened and his mouth fell open and he was starting at me in this _really nice_ way. I walked towards him and smiled widely at him and he said _wow..._and then looked really embarrassed and said _I mean hi _really quickly. I smiled even wider and said _Hi yourself. What do you think? Do I look okay for a fancy party? _I said and did a little twirl.

_You look beautiful. _He said quietly (shyly) and it made me go all fluttery inside. Really that is what I wanted to hear. Zuko thinks I'm beautiful and that makes me really, really ridiculously happy. I know I shouldn't worry too much about looks and that sort of thing, because looking beautiful doesn't matter in the middle of a war, etc. But _oh_ when he said that it just made me feel so...wonderful. It was a wonderful feeling. I had been half hoping to get this kind of reaction out of him. That's what all the fuss over picking out the right dress and the right everything had been about. Silly as it sounds to write it down, it was all for him, really. I wanted him to think I looked pretty and he thought I looked beautiful and was looking at me in such an adorable, adoring way. I said _thanks _brightly and moved a bit (okay a lot) closer. He gulped a little because I was getting all up in his personal space, but he didn't move away and we were just sort of looking at each other and being in each other's space and for a brief second it was like we were the only two people in the whole world.

I had a mad thought right then. A crazy little impulse to just kiss him. Could I do that incredibly brave thing that Rozin did to Toph and just kiss him and say _I really like you_, out loud, to his face. Admittedly, I would probably try kiss him on the lips not the cheek (already been there, kissed that).

I don't think I've ever been this infatuated with anyone. Ever.

Oh bollocks.

We watertribe people are_ not smooth at all _about this type of thing. ( I still remember Sokka asking Yue, d_o you want to do an activity together?_ That was not smooth at all, that was the polar opposite of smooth). Maybe infatuation awkwardness runs in my family, because apparently Dad was as awkward as a tonne of uncoordinated penguins around mum for like six months before he got up the nerve to ask her out. Dad told me and Sokka that he used to fall over his words and all this _blah _would come out. _Blah_ already comes out all the time around Zuko. This is ridiculous. I'm never this jittery in battle. My stomach never flutters like this at any other time. When I'm fighting - I have nerves of bloody steel, but around Zuko, sometimes I just get **all squishy** on the inside.

Suddenly Zuko said _watch out_ and grabbed me and pulled us both further back from the courtyard . His arms were around me and it was great. I will admit my first thought was rather fanciful because I thought he was going to kiss me and I got a bit excited. He'd actually been pulling me out of the way of a rogue boulder that Toph had "accidentally" bent at us. Boo...no, not boo. Pulling me out of harm's way is a very nice thing to do, even if it's not kissing. So I shouldn't be disappointed. And it's not like we would even kiss here because ….that was just a **very fanciful **daydream of mine... and Aang and Toph were right there... and what the hell had I been thinking? Zuko yelled, _hey watch it Toph_ and Toph yelled back _oops, sorry._ But she didn't sound very sorry. In fact she sounded quite pleased with herself, in my opinion.

Toph and Aang wandered over at that point and Toph said I looked great, with some sarcasm. Why does she always feel the need to do that. Aang looked stunned for a second, before he echoed Toph's sentiments and said I looked really nice. I thanked them both. Aang said he still didn't see why he couldn't just sneak in as a busboy, like we had planned to do at the party in Ba Sing Se (Sokka and Zuko had both poured cold water **all over** this idea when Aang first came up with it this morning, Aang's arrow is too recognisable and it is too risky and unnecessary). I know Aang had been a bit disappointed because he loves parties and I said I was sorry that they couldn't come to the party with us, but Aang would have a fun night here with Zuko. Okay I never thought I'd use 'fun night' and 'Zuko' in the same sentence, in an attempt to persuade Aang to stay home. Me and Zuko have a lot of fun, but Zuko and Aang...not so much.

Toph said it was okay, she hated fancy schmanzy parties anyway, and now she and Zuko could really drill Aang in earth and firebending (she gave Aang an affectionate punch in the arm) instead of going to some boring old party. Aang didn't look as happy as she did over the prospect. But Zuko agreed with her and said that firenation parties were really dull and they'd have much more fun here and if Aang was really good, Zuko would show him how to do the sparkle dragon. Aang brightened and said _really? _And Zuko nodded. Aang has been wanting to learn the sparkle dragon for a very long time.

Sokka and Suki came down then, looking great and announced that they were ready to go. Goodbyes were made and Sokka said _don't wait up guys _and he and Suki started walking off down the road. Then Toph said _enough chatter, come on twinkletoes, you've still got an earthbending lesson going on _and she led Aang back to the courtyard.

Then it was just me and Zuko and I didn't want to leave him behind, even though I knew he couldn't come with us. It just felt weird going off without the three of them. And who would make sure everybody got to bed at a reasonable hour and wash dishes with Zuko if I wasn't here? _You'll make sure they get to bed early, right? Because they'll need a good night's rest,_ I said quietly. Zuko smiled and said he would. I said he might have to give Aang the sun poppy tea (it had worked wonders! No nightmares for Aang since he started drinking it) Zuko said he'd do that too.

_And you'll make sure..._I started to say something else (vaguely nagging) but Zuko cut me off with a smile and told me not to worry, he'd look after Toph and Aang and make sure they ate all their vegetables and brushed their teeth and went to bed at a reasonable time and I should go have a nice night. I bounced in indecision for a second and then I gave him a hug and whispered _okay,_ because I didn't want to quite say goodbye either just yet. I knew I was being ridiculous, because I'd be back and I'd see him again in a few hours. But still, I hugged him all the same.

_Oi Katara, will you get a move on already! _Sokka shouted over his shoulder, successfully killing the moment. Boo. Me and Zuko broke apart and looked a bit sheepish and I shot back, _hey I was ready ages before you_ good-naturedly in Sokka's direction because really he was in no position to give me the hurry up! Zuko said _I'll see you later then _and I nodded and said _I'll be back soon_ and then I had turn and walk really quickly (jog ever so slightly) to catch up with Sokka and Suki. When I caught up to them, I looked back and waved and Zuko was still standing there, watching me. He waved back. I kept turning around and waving ever now and then until we crested the hill and I couldn't see him any more.

-?-

When we arrived at the house, we presented our invitation and were shown through to the garden. It looked stunning. There was a huge tree in the centre which had been hung with a vast assortment of lanterns (unlit at the moment because it was full day.) There were streamers and ribbons and decorations in all sorts of colours and lots of chairs and tables in small clusters around the place. The garden was full of elegant looking people, standing about being elegant and conversing elegantly and drinking elegantly (I imagine the elegance with decrease somewhat as the drinking continues). Waiters circled round with trays of drinks and snacks and canapes (note to self: _pronouced ca-na-pays not can-naps_). Rena and Rei came over to us pretty quickly and there were hugs and greetings. Both of them looked stunning. The bright firenation colours went well with their darker skin tone. Curiously, they wore reverse outfits. Rena had on a black top and red skirt and Rei had a red top and a black skirt and when they stood next to each other, they looked like a weird mirror of each other. (Was this deliberate or accidental?)

_Where's Zuko? _Rei asked excitedly, cutting right to the chase (and not at all subtle I must say!) Suki said he couldn't make it because someone had to stay home and look after the kids. Rei looked acutely disappointed and said with a sigh, _he is so responsible. That is sooo like him. _I felt the strongest urge to give her a little bop on the back of the head and say _you don't even know him!_ but thankfully I resisted.

Rena got us some drinks. A bubbly wine with a few berries in it. It was delicious. It was tasty. It could be pretty dangerous if we weren't careful because I could drink a lot of these. Sokka, Suki and I had decided on the walk down that none of us would get to drunk (despite the overflowing amount of plonk) because this was first and foremost _a fact finding mission_. We had decided to try and mingle with as many people as we could to see what we found out and compare notes at the end.

Still, it was fun having a few beverages with Rena and Rei under the trees. There was much talk of how beautiful everything looked etc and Rena made us all laugh with her tales of the shenanigans that had occurred in getting ready for today. Many of these shenanigans involved geese, which were meant to be eaten, but which had escaped the cook's clutches and were now wandering around the garden, in what the cook described as a 'taunting manner'. Indeed there were more geese at this party than there had been at the party in Ba Sing Se, which was the only other party that I had ever been too.

Some poff kids had arrived with their parents, but they had clustered near one of the tables and would occasionally glance over at us under the trees. It was weird. We were two distinct groups. I kept expecting them to come over and say hi to Rena and Rei, because it was their Uncle's house, but they never did. They just chatted amongst themselves. Eventually I couldn't help but ask _what do you think they're talking about over there?_ Rena rolled her eyes and said she didn't care. _They're probably complaining about the food or whatever. Oh dragon berries and lobster __**again!**__ How tedious!_

Me and Suki decided to go over and say hi because it seemed silly not to. The boys were smiling at us (the girls were not at this particular point in time). Two boys sort of nodded at us in acknowledgement. They looked like the typical surfie boys that you find all over this island. Unkempt hair and slow manner of speech and a tendency to use the phrase _keeping it real man. _ If we were going to mix with these kids, surfie boys would be our best bet. They were always pretty easy going. _Hey, how's it going?_ I said, trying to sound casual. They were both apparently _keeping it real._

I knew we'd picked the right boys.

Suki and I introduced ourselves. The boys announced they were called Chan and Ron Jian, like they were announcing something very important. Like they were famous. Suki raised an eyebrow. _You've probably heard of us. We're kind of a big deal here._ The one I think was called Ron Jian (I wasn't 100% sure which was which) clarified and said _My dad is like an Admiral. _I felt a sarcastic comment, _like an admiral, or is he actually an admiral? _But I did not say this out loud. Instead I acted like I was impressed with his dad being like an admiral and this pleased the boys.

Just us chatting to them seemed to break the ice a little. At that point Sokka strode over, with Rena and Rei in tow. He placed a proprietary hand on Suki's shoulder. He had a sort of boy equivalent of a starring competition with the one I think was Chan, and then introduced himself as Suki's boyfriend. Suki gave him a look. More introductions were made. Chan gave Rena a long evaluating once-over and he said_ how you doing?_ in what seemed to be a particularly flirtatious manner. Rena nodded back at him.

_So you're all from the colonies_ Chan asked innocently enough. _Yeah, what about it?_ Rena said as she crossed her arms a little. Chan said he was just curious. He wanted to know if we know any colonial party tricks, because when his dad went to the colonies he said that everybody there could pick up a grain of rice with their toes. Rei, in a rare act of loudness (or perhaps drunkenness – she had already had a few champagnes by the time we got here) said she couldn't pick up a grain of rice with her toes – but she could do this – and then she proceeded to 'skip' her arms. She is double jointed in both her shoulders and elbows (Childhood accident, don't ask, she said by way of explanation.) and so she can move her arms in a complete circle around her body. We were all fascinated and just a little grossed out.

It was the weirdest thing I have ever seen.

Rei asked if they could do any better tricks. The one I think was Ron Jian volunteered that he could put his whole fist in his mouth. This is not nearly as impressive as arm-skipping, but it is a lot grosser -so we all watched with unhealthy captivation. Suki said she could do a standing backflip and then we all had to 'give her some space' while she did one. Amazingly, she didn't kick anyone in the face and landed it perfectly. This is even more amazing considering the fact that she was two champagnes in.

And just like that, after three acts of public humiliation, conversation began to flow. The poff kids all sort of followed Ron Jian and Chan (who seemed to be like their unofficial leaders) and now that those boys had decided we were kind of cool, they started speaking to us. It was like the party officially and properly started for us. We were like one big loud noisy group of teenagers, laughing and messing about. I shuffled about chatting to various kids who's names I'll never remember.

I mentioned that I was training to be a healer to one girl (that was my cover story, but it is technically true) and she proceed to show me what she thought was a toxic poisonous rash. It is only heat rash, I am pretty sure, but she is most worried about it and I had to spend a great deal of time reassuring her that nobody would notice it and it was harmless. Word got out that I was a training healer and suddenly I was the focus of interest for several of the poff kids.

These kids, with the confidence of the rather drunk, felt compelled to confide in an almost complete stranger (me), their various health concerns/questions/woes. Wow, firenation kids can be real over-sharers after a few champagnes (I was being good and was still only on my second drink). Some of them had rather embarrassing health questions that they would _never ask out loud_ of a grown up. But I have sworn myself to secrecy regarding most of these embarrassing cases. Unfortunately, because I wasn't good and remembering their names, I started calling them by their medical condition in my head and all night I struggled not to call them things like _possible-crabs_ out loud. _Possible crabs_ was really quite nice, but he does need to go see a proper doctor if he wants the itching to go away.

Nothing really strategic being discussed on my end and _unfortunate-swelling-and-itching_ (my newest patient) kept talking me ear off about how he was making his own surfboard. I actually think he was trying to flirt with me. After a while he offered to show me his _unfortunate swelling and itching area _and gave me a meaningful gaze. I very firmly declined! I didn't want to be rude to him, but I was trying to find a way to extricate myself from this conversation. I looked around for someone who I knew and an escape route from this situation. I wouldn't find out anything valuable if I got stuck with _swelling-and-itchin__g _ for the rest of the night.

I saw Rei talking with _extra-long-tongue-girl_ (she had come right up to me and said _I can touch my nose with my tongue, is that normal? _ and then she demonstrated this feat with absolutely no prompting from me). From the looks of it, _extra-long-tongue_ was demonstrating her unusual ability again for Rei, who in turn, skipped her arms. Sokka was deep in conversation with Ron Jian. The music had come on and Suki was doing the fan dance near the band while to other girls tried to drunkenly copy her lithe movements. Rena wandered past with a bottle of wine in one hand and I grabbed her other hand and roped her into conversation. I told her I wanted to have a _girl talk _and made a meaningful head nod at _swelling-and-itching._ Rena is **much ruder** than me and in two seconds flat, she had gotten rid of _swelling-and-itching._

She took my half empty glass, sculled the contents and then gave me a refill from the bottle she was carrying around with her. _So what did you want to talk to me about? s_he asked nonchalantly. I told her I just wanted her to help me get rid _swelling and itching_ and all other boys who wished to over share with me regarding any problems_**in that area**_**,(**I gestured to the area in question and Rena nodded sagely) and then flirt with me afterwards!

She gave me a sly look and said _it's a shame that grumpy poff cousin of yours couldn't make it – I'm sure he would have loved to protect you from overly flirtatious dudes!_ I agreed it was a shame and I may have accidentally sighed a little. _You missing him?_ She asked pleasantly as she clinked her bottle with my glass and took a swig. I said _yes _instantly and absent-mindedly (because I was missing him, just a little), but then _no, not at all_ really quickly afterwards, because I didn't want to admit to Zuko-missing to Rena of all people. She shrugged and said if I wanted to, she'd make my excuses for me and I could just nip home and **shag him senseless.** I was very intrigued by this idea for two seconds and may have nodded at her suggestion, but then I remembered to act mock-scandalized. We had told Rena that we were all cousins, hadn't we? W_hat? No, he's my cousin _I said with (false) indignation and (real) embarrassment. _Right and I'm your grandmother, s_he said with a deliciously cheeky wink.

I had launch into a lengthy rant at Rena (regarding the inappropriateness of imaginary cousin shagging) while she looked quite amused. She stopped me at one point and said that I didn't need to worry. We were a lot of fun and we were the nicest people she'd met in the firenation. So if we were all telling everyone we were cousin-y colonials from Gaipan – she'd go along with it. We nodded at each other in acknowledgment. _Secret sip?_ She said and handed out the bottle to me. I was confused. She said it was like promising to keep something a secret officially – we both had to drink from the same bottle and then we'd never let the secret pass our lips. I took a big swig and so did she.

Then she smiled cheekily again and said hypothetically speaking, if she were me and she had a _pretend __cousin _like my _grumpy pretend cousin, _and she and this cousin looked at each other the way _me and my cousin_ looked at each other_, _she would stop beating around the bush and would _grab that cousin's hot arse, _because she had well appreciated the view on the hike up the mountain yesterday and then she would take that _cousin to a secluded location_ and _experiment with his bending_ and then she would _feel up that cousin _and...I think she was about to say something _very rude, _but thankfully I will never know what because right at this point Chan came over and successfully distracted her.

They seemed to be flirting. At the start Rena tried to include me in their conversation, but I started feeling a bit like a third wheel, so I buggered off and left them to it. I waved at her and wandered off a little, but as I was walking away I heard Chan say _You know, you're really pretty __**for a colonial.**_ I heard Rena's initial noise of indignation and I turned and saw her with her hands on her hips and I knew a rant was coming Chan's way._ Just what is that supposed to mean!_ Rena started.

Rena is a sassy drunk.

I wandered around the tree. The sun was setting and someone had lit all the lanterns and they were casting a soft and beautiful light everywhere. I attracted a few more 'patients' and advised them as best I could. I soon as I had finished with _constant ear infection (_poor girl got them every time she went swimming - which would really suck in a firenation summer), I went and looked for everyone else I knew.

I walked past Rena and Chan talking again. Well mostly Rena was talking and Chan was looking very harangued. I have never used the word harangued before, possibly because I've never seen anyone look so harangued in my life. I think it applies specifically to people who have been **talked at **by a cranky Rena for 20 solid minutes. I caught a few strains of Rena's long rant about colonialism. Calling her _pretty for a colonial_ was almost a backhanded insult coming from a poff and this is just what colonialism is – poffs have all the power and they can go round making bourgeois statements, and ill informed prejudicial judgements etc, etc and so on and so forth. Chan looked both entranced (because Rena's top was sliding dangerous low and it was in this direction that Chan's gaze was averted) and scared witless. At one point Rena paused for breath and Chan sighed and looked in askance at the sky and said _why is every girl I hit on crazy! _to nobody in particular and with some resignation.

_You think girls are crazy? Well now you are __**just being sexists**__!_ _I'll have you know..._and Rena was off again, waving her bottle around in big circles to emphasise her point. Chan did not run away as I had expected him too, but just continued to stare at her chest with great fascination. I sense he will be hit with another rant as soon as Rena realises where he is looking.

Suki was in full-on kyoshi warrior instructor mode now. She had at least eight drunken girls trying to copy the fan dance she was doing on the lawns in front of the band. Suki has the rare ability to make young girls everywhere want to copy her/be like her (it is probably why she is the youngest ever leader of the kyoshi warriors) and it appears that drunken firenation girls are no exception to the Suki-factor. The fan dance was going **a little askew**, but what the drunk girls' movements lacked in precision, they made up for in enthusiasm.

Rei and _Long Tongue_ were talking about fire-bending. Apparently _Long Tongue_ is also a bender.

I found Sokka just as he was leaving to go mingle with the 'adults' because Ron Jian was going to introduce Sokka to his dad, the admiral. I left them too it. Sokka can probably wheedle some interesting stuff out of a drunken admiral.

All in all this is shaping up to be a pretty good party. Who knows what we would find out!

-?-

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authors notes: not as long and rambly as last time.

lovely readers! You have reached the end of party tricks! Thank you and I hope you enjoyed it! Giant thank you to all my brilliant wonderful and fabulous reviewers! You guys know I have nothing but love for you! So this chapter was meant to be light-hearted and fluffy because I wanted to counterbalance next chapter which will be somewhat darker.

So Katara will look really gorgeous this chapter and Zuko will have a _wow...(bollocks did I just say wow out loud?) _moment. Katara entertains the idea of doing that incredibly brave thing that Rozin did. Because it really does take a lot of courage to to just come out with an _I really like you,_ like that. But alas, it was not to be this time. Because Zuko has to stay at home and be a good team dad for the night. I do think he and Aang and Toph will have a nice night, even despite the fact that none of them can go to the party. I think Zuko's not really into parties anyway. He'll let them stay up late and eat too much dessert etc, but other than that he'll look after them.

So I elaborated more of the colonials vs poffs in this chapter, because I do think that before people get a little squiffy, they'd pretty much stick to their distinct groups. So there are two very separate groups at the start of the party. And we have Chan and Ron Jian as guest stars. _Charmed Ravenclaw_ suggested it and I just love the idea! I had Chan hit on Rena because I thought it would be kind of funny. Poor guy has no luck! He hits on Azula, hits on Rena and both times he gets treated to an arse-ton of girl crazy.

Anyway, I think Suki and Sokka and Katara aren't really part of this whole two-tiered society and so they are a bit more confident about approaching the poffs and moving seamlessly between the groups and after the initial contact and icebreaking party tricks and a few champagnes, people are more inclined to mingle with eachother.

So none of the Gaang are going to get too wankered at this, so if you are on the edge of your seat for riotous drunken celebration you may have to wait a bit longer. The riotous drunken celebration will happen after Sozin's comet, this party is all about fact finding and getting some new info is the main goal of our three musketeers. They'll have a few drinks to fit in/not seem like prudes but mostly they'll all be responsible enough to try and stay focused and not get too crazy. Suki with her dance lessons, will try and get info out of the kids, Sokka is going to try hang out with the menfolk and Katara is going to try and mingle with some older gossiping mothers.

But just because they are are trying to stay cool, calm and collected, doesn't mean the other kids will do the same. Rei actually starts out a bit squiffy and is a bit more communicative and prone to demonstrating her weird skills. I knew a girl who could skip her arms. It was absolutely fascinating and she did it all the time at parties. Rena also gets fair drunk and gives many rants.

As people get a bit drunk, more shenanigans happen, like the Suki-factor: I think suki's got a fair bit of charisma to be the youngest ever leader of the Kyoshi warriors. I also reckon she has moves! I have a friend who is a very charismatic dancer and for some reason, some nights she can get heaps of people following her movements (other nights, no dice, so it's a bit of hit and miss there). But anyway, it's normally a bit hilarious to watch/ take part in and I guess I just like the mental image of Suki trying to teach a horde of drunken girls how to do the fan dance.

Katara is a good healer (though she tells the kids she's in training because really she is quite young to be considered a proper physician.) I have a friend who's a nurse and whenever we go to the pub, she is always beset by people wanting medical advice over a wide range of medical problems (most of these are somewhat embarrassing). They have the sort of problems they would never talk about 1) while sober and 2) to a person they might see again. And much fun is had by all. Does this happen to other people who have some medical knowledge? Or is it just that my friend attracts oversharers? Anyway Katara suffers a similar fate with all the firenation kids confiding in her about their weird rashes, itches and infections.

Rena likes to mess with people and she has figured out that all the gaang aren't really cousins and that Katara fancies Zuko (from beinga roundthem for a few hours and seeing all the longing glances etc). However, even though she knows they aren't really cousins, she hasn't figured out much more than that. She certainly doesn't know they are team avatar etc (she's not sherlock holmes or anything, she's just observant). She's not really fussed either way because the gaang are the nicest people she's met in the firenation and she figures they must be lying for a reason, so she is happy to go along with the 'cousin' story. However she is still going to try and get a rise out of Katara re: cousin fancying. Wouldn't you? That's what all her speech about how if she had a _cousin_ like Katara's _cousin_ is about. She's trying to make Katara blush.

Next chapter: Katara will find some new friends, find out what her dad's been up too and learn exactly how Zuko got his scar. And there will be drama!

Til then lovely readers!


	32. Ducklings and Hawks

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ducklings and hawks

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slight warning: There be a pinch of swearing ahead me hearties!

-?-

The sun had gone down a fair while ago and all the lanterns had been lit. The garden was awash in beautiful soft light. I decided to have an explore (snoop) and see if I could find some nice older ladies to get into conversation with. In my experience, older ladies are often fountains of interesting information and more prone to gossiping. I would have better luck finding out some more strategic information if I could find some of the more motherly figures and ingratiate myself with them. I was wandering around near the drinks table (I poured myself a large juice to try and clear away the foggy-champagne feeling) when out of the corner of my eye, I saw the baby.

The next minute seemed to happen at lightning speed.

The baby was near the edge of the pond. There had been many pretty floating candles put on the water and the child was trying to reach them. I felt a surge of worry and put down my juice and started moving. I could tell what was going to happen almost before it occurred. The baby fell and there was a splash and a cry from a woman near my right. I ran as fast as my legs could carry me and jumped in after the kid. I grabbed him and pulled him out of the water before he'd even been in there long enough to register what had happened. I checked him over and very subtly used my bending to make sure there was no water in his lungs.

The kid was fine. My dress was not. But that's a small price to pay.

Almost as if he wanted to prove how well his lungs worked, the baby opened his mouth and started caterwauling terribly in his surprise and fright. I shushed him and looked around for the mother. It didn't take long to spot her. She was hobbling towards me as fast as she could – blind panic on her face. I went to her and handed the baby over and she clung to him and cuddled him. And then she was crying and he was crying and I was trying to calm them both.

The fracas attracted much attention. Everyone crowded around us and began to fuss. The mother (who's name was Kia – I figured this out because everyone was saying _Kia, Kia what's wrong?_) said that she'd only put him down for a second and he'd wandered off and she couldn't catch up to him with her leg the way it was (it was heavily bandaged from her foot to her thigh) and the baby had fallen in and this remarkable girl saved him, she said and gestured to me.

Remarkable girl? She meant me? Go me!

I have been lauded for my heroics and much fuss has been made over me. An Older Gentleman, Kia's father, I think, bought a chair over for Kia who had been sort of hopping on her good leg. A Practical looking looking woman took the baby and handed it to the old man and helped Kia ease herself into the chair. the Old guy handed Practical the baby back and bought some extra chairs over. he gestured for me to sit down and said _please sit dear girl and we will get you dried off in no time_. I sat down. Practical shooed the other guests who had been crowding Kia and the baby. _Move along folks, nothing to see here _she said pleasantly but sternly. She said that if anybody wanted to be useful they could get us all a spot of tea and some towels for me. The General repeated this request in his booming powerful voice _(please someone get some __towels for this sopping wet girl!_), but otherwise they should go about their business. Kia looked at Practical gratefully – they are obviously old friends.

Kia kept hugging the baby and saying over and over that she was never going to let him out of her sight again and he was a very naughty boy for wandering off and mummy was most angry at him (however she was kissing him all over his face and cuddling him while she said that, so I don't know how much of the message the baby understood.) Practical rubbed her back and said the baby was fine and her Rozin had fallen in the water all the time as a baby and he'd turned out okay. This did not appear to have the calming effect Practical thought it would because Kia's face registered alarm. (Evidently she has met Rozin previously). I thought about what Practical had said (My Rozin) and asked her if she was Rena and Rei and Rozin's mother. She was, her name was Lily and she figured I must be one of her children's new friends from Gaipan.

I told them I was and my name was Katara. Kia and her father introduced themselves to me. He was General Kazin. He did not say much, but gave me the bow of deep respect instead of just the standard greeting bow. Kia had calmed somewhat, she gushed her thanks at me.

Lily's husband came over and introduced himself. His name is Tanin. He looks a little like an older Haru without a moustache to me – but I did not say this out loud. Haru and Tanin aren't really my type, (taller, leaner, with messy black hair and slightly trouble is more my type) but they are both quite man-pretty. I could see why a girl who liked man-pretty would have been willing to leave her home and family for Tanin (when he was a younger man of course). He greeted me with mock reverence – _the famous Katara!_ and gave me two big fluffy towels which I wrapped around myself and he then brought over one of the tables from under the tree and a stool for Kia's foot and her crutches from where she dropped them. He and Lily had a quiet whispered conversation and he kissed her cheek and left and then he came back with a big pot of tea for us and three cups and a bottle of wine for the General. (Is he going to drink that whole bottle himself?) Tanin gave Lily a gentle kiss on her forehead and politely took his leave of us. He's a good husband. I wouldn't mind having one who looks after me and my friends and brings me big pots of tea when I am older (not now, obviously).

Kia smiled at them and then looked a little sad. Lily reached for her hand and said her Kalin would have been here if he could've been. The General said he'd been able to get the extra leave approved before he retired and so Kalin should be on a passenger ship home at this moment. Kia nodded and said _thanks dad _quietly and bounced the baby again. The baby had quietened and stopped crying. I knew I guessed right, he was her father. Kia hugged the baby closer and said _I'm okay. We've just had a bit of fright that's all, haven't we little one. _The general rubbed her shoulder and said_ there there now, would you like me to take you home? _But she smiled weakly at him and said the party had only just started and he shouldn't miss his own retirement on her account and she's be fine after a good spot of tea. Lily immediately started pouring.

I offered that I was a training healer in my colony, and if Kia didn't object, I could check the baby over again to make sure he was fine. Kia didn't object. She handed me the baby and I made a few faces at him (it was a boy) to introduce myself. He had bright amber eyes and big smile and cute, chubby baby hands. He wrapped his baby hand around my index finger and smiled at me happily. I baby talked at him a little, because I can't help myself around babies. Oh I always get a bit clucky around babies.

I asked his name. It's Kuzon – a family name apparently. Named for my grandfather, the General offered. I checked him over and he was perfectly fine, if a little wet. Lily got up to go get a change of baby clothes for him - she knew where Kia had put them- and Kia smiled gratefully at her again. I started saying '_who's a beautiful boy then?_' to Kuzon and I told Kia that he was a beautiful baby, he had a very alert little face etc. all the normal stuff you are supposed to say about babies. I seemed to have unlocked a gushing flow of pride from Kia, who enthused about how smart he was and how advanced for his age and he was crawling so fast already and she shouldn't have brought him, but he was so young, she couldn't bear to leave him with a babysitter and she'd only put him down for a second and if I hadn't have been there- (her eyes welled up again).

Wow, she was really beating herself up about this. But I totally understood it. I worry extensively about our little family and I imagine I am going to be even more of a worry wart when I have children of my own. Babies are so fragile. We had come very close to disaster a few moments ago. But I told her the baby was fine, nothing bad had actually happened, disaster had been avoided etc. Lily came back and I handed Kuzon over and she helped Kia put him in some dry clothes. If I could bend here, I could have dried him in a second. but I was an ordinary colonial from Gaipan.

Kia visibly seemed to pull herself together and shook off her tears and said _it's just this bloody leg_. She gestured at the big bandage. I asked if she wouldn't mind me having a look at her leg to see if there was anything I could do to make her more comfortable. I knelt down and held her foot gently and felt over the bandage. It had been set well, by a talented physician. I used my bending to feel what was going on inside her leg.

_Ooh ouch._

A very severe break near her ankle and a second just above her knee. It had happened a while ago and was starting to heal, but it must be so painful for her. She really should not be up and about and I told her so. She smiled at her dad and said she couldn't miss this for the world. I looked a little incredulously at her. If my leg was broken like this I would never leave the house (or if I did, I would demand Zuko carry me everywhere). Kia noticed the look on my face and explained to me that her dad (and lily's dad) were retiring and she had never been more proud of him and so she wasn't going to stay at home just because her leg was a little crook. A little crook is the biggest understatement of the century. Firenation people really do just carry on regardless of injury.

I asked her what had happened and she explained to me that she had been travelling with her husband Kalin. They couldn't bear to be apart normally. He was an official in Two Rivers Colony, which had been having a spot of trouble with some rebellions and uprisings. The firenation had built a rail link between Two Rivers and Oyster Bay (she and Lily exchanged a look) and she had been coming home from visiting Lily, when the train had been derailed by the most dreadful smelling bomb she had ever encountered and in the accident, her leg had been broken in two places.

After her accident, her Kalin had fawned over her and had taken all his leave at once so that he could look after her and Kuzon while she was initially recovering. I asked her where was he now, if it wasn't a rude question. Back in the colonies. He had wanted to come with her, but he had used up all his leave and couldn't get the time off and he was still in Two Rivers overseeing some troop relocation. But now her Dad had been able to get his extra leave approved and with any luck, she'd see him again soon. I tried not to look too curious, but this was exactly the sort of info we were after. I asked where the troops were relocating to as casually as I could. Kia said shrugged and said she didn't know (but in a way that made it sound like she did, she just didn't want to tell me.)

The General asked if they'd caught the earth benders who derailed the trains yet (a bit angrily). Kia said that her Kalin didn't think it was earthbenders anymore. He thought it was some water tribe warrior called the Blue Wolf. Lily scoffed and said that wasn't his real name, no woman would ever name a child blue wolf. Kia smiled in acknowledgement and said that perhaps the mother knew her baby boy was going to grow up to be the scourge of the firenation and so he needed a suitably scary name. But then she added that she thought his name was Hakoda of the Watertribe. I nearly dropped her foot in surprise (but thankfully did not) I definitely gasped out loud.

My Dad! They were talking about my Dad! I felt an initial rush of elation! Dad was okay! He was alive! He was still fighting! But this was quickly followed by a perplexing rush of guilt. Dad would have never wanted to hurt a woman with a young baby, but one of his bombs had hurt Kia.

Both the women had noticed my reaction and were looking at me. I said that I had heard of Hakoda in an attempted to explain my reaction. The general said _I bet you have!_ And exclaimed that he was famous all up and down the colonies for starting resistance movements and his small acts but crucial acts of rebellion, like cutting off supply lines, stealing plans etc. _Kalin almost doesn't want to catch him. He says the blue wolf is one __**bad-ass motherfu**_-Kia said, but paused and looked at me, coughed, then said _I mean_ _one very scary dude. _

Lily paused for a second and then said_ But you've got to respect him eh? Fighting the way he does. It's pretty bloody impressive. _Kia agreed. the General asked her if she wasn't angry at the blue wolf for blowing up her train and Kia said well obviously she was very unhappy about that and of course she wouldn't invite the Blue Wolf to tea or anything, but she had a very healthy respect for him and people like him. Strangely I felt my heart glow with pride for my dad. When I was training with Master Pakku he said that one of the highest honours you can give an enemy is your respect. He used the most peculiar phrase and said that: _An enemy worth the conquering is a joy to fight._ I hadn't quite understood it then.

Kia asked if there was anything I could do for her leg aside from sun poppy tea and rest (which is what her physician had prescribed her). Reluctantly I said _no_ and put her foot back gently on this little stool that Lily's husband had brought. Lily handed her little Kuzon back and he clapped happily and grabbed his mother's hair. Kia bounced him up and down on her shoulder and smiled at me and said_ thanks for having a look anyway. _I felt a little stab of guilt. I can't mend severe broken bones yet, because I left my training with Yugoda too early. I didn't instinctively feel exactly what I should do for her. Sometimes, uncannily, I just know what to do, but in this case I didn't want to do anything in case I made it worse for her. Also, most importantly, at this party I was a simple colonial from Gapian, not a waterbending healer, so there was nothing I could do anyway.

I could have eased her pain though. I am good at that. I could have made the water flow around the breaks and made everything a bit easier for her. Oh I wanted to so badly and it was one of the hardest things to look her in the face and say I couldn't help her _(wouldn't help her)_. It felt wrong to me. It felt like I was leaving a part of myself behind, the part of me that would never refuse help to someone who needed it_. It's healing quite nicely_ I told her encouragingly.

_Well, that's good, but enough about me_ Kia said briskly _tell me about yourself dear girl? _Where was I from, who was I travelling/staying with, How did I know everyone here?I tried to keep my answers vague and told her I was from Gaipan and me and my cousins were here staying with our other cousin, and we had all met Rena and Rei and Rozin yesterday (I nodded at Lily) and they invited us to the party – _Well I am exceedingly glad they did,_ Kia said happily. Lily said that Rena and Rei and Rozin would not stop going on about us last night and so she had been rather keen to meet us herself. And she was glad her kids had found some friends on the island. Especially Rei, because the poor girl had been so nervous about meeting other people because of her bending. But now she'd made friends and one of them was a firebender. _I always said she just needed someone to show her the basics patiently and the rest would start coming to her –_ Lily said fondly._ Honestly after yesterday, she was so much more confident and she talked non-stop about that cousin of yours. It's more words than I've heard out of her in two years. I've half a mind to send him a fruit basket to say thanks _She said with a gentle smile.

Kia asked Lily if her dad was still going to teach Rei? Now that he had retired, he was going to have lots of time on his hands. Lily said she hoped so. The General piped up that he thought General Zan was looking forward to getting to know his granddaughter a bit better and would definitely want to teach young Rei. I saw an opportunity to try and steer the conversation back to more military things, because I was still trying to find out more information. Zuko had said it was really weird that all the generals were retiring and it would be a good thing if we could find out why. So I poured myself another cup of tea and asked the General why he was retiring. He said _h__a__d enough of it I suppose _simply, but in a way that sounded like that wasn't the whole story.

I tried again and said that my cousin had said that it was really unusual for six generals to retire at once and looked at him questioningly. Kia said that my cousin was right and that was why they had to celebrate this auspicious occasion properly. She was still not really answering the question. Lily scoffed and said _look at you two, still terrified to say a word against him, even here. _The General looked a little rueful and said she'd been in the colonies too long, she'd missed Ozai's Wild Ride. _My young lily, you don't understand how much fear that man inspires._ Lily said that the firelord was so unforgivably rude to her father when he invited him and forbade all his cronies from coming. This party was a** firelord free zone **and so the general could speak freely if he wished and Ozai would never know. she said that last bit quite conspiratorially.

Apparently her father, General Zan had been letting loose every evening after a few wines and saying six years worth of frustration. _I know my dad quit because he thinks Ozai is a fuc-_She glanced at me and the baby, coughed and continued –_ pucking pastard who doesn't give a flying puck about sound strategy, good governance or the people of the firenation and he's a __**pucking psychopathic prick**__ to boot. _ She said. Kia said that she thought a swear word slipped through there, smiling at her friend. _Pucking psychopathic puckwit. _Lily corrected happily (and I was beginning to wonder if she was a little drunk as well. But she was holding it together very well).

Lily encouraged General Kazin and said _Come on, you're in a firelord free zone!Get it off your chest, let us know all the juicy details._ She said encouragingly._ Just don't swear in front of the baby or our young friend here. _Kia added as she cuddled little Kuzon. The General looked a bit unsure and then said _bugger it a_nd took a big swig of his wine and said that he thought Firelord Ozai was **the WORST firelord the country had ever seen**. He was a crazy, rude, violent, egotistical, narcissistic, cowardly, overbearing, selfish, stupid, had no understanding of either military or domestic policy and the General had been wanted to tell him to shove it up his arse for **six long years.** He gestured wildly with he wine bottle, emphasizing his points while he said all this and as soon as he got to the end of his speech he took another swig and said that it had felt good to get that off his chest.

_Honestly there is only so many of his crazy -__**I want to be supreme ruler of all and everyone will bow to me**__- speeches that a person can take. _The General waxed poetic about what a great Firelord general Iroh would have been, but we all got stuck with Ozai instead. Ozai- a man who couldn't even love his own children. He sighed sadly and rubbed his daughter's shoulder and said _I should have left long ago, you know.__ I j__ust don't trust a man who can't even love his own children. _ Kia held baby Kuzon a little tighter as he said this. She inhaled sharply and said _Poor Prince Zuko,_ _what a tragic mutilation. He could've been handsome once _a little sadly. The General nodded in agreement and said _that poor lad _very quietly.

They were talking about Zuko. My Zuko. They were saying he could've been handsome once, like it was past tense, like he wasn't handsome now. I had the most irrational thought, an anxiety deep in my tummy, that Zuko was nearby and hearing this. I knew this was impossible and he was at home with the kids, but still I became illogically worried that he'd overhear these people.

At the same time, my curiosity was completely piqued. These people knew how he had gotten his scar. All I knew was that his dad had done it, but I didn't know the why, when or how of it all. Truthfully I had been waiting for Zuko to tell me. I had always figured he would when he was ready. But we had been to the southern raiders ages ago and I still didn't know any more now than I had then. Maybe he'd never be ready to tell me. I had wanted to know since I first saw him actually and I think I have been very patient re: this. I've never really bothered him about it because he is just **so sensitive** about everything scar related. This wasn't the sort of information we had come to the party to find out, not at all, but that didn't mean it wasn't something I desperately wanted to know. Zuko probably didn't want me to know, otherwise he would have told me by now. I mean we talk about everything else! But I was bursting with curiosity. It had just come up randomly in conversation, it's not like I sought this out, but now that the opportunity had been presented to me, I had to take it.

_What happened to Prince Zuko?_ Lily beat me to it. She said she heard about him getting banished, and apparently he'd brought that on himself, but Kia and the General were talking about mutilation. _You didn't hear about it in the colonies? _The General asked, a bit perplexed. Lily said that they only hear what Ozai wants them to hear in the colonies and all the news from home is always severely edited. I agreed with her and said I hadn't known what happened either.

The general said _Oh, it'll ruin the party for you ladies, it's not a good story_ very gently. But Kia gave me and Llily another glance and then whispered in her father's ear (I obviously wasn't meant to overhear, but I did because I am so wily) _– they're going to be living here now and Lily's sassy. If she's going to be living here now, it would probably be better that she knows what kind of man Firelord Ozai is. She isn't in the colonies anymore._ Kia and her dad had another conversation with their eyes and then the general said _Well, I guess it is old news to most people here anyway. _Then he took another big sip of wine, cleared his throat and began.

It was three (or was it four?) years ago. It had been Prince Zuko's first war meeting and he'd only been such a young thing. General Buijing – _Oh what an odious man-_ Kia interjected. Anyway, the general continued, General Buijing had put forward his usual ducklings and hawks strategy. –_Ducklings and hawks?_ This time I interjected. _Oh it's his battle strategy – he was famous for it_ the general said with some disdain. He started to arrange our tea set on the table while He explained. _You get few division of new, untrained recruits- they're the ducklings you see – _he put a cup down-_ to distract you enemy forces , who will hammer away at them, _he put another cup down and clinked it against the first. _And while they are distracted by the ducklings, your elite firebenders, they're the hawks, move in from behind _he lifted up the big tea pot a little over the second cup and mimed smashing it over the first two cups _and then it's all over _–

_The ducklings normally get absolutely slaughtered, but that's the whole point of the ducklings. There are other ways to win battles, better ways, ways that don't involve so much wasted life. But Ozai likes the Ducklings and Hawks strategy_. And Lily started going on about how she thought that the duckling and hawk strategy was why they had to do a fourth round of conscription in the colonies this year (normally they only do one round of conscription a year, but this hadn't been a very good year for the firenation, despite what all the posters were saying.)

_Anyway,_ the General continued, _Prince Zuko hears about the ducklings and hawks for the first time and is suitably horrified and says this is a terrible plan, tragic waste of human life, not fair to knowingly send people to their deaths, blah blah blah. Most of us agreed with him, but it wasn't his place to speak out. General Bujing takes offense that his oh-so-brilliant-plan is being questioned by a child and the Firelord takes offense that someone has dared speak out of turn in his illustrious presence and got ridiculously angry and declared that there is only one way they can settle their differences – Agni kai! Which in itself raised a few eyebrows because, ya know, Bujing was a seasoned warrior…dueling a 12 year old kid…Then for reasons known only to Ozai himself, the morning of the Agni Kai, he takes General Bujing's place, so he can fight his own son in front of everybody. _

_As soon as the kid realized he had to fight his own father, he asked for forgiveness instead. Said he was a loyal son and only had the nation's best interest at heart and what not. But Ozai really wanted to fight and the kid refused to fight him. The kid was kneeling and Ozai said something to him, said he was going to teach Prince Zuko __**proper respect **__and he_–here the General shuddered – _he punched the kid in the face white fire, second hottest only to blue and the most painful. He wanted to really hurt his own son, which in itself is horrible enough, but what happened after wards really..._the General balled his fist around his wine bottle and took another swig.

_The kid lost consciousness pretty much straight away, which I guess is a small blessing, and General Iroh tried to go to him but Ozai wouldn't let him. Wouldn't even let the Royal physician up. Said he __**wasn't finished yet**__. Then he just stood over the kid and laughed like a maniac for ages, until everyone there, even old General Bujing, has gotten __**the creeps**__ good and proper. Sent shivers up my spine, him laughing like that. Never seen anything as dreadful in my life. _

_Then Ozai puts the crazy cherry on top of the psycho sundae and gives this speech in which, he basically said to all of us gathered there __**If you disrespect me in any way, not matter how small your slight, you will meet the same fate! This is the price of disobedience, this is the price of disrespect! I will not show mercy. You have all been forewarned. **__ And then he walked away quite calmly, like it was just another ordinary day at the palace. _The general paused and looked away for a second and muttered _Crazy motherpucker _under his breath.

_They say he went straight to his office and drew up banishment papers and signed them before the kid had even been moved to the medical wing. Told everyone it was because the kid had been weak and disrespectful and had shown that he had no honour by refusing to fight..._ _And that is what really happened. _It appeared the General had finished his story. He took another swig and apologized to me and Lily and said it wasn't a good story, but he hoped that Lily understood why people who had been in the firenation for the duration of **Ozai's Wild Ride**, were a bit reluctant to speak ill of the man.

Lily was horrified and said that they hadn't heard anything like that in the colonies. They had heard an entirely different story which painted Ozai in a much better light. The General said she'd missed out on a lot of the recent royal scandals living in the colonies. Missed all the irregularity in Ozai's coronation. Missed lady Ursa "disappearing".Missed Princess Azula being caught shoplifting. With that family, it was always one thing after another.

I didn't say anything. I just let them talk over me. I was cold with horror. I just...oh Zuko. My poor Zuko. He never even...I had no idea...how do you even begin to recover from something like that. He never talks about how it happened and now I know and **It's too terrible. **I almost wish I didn't know again. I felt a wave of nausea that was rising. I didn't feel confident enough to speak. I was feeling actually a bit breathless, like I had run along way. So I stayed quiet while the ladies and the General talked around me and poured myself another tea. The cup shook ever so slightly in my hands. I had never even imagined something so horrible.

Kia cuddled the baby closer and said she'd never, as long as she lived, be able to understand how he could have done that to his own son. The General said that as horrible as it sounds, he could see why Ozai had done it. It was a gamble, but it had paid off. Ozai's rule had been especially problematic. Especially at the start with all the shenanigans with the line of succession and that beautiful wife of his "disappearing" and Azulon "falling down the stairs" and then "having a heart attack" and whatever. Lily said they'd heard about that, even in the colonies. One minute Azulon is fit as a fiddle and then the next he's stone old dead and it's Ozai in the hotseat, not lovely general Iroh. What was with that?

The General said that nobody, to this day had gotten to the bottom of that particular mystery. And that's why Ozai had such a hard time at the start, because everything about him being named successor seemed so suspicious. Last minute will changes, sudden deaths and lady Ursa disappearing. The whole thing smelled fishy. What Kia really wanted to know was what had happened to the lovely lady Ursa, _because there was no way, under Agni, that woman would have left those kids,_ she said with great conviction. The General said sadly that he thought she was dead and that Ozai must have either incinerated her body or killed her in a way that left no body. All three of them sadly pondered this sad thought.

Zuko's mother. Maybe she really is dead after all.

I asked what Lady Ursa had been like, which was my first contribution to the conversation for a while. The General said _she was lovely _simply. _We used to say that every man in the firenation was in love with Lady Ursa, except her husband. _Kia said sadly.

Lily still didn't understand how Ozai was Firelord and not Iroh, especially if his succession was so questionable. The General sighed and said that General Iroh was never the same after his son died. He came back from Ba Sing Se just a broken man. He could've pursued the throne more vigorously when he first came back. All the generals would have stood by him. _We told him we were willing to go to the wall for him and his right to the throne. But Iroh didn't want to be firelord and he certainly didn't want to start a civil war over it, and he said he was tired of bloodshed and would much rather play pai sho with the kid and drink tea. _ He tutted and said _honestly, if wasn't for General Iroh being so fond of Prince Zuko, Ozai wouldn't have bothered to banished the kid in the first place._

We were all a bit aghast at this statement. The general explained about his theory of Ozai's big gamble. Back in the day, basically even though Ozai was the firelord, everybody-who-was-anybody at the time, liked and listened to General Iroh more and it drove Ozai to distraction. He started firing people left, right and centre and elevating his own cronies and keeping favourites and even when he had half stacked the war council with his mates, the other half (the more intelligent, better half the general said, pointing to himself) still looked to Iroh to lead. Ozai tried to get rid of him all different ways, but Iroh's a bit too smart to "fall down the stairs" conveniently. So Ozai offered him nice positions all over the world etc but Iroh announces he'd prefer to stay at home and around the kids. Everyone thought Ozai was a bit of weak firelord at the start. He'd opted out of his national service as a young man (Royalty were given that option) and so the generals and the war council did not respect him. Ozai had the ambition, but he didn't have the presence. He didn't command respect the same way his brother or his father did.

_So he needed to prove he is big and strong and tough and that he won't tolerate people disrespecting him, scare some respect out of people and get rid of Iroh. _The General counted these goals on his fingers. _Burning and banishing prince Zuko got him everything he wanted. _The general closed his hand._ He scared the shit out of us that day and no one has made a peep about his legitimacy since, everybody kowtows to him whenever he walks past and he gets his own way with everything, - because he's a crazy motherpucker and as a general rule it's better not to upset crazy motherpuckers - and Iroh chose to take early retirement and go with prince Zuko for his banishment instead of staying in the capital, leaving us all permanently stuck with Ozai as Firelord because there is no viable alternative, at least until Princess Azula turns sixteen and even still, she's a crazy motherpucker as well. _He finished with a said shrug.

They started to talk about the sorry state of the firenation but their words just washed over me now. I couldn't pay attention at all. Maybe if I had been able to listen, I would have learned something helpful but I just couldn't think about anything or anyone else but Zuko. I slowly finished my tea, but it tasted so bitter in my mouth. I had nearly dried off and their conversation was continuing without me. I could take my leave of them and get up and go home and see Zuko. That's all I wanted to do.

I thanked them profusely for the tea and their hospitality. Kia thanked me again for saving little Kuzon and Lily brushed the hair out of my face and said I'd hung out enough with the old folks and I probably wanted to go back and see my friends. I said that it had been very interesting chatting with the old folks and it had been nice to meet them all – and they all said it was a pleasure meeting me. It was all very polite. I thanked the General and Lily again for a great party. (I wasn't sure who to thank actually – we were at Lily's dad's house, but the general was retiring). I said that they had really put on a nice party. A flicker of sadness crossed the General's face and then it cleared and he said, _yes, we__ may as well enjoy it while we can- _

I cannot enjoy it at all. This was a lovely party, Fireflies and lanterns everywhere and nice music and everything was pretty and suddenly I couldn't enjoy it at all, because this terrible, horrible heartbreaking thing had happened to Zuko and he'd never let on at all. Now that I knew this thing, I couldn't unknow it. How could his father have done that to him? I wanted to go home. I wanted to go find Zuko and hold him and hug him and say that I was so sorry this had happened to him. The reasons the General had said did make some sort of sick sadistic sense, but still. There is a real darkness and craziness in Ozai that I'd never even guess at, never even thought possible, didn't even want to know about.

-?-

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terribly, frightfully long and rambling authors notes. mostly about the firenation.

Lovely wonderful beautiful readers! This is a honking big chapter and if you've made it to the end of it then enormous congratulations! So this is the party chapter and this is how I think Katara would find out about how Zuko got his scar. I don't think he'd ever be able to tell her himself, so it had to be a third party. I think Zuko's really not even begun to emotionally deal with what happened, much less talk about it. I don't think he'd even feel inclined to talk about it anyway. He still thinks, deep down, that what happened somehow shames _him_. He hates being pitied. He doesn't like big emotional talks. In some fics he just fesses up to everything, and these fics can be great and well written, but I couldn't picture it happening in this one. I don't know, I just don't think Katara would find out from Zuko telling her. I always thought she'd find out about the scar from a third party. And that Agni Kai area is **crowded**, there are hundreds of third parties who saw what happened.

This chapter also fleshes out some more firenation politics/social structure and what I see as the motivations behind what Ozai did. To all my brilliant, wonderful and fabulous reviewers – mad love! Thanks you guys! Your feedback is always valued and appreciated and it makes me smile so widely to read all your comments. Reviews are the best Christmas present for me.

Happy holidays season to everyone and sorry if I've put a bit of a bummer on the festive season with this gloomy chapter. But I think that the story of how Zuko got is scar is a very sombre one and I wanted to do it justice (and also explore what firenation people thought about the whole thing). I have also introduced the K family and the mother of Rena and Rei and Rozin. Sorry If General Kazin comes off like Captain Exposition. But someone has to tell the story.

The K family, General Kazin, his daughter Kia – her husband Kalin and baby Kuzon are here to give us some exposition! Yay Exposition. I wanted to provide another look at firenation society and the K family are firenation through and through, though Kia and Kalin have spent some time in the colonies. So in my imagination Kia and Lily are old friends, probably met at school and have known each other for years. While Lily married very young during her first year of national service and went to live in the colonies, Kia probably went what was seen as the more traditional route. Did her service, came back to the firenation, married a respectable firenation dude etc. But she and Lily still kept in touch and when her husband got offered a good posting in the colonies, Kia when with him and started visiting her friend again.

What is Hakoda doing for these final few episodes? In my imagination, he's in the earthkingdom, he is without his band of manly water tribe warriors, but he has Chit Sang, Haru, Teo and the Duke. He is a clever and charismatic leader and I think he would have attracted some followers and some shenanigans and Fire Nation sabotage and rebel attacks would have been orchestrated. Hakoda, to me, in these final episodes would have been almost a one-man band version of the french resistance. His kids are fighting the war and so will he. I think he's got a bit of a reputation around the colonies and colonials have a fair bit of healthy respect for the Blue Wolf. But whenever you derail a train, people get hurt. And even though he is fighting the good fight etc, Hakoda's various attacks would have caused casualties. And one of these is Kia.

I think Kia is a bit of a daddy's girl and so we get to meet her dad, who is conveniently one of the generals who is retiring. While Lily and her father have a slightly more strained relationship (years of estrangement etc- ooh also the father of the three R's is in the firenation too, I just didn't have much cause to reference him. But I included him in this chapter for those of you wondering about his safety.) but Kia and her dad have a really good relationship and communicate very well with each other. As soon as General Kazin knows about **the crazy plan, **he makes sure his daughter comes home. There is a snag because her husband has used up all his leave, so daddy dearest has been pulling all his strings to get extra leave for his son-in-law.

Kia does not want to miss out on her dad's party, but she has a very young baby and she doesn't want to leave him with a babysitter and she has been severely injured. To those of you wondering regarding the age gap between the three R's and Kuzon – it is because Kia met her husband a lot later and they had difficulty conceiving. But Lily would have said i_t was fine to bring the baby along, we'll get you a comfy chair and we'll just chill out all night. Don't stay home like a sad panda._ So Kia came, and brought her baby and she only put him down for a second – but some babies move quickly- honestly, take you eye off them for a second and they can shoot off. But all is well because Katara comes to the rescue!

Naturally YMMV on absolutely everything and feel free to disagree with me completely!

So I watched the storm a few times and had a bit of a think and this is what I came up with. What Ozai does to Zuko is pretty horrific. But I think it must be at least a little calculated, which makes it worse. I think hurting kids is one of the **last taboos.** It is something that is always seen as pretty much _completely unacceptable_ across all cultures and systems of governance. Hurting kids always gets a very visceral reaction out of people and even in more brutal dictatorships, if children are going to be hurt- it is going to be behind closed doors, or in a place where people can't see them. People are always appalled by violence towards children.

The firenation is not some completely evil place and I think physical abuse of children would be frowned upon there. There is _no corporal punishment in the school system_ after all. In the school system at least, which I think is more representative of the societal values as a whole, rather than crazy Ozai's child rearing tactics, they value their children's emotional and physical well being enough to not strike them when they are disobedient. Lets face, if they did cane in the firenation; poor, sweet, noisy, rambunctious Aang would have been getting 20 lashes before the day is through. But as it is, they just call his 'parents'.

So to me, this says that physical child abuse is a no-no in the firenation. But Ozai very publicly and permanently physically abuses Zuko. Hhhhmmmm. This has given me thoughts.

The fact Ozai disfigures, burns and then banishes Zuko says a lot about him as a person and a father, the fact that he does it **very publicly** and in front of a huge crowd of his Generals and the society elite says a lot about him as a firelord and a leader. By doing something so horrific, so publicly – he is sending a message to those people there. He means business. He does not have mercy. He will not hesitate to completely ruin people who go against him. Zuko has only very lightly disrespected him and in a very round-about way. I got the impression that this is something Ozai could have easily let slide. But he chooses not to. He is making an example out of Zuko, because Zuko is his son and the prince, people probably expected Ozai to go easy on him, but Ozai is very clearly demonstrating that he does not do 'going easy' on anyone.

I think Ozai hated Zuko just a little bit and was glad to see the back of him and wanted him out of sight, out of mind. Also Azula is the favourite and he needs to get rid of Zuko somehow for her to assume what Ozai sees as her rightful place: very next in line to the throne. So there is that reason. but more importantly than any family connection to Azula, I think Ozai is trying to secure his own power base.

The most emotion we see from Ozai is when he feels that he is being disobeyed. (eg the most worked up he gets is when he shouts at Zuko YOU WILL OBEY ME! in day of black sun. He snaps at Azula when she questions his judgment in making her stay at home). Obedience and respect is a huge thing with him and I reckon it is because he found it very hard to get that from people. People who have earned the respect of others, who are respectable in and of themselves, very rarely need to engage in public demonstrations of strength. But Ozai has something to prove to people.

I think people in the firenation were fully expecting Iroh to succeed Azulon and were a bit miffed to get Ozai instead, especially because the way Ozai becomes firelord is **super dodgy! **Sudden last minute will change and then the death of his father and his wife disappears. It looks very suspicious to anyone even playing the slightest bit of attention. I think there would have been a lot of gossip and rumours going around and probably not a lot of love or respect for Ozai as a leader. Sure there would have been lip service etc, but I think the upper-echelons, who had been fully expecting Firelord Iroh would have been a bit thrown by the whole thing. I think Iroh, being Iroh and just a bit awesome, probably inspired people with confidence regarding his leadership abilities and he has a proven record in battle, is a shrewd strategist. He is the first son, but he is also the logical choice as an heir and I think the people in the firenation fully expected him to take over.

But instead they get Ozai. I am very firmly of the belief that Ozai is rather cowardly (he only fights kids, is always hiding in his palace, never goes out into the world to properly face his enemies until the day of the comet, etc). I think that in such a militaristic and patriotic country there would be optional national service for the upper classes and mandatory conscription for the lower classes. Ozai opts out. He doesn't have a military title aside from just being the Firelord, which I guess makes him commander-in-chief by default. Iroh is a proven General, people respect him and he would have_ just been there_, hanging about, being respected by the people, while everyone is mostly _just pretending_ to respect Ozai.

This is going to drive Ozai bananas.

And lets face it, Ozai is a bit unhinged to begin with.

I think that historically, there have been all and sundry mad kings. Often they live out their reigns and bankrupt their countries and shake everybody up a bit. When they get disposed, there is usually a great deal of shenanigans, but often they live out their reigns and I think this is because they rule at a time when there are not many alternative rulers/heirs. But as soon as a likely heir is of age, these mad kings "fall down the stairs" etc.

The firenation is in a similar situation because they are pretty much stuck with Ozai after Zuko gets banished. Zuko and Iroh are gone and the only heir is Azula and she is quite young and **also crazy.** That whole thing about Ozai handing power over to Azula is a head-scratcher for me, because at 14, she is too young by anyone's standards. 16 is normally the youngest anybody rules autonomously. So I reckon Ozai was making the position of firelord superfluous and would still act as firelord/regent whilst he was "the phoenix king."

okay, I'm just going to put this out there – anybody else think Ozai has a narcissistic personality disorder? The man just** makes up** his own title for goodness sake!

I think the fact that Ozai is a bit nuts is no secret in the firenation, but because it is an absolute monarchy, there is not much they can do about it. They are stuck with him. Also Ozai rules by fear and has created a climate in which people would be afraid to speak out against him. He has elevated arse-kissers and yes men and all the sorts of people who will agree with him over everything. Some of these people will no doubt agree with Ozai and share his world view (Zhao, Bujing) but I think a few of the are clever politicians and are doing what they can to get by in a new world order and if getting by means kowtowing and paying lip service to a crazy man, they are ready to get down on their knees. I have previously said that I think there would have been a fair few 'disappearances' by people who disagreed with him. Disappearances always frighten people and I think after a while, mutterings and dissatisfied rumblings would have stopped, or being muttered really quietly in the safety of ones home. Zuko's mum – she disappears and nobody knows what happened to her at all! That would be a pretty big deal! She is a **very public figure,** member of the royal family, wife of the crown prince and she disappears the night his father 'dies' and there is not a trace of her. I think the fact that a very public figure like Lady Ursa can vanish without a trace would have really worried people. If Ozai can make Ursa disappear, he can probably make anyone disappear.

General Kazin is a bit reluctant to say what he really thinks of Ozai, but he's been sitting on his dissatisfaction for six years! And the party is a Firelord Free Zone (I think Ozai banned all his cronies from going as well) and this is the first time the General has had a chance to say what he thinks of the firelord, in a long time. So he lets loose a little. For those of you wanting to put a name to a face, in **the storm, **when General Bujing announces his 'ducklings and hawks' plan– I imagine General Kazin was the guy who said _but the 42__nd__ is entirely new recruits_ with some indignation.

I think that while Ozai had very successfully ruled by fear for a while now, earlier on in Ozai's reign, there would have been a great deal more dissatisfied rumblings, especially from the upper echelons. I think that there is a bit of brainwashing and indoctrination and propaganda in the firenation, but that doesn't work on everyone, especially the ruling elite. I think that there were lots of people who wouldn't buy what Ozai was selling in those early days. Especially because technically, he did cheat to get the throne. It's obvious he did something sneaky! But no one knows quite how it went down. People turned to Iroh, but I think Iroh was honestly fed up and tired of bloodshed and had very little interest at that point in his life in being firelord. I think Lu Ten's death was a huge blow to him and I think I changed him greatly, especially his priorities. He doesn't want to start a civil war, he just wants to play pai sho and drink tea and mourn.

I noticed that in Zuko's various rants, when he is **really upset **at his uncle, he often calls his uncle lazy. I think this comes from what he overheard as a kid. After Iroh returned, I think the majority of people would have wanted him to step up and formally challenge Ozai, but his failure to do so is probably what lost him more respect than his failure in Ba Sing Se. After a while, the sympathetic 'oh his son just died, give him time and he'll come through for us '– would have changed to -'what is that lazy old man doing, just drinking tea again!' I think people were dissatisfied with Iroh's inaction, and this is where he gets the lazy moniker from.

Anyway the way I see it, Burning and Banishing Zuko was Ozai's attempt at showing what a strong tough leader he was and trying to shut up all the nay-sayers but scaring the shit out of them. It worked. he was trying to get rid of Iroh because he's pretty sure that Iroh will go with Zuko and that worked. it's a win/win for Ozai.

Another random thing I noticed from the dialogue is that while Zuko and Azula **always **refer to each other as brother and sister, I don't think Iroh ever refers to Ozai as 'my brother' but instead calls him by his title – the firelord. Even when he talks of killing Ozai as a brother killing a brother – he still does not use the possessive 'my'. I am not 100% sure about this actually, will have to do a re-watch, but I noticed in several scenes where it would be easier to say my brother, Iroh still says the firelord. Maybe he says brother once or twice which will shoot holes in my theory, but here it is anyway. My theory is that Iroh and Ozai have pretty much **cut all ties,** they no longer consider each other brothers. Maybe Iroh publicly denounced him, or maybe privately they told each other to shove it up their arses. Either way, they no longer see each other as family.

Zuko and Azula on the other hand, while they are on opposite sides of the war, have not cut any emotional ties at all, for them to still be able to affect each other the way they do. They constantly refer to each other as my brother or my sister. I am an Azula apologist after all and I want to think there's hope for her. I'd like to think that the fact that they still see each other as family (however dysfunctional their relationship) will mean that eventually they will be able to repair their relationship. (eventually- they both have a lot of crap and issues to deal with). I also think it is a nice juxtaposition that while Play!Azula says '_you are no longer my brother!'_ Azula at the Agni Kai says _I'm sorry it has to end this way brother. _I don't know if she means it or not, but still, it was just something that struck me as interesting.

Anyway, now Katara knows how Zuko got his scar and next chapter she is going to want to talk to him about it. He will not want to talk about it. At all! and there will be shenanigans and emotional conversations and cuddles.

Til then lovely readers...


	33. Deeper Scars

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deeper scars.

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I was feeling really sick after hearing the General's story. Sick to my stomach. I went to the bathroom just in case I needed to vomit, because I certainly felt like it. I didn't in the end, but it was a close thing. I splashed my face with water and washed off all the make up and took my hair out (it was looking a fright after my impromptu swim in the pond fetching Kuzon out). I took a deep breath and steadied myself for a second and went out to find Suki and Sokka to tell them I was going to head home.

Found Suki first on the lawns. She was now teaching a frightfully large group of drunk teenage girls the fan dance (there was much unco-ordination and whacking each other in the face on the part of the girls). Rei and Long tongue were playing with one of the lanterns (apparently Long Tongue had climbed the tree to get it down). Horrifyingly and surprisingly, Chan and Rena were drunkenly making out in the gardenia bushes. He kept trying to grab her arse and she kept swatting his hand away, but other than that, they were joined _at the face_. Sokka was deep in conversation with Ron Jian's dad and some other military looking people. He was regaling them all with some (most likely made up) story that had them all laughing. Much wine had been consumed by everyone and there was a lot of masculine and hearty back-slapping.

I figured it would be easier to have a quick word with Sokka, who could be easily led away from conversation, than Suki, who was surrounded by drunken dancers. I went and tapped him on the shoulder and told him I was going home. He excused himself from the conversation and said he'd be back in a few minutes and led me a little bit away. Sokka was finding out some really interesting stuff and he had those guys eating out of his hand (Sokka's words, not mine) and he wasn't quite ready to go. I said he didn't need too, but I was feeling tired and wanting to head off and I just wanted him to know, so that he didn't worry. He said I shouldn't go off on my own and should wait for him and Suki. We both glanced over at Suki who was encouraging the drum player in the band to 'pick up the pace!' I said it looked like Suki wanted to stay a bit longer too and he and Suki could walk home together, and I'd be fine on my own, I was a master bender and everything. Sokka reluctantly agreed and said he'd see me at home. I told him to tell Rena and Rei I said bye (they were both otherwise engaged at this point) and I turned and walked off and waved at Suki on my way out.

I was going home.

-?-

I don't even remember the walk back, it passed really quickly. I took my shoes off at one point because it is easier to walk with bare feet than it is in strappy sandals with heels. Before I knew it, I was back at the beach house. I came in through the front door and walked through the living room and there I found Zuko. Zuko was sprawled out on the couch, reading what looked to be Avatar Kyoshi's autobiography. He looked up in surprise to see me home so early and on my own. He got up really quickly and came over and said _hey you're back early_ a bit happily and then added _Have you been for a swim? _And he pulled a big bit of pond weed out of my hair. Oops, I missed that bit. I told him about jumping into the pond to save the baby. He smiled a little to himself and then said _only you save babies at parties_ under his breath. Then he said that if I wanted one, he's make me up some tea to warm me up after _my daring rescue. _

I followed him into the kitchen. He asked me where Sokka and Suki were and I said they were still at the party, and they hadn't been ready to go, but I'd wanted to come home (to see him, to talk to him). He was acting just so normal. There was a conversation that I wanted to have with him but I didn't even know how to start it and it felt like it would be even harder to start it when he was just being so normal.

He was chatting as he set up the tea stuff. Telling me about their night here. Aang and Toph were both in bed, but he'd been waiting for all of us to get back, but he'd made sure that Aang and Toph had eaten all their veggies and brushed their teeth and...at this point he turned around and looked at me. Then he looked closer and put down the kettle and stopped what he was doing. He walked over to me and touched my shoulders lightly and said _Hey, what's wrong?_

What's wrong? Where to start? How could he just stand there, making tea and pretending that everything was fine when his dad... What's wrong is that his dad is a **nutbag** who really hurt him and he's never even spoken about it and that can't be good for a person. I just wanted to hold him and comfort him and feed him fireflakes and jasmine tea (because those are his two favourite things) and make him feel better. But it's hard to comfort a person when they're being all normal and not upset.

I stepped forward and wrapped him up in a big hug and buried my face in his chest, just like I had wanted to do since I had first heard about what had happened. He seemed a bit surprised, but his arms came around my shoulders straight away and he held me closer and started rubbing big soothing circles on my bare back and saying things like _ssshhh it's okay. _But it's not okay, not really. How could his dad have done something like that to him. How could he just keep going after something like that. **Why didn't he ever tell me?** There was only one way into the conversation and that was to just directly start it. So I did. _I know...how you got your scar _I said quietly

His reaction was instantaneous. He dropped his arms and stepped away so quickly. He practically recoiled from me. I had hoped that he would let me make it all better for him. But he was looking at me with a panicked and hurt gaze and kept backing away from me. _How do you even know?_ He breathed quietly with a shocked look on his face. I explained that it had just come up in conversation and _it was an accident_, and I hadn't been prying, but they were talking about how terrible his dad's reign was and how they couldn't trust a man who couldn't even love his own kids and_ it just came up. _ And ever since I had found out, I'd wanted to come back here and talk to him about it.

I could almost pinpoint the moment he ran away from this conversation that we had to have in his eyes. His expression changed and he just looked so lost and sad and upset and scared. This was going to be so much harder than I thought. He back up into the kitchen wall and bumped the spice rack. He ran his hands through his hair and then crossed him arms gruffly in front on his body and looked at the floor and said_ I don't want to talk about this. _ I walked over to him and I tried to hug him over his crossed arms, but he stepped away again and said with real feeling, _what the hell do you think you're doing._ There was fear and indignation and anger all there in his eyes.

That hurt a little. Zuko's never rejected my touch before. I said I just thought he needed a hug and he scoffed a little and tried to act like he wasn't hurting and it didn't matter and he didn't need a hug. Always trying to pretend he doesn't need people. _Katara, I'm fine!_ he said repressively and a little desperately. He always does this. Whenever he's upset, he pretends to be fine and goes somewhere and mopes until he can bottle all these hurt feelings up and pretend he doesn't feel them any more. I know he does that because I do it to. But I know it's not good for you. I always feel better when I've put my feelings out there. But he never puts his feelings out there and it is very frustrating. I said _I don't think your fine at all, I think your just __**pretending **__to be fine. _There was a huge silence that was suddenly broken by the kettle boiling and making a shrieking noise.

Zuko made no move towards it. Normally he can put out the fire in a second with his bending, but instead we were both just starring at each other. It was like a staring competition but not. Honestly, I don't know how long we stood like that for. Starring into eachother's eyes while the kettle whistled. There was the saddest look in his gold eyes. Honestly, I think I nearly forgot to breathe.

Then the kettle started bubbling over and I was the one to break eye contact first. I went over a got a oven mit and took the kettle off the hob and in the two seconds my back was turned, Zuko made his get away, like the sneaky guy he is. He is so stealthy and sneaky and quick! I couldn't call out to him, because that would mean waking the others. But I followed him. I'm sneaky and quick too.

He was upset. I knew it. He didn't want me to see him vulnerable. He never wants anyone to see him vulnerable. He was going to be pissed off when I found him. Pissed off that I had brought the whole thing up. He was going to push me away. He was doing it already, he'd probably been doing it for longer than he remembered and it was just habit with him. He gets all angry and acts all spiky and scary so that it was too hard for anybody to get close, or maybe nobody even bothered to get close at all.

Some instinct told me not to give up. Not to let him push me away this time. He could be mad as all hell if that helped him, but he wasn't going to get rid of me this easily tonight. He needed me. He just couldn't say it. But I know when someone needs me. He needed to talk about what happened, even if getting him to open up about this was going to be like pulling teeth. Besides, I had some things I wanted to say to him and by all the spirits he was going to hear me!

He was on the beach, striding away with big angry strides, almost running, really. I ran to catch up and then he took off for real. I called after to him to wait but he just picked up the pace. Well! This was just getting ridiculous. Was he really going to make me chase him? Well boo to that, we were on a beach! There was plenty on my element around and I used it. Just a little waterbending to trip him up, so I could catch him.

He swore and fell and I caught up. He got up and looked at me grumpily. I expected that. He dusted himself off and said that I probably wanted to have a** big stupid talk** about...everything, but he didn't want to. I said I didn't want to have a big stupid talk, I just wanted to help and then he got huffy and crossed his arms again and said _well I don't need any help _very gruffly. He never wants to ask for help. I must have made a skeptical face because he got really cross and indignant and said he was bloody well fine again. I said that he wasn't fine and I could tell, because I knew him, but that was okay and he didn't have to be fine.

He took a few steps backwards again and said _You think you know me so well Katara, but you don't! You just think you do. If you knew me, you'd know I don't talk about this stuff. Ever. _ He turned and walked away from me, not in any particular direction. I followed after him saying, a bit stroppily (because he'd hurt my feelings saying I didn't know him, because I do) that I would know him better _if he would just talk to me_. He just bottles all his feelings up and it is most frustrating. _Would it really kill you to just express how you really feel instead of just bottling it all up for once._ That got a reaction. He stopped and turned around and said _For once! I tell you everything! w_ith a great deal of raw feeling. _I tell you more than I've ever told anybody and would it really kill you to __**not **__butt your nose in for once! Just let it drop okay!_ He was really hurting. I was beginning to think I'd opened bigger stitches than I could handle, than he could handle.

There was a moment of silence and I started thinking that this wasn't going how I planned. We were meant to have a big emotional confessional talk, like we did earlier when we went to see the southern raiders. I was meant to be nurturing-comforting-Katara – I was going to show him how well I could do that. I was going to take care of him and make it all better for him, but he wasn't letting me. He was pushing me away, when all I wanted was to be there for him. And now I was indignant-shouting-on-a-beach-Katara, which is the polar opposite of nurturing-and-comforting-Katara. I needed a deep breath and to calm down.

Zuko seemed to be trying to calm himself down as well because he gave three big sighs and crossed his arms again and said _What do you even want from me? _And he looked at me and his eyes were wet and his expression was so hurt that it took my breath away again.

There is something truly horrible about watching someone you care about in so much pain and not being able to help them. I would do anything to help him. Fight an army or swim to the bottom of the ocean or anything. I could be whatever he needed. I could be so good _for_ him. I could be so good_ to _him. I just wanted to hold him and love him and protect him from all the world. I wanted to make sure nobody ever hurt him again. I could do all that for him. I'd be whatever he needed me to be, if he would just let me take care of him. If only he would let me.

But I couldn't stop him from feeling this way and I couldn't make it better for him magically. What had happened years ago still hurt him on the inside and I couldn't protect him from that. The deep scars, the ones I really had to worry about, weren't on his face, but buried so deep inside, in a place where I couldn't just put some water there and heal it. I just wanted to hold him and instantly make it all better and I couldn't. But that didn't mean I couldn't at least try.

I said what I honestly wanted. I just wanted him to listen to me and not run away and I thought he needed to talk about what happened and bottling everything up wasn't the answer. I bottled up all my feelings over my mother for the longest time and it only hurt me on the inside. I felt better since we went to the southern raiders, because I opened that bottle and it didn't kill me and I just feel lighter and better and I wanted him to feel lighter and better about what happened and he could talk to me and I'd listen and try to understand. I got closer as I was speaking until I was standing straight in front of him again and I was getting up in his personal space. I thought about trying to hug him again, but considering how he reacted the last time, I reconsidered and took a step back.

Zuko listened and crossed his arms and said he couldn't talk to anyone,** especially me.** That hurt my feelings a little bit again, and I said _what?_ with some surprise._ I don't want you to act weird around me. _Zuko said more placatingly, instead of angrily. (I may have made a very cross face in response to his previous statement). I said that I wouldn't. Promised I wouldn't, but he said people always did. As soon as someone finds out, they start looking at him all pityingly and he hates that and now I was looking at him pityingly and that was worse and he didn't need my pity. _And I don't want you to... think I'm weak or anything _he finished, his tone soft and sad and quiet. Bugger giving him space. I took his hand and told him I'd **never **think that of him, because he was one of the strongest people I know.

It's true. But he's strong in a different way to how I originally thought. He isn't strong because he can spar with the best of them or climb cliffs or anything like that. He is strong because he's been through so much. Because he's been living with what happened everyday and never complaining. It was a different sort of strength. But still he didn't believe me. He dropped his hand and turned around and started walking away from me again and said_ You don't need to patronise me _over his shoulder.

And I was chasing after him again.

I followed and said that I wasn't patronising him and if he thought what happened made him weak somehow and that was the stupidest thing I have ever heard and it was a horrible horrible thing that happened and it wasn't his fault at all and his dad is just the worst father in the history of fathers. I ran out of words and just ended up saying with real feeling _Ozai is just... he's just damaged on the inside okay. He's damaged goods. _He stopped and turned around and looked at me in the eye and the was a big pause before he drew into himself a little and looked at the sand and said _So am I. _So softly, like a quiet confession.

Oh.

How could he even think that about himself. He's not damaged goods, he's my wonderful, brave Zuko and how can he not see that? I was speechless for a few seconds and we just stood starring at each other on the beach, while the waves broke the silence gently. I went over, close enough to be all up in his personal space, but I didn't try to hug him again, he'd have to reach for me first, but I placed my hand on his arm and said in the same whispered tone he'd used _You're not damaged, your wounded, but your not damaged. This scar doesn't make you damaged. Just because you've been hurt, doesn't make you weak. It makes you strong._

His face just crumpled then, and he made the smallest gesture towards me. That was all the encouragement I needed. I wrapped him up in a big hug and locked my arms around him. He wasn't getting away this time. It took a couple of seconds, but eventually his arms came around me again and he leaned on me. I was rubbing big circles on his back and holding him close and breathing in his Zuko smell and he was holding me so tight, like he was drowning. His hands were really warm on my bare back. He wasn't really crying, but I think he was blinking back tears. He was shaking a little. He whispered in my ear _I can't do this okay. I don't know what you want me to say but I just can't._ And I _sssshhhhed _him and rubbed his back and said I was sorry. I was so sorry. (and I was sorry. about his scar, about his dad, about everything, about tonight).

This isn't about me and I've been making it about me. All along it should've been about Zuko and what he needed and maybe he didn't need to talk about it and get it off his chest yet. Not if he wasn't ready. Not if he didn't want to. But I had pushed the issue. I wanted to do this and talk about this and open all these old wounds and he didn't want that at all and I forced the situation anyway. If he wasn't ready... then fine, I shouldn't have pushed. Sokka says that I push and I push and push at things and I always butt my nose in where it doesn't belong and I never leave well enough alone and maybe I should have this time. We were still holding each other and a veritable babble of apologise burst forth from me. And I just started repeating over and over _I'm sorry, I'm so sorry okay. I pushed you and I shouldn't have and I'm sorry okay. We don't have to talk if you don't want to, but if you do want to, I'm always here to listen. And I'm sorry_ (lather, rinse, repeat)

We were quiet for a while and then I asked if there was anything I could for him now and he said the only thing he wanted was for me to drop it and not act weird around him. I said I wouldn't act weird, but he said I already was acting weird and people always act weird. Apparently his uncle had told everyone on the ship (without his permission!) and afterwards they had all been super-nice to him and it was infuriating. I smiled and tried to lighten the mood and said that he was a little weird, if he found people being nice to him infuriating. He said that kind of nice was a **weird nice**, and he only hated weird nice. And now I was being **weird nice** and he just wanted me to treat him the same way I always had. I arched an eyebrow and said _If you want me to treat you the same as ever, I could go get the common sense stick and chase you around trying to hit you with it. _We were still hugging and I looked up and smiled at him and he looked down and me and he gave me the slightest, almost imperceptible smile in return and said _No, I'm good._

Our faces were so close. I could've kissed him then, but that wasn't what he needed from me now. Wasn't what he wanted from me now. He wanted me to treat him just the same. If I kissed him now, he would probably just think I was being weird nice and it was a pity kiss or something and then I really would have to hit him with the commonsense stick.

No the best thing to do now would be to treat him the same as I always have. But it was getting harder to treat him the same as always and not for the reason he thought. but because everyday I found something new to love about him, and that makes it hard to act with indifference. No, not indifference, I've never been indifferent about Zuko. It makes it hard for me to treat him is casual friendship when all I really want to do is just...well... **very inappropriate** right now.

But treating him the same was what he wanted. If that's what he needed, then fine. I'd try and act like everything is normal, but with one stipulation. He's not allowed to get huffy if I'm nice to him because that is just ridiculous, especially now when all I want to do is be nice to him (And hold him and hug him and kiss him and make him laugh).

I broke our hug and sat down on the sand and patted the spot next to me and after a beat he sat down too. I didn't look at him, but I said _I'll try and not treat you any different, but __**don't you dare get huffy **__if I'm nicer to you than normal. _Zuko shot me a rather perplexed look and I turned to face him and said firmly _If I'm a little nicer to you it's because I want to be and for no other reason, it's not because I pity you or think any less of you, but because you're my best friend and I don't like to see you hurting and I want to make you feel better and I'm allowed to feel that way. _

There was a pause and Zuko looked out at the ocean and smiled a little and said _okay. _I was a bit flabbergasted. That was too easy. This whole conversation had been so difficult, I wasn't expecting just a casual okay. So I said _Okay... just like that?_ with some surprise. Zuko turned to me an said (a little cheekily) _Well you're back to bossing me around and that's an improvement on trying to sneak attack hug me._ I gave him a light swat on his shoulder in response and we were quiet for a bit.

Zuko coughed and cleared his throat after a while and said _I'm your...I mean... am I really your best friend? _Didn't he know by now? Hadn't he noticed? I just said _Yes, you idiot. _I mean it's so obvious. Zuko smiled a little awkwardly this time and said _ohh well, umm, you'd definitely be my best friend too, but you see the thing is... Sokka's already asked me to be his best friend and I said yes. And I mean...I'm already best friends with him, so...W_hat was this? What the hell? Was he dumping my offer of best-friendship in favour of my brother? Just because Sokka had gotten in first? Okay I know Zuko is **really new** to this whole having friends thing, but really now! I explained to him that he could have more than one best friend. Suki was my best girl friend, but he was my best guy friend. So Sokka could be his guy friend and I'd be his girlfriend. Simple as that.

It took a second before I realised exactly what I said (_I'll be your girlfriend_).

Damn you subconscious slip!

Damn you!

I started backtracking fast -_I mean your friend who is a girl, not your girlfriend..._. Okay, I really really want to be the latter, but now I'll settle for the former, but I don't want him to know that. Unless he wants me to be the latter, and then I do want him to know that. But I don't know if he does and I can't be the first person to put the G-word out there and it 's all **too embarrassing**. Then just to ruin the moment completely and because my mouth obviously hates me and just says things before my brain has time to catch up, I added _me -your girlfriend, that's ridiculous. _And made a little scoffing noise. Why mouth? Why did you say this? Why?

This is what I mean about water tribe people **not being smooth at all**. _Blah _just comes out!

Zuko was looking baffled in the face of my _blah._ But he said after a few seconds _weeelll, you're definitely my best friend who is a girl then. _And he smiled at me a little shyly and I smiled back and said_ back atcha_ (why? Oh why? I have never previously used the phrase _back atcha_ in my life!) and then I had to say, _no I mean you're my best friend who is a guy! That was what I meant to say. _And then we just awkward-ed at each other. Why is everything with Zuko so awkward! To break the awkward I said _Okay, glad we got that cleared up, i_n a very business-like tone. We sat in silence for a couple of minutes and then Zuko turned to me and said _Should we hug?_ a little uncertainly. This after he's been running and recoiling from my touch all evening!

Yes we should definitely hug.

It was an awkward hug because we were sitting next to each other and had to twist our bodies to be able to hug properly, but it was still a good hug. A long hug. A nice hug. See, I knew he needed a hug. Maybe even several hugs . Many many hugs. And I am happy to give them to him. I whispered quietly in his ear, like it was a secret _I know you don't want to talk now, but if you ever do...I'm here okay. I'm always going to be here for you. _ I felt him nod and he held me a little tighter and I knew he heard me, really heard me and I decided that would be all I'd say about it. I'd let the matter drop. I won't say any more about it, not if he doesn't want me too. Not unless he brings it up.

He asked me quietly not to tell the others and I promised him I wouldn't. He gave me a very sceptical and mistrustful look and made me promise again and I did, but I also said with some sarcasm _What do you want me to do? Spit shake on it? _He looked a bit confused and asked me what a spit shake was and I explained the basic principles to him and said that we had to do one now, because he was sixteen and that was way too old to have never done a spit shake. Zuko looked a bit uncertain and said it sounded _really gross_ and it seemed like a _very undignified way_ to agree to keep a secret. Why not just shake hands? I told him **the spit was liquid trust**. Zuko said he didn't think spit had magical trust inducing properties. I told him to just give me his hand already and he complied (reluctantly) and said _you're so bossy_ (somewhat affectionately).

I took his big hand in mine and we did Zuko's first ever spit shake together. It will always be memorable for the noise Zuko made when I spat on his palm (_leeurgh?_). He was grossed out and baffled by the whole thing and kept saying_ I still can't believe you spat on my hand. That is really nasty _under his breath, while he wiped his hand **on my dress.** Oi Zuko! I wiped my hand on his shirt and said he should look on the bright side, at least now he knew for sure I wouldn't tell anyone. He said he'd known that before the spit shake anyway. A spit shake wasn't really necessary, he was right about that. I'd never tell his secrets and he'd never tell mine, that's just what we do. But I was trying to cheer him up as best I could. And spit shakes had definitely surprised him out of his sad-panda-funk.

I wanted to get us back to our normal, light hearted teasing banter and so I changed topics and said a little teasingly. _I can't believe, if you had to choose between us, you'd pick Sokka as your bestie. _And nudged him a little with my shoulder. Zuko shrugged and said _Well he asked first _as if it was the simplest thing ever. I got a bit stroppy and said _Is that the only reason? Just because he asked first? _Zuko said it was and it would be rude to demote him to just regular friend now. I said that was a ridiculous system. I would make a much better best friend after all. I would never steal his fireflakes. Zuko fired back that I used to steal his fireflakes** all the time.** That is irrelevant. That is in the past and also, I didn't steal the fireflakes to eat them, so he always got them back. He smiled and said he was under the impression that I stole them purely to annoy him. This is true, but what else are friends for.

As we sat there, I half remembered conversation we'd had last time it was just the two of us on a beach. _Lu Ten used to play the shape game with me every time I felt sad and it always cheered me up. _I turned to him and gave him a cheeky smile and said _Pick a shape. _He was a bit confused but then gave me an slight grin that turned into a bigger understanding smile. He picked a circle at first. Too easy. I could do that in my sleep. I picked a really hard one -a platypusbear- and he retaliated with -just a bear- and the shape game was on. We ended up flopping backwards and just lying on the sand together and tracing shapes and patterns and daring each other to make even more elaborate shapes and patterns. After we got sick on making shapes, I made my little water dragon and he made a little fire dragon again and we made our dragons chase each other around. I let Zuko win and catch my water dragon and they collided with a puff of steam and a lots of droplets of water fell on us. But Zuko was smiling again and that was all that mattered to me, right then.

He rolled over to face me and said _thank you Katara_, really quietly. I hadn't really done anything except upset him and then chase him and then try to make it better so I said _For what_. He looked away for a second before he looked back at me and said _For being here_ softly. I smiled at him and because I can't help myself, I gave his hair a little ruffle, and said _Always. _And I really meant it. I'll always be there for him if he needs me.

It's not even a question for me now.

-?-

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* * *

Authors notes: exceptionally long, rambly, apologetic and explanatory.

Lovely wonderful readers! You have reached the end of _deeper scars!_ Congratulations. And don't be too mad at me! I know some of you were hoping for a more dramatic exchange of bodily fluids and for Katara to kiss it all better, but I have gone a different way and I hope you don't mind too much.

Naturally YMMV on everything!

So in this chapter, Katara and Zuko have a conversation about his scar by deciding not have a conversation about his scar. I honestly don't think Zuko is ready to unpack that particular suitcase of emotional baggage just yet. It's pretty traumatic what happened to him and for the first two seasons and a bit he is still trying to get Ozai's love and respect, which, to me, means he is still in denial a bit about what happened and hasn't even started to process it and what it means, for him, his father and their relationship.

I think his speech to his dad in Day of Black Sun would have been exceptionally cathartic and it was one of my favourite moments in the series. But even with a big cathartic speech, I don't think Zuko would be able to then instantly get over his daddy issues and scar issues. (not even getting into all his other issues). I think at this point in the series, he would be just focusing on winning the war and helping the Gaang survive and training Aang. I don't think he'd try to wallow in thinking about his scar, mostly because I believe thinking about it would take him to a dark place and he's trying to be better and lighter person with the Gaang. But all those feelings are still there. Zuko is a bottler, so I think he's just repressed those feelings and is trying to ignore them. He hasn't even begun to try and make peace with what happened in my opinion. It is still a giant major sore spot for him. He is not ready for, nor is he expecting a **barrage of Katara comfort** in this chapter.

The lovely Erichthonius said that when someone she loves is hurt all she wants to do is smother them in love. Me too lovely, so high five for loving smothering! I think Katara also belongs to this school of thought. She leaves the party very quickly after hearing the General's story because she is in a hurry to get her loving smother on! Zuko is going to be comforted whether he wants it or not.

Something that I noticed in the series, which I feel didn't get adequately resolved is Katara's hero complex and how it will affect her in later life. Katara wants to save everyone, and instantly make things better and that is not always going to be possible. She acts with such good intentions, but she does what _she _thinks is best for the person/problem/situation, not what the person/problem/situation requires and I think if she didn't learn to at least objectively look at her heroic impulses, it would eventually lead her to strife. The only time this gets vaguely touched on, in my opinion, is in the painted lady episode where a few of the villagers get a bit cranky that she's been playing them for fools. But that all shakes out okay for her.

Anyway, my point is that Katara has a massive hero complex, or should I say heroine complex? Anyway. she is always going to want to save people and make everything all better for people, but ultimately there are some things she can't _just fix_. And Zuko doesn't need her to want to fix him, because in the end he will have to fix himself. Katara pushes for the conversation that _she thinks they have to have_ at the start because she is horrified by what happened to him and just wants to make it all better. Because Katara feels better when she lets all those feelings out and has a big emotional conversation about it, she assumes Zuko will too.(Katara is general is more open about her feelings and more at ease expressing them). But she is putting _her need_ to be his hero and make it all better ahead of what _he is actually telling her_ (both verbally and physcially). He's **not ready **for this conversation and he doesn't want to have it. If she wants to help him, she is going to have to learn to put what he needs ahead of her own desire to be the hero for him.

I do think that he needs to talk it out/make peace with what happened, but not necessarily now. Katara is right in that bottling is bad in the long run, but it's worked pretty good for Zuko so far. Katara's love and support will help him deal with it. The Gaang's love and support will help him deal with it. These things are good blessings for Zuko, but ultimately he will have to **heal himself**. He has to stop putting on a brave face and pushing the pain away to begin the healing process and that is going to be immensely hard for him (also note: he **does not have to forgive Ozai** to begin the healing process, but he does have to forgive himself for what he perceives as his failure.) eventually I hope Zuko will find a place within himself where he can make peace with what happened. A lot of bad shit has happened to Zuko and Katara can't magically handwave all that away, no matter how much she wants to. There is no magical fix to these big, messy, painful things. I think that Katara learning to put her hero complex aside (but not her love and affection) for Zuko's needs would be a crucial step in their relationship, because in the future, many of Zuko problems are not going to be the sort of problems she can waterbend away.

So I don't think they can have one big emotional conversation and suddenly it's all better. Just like the southern raiders didn't make Katara feel all better about what happened to her mother. What that episode did was allow her to confront her demons and start to make peace it it. She starts the healing process in that episode, but she doesn't complete it, because the healing process takes time.

Zuko's default reaction to most difficult situations is to push people away and he is usually very successful in this endeavour. As soon as Katara brings up the scar and what happened to him, he tries to push her away to the best of his ability. But I don't think he would ever go as far as shouting at her to _puck off _or anything dramatic like that. He still adores her and is trying not to lash out directly at her, but at the same time, he really wants to get away from her and this conversation she's forcing and a little lashing out happens.

I think Zuko would not welcome Katara's attempts to open all these old wounds for a few reasons. One is it takes him back to one of the worst days in his life at a time where he felt vulnerable and weak and exposed. Zuko very much tries to project the image of someone confident and strong and capable. How Zuko tries to projects himself is indicative of how he wants other people to see him. He never asks for help because he sees asking for help as a weakness. He wants to prove to the world that he is strong and can make it on his own etc. He wants Katara to think the best of him and so of course he wants her to think he is strong. He'd never want to show so much weakness, and hurt and vulnerability around her, but it all just overflows.

In the storm, Iroh tells the crew how Zuko got his scar, and I was left with the impression that Zuko didn't know he was doing this and I think that when Zuko found out that Iroh did this, he would be most displeased about it. I would bet a million bucks that after hearing that story, and Zuko's shenanigans saving the helmsman, the crew would have been super-nice to him for a couple of days. This nice-ness coming right after he nearly came to trading blows with Jee, would have made Zuko go _WTF is this?_ When/if Iroh told him about letting the crew know about how he got his scar, I bet Zuko would have then had a Zuko-tantrum about Iroh going behind his back etc. he hates people pitying him, hates been seen as weak and would then resent how nice everyone was being to him because he would think that they were just being nice because they felt sorry for him. After a bit of Zuko-tude, the niceness would have abated and all would have returned to normal. But anyway, my point is that Zuko's got a lot of pride and people pitying him would be a big blow to that pride.

Also I do think Zuko, for all his pride, has very poor self image and self esteem for a lot of the show. This is a kid who is rejected by one parent and loses another to mysterious circumstances. Parents are meant to love us completely regardless of who we are and while I think Zuko got that unconditional love from his mother, it has been a long time since he's felt that security of love from anyone else. He has it from Iroh, he just doesn't know it. Look at how sure he is that Iroh hates him now. He is convinced that his uncle will likely reject him again, when they see each other next. I think he'd see himself as 'damaged goods' after everything that's happened to him. He knows he's been negatively affected by all the craziness/abuse in his life and he sees that as a weakness, rather than the ability to overcome that sort of background as a strength. In many ways, I think he feels a little undeserving of Katara's affection/friendship (though he is certainly delighted to get it.)

*small castle related gush*

The _he's damaged goods - so am I_ exchange was inspired by a fairly new episode of Castle (killshot), which was stunning and dramatic and made me cry buckets. one of the characters is struggling with PSTD and the other characters just want to make it all better for her and they can't and it's messy and emotional and frustrating and it's what got me started on thinking about how much you can really help your friends/lovers with deep emotional trauma, aside from being there for them and being patient and supportive. Castle is meant to be light hearted comedy, just the same as ATLA was meant to be a kids show, but noth of them get me thinking on much deeper tangents.

*end gush*

Also I think Zuko sees Katara as sort of like the ultimate optimist. She is so positive and supportive and to Zuko, she is primarily a fairly happy person. She has lead a life that ,while it had its sad/harsh times, was mostly full of love and support and family. This life is very different from Zuko's. He doesn't think she'd be able to understand the pain he carries around. And I think he doesn't want her too either. He doesn't want her to see him as damaged goods, doesn't want her to see what he thinks is the harsh reality of who he is. What the scar has made him. Because the scar has become a fundamental part of Zuko. For Zuko, who is used to being left, he thinks that if Katara sees all the dark and the sadness that he keeps bottled up, she'll leave him too. For him the extraordinary thing is that she doesn't .

So Zuko is not ready to unpack all this baggage in this chapter. Any deep emotional conversation about how he feels about his scar(s) _should _be instigated by Zuko. They are his scars and his issues after all. I think that when Zuko finally talks to her about this stuff, it needs to be of his own volition, when he is good and ready and not because she bullied/pushed him into it, but because he genuinely wishes to share his feelings with her. Zuko shares a lot with Katara in my fic, but I think there's still a limit to how much he's willing to open himself up to her at this point.

But Katara would offer him what I think he needs more than a big, emotional, confessional talk – the offer of constant support and her presence. As soon as she stops pushing and starts listening, Katara is on the right track. Zuko needs a friend who will always be there for him more than he needs a girlfriend to kiss it all away at this particular moment. Even though he's not ready to talk now, he knows that when that day comes, she'll be willing to listen, but for the meantime, he'll have to sort it though on his own, until he is ready to talk. In Sozin's comet, when Katara is all set to storm after Aang and harangue him some more, Zuko just puts his hand on her shoulder and tells her _he needs to sort it out on his own _and Katara acquiesces. This made me think that they must have had a conversation like this where Katara realized that sometimes she can't help and sometimes it is better to let people sort things out on their own.

Anyway Zuko makes some baby steps progress-wise, because he is able to acknowledge that Katara is there for him and is willing to listen to him about these incredibly painful things. I don't think Zuko and Iroh ever talked about it really and I definitely don't think he would have ever confided in Mai (to me the Mai-Zuko relationship is just one big communication fail!) but now he knows that if he ever did feel the need to talk to anyone, he could talk to Katara. I actually think that Katara is the best person for him to talk to. They just seem to understand each other, even in canon. Just look at how they gravitated to each other and and shared with each other in that cave scene in crossroads of destiny. I think, but am not 100% sure, that this is actually the first scene they have alone together in the series and voila! The connection, the drama, the intimacy! I was hooked (and then heartbroken when Zuko chose Azula and made me want to beat him repeatedly with the commonsense stick).

So yes, if he's going to open up to anyone, it would be Katara, but I think it would happen much later. Probably when they were in a steady relationship, maybe after they'd done the nasty one night and he was feeling safe and loved and confident enough in himself and his feelings to voice them out loud.

This chapter is not especially romantic, but it is more about deepening the trust/bond between them. I didn't want Katara to just kiss it all better for the previously outlined reasons, but I also didn't want their romance to start on a sad note, when one of them is feeling especially vulnerable. I want it to happen when they are both happy and satisfied and because it feels right, not because one of them is in a bad place at that moment. (Mai and Zuko got together, in my opinion, mostly because Zuko was in a bad place then and wanted some affection/validation from whoever was willing to give it). I want Zuko and Katara to come together as equals. Also if they make out in this chapter, Zuko's self esteem being what it is, he may just assume it was a pity kiss and didn't mean anything except that she felt sorry for him. So instead of making out, Katara tries to cheer him up as best she knows how, through gentle teasing and distracting him with spitshakes and the shape game. Zuko just wants her to act normal around him and she tries her best at it and they do things they've done together previously - and do a spitshake, which they haven't done together previously, but which is symbolic of liquid trust! This deepening trust will ultimately mean more in the long run because it shows that she really does listen to him and validate his needs rather than forcing her own affections on him.

I also alluded to what I think is one of the few valid Mai/Zuko arguments when Katara is teasing him about picking Sokka over her as his best friend. The argument is that Mai and Zuko were eachother's firsts and Zuko is a loyal person who would probably stick something out long after he should have abandoned ship (see zuko's attitude to/relationship with his father) and so they will stay together. This is not a compelling reason for me to want them to stay together, but I think it adequately explains why they do. They stay together in canon more out of habit and loyalty and Mai getting in first, not out of love and companionship and compatibility.

So in this fic Katara declares her bestfriendery and Zuko is really pleased and flattered and feels the same, but the thing is he's already said yes to Sokka and he's a loyal chap and he doesn't think you can have more than one best friend (in fact I think having anyone wanting to be his best friend is a bit of a novelty for Zuko in and of itself – but having two fabulous water-tribers wanting to be bffs foreverest is doing his head in.)

I thought it was time that there was some agreement between Zuko and Katara about what they are to each other. By this stage in my fic, they do have a very deep bond, they share a lot with each other (but not everything, not yet) they make each other laugh and they enjoy just hanging out and this stage and they both want to be there for the other. Neither of them have experienced a friendship like this before and it means a lot to them, and now it's official, they are best friends.

Next chapter, Zuko finds out that Aang can't go into the Avatar state – and there will be shenanigans (naturally).

Til then lovely readers...


	34. that bloody Chakra

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That bloody Chakra!

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When Zuko and I returned from the beach (after a long time), we found a note from Sokka propped up against a teapot on the table. It simply said: _We both home. Suki a little drunk. Going to bed. See you in the morning. _Seen as though it was really late (or really early, depending on how you looked at it) Zuko and I decided to go to bed too.

(Separately. Boo.)

-?-

I was eating breakfast and watching the morning firebending practice (mmmmmmhhhhhh shirtless Zuko). Sokka and Suki came over and sat with me. Well Sokka came over and sat with me. Suki leaned on Sokka heavily and stumbled her way over slowly and grumbled faintly the whole time. She was wearing Sokka's eclipse glasses and really seemed to be struggling with life at the moment. Sokka left her in the shade with me (she flopped on me hopelessly) and went over into the kitchen and got her a giant watermelon juice. When he came back, he rubbed her back gently and put the melon in her hands. Suki stared at her watermelon for a beat before muttering at it _never drink plonk, little melon. _

Oh dear.

Suki was of the belief that it was better to get up and about and drink lots of fluid, instead of luxuriating in bed all day, when one has a hangover. Still I think she should have luxuriated a bit more, just quietly. Sokka said that since we were all up, all three of us could compare notes on last night so he could start formulating plans. We started talking about last night. I went first. I hadn't actually found out that much, in hindsight, that wasn't about Zuko. I didn't want to tell them too much, because I had promised Zuko I wouldn't. But there were some things I couldn't wait to share with Sokka and other things I found out that might be useful.

I told him about how our Dad was sabotaging the firenation colonies. Sokka was thrilled that dad was okay and still fighting had had acquired a bad-ass nickname (_The blue wolf! __How cool a name is that?)_ I said that dad had used stink-and-sink-bombs (but for land!) and had wrecked much mayhem on transport lines, firenation army supplies etc and Sokka said dad was always fond of causing mayhem for the firenation army. I told them that I knew there was a great deal of troop relocation going on between the colonies. And also, for whatever it was worth, there had been four rounds of conscription this year, so not all of the soldiers we would be fighting had actually chosen to be in the war.

_None of us _**chose **_to be in the war_! Suki grumbled as she cradled her melon. And then she regaled us of all she had found out during the course of her eventful evening. Last night Suki had made many friends, taught a large group of drunken girls how to do the fan dance, drunk too much plonk with Rena, made many musical requests, had a deep and meaningful with long tongue and Rei (during which, and I'm just guessing here, more plonk was drunk) then she returned to her drunken followers and danced some more and then she and her drunken followers had lain under the tree with the lanterns. She had spent a large amount of time chatting to two girls. She couldn't remember their names, but one of the girls had been a fellow redhead and they had started chatting out of redheaded solidarity. Redhead and not-so-redhead had both been the daughters of newly promoted airship pilots. Both their dads had been elite tank drivers and they had gotten rapidly promoted a few months back. Apparently a lot more new airships had been built, so Suki surmised that there would probably be airships guarding the capital again, like there had been on the day of the eclipse. (Sokka had obviously told Suki all about the invasion at some point).

Sokka was glad of our information because he, unfortunately, had not found out that much despite talking to drunken retired generals all night. Instead of finding out about current military movements, he heard a great deal about all of the various infighting, spats, disagreements and shenanigans between the different admirals and commanders and colonels. Every single branch of the military had a simmering and chronic spat with some other branch. To Sokka, it seemed like the Firenation War Machine was not as tightly oiled as we once thought and contained more petty feuds and juvenile disputes than the rest of the world put together. Sokka hypothesized (out of Zuko's hearing) that because firenation people were all rather feisty, feuding was a natural state of being for them. Sokka had heard much about various famous disputes, such as What Admiral Dickhead Had Said About General Bumface After The Last War Meeting, Colonel Shortstuff Wont Share His Yu Yan Archers For Anything and Isn't That Just Typical Of A Sky Islander, and What Happened To The Gold and Jade Moose Lion Statue That Was Meant To Be A War Trophy For Captain Girly-Voice That Admiral Arse-Kisser **Promised **Him After He Joined His Ship With The Three Rivers Taskforce,That's What I'd Like To Know, Thank You Very Much, and everybody had an opinion on (the most favourite topic of conversation) How Admiral Mutton Chops Had Been Promoted Ahead Of Commander Bignose When Bignose Was Much More Deserving And Everybody Knew It And Hadn't Mutton Chops Cocked Everything Up Royally And Doesn't that Just Show You That Ozai Will Promote Anyone These Days.

-?-

Sokka went off to the library to brainstorm ideas about how to factor airships into his various plans and strategies for the next time we invade. The Library as well as the toilet is Sokka's scared thinking place. Suki lounged on the hammock and groaned again and asked me to get her another melon because she was dying. (she's not really dying, she's just hungover). I got her another melon and tried to make the hangover tea for her. She took both gratefully and drank the tea quickly before lying back in the hammock and cradling the melon. I watched the firebending for a little bit. Zuko and Aang were running through all the different forms in unison and it was kind of hypnotic to watch. Zuko's muscular body stretching and flexing in the sun. mmmmhhh. Not sure how much time passed. I went into a bit of a daydream. A nice daydream involving Zuko and beaches and ….other things.

After a while Suki rolled over so her head was next to me and said _you t__wo have fun last night?_ with a tone that suggested she was trying to sound casual and then she nodded in Zuko's direction. I felt myself blush and claimed ignorance, (I don't know what you mean etc.) Suki smiled and said that she and Sokka had _seen_ us on the beach. I said that we had just been talking. Suki lifted the eclipse goggles for a second to wink at me and she said _right...just talking_, in an exceptionally sultry voice. She was implying tawdry shenanigans with the tone of her voice and there had been nothing tawdry about last night. I told Suki that whatever she was thinking happened – hadn't happened and anyway she was drunk and just imagining things and we really had been just talking. Suki said _riiiight_, lifted the eclipse goggles, winked again and rolled back over.

No!

Seriously, Suki! Nothing happened.

-?-

Toph woke up and wandered blearily around with breakfast indecision (she was torn between breakfast food options). Did she want a sandwich of banana and Sokka's secret sauce (oh that sounds all kinds of revolting) or did she want a big fruit salad? I advised her fruit salad-wards and made her up a bowl of mango and passionfruit and lychee. She sat with me and Suki and asked us how the party had been. I said _it was fine _nonchalantly and Suki said_ I never drink again _mournfully from the hammock. _ That good huh?_ Toph said cheekily and then she turned observe the firebending and heckle Zuko and Aang.

After a while they took a break and flopped down with us and Aang was babbling enthusiastically about bending and how far he'd come and did we see how good he'd gotten, did we see him, did we see that perfect triple phoenix form fireball? Did we? Even though Sozin's comet was close, Aang was feeling good about his bending. In the face of such enthusiasm, Zuko simply nodded and said Aang had done well and he was proud. After a short break (Zuko made tea) Aang wanted to try four way bending again before lunch.

-?-

We had a very intense bending session, with earth and fire and water going everywhere. During the course of our four way spar I got immensely distracted by the hypnotizing powers of Zuko's body. It is immensely distracting! That thing he does, when he's fallen on his back and he swings his legs around his head and firebends out his feet and then leaps back up like woah... I love watching him do that.

Maybe too much...

mmmmmmhhhh hypnotic leg swing…

He'd hypnotize me with a leg swing and then I'd start thinking about **all the other thing**s he could do on his back and...needless to say I was completely distracted throughout training.

-?-

After training, Zuko and I made lunch together for everybody. He was being extra helpful and attentive today and I was trying my best to treat him how I always did, but it was just so hard because all I wanted to do was...was not conducive to cooking lunch. We were a bit quiet and awkward with each other at the start, because it was just the two of us in the kitchen, standing side by side and chopping. This was the first time we'd been alone together since last night and I guess neither of us was quite sure how to act around each other after such an emotionally intense shenanigan. So we chopped in a companionable silence (it wasn't really an awkward silence) and I kept sneaking little glances at him. I think he was sneaking little glances at me because every now and again we'd catch each other's eye and then blush and turn back to our chopping with renewed gusto.

These accidental moments of eye contact happened at least eight times and after the eighth time I decided we had to have some conversation about something! After a while I noticed that Zuko was chopping the carrots on a slight diagonal and really it would be better if he chopped them into little cubes, not diagonal slices and I said as much. He made a cheeky comment back about my bossiness and I made a cheeky comment about his knife skills and he made a cheeky comment about my cooking (and its need for fireflakes) and then I splashed some water at him and he splashed me right back and our normal friendly bickering resumed. For a brief moment there, it just felt so wonderfully _normal _and _cosy,_ for us to be in the kitchen making lunch together and teasing each other and laughing.

-?-

At lunch Suki just looked at the curry and then decided she wasn't very hungry and instead sat leaning her head on her hands and drank cup after cup of ginger tea (Zuko made some up for her, it's meant to help settle her stomach). Sokka had brought many sheets of paper to the table and as well as a brush and an ink tablet and was writing and muttering to himself and drawing little lines all over the place. Toph was throwing her sprouts over her shoulder at Momo and Aang was talking cheerfully about something or other. When Zuko and I sat down and started to eat, he started talking to us (and Toph) about bending. Aang was being super optimistic and looking for us to reassure him of his excellence in bending with our respective elements – which we all did, with varying degrees of caveats added. This pleased Aang and he said, as if he was trying to convince himself _Well, at this rate, I'll be able to beat the firelord without the Avatar State easily._

I said something encouraging because I was glad that Aang was feeling more confident in his ability. Master Pakku said that believing in your own ability as a waterbender was crucial and I imagine it's the same for other bendings. Toph nodded along, but Zuko looked bemused. W_hy would you want to try a daft thing like that? Fighting my...the firelord without the Avatar state? _He said and then made a confused face.

Oh.

Well, whoops. If Zuko hadn't known Aang couldn't go into the avatar state anymore, he was certainly about to find out. Aang, not entirely heedless of the explosion he was about to set off, said with a great deal of trepidation, _Oh I can't g__o into the avatar state anymore. That's not going to be a problem is it? _There was a delicate but tremendous sort of silence, and then Zuko laughed like he'd just been told a funny joke. What the hell? This was not the reaction any of us had been expecting. Sokka looked at me with some confusion. Zuko said that had been a really funny joke and Aang had got him there. Aang disabused him of this notion and explained (with a great deal of nervousness) that he wasn't joking.

_WHAT? _Zuko shouted, surprised and angry. Yep, this had been more of the reaction I'd been expecting the first time round. What followed was a weird argument, which consisted of Aang making a statement/excuse and Zuko repeating what he said, only loudly and with amendments and very different intonation. _Well, I err...I can't go into the Avatar State anymore- __**You can't go into the avatar state anymore? **_And so on and so forth. After a bit of shouty incredulous repetition, Suki said _too much shouting _to the tea cup in her hand and there was another moment's pause. Zuko apologized to her and took a deep breath and visibly counted to ten.

Aang started to explain about Guru Pathik and Eastern Air Temples and cosmic pools of energy with bits of weed in them and stuff. Zuko looked a bit lost and said he didn't see how bits of weed in a pond would stop Aang from going into the Avatar State. Aang said it was the pond weed was symbolic of the cosmic blockage to his seventh chakra. Zuko waved his hands about in confusion and said _okay, now you've l__ost me, what's a chakra? _And he glanced at me and Sokka. I shrugged hopelessly. I don't actually know. All I know is that Aang has seven of them and one of them is bunged up with cosmic weed.

Aang tried to explain about chakras, but I don't think any of us at the table quite grasped the concept to Aang's satisfaction. Mostly, because after the initial explanation, Sokka came up with a few ideas about how we could _unblock_ Aang. More prunes, balanced diet to help Aang be regular etc etc. The rest of us pondered this and agreed with Sokka. It could work. Aang was got a bit indignant and said none of us understood, quite stroppily. Sheesh, we are only trying to help! Toph made a sarcastic comment that Aang was so cranky on account of being blocked up and Aang huffed at her impatiently.

Ages ago, Aang told us he couldn't go into the Avatar state anymore, but he hadn't been able to properly explain how or why this had happened and would just ramble some complicated cosmic-y mumbo jumbo. Sokka, Toph and I had actually assumed it was mostly a confidence thing. He'd had such a huge blow to his confidence when Azula shot him with lightning and he'd been so weakened when he first woke up, lots of the things that used to come easily to him, suddenly didn't. Those first few weeks in the firenation, I had watched him carefully and made him eat right and tried to build his strength back up and trained him on easier waterbending forms in the hope that would help improve his confidence and mood.

It worked for the most part, but Aang had still insisted he couldn't go into the Avatar state anymore. I'd corresponded with healer Yugoda and she'd written back explaining about how sometimes when people have been severely injured they convince themselves in their minds, that they can't do things they used to be able to do, but with time, patience, and a bit of different thinking, they often recovered their previous abilities. She'd included a few suggestions and treatments and recommended lots of encouragement and positive reinforcement, which was not a problem for me, because I was always giving Aang encouragement and positive reinforcement. Sokka and Toph and I had hoped that when the time came, Aang would get over – whatever this thing was- and come through for us and go into the Avatar state if it was necessary to win.

I hate seeing Aang in the Avatar state, but I would hate seeing Aang hurt again even more. But it didn't sound like Aang confidence issues were what was blocking the Avatar state, from the way Aang was talking. Maybe it would be easier if someone (who was not sarcastic about it) got him to explain in his own words what the problem was. I rubbed Aang's shoulder gently and asked him what he thought the best way to unlock his charka was.

Aang said that to unblock any charka, you had to let something go, be it anger or guilt or shame. I said, in a gentle tone, that it sounded like a good thing to be able to let those negative emotions go. Aang nodded but then said that the seventh chakra was the hardest chakra. The first time he tried to unblock the seventh chakra, with Guru Pathik, he'd had to let go of...he paused here and looked me right in the eye and then he looked away and said _earthy attachments._

There was a pause and Zuko, who was trying to be calm and copy my gentle and encouraging tone of voice, asked if he could try unblocking the chakra now, without the guru. Aang said no, it wouldn't work that way. Zuko lost his calm tone and said _you're not even trying!_ with some indignation. Aang said that he didn't need to try to know that he couldn't do it and the last time he had tried Azula had shot him with lightning. Zuko said that no one was going to shoot him with lightning if he tried to unblock his chakra now, and Sokka chimed in that Aang should really give it a try, let go of those attachments and see if he could get his glowy mojo on!

Aang seemed to feel like the boys were ganging up on him and he got a bit cross and said it wasn't as easy as they thought. He paused and then added indignantly _besides__, __I don't want to let my earthly attachments go and your uncle agreed with me! _He pointed at Zuko when he said this and Zuko made a who?-me? face in response. Aang said that Uncle thought it was wiser to chose love over power. Zuko took a deep breath and seemed reluctant to argument with his uncle's words of wisdom, as paraphrased by Aang. He said that regardless of whether it was wiser or not, we all needed Aang to use his Avatar powers if we wanted to have a chance at winning the war. Aang said he didn't want to have to give all his earthly attachments up and it wasn't fair that he never got what he wanted indignantly. Zuko said _Well Aang, this is bigger than what you want at the moment. If you can't go into the avatar state, we'll... If you don't step u__p – _Aang looked upset with where this conversation was going and he got to his feet and interrupted with an cross_ Well, why is it always me who has to step up! _Zuko said because Aang was the Avatar, like it was the most simple thing in the world. Aang fired back that he didn't ever ask to be the Avatar. Zuko said firmly _You have a responsibility Aang, and you cannot just wish it away. _ Aang paused for a second before beginning with _but maybe..._at this Zuko had enough and he stood up as well and said crossly _no buts! Don't __you understand! We could all die Aang! If you don't get glowy and kill the firelord, we are all dead!_ He said this exceptionally loudly, crossly and melodramatically and as usual when Zuko drops a dramatic pronouncement, there was a anxious pause for a few seconds following it.

Wow, that put a real dampener on lunch.

I mean, I always knew in the back of my mind, that it was a possibility. But it was a possibility I preferred not to think about. I'm an optimist, but I'm not an idiot. I knew that without the Avatar state, the battle would be much much harder, but it was another thing to hear Zuko say we could all die, so simply and bluntly. Aang and Zuko were both standing in classic argument pose, arms crossed and glaring. Aang looked away first and said with some disgruntlement _nobody ever said anything about__ killing anyone. _Zuko rolled his eyes exasperated and said _what did you think we meant when we talked about defeating the firelord? _He added that a fight with the firelord would be a fight to the death and Aang would need the Avatar state if he wanted to have a chance at beating Ozai.

Aang got a bit defensive and said that none of us respected what a big thing we were asking of Aang. He had to give up his worldly attachments to be the Avatar and he had to give up his air nomad beliefs if he wanted to be the Avatar. I tried to diffuse the situation and said that nobody was asking him to do any of that. Sokka chimed in, trying to help me diffuse the situation, but instead he made it worse. He said that we were just asking him to try and get his Avatar state action on so he could kill the firelord. He could do that and keep his air nomad beliefs. Aang got very cross and said that we didn't get it at all and the monks had taught him that all life was sacred and airbenders should never ever kill things. The monks believed in non-violent solutions to problems and being pacifists etc. Aang talked at length about Air nomad teachings and how peaceful they were until Zuko said with some sarcasm _yeah and look at what happened to them, _and pointed out that all their pacifism hadn't saved them when the last comet came and sometimes you have to fight, even if you don't want to.

Aang said that the monks had always taught him that violence was never the answer, it only beget more violence. Zuko said that violence might not be the answer, but it would definitely be necessary when we fought the firelord. Aang said that there were other ways to approach the problem of Ozai, and the Monks always told him to meet violence with forgiveness and maybe if Zuko _forgave_ his father, Ozai would be a nicer person and maybe if we were all nice to Ozai, he might see the error of his ways and stop fighting and then the war could end bloodlessly.

Ah, the _F word_ again.

I can't say I've missed it, or Aang's tendency to bring it up when it is least appropriate. I felt really angry for Zuko. Aang didn't understand a thing about Zuko and his father and he was just spouting off about forgiveness. It had annoyed me when he did that before we went to the Southern Raiders, but it **really pissed me off** now. Hadn't Aang learned anything from our previous shenanigans regarding the F word? I felt a surge of anger and fought the urge to seize Aang by the ear and drag him outside and explain why that was a horrid and ridiculous thing for him to say to Zuko. But I had promised Zuko I wouldn't say a word, so instead I clenched my fists and felt a little helpless to stop the oncoming explosion.

There was a big silence and Zuko looked more incredulous than I have ever seen him. His eyes widened in anger and shock and he mouthed along the words as if he was puzzling them out and trying to figure out if Aang was kidding. He took one look at Aang's earnest face, full of hopeful, naïve sincerity, and I swear, steam started coming out of his ears.

He wasn't having a bar of Aang's blah blahing about forgiveness and he wasn't polite about it either. He swore. Quite explosively. Zuko hardly ever uses this particular swear word (too posh for it) so he was definitely upset. The word he used rhymes with puck. He told Aang to go puck himself and puck airnomad teachings and puck forgiveness and Aang was a pucking idiot if he thought that Zuko was going to pucking forgive his pucking poor excuse for a pucking father.

Puck it all!

There was a clatter of plates and he stormed off. Aang shout after him that he knew Zuko wouldn't understand and then he stormed off as well, possibly just because he wanted to exit the situation equally as dramatically.

Toph, Sokka and I just blinked for two seconds at each other, while Suki mumbled from her position with her head flat on the table _too much shouting_ again. Sokka decided to take Suki back to her room where it was nice and dark and quiet, and he helped her to her feet. He said as he was leaving that he thought we'd be better off giving them both some time and space. They'd both come back after they'd cooled down. Toph waited until Sokka's footsteps and Suki's shuffle receded and then she turned to me and said _bugger that, I've got some things I gotta say to twinkletoes. I'll find Aang, You find Zuko._ And she slid off her chair and set off after Aang with a determined gait.

-?-

I am beside myself with worry. I have been looking for half an hour and I have seen no sign of him.

-?-

Oh Zuko, where the hell have you gotten too?

-?-

Toph has found Aang and gotten him to smash rocks as a way of channeling his stubbornness and anger. I am glad that Toph volunteered for the job of talking to Aang. Her blunt crazy wisdom really helps Aang sometimes and I think that is exactly what he needs now. Also I am exceptionally pissed off at him right now and I would not be able to muster the requisite patience and gentleness. Because I want to smack him repeatedly with the common sense stick and that is neither patient or gentle.

-?-

I have looked everywhere! Literally everywhere! This is beyond ridiculous! All his favourite spots! Really now!

-?-

How can Toph find Aang in under half an hour, but I cannot find Zuko in over three hours of searching. I was going to go and ask Toph if she could use her earthbendy senses to help me out, but she was busy. I was just about to call out the kitchen window, when I realised I was about to interrupt a Very Important Conversation. Toph had made Aang earth bend until he was absolutely exhausted. He was lying on his back in the shade and her small self wandered over, sat next to him and asked him, bluntly, if he wanted to talk about it now.

Driven by my desire to know everybody's business and eavesdrop, I slid down the wall to hide myself so they wouldn't see me. I don't know why I did this. Toph couldn't see me and Aang wasn't looking, but still. I inched closer, until I was sitting just behind the door, so I could hear them better.

Aang asked Toph if she thought Zuko was right, about him needing to go into the avatar state or everyone would die. Toph thought for a second and then answered, rather diplomatically for Toph, that she thought Aang should at least **try **to unblock his Seventh Chakra and get his cosmic energy flowing again. Aang sighed and said nothing. After a few moments Toph asked what was the earthly attachment Aang found so hard to let go. He seemed so free and so unattached, what was so different about this thing blocking the seventh chakra?

There was a long pause and then Aang confessed, really softly, that it was me.

_Oh_ Toph said and then there was silence in the courtyard

Oh indeed!

What the hell! **I** am what is stopping Aang from going into the avatar state? How! Is it because I was so negative about him going into the Avatar state back at General Fong's base? Now my opinion had changed, I don't like seeing Aang go into the Avatar state, especially as he has so little control over it, but when push comes to shove, it could be a necessary evil. We would have been slaughtered at the north pole if it wasn't for the Avatar state. Next time we face the firenation army, I would at least like to know the Avatar state is an option. But I knew in the back of my mind that it wasn't that at all. It was _Aang's earthly attachment to me_, not my disapproval, that was making it so hard for him to access the avatar state.

Bugger!

And just when I thought all the drama relating to Aang's crush on me had blown over. Perhaps he is getting over me now. Now that I have made it rather clear that I do not reciprocate his feelings. Before, when he saw the Guru, we had never even come close to talking about it. But now we've had a whole... big... awkward... thing and Aang must know by now I don't feel that way about him. Maybe that will make it easier for him to 'let me go' and unblock his chakra. If I am what is holding Aang back, I will make him let me go by force if I have to.

This is beyond ridiculous!

I have always believed that Aang could save the world. I knew it deep in my bones. And I want to help him save the world. I have been there every step of the way, trying to help him save the world and if at the very end, the thing that stops him from saving the world is because he's gotten too attached to me, well then, that just sucks! And all the spirits have very cruel and unusual senses of humour!

Toph seemed to voice my thoughts and she chuckled slightly and said, _man, if she knew, she would be so pissed off._ Aang was a bit surpised by this and asked why Toph would think that. Toph cleared her throat and said _Sugarqueen wants to save the world Aang, if __she knew that all the world was put in jeopardy because of you having a little crush on her – you would be whacked into next tuesday with the common sense stick. _Aang thought about this for a second and then frantically asked Toph not to tell on him. Toph told him to relax and she wouldn't tell on him, on one condition. He promised to at least_ try_ and unblock that chakra. Aang agreed and they sat in silence for a little while.

I had a bit of think. On the one hand, Toph was right. I was pissed off and I did want to do some common sense stick smacking, to help him open up that bloody chakra, of course. But at the same time, Toph had achieved the outcome I would have wanted with the commonsense stick smacking. Aang had agreed to try, at least. Perhaps it would be better to say nothing, because what would be the point. How could anything be gained from digging up that old seal blubber again. The least said about Aang's annoying, perpetual and cosmic-energy-blocking crush on me, the better.

After a while Aang asked Toph, simply and without preamble _Do you think I can win?_ Toph was a bit startled by such a direct question. And Aang rephrased it and said that if he couldn't unblock the chakra, if he couldn't go into the Avatar state, did Toph still think he could win against Ozai. There was a brief pause before Toph confessed sadly that she didn't know. Aang asked her what she thought he should do and even I could tell that he was talking about more than chakras. _You think I know the answers to these things but I don'__t. I don't know at all what it'__s like to be you. Pretty s__cary I should imagine. But you'll have to be brave. _Toph said gently. Aang confessed he was scared and I think they hugged. Toph said she knew he was scared, but bravery was not about not being scared, it was about being scared and going ahead anyway. Aang thanked her and there was the sound of a smack and then Toph said, _you're welcome twinkletoes._

After a beat Toph added _Oh, by the way, you're going to have to apologize to Zuko again. You just poked a giant sore spot with a pointy stick__ at lunch__. _ Aang muttered _monkey feathers _under his breath and Toph suggested they throw rocks at each other in the meantime and earthbending training resumed.

-?-

I eventually found Zuko on the roof of the house, in the same place where we chatted about the Seige of the North and how Aang went into the Avatar State back then. Perhaps this is his Avatar related shenanigans moping spot? I have written it down here, so next time there is a shenanigan I will check here first.

I made a bit of noise as I climbed around the window sill onto the roof. I am not as graceful and stealthy at this as Zuko, but I just put that down to lack of practice. He gave me a slight, hesitant smile when he saw me and I clambered over and sat next to him. We sat in silence for a little while. Companionable silence. Eventually I took to the Toph route and elbowed him and asked him if he wanted to talk about it. He didn't really. I told him that I knew how he felt and I'd felt the same, just before we went to go look for the southern raiders and Aang was wrong to harp on about forgiveness the way he did etc. Zuko nodded along with me and let me talk myself out and we sat in silence again.

After a while he asked me how Aang was. I said he seemed fine, Toph had used some Toph wisdom on him and I had overheard him promise to try and unblock that bloody chakra. Zuko smiled and said that was good then even though he was still confused as to what a chakra actually was. He added _this morning, I didn't even know what a chakra was and now I can't stop worrying about them. _I made a joke about how Aang's chakras probably felt the same way about Zuko and I got the grumpy face. But then he gave me a little friendly nudge with his elbow.

He said that he hoped it worked and Aang could get the Avatar state back. Because Sozin's comet was so soon and … he trailed off and concentrated on the ocean for a second, before saying softly _He's just a kid, you know. I forget how young he is sometimes. _Zuko felt bad about losing his temper so completely with Aang and shouting and swearing at him. He said, a little sadly, _I was __**too**__** aggressive **__with him. Just like everybody else in my family. _I told him it wasn't his fault and a lot of what he said had needed to be said. Zuko confessed that he was sick of always having to play bad cop with Aang, always pushing him to train and be responsible and serious. _He thinks I'm a jerk and I'm always the bad guy where Aang is concerned, but I just push him so hard because I want him to win and I don't want him to get hurt._

I asked him what Aang had asked Toph. Did Zuko honestly think Aang was ready to face Ozai without the Avatar state? Zuko just said that he really hoped Aang could go into the Avatar state by the time the final battle with Ozai came round, which wasn't really answering the question. I pointed this out. Zuko huffed and said that in all honestly, no, he didn't think Aang would be able to beat his father without the Avatar state. Aang was nowhere near mastering firebending and his dad was a brilliant and ruthless bender without mercy and Zuko didn't want to send him into battle to get slaughtered.

Suddenly there was a tremendous and noisy crash from somewhere near the window sill. Zuko and I jumped to our feet, startled. Aang poked his head out, slightly apologetically and said _umm hi _trying for a normal, friendly tone of voice. We both sighed in relief and Zuko dropped his flaming fists. Aang climbed out on to the roof with us (with less grace than Zuko, but more grace than me) and scuffed his feet on the tiles a little bit before trying to make small talk. The weirdest small talk ever. Mostly because slanted roofs are not the ideal location for small talk. Aang said things like _Hey look at these tiles, talk about red, etc. _ and Zuko and I both just stared at him for a second before I asked a bit crossly, if Aang was eavesdropping. Call me hypocritical, but I don't like being eavesdropped upon, especially when I'm talking to Zuko. For all Aang knew, we could have been discussing something really private...or maybe_ doing_ something really private. Mmmmmhhhhhh.

Focus Katara!

Aang confessed to eavesdropping a little, but said that it was just because he'd come looking for Zuko to apologize for what he said at lunch and he knew _how we both felt about forgiveness_. He said this a little darkly and gave us **a look **and for some reason it just made me kind of grumpy. I didn't want to open the whole kettle of _F word _fish again, but seriously now. It wasn't like me and Zuko were crazily anti-forgiveness, there were just a few people in the world we couldn't forgive. Couldn't Aang see that.

Zuko huffed and sighed and then he said he was sorry too, sorry about shouting and swearing at Aang. And then there was a big old awkward pause before Aang said _friends again?_ hopefully. Zuko nodded and said _friends again _and Aang said _oh good._ And we all just stood around awkwardly some more. for goodness sake, this suddenly became the roof of awkward! I declared that I was going to go get a start on dinner (I wasn't really, I just wanted and excuse to get off this roof of awkward) and started towards the window.

The boys followed me and Zuko helped lift me down through the window as I was descending and our hands touched briefly. Quickly and subtly, because I couldn't help myself, I gave his hand a gentle squeeze and he squeezed back and we had a quick conversation with our eyes. Sometimes, with Zuko I don't need words to tell him what I want to say.

-?-

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Author's notes and apologies – long and rambly again.

Hello lovely wonderful readers! I hope everyone had a fabulous Christmas and New Years! Firstly I'm really sorry about the length of time between updates! For those of you still with me, who haven't given up on updates! Thank you! I'm still going with this story (my head is still full of ideas for it!) so Don't Panic, I always will update, just sometimes life gets a bit hectic for me. Christmas and New Years have been super busy for me and I just haven't had the time to write. Also I got offered a position volunteering in Nepal (from the 15th jan - 7th feb) so I've had to do a lot to get organised for Nepal and that's been a bit time consuming. Here's a second apology, because I'm going to be away for three weeks between the 15th and the 7th, updates might be a bit spotty there too. I'm not sure what my internet situation will be in Nepal, so I don't know if I'll be able to update until I get back home in Feb. Super sorry lovely readers... but think of the wonderful insights into buddism I'll gain (which might help me better understand Aang, who confuses me sometimes), the children I'll teach, the unusual Yak products I'll consume! It will be an adventure! And it might inspire more wacky shenanigans for this story.

Once again, super sorry for the delay. I'll try post again before I go, but if I don't get a chance, then I shall see you all in Feb! But I know exactly what's going to happen in the next chapter, so hopefully it will be easier to write! I found this chapter was really hard to get right and naturally YMMV on everything.

So in this chapter, Suki is hungover, because at a party with that much free booze, someone had to get a little wankered! Sokka heard a lot of petty bickering between various branches of the Firenation military. In my opinion, the few times we see members of the firenation military interact with eachother, there's always a bit of petty one-up-man-ship going on. Think Zhao and who ever controls the Yu Yuan Archers. I think Ozai would attract and promote people prone to petty bickering and one-up-man-ship. Also calling Zhao Admiral Muttonchops is a nod to the delightful ATLA abridged series. (may we all enjoy this feast of whale testicles, penguin testicles, polar bear testicles and... gazpacho)

but the main point in this chapter is that troublesome lack of the Avatar State. I actually don't know what the hell is going on there. In the final, Aang hits a rock and that rock strikes the exactly right place and then KABLAMO -his Kung fun ninja action jesus powers re-activate. That just seems really random for me. I mean, to me that says that Aang wins by sheer dumb luck alone. Is Aang just the luckiest little bald kid on the planet? I should just stop thinking so much and the deus-ex-lion-turtle, because it really does my head in.

Anyway, I think it is much more empowering for Aang if he tries to unblock his Chakras and access the Avatar state **for himself **and b**y himself**. Even if Aang doesn't want to kill Ozai, I'd like to think that he would have at least a vague appreciation for how much is at stake here. Eg the entire world. He is the Avatar and while he oscillates between enjoying and resenting this, he consistently feels bad when he thinks about letting the world down etc. I actually think that Aang has very mixed feelings towards being the Avatar that didn't get resolved properly for me in the series, so I want to try and explore them more here. I think Aang both loves and hates being the Avatar for various reasons, but more on that in the coming chapters.

Anyway, all shenanigans aside, Aang really should have been trying to do something to unblock that troublesome chakra, rather than throwing his hands up in defeat and saying _gah, it's too hard. _It seems like he never really tries to unblock his Chakras without the Guru and to me that just seems a little um..deficient on Aang's part. Guru Pathik says that if he leaves, he wont be able to go into the Avatar state at all, but does Aang ever, you know, test this theory out? Aside from in the crystal catacombs when he promptly gets shot by Azula?

This is probably the crux of my argument. I think Aang's lack of Avatar state-ness is Psychosomatic. Bear with me. He leaves the Guru, even knowing that he wont be able to go into the Avatar state – but he can! He had already left Pathik and then in the crystal catacombs, he is able to meditate (and cosmically let Katara go or whatever was required of him) and get his glow on. So the Guru was wrong there. Do we have any thing else, other that Guru Pathik's word to go on re: why Aang can't go into the avatar state. I can't remember anything else. Because there is no logical reason why either Azula shooting him with lightning or a blocked chakra should stop him from going into the Avatar state, in my opinion.

Anyway I think that Guru Pathik has a good understanding of human nature and he has spent enough time with Aang to get a good idea of his personality. Aang is the sort of kid who is very bright, but very flightly, has a very short attention span and is prone to getting frustrated/giving up when things are very difficult. Getting into the Avatar state, knowingly and willingly, and properly controlling it, would be difficult for Aang. (I could argue that he hasn't even managed that by the end of the series, but that is a rant for another time). Anyway, I think Aang would need someone to hold his hand and gently walk him through the steps of getting into the Avatar state and Guru Pathik is that someone. I think Guru Pathik knows enough to know that without him, Aang would really struggle to do it and probably wouldn't even attempt it and therefore, would not be able to go into the Avatar State at all. I actually think the Guru is trying to, not scare exactly, but persuade Aang to stay and see this Chakra opening through to the end. It is not a physical impossibility for Aang to go into the Avatar state after he has left the Guru, but a mental block.

Side note: I also think this whole Guru thing was to give Aang a "luke-skywalker" style choice too, but YMMV on that. But seriously, Guru Pathik is meant to be Yoda – really old, prone to speaking in wise riddles, eating questionable combinations etc. this comparison is equally interesting to me and a Zutara fan, because that chick that Luke runs off to save – is his sister. Think about that.

Anyway, Aang can go into the Avatar state on his own without the Guru and he does so in the Catacombs, only to be very quickly and catastrophically injured. In the series, We don't really see what I would imagine would be a long and slow recovery process for Aang. Instead he comas it up for a month and then after an ep or two he's good to go. In reality being struck by lightning would be incredibly traumatic and painful and I think Aang was affected by it on a deep level.

For me it seems that the Avatar State, like Katara's spirit water is like a mental parachute for Aang. He thinks these things will always be there when he really needs them. Sort of like _in case of emergency- pull this string_ sort of thing. The crystal catacombs is an emergency and the Avatar state lets Aang down. I think Aang, at least on a subconscious level, knows how valuable and powerful the avatar state is. Even though he might be reluctant to use it (especially as he cant control it properly) he is still willing to glow it up. As soon as things start to go badly in the crystal Catacombs, Aang knows they need the Avatar state of they are to win and he tries to activate the Avatar state himself. And he succeeds! But is almost instantly fatally wounded.

Think about this, Aang knew he was in trouble and pulling his mental parachute, pulled the emergency string and it failed him. Not failed him in that it didn't work, but failed him in that it didn't fix the problem. The Avatar state didn't protect Aang when he needed it too, It didn't win the battle and in the end, didn't stop Azula from shooting him. Aang was at his most powerful, when he should be unbeatable and Azula still beat him and injured him catastrophically. So I think Aang, in his own Aang brain, didn't want to blame himself for him injuries in the catacombs, which he perceives as a failing, and so instead he blames the Avatar State. Also after being injured so badly in the Avatar State, I think Aang would be exceptionally reluctant to use it again. So Aang has convinced himself that he can't go into the Avatar state anymore and he blames it all on this conveniently blocked Chakra.

Note: I also don't think aang is to blame for what happened in the crystal catacombs. Kids tried his best. It's not his fault Azula's a ruthless, devious monkey.

Katara is mostly right in her sketchy diagnosis, it's mostly a confidence/attitude thing that is preventing Aang from accessing the avatar state. Because that blocked Chakra doesn't cut much ice with me. Aang never unblocks the chakra really, in the series, and he can still go into the avatar state. He could go into the avatar state (not deliberately and without any control, but still) before he did all that chakra stuff, and he can go into the Avatar state after he unblocks six Chakras but leaves his seventh (Katara crush) chakra all blocked up. So to me that says that while chakras - and having open ones - might be a shortcut to the avatar state, it might help Aang control it better, they are not the be all and end all of Avatar state-ness.

Another thing that occurred to me is that even if Aang really believes chakras can instantly help him get glowy- what stops Aang from trying to open his chakras himself? Whether it is just trying to open the seventh or starting over again from the very beginning and opening all of them in order all over again? He knows the order to do it in. he knows how to do it – so what stops him?

Anyway, regardless of that, the blocked chakra is a really big mental obstacle for Aang. He sincerely believes that he cannot access the avatar state, and a negative belief that strong works out to the same thing in the end.

When I rewatched last time, it occurred to me that nobody ever tells Zuko Aang can't go into the Avatar state anymore, after he joins the Gaang. I mean I don't remember anyone telling him, did I miss it? Because the Avatar state, or lack of it, will be a very big factor in the outcome of the final battle, this is a very big oversight. Also I think at this point the Gaang all probably think that they will attack/fight Ozai together, they have no inkling of everyone be separated on the comet day. So not telling one member that the group equivalent of a "secret weapon" is faulty is not really fair and I think Zuko deserved to know. So this is how Zuko finds out, in my imagination.

I think Aang has resigned himself to not using the Avatar state (instead of you know, actually trying to use the Avatar state) and is trying to convince himself that he doesn't need it anyway. That's what his_ I'm doing so well now! aren't I? arent' I? _ At his respective bending teachers is about. He is looking for reassurance and reinforcement and he lets slip that he can't go into the Avatar state anymore. And there are shenanigans and an argument, mostly between Aang and Zuko. But I think the others would be silently agreeing with Zuko.

Zuko and Aang have very different attitudes to responsibility and this is what drives the argument. Aang looks to compromise on his responsibility as the Avatar with ifs and buts etc, and Zuko is an uncompromising sort of person, especially with regards to responsibility. Zuko takes his responsibilities seriously and is pro-active in fulfilling what he sees as his duty, with very little reward. Aang on the other hand, enjoys the perks of his position and, in theory, he takes his responsibility seriously (in practice is another matter), but he just wants someone else to do the hard/boring stuff for him.

Normally this is okay, but Sozin's comet is serious business people. Until Zuko says it, I don't think Aang really factored in that the others (his friends/family) could die, that more things were at stake than his own wants and needs. (This is what I tell myself. I would really like to think that Aang learned this lesson. It makes me sad that in the final, Aang puts his own spiritual wants and needs ahead of the whole world- but more on that later).

Katara tries to dissolve the argument by being calm and rational and getting Aang to explain the problem in his own words, to give herself a better understanding about how they could help him. Zuko tries to emulate her, but he's not in a calm frame of mind at the moment and I think he would be really galled by the fact that Aang's _not even trying _to unblock his chakra or whatever. For Zuko, who tries so hard and everything and takes all his responsibilities- Aang's attitude would have been irritating and perplexing.

The fact that Aang has to kill Ozai is brought up for the first time, because I refuse to believe that scene in Sozin's comet is the first time it came up in conversation. And Aang states his pacifist intentions, because otherwise, what a horrible last minute surprise for the Gaang! If Aang felt so very strongly about not killing, that he was willing to let down the entire world, then it should have been made damn clear earlier, not just in the last four episodes! I'd like to think that the gaang had at least a tiny bit of forewarning of this major crisis of Aangness/spirituality heading their way, like an iceberg for the titanic. I think at this stage, they are hoping it is just talk and are more focused on the argument/ lack of Avatar state at hand, but everyone's feelings re: Aang's desire to let Ozai live will be explored in coming chapters.

Then Aang does the verbal equivalent of poking Zuko in the eye with a sharp stick, when he brings up the possibility of forgiving Ozai. Ah remember our old friend the F word. He lives and he makes a reappearance here. I think the way that Zuko and Katara bonded over the F word related shenanigans in the Southern Raiders should be revisited a little. I thought it would be nice having a reversal of Katara's situation there in this chapter. Zuko is a bit furious that Aang could say such a thing (this coming right on the heels of Katara trying to pick at those stitches just the night before). And he explodes a bit of cranky all over everyone and storms out.

I think this reaction is not entirely unexpected for Aang. Aang's not a bad kid, but he's a deflector and a dodger and he's clever enough to know what people's sore spots are. He's not being deliberately horrible, but he is taking a lot of shouting from Zuko and he wants to stop the argument and deflecting the attention from his issues to Zuko's issues is certainly is one way of ending the argument.

I think, with people we know very well (close friends and family etc) we know what will get the biggest reaction out of them. All people have a at least one or two very sore spots and bringing them up in an argument is like throwing a nuclear weapon in there. I think Aang knows Zuko well enough, knows his attitude to forgiveness, knows the fact that he never talks about his dad etc to know that saying _maybe you should..like forgive your dad_ is going to get a big reaction. So he nukes the argument and effectively ends it...

Ooh I think I am making Aang seem more calculating than he actually is. I don't think this was done deliberately - subconciously maybe, but not deliberately. It was said in the heat of the moment because Aang is feeling really attacked at lunch, he is feeling backed into a corner and think he does sincerely believe in the power of forgiveness.

There is a mutual storm off and Toph goes after Aang. I think Toph would also agree with Zuko that Aang has to **at least try **to access the Avatar State. I think Toph would become more of a confidante of Aang's towards the end of season three than Katara. Aang needs tough love more than he needs gentle encouragement and his crush on Katara would make communication between them awkward.

I think Aang feels comfortable around Toph and is quite honest with her here. He tells her about his (perhaps muted, but still ongoing) crush on Katara and how it is blocking his Chakra and confesses that he is very scared. Toph comforts him in her Toph way but also tells him a few blunt truths. Katara would be furious if she knew that Aang was using his crush on her as an excuse not to use the avatar state – and it is okay for him to be scared.

Aang asks her if she thinks he is ready to fight Ozai without the avatar state, because Aang is really starting to doubt himself and his abilities and I think something has to prompt his decision to wait til after the comet. Aang also over hears Katara ask Zuko this question. The fact that both Zuko and Toph don't think he is ready to fight Ozai will be one of the deciding factors in Aang's decision to wait.

Katara and Zuko have a nice chat, but not really about the F word. I think they both understand how the other feels about this particular subject and somethings they can communicate about without words anyway. And I think just Katara being there, ranting (as she does) and on his side, would be enough for him. But this chapter ended up being less about them and more about the Zuko and Aang relationship. However that doesn't mean their connection isn't there. It's always there, even if it's on the back burner.

Also I think that while Zuko is still a bit pissed off about it, he's had a long time to sulk and has cooled down a fair bit. I think after he calmed down he would start thinking about how Aang is just so very young and naïve, to honestly think forgiveness is the answer to this particular problem. And then he would have thought about sozin's comet and the shitstorm he knows is coming and how unprepared someone like Aang is for something like that and then he would have started to worry about what will happen if Aang can't go into the Avatar state etc. and so by the time Katara finds him, he's feeling guilty about totally losing his temper at Aang (as well as feeling grumpy about what Aang said, grumpy about all this chakra shenanigans etc).

Aang is also feeling guilty about what he said and has come up to find Zuko. He overhears Zuko say that he just doesn't want Aang to get hurt. I said earlier that Zuko takes all his responsibilities seriously and I think his responsibility to Aang is no different. He's older/more mature, he's meant to set a good example, be the bigger person and properly prepare Aang to fight the fatherlord etc. Zuko feels like he's not doing any of this properly today and is feeling a bit frustrated that Aang is always making him out to be the bad guy, when being severe with Aang is just how Zuko shows concern.

So they make friends again, but its still going be a little awkward. Especially because next chapter Aang is going to decide to wait until after the comet and then totally chicken out of telling Zuko, because he predicts (rightly) that Zuko is not going to react well to that news. There will be shenanigans.

Til then lovely readers...


	35. decisions and discoveries

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decisions and discoveries.

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Aang was sitting in the courtyard, in meditation pose, with candles and water and fruit in front of him. He was trying to unblock his chakra and, naturally, everyone was really interested in his progress. He had banished us all from the courtyard, because he needed peace and quiet and solitude to do...whatever he was doing.

Everyone was crowded in the kitchen trying to _unob__trusively _watch Aang through the window. I was dicing veggies for dinner. Suki was pretending to help me, but really she was just watching Aang with equal interest. She seemed to have almost recovered from her hangover and was look much more alert and less bleary. Sokka, Toph and Zuko were sitting on the counter and passing a packet of fireflakes between the three of them. Zuko and Sokka were offering a running commentary on Aang's progress, or lack there of, to Toph. Typical snippet of conversation went like this: _It looks like nothing's happening...still looks like nothing__'__s happening...does it always take this long for nothing to happen?...__ Well, I'm sure something will happen soon, prince impatient..._

Then the candle flickered and Sokka thought that was a good sign. Apparently, Zuko's uncle had a joke about flickering candles, which he could not remember in full, upon being prompted. He could only remember the punchline, which was _oh, you'll never fit that up there! _There was a brief, silent pause. I could swear I heard crickets. Oh Zuko. _What have me and Sokka told you about trying to make jokes? _Toph asked gently. Zuko smiled ruefully and said _I shouldn't. _This is the right answer.

Sokka shushed them because the breeze was blowing extra fiercely though the trees and there was some discussion over whether this was Aang bending while meditating, or just the breeze. If it was Aang, surely this was a good sign for chakra unblocking. Sokka still thought Aang needed more fiber to fix his chakra problems. _Not to mention all his other problems_ Toph said under her breath.

At that point Aang got most grumpy and said he could hear every word we were saying and we were all making it _really difficult _for him to unblock his chakra. Sokka helpfully suggested more fiber again. This suggestion was rather rudely rebuffed by Aang. Zuko said we were just trying to help and Aang said the best way for everybody to help would be to shut up and resumed meditating. Suki (rather harmlessly in my opinion) asked _does he want us to __**shut up**__ shut up, or just shut up about him trying to meditate?_ And that was the last straw for Aang, who declared that we were ruining his meditation! He gathered up his various meditation accoutrements and declared, _I am going to figure this out on my own! Nobody disturb me! _And stomped off up the stairs to his room.

Welly well well then!

-?-

Aang had refused to come down and join us for dinner. After everyone had eaten, I made him up a little plate and took it up to him. I knocked tentatively, because Aang has been rather grumpy with all of us all after noon. I'm feeling a bit grumpy with him too (various reasons for this – but it won't do to dwell on them), but I have managed to put my grumpy feelings aside.

I know that a lot of Aang's bad attitude comes from stress and I don't want to make things more stressful for him. My various grumpy feelings would only make things more stressful after all. And besides, Sozin's Comet is so soon. It's only a few days away and I don't want to hamper his progress at all, not at this stage of the game. No, I was going to put my best foot forward and try and be the supportive and encouraging** friend **I always have been. I didn't want Aang to misconstrue my attention in anyway, but at the same time, it is my habit to try and take care of him and that includes trying to make him eat.

There was no answer from inside, so I pushed the door open and went to go and put the plate on the dresser. I saw Aang on the balcony, not in any sort of meditation pose, but slumped over the railings and looking out at the sea. He looked like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. Despite how mad I was at him, I felt that old maternal instinct rise in me.

I went out, just to see if he was okay and or if he needed any help. He barely acknowledged my presence and just have me a nod and a quiet greeting. I told him I had brought him some dinner and left in on his dresser and he said thanks. I asked how it was going and he said _fine _dejectedly. I knew he was trying to unblock his chakra and I knew that this chakra was meant to be blocked by his stupid crush on me. I asked if it would help if I went away, but Aang said _no, stay! _really suddenly. We were quiet for a few seconds and then I asked him if everything was alright. He sighed and slumped again and said _no,_ and he let that hang in the air before adding. _I don't think I can do it._ Apparently Aang had been trying for hours, to unblock his chakra and enter the avatar state again, but it hadn't work.

Oh.

I tried to be encouraging and said maybe it would work, if he just gave it a bit more time but Aang denied this rather heatedly. He had already tried his hardest. He said he had been thinking, about a lot of things. About what Zuko and Toph said about him fighting without the avatar state, about the comet and about having to fight the firelord. He turned to me and asked if there was any reason why we had to fight the firelord before the comet and I said it was to prevent the firenation from winning the war, because the comet would give them all a big boost in power.

Aang twirled his thumbs and said, _well, I've been thinking – they kind of ...alread__y... have won the war._ He said, in a defeated sounding tone, that there was nothing left to conquer, because the firenation had basically won the war when they took Ba Sing Se and they couldn't really conquer it again now could they. This is true actually. Most coastal cities and Omashu and Ba Sing Se were now under firenation control. There was nowhere new to conquer, except the deep inland of the earth kingdom, the wide plains, the swamps and the desert. I couldn't see what the firenation would want with them, because they didn't produce anything worth conquering.

The thought that they might attack the water tribes flitted across my brain, but I dismissed it. Zuko had said (during one of Sokka's planning sessions) the navy were currently patrolling and settling small disputes and putting down small coastal rebellions and that after the decimation at the North Pole, the navy fleet still hadn't properly recovered to launch a full scale invasion of anywhere.

With most of the earth kingdom is under fire nation dominion at the moment and I couldn't imagine any leader, even Ozai, attacking his own people. They might use the comet to consolidate their colonies, but really, there was nowhere left for them to invade.

Aang started talking about how he had been thinking that it might be a better idea to wait until after the comet. Because he could have more time to master firebending (and earth bending as well, I wanted to add, but didn't. However I know Toph laments Aang's progress with earthbending to Zuko frequently). Because he wanted to be able to unlock his chakra and get into the avatar state at will before he faced Ozai. Because what was the point of trying to fight on the day of the comet, when Firebenders where at their most powerful. Because Aang just needed more time.

What he said made so much sense, suddenly. Why were we rushing and stressing over this comet – trying to get Aang ready in a few days. Just so we could fight with Aang woefully under-prepared and scared? We have all been so stressed about this comet, but maybe the answer is just to wait until after it has passed. I do not want to lose any of us. Fighting before the comet or during the comet seems like such an unnecessary risk. The world is not going to get anymore conquered if we give it a few more months. And in the meantime we could just go on together and prepare together and wait until Aang is good and ready and we can't possibly lose.

Aang seemed to grow more confident in his idea to wait, the more we talked about it. I could tell he was looking for my reassurance that he was making the right decision and I told him I completely agreed with him. As soon as I said that Aang visibly sighed in relief and brightened instantly and in a flash, the serious woe-is-me-the-world-is-on-my-shoulders-Aang from a few moments ago was gone. He was, once again, just the same goofy excitable kid I pulled out of the ice.

I wanted to go and announce to the others about Aang's decision, but Aang thought it would be better if he told them. He wanted to tell everybody individually. It was his idea and his decision and he thought it would sound better coming from him, and he wanted to know what everybody really thought about waiting. I agreed. This is Aang's choice, so if he wanted be the one to tell everybody, then he should, without any interference from me.

-?-

As I lay in bed that night, I felt a big wave of relief was over me. I didn't realize how tense I was, about the comet, until suddenly that big oppressive deadline had been lifted. It has been this constant worry, always niggling at the back of my brain and in my heart. I was so worried for all of us and now I feel like I can breathe again. Now that we wont be in the fight of our lives in a few days, we can just relax and enjoy ourselves and take things at our own pace. Waiting is a much better decision. Ozai is not going anywhere, so he can bloody well wait until Aang is ready to face him.

Aang said he needed more time, well so do I. Without the comet hanging over us, who knows what I could find time for. I always thought that I didn't have time for certain things, (like romance, like boys...well, just the one boy in particular). There's been so much I've been putting off, just because the final battle was so imminent and preparing for it and keeping everybody together and in a good frame of mind was so demanding.

I have time for anything now.

-?-

So this morning, Zuko woke Aang up ridiculously early for firebending practice and they have been at it since dawn. I slept in for a while and then got up and made myself breakfast and then went out to watch them. Slowly, the others trickled out and joined me. We were all lounging about on the front stairs and watching the firebending, while Zuko drilled Aang, very sternly, even for Zuko. He was even more uptight than usual about form and ferocity etc today. Aang's decision to wait seems to have had the opposite effect on Zuko than it has on everyone else. Everyone else is noticeably more relaxed. But Zuko is tense! Tense as a...a really tense thing.

We have time now, and Suki, Sokka, Toph and I are enjoying it! We have all been lounging and chilling and making plans for other things we can do during the day. Now that we are waiting, we wont have to spend all day - everyday training Aang. We can explore the island, go to the day spa again, find all the various hot springs that dot the landscape.

I suggested hot spring finding to Zuko this morning, when they took a quick break, (wet and sweaty Zuko, mmmhhhh). Not as a _date _or anything, but I thought it was something fun that the two of us could do. He just gave me the most perplexed look and asked if I was feeling alright, which was not the reaction I was hoping for. Boo!

I can't believe he is still so tense. I have decided to make it my mission to relax him in the coming weeks. Zuko will take it easy and chill out (heh, chill out, I crack me up!), even if I have to use all my wiliness to achieve this incredible feat.

However right now, I was just using my melons.

I had made them some thirsty quenching delicious melon juice, which Aang was most enthusiastic for. He ran towards the melons I was proffering up, temptingly (was trying to tempt the other bender, but one out of two isn't bad). Zuko grabbed Aang by the back of his robes (as is his habit) and told him (sternly, as usual) that his lesson wasn't over yet. Suki said what we were all thinking. _What's the big deal, just take a break etc_ and Zuko relinquished Aang, said a few comments about how lazy we all were, for just lounging around like snail sloths all day and stomped off.

I was tempted to go after him and see what the problem was, but he is in such a perplexing mood at the moment. I thought he'd be pleased. Just yesterday he said that Aang would get slaughtered if he faced his father now. He wasn't stomping off to mope (that's a different stomp and normally comes with a guilty dance preceding it). It seemed more like he was stomping off to go do Very Difficult Sums or some other such appealing activity. I thought I'd give him a bit of time to cool down and then I'd go and talk to him and find out what was bothering him so much.

Also Sokka suggested a beach party and I was totally ready to get amongst that!

It is surprising how little time we've spent at the beach, considering the beach is right in front of the house. The beach was yet another thing I didn't have much time for with the comet hanging over us, but now I'm so there!

-?-

I made my ice surfboard and took to the waves. Spirits, I love surfing. I love the exhilarating feel of the waves moving under me and carrying me along. I love feeling so surrounded by my element. I love the adrenaline rush that comes from doing jumps and tricks. I have been practicing some more specialized jumps and waterbending to help me along. I was bending for the sheer joy of it and not for any other purpose and it was a lovely feeling.

Suki was trying to sunbake, while Sokka piled sand next to her. He started to decorate his sand blob with bits of seaweed etc and appeared to be very engrossed in his task. Aang was building what looked like a giant sandy version of Appa while Toph watched, and presumably made sassy remarks as she always does, I was just a bit too far away to hear. Everyone seemed to be doing fine, so I headed further out to where the better waves were. I did the best trick (triple heli with a half barrel) and I turned to see if anybody else had noticed it.

I cannot leave them alone for five minutes!

Somehow in the time it had taken to catch my wave, chaos had descended on my beach. Fire was going everywhere and all was confusion and I raced towards the beach, using my bending to speed my iceboard along the water. As I got closer I saw that Zuko was bending ferociously at Aang, who was running away. The giant sand Appa exploded and Aang lept away up a cliff and Zuko threw a few fireballs after him before he followed him, scaling the cliff in two seconds.

What the hell?

Also, on a completely shallow note, I got a great view of Zuko's arse as he climbed up that cliff after Aang. Mmmhhhh.

Anyway...

I reached the others and asked them what was going on. Sokka said Zuko had gone crazy and ruined his sand sculpture of Suki. So that's what that was. _Oh and he's attacking Aang,_ he added almost as an afterthought. We ran back up to the house after them, but none of us are as quick as those two. We got up to the house just in time to see Zuko and a massive airblast knock through the second story west wall. He hit a tree and landed with a loud _oof_ on the ground_._

I had a fair idea of what was going on. I remembered talking with Zuko that day in the hammocks, about the firenation practice of attacking students to measure their progress. But just knowing what was going on didn't make me happy about it. I think it is a very barbaric and counter productive teaching method, because all it would be accomplished is either a hurt or a scared Aang. Zuko had agreed not to do it! He told me he wouldn't.

He was groaning as he got up and I felt a twinge of sympathy for him, but I pushed it down because I was cranky at him. On the whole it is very easy to express my grumpiness with Zuko (perhaps because I've had so much practice at it). I shouted _What wrong with you? You could've hurt Aang! _ And he turned around and said _What's wrong with me? What's wrong with all of you? How c__an you sit around having beach parties when Sozin's comet is only three days away? _with some surprise and indignation.

Oh.

An awkward second passed when we all looked at each other and then looked at Zuko. So Aang had told everybody_ but_ Zuko. That explained so much. Why he was still so tense, why he'd attacked Aang, why he'd been so utterly perplexed by my offer of hot spring-age. The pause got noticeably more awkward and Zuko seemed to recognize that he was missing something here. _Why are you all looki__ng at me like I'm crazy?_ he asked with some trepidation.

Aang broke the awkward silence with some hesitation. _Eeerrrr...about Sozin's comet _he began. I crossed my arms and made an unhappy face at him, that he didn't notice. I couldn't help but think, while Aang explained about not being ready, that Aang is not very honest sometimes. Well he's not dishonest, but he's not a very direct person either. Which is no surprise, I guess, because he's an airbender...but it is still very inconvenient. I can't believe he told everyone but Zuko. What the hell! I knew we should've just done a group announcement, rather than telling everybody except one person. Aang finished by saying that he needed more time to master firebending, which is something he knew Zuko would agree with and Toph (who must have her say) piped up that his earthbending could still use some work.

A hurt expression flickered across Zuko's face for a second and he asked if we had all known that Aang was going to wait. Sokka nodded at him and said apologetically that if Aang fought the firelord now, he would lose. Aang made a face at Sokka and then Sokka added _no offense_ (apologetically again) in Aang's general direction.

I stepped forward towards Zuko and tried to smooth things over and tried to explain Aang's reasoning (seen as though it didn't look like Aang was going to explain it himself). I told him about how there was no point in fighting on the day of the comet because the firenation had already won when it conquered Ba Sing Se. things couldn't get any worse.

Zuko said _You're wrong _and turned away from us and said things were about to get worse than we could possibly imagine. He explained about how, on his last day in the firenation, the day before the eclipse, he'd attended an important war meeting. During the war meeting, because Zuko was the only person in the room who'd ever spoken to an earthkingdom commoner, he was asked if he thought transferring more firenation troops into the earth kingdom would stop the earthkingdom from rebelling against the firenation. Zuko said it wouldn't because earth kingdom people are strong and proud and can endure anything as long as they have hope. He glanced at Toph and she nodded proudly.

Zuko looked incredibly sad for a second and then continued with his story. He said that he meant that it would be futile to try and conquer the earthkingdom entirely, but his father had misunderstood him and decided that the answer was instead to crush their hope. Azula agreed and said that they should burn all the hope and all the lands to the ground. And his Dad had been **all over that idea. **By the end of the meeting, he'd talked himself into an excited frenzy about using the comet and all the airships and burning the **Entire Earth Kingdom **to the ground. Ozai wanted to be the supreme ruler of everything.

Holy crap!

Zuko finished by giving us all an apologetic look and saying that he was ashamed that he hadn't spoken out against the crazy plan, even though he'd wanted too. He added, by way of explanation, that he'd always wanted his father's acceptance but in that moment, he realized he had to lose himself to get it.

It felt like all the air had been sucked out of the day. I felt completely shocked. I said I couldn't believe it, but unfortunately and horrifyingly, in the back of my mind, I could. From everything I knew about Ozai and the look on Zuko's face, I knew what he was saying was true. Ozai was more that capable of doing something that cruel and crazy. I felt myself go weak at the knees with the giant wave of nausea that hit me when I realized the full implications of what Zuko said. I gave into the feeling and sank to the ground.

The entire earth kingdom… all those people… burned to a crisp.

Sokka said what we were all thinking. He'd always thought the firelord was a bad guy, but his plan was **just plain evil**. Aang said _what am I going to do?_ with no small amount of fear in his voice. Zuko got up and went over to him and said gently, that he knew Aang was scared and wasn't ready to save the world...but if Aang didn't defeat the firelord before the comet came, there wouldn't be a world to save anymore.

Aang recoiled from this blunt statement and asked angrily why Zuko hadn't told him about his dad's crazy plan sooner. Zuko got a bit stroppy and said rather defensively that he didn't think he had to, because he had thought we were all still planning on fighting before the comet and no one had told him we'd decided to wait. Aang had a small panic attack and ran away a short distance before sinking to his knees and saying _this is bad, this is really bad _over and over again. From the looks of it, he was about to start hyperventilating.

We rushed over to him and I said, as reassuringly and encouragingly as I could, that Aang wasn't in this alone. Toph added that with her usual boldness, that if we all took on the firelord together, we'd have a shot at taking him down. Aang took a deep breath and seemed to take comfort in our words. He got up and brushed him off and said that facing the firelord together would be the hardest thing we've ever done, but he wouldn't wanted it any other way. Sokka was gleeful and claimed that Team avatar was back in business and by our powers combined, we'd be able to accomplish anything! Aang smiled and opened his arms for a group hug. We all crowded around him. Except for Zuko, who stood back a little bit.

Zuko's not fond of group hugs/snuggles in general and is more of a one-on-one cuddler. I am the person who hugs him the most and I didn't want him to be left out of the group hug. I think he was already feeling a bit left out of the group anyway, because he was the only one who hadn't known about Aang's plan to wait. I leaned out of the hug and held out my arm and told him to get over here and being part of the group also meant being part of group hugs. He signed and rolled his eyes, but gave me a slight smile and came over. I wrapped an arm around him and smushed him into Toph. He winced slightly as I gave him a squeeze. I felt a flash of concern as I felt his side.

Then Appa and Momo tried to join in the group hug and there was no time/room for concern. Appa landed on top of us and knocked everybody flat on their arses and proceeded to try and lick us all to death. There was great deal of inelegant struggling as we all tried to get out from under Appa's giant and overly-affectionate self and escape his squishy and determined tongue.

-?-

We adjourned to the lounge to make plans together (Sokka went off to the library to get a big supply of paper). I declared that me and Zuko were going to make tea for everybody and grabbed his hand and pulled him with me into the kitchen. Making tea together had been our old code word for a healing session and I knew he needed one. He'd cracked three ribs on his left side, presumably from when he got blasted by Aang from the second floor into the tree. That had been a nasty fall. I'd felt it in the group hug. I wouldn't have known, if I hadn't felt him up...errr….I mean invited him to join the group hug. He's good at hiding it when he's hurt.

I told him I knew he needed a healing session and he said he felt fine. I crossed my arms and gave him A Look. My Look worked. Zuko sighed and said fine, his left side hurt a bit. I said that didn't surprise me, because to me it felt like he'd cracked three ribs and if he wanted me to fix them for him, then he should take of his shirt. He complied.

Mmmmmmmhhhhh.

I may have had a _just little stare_ but I snapped out of it when Zuko said _eerr..Katara? Are you okay?_ Yes! Yes I am...what was I doing again? Oh yes, healing. I was doing that! Not staring at shirtless Zuko and getting distracted.

I went over to him and got some water from the sink and placed my hands on his chest. We were standing so close together and there was this undercurrent of just ...something unidentifiable. Not lust. But something else a lot like it. He looked down at me and I looked up at him and our eyes me and I just felt all squishy and churny in my stomach.

This was ridiculous! Now that attacking before Sozin's comet was back on, all those things I wanted to make time for, all those feelings I wanted to act on, were regulated to the back burner again. This was war and we had just found out how devastating the consequences of not defeating Ozai before the comet were. I should be worried about that. I shouldn't have been thinking...the thoughts I was thinking. Zuko shouldn't have this effect on me when we, once again, have a huge battle coming up in a few days. I should be concentrating on that, on winning the war and not Zuko's perfect abs (no matter how much _appreciation_ I have for said perfect abs.) I think I must have been having a similar effect on Zuko to the one he was having on me, because his heart was _racing_ as I ran my hands over his chest. He gulped and I blushed and ran my hands further up.

We didn't speak much and after I was done, We set about making tea together, seen as though that is what we had told everyone else we were doing in here. Zuko looked a little sad. I asked him what was wrong and he said nothing and I gave him A Look again. He said fine, he was a little put out that we hadn't told him about how Aang decided to wait, because he thought we trusted him. I said we all did, I definitely did and Aang had only decided to wait last night and he had wanted to tell everybody individually. He had probably had wanted to tell Zuko and just chickened out. Zuko asked _why would telling me be so scary? _I raised my eyebrow at him in incredulity. Surely Zuko must know how he... _reacts_ to things. Surely he hadn't forgotten about their fight yesterday and all that swearing and stomping off. I tried to communicate all this in my expression and Zuko said _point taken._

I said he shouldn't be too cross at Aang. We all could be a bit unforthcoming with information we knew would people wouldn't like. Some people kept tidbits to themselves that they _really _should have shared with the group... like crazy earth kingdom burning plans... just for a random example. Zuko looked a little shamefaced and said he was sorry, he'd hoped that, because we were fighting Ozai before the comet, we'd never have to know about the crazy plan. I said he really should have told us anyway. He said he'd been embarrassed and ashamed of not speaking out in the war meeting.

Given what I know about Zuko's track record with war meetings and what happened the last time he spoke out in one, I am inclined to give him a pass on that one. However we are not discussing **that** unless Zuko brings it up, so I just said he didn't have to be embarrassed or ashamed gently. Zuko disagreed with me and said he was anyway...he looked off for a second and then busied himself pouring out the different cups for everybody and said (mostly to the teapot in his hands) _than man__... is my father__..__. What does that say about me?_

Oh.

I took the teapot from him and put in down on the bench and then took his hands in mine. _It says that you are very brave _I said softly. Zuko nodded and gave my hands a squeeze before dropping them and saying in an entirely different voice (trying to change the subject) _We've been gone for a while, we should probably get __tea out to everybody before they think that we're like... making out in here or something. _Did Zuko just say that? I didn't just imagine it, did I? It took a second and then he also realized what he had just said and his eyes boggled a little bit...and it was awkward. He was awkward and I was awkward and he blushed and I blushed.

And he started trying to "make it better" and said _I mean not that they would think we were making out ...because why would anyone think that __about us __and I certainly don't think about that. Shit...umm...I mean ... _I cut him off and said I knew what he meant. I took the tea tray from him and walked out into the living room. We had an avatar to prepare, a firelord to fight and a world to save. There simply wasn't time for us to stand about, making out in a kitchen. Or not making out, but just blushing awkwardly at each other.

That would have to wait for later.

-?-

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Rambly Authors notes!

So this will be my last chapter before Nepal! I hope you guys liked liked _decisions and discoveries. _Now we are up to the start of my Sozin's comet arc and I hope you guys are ready for some serious shenanigans to come. Mad love and giant thanks to my wonderful reviewers - especially all the really insightful posts I got about the last chapter! You guys raise some amazing points! Thanks so much for your feedback!

So this is my take on the giant **communication fail** that is the start of ep 1 of sozin's comet. I found it a bit jarring that suddenly the gang, who has previously been great at communicating honestly with each other (for the most part) would suddenly keep something as big as waiting for the comet to pass from Zuko. It just does my head in thinking about it, so this is my fanwank to fix it. I made it so they only decided the night before, to make it more palatable to myself and hopefully you guys.

Anyway this chapter was dealing with Aang's decision to wait and the **crazy plan** bombshell. I think it is fairly well established in canon that Aang is a major confrontation-avoider. He avoids most things he finds unpleasant. I think it is both more empowering for Aang and well within his character for it to be** entirely his decision** to wait until after the comet. If not for the crazy plan, waiting until after the comet does make a great deal of sense. in the show, Aang is mostly re-active and not pro-active in situations and he seems to rely on others to make the plans and hard decisions for him. I wanted to tweak that a bit, because it bothers me that Aang is not shown to have any initiative of his own, but is supposedly this great hero. I want Aang to have **some say** in his own fate. He makes a decision for himself here, even though it is a decision to put off fighting til later – because I think Aang has to start making his own choices.

I think Aang would have tried to unblock his chakra (esp after last chapter) but would have been unsuccessful, and this would have prompted his decision to wait. It is an airbender characteristic to think of alternative ways of tackling a problem. Aang begins to think that it makes much more sense to wait and on the whole it really does. But he worries about telling the others because he fears how they will react. I think that because the avatar state has been psychosomatically blocked, Aang only accesses it again after his primal, survival instinct takes over, which overrides all of the voices in Aang's head that tell him he can't do it.

But naturally YMMV.

He confides in Katara first, not just because she comes to him with dinner, but because I think she is ultimately his mother figure. (I think Aang also feels a maternal bond with her, but just can't differential between that and romantic love). For such a big decision he wants the support of his mummy figure. Also out of the whole Gaang, Katara is the most likely to agree with him and her support gives him a big confidence boost in his idea.

So Katara is still trying to be a nice and very supportive friend in this chapter, despite how cranky she is at Aang over various things. I think she always would be hesitate to burden Aang with her crankiness at him (esp with Sozin's comet so soon) and instead she pushes it aside. I think Katara would be reluctant to show her cranky side to Aang because he just doesn't understand/approve of that side of her personality. Southern raiders anyone?

But more importantly, I think, with regards to the interpersonal relationships of the Gaang, she's a _pick your battles_ kind of girl and unless something deeply affects her or challenges her, she is mostly likely to put her issues aside and try and work for the common good. So Katara tells herself that her feelings don't matter as much as Aang's and she doesn't want to upset/burden Aang with them -so close to the final battle. Katara cuts Aang a lot of slack, **purely because he is the Avatar** and she thinks Aang can save the world. I have, throughout the fic, had her repressing her "negative feelings" around Aang and not expressing them, solely because Aang is the Avatar and she has to try and keep his spirits up and not upset him. but she is becoming more aware of the fact that she is doing this.

There is an argument in support of Kataang that says that the reason why Katara does not act on her romantic feelings (for Aang in this case) is because she is preoccupied by the war. This is the reason she gives Aang on **the balcony scene of awkward.** I think this argument can be equally applied to any passing love interest in the show and has just as much validity for Zutara. Katara would want to focus on winning the war first and think she shouldn't be concerned about romance etc while there is so much drama happening. But as soon as she feels unburdened by the Sozin's comet deadline, she starts to entertain ideas of what she could do with this new found time. She asks Zuko whether he wants to **do an activity together.** (and a wet and steamy activity at that!) Zuko, bless his cotton socks, misunderstands. I think Zuko's powers of cockblocking are so powerful, he even blocks himself! He also thinks they are meant to be fighting the firelord in two days at this point and is a bit unsure about when they are meant to fit in their activity (snuggle.)

In the show, Katara gets a bit grumpy at Zuko for attacking Aang, but she doesn't really fly of the handle like I expected her too. In canon, it's only been a few episodes since she seriously threatened him if he ever stepped out of line, so her more low key reaction to Zuko's attack leads me to believe she must have at least a little bit of an idea what was going on. That's why I had Zuko explain the firenation custom of attacking students all those chapters ago. Katara puts two and two together, because she's wily. She is cranky not only because he could have hurt Aang, but because he did it even though he agree with her that it was a bad idea.

But then when she realized he didn't know about the plan to wait and it all makes a bit more sense to her. It's just a small thing, but in the show, when Aang says _about sozin's comet__…._ Katara (in the background) crosses her arms and makes a grumpy face at Aang. So she's not pleased that he didn't tell Zuko. It makes sense that he didn't tell Zuko. Aang is a conflict avoider and he and Zuko had a pretty big argument yesterday and out of all the Gaang he fears Zuko's reaction the most, so he puts it off. But Katara doesn't like that he was left out. You can tell by Zuko's tone that he's a little hurt that the Gaang didn't tell him/ kept something like this from him. He thought they were all friends and they trusted eachother, but I think this little exchange would make him feel like a bit of an outsider again_. E__verybody_ knew, except for him.

Zuko also has an annoucemnt of his own, but it is one that nobody knows except for him. I am also a bit surprised that Zuko would keep something like this to himself. I dunno, I just find this whole sequence a bit jarring in the show. But I have tried to explain it away as best I can. I have put it down to shame and embarrassment for himself, for not speaking out, and for Ozai for being a terrible human being. If the Gaang attacks before the comet, the crazy plan will never come into effect and the Gaang will never have to know what a crazy evil motherpucker his dad is. I think that Zuko would feel deeply ashamed of Ozai and would worry that it _says something_ about him that he has that kind of person as a father. He is very private about all that sort of family stuff anyway. So that is how I justify Zuko being tight lipped about the crazy plan.

I think it is a nice juxtaposition having Zuko ashamed of OZai here, when all throughout the first season he only wanted to make Ozai proud. I think it is a good way of showing the 180 that has occurred in Zuko's attitude and how he sees the world.

So they have a bit of group hug and Zuko is a bit reluctant, for two reasons. Firstly, he's not a big group hugger and secondly – that fall looked nasty! When Aang blasts him through the wall, he goes straight into a tree and then straight down. That had to hurt and I think it would not be unreasonable to think he would have been injured after a fall like that. So I have given him cracked ribs, which also makes him reluctant to be squished in a group hug. But Katara beguiles him and he can't ever say no to her.

I re-introduce their old code word of 'making tea' for a healing session, and they have a delightfully awkward scene in the kitchen. They are honest, they communicate well with each other and comfort each other and then Zuko just has to ruin it with his **giant dork moment.** I actually think that the OTP of Avatar…the one that we can all agree on…the one everybody ships…. is Zuko/Dorkiness. Come on, you know you love it!

YMMV on everything lovelies! Next chapter there will be all and sundry schmozzles related to Sozin's comet! But alas, you will have to wait a little longer than usual for that! See you all in three weeks! Be good! Get into shenanigans while I'm gone!


	36. Liquidy Hot

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Liquid-y hot

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-?-

We all sat around the table and came up with a few different battle strategies. Sokka had gotten out some big sheets of parchment to write down everything. Normally planning and brainstorming is Sokka's element and he is always a little _too delighted_ to be doing it, but even he looked strangely grim as we tossed ideas back and forth.

When even Sokka's not making jokes, you know that it's serious business.

Eventually we settled on a rough idea. Zuko said that his dad rarely, if ever, left the throne room except for self-aggrandizing purposes. In the war meeting, his father had been more concerned about the big parade before the airship fleet took off than the actual planning of the battle. Zuko knew that parade was meant to happen at sunset tomorrow and he figured that would be the best time to attack, when his father was out of the palace and at the parade down near the harbour. That way we wouldn't have to deal with breaking into the highly guarded palace, we would be near water for me and the ground was made out of good solid stone for Toph. The big drawback was that we would be attacking the firelord in front of a large military assembly of the new airship crew.

Everyone has views on this. Shenanigans and arguments were had. Toph and Zuko had a squabble. Toph got upset when Zuko insinuated that she wouldn't be much use in an airship and therefore we should attack before the firelord took off in the airships. Toph always hates it when it is insinuated that she is any less capable than us and pointed out her various skills with metalbending and that the airships were made almost entirely out of metal. Zuko said she couldn't metalbend the _entire _ship and if she threw up repeatedly on gondolas/trains/other forms of transport, this same nausea would most likely occur on an airship and would not be helpful in battle. Toph threatened to go metalbend his dao swords and then they would not be helpful in battle either. Sokka shushed and separated them and tried to get the conversation back on track re: attack plans.

Eventually we settled on a rough plan of attack. Zuko was sure his dad would get up and make some sort of speech, and at that moment, Sokka and Suki would drawn the attention of the gathered armed forces and distracted them, then Zuko and Toph and I would attack from the other side with our bendings and then Aang would be able to attack straight down the middle. Zuko and Sokka had a quick, whispered conversation and then Zuko said that there was something really important that he needed to teach Aang before tomorrow and he got up and gestured for Aang to follow him and after a few seconds I did the same. I left the others who were still brainstorming the plan and followed them out into the courtyard. I always watch the firebending practice after all.

-?-

Zuko was talking about lightning bending and the basic principles behind it and Aang was listening intently. Zuko had hoped that Aang would have had a chance to develop more control before he taught him this, but if Aang concentrated very hard, Zuko was sure he could do it. Aang made an almost comical face of concentration and said he was ready. Zuko's lips quirked for a second, but he kept a straight face and explained that he what was going to teach Aang was crucial, Aang needed to learn it before facing his father. Zuko was going to teach Aang how to redirect lightning, so that if either Azula or his father fired lightning at him, he'd be able to redirect it and not get hurt. Aang's eyes widened. He didn't even know redirecting lightning was possible.

Zuko explained the basic technique, and made Aang copy his movements. It actually sounded a little like waterbending – turning an opponent's strength against them. Aang pointed this out and Zuko concurred and said that his uncle had actually invented this technique himself by watching waterbenders and he gave me a quick glance. When/how did his Uncle do this? Certainly no one from the northern water tribe would give a firebender the time of day, let alone teach them anything. Am baffled.

They practiced for a little longer and Zuko explained about chi flow etc. Then Aang asked if Zuko had ever redirected lightning before. Zuko had, just once, against his father. Oh. Aang didn't seem to consider the implications of this statement the same way I did because he asked (quite cheerfully) how it felt – to redirect lightning that is, not how it felt to have his Dad actually try to kill him. Zuko said it was exhilarating and Aang looked very enthusiastic. Zuko added that it was also terrifying, because it feels very powerful, but if you make one mistake it's all over and redirecting lightning is very dangerous etc. Aang's face fell and he looked a little nervous and said it wouldn't be over over- because there would also be me and a little spirit water and he glanced over at me for confirmation.

I'd used all the spirit water up the last time Aang got shot and I told him so as gently and firmly as possible. I wouldn't be able to heal any lightning injuries without it. In any case, Aang couldn't go into battle thinking I can heal everything, spirit water or no, because then he might unconsciously think that there's this safety net there that isn't really there at all. Aang turned back to lightning practice with less enthusiasm and he and Zuko practiced some more. Zuko said that Aang would definitely need to know this by tomorrow because he was sure his father would fire a bolt at Aang and Aang would have to take the firelord's life, before the firelord could kill him. Zuko went off to go get something and Aang's face fell for a second and he muttered something under his breath that I couldn't hear.

Zuko came back with a ribbon to help Aang visualize the flow of chi. And when Aang was ready, they could try the technique with other firebending forms, redirecting firewhips etc. but Aang had to be sure he was ready because redirecting wasn't a block perse, but allowing the fire energy into your body and guiding it elsewhere. If Aang wasn't ready- he might get burned/hurt. Aang nodded and said he understood and more practicing was had. After about an hour, Aang could redirect most of the firewhips that Zuko threw at him and I could tell Zuko was quite pleased with his progress.

-?-

We took a break and had lunch and Sokka gave us a rundown of his plan, which had become more streamlined during the practice, and Zuko told everybody about redirecting lightning and that he was confident that Aang should be able to redirect lightning when the time came. Sokka looked pleased and said _well that's settled then_, which baffled both me and Aang slightly.

Apparently Zuko had told Sokka about lightning redirecting a while ago and now they both thought it would be the easiest way for Aang to _take out the firelord. _Zuko explained that his dad was the quickest and could generate a lethal bolt in one second flat (Azula and his Uncle both needed a little extra time) and as a result his Dad was really proud of his lightning and used it all the time. He would use it tomorrow and Zuko could redirect any bolts fired at us away, but he hoped that would not be too many and Aang would be able to quickly redirect one back at the firelord. It sounded so simple when the boys explained it, but Aang looked dubious and said he wasn't sure about the plan.

Sokka asked why, because as far as he could see the plan worked really well and on the whole he doesn't like aspersions cast on his plans. Aang said that killing the firelord felt wrong and there was a brief and awkward pause while we all looked at each other in surprise. Sokka said it wasn't _killing_ killing, it would be self defense. The firelord would have to aim a bolt of lightning at him and he would simply be redirecting his lightning back at him. Therefore the firelord would be bringing it on himself. Aang still looked skeptical and said that Zuko had redirected lightning from his father and hadn't killed him, so there. Zuko looked a little flabbergasted at being put on the spot and said he hadn't killed Ozai because he had known that defeating the fatherlord was Aang's fight and that Aang had to do it for lasting peace etc. Aang said he still wasn't sure it was the right thing to do and Sokka got a bit impatient and asked what Aang suggested then.

Aang didn't have any other suggestions.

-?-

Me and Zuko did the dishes after lunch while everyone else got ready to practice Sokka's plan. Suki was running Toph through some basic hand to hand combat moves, just in case anyone got too close for Toph's earthbending or she got into a situation where she couldn't bend. Toph said she would be fine, but Suki, like me, is a bit of a worrier (as well as a warrior, heh) as she seemed to like showing Toph some kyoshi moves – just in case. Sokka and Aang were having a long and quiet chat over the various maps and things. I couldn't hear what they were saying, but every now and then Sokka would point rather vigorously at the map.

I was feeling a bit nervous about all this lightning talk. It's just, the lightning bending really freaks me out. All this talk of lightning being thrown around willy-nilly at the battle tomorrow was making me anxious. I'm pretty brave, I think, but still, I didn't want to have a bunch of lightning thrown at me. Zuko seemed to get that I was feeling a bit freaked out, even though I was trying to pretend I wasn't scared. He told me not to worry, he wouldn't let any lightning hit me or any of us – he was good at redirecting it after all.

I muttered that I couldn't believe his dad has tried to kill him (in a more increduous what-kind-of-person-does-that-sort-of-way, not in a I-really-can't-believe-it-way because it is not really that out of character for Ozai). Zuko said_ I can _softly and added that he hadn't even been surprised when it happened. _Besides, it's not like it's the worst thing he's ever done to me _he said, a little bitterly, and we had a brief moment of silence. I gave his shoulder a light squeeze but didn't say anything. Zuko tried to improve the mood by saying, in a good impersonation of my brusquely positive voice, that the bright side was that his dad had fired a full charge at him and it had been fairly easy to redirect so he was pretty sure he'd be able to keep the lightning away from all of us tomorrow.

I said that I did feel a little better, knowing that he'd be watching our backs tomorrow and he said that he felt a little better knowing that I'd be watching his_._ Then he gave me a little nudge and went back to drying the dishes. Then after a second I said that I thought we worked pretty well as a team, just the two of us, and he smiled at me (pretty shyly) and blushed and said he thought so too. _And it's like you said, if we stick together - we can do anything. _

He got a hug for that.

-?-

First we practiced a few rough versions of Sokka's plan on the beach in front of the house and then we all climbed on Appa to find a better location to do a more realistic enactment. There was an old half lava tunnel nearby that vaguely resembled the royal plaza. It was roughly the same length and breath and had high walls on either side. Sokka even made a mock firelord out of a melon and placed him on the high ground.

We would all split into our groups except for Toph. Sokka declared she would be the Melon Lord's forces – Toph asked if she could throw flaming rocks at all of us – she was worryingly gleeful at this prospect, and Sokka agreed because it would make training feel more realistic.

Tomorrow though, Toph will be with Sokka and Suki, even though we had originally planned for her to attack with me and Zuko (all three benders together and everything). Sokka pulled me aside before we all hopped on Appa and told me of the change in plans. He said he hoped we didn't mind, but Toph was the youngest and would need looking after, no matter how tough she acted, and we could get distracted with bending etc whereas Sokka and Suki would be able to flank her and look after her better. I agreed.

What was endearingly cute was that Toph said almost the same thing to me a few minutes later. When we were on Appa she scooted over and whispered in my ear, so that that the others wouldn't hear. She said that Sokka and Suki thought they were super tough, but still they were the only non-benders with us. She had volunteered to attack first with Suki and Sokka so she could protect them. I nodded sagely at her conclusion and couldn't resist the urge to ruffle her hair a little bit– for which I got a light punch on the arm.

Sokka ran though his plan again with us. He described me and Zuko as _team liquid-y hot _and went on about how we would use out liquid-y hot offence on the firelord's forces. I blushed slightly, even though I know it is immature. Just because liquid-y hot sounds vaguely, kinda, sorta ...dirty and sexual.

I mean, really now, if I went up to Zuko and said I wanted to do something liquid-y hot with him, I bet he wouldn't think I meant training. He would probably think something _entirely different_ and then we could go off and do this liquid-y hot activity together and...actually that wouldn't happen. The most likely scenario if I said this to him would be that he would blush and stammer something awkward and it would **get weird. **

Anyway.

Toph went up near the melon lord and put her hand on the ground and concentrated and a small fountain of something sticky and black and flammable bubbled forth. She coated some boulders with it and Zuko lit a few fires for her around the melon lord and then we were ready. We all assumed our positions and Sokka yelled _charge_ (unnecessarily and with great gusto – I think he has always wanted to yell charge) and we all ran forth.

As weird as it may be to say, at first it was kind of thrilling. Toph's enthusiasm for throwing flaming rocks knew no bounds and she cackled gleefully throughout. Once she nearly hit Sokka and he told her to watch it and she said she was no longer Toph – she was the Melon Lord and we should all fear her mighty power and she could crush us with these mighty powers, bwhahahaha, It's evil melon time mwahahaha etc. I knew the melon power would go to her head! I think she was trying to make it more realistic for Aang who was running along the high part of the lava tunnel to my right.

Anyway, it was well, almost fun – all of us running forward together, dodging Toph's rocks and listening to her mad, but often hilarious, melon lord rantings and fighting back to back with Zuko against all the rock men. I could feel the heat of him right behind me and it made me feel a little braver about tomorrow. We do work well together. I know his bending so well and he seems to know mine. We know each other's strengths, but we also know each other's blind spots and weaknesses and we can both compensate for those and be an all round awesome fighting machine.

I always knew we'd make a good team. We are team liquid-y hot after all...mmmmhhhh.

Oops brain went to a dirty place.

Anyway everything was great and when we got up to where Toph was, she relinquished her Melon Lord powers and nodded at us. Sokka yelled _now Aang _and Aang lept from the top of the Lava flow with a great _hiiiyaa _while we all watched in anticipation. However just before Aang landed, his expression changed and he looked so confused. He landed gracefully next to the melon lord. But there was no force in his stance and he held back and didn't strike the melon at all. His glider was hovering just above the melon lord's head. Zuko, beside me, said something about how Aang should take him out now. But Aang looked down and said he couldn't.

Sokka was on his feet first and stalked over to where Aang was. He was a bit irate and asked Aang what was wrong with him, because if this was for real, Aang would be shot full of lightning. We had tried to make the training as realistic as possible, but our melon lord did not shoot lightning. I couldn't help but agree with Sokka's assessment.

I had a feeling something like this might happen. Aang looked remarkably uncomfortable whenever anyone mentions or talks about killing the firelord. I know he feels reluctant to kill anyone, but surely he must see that it is necessary to kill the firelord. If he couldn't even strike a melon in training, what on earth would happen tomorrow? What was worse was that I wouldn't be able to heal Aang this time, so Aang couldn't afford to hesitate when facing the firelord.

Aang took a step back from Sokka nervously and said that he was sorry but it didn't feel right and he didn't feel like himself. This answer did not mollify Sokka any. He quirked an eyebrow and in one swift and smooth movement he drew his sword and sliced the melon (rather brutally) in two without even turning around and said _there – that's how it's done_ firmly. Momo ran forward and started eating the melon enthusiastically while Aang stared at it horrified. I was conflicted. Aang looked so lost and confused, but I also agreed with Sokka. I wanted to go over and comfort Aang but I also wanted to give him a small shake and say _for goodness sake, there is no need to look like that – it is only a melon after all! We will see a lot worse tomorrow._

But it's not only a melon, that's the problem. I know it goes against the Air nomad belief system to kill anything, and I knew Aang felt reluctant to kill the firelord, but I always thought he could, when the time came. There is so much a stake here and it is necessary and he is an evil, horrible man and it will most likely be in self defense. I always thought Aang would do it, because he has to. But now I had a sinking feeling in my gut, that tomorrow Aang wont and then...wow, just bad things will happen... I don't even want to think about what will happen. I glanced at Suki and Zuko and they glanced back at me nervously. It looked like we were all thinking along lines. We got up and walked over to Sokka.

I stood next to my brother facing Aangand I asked Aang gently why he didn't feel like himself. I was trying for gentle encouragement because this always works best with Aang. He looked at me hopefully and said that it went against Air nomad teachings to kill things and so he felt like he would be betraying the monks if he killed the firelord tomorrow. A loud sigh was heard behind me, but I'm not sure who it was. Oh boy. What to say? I thought for a second and then I knew.

I crouched in front of Aang so we were eye to eye and said that it wouldn't necessarily be betraying them but Aang disagreed with me. I tried a different tactic and said that Aang has said that he didn't feel like himself...Well Aang _was_ the Avatar. The Avatar was part of him and the Avatar had responsibilities. Aang nodded along, he agreed with me so far. I lowered my voice and put and arm around Aang and said as gently as possible _Well Aang, one of those responsibilities is keeping balance right?_ Aang nodded. _And ensuring peace would keep the balance right? _I continued in my listen-with-mother-voice andAang nodded again. _Well killing the firelord is the only way to ensure peace Aang. It's your duty as the Avatar – By doing it, you wont be any different from who you are now, you will be being yourself_. I finished. I thought my reasoning was pretty good and solid. But Aang disagreed and said _that wasn't right at all._ He shook off my arm and took a step back from me too and looked at me and Sokka with horror.

The way he looked at me kind of hurt my feelings.

Zuko came up and stood next to me and said that I was right. He didn't go for the gentle encouragement approach but just said sternly _Look Aang, I know this conflicts with your beliefs, but this is your responsibility. You'll have to do this. We will help you do this. We will be with you every step of the way – _Aang interrupted him and said Zuko could do it for him- if he was so keen. Zuko could also redirect lightning, so why couldn't he do it? _Why do I always have to do everything around here? _Aang asked with some indignation. Zuko made an annoyed growl-y sound and took a deep breath, before saying with a very forced calm _I would do this for you if I could, but I can't._ Aand wasn't satisfied and said _You mean you wont_ bitterly.

Then Zuko got a bit frustrated and said that his Uncle says the only way for this war to end peacefully was for the Avatar to end it. Royals killing other royals always goes badly. If Zuko did it, it would just start another civil war and there wouldn't be peace in the firenation for a long time and everything would go fruit shaped quickly etc and Aang was meant to ensure peace. Aang opened his mouth to say something else but Zuko cut him off and said _I'm not going to do that to my country. It has to be you Aang. It's your fight. _

Aang suggested that maybe he could reason with Ozai instead of killing him and then Zuko got shouty. He shouted _**reason with him!**_ with great indignation and confusion. He said that you couldn't just reason with his father. His father wanted to see the entire world burn. His father was beyond being reasoned with. Aang got shouty back and said that there had to be another way. Suki tried to calm things down and said we should all take a break and then we could talk about this when we had all had a nice soothing cup of tea.

We rode back on Appa in a grumpy silence.

-?-

After a a silent ride back on Appa, we all crowded into the kitchen and watched Zuko make tea while everyone thought of something to say. The silence continued while everyone was crowded into the kitchen, drinking tea and casting sidelong glances at Aang and coughing awkwardly. Aang was looking at me intently. Eventually it was Aang who broke the silence. He started up by saying that he knew what we were all thinking, but he was sure there was another way. Afterall, I had been sure that the man who murdered my mother deserved to die, but in the end I hadn't killed him, so therefore, if Aang decided that Ozai deserved to live, he shouldn't have to kill him either.

I gasped in surprise when Aang said that. I dropped my cup which shattered all over the floor. There was a bit of commotion while I tried to clean it up and Sokka's lifted Toph on to the counter to protect her feet. Zuko and Suki knelt down with me and started picking up the pieces while Aang hovered over and said he was sorry and he hadn't meant to upset me but it was true. I drew a deep breath and counted to ten because I was determined not to loose my cool. I was gripping the porcelain shards too tightly though and I think if I had squeezed any harder I would have cut myself, but Zuko's hand came over mine and he opened up my hand a took the pieces out silently.

Aang just thinks the world is so simple. And he was throwing out what happened when I went after Yon Rha like it was easy for me. It wasn't easy! There was nothing easy or simple about it. I stood up and brushed my hands on my skirt and said as calmly as I could that Aang was wrong and it was a totally different situation. I glanced at Zuko and tried to calm myself and he nodded at me reassuringly. Only Zuko had come with me and knew how hard it had been for me. He'd seen me have my giant cry afterwards and knew how torn I had been. We hadn't really talked about it since it happened, because I really didn't like talking or thinking about it and I was trying to put it behind me, but I knew he understood.

But Aang didn't understand at all and I didn't know how to explain it to him. Just thinking about trying to explain it made me feel very tired.

Aang was saying that we all wanted revenge on the firelord for all the bad things he had done and so to Aang, it wasn't that different (there was a bit of indignant spluttering when Aang said this). Aang explained that I had wanted revenge and in the end, I had shown mercy and Aang thought I had been right to show that guy mercy and Aang was right to want to show the firelord mercy. And that was it for me.

My cool was lost.

Gone.

Kaput!

And I had tried so hard to keep it. I had not gotten shouty once, but right then, I did. I shouted that Aang was being ridiculous and that **this wasn't revenge, this was justice** and then I stormed off, loudly and with great enthusiasm.

-?-

I was on the beach around the corner. I had made icicles and had thrown them rather vigorously at some rocks until they split and now I was trying to calm myself down. I was trying to see Aang's side of it so I could better understand how to convince him he had to kill Ozai but I kept getting stuck on a cranky and unhelpful loop. I had five questions that kept circling. How could Aang say that about Yon Rha? How could Aang even think of using what had happened with Yon rha as an excuse to shirk his firelord-killing duty. Ozai is the worst person in the world and has caused so much suffering and am I being unreasonably for think he deserves to die? Because seriously now, he is like the gravitational centre of human evil, hell I'm not even sure if he is human and he's caused so much suffering and why can't Aang see that? And why is killing him even a question?

I didn't get much further than this and just sat there staring at the horizon. I'm not sure how long I had been there but the sun had set and the moon had risen by the time Zuko had found me. He sat next to me and asked if I wanted to talk about it. I said no. So he talked an I listened.

He said that he agreed with me about everything and Aang had no right to bring up what happened with the southern raiders like that. And that made me feel a little better. I asked him what had happened after my dramatic storm out and he told me there had been much shouting, mostly from himself and a bit from Sokka. Now Aang had run away too.

Boo.

Toph went looking for Aang and he had come looking for me and now he had found me. I asked about Suki and Sokka and he said that to the best of his knowledge Sokka was frantically drawing up different plans, just in case Aang chickened out tomorrow and Suki was cooking. I made an aghast face at that last part. But he told me to relax, she was just making fried rice and not even Suki could mess that up.

I got up and brushed the sand off and said that I felt better and we should get back so I could go and "help" with the dinner making process (by help I meant take over). We walked back and I asked what other plans Sokka was coming up with – the firelord was meant to be Aang's fight after all. Zuko shook his head sadly and said it was meant to be Aang's fight, we just had to hope we could make Aang see that. He explained that Sokka was thinking up alternative ways to kill the firelord without any of us having to kill him so to speak. I confessed, very quietly, that I thought, If I had to, I would be able to do it, if they needed somebody to do it. Zuko stopped in surprise.

I told him I had been thinking about it in my time down on the beach, and I thought I could. Do it- that is. I hadn't been able to kill Yon Rha. He'd been so pathetic anyway, and I knew it wasn't what my mother would have wanted for me. However my mother would have wanted an end to the war and killing Ozai would achieve that. It would save the world and I could make peace with that. I think, If I absolutely had to, I could kill someone to save millions. I think I could live with it.

Zuko looked away for a second and said that he didn't think it was a good idea. It was very brave of me to offer, but Aang had to be the one to do it. He told Sokka and Suki the same thing when they offered (so they volunteered as well). If anyone other than Aang did it, it would lead to more bloodshed and none of us wanted that. He explained that the firenation likes scapegoats and if any of us did it, there would be dire consequences for our homelands. We'd be killing the firelord in front of witnesses. There would be repercussions. If we couldn't find his Uncle, then the odds were that Azula would be the next firelord and she wouldn't hesitate to crush either Kyoshi Island or the Southern Water Tribe in retaliation.

Oh.

I tried to sound positive when I said that in that case, we had better try to convince Aang pretty quickly. Zuko asked quietly what I thought we should do if we couldn't convince Aang and I felt really put on the spot. I didn't even know. We were all counting on Aang so much. Everything was at stake here and I was sure that when push came to shove, Aang wouldn't let us down. I told Zuko this but I worry that it sounded like I was trying to convince myself as well.

-?-

When we got back Suki had burned the rice and was trying to "fix" it and Sokka was muttering to himself and scrawling over big sheets of parchment. He had drawn what looked to be a rough outline of a war balloon. Apparent he was trying to figure out where all the weaknesses were and some easy ways to take down the airship fleet - if it came to that and the airship fleet took off before we had a chance to stop them. Toph wasn't back from looking for Aang and so I sent Suki out to help her and took over in the kitchen. I started dicing and chopping. Zuko came over and helped me and soon we had dinner well under way.

Toph stomped in frustrated and huffed against the benches and said she hadn't been able to find him anywhere. Zuko said he was sure Aang would come back in his own time and maybe he just needed a while to think it over and Toph snorted disbelievingly and said to Zuko, _look you're new to this, you don't know how often Aang runs away and if we aren't careful he's going to pull another disappearing act again on us!_

I told her that of course Aang wouldn't run away. He wouldn't let us down like that after everything. Toph rolled her eyes. Zuko told her that he was really good at tracking Aang and if Aang did run away again, Zuko was sure he'd be able to find him. Toph appeared somewhat mollified by this and offered that she had hidden his glider again this afternoon, just in case, and she had explained the predicament to Appa (who she is sure understands her completely) so even if he did try to run away, he wouldn't get far. Zuko said _that's the spirit _and gave her a high five_._

I wanted to correct them and say that _wasn't_ the spirit. The spirit would be believing in Aang and trusting in him not to run away again, not limiting his running away options. But in light of this afternoon, I didn't quite have the heart to say that.

Toph shushed us and said she felt Aang and Suki coming back and gestured for us to duck down. Toph was a bit incredulous that Suki had found Aang when Toph could not. She kept wondering how Suki did it etc. _Because Suki wins at life,_ I wanted to say, but did not. I just said that maybe Aang was hiding up a tree where Toph could not sense him and she nodded and we all crouched down further for unashamed eavesdropping.

I heard there footsteps come closer and then Aang's lighter tread stopped and he said _wait, is everybody else in there? _And Suki said she thought so. Aang asked if we were all still mad at him and Suki assured him that no one was mad at him. Aang said that he was pretty sure I would still be mad at him but Suki said that she was sure I wasn't mad at him, I was probably just worried because Aang had worried us all this afternoon..._but no one is mad!_ Suki added quickly and forcefully, probably in a response to a face Aang made. I know that face well. It is a face that inspires the protective motherly instinct in me.

Aang asked quietly what Suki thought...about him having to kill Ozai and... everything. There was a long pause and the sound of clothes rustling and the creaking of floorboards as they both sat down on the verandah. Suki cleared her throat and said _Listen Aang, If I could take this responsibility from you – I would. In a heartbeat. I would do it. It's not right and it's not...__**fair.**__ It's not fair to expect this of a child...But Aang, I know this is a terrible and trite thing to say, but the world isn't fair. _There was silence for a few minutes and then Aang said _But you're smart, you're smart like Sokka is smart. Can't you think of another way, please, because I don't want to have to kill anyone. _ There was another pause and it sounded like Aang was crying softly and Suki was hugging him. She said after Aang's sobs had quietened, what all of us knew, (even Aang must have known) would be her answer.

_I'm sorry sweetie, I really can't. _

-?-

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long and rambly author's notes follow:

hello lovely readers!

I am back and alive and Nepal was great and you have reached the end of liquid-y hot! Big thanks to all my wonderful reviewers! Thanks for all your comments and well wishes – you guys know I love ya! Anyway, did it sound dirty to anyone else when Sokka said liquidy-hot in the show, because it sounded kinda dirty to me and I don't know if that is just because I have a dirty mind or if it was intended that way. In this chapter Team liquid-y hot are united for some liquid-y hot offence and I hope you're enjoying the resumption of canon so far. I've been going off on my own tangent for a while, but now we are back with our regularly scheduled program. So I am trying to flesh out the Sozin's Comet arc and deal with a few plot holes and things that bothered me about the episodes. So this hcap I tackled the planning stages of the attack and everyone's reaction to Aang's initial declaration of his desire to let Ozai live. Naturally YMMV on everything lovely readers.

The Gaang are smart- they are planners. I have a hard time believing they would just 'wing it' in what would be the biggest battle of their lives. I think a great deal of thought went into what was their initial plan. The first part of Sozin's comet has Ozai's Phoenix King shenanigans at the Royal Plaza. I am hypothesizing that the Gaang's initial plan would be to attack him here, when he is standing on the platform. The lava tunnel the practice in could be fanwanked to resemble the royal Plaza. They would be at an advantage because the armed forces are in a narrow tunnel, Katara and Toph have easy access to their elements, they would have the element of surprise and Ozai would be in an exposed position. They would not have to worry about penetrating (what I assume is the heavily fortified) royal palace, which they would have to do if they attacked sooner – nor would they have to worry about fightning in the airships – which only really give Aang an advantage and would rather disadvantage Toph. No matter how awesome she is a metal bending, I don't think the Gaang would deliberately plan to put her at a disadvantage. It is canon that Toph gets very motion sick on most forms of transport where her feet are not on the ground. She doesn't on the airship later, but I'm just going to magically handwave that as adrenaline kicking in.

Attacking the Royal Plaza just makes sense to me, despite the obvious disadvantage of attacking the fire lord in front of the airship fleet. The airship fleet only takes up about a quarter of the royal plaza, so it is clearly not the largest division of the fire nation military. They are clearly planning to concentrate on killing the fire lord and are hoping that after he is dead, there would be a bit of chaos and the airship fleet will be unsure of what do and if push comes to shove they can escape on Appa (Appa moves faster than those ships, especially in these episodes). That is my rough outline of their initial plan (which will soon have cold water poured all over it). They are very sombre when Aang disappears for all the obvious reasons, however I think one of the less obvious reasons could be that by sunset- they know they have missed their window for the current plan. To me it seems that Aang dissapears in the morning and the Phoenix King scene was that afternoon.

I think that Sokka takes over most of the planning because it is his strong point, however Suki is equally as smart and capable (and Aang points this out later). I also think that Zuko would have told Sokka about lightning bending in one of their boy conversations that Katara isn't privy to (they have man-dates in my head canon). Sokka would think that redirecting lightning would be the easiest way to kill the firelord and Zuko would say that Aang wasn't ready to learn it yet, he needed more control etc. But Sokka would have included lightning redirection as part of the plan and after Zuko found out about Aang not being able to go into the Avatar state, he would have moved lightning redirection to top priority and taught it to Aang as soon as possible.

This is my fanwank for why Zuko waits until _just before _the big battle to teach Aang this invaluable skill when he is going up against a powerful lightning bender. Because seriously – that doesn't make too much sense – it would have been one of the first things I would have taught Aang, had I been Zuko but anyway. Here's the fanwank:

Up until two days ago, Zuko thought that Aang could go into the Avatar state and assumed he would use that to win. He also thought that Aang wasn't ready to learn lightning bending – because it requires a great deal of control with firebending and could have deadly consequences if it is done wrong (Iroh warned Zuko of this when he taught him and Zuko would know how dangerous it was from personal experience against his father) but after all the dramatic reveals, Zuko decides that he has to teach Aang and this is the first opportunity he gets.

Brief note on the lightning redirecting lesson: Zuko mentions that Iroh learned it from watching waterbenders. How did this happen? The firenation are at war with the water tribes. There are no southern waterbenders and the northern water tribe is extremely insular. Unless he learned from imprisoned waterbenders- but that gives me many thoughts, and not all of those thoughts reflect well on Iroh (who I love). Anyone have any theories? Could this be a one-shot fic?

Zuko and Katara work very well as a team, but I also think Toph, Sokka and Suki work well as a team too and deserve some love and kudos. The basic 'teams' for how things are going to go down are already forming. Team liquidy-hot and team wins-at-life (Or maybe I will call them Team-ten-points-for-ravenclaw). What strikes me as a little sad is that Aang, who was always so social – willingly alienates himself from everyone unnecessarily in this first episode.

The Gaang would have stood by him through **anything** and he really pushes them away in this episode and prefers to be on his own. I mean... maybe it was meant to show that Aang was becoming more grown up and willing to stand on his own two feet etc. and I think Bryke wanted him to be on his own when it came to facing Ozai for story telling purposes and I acknowledge that when Aang is a fully realised Avatar he will have to stand on his own more often than not...However this approach did not make Aang seem more grown up and mature to me. He rejects the people who have always looked out for his best interest because they disagree with him. Anyway there will be more on that in the coming chapters, but it was just something that struck me as sad for Aang, when I think it was meant to show growth instead. But naturally you guys can disagree with me on that.

Anyway on the upside of the teams is we get to see both how well Zuko and Katara work together and how well Sokka and Suki and Toph will work together. Toph and Sokka I think are very protective of each other, and would want to stay together. Toph is conscious of the face that as non-benders both Sokka and Suki are at a disadvantage and she wants to look after them in her Toph way. So during the planning stages, when Zuko was teaching Aang lightning redirecting, she volunteers to go with them, instead of attack as part of a trio of benders with Zuko and Katara. Sokka agrees readily because he also wants to look after Toph. Sokka never forgets that Toph is blind when it counts and I noticed lots of little animation details in the show – he always helps her on and off Appa and covers her head when things are falling (that time he threw the belt at her excepted) and generally plays big brother to her. He wants to protect her too and he reckons that Katara and Zuko will be able to look after each other. Anyway I think that Toph and Sokka have just the loveliest, if subtle, protective relationship, and I wanted to show it some love. Both of them are in it to look after the other – but neither of them will say this to the other (because they know how prideful the other person is). They both, however, tell Katara and she thinks it is adorable.

On Aang and is refusal to kill the Melon Lord: oh lawd, I get it, but it still frustrates me. In canon this is the first time Aang explicitly says he doesn't want to kill the firelord, which strikes me as **very unfair **to the Gaang (what else did Aang think when they were all talking about defeating the firelord? And he was all willing to go for it on the Day of Black Sun – what changed between then and the finale?) anyway it bugs me. Not so much the sentiment, which I can understand (I am a pacifist after all), but the fact that Aang says it _so last minute_ and really puts everyone on the spot. I mean there aren't many other options and the Gaang know this, hell even Aang knows this. So in my fic, I have had him say much earlier that he didn't want to kill the firelord and to give the Gaang a bit of heads up about what's coming. Because otherwise Aang gets the sad panda face from me about not speaking up sooner and my mind boggles too much thinking about it.

But despite Aang previous stating that he didn't want to kill the firelord, there was always too many other shenanigans going on for the Gaang to deal with it and so this is the first time the Gaang have a go at hashing it out regarding Ozai and what to do with him. Don't worry, we will also hear what Toph thinks next chapter. Anyway, in the show we go from everyone together at the training site to dinner with Aang sitting as far away from the Gaang as possible and this is my take on how we got there.

Everyone tells Aang what they think and he really doesn't like what he hears. I think that Zuko can't always be the bad guy in regards to telling Aang his duty and in the episode it is Sokka who reacts the most at the training site and chops the melon lord's head off – So it's Sokka's turn to step up to the bad cop plate as well. So all the older kids have a go at talking to Aang. Sokka uses blunt logic, Katara uses gentle logic, Zuko harps on about responsibility and gets a bit shouty and Suki tries to calm everyone down and talk simply to Aang.

In a way, I agree with Suki. It is not fair that so much is expected of Aang. He is just so young and knowingly killing someone is a big deal. It is a huge burden to have on your conscience, especially for someone as gentle as Aang. He is young, he is naïve and I do not fault him for being reluctant to kill Ozai. It is not a fair situation at all. However Aang does have a duty as Avatar and no one else can do it for him this time.

I thought a bit about why it HAS to be Aang who does it, because I think all the older kids would be willing to do it – if they had to. I think because the four of them are a little older and a bit more mature, they do not rigidly adhere to a belief system and they understand that sometimes it is necessary to kill an evil dictator to ensure lasting peace. I think that they would be able to make peace with their actions because they would know that it was done to save the world and saving the world is more important.

However I think that there are two problems with this and the first is getting one of them close enough to do it and the second is the repercussions of such actions for their homelands. At this point Zuko doesn't think him becoming firelord is a remote possibility, so he's not going to say – _oh just off my dad and then I'll take over and it'll be cool. _He knows that next in line after him is Azula and she does not play nice. If either Suki, Sokka or Katara do kill the firelord and then Azula takes over – their homelands are going to be crushed. If Zuko does it, it will most likely result in a violent civil war – and Zuko doesn't want that for his country. He is trying to save his country after all and he thought he was doing that by joining Aang. I don't have Toph included here, because I think that even though she talks a big game, she is not as tough as she appears and she would also be reluctant to actually kill someone and she is also very young. Anyway this is my fanwank for why the older kids can't just kill the firelord for Aang. It's not just that Aang is the Avatar, it is also because he has no homeland that will suffer violent repercussions as a result.

I really thought it was something that Aang just had to do. It was his duty, it was his responsibility and even his own past lives agreed that it had to be done. I thought the storyline would go with Aang embracing the less glamorous aspects of being the avatar and that he would do it, even though he didn't want to, because he was finally accepting and taking his responsibility seriously and growing as an avatar and a person and putting aside his own needs for the greater good.

But that did not happen. (insert grumbling about lion turtles here)

anyway Aang has a few arguments. One: Can't Zuko do it for him (answer: no, as previously covered) and also Aang can't always expect Zuko do the hard stuff for him. Two: Katara didn't kill Yon Rha and he deserved to die. Okay everyone mileage may vary with this and feel free to disagree with me. Aang's not meant to come off like a jerk here, he's just an immature kid who still sees the world in black and white and is uncomfortable with shades of gray. Killing is bad etc. to Aang it is simple: Katara thought Yon Rha was evil and he deserved to die, but in the end she didn't kill him. Everyone thinks Ozai is evil and deserves to be killed by Aang, but Aang doesn't want to – and if Katara didn't kill her evil man, Aang shouldn't have to kill his. And Katara reacts about as well as can be expected.

I'm not trying to hate on Aang, really I'm not. I do like him as a character, but I just find him very immature in these last few episodes (when I had hoped he would show some growth) and I want him to face some consequences (and he will in my post Sozin's Comet Arc, so there will be more on that later – Aang will have to spend some time with Ozai/his decisions). Anyway Suki finds him and brings him back and Aang uses Aang argument three: can't someone, anyone else, think of a way around this? But alas there is no other way and Suki tells him so gently. She also calls him sweetie, a nickname which I know gets a lot of derision because of _that comic_ (I do not speak its name). Anyway I have always thought that sweetie was a more maternal/sisterly term of endearment – so that's how I have Suki use it.

Anyway next chapter Katara will want to see a picture of Zuko before he got his scar (and she will) and Aang will run away for real- oh noes!

Til then lovely readers...


	37. Ugly Truths

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Ugly Truths

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Aang and Suki came back in. All of us in the kitchen tried to 'act natural' with varying degrees of success. I put the casserole on to roast slowly. It was honey and soy vegetarian bake. This was one of Aang's favourites. I smiled warmly at Aang when he came in. I think Suki really got through to him and I was glad. I know all this is hard for him and I wanted to show him that I supported him. I was hoping that big generous helpings of his favourite food would cheer him up. He was pretty happy when I told him what I was cooking as a special treat for him. At first everybody was acting civil and natural, but as soon as Aang saw some of Sokka's alternative plans, he got excited.

There has been more drama.

Sokka had been brainstorming alternative plans and means of trapping Ozai, rather than killing him outright, like big giant metal cages etc. Aang saw the cage drawing and the other plans Sokka had come up with. He got excited about the possibility of ending the war without killing Ozai. Sokka got a bit defensive because he didn't feel confident in any of alternative plans. He thought they were unnecessarily risky. They were even more dangerous than our parade plan (which is already pretty dangerous) and they had a much more uncertain outcome. Aang disagreed. I felt the collective mood of the group drop. While I can understand why Aang feels so vehement about this, I almost can't believe we are having this argument now. The day before an enormous battle. Aang didn't say any of this before the eclipse battle a few months ago. He'd been fine with the idea of killing Ozai then and I didn't understand what had changed.

I mean, in essence, I agree with Aang that killing is wrong, but I make an exception for Ozai. He had to die so the rest of us can be free, can live and this stupid terrible war can end. He wanted to kill Aang and the rest of us and if I had to choose between us and him, I want us to live. I want Aang to live! But tomorrow if Aang mamby-pambys about and is indecisive, he is going to be killed, because I am sure that Ozai does not have the same qualms about killing that Aang does. I didn't know how to say it to Aang without sounding horrible, but I hoped that tomorrow Aang would kill the bastard.

Ooh that sounds so harsh to write, but it is true. Aang is acting like the rest of us are being terrible and ruthless, but we are just being realistic. I think firelord Ozai should die and I do not think it makes me a bad person to think that. If Aang doesn't kill Ozai, with everything he has done and everything he will do, then where is the justice in this world?

But I had no idea how to go about explaining my various feelings on the subject to Aang.

He was spouting excuses about why he shouldn't be expected to kill Ozai tomorrow (most of these had to do with air nomad teachings) and the others were getting frustrated with him. Aang's final reason was that he didn't even know what firelord Ozai looked like when he wasn't made out of noodles, so if he tried to kill him, he'd probably just end up attacking a noodle seller by accident and then we'd never have noodles again. This was Aang's attempt at a joke to lighten the mood.

Zuko and Suki were confused by the noodle thing. Sokka explained about Aang sneaking into a firenation school/ how me and Sokka posed as Aang's parents/ noodle portraits etc. Zuko and Suki were better informed re: noodles but still confused about the whole thing (Zuko didn't understand why anyone would sneak_ into _a firenation school and Suki was baffled by the fact that me and Sokka had passed ourselves off as Aang's parents because we were clearly still teenagers, and how dumb was this fire nation principal to fall for something like that? etc)

Toph said everyone was getting distracted by noodles, schools and dumbassery and the solution was easy. We were in the firelord's summer house. Obviously there would be a picture of him somewhere here. Most rich families had portraits done up after all. (Even her parents had a few done of her. Though she couldn't see them so she didn't know if they accurately captured her awesomeness). Zuko got a big sheepish and said that there weren't any family portraits (mmmhhh interesting) and it was a bit irrelevant anyway. His Dad wouldn't be that hard to spot. His dad would be the guy wearing the big-arse crown and making a speech about how he wanted to **take over the entire world** and** kill things** and **set everything on fire**. Not knowing what Ozai looked like was not going to be Aang's problem tomorrow. And then everyone was back on the topic of Aang's big problem for tomorrow.

Aang was silent and crossed his arms and went and stood in the corner and said that he shouldn't be expected to kill someone, if there was any other option. I tried the gentle common sense thing again and explained that there wasn't another option, otherwise we wouldn't ask this of him. Toph was less patient and huffed loudly and said what we were all thinking, in her blunt Toph way. She said _Twinkletoes, I know you don't want to disrespect your people, but seriously, why is this even a question? Ozai wants to kill you, so you have to kill him before he can. The airnomads would want you to live._ Sokka piped up that Toph was right and that the Air nomads would have wanted Aang to kill Ozai. Aang repeated again (slowly as if he was talking to unreasonable children) that the Air Nomads believed that all life was sacred. Sokka said that was true, but they also believed in self defense and killing Ozai would be self defense.

Aang got huffy (what would Sokka know about air nomad teachings etc). Sokka said that he knew that monk Gyasto didn't have a problem with killing in self defense. Didn't Aang remember how we had found him **surrounded** by the corpses of firenation soldiers? Monk Gyasto had obviously believed in fighting back. I drew in a sharp breath. I remembered that day so clearly. How I hid the truth from Aang for as long as possible. Sokka saying that I couldn't protect Aang forever (I hadn't really believed it at the time). How upset Aang had been. His grief and rage and pain and the first time the Avatar state really frightened me.

There was a pause. Aang's face mimicked what it looked like that day at the Southern Air Temple. I didn't have it in me to say what Sokka had just said. You don't just throw something like that into an argument unless the argument is serious. But this was serious. This fight was getting out of hand. I wasn't surprised when Aang had a total tantrum in response to Sokka's words.

That was it for Aang. He had a bit of a shout about how Sokka shouldn't talk about Gyasto like that and how did we know for sure Gyasto had killed those soldiers and Aang still didn't want to kill Ozai so it irrelevant anyway and Sokka didn't know anything at all and should shut up. Sokka got shouty back and then there was a rather large argument during which everybody (except Suki and myself -we spent the argument trying to calm everyone down) had a shout. I finished the argument by getting the commonsense stick and giving everyone a light smack with it and saying that EVERYBODY had to shut up for a second. We all had to work together and come up with a compromise and we didn't have time to be fighting each other, etc.

I made everyone be quiet for 3 whole minutes. Sometimes having a break in an argument can help people think clearly. I hoped that would be the case with this particular argument. After three minutes, Aang offered us all a blanket apology. He said he was sorry for upsetting us, but he had been feeling this way for a while. He couldn't do what we asked of him and he was sorry. But he was the very last air bender and he didn't respect Airnomad rules, who would?

Toph piped up first with a very salient point regarding Aang's normal attitude to rules (eg they are very flexible etc).Toph pointed out that Aang has never previously had much problem with bending the rules. She listed several notable examples. Aang said she wouldn't understand. At that Toph officially lost her patience with him too. (This also now means that every single one of us except for Suki has had a shout directly at Aang today) _What exactly don't I understand? I think I've got a pretty realistic grasp of the situation here Aang, and I know it is either you or him. _

Aang was getting really upset and I hate seeing Aang upset. No matter how much I disagreed with him, I still wanted to stand by him and comfort him. He looked so alone in his corner. I went over to him and I was about to say that we did understand but we just wanted him to see reason. But he retreated further into his corner and when I went over to him and he snapped at me that he didn't want to talk to me right then.

Welly well well then!

-?-

Aang has now taken refuge in his room and is not speaking to any of us. He stomped up and slammed his door and after a few beats I followed. I knocked on the door and tried to talk to him through it. My arguments wavered drastically. I was calm and reasonable and I explained that he couldn't just shut us out and run away from this. We all loved him and we wanted what was best for him. I understood about air nomad beliefs, but I also understood that this was Aang's duty. I know he felt scared, but if we all attacked together and presented a united front, we could win this war and restore balance to the world, etc etc. there was no answer from Aang inside his room. So I started up again, going on in a more persuasive tone about how I had so much faith in him and I was sure that he wasn't going to let me down, not when I had believed in him from the very beginning etc. and there was still no answer.

So I got stroppy and scoldy. I said that Aang was being ridiculously unreasonable and Ozai was the worst person in the entire universe and the whole world would be better off without him and just this morning we had heard that he wanted to burn the entire earth kingdom to the ground and didn't that mean anything to Aang. We had to save all those people and the only way to do that was to kill Ozai and really now!

Still no answer.

The others had gathered round the bottom of the stairs during my rant and had been listening in. At that point Toph started to clap in agreement, but still Aang did not appear. I went back downstairs. The others said I had spoken well etc and surely I must have gotten through to him. I said I hoped so (because I am always the optimistic one).

Suki suggested we all have some calming tea again because everyone was super tense. Zuko went into the kitchen to start making some. I followed him because I had something to ask him something about what he had said earlier about there being no portraits. It seemed a bit weird to me that there would be no pictures at all and he'd been very sheepish when he said it. So I knew something was up with that. After a bit of questioning (nagging and prodding) he revealed that there weren't any family pictures because he and Azula had set them all on fire last time they were here.

Oh.

What? Why? Was this their weird way of bonding? Because Sokka and I don't set things on fire together. It's just a little depressing that the only thing Zuko and Azula ever did together was burn family portraits. I asked why they had done it. Zuko said he didn't really know, which did not satisfy me. He said it was complicated, which is not really an answer (this I pointed out to him). Eventually he fessed up that he'd been angry and confused and he thought burning all the pictures would make him feel better but it hadn't. I asked if there were any pictures left, but Zuko didn't think so. He and Azula had been thorough. She'd said that she didn't want any visual reminders that they were related (Zuko had thought she was joking at the time). He asked why I was so interested and I feigned nonchalance and he took the tea tray out to the others.

-?-

I lied when I said I wasn't interested. I am really v. interested. I've always wondered in the back of my mind (okay sometimes in the front of my mind too) what Zuko would look like without his scar. I bet he'd be ever more handsome than he is now. I mean I've gotten used to the scar, but still I can't help thinking how different he'd look and how different he'd _be_ without it. When I offered to heal it for him in Ba Sing Se, I didn't know any of what I now know about it. I could just see how much it hurt him. I wanted to make it better. I wanted to see a picture of him before he got it. When Zuko was talking about how he and Azula burned all the pictures, I felt a little sad because I felt like I'd never get to see a picture and my curiosity would go unsatisfied forever.

-?-

I am nothing if not wily. This house is huge and I was sure there must be some pictures left somewhere. I was right. I had just a quick look and now I have hit the **snooping jackpot**. Embarrassing baby pictures. I had a snoop around the attic and I found it a large collection of landscape paintings. Amongst those was the cutest baby picture ever. I was sure the baby was Zuko because he had such a cheeky smile. Having seen Zuko's real smile (which is different to his half smile and his fake smile) on a number of occasions, I can verify that it is a rather cheeky grin.

Anyway the picture was just too cute for words. I had only been looking for myself, to satisfy my own curiosity. But then as I was looking at the picture and smiling at how cute Zuko was as a baby, I was struck by another idea. I could use it to break the horrible tension that had arisen ever since the melon lord debacle. Things were getting so taut between us and Aang and I wanted something to break the tension and I felt like I had the answer in my hands. Everyone likes baby pictures after all. I mean who hates baby pictures? I could show everyone and cheer us all up. We could have a laugh together. And after we'd all had a laugh together we could work towards a solution that would satisfy everyone.

There problem solved.

Zuko would probably be a bit embarrassed, but on the whole, I think the gentle teasing he gets from us is a good thing for him. Anyway he shouldn't be too mad because he's just **so adorable** in this picture. If Aang was still weird around us, then I would show this picture and he'd cheer up right away. And if it helped Aang get over whatever _this thing_ was, then I'm sure Zuko would understand, no _appreciate_, me showing everybody.

Sometimes, for the greater good, someone has to be a little embarrassed. And today that someone is Zuko. I have put the picture in my room for later and now I'm heading down to finish off making dinner.

-?-

I knocked on Aang's door when dinner was ready. He opened up and came down silently. Dinner was set on the table, but Aang took a plateful and then crossed into the courtyard. We all looked at each other and grabbed our plates and followed him out into the courtyard and sat with him. Aang abruptly got up and went to go sit at the other end of the walkway. We all glanced at each other (except for Toph) and there was a silent conversation (in gestures) over whether we should follow Aang again. It ended when Sokka shrugged in an exaggerated fashion and then dramatically pointed to the spot he was sitting on, indicating that he was planning on staying right there. Then he started eating with gusto and the rest of us followed suit. Aang glanced around and then turned back to his dinner, but he didn't say anything and it didn't look like he started eating either. Honey and soy vegetable bake is his favourite!

He was still being weird around us. I made a quick decision to get the picture out right then and break the weirdness, because I was getting **sick of this nonsense**. We have always been such great friends and I hate that the group is divided like this. I excused myself and went and got the picture and came back and announced happily that I had a surprise for everyone.

Toph declared she thought my surprise was announcing my secret thing with Haru. There was a slight awkward moment following this outburst. Toph remains, since that game of truth or dare, absolutely convinced that Haru and me had some tawdry secret affair, even though I have denied and explained it to her over and over again. I decided not to indulge her weird fantasies and dignify her comment with a response.

I told everyone that I had been looking for cooking pots in the attic (just a small white lie) and I found this – at that point I unveiled the picture with a flourish and encouraged everyone to look at how cute baby Zuko was. Everyone had a bit of a laugh and even Aang turned around and had a small chuckle. And I thought _yay success _to myself. Zuko didn't laugh and was looking exceptionally unhappy. I told him to lighten up and I was only teasing. But it turns out Zuko wasn't upset about me showing everyone his baby pictures. Because they weren't his baby pictures. It was a picture of his father.

Oh.

Well now this was **awkward!**

My tension breaking idea had backfired big time. I rolled the picture up as fast as I could. Suki said that he seemed so innocent in the picture. It seems incongruous to think the cheeky smiling kid in the picture now wanted to burn the entire earth kingdom to the ground. Zuko said that he might be cute and innocent as a baby, but he had grown up to be a monster etc.

_But he's still a human being_ Aang piped up, which was the first time he'd spoken all dinner. Zuko was incredulous that Aang was defending Ozai and Aang backtracked and said placating that he agreed with us and firelord Ozai was a horrible person and the world would be better off without him. But he still thought there was another way.

Oh boy, here we go again.

Aang came up with a mad idea to use glue bending to stop Ozai. This was the first idea Aang had contributed all evening and he seemed pleased with it. Zuko was most sarcastic about this idea and very bluntly told Aang that it wouldn't work. Aang looked crestfallen and he started going on about the monks again and how he couldn't just go around wiping out people he didn't like.

None of us are saying he should go around wiping out people he doesn't like. We are asking him to do his duty. That duty is killing one very evil, horrible man to save the world. To say that we are asking him to kill Ozai because he doesn't like him really oversimplifies what all of us have been saying. Ozai's greatest sin is not that Aang doesn't like him, but that he wants to BURN THE ENTIRE EARTHKINGDOM TO THE GROUND (I feel this cannot be stated enough – because that is what is at stake here). But this fine distinction is lost on Aang.

Sokka said that the universe would understand and Aang really snapped at him and said it wasn't a joke. Of course it's not a joke! None of us were laughing after all. Aang starting go on about how none of us understood (again) and I said firmly that we did understand , but...at that point Aang cut me off and snapped at me too. It made me mad –Aang snapping at me like that. He is just snapping at all of us and** not listening **and all we have ever tried to do is help him. So I snapped back that we were only trying to help him. And then the whole thing degenerated into a shouty shenanigan again.

Aang had another tantrum and shouted at me that if I really wanted to help then I should figure out a way for him to defeat the firelord without taking his life. Then he stormed off in high dudgeon and left his dinner untouched. I was feeling quite upset and cross and I wanted to have the final word in this argument, so I started to stomp after Aang saying that he couldn't run away from this etc.

I was in true rant mode, but my rant was abruptly stopped by Zuko. I felt his big warm hand on my shoulder and he said simply that I had to let Aang go. Aang had to sort this one out for himself now. I felt a bit unsure. I had been hoping all day that Aang would come around and see our point of view. He hadn't and I didn't see how time to himself would fix that. Zuko said _he knows what we all think. He has to make his own choices. He has to do it because he wants to, not because he's told to._

Suki was in agreement and said there was nothing any of us could say to Aang now that hadn't been said at some point during the day. What we should do now was come up with a contingency plan for tomorrow in case Aang decided to chicken out last minute. Sokka was all about the planning and we tossed around ideas for the rest of the night.

Each idea was more implausible than the last. It became clear to us that we needed Aang snap out of this already. No one said it, but we all knew. Without Aang, we couldn't win this. Sure we might win the battle, but we wouldn't end the war. We all went to bed a bit somber, but Suki said we'd all need our rest for tomorrow. I knew everyone was worried and uneasy about tomorrow, so I don't know how much sleep we are all going to get.

As I went to bed, I opened up Aang's door just to check on him. He was meditating on his balcony. I fought the urge to go and bother him and eventually I managed to close the door and not interrupt him. I hope he finds some guidance from meditating. Maybe if he crosses into the spirit world one of the spirits can make him feel more at peace with his duty. I have always believed that Aang can save the world and I will not give up on that belief now that we are so close.

He has to come through for us.

He just has to.

-?-

So this morning there was a flurry of activity while we all packed up Appa/ our belongings and got the house sorted and prepared ourselves for this final battle. There was a lot to do because no one really knew what was going to happen today. There was much packing and repacking. I took off my firenation clothes and dressed back into my water tribe dress ( it is a little small on me now, but it still fits). If we are going into the final battle today, I want to be wearing the blue and white colours of my people. Toph and Sokka followed suit and put on their old travelling clothes that we had worn around the earth kingdom.

I felt a bit nervous and sad to be leaving the house. It's been our refuge for so long and I've started to feel really at home here. I kind of love it here actually, but I know that if today goes badly, we probably wont be able to come back. After I cooked breakfast for everyone, I took some time just wandering around the rooms and saying goodbye in my head to the house that has been our safe haven. I found that baby picture of Ozai (how had I ever thought that this could cheer everybody up?) where I had dropped in last night. I thought about throwing it away but I couldn't bring myself to do it, so I rolled it up and took it back to the attic.

I went to the corner where I found all the pictures. I didn't notice Zuko had come up behind me until he said _looking for cooking pots again?_ I was feeling a bit sheepish about last night and the whole baby picture debacle and I apologized but he said it was okay, he hadn't come up here to give me a hard time about it, but just to tell me that everything was nearly ready for us to leave. He turned to go, but suddenly before I could help myself, I ending up blurting out that I had just _really wanted_ to see a picture of him as a kid, that was all. He was a bit baffled by this and said why did I even want to see one so badly when we had so much else going on. He didn't sound angry, just confused.

I told him softly that I had just wanted to see what he looked like without _it._ He knew what I meant instantly and he signed and turned away from me for a second. I felt like I had put my foot in it again. However, to my surprise he gave a deep, resigned sigh and muttered_ fine_ under his breath. He turned around and said that I had been looking in the wrong place.

If there were any pictures left, there was only one spot they would be. He walked over to a chest that was near the window and wiped some dust off it. He told me that his dad had put all his mother's things in here when she'd disappeared and neither he nor Azula had the heart to destroy anything that had belonged to their mother. She'd commissioned a lot of portraits when they were kids, so maybe….

The chest had a big heavy padlock on it and it took me a few tries to open it with the lock picks Toph gave me. I knelt in front of it to fuss with the lock. Zuko sat beside me, with his back pressed against the chest. Inside was the most eclectic collection of objects, little painted terracotta dishes and knickknacks, a statue of dragon, a broken perfume bottle (the smell of cinnamon and vanilla had permeated the entire chest). Underneath all that was some botanical prints and books. Between a book of poetry and a book about herbs was the picture. I made a delighted little noise when I saw it. He asked what it was and I said that I had found a picture of him and Azula and Lu Ten. He nodded, but he didn't seem to want to look. He said (by way of explanation) his mother had them sit for a portrait, just the three kids, on Lu Ten's eighteenth birthday, right before he went to Ba Sing Se.

Lu Ten was certainly much bigger and older than Zuko and Azula in this portrait. All three of them were sitting in a row. I could see the family resemblance between the three of them when they were all lined up like that. Azula was grinning a vaguely creepy fashion. Zuko was looking worried and uncomfortable next to her. Lu Ten was probably the most classically beautiful. He was looking off, enigmatically, into the distance. Still, it was Zuko's face I couldn't take my eyes off. Even as a child, there was something about him that drew my eyes. At the time this picture was painted, he had no idea what was instore for him. His face was young and whole and he was so little. I almost couldn't believe he had ever been this small and this fragile.

I looked over at him. He'd come along way from the cute and innocent looking little boy in the picture. He still hadn't glanced over at the picture and was feigning indifference to it. He asked if I was _happy now_ (slightly gruffly) and I asked if he wanted to see and proffered it in his direction, but he declined and said he didn't want to. I pressed the issue and he got more defensive.

He blurted quickly that he didn't need to look at a picture to remember Lu Ten and he didn't want to be looking at childhood portraits of Azula before he had to fight her and he really didn't want to see any pictures of himself as a kid. I put the picture back and closed the lid. He turned back to face me and we didn't say anything for a second. I fought a small internal battle. I had promised myself that I would stop being so pushy and be more respectful of this sort of thing. But still, I couldn't help myself (I never can) and I asked _why_, very softly.

At first I thought he wasn't going to answer me. But he did. He confessed, so quietly that I had to lean right in close to hear him, _it makes me feel ugly. _He said it almost like he was admitting something against his will. There was a quiet little moment. My breath caught in my throat and I think I could almost feel my heart getting bigger. I just...Zuko's my...

I didn't know it was possible to just _love_ someone this much. I don't think it's possible to hold this much feeling for someone inside without some of it spilling out.

He shouldn't ever think he's ugly. He's actually… quite beautiful to me. But if I said it, he'd probably just think I was pitying him or patronizing him and I know he hates that. I wanted to make him feel better. I wanted him to never think he was ugly again. I don't know what happened. Some mad urge came over me. I leaned forward and just kissed his scar very gently. I'd kissed his other cheek before, but never the scar.

And there we were on the dusty ground in the attic, practically sitting on top of each other and I was kissing his face. I kissed his cheek, under his eye, where his eyebrow would have been and his ear. Zuko froze. He didn't move. He didn't say anything while I did this, so I'm not sure how he felt about it. I leaned back, just a fraction, so I could look at him to gauge his reaction.

I think we were both holding our breath a little. We were staring at each other. He was looking at me with open-mouthed astonishment. He tilted his head slightly and touched the spot were I'd kissed his cheek gently. I reached up and placed my own hand over his and I leaned close and looked in his eyes so that he'd know I really meant it and I said _y__ou're not ugly- so don't ever think that okay _rather insistently. He nodded and curled his fingers around mine and then our faces were so close. We could almost touch noses and I could feel his warm breath on my face. I remember thinking _oh boy, this is it!_ before I tried to close the distance between us.

I was about to lean in when Sokka barged in. he was loudly saying _there you guys are! _He just barged in without knocking like the big barging-in person that he is!

Boo Sokka! Boo!

All the boos in the world!

In a flash I went from feeling super excited to feeling super embarrassed. Zuko and I sprang apart and looked a little sheepish. Sokka seemed to have realized that he had interrupted something (I can tell this mostly because he said _sorry, am I interrupting?)_ Zuko and I had both blushed what I'm sure was a ridiculous shade of red. We both looked at each other and then vehemently denied that Sokka was interrupting anything. Sokka said _okay then_ very skeptically, before he added that he had just come to tell us that everything was packed and we were ready to go. Then he turned and walked out and an awkward second passed. The wonderful moment from a second ago had been killed _stone dead_ by my moment-killing-brother. There was no point in sitting around waiting for the moment to come back because it was gone! I stood up and started brushing the dust of myself. Zuko did the same.

We looked at each other for a second before Zuko seemed to shake himself out of it. He said _we should… _and then he nodded at the door with his head. I agreed and he turned around to walk out and I followed behind him.

All the boos in the world Sokka!

Couldn't he have barged in a few minutes later!

-?-

When we got down into the courtyard, Sokka was already on top of Appa and Suki was climbing gracefully up Appa's side and Toph was sitting on the fountain. Sokka said that now that Zuko and I had graced them with our presence, everything was all ready. He gave one final check and announced with some satisfaction _okay, that is everying_! Toph begged to differ and reminded him that Aang still hadn't woken up, and someone should really do that before we left.

There was a slight nervous chuckle and we all trouped up to find Aang. There'd been so much commotion this morning and so much to do, and none of us had wanted to bother Aang with any of the boring chores, especially because he had been in such a bad mood with us last night. Suki had said that she thought he just needed some more time and would join us when he was ready. But I felt a feeling of dread as we climbed the stairs. If he still hadn't come out to join us that meant that he was still really mad at us. And that was bad.

I was bracing myself for an angry and unreasonable Aang. But I wasn't at all prepared for what we found. We opened Aang's door to find his room completely empty. There was no trace of Aang anywhere.

He had left us.

He had gone.

-?-

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* * *

Author's rambly thoughts.

Lovely readers! Happy Valentines Day! Huge thanks to all my reviewers and oodles of love to you! I tried to do a more romantic chapter for this momentous occasion. I understand that some of you are probably thinking _Boo you, all the boos in the world_ right now, because I have, once again, engaged in shameless, shameless ship tease. So sorry my lovely ones about that. But if you are just a bit more patient, I hope you wont be disappointed. But I will accept your boos graciously!

Because naturally YMMV on everything!

Anyway you've reached the end of ugly truths and I hope you've enjoyed it. I am now trying to make this fic canon compliant (when at the start I was just writing for shiggles). Don't worry, it will still be Zutaran all the way. I want to prove to the naysayers that Zutara and Canon can peacefully coexist and not one of the characters have to be out of character for that to happen. And I guess I also want to 'fix' canon and fill in all those blanks and plotholes and improve my overall enjoyment of the series. For canon compliancy to happen, Zuko and Katara can't snog here. But they both know that they nearly did make out, and both were pretty into the idea of it.

Anyway what I really wanted to explore in this chapter is the falling out that lead to Aang sitting apart from everyone at dinner, shouting at them all and then running away. Also I have a question for you guys which you can ponder. How much is Aang at fault for the deus ex lionturtle related shenanigans?

I am in two minds. I give Aang a lot of slack because he's such a sweet and innocent kid. He is just a kid. And running away is his habit and he does feel trapped in this episode. But at the same time he lets the Gaang down in such a major and fundamental way and no one ever calls him out on this.

He leaves them! He abandons his friends who were willing to do everything for him, left their homes to be with him and ultimately were willing to die for him and to bring and end to the war. Aang's age does not negate the fact that he leaves them when they need him the most. I am unsure how much control Aang has over _initially _going to the lion turtle, however as soon as he realizes he is somewhere far from his friends, he is not overly concerned with finding them again. And this is right before a major battle during which the earth kingdom will be set on fire and any of them could die. But Aang's not overly bothered by that. He is still more concerned with himself and his own crisis of spirituality than the well being of his friends. Aang does not get a pass from me for this. It is not the initial lion turtle leaving that bothers me as much as Aang's attitude after he wakes up on that bloody turtle. He just doesn't seem to care that much that he is separated from his friends.

Note: I actually haven't watched the Aang scenes the final that much. I tend to skip them because I find them... well to be honest... a little boring. Aside from his conversation with the previous avatars, Aang's scenes did not speak to me or effect me emotionally aside from giving me mild irritation. So this is just going from memory.

The Gaang is such a tight knit and trusting group and they all have sacrificed so much to be with Aang, but when it is crunch time, he lets them down, especially Katara, in such a big way. And no one says _where were you? Why did you leave us when we needed you the most?_ to Aang afterwards. Katara believes in Aang the most. She has the most faith and the most patience with him and she always reassures everybody that Aang will come through for them and she believes it. She is always on his side even when she doesn't agree with him or is angry at him. She never leaves him. She might not want to want him make a fool of himself in front of those girls on Kyoshi Island, and she might not want to watch him try and activate the Avatar state – but she always stays close by. When he is unsure or sad she reassures and soothes him. When he is injured she heals him. When he is angry she calms him. She is his rock. So how did she feel about Aang leaving her and the Gaang, right when they needed him the most? How else are the Gaang meant to interpret Aang's actions. He does 'run away' again. They spend so much valuable time looking for Aang in these last episodes. What was Katara thinking when it became apparent that Aang had buggered off and let them all down? He is the last great hope for peace and she had _so much_ faith in him. I wish this had been explored in canon. But it wasn't - so I am going to explore it in later chapters.

Also note that when Aang very rudely snaps at Katara- that is the last dialogue they have in the series. They do not speak again before the kiss. I have nothing to say except boo! And also this sends a very problematic message to young girls.

There is much speculation about how much control Aang has over going to the lion turtle. I am baffled by the turtle lovely readers. What attracts the turtle to Aang anyway? Is it an avatar thing? Did Aang somehow, in his desperation, unconsciously or consciously summon this mystical creature? Or did the turtle come to Aang randomly? Did the turtle, in a sense, "kidnap" Aang or did Aang go of his own free will? Did the lion turtle put Aang in a trance with the power of deus-ex-machina and energy bending? Is it this trance that leads Aang to leave his friends and hop on the mystical creature's back? Or is Aang just looking for a way out – any way out- of his unpleasant duty? How much control does Aang have over this sequence of events?

I do not know.

I guess I would like to think that Aang has some agency in this decision (because I am a big fan of people making their own choices), but ultimately I have no idea. Lovely readers, if you have theories I would love to hear them! (I sincerely loved everyone's theories about Iroh and waterbending) . Anyway, I am reluctant to blame Aang for his initial departure of the lionturtle, because I am unsure of how much control he had over his actions here. However, it is his actions _afterwards,_ when he wakes up and is fully conscious and cognitive and still is not that worried about his friends that earns him my **sad panda face**.

It struck me when I was doing a rewatch that none of the Gaang, aside from Zuko have ever seen Ozai before. They closest they come is when Aang made a picture of Ozai out of noodles at school. It just struck me as interesting, so I included it here. Also the **fabulous Kimberly T** mused what would happen if Sokka mentioned how they found Monk Gyasto literally surrounded by firenation corpses – Monk Gyasto was a BAMF. He went down fighting. He didn't mamby pamby about when the firenation attacked. Anyway I thought this was a great idea so I threw that in too.

I hypothesize that Aang would not listen/take the news well or even think that deeply about what Sokka is _actually saying_. He would go into denial mode and would have a tantrum. This would be the last straw for Aang and would result in him emotionally withdrawing from the gang, and that directly contributes to him sitting silently and separately from them. He is both physically and emotionally isolating himself from their group and creating the dynamic at dinner. That whole scene almost feels like the Gaang vs Aang, but it never had to be that way. The Gaang normally communicate, cooperate and compromise well together and I found this whole sequence a little jarring, to be honest.

Also in this chapter we have Katara 'looking for cooking pots in the attic.' How many people actually believed her when she said this? Because I sure didn't. It makes no sense to look for cooking pots on their last night in the beach house and _after _dinner is already made. Also Katara's tendency for snooping is establish in canon. I guess what struck me is that, in canon, it is obvious (to me at least) that she was looking for pictures of Zuko, (even though according to bryke she is supposed to be all about Aang etc). I also like that my tendency to have her tell little white lies about her fascination with/stalking of Zuko has some canon evidence.

So anyway this is my interpretation of that. I think she would be curious about seeing what he looked like before the scar. Katara loves Zuko and has become accustomed to his face, but she doesn't find the scar sexy. She is not shallow for this. She is attracted to Zuko, but she sees that scar as a symbol of suffering rather than sex appeal.

I should note that I actually do not find Zuko's scar, in anyway 'hot' or 'sexy' (though I know that YMMV). To me it is a huge facial burn scar (and they are not pretty to look at). It is not some glamorous injury, but a serious disfigurement. Ozai didn't give it to him to make him look _cool_, he gave it to him because he wanted Zuko to suffer. So I think having Katara (or any character for that matter) find the scar sexy etc ultimately belittles the scar and Zuko's struggles.

Ugly is a bit of an emotive word, but I guess that is how I think Zuko would view his scar. It is huge and it is ugly and by extension it makes him ugly. In canon, how he feels about his scar is never really explored but just touched on very lightly in the beach. He obviously hates it and is very self conscious over it. I get the feeling it was a subject that Just Wasn't Talked About amongst the firenation kids, from their surprised reactions at him mentioning it and Ty Lee's very rapid apology. He and Katara, on the other hand, have always been more open with each other and I think he is starting to be willing to share these things with her and has great confidence and trust in her. She doesn't glamorize the scar, but accepts it as a part of him and validates his feelings – and I think for Zuko, that kind of acceptance is a rare and precious thing.

Next chapter the Gaang will take off in search of Aang and we will become reacquainted with Jun (the patron saint of Zutara). Naturally assumptions will be made and there will be shenanigans.

Til then lovely readers.


	38. Zuko is not my boyfriend

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Zuko is not my boyfriend!

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

We looked **everywhere!** All through the house and the gardens. I could hear everyone shouting Aang's name but he didn't respond. I felt a rising dread. Where could he have gone? After we checked the house, we checked the beach and found his foot prints leading into the water. But none leading back out and it was all very mysterious. I was worried that he would have been captured but Sokka nixed that idea and said there was no sign of a struggle. Sokka assumed his sleuth role and tried to deduct what had happened to Aang. Toph assumed he'd run away again but Sokka reminded her that he'd left Appa and his glider, so he couldn't have gotten too far. And he couldn't have gone on a spirit world journey because his body wasn't here.

It seemed like there was only one solution. He had to be somewhere on Ember Island. I proposed we split up to look for him- that way we could cover more ground. I gave Zuko a meaningful look as I said this and he nodded back at me in confirmation. I had a vague, unformed hope that we might be able to pick up where we left off in the attic-after finding Aang (and finding some privacy far away from Sokka of course). I guess I just assumed that we would be paired together because we do so much together. We're team liquidy-hot for goodness sake.

But Toph had other ideas.

Boo Toph.

Suddenly, she glommed on to Zuko with great enthusiasm (which gave him a big surprise). She announced she was going with him quite happily. He blushed and looked really awkward about being suddenly and affectionately hugged by Toph (who is not prone to displaying affection except in the form of punches and kicks). I think Toph could sense my raised eyebrow and my questioning/disapproving look because she shrugged and said that everyone else had a life changing field trip with Zuko and it was now her turn to have a go with him.

There was a pause and Zuko didn't seem to know quite what to say to that. Sokka delegated (and he calls me bossy!) and said that because Zuko knew the terrain the best, he should take Toph on a big loop around the house and look for signs of Aanng. He assigned me and Suki the town to search and declared that he'd fly overhead and have a search on Appa.

Zuko opened his mouth, shut it, sighed in a resigned fashion and then said _come on Toph_. She said _Yay fieldtrip with Zuko!_ They started walking down the beach and began to bicker in a friendly manner about the nature of their fieldtrip. Zuko was adamant that it wasn't a happy fieldtrip but a Very Important Search and Toph cheekily disagreed. I felt a twinge of jealousy for her small self but I pushed it away because I am a **mature person**. Being jealous in a situation like this when we have to find Aang **urgently** is ridiculous.

And I am not ridiculous.

-?-

I very quickly changed back into my firenation clothes and went with Suki into the town. We had no luck finding Aang. The closest we came was when we heard crowds chanting Aang's name and I will confess that I got my hopes up, but it was just those stupid actors from that stupid play. After an hour of fruitless searching we turned to go back. As we were walking through the main square everyone was muttering darkly. Suki and I paused for a bit when we heard strains of conversation about **Firelord Azula**.

What the hell?

Had Ozai already died? And Azula taken over? Because that would drastically change things. We looked around and found a guy who was putting up posters with the details. We asked him if we could have a poster to take back home and he handed it over. The poster claimed that from Sozin's Comet – the firenation would have complete control over the whole world. On the day of Sozin's comet, Ozai would ascend to the position of Pheonix King and have dominion over everything and his position as firelord would be ceded to his daughter. She would, from that day henceforth be referred to as Firelord Azula.

Oh this was bad.

We raced back home to show the others.

-?-

We were the first ones to arrive back and we waited anxiously for the others. I went and changed back into my water tribe clothes – and I once again felt ready for battle. Despite that poster, I still held out hope that we had a chance. We would find Aang. Zuko and Toph, or Sokka would be back with him any moment now. He'd be sheepish and apologetic and we'd all forgive him and then everything would be back on track. I kept trying to convince myself of this and so I felt acutely disappointed when Zuko and Toph appeared without Aang.

I knew I had to tell Zuko about finding the poster, but I also knew he was going to hate reading it. I told him that there'd been and announcement in town and he _really wasn't going to like it_ – to give him a bit of warning– and then I handed the poster over so he could read it. His eyes widened in shock and then narrowed in anger. Toph got curious and wanted to know what it was and he read it out to her. She made a low whistle and commented that it was ballsy to announce victory before the battle had even been fought (I agree). And when Aang showed up and it all when pear shaped for the Phoenix King (she said _Phoenix King_ very sarcastically) he was going to feel silly. Zuko was very derisive about the fact that his dad had made up his own title and position. They made many sarcastic comments along this train of thought and I think they were trying to cheer each other up. But a somber mood had settled over us.

When Sokka landed without Aang, I felt my stomach plummet further with that feeling of dread I'd had ever since we first discovered Aang was missing. The boys talked about how weird it was and how it was like he had just vanished. It was a tense discussion. Toph tried to change the mood and she pointed out something that she had only just noticed. Momo was missing too.

Sometimes, when Sokka is really nervous, he plays the fool. Humour is how he copes when he's really scared or worried. I know this. I know this, but it was still surprising when he turned around and declared that Appa must have eaten Momo. Umm no Sokka. Just no. He then climbed into Appa's mouth in an attempt to "save momo." I think he was trying to break the tension, lift the mood and make us laugh with his antics. But I wasn't in a laughing mood and I got a bit fed up. I didn't have much patience for his shenanigans right then. So I told him bluntly that Appa didn't eat Momo and Momo was probably with Aang. He turned around and said that was what Appa wanted us to think.

Zuko was in a similar frame of mind. He said _get out of the bison's mouth Sokka_ in a very bossy tone. He went on that we had a real problem on our hands, what with Aang missing and the comet only two days away, doom and gloom fast approaching etc. I asked him what he thought we should do. I didn't need to say it but our situation had changed drastically now that Aang had vanished. I didn't even know anymore. I never thought Aang would leave. I never thought we'd be in this situation.

Zuko wasn't sure what to do either and he gave me an apologetic shrug. Then he seemed to notice that we were all looking at him. I pointed out that he was our expert on tracking Aang. I hoped Zuko would have some crazy idea up his sleeve about how to find Aang. He'd found us and followed us and tracked us so many times when we didn't want him too, surely he could find Aang now that we _needed_ him to. Toph agreed with me and pointed out that just yesterday Zuko had told her he could track Aang anywhere. Zuko huffed back at her that he didn't expect that Aang would up and disappear on us when he said that.

Sokka piped up that if anyone had a solution it would be **Katara's boyfriend** (meaning Zuko). Me and Zuko both looked at him in surprise/anger. Zuko made a confused noise and Sokka shrugged and said teasingly, there was _no point denying it_ and he knew what he had walked in on this morning. He wasn't that stupid. That got Suki and Toph's attention and they both turned to look at me and Zuko. They were most curious as to what happened this morning. (He didn't interrupt us doing _THAT_ Toph!)

Sokka I will **kill you for real this time**! As soon as the fate of the world isn't hanging in the balance – Sokka will feel the **full force of my wrath!**

Ages ago, Toph had advised Aang when he was feeling sad to just find some other way to feel. I had dismissed this as terrible advice but now I must acquiesce that it is useful. Just a few seconds ago I was full of worry and dread. Now I was full of cranky (and embarrassment!) I stood up and put my hands on my hips and gave Sokka my best Look and shouted at him to _Shut Up_ and then I announced that _Zuko Wasn't My Boyfriend!_ I wanted to nip this thing in the bud. I could forsee that Sokka had much teasing planned and I wasn't going to stand for it right now.

Look, I wouldn't mind the teasing – had something actually happened! But it didn't! It didn't because my stupid, annoying, bossy, rude, sarcastic big brother interrupted. If me and Zuko had gone uninterrupted and had actually kissed properly and then had a conversation and had decided to maybe…you know…give being boyfriend and girlfriend a try – well then I would accept my teasing graciously. I am actually quite sure that if Zuko and I ever gave it a try – I would hear no end of teasing regarding this from Sokka, especially in light of how I carried on at the Western Air Temple. I have resigned myself to many bad jokes regarding this. I have not resigned myself to being teased before we've even kissed properly!

After I shouted that Zuko wasn't my boyfriend etc he shot me a quick look before he joined in the chorus and said most irately that **I wasn't his girlfriend** and Sokka was an idiot. Sokka smiled benignly and said _whatever you say future-brother-in-law_. Zuko said that as soon as Sokka wasn't covered in bison grime, he was going to smack him. Sokka put on a mock hurt face and said _Hey brothers-in-law shouldn't fight_. Zuko made an exceptionally grumpy face, said _that's it!_ and then he jumped down the stairs and proceeded to chase Sokka around Appa.

It was a most humorous and undignified display. There was much chasing an affectionate insults from Sokka and _get back here Sokka_-s from Zuko. Eventually Zuko caught Sokka and there was inelegant struggling that ended with Sokka in a headlock. He was being given the worst noogie of his life. He shouted up at me _Katara, call your boyfriend off!–_ however this only intensified the noogie. I did not come to his aid and merely shrugged and said he brought this on himself. I knew Zuko wouldn't actually hurt Sokka, he'd just mess up his hair (Sokka hates that) and somebody had to discourage Sokka from this particular line of teasing.

While I had been watching the inelegant display with Toph (who was enjoying it far too much and laughing her arse off) Suki had turned and got into the house. She emerged, commonsense stick in hand and proceeded to whack the boys with it until they desisted in their struggling. All the while she said variations on _guys cut it out! We have to find Aang!_

Zuko relented and he released Sokka who (unwisely) said _Tell that to Katara's boyfriend. He's the one that had to get his Aang-finding-mojo on. _Zuko literally **growled** at him like a friggin polardog before saying that he would only do this if Sokka would stop calling him Katara's boyfriend, future-brother-in-law or any variation on that theme. Sokka said _well what am I meant to call you then? _still with an exceptionally cheeky smile on his face and Zuko shouted _Just call me Zuko, you berk!_

Sokka has agreed to this condition.

I know that we all deal with stress differently. Sokka likes to play the clown and make jokes. Zuko likes to go on the offensive and find something to fight. I like to mother people (well I do that all the time, I know. But something about taking charge and taking care of people is soothing to me.) So in a weird way, stupid Sokka's stupid teasing was good. Since Zuko and Sokka had both proved that they had the maturity level of two-year-olds and had both gotten very dirty (Zuko was now also covered in bison grime from his inelegant struggle with Sokka) I could get scoldy with them. Getting scoldy with them has relaxed me somewhat.

I was in a better frame of mind when Zuko announced that he had an idea, but it wasn't a fantastic one. It might even be a stupid one. I announced that we'd take _any ideas_ at this point. He said his idea was in the earth kingdom. Well, umm. Okay. The Earth Kingdom was pretty far away. Was Zuko sure about this? He said as far as he could see there was only one way to find Aang and we'd have to go to the earth kingdom to do that. I said _okay_ and then I climbed onto Appa and encouraged everyone to join me.

Earth Kingdom it is!

-?-

Ride to the Earth Kingdom was full of very similar squabbles that went something like this: Sokka did not call Zuko my boyfriend or future brother in law. Instead he would cheekily insinuate things (about me and Zuko) with very transparent and rude double entendres. Either Zuko or myself or both of us would tell him to shut up.

Toph would also make comments and she would call Zuko _Katara's boyfriend _at every single given opportunity. Zuko and myself would get cross in response. She argued that she had never agreed to not call Zuko that, only Sokka had. Zuko would make that frustrated growly noise in response (I actually find the growly noise somewhat sexy. Maybe very sexy. Am I weird for thinking this?)

Periodically Suki would step in and try to play mediator. These attempts were unsuccessful because she would unfailing describe our imaginary coupledom as sweet/cute/lovely. Eg:_ I think it's__** so sweet **__that they're together and they make a __**really cute couple**__ and you guys are embarrassing them and should stop giving them a hard time. _Even though I know she meant well, I would get a bit stroppy and would say something like _–for the last time, we are __**not a couple**__. _

There were a few notable occasions when Zuko got exceptionally fed up and announce that if there wasn't quiet in the saddle/the others didn't cease and desist their teasing – then he would **turn this bison around!** Sokka would point out that Zuko wouldn't actually do this because he knew how much we needed to find Aang.

There would always be a few moments of silence following these pronouncements while we all contemplated our missing friend. My mind would fill with questions. Where was he? What had happened? How could he just disappear? Was he okay? Was it something I said yesterday? If I had gone after him following his tantrum at dinner-would that have made a difference? My stomach would churn up in knots and I'd feel anxious.

As the sun set over the horizon, Sokka pointed out that the original plan we had wouldn't work now. The parade was over. The Airship fleet would have taken off by now. It was probably on the move to the rendezvous point. The plan we had spent all day yesterday practicing was useless and our one best shot at defeating Ozai was gone and we didn't even know where Aang was.

It was an accurate, if depressing summary of our situation. I felt my breath catch in my throat and I tried to think of something positive to say. We'll find Aang, you can make more plans etc. but at that point, I didn't feel positive and I couldn't find the words that didn't feel false. Toph piped up that Sokka was depressing her and it was much more fun when they were making fun of the two lovebirds (meaning Zuko and myself). She made a sly, teasing comment re: me and Zuko again. The squabbling was back on and I was strangely grateful for it. I was be sufficiently distracted by it and it stopped me thinking extremely negative thoughts. I think we were all in the same boat. The squabbling and the teasing, as annoying as it was, helped take our minds off our very real problem.

-?-

Zuko and Toph just had this following exchange. Toph said something like _Hey, Katara's boyfriend, do you have any fireflakes because I'm feeling peckish. _Zuko actually answers to _Katara's boyfriend_ now unthinkingly. He denied having any fireflakes, and Toph said she was sure he had some because he **always had some**. Zuko said that even if he did, he wouldn't give them to Toph because she was being really annoying right now. Toph said he was just cranky because Sokka had interrupted our…err what she presumed was _torrid lovemaking_…this morning. She said this quite crudely, in language I didn't even know Toph knew. Zuko blushed bright red and said that if the teasing didn't stop he'd just…he'd just…do something **really bad** to all of us. He turned around to say this and I made a face at him and he said _not you Katara_. I smiled.

Toph said _aaaawww because you luuurve her!_ Zuko made his frustrated growl (we have now heard it many times today. Oh so many times) and asked if she would shut up if he gave her the fireflakes. Toph said she would. He reached into his pocket, pulled out a packet and unceremoniously threw it at her.

But he didn't deny it.

I am elated.

-?-

Many, many squabbles later we landed near a seedy looking pub about an hour in from the coast. It looked like it was full of people who had a **very loose** relationship with hygiene and personal grooming (smelled like it too). I imagine this could be a place where much debauchery and shenanigans would take place. This was Zuko idea? He's right, I'm sure whatever this idea was – it would be a stupid one. I crossed my arms and asked why on earth Zuko had taken us to this squalid, sleazy tavern. He seemed to be scanning the crowd and then his eyes lit up in recognition. He pointed across the tavern to a tattooed and fierce looking lady and simply said _Jun._

I looked over and saw a tall lady with perfect hair smacking a big burly man in the face like she was a swatting a fly, before she turned around and clonked some other guy over the noggin with a perfectly executed roundhouse kick. She looked familiar. I tried to place her. Sokka and I seemed to recognize her at the exact same moment. I suddenly remembered her from the abbey. Sokka cried out _oh her? That lady with the huge mole_. Suki was perplexed by this and pointed out that her skin was flawless- and it was. Even when she was kicking people **literally** in the arse, her skinned gleamed but didn't look at all sweaty. She must use a fabulous scrub and moisturizer. Zuko corrected Sokka and said that it wasn't a mole, it was a shirshu – and the shirshu would be the best chance we'd have at finding Aang. I had to agree. That giant mole thing, sorry shirshu, was an incredible (and scary and freaky-looking) tracker.

Just at that point Jun threw her tea in the air, flipped a dude twice her size over her shoulder in one smooth movement and then caught her cup again without spilling a drop. Suki whistled in an impressed way and Toph announced that she didn't know who Jun was, but already she liked her.

Sometimes I worry about Toph.

Sokka pointed out a little crossly that Jun had helped Zuko attack us. Zuko said something sarcastic like _ah yes,_ _those were the good old days_. Zuko is still cranky at Sokka for all his various comments/teasing. Sokka made a sarcastic remark about how Zuko's use of sarcasm made him _sooo proud._ We wandered over. Jun looked up and smirked in recognition when she saw Zuko, but she greeted him in a friendly tone (even though she calls him prince pouty, which irritates him no end).

She glanced over at us like she was looking for someone and then turned back to Zuko and asked where his creepy grandpa was. It took me a second to figure out that she meant Uncle Iroh. I glanced at Zuko with some concern-because I know talking/thinking about his uncle makes him sad. He gave a little sigh and corrected her and said he was his uncle, but he wasn't here. She shrugged and said _bummer_ and turned back to her drink. When she looked up again, she caught my eye, smirked even wider and then she winked at me and said_ I see you worked things out with your girlfriend_.

Not again!

What is it with everyone today! Really now! Sokka must have put her up to this somehow! I am getting very sick of being teased about this! I am being teased about being Zuko's girlfriend and I haven't even kissed him properly yet. The world is v. unfair. Sokka and Toph thought that this was the most hilarious thing that anyone had ever said, ever – judging from the sheer amount of laughter, guffaws and chuckles coming from them. Sokka was laughing so hard he had to lean on the table for support. Zuko and I both **very irately **told her that we were not going out. Seriously! Jun told us to simmer down and she was only teasing. (I hate it when people tell me to simmer down. There is nothing worse that being told to calm down when you are cross and have every right to be.)

Jun asked what she could do for us and Zuko said we needed her help finding the Avatar. She put her cup down and said _again! I already found him for you once!_ Zuko said it was really important this time and she shrugged and said it didn't sound like too much fun. Zuko got shouty and asked her if the end of the world sounded like more fun to her. She told him to chill out again and pointed out that she hadn't said no yet. If he got her a drink and filled her in on the details, she'd consider it. Zuko sighed and said _fine _and asked her what she wanted. She shrugged and said _the usual._ Zuko nodded and asked if we wanted anything. Sokka, Suki and I decided to share a pot of tea.

Zuko turned to Toph and she asked what Jun's usual was. Zuko told her it was a whiskey sour. Toph wanted a whiskey sour too. Jun smiled at her and said_ ooh I like you _– which made Toph smile wider that I have ever seen her smile before. Zuko crossed his arms and said in a long suffering voice _I'm not getting you a whiskey sour Toph._ Toph huffed and eventually hopped on the tea bandwagon with me and Sokka and Suki.

Zuko went off to the bar and Jun patted the seat next to her and said _sit by me tiny_ to Toph and Toph happily complied (she can't see how dirty the seats are here). She then looked up and me and Sokka and Suki and invited us to sit down as well and said she wanted to hear all the tawdry details of me and pouty's love affair.

Gah!

And really now!

I have once again corrected Jun (irately) and told her that Zuko **is not my boyfriend.** But she doesn't seem to believe me.

-?-

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* * *

Authors notes: Not as rambly, for once.

Lovely readers! Big thank you for all your lovely comments and reviews! You guys are awesome. I hope you have enjoyed reading _Zuko is not my boyfriend. _This chapter is more short and sweet and I actually don't have excessive rambles about it. But what rambles I do have are here.

So in this chapter I have Suki and Katara finding posters that announce the ascension of the Phoenix king. In previous chapters, I had the colonials mention how pervasive propaganda was on the main island. I think for an announcement dealing with a big change in leadership, the propaganda would be **everywhere.** These posters are put up on the day of Ozai's Phoenix King shenanigan. Look, that Pheonix king announcement had a lot of pomp and ceremony going on, what with the extra flags and the fire-y pillars etc. He had obviously planned it well and knew even before hand that he was going to be leaving Azula behind. (Why didn't he tell her before he left on the airships? It seemed a bit weird to publicly tell her something that he would know was going to upset her. In my head canon I assume he did it this way because she would be less likely to argue/make a scene in public.) Anyway Ozai thinks it is a forgone conclusion that they will succeed in destroying the earth kingdom on the day of the comet. He does not think there is any way the firenation can lose. So he rather cockily wants his phoenix king-ery announced to the entire firenation.

Also I needed to explain for myself how the Gaang knows so much about the Phoenix King-ery and Azula's coronation etc. Zuko and Katara know exactly when and where to go on the day of the comet, when they need to face her. I imagine the white lotus, theoretically, could have told them, but most of their information would have to come from spies because none of the key members are in the firenation at that point. To me it made more sense if Katara and Suki saw an announcement with the details and maybe the order of the white lotus just reconfirms what they have already discovered.

This chapter also contains my justification for why Zuko and Katara act so irately when Jun alleges that they are going out in the episode. It is because they have been teased mercilessly all day and are feeling very embarrassed and pissed off about the whole thing (and possibly very frustrated as well because they cam so close last chapter.)

Sokka found them in a _compromising position,_ there is no way he is going to keep that juicy bit of gossip to himself. Sokka and Katara also frequently tease eachother about their love lives in canon, so I don't think it would be out of character for him to do so here. Sokka also loves to use humour to alleviate tension and when his little display with Appa didn't make anybody laugh, he would have tried the next best thing. An irate Zuko and Katara. I imagine both their reactions to the teasing would be hilarious. Toph would hop on the teasing bandwagon, because it's how she rolls. She is also acting like a genuine (if annoying) little sister to Zuko. Suki tries to play mediator, but she also doesn't believe Zuko and Katara's assertions that they are not going out. She thinks it's sweet.

So Katara is very embarrassed the first time Sokka calls Zuko _Katara's boyfriend._ she knows she has to squash the teasing quickly or it will get out of hand (no such luck in my fic). So she very promptly declares that Zuko is not her boyfriend. Zuko on the other hand, waits for Katara and follows her lead in the matter. As soon as she (irately) declares they are not going out. He takes the hint and does the same. They both fancy each other, but now they will feel super self conscious about that, especially after a full day of teasing on the subject. So by the time Jun alleges that they are going out, they react with angry denials.

Zuko knows Jun's _usual._ I have many ideas for this, which may make their way into this fic, or may become their own one shot. After _Bato of the watertribe_, we don't see Zuko and Iroh again until_ the Siege of the North_ and Zhao takes over as chief pursuer (love Jason Isaacs, but I did miss Zuko and Iroh in these eps.) In my headcanon, that abbey is far from anywhere and Nyla was their only transport. After the perfume incident, I imagine Nyla would have been out of commission for a few days, leaving Zuko, Iroh and Jun stranded together. Shenanigans would have been had, Iroh would have flirted shamelessly with every female in the vicinity, Jun would have introduced Zuko to the fine art of drinking away his sorrows when everything goes all fruit-shaped and much fun would have been had by all.

But we will hear at least a few anecdotes from these few days in the next chapter in which the Gaang will spend all day with Jun and Nyla.

Til then lovely readers...


	39. A Jun day

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

A Jun day

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

We all sat at Jun's table. She looked around at us and said _Well, I've already met pouty's girlfriend_ (more protesting from me) _and smartmouth_ (she meant Sokka) _but who are you two? _She said and gestured at Suki and Toph. Suki started to introduce them. Jun made a little wave and said she didn't do names (even though she asked!) and she would probably just call them_ ginger_ and _tiny._ Suki and Toph seem okay with this. Well there's not much point in not being okay with it when you are dealing with someone like Jun. She just calls you whatever she wants to. Still I protested at my nickname. I was not going to be stuck called _pouty's girlfriend._ Look Zuko and I aren't going out and I was probably getting upset over nothing, but I hate being defined in relation to a man. Back home I hated being called _Hakoda's daughter, or Sokka's sister_ instead of Katara and I really hated being referred to as the _Avatar's girl._ If me and Zuko were going out, I would feel the same way.

I protested over my new nickname and started my _girl-power, I don't want to be defined by a man_ speech to Jun, but she cut me off and told me to take it easy. She looked at me appraisingly, but not unkindly, and I met her gaze boldly. We were sitting right next to each other and it almost felt like we were having a staring competition. She smiled suddenly and said in a voice so low that only I could hear her, _you really are too pretty for him._ I opted to ignore this comment.

She announced she'd call me **sweet looking thing** instead, if that was alright with me. That was not alright with me, because it sounded like a very bawdy nickname. Jun offered to shorten it to sweetness. Toph interjected and said that she called me sweetness all the time and Jun nodded at her in approval. And so the matter of my nickname was settled with very little input from me. Sokka also wanted a nickname upgrade, but Jun said he was stuck with Smartmouth. Sokka said something sarcastic and Jun shrugged as if he'd proven her point for her.

Zuko came back with the drinks and handed them out and then sat next to me. Jun reached over, lifted his cup, sniffed it disdainfully and said _Jasmine tea! Pouty you lightweight!_ Zuko said grumpily that he didn't have time to get drunk and we all had a big problem on our hands. Jun shrugged again and said _oh yeah, your little world ending crisis _and then she flicked some lint off her shoulder dispassionately. Sokka pointed out her rather lax attitude to the end of the world. She rolled her eyes slightly and said _with pouty, it's always the end of the world._ Zuko protested (about the implication that he was melodramatic). Jun cut him off and told him to just fill her in already.

He asked what she knew about Sozin's Comet and she said all she knew was that it was in a few days and it had all the firebenders she knew acting jumpy. Zuko told her there would be battle and we needed the Avatar for it and we needed to find him very quickly. Jun smirked widely and made a comment regarding Aang's ability to evade Zuko and how Zuko **really needed a different hobby already**. Maybe knitting. Zuko got a bit frustrated and asked her if she would do it.

She smirked and said she wasn't keen because the last time she took a job catching the Avatar from Zuko, they all ended up stranded near that bloody awful abbey for five days and she didn't know if she could be bothered with those sorts of shenanigans again. Zuko's face fell, but Toph was the one who spoke up first. She asked Jun (with some incredulity) if Jun was really saying no. Would she really let the world end because she couldn't _be bothered_ helping us out. Jun regarded her for a second, took a big sip of her drink and then said _Fine I'll do it._ She had two conditions. The first was that Sokka and I buy Nyla the best steak we could find. Shirshus have excellent memories and Nyla wasn't too fond of us after what Jun referred to as _our little perfume trick. _ So we needed to get her a steak to make friends with her again. Sokka and I agreed.

Zuko asked what the second condition was and Jun shot him a decidedly wicked grin. She asked if he remembered when Jun and his uncle (she continued to refer to Uncle Iroh as Zuko's creepy/crazy/cheeky grandpa and Zuko kept correcting her) had been swapping stories about the best treasure they'd ever acquired (possibly through not-quite legal means). This sparked Sokka's interest as he loves all things trinket-y and shiny and he asked _what kind of treasure?_ and gave Zuko a meaningful look. Zuko shrugged and said his uncle had a few wild adventures when he was young. Jun snorted something about how he was still having wild adventures now. Zuko made a face at her.

She said _lets cut to the chase_ and her voice changed from sarcastic teasing to all business. She said that Uncle Iroh had told her _all about_ some giant ruby he'd retrieved from the ruins at seashell island. Zuko knew the one she meant. She said that was her price for finding the avatar for us. Zuko said _no way_. Jun held out two hands and pretended they were scales and said she'd review our options. On the one hand we had Jun finding the avatar for us and she lifted up her right hand and mimed weighing something. On the other hand we had NOTHING –she lowered lefty dramatically. Then she shrugged again and said _whatcha gonna do?_

Zuko said he didn't just carry the ruby around and asked if he could just pay cash again. Jun knew how much the ruby was worth and asked him if we all had that much on us. We didn't. She seemed to change tone and asked us how much we had. I had done a recount of what we had left from Toph's scamming and what Zuko's pinched from the treasury on the flight on Appa. We had a bit left from before. If Sozin's comet hadn't been so soon, it would have been a while before we would have had to start looking at other options for making money. So I told her what figure we could offer her. She snorted derisively and said _sweetness that's was nowhere near enough_. I told her it was all we had and if she didn't help us out it would be disaster for everyone.

She thought for a second and said she do it for us if Zuko gave her his solemn promise –in writing- to get her that big arse ruby after the whole world ending thing. She winked at Zuko and said _You're big into solemn promises, aren't you pouty. _Zuko huffed and said he couldn't promise that because all of Uncle's stuff was in something called Clink Vaults. Jun seemed to know what that was because her eyebrows lifted right up under her fringe in recognition. But she schooled her features quickly. She said that she was sure someone of Zuko's _various talents_ could find their way around Clink Vaults. Zuko sighed in a long suffering manner and said _fine, but it'll take a while. _Then he appeared to have second thoughts and he shook his head and said what _am I saying? I can't promise you that._ Jun asked why and Zuko, clutching at straws said _what if I get killed in the world ending thing?_ (pfft there's **no way** I'm letting that happen). He continued that if he got killed, Jun wouldn't get anything. Jun said she'd take her chances and if he got killed, we could consider her services a freebie. Did they have a deal?

We were all holding our breath and looking between them. After two seconds Zuko said_ deal_ and held out his hand and they shook on it. Jun made a gesture to someone at the bar and a small dude hurried over with a piece of paper and a pencil. She made Zuko write out **I owe you: One giant-arse huge sparkly ruby **and sign it. Then she downed her drink in one gulp and said with determination _alright let's do this_.

-?-

When we got outside, Nyla and Appa were growling at each other. Nyla had been tethered to a tree and was at the end of her leash. Appa was standing just beyond the edge of the reach of her tongue and making menacing noises at her. Sokka and I bought the biggest steak in that manky tavern kitchen for Nyla and Jun proffered it up for her and threw it in her mouth. Nyla chomped it in one gulp in a way that repulsed me but fascinated Sokka. Jun went over and very affectionately cuddled the shirshu and called her the cutest little snuffly-wuffly and scratched her behind the ears. She gestured for us to come over but as soon as we stepped near, Nyla lashed out with her tongue. Jun quickly wrapped her arms around Nyla's mouth and yelled out _careful there!_ to me and Sokka. She explained to Nyla in low soothing terms that Nyla had to play nice with us, because we were going to make Jun very rich. To my surprise, Nyla actually nodded like she understood.

Was Nyla like Appa? I always have a feeling that Appa can understand us when we talk to him.

Jun was all business and she asked for something with the Avatar's scent on it. I climbed up on Appa to get Aang's staff while Jun untied Nyla. Nyla smelled the staff and then wandered around aimlessly in circles, before she sat down forlornly and putting her paws over her nose. Zuko crossed his arms with some confusion and asked what that meant. Evidently this was not usual behavior for Nyla. Jun shrugged and said that it meant that Aang was gone. Toph pointed out, copying Jun's sardonic tone, that we knew he was gone that was why we were trying to find him. Jun said that she meant he was _GONE _gone. He didn't exist.

I felt a thrill of panic run through me. Aang had to exist. I spoke to (fought with) him only yesterday. He's the Avatar. How could he be gone? Sokka voiced the horrible, terrible thought we were all thinking and he asked, with a great deal of panic, if she meant that Aang was dead. My heart sank and my throat closed and I couldn't even begin to start thinking about that possibility. Thankfully Jun very quickly said that there was no way he was dead because we could find him if he were dead. Then she shrugged again and said _it was a real head scratcher._ She sounded like she couldn't care less. Toph seemed a bit disappointed and muttered _well that's helpful, real helpful _in disgruntled tones.

There was a horrible, awkward and unsure moment. If _even Nyla_ couldn't smell Aang, if Aang somehow – I don't even know how- suddenly didn't exist – what the hell were we meant to do. Jun leant against Nyla and waited for a few seconds before saying _well see ya._ Zuko quickly told her to wait, because he had another idea. She rolled her eyes and said _this'll be good._

Zuko turned to us and said that if we couldn't find Aang, there was only one other person he knew who could help us defeat the firelord. His Uncle. I nodded at him encouragingly. Mostly I was just glad that someone was coming up with suggestions because I was fresh out. I didn't know what to think or say. As soon as Jun had said Aang was **gone **gone, my brain had just emptied in panic.

Sokka agreed and said that finding Zuko's Uncle was as good an idea as any at this stage. Zuko told us and Jun he'd be right back with a smell sample. He climbed up on Appa and rummaged in his bag for a bit while Jun tapped her foot impatiently. He jumped down in one smooth movement and unwrapped something and held it out. It was one of his Uncle's sandals. We were hit by the most manky smell of feet as soon as he took that stinky thing out of its oil cloth wrapping. Sokka, Suki and me all held our noses and Sokka voiced astonishment that Zuko kept his Uncle's smelly, sweaty sandal – Toph interjected that she thought it was kind of sweet.

June lead Nyla over to the sandal and said with an almost affectionate roll of her eyes _you're so lucky I like you pouty._ Nyla took one sniff, and even though I know shirshus can't make facial expressions, to me, it really looked like she made a rather disgusted face. Then she quickly whipped her head around and pointed her nose purposefully.

Then a lot of things happened quickly. Jun jumped on Nyla's back and galloped off. We were all left gaping for a second before we realized she'd taken off without us. There was frantic clamoring to get everybody on Appa and we took off after her in hot pursuit.

-?-

On Appa, we had a bit of a group discussion about the logistics of finding Zuko's Uncle, seen as though that was the extent of our plan at this point. I couldn't help but think that, this time yesterday, we had a very good plan that have been agreed upon, revised and practiced. Now we had nothing except a cranky bounty hunter, an old shoe and vague hope.

Zuko was trying to reassure the others that his Uncle was the best bet for us right now. Zuko said his Uncle would know what to do and he was one of the greatest firebenders in the world and he had beaten his dad in an Agni Kai (Zuko also had to explain what an Agni Kai was – Suki thinks it sounds like a terrible way to solve disagreements and was quite vocal about this. They have had a small discussion about their differences of opinion regarding this.) Anyway, eventually the other's felt reassured and a general consensus was reached. We were all happy to be looking for Uncle Iroh, because the alternative at this point was sitting around wailing _what are we meant to do now? _and worrying about Aang.

Discussion turned to our missing friend. Everyone is super worried and or/confused. How can Aang just not exist? Sokka had a few implausible theories, mostly involving the spirit world, but these theories all had holes picked in them by the others. Sokka gave up in frustration and said that someone else could think of ideas then because all this spirit-y mumbo jumbo wasn't his specialty. No one else has any ideas. This whole _not existing_ thing has really thrown us all for a loop. During all of Aang's previous mystical spiritual adventures before major battles, he has still _existed._ He must still exist somewhere because he's still alive. I am so relieved that Aang is alive, don't get me wrong. But he better have a **bloody good excuse** for just disappearing and not existing on us -if, no, not if - when he turns back up.

-?-

It had been a physically and emotionally and mentally tiring day, but I was wide awake with worry and anxiety over Aang. Also because we were quite close to the full moon and that always makes me more awake, but mostly it was anxiety. The others all dropped off to sleep, leaving only me and Zuko awake. Zuko was only still awake because he was driving and trying to concentrate on following Jun and Nyla.

It's nice when it's just the two of us. I like talking to him okay. But that does not mean that we are boyfriend and girlfriend- no matter what cranky ladies with huge snake tattoos say. I liked that it was almost just the two of us again. The others were there, but they were sleeping – so they don't count. We could have at least a few hours in the night during which we would not be teased mercilessly by Sokka and Toph. I scooted next to him.

We chatted for a bit about his Uncle. Zuko is both really nervous and really excited at the prospect of seeing his Uncle again (On the whole he is probably more nervous). Aside from being sure that his Uncle is furious at him, he is also very sure that his Uncle will know what to do. While he was talking, it struck me that Zuko believes in his Uncle as much as I believe in Aang. I can only hope that his faith in his Uncle is not misplaced.

I mean Toph and Aang both think Uncle is just this awesome wise person. And Zuko thinks the world of him. I hope that we are doing the right thing – abandoning the search for Aang in favour of finding Uncle (because Aang doesn't exist now. Seriously, what does that even mean!) We really are putting all of our eggs in Uncle's basket, so to speak.

I asked him something that I had been thinking about; his Uncle's stinky sandal of all things. Why had he kept it? It was a very odd (and stinky and weird) thing to keep. He said his Uncle normally left him sandals. I was very confused by this statement. Zuko explained that during their years together at sea, his Uncle _occasionally_ got into trouble. If he'd been arrested/dragged away/gotten drunkenly lost, he normally found some way of leaving his shoes behind. Zuko was a good tracker and had always been able to find his Uncle with the aid of shoe clues.

On the Day of Black Sun, Zuko had gone to the prison to bust his Uncle out, but his Uncle had already escaped – however he'd left behind his shoes. Zuko had thought, in his more optimistic moments, that his Uncle had left them for him on purpose to make it easier for Zuko to find him again. He smiled a little ruefully and said he knew it was stupid and he was probably reading too much into things. I told him I didn't think it was stupid at all and he smiled at me.

I asked him if he was always planning on coming to Jun and getting her to help him find his Uncle. He said he was, but he never thought he'd be looking for his Uncle under these circumstances. He was really worried and nervous at the prospect of seeing his Uncle again so soon and I wasn't quite sure what to say to make it better. In the end, I tried to change the subject and told him that I thought coming to Jun had been a great idea, not a stupid idea at all. He nodded and said Jun was great at what she did and she wasn't a bad sort, even though she was **really rude**.

I asked how he had known where to find her, because we hadn't had to look for long at all and I imagine someone like Jun would lead a fairly nomadic life. Zuko said he'd just been lucky that she was in the first pub we tried. Jun had told him which pubs she frequented and how to find her if he ever needed her again, during these mysterious five days in which they were stranded together. I'm sure shenanigans of some description went on during those five days.

I was about to ask him about the mysterious five days, when suddenly he stifled a huge yawn. It was almost a whole body yawn. I looked at him and I think it hit me then how tired he looked. He was looking just plain old exhausted. I was wide awake and some small part of me wanted to keep him awake too - so he could chat to me. But the bigger part of me knew that he needed to get some sleep a lot more than I did right then. I could keep driving and following Jun all night. I could catch up on my sleep tomorrow during the day. I am not opposed to sleeping during the day/naps at all. But Zuko can't ever sleep during the day when the sun is out, excepting when he is hungover and/or sick.

I nudged him and held out my hands and told him to let me take over. He started to protest that he was fine but I gave him a Look and said _you rise with the sun – but I rise with the moon_ (ha! I've been waiting for ages to say that). I told him I was more awake now and he really needed some rest. To my surprise, he didn't make a fuss at all but just thanked me, smiled at me gratefully and handed over the reigns.

He's sound asleep now. I kind of want to wake him up again, just so I have somebody to talk to, but I am resisting that urge very strongly.

He looks so peaceful at the moment.

Not that I am watching him sleep …or anything weird or stalky like that.

-?-

The sun had fully risen and the others were in various stages of wakefulness when Jun turned around, looked up and made a signal at me. I didn't quite understand the signal. But I noticed that she stopped and wasn't moving forward. I landed Appa next to her and she announced that Nyla needed a break and she was hungry. So did that makes this breakfast time? According to Jun, it did. Jun wants to be in charge of the breaks. She told us, when she was ready, she'd make a signal at us from the ground and then we could land and have a break.

The others got off Appa with varying degrees of grace/lazyness. Toph bent a few stone mounds for us to sit on and Zuko started making a fire and I started sorting out something for breakfast. Suki and Jun struck up a conversation about what life was like for Jun working in a very masculine dominated field. Sokka stretched out on the ground and continued his nap and told me to wake him when food was ready. Appa and Nyla spent the break tentatively sniffing each other and following each other round the camp site. I served up some porridge and some of the fruit we'd packed and everyone tucked in.

Jun kept giving Zuko a weird look over breakfast, which he found disconcerting. Eventually she said _So all you're creepy grandpa's stuff is in Clink Vaults – that means he went to a firenation jail right_? Zuko told her she was right. She said (between mouthfuls) that she was assuming he busted out somehow, or otherwise we wouldn't need her to look for him. Zuko told her she assumed correctly. She said she was probably going to regret asking, but what had the cheeky old flirt finally gotten locked in the slammer for. Her first guess was _exposing himself inappropriately again?_

Unfortunately she said that right as I was swallowing and I ended up nearly choking on my porridge at the thought. It's just a very disturbing mental image okay. Toph patted (pounded) me on the back until my coughing stopped. Zuko said (a little embarrassed) that his Uncle had stopped doing that after the first two times (Oh tui and la, the mind boggles). Jun said _well he didn't stop soon enough_ and suppressed a fake theatrical shudder.

Her next guess was, knowing creepy grandpa, _drunken disorderly behavior_. Zuko said repressively _No, it wasn't that either _and looked like he would rather be talking about anything else in the entire world. Cripes what happened during these mysterious five days? Jun said she had it _– it had be something sexual then! Was the old flirt being too friendly with the wrong floozy._ Zuko appeared fed up and embarrassed and he said _no, it wasn't that either and could you, for the love of Agni, stop mentioning the incident. _

**The incident? What's the incident?**

Jun pointed out that she hadn't brought up the incident, he was the first one to mention the incident and she would happily live her whole life suppressing the memory of the incident and never thinking about the incident again. I think Toph and Suki and Sokka and I were all bursting with curiosity re: the incident at this point. Toph beat us too it and asked, with some excitement, _what's the incident? _Zuko said _we don't talk about the incident! _really quickly. Toph looked acutely disappointed. Toph loves anything that embarrasses other people, especially Zuko (mostly because he reacts so much.) Evidently Jun is of the same mind.

She leaned over and gestured to us all conspiratorially and told us in a loud stage whisper _While we were paralysed, Pouty's creepy grandpa _(Zuko corrected her and said Uncle again here),_ wanted to __**get busy**__ with one of the nuns and... anyway...long story short...He ended up getting busy with several of the nuns and making his own hot tub with his firebending. _Zuko made a really embarrassed groaning noise and then said that his Uncle had said that he and the nuns had just been talking about philosophy in the hot tub. Jun raised her eyebrow and said Zuko should _just keep telling himself that_, in a really patronizing voice. She continued with her story and said _Anyway gramps and his nuns spend ages naked in the hot tub together – talking about philosophy- until mother superior got involved. _Zuko told her that was enough of the story and she was making it sound so tawdry. Jun said it was tawdry...and gross...and wrong.

Okay, as disturbing as this mental image is, on the whole I think it did us some good. It was so disturbing that it distracted us from our current predicament/worries/anxieties and gave us a new focus. Almost like the teasing yesterday. Sometimes you just need something else (other than the fact that the world could end in two days and the last great hope for lasting peace _doesn't exist_) to think about and perhaps even laugh about. Laughter is the best tension reliever after all. So even though I know Zuko disagrees with me, I think, in hindsight, it was a good thing that Jun told us and there was much hilarity.

Sokka is enthralled by the story and asked what happened next and Jun told us, over the top of Zuko's protestations that it really wasn't a good story. Apparently they were stuck while Nyla recovered, because poor Nyla was in no fit state after the little perfume trick (Jun gave me and Sokka a reproachful look here). After the paralysis wore off, Jun and Zuko, out of mutual disgust with the various salacious old people shenanigans, left Uncle to it! They wandered for over two hours to find the nearest tavern and tried to blot out the horrid visuals with whiskey. Jun put a faux affectionate arm around Zuko and said, like a proud mother _Pouts here, got so drunk. _

Toph said _Zuko I'm surprised at you,_ in a mock posh scandalized tone. Zuko shrugged Jun off quickly and said what was he supposed to do? He was stranded in the middle of nowhere, his uncle was getting busy with nuns and Jun was buying . Jun shrugged and said there was no shame in it and sometimes in life, when everything goes balls up, the only solution is several whiskey sours.

Jun said it got even better when all the nuns started fighting over _that cheeky man_. Apparently Uncle buggered off in fright because he was worried he'd start a **nun riot** and all would be chaos in the abbey. He found them in the tavern and told them his worries (i.e bragged about his success). According to Jun, Uncle also hopped on the whiskey sour train and then wanted to share the tawdry details with Zuko. Zuko got mad and had a drunken rant at Uncle, who was (according to drunk Zuko) a disgusting old baggage who _**always did this**_ and** every single time they came onshore, something like this would happen.** Jun turned and gave Zuko an amused look and said _I don't even want to know_.

Zuko made his embarrassed noise again and asked if Jun was finished humiliating him yet. She said that if she stopped telling the story now, we would miss the best part. Toph was most eager to know what the best part was. Jun told us that to cheer Zuko up, his Uncle had started a singing a famous earth kingdom folk song, and then slowly every single person in the pub, even the one-armed dwarf and the nuns who'd followed that _cheeky man_, got involved. _It was like living in a drunken, silly musical._

Zuko put his head in his hands and said _not The Song again_, which of course only increased Toph's enthusiasm to know The Song. The Song is apparently entitled **the hedgehog can never be buggered at all **and it is Uncle's habit to sing it when he gets drunk. Zuko really hates it. Suki knows The Song and started chuckling quietly to herself just thinking about it. Sokka and Toph (and myself -but I was more subtle about it) really wanted to know how the song goes.

But Zuko had officially had enough. He got most stroppy about this turn of events and said no one here was anywhere near drunk enough to sing The Song and it was a stupid song and he really, really hated it and we really needed to get moving. Jun said _fine, sheesh_ to Zuko and whispered loudly to Toph _I'll tell you later_. Toph beamed at her.

We got ready to leave again and started packing away breakfast. Jun said, in a very casual sounding tone, that incident aside, Zuko had never answered her question. What had the old flirt gone to jail for? Zuko's face fell, as it does whenever this topic comes up and Jun looked taken aback for a moment. I never thought she was the sort of person to be taken aback by anything. She said _well now I have the sinking suspicion that he ended up there because __**you**__ screwed up somehow_. Zuko's face fell even further and she said _Wow pouty, you screw up that bad?_ Zuko started to say it was complicated but Jun cut him off and said she didn't want to know the sordid details in a very brisk tone of voice. Then she added, in a...well not an affectionate tone, but a softer tone at least, that when it came to him and his creepy grandpa, some things are better left a mystery.

-?-

I was exhausted after flying all night and I fell asleep pretty much as soon as I climbed into Appa's saddle. I kept waking up periodically and so from my little wakeful moments I have gathered that Sokka drove and Toph bullied Suki into teaching her some of the less rude verses of the hedgehog song and Zuko would frequently tell them to be quiet because I was sleeping. This did not stop the singing, but the continued to sing very quietly. The next time I was properly awake had to me at least a few hours later, because the sun was much higher in the sky. Zuko was shaking me gently and telling me it was time for a quick morning tea break if I wanted some tea, otherwise I could keep sleeping.

I opted for tea and got up and blearily hopped down and joined the others. Zuko had already made a fire and got the tea ready and he put a cup into my hand. I had arrived in the middle of a conversation. Sokka was trying to convince Jun to call him Boomerang Guy instead of Smartmouth. Jun said he was stuck with it, the same way Pouty was stuck with Pouty. Zuko shrugged and said he'd gotten used to it after a while. Then he quickly turned to Jun and asked _Why do you call me pouty anyway? _with some confusion. Jun just smiled and said _with lips like those- why doesn't __**everyone **__call you pouty? _Zuko made an oddly self conscious face and covered his mouth with his hand.

Sokka continued throughout our tea break to try and prove why Boomerang Guy /Spacesword Dude were better nicknames for him, until Jun shut him up by saying that she thought Sokka's boomerang/sword fascination was somehow homoerotic. Sokka's face went bright red and he said _oh Hell No_. Jun seemed to be enjoying his discomfiture and stretched back and said (rather gleefully) something along the lines of how Sokka, not me, must have been Pouty's girlfriend all along and it explained why Pouty was so angry. He was obviously sexually frustrated because Sokka struck her as the coy type.

Sokka was most indignant. Toph was dying with laughter next to me. I looked over at Zuko (as I had been expecting much indignation from him too) and he was touching his lips and looking deep in thought and not paying attention to the conversation (which is probably a good thing). Suki stepped in and said that perhaps Sokka should resign himself to the nickname Smartmouth if Jun promised not to mention homoeroticism for the rest of the tea break. The compromise suits both Sokka and Jun.

After this little exchange we all clambered back to our respective animals. Appa and Nyla were both exhausted after running/flying all night and they had both fallen asleep sort of snuggling around each other. Upon being woken they both rolled away from each other rather sheepishly.

I never previously thought a sky bison could look embarrassed.

Once we were all on Appa and Jun had taken off, Sokka took to driving again (to reaffirm his masculinity!) Toph and Suki sang some more of the hedgehog song, with very little reaction from Zuko. Which was my second clue that something was upsetting him. I was really tired and I mostly just wanted to go back to sleep again, but I scooted over and asked him what was wrong. He was looking pensively out to the horizon. At first he said he was fine, but I tried again and then eventually he asked in a worried voice _are my lips really__** that**__ pouty?_

I was momentarily both surprised and amused. I had thought he was worried about our predicament/Aang/his Uncle or a variation on that theme. I am trying not to think too much about those subjects, lest I explode with anxiety. And so it was a bit of a relief to hear that he was worried about something so trivial.

I looked at his lips before answering. I've never really studied them before. They've just be part of his face. But they are nice and full and soft looking. I will concede that because Zuko spends a great deal of time frowning slightly and because he does have quite..err full lips to begin with, he does often look like he's pouting. But it's a cute pout! However I could forsee that it would be unhelpful to say this, so I simply told him that he shouldn't be silly, he had nice lips. I do think this is the most ridiculous conversation we've had, but it seemed to mollify Zuko somewhat.

Zuko seemed to notice what Toph and Suki were singing and he rolled his eyes and sighed his long suffering sigh. He flopped back into a half sitting/half lying position and said _why is this my life?_ with some resignation. I him it wasn't all bad. At least he had nice lips and wasn't being accused of having a homoerotic obsession with a boomerang like Sokka was. He looked immensely confused at this. I told him there'd been an interesting conversation at the tea break and this was the sort of thing he missed when he wasn't pay attention.

-?-

I must have fallen asleep pretty quickly after that. Actually I was so tired that I slept right through this bit, but the next time we stopped it was so that Toph could ride Nyla with Jun (also so everyone could use the bathroom).I woke up and was a bit panicked to find her not in the saddle with us, but apparently it's okay.

Toph has really taking a shining to Jun and wanted to go on a life changing field trip with her instead. Jun likes Toph well enough and didn't have a problem with this and so we had a quick stop for a Toph swap. I would have had a problem with this, but I was sound asleep and couldn't voice this opinion. But I've been on the back of that thing and it is not a comfortable ride. Toph gets motion sick on everything! Surely riding a shirshu would be no different.

Zuko was also not a fan of the Toph swap. Possibly for the same reason, or possibly because teasing him seems to be one of Jun and Toph's favourite activities and so the results of them spending a great deal of time together are probably not going to improve his mood. Jun told him to chill out, stop being a spoilsport etc and she'd look after Tiny for him. Zuko has not been reassured by this, but Suki pointed out that we would be able to see Toph the whole time and he should stop worrying.

I looked over the side of Appa and saw Toph's small self behind Jun. She looked to be holding onto Jun for dear life – which I initially thought was a worrying sign – but every now and then, when the air was clear and we were flying low, I would hear Toph's joyous _woo hoo_'s or her loud cackling laughter in response to something Jun said. So they seem to be having a good time. Still, something in the frequent laughter worries me. Mostly because I am sure they are laughing about us.

-?-

We stopped for a lunch break. I started setting up lunch pretty quickly while the others gathered around me. Toph was 'stuck' on Nyla and Jun had to lift her off. Toph has what Jun calls _jelly legs _from being on the back of the shirshu for so long. She put Toph on the ground and Toph promptly sat down hard. Toph was a bit alarmed because she couldn't seem to walk properly. She tried to put on a brave face, but I could tell she was a little scared. Jun wasn't worried about this and was a bit dismissive re: Toph's distress.

Zuko stomped over and picked Toph up off the ground and carried her over to me. I couldn't actually do anything for her. I knew she'd just have pins and needles something fierce and the feeling in her legs would come back in a little while. I didn't tell her this and just started 'healing' her feet and she seemed comforted by the feeling. Sometimes pretending to do something can be just as affective as actual healing.

Zuko got cranky at Jun and had a bit of a shout at her. He said he knew something like this would happen and that's why he hadn't wanted Toph to go with Jun. Jun said blandly that he had to calm down. _Look Pouty, you either need a whiskey sour, or to shag Sweetness or your other girlfriend_ (she pointed at Sokka here and he made the most offended face) _right now because you are just too tense_. Zuko, myself and Sokka got most stroppy at this but our anger seemed to amuse Jun no end. Toph as well.

Jun waved us all off with a _whatever_ and sat down and asked when lunch was ready because she was famished. Toph, who still has a worrying amount of hero worship for Jun despite the fact that she currently can't feel her feet, said in a gushy voice that I have never heard from her before: _Jun you are so funny._

Jun smiled at her and said she'd always thought so. Toph continued that she was so glad that Jun was on our side. Jun took out a sneaky hip flask, took a swig and asked why Toph would think that. Toph looked confused for a moment and said _well you're here with us now_. Jun said she was, but she was here for the cash and to see how many different variations of Pouty's angry/indignant face she could provoke in a day (so far Jun has counted 19 different angry faces and she is well pleased with this result). For once Toph didn't laugh at her joke and she said that she thought Jun wanted to help us save the world.

Jun snorted derisively and said she didn't _do _world saving and that was our problem. Toph made an almost sad face and Jun looked vaguely discomfited by this and she tried explaining further. She said she was neutral, she worked for the firenation and the earthkingdom alike. Basically she worked for whoever could pay her the most, so she would never technically be on anyone's side.

Toph turned her head away and it was a bit of an awkward moment. I wasn't quite sure what I should do to make this better. Toph had idolized Jun ever since she met her, laughed at all her jokes and generally thought she was the coolest person ever and now Jun had disappointed her. And I don't know how to fix that. I don't know if I should. It's bad to look up to people too much because then it hurts so much worse when they let you down. It's bad to pin all your hopes on one person because you never know if they are going to leave you or just _stop existing_ when you need them the most.

Jun got up and sat next to Toph and said _Listen Pint-size, I'm going to find this guy for you. Once I take on a job, I see it through, so the world isn't going to end. _Toph nodded. Jun continued and said that this was her job and she did it to make money and there was too much work at the moment for her to go around doing favours for people. She gave Toph a very awkward one armed pat and Toph nodded but didn't say anything.

I tried to move the conversation past this little awkward moment; I asked Jun if there was more work that usual lately while I served up the rice for lunch. Jun seemed happy to change the topic from her mercenary nature to her job and said that there was much more work at the moment with all the rebellions, the jail breaks and the escaping war criminals etc. Jun was starting to think of hiring an apprentice because it was all getting too busy for her and she needed someone to help her lift the fat ones. She said she wouldn't mind taking shortstuff, but she was too young yet. And then she gave Toph a bit of a nudge and was rewarded with a small smile.

Suddenly Jun looked around at our group before focusing her eyes on Suki and asking _Hey Ginger, how are you with projectiles? _ Suki looked up and said _huh?_ with an exceptionally confused face. Jun explained that she was looking for a level headed apprentice who was good with projectiles and Suki was the best candidate out of all of us.

There has been some shenanigans over this, which resulted in Jun pointing at each of us in turn and explaining our inadequacy. She said _Tiny's too young_ (Toph nodded, I think the allure of being a bounty hunter has worn off some) _Pouty's far too hotheaded_ (Zuko protested that he didn't even want to be a bounty hunter anyway – a protest which Jun ignored) _Smartmouth's too annoying_ (Sokka muttered that Jun was annoying too) and _sweetness_ _is far too emotional._ I can accept that. I also don't want to be a bounty hunter.

Jun turned back to Suki and asked her what she thought about joining up, after our end of the world thing was sorted (she said _end of the world thing_ somewhat dismissively). Suki was unsure and said that she wasn't a projectiles specialist anyway. Jun said she should think about it anyway, because it was a nice lifestyle, the money was good and it could really hone her sense of sarcasm. Suki looked a bit uncomfortable at being put on the spot and said that she was a Kyoshi Warrior and their philosophy was all about finding wisdom, not honing sarcasm.

Jun nodded and said that she didn't have much of that to offer. The best she could say for bounty hunting was that it gave her a better understanding of human nature. Suki made a skeptical face re: Jun's understanding of human nature. Jun, trying to prove her point, said _take_ _Pouty for example._ Zuko protested quite irately at being used as an example (a protest which Jun ignored) and finally he said (rather perplexingly for me) _Oh for Agni's sake, why do you always have to use me as an example_. Jun ignored this too.

She said she'd been around Zuko for five days and she could tell us one thing for certain. _Pouty acts like he's tougher than iron, but inside he's a big softie._ She flashed him a grin and he just scowled at her grumpily. She said _angry look number 20_ to herself. Zuko made another very cross face at her and said _you done? _most crankily. Jun said _Oh don't make that face at me Pouty! It's part of the reason why you're such a good boyfriend for sweet thing_. _Because she's the opposite. Outside she's cute and squishy – inside granite!_

Okay Jun two things:

First thing – is being like granite on the inside a compliment? I don't even know.

Secondly, but far more importantly (so maybe this should have been the first thing) – Zuko is not my boyfriend. Oh for the love of Tui and La! For the last time everyone! We are not a couple! Zuko and I protested our non-coupled state (again!) What is with everybody! Really now! Seriously, we are **not **going out and we have **not **being having some sexy affair all summer long. Look I would not have been _opposed _to a sexy affair (in hindsight), but we did not have one and I don't like being teases for kisses and sex I haven't even had yet!

Had I had the kisses and the sex, then by all means, tease away.

I'm not even sure if I'm ready for the sex.

I wonder what the sex would be like with Zuko….

Mmmmmmmmhhhhh.

Anyway, I feel like Sokka and Suki and Toph are just …eerr…watching us hopefully all the time and thinking _now kiss _whenever we talk together/do anything together and that is a most disconcerting feeling. It makes me feel really self conscious. It makes me want to protest all the more that we are not going out – if only so they stop looking at us like that.

After Jun's comment, there was the usual, requisite protests that the others and now Jun have come to expect from us when they tease us re: our imaginary coupledom. _Oh no, you've got it all wrong – we're just friends etc_. Jun didn't appear to be listening. She waved dismissively at us and said she was **bored of both our delusional denials** . This prompted more of what she referred to as "delusional denials" until eventually Jun said, _whatever you two, I'm trying to have a conversation with Ginger here. _ She turned back to Suki and asked again what Suki thought about a career in bounty hunting. Suki politely declined. Jun shrugged and said _suit yourself._

-?-

When everyone had finished eating, Zuko started to hurry everyone along to get back on the bison/shirshu and stop loitering (the bison and the shirshu in question were once again sleeping, cuddling each other in a snuggly heap). Toph opted to come with us instead of having another ride of Nyla. We all started moving except Jun, who sighed in bored fashion and made various comments about Zuko's stress levels. She said that everyone was tired, his friends, the bison, Nyla, her – and couldn't he just relax for five minutes?

Zuko said he could not relax because we had a very limited amount of time before the comet and we had to find his Uncle before then or it would be the end of the world. Jun sighed and said _Honestly what is it with you firebenders and this comet?_ She tried for a reassuring tone and said that in all serious, all that was going to happen was that firebenders would get their _panties in a twist _and there'd be a few more bar brawls than normal. So Zuko should just stop worrying.

There was an awkward little silence, I mean we'd told her repeatedly that it was the end of the world we were dealing with but she'd never seemed to take it seriously. She'd always dismissed it as teenage drama. We'd never actually sat down and spelled out for her how screwed we were without Aang, how much a shambles our plan was and how the firelord wanted to set the whole earth kingdom on fire. There hadn't seemed much point after she'd agreed to find Aang. We hadn't made time to fill her in ever since we'd started looking for Uncle Iroh, because it just hadn't seemed necessary. Until now.

We all looked at each other awkwardly for a second and Jun's expression became wary. Zuko spoke first and said _Look Jun, tomorrow…I think after we've found Uncle, you should head as far north as you can._ Jun crossed her arms in front and said _tell me why pouty _rather sternly.

We told her. Well Zuko started to tell her, but we all kept interjecting and so it really was a group effort. We told her everything she needed to know about the comet and crazy Ozai's crazy plan and loosing Aang. Jun's face changed from disbelieving to horrified (and expression I never thought I'd see on her calm features). She summarized our current situation in a nutshell and said:

_So let me get this straight. The avatar leaves you guys high and dry and you all have no friggin idea where he is and the comet is tomorrow afternoon and when it comes we are all going to be fried to a crisp, along with the entire earth kingdom. Unless we can find Pouty's cheeky uncle so he can kill that crazy mofo in time. _ We admitted that that was about the long and the short of it. Zuko said that he had told her it was **really important** and it was **actually** about the end of the world. Jun said she had just thought it was more of his Pouty drama, sounding a bit distressed.

Jun said she needed a moment and she took a deep breath and wrapped her arms tighter around herself for a second before she looked up and said with some determination _We have to keep moving. _Zuko got a bit stroppy, because that was what he had been saying The Whole Time. However, at least now everyone was on the same page. We all climbed on Appa and took off in record time and the search for Uncle Iroh continues.

-?-

I didn't realize that Jun had been holding back on how fast Nyla could travel until after lunch. Suddenly the shirshu took off at twice the speed she'd been running at and at first it was hard for Appa to keep up with her and we had to take him to a higher altitude so he could catch up quicker. Jun and Nyla became just elephant rat size beneath us and the ground whipped past at amazing speed.

Telling the story to Jun had left a solemn mood over us and there was no joking and no teasing and nothing else to distract us from our current situation. I actually missed the teasing. What is wrong with me? The teasing was preferable to this oppressive silence. Chief Arnook had described this feeling as the quiet dread.

I hate feeling this way. I hate feeling so uncertain. The comet is tomorrow and I have no idea how that's going to turn out. Even I couldn't muster up anything optimistic to say and that's saying something. I longed to say that everything was going to be alright, to reassure the others and myself – but I just didn't feel it right then.

I don't feel it now.

Where is Aang?

-?-

Jun rode at lightning speed and we covered heaps of ground between lunch and dinner. The sun had set long ago and there was a touch of cold in the air. We'd come a long was from tropical Ember Island in little over a day. I set up dinner quickly and we all sat around and ate in silence. Even Jun was without her usual trademark sass and sarcasm. She asked us, seriously, what our plan was for tomorrow. There was a bit of silence and we all looked around at each other. In truth, without Uncle, there was no plan – and we hadn't found Uncle yet. Eventually I said that we would just work together and would do whatever we could do and I was sure that if we all worked together we could accomplish anything and everything would turn out alright. Etc etc.

It was a fairly standard hopeful speech for me. I hoped I could cheer the others up and make them feel more positive. Still I don't know if they believed me or not. I don't know if I believed it myself. Jun said _well good luck with that._ There was a moment's silence and then she looked at Zuko and said _head north you say?_ Zuko said she should head as far north as she could and preferably away from Ba Sing Se and towards the coast.

Jun smirked slightly and said Zuko really had no sense of direction because we were really close to Ba Sing Se now. We were only about an hour away from the city walls. Zuko said we couldn't be -because there was no way his Uncle would go there again. Jun smiled and said in a teasing sarcastic tone that sound much more like her normal voice _well your crazy Uncle does wacky things sometimes and… I hear there are a few nunneries on the outskirts-_ Zuko made a very cross face and she held up a hand in submission and said _just teasing. _She looked serious again and said that she wouldn't be able to take us all the way if he was beyond the walls. She was forbidden from ever entering the city.

Oh.

We ate in silence and were ready to get on the move again pretty quickly after that. But halfway through dinner, Jun asked if she could speak with Pouty alone for a second. Zuko nodded and they got up and walked a short distance away. We could still hear them quite clearly in the calm night air. Sokka, Suki, Toph and I are all like-minded eavesdroppers after all and so we listened to the whole thing.

Jun said, in a tone that could almost be mistaken for affection. _Listen pouts, I can see you're real nervous about seeing your Uncle again but I just wanted to tell you that is one thing you don't have to worry about. _Zuko said she couldn't know that, but Jun disagreed and said she could and she'd gotten to know the two of them quite well after all – and also she had run into Uncle earlier in the summer. Zuko quickly asked how his Uncle was and Jun said he'd seemed fine, but he had been missing his Pouty. Zuko lowered his head and there was silence for a few seconds and then Jun said she'd had a few drinks together with his Uncle and it looked like Zuko nodded in amusement. Jun cleared her throat and said awkwardly _he told me about what happened to that cousin of yours and how he– _Zuko's head snapped up. But suddenly she broke off and said almost to herself_ oh this is too touchy feely for me._ She crossed her arms and took a step back and said in a very business-like and forthright tone _look he's not going to tell you to piss off. I know that much. He might be furious as all hell at you, but he'll be glad to see you. So suck it up and quit your moping because the last thing your little group of friends needs is for you to be mr dark and broody right now. _

Zuko nodded and said_ thanks Jun _and they started to walk back. Zuko said a little disbelievingly that he couldn't believe his Uncle had told Jun about_…_he trailed off and just finished with_...that _lamely_. _They were close enough for me to make out their facial expressions and Jun suddenly got the cheekiest look on her face. Her old sass returned to her and she said sardonically _yeah, we had that post coital sharing moment. Your Uncle's a volcano in the sack! _Zuko made the most comical, horrified and disgusted face and I swear it looked like steam started coming out of his ears. Jun quickly said _Ooh hey, Don't let your head explode there pouts! I was just kidding. _

-?-

An hour later we were at the outside wall of Ba Sing Se. Jun and Nyla stopped and we landed Appa right next to her. She looked over at us and gave us a bit of a smile. It actually looked like a sad smile, just quietly. She said with her usual sarcasm _Well pouts, this is it. I'd say keep out of trouble, but I know that's not your style. _But then she added in a different tone entirely_ tell you're Uncle Iroh I say hi. _ I don't why it struck me so much, but I noticed that was the first time she'd used Iroh's name all day. Zuko said he would. She added that Nyla was getting twitchy so he must be close. He couldn't be more that twenty minutes walk away. Zuko said she'd been a great help for taking us this far. She said _I wasn't doing if for free you know! You still owe me a huge arse sparkly ruby _affectionately. Zuko smiled ruefully at her and said he'd remember. She said he better and he knew where to find her when it was time to pay up. She said goodbye quickly (well actually she said she hated goodbyes, so lets not make a big thing and lets just say _see you later_ instead). Then she turned to gallop away but seemed to hold back at the last minute and turned to look at all of us. Her face softened and she said _good luck, _so sincerely that I am sure she meant it.

-?-

Zuko said it was too late to keep searching tonight and it had been a long day and we were all tired and we should make camp here. Tomorrow would be a big day and we all needed as much sleep as we could get. Everyone seemed happy that someone was making decisions and fell in line – well mostly we all just fell about exhausted. In my opinion travelling days are always super tiring and I don't even know why.

Sokka flopped on Appa's tale and pulled Suki down with him and they started to spoon each other and were sound asleep within a second. Toph stumbled over to a flat bit of ground and made herself one of those little earth tents that she is so fond of. I had the very brief urge to nag them into setting up camp, but what would be the point? We were all so tired and so exhausted and Sozin's comet was tomorrow and who can set up camp with that hanging over their head?

Zuko had walked over to Appa's right side and I had a brief moment of indecision (there was a whole free bison side I could sleep on after all) then I followed him. I lay down right next to him, as close as I could be without it being weird. He seemed a bit surprised, but then he smiled at me. He seemed in a slightly better mood since his chat/pep talk with Jun. I asked him how he was in a quiet whisper. I didn't want to wake the others, but I just wanted to talk to him. Almost every night back at the house, we'd end up having these little chats. Maybe I've gotten used to talking to Zuko last thing before I go to bed and maybe I find it comforting and maybe sometimes we all needs our little comforts and maybe there's nothing weird about that.

He said he was doing okay and asked how I was –really. It was such a simply question and I don't even know what happened but I just felt my face crumple. It crumpled against my will! I'd like to think that it was just because I was tired and emotional, but it was more than that. I've been trying **so hard** all day to keep up a brave face for the others and to just...stay positive about everything and not show them how worried and anxious I am. But now that they were asleep and it was just Zuko and I, I couldn't _pretend_ anymore. His arm came around me quickly and he pulled me against his chest and hugged me.

I don't know if it was romantic, but I know it was really comforting. All I wanted right then was some comfort and for someone to make me feel safe; safe and like the world wasn't going to end tomorrow. I think I felt, but I am not 100% sure, a gentle kiss on the top of my head. He said _Hey now, it's okay._ I got a bit argumentative and said it wasn't okay, everything was far from okay right now.

He held me tighter and didn't say anything for a moment. Suddenly he whispered, in that excited tone he uses when he's got an idea. _Do you want to know what my mum used to say?_ I was perplexed by this change in topic and I nodded. Zuko took a deep breath and said she used to say that everything works out alright in the end, so if it hasn't worked out alright – it's not the end. I couldn't help but smile. There was no way Zuko could have known this but my Gran Gran used to say the exact same thing.

Zuko mistook my silence for a disagreement with the saying and he said _sorry, I know that's silly- but it kept me going for a long time. _I told him it wasn't silly at all and my Gran Gran used to say the exact same thing. There was another quiet moment and then I confessed quietly _it's actually what I've been telling myself all day but it's not working. _I couldn't suppress my anxiety any longer and I whispered back, in more of a worried hiss than a whisper _where is he! How could he just leave us!_ Zuko didn't know.

There was another pause before Zuko said _you want to know what I do know. You were right._ I have begun to suspect that sometimes Zuko tells me I'm right when I am very upset, just to get me to calm down. I could not think of anything I had said in the last five minutes of this conversation that would warrant a _you were right_. So I said that though I always liked to hear those words, he was going to have to be more specific. What was I right about?

He said I was right about what I'd said earlier to Jun…about all of us working together and being able to accomplish anything. I felt myself smile when he said that. At least someone was listening to my optimistic speech. Zuko held me tighter and said _We don't have Aang, but we've got eachother. You've still got me… _oh Tui and La, this is not the right time or the right place at all, but in that moment, I really wanted to kiss him. He seemed to realize how intimate that sounded and he quickly added _and Sokka and Suki and Toph of course. _I said _of course _in agreement and hugged him back tighter.

-?-

* * *

Frightfully long authors notes, because this chapter wasn't long enough already:

Lovely readers! Thanks so much for all the wonderful reviews and encouragement! Much love to you all. If you have reached the end of this enormous chapter then even more love for you. So this huge chapter deals with the day in between the night that the Gaang (minus aang) hire Jun and arriving at Ba Sing Se. In the show, it is covered by a thirty second montage. Instead of breezing past it, I wrote many many many words. When I rewatched I noticed that in _Sozin's comet part 2,_ Zuko and Katara are sleeping quite close to each other, even though there is a whole other free side of Appa for sleeping. They don't have to sleep next to each other, but they choose to. This gave me thoughts (which I shall share in long rambly form)

Mostly this chapter deals with Jun, our patron saint. They would have theoretically spent the whole night/day following her. I am sure they must have taken breaks at some point and hung out together a bit. Jun as a character, is a tough lady all over (hard on the outside, hard on the inside) and wonderfully snarky. She was someone who knew season 1 Zuko well and is meeting late season 3 Zuko for the first time. Also I do think that she would be more neutral regarding the war. Jun is quite mercenary, she's in it for the money and she is unapologetic about this. So I don't think she would be on anyone's side perse. It's not to say she doesn't care, but I think she plays it smart and works for whoever can pay the highest.

So even though I think she has a certain fondness for Zuko, she still demands payment. In the show it was implied that Zuko shouted at her about the end of the world and then she did it for free. I respectfully disagree. Season 1 Zuko was a bit shouty, so I don't think his shouting would phase Jun that much. But she can see that his situation has changed (no ship, no uncle, probably not much cash) and so she asks for an _I owe you_ for the most expensive thing she can think of that Zuko could theoretically get access to (Jun would think of this as a kindness, because she's not demanding upfront payment). So that is why she wants the ruby.

In my imagination, Clink Vaults is where all the booty that is reposed/reaquired from convicted criminals in the firenation is kept. It would be an off the books source of wealth for the royal family. It would be very well guarded and catalogued. When Uncle ends up in jail for treason, I think most of his fancy possessions/treasures/trophies would have ended up in Clink Vaults (and maybe a few in Ozai's room too, I'm sure there are a few things of Iroh's that Ozai was dying to get his hands on.) Jun would know of its existence (she knows her treasure and there is lots of fancy stuff in there) and knows what it means when Zuko says his Uncle's stuff is in Clink Vaults.

I think Zuko and Jun have an odd sort of friendship (though neither of them would describe it as such). But I think being stuck together for a few days would have helped them get used to each other and develop a certain affection for each other. Naturally YMMV. I think Jun likes Zuko well enough, but more importantly she LOVES to tease him. He takes himself so seriously and that is just an invitation for teasing. She loves his overblown and overdramatic reactions and various angry faces. Anyway when the Gaang come and find her, Zuko is the person she knows the best, so she focuses most of her teasing on him in an almost older sisterly way.

This is just my interpretation here, but I think Jun doesn't have much in the way of family/close friends, as she lives a fairly nomadic life being a bounty hunter. The few times we see her, she is frequently buy drinks for people in the pub, which tells me that though she lives a fairly solitary life, she doesn't like to drink alone. This would be part of the reason why she drags Zuko to the pub with her after the nun incident – the other big part would be that she would be very curious to see what he was like drunk.

Being stuck with Zuko and Iroh while Nyla recovered would have driven her bananas at first, but then she would have gotten used to them and enjoyed their hilarious interactions (season 1 Iroh and Zuko really cracked me up – Zuko is so serious and Iroh is so jolly and the whole thing just worked for me) and developed an almost familial, though rarely expressed, affection for the two of them. Also I think the nun incident and the musical incident would have been a big icebreaker.

I also think Zuko will never drink whiskey again. He'll drink other things (and regret it later) but just the smell of whiskey will make him think of the incident/the first time he was terribly ridiculously drunk/hungover etc. Ooh back in _stalking Zuko_, I had him get drunk with Sokka and said that getting drunk with peers would have been a really rare experience for him. I still stand by this, but I actually think the night of _the incident_ would have been the first time he got well wankered. Jun would have found drunk Zuko hilarious.

So I like wise, all knowing Uncle Iroh, but I like bon Vivant Uncle Iroh too. I think that Uncle Iroh has had a very rich, full and varied life and we only get the tiniest glimpses at his history. He has gained wisdom from philosophy etc, but he has also gained wisdom but just plain _living_ and getting amongst it. Iroh seemed to treat Zuko's banishment like an extended holiday in some respects. I also think that he was always trying to get Zuko to lighten up a bit and was trying to show by example the ways in which Zuko could get some enjoyment out of life. And Iroh, like Jun and later Katara, also thought that a bit of friendly teasing and learning not to take himself so seriously would be a good thing for him.

He wanted to be a good Uncle and support his nephew yes, but he also wanted to have a good time himself. Uncle is a compulsive shopper and a big flirt (in _Bato of the water tribe_ alone, he constantly cracks onto Jun and flirts with Aunt Wu), but I would also like to hypothesize that he was not opposed to a good drink, a bit of a drunken sing-a-long and some debauchery either.

The idea of debauchery going on at that abbey is not mine, it's from Avatar Abridged and everyone should watch that little series if you haven't already. For science!** The hedgehog can never be buggered at all **is also not mine, but belongs to the wonderful and brilliant Terry Pratchett. I have only just recently discovered his epic genius! Anyway for those of you who have read the witches series – does anyone else think that Iroh is the male, non-witchy version of Nanny Ogg? Nanny Ogg is also a Bon Vivant with great wisdom and patience and she is a great foil for the more serious characters around her – but she also has the greatest insight into human nature and can rather easily put people at ease and make friends. Anyway Nanny Ogg has a delightful tendency to sing the hedgehog song while drunk and I thought I'd borrow this particularly charming personality trait and assign it to Uncle Iroh. Also Iroh's tendency to sing _the hedgehog can never be buggered at all_ while drunk could go along way to explaining Zuko's deep antipathy to music night.

Anyway Jun just tells us what happened on the first night, but many more shenanigans and a few soppy emotional conversations happened after **the incident** and if I get the time, I will definitely do a one shot detailing _Zuko, Iroh and Jun's five days of fun. _In fact that is probably what it will be called.

Jun gives Zuko a nice pep talk near the end of this chapter and I think it was something he needed to hear. Zuko's a big worrier and I think that had this day been in the cartoon there would be a lot of nervousness from Zuko about seeing his Uncle again. Jun picks up on this and at first she tries the touchy feely – _he'll forgive you_ speech. But she doesn't know the full story, she probably wouldn't forgive anyone who got her locked in prison and touchy feely is not her style (it's Katara's) so she settles for a _pull yourself together_ pep talk instead.

Zuko is the unofficial leader in Sozin's comet and it seems like the Gaang look to him to make all the decisions. Jun can see this and she can also see how down the Gaang all are about their predicament. So she tells him to suck it up because people need him. And for Zuko, who has such a giant sense of responsibility, being told that people need him would be a big shove in the right direction and help him push aside his more mopey tendencies.

If you want to read about the time that Jun runs into Iroh at the start of summer, you may get to read that too – but that's all I'll say.

So in this chapter I also touched on the theme of hero worship . Toph in the episode clearly has a great deal of admiration for Jun and I wanted to take that idea further. I think that she would see Jun as this grown up awesome badass. Toph considers herself a tiny awesome badass, so to me it made sense that she would idolize Jun to a certain extent and see her as a good role model. I actually think that Jun and Toph would make great friends and Jun would warm to Toph a great deal. I think they have very similar sense of humour and they would laugh a lot together on their little ride (Katara is right, they were mostly laughing at them). But Jun is a much...well... harder person than Toph. She likes laughing with Toph and teasing the others with her, but as soon as Toph needs some gentle reassurances (when she has jelly legs) from her, Jun can't provide that. I think Jun is not a touchy feely person, and to her, jelly legs would not be a big deal and she would have a hard time mustering up the sympathy for it. But for Toph, who sees with her feet, it would be a bit frightening. Then Jun disappoints her further with her mercenary attitude. Toph has a very strong moral compass and I think she would find Jun's apathy to the fate of the world a bit jarring with her idealised image of Jun. Toph would learn the problems of putting another person on a pedestal, because no one can live up to such an idealised image and Jun is no exception.

I don't think Jun's heartless, she can see she's upset Toph a little. She had a fondness for her new tiny friend, so she does try and make it better. At the same time she is not going to pretend to be something she's not. Also at this point, Jun thinks the end-of-the-world-drama they keep talking about is just teenage angst etc. She's not taking it seriously. As soon as she realises how serious the situation is she galvanises into action. After even Jun knows they are in dire straits, everyone is much more serious. I think just retelling Jun would remind the Gaang of how much trouble is coming their way.

Jun is also looking for an apprentice who is level headed and a projectiles expert. I think most of you will be able to hazard a guess at where I am going with this. I should say that in my imagination, Jun wants a projectiles expert because she's figured out a way to put Nyla's venom in darts (like tranquiliser darts) and she wants to be able to catch bad guys who are, for whatever reason, beyond the reach of Nyla's tongue.

Mai and Jun (see they are like the months of the year) – together they fight crime! Come one, you know it makes sense. I'll have more to write on this is later chapters, but I have a few Mai thoughts I'd like to share with you guys now. So to me, Mai really resembles Ursa physically. They both have very angular faces and similar builds and even dress similarly with those big sleeves and everything. One could demur about **mummy issues** and Zuko's subsequent attraction to a girl who looks like a younger version of his mum. But this is not the place for that! (a later chapter's rambly author's notes will be the place for that).

The other character Mai resembles is Jun, but she resembles her personality as well. Both of them are very cynical, sarcastic and fairly apathetic. Both of them have a fondness for black/dark colours. Both of them have little patience for Zuko's drama. There are many more similarities (which will also be explored in a later Author's note). Anyway, I just think Mai and Jun would be a wonderfully snarky crime fighting team together and Mai would enjoy the bounty hunter lifestyle because it is not at all boring. Your thoughts?

Anyway, the little scene with Toph and Jun causes Katara to reflect, obliquely, on how much idealised images have affected her and Aang's relationship. Aang obviously idealises Katara and has her on a pedestal. He doesn't cope very well when she strays from this image. However Katara also idealises Aang to a certain extent. She has so much unshakable faith in him. She truly believes that he can save the world. She never thought he would leave them (even though that is, arguably, not Aang's fault). Katara already has huge issues with being left (see her conversation with Hakoda in _the awakening_). She doesn't like being left even when she understands and agrees with the reasons for leaving. She doesn't understand at all how or why Aang is gone and he has disappeared right when she needs him the most. I started thinking how she would cope with that.

I think she would try to ignore the confusion, worry, panic and anxiety that I think Aang's departure must have roused in her. She tries her best not to think of it and puts on her brave face for the Gaang and tries to be strong for them. I think that if Katara, the person with the most hope and faith, freaked out, they would all freak out. It doesn't get dealt with in the series, but the evening they meet Jun, she tells them that Aang doesn't exist anymore and then it is at least a full day until the meet up with the order of the white lotus. What on earth are the gang thinking during this day? They have literally no hope of finding Aang, no plan and nothing to go on and _the end is friggin nigh_. I think there would be a great deal of barely surpressed worries. To me it makes sense that during the day, they'd all allow Jun (who doesn't understand how serious the situation is) to distract them with trivialities and funny stories etc.

But at night, when it is just Katara and Zuko, I think she would let her brave face slip a little bit. One of the things I like about Zutara would be that if they ever got together, they wouldn't be pretending for each other. They've seen each other at their worst and they have no illusions about each other. I think Katara wouldn't be comfortable with expressing fear and anxiety except around Zuko, because he sees through the brave face to a certain extent.

In this fic, I have Katara comforting Zuko a fair bit. But I think he is equally capable of comforting her when she is feeling low. I think they find mutual comfort and support in the each other and not just when the other person is feeling down either. In this chapter, I have Zuko freely give over the reigns/control to Katara. It's a small moment, but things like that would be a big deal between them, especially because both of them are big control freaks.

While in many respects, Zuko and Katara are opposites, I actually think that they have very similar and complimentary personalities. To me there is a difference between being total opposites, you-two-make-no-sense-together opposites and finding someone who is very different but has a complimentary personality. Where Zuko and Katara are at opposites, it doesn't mean that opposition is a source of conflict – instead it is a source of balance, like Ying and Yang. They can provide for each other, in a Zutara union, the qualities that they lack as individuals. I have Jun reference this opposition/balance when she is teasing them about how Zuko is hard on the outside and squishy on the inside, but Katara is the reverse. Jun is saying it just to get a rise out of Zuko, but still I think it is a valid argument.

I have also, in the period between this chapter and the last chapter, discovered tumblr (I'm emletish-fish over there) and all the Zutara _now kiss _posts. I don't know why these crack me up as much as they do, but I find them hilarious! I realised that I've made Sokka and Suki and Toph such shippers on deck that it's not out of the realm of possibility that they would think this and make hopeful faces whenever our dynamic duo are together. Katara picks up on this and finds it disconcerting.

Next chapter the Gaang will go to camp old people, reconnect with their old masters and Zuko will be reunited with Uncle Iroh.

Til then lovely readers.


	40. Old People Camp

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Camp Old people

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

We were woken up a bit later. Suddenly there was tremendous noise and a huge ring of fire appeared around us and Appa. We have gotten accustomed to springing into action at a moments notice, so everybody leapt to their feet. Even Toph, who normally likes a sleep in and takes a while to wake up in the morning, collapse her earth tent and was ready for action in only a second. Zuko put out the fire with one quick pass of his hand. As soon as the smoke cleared, we could see a little better. On the ridge over us were four people I was not expecting to see.

Pakku, Bumi, Jeong Jeong and Piandao.

What on earth were they doing here? How was this even possible? In two seconds Bumi had moved them all forward with his earthbending until they were all standing in a line in front of us. Toph was very perplexed by this development and she said _what's going on? We're surrounded by old people._ I told her they were our old masters excitedly.

I couldn't believe the wave of relief I felt at seeing them. They were master benders. They were grown ups! They were people who would know what to do! After a day without Aang and without really much of a plan aside from finding Zuko's Uncle, it was more that nice to see our old masters. If tomorrow was Sozin's comet, then having more masters by our side could only improve our chances.

I was so happy to see Master Pakku. But I knew how much he liked everything done 'the right way'. So instead of rushing forward and hugging him, I bowed as respectfully as I could. He smiled at me, a bigger smile than I'd ever seen from him before and said that it was respectful to greet an old master with a bow, but could he have a hug because he was my new grandfather.

Pakku and Gran Gran got married! Oh my goodness! I was so excited. For her, for him. They must have been so happy to have found each other again after so long apart. I said as much and Pakku smiled and said he'd made her a brand new betrothal necklace and everything. We hugged and it was nice. Pakku's not really much of a hugger, but he gave me such a squeeze then. Sokka barged in and threw his arms around the two of us and made it a group hug and said _Welcome to the family_ _grampgramp _as he smushed his face happily against Pakku's. Pakku gently pushed him away and said he would prefer it if we just called him Pakku. Sokka thought for a second and said _how about_ _Granpakku?_ Pakku did not look amused and his face fell and he said _No_ in a very deadpan tone of voice.

I have a sneaking feeling that Sokka will continue to call him Granpakku anyway.

Suki, Toph and Zuko were standing awkwardly behind us and I felt like we were leaving them out with our little family reunion. So I grabbed Zuko and pulled him over to introduce him to Jeong Jeong. Jeong Jeong had also tried to teach Aang firebending and been frustrated with him, so I figured they would have a lot to talk about. They bowed respectfully in firenation style at each other. Then Sokka cried (happily and loudly) **Master Piandao?** with some surprise. Evidently he had just noticed Piandao was there. He enthusiastically rushed over to master Piandao and shoved Zuko and Jeong Jeong out of the way in his haste to get to his old master. However as soon as he got to Piandao, he seemed to remember his manners and he copied the reverent bow and solemn voice I had used to greet master Pakku. He bowed forward and said _Master Piandao_ with such seriousness that it was hilariously jarring with his eagerness from a moment a go. Piandao seemed quite amused by him and said _why hello Sokka_ very cheerfully. Sokka adores master Piandao. Days after we left Master Piandao's all we heard from Sokka was _Master Piandao says this, Master Piandao says that_ etc. While this was tiresome, I very sincerely respect Master Piandao because he showed such faith in my brother and his abilities and taught him so much and made him feel more confident. So it was very nice to see him again.

Toph was shaking hands with Jeong Jeong rather vigorously (Toph always shakes hands vigorously –I have a feeling she is always trying to subtly arm wrestle the person she is meeting). Suki was standing a little behind her and asked how they all knew each other. This was a very good question. I couldn't imagine a more unlikely assortment of people. Bumi cackled madly in response and said _all old people know each other – don't you know that? _Suki made a vaguely disgruntled face.

Piandao offered that they were all part of the same secret society, a group that transcends the divisions of the four nations as an explanation for their sudden appearance here. A secret society? This was the first we had heard about it. But Zuko seemed to know what he was talking about and he took a guess and said _the Order of the White Lotus?_ Piandao nodded at him in confirmation and they saluted each other in greeting. Then Bumi got right up in Zuko's face and said _that's the one. _

When Bumi wants to emphasize a point or ask a question, he has a habit of putting his face right in yours, like literally nose to nose. Zuko was not used to Bumi's manner of speaking and seemed a bit startled by this. He took a step back and said _Err hi. I'm Zuko. I don't think we've met _and he held out his hand. Bumi ignored the proffered hand and did the face thing again and said _I'm King Bumi and I know who you are! _Zuko took another step back and said it was nice to meet him and then he awkwardly pointed at Toph and Suki and said that Bumi could meet them too, which I understood to be Zuko's polite way of saying _get out of my face you crazy guy._

Jeong Jeong stared explaining more about the white lotus. It spanned the nations and was about philosophy, beauty and truth. About a month ago the entire society had been summoned for something important. Pakku interjected that the call had come from a Grand Lotus – Zuko's Uncle. I whipped round in surprise. Just a moment ago, I didn't even know there was a secret society and now it sounds like Zuko's Uncle is pretty high up in it. This information did not seem to surprise Zuko and he just nodded.

Toph said that we were looking for Zuko's Uncle and Piandao smiled at her and said that they would take us to him. Bumi interjected again and said that he had just noticed that someone was missing from our group. Aang. Bumi was his oldest friend, of course he would be the first to notice that he wasn't here. My heart sank. How could we even begin to explain that we had lost Aang to Bumi? He did the face thing again to Sokka (who had been expecting it and so he had already leant back at an unlikely angle) and asked _where's momo?_ Sokka appeared as surprised as I was by this question and said simply that he was gone… _and so is Aang_ Sokka added quickly. Bumi was unfazed by this and said that as long and Momo and Aang had each other, they would be fine. Then he cackled and launched himself into the sky with one of his rock pillars.

Zuko and Suki made confused faces at eachother – Bumi does take some getting used to. But it was Toph who said what they were probably both thinking when she said _that guy is such a nutbag!_

-?-

Bumi landed with a loud thunk next to us and we all started walking towards the wall, with the White Lotus members in front. Sokka asked Bumi how he had managed to escape his prison in Omashu. Bumi seemed confused by the question and said he didn't escape. This confused us all because he was ...ya know…here and not still in prison in Omashu. He said_ Everybody else escaped!_ by way of clarification and cackled loudly again. He told us the story of how he had single-handedly taken back Omashu on the day of the eclipse, which sounded very extraordinary and involved face-bending and lots of things going BANG. Suki was the most visibly impressed and remarked that it was amazing that he was able to take back his whole city all by himself. Bumi shrugged as if this was nothing, just a run of the mill day. He asked us if we had done anything interesting on the day of the eclipse.

Wow, where to start – our story was super long and I imagine Zuko's story of how he finally left his home would be pretty long as well. How would we even start explaining that to Bumi, who like Aang, does not have the longest of attention spans. The boys seemed to be of the same mind because they looked at each other, nodded and Sokka said _nah,_ and Zuko said _no, nothing much_ and this seemed to assuage Bumi.

Bumi then showed great interest in Toph, as she was who Aang had chosen to be his earthbending teacher. They got into a conversation about earthbending and started to stroll ahead. Bumi gave her some rock candy (which Toph seems to enjoy, judging from the gusto with which she is eating it. I hope she doesn't get too hyperactive or feel too sick tomorrow). They got into an unusual yet heated discussion over who was the more superior earthbender and were arguing/ talking with their mouths full at eachother. The end part of their argument went something like this.

Bumi: Well I liberated a whole city!

Toph : Well I have won every earth rumble I've ever entered!

Bumi: Well I can earthbend with my face!

Toph: Well I invented mental bending!

Bumi: Well I –wait-what?-_you did?_

Then Bumi cackled manically and wanted to know all about metal bending and Toph started eagerly explain the theory to him and frequently commented on her own genius.

Jeong Jeong wanted to talk to Zuko about Aang's progress with firebending. He wanted to know if Aang had ever gotten the correct stance and mastered his breathing and Zuko said that he had. Jeong Jeong then wanted to know exactly what Zuko had taught Aang and Zuko began to list firebending forms. Jeong Jeong would nod, or occasionally comment _oh I would have taught him the blast shield before I taught him the rhino burst, had I been you_. I could tell this belated backseat criticism was annoying Zuko slightly. And everyone now and then Zuko would say a form and Jeong Jeong would say loudly with dismay _you taught him THAT!_in a way that made us all jump in surprise the first time it happened.

Sokka and Suki and I ended up walking with Piandao and Pakku. Pakku kept talking to me and asking me questions, mostly on my own progress, but occasionally he asked about Aang's. I don't think Pakku was doing it deliberately. I mean he is new to being a grandfather after all, but he focused so much on me that I began to feel a little embarrassed. Gran Gran never played favourites with us, but Pakku was..well…quite dismissive of Sokka whenever Sokka spoke up and it made me feel unhappy for Sokka. I mean Pakku had always been a bit unconcerned with Sokka at the North Pole, because he wasn't a bender, but he should snap out of that now. He was grandfather to us both.

There was a slightly awkward moment Sokka introduced Suki to Pakku as he was our new grandfather, and Pakku did shake her hand and everything. I'm not saying he didn't or was rude or anything. I mean he said hello. But he wasn't that interested in her and it showed. And almost instantly he turned to me and asked if I had a boyfriend.

I heard Sokka start up behind me with _Well she and Z…_ I had a feeling where he was going with that and I whipped around, quick as lighting, and said very forcefully **Don't you say a word Sokka!** Bloody hell, if Sokka started going on about how he thought Zuko was my boyfriend to Pakku, I don't think I'd ever recover. Suki giggled slightly but Pakku and Piandao were both raising eyebrows at my over-reaction. I said _no, I'm not seeing anyone_ in a much more reasonable tone. Pakku said that was a good thing, because any boyfriend of mine will have to deal with him first. (Pakku and I will have to have a chat about why this is sexist later). We crested a hill and I could see a sizable camp hidden in the valley ahead, just a small distance off. That must have been where we were heading.

Piandao had been making vaguely disapproving faces whenever Pakku was dissmissve of Sokka, and he chose this moment to make a great fuss over meeting Suki. Then he engaged Sokka in a conversation about swordsmanship. Pakku raised an eyebrow and expressed a vague interest and Piandao explained how he had taught Sokka and praised how far he had come along in a short space of time. Pakku nodded. Piandao asked how Sokka's progress was going. Had he been practicing? Sokka said that he and Zuko sparred nearly everyday and he'd learned a fair bit, but it had been hard a first because Zuko was so used to two swords and Sokka had to learn how to adapt the moves for a single sword. Piandao expressed an interest in seeing what Sokka had learned and suggested the have a spar when we arrived at camp and Sokka readily agreed.

-?-

We arrived at a thick earth wall and Bumi made a door for us to walk through. He said _welcome to old people camp_ quite happily. There were many tents and lots of small fires and many people (not all of them old) bustling back and forth. Zuko started looking around instantly for his Uncle before he asked _where is he? _in a hesitant voice_. _Piandao laid a hand on his shoulder and pointed to a big tent across the clearing and said his Uncle was in there. Zuko nodded at us and squared his shoulders and walked towards the tent.

And he _nearly _made it all the way!

But just before the tent door he gave a huge sigh and sat down and put his head in his hands despondently. I had been expecting something like this would happen. Zuko's just been **so nervous **about seeing his Uncle again that I knew it was only a matter of time before he had a little freak out. I gestured at the others to stay there and wandered over. I asked if he was okay but he said he wasn't okay quite emphatically. I sat close next to him and he said quietly that he was sure his Uncle hated him. I gave his shoulder a little rub and he kept talking. He said that his Uncle loved and supported him in everyway he could and Zuko had still turned against him. He looked right at me then and there was shame and guilt and sadness all mixed up in his expression. We looked at each other for a long moment, with all that had happened at Ba Sing Se just hovering there between us. Zuko turned away first and lowered his head and said (mostly to the grass) _how can I even face him?_

The thing is I was _so mad_ at him about Ba Sing Se for so long, I almost smiled at the irony that I was here now, trying to comfort him and tell him that the other person he really hurt on that day would forgive him. I realized one day back at the Western Air Temple, that no matter how mad I was at him about it, I was never as mad as he was at himself. Somewhere along the way, I must have properly and completely forgiven him and it wasn't when I hugged him after facing Yon Rha. I think it happened almost without me knowing it, in some quiet moment when we were washing dishes together.

I asked him if he was sorry for what he did, but it wasn't really a question because I already knew the answer. He looked at me in surprise and said of course he was sorry, he was more sorry than he'd ever been about anything in his entire life. I knew that. I could see that. And I could forgive him what had happened. And if even I, who had been the angriest at Zuko when he first showed up, could forgive him, then I'm sure his Uncle could too. Zuko's just so… Zuko, it is **literally impossible** to stay mad at him. I know because I have tried staying perpetually mad at him and look at how well that worked out for me. Now I just adore him.

Whenever Zuko talks about his Uncle, you get the sense of how much they love each other. He never says it but I can tell. I just couldn't imagine his Uncle would turn him away now. So I told him as reassuringly as I could that I was sure that his Uncle would forgive him. He really would. He looked at me and gave me an uncertain smile and I beamed back encouragingly at him and tried to communicate all I was thinking with my eyes. He said_ okay_, got up and reached down to help pull me to my feet. Then he nodded at me and took a deep breath and walked into the tent.

-?-

So I loitered.

Just a bit.

I wasn't trying to eavesdrop or anything (okay that's a lie) but I couldn't hear anything. Pakku came over and gave me a bit of a fright because I didn't even hear him come up behind me. He wanted to have a bit more of a chat and properly catch up with me. He led me over to where the others were. Bumi and Jeong Jeong were having a deep philosophical conversation that I couldn't follow. Sokka and Piandao were sparring so Sokka could show Piandao all that he had learned. Suki and Toph were leaning on each other and yawning widely – but every now and then, one of them would call out to Sokka some encouragement (Suki) or heckling (Toph).

After Piandao and Sokka had finished they came over and sat with us. Piandao was very pleased with Sokka's progress and said that he had developed remarkably as a swordsman. Sokka blushed, embarrassed but thrilled. He said, trying for modesty, that he'd only developed so much because he had practiced nearly every day with Zuko or Suki. Piandao disagreed and said Sokka had a rare brilliance, and it was his resourcefulness and adaptability – apparently it is these qualities which help him adapt either Dao or Kyoshi moves to single sword wielding- that set him apart.

I don't think I have ever seen Sokka look prouder of himself. I was feeling proud too. So were Suki and Toph, from the looks on their faces. Suki reached over and gave his hand a squeeze and he smiled back at her. I've been concentrating so hard on training Aang that I haven't even noticed how much Sokka has also developed as a warrior. Piandao asked if Sokka still had the lotus tile he had given him. Sokka did and pulled it out of his pocket and then something clicked for him. He asked quite excitedly if Piandao wanted him to join their group. Piandao nodded and said that he thought that Sokka had all the excellent qualities that the Order of the White Lotus looked for in its members. If Sokka was willing, after tomorrow and the battle of Sozin's Comet, they could look at initiating him into the society.

Sokka is very willing.

-?-

Eventually the others trickled off to bed. Well Sokka and Suki went "exploring" first. But I'm sure they're in bed now. Piandao showed us the tent the Order had set up for us, apparently they had been expecting us for several days. Zuko still hadn't emerged from his Uncle's tent. Not that I was waiting up for him to see how it went or anything like that. Okay maybe I was a little bit. But I was so awake anyway because the full moon was approaching again, that's all. Pakku was awake too –however he probably wasn't waiting up for Zuko.

We were sitting together and he was telling me all about how he had finally gotten Gran Gran to say yes to him again (a very romantic story) and how surprised he'd been by the South when he first arrived. I had told him about there being no other waterbenders in the South but he didn't really understand what that had meant for our village until he arrived. I asked him about rebuilding the South Pole. Apparently our village is now four times bigger than it was and has canals and a system of walls and all of the igloos have been more solidly rebuilt. He said I would hardly recognize it when I got back. He said what the firenation had done to the South Pole, taking all those benders, was completely shameful and after the war, Iroh would have to make some sort of reparations and the people responsible should be punished. He said it quietly but with a great deal of force. He told me that he had never appreciated how it was for me, to be the very last southern waterbender.

I was reminded sharply of Hama. Before me, she had been the last. She'd believed in punishment too. I'd only really talked about Hama with Zuko. But here, with another master watebender who I trusted, maybe it would be okay. I didn't tell him the whole story, I just told him about running into her in the firenation and how she had developed bloodbending. I didn't tell him that I could do it too because I just wanted to see how he would react to the bloodbending first.

He was intrigued and said that bloodbending was a remarkable skill, but not one that he envied. I was surprised at this. Didn't he think that it was evil, especially after what Hama used it for? He looked at me simply and told me that no bending was bad, in and of itself, it is only the intentions of the bender that make it good or bad. Hama used this skill for evil purposes yes, but he was sure that it could also have remarkable medical benefits in the right hands. He did not know enough of healing to say for sure, but he was certain the ability to bend the blood could be advantageous in certain situations.

I nodded at him and found myself agreeing, to my own astonishment. I had never previously thought about that side of it before. Bloodbending has always seemed like such an evil and twisted thing. Hama used and abused it so terribly. I had never previously thought that there could possibly be anything good about it. Never entertained the idea that there could be a benefit to being forced to learn such a dark and horrid form of bending. I had promised myself to never ever use it again. But I had never considered that bloodbending could be used to heal and not hurt people. If I was in the situation where someone was bleeding out, I don't think I would hesitate to use it to keep them alive. I didn't say any of this to Pakku, but what he said helped me.

Master Pakku looked at the moon and said it was getting quite late and we should get to sleep. Tomorrow would be a big day after all. Then he looked at me gently, and in that moment I really believed that he was my grandfather and proper part of my family. He put a hand on my shoulder in blessing and said _a warrior needs her rest_. Then he got up, bowed at me and turned around to go into his tent.

-?-

I went into the tent they'd set up for all of us. The others were all still awake and had been chatting quietly about Sokka's white lotus tile. As soon as I walked in, Toph smiled cheekily and asked _how did it go with your boyfriend and his uncle?_

Gah! Enough already. I put my hands on my hips and said quite firmly (for hopefully the last time) that Zuko was not my boyfriend, but more importantly he was **my friend** and I could see that he was **very stressed** and the last thing he needed was all the teasing from his other friends, especially as I didn't know how it went for him with his Uncle (_oh I hope it went alright_) and if it went badly, he'd need our support, not our teasing and if they were really his friends too they'd cut it out.

The others looked suitably chastised and agreed to drop the boyfriend stuff. Though Toph has still reserved the right to point it out every time Zuko says fatherlord instead of firelord (he gets the two of them mixed up frequently. I find it endearing) Sokka was puzzled by the fact that we really weren't going out, but Toph confirmed for him that I wasn't lying (she must have known this whole time that we haven't been lying – could she not have spoken up sooner?) I clarified once again that we were not going out –for sure- and we hadn't even kissed, no matter what Sokka thought he saw. Sokka had the audacity to look really disappointed at this. After he interrupted us!

Boo Sokka boo!

-?-

We talked a little bit about how great it was to find the Order of the White Lotus and how much better everyone was feeling about tomorrow, now that we have found our old masters. We may not have Aang tomorrow, but we will have many more people on our side than we did this morning and I feel our situation has significantly improved. I'm still worried about tomorrow, don't get me wrong. But I was reassured enough by finding Pakku and the others again that I was able to sleep peacefully for the first time in days.

-?-

I was the first one awake. We'd passed a stream on the walk to the camp and since today was the day of the big battle, I had wanted to return to it and have a small swim. I wanted to wash off the worry and sadness of the last few days and I find swimming and being surrounded by my element so relaxing and soothing. I wanted to be soothed before the comet of doom arrived.

When I popped my head out of the tent I saw Zuko with his Uncle across the clearing and felt myself smile. They were both sitting around a fire while a kettle boiled. Uncle looked like he was talking animatedly and just at that moment Zuko threw his head back and laughed. Uncle seemed vaguely surprised but very happy with this development and laughed along with him.

Zuko noticed me leaving the tent almost as soon as I'd popped my head out. He waved at me and stood up and came over. He smiled at me and he seemed so much…what's the word …lighter, I guess, now that he and his Uncle had obviously made up. (yay!) He asked me how I had slept and I could truthfully say _good_. Then he asked if I had a second because he wanted to properly introduce me to his Uncle, considering we had never formally met. I agreed readily.

Zuko led me over and Uncle stood up and bowed at me while Zuko did the whole _Uncle this is Katara, Katara this is my Uncle Iroh _thing. Then Uncle Iroh took my hand and kissed it with great ceremony and said so _this is Katara. The famous Katara! I have heard so much about you from my nephew that I feel we are old friends already!_ Then he kissed my hand again and Zuko muttered _okay enough of that_ at him and the handkiss turned into a handshake.

I told Uncle Iroh I had heard a lot about him too and he waggled his eyebrows at me and said _hopefully all good things_? and looked fondly at Zuko. I did the same. So we were standing across from eachother, shaking hands and smiling fondly at Zuko- who was smiling fondly back at us and it was like this **big moment of …fondness**.

Uncle Iroh is not quite what I remembered from the North Pole. He seems shorter, less threatening and more irreverent that the fierce yet compassionate warrior I encountered during the Siege of the North Pole. The irreverence shouldn't surprise me, given all that I have heard about _the incident._ There is something in Uncle's smile that puts me instantly at ease but something in his eyes that tells me he is exceptionally clever and it would be foolish to cross him. I know he has a fearsome reputation as a General, but there is something about Uncle Iroh that is just so likeable that you can't help by smile back at him.

He was starting to make some tea and we all sat around the fire together. Uncle Iroh thought that a day that started with a laugh would always go well and he told me the proper version of the _leaf me alone – I'm bushed_ joke that Zuko mangled so many times. It was actually quite funny, but now I am also afflicted with the inability to remember anything except the punch line. He was about to tell me another one (Zuko has already heard all his Uncle's jokes) when he saw Toph also stick her head out of our tent. Her hair was looking a fright and she wandered out rather blearily. I think, but this is just a guess, that for her to be up so early meant that she had been very politely kicked out by Sokka and Suki – who would have wanted the tent to themselves.

Uncle Iroh got up and excused himself and said he had to go say hello to an old friend and he wandered in Toph's direction. I was alone with Zuko and he was just grinning like the biggest, happiest idiot on the planet. I gave him a cheeky little nudge and said _so I gather it went well last night? _Zuko was elated and astonished and said his Uncle hadn't even been mad at him. Zuko couldn't believe how easily his Uncle had forgiven him. I could. I told him that I was so happy for him. He said that he thought he was happy too and added with some confusion that happiness must be what this feeling was.

Oh Zuko.

He's been truly happy so rarely that he doesn't know what to do with himself when he feels it. He looked serious again for a second and said he knew Sozin's comet was today and it was wrong for him to be happy today…. I cut him off there and gave him a quick hug and said that it wasn't ever _wrong _for him to be happy. It was only a quick hug because there were lots of other people waking up and milling about and this wasn't the time or the place for one of our long cuddles and we had to break apart because Toph and Iroh were coming back. I don't think Toph's willpower would be able to hold back her veritable flood of comments if she found us cuddling, even though she promised she wouldn't tease us today.

-?-

I stayed and chatted a little bit after Uncle and Toph came back over. And there was laughter and hilarity and Toph was recounting some of the shenanigans from our beach house to Uncle Iroh who was shaking with mirth. She told him all about my commonsense stick wielding ways. (oh the commonsense stick – I had to leave it behind when we packed up – but already I miss it). It was very good natured teasing and if Toph has to tease someone (this is her stress release), I don't mind being that someone for her. Better she tease me about the common sense stick than tease Zuko about anything this morning.

After I had finished my tea, I took my leave of them and got up to have my bath. I had washed and scrubbed everything and changed into my cleanest watertribe dress and even put on the fingerless gloves of my tribe. I wanted to be wearing my tribal colours for the battle. I was Southern Watertribe through and through after all. However, I fear this maybe the last time I wear this dress. It is getting a bit… err… small for me. Especially in the boob department. I am quite pleased over this development even though I know that this is not the time or the place to be pleased over this- what with Comets of Doom arriving and everything like that. But still, yay for me! I may have to revert to wearing my firenation clothes after today which allow for a little more room in that department.

I was walking back to camp when I ran into somebody I was not expecting to see at all. Aunt Wu? What on earth was she doing here? Not that I wasn't pleased to see her, but it was just such a surprise –was every person we had ever met since travelling with Aang going to pop their head out of a tent this morning? She saw me and smiled widely and said it _why Katara, what a pleasure to see you again_ and she gave me a small hug. We had stayed in Aunt Wu's village for a few days after Aang had stopped the volcano and after I had stopped nagging her for readings me and Aunt Wu had gotten very close. She listened to me rant about the boys when they were annoying me and gave me tea and advice. I'd always liked her.

I asked her what she was doing here and she smiled benignly and said she was trying to help restore the balance with the gifts she had been given – also General Iroh had invited her along and he was a delightfully cheeky old man and she just couldn't resist. Oh wow. Um don't know what to think about that. Does that mean Aunt Wu and Iroh are… at their age! Anyway not going to think about that.

Aunt Wu offered that she had been consulting the spirits to find out the outcome of the battle. She could do that? She knew what would happen exactly! Aunt Wu smiled gently at me and said _not exactly_. No one could see the future exactly. The future is made up of a myriad of different choices by different people and was never certain, but always shifting. Still she used her gift to try and see what would most likely occur, but sometimes it was very difficult to interpret. The things she saw gave her the vague shape of things to come but nothing specific. But she could tell me with complete certainty that the Avatar would return again today and fight the firelord.

Oh.

I do trust Aunt Wu and her insights into the future and after she said this I felt relief, worry then, surprisingly, irritation. Relief that Aang would come back, after so much uncertainty, then that old fierce maternal worry at the thought of Aang in danger and fighting Ozai came to the forefront, but right behind it was a small wave of irritation. Aang was coming back at the last minute (Aang always does everything at the last minute after all). He had left us with no note, no explanation, no nothing – and we had all been _so worried_ and spent so much time looking for him. Aang's presence would be a deciding factor in today's outcome and it had been uncertain until right at this moment for me. We hadn't even known if he 'existed' or not. Would it have been so hard for him to leave us a friggin note or tell at least somebody of what he was planning?

I asked her where Aang had gone and she said that even she could not see the answer to that – Her vision had simply showed her the young boy swimming happily with a giant, wise and ancient creature. Well that is fitting, Aang does like to swim with strange creatures. I pressed her for more details, but she shook her head sadly and had nothing more to tell me. I guess I just wanted her to reassure me that everything was going to be alright – that she had seen all of us alive and victorious and no one would get hurt. I think Aunt Wu sensed this and she stopped walking and took my hands and told me to take heart and have courage. She could not tell me the outcome of today for certain, but she could tell me one thing for certain. She told me I was a remarkable and brave young woman and she knew deep in her bones that I would be okay today.

-?-

When we got back the camp, the others were all awake and sitting around having breakfast. Someone else must have done the cooking because it smelled delicious and none of the others (bless their cotton socks) are capable of whipping up that much deliciousness. Sokka was explaining what our plan had been to Uncle Iroh and he was nodding along. I sat down across from Zuko and took a bowl.

Aunt Wu introduced herself to Suki and Toph and nodded tersely at Sokka and Zuko in greeting. So she had met Zuko before? Aunt Wu then went to stand over by Iroh. He stood up next to her and he gave her bum a gentle pat – that he thought we would not notice – but we all did. She giggled and swatted his hand away girlishly and said _all the signs have aligned you cheeky bugger._ Zuko muttered _I don't even want to know _and put his head in his hands to hide from the sight of Uncle Iroh and Aunt Wu swatting at each other's arses and whispering to each other in a very flirtatious manner.

Aunt Wu wandered off and Zuko expressed some confusion over his Uncle consulting a fortune teller. His uncle corrected him and said he had consulted_ many _fortune tellers (though hopefully not in the same way that he is obviously _consulting_ Aunt Wu) and they all said the same thing_. _Zuko espoused that he thought fortune telling was a big load of bison dung and Sokka nodded fiercely in agreement. I always had a sneaking suspicion that Sokka and Zuko would be in agreement in this regard.

Just at that point Aunt Wu popped up again behind Zuko and gave him a fright and said _Ah yes, but because you were born under the sign of the mooncrab with your tangent in the ascending – I knew you were going to say that._ Zuko said there was no way she could have known that and Aunt Wu cast a cheeky look at Iroh and said _I knew you were going to say that too_. Zuko protested some more and she simply said _and that. _Their conversation went something like this

_Wait, you can't just …_

_And that._

_This is ridiculous…_

_And that._

_I can't believe this..._

_And that. _

And so on and so forth. Iroh and Toph seemed to be enjoying Zuko's frustration the most and were giggling at each other. There was a small pause in which Zuko didn't say anything but looked to be thinking hard. Aunt Wu said, with a little snide grin _ah, now you are thinking of asking me to tell you exactly what you are thinking at this moment and you were planning on thinking about something obscure. Fireflakes perhaps?_

Zuko looked surprised and extremely irritated and didn't answer. _Am I right?_ Aunt Wu prodded. Zuko grumbled that _okay, fine she was right_ in a defeated tone. Aunt Wu smiled again in victory, gave Iroh a kiss on the cheek, handed him something and sashayed off like a fabulous thing.

Zuko continued to grumble that what Aunt Wu did wasn't fortune telling, it was just lucky guessing. He was joined in his grumblings by Sokka – who also believes that fortune telling was a pile of bison dung and they started a rant at each other about logical explanations and cause and effect and astrology is _so stupid_ anyway etc etc. This could be a long rant and so Iroh gently interrupted them and brought their attention back to the matter at hand: Sozin's comet of doom.

He asked us what our plan had been for the day and we all looked a bit sheepish and Sokka said we didn't really have one now. We had been focusing so much on how to defeat the firelord with Aang that when he disappeared it really threw all our previous plans out. We would still try to face the firelord, maybe we could go to the airship base and attack there. Zuko explained that we had come to find Uncle Iroh after Aang disappeared because he was the only person other than the avatar who could possibly defeat the fatherlord. Toph pointed out that he had said fatherlord not firelord again and they had a small squabble.

Iroh looked deep in thought for a second and then said _No Zuko. It wont turn out well _solemnly. Zuko didn't understand why not and said that his Uncle could beat Ozai and we would all be there to help. Iroh said that even if he did defeat Ozai (and he took care to say that he didn't know if he still could) that it would just been seen as more senseless violence. Brothers killing brothers to grab power never went over well in the firenation. It normally led to civil wars in the firenation and if there wasn't peace in the firenation, there couldn't be peace in the world. The firenation do have the uncanny knack of making their problems the world's problems after all. Uncle Iroh said very firmly that he knew for certain that the only way for this war to end peacefully is for the Avatar to defeat the firelord.

Zuko gave a frustrated noise and pointed out that no one knew where Aang was and he had vanished and Jun said he didn't even exist anymore. Unlce Iroh told him that was why he had consulted the fortune tellers. When he had broken out of prison he had gone to err…_visit_…Aunt Wu. She had first noticed the signs that the avatar would completely disappear again before Sozin's Comet. Worried, he had consulted other seers and fortunetellers and slowly a pattern emerged. All the seers Iroh had consulted saw Aang return again on the day of Sozin's comet. He turned and said to all of us _your friend Aang will return from wherever he has gone and face Ozai at some point during the comet, I am sure of it._

Uncle Iroh said that our destiny today was not about defeating the firelord, but stopping the war – I asked if that was the same thing. We had always seen the two as one and the same after all. Iroh smiled at me sadly and said that our situation was a little more complex than that. He was sure the war would end today. One way or another. He said this rather darkly and chill ran through our group despite the warm day.

Uncle Iroh spoke again and said that it would be up to us to make sure that the war ends in our favour, with as little destruction is done as possible. The Order of the White Lotus has been planning for this day for some time. They had decided as a group that the thing that must take priority is that was liberating and then protecting Ba Sing Se.

Sokka asked why Ba Sing Se, why not try and stop the airship fleet? Iroh signed sadly and said that Order Members were warriors and philosophers but regrettably none of them knew about engineering or the inner mechanics of the airships to successfully stop them after they have taken off. Because the window of opportunity was quite small for stopping the airship fleets and because no one knew how to prevent them from taking off and trying to do so blind would be very dangerous and time consuming – the order had decided it would be better to concentrate on protecting the airship's main target and to then try and bring them down from the ground outside Ba Sing Se.

Suki asked about the people of the Earth Kingdom who didn't live in Ba Sing Se because they were still in the direct line of fire. Iroh explained that according to their spies (they have spies?), the primary objective of the Airship fleet was to burn Ba Sing Se to the ground and only after the city had been reduced to ashes would they all fly off in different directions and wreck as much havoc over the earth kingdom as possible. On the journey to Ba Sing Se the Airships would actually stay in tight formation and leave one path of destruction. The planned route was the most direct path and went through the desert. They would actually only pass directly over a handful of villages and it would be mostly forests and farmland destroyed in the initial push. The villages in question had been sent hawks this morning warning them, but the Order could do little more for them. It will be up to them to evacuate and find safe ground. Suki nodded but looked perturbed.

Iroh said that the other crucial task today would be to stop Azula from being coronated, because if she ever became firelord...Iroh trailed off here and I think we all had a moment to contemplate the sheer terrible-awfulness of Azula as firelord. Iroh explained (his information coming from the spies again) that at this point there was no official firelord. Ozai had completely renounced the title in favour of the 'Pheonix King'. Zuko snorted derisively and mad a comment about his dad making up his own title. Uncle Iroh joined him in derisive snorting and muttered _only Ozai…_ under his breath.

Apparently, while Azula was acting as regent at the moment, the firesages were exceptionally reluctant to coronate her because she had not yet reach the age of majority and…_she's crazy?_ Zuko offered and Iroh nodded at him. He continued and said that despite their misgivings, the firesages had been explicitly ordered to overrule protocol and coronate her anyway this afternoon at sunset. But currently there was no official firelord. If we could stop Azula being coronated, then the position would be open for someone else.

Zuko nodded in comprehension and said _so after the comet, and after we've stopped Azula and protected Ba Sing Se, you can come and take your rightful place on the throne. _ Iroh looked at him for a long moment and then said he couldn't be firelord. The earth kingdom would never accept peace with him as firelord. We all protested at this, especially Toph, as she was the only person from the earth kingdom with us. Iroh said that we were all forgetting about the siege of Ba Sing Se and how even if he managed to liberate and protect Ba Sing Se today, he doubted if the great earth kingdom city would ever forgive him for those 600 days of misery. He explained when he was younger that he had a vision that his destiny was to conquer Ba Sing Se. He had misinterpreted it at the time, and now he knew that all along he was meant to take it back from the firenation, so the earth kingdom could be free again.

He said that being Firelord was never his destiny and that someone new must come along. An idealist with a pure heart and unquestionable honor. He was looking directly at Zuko and I think we all got his meaning pretty quickly, except for Zuko, who looked around with comic confusion behind him. Eventually Iroh clarified his little speech by saying _it has to be you Prince Zuko._

Zuko looked beyond surprised and said _Me! Unquestionable honour?_ Then he shook his head and said_ No, it can't be me. I've made __**so many**__ mistakes. _Uncle Iroh said _Yes, you have... Oh so many mistakes _in a teasing yet endearing tone. Then he said more seriously and persuasively that aside from making mistakes Zuko had also struggled and suffered and had always followed his own path. Uncle finished by saying _you restored your own honour and only you can restore the honour of the firenation. _Zuko looked like he wanted to argue more, but Uncle's gaze was so sincere and he backed down and said firmly _I'll try Uncle._

Uncle said that Zuko would have to return to the firenation so that he could assume the throne when the Firelord falls and start to restore peace and balance. But Azula would be there. Zuko said that he could handle Azula just fine. _Not Alone!_ Uncle said decisively and Zuko agreed and tuned to me and asked if I wanted to go with him instantly. Of course I did!

Team liquidy hot is back!

Sokka asked Iroh what he and Suki and Toph should do. What was their destiny today? Uncle asked him what he thought it was sagely. Sokka said that he thought that even though we didn't know where Aang was, and the Order would protect Ba Sing Se, they should still try and stop the airship fleet. He knew enough about the airships, and engineering, and with Suki and Toph with him he was sure he'd be able to stop them from ever taking off.

Suki agreed with him instantly and said that there was no guarantee those villages would get the hawks in time, and no guarantee that they will be able to find safe ground and protect themselves if they did. Also the Airship fleet would burn so much farmland if they didn't stop them and it was right before harvest season. To lose all those crops meant that even if people didn't die in a fire, they would certainly suffer in a famine. She looked at Toph and Toph nodded and said that the firelord would be on one of those ships. If they were there, then when Aang came to face him they would be close by to help him out, if he needed them. Iroh smiled at them and said they were very wise to choose this path. And that seemed to settle the matter.

But as I got up from around the circle, I couldn't help but think that we had all decided to split up (again!) I had always emphasised that all together we could do anything. And now we are all going into the greatest battle of our lives separately. I knew that our new plan made the most sense in theory, but I didn't want to split from Sokka and Suki and Toph. I felt a flood of worry for them going out there on their own to do a very dangerous mission. Zuko came and stood beside me and gave me a hesitant smile and I felt myself smile back at him. At least I would still have Zuko with me.

And I honestly can't think of a better person to have by my side today.

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Long Rambly author's notes: you knew they were coming!

Lovely wonderful readers! You have reached the end of camp old people! Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed it! big giant thank you with oodles of hugs for my wonderful brilliant reviewers! You guys are seriously awesome and your comments make me smile and make my day and help keep my creative brain ticking over. So thanks and oodles and caboodles of it!

This Chapter was a little hard to write because there is so much going on in this little section of the episode at camp old people and I was trying to make sense of it in my head and I have rambly thoughts.

So not everyone is introduced properly when the old people show up around Appa – but I reckon introductions would have happened on the road to camp old people. I don't focus much on Bumi and Jeong Jeong this chapter, because they are much more part of Aang's story. They are Aang's mentors mostly. But we get more Pakku and Piandao and I find these two older dudes very fascinating. Anyway naturally YMMV on everything.

So a few things about them from my head canon (which colours how I write them)

Pakku: He has a good heart but he is very very set in his ways. Pakku does not adjust to change easily and is very stubborn. However there is a lot of passion and sadness and other emotions in Pakku that he keeps a tight lid on. I also subscribe to the theory that Kanna and Pakku _did the nasty _when they were engaged –before she ran away and she was actually pregnant with Kya when she left. Because bending is an unpredictable genetic ability, it skips Kya- but she passes it on to Katara. Katara's prodigal bending development, while it is mostly her hard work, also comes from the fact that she inherited a very highly developed natural talent for it from Pakku. Pakku now knows that he is in fact Sokka and Katara's natural grandfather, but he would be reluctant to tell them and have a big emotional scene at this point, especially in front of other order members and also because he is still processing the fact that he and Kanna had a child together and she was killed by the firenation before he even got to meet her. Sniff.

Pakku also thinks that Iroh should be the next firelord. While he hasn't met Zuko, he would be reluctant to see anyone under the age of 50 in charge of such a huge, powerful and problematic nation.

Anyway, I don't think Pakku would do it deliberately, but Katara would clearly be his favourite. In the show he is **very dismissive** of Sokka and not just in the North Pole but in this episode as well. I think that because Sokka wasn't really a bender, Pakku didn't have much time for him in the North Pole and he hasn't quite developed the relationship with him that he has with Katara. Also Katara is now a master bender and they have that in common. She is also apparently very similar to her mother, Pakku might subconsciously feel that bonding with her is a way of connecting with the daughter he has lost. So he's not playing favourites to be a jerk, but it will still bother Katara that he does it.

I also wanted them to have a small chat about blood-bending because that is such a huge deal for Katara. While she has confided in Zuko her various feelings on the matter, this would be the first chance she would have to talk to another waterbender about it and another waterbender would have a different take. Pakku would open her eyes to bloodbending as a medicinal treatment - as side that I think Katara would have completely overlooked because she sees it as such a dark art. Pakku doesn't have the emotional baggage that Katara does when he thinks about bloodbending and he can immediately see its positive potential. I also think that Pakku would very quickly figure out that Katara can do it too (despite how 'subtle' she thinks she's being) and he is trying to help her make peace with it.

Piandao is the non-bending child of an illustrious bending family and according to Avatar wiki – he was left at a firenation orphanage for this. Sad panda. It doesn't say any more about his family, but I think he would have found this out, tracked them down and met them and the meeting would not have been a fulfilling one. He would have channelled his disappointment into his superior swordsmanship in order to prove himself. I think that this would affect how he views the world and potential students. Potential students who think they are the best thing ever would hold little interest for him. But students with low self-worth after being overshadowed by benders in their family (Both Sokka and Zuko feel like they are in the shadow of their prodigy bender younger sisters) who are seeking to prove themselves would hold much more possibilities for him. He would see them as a reflection of himself.

I think that Piandao has a great deal of fatherly affection for his students, but he is more demonstrative with Sokka because Sokka is also very demonstrative back and is clearly craving the approval of a father figure. This is not to demean, in any way, Hakoda's role as Sokka's father – because I think he's a great dad – this is just to say that Sokka very much craves validation from older male authority figures who he respects. I think Zuko and Piandao know each other quite well, and respect each other but in a different way to Sokka and Piandao. I think that Zuko would have sought Piandao out, probably in the summer when he was off school after his mother left. Anyway they don't get to interact much this chapter because I felt that Sokka _needed_ Piandao more and Zuko is much more concerned with finding his Uncle – but they'll hang out later.

I also think that Fat, Piandao's 'butler' is actually his long term partner. I think they've been together for years, living on that hill just the two of them. But that is just my opinion and YMMV. However this will come up in later chapters and I will have more to say about it then.

Piandao gives Sokka a white lotus tile in the series and it never comes up again. The Gaang do not understand the significance of this at the time because they actually don't deal with the white lotus at all until Sozin's comet. What would they think finding all their old master's together in this big arse secret society?

I actually think that the principle emotion they would be feeling is relief. Relief that they are no longer in this alone, no longer flying blind without a plan and they have competent adults who they both love and respect around them. I think there will be many more questions about the white lotus that will arise later – but right at this moment, on the eve of Sozin's comet, the gang wouldn't think about any of that. All that said, Sokka's lotus tile deserved a mention because it would re-inforce Sokka's self worth. Being the only one chosen out of all the Gaang as worthy of being initiated would be a big ego boost. And it also underpins the Sokka/Piandao relationship because Piandao really believed in and encouraged Sokka to be the warrior he becomes.

So the Gaang run into nearly every older minor character and mentor figure in Camp Old People and as a result I was possessed by the desire to have Aunt Wu here. Mostly because there were not enough Old Wise Ladies in the show for my taste. Also I think Katara would have bonded with Aunt Wu and her presence could help explain why the rather superstitious Iroh is **completely sure** that Aang will return. Because seriously when I watched it and Iroh was so sure that Aang would come back …I was confused. How did he know this, because the last I heard Aang didn't even theoretically exist. Iroh taking another spirit world journey is a possibility but I much prefer my version, with Uncle Iroh visiting Aunt Wu and consulting many fortune tellers.

Uncle Iroh …Aunt Wu… you know it makes sense!

Also Aunt Wu would have met Zuko during _Iroh, Jun and Zuko's five days of fun_. Zuko like Sokka thinks that fortune-telling is all bollocks. The _and that_ scene is shamelessly borrowed form RTD's Casanova, starring David Tennant – which is a fabulous miniseries if you have never had the chance to see it.

And in this chapter Zuko and Iroh are reunited and Katara and Iroh are properly introduced and there is an overabundance of fondness. In my head canon, Iroh wakes up not long after Zuko sits down in that tent and they have their tearful reunion and then Iroh wants to know absolutely everything that his nephew has been up to. While the white lotus spies would be all over the place, I imagine details on what Zuko was up to would be sketchy at best and poor Iroh would have been just a touch worried. If I had a relative like Zuko, I would do nothing but worry about them.

Anyway Zuko would have told him all about running away from home and the Western Air Temple and the Beach House and all the various other shenanigans the Gaang got into etc. He would not have noticed he was doing it, but he would have talked about Katara. A lot. Zuko would have been all _Katara said this_ and _then Katara did that_ and _Katara is so funny_. Uncle is rather amused by this, finds it all a bit adorable and would be a bit excited (hasn't he always wanted Zuko to meet a pretty girl) – however he would keep his mouth shut about his suspicions because he has a bit of tact. Anyway when it comes time to actually meet _the famous Katara_ he feels like he already knows her. Katara and Iroh will get a chance to hang out a lot more in later chapters, but this is just the first time they meet.

I also tweaked the conversation over the battle plans a little bit and tried to flesh out this scene more, because a lot is going here very quickly. And I wanted to look at why I think Iroh doesn't want to be firelord, why the order are so focused on Ba Sing Se and how the Gaang come to their mutual decision to split up.

**Why Iroh Can't be firelord?** Look this bugged me a little bit in the show. Zuko is a 16-year-old emotionally traumatized, impulsive teen who is a bit socially awkward. He is then handed an entire screwed up, war mongering nation and told to **'fix it'.** He has to restore peace and balance after 100 years of war – on his own - because his esteemed wise Uncle wants to go and make tea.

Sucks to be you Zuko.

No wonder he's going nuts in the promise.

Seriously though, why can't Iroh be firelord? He is technically next in line, he makes the most sense, he is wise, patient and experienced. He obviously still commands a great deal of respect. He's smart enough, he's good enough and g*ddamnit people like him. I think Zuko would do his absolute best, but I think this is a HUGE responsibility to foist on him at this point. Zuko is **really genuinely surprised** that his Uncle thinks that he should be firelord. I don't think he ever entertained the possibility that he would assume power after he ran away from home. In fact when Zuko leaves the firenation, it is a very clear rejection not just of his father and sister, but of his position.

While Young Zuko, the one who wanted to go into the war meeting was eager to learn how to run the country, seemed pleased with the idea of being Firelord, This Zuko would see it for what it was – an incredibly stressful position fraught with problems and annoyances and arguments. He would not wish to be an authoritarian leader like his father, but he also would realize how hard it would be to get people in the upper echelons of society to follow him down the 'peace and balance path.' So I don't think Zuko, with all he's learned, would relish the chance at being Firelord, especially at this age. He'll accept it, if it is absolutely necessary, but he wont enjoy it. I think Zuko doesn't really think his Uncle is serious in Camp Old People, but he knows that time is short and they don't have time to sit about arguing over who should be firelord before they have even won – so he thinks: _okay I'll go with this for now and after the battle I'll convince him to change his mind and assume the throne._

I needed a proper reason from Iroh as to why he couldn't be Firelord. A reason aside from 'someone new must come along' because that does not cut much mustard with me given the circumstances. And so I had a bit of a think and the best thing I could come up with was Ba Sing Se and the fact that Iroh is a big military figure in the war against the Earth Kingdom specifically. He lay siege to Ba Sing Se for 600 days and that would have left a lot of damage and a lot of unnecessary casualties in the Earth Kingdom. While Iroh's help in liberating the city during the comet will be appreciated, I don't think he would ever fully be accepted in the earth kingdom as someone to make peace with. With Iroh as Firelord the peace negotiations with the Earth Kingdom become much more problematic. It would be easier for the Earth Kingdom to make peace with a 'new' face than with an old enemy. While the Water Tribes and independent nations like Kyoshi Island will get a say in the peace process, the really hard issue are going to arise between the FN and the EK and as a result FN and EK international relations should be made as easy as possible.

*Shrugs* that's what I came up with.

**Why do the entire Order go to Ba Sing Se?** I was surprised that none of the adults would have wanted to go with either Zuko and Katara or Sokka,Suki and Toph. Both groups tackle extremely important missions and I was just surprised that the adults around them didn't offer their support. Why was it so crucial to keep and protect Ba Sing Se? Especially because I think Piandao at least, would have wanted to go with Sokka and in my head canon Pakku wanted to go with Katara.

Anyway I came up with some fanwank to explain why they would send teenagers (however competent the Gaang are, they're still teenagers and they are putting themselves directly in the line of fire) off on very dangerous missions on their own. All I could come up with is once again related to Ba Sing Se and its crucial position to the battle. I think the Order have had the plan for what they are going to do today down pat. It has been seamless planned and practiced and there is no room for last minute changes.

I also increased the importance of Ba Sing Se as a strategic location. I thought that the OtWL should have focused on the airships really, as they would be the source of most of the destruction – but I hand wave that by saying that none of them know enough about engineering and there would only be a small window of opportunity to prevent the airships from taking off – and they all felt that they would be better able to bring the Airships down from the ground outside Ba Sing Se. Aang pretty easily knocks one out of commission by throwing a rock at it after all. And as the airships will only fly over a handful of villages because they are taking the most direct route, the White Lotus warn the villages and then washes their hands of them. They are not trying to be heartless, but it is war and protecting Ba Sing Se with its extremely dense population and strategic value would take precedence over saving a handful of villages.

Sokka knows enough about engineering to be able to disable the airships before they take off and so he quickly volunteers that he thinks this is the best course of action. This is a destiny that he free chooses from himself, because I think Sokka would not be able to sit back and let those airships take off and rain fire down on_ anyone_ if he could prevent it. I think that once Sokka decided to go, it would make sense that Suki and Toph would go to protect him as well as for their own reasons. Suki has a point about how destroying large swaths of farmland just before a harvest would cause a famine and the villages might not be able to properly defend themselves from a rain of fire. Toph figures out fairly quickly that Aang will be near the airships if he has to face the firelord and therefore they will be close by to help him out when the time comes.

In the next chapter, the Gaang will say goodbye and split up (sniff) and Katara and Zuko will travel to the firenation capital together.

Til then lovely readers...


	41. goodbye hugs

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Goodbye hugs.

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We broke up our little fireside meeting. Time was really limited today. Now that we had decided on a course of action, there didn't seem to be much point loitering. We all headed back to our tent where we had dumped our packs last night. We decided to do a quick emergency repack and leave our heavier stuff with the order. We all knew that we could only take the bare essentials on our missions. As we walked over to the tent, Zuko tapped me on the shoulder and said he was just going to talk to his Uncle for a second. I asked him if he had some input into what our bare essentials should be and he shrugged and said it was cool and he trusted me and then he turned to go. He said he trusted me so off hand, so casually, like it wasn't even a big deal. I couldn't help but think how far we'd come since he first showed up at the Western Air Temple.

I did a basic repack and then started on the medical supplies. I'd bought the entire first aid kit from the house- because you never know – and I started dividing it into two, so that Sokka, and Suki and Toph would have a supply of bandages and other assorted things. Oh as I was doing it my heart just _wrenched _in worry. I wouldn't be with them if anything happened and I wouldn't be able to help them or heal them. I tried to push the worry away and told myself that Toph and Sokka would have Suki and she seemed to have good basic first aid knowledge and kept her head in a crisis…but what if something happened to Suki? No I had to stop thinking like this and just stay positive.

I knew splitting up was necessary. There was no way I'd let Zuko go face Azula alone after all. Sokka was the only one here with a working knowledge of engineering who was capable of preventing the airships from taking off. It was only understandable that both Suki and Toph would want to go with him. Even though I knew all that, I couldn't help but hate the fact that we all had to split up. I **hated **that we couldn't all be together today. I **hated **that Aang had skipped out on us with no explanation or anything. Now Sozin's comet was here and we were all being separated.

I willed myself calm and I told myself that everything would work out okay, simply because _it just had_ _to_ and I wouldn't accept any other alternative. I knew the others needed me to put on my brave face for them, especially today of all days. Suki was the only one from their group who was actually packing. Toph was sitting on her bed, being quiet and subdued for once and Sokka was muttering worriedly to himself and polishing his sword. Inexplicably and for no reason, a few lines from that terrible play's music section popped into my head. Sokka's big solo about sword polishing. That whole play had been ridiculous. Our whole situation was ridiculous. Sometimes in ridiculous situations, you just have to go with it.

I could keep it together for them, just like I had always done. Toph was looking down at nothing much. I could see she was worried. She looked so young right then. So I did what I always do. I went and sat next to her and I gently lay my hand on her shoulder. For once she didn't give me a light and friendly punch. Instead she leaned over and wrapped her arms around my middle silently. I hugged her back but didn't say anything. There wasn't really any need. Sokka noticed our hug and he came over and wrapped his arms around us both. And we just had a _quiet moment,_ the three of us, together. I think that I probably mother Toph and Sokka the most, aside from Aang and I wanted to comfort and reassure them somehow that everything was going to be okay.

So I said as much. I gave both of them a little hair ruffle and told them not to worry and everything was going to work out fine today. I don't know if I completely believed it, but I knew I had to say it. At my words, Suki looked up from her packing and noticed us all sitting on Toph's bed and hugging. She got up and came over and wrapped her arms as far as they could stretch around our little group. Then she said in a briskly cheery voice, very similar to my own, that I was right and everything was going to be fine. I caught her eye over the top of Toph's head and we held eachother's gaze for a second before Suki nodded at me in confirmation. I felt like this big moment of understanding passed between us.

At that point there was a gentle tap on one of the support beams of our tent and Zuko popped his head in to see if we were all ready. He saw us all in a big cuddly heap on Toph's bed and looked unsure of what to do. He said _oh you guys are doing that...again._ I sharply gestured for him to join the group hug and he complied. I felt his warm hand on my back and I had Toph's head in my lap and I had one arm around Sokka and the other around Suki. There was so much love and so many unspoken worries and fears and goodbyes in that hug. I told myself that if we all made it unharmed through the day, I would never ask the spirits for anything ever again.

Suddenly we heard Piandao's voice outside. He asked if he could come in. We all broke apart from our hug and said yes. He entered with a bundle of papers under one arm. He had come to tell Sokka, Suki and Toph that he had arranged some transportation for them, so Zuko and I could take the bison to the capital. Zuko bowed back at him in acknowledgement.

Piandao had brought all the information the order had on the Airship Fleet and wanted to show the others. We filed out after him into the bright sunlight. He laid out a blueprint of the Airships on the grass and went through the basic design with Sokka, who very quickly ascertained where the weak spots were and what needed to be done. Piandao looked impressed. He pulled out a second map and said that this one was a detailed location map of the Airship base which was less that a day's journey from here, so they should arrive before the comet and the Airship departure time.

Our own departure time was quickly arriving. Piandao looked at all of us and then looked away for a second. He opened his mouth, closed it and sighed. He seemed to want to say something to all of us. There was a bit of a pause. Eventually he said _listen kids, it is okay to be scared about today. It's a scary day. But I have complete trust in your abilities to do this. _Then he turned to Sokka and said _I know your courage is far greater than your fear of failure._ He was saying this directly to Sokka, who, as the only one who knew enough about engineering, had the biggest responsibility with the airship plan. Sokka nodded, but then asked, really quietly _what if I do fail master?_ I couldn't help but think that Sokka must have felt very comfortable around Master Piandao to admit such a private fear to him.

Master Piandao put his hand on Sokka's shoulder reassuringly and said that Sokka had such a big heart and that made Piandao absolutely sure he would not fail. Sokka looked a bit confused at how having a big heart meant that he would not fail and how Piandao could be so sure about everything. Piandao said that Sokka wouldn't fail because he was clever and determined and more importantly he was no coward. None of us were. We were the bravest young people he had ever come across and he was honoured to have met us all. I am touched that he said it.

He looked up at all of us and said that _all cowardice comes from not loving or not loving well, _which to Piandao, was the same thing in the end. He explained that some of the order members felt that it was better to detach themselves from the world and attachments were weaknesses in battle. But Piandao disagreed. He thought that one man – or woman – he said with a nod at Suki, Toph and me, defending something that they loved was more powerful than ten hired soldiers. It is that love that makes them a force to be reckoned with and helps them fight on regardless of obstacle or odds against them. Piandao said that he knew that when the time came, we would all be able to drawn strength and courage from each other and be successful.

Suddenly the biggest lizard I had ever seen in my life wandered over and nuzzled Piandao with a huge nose. Piandao patted her flank lovingly and said that she was a Giant Eel Hound and she was the fastest creature alive. Her name was Doris (Piandao was _very quick_ to point out that he hadn't named her) and she would take Toph and Sokka and Suki to where they needed to go. Piandao took the bag from Suki and attached it to Doris's saddle and said that now she was ready to leave as soon as they were.

So this was it. This was goodbye. No, not goodbye. See you later. Everything was happening so quickly this morning. I couldn't believe the time for the others to go was already here. Piandao seemed to realize that we needed a moment together and excused himself and said he had to go get one final map for Sokka. As soon as he left Suki pulled me aside and gave me a big hug and whispered in my ear that she would look after Sokka and Toph for me. I was starting to feel the prickle of tears so I just nodded against her shoulder and didn't say anything. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Zuko lift Toph up into a big hug. Her feet were dangling and I'm sure she was saying something sarcastic because I heard Zuko's soft rumbly laugh. He popped her down and she wandered over to me and I ducked down and gave her a quick hug. Neither of us said anything. It's weird, Toph and I clash so frequently and then there are moments like this when there is just no need for words because we both just understand what the other is trying to say.

Suki gave Zuko a hug and then Zuko and Sokka were giving each other that quick, one armed hug that boys always do. Zuko and Sokka don't really hug, unless you count all the inelegant struggling – so it was a big deal for them when Sokka got his other arm involved and gave Zuko a big squeeze. He said something to Zuko that I couldn't overhear and Zuko replied that Sokka didn't have to worry about that and then they broke apart and nodded at each other in **manly **understanding (as they both insist that everything they do together is **manly**).

Then it was my turn to say goodbye to Sokka. I don't know if there is anything that I could have done that would have made me prepared for this moment. I know I've been saying that everything was happening so fast this morning – but no amount of time in the world could prepare me for saying goodbye to my big brother. Oh Sokka. He gave me a big hug and I was blinking back tears and we were both trying to reassure each other and talking over each other. He was saying everything's going to be fine – which is normally my line – and I was telling him that we'd se each other again really soon.

All my life, Sokka's been there. We have never been apart, not really. Except for that horrible day when he was taken by the Hei Bai and I didn't know what had happened to him and _oh_ how I missed him and worried for him then. Then there was that week he was at Piandao's – but he was never far away then and we could visit him whenever we wanted. Those are the only two occasions we've been separated and I've never liked it. I've always missed him. Ever since we left with Aang; the world has been shifting and changing and expanding for me, but Sokka has always been constant. Sokka and his terrible jokes and his sarcasm and his plans and schedules and meat obsession and shopping love. Sokka can drive me crazier than any other person on this planet (except maybe Zuko) but he's my big brother and I love him so. We've done almost everything together and now we were going to be apart for the biggest day of our lives.

Piandao wandered back over with a map for Sokka and we broke apart. He gestured and Doris sat down so that Suki and Toph could climb on her back. Suki held Toph in place while Doris sat up and Piandao was explaining where the Airship base was to Sokka on the new map he had bought. Sokka thanked him and they bowed at each other in fire nation style. Sokka suddenly reached out and hugged Piandao tightly. Piandao seemed a bit surprised and paused for a second and then he lowered his arms around Sokka and hugged him back. Then he turned and gave Sokka a boost so that he could climb onto Doris's back.

They were ready to go, but they were waiting for me and Zuko to be ready as well. So we wandered over to where Appa and Uncle Iroh where. Uncle Iroh was patting Appa's face and saying what a wonderful creature he was in a voice similar to Sokka's _hawky voice_. Zuko cleared his throat and his Uncle turned around and asked if we were all ready. We looked at each other and nodded. We were as ready as we'd ever be.

At that moment Pakku came up behind me and tapped me on my shoulder and said I couldn't leave without saying a proper goodbye to my new grandfather. I gave him a hug. I thought it would only be a quick one (Pakku's not really into hugs) but he gave me a really tight squeeze. He gruffly listed some powerful water bending forms that I should remember in battle. I told him reassuringly that I would be fine and then he turned and helped me get on Appa. It was unnecessary, I've been climbing on and off Appa for nearly a whole year now, but it made Pakku happy to do it. Zuko and Iroh were still talking quietly, their heads nearly pressed together, then Zuko nodded and his Uncle pulled him into what looked like a bone crushing hug.

Then Zuko climbed up on Appa with me and took the reigns. He paused for a second and looked like he wanted to ask a question, but then thought better of it. Then he decided to ask anyway. He turned to his Uncle and said _so if I'm going to be firelord after the war, what will you do?_ Uncle replied that after he had conquered Ba Sing Se, he was going to conquer his teashop and play Pai Sho everyday. Zuko smiled and shook his head in amusement.

Sokka walked Doris over to the clearing where we were. He and Suki gave us a wave and we waved back. Then we stared at each other for a solemn second. I called out goodbye to the White Lotus members and the other's followed my lead. Uncle Iroh waved at us and said _Goodbye everyone and good luck. Today destiny is our friend, I know it._ There was a momentary pause before Sokka nodded at us, clicked Doris's reigns and the three of them sped off on the Giant Eel Hound. Wow that thing really does move quickly. Zuko said _yip yip_ and Appa took off and we were on our way.

I turned around and waved one last time at Pakku and the White Lotus Members. Then I scanned the ground for Sokka and Suki and Toph. I could see them heading westwards and I watched their progress for a long time, until they were just a tiny speck in the distance. I have prayed to Tui and La that this is not the last time I'll see them.

-?-

I must have been looking really worried because Zuko told me, out of the blue, that he was sure the others would be okay. I nodded and said I knew that. Well I choose to believe that- and I guess there is a difference there. But saying goodbye is always hard. Zuko nodded and agreed and said he hated big goodbye scenes and he reckoned he got more hugs this morning than he had in his entire life. Firenation people, in general, weren't into hugs. I told him he seemed very huggable to me. He grinned and said it was probably because he'd been hanging around me and Sokka too much and both of us were just _all about the hugs _and being affectionate was obviously catching.

I could tell he was trying to tease me out of worrying and it was working. I gave him a playful little shove with my shoulder and said maybe just hugging him was catching. For all we knew, he was an _infectious affectionate disease_. We began bickering good-naturedly over Zuko's disease status. Zuko claimed that we made him hug people and I claimed that he infected people with the urge to hug him. (I think I won this argument). We flew over Ba Sing Se towards the sea. As we went over the city I, once again, bent a cloud around us to hide us from the people down below. I just realized that this might be the last time I'll have to do that.

-?-

Zuko and I flew eastwards. There was no way that Appa could make it from Ba Sing Se to the Firenation Capital in under a day if we flew the conventional route over the earth kingdom. We had decided to fly over the Far Eastern Sea because it was much quicker. The Far Eastern Sea was the most turbulent in the whole world and it was full of sea monsters twice the size of the Unagi. Nobody from our tribe had ever tried to sail through it, as far as I knew, and Zuko knew that many firenation ships, in the initial push for colonization, had been sunk by the big and unforgiving waves and the giant serpents and the eastern route had been abandoned. He said that on the firenation maps that he had to study in school all it said of the Far Eastern Sea was _abandon hope all ye who enter. Here there be monsters_. Well that is suitably dramatic. But we weren't on a ship, we were high above the water –almost the same height as the clouds.

The eastern sea route would take a quarter of the time to get to the capital . It actually wasn't too long a distance to the firenation from here. It felt like we were sneaking in the back door. I pointed out that we were probably the first people to see the Far Eastern Sea in _spirits knew how long._ Zuko muttered that _it's funny how life turns out_ and he told me that when he was a kid, he used to want to properly explore the Far Eastern Sea – just because everybody thought it was impossible and nobody had ever done it before. That is just such a typical Zuko thing to think that I couldn't help but smile at him, even despite all my anxiety and worries.

-?-

We flew without stopping and had lunch on Appa. I'd packed us a nice lunch. Zuko was quite pleased to see a pack of fireflakes in there. They are not a bare essential per se, but I know how much he loves them, so I'd packed some anyway. We sat next to each other in Appa's saddle and I decided to ask Zuko how he felt about his Uncle wanting him to be firelord. He's seemed so taken aback and surprised when his Uncle had said it at breakfast and he'd looked like he wanted to argue a lot. Zuko said he had wanted to argue a bit, but it hadn't been the time or place. He thought arguments over who should be firelord should come _after _we'd stopped Azula. I agree.

Zuko said he hadn't really thought about being firelord in a long, long time. He used to think it would be cool when he was a kid, but he said he knew better now. He shrugged and said self depreciatingly _I'd make a terrible firelord right now anyway_. I disagreed rather vehemently. Zuko smiled wryly at me and said being firelord meant hanging out with slimy politicians all the time and schmoozing and being charming and good with words etc. He asked me how I would honestly rate his "People Skills" on a scale of one to ten. Okay, fine. I conceded his point. But I was sure there was more to being Firelord than that.

Zuko agreed and began to list all the duties that he knew about (this was a long list) and explained how both the education system and the economy of the firenation was geared for war. If we wanted lasting peace, the next firelord was going to have to sort out _overhauling the entire economy and the education system_ and all that would be such _a giant mess_ and Zuko wouldn't even know where to start. And then there would be peace treaties and demilitarization to contend with... and what about the colonies... and every other country was going to hate the firenation and that was going to make trade really difficult and if trade was difficult- how could the economy change. That wasn't even getting into the systemic poverty, elitism and cronyism that made up the firenation and all the problems that entailed etc etc.

Okay, okay I get it. Being the Firelord next would suck feather-monkey balls.

Zuko said that he was half certain his Uncle was kidding. He just **had to be.** Zuko was only 16 and he knew that he just wasn't ready for that much responsibility. Especially not on his own. If he got _stuck in the hotseat_ and his Uncle moved to Ba Sing Se to _make friggin tea,_ there was literally no one else in the entire world Zuko would trust to advise him in firenation-y political things. He conceded that in all things water-tribey, medical and common-sense-ical I could _advise _him to my heart's content (by advise I am sure he means boss around). But he was sure most of the really big problems would come from within the firenation – and Zuko's Uncle would be the best person to deal with all those internal shenanigans.

So, in short, Zuko was sure that his Uncle was kidding. If he wasn't kidding, then Zuko was sure he could convince him after the comet, to take his rightful place. Zuko is very firmly of the belief that his Uncle would make a great firelord and should be next. Besides all Zuko wanted to do after the comet was just relax for... like a whole week**,** not rule a country.

I pointed out that he said _relax for a whole week_ like it was the **biggest indulgence in the world**. Something akin to cultivating an opium habit and spending one's life lazing about opium dens in bohemian and hedonistic luxury. He grinned at me and said a whole week's relaxation would be bohemian and hedonistic luxury for him. He added wryly that, in this fantasy week of relaxation, he might even take up **napping in the middle of the day**. Gasp! Zuko considering naps! What is the world coming to!

We joked a bit about what other things Zuko could get up to in his week of relaxation for a bit. I thought of a few _cheeky suggestions_ for him, but I kept these to myself. But I was a bit worried for him. His Uncle had seemed pretty certain at breakfast today. I tried to put a more serious note in the conversation and said that if his Uncle wasn't joking, and Zuko couldn't convince him otherwise – having Zuko as firelord would be the best outcome for us. Surely it wouldn't the worst thing in the world for him. The only alternatives were Azula or his crazy dad or his Uncle and if none of them could/should do it... Zuko smiled at me and said he knew that. If he absolutely had to, of course he wasn't going to say no to being firelord. But he still hoped his Uncle was joking/would change his mind. If Zuko ended up in the hotseat on his own- he was going to be pissed off.

He said _pissed off_ but I could tell he also meant overwhelmed and confused. I scooted next to him and whispered _you wouldn't be on your own _and I leant my head on his shoulder. He put and arm around me and gave me a small squeeze and said _thanks_ quietly. We sat like that, for a while, in quiet contemplation, before Zuko added in a very different and purposeful tone of voice that we shouldn't get ahead of ourselves because we still had to stop Azula and we should really focus on that.

He abruptly started running through what he knew of Azula's firebending weaknesses. She was very precise, but she had a tendency to use the more advanced and physically taxing moves earlier. She liked to overpower her enemies quickly. Her stamina was good but not fabulous and there'd be two of us; if we could tire her out, we'd be at an advantage. He knew that she couldn't firebend without breathing, but Zuko's Uncle had taught him how to make super heat under water. If I could cover her head with water somehow, even if I had to cover them both, Zuko'd be okay and she wouldn't be able to bend and then we could figure out a way to... Zuko paused her and seemed to search for the words for a few seconds. He finally settled on _contain her somehow_. Zuko was a bit sketchy on the details of how he thought we should go about this. I mean his sister is _pretty uncontainable_. She is **all kinds of fierce.** I think she is the least containable person on the entire planet.

His primary objective was to stop her without hurting her too much, and this made me oddly glad. I mean it would be much harder to do, but I think in the end it would be better for him. Zuko, while he doesn't harp on about the sanctity of life or anything like that- the way Aang does- has always seemed uncomfortable with the idea of having to kill Azula. He's told me a little bit about her from when they were kids, and he's always assured me that there was a time when they got along. Brother and sister shouldn't have to fight to the death. It's not right.

I pointed this out and Zuko said I was right. He didn't think he'd ever have it in him to kill his sister, even though he was fairly certain she'd do her damndest to kill us. It is a sobering thought. I said that Aang must be rubbing off on us. He smiled at me faintly and said perhaps it was Aang, but he hoped Aang wasn't rubbing off too much. Zuko wanted to be realistic about these things. He wasn't going to rule out _doing that_, if there was no other alternative.

Zuko said he hoped it wouldn't come to that. He'd thought of a way to stop her that wouldn't hurt her too much, but would knock her out. It was what he wanted to talk to his Uncle about this morning. He wanted to know if it was possible to partially redirect _just a bit_ of lightning, to separate the bolt in two. And according to Uncle, it was, **theoretically.** But Uncle had never tried it and thought it was much, much risker. But it was possible. Zuko was pretty sure he could do it. The _theoretically _and the _pretty sure_ gave me a worried feeling in my stomach and I'm sure I made a very worried facial expression. Zuko reassured me that it _sounded _easy enough when Uncle ran through the theory with him. I was still not completely reassured.

Zuko huffed and said that he didn't have any better ideas and he was sure this would work. All he needed to do was wait for her to fire a lightning bolt at him. Judging from the way she'd been fighting lately, it wouldn't take too long. She was busting out the lightning all the time now. If he could split the bolt, he'd be able to fire just enough back at her to give her a big shock and knock her out. That would be enough to stop her, but not kill her. Then she'd be unconscious and we could ...unceremoniously stuff her in one of the dungeon holding cells until we had a better idea of what to do with her.

I could already see a few holes in Zuko's "plan". The biggest one being what would happen if he couldn't split the bolt? Zuko looked off for a second and there was a long pause before he said _I've at least got to try it _firmly. I couldn't really argue with that.

What about if she escaped from this holding cell we were going to unceremoniously stuff her in? Zuko said that she shouldn't be able to. Firenation prison cells were built to contain firebenders, so she wouldn't be able to use her bending to escape when she came to. The only other alternative escape route would be digging her way out and Zuko thought this would be an unlikely occurrence because she hated getting her hands dirty.

Well what about if she didn't bust out the bolts? What was our plan then? Zuko had redirected lightning at his father and I was sure his dad would have told Azula about that. If she had any sense, she might avoid using lightning in a fight against Zuko. Zuko had that figured out too. He knew Azula well. They were used to taunting each other. He knew that she couldn't stand to be called a pig-chicken. If she didn't use the lightning, all Zuko had to say was that she was **too scared** of him to do it. She'd fire up in two seconds flat.

I pointed out that Zuko also hated having bravery (or his honour) besmirched. That was how Sokka got him to agree to do all manner of idiotic things. For example, just a few days ago Sokka was eating a sandwich of Sokka's secret sauce and pickles. Zuko remarked that this was the most revolting combination he had ever seen on a sandwich and it was in fact a _food abomination,_ not a meal. Sokka said that Zuko was just too scared/not manly enough to handle the taste sensation of his sandwich. Inevitably there were shenanigans (there always are) which ended in Sokka making up an identical sandwich for Zuko and Zuko eating the whole thing to prove his **manly courage.** And later still, out of Sokka's hearing, Zuko confided in me that he had **sandwich regret** and felt a little sick. I may not have been entirely sympathetic at the time because no one forced him to eat it.

Zuko conceded my point and said being a bit proud and defensive when called a coward was probably a family trait. I was feeling a little cheeky and I wanted to lighten the mood a little after such a serious conversation, so I ended up misquoting Master Piandao at him and I said _Well as you know, all cowardice comes from not loving – so you must really love Sokka._ He made the grumpy face at me and retaliatory tickling ensued.

-?-

I think both of us were trying to keep the mood light and keep each other's spirits up. And it was easy, while the sun was shining and we were over the Far Eastern Sea. We saw the biggest sea monster I have ever seen. It ate other sea monster for breakfast. It was an enormous giant squid. I have never seen or heard of anything quite like it. Me and Zuko have decided to keep this tidbit to ourselves because no one would ever believe us. But it was still fascinating to see.

Before I knew it, almost the whole day had gone and the volcanic coast of the firenation mainland appeared on the horizon. Zuko fell silent and neither of us said anything for a while. In the distance I could see the big volcano that made up the firenation capital looming closer. It was hard to keep the mood light right then.

Suddenly, as we were flying over the mountains, Zuko gasped and put his head in his hands for a second. I fussed worriedly. He told me he was okay quickly. It was the comet. He could _really feel_ it. It was getting much closer. He hadn't expected it to feel like this. He shook he head and sat up properly again. He seemed a bit agitated and so I fussed worriedly some more. He closed his eyes. It looked like he was trying to force himself calm. After a second, he looked at me and said he was fine, it was just such an unusual feeling. Upon prodding he couldn't really describe it well. He just said it didn't feel especially bad or especially good. It just felt **powerful.**

Just as he said that the sky blistered orange above us. Suddenly it felt like the sun had completely vanished. We could actually see the comet right ahead of us - streaking a bright burning path across the orange sky. It was beautiful... in a terrible sort of way. Zuko's expression changed and he looked really anxious. He turned to me and said that if he could feel the comet's power so strongly, that also meant that his father could, and Azula could too. I told him not to worry, we could take Azula. He shook his head and said he wasn't worried about her, he was worried about Aang. So was I.

It was Zuko's turn to play the _worried what if_ game. He said that Aang was only new to firebending. He wasn't a master yet and _what if the comet didn't affect him the same way?_ I told him it should. Also he would still have his other bendings to help him. Zuko nodded and then after a brief hesitation, he said _what if he doesn't have the guts to take out my father?_ I said that I hoped when the time comes, Aang would make the right choice. Zuko asked, really quietly and with a great deal of uneasiness, _what if he loses?_

I didn't know quite what to say to that. I didn't have an answer for him. That was my biggest private fears as well. But I didn't see the merit in saying that. Only one person in the bison can freak out at a time in my opinion. But the pause stretched on. There was a time when I had such unfailing faith in Aang, but that faith had been shaken. There was a point when I truly and absolutely believed, deep in my very bones, that he could save the world. I tried, right then, to remember how that had felt – to have such complete trust in Aang.

I tried so hard, but it wasn't working. Too much had happened and he'd let me down too badly. I just didn't feel that unwavering certainty anymore. But I couldn't bring myself to say this out loud. I found myself backing down to comforting lies. I said with as much conviction as I could muster _Aang wont lose. He's going to come back and he's going to win this. He just __**has **__to._ I had no other reason than then simple fact that Aang **had to**.

Zuko smiled (a sad little smile) at me and said _you really believe that?_ To my own surprise, found myself confessing _No _very quietly. I guess me and Zuko have always been fairly honest with each other. I can bluster all I like at the others about how I think that _everything is going to be alright_ and _everything is going to be fine_, but I could never really fool Zuko. A terrible sombre mood settled over us. Zuko started apologizing and saying it was a stupid thing for him to say. I said it wasn't really. It was a good question, I just didn't have the answer, but telling myself that Aang would win easily helped me stay positive. He said it was definitely a better thing to tell myself than ...the alternative. We both silently contemplated the alternative for a second.

Zuko broke the silence first and said that he had taught Aang almost everything he knew about firebending, and Toph had taught him all her best earthbending moves and I had said myself that Aang was near master level in waterbending- so he was already at an advantage. What happened next would have to be up to him. The firelord was Aang's fight – or so everybody said- and we had all taught enough to make sure he'd be able to win it.

I could tell he was trying to cheer me up, not by blindly saying that everything was going to be fine, but by listing all the things in Aang's favour. Toph and Suki and Sokka would be nearby, Aang was the Avatar, but more than that, he was a smart kid...most of the time. I agreed and added that for all we knew, Aang's little disappearing trick would have helped him unlock that bloody chakra and he could go into the Avatar state again.

In the end, there wasn't much we could do for Aang right now. He had left us. He had gone and now our paths had separated. We both had different things we needed to do today and I couldn't be there for Aang this time. As we flew over the lip of the volcano and Zuko pointed out the coronation plaza – I tried to put Aang from my mind. He had his battle to fight today and Zuko and I had ours. Aang was nearly a master waterbender (could have been a master bender by now if he had just applied himself more) and I had done all for him that I possibly could. He was the Avatar, he had so many advantages. What he made of them was up to him now.

-?-

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Rambly author's notes:

Lovely wonderful readers! You've reached the end of _goodbye hugs!_ Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed it. Huge giant thanks and hugs for my wonderful and brilliant reviewers! I always love hearing your thoughts and all your reviews really make me smile. So internet hugs for you all!

Anyway in this chapter, I actually only have a few rambly thoughts. And naturally YMMV over everything! Feel free to disagree! I always thought that Suki was equally capable of being a 'team mum' – but it is just so much Katara's role already. But now that they are splitting up, Suki will do her best to look after Toph and Sokka and she and Katara have a moment of understanding regarding this.

I think Piandao would be the most likely candidate (aside from Iroh – but he and Zuko are busy) to come and give the kids a bit of a pep talk and encourage them. Piandao gives us a little speech about bravery. The quote_ all cowardice comes from not loving, or not loving well, which is the same thing in the end _comes from the beautiful and fabulous film Midnight in Paris. This movie is just delightful and if you haven't already seen it, then go now! Don't wait! It's great! (hee I rhymed). Anyway I watched it and it made me think of the Gaang and how all of their biggest bravest moments come when they are protecting each other. Their love for each other gives them strength. So I thought I'd throw it in here.

So there are many, many hugs in this chapter. Even a proper Sokka/Zuko hug. I think they would normally do that one armed boy-hug. I don't know if it is only my guy friends who think like this, but apparently guys rarely properly hug each other because it is **unmanly. **If a hug is necessary a sort of joint one armed back-pat normally suffices. Proper hugs are only for when it is serious business – so they are a big deal. During the hug Sokka would have quietly said something like _look after Katara for me._ And it is in response to this that Zuko says Sokka doesn't have to worry.

So Bryke have said that Appa flies at the speed of the plot in the Sozin's comet arc because the Ganng travel at wicked fast speeds during these episodes. I actually think that the episodes would have made much more sense, if they had just cut those random shipping scenes and instead had a scene where Sokka straps a jet pack or similar to Appa. **Everything would make so much more sense! **I tried to fix this anyway.

I think expecting Appa to fly from Ba Sing Se to the firenation capital in under a day -when they are on opposite sides of the map and previously it took Appa a whole season to make it from the SWT to the NWT- is a bit much. Appa gets tired and needs breaks over long distances. That was the reason for most of the gaang's stops in season 1 (aside from the fact that the plot demanded it.)

So I have hypothesized that the Avatar world is a globe and therefore the Earth kingdom and the firenation aren't actually that far away – the EK's far eastern border and the FN's far western border would actually be quite close and on the same body of water. To better explain why the FN didn't attack the EK from this angle, I have made the sea incredibly and especially treacherous. There is even a giant squid/kraken in there (I threw that in just because I could). Nobody has ever sailed the Far Eastern Sea and survived. The eastern sea route would be discounted and wouldn't really be factored into transit plans anymore. However Zuko and Katara can fly over it on Appa and it drastically reduces their travel time – so now it is plausible for me that they make it from Ba Sing Se to the FN capital in under a day.

I'll explore more about Zuko's various feelings on the matter of becoming firelord in a later chapter. But to me it made sense that they would have a chat about it now and Zuko would be less than enthusiastic about possibly being the next Firelord. Zuko would want to be a good and fair ruler, not a dictator – but being fair is always a much harder job – and he knows this. I also think Zuko deserves a week off.

I also wanted to touch on Katara's certainty that Aang would win on the flight to the FN. I actually don't think she was that certain herself. She seemed a touch unsure when she said it. She says it like someone who is trying to convince herself, not someone who truly believes what she is saying. I think it is in character for Katara to try and reassure people and give them hope, so she's not going to say 'oh no! We're doomed!' when Zuko expressed fear that Aang will lose. Zuko is very reasonably worried about Aang and probably does want assurances from Katara, but I think he would realise how shallow just saying 'everything is going to be alright' is. He would see how much this question bothers Katara and would try to 'unsay' it, because he can see that it upsets her. He is more practical and less optimistic and so to cheer Katara up he would list all the valid advantages that Aang has going for him.

Anyway I just wanted to say that I actually think that Katara's faith in Aang would have taken a battering over the Sozin's comet arc. I have a hard time believing that her unfailing faith in Aang would have lasted these episodes intact. She still loves him, she just isn't certain that he is the golden hero who can fix everything anymore. I actually think this is a healthier outlook for her and for Aang and for their future friendship. Aang can't keep idolising her and she can't keep idolising Aang. I think that Katara needed to let go of the idea that Aang and only Aang can save the world, and this was the right time for that to happen.

Note: in my opinion Aang does not save the world on his own. Everyone makes a big deal of how much Aang did to save the world, but Zuko, Katara, Sokka, Suki and Toph all did as much, if not more – to save the world, but they don't get half the kudos Aang gets.

I have a hard time believing that Zuko planned to kill Azula in their Agni Kai. But of course YMMV. I was bothered when he taunted her into shooting lightning at him, because redirecting it at her, in full, would have been fatal. So I tinkered with this as well. I honestly think that his primary motivation would have been to stop Azula, but not kill her. He's not doing what Aang does, and outright refusing to consider it, because he knows that it may, regrettably be inevitable. But I think he would want to try any non-fatal alternative first. She is still his sister after all, and despite how messed up their relationship is, I think there is still love there.

The best alternative I could come up with was a partial redirection of lightning. Iroh managed to redirect a bit of the lightning Azula shot at him in that deserted town (however I think this was accidental and not deliberate – I think he would have redirected it all if he could) so he knows it is possible, but it is much more dangerous. Iroh would not be keen for Zuko to try this, but I think for Zuko this would have been the best alternative, despite the fact that it presents a danger to himself. If he redirected lightning at her, without even trying the alternative, I don't think he'd ever quite make peace with it. A smaller electric charge – aimed at the right place- would give her a big shock and knock her unconscious, like a taser...sort of... I think an unconscious, but breathing Azula would be Zuko's ideal outcome for today. But we all know it doesn't work out like that, don't we lovely readers.

Nest chapter: Agni Kai Time!

Til then lovely readers...


	42. Agni Kai

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Agni Kai

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The entire city seemed deserted, which struck Zuko as really odd, because apparently the city was always full of people. But today, we hadn't seen a single person as we flew over it and there were no lights burning in any of the windows. But it was more than that. It actually felt...empty. just empty. I always feel a bit creeped out when I am in places that are supposed to be crowded when they are completely empty. Where was everybody? They certainly weren't at the coronation plaza. It was completely bare aside from Azula and a small cluster of nervous looking men who I understood to be the firesages. They were holding the crown over her head. Oh my goodness, we really got here just in time.

Appa made a noise and the firesage who had been holding an elaborate looking topknot crown paused. He looked up, took a step back from Azula and lowered the crown. She huffed impatiently at him and loudly asked what he was waiting for. The firesage pointed at us. We landed right in front of her. Zuko sprang to action, jumped down, and landed gracefully. He declared loudly that she wasn't going to become firelord today, he was. I am very impressed at how forcefully he said that considering he didn't even want to be firelord that much in the first place.

Azula looked confused for a second and then she laughed; a high jingly laugh I have never heard from her before. She was holding her stomach and laughing like Zuko had just made the funniest joke in the history of forever. But there was a weird edge to her laugh. When her mirth subsided she said _you're hilarious_ and chuckled a little bit more_. _ She wasn't taking this seriously, but she should have. I went and stood next to Zuko and told her she was going down. This prompted more laughter. Apparently I am also hilarious.

Behind Azula, the firesages all looked at eachother, clearly unsure of what to do. There was a fair bit of awkward shuffling and muttering from them. The one holding the crown seemed to be elected spokesperson (mostly because he was physically shoved forward by the others.) He waggled the crown at Azula and said _should we..._ we will never know what he thought they should have done, because Azula cut him off and told him to wait for a minute.

She stood up to her full height and looked directly at Zuko and narrowed her eyes. All mirth was gone. She said in a dangerously low tone _you want to be firelord so bad?_ It wasn't really a question, or if it was she answered it herself straight away. She declared that they needed to settle _this _once and for all. _Just you and me brother. The showdown that was always meant to be. AGNI KAI!_ I was about to tell her she could shove her Agni Kai up her arse, when Zuko agreed to it and said _you're on_ firmly.

What the hell?

Seriously, what the hell did he think he was doing? Really now! I know enough about Agni Kais to know that they are complete solo combat. I wouldn't be able to help him at all during an Agni Kai. All along we had been saying that we were going to do this together and together we could do anything. Together, together, together. It's true! Together we make such a great team. We're unstoppable together and Azula must have sensed this.

She knew she couldn't take us both so she was trying to separate us and was playing on Zuko's love of his **friggin honour** to achieve that end. He used to say that she always lied and was always up to something. Couldn't he see that's what she was doing now? I said as much to Zuko and he agreed. He said he knew she was trying to separate us, but he knew he could take her this time on his own. I protested rather strongly at this and even invoked the name of his uncle to make him see sense. Sometime with Zuko, when all else fails, saying _Your Uncle would do this_...can help dramatically.

Zuko tried to reassure me and told me to just _look at her_. Zuko couldn't put his finger on it, but there was something _off _about her today. He was sure he'd be able to beat her. At his words I did glance over and I had to agree that he had a point. There was something off about her. There isn't really another word for it.

She looked...unkempt. I have never seen Azula look less than perfect. She always looks like she has just strolled out of a salon. Today, her hair was a complete mess and it looked like someone had taken to her bangs with blunt scissors. Why would she let someone do that? Unless she...

Zuko interrupted my train of thought and said that it was _better_ this way. _This way nobody else has to get hurt _he said. He just **looked** at me while he said that. There were so many layers of meaning to what he just said. There was so much concern and affection in his gaze. I looked back at him with just as much feeling. I had come all this way for him (I wasn't in the coronation plaza for my health after all). I'd come to stand by him and help him and have his back. But he seemed even more determined to keep me out of harms way. I felt like we were having a stubborn stare off, which Zuko won (as I think he is the more stubborn of the two of us), because all of a sudden, I found myself acquiescing despite my various misgivings.

Then Azula called out _Oi Dum Dum, can you stop eye-*ing _(*she said a very rude word here that rhymes with pucking) _your little peasant long enough to formally accept._ Apparently you have to formally accept an Agni Kai to make it all official. Zuko did this and then he gave Azula the Vs – a gesture which she reciprocated. She said _we'll meet back here in half an hour, unless you want to withdraw now before I've made you cry like a little girl._ Zuko said something about how Azula was the one who was going to end up crying like a little girl in retaliation. Azula said that she would be crying – with shame - over Zuko's terrible firebending skills. Zuko said he'd be crying with shame over the fact that his sister was a nutjob with bad hair. _Seriously what happened to it? _he asked her. Azula had an odd moment of self consciousness. She reached up and touched the frayed edges that were hanging down in her face. She angrily shouted that there was **nothing wrong with her hair** and Zuko was the one with terrible hair. His hair looked like... _a mop ...so there_! On that note she turned around and stomped off into the pagoda behind her, satisfied that she'd had the final word.

So...

Zuko and Azula definitely bring out each other's... _less mature_ side. He said that whole scene was like _their childhood in a nutshell_. He looked at the door she'd disappeared through for a long second before he turned away and said we should find somewhere safe for Appa. Appa is **terrified of fire** after all. Whatever happened to him when he went missing seems to have really spooked him with regards to fire. Zuko and Aang always made sure to practice their firebending far away from him, after Appa reacted _really badly_ the first time he saw Aang firebending (all the way back at the Western Air Temple). An Agni Kai on the day of the comet would be hellish for Appa, so Zuko had a point. We should get him out of here.

Not too far away, I wanted to have Appa close by, in case we needed to make a quick get away. But he should be somewhere safe and far away from the flames. A place where he could relax – especially after he'd been so good and flown us so far. Zuko said he had an idea. His old house wasn't far away but it would be a great place for Appa. It had a large garden and stables. It was only ten minutes walk away, but that would be far enough away from the coronation Plaza, so hopefully Appa wouldn't be bothered by the fire. Zuko thought we should walk there. So I'd know the way on my own..._just in case_...I got a bit stroppy and did not let him finish that sentence. However, I could see the wisdom of what he was saying. So we walked with Appa trailing behind us.

-?-

On the walk I asked what was with the half an hour waiting time? Zuko explained that for a duel to be 'official' there had to be _at least _a half an hour cooling off period between the time the duel was declared and when it was fought. It was common in the firenation, which had a prevalence of...err... _feisty_ people, for Agni Kais to be declared in the heat of the moment. Often, but not always, the combatants would rethink their options and decide against firedueling after a little time 'cooling off'. The number of Agni Kai's being fought had still increased **dramatically** since Sozin's time. His grandfather, Azulon, became sick of losing good Generals to petty disputes and had drawn up _additional_ rules for how Agni Kais were to be conducted.

Sozin's additional rules were:

One: a mandatory half hour cooling off period, otherwise the subsequent duel was not an Agni Kai but an uncouth and uncivilised brawl.

Two: No Agni Kais while drunk. No exceptions. Both participants must be sober. Apparently too much sake greatly affected one's _perceived _ability to fight an Agni Kai and many Agni Kais were declared while both participants where completely schnozzled.

Three: Bringing koalasheep dung into the arena, with the intention of throwing it in your opponent's face, was **strictly prohibited.** Zuko didn't have any extra explanations for this particular rule. The mind boggles.

Four: No fighting over women allowed. Unless the woman in question was not a firebender.

Weird.

I asked what about fathers or brothers protecting their daughter or sister's honour? Zuko just said simply that in the firenation, women could protect their own honour and if they felt slighted enough, they could fight an Agni Kai if they wished. It was really unusual for women to actually fight an Agni Kai, but it had happened on occasion.

I arched an eyebrow at this.

Zuko said that he knew I was probably thinking it was because _girls have more common sense_ and _wouldn't go round declaring Agni Kais over any old thing_, whereas boys do dumb stuff all the time etc. I actually hadn't been thinking that at all. But I guess it makes sense that Zuko would assume I was thinking this. I mean girls **do **have more common sense than boys after all. **We just do**. I have told Zuko this frequently.

I had actually been thinking that it was _so different_ to the water tribes. We didn't have anything like an Agni Kai equivalent. But I was certain that even if the watertribes did – women would not be allowed to fight their own battles. Zuko thought I should be glad the water tribes didn't Agni Kai over everything little thing. He had come to the conclusion that – tradition be damned – an Agni Kai was a terrible way to settle an argument. A terrible way to settle anything really. I agreed.

Zuko said that today's Agni Kai would be his third. I knew his first one was against his dad – but I couldn't remember who the second one was against? Zhao, apparently. At the start of autumn last year. It was back when they were both chasing after us and Aang. Zuko had won, both the duel and Zhao's intense hatred.

Zhao had hated being shown up in front of his men. His Uncle thought Zuko beating him in the Agni Kai was part of the reason why Zhao had started to _recreationally_ make things difficult for Zuko. That was the thing with Agni Kais, even if you won, they still came back to bite you in the arse. Zuko hoped he would never have to fight another after today. I agreed with this as well.

-?-

The sky had gone a spooky dark orange colour. The sun had set by now. The moon had risen. I could feel it, but I couldn't see it. The dark orange light cast by the comet was obscuring it. That old creepy feeling returned to me. I stuck pretty close to Zuko while we walked through the streets. This part of the firenation capital was actually really pretty. Which seems like an odd observation, all things considered, but it was something I couldn't help but notice. We made a few turns (and I took mental notes of these). Eventually we came to stretch of wall covered in jasmine flowers. It had a very big imposing gate at one side.

The gate was locked. I thought we could just fly over, but the alley was a bit to narrow for Appa to take off in (he needs a bit of space around him for take offs). So Zuko used one of the jasmine branches to climb over and he landed with an _oof _over the other side. He walked around to the gate and smiled at me through the bars and started fiddling with the lock on that side; trying to get it to open so he could let me and Appa in. He struggled a bit with it and swore under his breath and told me it was really stiff because it hadn't been opened in such a long time. He swore again and I tutted and rolled my eyes affectionately. I got out the keys Toph had made for me. (These really have come in handy!) I opened the lock in two seconds flat and the gate opened with an almost comically slow groan.

Zuko looked a little shy then. He said _well this is my old house_ and gestured for me to enter. Inside was a lovely garden with a pond and a weeping willow tree. There were heaps of these small little birds swimming on the pond's surface. They had big shells on their back, like the turtle seals at the North Pole. Zuko explained that they were turtle ducks and they were really common around the Caldera Area. I thought they were really cute looking.

Behind the pond, was an enormous and elaborate looking villa; however we didn't go in to it. Instead we walked off to the far side of the house and garden, to where the stables were. Apparently the Komodo Rhinos were kept here. They had two fat ones when Zuko was a kid. If this place was big enough for them, it would definitely be big enough for Appa. Appa seemed to think so because he lumbered in behind us and flopped on the ground, rolled over and made a contented noise. I gave him a big pat and told him he'd done so well to take us so far and he could relax now.

We wanted to get some food for him, but there wasn't any at Zuko's place. So Zuko and I climbed the fence into the gardens of the house next door, because they were meant to have a fair few Komodo Rhinos. We were extra stealthy, but it was unnecessary because it looked like no one was home anyway. They had left their Komodo Rhinos tethered in the stables with a large supply of hay. We avoided the rhinos and did our best not to disturb them while we lightly pilfered (okay, plain old stole) some of their hay for Appa. There was _much ado _trying to get the big bales over the fence (and a fair bit of swearing from Zuko). But Appa appreciated our efforts and he began to munch with gusto.

-?-

The hay fetching had taken up a lot of time. Zuko paused and took a long look at the house before we left. I wasn't sure what was going through his head. He looked oddly wistful. But he snapped out of it pretty quickly and said we had to go, because we'd used up most of our half hour. Zuko wanted to be punctual for this duel with his sister.

On the way I asked what the normal traditions of an Agni Kai were. Today might be his third, but it was my first. Was there anything I needed to know? Zuko thought for a second and then ran through the basics with me. Combatants had to start at least fifty paces apart and facing away from each other. It officially started when the two combatants turned around and it was over when someone yielded, was burned or died. Oh.

He said the only stuff I needed to know were the rules about observers, (as that was what I would be doing, just observing. boo). Observers were actually an proper part of an Agni Kai. There had to be observers to make it official, but observers could not interfere or be brought in to the fight in anyway and they had to stay back at least fifty paces as well. He smiled a little ruefully and said I'd probably want to stay back a lot more than fifty paces because this comet was an_ intense_ feeling. He was sure it was going to be an extreme fight.

He seemed nervous, but a calm sort of nervous- if such a thing exists. He said he was feeling okay about this, about doing this. He was sure he could beat her. He seemed quite confident. Not cocky, just sure of himself. I still wished him good luck anyway. I asked if he wanted one of my lucky anklets as a good luck charm. He smiled and said he was good. He didn't need luck today because _he had me._

Aawww.

Then of course he _ruined the moment _and blushed a bright red colour and started stammering/yammering that he hadn't meant it in a _weird way_ or anything like that. I find it somewhat comforting, that no matter how serious the situation, how dire the circumstances or how much is at stake, Zuko's limitless capacity for being **a complete dork** remains. I gave him a nudge and a smile and told him I knew what he meant.

-?-

It seemed like no time at all really. Before I knew it we were back in the coronation plaza. Azula was in the middle. She looked like she was arguing with someone (from her gestures and her tone). But she was alone. The conversation went like this:

_Oh honestly, you've always thought I was a monster, why should this surprise you_

_..._

_No, you were right. I am a daddy's girl. I'm not going to listen to this from you!_

_..._

_No, no, no that's not right at all!_

_..._

_That is not how it happened!_

_..._

_You're lying! People say I always lie – but you do too!_

_..._

_No, you shut up! __**You**__ shut up!_

She started jumping up and down in rage fruitlessly. Possibly because she was arguing with someone who wasn't there, (and who, from the sounds of it, wasn't listening to her at all) and I guess in these situations, further arguments are futile and jumping up and down angrily is the last refuge of the very cross (and obviously crazy). She shouted one final _you're impossible! Just leave me alone_! at the thin air to her right. She turned around angrily and saw us at the other end and said something sarcastic about how she was glad we'd _finally made it_ and she was beginning to think we'd made a run for it. She didn't appear at all embarrassed that we'd found her talking to herself.

Something was definitely _off_ about her.

_Off _is a rather large understatement I think.

There was no one else here. Zuko had told me how important having an observer was, so it struck me as a bit unusual that all the firesages had buggered off. Zuko was watching her with a great deal of surprise, worry and unease. He asked where everybody else was (somewhat apprehensively - almost like he thought she'd killed them in a nasty way or something). Azula shrugged noncommittally to indicate that she didn't know. Then her expression changed and she looked quite angry and she spat _cowards, they all left me._ Then she seemed to shake that off and she said quite serenely, sounding much more like her old cool-calm-and-collected self _oh them? they took cover. They wanted to watch from 'a safe distance'._ She looked me up and down derisively and then added _your little peasant friend should join them. I don't think she can handle the heat._

I said_ I'm staying right here _quite stroppily. She arched an eyebrow and shrugged her shoulders and said _perhaps __**not right**__ there peasant, that's in the middle of the field_ airily. She said it like I was the biggest dumbass she'd ever come across. I resented that. She had been having an argument with herself just a few seconds ago (and a rather vicious argument at that.) I don't know how to take it when someone who is a few sandwiches short of a picnic insinuates that I am somehow mentally deficient. Azula had gone nuts. She was so much crazier than I originally thought. She had completely cracked it. She'd officially **dropped her dumplings **hardcore.

-?-

We looked for a space I could watch safely from and went to the back of the plaza. There was a large storm water drain under a long building with heaps of huge pillars. Apparently it is where the snack vendors set up on festival days. There were also were two big fountains nearby. So I had three rather large sources of water and lots of pillars to duck behind (just in case). I could use both of these as cover and to protect myself from rogue fireblasts. I could watch from here fairly safely (well as safely as one can get when observing and Agni Kai on the day of the comet). Even though I knew all that, when Zuko asked if I was okay here; I couldn't help the petulant _I don't like this_ that escaped my lips. And it was true. I didn't like any of this. I didn't like having to just ..._watch._

Zuko opened his mouth to say something but Azula cut him off. She'd followed us a small distance, and we could hear her quite clearly when she sneered _Listen if you don't want to see us fight so bad, then just look the other way._ Was that to me? I couldn't be sure, because she wasn't facing us, but talking to air at her right again. Zuko shrugged. He didn't know either.

Azula then gave us both a huge surprise. She practically shrieked _**shut up Mum!**_ Zuko jumped out of his skin and turned around in shock. He looked around with this heartbreakingly hopeful expression for a fraction of a second. But almost instantly that vanished when he saw Azula – standing there, just talking to herself. She was oblivious to us and continued arguing with...her mother? Well at least we now knew the identity of the invisible arguer. She said angrily _I'm not taking this from you anymore. __**You left us!**__ You can't possibly be surprised that it's come to this now. _ Then she gave a slight twitch and turned around to face us.

The cherry on top of her **crazy banana split** was when she shrugged and said airily and dismissively _You know how mum is Zuzu_ to Zuko and rolled her eyes and shrugged her shoulders. Zuko's face was the perfect picture of confusion and shock. He didn't say _what the hell is this?_ but I could tell he thinking it. Instead he said hesitantly – like he was trying to coax a wild animal _Azula ...Mum is ..._ he seemed to search around for the right words and eventually settled on_ Mum's not here right now. _

Azula looked around at the space that she'd been shouting at. Then her shoulders sagged and she looked acutely disappointed. She seemed to take a deep breath and then she drew herself up to her full height and turned back to us and said _Oh good, I thought she'd never leave._ She was trying to sound light-hearted but I could hear the sadness in her voice. Zuko walked forward a bit and tilted his head to the side in consternation. He asked _Are you feeling...okay? _

I think we must have both been looking at her with a strange mix of confusion, pity and fear. I was confused because she was talking to people that weren't there. I felt pity for her because she'd looked _so sad_ the second she realised her mother wasn't actually there (I am a sap and an idiot for feeling this, I know.) I was **truly scared** of her now. Just because she was crazy didn't mean she was any less dangerous – she was just a whole lot more unpredictable. For someone with Azula's powers, unpredictability is a bad thing when you are fighting her. Her unpredictability made this whole situation much more perilous. She was powerful, more powerful than she'd ever been in her whole life and she was crazy, angry, sad and hallucinating people. I had no idea what that combination would bring us, but I was sure it wouldn't be anything good.

She looked between us. Zuko stepped forward and it looked like he was about to reach out to her soothingly. She yelled at him to stop it. Whatever he was going to say, he could just shove it. He said he was just going to say that she seemed a little..._extra crazy _today and was she feeling up to this. Ohmygoodness. **Never** tell the crazy, unstable girl with the lightning that you think she's crazy and unstable. That's like the **number one rule of not getting shot with lightning**. Although Zuko was going to try and provoke her into using lightning, so maybe it was part of his plan.

Azula reacted to being called _extra bonkers_ the way I thought she would. **With rage!** And crazy rage at that. She very angrily announced that there was absolutely nothing wrong with her and Zuko could shove it (again). He'd come to fight her and Azula wanted to fight! Then she added conspiratorially _we have to do it now before mother comes back _and she nodded to her right.

There was a big moment's pause. Zuko looked at me for a second and he seemed unsure of what he should do. Azula shouted _What are you waiting for! Fight me already!_ And then she did the universal hand symbol for 'come at me bro.' Zuko said _okay, lets do this. _ And Azula smiled triumphantly. She started walking out her fifty paces.

Zuko turned to me, his eyes wide with worry. He said _Maybe stand further back. I think this is going to get messy. _ Going to get messy? This whole Agni Kai already was a **big old mess** and it hadn't even started. She was arguing with people who weren't even there. She was crazy. She was even more dangerous now! I pointed all this out with what I hope was a calm sounding voice. Zuko said he knew. He'd always knew she was a bit crazy, but this was an off the charts level of crazy coming from her. But he wouldn't back out now. He was just going to try and finish the fight quickly and knock her out. Then we could...get her a doctor or something.

I had many unhelpful comments, primarily focused on the fact that I didn't think there was a doctor for the sort of thing that was wrong with Azula. I was a healer and I would not have known how to deal with Azula's type of sick. And even if there was a doctor for that sort of thing, they were going to need **balls of solid steel** to deal with the odd amalgamation of insane dysfunction and perfect firebending that was his sister. However, that was something that we could deal with later. That wasn't what he needed to here from me right now. Instead I said good luck. He smiled faintly at me and said _I told you, I don't need luck. _

I suddenly noticed that he had a bit of hay sticking out of his hair incongruously. It must have gotten stuck there when we had hoisted the bales over the fence. He couldn't go out fighting like that. I told him to _come here_ and he did and I fished it out of his hair, showed him and gave him a hair ruffle affectionately. Because I couldn't help myself, I didn't take my hand away. Instead I cupped his good cheek with my hand for a heartbeat of time. Just a second really. And I said _be careful _quietly, but forcefully. I was about to say something else, but Azula coughed, deliberately, loudly and impatiently from the other end of the plaza. A loud _hem hem._ Zuko gave me a final, almost solemn, smile and walked over to take his place in the arena.

-?-

Is it possible to vomit just from being so incredibly ridiculously nervous? I certainly felt like it right then. My stomach was tied into a million little knots. I couldn't believe this was actually happening. My heart was in my throat as they turned to face each other. Azula shrugged off the cape she was wearing and said _I'm sorry it's come to this brother_ in what passed for a sincere voice from her. Zuko assumed a firebending stance and said _n__o, you're not_ calmly. Azula's face twisted into an unreadable expression.

Then it was like the world exploded. Azula quickly assumed a stance and threw a tremendous amount of fire at Zuko. He leapt forward and circled his arms in a big arc and met her blast head on with a huge firestream of his own. Their fire streams exploded where they met in the middle of the plaza. Orange and blue fire was just going everywhere.

Azula charged forward with flips and kicks and blasts. Her bending was as energetic and incredible as it had always been – but today it seemed out of control. She wasn't even looking at where she was aiming. Her second blast actually went off wildly to the right and set fire a building just beyond the plaza. Zuko didn't even bother blocking most of her blasts and just fired another massive firestream at her. She fired back. Zuko jerked to the right to dodge it. Then he jumped impossible high and made a huge firewhip with his feet, which he brought down just near Azula.

All bets were off. We had a plan, but I think that had gone out the window. If we actually pulled it off it would be a miracle. The fire was just so uncontrollable. All the buildings around us, it felt like almost everything around us, was on fire. I understood why the firesages had done a runner. I was, though I hate to admit it, getting scared of all the fire. There was just so much fire and it didn't ever _just stop_. I was so worried for Zuko that I thought I would split in two. But as I watched, I realized that, if anything, Zuko was getting the upper hand. They had been evenly matched up to a point, but now it looked like Azula was tiring. Her blasts were becoming more and more erratic, but Zuko had stayed calm and in control.

He was winning.

I was proud. Even despite how scared I was, I felt this huge bubble of just pride and love and good feelings well up in me. I was so proud of him right then. So proud I could burst with it. And the pride replaced the worry. For the most part. The worry was still there – oh boy was it there. I had a near endless supply of worry for Zuko. But he was doing so well. He really could do this, just like he said he could. I knew how much he'd hated always losing to Azula as a kid and how much winning today would mean to him. And I was sure he would win.

She was definitely tiring. Zuko was deflecting all her blows with what seemed like ease. It would have actually taken a lot of energy and precision to bend like that, but he was making it look effortless. Normally it is Azula who makes all that stuff look effortless, but today she panting with exhaustion and frustration. Her hair had come undone and she was kneeling and breathing hard. After a moment, she made a little grumpy roar and with a final burst of energy she blasted firejets out her feet and propelled herself forward with them.

She skated in a big fiery circle around Zuko and he fired a few blasts at her trying to destabilize her. Then he dropped to the ground and did that swivel kick move he does. The one I find kind sexy. Fire blasted from his feet in a big circle that went along the ground. I had to duck temporarily behind a pillar to avoid it (not much fire had come my way so far). When I peeked back around I saw Zuko's fire circle collide with Azula's blue jets in a terrible explosion that sent her flying.

She landed with a hard crunch and then she bounced and rolled across the ground for a little bit from the force of the explosion. She'd hit the ground really hard and for a second I thought that she wouldn't get up and that it was over. But she did, with a groan that was half pained and half angry. She was at the end of her tether.

If there was ever a time for Zuko to try partial redirection, this was it, now when she was tired out and not thinking clearly. I heard him say _No lightning today? Afraid I'll redirect it?_ in a taunting voice. She fell for it. It worked like a charm. Just like he said it would. She shouted _Oh I'll __**show you**__ lightning_ bitterly. I heard the crackle of lightning being generated.

I came out from behind my pillar to get a better look. I didn't even think what a mistake that was at the time. I just thought that it was going to be over in _seconds. _Zuko would win and we could celebrate together. I wanted to see him win. I wanted to see him beat her and know for sure that our job was done. I wanted to see this battle, this war, over.

I never imagined what would happen next.

Azula took her time generating the bolt. She waved her arms in slow circles with the energy crackling around her, until she had what looked like a huge amount of lightning was swirling around her body. Ahead of me, Zuko took a deep breath and assumed the redirection stance and he waited, calmly with his arms out, for her to throw the bolt at him.

At the very last second, her eyes swiveled towards me. She looked _right at_ me. Her eyes were truly mad right then. I've fought Azula before and she's never looked quite like that. Then she sneered and threw the bolt at me. I stood stock still with shock and horror. I think I was so stunned that I couldn't move. I couldn't even breathe. I couldn't believe that had actually happened and she had actually fired it at me.

Everything happened so quickly. In the blink of an eye, everything went from wonderful to heartbreakingly and soul destroyingly terrible. Zuko reacted far quicker than I ever could. I heard him shout _**No**_ with so much feeling, right as he jumped in front of me. Saving me. He had jumped directly into the lightning to protect me. He had taken the bolt to the chest and he hadn't been able to redirect any of it, from the looks of things.

**Oh sweet spirits NO.**

I wanted to cry out to him, to say what the hell are you doing? I wanted to stop him and protect him and undo this last split second. I wanted to go back in time before this last moment. I'd go back and I'd stay behind my pillar and I would not poke my head out until he came over, smiling that crooked grin and telling me it was over and we had won.

It was already too late. He'd already been hit, already taken the bolt squarely in the chest and he sailed through the air from the sheer force of it. He landed with a horrible thud and slid across the ground with lightning entwining around him and sizzling off his body. He made a terrible groaning sound and curled up in the fetal position. I forgot Azula, I forgot it was the comet and fire was everywhere. I forgot I was sacred. I forgot everything except him. Except getting to him. Nothing else mattered to me but Zuko.

The downside of forgetting about Azula is that she very quickly reminds you that she is there. I ran out to Zuko in blind panic, calling his name and she threw a blast of blue fire between us. I jumped back, narrowly avoiding the flames. She was laughing manically and running towards me. I darted back behind the pillars, which were no longer the safe haven they were five seconds ago.

I popped my head around and saw Zuko. He looked like he was trying to get up. I couldn't see Azula around so I tried running to him again. She appeared in my peripheral vision and fired another blast of lightning (a much smaller blast – it was nowhere near as big at the one that she shot Zuko with). I jumped out of the way, but landed badly. She laughed again and said tauntingly _I'd really rather our family physician look after little Zuzu, if you don't mind._

I_ hated_ her in that second.

She fired another blast at me and I ended up behind the pillars again. She fired continuously at me. She was still exhausted, but her aim was precise. I was scared. But I could not just hide from her back here, not when Zuko was hurt. I felt the water in the nearby fountain. I could bend it without seeing it. There was a pause in her fireblasts. She took the time to taunt _Oh Zuzu, you don't look so good._ While she was distracted I lifted it up in a huge stream to dump all over her. But she'd moved! For a second I couldn't see where she was but then she popped up behind me using those rocket jets. She chased me and I bent a stream of ice from the fountain to get away from her. I could skate faster than her jets and I managed to stay just ahead of her. But I had to stop running and dodging her. Zuko needed me. And to get to him, I had to stop her somehow. He needed me to keep it together and not panic and get to him in time. _if I didn't get to him in time_… I couldn't even begin to finish that thought in my head.

But thinking about how much Zuko needed me seemed to clear my mind of all the fear and the panic that was clamoring around in there. When I tripped on the dry ground after my ice ran out - an odd, freaky calm settled over me. I'd fallen over the big storm water drain at the back. I looked up and saw some chains hanging from the pillar. Suddenly I knew what to do and how to go about it.

Yugoda had described this feeling to me once. She had been talking about an intense medical crisis at the time, which is not quite the same thing that was happening here, but it is the best comparison I can make. She called it _the zone_. She said that in times of intense stress and crisis she went into _the zone._ She was capable of things she didn't even know she was capable of when she was in _the zone_. I think I went into _the zone_ here.

I don't know if I can adequately describe how I stopped Azula. But I'll try. I remember grabbing the chains and holding them behind my back and waiting calmly for her. She appeared over the other side of the drain, but she wasn't standing over it. She said _there you are filthy peasant_. I fired a water whip just behind her and she jumped forward and smiled at me cockily. She thought I had just missed – she didn't guess that it was deliberate. She drew her arm back to fire at me, but it was already too late. She was standing over the drain. I took a deep breath and pulled up all the water from the drain. Every last drop I could, I pulled over us. A huge wall of water rose up around us, encasing us. _If she can't breathe, she can't bend. _Zuko had said that on the way over hear, and I remembered everything he said.

I froze the water to ice in an instant so she was frozen solid in place. Her eyes rolled around in panic, but she couldn't move, she couldn't bend. She was stuck. I unfroze the water around myself and swam behind her. I wrapped the chains around her wrists, water tribe style. She wouldn't be getting out of these anytime soon.

Then I swam down to the grate, and melted the ice enough to pull Azula's arms down with me. I fastened the chains good and proper and then I wedged them in place for good measure. It took a few moments, my lungs were bursting for air, but I wanted to be absolutely sure she wouldn't escape before I dropped the water. When I was satisfied, I let the water splash back down into the drain. Azula heaved huge gulping breaths next to me. I got up and quickly double and triple checked the knots.

I'm from the watertribe. I know **all about knots**. She won't be moving for a long time. The fight with her was over.

-?-

I ran towards Zuko. He was lying eerily still at an unlikely angle. My heart sank. If I am being honest with myself, I will say that if he hadn't been breathing when I got there, I honestly don't know what I would have done. I know my own temperament. If he hadn't been breathing, I have a horrible suspicion that there would have been nothing in the world that would have stopped me from walking back over to Azula and pulling the water back over her head and just _leaving her_. I would have probably regretted it later, but if Zuko was dead, if she had killed him, then I don't think anything would have stopped me. But thankfully, for all of us, when I got to Zuko and skidded to his side, he made a terrible groaning noise (in greeting?) and I knew he was still alive.

He was lying on his stomach and I rolled him over as gently as I could. I cradled his head with one hand and uncorked my bending with another. He was making a pained grimace and clenching his teeth and his face was just completely drained of colour. Zuko is normally good at carrying on regardless of how badly he's injured. I have seen him fight with broken ribs and broken wrists without letting on at all. If it was so bad that he couldn't hide it, couldn't even get up, then it was **really bad**. I made a soothing noise and said various comforting things like _sssshhh it's okay, I'm here now._ I put my hands on the entry wound and started trying to heal it.

-?-

Spirits, it wasn't just bad. It was worse. It was the worst I'd ever seen. There was just so much damage. It felt like everything inside was burnt, all his organs, everything. I didn't even know how he was still alive, how someone could survive something like this. I didn't have any spirit water this time and I didn't even know what to do or where to start. I started healing as best I could, but oh, none of my training had prepared me for this. I felt so woefully inadequate. When Aang had been struck down, I had used the spirit water – it had all been the spirit water really. I hadn't done much that time, but acted as its guide.

I just couldn't lose him. I just couldn't. I told myself that I wouldn't. I might not have spirit water, but I was Katara of the Southern Watertribe and he was Zuko of the Firenation and together we were team liquidy-hot. We were unstoppable. He was my best friend. He was my Zuko. He wasn't going to die because I **just would not allow it**.

So I sternly told him to just _hold on. _His eyes had been rolling about unfocused when I first got there, but he seemed to concentrate better with the sound of my voice. He turned his head and looked me in the face. I told him that if he died on me I was going to be _so cross_ at him. Incredibly, he smiled slightly, even though he must have been in so much pain.

There was a horrible rattling noise. He was trying to say something, but his lungs – probably his throat too, from the sounds of it- had been damaged something fierce. I took one hand off his chest and laid it against his cheek and told him not to speak, save his strength. What ever he had to tell me could wait. _He was going to be just fine. In a few minutes he'd be right as rain._

But it was a lie and he knew it.

I was crying and I couldn't seem to stop myself. Big fat tears were rolling down my face. It seemed hopeless. He was slipping away from me and I was trying so hard, but it wasn't working. I was crying because he meant the world to me and if I couldn't save him what was even _the point_ of waterbending anyway. I was crying because I didn't know what to do and I was the only one here to help. But I tried to push all of that from my mind and just heal as best I could.

I knew that if he died, I would never get over it. I would never forgive myself for ducking out from behind that pillar. I would never forgive myself for not being a capable enough healer to fix this. I would play the _what if_ game every day and every night. I'd never be able to write another word about him again without collapsing into tears. Or maybe I'd do nothing but think about him and write about him and miss him for the rest of my life. I'd never, ever be able to look at Aang the same way again. It wouldn't be Aang's fault, but I would blame him anyway, in some quiet dark corner of my mind. If I had only ever had enough spirit water to save one of them; it would have felt a choice, like a trade.

I started just flat out pleading… begging. _Stay with me, just stay with me, please. Don't leave me._ Over and over I repeated it. I pleaded with him, with the world, with any kind spirit that would listen to me. I made so many promises. If he just stayed with me, I'd let him win every argument, I'd _give_ him the common sense stick (the tiny pained smile was there again when I said that), I'd give him _anything he wanted_, as long as he stayed. He kept trying to talk despite my admonishments, kept trying to say something. His hand came up and settled over one of mine, startling me and getting my attention. He rasped out _don't cry_ in a soft and breathless tone, and reached up to touch my cheek slightly. Then his hand dropped and he grimaced in pain again. The effort it took to say that and to do that seemed to have drained the last of his energy and he closed his eyes.

I had so many things I wanted to say to him, so many things I had wanted to do with him. I had always planned on saying and doing them later. I had never even considered that there wouldn't be a later for us. I had never considered my life, my future, without him in it. But what if this time was all we had? There were things I had to say to him that I couldn't let go unsaid a moment longer. If I was ever going to tell him, it had to be now. So I told him what I've known for sometime now. No matter how hard I have tried to deny it, and ignore it and refuse it, there was something that would always be true for me. I told him I loved him. I lean over him and softly whispered it in his ear, and kissed his forehead afterwards.

I don't know what I thought saying it would do. I guess I thought _surely he cannot die when I love him so much and I've just said it for the first time._ But the world didn't work like that for us. Instead of him opening his eyes, instantly healed by the power of my love – his eyelids fluttered. Just barely, but I saw. His mouth pulled into a faint smile and one of his hands came to settle over mine again. His thumb stroked the back of my hand gently. Encouraged by these signs of life, I said it again hopefully.

But it didn't make him better. Instead there was a soft rasping noise, his face went slack and his hand fell from mine and he lay dead still.

His heart had stopped.

-?-

It only stopped for a fraction of a second. I bloodbended before I was even consciously aware of what I was doing. It was just instinct. The moon was up, even if it was obscured by the comet. But it was more than that. Waterbending is affected by emotions after all, and I loved Zuko enough to do this. It had been easy for me. Easy to put aside all my misgivings about bloodbending. If Zuko's life was at stake then nothing else was important to me except that he live. Zuko mattered to me more than some promise I had made to myself never to use it again. If this worked I would never say a bad word about bloodbending again.

I remembered Pakku saying _remarkable healing benefits._ I remembered Hama - her voice, for once, not haunting me. She sounded almost helpful, in hindsight. _You can take it even further_. She had shown me how to bend the blood in the veins, in the limbs, but never the heart. It was too complicated and too delicate an organ. Hama hadn't bothered with the heart for her sort of bloodbending – it had been unnecessary.

But I could take it even further.

I knew the chambers of the heart, how it functioned – how it was meant to function. I reached in and I pushed and pulled the blood gently. In and out. In and out. The muscle followed my movements and began to pump again. I had no guide but my own heart beat, so I made Zuko's beat in time with mine. After five heartbeats, it began pumping on its own. His breath was coming in faint wheezing rasps, but his heart was beating. It had taken the full force of the bolt, but it was beating again.

I always knew he had a strong heart.

I was emboldened by my success. I felt less timid about reaching out and trying to heal it from the inside, using both my healing abilities and bloodbending this time. I started to heal it. The damage was pretty horrific, but the bloodbending helped remarkably. Colour was returning to his face and he started breathing more smoothly. When his heart was beating in a steady rhythm and he was breathing easily I started urging him to _wake up, come back to me, open his eyes_. And amazingly, extraordinarily, incredibly - he did.

-?-

He moaned softly and opened his eyes and looked right at me. He whispered _thank you Katara_, his voice still sounding raw and strained. I said I should be the one who was thanking him. And then I got a bit scoldy, because I couldn't help myself and because he'd given me **such a scare -**the fright of my life really. I added _what on earth did you think you were doing? Jumping in front of lightning like that, you big idiot._ He grinned, but it quickly turned into a pained wince. He was still in a **rather exceptional amount of pain** after all. He said, still in that same quiet rasp, _I didn't want you to ever get hurt. _

Oh. Oh my heart.

If he hadn't been in a considerable amount of pain, and in dire need of more medical attention – he definitely would have gotten a **huge kiss** right then. However after a moment's difficulty, I curbed this impulse (though the urge to just _launch myself at him_ remained). Now was not the time to play kissy face -though I did hope that time was soon. As soon as he was better we could **play kissy face all day long** if he wanted. I wouldn't be _opposed_ to doing that.

It would be an excellent way to spend a day really.

But that would have to wait!

He wasn't out of the woods yet. I still had so much healing to do and the fact that we were lying on the dirty ground, in front of his mad harpy of sister, while nearly everything around us was on fire, had also not escaped my notice. I needed to get him somewhere safe and not on fire. Somewhere comfortable, where he could lie down and I could heal him some more. We couldn't stay here. I needed my supplies and I'd left them with Appa. I needed to get him away from Azula because she was watching us in a way that really creeped me out. Azula had been watching the proceedings silently and with interest while I had been healing Zuko. She'd been quiet as a koalalamb the whole time, but she'd been watching.

I asked Zuko if he felt up to moving – because we had to get him out of here. I wanted to take him back to the villa where we'd left Appa. He nodded and then clenched his teeth with determination. He sat up with a great deal of effort and loud groan. I wrapped my arms around him and helped him up. I looped one arm around his back and under his arm, carefully avoiding the lightning wound. He draped his arm over my shoulders for support. He was leaning on me heavily, but was able to stay upright.

At the sight of Zuko standing again, something seemed to snap inside Azula. She made the most dreadful howling noise. She sounded almost like a wounded animal. She didn't sound human. She threw her head back and started thrashing about, but she couldn't break free of the chains. I had tied them well. She began firebending uncontrollably out of her mouth. She wasn't even bending at anything in particular. She was just sobbing and bending and thrashing uncontrollably. Not long ago, she'd been terrifying and I hated her. But now I felt nothing but sorry for her. She made such a pitiful and pathetic sight.

Zuko was watching her with appalled fascination and confusion. He was obviously in shock. Yugoda had told me to watch for that. He had all the classic signs. His skin was cold (despite all the fire around us) and he was quite disorientated and confused. It was to be expected. After all, he'd been struck by lightning and practically died. He was so addled, he tried to walk over to Azula. However, he was leaning on me for support, and I held him back. I was not letting him near her after he'd been so injured and she was in this state. He rasped out her name softly and at the sound of his voice, she stopped crying for a second and looked up. They both **just stared** at each other for a long moment.

Then Zuko winced again as a wave of pain ran through him. And I thought, perhaps callously,_ screw Azula, that's it, we were leaving. _I was getting him out of here and somewhere safe. I tried to tug him away, but he turned to me and said _I should… _and just gestured at Azula_._ But he didn't seem to know what he should do. Hell, I didn't even know what we should do and I was able bodied, in my right mind and hadn't recently been struck be lightning. Zuko was my priority here.I cut him off and said _you have just been shot with lightning and you __**should**__ come with me right now. _He looked over at her again and so I added, in a softer tone of voice _she'll be fine where she is. _

He nodded and we turned and started walking away. At this Azula howled even louder. We were walking away from her, so we couldn't see, but it sounded like the sobs were wracking her whole body. Zuko paused a few times, still very disorientated and confused. once he tried to turn back. He was, in classic Zuko style, _being difficult._ But I soothed and encouraged and wrapped my arm tighter around him, and we left.

-?-

I have never really had to carry him anywhere. He normally goes about under his own steam after all. Even when he was sick back at the Western Air Temple, I had gotten my dad to lug him about. I was rapidly gaining an appreciation for how much just plain_ bigger_ and _heavier_ and _taller_ than me Zuko was. I was getting exhausted from half carrying him, and he was exhausted from the effort of walking. Our pace was agonizingly slow. It had only been a few minutes walk on the way there. Now Zuko's old house seemed like it was eons away. It seemed like the best place to me. It would definitely be empty, it would definitely have a bedroom and Appa and all my supplies were there.

I shouldn't really be making him walk, I knew that. Oh boy did I know that. But I couldn't see another choice. We couldn't have stayed in that plaza of fire a moment longer and I didn't know what else to do. I looked over at him and his lips had gone a terrible pale colour and his face was an ashen white. His mouth was a grim line of determination. We were more than half way now. None of the buildings around us were on fire, but they were dark and quiet and boarded up. I began to think that maybe we should just stop here. He couldn't go much further. I could just break into one of these shops, and then make it comfy.

Zuko wanted to keep going. He said softly that he wanted to be in his old home. It felt like another quiet secret. He also tried to explain (but it was a bit tricky for him, because delirium was rapidly setting in) that he was using the comet somehow. He couldn't explain how – and got a bit more confused when he tried- but it was giving him the extra energy he needed to keep walking. But as soon as it had completely passed, he didn't know if he'd have the strength to keep going. So we kept walking.

Eventually we struggled our way to the old gate. It felt like a thousand years ago now, but it really would have only been an hour or so since we were last here. Pilfering hay for Appa and smiling at turtle ducks. Zuko sighed deeply in relief and sagged on me as the gate opened with a groan. The sky was getting very dark, very quickly. I felt a thrill of worry run through me. The comet had nearly passed, and if he collapsed right here, I didn't think I'd be able to lift him again. So I said _just a bit further_ encouragingly and tried to pull him along.

Appa lumbered out from the stables and saw us and made a concerned rumbling noise. I told him to stay where he was, _just stay boy_, and everything was fine and he should eat his dinner. The mournful concerned noise was there again and Appa watched as we climbed the stairs. I tried the door, but it was locked. **Bollocks.** With one arm, I held Zuko, (his head was lolling forward alarmingly now) and with the other I fumbled with the keys around my neck. After a few minutes, I had managed to prize the door open and we entered. Appa made one last noise and then it sounded like he lumbered back to his dinner.

I'm sure the house is lovely looking and nicely decorated. It is a royal residence after all. But I didn't notice any of that right now. I was wholly focused on Zuko. The sky was completely dark now. The last bit of orange faded just as we walked through the door. He lurched forward. I had to get both arms around Zuko to properly support him. I ended up half dragging him in an awkward fashion. He was trying to help me out, trying to stay conscious, I could tell. But it was difficult for him.

Because both my arms were busy, I kicked open the first door we came across – saw a bed- and thought _good enough._ He flopped on the bed and made an exhausted noise. I took off his shoes. I ended up just cutting away his shirt with the little dagger than I found in his boot. I vaguely recognized it as Lu Ten's. The shirt was ruined anyway. He'd never where it again.

I remembered all the times I'd made him take his shirt off for "healing purposes." They had been unnecessary most of the time. I had just liked the sight of him shirtless. Now I did actually have a legitimate medical reason for examining him bare chested and the sight of him shirtless nearly brought me to tears again. And not in a good way. There was just so much damage. It was going to scar, there was nothing I could do about that.

As if Zuko needed any more scars.

His eyes were still open. He kept blinking and then opening his eyes wide. It seemed like he was deliberately fighting unconsciousness. He saw my distress and he said comfortingly _it's worse than it looks_. Then he seemed to splutter and realize what he said and coughed out that he meant _it wasn't as bad as it looked. _He winced again. I tried to encourage him just to sleep. He must have been in so much pain. He was wan-faced and obviously exhausted. Sleep would be better for him.

He protested. He didn't want to go to sleep. Bad things happened when he was asleep. He wasn't making much sense and he kept repeating himself. I wanted to leave to go to Appa and get my bag of supplies. I had some dried sun poppies in there. I could make him up a tea that would ease his pain and knock him out. But Zuko protested at that as well. He didn't want me to leave him.

We had a small confused conversation about this, which ended when he said _'don't leave me'_ vehemently and with a great deal of clarity. Then, softly, he added _please stay with me._ I had a better idea of what the problem was now. Lots of bad things had happened to Zuko after all. too many bad things really. He'd lost (or been left by) a lot of people. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders gently, while avoiding the gaping hole in his chest. I cupped his cheek gently and kissed his forehead again in response and then said _Me -leave you – don't be daft. I'll be right here when you wake up_. Then I told him firmly that nothing bad was going to happen to him now. I was here and I was going to look after him. He smiled faintly, but then he asked me to stay with him again. He was obviously delirious. I humored him anyway. Every time he said _stay with me,_ I just responded _Always._

And I meant it.

-?-

* * *

Authors note: ridiculously rambly! But did you expect anything less?

So you've reached the end of Agni Kai my lovely wonderful reader! I hope you liked it and weren't disappointed! It's a pretty big moment and I wanted to do it justice! So there are a few things I have rambly thoughts on, if you wish to read them (but feel free to skip this rambly authors note if you don't).

Anyway YMMV on absolutely everything that follows!

I hypothesize that the comet lasts for a couple of hours. No real reason for this except that it seems to fit with the story timeline. The sky is orange for a fairly long time in the show. There's no real set time frame for comets as far as I can tell. One went over Sydney five years ago and it lasted for three weeks (Awesome!) but some of them pass in a blink of an eye.

The city is empty because everyone that used to live here was banished that day, or the day preceding it by acting firelord Azula (as she seems to get a little banish happy). I actually think that none of these banishments were done officially with banishment papers etc. I think she would have just told people they were banished and off they went. (Lo you're banished, Li you can stay – for example). I think the banishees haven't gone too far – they are probably all just in harbour city. But the caldera has been emptied of all other people except for a few who are there in hiding and a few guards and the firesages. Because it had a prevalence of wealthy people, it made sense to me that anyone with the time/inclination would try to secure their belongings/household – so that is why a lot of the buildings have been rather hastily boarded up.

Not Zuko's house though, which we will see a lot more of in coming chapters. Avatar wiki tells me that only the firelord, the next in line to the throne and their kin live at the palace. While Azulon was alive that was not Ozai. Apparently Ozai, Ursa and Zuko and Azula all lived in one of the royal residences. A villa outside the palace. That is where the turtle duck pond is. It also means that Zuko first moved into the palace after his mum vanished and his dad was coronated. But the first part of his childhood would have been spent in the villa. I also think this villa has fallen into a state of benign neglect. I think it would not be rented out to other families – so it is still vacant, but mostly untouched. Maybe once a month someone would come to dust and do the garden, but mostly it is left. I wrote a oneshot (princess of mine) that detailed how Azula and Zuko would both sneak back 'home' after they moved into the palace and the villa was a little safe haven away from the palace. I do think Zuko would feel the most 'home' here and that is why when he is injured he tries his best to make it back there.

Also I needed a place for Appa to go. To the villa with him! but seriously, where does Appa go? Appa is not in the final Agni Kai scene, thankfully. Appa is terrified of fire after all, so I do imagine the Agni Kai would have been hellish for him. But I wanted a valid explanation of where our big hairy logic defying beast of burden went and this is what I came up with. I also wanted Appa to have a rest and a snack – so he got one. I came up with the idea of an interlude between when an Agni Kai is declared and when it was fought just so I could explain how they got Appa to Zuko's house. But the more I thought about it, the more sense it made. None of the Agni Kais are actually fought instantly after they are declared – there is always some sort of waiting time. I made the waiting time an official component and made up some more rules for shiggles.

One of these rules will be more relevant later. It is the one about women. I want to explore more about gender differences in the firenation and the position of women within society. I actually think women would experience more equality within the firenation. While it is not perfect and there would still be some degree of sexism - the firenation, on the whole, seems to be where women enjoy the most gender equality in the avatar world. With this equality comes more relaxed views on dating/sexuality etc. I say this because it looks to me like girls/women can clearly date and have multiple boyfriends in the firenation without (much) censure. Whilst in the water tribes they have a much more rigid view of gender roles and girls are engaged to be married a lot younger. – this will come up later, but I just want to flag it here.

The firesages also disappear between the time the Agni Kai is declared and when it is fought. I think they couldn't lace up their sneakers and head for the hills fast enough. I do not blame them. They will 'observe' from somewhere far far away. Anyway I wanted to explain their absence as well. Azula doesn't react well to them leaving, not because she is especially attached to any of them, but because her mental state is rapidly deteriorating and now she has been left completely and utterly alone in the plaza.

So Azula is obviously mentally unwell. If they ever did Sozin's Comet from Azula's POV I think it would look like the cartoon version of _Black Swan_...but on crack. And with more fire and less ballet! Horrifying thought. I think that what we see in Sozin's Comet is Azula's first psychotic break (just like black swan was Nina's) but she has been unwell for quite some time. I know enough children's psychology for school and I know how to spot warning signs/worrying behaviours, but I don't have a background in mental illness – so I take what I say with a large grain of salt. But I have a theory as to what ails her (I know there are many thoughts on this so naturally YMMV a lot.)

I think she is schizophrenic with a severe anxiety disorder. I actually don't think she is a classic sociopath. She definitely has sociopathic tendencies, but they have come as a result of the way she has been socialised by both Ozai and her environment from a young age.

Schizophrenia/anxiety makes the most sense for me. We have a much better understanding of schizophrenia as an illness now, and people who suffer from it can lead rich and fulfilling lives. I am working off the theory that avatar world uses Victorian/late 19th century medicine. In the Victorian era there was not much compassion for or understanding of mental illness. I also think glimpses of her mental illness showed as a child, however the more worrying thing at that stage was her rampant cruelty and manipulation- traits which were actively encouraged by her father. Zuko, even at a young age, is obviously aware that she is 'sick'. I think Azula is aware of this too. Her mother wonders what is wrong with her (but because they are operate on a 19th century health system, she can't very well take her to get tested). But it is clear that her close family members are aware that all is not right in Azula-land.

Schizophrenia normally begins to show much more aggressively around puberty and is coupled with/enhanced by social factors and/or stress. Azula would have hit the right age to start showing signs of it about two/three years before the series. Zuko would have been banished around the time that she would have hit puberty and experienced her first hallucinations and I think this would have been a stressful time for her for a myriad of reasons – which would have only exacerbated her condition. I think she would have kept her condition/hallucinations **very secret** and she would have repressed them/not reacted to them as much as possible. She would know they weren't normal and that it also wasn't socially acceptable for her to see them. She is such a massive control freak and is able to suppress her emotions quite well. This helps her succeed in hiding her illness while still being a BAMF.

I think schizophrenia mainly because of Azula's hallucination and the way she interacts with it in this episode. She is not at all surprised to see her mother, which tells me that it is not the first time she has hallucinated about her. She continues to talk/argue with her hallucination in a very lively fashion. She is at the point where reality and her halluncinations are being blended. I'm not sure if she is aware that Ursa is a hallunciantion, but she has to resort to doing something violent and physical like breaking the mirror to get the vision of her mother to go away. I also believe that was not the last time Azula saw Ursa that day (I also think hallucination Ursa would have been banished once or twice but she didn't listen).

Azula is also highly intelligent beyond her years, an uber-perfectionist, incredibly mistrustful of both strangers and friends alike, horrified by being left and/or betrayed by the select few people she does trust, incredibly paranoid and a super control-freak. All these things are symptoms of an anxiety disorder. Anxiety disorders manifest themselves in such a myriad of different ways. I think the core root of Azula's problems, her cruelty, manipulation and desire to control the situation at all times stem from her anxiety disorder. And there is a terrible feedback loop because the anxiety enhances the schizophrenia which in turn enhances the anxiety and so on and so forth. I think Azula had presented a cool and collected facade to the world, but there has always been much more going on with her.

But of course YMMV wildly and that is cool with me!

So Zuko and Azula fight their Agni Kai in this chapter. I actually have many thoughts about this fight and their brother/sister relationship, which will hopefully turn into a oneshot from Azula's pov – so I won't ramble too much here. However I will say that I think they can and will repair their relationship. Zuko's face in the end, when he's looking at her and she's such a mess – is one of just sadness and compassion. Even despite everything, he still loves her on some level. I think Azula has always craved love subconsciously. From Azula's POV everybody that she loved, aside from her father, always loved Zuko better. Her mother, her cousin and her uncle when she was younger and then Mai and Ty Lee choose Zuko over her in the Boiling Rock – and it is at this point she starts coming undone. It is after this point that she really wants to kill him, possibly she thinks that if she gets rid of him, all those others, even though some of them are long gone, will come back to her.

Power and controlling people by fear were much easier things for her to attain than the ever elusive love - Fear is better than love. Trust is for fools. I think she learned these things from her father. When Ozai rejects her – she starts a very rapid downward spiral. What struck me was that she brings up Zuko, even though he has nothing to do with the situation or her father's rejection. _You can't treat me like Zuko_. She is obviously thinking about him a lot. I think she projects a lot of her frustration, blame and sadness (which expresses itself as anger) towards Zuko. Blaming him for everything being a shambles would be easy for her because, in my head canon at least, she is used to deflecting blame onto him. But at the same time he is still her big brother and there are flashes of genuine affection between them and I think that they were close at one point as children. She is sorry it has to end this way. She loves him (deep down), but she also hates him and that is what makes the Agni Kai so vicious.

The actual Agni Kai is a beautiful piece of animation, but because I am so dreadful at writing action scenes, I didn't feel I could properly do it justice. However I did watch it a lot, to try and get a feel for what I think is happening there. There are heaps of theories as to how/why Zuko survived and this is mine. I don't know if this is an unpopular interpretation or not, but to me it doesn't look like Zuko redirected anything at all when he got struck by lightning. To me it looks like it hits him square in the chest and he goes down.

Popular interpretation is that he redirected enough for it not to be fatal, and I know bryke also concur with this and add that just a little bit went into his heart. A little bit of lightning to the heart is a bit like being _a little bit pregnant to me,_ but anyway. Fact of the matter is I just don't see any redirection happening. I actually think Zuko was acting purely on instinct and impulse when he jumped in front of the lightning for Katara. He is in completely the wrong pose, he certainly doesn't 'catch it' then channel it past the stomach – like Iroh teaches him to, he is mid air so his stance isn't going to help him. I think he jumped because Katara's safety mattered to him more than his own and he didn't think that much about it before he did it (nobody could ever accuse Zuko of _overthinking _his actions, bless his cotton socks).

Kataangers (bless them – I mean them no harm/disrespect) frequently claim that Zuko would have jumped in front of lightning for any of the gang at the point, so his actions here are not indicative of any particular love for Katara.

I disagree.

What the hell is this? **Zuko is not Saint Zuko!** To say that he would have jumped in front of lightning for any of the gang at this point is a tall order – Zuko is now so selfless that he'll go round sacrificing himself willy-nilly... Er no. One of the things that I find most compelling about Zuko is that his character arc is so clear. But it is an arc. Zuko in season one is not a nice guy to hang around. I think that he's a bit selfish/ ego-centric in season 1. Yes he comes a very long way by the end of season three, but not to the point where he is Saint Zuko. Zuko is a big fan of being alive after all and has fought pretty hard to stay alive and he's only a couple of months on from being a bit of a self centred prat – to go from self centred prat – to ninja-self-sacrificing-jesus in a few short months is a pretty impressive feat. I do think that, if push came to shove, Zuko probably would be willing to sacrifice himself for the other gang members, but he would probably hesitate _at least a little bit_ before doing something that could potentially kill him. What makes him jumping in front of lightning for Katara so special is that he does it _without even a microsecond of hesitation_. I think she is the only person he would feel _that _strongly about.

There are two things that I think help Zuko live: The comet and Katara's bloodbending.

It is said a couple of times in the show that **fire is life **and** fire is energy. ** Sozin's comet physically enhances firebending and ostensibly firebenders. I hypothesize that it not only makes them stronger, but makes their life-force stronger too. Fire is life after all. I think that it would help them survive rather severe or in Zuko's case, fatal injuries – if they were able to tap into that energy, that firebending enhancing life force. Zuko is able to do that and hold on until Katara gets there. I think, on a different day, that lightning strike would have killed him, but because it is the comet, he is able to use that enhanced fiery energy and cosmicy comet-ness to live a little longer.

Katara can bloodbend, but she promises herself she never will again. I actually do think that bloodbending itself is not evil. Creepy yes, but certainly not evil. It depends entirely on the intentions of the bender. However I think it would take something major to push Katara past the mental block she's created and use this skill again. Bloodbending would have amazing healing benefits if used correctly. It could actually do a lot of good. I actually think the water healing on the surface, while it might do good for the superficial damage, would not be able to help the deep tissue and internal damage that something like getting struck by lightning in the chest would cause. Or if it did, it would need a lot of time and many sessions to work – and time is of the essence here. Bloodbending and healing combined, on the other hand, can work at healing the deep internal damage much quicker.

Katara has been in 4 high stress medical situations in the show.

1) Birthing Hope. She did good – yay Katara. But she has also attended the birth of other babies, has she also delivered some herself? Anyway she has some experience with this sort of thing.

2) trying to save Jet. Not so good this time. Sad panda. In many ways, I think losing Jet would have been a bit of a blow to her confidence – but it never got explored that much. But still, this would have been the first patient she ostensibly 'lost' and this patient was a boy she fancied. She would have feelings about that.

3) saving Aang - this is all a bit too mystical for me anyway– how long is Aang "dead" for? Because if it was longer than a couple of minutes; what happened to Aang's brain without oxygen for so long? Because –seriously- it doesn't take long without oxygen for serious brain damage to occur. We have to be careful of our heads my lovelies. Anyway I have over-thought this and came to the conclusion that I should just magically hand-wave it and say to myself _it is to do with mystical spirits and whatnot_. I actually think it is mostly the spirit water that does the healing, with Katara acting as its conduit.

Note: Some Kataangers, bless even these ones, told me when I first got into fandom that the fact that Katara uses the spirit water on Aang was **proof of their romantic love **and if she really wanted Zuko, she would have saved the spirit water for him. Kataang is canon, however I feel that they were watching a different show to me, because there is no way that the Katara I saw would say at the end of "crossroads of destiny"– _ooh you got struck by lightning Aang? that's too bad! I've got something that could heal you – but I'll hang onto it in case I get the chance to score me some firenation booty! _ No, just no.

Anyway Zuko is her fourth high pressure medical situation, but the one thing she has to her advantage, that she didn't have in all those previous situations is the ability to bloodbend. And I think that makes all the difference. Plus it makes more sense to me, so that's what I went with.

I think that bloodbending is a part of Katara, and I wanted to reconcile it to her and make her see that it is not necessarily evil, just because it was taught to her by a mad evil woman. Also I needed something to explain to myself how the hell Zuko gets up so quickly after being shot with lightning. In all honesty I think Zuko revives a _little too quickly_ in the show. Not that I want him to be in pain and suffering, but being hit with lightning is like **really friggin serious business!** He should not be up and about and standing on his own five minutes after that – so he is not in my fic. He's rather severely hurt and he's going to be on bedrest for a bit in the coming chapter(sorry Zuko).

Anyway, I know some of you were very anxious for a resolution to the UST and some kissy-face and I gave you guys a mixed blessing this chapter (no kissy-face yet – sorry). I shamelessly embrace the 'dying declaration of love' trope. I think Katara is the one most likely to say it, but it would take something like Zuko getting struck with lightning for her to spit it out. Zuko doesn't say it back this chapter, but jumping in front of lightning for her speaks for itself in my opinion. Kissy-face didn't happen here, even though it would have been super dramatic and there is lots of lovely fanart etc.

Mostly I held off because I am still trying to be canon compliant. More importantly I think that even though Katara loves him, it's a pretty high stress situation and he is seriously injured. I think she would want to tend to that first, as Katara is the **practical sort, **bless her cotton socks. I kind of equate getting shot with lightning to getting shot with a bullet. I think it would be intense physical trauma. If Zuko had been shot, revived, but was still kind of bleeding out – I would feel weird about Katara saying _lets make out you sexy beast_. I think she would like to make sure that he was going to recover/not keel over and die again, before she started play kissy face. Because as soon as she starts, she is going to want to play for a good long time.

Next chapter: Katara will embrace her inner ninja nurse. She is descended from ninja nurse Hakoda after all. Iroh will arrive in the firenation. Letters will be received. Zuko will wake up. Plot holes will be filled and shenanigans will be had.

Til then lovely readers...


	43. Love and Justice

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Love and justice

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I promised I wouldn't leave him, but I had to - just for a few minutes. I went to Appa to get my bag and I had a bit of a look round for the kitchen. The plumbing still worked and I got some fresh water and some bowls and other accoutrements I might need and then I came straight back. I used the clean water to do another healing session – but I was just knackered.

I'd had **such a day**. I was exhausted physically and emotionally and…. just in every possible way. Sustained healing is quite difficult and tiring. I can heal surface injuries like burns and cuts pretty quickly, but this stuff was deep and complex healing. Yugoda had told me that the healers in the North Pole took turns on more serious cases. They would heal for half an hour each at a time. Anymore was too physically and spiritually and mentally draining. I was already drained enough as it was. But Zuko was in such a bad way and I was the only one here. I wanted to make sure he'd be okay, so I pushed on.

I healed until I could barely keep my eyes open. Then I gave the wound another clean and tried to make up the poultice that Zuko had made when I got bitten by the scorpidillo - the one that was meant to sooth while it fought off infection and drew out bad humors. I remembered it had sun poppies in it. I only had the dried stuff, so I soaked the petals in water before wrapping them up. I tried to bandage him – to help keep the wound clean, but that was really difficult. It was an awkward schmozzle. I had to sit him up to do it and that was tricky. I kept up a steady stream of conversation and gentle admonishments while I did this, _could you_ _just try help me a little bit, the things I do for you_ etc. It made me feel better to talk because I felt like Zuko could still hear me.

He felt so cold. He's never felt this cold before. He's always so warm normally. It worried me. I tried to light a fire in the grate, but I had stupidly not bought any spark rocks. I had always assumed I'd have Zuko to do it for me. When I realized this I had a small frustrated/sad cry. I felt a bit ridiculous for having a cry over such a small thing. I had lit a fire nearly everyday of my life before I had Zuko around, it shouldn't be that big a deal to light one (or not light one in this case) right now. But it was. It really was.

So I did the next best thing. I climbed behind him and wrapped my arms around him while he rested on my chest and I held him close. I tried to warm him up the old fashioned way. That's all I was trying to do, but the smell of his hair was so familiar and overwhelming. I ended up burying my face in his neck and just having a quiet moment.

I was roused not long afterwards by the tapping of a messenger hawk on the window. I didn't want to get up and it got very insistent. It tapped even louder and then it perched just on the sill and screeched at me until I got up and opened the window for it. It had a message from Sokka in its little pouch. Sokka wrote:

_Dear Katara + Zuko_

_How did you guys go with Azula? Where are you now? We are all most eager to know! _

_We are alive! All is well! Aang came back. Can't get much sense out of Aang when I ask him where he went. Apparently he was kidnapped by a giant turtle. Anyway he was all like __**avatar slice**__ and now Ozai is like…really weird. Aang says he sucked out his bending so he wouldn't have to kill him. So now me and Suki have to babysit him instead. _

_Don't even get me started. _

_Anyway, we managed to destroy most of the airships except the one Suki took over (cool story). Its engine is pretty badly damaged, so we can't take it too far. But I've fixed it up enough so we can fly it to the nearest town and then we'll make a plan from there. Anyway I just wanted you to know we were all alive. I know how you worry. _

_Just a warning about this bird._

_This is the airship's messenger hawk and it is really grumpy – so you might want to give it some biscuits before you send it off so it doesn't try crap in your hair on its way out. (Suki is most displeased). Also, don't tell her I said this, but both of you will need to give Toph a big hug when you see her next because she has had a __**big fright**__ this afternoon and she's a little anxious. _

_I'll write more when we find a town. _

_Love Sokka_

_P.S. Zuko don't take this the wrong way, but your dad is __**in-friggin-sane**__. He's like the craziest person I've ever talked to. _

I felt a wave of relief rush over me! I also felt a slight wave of apprehension with regards to the grumpy bird -but that was overshadowed by how much pure, joyous relief I felt that Sokka and the others were all okay. I was so glad to see my brother's loopy handwriting. He writes how he speaks and I just felt so comforted hearing from him. I was worried about Toph. What was her big fright? I could only guess. If Sokka, who is not very touchy feely was advising hugs - it must have been bad.

I was half torn between being ecstatic that Aang had come back and being absolutely furious with him. I do not buy "being kidnapped by a turtle" as an excuse _for one stinking minute._ As far as I am concerned, nobody gets kidnapped by turtles. Not even Aang. That is just the most ridiculous excuse he's ever come up with. He is going to get such a scolding when I see him next. But I **would** see him again and that thought fills me with joy. He's alive, he's fine and though I'm cross at him now, I am so glad that I don't know if I'll be able to mad when I see him.

We have all made it, the six of us have made it through the day and I couldn't be happier.

I read Sokka's letter out to Zuko (even though he was unconscious, I thought he would share my enthusiasm for the fact that We Had All Made It!). Then I scooted over to the desk near the bookshelf to write a quick reply. The bird followed me and made a grumpy face at me. I have never previously noticed that messenger hawks do have different faces and personalities. This one had perfected giving people _the stink eye._

As soon as it came to writing a reply, I suddenly found I couldn't. I couldn't put what had happened this afternoon into words for my brother. I paused and looked over at Zuko. What could I say? Yes we were both alive, but one of us nearly wasn't? I have also had a huge fright today and I need a hug too? It was awful and terrible and horrible and I'm glad it's over?

I ended up writing a very short note that said:

_Dear Sokka _

_We are also alive, but Zuko has been badly hurt. I'm doing my best for him and he's sleeping right now, so don't worry. We are at Zuko's old house at the moment. We won our fight with Azula and stopped her being coronated. Tell Aang that he will have to come up with a better excuse than turtlenapping and that I am very cross at him right now. _

_But I am so very glad that you all are okay! _

_Love you, _

_Katara. _

I wrote just to Sokka, but I was sure he'd pass my message on. Then I rummaged around in the bag for a snack for the bird, which it gobbled greedily before it flew off with my reply.

-?-

The next letter came from Uncle Iroh, a little bit later. Another messenger hawk – but a less disgruntled one – even though it had flown much further. It perched gracefully on the window sill and proffered the letter for me. I had half been expecting to hear from Uncle after Sokka's message. I imagined that Uncle would also want to know how we were doing. But _oh_ how I was dreading having to write a response. I didn't know how to tell him what had happened. The letter was addressed to Zuko. I climbed back in the bed with him and asked him (pointlessly) if he would mind if I read it. I didn't think he would, so I popped the seal and read it out to him.

_Dear Nephew. _

_I cannot tell you how beautiful the Ba Sing Se looks right now as I write this. I am in the old Palace at the moment and I have a view all the way down to the start of the middle ring. I like to fool myself into thinking I can see the Jasmine Dragon from here. I have already availed myself of several of the Earth kings teas and instructed the servants here how to brew it precisely (the first time they used boiling water when everybody knows that burns the flavour out of a white tea.) I am perfectly fine and the rest of the White Lotus society are well. We have been extraordinarily successful today and there have been no casualties amongst our order, only a few minor injuries. We have been victorious and Ba Sing Se has been reconquered for the earth kingdom. _

_Tell me how you went this afternoon against Azula? I am sure you did well, but if you could send some details - it will make a few matters easier. There are many things we will need to sort out, but that can wait for later when we see each other next. Some things are better discussed in person. Where are you now? Is it possible for you to join me here post haste? Is the bison up for another long flight?_

_Also Master Pakku wishes to send the warmest greetings and well wishes to his delightful granddaughter –So pass that on to miss Katara. _

_Write back immediately – you know how I worry._

_Uncle. _

I didn't even know how to frame a response. I hated having to be the one to tell Uncle Iroh this. What I had to say was the worst sort of news to give someone, especially in a letter. I went to the desk and just stared at some paper for a few long minutes before I wrote a quick response.

_Dear Uncle Iroh, _

_I hope you don't mind, but I read your letter to Zuko. He can't reply right now because he has been hurt. He and Azula fought an Agni Kai, during which he was struck by her lightning. He is alive and in a stable condition. I've taken him to his old house and made him comfortable and I am doing everything for him that I can. He's unconscious right now, but I hope he'll wake soon. However, I don't think we are able to come meet you in Ba Sing Se. _

_Sincerely _

_Katara_

I sent it off with a heavy heart and returned to my regular spot next to Zuko. I settled beside him for the rest of the night. The bed was enormous, big enough for five people nearly – let alone two of us. I dozed in and out of sleep during the night. Because I'm a huge worrier I frequently woke up and checked his breathing and his pulse and his temperature.

His temperature was going all over the place. He'd been really cold earlier but now he felt feverish. When he felt too hot to me, I made little ice cubes from the water and rubbed them on his neck and head. I knew he liked that when he was feverish back at the Western Air Temple. He kept trying to roll over onto his stomach, which was the worst position for him. I ended up flopping my arm over his shoulders to keep him lying flat. I wanted to be close to him and I reasoned that this made the most sense. If he tried to roll over, it would wake me and I could keep him still. But he didn't. He slept soundly after that, and at some point – so did I.

-?-

I woke up late in the morning. I got a bit frantic at the start and checked Zuko immediately. His condition hadn't really changed. He was still sleeping – that was unheard of for Zuko at this point in the day. I thought about how he'd joked yesterday. He'd said that as soon as the war was over, he was going to take up napping during the day. We'd laughed about it yesterday. It had seemed so ridiculous then. I got worried and tried to wake him, but he couldn't be roused. He was completely unconscious.

When Aang was in a coma and I couldn't wake him up, I had gotten heaps of advice from my dad, which I had **very begrudgingly** accepted because I had been quite mad at him then. But he knew what he was talking about. Being our chief and in charge of all the missions when all the men left meant my dad had a lot of responsibility. He knew a fair bit about first aid and battlefield medicine. I also corresponded with Yugoda a fair bit. She sent me lots of suggestions, but none of them really worked. However they both did say that most people recover much better and quicker with their loved ones around them, especially if their loved ones talk to them. I'd talked to Aang every evening while he was in a coma but I don't know if this helped him wake up quicker or not.

I knew Zuko was worried about being abandoned, so I made sure he could almost always hear my voice. So I talked in a steady monologue until I didn't have much more to say. When I got tired of that I sang for a bit. When I ran out of words and songs, I had a rummage around on book shelf on the far side of the room near the desk. It had a copy of _love amongst the dragons._ I remembered Zuko saying something - oh it seemed like forever ago now- back at the beach house when I had been teasing him over being a such a big fan – he said when he was sick as a kid, his mum would read it to him and it always made him feel _home_ and _safe._ If I couldn't make him feel _better,_ I would settle for home and safe.

-?-

The day fell into steady a routine. I had some of yesterday's lunch for breakfast. I opened Zuko's mouth gently and tried waterbending small amounts of water down his throat. This was exceptionally tricky and time consuming, but he needed to be hydrated somehow and I could do it. I healed for half an hour stretches at a time and then rested for two hours. When I wasn't healing, I was talking to him or reading to him or singing to him. I cleaned and re-bandaged the wound around midday. Sometimes I just sat with him and didn't say anything much, but I'd just stroke his hair and hold him close like some soppy, silly, lovesick flibbertigget. I felt a bit ridiculous, but I couldn't help myself.

I'd frequently try to wake him and offered many different incentives. _Wake up now and I'll never nag you about fireflakes again _etc. I'd call him an idiot (affectionately) for jumping in front of lightning and scold him for his idiocy and for making me worry so much. _You should be ashamed of yourself, making me worry like this_ etc. I'd sincerely tell him that he had to get better soon because I missed talking to him already. There was so much we had to do. So many things we hadn't done together. So many teas we hadn't drunk together. So many conversations we hadn't had. So many things I wanted to gently tease him about. There was just _so much future_ for us. All he had to do was wake up. Once his eyelids fluttered and I thought he was waking up and I got really excited. But he didn't. It was just a one-off eyelid flutter.

I felt so ridiculously disappointed that I had another small cry.

I felt so alone. I was on my own in a foreign city. I just didn't know what to do. He was just lying there unconscious and I could do nothing but worry and fret and heal as best I could. Zuko was here but he wasn't trying to comfort me. He always tried to make me feel better when I was upset.

I thought about how much I loved him… and how I didn't even know how much I loved him until I nearly lost him. How had Zuko, of all people, become this person for me? He drove me** so crazy. **He meant **so much** to me. I wasn't even sure how it happened. It was like he'd crept into my heart when I wasn't paying attention and now I'd never get rid of him. Didn't even want to.

-?-

Later that afternoon, I was lying next to Zuko, occasionally poking him and reading chapter four of the book out loud when I heard the most tremendous crashing noise outside. I was instantly on my feet and alert. I jumped up to look out the window and I could make out a figure in the garden. I acted before I thought. I bent all the water out of the pond (startling the turtleducks) to freeze the intruder against a tree. We were in enemy territory after all! I wasn't taking any chances. Especially not with Zuko so sick.

How was I to know it would be Uncle Iroh?

When I had thought he was an intruder, I had throw him against the tree with err…a great deal of force. He said _Ow that really hurt my tailbone!_ This prompted many apologies from me. I ran out of the house and over to the tree to unfreeze him as soon as I realized it was him. He was surprisingly cool about it. (cool geddit). He said he was glad Zuko had someone like me looking out for him and what was getting a little frozen in comparison? He told me he hadn't meant to frighten me, but he had come as soon as he had received my messenger hawk last night. He'd borrowed one of those Giant Eel hounds from the Order. He gestured at it. This one is called Boris. Boris and Doris? How do they name these animals? Our small talk was pretty quick and to the point. Iroh was pretty keen to see Zuko and I was pretty keen to get back to him.

As soon as I showed Iroh through the door of the bedroom, he ran over to Zuko's side quicker than I thought he could move. Very tenderly, Uncle Iroh brushed some hair out of Zuko's face and said _Zuko? It's Uncle. Can you hear me?_ Zuko lay still and didn't respond. Uncle's face contorted then. There was so much sadness in his face. It was like there was this ocean of grief just lapping below the surface. I thought I was intruding just observing so much emotion. You know when you get a piece of paper and you scrunch it up and then smooth it out again? There are still deep lines and crinkles. They'll never go away. No matter how you try to flatten the page, those lines will still be there. Iroh's face looked like a piece of paper than had been scrunched right then.

He very tentatively asked me, almost like he was afraid of the answer, if Zuko was going to be alright. I said I hoped so. I was doing everything possible. Everything I could think of. His heartbeat and breathing were fine, and the wound was healing slowly (very slowly). I just hadn't been able to get him to wake up this morning. Iroh nodded and sat on the bed and just watched Zuko with the saddest expression on his face. I felt I should say something else so I offered _he was very brave _in what I hoped was a comforting tone of voice. Iroh sighed and said _he's always been brave. That's never been his problem. _

No, he was right. Being brave wasn't ever Zuko's problem.

I felt a bit weird assuming my regular (slightly snuggly) position next to Zuko in front of Uncle. So I pulled up a chair and sat across from him instead. He had huge bags under his eyes and seemed exhausted. He must have ridden all through the night. He seemed smaller now, somehow, than he seemed yesterday back at the camp. Just quietly, I was glad Iroh was here. I love Zuko, but the burden of being the only one here to help him was heavy. I was paranoid about leaving him even for a second. I didn't want him to wake up on his own. Now that there was a second person here who I could trust, one of us could always be with him.

Also I hadn't done anything about Azula or the firesages or any of that stuff. It had seemed so irrelevant yesterday after Zuko got shot. Everything seemed so trivial in comparison. But it was why we had come in the first place. There was so much firenationy-political stuff that I didn't know anything about, like Agni Kais and what happened now. But Iroh knew and I was glad he was here now to deal with that stuff.

After a long interlude, during which he just held Zuko's hand and seemed lost in thought, I asked him what should happen now. The Airship fleet had been stopped (I told him about getting Sokka's note) and Ba Sing Se had been liberated. Should we do something here about the firelord situation? Also we needed to do something about the Azula situation. As far as I knew she was still tied to the storm water drain. She would have been there on her own- all night and all day today. I didn't want to think to hard on what being tied up like that would do to her…delicate mental state. Someone should go see if she was alright (by someone I meant someone other than me – I did not think I would be Azula's favourite person right now).

These practicalities seemed to shake Iroh out of his thoughts and he said I was quite right. There were things that needed to be done. First he asked me to tell him what had happened. He needed to know the details. I had said they had fought an Agni Kai in my letter– did I know if it was an official binding one? Were the firesages present throughout? Etc. I explained, hesitantly at the start, but then Uncle had this way about him that made me feel comfortable and I ended up telling him almost everything.

_Oh_ but it was dreadful recounting it. Yesterday afternoon had been the most horrid afternoon of my life and I didn't want to think on it ever again. I didn't want to think about how helpless and hopeless I felt. How scared I'd been. Iroh was a good listener. He occasionally interjected a question, or had a point he wanted clarified – but mostly he just listened. His mouth set with concern when I described Azula's condition and widened with distress when I explained how Zuko came to be shot. The one thing I left out was the bloodbending. I said I just used my waterbending healing. I wasn't ready to talk about the bloodbending yet.

After I'd finished my tale, Iroh thanked me sincerely and took deep breath to collect himself. He said he would be back as soon as possible and then he stood. He paused and then gave me the **bow of deepest respect.** I was taken aback to be getting the bow of deepest respect from such a well renowned person. Iroh turned to leave but his eyes focused on Zuko for a long second before he added _take care of him for me _quietly, before he turned to go.

-?-

He came back a few hours later with three girls in tow and much news for me. A shy looking, dirty haired lass peered around from behind Uncle. Behind her it looked like two other girls lurked silently. Iroh introduced them, but I forget their names now. He had found them, hiding in the dungeons at the palace, huddled together and crying. I have a sense that Uncle Iroh is like me and he simply cannot leave people when he can help them. Especially when they are crying.

These girls had been most afraid of Azula. She had banished them all. But none of them had anywhere else to go. The palace was their home. When they pointed this out, Azula had them thrown in the dungeons for insolence instead of banishing them. And there they had remained until Iroh found them. He actually went down there to check out the cells and make one acceptable for Azula (for temporary lodgings). It is weird how the world works sometimes.

Iroh had coaxed them out and said that because they had sworn allegiance to the royal family, they could consider themselves under his employ and his protection. They would not have to leave the palace and could still consider it their home and Azula would not trouble them anymore. There is something about Uncle Iroh that makes people want to follow him and listen to him and these girls were no different. They had followed him here determined to help him. They all seemed incredibly shy around me and would not meet my eyes. They blushed and giggled when I introduced myself.

The dirty-haired one was called Lenka (I think – she mumbled her name while staring at her feet) and she had been the second housemaid. This seemed to give her some authority over the others. She told one of them to go 'see to' the other rooms and the other to start lighting fires (now I felt really silly over my fire-related cry, but thankfully no one else had seen that). Lenka had put herself in charge of the kitchen and she asked me very politely and hesitantly if I was hungry and if I wanted her to prepare me anything. I hadn't eaten since breakfast and I was famished. But I only just realized it now that she mentioned it. She asked me what I wanted and I just said whatever was quickest and easiest to make up. She scuttled off with a _Yes Milday_.

She came back a few minutes later with some piping hot dumplings and some fireflakes (gah I still can't eat them plain – but Iroh seemed to enjoy them). She kept bowing and milady-ing me the whole time she was talking to me, which was a bit distracting, but it was so enjoyable to eat something I hadn't cooked myself. I feel it is worth putting up with all the milady-ing for that.

Iroh came over and sat in the chair and explained what he had been up to for the last few hours. He had eventually found the firesages and they had concurred with my story. Because Azula fired at an observer – me- she forfeited the Agni Kai. Essentially she had lost and Zuko had won. Though Iroh thought that even if this had not been the case, the firesages would prefer Zuko as firelord and would be prepared to swear til they were blue in the face that Zuko had rightfully won.

Azula had a delicate (here he searched for the right word and eventually settled on) _condition. _This_ condition _made her rather ill suited to being firelord. During her few days as regent she had successfully banished nearly everyone from the caldera and alienated many of the wealthy families, because she had what the firesages described as a 'confiscating spree'. Basically she just rocked up at people's houses and took their priceless artifacts and generally freaked people out. There was now a huge pile of just…stuff…in Azula's room at the palace that somebody (presumably Iroh) is going to have to sort through.

All of this would make Zuko's claim to the throne much more weighty and legitimate. The thought seemed to please Iroh. I didn't know if now was the time to say anything, but I spoke up anyway. I told him that Zuko and I had talked about it on the way here and he really didn't fancy being firelord right now. Iroh sighed and then smiled at Zuko and said _he'll come around… he always does_ with pride. I said that we both thought Iroh would be better off being firelord, but Iroh shrugged and said _my dear somethings are just not meant to be._ That seemed to be the end of the subject. I felt like I should argue, but this would have to be something that Zuko and Iroh worked out between them, so I didn't say anything further.

Iroh told me that he had found a few more people besides our three maids and the firesages. He had found Dr Yang, the royal physican. Azula had in fact banished her, but she had refused to leave her patients. Remarkably, after a brief moment of thought, Azula had pronounced her _unbanished_ and told her she could stay. She was on her way to us right now but first she needed to gather up the necessary supplies. I felt a wave of relief that some other medical professional is coming to help me.

Iroh had also found some of the caldera city guards, who had managed to be on patrol down near the entrance to the harbor and had escaped Azula's noticed (and thus inevitable banishment). When they had returned to their barracks, they had found the city deserted. They had seen the hordes of the banished leaving the city but they had not been banished themselves. They had been a bit unsure of what to do, and had continued to patrol the empty city – a little pointlessly if you ask me. But they had seen Iroh during this patrolling so I guess it came to something in the end. They followed him while he went about his various errands and asked him to give them orders.

I guess people who are prone to getting ordered about just like to have someone else, _anyone else,_ make the decisions for them. Two of them were actually young initiates into the order of the White Lotus. Iroh knew them well enough and trusted them enough to put them on Azula guarding duty. Oh boy, I bet they regretted asking for orders after that.

Iroh twirled his hands a little distractedly. This was the first time he had seemed a little awkward. Everything else he had said so simply and matter-of-factly. But now he looked a little uncertain. He said _as you have probably gathered, my neice is …unwell._ He was right, I had gathered that. Iroh had seen her and there had been **a scene**. He didn't elaborate on what this scene was, but I could hazard a guess it had been unpleasant. He thought that the best thing to do for her was to untie her from the drain and move her to a secure location. He had made one of the cells comfortable for her. And the guards had agreed to watch her around the clock. She was a danger to herself and to others and would need to be watched the whole time. I agreed with all of this. I told him it sounded like a good plan to me. I didn't see what the problem was.

He coughed and said that they had come across a small snag. They had not been able to untie Azula. They couldn't undo the watertribe knots. After some manly deliberating, they had decided to cut the chains with firebending. As soon as Azula saw them coming to her with fire- she had **flipped the hell out.** Well Iroh delicately described it as having a _violent episode. _Whenever they had tried to cut her free again, she had reacted the same way. She had accidentally been burned by one of the guards twice because she thrashed so terribly when they tried to cut the chains. They did not want to hurt her further and so they desisted in their attempts to cut her free. One of the guards had suggested that I be brought in to untie her – seen as though I was the one who tied her up in the first place.

That sentence hung in the air for a second. I will admit that my first thought was to say _no way._ I did not want to go anywhere near that crazy, violent girl for the rest of my life. After what she did the Zuko? She was lucky I hadn't clawed her face off yesterday. She was just nuts. She tried to kill me. **I would not help her.** That was my knee jerk reaction. I knew it was unkind, but I couldn't help it.

Then other thoughts crowded in. I remembered how disappointed she looked when Zuko said _Mum's not here._ She'd been locked up all day. She'd been burned inadvertently. It would only take me a few seconds to untie her – whereas it sounded like all these firenation menfolk were hopeless. She'd seemed so pathetic yesterday in defeat. I'd felt sorry for her then.

Zuko would want me to.

I looked over at him. I didn't want to leave him alone. I'd promised him I would stay. Iroh seemed to sense the main reason for my reluctance. He offered that he'd stay with him and it was his turn to look after Zuko. So before I knew it, I found myself nodding and agreeing and getting instructions.

Once more to the Coronation Plaza.

-?-

There were six men dressed in military uniforms all hovering a fair way away from Azula "conferring amongst themselves". In reality I think they were just terrified of going near her. Suki has a theory. She says that most men on Kyoshi are petrified of crying women. They don't know what to do or what to say. They get very sure that they are about to be yelled at. So they _get weird_ and go off and find something _manly_ to do and try to just avoid the cavalcade of emotions pouring forth from the lady in question. This same phenomenon occurs in the watertribes. Judging from the wide berth the menfolk were giving Azula, this same principle works in the firenation.

She was hollering loudly, just for the sake of it I guess. She continued to make this dreadful caterwhauling throughout the following conversation. One of the guards looked up and saw me, pure relief written on his face. He came over and asked if I was the healer that General Iroh talked about. I asked him the question that Uncle Iroh had told me (a safety precaution to ensure the guard's identity – Iroh was a just-in-case kind of guy). The guard responded properly. He introduced himself. His name was Kal and he was currently the highest ranking home guard member – so he was in charge.

He explained to me what I already knew. General Iroh had prepared one of the dungeon cells for Azula for her temporary accommodation, the home guard were meant to escort her (one of the other guards held up some handcuffs and waggled them in demonstration). They had tried cutting through the metal with fire.._but err she really didn't like that _he said and nodded at Azula, who took this opportunity to thrash about and holler even more loudly. They believed that if I could just undo the knots, it would be the easiest solution. However if I could not, they would explore other options. I told him that I would do my best.

I wanted to get this done quickly so I squared my shoulders and I started to walk over to Azula, but she began struggling even more and shrieked _get away from me _with a great deal of distress_._ She could only scramble away from me so far. The chains held her fast. She seemed to slump in defeat…and possibly exhaustion. She had been screaming and carrying on a fair bit – had she been doing this all day? She asked bitterly if I was here to _finish the job._ I was a little put out. Yes, I know that yesterday I hated her and had fought against her, but I am not as cruel as that. I told her that I was actually here to help her. She snorted in a most unbecoming fashion to indicate her disbelief. I told her I was just as surprised as she was.

I approached her slowly, but she started really freaking out. She kicked at me and swore at me and screamed at me and it was all **very dramatic.** I got a bit fed up with her. I didn't want to do it, to use bending against an incapacitated opponent, but in the end I felt that the easiest solution was to just immobilize her in the ice again. I bent a block up to her shoulders, to hold her in place. Azula began to cry when I did that. Not the violent, thrashing wailing of the past fifteen minutes, but a high pitched wail. It was _exceptionally_ ear-piercing and annoying.

I walked around behind her and started fussing with the knots. She had pulled them really taut in her struggling and it was much harder to untie them than I was expecting. They'd dug into her wrists terribly from how much she had strained against them. Now her wrists were mottled with bruises. I could see where she'd been burnt further up her forearms. I tutted softly and disapprovingly at the sight.

If only she could just calm down and let people help her. She was acting like we all wanted to kill her or something and she was making this so much more difficult that it had to be. I wanted to get her out of these quickly. She had been my enemy for so long, but I didn't want her to suffer unnecessarily. I felt a little bad about leaving her locked here for a full day. I didn't see what else I could have done. Really it was the only option for me yesterday, but still.

She was squirming something dreadful even despite the fact that I had frozen her in the ice. She was being as difficult and unhelpful as a person could be. The guards all looked on anxiously. I could see why they were anxious. She was nuts and as soon as I got her out of these – she'd be their problem, not mine. I wanted to say _oh for goodness sake, just pull yourself together!_ But that wasn't an option for her, I could tell. It wasn't as simple as that. If she could do it, if she could just pull herself together and act rationally – she would. But it was like the floodgates to this veritable torrent of emotions had been opened inside her and now it was all spilling out uncontrollably.

She stopped screaming for no apparent reason that I could fathom and asked _peasant? _by which I assumed she meant me. She didn't say it meanly though, which was a surprise in itself. She said it like she honestly thought _peasant_ was my name. I said _yes_ a little stroppily, as my nerves where frazzled by the dreadful racket she'd been making just seconds before. She said softly and with some hesitation _Where's Zuzu peasant?_ I was rather taken aback. I would have never expected her to ask about Zuko in that tone, especially after yesterday. But she asked quietly but insistently. She asked like she really cared. Maybe she did. I'd never understand her.

I ended up saying that he was sleeping, and if she didn't stop her terrible caterwhauling, she was going to wake him up. This is actually **very unlikely,** but I just wanted the noise to stop. Unfortunately my words had the opposite affect to the one I had anticipated. Azula started crying in earnest. Not the hysterical crying, not the dreadful high pitched keening. It was a gentler sort of crying. A sad, defeated weeping.

I bit back the impatient _Oh what now?_ that sprang to my lips. I don't want to sound callous, but I really just wanted to untie these knots and get back to Zuko. I didn't really have time for this. But because I am a **giant sap** and I just can't leave someone crying like that, I tried to comfort her and said the various soothing things. I told her everything was alright and she didn't need to cry, but she vehemently disagreed with me. She shook her head and said it wasn't alright at all. She said with a heavy sort of dread _I know what that means. When someone is sleeping. I know what that means. _I told her (logically) it meant that they were asleep, but she disagreed again. _Mother is sleeping, Lu Ten is sleeping and now Zuzu is sleeping. _I felt this sadness she was expressing at the thought of killing Zuko would have been much more helpful had she expressed it earlier…and **preferably not shot Zuko** yesterday. But that is just me.

I couldn't help but snap_ No, he actually __**is**__ sleeping, __**you mad harpy**__. _I told her to hold still but it was unnecessary. I had shocked her into stillness with my words. These few moments of stunned immobility helped me remarkably and the chains dropped off. She was still in the ice, but she was untied. I gestured at two of the guards with the handcuffs to come closer. They had decided to handcuff her arms to two separate guards, as this would make it much harder for her to run away or bend properly. Azula paid them no mind, she kept trying to crane her head to look at me. She asked _he's alive?_ I told her he was. Her eyes widened in surprise and she was silent (oh blessed, glorious silence). I unfroze one arm and moved it through to ice and around to one of the guards. He attached his wrist to Azula's, looking grim faced. I did the same for the other arm.

I felt like I should offer some explanation, some reassurance. I don't even know why I felt the urge to explain anything to Azula or reassure her, but I did. I told her the guards were there to help her and would be looking after her from here on out. I couldn't help the motherly scolding tone that crept into my voice when I added _they don't want any naughty behavior, so even though I know you are __**psychotic-**__ can you at least __**make an effort?**_ To my surprise she didn't struggle or anything. She just nodded. She stopped screaming and wailing and was actually what passes for co-operative (for Azula). Both the guards looked exceptionally nervous at being chained to her, but they gritted their teeth and got on with it. One of them was very gentle with her as he helped her up.

The guards nodded in thanks at me and gave me a small salute and they started to leave. I watched them for a few moments before I heard myself call out for them to _wait._ I didn't even know why I was doing this. I had obviously gone mad. Maybe whatever is wrong with Azula is catching – because what I wanted to do was just _plain old crazy. _But I did it anyway.

I walked over to Azula and she regarded me curiously. I told the guards I just wanted to heal her arms before they took her away and they nodded and stood still. I unplugged my water skin and in a few moments I had healed her burns and her wrists. She looked down each wrist and then back at me in pure astonishment. Her hair was hanging all bedraggled in her face. It really _bothered_ me. I have no idea why.

She had been such a fearsome enemy and now she was reduced to _this _and I just couldn't help but feel sorry for her. I felt like she looked crazier with her hair like that. Her hair used to be quite pretty. She'd always looked so well groomed. She obviously had taken pride in it at one point.

I have absolutely no explanation for why I did this, but I reached into my pocket and got out a few of the clips I always have in there. My hair had been a bit unmanageable in the firenation humidity and I've normally had a collection of pins in my pocket to help tame it and to secure the little topknot I've been wearing. I took two of these pins and used them to just clip her hair back off her face. When I reached for her, she flinched away, but I persisted. She looked a little less crazy with it pinned back. I ended up smoothing it a little and saying with false positivity _There now – all better. _But that's a lie. It wasn't all better at all. Not for Azula. But it seemed like the least I could do. It's a small gesture, it's nothing really.

Azula looked at me like I was the weirdest person she had ever come across. Like I was an oddity in a museum and she didn't know what to make of me. She tilted her head and said _you are a very strange peasant _with some incredulity.I agreed that I was, then I stepped out of the way so the guards could take her onwards. I must be at least a little strange – to feel this sorry for Azula. There is definitely something wrong with me. She turned to look at me while the guards were escorting her out and she caught my eye. I gave her a small wave in farewell. The head guard, Kal, turned when they got to the gate and gave me a final salute and then they were gone.

-?-

As I was walking back I had a bit of a think and this is what I decided. I used to think someone had to **beg** my forgiveness to earn it. Azula hasn't said sorry, she may never say sorry. But I don't feel angry with her. I know that this feeling would be totally different if Zuko had died, I'd probably want to just **murder** her. But now, looking at her, I can let all my anger at her go. I thought she was so scary, but really, she's just a sad, mad, scared little girl. And she is so alone right now.

Her world has shifted again, and it will never be the same. It will be harder for her to adjust to life without the war, because she never really had anything outside the war. I have wonderful friends and family and a home. I am able-bodied, I have two strong hands which I can use to fight and to heal. I am in my right mind. What does Azula have? She might be royalty while I'm what she refers to as a _peasant._ She might have been a child prodigy whereas this time last year I had no waterbending instruction at all. She might have had everything go her way until now - but there's not a thing of hers I need. There's nothing of hers I want.

I don't envy her, I pity her.

I just felt this light feeling come over me. I don't need to be angry and I don't want to hurt her in her current, poor, mad, crazy state. Maybe I could forgive her, now that she was my vanquished foe instead of my powerful enemy. And so I think I did in that moment.

I can say that **real forgiveness** is hard. It's not easy, and I think it doesn't count if it's easy. It's the hardest thing. Aang said that forgiveness is where love and justice finally meet. I think Aang was just saying that because it was what the monks told him. I don't think he _really _understands this feeling. He wouldn't talk about forgiveness the way he did, if he really understood this feeling. Aang thinks you can just say _I forgive you_ and everything is better. You can't. Life doesn't work that way. The world is not so simple. That's not real forgiveness. Real forgiveness – where love and justice meet forgiveness- is such a powerful and freeing feeling. Forgiveness is not something you can do lightly or insincerely. You can't fake it. You have to feel it deep in your heart.

-?-

* * *

The usual blathering Author's note:

Lovely wonderful readers! A giant and huge and enormous thank you to my wonderful reviewers! You guys are awesome and your reviews make me so happy. So thanks a million! I'm glad so many of you enjoyed the last chapter!

I hope you enjoyed this one too, even though there is not as much Zuko/Katara interaction (on account of him being unconscious) and it is more plot-hole-filly. In the show – we cut away from the Agni Kai scene and then _voila _Zuko is coronated in pretty much the next one. What happened in between? I am sure shenanigans of some description went on. Anyway I'll be exploring the post-battle/pre-coronation interlude for the next few chapters so get ready for that!

So Zuko was unconscious for all this chapter. He will wake up in the next one I promise. But if Aang got to coma it up for five weeks, I think we can all grant Zuko a day or two at least. Katara can't just bloodbend heal him completely better (in fact even in canon, he's still in a bit of pain on the day of the coronation and is struggling to get dressed.) I actually think bloodbending healing would have some very clear limitations and even if she wanted to, she wouldn't be able to use it all the time. It would need either a full moon or super-duper strong emotions to fuel it and it is exceptionally physically and emotionally draining. But she would use all her other healing as best she could.

I think the firenation military seem to use messenger hawks to communicate and there is a great deal of communication/co-ordination (as well as bitching) that goes on between the various branches of the military and even the various ships. It makes sense to me that each airship would have its own messenger hawk, especially because each naval ship appears to have its own hawk eg the captain in the awakening "would it be too much to ask that he send us a hawk to let us know". So if there is a messenger hawk on board the airship that Suki takes over – then I think Sokka would definitely use it to let his sister know that everyone was okay. Sokka knows Katara and knows how she worries – he would send her a hawk.

Suki takes over an airship, but I am assuming it is a damaged one as Sokka crashes into all the airships with his 'airship slice'. It cannot be flown very far. They are at an advantage because Aang has returned and can use his firebending to help power the airship – but they will still land at the nearest possible town. How the gang actually feel about Aang disappearing and his desire to keep Ozai alive and the fact that they are saddled with Ozai as their prisoner will be explored next chapter.

I think the Order of the White Lotus would also have a few messenger hawks around – how else do they stay in contact. Actually how do they stay in contact with Pakku? Anyway, Iroh would obviously want to know how his nephew went and would also send a hawk as soon as possible. Also I have no idea how these messenger hawks work or are trained . It hurts my brain to think of it. So I have simply assumed they are like owls in _harry potter._ Just go with it my lovelies!

I can get my head around Iroh not wanting to be firelord, but I will never in a million years think that Iroh would just leave Zuko and stay in Ba Sing Se after Sozin's comet. No, just no. That is not how Iroh rolls. Iroh followed Zuko all across the earth kingdom when Zuko was in his **angsty!rage!** mode – just on the off chance he might be needed. That same man would not then turn around and say _oh my nephew's been shot with lightning and is critically injured. Meh, I'd rather stay here and drink tea._ No one loves tea that much, not even Iroh. That's a big call I know – Iroh does love tea a lot. But he does not love tea more than he loves Zuko, in my opinion.

Iroh would have gotten Katara's letter and **freaked **(in his Iroh way) and grabbed the nearest Giant Eel Hound (the order has several and all their names end in _oris_) and set off at top speed. Iroh has already lost a child. I think that is easy to overlook because he's so jolly all the time – but there is a lot of sadness and grief in Iroh about losing Lu Ten. Iroh has come to see Zuko like a second son and I just think he would want to **be there.**

I thought a bit about Katara and what she'd do in the firenation post the comet battle. I think she'd make Zuko her absolute number one priority and wouldn't care that much about all that other firenationy stuff, or Azula all that much. I think that she doesn't actually know anything about firenation politics etc and is an outsider there and so this is the best course of action for her. Having Iroh around in the firenation capital post-comet means I can happily go about filling the plot holes that bother me with a giant shovel. I just tell myself that Iroh sorted it. Because seriously, neither Zuko or Katara are in a position to sort any of that stuff right now.

I think that Iroh would still command a great deal of respect. It was only six years ago that he was one of the most well respected generals ever. He is a member of the Royal Family and he is an all round nice guy. I think there would be a great deal of chaos during and in the aftermath of Azula's short time as Regent. In situations of great confusion, it is easy for a charismatic leader to step forward and attract a following. I think Iroh would very easily fall into the role of Regent while Zuko is out of commission.

When Iroh goes out, he finds a few people: some servants, the royal physician, the guards and the firesages. There are more people in the caldera, but they are in hiding – and they will come later. Also the other families who were banished will start returning from harbour city. He found servants because I think there would still be a few of those around the place. Either hiding or in the dungeons. The serving girls are a bit shy and giggly around Katara because they have never seen a water tribe person before. But I wanted someone to cook and clean for her and to take a load off her shoulders, so voila – Iroh found some servants. He has also found the royal physician and we will meet her properly next chapter. Katara will have to share her patient with the royal physician. Katara's not big on sharing Zuko.

Iroh found the firesages to confirm Katara's story and also to secure Zuko's position as firelord. The firesages have (off screen) sworn their allegiance to Iroh/Zuko. I actually think that Azula is very friendless at the moment. Who is going to stand with her when she has alienated, imprisoned or banished all her allies? She has shown herself to be mentally unstable and unfit for the role of firelord. Even the most loyal Ozai-ist would probably be a bit reluctant to throw their lot in with Azula. Anyone with two IQ points to rub together could see that she is unsuitable as firelord. The firesages have more than two IQ points between them. Even if Zuko hadn't won, I think the firesages would be willing to say that he had - to avoid the fate of having to serve under Firelord Azula. It is true that sometimes the devil you know is better than the devil you don't – but for the firesages the devil they know (Azula) is so friggin insane and scary that they are willing to take a chance on anyone else.

I actually think Azula was the first person Iroh went to see when he left Katara and Zuko. He would have been so surprised and shocked at how rapidly she has deteriorated. He would have tried being kind to her – but it is a bit late for that coming from Iroh (I actually want to explore Iroh and Azula's relationship in the coming chapters and look at things like _why is Iroh so dismissive of Azula and so tolerant of Zuko_). I think he never underestimated her – he saw her as the cunning and vicious opponent she **was** – and treated her accordingly. However he has lost sight of the fact that she is still only 14 years old. Seeing her after her breakdown, when she is so pitiable, would have been a jarring for him – because it doesn't fit with how he sees her.

I don't think Azula is in a mental place to even begin collecting herself and making up sinister plots etc. She's not going to try escape right now. She's not thinking clearly. The guards Iroh finds are fairly trustworthy – they are not going to mistreat her. Mostly because I find the idea of mistreating the mentally unwell abhorrent. They will also take their duty guarding her quite seriously. I think Iroh would also feel a sense of familiar responsibility to Azula and would want her to be comfortable (but guarded round the clock).

I also wanted Katara and Azula to meet up again in this chapter – because I think it would be good for both of them. Azula is not in a place to process this meeting right now, but she will at a later date. Azula is not used to anyone being kind to her **just because**. She is used to people fearing her and used to having power over people. She is used to dominating her friends as well as her enemies. Katara is nice to her here, when she is so powerless and it is completely unnecessary. She is nice to Azula when there is no possible gain for herself. This will baffle Azula. And she will think on it. Also she is at her most coherent when she is asking about Zuko. This will come up in a later chapter.

I wanted Katara to grow as person and reach a more mature and less problematic understanding of forgiveness. Forgiveness has been a bit problematic for Katara. She is a grudge holder. She had a very black and white view of morality at the start of the show, very similar to Aang's actually (I still think Aang sees the world in rather black and white terms at the end of the show). But she is also an innately good and compassionate person. I think that for Katara to actually let go of her anger at Azula, unprompted and without Azula saying sorry, would be a big step forward for her. _Forgiveness is where love and justice finally meet_ is a quote from Angels in America by Tony Kushner and it is brilliant. The Meryl Streep version is especially epic and I highly recommend it.

Next chapter – Zuko will wake up, the Gaang will arrive in the firenation and there will be shenaniagns. Also Hakoda will be with them – for those of us that think Hakoda is just all kinds of awesome!

Til then lovely readers!


	44. Dr Yang

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Dr Yang

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

When I got back to the house, the royal physician was there. She was tall and thin, like most firenation people. She was older, with a shrewd face and her hair was pulled back in a severe bun. Iroh introduced me and she shook my hand in a very forthright fashion. Her name was Dr Yang. She had an exceptionally strong grip. She moved with purpose and seemed to know exactly what she was doing.

I was infinitely curious about her. I hadn't seen many different physicians or healers outside the water tribes. The northern watertribe just relied on waterbending healing, mostly. In my village there was a medicine man, but he had died when I was younger. Then there was just Gran Gran and my father who knew anything about healing. After I'd learned basic healing from Yugoda, we hadn't really had much need to see any doctors in the earth kingdom. I don't know what they would do in the earth kingdom, but I do know that fire nation medicine was _very different_ than water tribe healing.

Yugoda had used her healing and her common sense and not much else for her whole life and it had served her well. Dr Yang had more gadgets. One of these was called a stethoscope and I was fascinated by it. She put two ends of a tube in her ears and held the flat end to various places on Zuko's chest. She made a _hmmm_ noise and frowny face- which worried me and Iroh – she was a bit dismissive of us and said that everything was fine.

She briskly asked me to waterbend some vile looking concoction down Zuko's throat. I was a bit reluctant. Was it good for him? It looked nasty. She got a bit impatient with me, but explained quickly that it would help him recover quicker. She sighed in a long suffering tone and said perhaps I wasn't as good a healer as General Iroh thought. Oi! I was good! I snatched the vial from her and did it. Gently. I am a gentle healer after all, with a great bedside manner. Unlike Dr Yang who is a brisk, bossy know-it-all! She watched me and made a slight, almost imperceptible nod.

She'd taken off the bandage I'd put on and was rubbing something into the wound. A burn tincture made for lightning injuries from a long list of plants. She told me very matter-of-factly, but there was an underlying condescending tone- as of I was an idiot for not knowing the precise 80 different ingredients and mixing them together – which I resent slightly. She told me sun poppy poultices were the wrong thing to use for lightning burns, in much the same tone. Also I should have wrapped the bandage in a different fashion.

She did a few other things and bandaged Zuko up again (Uncle Iroh and I helped her sit him up), she checked him over once more and fussed with her gadgets. Then she stood back for a second before she leant forward and clapped loudly in his face once, which startled me. Whatever she expected to happen, hadn't happened. She clapped again – and I saw it. His eye lids fluttered! Was he going to wake up? _Not yet_ Dr Yang said in clipped tones, but he would wake up soon_. Probably tomorrow or the day after_.

She sat us down and said Zuko was recovering well, which was remarkable in itself- because he should be dead. She said this so abruptly and Iroh recoiled next to me. She looked embarrassed for the tiniest fraction of a second and her face softened slightly and she tried saying in a more gentle tone. _He's going to make a full recovery from the looks of things, but it will be a slow process. _ She outlined what she had done and what needed to be done by the two of us and left us a vast array of potions and creams and painkillers – in case he woke up early, because that lightning wound was going to hurt like hell. She said she'd be back tomorrow morning to check on us. She took her leave of Iroh, but she asked if she could speak to me outside.

-?-

She was very blunt with me, but not unkind. She was most curious about the water tribe healing. She had never come across anything like it. She said that whatever I had done had definitely saved Zuko's life because he should be dead. Goodness I wished she would stop saying _he should be dead_ so matter-of-factly. It was distressing. She looked a little shamefaced and said _yes…well_ ..._err he should be dead, but he's not, so don't fret_ before continuing. She said the water tribe healing was almost miraculous – but she did not believe in miracles. She wanted to know the science behind it. I could not explain very well and said I had just used my instincts. She nodded and looked at me appraisingly.

Then she wanted to know what other training I had. She found it astonishing that I would be able to heal a lightning injury- using what she referred to as my _'powers'_- but I didn't know the basic differences between various herbal medicines and tinctures. I ended up telling her the blunt truth. There seemed no reason not to. I had a grounding in local southern water tribe medicine and a knowledge of how to treat battlefield wounds from my Gran Gran and my father, and I had learned healing for a few weeks up in the North Pole. I did not know much of herbal medicines because had not been a big part of healing in the water tribes (not much grows in the snowy tundra after all and our medicines mostly derived from the animals around us). I had learned about a few things, like sun poppies and eucalyptus, during our travels. So far most of our injuries I had been able to heal with water healing. Except Jet's – I thought quietly to myself.

Dr Yang nodded and said she had thought as much. She smiled at me then. It was the first time I had seen a smile on her face. She looked like a different person when she smiled. A softer person. She said _Well your healing instincts are very good. But your powers will only take you so far, after a while- you will have to __**know **__something. _She asked me if I wished to learn more. I had never really thought about it. Did I want to have more medical training? I was already a fairly competent healer. So far, what I knew had sufficed. But I didn't know everything. Not even close.

I had only had such a short amount time with Yugoda – just enough to learn the basics. I had preferred to spend my time with Pakku becoming a better warrior. Most of the time I had just healed by instinct, using my knowledge and my common sense. It had normally worked out alright…. Except for when Aang had been struck by lightning and after the spirit water had saved his life and been used up, I hadn't been able to get him to wake up… except for today when I had just felt so lost and alone (before Iroh had shown up) and I'd had no idea what to do… Except for when we were under the Lake and Jet was lying there and the healing wasn't working.

Dr Yang was very business like. She said I had a **remarkable gift,** but if she was going to leave me in charge, I would need to learn a few things. I was being left in charge? Dr Yang said yes. I had a good basic medical knowledge and seemed adequately clever. (huh, only adequately clever? I didn't know if I was being insulted or not.) She would call in to see Zuko as often as possible, but she had a **hospital full of sick people**, and a crazy princess to attend to and she was the only properly trained Doctor in the entire caldera area at the moment. And because General Iroh was acting as Regent at the moment, he was going to be rather busy with other things –no matter how much the old besom would want to stay and fret. Also Dr Yang knew that he thought tea was a cure for everything, when she had already scientifically proven to him, (over and over again) that tea **did not** cure a vast number of diseases. From the way she talked about Uncle Iroh, I got the sense that they had been friends for a long time.

I made the most logical sense to Dr Yang, even though she didn't like leaving a teenager with so much responsibility. I got a bit stroppy and said I could handle the responsibility just fine. Of course I could take care of Zuko. She nodded in approval and walked through the house and told me to follow her. She seemed to know her way around the house. She explained that she had been the family doctor to Zuko and Azula since they were both born and she had made many many house calls, so she knew her way around.

We entered a room that had many botanical prints on the walls. Dr Yang paused at the door and then set her shoulders and strode over to the bookshelf. She took a few moments and then said _yes, I knew she'd have a copy._ She reached over and took out a huge book from the shelf. It was called _The complete compendium of medicinal food, fungi and herbs_ and it was enormous. We left the room pretty quickly. It was Lady Ursa's Room and it had been left completely untouched since she had left. It gave Dr Yang **the creeps** to go in there. But Dr Yang reasoned that the good lady wouldn't mind if I borrowed her compendium.

We strode to the kitchen, which had the best light. Lenka was fussing over the stove and made a startled noise when we entered. She gave us a bow and returned to the stove. Dr Yang flipped through the book quickly and folded down the pages that I simply had to **study and learn immediately**, because they were relevant for the treatment of lightning injuries. Then she bowed at me, reiterated that she would be back in the morning (and implied that she would also check if I had studied the pages she had marked out) and strode out into the night purposefully.

I have a feeling that Dr Yang does everything, even clipping her toenails, with a great sense of purpose.

That is how purposefully she does everything.

-?-

Iroh and I had dinner together, in Zuko's room. Neither of us wanted to leave him. Especially if he was going to wake up. I told Iroh about everything Dr Yang said and how she had given me Ursa's compendium and told me to learn it and how she had left me in charge of Zuko when she and Iroh were away (because both she and Iroh would be busy). I left out the part about tea obsession to be diplomatic. Iroh nodded, but said he was going to stay by Zuko until he had woken up. All that Regent stuff could wait, as far as Iroh was concerned. He wasn't leaving.

It was then that I noticed that the servants had set up another small camp bed in the room, but only one. And I could hazard a guess that I was not the person it was meant for. Iroh explained that he had one of the spare bedrooms made up for me.

Oh.

He'd stay by Zuko all night, but I looked all done in (he said this gently – but it must have been true. I haven't gotten much sleep since Zuko got shot after all) and I could probably use a decent sleep. I could, I knew I could. But still. I didn't want to make things awkward, but I didn't want to leave either. What if Zuko woke up and I wasn't here. I'd promised him I wouldn't leave. Iroh said that if Zuko made a peep, he'd send for me. But Dr Yang was right, he probably wouldn't wake til tomorrow at the earliest.

Lenka came to clean up the plates and Iroh asked her if she would come back to show me to my room when she was done. I still didn't know my way around the house very well. I have pretty much just stayed in this one room with Zuko, which is unusual for me. Normally I love a good snoop. She came back and bowed and then waited shyly outside for me to take my leave.

I got up and went and sat by Zuko for a second to say goodnight. I took his hand in mine and told him goodnight and that I would be back to see him in the morning. Then the most remarkable thing happened. His hand very gently squeezed mine in response. I got most excited because I thought he was waking up again. I called Iroh over and he got most excited too. We were both probably a bit **too eager** and may have over-reacted. But we each grabbed a hand and tried to get him to do it again. We tried for a little while, but he did not. I felt the same ridiculous disappointment that I had felt yesterday, but I didn't cry this time.

Instead I said goodnight to Iroh and followed Lenka to my room. She was blushing and nervously babbling. She and the girls had put some flowers in my room and lit a fire and aired it out and tried to make it nice, but if I needed anything just ask. She just seemed so nervous and she kept milady-ing me and bowing after everything she said. I asked her why I made her so nervous? Because it was just weird how shy she and the other serving girls were around me. _I'm nice, I really am_ – I told her. I not use to making people feel so ill at ease.

She blushed and giggled and said she didn't want to offend me (apologetically). Then she added that she'd never seen a water tribe person before. But in school they get taught how barbaric the water tribes were. Then she seemed to look a little dismayed at what she said and added _not that I am saying that you are barbaric. You are nice. But it's so weird - meeting a watertribe lady. _She kept trying to 'make it better' but I waved her off and told her it was fine and I understood what she was trying to say and meeting firenation people was a little weird for me too sometimes. She smiled, blushed, giggled, curtsied and milady-ied, then she took her leave at a quick scamper.

The room had been made very nice. There was a huge bunch of jasmine flowers in a vase on the table, which gave the room a sweet smell. There was a fire in the grate and the bed had been made. I lit some candles to give me some reading light and settled into the softest bed I have ever come across. I read the compendium pages Dr Yang had marked out until I fell into a deep and dreamless sleep.

-?-

In the morning I went straight to Zuko's room. Iroh was there and together we had some breakfast and resumed our regular positions, sitting on either side of the bed. I followed my routine during the morning, I healed for half an hour and then rested. Iroh and I talked to each other and to Zuko. Iroh was determined to stay around the clock until Zuko woke up. I think he needed to see him awake and to talk to him for himself – just to reassure himself that Zuko was going to make it. I understood that feeling exactly.

In mid morning we were visited by Dr Yang. She had seen Azula last night and had given her something to _'calm her down' _and had managed to get her to eat something. She checked over Zuko again and confirmed that everything seemed fine- aside from the huge lightning hole in him, that is. I was due to do another healing session and so I demonstrated this for Dr Yang. This was the first time she had ever seen such a display and she watched with rapt attention. I found it easier to explain how healing worked when I was actually doing it. Dr Yang nodded along as I informed her of what I trying to get the water to do. Once, she muttered _amazing_ to herself, but I don't know if I was meant to hear or not. But still, the fact that I could amaze her made me glow a little inside with pride. Dr Yang left to go back to the hospital, but we were to send for her instantly if there was any change.

-?-

Sometime later there was a tapping at the window and the same disgruntled messenger hawk was back, with a reply from Sokka. Sokka's letter was also short and sweet, clearly written in a hurry because his writing was super messy, even for Sokka.

_Katara_

_Oh bloody hell! Is Zuko Okay! Are you Okay! Dad is fixing the airship and we will come to you as soon as possible. Yeah! Dad found me! He is sending you all his love and a lot of worries! He is really worried about you! He is like __**the most worried man in the history of ever!**__ Also Dad wants to know what's wrong with Zuko so he can be a ninja nurse over letters and worry about that too!_

_So many shenanigans have happened and I have so much to tell you!_

_Love Sokka. _

_-?-_

I sent back:

_Sokka_

_Calm down – everything is okay. I am fine! Zuko got struck by lightning (no jokes about this __**ever!**__), but he's okay now. He hasn't woken up yet, but Dr Yang thinks he will soon. But he is going to be fine. Anyway, we are doing okay here. Iroh arrived and he's been great. He's fixing all the firenationy political things. There are servants to cook for us and clean for us and Dr Yang (she's the royal physican) and I are both doing our best for Zuko. Dad doesn't need to worry about back seat doctoring because Dr Yang has that covered. _

_Give my love to all the others and to Dad. _

_Love Katara_

-?-

Iroh suggested we play Pai Sho to pass the time while we waited for Zuko to wake up (as neither of us were leaving before this had happened). It seemed like as good a suggestion as any. I didn't know anything at all about how to play, but Iroh relished the chance to teach me. He rubbed his hands together in anticipation of a new pai sho opponent. We set the board up at one end of the enormous bed – so neither of us had to move too far away from Zuko.

It was a ridiculously complicated game. My brain can only handle so much new information at a time and it was already full of new herbal info from last night. So I had to have the rules explained to me several times. I had a lot of other stuff on my mind. I can't be expected to be good at everything now can I? Iroh was a very patient teacher and didn't mind explaining the rules repeatedly. I kept forgetting which tiles were harmonious and which tiles just hated eachother. The flower tiles all look quite similar and I kept getting them confused. I favoured the boat tile – forsaking all other tiles for it, even though Iroh would tell me that the boat tile could not do everything. But even all of Iroh's patient teaching and 'suggestions' didn't save me from losing game after game.

Iroh told me not to worry, it was an exceptionally difficult game and I was only just learning. Zuko was still crap at it and Iroh had been trying to teach him since he was twelve. Though Iroh confessed that these games rarely ever got played to their completion because usually after about half way, Zuko would get _really frustrated,_ have a small tantrum (during which a tile may or may not be thrown) and stomp off. I smiled. That did sound like a Zuko thing to do. It is amazing the things you find endearing when you are completely smitten with somebody.

We continued to play throughout the day. We had lunch, I healed and then I changed Zuko's dressing and rubbed some of the tincture Dr Yang left in, and then we resumed playing. Whenever I made a really stupid, ill thought out move and realized it just a second too late – I would claim Zuko was psychically guiding me and that's why I **sucked** at this game. This seemed to amuse Iroh and he chuckled to himself. It turns out Zuko's psychic guidance could not stop my rhododendrons from annoying the lilies (or whatever those tiles were).

It was quite late in the day. It was after dinner, and the sky had gotten dark and all the lamps had been lit when it happened. I was claiming "psychic interference" again when we were interrupted by a soft, raspy voice from the other end of the bed, saying with some confusion_ you can't be blaming that on me. _Zuko was awake! He was watching us with a slight smile on his face.

_Oh my goodness! _

Suddenly there was a great deal of commotion as both me and Iroh hastened to fuss over him simultaneously. We descended like this big cloud of worry and concern and **just fuss**. We both kept talking over each other in our excitement. _How are you feeling? Are you hungry? Are you thirsty? Are you hurt? Here drink this!_ The vile smelling pain-killer was thrust at Zuko, the Pai Sho board was flipped over, servants were called and Dr Yang was sent for and there was much calamity and ado.

I hugged him, then Iroh hugged him and Zuko waved us off with pained bafflement. The barrage of affection and worry had been rather **intense **for someone who had just woken up after being unconscious for almost three days. Both Iroh and I tried to calm down a notch. Zuko looked really confused and asked _what happened?_ I told him he'd gotten shot with lightning. This seemed to really surprise him. _I did? _He asked with his eyes wide. Then he seemed to notice the bandage all around his middle and he poked it curiously. Right in the centre of where he got shot. He swore explosively in pain. I grabbed his hand and said _don't poke it, you idiot _affectionately.

He smiled but it quickly turned into a grimace and he lay back, closed his eyes and swore again and added _wow,_ _this really friggin hurts._ Iroh proffered the painkiller for him and got most worried that Zuko would need some soup to wash it down with because it would taste nasty and he hadn't eaten in three days and he would be starving. Uncle hastened out to call Lenka and start the supply of soup coming.

Zuko downed the painkiller in one shot and made a disgusted face. He said _Uncle's right. That does taste awful _to me. I think I must have been looking at him with rather a rapt expression on my face. Only because he was awake and he was talking and I was just so excited. He said _Oh you're staring at me – I must look really bad. _He seemed a bit embarrassed. Mostly I think because I really was staring at him rather intensely and had moved my face right up close to get a better look. But Zuko has never liked being stared at intensely, so this was probably not the time to start doing that. I forced myself to move back and give him some room. I told him he looked **great,** which was a lie and we both knew it. He looked like he'd been sat on by a komodo rhino – just flat and washed out – but he was alive! He was awake! He was talking.

I have never seen anything more wonderful in my whole life.

I couldn't contain myself. I gave him another hug – a gentle one just around his shoulders – so I avoided knocking his wound. But I held him close and murmured that I was _so glad_ he was alright against his hair. His arms came around me and he hugged me back. We stayed like that until Iroh bustled in, with Lenka behind him – with a series of trays.

There was possibly the entire contents of the kitchen collected on the trays. Anything Zuko might possibly want. There was soup, tea, some baked goods and fireflakes. Zuko opted for some soup with fireflakes sprinkled all though it, but he wasn't up to eating much. He struggled with every swallow. But Iroh and I were quite insistent that he eat something, because he hadn't had anything for three days. There was a bit of grumbling, but he gave it a good effort and made it through half the bowl before giving up.

Dr Yang hurried in, out of breath. She gave Zuko a check over, asked him how he felt etc. _Like I'm been run over by a tank, eaten by a platypusbear_ _and buried in a landslide _was the answer. Dr Yang raised an eyebrow in amusement and said _that good eh?_ She got him to drink something else and apparently it tasted worse than the painkiller.

She asked all the doctor-y sort of questions and continued her examination. But when she got up to _did he remember what happened?_ as the stethoscope came out again- I found myself holding my breath in anticipation. Did he? He seemed a bit dopey at the moment, but he'd only just woken up after all, but did he remember? Did he remember what I said? Zuko thought for a second and said no, he didn't really. _It's all scrambled._ Dr Yang nodded and checked his heart beat and said that was probably for the best. He probably wouldn't want to remember something like that – she said with a soft smile. Then she got him to cough and the conversation moved on. _How was his breathing?_ Etc.

He didn't remember anything? Really? How could he not remember? I had said the **most important thing ever **to him and how could he just forget it? He'd been awake. I know he heard me. My feelings were a whir of confusion as Dr Yang finished up.

Eventually she pronounced herself satisfied. She stood back and announced to Zuko _you should make a full recovery…amazingly. _ But she had a few stipulations. Most important was that Zuko had to take it easy. She knew what he was like, but this time she **really meant it.** No funny business. Just rest. She put him on very strict bed rest for the next week. Zuko gulped and there was mild protesting. He'd go crazy on bed rest for a week.

She said she knew that, but if he wanted to make a full recovery, he would have to take this time to relax and let his body repair. He made a scowl-y face. Zuko hates being cooped up, I know from experience. He was a most difficult patient back at the Western Air Temple and he'd only been conscious of his surroundings for two of those days he was sick. I couldn't imagine how he'd be after a whole week. Dr Yang said she'd leave me in charge of enforcing the bed rest. Zuko said instantly and without thinking _but Katara'll be even stricter than you!_ His brain-to-mouth filter must be especially faulty today because he looked a bit surprised that he had actually said that out loud and flashed me an apologetic look. Dr Yang said that was exactly why she'd chosen me. Dr Yang had a few more stipulations, he had to take his medicine, get plenty of rest, drink lots of coconut water etc.

Then she asked me to follow her, because she had a few things to show me. I wanted to stay while Zuko was awake, but Uncle seemed to want to speak to him alone. So I went to follow Dr Yang. As I got to the door, Zuko called out my name. I turned around, he was looking really worried. He asked _you're coming back, aren't you?_ He looked so worried that I wandered back over and gave his hair a ruffle and I smiled as reassuringly as I could at him. I told him that of course I was coming back. Then I turned to go again, but I made sure I gave him a small wave as I left.

-?-

Dr Yang was in the kitchen. She wanted to show me how to mix up both a general painkiller (that was much stronger than sun poppy tea) and the vile concoction she said would help Zuko build his strength back up. She'd written out the recipes for me, but she also wanted to demonstrate it for me to make sure I had got it. Both of these potions needed to be made fresh and as she wouldn't be here all the time and neither would General Iroh after today – I'd need to know how to make these two. He'd need the strengthening concoction four times a day – three times with a meal and once before bed. He could have the painkiller whenever he wanted for this first week. These two, combined with _my powers_ would really help the healing process. She still referred to the waterbending healing as _my powers,_ as though they were this magical, mystical thing.

She drilled me on the pages she had me read, but I was a bit sketchy on the details. She frowned but didn't say anything. However I could feel her disapproval. The conversation turned back to Zuko and she warned me that he would probably be a bit _dotty _for a few days. Forgetful, or fuzzy on the details and he might not be able to catch the whole conversation and I might have to tell him things a few times before he'd remember. Also I shouldn't just believe him if he says he's taken his medicine because he might not be remembering properly and I'd have to watch him to make sure he did it.

I asked if this was why he couldn't remember what happened. She said memory loss and being a _bit loopy_ were both common with high trauma injuries. Normally everything settled down after a few days. People seemed to snap back to normal, mentally, at least, after the body began to properly heal and recover. With my _powers _that would be even sooner for Zuko. _So will he remember everything that happened after a few days?_ I couldn't help but ask. Dr Yang shrugged. She said it was impossible to tell and every case was different. He might, but it was much more likely that he wouldn't. Most people didn't remember. She looked at me quizzically and then she added gently _I think it is the brain's wave of protecting us, personally – who would want to remember something that painful._

I had to agree that she was probably right.

-?-

Dr Yang and I had been away for quite sometime. By the time she had left to go back to the hospital it was past midnight. I went straight back to Zuko, but he was sound asleep. Uncle was dozing in a chair next to the bed. I gently woke Uncle (who was a bit startled) and offered to stay with Zuko tonight. But Uncle wanted to again. It was reasonable I guess. Uncle was Zuko's family after all. I shouldn't feel put out. I guess I was just so used to having Zuko all to myself that it was a bit jarring to have to share him now, even if I was sharing him with Uncle.

-?-

In the morning I went back down to the room. Uncle was sitting by Zuko, who was sitting up and leaning back on a massive pile of pillows. Their voices were low in conversation. As soon as I entered he looked up and just had the **biggest smile** on his face. He said _hi Katara _with as much enthusiasm and strength as he seemed to have. He was still looking ill and washed out, but he had a little more colour than yesterday. I went and sat by him and smiled back and said _Hi Yourself _and we grinned at each other. He said hi again, probably on account of post lightning dottiness, and I humored him and said hi back. We did this twice more before Uncle said _Okay Bye._

Uncle had things, complicated firenationy political things, that he needed to attend to. He had been putting off for a few days now, because staying with Zuko had been more important to him. But now that Zuko was awake and talking and obviously going to recover, Iroh had to go 'fix' the country a little. But he was leaving Zuko in my capable hands.

After Iroh had left and it was just me and Zuko, I climbed up next to him on the bed. I hadn't been as snuggly with him when Iroh and Dr Yang were around because I'd felt a bit weird about it, but now everyone else was gone and it was just the two of us again. He leaned his head on my shoulder and I leaned on his head. I felt like I should say something, but I felt really awkward now. Probably because I had told him I loved him when I thought he was dying and now I wasn't sure if he remembered or not. It didn't seem like he did. It was _most frustrating._

I could say it again.

I could.

No… I couldn't.

It was just **too embarrassing** now. Now that he was awake and conscious and not dying, I just couldn't find the courage. Or if I could, I would only be able to say it once. Knowing my luck, I would say it and that would be when Zuko's loopy-lightning-brain would kick in and I would have to repeat myself eight times before it set in… and then I would just have to die of humiliation. If he remembered – we could talk about it, but I didn't want to bring up the subject myself.

So I didn't say anything about love, but instead I said something practical. I asked how he was feeling. He wasn't feeling very good. He said it simply and didn't even try putting on a brave face, so I know he's feeling _exceptionally lousy_. I got up and made him some of Dr Yang's painkiller and he drank it all. I got Lenka to make us some breakfast. I offered her many suggestions and constructive criticism on the breakfast front, because I wanted to make sure her cooking was adequate for Zuko. Just normal suggestions like he hated things that were too salty, so she should go easy on the salt etc. He ate half of his and then I made him have the second potion afterwards. Just eating breakfast and having a bit of conversation seemed to tire him out and he fell back asleep again pretty quickly. I tell myself it is for the best. He needs his sleep after all.

-?-

Next time he woke up was mid morning. I had gotten my compendium and was studying Dr Yang's pages again, when he started muttering and tossing about fretfully like he was having a really bad dream. I shook him awake and for a second his eyes were wide and frightened. I smoothed his hair back from his face and told him he was safe and I was here. After a second he seemed to calm down. He thanked me quietly. I said he was welcome off-hand. It wasn't a big deal. Everyone has bad dreams.

Zuko thanked me twice more, before I told him there was no more need for more _thank yous_. He said he had to thank me at least a million times for everything. He said_ Uncle told me what you did when I got shot_. Uncle** told** him. I just had to ask, so I said _You really don't remember what happened?_ He shook his head and said it was all a massive blur. I asked him what the last thing was he clearly remembered and he thought hard for a second. _Ummm we fed Appa and we walked back to the coronation Plaza, Azula was …. _He trailed off and then his eyes widened in worry. He asked _was Azula talking to my mum? _I told him that Azula had been hallucinating their mother before they fought their Agni Kai simply. He nodded and seemed to digest that. He asked quietly _how is she? _in almost the same tone Azula had used the other day.

I told him that she was not herself, but Uncle was making sure she was looked after. I am actually not sure about the last part, but I imagine Uncle would. I knew Dr Yang had been visiting her. Anyway, I was trying to comfort Zuko and telling him Azula was somewhere safe and being looked after and watched around the clock seemed to assuage him.

So that is my line and I am sticking to it.

-?-

He drifted in and out of sleep during the day. I sat next to him on the bed and flicked through the pages while I waited for him to wake up again. Sometimes I just watched him sleep and didn't really concentrate on the book. I couldn't believe he was awake and talking. I could talk to him whenever I wanted now – I didn't have to have a horrible heart-wrenching wait. But I shouldn't just poke him and wake him- just so I could talk to him. He really did need his sleep. I waited patiently until lunchtime and then I just poked him anyway. I tell myself I did this so I could feed him.

We had lunch and he noticed the compendium. I told him about Dr Yang lending it to me. I was actually finding it pretty interesting. I'd read beyond my prescribed pages and had started at the front cover. Some of the plants had rather cheeky or misleading names. There was actually a plant called arse-smart, which was used to help treat ulcers. When I first read it I thought it said **smart arse** – this gave me a great deal of amusement. Zuko said teasingly it would be a good plant for me, because I was an arsesmart smart-arse. This gave him a lot of amusement – but not too much because it hurt him to laugh. He winced in pain.

I said it served him right for being cheeky and told him that he was definitely the smart-arse out of the two of us. Still I couldn't help fussing over him worriedly. I fussed and got him some painkiller and some tea and then I fussed some more. To the point where he said _oh stop fussing will you –_ with a great deal of affection. He wanted to know what other cheeky plants there were and I indulged him. More laughter ensued. Inevitably followed by more pained faces from Zuko and more fussing from me.

-?-

Then it came time to do a healing session. This was the first one he was awake for. I gently took the bandage off. He was so stiff and even stretching and sitting up made him wince. I had him lie down completely flat. We looked at each other for a long moment, while I was running my hands around the big hole in his chest.

He asked quietly – _is it really that bad?_ Apparently I was making a **dismayed face** whenever I looked at_ it_. I think _it_ will become our code word for this new scar. I schooled my expression and tried smiling and said_ it_ was fine. He turned his face away and said _you don't need to lie to me _with some bitterness. I confessed gently that I was sorry, it was going to be a really big scar and I hadn't been able to stop it from scarring. He nodded but didn't turn his face back around. I was very quick to add that it wasn't a bad scar. It was big yes, but it wasn't _ugly_ or anything. I just didn't like looking at it, because it reminded me.

All of a sudden – all these words tumbled out. Words that I hadn't meant to say, but once I started I couldn't stop. I told him that I'd been _so scared. _I'd thought that he was dying and it had been _horrible_ and whenever I looked at the scar I thought about that. That's why I looked dismayed. Not for any other reason.

I was getting upset. I felt the tears close to the surface. God I am just an emotional mess right now. Just whenever I think about what nearly happened I get a little teary. I stopped healing and covered my face – just for a second. I just needed a moment. I heard a groaning noise and then I felt his warm arms come around me. Zuko had sat up (with some degree of difficulty) and hugged me. He told me it was okay, everything was okay. I was okay now, he was okay(-ish). He didn't want me to cry. Everything was going to be fine. I hadn't quite believed it until right then, with him hugging me and talking to me and soothing me. We held each other for a while, until he made a pained noise. He said (almost sheepishly) that he was okay, it was just that_ it_ was hurting again.

-?-

It was time for him to have another vile concoction. He hated the concoction and made a face after drinking it that was most comical. Then he said _Agni this tastes revolting. _I said, without thinking – (oh no, is lightning brain catching?) _Probably because it has raw fish livers in it. _

Zuko made a rather revolted face. But then his eyes lit up with understanding and he said _oh I get it. Fish livers is probably a name of some flower in that book of yours. You're just trying to trick me. _ Last night, I had a **rather gruesome** but **very instructive** half an hour watching Dr Yang make the stuff. It was at this juncture that I faced a choice. Between telling Zuko what _really_ went into the vile concoction and then having to struggle and squabble forevermore to get him to drink it. Or I could choose a different but much easier path. I opted for option two and said _it is a flower- you're too wily for me. _

-?-

0o0o0o0

* * *

the ramblings:

Lovely wonderful readers! Huge thank you to all my brilliant wonderful and fabulous reviewers! You guys know I love ya! Because so many reviews urged me to update soon, I got cracking on this chapter pretty quickly. It ended up being exceptionally and horribly long, so I have divided it into bits for your reading pleasure and to make it a bit easier.

So this chapter deals with the different sort of medicines in the Avatar world and introduces the royal physician- Dr Yang. I think this series needed more badass older ladies and so the Royal Physician is one. Katara finds her to be a bossy, know-it-all at first (sound like anyone else we know?) but she warms to her as she gets to know her. I think Dr Yang is a brilliant doctor and a nice person underneath. She has a great mind, but she doesn't have great interpersonal skills or a good bedside manner. She is blunt, but she is efficient.

I think she would see Katara's potential to be a great physician. She sees that Katara has good instincts and a good mind and so she wants to teach her a little more. Both for her sake and also because it is practical. Dr Yang is only one person and she has a lot of her plate right now and cannot tend Zuko around the clock – but she sees that Katara is more than willing and capable and just needs a little more knowledge.

Azula calls her the "family physician", not the "royal physician" – but I think royal physician would have once been her title. She has treated Zuko and Azula since they were kids, so she is very invested in their health. She probably got to see Zuko more, on account of him having more "accidents" as a kid. In my imagination, she is a contemporary of Iroh's and they are good friends. I also think that she has time for Azula and was one of the few positive female role models that the girl had after her mother left.

In my head canon Ozai would have dismissed her from her position at the palace not long after banishing Zuko (Dr Yang would have been the physician who treated him initially post his first agni kai). Ozai would have claimed it was because there was little need for an official 'royal' physician with only he and Azula at the palace. Dr Yang would have been more useful at the hospital etc. Really I think he would have been worried about anyone else having too much sway and influence over Azula. I think Azula would have sought Dr Yang out over things that didn't really need medical attention – just for the company. This would have worried Ozai. In the agni kai chapter, Katara mused that any doctor willing to take on Azula – in her current state- as a patient would have to have balls of steel. Dr Yang has 'em, but she also has affection for Azula and memories of how she was as a child – which helps her feel more compassion for Azula.

Anyway I think that firenation medicine would probably be similar to western medicine. It would be scientifically based. In the avatar world, the firenation is a bit more advanced technology wise and a bit backward spirituality-wise. Water healing to me, seems on par with alternative therapies and eastern medicine. There is a great emphasis on chi flow and other intangible things etc. I think that water-tribe healing would very much emphasise the mind-body-spirit connection, where as firenation medicine would focus mostly on healing the physical body. So there is a big difference in how they both approach medical problems.

Water tribe healing cannot solve all problems – it's good, but it is not a cure all. There have been a few things in the series that Katara couldn't fix or needed a lot of time to fix. Yugoda and the other healers couldn't save baby Yue on their own and needed the moon spirit etc. So I don't think it is the be all and end all of healing, despite its many advantages and almost magical quality. If Katara can't heal someone, it doesn't mean they can't be saved *cough* like Jet *cough* oh just you guys wait! *more coughing.*

Katara is a great healer, and she has good instincts, but she does not know everything. It's not possible for her to know everything. She's only 15 – I just don't think it is feasible to think that she could completely master healing and waterbending in the time she was at the North Pole. When push came to shove, she very obviously chose learning combative waterbending over healing. I still think she is a great healer, mind. She is obviously a bit of a prodigy on that front, hence being able to heal her hands before she has had any healing training what so ever. But I think she has a lot to learn still when it comes to medicine.

At the same time Dr Yang has never seen anything like waterbending healing before and she is absolutely fascinated by it. She knows it was instrumental in saving Zuko and she does see it as a valuable thing, but she doesn't understand it. She has such a scientific brain, she wants to know how it works. Katara just does healing innately, so she finds it hard to explain the science – thus making waterbending healing a very mystical and mysterious thing to Dr Yang. Because she doesn't understand it very well, she tries to dismiss it a little and thinks her scientific firenation approach is superior.

Anyway all this is a long way of saying that it is the combination of both water tribe healing and firenation medicine that helps Zuko recover so quickly. And Katara and Dr Yang have a lot that they can learn from each other. Katara has already started learning from Dr Yang - because she's such an arse-smart. *arse-smart is a real plant and was once used to treat ulcers – so there you go. Random fact for the day.

So Zuko wakes up in this chapter to the two people he loves the most arguing over pai sho – and then gets hit by a barrage of their affection and concern. He cannot remember being shot by Azula or what happened afterwards just yet. It is all a bit scrambled for him. Some of you guessed I would go this route, you clever readers! Sorry my lovelies! But it just makes sense for me that he wouldn't be able to remember. It is very common for people with high trauma injuries to blank out what happened, or for their memory to be a bit fried. So Zuko currently can't remember. It doesn't mean that he wont remember further down the track – it just means that it's all a big blur for him at the moment. However the fact that he doesn't remember makes Katara most hesitant to tell him she loves him again. She really put herself out there and got nothing! Also it really is a very different situation, to tell someone you love them when they are awake and conscious and can reject you. Katara is still a bit scared to take that chance, and I think Zuko is as well. They both value their friendship with the other too much and are still a little reluctant to jeopardise that if there is a chance the other person does not reciprocate their feelings. So no smoochies this chapter, sorry about that.

But there is snuggling again. I think that Katara would feel a bit weird about being as snugly as she always is with Zuko in front of other people, like Iroh and Dr Yang. As soon as they go, she resumes her snuggling. But she doesn't snuggle in front of them. This ties into what I think would be a big issue for Zuko and Katara. _What would other people think?_ Lets face it, their countries were very recently at total war with each other, and they will both be very prominent members of their respective communities. What would people think of them together will be something that they both take into consideration, but we will see this more in the coming chapters.

One of the key issues in this is race relations and the perceptions and misconceptions both the firenation and the watertribe have of each other. Think of the Gaang's attitude to the firenation before they _actually went there._ They assumed it would be full of evil, bloodthirsty people. When they got there this perception changed, but it took actually experiencing and meeting normal firenation people for this to happen. In the firenation I think they would have been taught how superior the firenation was etc. Zuko alludes to this is his speech to his father in the Day of Black Sun. They are very much taught to believe in their own superiority. That implies that they are also taught that other races are inherently inferior and backwards. Barbaric even. Because the other nations are less technologically advanced, when soldiers go out into the wider world this perception gets re-inforced. They then take their experiences home and tell all their mates and the misconception becomes truth. Lenka and the other maids have never seen a water tribe person before and they believe all the misconceptions about the barbarous water tribes. They are very nervous around Katara because of this, but she is not what they have been taught to expect. She is not a barbarian, she is an articulate, clever and friendly girl. Slowly their perceptions of Katara and the water tribes will change, but it will take interacting with her a fair bit for this process to start to happen.

What this means for Zuko and Katara is that when they get together- they will be up against this barrage of racial misconceptions and that sort of thing can be immensely frustrating/heartbreaking to deal with. The firenation will think Zuko has taken up with a barbarian. They may even think that Katara is some sort of 'war trophy' etc (that idea would especially hurt both of them, I think). For Katara, the watertribes will see it as her hoping into bed with the oppressor, colluding with the enemy, betraying her tribe etc. To find out how they both will deal with that, you will have to wait a little longer – as it is not for several chapters.

Anyway last chapter I promised you Hakoda. He was in this one, but this chapter grew to exceptionally large proportions and now he is in the third part. So you will have to wait a little bit longer. But we will hear what he has been up to next chapter when Katara gets a letter. Also next chapter will be the main part of Zuko's week of enforced bed rest and a terribly, horribly, ridiculously embarrassing event.

Til then my lovelies!


	45. the steamy affair

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

The steamy affair

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

-?-

The following days all sort of blend together in one long string of healing and hanging out with Zuko. I ate well, thanks to Lenka's cooking. I still spent some time in the kitchen errr..._advising _Lenka anyway. She should want to improve as a cook, shouldn't she? I was only trying to help. Due to the frequency of my visits, Lenka became less nervous around me. Sometimes she'd even get a little huffy when I offered her some constructive (and very helpful) criticism. But mostly she acted on my suggestions without fuss.

After a while we even got a little friendly. One day while I was in the kitchen making the vile concoction and she was making lunch and we had a bit of a gossip. She even told me all about boy she fancied back at the palace – she hoped he'd come back from being banished soon. He had the cutest butt this side of Mount Warning apparently. Lenka hated to see him go, but she _loved to watch him leave_. We giggled about it like silly giggling girls who are giggly – and we were much better friends after that.

-?-

The other two serving maids – their names were Mina and Yomia- were also less shy around me after I had made proper friends with Lenka, but I still did not see them as much. But they would smile and bow when they saw me, rather than nervously bow and run away – which was an improvement. I knew they put fresh flowers in my room every day, which was something I could get used to. I knew they cleaned the house thoroughly and tended the garden and had very full days. I was grateful to them for all that. but the thing I was probably the most grateful for was the way they looked after the animals. They noticed and cared about Appa and Boris. Mina had, one day before breakfast, very shyly asked if I would look at Boris's leg – because she had noticed an unusual welt. It looked like the welts you get from a pentapus. But I had never seen a pentapus that big. Curious. I healed it for her and she and Yomia were both exceptionally fascinated by this.

They both patently adored Appa with unabashed delight. Appa is very loveable and sky bison are such a novelty to begin with. They were forever taking 'breaks' to go pat him, and sneaking him treats from the kitchen and arguing over which one of them he liked better, according to Lenka. Appa loved the attention and I was glad he was getting so much of it, because my hands were full at the moment. I quietly told Yomia one morning that to make Appa fly, all they had to say was _Yip Yip._ I was not surprise to see - very late that night, after all their chores had been done – Mina and Yomia flying around the still rather empty Caldera city on Appa. Appa was making his happy noise and they were holding on for dear life and occasionally whooping for joy.

I talked with Iroh, who was always there for dinner and stayed with Zuko through the night. Sometimes he was there in the mornings and had breakfast with us. He would tell us over dinner everything that he was doing. He had invited all the banished to return and they were pouring back in slowly. Some families were staying away, opting to 'see what happens' first before they returned. He had called a ceasefire with several of the key earth kingdom strongholds and made contact with their Generals and governors. He'd halted all firenation military activity. Dealing with the earthkingdom was especially difficult because there wasn't one clear leader at the moment. It was so fractured and the various states and principalities and kingdoms had all responded with differing enthusiasm to a proposed peace. He had also been in touch with Pakku, (who once again sent me his love) and Pakku had notified the Northern Water Tribe of these developments. Because my father would arrive soon, Iroh said he would talk about details of a peace with him, when he arrived. Currently there was a very uneasy ceasefire between the nations.

In the firenation he was speaking with all the nobles and generals he thought would be 'trouble' ( i.e most of them). He had halted armament production at most of the more polluting factories after I told him about the terrible state that the factory near than fishing village had left the river and was looking at decommissioning them. He was doing lots of important sounding, firenation-y political things. But he was never too busy to spend all evening monopolising, I mean, talking to Zuko.

I had many talks with Dr Yang. She always came in the mornings. She was always rather quietly impressed with how quickly Zuko was improving and even went as far as praising my healing/nursing skills on _three separate occasions. _This was remarkable coming from a woman who had used up all her praise sometime in her early twenties –according to Iroh. We discussed healing techniques versus firenation medicine several times. Firenation medicine was much more science based, so Dr Yang trusted it more. Healing seemed a bit too mystical for her, but she did acknowledge that it was very successful, especially in this case.

-?-

However, it is mostly my conversations with Zuko that I remember clearly from this period. He was slowly starting to feel better. He didn't drift in and out of sleep so much. He could stay awake for longer periods. I healed and soothed and bandaged and rebandaged. I squabbled with him about drinking the vile concoction. Less about the painkillers. He must have been hurt **really badly** because he didn't even make a big deal over asking for the painkiller frequently in those first few days. Normally Zuko is all about stoically bearing injuries. But with me he was pretty honest about when he was feeling pain.

He didn't even make a big deal about me fussing over him endlessly in those first few days either, aside from the occasional _oh stop fussing will you._ I could tell how much better he was feeling by how much trouble he gave me and how many times he told me to stop fussing. He always gave in and would let me fuss over him anyway, but his anti-fussing protests became stronger as he recovered.

As he felt better, he started to get more frustrated with bedrest and **the complaining** started. He was sick of this room. Sick of just lounging about doing nothing. He was sure he should be **doing something.** He was a bit sketchy on what this something should be, but he still wanted to do it. Inactivity was an unusual state of being for him.

Sometimes he had nightmares, or daymares I guess. I always woke him quickly. He never wanted to talk about them afterwards and would proudly rebuff my fussing in these instances. So I tried my best not to make a big deal about it. I'd sit close next to him and change the subject and act like everything was fine...until it was.

His appetite came back and with it - an increased desire for fireflakes. I ended up sometimes using the fireflakes as an incentive for concoction drinking.

I stayed with him practically all the time to help stave off boredom. I'd sit in various places on the bed, or we would lie next to each other and talk for ages. About anything and everything. Sometimes I'd read and he'd sleep. Sometimes we'd spice things up and lie with our heads and opposite ends and give each other foot rubs – both of us are still ticklish on our feet and sometimes foot rubs were called off early because it still hurt Zuko to laugh too much

So the days sort of blend together in one long Zuko filled blur. It was nice. It was more than nice actually.

-?-

That first day after I'd had my small cry, he seemed to be watching me with some concern all day. As if he was worried I was going to burst into tears again at any moment. I was watching him with concern -for all the obvious reasons. We were having some sort of ridiculous concerned-watching competition.

We strayed upon the topic of what was going on with Azula. I had asked Iroh and Dr Yang when they visited. She was apparently erratic and prone to violent mood swings and still talking to her mother. And she wasn't eating unless Dr Yang practically force-fed her. The guards were doing their best for her, but she was horrible to them. Apparently she was also pretending she couldn't firebend anymore. Zuko didn't think she was pretending. He thought what happened to him before he saw the dragons was happening to Azula. I said it was possible, but I don't really know.

Zuko was wondering if he should visit her. He wanted to just see that she was okay (or what would constitute _okay_ for Azula). I thought this was a dreadful and terrible idea and I was very firm about this. Not for a week at least. He had to focus on getting better himself first. We had a small argument about this, which seemed to exhaust him. I can tell this because he fell asleep almost as soon as we made up sometime later.

-?-

The next day, I teased him and said his wish of getting one week to just nap during the day was coming true. The world is an ironic place after all. He made an exceptionally grumpy face at me. He reiterated that he hated being tired all the time, he hated being cooped up. He got so bored just having to laze about in bed all day. I told him he had me to keep him company and hopefully I could keep boredom at bay. He smiled and said he was **never bored around me.**

Aaawwww.

Then in true Zuko style, he blushed and made it awkward and started babbling. It is embarrassing how endearing I find it when he does this.

-?-

The next day I remember we talked about his Mum and her herb compendium. When she was younger, before she'd married his dad, she had wanted to be a doctor. Her name was written in the front of this book as well. Zuko spent a few minutes just tracing the small letters with his fingers. He confessed quietly that he wondered what his mum was saying to Azula.

I said it wasn't his mum, it was Azula's hallucination and there was a difference. He shrugged and agreed, but said it would still be a nice hallucination to have. It would be nice just to _see _her again. He confessed he was a little jealous, even though he knew that was **all sorts of ridiculous,** to be jealous of a crazy girl. But she got to _see _their mother and Zuko didn't. I understood completely. I ended up telling him about the swamp and how I had 'seen' my mother there. How joyous it was to see her again and how devastated I had been when I realised it was just a tree stump.

On the whole I didn't know if the initial joy was worth the devastation that came afterwards.

-?-

The next day Zuko made a big fuss about drinking the concoction. Zuko **really hated **the concoction. But it really was helping him and so I was very strict about him drinking it four times a day. Each day we had a great many squabbles about the concoction and Zuko's unwillingness to drink something that tasted so disgusting. Today he double dared me to drink it. I refused. I knew what went in that nasty concoction after all. He said if I didn't have to drink it, then neither should he. I explained that I didn't have to drink it because _I had not being shot full lightning._ Zuko had. And further more, Zuko was being impossible and idiot. Zuko said he preferred the lightning to the concoction. I gave him my fiercest look and said **we don't ever joke about the lightning!** Then I **stared him down **until he got a bit unnerved and drank the concoction meekly and apologised.

I win!

-?-

The next day I told him that I was thinking that all this herby-medicine-y and science-y stuff was really very interesting and useful. Because it was, really. Things I wouldn't even know how to begin treating with healing had easy, common cures. You just had to know what plants to boil and what plants to smush. I was wondering if Dr Yang had any more book recommendations like this. Zuko said she probably did. She had to study for** years** to become a qualified doctor and then a further however many years in all of her specialities. She knew heaps of interesting medicine-y and science-y stuff. She hadn't been chosen to be the royal physician for nothing.

I confessed quietly that the way she spoke about water healing, _my powers,_ as she referred to them, kind of bothered me. She could be so dismissive of it sometimes, because it wasn't 'science' as she called it - even though she had seen the effects of healing with her own eyes. She talked like being a healer was some how less than being a physician. Zuko said that neither was inferior, they were just different things as far as he could tell. I agreed.

I wanted to know what she knew though. I couldn't help it. I did respect her. She had been able to help Zuko wake up in a few days, where as Aang had been unconscious for five weeks. I liked the bits of praise she threw my way. I liked her sternness. It made her seem sturdier – more trustworthy- somehow. I liked how much she cared about all her patients, even Azula. I wanted to have her calm sense of purpose in a medical emergency.

If I knew firenation medicine and water tribe healing – there would be almost nothing I couldn't treat. Zuko joked about how 'my powers' combined with firenation healing would make me an unstoppable, bossy force of good health. Illnesses would quiver at the sound of my name. All sickness would flee in fear etc.

He got a light nudge with the compendium _for cheekiness._

The compendium is standing in for the common sense stick right now.

-?-

Later he told me that he was really glad his Uncle had taken over Regent duties and would be the next Firelord. Zuko was feeling really relieved on this front, because he would not have been at all ready to be Firelord. They hadn't even needed to have an argument or a shenanigan or even a conversation about it. Uncle had just assumed the role. This pleased Zuko, because apparently his Uncle is too wily and can out-argue him very easily. He uses Uncle logic in arguments. Apparently you can't fight Uncle logic.

I told him I was happy for him. But for what it was worth, I thought he would have made a great Firelord. He thought I was teasing him, but I was serious. He gave a little pleased smile that was especially cute and endearing.

-?-

The next day I told him about the bloodbending. About his heart stopping. He hadn't known that. Or at least he hadn't remembered that. He understood, better than anyone, how big a deal the bloodbending was for me, but he said he couldn't ever be sorry that I had used it. He hugged me and I hugged him and we **just held** each other for a long time. I thought that if I was ever going to tell him again - now would be the time.

But I didn't.

I felt scared. I didn't want to be the one to say it first. What if he didn't say it back? I would never get over that. I didn't have the right words to express what I wanted to say anyway.

-?-

The next day he was feeling a bit better and **exceptionally stir crazy.** He was driving me plain old crazy so I relented on the bed rest thing. He seemed much better anyway. He'd be up for a bit of time outside at least. We had a small wander around the gardens to the turtle duck pond. Zuko loved being out and about and under the sun again.

What is it with firebenders and the sun?

We lay back on the grass together near the pond. I got some old bread from the kitchen and we sat and fed the turtleducks together. It was soothing actually. Sitting in the sun and just feeding the turtleducks together. Turtleduck needs are so simple, give them bread and they love you. Zuko asked if he could ask me something. I was about to say _you already did ask me something_ with sarcasm, but I didn't. From his tone I could tell this was an important something so I turned to face him and abandoned my turtleduck feeding to give the question my full attention. I said he could ask me anything encouragingly.

He looked at me for a long moment and then blushed and turned away and said it was nothing and I shouldn't worry about it. I was most curious and prodded and poked and told him to **just ask me, **but he wouldn't. So I got stroppy with him instead, until he told me to stop fussing and just feed the ducks already. They had all clustered around me hopefully while my attention had been diverted elsewhere and my steady supply of bread had stopped being thrown their way. I complied and fed them. But still it is weird.

-?-

That afternoon we tried playing a game of Pai Sho to pass the time, but we were both pretty terrible at it. Zuko claimed it was lightning brain – which had become his standard excuse for all his more dopey moments. I let them all slide without comment and without making a big deal or teasing him about them. I could tease him about other things, but he got a bit embarrassed and frustrated by his dopey moments – so I let them alone.

Sometimes I had to repeat things for him a couple of times. Sometimes he forgot what we were talking about or doing. But not so much lately. He really was getting much better. Now his dopey moments consisted of just little slips of memory. Sometimes they were very convenient slips of memory. I'd ask _have you taken your nasty vile concoction yet?_ He always said _yes- _even when I was pretty sure the answer was _no_ and then he would claim it was lightning brain so I couldn't get too stroppy at him.

I normally let lightning brain pass without comment, but this time Zuko could not blame his terrible Pai Sho skills on that. I said his Uncle had told me that he was completely crap at this game even before he got struck by lightning, so I would **not** be accepting lightning brain as an excuse today, thank-you-very-much. Secretly I was glad it wasn't just me who got the rhododendron tiles and the lily tiles confused.

We played a modified game, which included flicking Pai sho tiles at each other- so this was perhaps not the most mature of game adaptions. It was into one of these games that Sokka's disgruntled messenger hawk saw fit to crash into. Pai Sho tiles went everywhere. I had, perhaps foolishly, (in hindsight) opened a window to let in some fresh air earlier.

The bird proffered the message, screeched at both of us and then flew over to land calmly on the window sill, awaiting a snack. Couldn't it have landed there first? **Daft creature!** I gave it some biscuits very begrudgingly. When I came back over, Zuko handed me the letter and I read it. It was a much longer scroll. Sokka must have found a town.

The letter said:

_Dear Katara_

_It's Suki. Sokka's got a new giant cast on his leg and he can't get settled at the desk to write a reply. He had tried write back to you while sitting in his 'thinking chair' and leaning on a board – but there has been many ink spills and shenanigans. So he has now entrusted the job to me. First thing is that we are __**so glad**__ everything is okay. Tell Zuko -when he wakes up that is- we all say hi and we hope he feels better soon._

_Oh also tell Zuko I took over an entire airship on my own. _

_During the comet. _

_Using just __**pure stealth**__ and __**badassery.**_

_I think he'll appreciate that._

_Anyway the airship was pretty damaged, but I managed to glide it to the nearest town. The whole town came out to celebrate us saving them and they have all been really helpful. We are staying at the local inn and have been give free food, free stuff and lots of kudos. I think all the attention is going to Aang's head a little bit- but he has done so well in fighting the firelord that I don't have the heart to rain on his parade now. _

_Ooh actually that is __**funny**__ because there has actually been a parade for him. Geddit? The town is threw a parade for him yesterday and he was most excited. It will be their new public holiday and they are going to celebrate it every year. It will be Avatar Aang Day apparently._

_Aang also wants to know if you are taking good care of Appa (you know how he frets about Appa)._

_Anyway, other than missing Appa, Aang is in good health and good spirits and he is feeling most relieved that the war is over. He really does deserve to relax and have fun. I know this. I just wish he had helped out a little more with the airship. His airbending skills would have been of some use to Hakoda – Hakoda didn't want to impose or order Aang about – but he'd ask if Aang would like to help- all the time- in __**that tone**__. Aang would say yes, but you know Aang; he gets distracted easily. And he has a fan club here which is most distracting to begin with. They rival those girls who followed Aang round Kyoshi in their enthusiasm for everything Aang does._

_We are all still confused about his disappearing trick. He keeps talking about a turtle kidnapping him. Anyway I will let Aang explain that – and I don't quite understand. He wants to explain it to you in person. He says you will understand after he has explained it. We've had a few...err not arguments exactly, just tense moments re: the kidnapping turtle. Your dad got a bit unhappy with him the last time Aang tried to explain it. _

_The rest of us are okay. Your dad is fighting fit and has worked on the Airship around the clock so it would be ready for us to fly to you at the soonest possible moment. He still has Chit Sang, Haru, Teo and the Duke with him (they all say hi to you and Zuko). He has had some crazy adventures, which he will want to tell you about himself. He's a nice guy, your dad. I mean we had a really weird conversation earlier on, because he wanted to know my...errr __**intentions **__for Sokka. That was rather awkward. But we get along great now. Anyway he raced here as soon as he heard we had arrived. He and Sokka had a little bit of a manly crying moment when they first hugged. I am not supposed to talk about it – but I though you would want to know. It was __**very sweet.**_

_Sokka has a broken leg, but is otherwise fine – so don't worry. It is a fairly clean break and he's trying to put on a cheerful face for everyone. The local doctor first put it in a small splint and gave him some painkillers for it. Your dad thinks he is "a quack" and has taken to bossing him around all the time – but I think the doctor is just doing his best. Since Hakoda's arrival there have been a few shenanigans over Sokka's leg. Sokka's leg has now been put in a __**huge cast**__ as per Hakoda's directions__**.**__ He has also been given a bell to ring if he needs anything because he is meant to stay off his feet while the cast is setting. _

_Sokka, like you, also has a __**great fondness**__ for his bell. And a great fondness for driving me crazy. Hawky stays with him all the time and he is trying to train Hawky into fetching him little things. He is having mixed success. Ooh also Hawky is back – but I guess you gathered that. He and Momo frequently squabble, but they seem to be getting along better right now. I had to write to you with this grumpy bird, but I can't get Hawky away from Sokka at the moment. _

_Toph's parents have sent her a frantic message with Hawky. They had heard through "their contacts" (whatever that means) about Ozai's crazy plan. They have frantically been searching for her and trying to make contact with her. Anyway we only got the message __**one day too late**__. Her mum was __**freaking out**__ about her safety and wanting her to come and join them somewhere. __**Seriously freaking out**__. Toph was a bit funny about writing back to them. So I didn't push it with her. But I sent them a quick letter back to say that she is okay. I couldn't just leave them hanging. _

_Toph's okay now...Lets just say she had a bit of a scare. Umm... I'll tell you about it when I see you. Sokka and I are taking good care of her. Aang is trying to cheer her up – but she is very stand-offish with him at the moment. The more he tries to get her attention – the crosser she gets at him. This is also not helped by the almost constant presence of his fan club. He wants her to forgive him, but he's just going about it the wrong way. She is actually avoiding him now. _

_She prefers to spend her time with Haru and your dad. She says Haru was less annoying when he was stalking her (a habit which he has resumed). She seems to like having Haru around and is distracting herself with trying to teach him mental bending and fixing the airship. Your dad thinks she's awesome and they have been hanging out a lot, fixing the airship and teasing Chit Sang. _

_Chit Sang is also trying to help out, but he's not too clever and has broken a few things – which he then gives to Teo to fix. Sometimes I think he breaks things on purpose so Teo will have something to fix and can feel included. But I have since dismissed that idea. Chit Sang is not that smart. However he is a good firebender and can power the airship with Aang, as soon as we get it fixed. The Duke has also been rather taken with Chit Sang. Apparently he reminds the Duke of someone called Pipsqueak, if that name rings a bell. Anyway Chit Sang is a bit gruff when he thinks other people are watching, but otherwise he is very sweet with the kids, especially Teo and the Duke. _

_Um slight bad news. __**Don't be mad.**__ Toph has also told your dad about how we all thought that Zuko was your boyfriend and that you two were having...errr... what she describes as __**a steamy affair.**__ (Geddit? Because you're a waterbender and he's a firebender and together... err... Okay even I will admit that is a bad pun.) Anyway_..._ Sorry about that. I couldn't stop her. I did try to stop her, but I was too late. I have since done some damage control. I have explained to Hakoda that Zuko's not your boyfriend, Toph just likes to tease you about it etc. I think Hakoda believes me. So that's not so bad. But I just thought you should know. But don't be mad at Toph – remember she's had a __**big fright.**_

_Anyway, things for Iroh to know- if he is sorting out firenationy political stuff: _

_a) Aang is willing to do whatever Iroh tells him to do (as long as its not kill somebody)– for peace!_

_b) Ozai has completely lost his bending. Aang really did __**suck it all out of him**__. Weird. I didn't know the Avatar could do that. Kyoshi couldn't. Anyway according to Aang -this has something to do with cosmic energy and turtles. Anyway Ozai is not a firebender anymore. He's just a regular guy. _

_Well no, that's not right. He's not a normal guy. He's really sick in the head. He's a nutjob. He's ...oh I don't want to go into it too much, but you get the point. Anyway he is still alive, but he can't bend – Hakoda says bending is important in the firenation royal family and the fact that Ozai can't bend will be relevant for Iroh._

_Also this is not relevant to firenationy politics – but your dad absolutely hates Ozai. He punched him in the gut last night –in front of me and Aang. I cheered, but Aang was upset. See Aang's being a bit weird about this. Well no, I can see where Aang is coming from, but it is still difficult for people to get used to. Aang wants us to treat everybody with dignity and respect and find non-violent solutions etc. The village did not agree and wanted to extract some retribution – But Aang didn't let them. He said that it would be a bad start to the peace. No killing etc. The village is grateful enough to Aang and so they dropped it. _

_Anyway, now Ozai is being kept chained and metal bended into the side of the cargohold of the airship. And Chit Sang, Hakoda, Haru and I have to take it in turns to watch him and make sure he doesn't escape –though this is unlikely, Toph was rather fierce and thorough with her metalbending, which is no surprise, after the incident. I will confess that I spend the whole time flicking small rocks at him and calling him a dickhead. Chit Sang has told me that he has __**kneed him in the gonads**__ on his last shift (Ozai cast many aspersions on Chit Sang's intelligence and Chit Sang is a bit sensitive about that – so I don't blame him). Don't tell Aang. That'll stay between us. _

_c) Hakoda and I also have a request of Iroh. Both the Kyoshi warriors and the Southern Water Tribe warriors are being kept as prisoners of war at the prison nearest the capital. I think it is called Iron Cove. We would like them and the other people who were captured on the Day of Black Sun to be released as soon as possible. _

_d) Teo and Haru both want information on their fathers – who should also be at the prison. _

_The airship will up and running by tonight. After we have all packed – we have acquired much stuff from this village- we will head straight to the capital. But these airships move so slowly and so we wanted to send you a hawk first so you would know we were coming and to catch you up on everything that has been happening. But you will see us all very soon. Probably tomorrow afternoon, firenation time, if Sokka's maths is correct. _

_See you then._

_Love Suki. _

_-?-_

It was a lovely letter really. It gave me a good update on everyone. It really deserved a much better reaction than the one I gave it. I was really reacting to just one particular part of the letter. **Suki's slight bad news**. When I read that bit I swore. I don't often swear, but I felt this occasion warranted it. So I swore with gusto.

Oh I will **kill Toph** when I see her!

**Big fright my arse!** She will feel my wrath! Or if not my wrath, at least my profound displeasure! I could write to her father and say that she was having a torrid affair with...with...with someone equally as unsuitable as my father will no doubt feel Zuko is for me. Then she can see how it feels! Okay, no I would never do that.

But seriously!

Really now!

Oh this was bad! I love my dad, I really do. But he is super awkward around anything me and boy-related. He is a wonderful, clever and charismatic leader – but as soon as the subject of me and boy comes up – he is just a _big giant embarrassing mess._ He is just gets **super weird** about the thought of me being romantic with anyone. You cannot compact more awkwardness into one man that you can into my dad when that subject comes up. Oh tui and la! This was so bad.

Before the invasion on the Day of Black Sun, there had been a horrifying, ridiculously awkward little interlude. My dad had been hanging out with Haru's dad on the trip over. He had gotten **Ideas.** Ideas about me and Haru. Which he then wanted to talk to me about. He proceeded to give me a very awkwardly phrased talk. The talk my dad gave me was so bad! It made the way Sokka went on about penguin sledding and gardens needing big hoses to water them to Aang earlier in the summer look like the height of mature and suave conversation. In fact my dad is where Sokka got the phrase penguin sledding from in the first place! After making me **die a little inside** with this talk, my dad then wanted to go and _'have a chat – man to man'_ with Haru.

Oh why! Sweet spirits why!

I had to promise many things to prevent this **horrible, terrible perfect storm of ridiculous awkward embarrassment **from descending upon Haru -who was a blameless, innocent bystander. He did not deserve such a fate, simply for the crime of flirting with me and giving me a kiss on a prison barge. I promised that nothing would ever, ever happen between me and Haru. I wasn't thinking about boys like that yet. I really was, but my Dad liked to hear that I wasn't interested very much. I may have laid it on a bit thick when I realised this. I said _eww, boys – who'd want to even kiss a boy etc. _I nearly ended up promising that I would never marry and would stay a virgin forever and ever and ever - in exchange for my Dad just never bringing up this subject again.

Oh but he would want to now. He would walk to talk about it. It was inevitable. After Toph used my name and the phrase _steamy affair_ in the same sentence – another talk was heading my way. No matter how much Suki thought she had convinced him, he was going to want to have another talk with me...and a _man-to-man_ chat with Zuko.

Oh hell!

If there is one person in this world **more awkward **about this sort of thing than my Dad** – it is Zuko!** Why oh why? Why me! If my dad were ever to even attempt having this talk with Zuko -The universe simply would not be able to handle _the combined power of their awkwardness_ – and would it implode in on itself with embarrassment. And we would all die an embarrassing awkward death, just a matter of days after escaping dying a nasty, fiery death. All because Toph opened her big mouth.

I was perhaps over-reacting. (I had sworn explosively a fair bit.) Zuko was most worried about my distress and was trying to comfort me/find out the source of the distress. He was quite baffled at this point. I thrust the letter at him and said _read it – it's terrible. _ He did so – looking rather confused. I couldn't actually wait for him to read up to that point, so I ended up just blurting out impatiently _Toph has told my dad all about our steamy affair! _with a great deal of dismay. Zuko was exceptionally perplexed. He dropped the letter and looked up in astonishment and said _we had a steamy affair? But we never even..._ I cut him off and said _I knew that._ But Toph didn't and she always assumed the worst about us. Now my dad thought we were going out and that was just **the most horrible thing ever**. That sentence hung in the air and Zuko's face went through a vast series of emotions. Confusion and disappointment – primarily. And then he sighed in a long-suffering fashion and said _I understand._

Understand what? What it is like to have a ridiculously embarrassing father who turned into the world's biggest and most awkward idiot at the slightest hint of me having a boyfriend? Because that was what my dad did. He made things weird and awkward and Zuko didn't understand the sheer barrage of just awkward embarrassment that was heading his way. Zuko shrugged and said he got awkwardly embarrassed all the time** and** he was related to Uncle – so he was used to embarrassing relatives.

Uncle was much more embarrassing than Hakoda. No matter how embarrassing Hakoda was, he would never match Uncle for sheer ludicrousness. Uncle got drunk and sang songs about buggering hedgehogs. Uncle had threesomes with nuns. Uncle's other indulgences aside from drink, embarrassing singing and inappropriate sexual partners, was something that he referred to as _Naked Iroh Time _- it used to happen everyday on the ship at five o'clock. Iroh had given up this past-time when they became fugitives, but it was too late and Zuko was already scarred for life.

Furthermore, Uncle was** obsessed** with Zuko's love life and had practically stalked Jin, Zuko's girlfriendly person back in Bas Sing Se, after their date went badly – to try and convince her to go out with Zuko again_. That had been embarrassing. _ And nothing Hakoda could say would ever be as embarrassing as that.

I raised an eyebrow. I asked if Zuko had ever wondered why Sokka called _penguin sledding_ penguin sledding. Zuko said he had not ever thought too deeply about the mysteries of Sokka's penguin sledding obsession. I told him he was about to find out exactly why Sokka called it that. The next time he saw my dad, I would bet twenty silver pieces that my dad was going explain it to him, probably in detail, and then he was going to want to talk to him about how often he went penguin sledding etc. What my dad would really be asking, through thinly veiled penguin analogy was: _**how horny are you?**__ How badly do you want to __**have sex **__with my daughter?_ And that would be ten times more embarrassing than all of Uncle's hijinks combined.

I was probably getting a bit hysterical and catastrophising, but just the idea of my dad wanting to have a _man-to-man_ talk with Zuko... oh bollocks...it would be the most ridiculous thing ever. I'd have to take up living under ground like a badgermole – I would never be able to show my face in public again – that is how embarrassed I would be. It sounded like Dad had already tried having a _man-to-badass-kyoshi-warrior_ talk with Suki and freaked her out a little, and Suki is much cooler about this sort of thing that Zuko.

My dad would talk to Zuko about penguin sledding and penguins going in and out of igloos and how the penguin had to be very nice to the igloo in question – lest the penguin suffer the wrath of the igloo's father and end up a squashed penguin. The best case scenario would be that Zuko wouldn't understand what my dad was banging on about. That was very unlikely because even the penguins, no even seaprunes that never left their little rock pool, knew what my dad was banging on about. Zuko would see through the thinly veiled penguin analogy, be both horrified and perplexed and would generally just be a huge lump of social ineptitude. And my dad would just be such an **awkward dad** at him.

And I would move in with bagermoles.

Zuko's face looked just plain mortified as he contemplated the prospect of what was coming his way. He blushed so red -he almost matched the sheets. Then very abruptly, he turned and rolled away from me and said somewhat grumpily that he was **tired now** and he was **going to sleep.**

But he wasn't really asleep.

I have been hanging out with him and watching him sleep for practically a whole week now, I know when he's really asleep. I kept trying to talk to him again and 'wake him up' – this was pointless because he was already awake. He steadily ignored me and pretended to be asleep. I said I knew he was awake and he said of course he was. I had been bothering him non-stop and it was impossible to go to sleep with me constantly poking him. He wanted me to leave him alone.

Hmph.

I gave him one last poke and took out the compendium. Fine, if he was going to ignore me, I'd ignore him right back.

-?-

* * *

Lovely readers!

Enormous huge thanks to my reviewers! Your comments give me endless smiles and so much to think about and ideas for the future. So thanks for reviewing! Every review is read and appreciated! And giant thanks to the delightful mymockingjaypatronus over at tumblr, who bravely volunteered to beta my wacky fic. This could be an end to the typos my lovelies!

So in this chapter, we get to see how Zuko and Katara are together and how they interact without a big war to worry about – and for those of you who were wondering what I was going to do about *those* scenes (the Maiko and Kataang scene from the finale) will have a better idea of where I am going with this. Don't be cross, I can explain!

But naturally YMMV

Things to note in this chapter. Iroh very naturally falls into the role of Regent and he's very good at it too. I think he wasn't known as the dragon of the west, brilliant general and tactical mastermind for nothing. All of that initial armistice stuff would be very messy and complex. It would be hard to sort out. And as lovely as I think Zuko is, he doesn't have the age, experience, diplomatic skills or gravitas to sort that yet. I was honestly surprised that Bryke would have Iroh live in Ba Sing Se at the end. It is probably my main quibble aside from pairings. Because I just think that Zuko would need someone by his side in the firenation **who knows how to drive the thing!** So in my fic, Iroh sticks by Zuko. Anyway, while Zuko recovers, Iroh has stepped up and is getting an armistice agreement in place. An actual armistice will take time to work out, but there is currently a ceasefire thanks to Iroh's hard work and his order of the white lotus contacts. Zuko's relief this chapter, about not being stuck in the hotseat, is going to be short lived. Alas.

Zuko lost his bending in "the firebending masters" when he lost a clear goal and the thing that drove him for so long. Azula is equally as driven as her brother. But now she would have no clear goals, no drive and no plan. She has had a mental breakdown and has been cut adrift from all that. So I hypothesize that Azula would also loose her bending. I would be surprised if she could summon a spark after the events of comet. I think after the comet disappeared and the reality of her situation set in, I think he bending would have gone. I did not have her firebend when Katara untied her for this reason (she just hollered and struggled). This will come up again later.

But mostly this chapter is about Zuko and Katara having some time together without a war hanging over their heads. I think they would be very domestic and cosy together and would still have lots to talk about. They are very comfortable with each other at this stage. Zuko will tell Katara straight up when he's feeling pain – much like how Katara was able to be more honest with Zuko about her pain after she got bitten by the scorpidillo.

Anyway I think that they have become such good friends at this stage that neither of them would want to jeopardise that friendship. However they are both very much wanting more from the relationship, but both are a bit too scared to put themselves out there first. And so they both chicken out of saying something at the crucial moment here.

I think Katara would be nervous of ruining the friendship, but I think Zuko would be plain old terrified. I think his self image isn't great to begin with. He's much more shy and a bit socially awkward. And that's even before we begin to unpack all his baggage! I think his fear of rejection would be very potent. He doesn't expect Katara will fancy him back and he's gotten used to what he thinks is one-sided love. But over this last little while, he's started to think _maybe...maybe she does fancy me._ I think girls confuse Zuko and he would be very prone to misreading the signs he's been given. Katara will have to draw him a map and palm cards before he finds his way on his own. But she has pretty much being doing that. She has very clearly been showing how much she cares and this would make Zuko very optimistic. He was trying to work up the courage to ask her if she wants to _do an activity together._

But suddenly, she gets that letter and freaks out and he would see it as confirmation that she doesn't fancy him and he is a **mad, sad fantasist who does not understand girls.** When Katara is flipping out over Hakoda 'finding out' – He will think you _stupid idiot. It was all in your head. Of course she doesn't fancy you that way etc. _Katara says Hakoda thinking they were going out was the worst thing ever - Zuko would interpret that as "going out with him would be the worst thing ever". He's a bit hurt and confused and disappointed – but also very glad that he didn't say anything by the turtle duck pond, if she so obviously wants to be _just friends._ Zuko thinks he got totally the wrong end of the stick and Katara really does just want to be his friend. She is a very affectionate girl anyway and he will convince himself that the affection she has shown him is comparable to what she would show her other friends and not indicative of romantic attachment. He thought they were heading romance-wards and now he will be exceptionally confused on that front.

Katara's reaction is partly in fear of Hakoda's reaction. Partly because Hakoda is just an awkward sandwich with embarrassing sauce over this sort of thing. And partly because she's a teenage girl and anything to do with her dad wanting to talk to her about sex is going to freak her out. Katara does not want! Embarrassing dads ...who's got one? Does anyone want their delightfully embarrassing dad talking to the boy they fancy about penguins, eg _if your penguin comes near my darling baby girl's igloo there are going to be issues. _Nobody wants that! That is what Katara is imagining and reacting too. It is Hakoda's potential reaction that will be the worst thing ever, not a hypothetical relationship with Zuko. But Katara does not make that fine distinction when she is having her freak out. And so there is a whole big misunderstanding that takes place here.

I think one of the primary reasons that Zuko would entertain the thought of getting back with Mai would be if he thought Katara was unavailable to him/ not open to having a relationship with him. Zuko has heard and more importantly has **listened** to Katara's various rants about boundaries and respect. He's not going to force his affections on her (ie just kiss her randomly) or confess his love if he thinks such a confession would be unwelcome because he wouldn't want to make everything awkward between them and he respects what he sees as her wishes. He thinks now that she does not wish to pursue a relationship with him and so he is going to respect that.

The bit where Katara starts going on about _how horny are you? How badly to you want to have sex_ etc is where it all officially **too much** and **too frustrating** for Zuko. He has suffered so much teasing and being struck by lightning for this relationship and he isn't even getting any play. He very much wants to do the squelchy when he's recovered- but he thinks that option just got taken off the table. When Katara starts going on about sex – he thinks _bollocks- she's on to me!_ He's in no fit state to run/storm away from this dreadful conversation and have a mope – because he's not moving as quickly as he used to and Katara would catch him easily. So he does the next best thing and feigns sleep and sulks.

Anyway I just wanted to give you guys a heads up with all this. This was done partly to explain why I think Zuko would contemplate getting back with Mai after the _festival of dysfunction_ that was their relationship.

I am going to include those canon (Maiko and Kataang) scenes – but I will put a **decidedly Zutaran slant** on them – so now you guys can watch the whole show, even the last ten minutes of Sozin's comet and feel satisfied. **We are still heading to Zutara smoochies**- So don't panic. We just have to get over some bumps along the way and I wanted to offer some explanation/plothole filling for those shippy scenes. Because both those scenes are literally surrounded by plotholes and plotholes need to be filled.

Don't even get me started on the Maiko scene – because it resembles plot swiss cheese – that's how many holes I see. Zuko **forgot she was in prison** and she had to have her uncle let her out. But Mai's cool with that. She hasn't come to yell at him about **forgetting her in prison.** She wants to get back together despite the fact that she is obviously not important enough for Zuko to remember that she was **stuck in prison.**

I _don't even know lovelies. _

Also _Naked Iroh Time_ is blatantly and shamelessly borrowed from Avatar Abridged! Because it made me die laughing when I saw it and I just want to believe that Iroh did stuff like this. Mostly because he really does like a nice naked time in a hot tub, and partly because season 1 Iroh did like to poke/upset Zuko – ostensibly to teach him say it with me_: what's the one rule of naked Iroh time? Don't interrupt naked Iroh time!_ Iroh and Hakoda are both all kinds of awesome – and they each have their own unique way of embarrassing their children. Who's father/father figure will be more embarrassing/prone to giving inappropriate advice when our Dynamic Duo finally get together? Only time will tell.

Next Chapter: Hakoda, Sokka, Suki, Toph and Aang, along with Chit Sang, Haru and Teo (and unfortunately Ozai) arrive in the firenation capital. The whole Gaang will reunite. There will be shenanigans. We will find out about Toph's big fright and more about what the Gaang has been getting up to. Also Iroh and Hakoda will meet (the universe will be in danger of imploding from the combined power of their awesomeness).

Til then my lovely readers...


	46. the problemn of Ozai

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

How do you solve a problem like Ozai?

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Iroh came by not much later and I passed on Suki's news. He was most intrigued and unsettled by the news that Ozai was alive, but with his bending stripped from him. He kept starting questions with _but how... _to better indicate how mystified he was by this turn of events. I would shrug and Zuko would shrug and then we would toss round unlikely theories_. _ Eg. Maybe Aang really did give glue bending a go, and Ozai, upon looking at pictures of himself as a chubby baby, found his bending drained away. I said that apparently Aang could explain it all. Though in all honesty, it sounds like he can't explain it very well. He has left everyone he tries to explain it to either perplexed (Suki) or irritated (My dad).

On the whole, the idea that Aang can take away someone's bending is a little unsettling and mystifying for me too. Iroh has never come across anything like it. Because Iroh doesn't quite know what is going on with Aang and Ozai, the whole thing seems even weirder. It always seems like Iroh knows everything. He told us that, long ago when he was a younger man, he went on a journey to the spirit world. The spirits told him only that the Avatar would restore balance to the world, but in a most unexpected way; sucking Ozai's bending out definitely classifies as unexpected.

Iroh is the only regular person I know, aside from Sokka who has been on a journey to the spirit world. Sokka's journey was accidental, because he got kidnapped by the Heibai, and he can't remember much about it. It seems like Iroh, on the other hand, went there deliberately and can remember lots. He is surprisingly tight-lipped about this journey, which is unusual. Normally Iroh is all about the jovial sharing of both his wisdom and his hijinks, but when it came to talking about this spiritworld trip, he wouldn't elaborate anymore. Even though Zuko was most curious about it, and was actually quite gentle with his questions. I get the feeling this was something they have never really talked about. Zuko asked when this happened, but Iroh gave him a sad look and said _you know when,_ with a tone of solemn finality. That seemed to close the subject of Iroh's spirit journey because Zuko's expression changed, he nodded in understanding and shuffled uncomfortably and didn't ask any more questions.

Conversation turned back to this strange, newly acquired power of Aang's. I am trying not to let it give me the heebie-jeebies. Aang would have done it as an alternative to killing Ozai. He would have done it with the best of intentions. Surely there can be nothing sinister about something done with the best of intentions, right? I shouldn't be unnerved by it. I feel a little silly being unnerved by it really. But I can't help it. Just the thought of someone sucking my waterbending out of me... Waterbending is such a huge part of me. I don't know what I'd do without it. I'm not sure that I wouldn't rather die, than be forced to go on living without such a vital part of myself. I said something to this effect out loud and Iroh and Zuko both agreed with me. Iroh said that Aang would probably think he was doing Ozai a kindness, when really nobody knew what the effect of having your bending sucked out of you would do to a person.

Even without his bending Ozai would pose a problem and a threat for Zuko and Iroh. Even without his bending, he still had powerful friends and lots of influence. There were going to be a lot of changes in the firenation and these changes were going to make some people (wealthy, influential jerks who had made a lot of money from the war and stood to lose out if the war stopped) very unhappy. Change doesn't always go over well, and there was no point in pretending any different. These people were going to look at unconventional solutions to their problems. Ozai would be just the sort of unconventional solution that they might rally around. Leaving Ozai alive was a big problem for Iroh, who had been sorting out all the firenation-y political stuff. He expressed a great deal of consternation about this. He asked many rhetorical questions. Eg how could there be balance, when the most **unbalanced individual** ever to sit on the throne would be around to upset any new equilibrium? How could the Avatar hope to restore peace by leaving alive the biggest threat to that peace? Etc.

Zuko interrupted him and said _because Aang's 12,_ by way of explanation. Then he shrugged and said _Aang doesn't really think of the bigger picture Uncle. _There was a bit of talk over what the best thing to do with Ozai would be. Iroh was all for locking him up for the remainder of his natural life in Iron Cove prison (that is where Ozai had Iroh locked up earlier this year). Solitary confinement, deep underground, was decided upon. Zuko looked grimly satisfied with this. If everybody was arriving sometime tomorrow afternoon, then they could transport Ozai there and release the prisoners of war at the same time. Iroh felt it would be better to release the prisoners of war with my father and Suki there to act as their leaders. Also this would give Iroh a bit of time to set up temporary accommodation for all the newly released prisoners of war.

Iroh got up to go, because if Ozai was still alive, and if we were about to be inundated with _guests,_ then he had a lot to organise. He walked over and ruffled Zuko's hair affectionately and almost absent-mindedly. He asked quietly _you okay with all this?_ Zuko nodded and said he had to be, didn't he – or something to that effect. Then he asked his Uncle the same question. Iroh shrugged and said _it is an odd ending isn't it. That he will be allowed to live when so many other...more worthy people have perished._ They nodded at each other in mutual understanding.

While I am glad that Aang found a way to defeat Ozai without killing him – because Aang wouldn't have been able to deal with that on his conscience- I can't help but feel a sense of anti-climax. Ozai is such a terrible person and it feels like losing his bending is somehow an inadequate punishment for everything he has done. I think Zuko and Iroh were feeling the same so I offered _would it help if I told you my father had punched him in the stomach and a man named Chit Sang kicked him in the gonads? _ A small cheeky smile played across Iroh's face and he said with some amusement _Actually, yes, that does help._

-?-

Zuko wasn't sure how he felt about it really, about his dad and Aang's new freaky power and everything. He told me so after Iroh left. I was a bit cross at him earlier, for ignoring me earlier, but as usual, I found it absolutely impossible to stay mad at him. Especially when we have these sorts of conversations. He was so painfully honest when he said that **hated **his dad, but felt a bit guilty about this and thought that he shouldn't. Normally I would say all the usual stuff, it's bad to hate your family members etc. but I make a special exception for Ozai. Zuko should feel free to despise him as he saw fit, in my opinion. Despite all his numerous evil deeds, he was still Zuko's dad. Zuko said, with some hesitation, that he didn't think he'd be who he was without Ozai.

When he said that, I paused for a moment to have a think. I love Zuko, so by that extension, should I be more charitable to one of the men who shaped him into the person he is, no matter how horrible the man in question is? My dilemma was solved for me moments later when Zuko added that Ozai contributed to Zuko's upbringing primarily by being so unrelentingly hard on him and just plain old mean, that Zuko** had** to toughen up. And he thought that, in the end, all that constant cruelty and taunting had made him stronger… And I went back to loathing Ozai unequivocally.

Zuko thought he should be happy that Ozai was alive, because at least with him alive, there was a chance that Zuko could find out from him what happened to his mother. I was most curious about this. Zuko told me that, on the day of black sun, he had gone to tell his father exactly what he thought of him (I imagine that went over well). As he was leaving, his dad had said that he knew where his mother was, and if Zuko was brave enough to stick around until the sun came out again, Ozai would tell him. Zuko stuck around (unsurprisingly) but Ozai didn't tell him exactly where she was (this is also not surprising). He just told Zuko that she had been banished too.

He also said a lot of other things, but Zuko wasn't sure if they were true or not. He wasn't sure if anything his father said was true or not. Like Azula, Ozai had a talent for lying. He didn't know if his dad was just stalling for time so that he could shoot lightning at him. But either way, at least Zuko had a chance to find out now. If Ozai had died, he never would have even had that. And so for that Zuko was going to try be thankful that Aang had done something really weird and freaky and left the old bastard alive.

I never even knew. Ozai might have known where his mum was and he never said. He just kept trying to convince Aang to off him. Zuko shrugged and said that it would have been much safer for everyone if Ozai had died, and on the whole he wanted us all to be as safe as possible. He wasn't going to ask Aang to spare his father for such a personal reason, because that struck Zuko as a little selfish. But what's done is done, and at least there was a positive side to his dad being allowed to live. Ozai was going to cause no end of problems for his Uncle when his Uncle was firelord, but maybe he could still do one good thing by his kids.

I was a little worried that Zuko was being a bit optimistic here. His father, from the sounds of things, has never previously shown the slightest interest in wanting to do right by his kids and I fail to see how having his bending sucked out of him would change this rather basic personality trait. I just didn't want Zuko to get disappointed. Zuko agreed with me and said that there was no way Ozai would just tell him, especially not like this. Zuko knew he wasn't err..in top form, and his dad would be able to sense this. His dad could spot any weakness a mile away. He wouldn't even need a mile to see that Zuko was rather severely injured. Despite all my healing and the fact that he was recovering really well, Zuko still had that washed out, recently struck by lightning look about him.

His dad was arriving tomorrow with everyone but Zuko said that he didn't want to see his dad just yet and I agreed this was for the best. He wanted to see him when he was clear enough in his head and strong enough and better enough to find out what he wanted from Ozai. He wanted to stand over the old bastard and demand some answers from him. If he could just get some answers, he was sure he could walk away and **never think about that man again**. He thought that answers would do him some good. _And it would do Azula some good too. _He added very softly. He looked at his hands and said _not knowing…it's just the worst thing. I can see why it's driving her crazy. _I think that there are many other things that are driving Azula crazy, but I kept this comment to myself.

-?-

Today I was all a flutter and quite excited to see everyone again. Even my dread over the veritable ass-ton of awkward fatherly affection that was coming my way was overshadowed by my excitement. Zuko and I had been lazing about in the garden and watching the skies for any sign of the airship for most of the day.

He was feeling much better today and had protested this morning that he was well enough to spend the most of the day outside. We had a small argument about this and the vile concoction. Eventually a compromise was reached. And outside day it would be, only if he drank all of his vile concoctions without fuss. This compromise suits both of us. We'd been lying on the grass on a blanket Yomia put out. Zuko's colour was looking a little better. He would practice this firebending meditation thing that Jeong Jeong had tried to get Aang to do. The thing with the leaf. He found it calming. And he was ready to start light bending again, according to Dr Yang, this morning. Dr Yang had a few stipulations for him, nothing too exerting etc. but she had given him the all clear to indulge his inner pyromaniac. I had finished the compendium. Dr Yang had given me an interesting book on anatomy, after I had bothered her a great deal for more literature. She also had a few stipulations for me, be careful with it etc.

I was trying to learn all the bones, and muscles and tendons in the leg. If Sokka's leg was broken, I wanted to be able to heal it as best I could. So for most of the day we sat together under that willow tree. I studied and Zuko bent and we chatted the day away. Zuko told me all about the firenation autumn, because I had noticed it felt a little cooler and less stiflingly hot today and the elm tree was changing colour and losing its leaves. We were definitely into autumn now, the comet had been on the last day of summer after all. Zuko said that the leaves didn't change colour here that much. Not like they did in the earth kingdom. That had been my favourite part about an earth kingdom autumn. Seeing all the colours change had been such a novelty for me. Zuko said only a few fire nation trees did that. Thankfully there a big elm in the garden that was keeping him in dry leaf supply.

The biggest change in the firenation came because all the moonflowers and other flowers than need lots of water were in bloom. Apparently in a couple of weeks, the rainy season would start and it would be all monsoons and typhoons all the way. And the firenation would be drenched for weeks on end. I have never seen a monsoon season before, but being a waterbender, the idea of that much water doesn't bother me. I think it could be quite fun, actually. Zuko said that his uncle used to say that firenation needed the monsoon to cool tempers down and chill everyone out a bit. But Zuko thought it actually had the opposite effect- because the air constantly has that just-before-a-big-storm feeling of anticipation- people in the firenation would get all worked up and do crazy things.

Crazier than usual that is.

-?-

Lenka brought us lunch, which was delicious. We fed the bread to the turtleducks. They came right up to peck some of it out of my hand, which was neat. Zuko said it was because they had gotten used to me. We would both constantly look up and watch the clouds for any sign of the airship. It was only just after lunch when we saw the airship peak through the clouds, I leapt to my feet excitedly and called Iroh.

Zuko wanted to come with me to greet everybody. I wanted him to go back to bed. We had another small argument, which Zuko won. He was allowed to come, but for five minutes only. Lazing on the grass all day was one thing, spending more than five minutes with an _overexcited everybody_ was an entirely different matter and would probably tire him out way more than hours of turtleduck feeding ever would.

-?-

The airship was sinking slowly on the big main boulevard and we walked in the direction it was heading. By the time we got to the main street, I could almost see everybody's individual faces. They were waving and I was waving. Then a rope dropped down from the main deck, and my dad appeared. He climbed down the rope at amazing speed. When he was close enough to the ground, he just jumped down and landed hard. Then he ran to me and engulfed me in a **big, snuggly dad hug**.

He lifted me clean off the ground and my feet were dangling. He was squishing me a bit. It took me a second to realize my dad was crying. It took me another second to realize I was too. Happy tears though. He said he was just so glad to see me and so glad I was safe and he loved me and now the war was over, we'd never have to be separated again. I said similar soppy things back and there were many happy tears.

Suki had climbed down a second rope after my dad. I saw her out of the corner of my eye. She wandered over to Zuko. I heard her stage whisper to him affectionately _watertribes – they always greet eachother like this. _She gave Zuko a one armed hug, I was about to tell her to be careful of the big hole in his chest, but Suki successfully avoided the lightning wound and my scolding. Zuko said he had heard that she took down a whole airship on her own…during the comet. _Using only stealth and badassery_ Suki finished. Zuko nodded and said _I respect that _and they had a small bondy moment over their mutual stealthy badassery.

Then Suki called my dad over to help her tie the airship down, and my dad reluctantly let me go. They each grabbed the ropes they had slid down on and pulled them taut in an effort to bring the ship to a gentle landing. Then they tied to ropes to some nearby buildings. And a cavalcade of people piled out of the Airship.

Aang came out first, while the ship was still quite high and before it was secured. He used his bending to cushion his landing and then practically hurled himself at me. He wrapped his arms around me, like we were the best of friends and he hadn't disappeared when I needed him the most. I felt a myriad of different emotions, but the one that I acted on was affection and relief. I could scold him to the Western Air Temple and back later (and believe me a giant scolding was definitely coming Aang's way). I hugged him back, and watched Toph and Sokka's progress.

Toph was, bless her cottons socks, trying to assist Sokka in navigating the small stairs he had to climb down with his huge cast. She earthbendered a little ramp for him and for Teo as well, I guess. Sokka hopped down and leaned on her and they made slow hopping progress over to us. Suki went over to help and with her at one arm and Toph at the other, Sokka made his way over to us.

There was much joyous hugging between everyone. Aang relinquished me and let me hug Sokka. After Sokka hugged me tightly, there was a rather awkward hug between Zuko and Sokka. It was awkward because of Sokka's ridiculously huge cast and his tendency to lean on people and the fact that Zuko wasn't quite prepared for this tendency. They nearly fell over, which would have struck me as funny at a different time. I hugged Suki tightly and thanked her for bringing everyone back to me. Reading between the lines of the letters she and Sokka sent, it sounds like Sokka and Toph were in a pretty tight spot until Suki did her stealthy badass thing. She hugged me back and muttered _remember she's had a big fright_ to me in my ear and then gently pushed Toph forward.

Toph, who is normally a bit standoffish when it comes to being affectionate, put her two arms around me and gave me a really fierce hug that went on for a little while. She even said she missed me, which is an unprecedented level of affection from Toph. Then she tried to do the same to Zuko, but he is a lot taller than her and less easy to envelop in a snuggly Toph hug. Instead of a hug, Zuko got a headbutt in the chest (as Toph's head is lightning injury height this was bad). Zuko swore and grimaced in pain. Toph apologized. I scolded. Toph took the opportunity say, _wow you really did get hit by_ lightning to Zuko. Zuko confirmed her statement. She grinned cheekily and said _you look like hell_. It took him an extra few beats to get the joke and then he gave a small chuckle and messed up her hair in an affectionate manner and she gave him a light punch in the arm, and it was very sweet.

Aang was a bit nervous about Zuko and was twirling his hands together. He greeted Zuko in an apprehensive manner and asked worriedly _so how mad are you at me, on a scale of one to ten?_ Zuko was confused by this question. Aang said he was expecting Zuko to be really cross at him and probably give him a lecture on being responsible and probably have a shout at him and stuff. Zuko said he wasn't mad, still with a great deal of confusion. Aang smiled widely with relief and tried to hug Zuko, but he's not much taller than Toph and made the same mistake she did. He headbutted Zuko square in the chest in his enthusiasm for the hug. So naturally more pained swearing and scolding ensued.

Chit Sang and Haru and Teo and the Duke had since climbed out of the airship and we all exchanged greetings. The Duke had missed Zuko and wrapped himself around Zuko's leg while Zuko hopped awkwardly trying to extricate himself from the Duke's small but over affectionate-self. Zuko was actually looking pretty tired from the overload of affection and greetings and hugs from everyone. He'll never say when he's feeling too tired, but I can tell. Seeing him looking so drained just makes me want to sit him in a comfy chair and feed him cookies and tea and just look after him.

I declared that we were heading back to the house now, in a loud and bossy voice and everyone complied. We turned around to go back to the house and were greeted by a most worrying sight. My dad and Iroh, deep in (what was presumably) a hilarious conversation. Apparently Iroh had come into the boulevard a few minutes after Zuko and I did. He saw my dad and introduced himself. They have very rapidly, from the looks of the way they were slapping each other on the back, become the best of friends. I was sure this would not bode well for Zuko and me. At that point, they both looked up and **right at us** for a second and then Iroh said something and my dad threw his head back and laughed like he had been told the funniest joke ever. Definitely not good. Zuko asked worriedly what I thought they were talking about. I hope it's not us, that's all I can say.

Toph ran over to Iroh to say hello and he appeared absolutely delighted to see her. He said it was wonderful to see his favourite earthbender looking so radiant. She said it was nice to hear her favourite…old dude say so and they hugged. Iroh said hello to everybody else, and introduced himself to the people he hadn't met before, rather genially. Chit Sang appeared a bit overwhelmed and dropped into a full bow when Iroh introduced himself, but Iroh gave him a friendly pat and said all that formality wasn't necessary.

While this was going on, my dad tried to make- oh spirits- friendly small talk with Zuko. My dad -in true awkward dad form- came over to awkwardly say hi to Zuko. He looked torn between bowing and hugging and in the end he settled for giving Zuko a friendly pat on the shoulder and saying _it's good to see you again. _Zuko was equally awkward in response and tried to bow and called my dad 'sir' a lot. And then they awkward-ed at each other like giant dorks.

But I wouldn't have expected any less from either of them.

-?-

Iroh and my dad had decided that everyone should get settled back at the house, before we attend to the problem of Ozai. Everyone was exhausted from travelling and Ozai would keep. Iroh had the girls make up the extra rooms for everybody. He had also had three other royal residences –a little further down the street - made ready for the influx of both Kyoshi and Watertribe warriors and miscellaneous earthbenders. Iroh thought it would be better if the fine Koyshi ladies had their own space. This was actually not for their modesty, but for the everyone else's safety.

In his correspondence with the Iron Cove warden, he had found out that the men of my tribe often say umm…rather sexist things. This had not gone down well with the Kyoshi warriors. There have been many shenanigans and fights during the joint exercise periods. The guards had let the fights continue because they found them entertaining…they started betting on them actually. Typically a watertribe warrior would cast aspersions on a Kyoshi Warrior's ability to fight. And would promptly have his arse kicked by the girl in question, most of the time. Not all the time. A few times, some of the scrappier warriors would come out on top. But mostly the Kyoshi warriors kicked arse. There was much teasing and cries of _ha ha you go your arse kicked by a girl_ amongst the menfolk of my tribe. Of course saying "you got your arse kicked by a girl" - like being a girl was a derogatory thing- in inevitably led to more arse kicking. Suki nodded in pride and said _that's my girls_ under her breath.

My Dad and Suki would stay with their warriors, ostensibly. Even though the other houses are only a stone's throw away, I already know that they are both going to be spending most of their time at Zuko's villa with us anyway (because that is where most of us will be staying). None of us really want to be separated now that we are together again after all. But both My Dad and Suki also want to spend time with their warriors, and need to provide some leadership for them.

After everyone was settled, Iroh would call for the guards and a prison transport secure enough for Ozai, and then he, my dad, Suki and the delightful Miss Bei Fong would go and let Ozai out. Toph inched imperceptibly closer to me. I was still mad at her, but I felt a flash of concern. She asked if she was expected to escort him to the prison as well, but Iroh told her that would not be necessary. Hakoda had told him of her remarkable talent in metalbending and how she had metal bended the shackles in the cargo hold. He just needed her to undo those and then she would be free to go. Toph nodded.

Aang wanted to go along too, because he felt it was his Avatar duty. My Dad and Iroh exchanged a glance. Iroh started to say gently that he didn't think prison was a good place for a kid, but one look at Aang's earnest, sincere and determined face stopped him and he acquiesced.

-?-

Back at the villa there was much chaos and unpacking and running to and fro and demands for snacks. Some people (Toph, Sokka and Chit Sang) were starving and were rather vocal about this. Lenka laid out a spread in the kitchen and people came and went and picked at it while they passed or they had tea and delicately nibbled at it while chatting or they sat down and ate vast and inadvisable quantity of fireflakes. Dad and Iroh, when dad came back from inspecting the house Iroh had set up for him and his warriors, chose the tea drinking and chat option while they ironed out some details about this afternoon.

Because of the limited rooms, people would have to share until other arrangements could be made. Toph would be in my room (I was planning on giving her a sound scolding as soon as we were alone) and the girls had set up a second bed in there. Sokka was sharing with Haru and Teo and the Duke had to bunk in together. At least for tonight, tomorrow they would have the option of staying with their fathers in the other villas. Chit Sang was given his own room (because he is the size of six people put together and sharing would be hard) and so was Aang, (because he was the Avatar). Sokka cajoled and pleaded and bribed and now he and Aang have swapped rooms, so really he has Aang's room all to himself. I am just guessing here, but I think Suki will be a frequent visitor to Sokka's newly acquired solo room. She was **most pleased** to discover Sokka had wangled it.

Both Suki and My Dad have rooms at the Kyoshi house and the Water tribe house and have come back reporting very favorably on the set up. My Dad and Suki both think they will have to stay for a little while to ensure everybody's health and make arrangements for transport. Two of the Kyoshi girls are apparently sick with summer fever, according to a friend Iroh has at the prison. (Does he have friends everywhere?) and will not be fit for travelling the long distance back to Kyoshi just yet.

Iroh says that we can all stay for as long as we want. He explained that long ago, each of the nations had embassies in the Caldera. As we were at the start of a new era of peace, we would need to have more inter-nation co-operation, so it made sense to Iroh that the houses could become the new embassies. All these houses come from a time when the royal family was much larger than it is now and there was need for many separate residences. Now there are only 4 members of the royal family (and two of them are arguably criminally insane and should be kept locked up for a long period of time and will most likely not be needing a villa in the foreseeable future). If the houses were not serving as accommodation for us, then they would be just sitting vacant. And that struck Iroh as a waste.

I'm actually glad that we can all stay together here for as long as we want. When Iroh mentioned that two of the girls were not well enough to travel back to Kyoshi if Suki wanted to go back immediately, I was a bit taken aback. I actually thought _why would she need to travel back to Kyoshi?_ I had always just assumed that Suki would stay with us now. I don't like the thought of her leaving us. I don't like the thought of us splitting up at all. If she went back to Kyoshi – what would Sokka do?

And what about us? Sokka and Dad and Me? Dad talked about arranging transport back to the South Pole when he was chatting with Iroh in the kitchen. I felt a thrill of horror, which surprised me. The South Pole is my home, so I should want to go back there, right? But… Oh I don't know. So much has changed and so much has happened and I don't know how I feel about going back there. I don't know if it will be home anymore. It certainly won't be home without everyone else. I can't bear the thought of saying goodbye to everyone again, especially now that we are all together again. There is one very frustrating, but wonderful person in particular, who I couldn't leave behind. But he is the one person I would not be able to take with me to the South Pole. So if I went back to the South Pole, we'd have to say goodbye. But thankfully I won't have to think about that for a while to come. Dad wants to stay here for peace negotiations and to work out a treaty and that will take a little while at least.

-?-

Iroh and my Dad were getting ready to go. I fussed over Sokka's leg and tried to heal it, while he ate a vast and inadvisable quantity of fireflakes. I couldn't fix it. He teased me a bit, but then he said it was okay and he had gotten used to hopping about the place. I felt like I had failed him terribly. Even after I had read that book, I still wasn't sure what to do. I could ease the pain, but I couldn't even begin to fix it. I said that I'd ask Dr Yang to take a look at it next time she came. Dr Yang might be able to do something for this break. Sokka nodded and hopped after me while I went to fuss over Zuko.

Suki, Aang and Toph were all in his room, all talking over each other trying to tell him what had been happening with them. Aang mentioned turtles a great deal and Zuko looked very confused. I kicked them all out and told them that I thought Iroh would be ready to go soon, so they had all better be ready and Zuko was tired. Zuko said he was fine. I made **a face **both at him and at the others. The others left, except for Sokka. Sokka thought this kicking out did not apply to him, because he wasn't going to the prison and was also injured (but it kinda did).

Sokka and Zuko have …_missed _each other (in a **manly way**, apparently). It is actually quite sweet. And both of them protested that Sokka should be allowed to stay because they wanted to gossip…eerrr I mean have a manly chat about manly things. Sokka is an indefatigable gossip, but he never thanks me for pointing this out. I relented. I wanted to fuss over him and Zuko at the same time and it was much easier when they were together. I made Zuko drink his vile concoction. However, when my back was turned, he double dared Sokka to drink it (for manliness!). Sokka complied.

Idiot.

Serves Sokka right that the concoction is the most disgusting tasting thing in the history of forever. He gasped and made a face and held the vial aloft and said _this is the nastiest thing I've ever put in my mouth and I've licked cave walls. It's really bad._ Zuko agreed and said I'd been forcing him to drink it four times a day. Sokka gave him a look of deepest sympathy. I gave Zuko a rant about the many medicinal benefits of his vile concoction. And then I huffed off to make another one.

When I was in the kitchen, Toph came up and startled me. She wanted to talk to me. I could hazard a guess what this was about. So I told her that I was cross at her for her little stunt in telling my dad about me and Zuko's imaginary _steamy affair._ Toph shook her head and said it wasn't about that. I said that either way, I was still plenty cross at her and she was going to get a **big angry rant** about the horribleness of telling my dad such things. I launched into my speech at that point, because it seemed as good a point as any. How could Toph do such a thing to me blah blah blah, Toph's assumptions were baseless etc. Toph scoffed and muttered _baseless _under her breath in a disbelieving fashion. Then she said that I was **obviously** arse-backwards crushing on him and she was just trying to help things along a little bit. I got a bit flustered, but told her that I would not dignify her comments with a response, and tried to maintain my composure. I couldn't lie and say I didn't fancy him, because Toph can tell when I am lying. But I was not going to encourage this new and worrisome meddling behaviour.

I tried to launch into my speech again, but Toph got huffy with me and said that she hadn't come for a lecture. I asked what she had come for then and she got most irate and told me I should just _forget it._ Something in the way she said that bothered me. Toph had that tone she uses when she really wants to ask for help, but is too stubborn to actually say it. I still asked her what she had come for anyway.

Toph said that she was just going to ask if I wanted to come with her when she had to release Ozai, because I was such a fussy britches and surely I would love to get cross and have a rant at him. I said I'd pass. Look, everybody thinks I'm this person who just loves to give bossy rants, but I'm not, like, **rant obsessed** or anything. I only like to give bossy rants when the person might listen to me. I could rant at Ozai about what a terrible person I think he is, but I don't think it would make much difference. It would be a waste of my time really. Also I would much prefer to spend time with Zuko instead (however I didn't say this reason, because Toph is already getting **Ideas** and sharing these **Ideas**). Toph looked disappointed and I realized that this was the closest Toph would ever come to admitting she wanted me to come with her. She was _scared _of Ozai.

Because I am a giant sap and an idiot and I hate the thought of Toph being scared of anything, I agreed to go with her.

I finished making the vile concoction and went in and made Zuko drink it. I reminded him of our deal earlier and how he was honor bound to drink it and not make a fuss today. He made a face at me but I had him there. Hardly har har! Go me! He complied. I explained what was happening to Sokka and Zuko. Well I told them that I was going with Toph and I would be back **very soon** and there was, under no circumstances, to be any: funny business, shenanigans, sparring or excessive fireflake eating in my absence. They agreed. Before I knew it, I was following Toph out to join the others on the prison transport.

-?-

We trouped back along to where the airship was in a big group. In the boulevard was one of those big Komodo Rhinos attached to a very secure looking cart that was flanked by several guards. They all saluted Iroh as he came up to them. I recognized Kal and waved at him and he waved back (subtly – because he was meant to be paying attention to what Iroh was saying). I had never seen a komodo rhino without all the armor before. They seem so domestic and ordinary attached to carts.

Chit Sang had come with us, (in case Ozai gave Tiny any trouble) as well as several guards and my dad. We trouped into the airship and went through several doors, all of which Toph had metal bended together. She took her time metal bending the last door open. When it finally popped open, I was hit by a terrible smell. Just a week's worth of _eurgh._ There was a figure metal bended into the side of the wall and he turned his head with the sound of us all coming in.

He was dirty and unkempt and had long hair that was also dirty and unkempt. He looked up and I saw his face for the first time. I hadn't expected him to look so ordinary actually. He looked a little like Zuko, on the one side of his face…but also not at all like him. I like Zuko's face, scars and all. But Ozai's face is a mean and horrid face, despite it being unblemished, because his mouth was twisted into a cruel sneer and his eyes were icy cold and appraising.

He said _well if it isn't the scared little girl again_ to Toph and her back went rigid. His eyes roved over ChitSang, _ah and you brought the idiot as well._ Chitsang clenched his fists next to me. Ozai looked right at me then and said oh and _you've also brought a friend._ He looked me up and down in a way that made my skin crawl. _An exotic looking friend at that _he said, somewhat lecherously. Oh eww. My dad stepped in front of me and said a few choice words and Ozai scoffed at him and said something exceptionally distasteful back. He quickly ascertained that dad was my dad and said something about my Dad's skills as a father and how he hadn't been able to protect Sokka from getting his leg broken and he sure wouldn't be able to protect me from…at that point my dad cut him off and got right up in his face and grabbed him by the neck and told him to **shut up** in a low and dangerous voice**. **I have never seen my Dad **that angry** before. Ozai laughed in his face and said _make me. Or will the weak avatar have something to say about that if you try._

My Dad made a frustrated noise and asked Toph to come over and metalbend Ozai out – the sooner she did that, the sooner he could be transferred to prison and the sooner we could leave. Toph seemed frozen in place and inched closer to me. Ozai also found this amusing. In an eerie mirror of what her father said that night that she ran away with us, Ozai called her tiny and blind and pathetic. For once, Toph didn't say anything sassy back.

I had officially had it.

It was unnerving how he seemed to know what everyone's buttons were and how to push them. He had made my dad lose his composure and Toph look scared. Both of these things were such rare events that it frightened me to see them happening together. I wanted to shake them out of the weird effect Ozai seemed to have on them. I stood in front of them and clapped my hands a few times to get their attention. Then I gave a small speech about how he was just trying to upset everyone. The best thing we could do would be to just ignore him. _Ignore him and he didn't have any power_.

Ozai said something exceptionally rude to me after my small speech. He compared me to a…_oh! _… I won't even write it here, it was** that **terrible. I just snapped. I don't even care if it upsets Aang. I didn't care that he was tied up and couldn't bend and it isn't honorable to strike someone who can't defend themselves. Ozai got **such a slap. ** Nobody calls me …that… and gets away with it. Then I kicked him in the gonads for good measure. It was oddly satisfying, the way he crumpled up. My Dad and Chit Sang both cringed unconsciously when I did that.

The sudden violence seemed to shake Toph out of her weird moment and she cheered me on and then came up beside me. I put a hand encouragingly on her shoulder as she moved to touch the side of the ship. Ozai fell forward and tried to clutch his ..err family jewels, but Chit Sang came and hefted him up like a sack of potatoes as soon as the metal came off. He nodded at Toph and said _good job Tiny_, in an affectionate voice and hauled Ozai out of the airship.

-?-

Ozai didn't go with dignity. He made a lot of noise and was very threatening and insulting of Chit Sang and he was carried unceremoniously out. _Just you wait, you big oaf! I will make you regret the day you were born. I will make you suffer! etc _Toph, dad and I were bringing up the rear. Dad was said some very encouraging things to Toph as we walked back out to join the others. Aang had wanted to talk to Iroh, and Suki hadn't wanted to come in (now I have a better understanding as to why) and so all three of them were out there waiting for us, with the guards.

Aang was talking in an enthusiastic tone of voice to Iroh (I distinctly heard him say the word lionturtle as we came out of the airship and felt a rush of irritation towards him). Iroh was listening with a kindly expression on his face. When we came out of the ship, they both looked up and their conversation abruptly stopped. Ozai made a terrible hissing noise when we emerged into the sunlight that alerted them to our presence. Chit Sang wandered over to Iroh and dropped Ozai unceremoniously at Iroh's feet. The guards rushed over to clap some manacles on him and Ozai shouted his various vague threats at them too. Toph muttered next to me _I really hate that guy._

Then Iroh spoke in a voice that was similar to the one that he used on Zhao, all the way back at the spirit oasis, when he said he'd unleash on him tenfold whatever he did to the moon spirit. I am so used to seeing Iroh as this kindly old figure, that it was a bit jarring to hear him shout _behave yourself Ozai_! with such force and power.

There was a tense little moment which was broken by Ozai spitting at Iroh. The guards recoiled, but Iroh smiled, almost serenely, as if he expected no better. He started reciting in a calm voice what was going to happen. He explained that Ozai would be transported to Iron Cove prison, where he would be allowed to live out his natural life under constant supervision.

Confusion flickered across Ozai's face and he asked _why are you doing this?_ Iroh mused that he was perhaps just wishing to show Ozai the same consideration that Ozai had always shown him. Ozai disagreed and looked at Iroh like he was a puzzle to figure out. He asked _did the boy put you up to this?_ He spat 'the boy' out like it was a dirty word. Iroh stiffened and said _No_ simply. Ozai wanted to know where Zuko was. He looked around and said _where is that weak, useless, stupid brat of mine anyway? Is he too scared to come and face me? _I bristled and fought back the urge to slap Ozai again. I **hated** the way he talked about Zuko. Iroh gave Ozai a withering look, but ignored his comments (he could do the "ignoring Ozai" thing really well).

Then Iroh said, as if he was explaining something to a very young and particularly stupid child _The Avatar was destined to restore balance to the world, somehow, even though I cannot begin to understand how, letting you live is part of that balance. A_ hint of steel had crept into his voice. This did not phase Ozai. In fact he seemed to find Iroh's statement somewhat amusing. He asked if Iroh was going to make taking orders from children a habit?

Then his voice rapidly changed and all amusement dropped out of it and he said _Letting me live is ridiculous and you know it. You never let the disposed leader live. I can make things especially difficult for you._ Iroh appeared nonplussed but this and said he imagined Ozai would. Ozai had always enjoyed being difficult. Ozai still appeared fixated on why we were letting him live. He started rambling off theories, because he was sure that Iroh had some bigger game afoot. He eventually settled on the fact that he was sure that Iroh was doing it too look magnanimous to the people. _You always liked people to think you were the good one. When really you are just too cowardly to do what needs to be done, just like that weakling avatar. People who think they are good are always __**weak!**_

This appeared to be the final straw for Aang, who had been squirming with discomfort next to Iroh for the duration of this interview. He interjected, a little outraged _you're not supposed to be like this! _to Ozai. He said it loudly and with a fair bit of anger. He walked right up in front of Ozai and poked him in the chest and said _I've shown you mercy, you're supposed to see the error of your ways and want to be a better person in the future. _At this Ozai rolled his head back and laughed like Aang had just told him the funniest joke. He laughed for some time and would occasionally interject _The error of my ways! _ And chuckle again with renewed mirth. Aang got unnerved and took a step back. Eventually Ozai's laughter died down and he looked Aang straight in the face and said in deliberate tone _I regret nothing!_

He started launching into a lengthy monologue._ I would do it all again, but this time hotter and longer and more painful_, etc. _Just you all wait, I will make you all pay for this_ blah blah blah _I am the all powerful Phoenix King and I will have my revenge _yadda yadda yadda. Next to me my Dad sighed very audibly and rolled his eyes and said _not this again. _Next to him, Chit Sang said _I know, he does go on a bit _with a bored tone_._ But it was Toph who had the most practical solution. She had grabbed just a regular old rock from somewhere. It wasn't even a special rock. She didn't even bend it or anything, she just walked quietly up behind Ozai, between the guards who held him a kneeling position. He evil-monologued away. She snuck up and bopped him over the head with her rock, knocking him out in one swift blow. Ozai made a noise like _oofff _and collapsed face first. Toph looked up, as if she was already anticipating a certain someone's reaction and said with some resignation; _sorry Aang, but even you must understand a little bit _as she turned and stomped back towards the house. Judging from Aang's lack of arguments against Toph's actions, I think he did understand her point.

-?-

The guards shoved Ozai into the prison transport after that, and Iroh, Dad and Suki and Aang went off to the prison all together. Me, Toph and Chit Sang walked back to the house (we caught up to her pretty easily). Chit Sang was praising Toph and said he should have thought of a rock too. Toph just shrugged and said there was only so many evil monologues she could listen to before the overwhelming desire to smash something came upon her. She did it for the common good. Chit Sang said that the Avatar wouldn't be too mad at her, because he was trying to get back in her good books and also because even he knew he was being a bit ridiculous.

Toph said she didn't think Aang knew that at all and expressed a great deal of frustration about how impossible he was being lately. Chit Sang shrugged and said _nah, baldy knows he made the wrong call, but you all harped on about it and he wants to prove you all wrong - so he can't back down now. He's just being stubborn. But even he's doubting his decision. You can tell just by looking at 'im. _Me and Toph both looked at him in astonishment. It was the longest and most detailed and most sensible thing I have ever heard Chit Sang say. It was almost passably intelligent. One could almost be mistaken for thinking he had spent some time observing those around him. It was weird. Chit Sang got unnerved by our staring and shoved his hands in his pockets and kicked the stones and said _'s just obvious _a little petulantly. Then he announced that he was going to go explore the Caldera because he had never seen inside it before and took his leave of us. Toph said he was probably going to engaging in some light pilfering, but I didn't have the heart or the energy to call after him and stop him.

When he had gone I asked Toph about her and Aang's fight. Suki and Chit Sang had only alluded to it, but what had happened? She seemed rather cross at Aang. Toph launched into a rant that he had just been driving her crazy. With the _fan girls_ and the _Ozai is a person too_ and just …_everything._ She talked rapidly and with no small amount of frustration. I couldn't quite get the full picture. But I do know that it started after Aang came back.

Apparently Aang came back and never properly explained how or why he had just up and left them and Toph **wasn't okay with that.** She told him so bluntly. Then he had followed her around for ages. He never apologized, but just kept trying to justify it and talking about lion turtles. Toph did not care for lion turtles and is of a similar opinion to myself with regards to this excuse. Lionturtles are extinct after all. Toph honestly never wants to hear the word lion turtle again.

As if that wasn't bad enough, after **'the incident' **(I get the feeling that this incident is not as fun as Iroh's incident with the nuns) he still would not admit he was wrong. I asked what the incident was, but Toph didn't want to talk about that. She was most forceful about this. Instead she went back to her rant. The point of the incident was that afterwards, Aang frequently gave speeches about how everybody had to treat Ozai with dignity, otherwise we'd be no better than him etc, and would lay the guilt trip on really thick. But Aang didn't have to do any of the guarding responsibility, so it was all very well and good for him to say these things- but there was no follow through. There was no consequence or inconvenience for Aang.

When Toph had bluntly pointed this out to him, he went off and played with his fangirls, rather than dealing with it. The fangirls worshipped him and never told him when he was wrong like Toph did, and for a while it seemed like he preferred them to her. When he got tired of the fan girls (after a while) he tried to apologize to Toph, but it was too late and she was pissed off.

Toph was waiting for a sincere and genuine apology from Aang, but he seemed to think he wasn't in the wrong and she was being unreasonable. He kept apologizing, back at the town, but he always had the fangirls in tow and Toph could tell that he didn't really mean it.

I listened sympathetically and made all the right noises. I told her that I was going to give Aang a really good scolding when I next saw him and if she wanted I could tell him to apologize to her. Toph was fine. She wanted Aang to apologize on his own, not because I told him too. An apology wasn't worth much to Toph, if someone had to be told to do it.

-?-

When we got back to the house, Haru wanted to metal bend with Toph again and he had been practicing something she had shown him in the airship, which he demonstrated for her. He wanted to perfect it, so he could show his dad when his dad arrived this afternoon. Toph agreed to take some time to teach him, with feigned reluctance (which she made a big deal of). However, I could tell she was secretly pleased.

Zuko and Sokka were sitting outside on the veranda, in big comfy chairs, with their feet up on a low table. They were drinking coconut water and watching Teo and the Duke. Teo and the Duke were showing off their swordy knowledge in the garden. The Duke had kept the swords Sokka had carved for him and had frequently cajoled Teo into being his sparring partner, during their time with my dad. Teo is now the only wheelchair bound swordsman (swordschild?) I have ever seen. They had a sword each and Teo would parry and block while the Duke ran around him enthusiastically. The Duke would frequently cry out, when he thought he had done something most impressive _did you see me Zuko, did you see?_ Zuko would nod and raise his coconut and say something encouraging. By sheer force of will, he kept all his constructive criticism from the Duke, but he would frequently say some variation on_ he did the bending bamboo all wrong, we'll have to work on that with him _to Sokka. Sokka would nod sagely.

I pulled up a chair of my own and sat with them. I tried to steer conversation away from swordy matters and into something that I actually wanted to talk about; The incident. Toph had mentioned it, but wouldn't talk about it at all. I didn't want to pester her about it. I had assumed I could ask Sokka, being the indefatigable gossip that he is. He seemed to know what I was referring too, straight away. He shifted uncomfortably and looked apologetically at Zuko and told us about Toph's big fright.

The story came out, reluctantly. Sokka felt bad, because he had underestimated Ozai, and that was what started the problem. Zuko gritted his teeth and asked _what did he do?_ in a low and serious voice. Sokka hesitated then said _he grabbed Toph_ reluctantly. Apparently, after Aang had beaten him and 'sucked his bending out' - Sokka wasn't sure what had happened actually, he just knew that the cliff the two of them were standing on started glowing like crazy- Suki had landed the airship as close to Aang as she could.

Aang had told them all about his victory and lionturtles and stuff and Ozai had seemed really out of it. He couldn't stand properly and he was drooling and stuff. Sokka and Suki had assumed that he wasn't a threat. Everyone taunted him for a bit, before Suki said that they should probably go, before the airship fell apart, because the Airship was their only way off this rock. Ozai was still just lying there and pretending he couldn't get up.

Suki and Toph had to drag him into the ship. Sokka had a broken leg and Aang was just exhausted after the fight. Because the airship had so much damage done to it, there was lots of broken glass around the place. No one noticed, but Ozai must have picked up a large shard from somewhere, and as soon as he was in the airship, he moved. Quicker than a polar dog, he grabbed Toph around the neck. Probably because she was the nearest and the smallest. He lifted her up so her feet weren't touching the ground and he held the glass shard to her throat and made lots of different demands. He said he'd kill her, if they didn't give him what he wanted. Because Toph can tell when someone is lying, she knew that he was deadly serious. She kept squirming and trying to bend the metal in the ship, but it was so hard with her feet off the ground. And the whole thing had been quite frightening for her.

Aang tried to talk peacefully and reasonably, to little avail. Sokka and Suki hadn't wanted to attack at first, because Ozai was holding the glass right on Toph's throat and they didn't want to risk it in case he cut her. Eventually, the whole thing got sorted by dumb luck and Toph's pluckiness. Toph, in her frantic squirming, jabbed Ozai in the eye really hard and he dropped her. As soon as her feet hit the metal, she slammed him into a wall with her bending and that was that. But she had been, in essence, held hostage for a fair while and she was really shaken by it, though she tried to hide it.

Suki had fussed over Toph. Sokka was furious and had wanted to 'finish the job' right there and then, but Aang hadn't allowed him too. Zuko also wanted to 'finish the job' as soon as Sokka told him this story and he leapt up with great speed and announced that he was going to **kill that bastard** with no small amount of anger. Unfortunately the sudden moment aggravated his lightning wound and he clutched at his chest in pain and sat back down hard. Sokka commiserated with him. But said _easy there buddy, Aang has __**views**__ on any of us harming Ozai because "he's still a human being"._ He said "still a human being" with some bitterness, because I imagine this is a conversation he and Aang had before.

Sokka had been all for turning Ozai over to the local village authorities when they landed. The local village authorities made it **very clear** that they wanted retribution for having so much of their farmland burnt to a crisp. Aang, because he'd made such a big deal about letting Ozai live and treating him with dignity, felt a bit backed into a corner and got ridiculously stubborn about the whole thing. If he let the villages have him, it would be like admitting he was wrong and Aang will not do that under any circumstances. According to Aang, if they let Ozai be killed, now that he was defenceless, it really would be murder and Aang wasn't having that. Also Aang was the Avatar, so there. His Dad, the town Mayor and Sokka had all been over-ruled. So rather than letting Ozai get a taste of good, old fashioned earth kingdom justice – they had brought him back to the firenation for Zuko and Iroh to deal with. Zuko said _thanks so much for that_ with some sarcasm.

-?-

Zuko got that look on his face, the one he has when he's a bit beside himself, but is trying really hard not to show it. He excused himself and after a few moments I followed him. I found him sitting on the window sill in his room, in classic broody mopey pose. He looked up when I entered and scooted aside for me. I sat next to him and gave him a look. But I didn't say anything. We have done this enough times for Zuko to know how this works. He mopes, I go after him and cajole, tickle, tease, truthbend or bribe him with fireflakes, and eventually he tells me what's bothering him. But we've started skipping those middle steps lately. He just tells me things now.

Eventually he said that he was just so ashamed of his Dad. He felt it reflected poorly on him, to have such a man as his father. I told him that no one was thinking any less of him. Because really no one is. He said _You want to know something pathetic and stupid._ I always did where Zuko was concerned. Zuko said that he had actually thought that all dads were like that. That it was **normal **for dads to treat their kids the way his dad treated him and Azula. It was easier to tell himself that, than to admit to himself that there was a problem with Ozai.

Oh Zuko.

I remember something from back when he first tried to join us, in the Western Air Temple, and I was most upset and irate at him. I'd made a very sarcastic comment about how we could give him a **not-as-much-of-a-jerk-as-you-could-have-been-award. **But really, I wish now that such a reward, or something similar existed, because Zuko really deserves one. Now that I have met Ozai and seen how just despicable he is first hand, I can't imagine how horrible it would have been to have him as a father. Zuko's always been quite private about this sort of thing, and now he felt a bit embarrassed, because his Dad and all his abusive crazy was unveiled to everyone. I didn't know how to make things better for him. I couldn't make his dad less horrible. But I could sit with him and listen to him and hug him. I hope that's enough.

-?-

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

* * *

La rambles.

Lovely readers!

You have reached the end of the problem with Ozai. Thank you and congratulations! Giant and enormous thanks to every lovely reader who takes the time to leave a review! Reviews make me smile and you and fabulous and wonderful for letting me know your thoughts on this wacky fic. So this chapter is less romantic and more plot-hole filling. Because there were a few that needed filling, as far as I'm concerned.

I vaguely mentioned Iroh's spirit world journey. I don't think he and Zuko every talked about it explicitly, but Zuko is aware that it happened and when it happened. I have many ideas about Iroh's spirit world journey, which will probably become a one-shot because they didn't quite fit with this chapter. Originally they were in here, as well as a much more expanded scene between Iroh and Ozai, and Iroh and Hakoda -but all of that got the chop. I was a bit late with this chapter because I ended up re-writing it a whole bunch. But anyway, if people are interested in reading this tangent, I can try and one-shot it up.

Katara can't fix Sokka's leg, and wants Dr Yang to have a look at it. She will think more about her inability to heal it, or even to know much about how to begin to heal it in the coming chapters.

I also wanted to address how Iroh and Zuko feel about Ozai returning, still alive and just without his bending. I think Iroh will go along with Aang because his belief in the avatar/spirits/balance would be stronger than his dislike of his brother. However it does seem anti-climatic to him, that after everything, Ozai gets a rather light punishment. I know some of you were keen for a big confrontation between Zuko and Ozai in this chapter, but in my opinion it wasn't the place for it. They have already had their big confrontation, where Zuko got a chance to tell his father exactly what he thought of him. I actually don't think Zuko was ever expecting to see his dad alive again. He knows that his dad knows how to push his buttons/exploit weaknesses and he doesn't want to see him when he has lightning brain and is feeling a bit weak himself. He will see him again and there will be another confrontation, but not for a few more chapters.

I think Zuko wouldn't know how to feel about Ozai. He is feeling extremely ashamed and embarrassed by him at the moment, but for the first two seasons Zuko longed for nothing more than Ozai's love and approval. Of course now, Zuko recognises how horrible his dad is, but Ozai is still his father. I think prior to the battle, Zuko (being a pragmatist) would have reconciled himself to the thought that his dad needed to be killed, because this would be the wisest and safest choice for the gang. He would be into the wisest and safest choice for the gang, as a general rule. But Ozai does know what happened to his mother and it would have been hard for Zuko to reconcile himself to the thought that if Ozai dies, with him dies Zuko's chance of knowing what happened. He wouldn't have said anything because Aang was already confused enough about his duty and Zuko wouldn't have wanted to muddy the waters further with such a personal reason for wanting Ozai alive. However, now that Ozai is alive, Zuko is trying to see the upside of what is a bit of crappy situation for him and his uncle.

So normally in countries that have a monsoon season, it takes up half the year and occurs over summer and the surrounding months. The firenation is quite tropical and on the equator and I hypothesize that it would have a monsoon season. However it is obviously not monsoon time in season three, which takes place over summer. So the monsoon season has moved to late autumn. Like Australia and most tropical countries, the firenation does not have many deciduous trees. Most of the plants will be evergreen. However there are a few elms etc in the long shots of the villa in _Zuko alone_. So there will be a few trees that change colour. Anyway, those of you who read _the crooked thing _know what I think happens in monsoon season. *wink*

So in this chapter, everybody is reunited. Iroh and Hakoda meet, and quickly develop a rapport and mutual understanding. They will go about the pressing task of embarrassing their kids in the coming chapters. Katara is happy to see Aang in this chapter, of course she is. He is like a younger brother to her. However she is also feeling a great deal of anger at him, which will come out next chapter. Aang actually is expecting a shout from Zuko in this chapter (as Zuko is the angry disciplinarian of the group), but in a freaky role reversal that I just realised – Zuko is trying to be the optimist here and Katara will be the angry disciplinarian. It always bothered me that we never saw any of the gang's reaction to Aang's abandonment of them, because I don't think that everybody would 'be cool' with it. Aang will try to justify rather than apologise/admit fault.

Aang not being able to admit fault and/or needing everyone to think he was right and agree with him is part of what is driving Toph's grumpiness at him. But Aang needs everyone to be on his side and doesn't take disagreement well, especially when he thinks he is in the right. Also Aang is very defensive of his image and his actions. Just think of how he was in the Avatar day episode. He was very image-conscious and hated the idea that people thought Kyoshi/the avatar and him (by extension) was capable of murder.

I actually think that even Aang, upon being faced with the actual reality of Ozai, would begin to question whether he made the right choice. He would (though he would never admit this) think that it might have been better to finish him off. Now Ozai had no bending and has in essence "lost" - it would be cold blooded murder (in Aang's POV) to kill him now, or even allow him to be killed by someone else. Because he stuck to his guns so firmly before the battle and alienated all of his friends over this one principle, he is not going to back down now. However "the incident" would have scared the crap out of him and he would have wanted to hurt Ozai too, after Ozai tried to hurt Toph. However, he wouldn't have given into these darker urges, and would have stuck by his principles.

Also, I think that Hakoda would have excused Aang and Toph from Ozai guarding duty, considering their age and Sokka considering his injury. So he will find Aang's **Ozai is a person too** speeches annoying. Aang does not have to deal with the reality of Ozai everyday after all. However, Aang is still very disappointed in the reality of Ozai. I think Aang, bless his cotton socks, tries to believe there is good in everyone, and he has just met **the exception to that rule **and it is undermining one of his core beliefs. Being around Ozai makes Aang very uncomfortable, but Aang will still defend his right to life to anyone who will listen.

While I think Ozai is a very bad guy, I actually think Aang's compassion for him and a respect for his right to life is a very important part of Aang's character and will be an important aspect of the new peace. I know I have given Aang a hard time previously about forgiveness. But only an Avatar like Aang – who believes in the good in everybody, in second chances and forgiveness – would stand a chance at stopping further retribution against the fire nation. Aang truly does not want to see anyone hurt or killed, no matter where they are from. That will be important because I do not think everybody is going to be as willing to embrace the peace as the Gaang is. Ever since his return Aang has been a symbol of hope and peace in the water tribes and the earth kingdom. He would have some sway over people. I think Aang's attitude and influence will be vital in stopping the rest of the world from trying to get revenge on the firenation/prolonging the conflict.

I think that Toph would want Katara to go with her, when she has to see Ozai again. Katara is like a mother figure/big sister to Toph. Toph will never ever say it in a million years, but she feels comfort in Katara's presence. Even the bravest of us get scared sometimes and Toph is no different.

Toph needs to be in contact with the earth or a metal surface to bend it/fight with it. Even when she earthrumbles, she is always able to keep her opponent a safe distance away from her. Ozai would have grabbed her because she was the closest and smallest, but when he lifts her up, he would have separated her from the metal surface and greatly impeded her ability to fight back. Toph would have been able to tell that he was deadly serious about killing her and she would have felt quite frightened. This is coming not long after she was dangling precariously above the earth. Two near death experiences in one afternoon would have left her a little shaken (though she would have tried her best to hide it). This is why Sokka and Suki give Katara a heads up over Toph's big fright.

One thing that doesn't sit right with me is the assumption that because Ozai can't bend, he is no longer dangerous. A lovely reviewer (come forward and I will credit you lovely) said a few chapters ago that what made Long Feng dangerous wasn't ever his bending, but his manipulation skills and connections. Ozai would also have similar manipulation skills and connections. Even without his bending he can still be very dangerous, especially to Zuko. He is dangerous on a physical level because he is still a big guy, with lots of muscles. He will be dangerous on a psychological level - because Ozai knows all about how to find someone's weak point and poke it with a sharp stick. The man knows how to manipulate people and work things to his advantage. He will be dangerous on a political level to Zuko and Iroh, his mere presence will challenge their legitimacy. And even though he is currently incapacitated – he will have friends in high places and these friends could cause no end of trouble. There will be people who will be dissatisfied with the new regime and will rally around the figurehead of the old regime. The deposed leader is never left alive for this very reason.

I also wanted to touch upon the idea of everybody's living arrangements in this chapter. That is all in flux at the moment, because there is going to be a bit of upheaval. Everything is changing and a new world order is being established. But I think that Iroh has the foresight to know that this new world order is going to require more diplomacy and diplomacy requires embassies. The houses he lends to everybody in this chapter will eventually become the Kyoshi and the Southern Watertribe embassies. In the coming chapters, Sokka is going to question which house/person he belongs with and what his future path would be. With Suki (and Kyoshi) or with his dad (and the Southern Water Tribe) or with Katara/his friends (and the firenation).

I think the Earth Kingdom will probably fracture a little bit, and would prefer to have one embassy for each principality, rather than a single embassy run from Ba Sing Se. It seems to me that the collective organisation of the earth kingdom would come undone and they would probably begin the process of changing to a decentralised constitutional monarchy. The earth king seems mostly a figurehead anyway. He is the high king of the earth kingdom – but what does he actually do? Perhaps Kuei is just in charge of Ba Sing Se, or perhaps there are other people who deal with the day to day running of the city. It seems to me that each area probably has its own king/ governing body – like Omashu has Bumi- who would go about the business of governing the area/principality. These kings/governing bodies may not trust Kuei to know their best interest when negotiating a peace. So peace with the Earth kingdom is going to get a little messy.

I floated the idea of the possibility of separation. It is something that Katara does not want to think about at all. The Gaang have become such a tight knit family that she cannot bear to think of them all splitting up. As lovely and symbolic as the fact that they all came from different nations but worked together to end the war is, there is a sad flip side to that. What happens after the war, when everybody has to go home/return to their normal lives? The fact that they do come from such different places is going to divide them eventually. However not just yet. Wars don't just end. There are peace treaties to draw up and messy negotiations to contend with and reparations to sort out etc.

I think that the only plausible explanation for everyone being in Ba Sing Se in that final scene is for some sort of peace treaty. As heroes of the war, they all want to be there to see it officially end/have some input into the treaty. For those of you wondering how much further this story has left in it, never fear! I have planned past the Ba Sing Se treat negotiations, so there is still more to come. We may be approaching the end of canon, but my fic will go past that (obviously because we need a Zutara ending). Also there is so much to fill in between the ending of the comet and the end bit in Ba Sing Se.

However, I am thinking about dividing this fic up and ending this one after Zuko's coronation and starting a new one called 'not stalking firelord Zuko' which will deal with all the post coronation, peace treaty organising shenanigans. Also what happens to the Gaang post war and especially how Katara and Zuko's relationship will evolve with his change in status. But because this fic is getting a touch long. And I need to up the rating for the next bit.

So I hope that answers some questions /assuages some fears.

Next chapter Katara will let Aang know what she really thinks, Iroh will tell Zuko that he really expects him to be firelord and there will be shenanigans.

Til then my lovely readers...


	47. Like a Girl

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Like a girl

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-?-

When Zuko was ready, we went back to the comfy chairs. But Toph had taken my seat, boo. Zuko wanted to give me his seat, but I wouldn't let him and there was a slight awkward moment, before I sat on the low table that the boys had been resting their feet on. We all had a bit of a chat and Sokka told us the **daring tale** of how they took on all the airships. He used the phrase **airship slice** frequently. He also frequently praised Toph's badass skills a lot. They apparently have some kind of agreement that when ever he tells this story he has to use the phrase 'Toph's badass skills' at least 24 times. I was on the edge of my seat with nervousness while he spoke, even though I knew that they had all made it and survived. It sounded so frightening, but Sokka was a bit blasé about it, possibly because he has already told this story a few times.

Iroh sent a hawk ahead to warn Lenka when everybody was half an hour away. She came out and told us. Sokka wanted to go and meet all the warriors as soon as they returned. Toph and Zuko wanted to stay. Zuko is always shy meeting new people, and he was looking a little tired anyway and I think Toph wanted to keep him company. She volunteered to stay pretty quickly at least. About ten minutes before everyone would arrive, Sokka and I went to go meet them in the main boulevard. Sokka was leaning on me heavily the whole way.

Soon we saw a large number of people crest the hill. They were a sea of reds and pinks, as everyone was still in their prison uniforms, except for Iroh and my dad and Suki and Aang. They were in the front leading the gaggle of recently released prisoners. Sokka and I waved at them and they waved back and some of the Water Tribe warriors started running towards us. We were engulfed in their affection. I have been hugged and had my cheek pinched and my head patted and been told repeatedly that I was only _this big_ when the last time all these men saw me. And it was a **big snuggly tribal reunion.**

Suki touched Sokka gently on his shoulder and said that she needed to get her warriors settled, but she would see him later. Then she gave him a light, quick kiss on the cheek before she turned and walked off. The two sick Kyoshi warriors were helped along by their sister warriors. Suki gave a small speech to her warriors and told them to follow her with a great deal of authority. She turned and blew Sokka another kiss and then she left, with her warriors behind her.

All the Watertribe warriors made noises like _ooooheerrr _and said very mature things like _Sokka has a girlfriend_ etc. Sokka got a fair bit of good natured teasing from them about going out with a kyoshi warrior. The consensus is that anyone who goes out with a Kyoshi warrior must be _whipped._ Sokka took his teasing in stride. I could tell he was happy to be both so included by the manly menfolk and the focus of their attention.

They all wanted to know Sokka's heroic tale of how he stopped the airships, and wanted to talk about Sokka's fighting prowess, and Sokka's adventures and what Sokka had learned and how much a good leader Sokka was and wasn't he turning out just like his dad? After a while, it felt like I was invisible. I was only there to hold Sokka upright after all. We started walking towards the Watertribe house and I had to listen about _Sokka Sokka Sokka_.

Sokka seemed a bit uncomfortable with getting all the attention and glory after a while and kept trying to point out how my skills and my water bending and my cleverness had been instrumental in all his plans. But when ever Sokka tried to include me, his comments would go ignored and someone would ask him something about his swordsmanship, because Hakoda had told them all how far along he'd come and conversation would move on. I squeezed his shoulder in thanks anyway – at least he tried.

We were the last group in the square. The only two firenation people left were Iroh, who was in conversation with my dad, and some lady guard who was talking intently to Bato. The earthbenders had long since gone, following Suki and the Kyoshi warriors to their new house. The earthbenders and swamp benders have no discernable leader, but seemed content to follow Suki because she spoke with such authority and seemed like she knew where she was going.

It had been very sweet to see Teo and his dad reunited as well as Haru and his father (who was most impressed with Haru's spoon bending). The Duke and Pipsqueak were delighted to be with each other. Pipsqueak instantly lifted the Duke up to sit on his shoulder. He looked like he belonged up there. A tiny duke surveying his subjects. A contented smile had played across his young face as Pipsqueak started walking after the Kyoshi warriors to their new place.

Eventually my Dad and Iroh stopped gasbagging and my dad announced that we should follow him to the place they would be staying. Iroh and the lady guard walked with us to Zuko's villa, before they turned off. She turned and waved at Bato, and he waved back slightly. He looked after the lady guard for a few moments with a rather wistful look on his face. Nobody else noticed, but I did. Then my dad slapped him on the back and wanted to talk to him and he seemed to snap out of it.

Aang came up next to me and tried to talk to me. He had felt just as left out as I had, when the warriors fawned all over Sokka, but he had gone and played with the Earth Kingdom people in the meantime. Now he had come to find me in the crowd. I had been talking with Luka, another of my dad's friends and I steadfastly ignored Aang's attempts to engage me in conversation.

I am angry at Aang and I want to give him a big rant, but just not here in front of my tribe. When I have a moment, I will take Aang aside and say what I need to say **in private.** This is not the first time I have done this- pretended I can't hear Aang. It makes me feel a little cowardly, but sometimes it is the best option. It is useful in many situations. For example, back when Aang tried to tell me he liked me as more that a friend in Aunt Wu's village, I suddenly developed deafness. Eventually Luka got a bit weirded out and introduced himself to Aang. I pretended that I had only just realised he was there.

-?-

When we got back to the water tribe villa, the men ran about like joyous children. The villa is a big luxurious upgrade after prison. There was much running about and trying out beds and couches and bags-ing of rooms and shenanigans over sleeping arrangements. They were making such a mess already. They had all been given small bags with their personal effects and tribal uniforms in them and these were scattered around and used to claim ownership of rooms and beds etc. Me and my Dad stood back a little bit and watched the spectacle.

The warriors were fawning over Sokka and his various heroics and Sokka pointed out that none of it would have been possible with out Aang – because Aang was looking a little left out. Then Aang received the same treatment Sokka had. The warriors wanted to know all about what it was like being the Avatar and all about Aang's powers and prowess and stuff. Aang seemed much happier and kept them all entertained with various stories and anecdotes about his heroic antics.

Something exceptionally irritating happened. Kuba came over to me and gave me his under tunic and said it had a big rip up the seam and would I mind fixing it? But he wasn't really asking. Before I could say no, he had wandered off and was replaced by Sorrak, who's socks needed darning. Then Hasa gave me his leggings and it just went from there. Within ten minutes I had at least one item from every warrior that needed mending. My arms were bursting with the load of clothes.

They had all just **assumed** I would fix all this for them. Because I was the only water tribe woman here and mending clothes is a _woman's job._ They didn't say that, but they didn't need to either. To make matters worse My Dad didn't stop them. He didn't say, _no that's not Katara's job._ Or _mend it yourselves. _Because that is the way things are in our tribe. It has always been that way and it will always be that way.

I nearly forgot.

They have been gone for so long that they still saw me as the little girl I was when they left. I have been gone from home for so long and had so many adventures and had come to consider myself equal with them. I was a warrior. I was a bad ass. I wasn't just the girl who mended socks! I forgot that they wouldn't see me that way. It was jarring for me actually. They might have a fair bit of grudging respect for the Kyoshi Warriors, but I was a watertribe woman and therefore, it was just expected that I would defer to them. Woman might have had a bit more power in the Southern Water tribe than in the Northern Watertribe – but not enough to get out of doing the mending.

I wanted to rant about the unfairness of it all, but I couldn't find my voice. I fought just as well as Sokka and Aang – no, I was even **better** at waterbending that Aang! I had done just as much to end the war as he had – but they were the heroes. Sokka was the warrior in their eyes and he was given drinks and praise. I was just the girl and was given mending and ignored.

It wasn't fair. I felt the squeeze at the back of my throat that is a prelude to a cry. That sour lemon squeezy feeling. I ran out to the garden for a breath of fresh air. I heard one of them, Hasa I think, say with some confusion _what's with her?_

They would never understand.

-?-

I realised with some frustration, that in my haste to leave I hadn't dropped the cloths in the house, but had taken them outside with me. I made a small frustrated noise and dropped them in a heap on the ground. It didn't matter if they got dirty because I was sure I would be expected to wash them as well.

I knew I was probably being ridiculous, but I just felt so out of sorts. Half an hour ago I was a confident warrior – but just a few minutes with the menfolk of my tribe treating me like I was a maid had me feeling like a small and unimportant little girl. I think I was upset because it had come as such a surprise. I told myself I shouldn't be upset. I had so many chores at the South Pole that Sokka didn't have to do, just by virtue of being a boy. I had accepted that at the time.

Well actually, I hadn't really. I had ranted at Sokka frequently about how unfair I found it. After my dad left, Sokka really was the only guy around. He was my brother and I didn't see why I should have to obey him. So I didn't. Instead, because I was acting as his mother, more often than not Sokka would obey me. Sometimes he'd get all blustery about 'girl jobs' but mostly, he would take me fishing and hunting with him and we would do everything together. Even though he could be a bit sexist (and that is something that Suki has well and truly broken him of by now) I'd always felt like we were equals. Until this afternoon.

I felt so many feelings and I didn't know what to do – so I kicked the pile of laundry a few times. Then I felt bad and I picked it up and put in on a nearby table. I couldn't deal with it right now. I needed water. I needed to bend. I always found it calming. I could hear a fountain tinkling and I walked in the direction of the sound.

But another sound stopped me in my tracks, coming from the bushes surrounding the fountain. Giggling, a man and a woman. The man said something in a low voice and the woman laughed. It actually sounded like Bato actually. The woman's voice was unfamiliar. The sounded like they were just by the fountain. I had a moment of indecision. One side said it was probably a private moment and it would be rude of me to intrude. The other said with a great deal of curisoity _who is Bato giggling with?_ I am ashamed to say that my curiosity won out. I didn't want to interrupt, so I just peered through the bushes, just to see.

It was Bato, I had guessed that right. He was with the firenation lady guard. She was laughing and he was laughing. When their laughter died down, he looked at her with a really err..._soft _expression that I have never seen on his face before. She smiled back and then said, in an uncertain sounding voice, that she was going to miss seeing him every day. She'd even miss his bad jokes. Bato smiled at her widely then and said he was going to miss her ability to smuggle him in pickles everyday.

She stepped forward on her tippy-toes and gave him a gentle kiss, quite suddenly. Then she stepped back, her eyes wide – almost as if she was surprised that she had done it herself. She started apologising, but Bato cut her off and wrapped his arms around her and started kissing her back. They got really into it. looked like they were joined at the face! Bato undid her hair and it fell down her back in dark waves. She was playing grabby-hands with his arse. I realised I was being really ridiculously pervy and so I back away silently and when I was a safe distance away, I ran for it.

-?-

I ended up back at the pile of clothes. Bloody hell, I **hated **these clothes. But due to deep, ingrained habit – I felt obliged to do something about them. I couldn't just leave them, and god knows the menfolk were too inept to do their own mending. I went back into the house and searched about, while the menfolk continued to run amok. I found some plain black thread and a needle in one of the drawers in the sitting room. It would be too much to hope for blue thread in the firenation, so black would have to do. I sat at the table in the garden and started doing the mending with little grace and much disgruntlement.

This was how Aang found me sometime later. He seemed cheerful and approached me in a friendly manner. He had no idea how mad I was at him, or how angered I had been by this current clothes mending situation. He said _hi _in a happy manner and sat next to me and said he wanted to talk to me. I did not look up and said _now is not a good time Aang,_ repressively. Aang asked _why not_ and I sighed in a long suffering manner and ended up saying, in a very defeated sounding tone _I have mending to do._ Aang said _oh good!_ And told me that all of his clothes had been ripped terribly in the fight with Ozai and it would be great if I could mend them too, if I was already doing it. I gave him an **Incredulous and Angry Look** and he shrunk back for a second, before he said with some surprise _you're mad... Why are you mad?_

Oh boy. So many reasons. I didn't even know how to start explaining why I was mad. I had actually been waiting to get Aang alone, so I could scold him in private. I hadn't wanted to seem like a mad harpy scolding him in front of everybody, especially when it seems like all the warriors think he is this great hero and the best thing ever. I hadn't really wanted to do it like this. I had wanted to **very calmly. I had **wanted to strictly sit Aang down and list all the reasons why what he did was **dreadful and horrible and unacceptable.** I had wanted to give a detailed, well-thought-out speech, something that Aang would find impossible to argue with. I had wanted to be stern, but know exactly what I was talking about - like Dr Yang.

As it was, I was just feeling **so upset** right now and I knew what I wanted to say was going to come off as over emotional, crazy ranting. If I had any sense, I would have just told Aang to ask me later. Then I could have said what I wanted to say with some dignity and composure. Still I couldn't help myself. I asked _where were you?_ very coldly, but Aang did not seem to hear the ice in my voice. Instead he looked relieved, if anything, and said that was what he had come to talk to me about. He wanted to explain to me about the Lion Turtle, because he was sure I would understand, even if nobody else did.

Oh really?

I said, still in that same icy voice, that lion turtles were extinct. This did not faze Aang. He said that everyone had thought that the Airnomads were extinct, but I had found him and now he had found a Lion Turtle. I didn't say anything, I just concentrated on making small, neat stitches and tried to collect my thoughts into a coherent scolding. Aang babbled on about this turtle kidnapping him and teaching him energy bending and giving him a ride and how they were connected on a cosmic level and blah blah blah. Purity of spirit etc. Avatar state yadda yadda yadda. The turtle taught him so much and was amazing and it had been the best field trip ever! He explained at length and didn't seem to need much input from me. He finished by saying that now I understood about the Lionturtle, I didn't need to be mad at him.

I turned slowly to face him and said, with slow deliberateness_ what makes you think I'm not mad? _Aang seemed to sense the danger signs this time. He appeared confused for a second and said_ well, you listened and now you know that it wasn't my fault _he said a little he added that I shouldn't even be mad, when everything had worked out so well anyway.

This is where I lost my cool. I got a little shouty. Granted I was already in a bad mood and Aang had caught me at a bad time. Aang assumed that I would always agree with him. He thought that all he needed was a big fat pile of excuses and like a magic wand it would just zip away all my crankiness at him and make everything better. I didn't believe his lionturtle story, and even if I did, I wouldn't change anything.

Lion turtles are _imaginary,_ but the way Aang let me down was _horrible _and_ heartbreaking _and_ real_. I hated the way that he just assumed I wouldn't be mad about that. And I really hated the way he said that I shouldn't be mad because everything had _worked out so well_. Everything had worked out, only because of dumb stupid luck. Not by any great design on Aang's part. I shouted with a great deal of sarcasm _Oh you think everything has worked out __**so well **__do you? _Aang said yes! And added that _everything was great now! _We had won and Aang hadn't needed to kill anybody and -to Aang -that was everything working out well.

I felt a bit beside myself and shouted _Zuko nearly died Aang! Toph nearly died! Sokka's leg is broken in two places! None of these things are __**great.**_ Aang looked at me in shock. I have only shouted at Aang once before, over that water bending scroll and I have probably only snapped at him a handful of times. He didn't know how to handle this sudden barrage of anger from me. I said that just because everything worked out alright doesn't mean that what Aang did was okay. Aang left us and **it was not cool** and I was **very mad** about that. I ended up practically shrieking _how could you leave us! We needed you and you left!_

Aang shouted back at me that **it wasn't his fault** and the turtle had kidnapped him. I said sarcastically back that I thought the turtle was his new best friend foreverest and had taught him how to enegrybend and Aang thought that it was amazing and didn't regret leaving with it because it taught him so much. Aang had said as much when he was explaining to me about the turtle. It was his way of justifying his unfortunate, woefully timed little field trip. He hadn't expected me to turn his words back around on him like that. He got a bit stroppy and said that he hadn't meant it like that at all and if I would just listen... I cut him off and said _listen to what? More excuses! _

Aang started trying to 'reason with me'. He used that voice that he has when he wants to make out that you are the unreasonable one, the emotional one, the crazy one. The voice implies that Aang is the wise one, the monk, the clear-thinking one.I resented that. I cut him off and shouted _You always do this! When things get to hard you just run away! _I felt bad as soon as I had said it. Aang looked like I had slapped him. He is very sensitive about his pattern of running away, after all. But I couldn't stop myself. I was on a roll. Everything I have thought came out. I said that Aang just **didn't listen**. Aang got away with everything because he was the Avatar. Aang enjoyed all the perks of being the Avatar, but didn't do his duty. Aang shouted back that he had always thought about doing his duty. He had been training his arrow off before the comet after all. What more could have possibly done to do his duty? _Oh I don't know, maybe ridding the world of Ozai!_

All the shouting had attracted the attention of my Father. He came bursting out into the garden and asked me if everything was alright. Behind him was Sokka, who was hopping quickly to catch up. Bato came running through the garden and appeared on the other side of the table and asked what was wrong. I think the rest of the warriors were crowding around the door eavesdropping. I couldn't see them, but I know how things work in my tribe. There's no secrets. There's no point really.

I hadn't wanted to do this with an audience. I hadn't wanted to do this at all. I had wanted to be stern and sensible, not ranty and near tears. I said that _everything was fine_ in an effort at sounding normal. But Aang was near tears and I was near tears and everything obviously wasn't fine.

My Dad raised an eyebrow. He asked if this was about the problem with leaving Ozai alive (because that had been the last thing I had shouted – evidently my dad had heard that clearly). Aang said **it wasn't a problem ** quite stroppily. He was the Avatar and he had decided to spare Ozai and now he would live in prison and there wasn't a problem. He had made the right choice and everyone had to stop being mad about it.

The problem for me is that because Aang is the Avatar, he is responsible for these big momentous decisions and he has no comprehension of how much he will affect people's lives. He doesn't listen if you are saying something he does not want to hear. Aang always says _I am the Avatar_ to settle/win arguments. As if he thinks no one can argue with the Avatar's final judgement. It irritated me more than it ever had before, the way he does that. So I said (shouted) with a more bitter sarcasm _Oh, do you think Zuko and Iroh agree with you? Do you think leaving Ozai alive is going to bring endless joy into their lives? But I guess that doesn't even bother you because __**you're the avatar and you made a**__**choice. **_I said that bit especially sarcastically. I added that leaving Ozai alive would jeopardize the stability of the fire nation and the peace we had fought so hard for. Aang made these choices, but he never thought about the consequences. Ozai would be a big problem, but Aang was happy to let him be Iroh and Zuko's problem. Wasn't he?

Aang looked lost and torn and tears started leaking out of his eyes. I was near crying too, with anger and frustration and sadness and just so many feelings. Bato stepped forward and said in a firm, but gently voice _Katara stop. You're upsetting Aang. _But I couldn't stop. I could no more stop this torrent of words than I could stop myself from vomiting if I were sick. It all came out of me, during this argument - not in any coherent organised plan, not in a proper and reasoned scolding, but in one big torrent of angry word vomit.

_Well maybe he should be upset! Maybe he shouldn't go through life thinking everything great and everything is fabulous and just because he's the avatar- he can do whatever he likes. Maybe he needs to realise he can't get his own way all the bloody time. Maybe he has let me down so badly that I don't know if I can ever trust him again. _

There. I had said it. I'd emptied the contents of my mind and my throat all over Aang. He was looking and me with wide-eyed gormless shock. Tears were running freely down his face now. Aang is crying because of me. But he made me cry, when he left. I never set out to make him cry, but I have done it, with my words and my brutal and cruel honesty.

My dad and Bato were just looking at me. Sokka clumsily put a hand on my shoulder. He was trying to comfort me, but I shrugged him off, just then. I think that hurt his feelings. So I can add that to the list of people I have offended today. Suddenly I couldn't stand to be here in this garden anymore. I felt the tears rising and I didn't want to cry in front of everyone. Still I couldn't repress a sob that escaped me as I turned and ran away. I heard my Dad say 'just give her some time to cool off' to Aang as I left the garden.

-?-

I ran away as fast as my legs could carry me. The physical activity was a good reliever of all this terrible built up tension that had just come erupting out of me. The city was still eerily deserted. I saw no one. I just ran. I wasn't really paying any attention to where I was going. When my foot got stuck in a grate, and I tripped – I looked up in surprise to realise that I was back in the coronation plaza again.

I felt so many different emotions and I just ended up leaning against a pillar and crying. I don't know how long I sat there for. A long time. I cried and sobbed and felt angry and sorry for myself. I had skinned my knee when I fell and I healed that with some water out of the storm water drain. Then I tried to collect myself and my thoughts. But I didn't have much luck.

Around the time the sun was setting I heard two different footsteps approaching. I didn't know who it was and my first instinct, honed through the war, was to hide from them and ascertain whether they were friend or foe. So that it what I did. The first person was Aang. Boo. He asked the second person what made them think I would be here. When I heard Zuko's voice, I felt this big rush of relief. I wanted to go out and say hi, and talk to him, but I didn't want to deal with Aang right now. The fight was too raw for me. So I stayed hidden, indecisively.

Zuko said that most people are creatures of habit and would follow familiar routes – I didn't know that many places in caldera city except this and the villa and they'd already looked all through the villa and the gardens. Aang asked if he was **sure **I would be here, and Zuko made a small frustrated noise and said that he wasn't and it was only a guess, but he would be able to make a better guess if Aang would just tell him what happened.

Aang said _I already told you. Katara went mad._ Zuko did not appear satisfied with this answer because he huffed _fine, don't tell me_ with some disgruntlement. Aang got a bit upset and said _don't you be mad at me too! You're the only person aside from Suki who's not cross at me right now._ Zuko said _what?_ with bafflement. Aang said that Zuko had said he wasn't mad this morning and Aang needed somebody on his side. he listed his woes, I had went mad and gotten mad at him and I had been so mean. And Toph had been cranky at him for days and Sokka would take my side and it wasn't fair because Aang hadn't done anything wrong. Zuko said he wasn't on Aang's side, very bluntly – even for Zuko.

I couldn't see them, but I could guess what happened next because I heard Zuko say _aaaww hell... don't do that... bollocks... I didn't mean it like that... oh don't cry. Here, take this_. There was a rustle of fabric and frantic nose blowing. Then a pause and then Zuko said – _no, you keep that. _

Zuko said that he wasn't going to take sides. Furthermore, this morning he had said he wasn't mad, but that didn't mean he wasn't **really disappointed** in Aang. Aang had **let us all down.** There was a tremulous sort of pause. Aang said _I never meant to_ _let you down_ quietly. Zuko said that _I believe you_. Aang asked if Zuko believed him about the Lionturtle as well. Zuko said he thought they were meant to be extinct, in an effort at joking to lighten the mood. This is why Zuko shouldn't joke. There was another long pause, before Zuko said _well stranger things have happened I guess._

Suddenly there was a hiss and sharp intake of breath and Aang asked with some concern if Zuko was okay. I felt a lurch of concern and nearly jumped out of my hidey-hole right then, even if it meant dealing with Aang when I really just wanted some space from him at the moment. But Zuko instantly said that he was **fine **very grumpily and asked Aang to just stop fussing. There was another pause and another sniffle and then Zuko said in a more placating voice _Sorry. I'm fine, but it just twinges sometimes._ Aang said that his had done that too – when it was first healing. There was a pause and then Aang offered that when it had healed over, he and Zuko would be scar buddies. Zuko said _don't_ _say scar buddies Aang_ very quickly and with some alarm. There was another pause. Their feet started moving again.

Then in what must have seemed like a completely random change of subject to Zuko, Aang said _hey Zuko, you know when you first joined the group, Katara was like really really ridiculously incredibly mad at you? _Zuko said _how could I forget?_ Aang asked how Zuko had made me forgive him, when I was _that mad _at him. The movement of feet abruptly stopped. Zuko appeared at a loss and sputtered _I didn't__** make**__ her. No one can __**make**__ Katara do anything. _Aang said Zuko knew what he meant. Aang added despondently that he didn't even know why I was so mad. Aang had won the war and Aang had stopped the firelord and Aang was the avatar and if I just listened to him properly, I would realise there was no reason to be mad.

Zuko said, in a very dry tone of voice, _maybe she'd be more willing to listen if it wasn't __**always**__ about you._ Aang said _what's that supposed to mean?_ with some bafflement. Zuko pointed out that Aang probably wasn't listening to what I was saying properly either, from the sounds of things. Maybe Aang could try listening to me and apologising. Aang said that he hadn't done anything wrong. Zuko got a bit frustated that said that I obviously felt differently about the matter. He advised Aang to try letting me yell at him if I wanted, unless I was doing this (I heard a teeth grinding noise here). According to Zuko, when I do the teeth grinding thing, I am **really mad, **(incandescent with rage mad). If I do that, the best course of action would be making a run for it and trying again later. But mostly Aang should just listen, then he could apologise and start to make it right.

Aang reiterated that if I just understood about the lion turtle... Zuko interrupted him and said with a great deal of frustration _screw the Lionturtle! Look Aang, you can say you got "kidnapped by a lionturtle" until you are blue in the face, but that is not going to help you right now. What you need to do is take some responsibility, stop making excuses and accept the consequences of your actions. Every action has consequences and maybe Katara being mad at you is yours. _That silenced Aang pretty quick smart.

Zuko stomped forward, away from Aang and into the square. He saw me, half hidden behind the pillar. I gave him a tiny little wave. His eyes widened in surprise. I put my finger to my lips and then made a gesture for him to get rid of Aang – which he understood. He turned around and said that he couldn't see me and he had been wrong about the plaza after all. Maybe I had come here earlier and doubled backed and they had just missed me, or I was probably just really well hidden and had been in the villa this whole time. If Aang went back to the villa, he would probably find me. Aang asked if Zuko was coming too, but Zuko said it would be better if Aang found me on his own. There was a pause and Aang asked what he should say when he saw me next and Zuko said Aang shouldn't say anything – he just had to listen.

Aang wanted to ask something else. Zuko sighed in a resigned fashion and said _sure._ Aang asked if Zuko had really nearly died when he got shot with lightning. Zuko asked what that had to do with anything? Aang said that he wanted to know, because Zuko knew all about lightning redirection. What happened? Zuko looked very uncomfortable and ran his hand through his hair before answering. He said that he hadn't been in a good position when he got shot very simply. Aang nodded.

Aang asked if he could ask Zuko something else, Zuko said_ yes_ impatiently. Aang asked if Zuko thought leaving Ozai alive was going to be a big problem for creating peace. Zuko looked shocked that Aang had asked him so directly and bluntly. He took a second or two to collect himself enough to answer. He said _yes, it will be a problem_ quite honestly. He said it brusquely, but not unkindly. Aang made a dismayed face. Zuko misunderstood and tried to "make it better" and said that Aang didn't need to worry about that. Ozai was his problem now and his Uncle's problem and they would deal with it. There was a pause before Aang said _thanks Zuko_ very sincerely and turned to go.

-?-

Zuko watched Aang leave and then as soon as he was gone, he turned and waved at me like a dork. Then he came over and sat next to me and said _so..._but he didn't seem to have anything to back that up with and the 'so' just hung there in the air, all on its lonesome. I said _so..._back (a little cheekily). Then I thanked him for getting rid of Aang. I just wasn't ready to talk to him yet. Zuko asked if I wanted to talk to him...about stuff. I asked what he already knew and what everyone in my tribe was saying. Zuko didn't know much about what my tribe were saying. He told me what had happened though.

He and Toph had been chilling out in the comfy chairs and Aang had come in to the villa; with a snotty, post-enormous-cry face. He was really upset and worried and anxious and looking for me. He had said that I had gone mad and run away. I interrupted and said with some indignation _I didn't run away! I stormed off!_ Because there is a difference. Zuko said he thought as much. Zuko very quickly gathered that we had some kind of fight – mostly because Toph had been there and had made many sarcastic remarks to that effect. Aang was very cagey about what our fight was about and what had happened. I told him, in brief, what I had said and what Aang had said and how all these feelings just exploded.

Zuko said he thought it sounded like one of those explosive feeling fights from how everyone was acting. Sokka had hopped over while they were in the gardens. Sokka and Zuko had a quick conversation in gestures, but Zuko didn't quite get what my brother was trying to say, because Sokka is still crap at charades. Sokka told Aang that he should give me some space and I'd cool off and come back. And Aang should not, for his own safety mention lionturtles etc when he saw me next. But Aang was determined to find me, with or without their help. Zuko volunteered to help. He thought it would be better if Aang didn't look for me on his own (because of explode-y feelings and also because Aang has a tendency to wander off and could get lost).

Zuko had, during the course of their search, made the terrible error of asking if our fight had been about lionturtles. Some things, once said, cannot be unsaid. Aang, thinking that someone actually wanted to hear his lionturtle excuses, launched into a lengthy explanation while they looked. Zuko has had the lion turtle explained to him, at length, multiple times.

I teased him that now he would be the lionturtle expert and could explain it to the rest of us, because none of us understood. Zuko shrugged ruefully and said he still didn't understand about the lionturtle either – even with multiple explanations. I was sworn to secrecy about this, because Zuko is sure that if Aang knew that he had lightning-brained out and stopped listening for most of the explanations, Aang will see fit to explain it again – and nobody deserves that!

The lionturtle will remain unfathomable for us.

I asked him something that I had been wondering about. Was he really not angry at Aang? How could he not be mad about the way Aang left us in the lurch? Zuko is the normally the angry disciplinarian out of us. I thought if anyone was going to have an angry, shouty rant at Aang, he would have been first in line. Zuko said that he wasn't angry about it, but he certainly wasn't happy about it either. He was disappointed, but not angry. Zuko thought it was easier for him because he never saw Aang as this all powerful person who could save the world, the way I did. I protested.

Zuko explained. He said he didn't know the details of our fight, but he could take a guess. He said that I **really believed** in Aang and I had really high expectations of him. And high expectations always make disappointment worse and disappointed expectations make people angry. Zuko, on the other hand, always saw Aang as goofy kid who had been given too much power and too much responsibility when he was too young and wasn't prepared for either. He'd hoped for better from Aang, but hadn't been really surprised when Aang did his disappearing act.

Aang was just this 12 year old kid who completely freaked out and ran away when everything got too real and too hard and too serious. But what's done is done and Zuko couldn't see much point in arguing with him about it now. Aang would never see it Zuko's way and Zuko didn't have the energy to try and convince him otherwise right now. Zuko was just so tired lately, and being angry and having rants took a lot of energy. I said _so if you weren't so knackered, would you have a shout at him too?_ Zuko shrugged and said _maybe_. But _maybe not._ Because, in the end, everything had worked out okay, just by dumb luck and coincidence and chance. We had won the war and everyone had made it. Zuko was grateful for that. That had to be a good thing. What more could anyone wish for?

I remembered something. Those had been my other two wishes on my birthday anklet. I felt around my ankle and felt an odd pang of disappointment when I couldn't feel it. It must have fallen off at some point, after those wishes had came true and the beads came undone. I had got everything I had asked for and I hadn't even noticed it at the time.

Zuko noticed my ankle clutching and I told him that I had lost my birthday anklet. The wishing beads must work because those had been my wishes; that everybody live and that we win, after all. I wouldn't even know where to start looking for it now. Zuko said that he would make me another one if I wanted. After all, he had heaps of time now that he was meant to be taking it easy. I corrected him and said that he was _meant _to be on **bed rest** and he should be in bed right now, not sitting in some burned out plaza with me. Zuko said I should be having fun with my tribe, not sitting in some burned out plaza with him either. Oh Zuko logic, I didn't see that one coming.

I said that I didn't feel like hanging out with my tribe right then. Zuko was a bit surprised and said I had been** so excited** about seeing them and he thought I would have wanted to be with them this afternoon. I must have made a face. I definitely did the back of the mouth sniffling thing that I do when I'm a bit upset. Either way, Zuko knew something was bothering me. He asked _what happened? _in a gentle tone of voice. I said that it would sound stupid and Zuko said it wouldn't sound stupid to him. I ended up just blahing out my various strong feelings on the various kerfuffles this afternoon.

I ranted about being ignored while everybody fawned over Sokka and Aang and how it made me feel invisible. And then I got given all that stupid bloody mending and it was so sexist and unfair, but that's just how things were in my tribe. Then Aang had wanted to talk to me and I had exploded all my negative feelings and all my doubts and everything I have been thinking all over him. And now they all thought I was **mad** and **hysterical **and **unreasonable.** All in all, it had been a terrible and bad and no fun afternoon.

Zuko listened and made all the right sympathetic noises. He got a bit perturbed about the mending, because he had thought that they were all navy guys. Who mended crap while they were at sea, if the water tribes didn't allow women to fight/come to sea with them? I wasn't sure. I guessed they must have some skills with a needle, but they would hand the job over to me and the drop of a hat, if they could. Apparently, in the firenation, all the army and navy soldiers and sailors have to do their own mending. It is just like how they have to take care of their own gear and weapons. Everybody is responsible for their own stuff.

The whole thing seemed a bit weird to Zuko, but he was trying to be polite about it. He didn't know that much about how to deal with sexism, because he was a boy and it had never really been an issue for him. He asked what Sokka had done, and I said _nothing._ He hadn't given me anything, but he hadn't stopped them either. Zuko shrugged and said he could only imagine how Azula would react if someone handed her a shirt for mending - just because she was a girl. Apparently Azula had _views_ on people who used the phrase 'girl's job' or 'fight like a girl'. She didn't take any aspersions cast on her sex lightly. If anyone said anything sexist in Azula's presence, they normally met the pointy end of her temper pretty quickly. Apparently, as a kid, she was prone to what Zuko referred to as anti-chauvanistic-rage! attacks.

I never thought Azula and I would agree on anything.

Zuko ended up telling me a story about when they'd been at school together and Azula had her first anti-chauvinistic-rage! attack. It happened when he'd been ten and Azula was eight. Mai had wanted to take up knife throwing. One of the older boys, Sorin, had teased her and said that knife throwing was for boys and she threw like a girl. Mai had been quiet as a kid and hadn't said anything, but she'd looked quite pissed off. But Azula been standing next to Sorin and before anyone had a chance to react, she said _I'll friggin throw you! _And then she punched him in the gut and flipped him over her shoulder even though he was like three times her size. He'd landed flat on his back and she'd started kicking him in the stomach and it had taken two teachers to pull her off. The whole time she was kicking and shouting things like _that's how you fight like a girl! you pansy-ass! _ It had apparently been quite hilarious. He told me the story with a smile. He talked about Azula as if she was someone he liked, violent rage attacks and all.

He said that growing up with her as a sister had been all sorts of messed up, but at least she had taught him to never use the phrase 'like a girl' as a negative adjective. She'd been such a badass, even as a kid – that he learnt to never underestimate girls or treat them as less than equal. Perhaps all the menfolk in my tribe needed was more time around badass girls. I was badass, Toph was badass , Suki was badass and so were all her warriors from the sounds of it – hopefully between us, we'd be able to **beat **some sense into them.

He put extra emphasis on "beat" so that I would get that it was a pun. Then he ruined it and told me it was a pun in case I hadn't got it. I _got it, I got it, I got it._ I could tell that he was trying to joke to cheer me up, even though he **fails at jokes**.

He brought up the common sense stick (because it had been my favourite thing and had always cheered me up) and suggested that I could use that to smack some sense into them, if the usual methods failed. I told him that I had left it at the beach house and he looked ridiculously happy for a second (as Zuko had received the most amount of common sense via the common sense stick). I gave him a **Look** in response. He schooled his features and said, while trying to speak in an even tone and repressing a smile with great effort, _that's a shame._ I nudged him playfully in response. He nudged me back. And we smiled at each other for a long time before I said _you're such a dork_ with a great deal of affection.

We sat together for a bit and watched the rest of the sunset. When it started getting dark, Zuko started yawning like crazy. I should take him back. He asked if I was ready to go back now. I think I was. I would have to deal with Aang and the aftermath of all the things I had said to him sooner or later. I would have to face my tribe and their attitude to women head on, if I ever wanted to change anything, eventually. Besides I hated this plaza, and I couldn't just sit here until all the things that were upsetting me went away or changed of their own accord. So I got up and helped lift Zuko to his feet and we brushed ourselves off and walked back together.

-?-

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Lovely wonderful readers who I adore!

You've reached the end of _like a girl._ Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it! Enormous and giant thinks to my brilliant and wonderful reviewers! You guys are so awesome and I loved reading your responses to the last chapter! Reviews are wonderful and they make me really happy – so thanks for letting me know! Also big thanks to mymockingjaypatronus once again for her beta-ing services.

Some things I wanted to look at more closely in this chapter were gender dynamics and also Aang's privileged position as the Avatar. I wanted to look at the gender politics in the water tribe and what that means for Katara. And also contrast them with the gender politics in the firenation. I think there is still a degree of sexism in the firenation, but it would be subtle implicit discrimination as opposed to overt and explicit discrimination. Even if the firenation gender equality would have arisen from necessity because of the war, it would still be a good thing for women in that country. It is socially acceptable for women to have jobs and date many men etc. I think that there would be the usual glass ceiling problem and other forms of implicit sexism in the fire nation, but on the whole – women seem much more equal with men there. Also Zuko grew up surrounded by badass ladies and that contributed to him being far less sexist in his attitudes towards women.

The watertribes, on the other hand, are very overtly sexist. The Northern water tribe's attitude to women was ridiculously backward. But I wonder how much better the southern water tribe was. The lovely Kimberly T says that Sokka's sexist attitude in book 1 had to come from somewhere. And I couldn't agree more. They allowed female waterbenders to be trained yes, but that is just common sense in my opinion. Also they were being constantly attacked, so the more waterbenders the merrier. However, I think it is highly likely that those bending women were still expected to be perfect wives and mothers and defer to the their husbands/fathers – if they could marry at all. Who knows, bending in a woman might have been an undesirable/unfeminine trait. No matter how good their bending was, I bet they weren't seen as equal with the male benders.

The watertribes are a very patriarchal society. Gran Gran defers to Sokka when he wants to banish Aang for goodness sake. Just because Sokka is the oldest male around. I think that because Sokka was the only male around after all the menfolk left, Katara experienced much greater equality as a result. Katara is fiercely independent anyway, but she does not defer to Sokka over anything. Also because Katara had to play mother to him, in many ways she had more overt power in that relationship. The southern Water tribe is much smaller and has been devastated by the war and I think that this also affects how women were treated. Any spare pair of hands, even if they were a woman's, would be useful in that society. So I think that the southern watertribe, while less sexist than the northern one, there is still a great deal of gender discrimination. The northern water tribe is even worse -and this is just me hypothesising, but early arranged marriages seem to be much more prevalent and woman are not allowed to date and are treated a lot more like property – Yugoda instantly assumes that Katara (who is only 14 at this point) must be engaged to be married – this implies that being engaged at 14 is socially acceptable. Anyway the watertribe sexism has always been an issue for Katara and I thought it would be interesting to revisit it.

It will be hard for Katara to readjust to the gender specified roles that her tribe will impose upon her, as the only southern water tribe woman in the near vicinity – especially after her year of crazy adventures and freedom. Katara was a real mother figure for the Gaang and had lots of freedom and was respected by them. However by that same token, katara is very motherly and did perform a lot of the "girl job's". Eg she did all the cooking, she mended Sokka's pants etc. I think that Aang, Toph and Sokka all see her as their mother figure and in many ways Katara embraces this role and she doesn't resent it when she has to play mother for them. It is one thing taking care of three kids who see you as a mother. It is an entirely different matter to have a room full of grown men hand you their dirty clothes to fix, just because you are the girl and it is expected.

Aang has also come to expect this from Katara and he accidentally stumbles onto a land mine when he asks her to fix his clothes too. Anyway, of the Gaang, I think that Zuko and Suki the only ones who don't see Katara as a maid/mother figure.

Aang and Katara have a fight this chapter and it has been coming for a loooong time. Katara wanted to give a sensible and scolding speech, but it didn't work out like that. Katara cuts Aang so much slack in my fic, because he's the Avatar and he's under stress and he's going to save the world. She has such high expectations of him and he really lets her down. All her feelings at Aang, her anger at him over his desertion, over his inability to listen or compromise and his self-centred focus all come out.

Also Aang, while I love him, does not listen to others very well when they are saying something he disagrees with and he very much believes in his divine right as avatar. He thinks that he is right all the time. Aang's decisions are going to have a monumental effect on people's lives, but his inability to listen to somebody else's viewpoint and only see what he thinks is best is going to have disastrous affects.

Aang does not listen to Katara very well when they disagree. It's not just in the EIP balcony scene, but in the southern raiders, in the avatar state episode, in the kyoshi island episode and in so many other episodes. When Katara expressed a viewpoint that is contrary to Aang's, he doesn't listen to her or take on what she is saying*, and this has caused a few uncomfortable moments for them. Zuko and Aang have a conversation about how Aang can go about getting Katara to forgive him. Zuko advises him to just listen to her – because this is something that Aang isn't very good at.

*This is just a side note- Katara, in her turn, also ignores Aang when it is convenient. Anyone remember the episode with Aunt Wu. Aang was trying to tell her he liked her as more than a friend and she completely ignored/him pretended she didn't hear over the crowd. I think she must have heard (Aang is really close to her at the time) and chose to ignore it and hoped it would go away.

Ugh -Kataang's communication is just so bad.

Also Aang is exceptionally naive, bless his cottons socks, and cannot see the bigger picture. Aang's decision to leave Ozai alive is not going to be an inconvenience for Aang now. Aang is more than happy to let Ozai be somebody else's ( specifically Zuko's) problem. Aang doesn't know how to deal with the problem of Ozai, but he is absolutely and completely sure that he is right in leaving him alive and will not listen to any arguments to the contrary. He has really handed Iroh and Zuko a big giant problem. Neither of them got any say in this decision that will have a big effect on the stability of their nation. And when Aang brings it up with Zuko, Zuko admits that Ozai will be a very big problem, but that he will deal with it. Zuko saying that he will deal with it is** exactly** what Aang wants to hear, but it also proves Katara right. So in my opinion, while the fight was vicious, Katara was saying a lot of things that Aang needed to hear.

Zuko's not angry, just disappointed in Aang. Zuko doesn't have the energy right now to do his mad ranty thing. Zuko and Aang have clashed a lot and Zuko knows that he can't change Aang's mind about anything. Also everything did work out really well, all things considered. Even if it only worked out through sheer dumb luck, everyone lives! Also he didn't have Katara's expectations of Aang or the same unshakable faith and trust. Zuko has mostly always seen Aang as a goofy and irresponsible kid and he came to care for Aang anyway. Zuko cuts Aang slack here because he's only 12 and he freaked out, but did his best. Katara wants to rip him a new one because he was the avatar and he had responsibilities and he let her down.

So this fic is from Katara's POV, so I will not be doing an in-depth examination of the lion turtle related shenanigans. You guys know my feelings about that deus-ex- turtle. I really don't like that lion turtle. *shrugs* I don't even know guys. There's only so much fanwank I can come up with and the lionturtle is my limit. So I will just have most of the characters be perplexed/irriated by it, whenever Aang mentions it. Because those are the feelings I feel when I think to much about it.

Zuko comes with Aang to look for Katara, even though he's meant to be taking it easy. Of course he does, that's how Zuko rolls. Also Zuko knows that Katara doesn't just "go mad" and there is always a reason why. He knows she's upset about something, and so naturally he wants to find her.

They have much more open communication about things and I think Zuko would be able to cheer her up in this situation, just like she could cheer him up when he was feeling ashamed about his dad last chapter. The anklet also got a mention for those of you who are wondering what happened to it *waves at random reader*. Katara will get another one.

Also we hear a little more about Azula and Mai's friendship and what Azula was like as a kid. Azula doesn't like it when people say 'throw/fight/act like a girl' or any variation therein. I also think that Azula always had less power/control over Mai in their friendship than she did over Ty Lee. But I think that she and Mai did have a lot in common. Mai went with Azula **completely of her own free will,** while Azula had to threaten Ty Lee with a burning net. This tells us something about Mai my lovelies, which I will explore later when Mai comes back into this story. Don't worry my lovelies, you might end up liking Mai. Anyway in Zuko's little anecdote, Azula acts to defend Mai's right to throw knives – and this would have been something that solidified their friendship. Azula's anti-sexist rage moments also turned into a mad plot bunny, which will hopefully turn into a small fic.

It's just a small detail in this chapter, but I have Bato and Ming together in this fic. For those of you who don't watch the DVDs as frequently as I do, Ming is the fabulous guard who brings Iroh special teas when he is in prison. All the watertribe men were in that prison until Hakoda got transferred to the boiling rock. The same thing happened with Suki. The Kyoshi warriors were kept there and she got transferred. Anyway I think Bato is fabulous and I think Ming is fabulous. I think they would have met and she would have treated all the prisoners really decently and she and Bato would have bonded. This is their first kiss here, now that Bato is a free man, but they would have been fancying each other for ages. Anyway, how people will react to this little fire/water union will have implications for our dynamic duo – so there will be more to come about Bato and Ming. But think about it - you know you love it!

Next chapter Zuko will find out that his uncle fully expects him to be firelord. And there will be shenanigans! til then my lovely readers!


	48. eavesdropping all over the place

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Eavesdropping all over the place

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We headed back to the villa together. We ran into Suki just outside the gate by happy accident. She had been coming to look for me. I felt very glad to see her and her calm sensibleness. While Zuko had cheered me up, I reckoned Suki would be better able to advise me about what I should do about the caveman-like attitude of my tribe. When she asked if I could come to the Kyoshi villa with her – to see the two sick warriors, I readily agreed. Zuko said he'd let everybody know that I had been found and was with Suki and headed inside.

We headed for the Kyoshi house. Before I had time to complain about sexist men, Suki started filling me in on all the details of her two warriors. A nice female guard called Ming had come to see the two of them. Ming had ensured they were well treated at prison when they fell sick and all the warriors seemed to like her well enough, even though she was firenation and all. Ming had given a very tentative diagnosis of summer fever -but she was no doctor and wasn't sure. Suki hoped that my healing abilities could do something before Dr Yang came. She'd had a quick chat with Iroh while she was looking for me – (Iroh had been looking for Zuko at the time and they had agreed to look together). Iroh said he would send Dr Yang over tomorrow, but Suki was hoping I could do something to make them more comfortable now.

The house was full of girls. Girls sitting in the comfy chairs, reading, with their feet up, girls training in the garden, girls clustered in the kitchen, gossiping and cooking. How did Suki keep track of them all? The two sick girls were called Hatsu and Aya. They were sharing the largest bedroom on the ground floor– the one that had a nice big window. I opened it to let in some fresh breeze and checked the girls over. They both had all the other classic symptoms of summer fever. First I used my waterbending healing around their temples to help ease their fever and then I made cold compressed for their heads – to cool them down when I wasn't here. I also used my bending to help the compresses stay cold. I had read about summer fever in the compendium and I racked my brain to remember what I had read. There was a simple recipe to help clear a congested chest and another to help a patient sleep through the night. I think a good night sleep and something to help them breathe easier was exactly what the girls needed.

I went to bustle around the kitchen. Amazingly there were all the ingredients in the kitchen. Suki told me that two very shy firenation girls had come by with an enormous amount of stuff to stock up their kitchen sometime in the afternoon. I told her it was probably Mina and Yomia – and they had been very shy around me too, when they first met me. I made up both medicines and took them to the girls and helped them drink them. After I was done, both Aya and Hatsu said that they felt much better and thanked me politely.

Suki asked me if I would like to stay for dinner. A warrior named Nashi was cooking and she was a brilliant chef. _Much better than me_ Suki offered ruefully. I agreed instantly. It was nice to spend time with girls again and I still wanted to talk to Suki about the problem of my tribe and other things. We ended up in the kitchen, while Nashi cooked and bossed around another girl called Misa, who made us tea.

Then a girl came into the kitchen that I would recognise anywhere. Even though her hair was out of its trade mark braid and she wasn't wearing that ridiculous pink outfit she was so fond of – I'd know Ty Lee anywhere. I acted instantly and on pure instinct. I bended the water from the sink at her. I made small icicles and tried to pin her to the wall. She was as quick as ever and squealed in surprise and flipped out of the way and hid behind the wall. Suki rushed over and tried to stop me and said it was okay and Ty Lee was meant to be here.

What the hell?

Suki tried to calm me and said that she had wanted to tell me first, but now was as good a time as any. She had agreed to take Ty Lee on as an apprentice Kyoshi warrior. Was Suki high on cactus juice? Seriously! Ty Lee had done nothing but attack us with Azula. She couldn't be trusted! Suki said that all her warriors liked Ty Lee and her warriors were good judges of character. I made a sceptical face. Misa piped up and said that Ty Lee had done nothing in prison but try be their friend and look out for them. Nashi added that she was also teaching them how to chi block and that was something that all the warriors wanted to learn. Suki said quietly to me, in a sincere whisper, that she thought that Ty Lee was genuine in her desire to turn her life around and do good. Suki was willing to give her another chance despite everything. Suki wanted me to try and give her the benefit of the doubt too.

They were all looking at me expectantly. I guess if Suki, who ended up in prison for months on end because of Ty Lee, Azula and friggin Gloomy Hairbuns , can forgive the girl and give her the benefit of the doubt, I should too. I didn't really know Ty Lee all that well, but she had never struck me as an evil genius mastermind. All I knew about her was that she would shamelessly flirt with Sokka whilst attacking him, she could block my bending and she was fond of say _wow _in a dopey voice. Without the chi blocking, she seemed like such a harmless ditzy flirt.

Ty Lee tentatively poked her head around the door and started apologising for all the times she attacked me with Azula, and said she hoped I wasn't mad at her and that we could be friends. I encouraged her to come out from behind the door. It is very hard to have a conversation with someone when you can only see half their face. Also she didn't look very formidable peeking around the door like that, like a little kid who had been caught with their hand in the seal jerky jar. She was making it really hard to be mad at her. She came out and stood awkwardly in front of me and said she was sorry again.

I said I accepted her apology and her reaction was instantaneous. She squealed again, but in delight this time and threw her arms about me in a big hug. I didn't think we were quite at the hugging stage yet. I had been firing icicles at her mere moments ago, but that didn't seem to bother Ty Lee. Ty Lee decided that we were **FRIENDS!** (I put friends in capital letters to indicate how friendly she was now that I had forgiven her.) She babbled at me constantly for the next little while. It was not like Zuko's nervous dorky babbling. It was more hyperactive, very enthusiastic girly babbling.

She got me a chair and a big cup of tea as a peace offering and just talked at me. We'd be great friends from now on and she could teach me how to chi block too, if I wanted to learn. And wow, my aura was such a nice mix of colours, pinks and blues and twinges of yellows. And my hair loopies were awesome – how did I do that? Ty Lee was looking for a new hairstyle because she'd had the single braid forever and she felt like it was **time for a change.** Could I show her? I could! Wow, that was so cool. Ooh cool was funny because I was from the South Pole and it was really cold there. Did I get her joke?

I thought_ oh no – Ty Lee had only spent one afternoon with Suki and her lame jokes have become contagious!_ I could instantly see why she and Suki might get along. In fact, it was hard not to like Ty Lee, she was just so bouncy and cheerful and energetic and enthusiastic about everything. She kept talking about how she was glad to have a friend from the water tribes – because water tribe people were all really, really ridiculously good looking. I was good looking (I preened despite myself when she said that – I have always thought so myself), My brother was very sexy (Suki gave her a stern look here and Ty Lee amended that she would look, but she would _never touch_ to mollify her) and my dad was a stunner.

Err what?

Ty Lee met him on the walk back from prison and she thought he was A SEXY BEAST. I spat my tea out everywhere and looked at her with no small amount of horror while she kept talking, oblivious to how much she was grossing me out. She said he was like the older, more manly version of Sokka. And he had such broad shoulders and such dreamy blue eyes and he seemed so strong and capable. He was a delicious looking dad...

Okay, enough about my dad!

I had to call a stop to the conversation there, because she was **breaking my brain.** Suki patted Ty Lee on the shoulder and said Hakoda came under the same category as Sokka – she could look but she could not touch. Ty Lee nodded. She asked me if there was anyone she could touch in the watertribes. I said she could have at any of them except my Dad, Sokka and Bato – but she wouldn't want any of them anyway, and they probably wouldn't want her either.

Ty Lee looked a little hurt and taken aback– and I realised what that would have sounded like. I told her gently that I didn't mean it _like that_. It was nothing against her, but the menfolk of my tribe were **very sexist** and would expect her to stay home and darn socks all day. Ty Lee made a disgruntled face to indicate what she thought of darning socks all day. Misa said that they had really noticed the sexism in prison and had done their best to put the menfolk in their place.

Dinner was served and we all went and sat around the dinner table. I heard all about their prison escapades, the various fights they'd fought, the witty comebacks they'd made, the points they'd proven. They were a bit sad to think that none of that had sunk in. I said that the menfolk of my tribe had a begrudging respect for them, because they were Kyoshi warriors, but they viewed me differently because I was one of them, and thus at the mercy of tribal customs. The Kyoshi warriors were most curious about me, because I was a strong, independent warrior according to Suki - how did I manage back home, surrounded by such backward thinking? I said _not very well_ and ended up telling them all about the incident with the mending today. They all sympathised. Ty Lee was aghast and said that menfolk would never get away with that in the firenation – not if they wanted to avoid getting a bitchslap. She recommended that I bitchslap them all, in this incongruously cheerful voice. I thanked her for the suggestion, but told her that there was too many of them and my hand would get sore. The Kyoshi warriors came up with many suggestions – mostly involving some form of arse-kicking, bitchslapping or name calling or any combination of the above.

-?-

After dinner, Ty Lee took the girls into the living room and they cleared away all the furniture to make a big, flat exercise space. Ty Lee wanted to run the girls through some aura sensing exercises – which mostly involved sitting in unlikely positions and_ breathing_ and _visualising._ Apparently aura sensing would help them with chi blocking. However, most of the Kyoshi warriors seemed to spend a great deal of time focusing on holding the unusual positions, instead of focussing on what Ty Lee described as the **colourful-cosmic-swirly-wirly-wibbly-wobbly-feeling-shmeeling-energy** around them.

Suki was observing the lesson and I sat with her. After a few minutes, she got up and gestured me to follow her. We went out of the balcony and sat on the big wide railings. Suki said that we could talk here and not interrupt the lesson. She advised me, gently, that even though the girls were quite enthusiastic for some arsekicking, she thought it would be better if I first tried talking to my Dad openly and honestly about my views. My dad was chief, but he was also a nice and reasonable man, and Suki was sure he would listen. And if talking didn't succeed, then we could proceed to arse-kicking and talking combined. Suki had a vested interest in the water tribes becoming more accepting of women as warriors, after all (she gave me a sly look and a slight smile when she said that). Suki said a frank talk would mean so much more coming from me, than any amount of arse-kicking, long speeches or witty comebacks from the Kyoshi warriors. They were outsiders to my tribe, and my tribe had no real reason to listen to them. I was the chief's daughter and my tribe will have to listen to me. Besides, Suki thought that violence was never the _only answer_ for this sort of thing.

I said that she had been spending too much time with Aang (in gentle a teasing way) – to favour talking over action. She shrugged and said perhaps she had, but that didn't mean that Aang wasn't right about some things. I asked if Aang going on about forgiveness was why she had taken on Ty Lee – because I was still a little confused about that. I mean if Suki didn't have a problem with her, then I felt petty holding a grudge against her. But still, it was a weird thing to get used to.

Suki said no, she had forgiven Ty Lee for herself. Suki thought that if we hoped to have a peace between the nations, we had to let our old resentments go. General Iroh said that all the nations had much that they could learn from each other after all. And the chi blocking was an awesome skill and Suki wanted to learn it. Mostly Suki thought that Ty Lee was essentially a good person and was just a little misguided. She only wanted some one to give her a proper chance and proper choice. Suki got the impression, just from a brief conversation, that Princess Azula never really gave Ty Lee a choice in anything. I could well imagine that.

Ty Lee hadn't said much against Azula, but it was just a vibe Suki got from talking to her. Suki hadn't wanted to pry, because Ty Lee still seemed to bear a confused and sort of hopeless affection for Azula – and for Zuko too. She wanted to see them, but she was sure they would both be furious with her. Suki had wanted to see what I thought, as I knew Zuko so well and had been on of the last people to see Azula before she was... here Suki paused and eventually settled on _escorted away._ She wanted to check if I thought Zuko would want to see her before she got Ty Lee's hopes up.

Just at that point Ty Lee made a little squeak and interrupted us. She had evidently been eavesdropping (I know a guilty eavesdropper's face when I see one). She had set the girls up doing a relaxing visualization and had come out looking for Suki. She had overheard us talking about her. I do not think there is anyone capable of resisting eavesdropping when they hear their name in conversation – so I didn't hold her eavesdropping against her. Suki encouraged her out and she came and sat with us. She asked me directly if I thought Zuko would want to see her. Did he ever talk about her? Was he still mad about all the "trying to kill him" stuff at boiling rock? Because Ty Lee hadn't meant it.

I thought for a second. Zuko hasn't said much about Ty Lee, but he's never really expressed any great anger towards her either. If anything, whenever he tells stories about when he and Azula were young, he mentions Ty Lee with affection, if he mentions her at all. I couldn't imagine he would be angry at her. So I smiled at her and said he would probably like to see her.

Ty Lee started twisting her hands together and said that Suki had told her that I had beaten Azula, but she was alive. I concurred. Ty Lee asked hesitantly, if had hurt her at all. Ty Lee hoped I hadn't hurt her too bad. Suki was right about the confused and hopeless affection thing. Ty Lee was attached to Azula by something reason couldn't break, so I answered as honestly and as gently as I could. I said that she was mostly unhurt, but she had gone a little...strange. Ty Lee asked if she still mad at her? _Well she is certainly still mad_ I thought, but did not say. I said that I didn't know. Who knows what Azula really feels anyway? I told her she would have to ask Dr Yang, who was treating Azula, if she thought Azula would like visitors. So far Dr Yang had told Zuko, in a firm yet sad voice, that _it wasn't a good idea right now _every time he asked (Dr Yang and I are in complete agreement over this). Still, I said there couldn't be any harm in Ty Lee asking. Ty Lee beamed at me in response and gave me a huge hug again (Ty Lee is exceptionally touchy feely and fond of hugs) and said _Wow, you are so nice_ in a dippy voice and flipped away.

-?-

After that, we went back inside. Ty Lee was going start training Suki one on one tomorrow – because she was a little behind the other warriors, who had been learning in prison. Tonight, Ty Lee wanted to show Suki how well the warriors were progressing. Nashi had perfected blocking the left shoulder and she demonstrated this on Misa. However she didn't tell Misa she was doing this (Misa was exceptionally displeased to find her left arm had suddenly gone dead). I watched them for a little while and then I realised how late it was.

I said that it was time for me to be heading back and Suki offered to walk with me. She was planning on spending the night with Sokka and would be heading to Zuko's house anyway. We walked together, until we got to the garden. Then Suki broke away to go and climb in through Sokka's window. She was sneaking in to _save hassle._ I went in through the front door. The house was oddly quiet after all the noise and bustle of today. I could hear Lenka in the kitchen and I went in to say hi and ask her where everybody was. Most of them were at the water tribe house, apparently. Celebrating freedom and peace and firewhisky – except for Sokka, Toph and Zuko. Sokka was having an "early night" – Lenka said this and did the little airbunnies to indicate her disbelief. And Zuko and Toph were on the western veranda – if I wanted to see them.

I did.

-?-

I heard them before I saw them. Well I heard Zuko. He was reading _Love Amongst the Dragons_ to Toph again. They were sitting in the comfy chairs. Zuko had his long legs resting on the low table and Toph had her short legs resting on top of his. I have always found it very adorable when they do this – but both of them _really resent_ being described as adorable. They both think they are badasses and badasses aren't adorable, as a general rule. They both got a bit shy and awkward about their adorable _Love Amongst the Dragons _habit back at the beach house when I used to interrupt them and comment on the adorableness of it all. So I didn't do that this time.

I should have left, but I didn't. I liked the way Zuko got really into doing _the voices_ and I liked hearing Toph's cheerful laughter. After a while they reached the end of the chapter and Zuko closed the book and said that they _had a deal._ Toph had agreed to go to bed if Zuko read _just one more chapter_. And now they were at the end of that chapter. That sentence hung in the air.

Toph suggested that they could play earth,water,air,fire again and if Toph won, then Zuko could read _just one more chapter_ and then Toph would **absolutely go to bed**. Zuko said he was not falling for that again! Then he added_ fool me once – shame on you; fool me six or more times – shame on me._ Toph asked what he meant by that. He said he knew she was cheating with her earthbendy senses. She used them to tell what he was going to do. Toph protested and said she wasn't... and anyway, she didn't even need earthbendy senses to win – because Zuko **always** picked fire. Zuko grumbled in response that fire was awesome.

She gave him a poke with her feet and said _just one more chapter_ in a wheedling voice. But Zuko said no, it was late and she should go to bed. Toph said she was not even tired. Zuko said fine, but he needed to go to bed soon, otherwise I would be mad at him. Toph said something sarcastic like _oh please, you're waiting up for her anywa_y! Zuko got a bit stroppy and protested that he was not "waiting up" for me. Toph still had her feet on his legs and she smiled widely. She said asked _you do know I can tell when you're lying?_ in a very cheeky tone of voice. Zuko grumbled and said he was going to bed and stood up, but Toph said _no, don't go_ quickly, in a completely different tone. An anxious tone. Zuko asked her what was wrong. She'd been weird all night – and she had... he trailed off and sat back down. Then he asked gently, if she was worried about going to sleep.

I stayed to listen because I am a nosy eavesdropper and I can't help myself. Eventually Toph said that if she told him something - he had to promise not to _get weird _and be all comforting and stuff. And he had to swear himself to secrecy. Zuko agreed. She said, in a quiet mumbling voice that she'd been having bad dreams. _About what?_ Zuko asked. There was a long pause and then Zuko said that Toph didn't have to tell him and it was rude question. Toph took a deep breath and said _about your dad okay._

Zuko started saying, in a comforting sounding voice, that he had heard what happened and he was sorry his dad had... but Toph interrupted and said that he promised he wouldn't get weird and comforting and if she wanted someone to hold her hand and say _there there silly muffin_ – she would have told me. I didn't know if I should be offended by this or not. Toph said she had told him because she had wanted practical advice from him.

Ozai was his dad after all. Surely he would have some advice about how not to be scared of him. Zuko seemed a bit taken aback, but Toph continued on, regardless. Toph asked what it was like having Ozai as a dad. Zuko sighed and said _less fun than being shot by lightning. _ He said his dad was locked far away and so Toph had no reason to be scared of him now. She said softly that Sokka said that, and she told herself that, but it didn't work and she still had nightmares and she didn't know what to do. She told Zuko that she never really had nightmares before – but it had been so scary when he had grabbed her. He seemed so big and bad and powerful.

Zuko inhaled sharply and then he said quite forcefully that Ozai was certainly bad, but he wasn't big or powerful. He was **small **and **pathetic.** Ozai had gone for her because he thought she would be easy to subdue – but Zuko had heard about how Toph had been able to beat him all on her own. Toph said she hadn't done it on her own. Zuko disagreed and said Sokka had told him everything. All it took was for Toph to jab him in the eye - and then he'd dropped her and she'd completely taken him by surprise with her awesomeness. Toph seemed a bit cheered and said, quite boastfully, _my awesomeness is pretty impressive._

Zuko added that Ozai always picked on people he thought were weak and easy targets – but Toph sure showed him and Zuko would have paid good money just to see Ozai's face when Toph metal bended that bit of airship at him. Toph said that she hadn't been able to _see_ his face, but Sokka had told her it was very entertaining. Zuko hopped down in front of her and said that Toph had **saved herself** and she'd never have anything to fear from Ozai. Even if he did come at her again, if he ever _dared,_ he would have to be scared of her! He might be a bad guy, but she was a **badass. **She'd be able to beat the crap out of him, all on her own, in two seconds flat. Toph said _you really think so?_ Zuko held her feet so she'd know he was telling the truth and he said _I know so_ with much sincerity.

I think they hugged, but I am not sure because I took this moment to quietly sneak down the hall. I didn't want them to think I had been eavesdropping on what had turned into a very quiet and personal conversation. When I was at the end of the hall I started stomping back noisily – to give them fair warning of my arrival. I made a big fuss upon 'finding them' and stifled all urges to give them both huge snuggly cuddles. Then I said in a gently scolding tone (that I did not have to fake) that it was **very late** and they should both be in bed. They agreed.

-?-

Both Zuko, Toph and Aang slept late the next morning. Sokka and Suki also "slept late" but I know what that means- coming from them. I needed to give Zuko another healing session and change his bandages this morning and so I waited, not quite patiently, for him to get up. I went to his room and I sat next to him and tried to wake him up with my thoughts. When that didn't work, I took to reading. I was reading a book on anatomy when he woke up. He was looking much, much better this morning actually. It's amazing, how well he's recovered, with both Dr Yang and myself treating him. I said_ morning_ and then he said _morning_ and then we just stared at each other dorkily for a second and I forgot why I had come. Eventually I said something about healing sessions and he nodded in comprehension.

I helped him take off the bandages and climbed up on the bed with him and started running my hands around the new scar. His body is still so beautiful and really quite..._distracting_ even with the scar and I found this healing session taking a bit longer on account of _my distraction_. I extended the healing session out and healed for longer than I should have, just so we could get more time together. Just the two of us. Everyone was here now. It was going to be harder for us to have time to ourselves, unless I took running away...I mean **storming off** on a regular basis. I knew for a fact that as soon as my dad got properly settled, he was going to be all nosy and in-my-business. Dad always likes to know what is going on with us. He wouldn't like the idea of me spending time alone with a boy (even though he would actively encourage Sokka to spend much _alone time_ with Suki). He would have much to say about the matter – in awkward dad fashion.

Zuko asked my how my night was with the Kyoshi Warriors and we started chatting while I healed. I told him all about it, about Ty Lee and how she wanted to see him. Zuko was a bit perturbed that she would choose to be a Kyoshi warrior. Apparently she has six identical sisters (six Ty Lees! The mind boggles) and as a kid, she always wanted to stand out from them and be different from them. She hated being seen as "part of a matched set" according to Zuko. But the Kyoshi warriors all dressed alike and looked alike and to Zuko it seemed like she was trading one matched set for the other. But he shrugged and said as long as she was happy, that was the most important thing. I said she wanted to see him, but she was worried he was cross at her. Zuko said he'd like to see her too. He wasn't cross at her. He couldn't be cross at Ty Lee, even if he tried. It would be like being cross at snugly, cuddly baby rabbiroo.

I then told him about how Suki thought I should try talking to my dad first, because he was chief and because he would listen. Zuko thought this was a good idea. He asked what I was planning on saying and I told him, over breakfast. We were on the comfy chairs on the veranda again – I think this is Zuko's favourite spot – eating these little firenation pastries that Lenka had made and drinking tea. I practised what I planned to say. Zuko was most impressed with my ability to come up with speeches on the spot. Well I have a lot to say about this.

I got quite_ into_ my speech. I gestured wildly with my hands and pastry crumbs went everywhere. Women are equally capable and should not be seen as somehow lesser or inferior to men etc. Women deserved to be consulted on decision that would affect them blah blah blah. Women should not be given all the boring jobs under the guise of said jobs being a 'woman's work' and I was completely sick of doing the mending!

I bowed to signify the end of my speech. Zuko clapped and there was a second clapping that came from upstairs. Suki. She had been sneaking back out again. She jumped down and landed gracefully on the grass. She came over to us, grabbed a pastry. Then she said _good speech_ and gave me a thumbs up and walked off towards to gates, completely unabashed.

-?-

Sokka came down and joined us not long afterwards and tucked into the pastries with gusto. He had evidently heard my speech as well, because he asked if I was planning on seeing Dad right now. I was. The sooner the better, in my opinion. Sokka said we should give it a little more time, because he reckoned everyone at the water tribe house would be really hungover today.

By the time Sokka left to meet up with Suki, the party was in full swing. Everyone was at the big sing-along part of the proceedings. _Your uncle was teaching everyone the hedgehog song_ Sokka said with a cheeky glance over at Zuko. Zuko swore and got up. He said that he had to go wake his uncle up – if he got to _the hedgehog song_ point last night, he was going to be a sad sorry panda today, and that was bad because Uncle had a big day planned.

Zuko took upon himself the thankless task of waking both Toph and his Uncle immediately. Toph was easier to wake. A few minutes later – he walked back out with Toph behind him. She trailed after him blearily, her hair sticking up everywhere. He sat her in a chair and gave her a pastry and went off to rouse his uncle. Sometime later Iroh emerged, wearing what suspiciously looked like my father's eclipse glasses. Zuko went about making him some tea and was muttering things like _every single time _or_ can't leave you alone for five minutes_ etc under his breath. Iroh sculled his tea and then held the cup out for another and Zuko poured it for him. Iroh wanted to stay in the comfy chair all day and Toph concurred with this idea. Zuko got a bit stroppy with them and said that they had both wanted to do the interviews today and their first interview was Ming and she was uncle's friend and surely Uncle did not want to keep her waiting. Uncle said that Ming was a lovely girl and she would understand and forgive him.

Zuko crossed his arms grumpily and said that Uncle had gone on (and on and on) about how these interviews were **important** last night and gave Zuko an **enormous guilt trip** about attending them. And now Zuko was ready and if he was ready, then his Uncle should be too...there was a long pause. Iroh made no move to get up.

Zuko eventually said that if his Uncle didn't shift himself in the next two minutes, Zuko was going to take Uncle's packet of exclusive white dragon bush tea and pour it into the large canister of cheap nasty low valley tea. And then he would shake that canister up real good. Iroh was **aghast.** Apparently you can't do that to white dragon bush tea. It is a very delicate flavour and would be completely overpowered by the cheap, nasty low valley tea. Zuko said **I know** in a warning voice. Iroh said **you wouldn't! **Zuko said **I would too!**

There was a small battle of wills and they stared each other down. Then Iroh got up, while muttering _how can a member of my own family be so unreasonable_? Sokka and I both gave Iroh confused looks at this. We had both met the other members of his family after all. Uncle made a great show of stretching and groaning and sighing at Zuko's unreasonableness. Zuko remained unmoved by the display.

Suddenly there was a loud gonging sound. Ten gongs precisely. Zuko told Sokka, Toph and I that the firesages were back to work, thanks to his Uncle. Today was their first day back in their temple. They sounded gongs to mark the time at various points in the day, so we'd hear it a couple of times today. Then he turned to his Uncle and put his hands on his hips and said **now it was ten gongs!** and **they really would be late!** Iroh moved much more quickly after that (it turns out that he really didn't want to keep Ming waiting after all). Toph was also galvanised by Uncle's encouragement. He told her that she should get up- because she would be extraordinarily useful today. Zuko ushered them into the house, like they were naughty turtle ducks and he was a mother hen. He turned at the door and said _good luck with your dad_ and then they were gone.

-?-

It was just Sokka and I on the comfy chairs and we had a bit of a chat. He asked me if I meant everything I said in the speech I was practising with Zuko. I said I did. He said he was sorry about yesterday and that he should have stuck up for me more – but he'd been so caught up in being one of the warriors. He assured me that he would talk to the warriors if I wanted him too. But only if I wanted him too, because Suki had given him an earbashing about how annoying it was when men presumed to speak for women. I said that would be nice. Mostly Sokka wanted me to know that he'd back me up, for what it was worth. He knew it didn't count for much, him being on my side – but all the same he wanted me to know. I told him he was being daft. Of course it counted! It meant very much to me, knowing that Sokka was on my side. And we had a big snugly hug.

-?-

Sokka and I headed over to the water tribe house, which was a bit of a mess after the shenanigans of last night. The menfolk were all along the various stages of the hungover spectrum. My dad was blearily wandering around the garden looking for Bato. Apparently Bato had left at some point last night and he still hadn't come back and my dad, even in his hungover state, was worried. My dad always worries.

I instantly went into nurturing mode – it is just a habit with me. I sat Dad down at the big table in the garden – it still had that blasted mending on it from yesterday, but I cleared that off pretty quickly. I set about making him a nice tea that would help his headache and I quickly scooted back to Zuko's house and stole some of the pastries so my Dad could get something in his the two cups of tea and many pastries, he felt a little better. It had been a long time since he had** such a fun night**. He smiled a little ruefully and said _that Iroh is a wily, wicked man_ with a great deal of affection. My Dad then sent Sokka off to go 'see to Aang' who was a little 'under the weather.' I realised later that he did this so he could talk to me in private.

My dad was worried about me (as per usual) and wanted to talk to me about how I had run off yesterday. He was so sincere in his concern for me. He told me that he'd been getting ready to do a city-wide search for me yesterday, before Zuko had come over and told him I was with the Kyoshi warriors – so he wouldn't worry. I thought now would be a good time to segue into my speech, and I started saying why I had run off and spent the night with the warriors. My dad listened, but he didn't seem to be taking in what I was saying. I thought it was on account of his hangover. What I didn't realise, was that Dad was also working up the courage to launch into an awkward speech of his own at me. That speech was preoccupying his thoughts at the present moment.

I did not get very far into my speech, before Dad said, somewhat soppily, _Listen Katara, you know you'll always be my little girl..._ this was not a good beginning, especially in light of my previous comments and I said as much. But my dad was determined to pursue his point and he waved off my protestations. I was his little girl and dads worry about their little girls. It was just what dads did. I nodded along. I said that I worried about him too and it was just what I did. He smiled at me and then he seemed to gather up his courage. He took a deep breath and then said that all dads worried about their little girls and what they would get up to with boys. Oh no. I could see where this was going. He asked me, very bluntly, what _exactly _was going on between me and Zuko.

Oh bloody hell. The conversation quickly went awry and took an alarming turn. I didn't even know the answer to this question myself and I certainly didn't want to talk to my dad about it. I said we were just friends and Dad made a skeptical face at me. I said that nothing was going on between us at all! Dad asked if I wanted something to be going on between us and I paused just a little too long before vehemently denying it.

The conversation was going downhill very fast. My Dad said in an effort at sounding "cool" that he totally understood. He knew firenation people could be...alluring – in fact he had met a girl on the walk back from prison who... Oh stop right there dad! I **do not want** to hear where that story was going. Anyway my Dad said that before I was_** allured **_by anyone, he wanted to talk to them. Man to Man.

Oh noes!

Why me!

Zuko did not deserve the fate of having a man to man conversation with my dad. Zuko might not survive the fate of having a man to man conversation with my dad, because he would **die of embarrassment**. I had to nip this idea of my dad's in the bud. I started protesting that I didn't find Zuko at all alluring (lies!) and did not fancy him in the slightest (more lies!). I went a bit overboard and said _Zuko, pfft, who'd want to kiss him-certainly not me_! etc (All lies). I was blushing furiously, but my Dad bought it. He sighed deeply and said he was a little relieved I felt that way. _Really relieved actually _ he added. I made the mistake of asking why.

Dad shrugged and said he'd been really concerned when my friend Toph had said...nevermind, that didn't matter. It was just that Zuko was not an appropriate lad for me and so Dad was glad that I did not feel that way about him. I was a bit taken aback and asked _what's not appropriate about him?_ too quickly. My dad raised an eyebrow at me and then said _Zuko's a real nice lad, but he's firenation. _As if that explained everything.

I made a fatal error in tactical arguing. Now would have been the time to say yes, he's firenation and not my type and I'll never fancy him. Then my dad would lose all interest in man-to-man talks with Zuko. But I didn't. Because I am an idiot. Instead I had a little self righteous moment and said that my Dad shouldn't dismiss him just because he's firenation and that was a little unfair. He was a really great guy etc. I might have been a little too...err forceful, in my defence of Zuko, because my Dad started to look exceptionally worried again.

Our awkward conversation was back on – this time with extra added awkwardness. Boo. My Dad said he never said Zuko wasn't a nice lad (a bit defensively), in fact the first thing he said was that Zuko was a nice lad. But he was still from the firenation. I pointed out that my dad didn't have a problem with Iroh or Chit Sang being from the firenation. He was still friends with them. Dad said that Iroh and Chit Sang were not young and dashing and... he trailed off because he had just described Zuko as "dashing" and there's really no place to go after that. This was too awkward even for my dad.

Dad collected himself and then he sighed deeply and said that he thought we were getting a little off track. He said that being friends with people from the firenation was fine, but that did not mean we should be **more than friendly with them**. I protested at this. Dad pointed out that I said didn't fancy Zuko anyway, so what did it matter, in the end. Oh Dad logic! He had me there.

I wanted to be anywhere else! I wanted someone to come along and save me from this terrible conversation and make it go away. I thought _Oh Yue – can you spare a little moon magic – for me?_ Perhaps Yue did answer my prayer, because right at that second Bato sneaked into the garden, as quietly as he could. Both me and my dad saw him and our conversation abruptly closed. Bato was trying to look** inconspicuous.** But he also looked like a mess. His hair was all mussied up and his clothes weren't done up properly and he had the dopiest smile on his face. He slunk towards the house, but my Dad called out to him and he looked up in surprise and alarm at being sprung sneaking back in.

He wandered over and greeted us and appeared to be trying to act "casual." My dad asked him where he had been all night and Bato was very cagey in his response. He then tucked into the pastries with gusto and used eating as an excuse not to elaborate further. My Dad was not deterred and waited for Bato to finish chewing, but he got no more definitive answers from him.

-?-

I took the opportunity of my Dad's distraction with Bato's mysterious whereabouts (I have a pretty good guess as to where Bato was, but I will keep that to myself) and beat a hasty retreat back to Zuko's house. I resolved to try talking to my dad about sexism later, when he is a) not hungover b) not being ridiculously embarrassing.

When I got back to the house I noticed that there were heaps more servants running about the place. Lenka was in the kitchen and she told me that more servants had been given their old jobs back, after they had been vetted by Iroh, Zuko and Toph. They had hired heaps of people over the morning and it was glorious. Now she could have a day off! She was most excited about the prospect of a day off. I told her I was happy for her and her day off. She introduced me around to the new servants and told them all that they were to do anything I said and were to treat me with respect.

Sokka was in the kitchen, munching steadily on the baked goods Lenka was making. He told me he had found Aang, who was just a hungover mess. Aang had taken refuge in his room and had all the curtains closed and was curled up in the foetal position. Sokka had tried to help, but he really struggled going up and down the stairs and had spilled the tea he made for Aang all over his small sleeping self, and had since been ejected from the room.

I pushed aside my crankiness at Aang and went to visit him. I made him a soda water, and a plate of pastries and took them up. As far as I know, this is the first time Aang has ever been drunk and hungover and everyone needs a little kindness for that first dreadful morning. I got a bit cranky on Aang's behalf actually. I mean I was cranky at Aang, but I was even crankier at whatever imbecile had given a hyperactive twelve year old whiskey.

He mumbled incomprehensibly when I opened the door. I think he was saying something like _go away Sokka._ So I said that _it was only me_ and he seemed to brighten a little bit. He started rambling apologises at me, but I waved him off. I sat on the bed next to him and made him drink the soda water and eat some pastries. He did so and then flopped on me and hugged me affectionately round the waist. Then he said he didn't feel so well. By some miracle, I got him to the window before he threw up all over me. I soothed his back and said all the caring things you're supposed to say when someone is feeling ill, even if their illness is **entirely self-inflicted.**

I settled him back into bed and then I got more water and had him drink it slowly. Then I tucked him back in, and smoothed his forehead gently for a while. Aang said various emotional apologies to me the whole time. Sorry for getting drunk and sorry for running away and sorry for everything, just everything. He really wanted me to not be mad at him anymore. He hated it when I was mad at him. I was lovely, and wonderful and smart and should never, ever be mad. He was getting a bit excited in his enthusiasm for his apologies and right now he just needed to sleep it off. He did not need me to have another go at him, right at that point. Aang and I have to have a proper conversation about things, but we will have this much later when he is feeling better. So I told him I wasn't angry at him, to settle him back down. He snuggled back into bed and I told him to get some sleep. He smiled widely and mumbled that he was glad we were friends again and nodded off.

-?-

Dr Yang came by not much longer after that. She had gotten held up with Azula. She barged into the interview room without a by-your-leave, startling the girl who was being interviewed and demanded to see Zuko. He complied. (One normally does when Dr Yang demands it in that tone of voice). They went to Zuko's room. I went with them, even though I hadn't been specifically asked for, but neither of them kicked me out. In fact Zuko waved me over and I sat next to them.

Dr Yang did lots of tests with her gadgets and got Zuko to cough and stretch and all that stuff. She then pronounced herself satisfied. He was really recovering well and didn't need to drink the vile concoction anymore. Zuko was ecstatically happy with this news. But Dr Yang rained on his parade and said she was prescribing him another concoction. He made a sad face. She said it was a less vile concoction and he only had to have it once a day. Zuko seemed okay with that. She said that he still had to take it easy, and he'd probably still feel tired a fair bit, but at this rate, he'd be a great deal better and would have his old energy levels back in ten days to two weeks. Her stern face cleared for a second and she smiled at him and said _you really are one of the lucky ones._

Zuko asked her about Azula and her smile dropped. She said that she knew what he was going to ask, and now wasn't the best time. Zuko got a bit disgruntled and said it would never be a good time with Azula, but he still wanted to see her all the same. Dr Yang said that Azula didn't react well to surprises in her current environment (the dungeons) and seeing Zuko would be a big surprise for her. She added, cautiously, that she thought Azula would be better able to receive visitors after she had gotten more settled at the convalescent home. Perhaps, after she had gotten settled in there, it would be a better time, Dr Yang offered in a placating voice.

There was a slight awkward silence, which Dr Yang broke by saying she was very busy and important and Iroh had also instructed her to look over my brother and two Kyoshi warriors and so she best be off. She bowed at Zuko and took her leave.

-?-

Zuko looked a little sad, which was surprising because he'd just been given such great news. I poked him in the side and pointed out that he shouldn't look so sad. He didn't have to drink the vile concoction anymore. That was cause for celebration. Zuko poked me back and said now I wouldn't have anything to boss him about drinking, in teasing retaliation. I said I would find other things to be bossy over and gave him a big smile. He smiled back at me, but his smile didn't quite reach his eyes.

I asked him what was wrong gently and he just said _Azula _simply. He said that Suki and I felt like Ty Lee suffered from **confused and hopeless affection** for her. But so did Zuko. He just wanted to see her and know she was okay...well as okay as she could be. But Dr Yang always very sternly discouraged him from visiting her, because she _wasn't ready,_ whatever that meant. Zuko knew Dr Yang meant well and was probably right, but it still frustrated him.

I said that it sounded like he'd be able to see her soon, with false positivity. What was all that about her getting settled at a new place about? Zuko had said that Dr Yang and Iroh had been talking and Dr Yang was firmly of the opinion that Azula needed to be moved from the dungeons to a place that was secure, but where she could see the sunlight, as sunlight is very important for firebenders. Dr Yang also thought that Azula would respond better to female guards. So his Uncle had the old royal convalescent home set up and made secure.

They had interviewed a really nice lady today called Ming. She was a friend of his Uncle's. She was a good female prison guard. She was brave enough to take on that thankless task of guarding Azula. His Uncle had told him that she was firm but fair and that she was very sweet when it came down to it. Zuko had wanted people who were kind, but competent to be in charge of Azula's welfare - and that had been surprisingly hard to come by. Ming was able to choose who she wanted to work with and she should have a team assembled by the end of the week. Then Azula could be settled there. I said, in a daring impersonation of Dr Yang's brisk tone, that by the time Zuko had "his old energy levels back" – Azula would be settled in and he could see her then, in a effort a cheering him up.

-?-

Zuko went back to see Toph and Uncle after that - because they still had heaps of interviews to get through and his Uncle was a bit hungover and should not be left unsupervised for too long, and I went into the kitchen. Dr Yang was still here. She was trying to see to Sokka's leg, but was facing various difficulties from both Sokka and my Dad. Sokka sat in the chair at the table, right next to the pastries, with his foot up on another chair. He was steadily munching on pastry after pastry and was getting the crumbs all in Dr Yang's hair as she knelt down to fuss about with his leg. She was most disgruntled by this and very sternly discouraged him from pastry eating while she was holding his broken leg. Every now and then Sokka would try and surreptitiously eat another pastry, but at the first crunch, Dr Yang would say something like – _if you are eating a pastry __**again **__young man, you are going to meet the business end of my stethoscope._ Sokka would put the pastry down pretty quickly and claim innocence.

Dr Yang was trying to make a new cast for Sokka's leg, but her second miscellaneous difficulty came in the form of my dad, who **hovered** and **suggested** and **strong suggested** and generally got on Dr Yang's nerves. She repeatedly and very forcefully told dad of all her training and various university degrees, the medical medals she'd won, the Academic journals she had been published in etc. until my Dad finally acquiesced that she might have some superior knowledge when it came to the matter of broken leg fixing.

She reset a cast that was less cumbersome and easier for movement than the previous cast and told Sokka he had to kept it still for approximately one hour, so it could set properly. Then she took Sokka's measurements, so she could bring him a better set of crutches tomorrow. She showed me how to make the less vile concoction. Then she took her leave in high dudgeon. She still had to see to the two Kyoshi warriors after all. Judging from the annoyed way that Dr Yang stomped off, I think this is the second time in two nights that the Kyoshi house will hear rather forceful complaints about the menfolk of the southern watertribe.

-?-

My Dad and I opted to sit with Sokka while his cast set. My Dad kept giving me sly glances and tried, on one occasion, to restart our awkward conversation from this morning – I decided right at that moment that I would 'check on Aang' to escape this terrible, terrible conversation. I actually did end up checking on Aang – so this wasn't a complete lie. He was still sleeping it off, but I woke him and made him drink some more water – to help with his headache. Then I went back to the kitchen, armed with conversation armor. Conversation armor is a topic so distracting that it deflects any unwanted queries almost instantly. Whenever my dad looked like he was going to start being awkward about Zuko again, I started haranguing him about the fact that Aang had gotten drunk under his supervision and I outlined the various ways that this was **unacceptable** and **inappropriate.** And thus the conversation would be neatly and succinctly deflected away from the topic of Zuko and I.

-?-

When the interviews were over for the day, Zuko, Iroh and Toph came and sat with us. Zuko flopped next to me, exhausted. Toph sat next to him looking perturbed. I asked how the interviews had gone and Zuko said _terrible,_ Toph said _weird _and Iroh said _wonderful._

Iroh was rather pleased that they were able to give most of the banished servants back their old jobs, except for a few who were harboring ill will towards himself and Zuko and thanks to the brilliance of miss Bei Fong (Toph beamed in pride) they had been able to discover this ill-will early before anyone got assassinate-y.

Also there were a few others who were unsuccessful in reapplying because ….here Iroh trailed off and seemed to look for an appropriate phrase. _Because they were dirty perverts! _Toph finished for him. Iroh said that he wouldn't say that exactly. Toph was still quite aghast that someone would say something **that blatant** in a job interview and mean it! It was **just nasty**. Iroh did not seem to find it as nasty and said that the twins were really quite charming and had served under the royal family for a long time. Toph made a comment about how they were more than willing to serve _under _one member of the royal family in particular.

Zuko sighed in frustration and said with some resignation that everybody should just stop talking about it so he could forget it ever happened. Unfortunately for him, this only increased Sokka's curiosity and he asked what had happened. Toph told us that two old twins had come in and flirted shamelessly with Iroh, much to the disgust of both Zuko and Toph. And then they started reminiscing about the time when the three of them… at this point Zuko interrupted her and said _nobody wanted to hear the details_. Iroh chuckled, a little embarrassed and said that had just been innocent nostalgic chitchat.

Zuko gave his Uncle **a Look** and said his Uncle wasn't fooling anybody. Neither he or Toph were born yesterday, and Uncle and Li and Lo thought that they were so wily, but Zuko knew what they were **really **talking about. Uncle feigned incomprehension and said that they had merely being talking about geography, and he was at a loss as to why Zuko and Toph had reacted the way they did. Zuko said with some sarcasm and frustration that there were very few **geographical interpretations** of _we want your big dragon in our southern valleys again. _

Oh ew!

Zuko said that just as Sokka was drinking and Sokka spat his tea out all over us in surprise and disgust. I bended the tea off us quickly. Iroh tried to change the topic and asked where Suki and Aang were – because they were most delightful young people. Sokka quickly said that Suki was with the Kyoshi warriors and I said that Aang was really really ridiculously hungover, and gave Iroh a hard look – which he was unperturbed by. Being hungover is, according to Iroh, one of life's crucial lessons. Everybody learns it the hard way. He asked if my dad wanted to stay for dinner, because Lenka was making roast duck and dad agreed. Nobody can ever say no to roast duck after all.

-?-

Piandao and Jeong Jeong arrived in the middle of dinner. They'd ridden the long way over the earth kingdom on a giant eel hound called Morris – and it had taken them several days. They were both dirty and tired from travelling, but happy to have arrived. Sokka was overjoyed to see Piandao again and he got up and gave him a big hug, before he allowed Piandao to sit down and join us. Piandao and Zuko saluted each other over the table in the firenation style, but they didn't get up and do the hugging thing.

My dad was most interested in Piandao – probably because Sokka looked up to him so much, and asked him many questions. After my dad was done with his interrogation, Piandao and Jeong Jeong regaled us with the story of their journey and tucked into the roast duck with gusto. They had come to brief Iroh on what was happening in the earth kingdom, but Iroh said that could wait for tomorrow, because it was getting too late in the evening and besides, you should never talk politics at the dinner table and so conversation moved onto other things.

-?-

I went up to see Aang later. To check on him. He was looking bleary eyed and worse for wear. I coaxed him into eating some soup. Soup would be easy for him to keep down and would rehydrate him, and so it was the best for this situation.

-?-

The next morning Jeong Jeong took it upon himself to restart Aang's firebending lessons. It had come up over dinner last night that Aang hadn't mastered fire and hadn't had a lesson since he had disappeared with the Lionturtle, and both Zuko and Iroh were too busy to give him lessons right now. Jeong Jeong was dismayed and resolved to remedy this lapse in Aang's education as soon as possible.

And so it came to pass that Jeong Jeong gave Aang the **fright of his life** when he stood at Aang's doorway this morning and started very noisily banging two saucepans together. He was attempting to wake Aang dramatically. He succeeded in this (and also in waking the rest of us up too). He felt the need to shout in an exceptionally dramatic voice **Arise Avatar! It is time for you to learn proper firebending! And the first rule of firebending is waking with the sun!**

Aang was **most startled** to be woken in this fashion by Jeong Jeong – who he had not seen since for many months. Not since he burned me that day by the river. After an initial shrieked **_gaaah_**! from Aang, it became apparent that Aang was under the impression that he was dreaming Jeong Jeong. The sounds of Aang's bafflement could be heard for some time. _How are you here? Why are you here? It's so early, do I really have to do firebending now? _Jeong Jeong said _no questions, just learning!_ And took Aang with him into the courtyard.

-?-

After that rather dramatic awakening, I found it pretty impossible to go back to sleep. I got up and went downstairs. Zuko and Iroh were already awake and had just set up and game of Pai Sho. This was apparently Uncle's idea. I sat with them and watched for a while. I was joined by Piandao first and then Toph, who both had gamely tried sleeping through the firebending lesson – to no avail.

Iroh was very sincerely trying to teach Zuko to be better at Pai Sho. Uncle suggested that they could play every morning and eventually Zuko would understand the complexity and awesomeness that was Pai Sho. This is good in theory, but in practice, Zuko was **just crap** at it. He got a bit frustrated and said that if three years at sea with almost nothing to do except play Pai Sho hadn't helped, then he really doubted playing every morning was going to improve things. As he got more frustrated and lost interest in the game, Toph slowly got more interested. She put her hand on the board and picked up each tile and felt the raised edges and asked Iroh many questions about the rules. Iroh was glad that at least _someone_ was interesting in learning how to play.

Toph wanted to be on Zuko's "team" – by which she meant _take over playing from him_. He let her do so happily. He scooted over to give her prime position in front of the board and came and sat by me. Toph and Iroh got quite into their game. Iroh had to repeatedly tell her what tiles were where and explain their properties to her many times, but Toph seemed to pick it up quickly. Toph loudly and happily declared at one point, after she had just made a particularly good move, that Pai Sho was easy! And she couldn't understand why Zuko struggled with it so much. Zuko gave her a **Look.**

Piandao chuckled said that he was glad that Toph thought so, after Iroh had spent so much commissioning that large… at that point Iroh tried to shush him but it was too late. Toph, like any kid who has been given a hint that a big extravagant present is heading their way, was most insistent on knowing what had been commissioned for her, and wheedled and asked and cajoled until eventually Iroh told her, because Piandao had **ruined the surprise anyway.**

Iroh had, through messenger hawk and Piandao while he was in Ba Sing Se, ordered a large stone Pai Sho set made up for Toph, from a nice geologist at the University of Ba Sing Se. It would be carved and raised and have different semi-precious stones for all the inlayed decorations – so Toph could better 'see' the game. Toph was exceptionally touched at the thought behind such a gift. Piandao – the surprise ruiner – said that Iroh had commissioned so many gifts for people, but he thought the Pai Sho set was the best. Iroh shushed him again.

Zuko raised an eyebrow and said _Uncle…._slowly. Uncle shrugged good naturedly and explained that he had _a little_ spending/commissioning spree. But they had just won the war and everyone needed to do something life affirming- like shopping- in the immediate postwar aftermath. Besides Iroh had wanted to make sure that all of the war heroes got a very nice memento/thank you gift– that was only good manners. Wait did that mean one of the gifts was for me too? Iroh nodded. I got most curious and started enquiring about my own present, but Iroh was tight lipped – because enough surprises had been ruined already.

Zuko didn't want to know what he was getting. He wanted to know how much Uncle had spent on this commissioning/spending spree. Iroh wouldn't say. He did say that when Zuko got his presents, he would **completely forget** about the cost. Zuko very much doubted this and said he didn't need/want a present anyway. Iroh protested and said that he had wanted to get Zuko something fabulous for this birthday.

My interest was sparked. I hadn't really thought about Zuko's birthday. I should get him something really good. Something he'd really want, but would never get for himself. Something he'd use all the time. And maybe whenever he used it, he'd think of me. He'd got me such wonderful things for my present, he got me exactly what I needed. I wanted to do the same for him.

I asked when his birthday was excitedly and Iroh said _very soon! _I felt a bit worried and I think it must have shown on my face. Zuko got a bit embarrassed and told me it was ages away, in midwinter. But he didn't want his Uncle to get _carried away_ and he really didn't want a fuss. Iroh made a very undignified_ pfft_ noise when Zuko said he didn't want a fuss. His birthday would be the new national holiday after all and so there was going to be tremendous fuss!

Zuko got a bit confused and said _what? Are you making a new holiday after me?_ That then he started saying that he really didn't want that and it wasn't necessary. Now it was Iroh's turn to look confused. He said that he wouldn't be making a _new holiday_. The firelord's birthday had been celebrated in the firenation for hundreds of years, after all. Zuko said that his Uncle would be the next firelord, so the Firelord's birthday holiday would be in high summer, as usual. They both seemed confused by what the other was saying. Then something clicked for Iroh and he said _excuse us, I have to have a little chat with Zuko. _ They got up and walked some distance away into the gardens, but we could all still hear them. Piandao started shuffling the Pai sho tiles, but he also stayed with us and listened. I was gratified to see that Piandao was another unabashed eavesdropper.

Zuko was most confused, he said that his Uncle was going to be the next firelord. He was already doing all the firelord stuff right now. And he really didn't appreciate his Uncle's little joke about national holidays. Iroh sighed and said he wasn't joking. Zuko said he must be. Iroh said that surely this shouldn't come as a surprise to Zuko. He had agreed to be firelord back at camp old people after all. Zuko said that he had thought his Uncle was wrong then, but thought they would have an opportunity to talk about it later. But they never talked about it, because Uncle just strode in and started fixing everything after Zuko got shot and couldn't Uncle see that was the way it was meant to be. He was meant to be firelord now, not Zuko.

Uncle said that he had only done all that because Zuko was injured. He never thought that Zuko would think that Iroh was trying to take over what was rightfully his position. Zuko said that it was rightfully Iroh's position and even if it wasn't he would want Iroh to take over, because Zuko sure as hell wasn't ready to be firelord.

Uncle said that ready or not, Zuko had to do this. If there was to be any hope of peace, Zuko would have to do this. The various provinces in the earth kingdom had made it abundantly clear that they would never consider making peace with Iroh. Iroh was called the dragon of the west for **a reason.** He had successfully run campaign after campaign in the earth kingdom. Much blood had been spilled because of Iroh and he would never be free of that legacy. It haunted all his actions and every act of diplomacy would be affected by it. But Zuko was young, he was _untainted by all that._ The various provinces would not be opposed to making peace with him.

Zuko vehemently disagreed. He said that Uncle might have done…_all that_ when he was younger, but he was different now and he could make people see that. They shouldn't decided who would be firelord, soley based on what the other nations thought. What about the firenation? The firenation needed someone like Iroh in charge. The firenation needed someone **who knew what they were doing.**

The firenation needed a strong leader, and Zuko was still recovering and wasn't feeling too strong these days. He started saying that he was stupid at politics and would be even more useless at diplomacy and worthless at negotiations and his Uncle was being ridiculous. I hated hearing him talk about himself like that. Stupid, useless, worthless. I realized with a start that Zuko was using the words that Ozai had used to describe him, when we took him out of the airship. I don't know if he was doing this unconsciously or not, but it broke my heart to hear it all the same.

It seemed to have a similar affect on Iroh, hearing Zuko talk like that. He reached forward and grabbed Zuko by the shoulders and seemed torn between shaking him and hugging him. He settled for saying very intently _you listen to me good Zuko! You are not stupid! You are not useless! And you are not worthless! And you are going to be a wonderful firelord!_ This was evidently not what Zuko wanted to hear because he shook his Uncle off and said he couldn't talk to him right now, because Uncle **wasn't even listening** to him. And he stormed off in high dudgeon.

I instantly got up to go after him, but Piandao reached out and put his arm in front of me and stopped me. He said that he knew that Zuko probably just needed a little bit of time now. I disagreed in my head, but I felt that it would be churlish to say this to Piandao and so I sat back down with some disgruntlement.

-?-

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Lovely wonderful readers! If you have read this enormous chapter then huge thanks to you! If you plan on leaving a review for this one, then giant enormous thanks with a cherry on top for you. Four cherries for you glen coco, you go glen coco!

So the primary purpose of this chapter was to fill in a few more holes and establish a few things and naturally YMMV on anything and everything. One of the things I wanted to address was Ty Lee and the Kyoshi warriors. So Suki forgives Ty Lee enough to take her under her wing and let her into the warriors? Hhhmmm. At first this surprised me, but then on thinking about it, I came up with some fanwank. Suki has come to the realization that she cannot hold on to these grudges, maintain her dislike for the firenation, if there is to be lasting peace. Also, how can you maintain a dislike for someone so…pink and cuddly. anyway I do think that this shift in attitude would be crucial if the peace between the nations is going to last.

However the decision to make Ty Lee a Kyoshi warrior surprised me on another front as well. I firmly believe that Ty Lee is an untrained airbender, for a start. She looks very ethnically similar to Aang (similar face, same colour/shaped eyes). She also can do things that I think only someone with at least airbending potential could do eg. jumping atop that **giant statue** in the crossroads of destiny. I thought that a reveal that she was an untrained airbender, or had airbender heritage would have been in the final. Benefits are many - Aang wouldn't be _the OMG last airbender_ and that in itself is a more hopeful ending, because it implies that there could be more people like Ty Lee out there, who have airbending potential, but don't know it. Also I think it would make sense for Ty, story-telling wise.

Ty Lee is a bit of a nomad who wants to stand out and being one of only two airbenders would definitely achieve that for her. One of the key things that drives Ty Lee is her desire to stand out and be noticed and get attention. She wants to differentiate herself from her sisters. However the Kyoshi warriors all dress alike and do their make-up alike and try to look as homogenous as possible. They are very much like a matched set. It just surprised me that Ty Lee would choose that for herself, because that was the one thing she was very intent on escaping. So my theory is that this is not a permament binding decision. Ty Lee will go through a time of searching, now that she no longer has Azula to follow. she will try out a few other things.

At first she might look for another equally strong personality to give her guidance – like Suki. I think Suki would be a good role model for Ty Lee and would help her turn her life around. I do think Ty Lee is mostly a good person, she is just very easily led/bowed by Azula's fierceness. Anyway I think after some time with the warriors and some time spent finding her feet and finding out who she is without Azula will be good for Ty Lee. However, ultimately she will choose something different for herself (and I have a good idea what that will be – but you will have to wait).

I also think that despite everything, Ty Lee would still care for Azula, in a confused and hopeless way. They have been friends a very long time. I think Mai would be much more stern and unforgiving of Azula initially, but Ty Lee has a more forgiving heart and just oozes sunshine and rainbows anyway and I just can't see her holding a grudge. Azula had been absent for these last few chapters, but both Zuko and Ty Lee are thinking about her and do want to see her. Also Ming has been given a big "promotion" if you want to call it that. Iroh would have offered her the job of being in charge of guarding Azula, with lots of perks and a big salary increase. However it will be hard for Ming to leave this job/take time away from the firenation and this will factor into her and Bato's new burgeoning relationship. Anyway we will see how Ming and Azula interact and how Azula will react to both Zuko and Ty Lee in later chapters.

So Katara gets to vent about the menfolk in her tribe to like-minded girls and this would have been very therapeutic for her. Suki suggests she talk to Hakoda about all this because Hakoda is chief after all. Suki hypothesizes that because Katara is one of them (the chief's daughter in fact) her words will have more sway than Kyoshi arsekicking. I think the ingrained patriarchal attitudes in the water-tribes would need to be addressed on a few different fronts, so just arse kicking will not be sufficient. I also think it would be nice for Katara to know that Sokka backs her up completely in this matter. I think Sokka has grown over the series and has come to see it totally Katara's way. However he has also experienced feeling invisible and inferior in comparison to her. So I thought it would be a nice moment for them, because Katara gets to reaffirm his importance to her and how much his opinion matters.

Also Katara has a talent for speech making and especially making speeches off the cuff. She practices a speech for Zuko that she just pulls out of thin air and he is most impressed by this ability. Now that everybody is back and every house is just full of people, it is going to be much harder for Katara and Zuko to get time together, just the two of them. And this is something that they will both be conscious of. However they will both find sneaky ways/excuses for being with the other.

Hakoda is a bit uncertain what is going on with them. He did want to ask Katara first, after he got conflicting messages from Toph and Suki. However, after talking to her, he is just as confused as ever. He's a worried dad, and there is a lot of _she is his little girl and he's not ready for her to be doing all these grown up things _involved in his worry. But more than that, as his daughter she has a position in the tribe and he would have a more realistic grasp of how the tribe will react to Katara being romantically involved with an outsider, especially someone from the firenation. The water tribes are very insular after all, and the firenation has been their enemy for over a century. It would not go over well.

Also I think Hakoda would harbor some resentment to the firenation as a whole, for the loss of his wife/all the raids/loss of prestige of the southern water tribe (at one point it was a city to rival the northern water tribe after all). He likes individuals from the firenation, but is a little wary about the firenation, on the whole. I mean he likes Zuko and Iroh and Chit Sang well enough. His attitude is nothing against them as people. He really gets along with Iroh and has great appreciation for Zuko and worked together with Chit Sang for months. But all the same, he would still not be eager for Katara to have a romantic attachment to anyone from the firenation. I also think he would be much more particular about who Katara got involved with romantically, as opposed to Sokka's choice of partner.

Hakoda's attitude will change with time, but right now he has a very understandable wariness of the firenation. I think this attitude will be quite common and would probably be the mildest reaction to the coming peace. I think there will be many, like Jet, who will want revenge as well as peace. Everybody in the other nations wants peace, but I think few people would be willing to outright trust the firenation/Zuko and Iroh straight out. There has been 100 years of war after all and that will leave many people feeling a bit resentful and a bit wary of a once-aggressor declaring that the war is over, simply because they have decided to stop attacking at this point.

So Hakoda feels a lot of wariness towards any fire/water coupling at this point. He doesn't yet know about Bato and Ming – Bato is keeping schtum on that point and Katara will keep his secret for him too (though they will have a conversation about it later). In the firenation however, I think there would be a lot of fascination with Watertribe people. They are very exotic and good looking and so different! I think that would be eroticized and fetishised up to a point and I used Ty Lee's rather superficial desire for anyone from the water tribes to demonstrate this.

There is a big party at the water tribe house, this chapter – which we don't get to see much of because Katara doesn't attend. I actually think it would have been a bit of a **boys only** party anyway, and that is also part of the reason why Toph doesn't go. I think it would have been a spur of the moment thing. Iroh and Hakoda would have checked out the cellar at the villa and been impressed with the vast array of booze. They would have procured a few bottles and things would have gone from there. I think Iroh is a bit of a party animal actually and can make a party wherever he goes. He is a wily, wicked man. Anyway this night would have been full of drunken shenanigans and revelry and much fun would have been had by all. it is the water tribe warriors first night of freedom after months of imprisonment, and so they want to do some celebrating.

Aang also gets drunk for the first time in this chapter. He would have gone with the menfolk, who are all fascinated by him because of his avatar status and would have been giving him lots of positive re-enforcement. He would have been bemoaning his problems with Katara. I think that in the water tribe, booze of some description would have been used as a cure for **women trouble.** So Aang would have told them all about his problems with Katara (Aang isn't shy about his feelings – remember how he told all the prisoners his tale of lady-woe in the _Avatar day_ episode.) One of the warriors would have said something like _I know what will make you feel better _and would have offered Aang some whiskey. And Aang is willing to try anything once and would have exceptionally low alcohol tolerance to begin with. And so the poor little guy spends most of this chapter disgusting hungover. Katara would feel sorry for him, in his sad hungover panda state and she tends to him. She still wants to have a serious talk with him, but Aang thinks that everything is instantly better, because Katara is mothering him again.

There is a little moment with Toph and Zuko in this chapter. I think that Toph would still be disturbed by being held hostage by Ozai and would be having a few nightmares about it. She never likes to admit weakness and would have been very private about this. She would have told Sokka at one point, in private, and he would have hugged her and told her that Ozai can't get her now, because he is locked away. Toph also tells herself this, but it doesn't help. It implies that Ozai cannot get her because he is locked away – and that is not confronting the fear, but containing it. Also Sokka would have fussed a bit and tried to be all comforting and Toph wouldn't want that sort of fuss and so she would have dropped the subject with him.

She has been trying to work up to telling Zuko all night. She doesn't really want to go to sleep and has cajoled him into reading _love amongst the dragons_ to her. She wants to hang out with him anyway, and she reckons that he would be better able to understand what it is like to be scared of Ozai. Zuko originally goes the Sokka route and says that Ozai is locked up, so she doesn't need to be scared. But then he gives her some much better advice. He points out her own skill and abilities and how she beat him **all on her own,** even when she was scared. This is a much more empowering message for Toph. He is reassuring her of her own prowess, rather than Ozai's imprisonment. The imprisonment is something that Toph has no control over, but her own prowess is always in her own hands. If she ever encounters Ozai again, she has the ability to beat the crap out of him, and that is why she shouldn't be scared of him- not because he is locked up. Toph needed to hear something like this, more than she needed well-meaning, comforting platitudes.

I also think that Zuko himself needs to hear something like this himself, but saying it to Toph would have helped him too. I think that Zuko has been quite traumatized by Ozai and would have nightmares about him too. When Toph was saying how he seemed so big and bad and powerful, that would have been exactly how little Zuko would have felt in the Agni Kai arena and that would have touched a nerve for him. Toph was able to overcome her monster straight away, but Zuko wasn't.

I think that Zuko is trying to put Ozai and his childhood behind him. But he has still internalized a lot of what he heard and what happened to him as a kid. I think Ozai's lasting legacy for Zuko will be his negative self image. In many ways Zuko acts so proud and so full of bluster to better hide how insecure he feels. I think that Zuko would have been called **stupid, useless, worthless** a fair bit as a kid. In the _avatar state,_ he confesses to Iroh that he only really wants his father not to see him as worthless – that phrase didn't come the Agni Kai, it came from years of being put down in such a fashion. When Iroh tells him he will have to be firelord, he immediately brings up all the different ways his father told him he was incapable, and it breaks Iroh's heart to hear it. However, I think it also shows how much Trust Zuko has in his Uncle, to be able to say such things so openly and honestly to him.

They have an argument here over who should be firelord. This whole time Zuko has thought that Iroh would be firelord, because he is essentially acting firelord at the moment, while Iroh has thought that he was simply holding down the fort/easing Zuko's way. That was why Uncle was so insistent that Zuko attend the interviews and get to know his future staff. Uncle was starting to try and ease Zuko into the responsibilities of firelord. Zuko would have agreed to go along eventually, so that he could help in the selection process for Azula's guards. I think that Zuko would definitely want her watched properly, but he would also want her to be taken care of by kind people. He would not have guessed at Uncle's ulterior motive and Uncle would not even know that this would be considered an ulterior motive.

Then of course, Uncle had a bit **too much fun** the night before and Zuko has to take over the bulk of the interviews anyway. I think Zuko would have a big sense of responsibility, and after he has agreed to do something, he fully intends to do it, and he would want to do it properly. Toph is there to make sure that people are honestly answering the questions and do not intend to harm Zuko or Iroh. She likes her unique skill set being acknowledged and being so useful to them.

Except in the case of Li and Lo. Both Toph and Zuko wish they could have some sort of ear bleach after that interview. Li and Lo would have flirted with Iroh in a shameless fashion and there would have been one cheeky double entendre too many for Toph and Zuko. I think Iroh had a lot of fun with the twins in his younger days – but the young'uns don't want to hear about it now. Li and Lo didn't get their old jobs back because Zuko doesn't really have much need of them, not because they were perverts. They were Azula's advisors, and were much more involved with her, than anything else. There isn't really a position for them now, because Zuko would not want them to announce it dramatically every time he enters a room – which appeared to be one of their chief responsibilities for Azula. But they have served the royal family loyally for years and so he would have offered them a very generous retirement package. And now they can retire to Ember Island and have all their aches smoothed away etc. They would have been the first people that Zuko would have had to 'fire' so to speak. He would have been nervous, but they would have taken it very well. I think they were probably a bit shaken by all the shenanigans when Azula was firelord, and would be more than happy to take a generous retirement package and a life of peace and no royal hassles.

Anyway, I actually do not think Zuko is emotionally ready at the end of season three to be firelord – but he's going to get pushed into it anyway. I firmly think that Iroh has to stay with him and help him out – because Zuko does not know how to drive this thing yet, but his desire to make tea and play Pai Sho all day will come up.

Iroh has also spent a small fortune on buy/commissioning presents for everyone. Iroh is a shopper who now has access to the riches of the firenation again. so some shopping sprees were always going to happen after all. I think Iroh is a very gracious man, and is deeply indebted to the Gaang for all that they did in ending the war – so everyone is going to get a lavish gift, as a sigh of Iroh's thanks. Toph is getting a personalized stone pai sho set. She would have expressed some interest in the game, back at camp old people, but said it would have been hard for her to play because she couldn't 'see' the game very well. Iroh, who is determined to spread the pai sho love to everyone he meets, would have set about remedying this.

He has also ordered an extravagant amount of presents for Zuko's birthday. Zuko's first birthday as firelord is going to be an EVENT, no matter what Zuko says about the matter. I actually think that Zuko would hate the fuss and attention of a big birthday parties. He feels self conscious with a lot of attention anyway. He, in direct opposition to his Uncle, hates parties and is very socially awkward at them. His Uncle on the other hand, will want the whole shebang – he'll want the best of everything for Zuko and they will have many adorable arguments about this. I think Iroh and Zuko are hilarious together – with Zuko being the straight man to Iroh's more out there personality. All their bickering in this chapter is filled with love. Zuko actually wouldn't mix the white dragon bush tea with the cheap and nasty stuff – but he knows that this will get his Uncle moving. However, their argument over who will be firelord is much more serious than any shenanigans involving tea and it will continue on into the next chapter.

Til then lovely readers….


	49. Apologies and Interruptions

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Apologies, interruptions and responsibilities

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Zuko stomped off towards the gates. I tried waiting and 'giving him space', as per Piandao's direction, but that's **really not my style**. So I discreetly got up and followed him. I caught sight of him a long way down the street – striding away fast on his long legs. There were a few more people milling around today. I lost sight of him once and had to squint into the distance to spot him. He put his hand on a stone gate attached to a big circular stone building. It glowed briefly, opened and then closed quickly behind him. The sign on the door said **designated firebending training area. Non-benders prohibited. **Because I was a bender, I tried opening it, but the door had one of those crazy lock things, like at the airtemples – it could only be opened by a firebender. Boo!

I heard a frustrated yell and the whooshing of fast and furious fireballs from beyond the door – so I could guess what he was doing. I started looking for ways around this bloody door and walked around the perimeter of the building.. I came across another door around the back, and next to it was a small window – just big enough to see out of. It was probably used for checking out who was at the door, once upon a time. I ended up looking through it. Zuko was in the centre and blasting of fireballs in every direction, in a way that I found rather mesmerizing. Mmmmhhhh.

I was equally captivated and worried by the display. I've always loved watching Zuko firebend and he obviously needed to let off some of this angry energy. But he hadn't bent with that much ferocity in a while and I didn't think it was such a good idea. Dr Yang said he could bend again, but she said he should do nothing too taxing. This was extremely taxing. I wasn't surprised to hear a sharp hissing intake of breath after the sound of fireballs stopped. He clutched his chest and grimaced for a second. I was about to knock on the door loudly and demand he let me in – giving him space be damned – when I heard a surprising voice. Jeong Jeong's. He said something like _very impressive display prince Zuko _and Zuko gave a yelp of surprise.

Jeong Jeong and Aang were squatting on the sides lines in what looked like a rather uncomfortable position. Aang said _hey Zuko, are you here to take over the lesson?_ in an especially hopeful and optimistic voice. Zuko said he wasn't and Aang's face fell dramatically. Aang asked what Zuko was doing there and Zuko started to doing the _awkward-trying-to-come-up-with-a-plausible-sounding-lie-and-failing _thing that he does.

Jeong Jeong interrupted him and said that the Avatar should not be asking such questions during their lesson. Aang needed to be silent, concentrate and widen his stance if he hoped to master this technique. Aang grumbled something that sounded like _you're not even looking _at Jeong Jeong's back, but complied. Zuko, looking to divert the subject from his tantrum, asked what technique they were doing.

_Breathing_ Aang deadpanned. Jeong Jeong snapped _yes breathing_ at Aang. He started to elaborate that breathing and self discipline and self control were absolutely crucial for mastering firebending. Aang rolled his eyes behind Jeong Jeong. Jeong Jeong said _do not roll your eyes at this young Avatar! _Aang looked somewhat startled. Jeong Jeong started saying to Zuko (as Zuko was the Avatar's previous firebending instructor and Jeong Jeong was sure he would agree) that he had been trying to impress upon Aang the immense destructive power of firebending. Jeong Jeong went on in this vein for sometime.

Fire, in the wrong hands, **is destructive.** That much power, in unprepared, immature and impulsive hands, caused **catastrophe.** Firebending was a **terrible burden** and not a gift and the Avatar needed to take this seriously and close his eyes and meditate.

Jeong Jeong closed his eyes, but Aang did not. He looked pleadingly at Zuko and mouthed _save me _and started gesturing at him. Zuko shrugged to indicate that he didn't understand the gestures. Aang made a frustrated little face and used one hand to mime a fat belly and the other to mime tea drinking. Zuko guessed _My uncle?_ In a perplexed sounding voice. Aang nodded enthusiastically. Jeong Jeong opened one eye and said _what was that Prince Zuko?_ Aang started frantically miming behind Jeong Jeong and Zuko seemed to get it (after a very long and awkward pause). He said, sounding a bit perplexed _My Uncle...wants to talk ..to you…you Jeong Jeong… not Aang….right now. _Jeong Jeong also looked perplexed, but then nodded, got up and told Aang to keep meditating til he got back. Then he left out the door that Zuko had entered.

As soon as he was gone, Aang burst forth with many complaints about Jeong Jeong. He flopped down on the benches dramatically and told Zuko all about how Jeong Jeong had woken him up so early, just to drag him here at the crack of dawn and meditate. He wouldn't let Aang do any proper bending and kept saying that Aang wasn't ready and lacked self control, even though Aang had defeated the firelord and was the Avatar. In short, everything was terrible. Zuko sat on the benches next to Aang and listened to his stream of complaints. He said that Jeong Jeong was right and this stuff was important and Aang would have up learn it someday.

Aang frowned and then asked if he could learn it from Zuko instead because Zuko was a much more fun firebending teacher than Jeong Jeong. Zuko smiled at being called 'more fun' but declined. He would be too busy to be Aang's firebending teacher now. Also Jeong Jeong was trying to teach Aang self control. In case it had slipped Aang's notice, self control wasn't really Zuko's strong point. He had come in here to have a **big fat tantrum** after all. Aang nodded in comprehension and said _oh that's what that was _as if he had only just realized_._

There was a slight awkward pause and Aang asked what Zuko was upset about. Zuko shrugged and said it didn't matter and Aang didn't need to worry. Aang did not accept that. He said that he was the Avatar and Zuko could tell him. Zuko said that Aang probably wouldn't understand. Aang said he might, if Zuko just told him. He'd had 112 years of experience and plenty of past lifetimes – and in one of those past lives he was Zuko's great grandfather after all, and it was only natural that Aang would want to help out his great…. Zuko's head popped up and he said _if you call me your great grandson right now, I'll go tell Jeong Jeong you were mediating in the wrong stance and you'll have to do this morning's lesson all over again _quite stroppily. Aang was silenced.

The silence became awkward and it was clear that Zuko felt a little bad about snapping at him, because he apologized for that and said that he was just a little stressed and his Uncle had just given him some rather alarming news. Aang asked _what news?_ Zuko was quiet. Aang started saying _come on, just tell me already! _Zuko huffed and said _oh, you're going to find out anyway. My Uncle wants me to be firelord. _He added _happy now? _with some disgruntlement.

It appeared that Aang missed the sarcasm in that last question because he said that was great news! Now Aang would be the Avatar and Zuko would be the Firelord and they could do really cool stuff together and it would be awesome. Zuko said it wouldn't be awesome, bluntly. He said there would be so much pressure and expectation and responsibility. His Uncle had just pretty much told him that he would **have** to be firelord and Zuko didn't feel ready. Aang asked, after a slight pause, _What makes you think I wouldn't understand that? _ Aang said quietly that he understood all too well. He knew all about what it felt like to have a giant responsibility forced on you when you didn't feel ready for it.

Zuko looked up at him in surprise. Aang's words seemed to snap him out of his self pitying mope. Aang said that he also hadn't felt ready to be the Avatar. He knew exactly how Zuko felt. Zuko asked him what he had done, when the monks had told him – how did he deal with it? Aang said he had tried to pretend it wasn't true for a long time, but that didn't work. Aang trailed off sadly and then said that Zuko must know how Aang got in the iceberg in the first place with a shrug. But Zuko didn't know the full story (only I knew that) and he said as much.

Aang looked a little shamefaced but he did tell him. He told him all about how everyone, all his friends had started treating him differently when they found out he was the Avatar. Everyone except Monk Gyatso that is. And then the elder monks wanted to send Aang away, because he was too attached to Monk Gyasto and needed to train as the Avatar. Aang hadn't wanted any of that at all, he hadn't wanted to be sent away from the Southern Air Temple and he hadn't wanted for everything to change. And he **hated** being the Avatar right then. He hated how it made people look at him differently and how he suddenly had so much responsibility and wasn't allowed to have fun anymore. So he ran away. Aang told Zuko all about the storm and ending up in the iceberg and then waking up 100 years later.

Zuko listened to Aang's story and then said quietly that he never knew, he always thought that Aang loved being the Avatar, for the most part. Aang said he did like it a lot more now, but at the time, when he had first been told, it had seemed like nothing but trouble and responsibility and hardship. Aang imagined that's what being firelord looked like now to Zuko. Zuko said perhaps it did, but he didn't think Aang's solution of running away and going to live in an iceberg was going to help him (with just a twinge of sarcasm). Aang muttered that it hadn't helped him either.

Aang said that he'd been thinking a bit about it. The running away that is. Ever since I had shouted at Aang about his tendency to run away, Aang hadn't really stopped thinking about it. He'd come to realise he couldn't keep running away anymore, because that didn't make all the things he was running from go away. They were always waiting for him when he got back. Aang said he realized that he could only put things off for so long…and then whatever he was avoiding was going to happen to him anyway.

Zuko nodded and said _so you are saying that I should just graciously accept being firelord now because it's going to happen anyway?_ Aang said softly that he thought being firelord wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. Zuko said that it could be. If Zuko screwed up as firelord, it could plunge the firenation into a civil war or even worse, restart the war on the rest of the world. We'd all fought too hard for a peace to have something like that happen.

Aang said that the war was over and we had won, and it wouldn't be restarted. Zuko shrugged and said that Aang had defeated Ozai and we had stopped the airship fleet – but the firenation still had a huge military and lots of people who thought exactly like Ozai and maintaining a peace wasn't going to be easy. Aang nodded and looked a little sad.

Zuko said that his main objection was just that he didn't feel ready or adequate to lead the country right now. If he was to be firelord, he'd want to do it when he was older and could do a proper job of it. He didn't want to let anybody down. The firenation had huge problems and would face even more problems and would need a massive restructuring of everything! Zuko had no idea how to go about dealing with any of that. Aang said that for what it was worth, he thought Zuko would be a good firelord – even if he was being a _Mr Grumpypants_ about it now – because Zuko was worried about all this stuff already and that showed he cared. Zuko muttered _thanks Aang _grumpily, but then he added that simply caring probably wasn't going to be enough to fix the country.

Aang flicked him in the forehead to get his attention and told him he had to stop being so negative. Zuko looked up a bit startled at being flicked in the forehead. Aang said that when he had hated being the Avatar, Monk Gyatso had taught him to look on the brightside and would make him list positive things about being the Avatar. Looking on the brightside really helped. Aang was trying to get a smile out of Zuko and he got up and flitted around and started singing this song about **Always looking on the bright side of life.** Zuko waved him off and told him _the singing really isn't necessary–_ but he did say this with a smile. So Aang sat back down looking satisfied.

Zuko said _fine – what's the bright side of being the Avatar then?_ Aang started listing all the things he liked about it. Everybody had to listen to him and respect his opinion. Zuko nodded and said that was a pretty good perk. Aang said that as the Avatar, he always got free stuff wherever he went. Zuko said _free stuff is good._ Aang said that he got to travel and meet heaps of great new people and have adventures. Zuko said those were all good things. Aang said that normally people in the earth kingdom and the water tribes just adored him and adoration was nice. Zuko concurred that adoration was a nice thing.

But he said that none of these perks would work for being firelord. The firelord didn't get free stuff or adventures, people in the rest of the world hated the firenation, and nobody ever listened to Zuko, ever. Aang said that wasn't true and he listened. Zuko gave him a Look. _I listen… sometimes_ Aang amended.

Aang thought for a second and said that Roku said that the Avatar could get any girl he wanted, that would work for the firelord too. That was a great perk. Zuko snorted and said he wouldn't want that at all. Aang was perplexed and Zuko explained. He said that he wouldn't want someone to be with him _-just because he was the firelord__**.**_He added that he knew it was vain and stupid and probably impossible, but he would much prefer to be loved for himself and not his position. And surely Aang wouldn't want a girl to be with him, just because he was the Avatar? Aang looked thoughtful for a second and then said _no, I wouldn't want that either. _

There was a slight pause and the Aang said there must be some upside to being firelord. He thought deeply for a second and then said that 100 years ago – the firelord's birthday was like the biggest public holiday ever! And everyone had such a fun time and there'd been fireworks and festivals and it was awesome! Having that sort of holiday for your birthday would be great. Zuko made a grumpy face, but with effort he schooled his features. I know Zuko's **views** on parties – but he could see that Aang was really trying to cheer him up and he didn't want to boo Aang's suggestion to his face, so he said something non-committal about that being nice.

Aang seemed encouraged by this success and he said it was now Zuko's turn to come up with something good about being firelord. Zuko looked imploringly at the ceiling and asked_ do I have to?_ Aang nodded in affirmation. Zuko sighed and thought and huffed and rolled his eyes and said he would be able to eat as many fireflakes as he wanted from here on out and no one would be able to stop him. Aang said _see there is a brightside after all!_

-?-

Aang and Zuko decided to head back to the house so that Aang could have breakfast. Jeong Jeong had said that Aang would meditate better on an empty stomach – but now Aang was starving .They walked together and I followed from a distance. I didn't rush up and join them either. They'd had a nice moment and I felt a little weird about intruding now. But Zuko glanced behind a couple of times and I know that he saw me.

-?-

Aang got settled in front of the pastries and began munching away happily. I pretended that I had _just found them_ and sat with them. Zuko gave me a look, but Aang looked happy to see me and offered me various pastries and told me they were really good and I should try some. Aang's pastry joy was very short lived because Jeong Jeong came up behind him, and asked in his melodramatic voice, **why was Aang not training?**

Aang dropped his pastries and had a startled rabbiroo look about his face. Zuko interjected and said that he had allowed Aang a break and had invited him back here. Then he and Jeong Jeong had a small staring competition, which I think Zuko won, because Jeong Jeong said _very well_. And he told Aang that they would resume training tomorrow morning at sunrise and Aang had better meditate on fire's destructive power in the meantime. Aang said he would, but he wasn't fooling anyone. We all know that's a lie.

-?-

There was a tap on the veranda door and a small cough and the three of us looked around. Suki was there. She said she had been looking for Zuko everywhere and announced that she had _brought someone_ who wanted to see him. Ty Lee poked her head out from behind Suki and smiled uncertainly at him. Zuko smiled back at her and made a 'come here' gesture. She made a little delighted noise and did a small graceful flip over to us and then she flung herself at him and gave him a big hug. I was sitting right next to him and I nearly got her foot in my face – such was her enthusiasm for the hug.

I pointed this out and got a bit scoldy. Ty Lee nodded, then said _it was nice to see me again_ and flopped on me with a great deal of exuberance and gave me a big squishy hug instead. I think I must have made a very comical, surprised expression when she did this, because Zuko took one look at my face over Ty Lee's shoulder and then hid a smile behind his hand.

She turned back to Zuko and tried to apologize for everything. But he cut her off before she got far along into her apology. Zuko told her he'd never been angry at her to begin with. He knew what it was like…_with Azula._ He didn't blame her. She smiled widely at him and hugged him again. At that point Aang interjected with an _Oi! What's going on here?_ Aang was very perplexed by this turn of events.

Aang had leapt to his feet and away from Ty Lee when she arrived. He was looking at her with shocked eyes and was glancing between all of us like we were mad. Aang was only person Ty Lee hadn't hugged today (I presume Suki had already gotten her hug). I assumed that this not-hugged status was rapidly about to be remedied because Ty Lee got up quickly and wiped her eyes unnecessarily and walked towards Aang. He assumed an airbending stance immediately. Suki intervened and told him what she had told me- she'd allowed Ty Lee into the Kyoshi warriors and thought we all should give her a chance etc.

Ty Lee stood in front of Aang and apologized sincerely for all the attacking us that she had done with Azula and asked if Aang could forgive her and if they could be friends. She came up really close to him and said she really, really wanted to be friends. Aang looked at her and then suddenly, he turned away shyly and started rubbing his neck a little nervously. I realized why pretty quickly.

Ty Lee has…err…a rather_ substantial_ chest. She has been blessed in the boob department in a way I have not been. Not that I am jealous or anything, but seriously – her boobs are huge! And because of the height difference between her and Aang – his eyeline is currently at boob height. Aang was preoccupied with looking **anywhere but her boobs** – but every time he glanced at her, his eyes were inevitably drawn boob-wards. She was oblivious and kept babbling.

Aang interrupted her and said he forgave her quickly. (Thank goodness – after all the shenanigans we have had over the F word, if Aang denied forgiveness to Ty Lee, I might have had another rant at him.) Ty Lee made a joyous noise and pulled Aang into a squishy hug and mushed his face right into her **ample** bosom. Aang seemed rather pleased with this turn of events.

Boys!

Ty Lee then seemed to notice that someone was missing. She glanced around with some confusion and then said _wait a minute, where's Mai? _This comment was addressed to Zuko, but he also looked around in confusion, before he looked back at Ty Lee and said that he thought Mai would be with her. Ty Lee said she wasn't and she'd always thought Mai would be with him. Zuko said _why would she be with me? _with some confusion. He added he'd always assumed that they'd been locked up together.

Ty Lee tutted and said of course Azula wouldn't lock them up together. She always liked to make things…_difficult._ Mai had been sent to the Azulon's Tower and Ty Lee had been sent to Iron Cove. She came over and sat next to Zuko again and said quietly _Azula wanted me close. So it would be…more convenient…. for her to visit me_. Her voice shook a little here and Zuko put a hand on her shoulder and gave it a little reassuring squeeze. She took two big deep gulps of air and seemed to shake it off and said _I'm okay_ in a big rush. She didn't get off so bad and Mai had it worse. Zuko's eyes widened in alarm and he asked what had happened to Mai.

Ty Lee said that we had to remember that Azula was really mad. And Mai's parents were already in so much trouble for losing control over New Ozai _– I mean Omashu-_ she corrected herself. Mai's parents were under house arrest anyway. Azula had them all transferred to the Azulon's Tower, so the whole family could share the experience. She said _Mai and her mother have been locked up together for months _with a great deal of drama, as if this was the worst thing in the entire world.

Zuko winced and said that was _too mean,_ even for Azula. And Ty Lee agreed. She added that the Warden at the Azulon's Tower let Mai and her family have letter writing privileges – as a favour to her Uncle. In her last letter, she said that none of them had killed each other yet, but it was a close thing and Ty Lee was only 70% sure she was being sarcastic. Ty Lee then smiled brightly and said _but it's okay_. Now that all the prisoners of war were being released, Mai would be out of prison and on her way back here by now. Zuko's face registered a panicked expression. He didn't say anything for a second and looked like he was doing a difficult sum in his head. Then he swore and got up quickly.

Ty Lee was confused by this and said _Zuuuuuuko?_ Really drawling out the 'u' sound in a way that annoyed me. Zuko stammered/yammered _that he hadn't…he didn't think to… _He coughed and started again and said that everyone who was captured on day of black sun and the kysohi warriors were released on special dispensation. But…. He trailed off. _You forgot Mai!_ Ty Lee finished for him, her tone aghast. Zuko said that he had a lot of his mind lately, and he'd been shot by lightning defensively. Ty Lee said she didn't think that was going to cut it with Mai. He was in **so much trouble,** it wasn't even funny! Zuko said he knew that with resignation. Then he said that he had to go talk to his Uncle and left abruptly.

-?-

Ty Lee shook her head and said _Mai is never going to let him live this one down_ under her breath. I felt the need to defend Zuko from friggin Gloomy Hairbun's theoretical ire. I said that he really had a lot on his mind lately and he had been **very severely injured**. Ty Lee said she _totally got that,_ but Mai was not the _understanding type_. Ty Lee said that if it were me and I had been forgotten in prison by Zuko, I'd probably be as mad as all hell too. I had to concede this point. I don't think Zuko would ever forget me in prison, but if he did, he would never hear the end of it.

Ty Lee said I shouldn't look so worried and Zuko was _used _to being in trouble with Mai and they never made it through a couple of days without have a big blow out over something. So he could more than deal with the **barrage of gloomy anger** heading his way. This did not assuage me. Just the thought of Gloomy Hairbuns, herself, heading Zuko's way makes me **exceptionally cross.** I mean I feel bad for her that she got forgotten in prison. But seriously! What did he even see in her? She's so friggin gloomy and she's got those bloody hairbuns and knives and that's it!

She's just so ….urgh!

I mean…I still haven't told him how I feel about him and we aren't going out or anything…but I just feel like he's still kind of …mine. He's mine and I don't want to have to share him with friggin Gloomy Hairbuns!

I wanted to get Zuko alone so that we could have a big talk about everything that had happened this morning. But now the house was full of people and he had just strode off to go save Gloomy Hairbuns from her mother and I couldn't see how we were going to get a moment together in the near future. Maybe I could pull him aside for a "healing session" later. I wanted to tell him that it was alright and fine to want to help Gloomy Hairbuns and let her out of prison, but that if he wanted _anything else_ from Miss Gloomy and her ridiculous amount of knives – I was certainly going to have something to say about that!

Suki reminded Ty Lee gently that they were meant to be doing a Chi blocking lesson today. Now that Ty Lee had apologized to Zuko, they should really get back to that. Ty Lee made a delighted sounding noise and said _oh yes, Chi blocking!...eerr where we up to?_ Suki said that she had been talking a lot about _auras_ and _chakras_ and _cosmic-wosmic-energy_ in a flat tone of voice. I don't know how Suki said cosmic-wosmic and kept a straight face at the same time. Perhaps because she wins at life. I decided to sit in on the lesson, because I didn't have anything pressing to do and I really just wanted to understand _how_ Ty Lee did it. Aang also seemed intrigued and asked if he could learn too and Ty Lee nodded eagerly.

Ty Lee got us to sit cross-legged and think on the cosmic-wosmic energy around us. I asked about the swirly-wirly-wibbly-wobbly energy she was getting the Kyoshi warriors to concentrate on the other night but Ty Lee said that swirly-wirly-wibbly-wobbly energy came after cosmic wosmic energy. She tried to explain the difference in these two energies to me, but the difference still eludes me. Aang seemed to understand perfectly and tried to help Ty Lee with her explanations. But they only both succeeded in confusing me and Suki.

Ty Lee wanted us to try and sense each other's auras – which was unsuccessful. So she said that instead we should try open our chakras. Aang's eyes leapt open in delight and he turned to her abruptly and said _you believe in chakras! _with a great deal of excitement. Ty Lee scoffed and said believe in them, of course she did! Chakras were real! Just like unicorns were real (though Ty Lee herself has never seen one.) Who wouldn't believe in chakras? Aang cast a sly glance at Suki and me and said _oh just some people I know._

Ty Lee said she felt very sorry for those people indeed. Not believing in charkas was silly. Open chakras meant an open mind and we'd all need open minds for chi blocking. Aang was a bit enthusiastic at finding someone else who was into chakras. Aang asked her what else she believed in. He was rewarded with a long list.

This chi blocking lesson was going a little awry, but Ty Lee and Aang seemed to be having such a good time that neither Suki or I had the heart to interrupt them. Ty Lee would say she believed in something a bit ridiculous and Aang would say _me too! _ After a while, Aang asked, with trepidation and a big worried glance at me, if Ty Lee believed in Lionturtles.

Ty Lee said of course she did! (no surprise there). Lionturtles were** awesome**. They were just so large and wise and beautiful. Aang looked so heart-breakingly happy right then. He must have been feeling so sad that none of us believed him about the lionturtle – to look **this happy** that Ty Lee believed in them. He jumped forward and gave her a huge hug and she squealed in delight and hugged him back.

Ty Lee said that Lionturtles were so mystical and she'd always wanted to see one, but she didn't think that the spirits would bless her that way. However she did have lots of dreams about them. Ty Lee was sure the dreams _meant something._ Mai used to tell her that it _meant_ she was eating too much cheese before bed, but Ty Lee disagreed. Aang said that Ty Lee was right and her dreams must _mean_ something. He still dreamed about his lionturtle after all, and maybe there was one out there for Ty Lee. Ty Lee was astonished that he had seen a lionturtle and he told her the whole story of his wacky lionturtle adventure – looking glad that he finally had a captivated audience at last.

Suki and I have both heard this story several times and sensing that no more chi-blocking was going to take place today – we both got up and went over to the tea table and left them to it. They were sitting cross-legged in front of each other and Aang was telling the story with a great deal of animation (big gestures and big facials) and Ty Lee was listening, entranced. I may have heard this story several times, but I have never heard it told with such delight. Aang has always explained it really defensively and sounded like he was making excuses. Now he sounded like he had done something that was the Lionturtle equivalent of riding the Unagi.

Just the mention of the lionturtle used to fill me with irritation. But seeing how happy Aang was talking about it to someone willing to listen, gave me pause for thought. The Lionturtle filled Aang with joy and perhaps I should not be so hard on him about it. It still annoys the crap out of me, but it makes him so happy. And maybe I shouldn't have judged him so harshly.

-?-

Zuko came back and flopped next to me, looking a bit frustrated and despondent. I got him the little bowl of fireflakes from the centre of the table and he smiled at me gratefully (as fireflakes always cheer him up when he makes that face). I asked how it went and he said that he hadn't been able to find his Uncle, but he had looked everywhere. Then he had ended up just writing to the Warden himself. He'd copied out the _special dispensation for prisoner release_ Uncle had drawn up for the Kyoshi warriors. He'd wanted to get the language exactly right and had just changed the names. Then he'd borrowed the official seal and sent it off.

I asked how long he thought it would take and he sighed and said _ages._ Apparently Azulon's Tower was even further away from the capital than Boiling Rock. It was on one of the far islands. It was designed for the nobility under house arrest and other people who hadn't really committed any discernible crime, but needed to be kept out of sight and out of mind. And now Mai was stuck there with her mother and father and probably Tom Tom as well, in prison.

Zuko was feeling guilty because he never meant to get her into trouble. They'd broken up badly(Yay!) but he still thought of her as a friend. I was most glad to hear that he thinks that he and miss Gloomy are no longer an item and he does not seem to feel amorous towards her. He just seems mostly concerned and guilty. Zuko said he hadn't really thought about her in such a long time - but now he'd forgotten her in prison and she was going to be angrier than a charging Tigerdillo when he saw her next. She got pissed off for days if she even had to spend a weekend with her parents – being locked in prison with them would send her over there edge.

Is this what Gloomy Hairbuns and Zuko had in common? They both have messed-up, abusive parents? I asked what was so bad about her parents – in honest curiosity. Zuko shrugged and said he didn't know. Her dad was a politician and an arse-kisser, and her mum was a bit vapid, but mostly they were nice enough. The whole thing would frustrate Zuko a little bit because he didn't really understand the problem or why Mai got so mad at them. He would have given anything to see his mother again but Mai just complained about her mother if she ever spoke about her. She'd complain about both her parents all the time and about how bourgeois it was to have a nice stable family. It seemed to me like he said that last bit with a note of bitterness – I know how much he wanted a nice stable family. It wouldn't be the sort of thing he would ever complain about.

He wanted to change the topic and I was glad of this because I didn't want to talk about friggin Gloomy Hairbuns anymore than I had to. He asked what we had been doing in the meantime. I told him that we had been trying to have a chi blocking lesson but Ty Lee had got **distracted.** I gestured over at Aang and Ty Lee, who had moved on from joyously exclaiming over lionturtles and were now having what appeared to be a backwards-walk-over competition. They were trying to see who was more flexible.

Ty Lee and Aang noticed us staring at them and came back over to us. Ty Lee apologized for getting distracted from the lesson. She said that Aang would probably need separate lessons, if he really wanted to learn because he was _way beyond_ us in terms of being able to sense the **colourful-cosmic-swirly-wirly-wibbly-wobbly-feeling-schmeeling energy**. Ty Lee thought he could probably sense an aura right now, if he really tried. Aang beamed at her and said _well yours is pink!_ Ty Lee giggled and said that was cheating and he only knew that because she told him. No, he should try sense one of us. _I know, try Zuko! _Ty Lee suggested.

Zuko made an exceptionally disgruntled face at her and said _why me? _Ty Lee said that he just "projected" his the most. His was really easy to read. She tilted her head and looked at him curiously and said say _wow, yours is looking so much better!_ _It's just a nice solid colour now._ Aang turned to her and asked if that was a good thing. Ty Lee said it was a very good thing in an encouraging listen-with-mother-voice. She asked Aang to tell her what Zuko's aura colour was. Next to me Zuko rolled his eyes and leaned his head back is resignation.

Aang started squinting at him and then he turned to Ty Lee and said _is it red? _Ty Lee clapped and said _it is red! Well done you! _to Aang. Aang smiled proudly at her. I am left with the distinct impression that Aang was just guessing. But I didn't want to burst his bubble in front of his new **best friend foreverest**.

Ty Lee and Aang sat across from us and she said _it's a very nice red_ to Zuko with a great deal of sincerity – as if she was worried that he would fret about his aura colour. Zuko said _thanks Ty Lee, I was really worried that it would be a terrible red. Really that's been keeping me up at night. _She said she was serious! His aura used to be this big old mess of colours – it was all over the place! It was seriously **the messiest aura** she'd ever seen. But now it had settled down and was just a nice shiny red! Zuko said _great _and gave her a thumbs up, with some sarcasm – which she missed, because she gave him a thumbs up back with enthusiasm.

-?-

Aang and Ty Lee went off to go fly about on Appa. Ty Lee had never been on a flying bison before and she was most excited and was hopping and skipping and jumping when she left. A few moments later I heard Ty Lee's ditzy voice overhead. She stated the obvious and yelled _I'm on a flying bison! _like she couldn't believe her good fortune. We waved and they passed over.

Sokka came along right after they had left – looking for me. He was hopping along on his new crutches and he was calling out my name excitedly. He had his _I am so full of gossip right now_ face on. He said he had so much to tell me and I had missed **the biggest scene** at the water tribe house.

He really wanted to tell me and he seemed really excited, so I humored him. Sokka flopped down next to Suki and showed off his new cast and crutches and we all made the right appreciative noises. Sokka said that Dr Yang had come to visit him this morning at the water tribe house. She had wanted to bring him his new crutches and check on how the new cast had set. Sokka and my Dad had a nice enough chat with Dr Yang and everything was very pleasant. Until Nukka made a comment about how Sokka was lucky to get a _hot firenation nurse to wait on him,_ a little lecherously.

Dr Yang was **exceptionally cross** and treated all the warriors present to a big speech. About respect mostly. Dr Yang gave all the menfolk such a scolding! They looked like a group of chastised four year olds by the time she was done. She was not a nurse, she was a doctor and she had not gone to university for ten years to be referred to as a nurse, thank-you-very-much. Furthermore, they were in the firenation now and as representatives of their tribe they needed to set a good example and be more respectful of women etc.

Sokka thought this would be of great interest to me, because now I would know that I was not the only person who wanted to give long ranty speeches and chastise the menfolk. I already knew this, but I thanked Sokka for passing it on all the same. Sokka wanted to give me a heads up that Dr Yang had mentioned me in her speech. She had said I was cleverer than five of the menfolk put together. Awww. I feel oddly touched. She so rarely says anything nice to my face. She's always so blunt with me. But it is nice to know that she thinks I am clever.

Sokka said that Dr Yang mentioned that she had tried to teach me a few things about firenation medicine, mid-rant. She had said this in order to prove the usefulness of firenation medicine to the menfolk, as some of them thought that Sokka should be treated the **old-fashioned water tribe way** (Sokka disagreed and much preferred the Fire nation way as it involved less snow and other things wet and cold). Anyway the way Dr Yang had said it, she had inadvertently made it sound like I was her…_apprentice_ or something. And now my dad was worried about my possible, hypothetical choice of career and wanted to have a talk to me about it.

Boo.

However talking about healing with dad will be infinitely less awkward that talking to him about Zuko. And if I want to end the conversation, I can just start talking to him about periods and menstrual cramps and how I am learning to "heal" those. Talking about periods is a conversation killer with my Dad. If I want to stop a conversation with my dad, this is sure fire way.

-?-

Sokka and Suki absconded to be romantic together – as they are wont to do. And it was just me and Zuko. Alone at last. I had been trying to think of ways to pull him aside all morning to have a chat to him, and at least now we had a chance. He wanted to talk to me too. He asked me directly why I had followed him this morning. He had seen me trailing behind at the market.

I fessed up that I had followed, but just because I was worried when he stormed off and I thought he might want somebody to talk to. But I hadn't been able to get in through the door. Zuko nodded in comprehension and said that the training arenas in more densely populated areas were designed so that only firebenders could go in. It prevented injury to non-benders and gave firebenders a safe place to practice more difficult moves. Zuko said he'd really just wanted to have a big fat fiery tantrum, and that's why he had gone there. But he had found somebody to talk to anyway. He told me Aang had been there.

I said _I heard_. Zuko made a face at me and asked if I was eavesdropping again. I said that I wouldn't call it eavesdropping per se. It was just overhearing a conversation and that was an entirely different thing. Zuko smiled ruefully and said that I didn't need to do that so much anymore. He told me everything anyway. He thought for a second and then asked me if I agreed with Aang, since I had so conveniently _overheard. _I was a bit confused by the question and he clarified. He asked if I thought Aang was right…about him being firelord. Should he just suck it up and look on the brightside?

I'm normally a big fan of _looking on the brightside,_ and I'm a pretty optimistic person for the most part. But I also know that even though _the brightside_ is great and wonderful, sometimes it is good to be aware of reality as well. The reality was that being firelord next was going to be a **really hard job. **Zuko knew this and the thought seemed to fill him with anxiety. Just 'looking on the brightside' was over-simplifying things, I thought.

I didn't think he should be pushed into it, if he really didn't feel ready right now and I said as much. He nodded and looked down at his cup. I scooted closer and said that if he really didn't want this, he should just tell his Uncle. He said it wasn't that simple. It wasn't about what he wanted. It couldn't ever just be about what he wanted anymore. _If it was about what I wanted then I'd_…he trailed off here. He was looking right at me. At this point I feel like a different conversation was going on.

A conversation just with our eyes.

About what we wanted.

I scooted closer again and he scooted closer to me. And we were all up in eachother's space. I looked at him encouragingly. He smiled back at me and then asked, really softly, if he could be honest with me. I whispered back that he could always be honest with me. He started saying, a bit nervously, _well, what I really want is…._

And it was at precisely this point that my dad saw fit to interrupt us! Boo Dad boo! He came over and sat down and ruined the moment like a _big giant moment-ruiner_ (I knew Sokka got it from somewhere!) He said that he had been looking for me all over the place and he really wanted to have a talk with me. I gritted my teeth and said _not now dad. _I pointed out (stroppily) that Zuko and I were **in the middle of something** – in a desperate attempt to save the moment (I was too late. The moment was dead).

Dad looked over at Zuko and they exchanged greetings. Zuko called my dad _sir_ a whole bunch, even though my Dad, in an attempt at being the 'cool dad' said he could call him Hakoda. Oh spirits he actually said _hey I'm a cool dad. You don't need to be so formal with me. You can just call me Hakoda._ Zuko seemed suspicious of 'cool dad Hakoda' and he couldn't contain the 'sirs' that slipped out. Eventually, he seemed to settle for calling my dad Sir Hakoda – like my dad had been knighted by the earth king or something. Dad asked what we were in the middle of and there was a small silence before I piped up with _healing?_ Because it was the first plausible excuse that I could think of. But unfortunately I said it in a way that made it sound like a question.

Zuko took an extra second and then said _err yes! Healing! _He was trying to back me up, but he's such a **terrible liar**. He made the whole thing seem suspicious and now Dad had his skeptical face on. Dad looked between us and didn't say anything and just made it awkward with the _power of dad-ness._ He coughed and then said that before we went 'healing' he would like to have a conversation with Zuko, _Man-to-man._

Oh balls!

I shot Zuko a panicked look. I frantically searched for an excuse… any way out of this. After a split second I said that would have to wait, because we really, absolutely and definitely had to go and do a healing session. Right now. Then I grabbed Zuko and pulled him behind me all the way to my room – because it seemed the safest.

My dad might barge into almost any other situation and be nosy – but he'd always been very respectful of the room that Gran Gran and I shared. That was 'lady space' and my Dad wouldn't enter it uninvited. I figured the same thing would apply to my room here. If Zuko was going to be safe from a terrible dreadful man-to-man talk anywhere, it would be here. I closed the door, and leaned on it and said _well that was close._ Then I turned around and was greeted with the most delightful sight.

Shirtless Zuko.

Hhhhmmmm.

Shirtless Zuko in my room. Double hmmmm.

I'm not going to lie, I had a bit of a pervy moment. **His body is so fine!** Even with all the bandages, I could still see all his muscle definition. It was immensely distracting. This was a pleasant surprise. I hadn't even been expecting shirtlessness. Wait, why did he take off his shirt anyway. Not that I was complaining or anything….

I ended up asking _what are you doing?_ after I got over my shirtless surprise. It turns out that he had been under the impression that we _really were going for a healing session_- and had taken his shirt off accordingly. I (foolishly, in hindsight) corrected this erroneous notion. Of course we weren't, you dolt! We weren't really having a healing session. We were just temporarily escaping my Dad and his awkwardness.

Zuko said _oh..okay_ rather bashfully. He seemed rather embarrassed as he hurriedly put his shirt back on. I realized that if I had kept my big mouth closed, he probably would have stayed shirtless the whole time. But now it was too late to bring the shirtless back and he was all embarrassed now. I am an idiot.

I sat on the bed and had a small freak out about how embarrassing my dad was going to be. Zuko sat next to me and said it wouldn't be that bad. I said he was right, because I had a plan for him to avoid this whole man-to-man talk thing that my dad seemed so dead-set on. I would leave first because I knew my dad wanted to talk to me about Dr Yang. I would seek out that awkward conversation and then I could deflect all my Dad's interest away from Zuko with my wiliness. I would start my **women deserve equal treatment** rant and that would keep me and my dad occupied and then Zuko wouldn't have to worry about a man-to-man talk with him.

Zuko said that he really didn't mind, softly. _Didn't mind what?_ I asked. He looked at his hands and said that he wouldn't mind a talk with my Dad. Even if it was embarrassing, if my dad really wanted a man-to-man talk with Zuko, Zuko was up for it. If I wanted, he would go out there and just get it over with and then I wouldn't have to worry anymore. It was a very sweet offer and he was looking at me with this very soft expression and my stomach was all squishy. And I feel that if we had just been left on our own, without all these bloody interruptions… perhaps…maybe something would have happened. But as it is, my dad had taken it upon himself to interrupt us anew.

He knocked on the door and said_ Err Katara, Zuko – are you two in there?_ He was then joined by two other voices. Toph and Iroh. It sounded like they were having some sort of _really-embarrassing-people-who-just-excel-at-making-us-feel-embarrassed _convention out there. I originally thought that if we just stayed quiet – everybody might go away. No such luck. Zuko and I listened aghast, as the following conversation unfolded.

Toph asked if I was in there – because they were looking for Zuko and Toph was _sure I would know where he was_. There was a great deal of insinuation in the way she said this. I could practically **hear** the frown in my dad's voice when he said with some consternation that he was pretty sure Zuko was in the room with me. Iroh made a delighted little noise and said _oh, I don't want to interrupt him if he's__** entertaining**__ a __**lady friend.**_ There were even more layers of insinuation in the way Iroh said this than Toph had managed. But then Iroh has had more practice at insinuating things.

My dad made some noise of protest at the idea that Zuko would be **entertaining **me in such a fashion. But Zuko spoke up louder and said to his Uncle through the door _for Angi's sake, __**must you**__ make everything sound tawdry_! Iroh said _Zuko?_ with a great deal of surprise at being criticized through a door. Zuko said _yes it's me. _

There was a pause and then Iroh's voice came from much closer – it sounded like he was leaning on the door. Iroh said _Zuko, I know you are unhappy with me right now…but we need to talk, _gently but firmly. Zuko said _I know. _There was a long pause. Then Zuko turned to me and whispered that it looked like he had an awkward conversation of his own to deal with now.

-?-

Iroh and Zuko walked down to the room that Iroh had been using as an office to have their talk. My dad and I stood in the hall. Toph stayed with us, just standing about, waiting for the perfect opportunity to insinuate things. Dad started gearing up to give me an awkward speech. But thankfully we were interrupted by Ty Lee and Aang, before the awkward speech could get underway. Finally! An interruption I was glad about! I never thought I could be happier to see the two of them.

They came bounding along the hall with great enthusiasm. Ty Lee pulled up abruptly the second she saw my Dad. She fussed with her hair a little bit and (horrifyingly) turned around briefly to re-adjust her cleavage. Then she sashayed towards us and said _hi Cutie_ and gave my Dad a coquettish little wave – which seemed to both surprise and please him, and he waved back.

Ty Lee bustled forward with Aang and said _I hope you don't mind – but this one _(meaning Aang – she proffered his hand here) _needs to borrow your beautiful daughter for a second. _ She then gave Aang an encouraging yet forceful shove towards me. We collided and he knocked me back into the room and we landed in a big sprawling heap. Ty Lee said _okay Aang, just like we practiced!_ Then she gave him a big thumbs up and closed the door.

What the hell?

-?-

I asked Aang what the hell was that about? Aang was looking a little sheepish, and said that Ty Lee was just trying to help. Help with what? The mind boggles.

I suddenly heard Toph give a surprised squeal and Ty Lee say with great enthusiasm _now we will be such good friends! _from beyond the door.I was not sure, but I assumed that Ty Lee had just apologized to Toph and Toph has accepted – not knowing that all of Ty Lee's apologies are followed by a huge and enthusiastic hug. Ty Lee cannot resist hurling herself at people like a pink cheerful fireball.

The sound of Ty Lee apologizing seemed to give Aang's a confidence boost and he stood up straighter and walked over to where I stood with my hands on my hips. Aang asked me to sit down and he had something very important to say to me. I complied. Aang looked nervous, but took a deep breath and bowed really low.

He said that **I was right** (always a good start). It wasn't fair that Aang had left us all before the battle and he was very sorry for that and he hoped I could find it in my heart to forgive him. He knew how much his leaving had hurt me and that he let me down. He understood why I was angry. I was right that he couldn't always get his own way all the time. He would try and do better and listen to me more in the future.

It was a very sincere and heartfelt apology. It had the air of a rehearsed speech, but that didn't detract from the sentiment expressed. Aang really seemed earnest. He really seemed like he had listened to what I had said the other day. Sure he might have needed some encouragement on the apology front from Ty Lee (who is getting well practiced at apologizing lately), but I believe he meant it.

I told him that of course he was forgiven and he leapt up from his low bow and into my arms. I can't ever be angry at Aang for long. And this apology was what I had wanted to hear all along. Just some indication that what I thought and said really mattered to Aang, and that he would listen to me, even if he didn't agree with me. That's all I really wanted actually.

-?-

I opened the door to see Ty Lee, Toph and my Dad all cloistered together. Ty Lee was standing much closer to my dad that I thought was _strictly necessary._ But that was neither here nor there and so I let it pass without comment. They had evidently all been eavesdropping together. They weren't even subtle about it. Ty Lee said _that was a lovely apology_ and wiped a tear from her eye. Toph said _oh_ _get a hold of yourself, you ditzy-moo_ under her breath.

Ty Lee looked at Aang and then gestured very dramatically at Toph, who was standing next to her. Aang nodded. Ty Lee said _okay it's your turn Toph _ and quicker than lightning, she had pushed Toph into the room with one hand and pulled me out with the other.

-?-

Toph got a sincere apology too (we all crowded around to eavesdrop on this one too). Hers was different and much longer than mine. Aang apologized mostly for not listening to her either and for putting her in danger and for absconding with fangirls rather than dealing with what Toph had said. He is also going to try and listen to Toph better in the future and he is never going to choose the company of adoring fans over his true friends again. Toph has during the course for the apology made many sarcastic comments, kicked Aang twice (angrily) and punched him once (affectionately) and eventually she too, accepted his apology.

-?-

Ty Lee declared that now that we had all made up and everybody was** friends** we should do something to celebrate – like have sticky rice pudding with mangoes. I have no objection to it, and so I ended up sitting on the veranda drinking tea and waiting for celebratory rice pudding. We were all sitting in a circle and Ty Lee was gasbagging about how nice it was that everyone had made friends now and wasn't apologizing great and didn't we all feel better. She just talked and talked and talked.

My dad kept trying to get my attention. I assume that he wanted to give me an awkward speech of some description - so I pretended that I was **really interested** in what Ty Lee was saying and didn't let Dad get a word in edgewise. Toph started making comical faces at me behind Ty Lee's back – to indicate what she thought of Ty Lee's blah blah blah.

Suddenly my Dad lost interest in trying to instigate awkward conversations with me and got up abruptly. He squinted into the distance towards the street, then he excused himself and jogged towards the gate. Dad was acting a bit weird and I was curious – so I joined him. He said he thought he'd seen someone. He pointed out a man, dressed in standard firenation clothes. The man was carrying flowers and pacing at the corner of this little laneway. He looked oddly familiar. He turned around and Dad and I got a proper look at his face. It was Bato.

My Dad wanted to follow him. I advised him against this. I had a pretty good suspicion of where Bato was going and I didn't think my Dad would like what he found if he followed. I told him to just leave it be, whatever Bato was doing, it couldn't be that bad. Dad said he'd known Bato his whole life, Bato was like a brother to him and he knew when something was wrong with him. And Bato was **so secretive** lately and where did he go every night? Dad was **just worried.** In the end, I was unable to dissuade him. At six gongs, Bato started heading down the lane and my dad followed.

-?-

I went back to join the others. Toph looked openly relieved when I was back. The sun started setting and Aang asked if Ty Lee wanted to see a sunset from Appa. She surely did! (no surprise there). They bounced off together happily. Probably to talk about how awesome double rainbows and unicorns and lionturtles are. I watched them go with a very bemused expression – I have never, in my life, seen such enthusiasm for anything! Toph crossed her arms grumpily next to me and stuck her tongue out at their retreating forms.

Toph started eating her sticky rice and said _well he seems very taken with her_ and gestured widely with her spoon in the direction that Aang and Ty Lee had walked off in. She sounded **very disgruntled.** I made non-committal noises. Toph ranted that Aang was just being foolish to be _so infatuated_ with someone so dippy and ditzy – when he had only just met her. She sounded a little jealous actually. I pointed this out and got whacked with a spoon for my trouble.

I said that in all honestly, I thought that Ty Lee was good for Aang. I told her about how happy and just plain joyful he'd seemed this morning, when she was interested in the Lionturtle. Someone who made Aang **that happy** was okay by me. She might be a few sandwiches short of a picnic, but she was very sweet. Plus, she helped Aang apologize properly.

I said that I was glad he had done that. Now we could go back to being friends without all this ill-feeling between us. A proper apology had been all that I really wanted from Aang. Toph said she had just wanted an apology too – but now she wasn't sure how sincere Aang had been. Part of her apology was that he would stop swanning off with adoring fan girls and now he had done just that! I said that Ty Lee wasn't really a random fangirl. She was a one-woman tornado of pink and cheerfulness. I got whacked with the spoon again.

The sky got darker and I put my feet up on the table. Toph put her legs over mine. We could hear the occasional exclamation from either Iroh or Zuko coming from Iroh's office. They were still talking/arguing about who would be firelord. Toph turned to me and asked how I thought it was going. I said I didn't know, but Zuko really didn't feel ready and I didn't think he should be forced into it.

Toph shrugged and said ready or not, he wasn't going to have much of a choice. She and Uncle had a good chat while they looked for Zuko. She told me about her adventures with Iroh and how they had spent all morning scouring the harbor city for Zuko. Apparently he used to abscond there as a kid when he was upset about something. Uncle was sure he would have gone there today. Toph has started calling Iroh "Uncle" like it is his first name, the same way Zuko does. But I don't know if she is aware that she is doing this.

Apparently Uncle spent the whole morning fretting like crazy. During this search, Uncle explained the various complex firenation political things to Toph. Uncle was adamant that the next firelord would have to be Zuko. Toph was sure that no matter how much Zuko said he didn't feel ready, he would cave in to his Uncle's wishes.

Toph ended up being right. When they finally emerged, Iroh said that we should have a big celebration – because Zuko was going to make a wonderful firelord, now that he had finally agreed to it. That deserved celebrating. But one look at Zuko's face told me all I needed to know.

Iroh wanted to pop the champagne and have a feast and a party. Zuko just wanted a quiet night in. Today had been extremely exhausting for him and he didn't feel up to a whole big party shebang right now. A compromise was reached. A quite night in- with champagne it would be.

We all got a glass. Toph only got a very, very small one – as per my strict directions. It was a celebration after all and I didn't want her to be left out. But I did not want this to lead to drunken shenanigans on her part, so she was only allowed five sips. We would not be having a repeat of the hungover-Aang situation, thank-you-very-much.

Jeong Jeong and Piandao came and joined us for champagne. Then Aang came back (he had dropped his new best friend foreverest off at the Kyoshi house). Sokka and Suki came down to join us. More champagne was brought out. Lenka made little canapés and Mina lit some lanterns to create a 'mood'. The balcony got a bit crowded and much fun was had by all.

The whole thing was turning into a bit of a party anyway – but I always thought that was going to happen after Iroh said _Champagne Time!_ and waggled his eyebrows in a cheeky manner earlier in the evening. Zuko and I ended up sitting in the comfy chairs – a little away from everybody else. He remarked that this was a terrible beginning. His very first request as soon-to-be-firelord went largely ignored by everyone.

He seemed rather down about it. We had a small conversation about how Zuko was kind of dreading it. Being firelord that is. But he didn't really feel like he should complain. I quietly asked him why he agreed to it. He just shrugged and said that he hadn't really had much of a choice…in the end. I felt sad for him. I said that it wouldn't be so bad, for all he knew, it could be great.

Zuko didn't think so. He said that at 16 – he would be the youngest ever firelord and most of the young firelords got eaten (metaphorically) by the firenation court. The firenation court was a rhinosnake pit and most of the military was worse. And almost every governmental system was geared for war and would need some serious overhauling. Worst of all was that Zuko thought that it would be very hard to get everyone in the firenation to accept a peace. The lower classes probably would, because they had been used as catapult fodder for years – and they just wanted their sons and daughters home safe – as far as Zuko could tell. But all the nobles, the ones who held most of the money and the power, made a lot of profit from the war. They would stir up trouble for anyone who wanted peace.

He shouldn't start out feeling this negative about everything. Aang is right about looking on the bright side. It is important. This negative mindset – only seeing the problems – wasn't going to help him solve any of those problems. It was only going to make those problems seem bigger. He needed to be hopeful about things.

So I said what positive things I could think of, drawing on the little I knew about firenation and all its political shenanigans. I told him about the General's retiring party (oh spirits it seems so long ago now – it was there that I first found out how Zuko got his scar). I told him how most of the people there thought that Ozai was a dreadful leader. I thought most of those people would probably be glad that Zuko was the new firelord, or if they were not glad, they would at least be open to the idea. They would not be openly hostile to him. Many of them thought that the war had gone on too long, and had cost too many lives to begin with. The generals were all retiring because they very much disagreed with the war too. So maybe convincing the nobles and military to accept the peace would not be as difficult as he thought. It wouldn't be easy either. But I thought that not everyone would be against it. This seemed to cheer him up somewhat.

Piandao wandered over to us with a champagne glass in hand. He wanted to toast Zuko himself. He said _I hear congratulations are in order_ as they clinked glasses and Zuko says _so everybody tells me._ Piandao frowned slightly and asked me graciously if he could 'borrow Zuko' for a second (as it would leave me sitting on my own). I nodded and said as long as he brought him back – that was fine by me.

-?-

They walked a small distance away and down the stairs, so they were in the garden – not on the balcony. But I found if I leant against one the pillars, I could unobtrusively listen in. Zuko was telling Piandao that he knew that his Uncle had probably sent him to "have a talk" with Zuko (he said _have a talk _disdainfully) – But Zuko didn't need a talk. He was fine. He had agreed to it and he always kept his word and so Uncle didn't need to _fret like a wet hen_. Piandao said that Uncle hadn't sent him, simply. That seemed to take some of the bluster out of Zuko and he said _oh_ and looked taken aback.

Piandao took a long sip and champagne and said that he knew Zuko was worried about what was to come, but Zuko had always had great courage. Zuko said _ah, you are going to give me the "all cowardice comes from not loving" speech. _ Piandao smiled and said he wasn't, but he paused slightly and said _though that speech has always been one of my favourites._ Zuko smiled back at little cheekily and said _I noticed. I've heard it many times. _

Piandao said that he actually had a question for Zuko. He asked if Zuko wanted to know what it was that finally made Piandao agree to teach him? Zuko shrugged and said _I was a prince and it was expected. _Piandao smiled at him, and said with a gentle teasing tone _no, that's the attitude that made me turn you down three times _and he raised his glass irreverently.

Piandao had originally taken Zuko on because Zuko had more raw determination than Piandao had ever seen and Piandao just wanted to tell Zuko that. He kept coming back, no matter how rudely Piandao refused him. Regardless of how incredibly difficult Piandao made things, Zuko would always give his all to any task Piandao had assigned. And it was this quality of Zuko's that made Piandao sure that if Zuko put his mind and his heart to something, there was nothing he could not accomplish.

Piandao put his hand on Zuko's shoulder reassuringly and said _You don't give up and you don't give in. It makes you __**extraordinary.**__ And there is no one else I would rather have as my firelord. _He said it so sincerely and Zuko smiled properly for the first time all night, right then. He looked at Piandao with wide eyed astonishment and asked if he really meant that. Piandao did.

Zuko bowed his head slightly and said he was honoured to have Piandao's high opinion. Piandao scoffed and said _you've always had that._ Then in an oddly tender gesture, Piandao took Zuko's chin in between his fingers and gave it a little wiggle and said _Chin up kiddo. You're going to be firelord after all. You bow down to no one. _Zuko stood up a little straighter, after that. And when he came back he had a slight smile on his face and seemed in a much better mood.

-?-

0o0o0o0o0o0

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The rambles

Lovely wonderful readers! You have reached the end of _apologies, interruptions and responsibilities._ Congratulations and I hope you enjoyed it. A bazillion hugs to my wonderful reviewers – as well as virtual cherries! You guys are awesome! Seriously, I have so much love for you guys! When we crack 1K I'll post another oneshot for you guys! You can pick from either one about Azula's anti-chauvinistic rage attacks and the firenation kids or a ridiculous one about Jet when he was stalking Zuko. State your preference in reviews!

So in this chapter I have firebending arenas. This is just something that makes sense to me. I think that in densely populated areas – like the caldera- there would have to be something like an arena just for benders – a place where they could practice and not accidentally hurt people or set things on fire. This is also where Jeong Jeong takes Aang. He was going to teach him some actual firebending_ after_ they had mediated on fire's destructive power.

So Aang and Zuko have a conversation after Zuko 'saves' Aang from Jeong Jeong's lessons. I think that Jeong Jeong and Aang are going to clash even without the pressures of the war because they have such contrasting personalities. Also Jeong Jeong is the only other character who can make Zuko look like a _barrel of laughs_ in comparison and Aang is going to miss his Sifu Hotman. But now that Zuko is going to be firelord, I don't see how he could keep up being Aang's firebending teacher as well – though Toph and Katara will probably keep teaching him their elements until he has mastered them.

Aang and Zuko talk about how it feels to be handed a huge responsibility that you aren't ready for. I realised that Aang has never told Zuko about his side of "the Storm" and I thought this would be a nice place for that. Zuko is in a big woe-is-me funk. He didn't think that Aang was in the exact same position when he got told he was the Avatar – until Aang points this out.

One of the things I love about Aang is how optimistic and cheerful he is. I just thought that his natural response to someone else feeling a little down would be to try and cheer them up and find the brightside of the situation. For those of you who were wondering, Aang would have started singing _always look on the bright side of life _for no other reason than because I love monty python_. _however I actually think that Aang has a very good point here – positive thinking is **really important.** However he only offers over simplistic brightsides because I think Aang doesn't have a proper understanding of what being firelord will entail. But at least he tries, bless him.

Zuko expected to be firelord at some point when he was thirteen and he expressed a desire to start learning how to run the country then. But I think the enthusiasm for being firelord that he had as a child has long since gone. In fact I would argue that it is more of a sense of duty rather than enthusiasm that drives Zuko, even then. He has been raised to believe he has a duty to his nation and he wants to perform it well. Then of course he gets half his face burnt off and is banished and we all know how that goes. I think that during the three years he was chasing Aang, he didn't get much learning how to run the country lessons from Iroh – because that wasn't really a top priority right then.

Aside from being ill prepared for the task of being firelord, Zuko's understanding of what it means has radically changed. He would see all the problems that being firelord entails. In fact I think that being firelord immediately post-war would have very few perks. Also Zuko doesn't strike me as someone who would enjoy power over others just for the sake of power. He would like his orders/instructions to be obeyed and he wants to be respected, but I don't think he has his dad's or his sister's megalomaniac tendencies. He does not seek power for its own sake. He would also have an appreciation for the great responsibility that comes with great power. So he's no doing his happy dance about being forced into the hotseat right now.

During Aang and Zuko's conversation, I actually wanted to flag something that I think would be an issue for both Zuko and Aang in the romance department because of their powerful positions. One of the things that Zuko will think whenever a strange girl shows interest in him now – is if she only likes him because he's firelord.

Note* I would argue, but YMMV, that Mai's interest in him is primarily because he's a prince and she enjoys the perks and freedoms that come with dating royalty.

Zuko wouldn't want that from a romantic relationship and it would be something that he would be wary of. Aang, however, has never previously thought about this at all. Lots of girls are into Aang – just because he is the Avatar. Eg his various fanclubs. This has never previously bothered Aang – but when Zuko points out to him that it is not an ideal situation to be in a relationship with someone who only likes you for your position and not your personality – it gives Aang pause for thought. Aang decides that he also wouldn't want that for himself.

I wanted to address the thing that Roku said: being the Avatar means you can get any girl you want. Mmmmhhhh. Really? Does it? So the lady's personality, desires, and attraction won't come into it then? (but then looking at Kataang – Roku is proven tragically right.) So in short: any girl the Avatar wants – he gets.

You guys can probably guess that I have a **problem **with this. YMMV again, but I think that one of the reasons Katara kisses Aang at the end is precisely because he's the Avatar. I still remain convinced that Katara and Aang kisses then primarily because the 'hero always gets the girl'. But this really bothers me guys. I would like to think that, on reflection, Aang would realise that he wants a more mutual relationship for himself – not one that is driven solely because of **what** he is and not **who** he is.

Also Aang and Ty Lee meet in this chapter and sunshine and rainbows abound. I think that these two would have so much fun together – I think that Aang really needed to hang out with someone who is on the same page as him. The Gaang are in various stages of disgruntlement at him over his disappearing trick. Toph and Katara have both shouted at him over it. In my opinion, he has felt at odds with his friends ever since he started going on about not wanting to kill Ozai (because the way he blows up at them all is really uncalled for in canon). I think the friendships needed to be repaired and Aang apologising properly (eg without justifications or excuses) is the first step.

Aang's interactions with Ty Lee will help him grow as a person. Ty Lee is having a bit of an apologising fest in these chapters. She is well aware that she has wronged people and she is trying to make amends. Aang would have told her his lady woes and she would have espoused apologising to Toph and Katara and helped him see it from _the girls' _perspective. Regardless of whether he meant to or not, Aang let them down and should apologise.

For Aang, hanging out with someone like Ty Lee, who really validates his position would have given him great joy and comfort. I don't want it to be the whole world VS Aang and I did want someone else to see it his way. And if anybody would appreciate something like a lionturtle - it would be Ty Lee. In my fic she believes in unicorns, so it makes sense that she would believe in lionturtles too. Toph is a bit jealous of this burgeoning friendship and that will have some importance later. Ty Lee would like to be a good Kyoshi warrior, but she is also unaccustomed to that lifestyle and is very easily distracted. So she gets a bit side tracked with Aang and his drama today.

Aang is also **very aware** that Ty Lee is a girly girl. She does have rather womanly attributes that Aang can't help but notice. He may develop a little crush on her later. Because I think that Aang needs to experience other forms of attraction aside from what he feels for Katara . But there will be more on this later.

Ty Lee is also trying to teach the others chi blocking. I will say right now that I don't think the benders will be able to properly chi-block. Mostly because it seems like such a power upgrade and it doesn't seem quite fair if a bender can do both. So I will just say that their bending would interfere with their ability to sense someone else's chi or energy. The real test will be if Aang can do it – as he is an "energy bender" as well as the Avatar. The Kyoshi warriors as a non-bending fighting force will all be able to master it in time. Ty Lee will also retain this skill after she develops her airbending – because she developed her chi-blocking **first. **She wouldn't be constricted by bending the same way that someone with bending mastery – just starting to learn chi blocking – would be.

I always got the feeling that Ty Lee uses auras to explain how she sees people and what she thinks they are like. But I googled it and there is this whole school of thought around auras. So go Ty Lee – she is ahead of her time. Anyway, in my googling, I realised that Zuko really suited the red aura (passionate, impulsive, very physical and energetic etc) so I have Ty lee comment on it.

I think that Zuko and Ty Lee would easily fall back into their old pattern of friendship and I also think they were pretty good friends at one point as well. I can't really see him being mad at her and I think he would realise that a lot of what she did came from Azula. So they quickly make up here. Ty Lee will bring up Mai, because I don't think that Zuko is thinking about her at all.

A very quick note about the Maiko scene at the end: So no matter how many times I watch the Maiko scene I still don't understand it. Zuko is really **very surprised** to see her and asks how she got out. Well more specifically he asks if 'they' let her out. 'They' answer to you now, Zuko! But it is obvious in canon that Zuko did not have much to do with Mai's release and in effect – **he forgot her in prison.** Look I like Zuko, he's one of my favourites. But _forgetting Mai in prison_ makes him a **very crappy boyfriend** to her. I'd like to think that as soon as he was reminded about her existence, he would have tried to do something to help her – but he was just a little late. So that is what I have happen in my fic. I'm going to tweak the maiko scene a fair bit, because as it is – it makes no sense!

Okay, so it seems to me that Ty Lee and Mai got separated at some point and ended up in different prisons. Ty Lee ended up in prison with the Kyoshi warriors. That prison would be the Iron Cove, closest to the capital. I think that part of the reason that Azula moved Ty Lee to a prison close to the capital was so she could visit her. Those visits would have been eventful to say the least. Azula has always liked to keep Ty Lee close.

But what happened to Mai? I think Azula would have seen Mai's betrayal as the bigger betrayal and she wouldn't have wanted to see her at all. She would have wanted to punish her. I do not think Azula would have left Mai in a prison run by her Uncle- who she is obviously in contact with and has some sort of relationship with. **Azula is not dumb.** So I think she would have had Mai moved to a prison even further away – and sent her now disgraced family to join her. Considering how much disdain Mai had for her parents, this would have been a grievous punishment.

*note: I think Azulon's tower would be a little like the Tower of London. A place for prisoners from nobility. It is the better quality of prison. Like Tower of London, it would have facilities to imprison whole families in relative comfort and would be, in effect, a house-arrest style prison in which people get assigned their own 'apartments.'

So I have some thoughts about Mai which I will expound on a little here. But this is super rambly – so feel free to skip.

*start Mai rant*

I do not think there is anything 'wrong' with Mai. I think that Mai is a sarcastic, snarky and extremely clever young woman. To me she is the avatar version of Daria. Some people think Mai is miserable. I don't. She's not miserable, she's just not like everybody else around her. I think she doesn't buy into much of the firenation propaganda and BS – but she sees that she can never change the system and so she resigns herself to it and starts her career of making snarky remarks from the sidelines.

She _is cynical_ – but understandably so. Her dad is a politician and having a politician in the family would naturally engender a great deal of cynicism I think. Same goes for her mother being a social climber. I do not think Mai has to apologise for or have a reason for her cynicism. I think it is just part of her personality. I think that Mai's real problem with her parents would be their snobbery and insincerity (as social climbers and politicians aren't known for their sincerity) and the fact that they are so bourgeois. They are not just part of the system. **They embrace the system.**

However Mai's parents are **not bad people** and I think Mai realises this. Andthat is why she is a bit reluctant to tell her sob story – because it's not really that much of a sob story. Asking a child to behave and sit still is not abusive parenting in my book. But YMMV. Mai is, in her own words, a spoiled only child who got her own way as long as she kept quiet. There were probably certain behavioural expectations, and her mother would have fussed over her and wanted her to be a nice and respectable young lady – but that is not _that unusual,_ is it?

It is actually Azula who infers that Mai's attitude is her mother's fault (why is it always the mother's fault?) around the fire. I think this says more about Azula's mummy issues that it does about Mai. I notice that Mai **does not agree** with Azula's assessment. And when you look at the brief scene that Mai shares with her mother, her mother is encouraging her to cheer up and enjoy her life. They are living like royalty in Omashu (and status is clearly important to Mai's mother). Mai might be bored out of her mind – but she banters with her mother and acts quickly to protect her. Mostly they seem to get along. They probably get frustrated and upset with each other – but that happens in all families

The one thing that this episode makes clear is that Mai's parents alternatively bore and frustrate her – her mother probably moreso, because she spends more time with her. I just get the vibe that Mai spends a lot of time with her mother in Omashu – possibly because her dad is busy with his political career. She longs for freedom, not because her cage is **OMG!abusive,** but simply because it is a little dull and she wants adventure. She is willing to go with Azula completely of her own free will to get away from her parents and have a bit of fun.

So when Mai is out of Azula's favour, she gets sent back to her parents (or has them sent to her) because Azula knows that this will drive Mai bananas. I think Mai got along okay with her parents. However this would not stop Mai from endlessly complaining about her parents to Zuko -and Ty Lee and Azula as well. Mai's many sarcastic comments re: her parents would be where Azula gets the idea to lock her up with her parents.

She would go on about how boring they are, how they are so fake, how they are so upper middle class and snobbish etc. Zuko would have made all the sympathetic noises, but he really wouldn't have understood. To Zuko, Mai's family would have seemed great, especially in comparison with his own, and he would have been at a loss to understand why she was so frustrated by them.

There will be more on the relationshipfail of Maiko later. But I think it is important to point out that at this point, Zuko thinks that they have **properly broken up**. I do not think he is wrong in this assumption. They had an on again off again relationship to begin with, punctuated by big fights and many miscommunications. He broke up with her in a letter. A little while down the track he ends up in prison. She goes to talk to him and confesses that **she does not know him at all** (ten points for Ravenclaw Mai – you hit the nail on the head). He (in effect) breaks up with her again – to her face this time. Then he escapes and **locks her in a cell.** Of course then she saves him, but even Mai acknowledges that she is **saving the jerk who dumped her**. (another ten points). Mai acknowledges that Zuko dumped her, therefore she is acknowledging the break up.

What happens between that scene and the canon scene? Like really. Any theories. Did Mai get resorted from Ravenclaw into dumbass house? Did Zuko also end up in dumbass house ( I think he would have started in Gryffindor personally). Does anyone else feel the profound urge to take Mai out and buy her a coffee and say _**he's just not that into you**__ honeybun._

Anyway this is not to say that Zuko doesn't care about Mai. He stills likes her as a person. He still thinks she is lovely. He feels bad about leaving her in prison and very guilty about the fact that he _hasn't even thought about her_ or the fact that she was locked in prison until Ty Lee reminds him. So he does what he can here to help her out. However when he tells Katara that they've broken up, he means it. In his mind they are broken up at this point. At least in my head canon. This is very good thing, because Katara was silently having a possessive jealously freak out. Katara does not want to share her Zuko.

If Zuko could have what he really wanted, it would be a relationship with Katara. And he almost asked her as well. But alas! I am a tease. I also have canon to explain – so that doesn't happen here. Instead they get interrupted by Sir Hakoda. Katara is irrationally worried about the man-to-man talk. Hakoda has never actually given any boy 'the talk' - because he got dissuaded from giving it to Haru. But Katara has built it up in her mind to be the biggest most embarrassing thing ever. Zuko is willing to suffer 'the talk' for her. He can see she's really anxious about it and he wants to put her mind at ease over it. Also at this stage, no matter what Hakoda says, Zuko is still going to think the world of Katara. And he's willing to put himself in not just life threatening situations, but also super embarrassing situations for her. Awww.

So Toph and Iroh and Hakoda cluster around outside Katara's door– there is much embarrassment to be had with these three about. Iroh would have _fangirled _when he realized that Katara and Zuko were in there together. He would have hoped, for one brief shining second, that they were making out. The benefits are many in Iroh's POV. Zuko has now found a pretty girl and if he is getting _some loving_, he will be in a more reasonable mood and easier to deal with. On another note, Iroh would have been exceptionally worried about Zuko this chapter and has spent all morning looking for him with Toph – that's why he only comes into it again in the later half.

Anyway, the fact that Zuko becomes firelord is a bit of a foregone conclusion. I think they would have hashed it out good and proper and eventually Iroh would have talked him round. We don't need to know much about what was said. Except that at one point Zuko would have said that _he couldn't do it on his own_. And Iroh would have said _he wouldn't be on his own._ Then Zuko would have said _what about the jasmine dragon and playing pai sho and making tea everyday?_ Iroh would have said _that there was something he loved more than playing Pai Sho and making tea all day. _Zuko would have been sarcastic and said _what? drinking tea everyday_? And Iroh would have said _no, you! You dolt!_ And they would have hugged.

Bless their cotton socks.

Seriously I **hate** the idea that Iroh would leave Zuko in that situation just to go and make tea for strangers. There are so many ways that this makes no sense. Note* **Iroh does not own the Jasmine dragon!** Some other rich merchant does. He merely ran the place and was given creative freedom. But he was an employee of rich merchant dude. So technically the jasmine dragon is not "Iroh's." I just can't get my head around it. I am officially handwaving it.

I think that either Iroh was kidding at camp old people, or after Zuko got shot, he would have realised that his nephew needed him. I handwave the tea party at the end, by saying that they rented the jasmine dragon for the time that they are in Ba Sing Se – because nobody else is there and it is clearly not functioning as a teashop right at that point.

So Zuko has, with a fair amount of reluctance and anxiety, accepted that he will have to be firelord next. I think that Zuko has a healthy dose of realism. He realises that being firelord next is going to suck monkey balls. But for duty and honour and because he was raised to think that he has a responsibility to the firenation people – he will do it. But he's not jumping for joy over it. Katara and Piandao both try to cheer him up in their own ways. Katara is also a big fan of the _Brightside,_ but rather than give just shallow reasons why Zuko should be more optimistic – she points out legitimate things to be positive about and this helps a lot more.

Piandao and Zuko have a nice talk. Because I think Piandao is awesome and Piandao and Zuko haven't really had much of chance to chat in my fic yet. Zuko was also Piandao's student and would probably think as highly of him as Sokka does. But Zuko would have been much younger and more impressionable when he sought out Piandao. At first Zuko would have been demanding and would have just expected that because he was a prince, Piandao would train him. Piandao would have set him straight on that front. But he would have kept coming back and impressed Piandao with his determination until Piandao agreed to teach him. Piandao would have warmed to him and taken to calling him kiddo – because I think that Zuko would have been around 12ish when he went looking for Piandao and at 12 he would have been Piandao's youngest student. I think that they know each other pretty well and there is a lot of respect and affection between Zuko and Piandao. But being from the firenation, they rarely show the latter. But Piandao does here and it gives Zuko a real boost and some nice validation.

Next chapter will be the last for _not stalking Zuko_. After that we will be going on to _not stalking firelord Zuko_ – so get ready for that! Til then lovely readers…..


	50. Worth it

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Worth it.

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The next morning Jeong Jeong woke Aang in a dramatic fashion again. Aang grumbled again. Toph got up and told Jeong Jeong to **shut up** (most rudely) and stomped back to her room – all before Aang managed to pull himself out of bed. I got up not long afterwards because I couldn't go back to sleep after such a dramatic awakening. I went downstairs and Zuko and Iroh were already awake and playing Pai Sho. Zuko was losing badly – but neither of them were concentrating on the game that much.

They were chatting about Zuko's coronation and trying to iron out a few details. They had decided against having it in the traditional Coronation Plaza – because that whole area was still a friggin burnt-out mess and most of the buildings there were a little on the charred side. They were tossing around other options. Iroh was leaning towards someplace called Reunification Square. It had been built after one of the civil wars as a symbol of unity and peace and tolerance between the fire islands. Iroh thought it would be a nice choice.

While Zuko and Iroh played Pai Sho an urgent messenger hawk came. It was from Pakku. It had a lot about what was going on in the earth kingdom including the news that King Kuei had been found. This was big news and warranted immediate attention. I knew from listening to their conversations that the Earth Kingdom was so fractured now that dealing with all the principalities separately had been a nightmare for Iroh (and I guess now it would be a nightmare for Zuko). Everyone had different demands and everyone felt differently about the peace. The only thing they agreed on way that the firenation had to **pay,** in some shape or form.

Now that the High Earth King was back, the various Kings, governors and generals were once again working co-operatively under one leader. Pakku was remaining in the Earth Palace as a representative of the white Lotus – to help 'facilitate' the various meetings. By facilitating Pakku meant scold the various Kings, Governors and Generals as if they were squabbling children – and frequently they acted like they were. Pakku had sent for Bumi to join him and help 'facilitate' – though from the tone of his letter, it sounded like he doubted how much use Bumi would be at 'facilitating'.

Pakku wanted Iroh to know that soon the earth kingdom would be ready to present a united front and peace negotiations could begin again (they had stymied for a while there apparently – after the initial armistice – there had been a lot of disarray and disorganisation). Pakku wanted a rough estimate of when Iroh thought that the firenation would be ready to come and negotiate a formal peace treaty. It would have to be in Ba Sing Se. The second thing that the earth kingdom generals had agreed on was that they would not, under any circumstances go into 'enemy territory.' If the firenation wanted peace so badly, they would have to "come to the table" so to speak. Pakku had managed to get everybody to agree that Ba Sing Se would be the best city for negotiating and signing a peace treaty – but even that had been a hard task.

He advised Iroh, that even though he respected that the situation in the firenation was complicated right now, Iroh would have to sort it out – and quickly! A peace treaty should be worked out soon, while they were all still in an amenable frame of mind. Pakku recommended that the firenation should crown a firelord, (Pakku said that _Iroh knew his feelings regarding this matter_) and get a delegation to Ba Sing Se as soon as possible.

Pakku said that he had informed chief Arnook and had received a reply - the Northern Watertribe were ready to send a delegation whenever they got word of final dates. Pakku had also written to my Dad to inform him – but as Dad was in the firenation and so was Iroh, Pakku thought it would be good if Iroh and Hakoda could have a "chat amongst themselves" and also if Iroh could include them in his travel plans. Pakku also sent Sokka and me his love – but that was a bit jarring with the tone of the rest of the letter.

We all had a read of it. Zuko slumped a little and said that reading between the lines, he assumed that this letter now meant that his coronation was going to have to happen soon. Iroh agreed and said that if the Earth Kingdom had its King back – it would be wise for the firenation to present a Firelord in response. Zuko sighed and said that now his coronation was going to be one of those tawdry rushed affairs for the sake of convenience. Like a fireblast wedding. Iroh said he assumed correctly, but he shouldn't look so down about it. Sometimes fireblast weddings were **the most fun**.

I asked what a fireblast wedding was. I am still getting used to all the firenation slang and idioms. When Zuko and Iroh talk – they just throw these little phrases out all the time. Iroh answered quickly and said that a fireblast wedding was when a couple had been _amorous_ but had not been **careful **about being _amorous_ and the lady in question was in **a delicate state.** Sometimes the lady's father would feel the urge to approach the gentleman in question, holding a fireblast in his hand - or getting a firebending friend to hold a fireblast in his hand. Who held the fireblast wasn't the point of fireblast weddings. The point of fireblast weddings is that the Father would say something along the lines of **I have a fireblast and a shovel and I can make it look like an accident **to the lady's gentleman friend. Weddings normally ensued pretty quickly. Zuko said that those weddings were normally so tacky and he didn't want his coronation to be tacky. Iroh said the tackiness made it more fun. Uncle would have Zuko know that he had **the best sex of his life** at the reception for a fireblast wedding.

I snorted my tea all out my nose. Iroh just took me by surprise with the way he said it so blatantly. Zuko patted me on the back (as I was doing that inelegant choking on the tea thing). Zuko was making an **aghast face** at his uncle and said that he was going to _need at least two whiskey sours to forget he ever heard that _– and it was far to early in the morning for either whiskey sours or for Uncle to be in an _over-sharing mood_. And Uncle shouldn't say that sort of thing in front of me. Uncle waved off his protestations and said _why the delightful miss Katara's like family now! She doesn't mind. _

Truth be told, I really didn't mind. Not really. I mean Iroh surprised me with the way he'd so unashamedly dropped sex into the conversation. People in the watertribes don't do that. We are as awkward as gaggle of unco-ordinated turtleseals about that sort of thing. I mean no one really talks about sex like it is a normal, natural thing in the watertribes. The first time Suki said with her usual directness- that sex was a normal and natural thing, I was a bit taken aback to be honest.

I sometimes think that whenever Uncle Iroh wants to get a rise out of Zuko or make him smile or distract him from his various_ woe-is-me funks- _he says the **most inappropriate thing** he can think of. It is frequently about sex, tea or pai sho – or some freaky combination of all three of the above! It usually works. It had this time – Zuko was definitely not sulking about being firelord at this present moment.

Zuko did not what to talk about his Uncle's sex life (no surprise there). In fact his Uncle's sex life was the only thing he wanted to talk about less than the Coronation of Doom. And so he swiftly moved the conversation back to that. Zuko was said that the only bright side of having a fireblast coronation was the fact that it would have to happen quickly. The rapidity in which in needed to be organised would limit Uncle's time to order ridiculous things like _glitter explosions _and _fireworks in the shape of fireferrets_ or whatever ludicrous things his Uncle had in mind.

Uncle looked a little sheepish and pointed out that while Zuko had only just found out he had to be firelord, Uncle had known for _quite some time_ and had taken the liberty to _arrange_ a few things. Zuko leaned back in his chair and gave a long suffering sigh. Uncle said that he shouldn't be cross. _Everyone loved fireworks in the shape of fireferrets._ Zuko used to **love **the animal shaped fireworks as a kid. Iroh could remember this one time when he and Lu Ten took Zuko and Azula to the May Day festival and...Zuko quickly cut him off and said _Katara doesn't want to hear this story Uncle! _sounding somewhat panicked.

I **really **want to hear this story now!

I'm sure I will get it out of Iroh later.

I am like family after all.

Uncle said he had just been doing his best for Zuko. Uncle wanted to make sure that Zuko's coronation would be an Event! The firenation needed a good Event after all the recent uncertainty. The firenation, in general, hated uncertainty, especially the uncertainty that arose from not having an official leader. These few weeks had been the longest time in history that there had not been a sitting firelord. Normally when a firelord dies all the heirs scramble over each other to snatch the crown. They needed to make this coronation go off with a bang!

Zuko said that if he did have to be coronated he wanted to do it his way. Not his father's way and not his Uncle's way. No offense to his Uncle, but Uncle tended to go **over the top** when it came to parties and Zuko didn't want that. He wanted to do it properly and seriously. He didn't want it to be like his father's (which is the only other coronation he had ever been to). Apparently Ozai didn't even recite the scared oaths. This is somehow **really bad.**

Iroh seemed pleased that Zuko had finally shown an interest in planning the coronation (rather than just bitching about the inevitability of it.) Zuko'd clearly thought about it and what he wanted, even if he claimed otherwise. Iroh said that they would do it Zuko's way then...as long and Zuko's way could have a giant feast and celebratory ball because Iroh already had the menu all planned out and the drinks ordered. Zuko acquiesced. Iroh asked if Zuko's way could also include a firework extravaganza...because Iroh might have already commissioned one...and paid a non-refundable deposit. Zuko sighed and said _fine._ Iroh started asking if Zuko's way could also make room for...Zuko cut him off and said _oh for goodness sake! Why don't you just write me a list of everything you've already organised! _Iroh thought that this was a splendid idea. A list would be a much better place to start – and he knew how fond Zuko was of lists. He left us to go write long lists joyfully.

-?-

After he had gone, Zuko gave a long sigh and said that stuff like this was why his uncle was **eight hundred million times more embarrassing **than Sir Hakoda would ever be. I smiled and said I thought his Uncle great! He smiled at me, but he was looking tired and seemed a bit grumpy. I poked him and bothered him about his grumpiness and tiredness. Zuko said that he was just feeling a bit put out because everything was happening so fast. He thought he'd have at least a bit of time to sulk about things before he had to be pushed into the hot seat.

Zuko said that he was that even though he was stupid at politics... I said _you're not stupid, so don't say that! _really quickly. Zuko amended his statement and said even though politics wasn't his strong point. He knew enough to know that coronations were big deals. They said something about who you were and what you stood for and what kind of a ruler you wanted to be. He'd stayed up late reading about past coronations last night – that's why he was really tired today.

I know he hates how tired he's felt all the time since he got struck by lighting. He's always trying to push himself because he used to be all go-go-go. This makes me a little cross because he still needs to take it easy and he's not completely recovered yet. I told him this in a mildly scolding tone. I hoped that now that he was going to be firelord, he wasn't going to work non-stop and forgo important things like sleeping. Because sleep was important.

Zuko said that in his defence, he had actually found out some really interesting things. He told me that he'd never realised how **vulgar** his Dad's coronation was – until he read up on how they were meant to be. He wanted his coronation to be the opposite of his dad's. What was so bad about his dad's?_ Well he held it during Grandpa's funeral for a start_! Zuko said. Apparently "grandpa" (known to the rest of the world as firelord Azulon – one of the most dastardly men ever to exist) was still **on fire** next to Ozai, when Ozai made **grabby hands** for the crown.

Apparently, in the firenation, it is customary to wait **at least** a day until the funeral pyre has burnt out and there's only ash left of the previous firelord before you make grabby hands for the crown. Ozai didn't do this. The whole funeral/coronation thing took about two minutes. The firesages lit grandpa on fire and then **literally two seconds later** they put the crown on Ozai. Zuko said that as a kid he didn't really think about it. But looking back now – it was **all kinds of messed up**. Ozai decided to forgo all the sacred oaths – which are basically promises to try and be a good leader. He just wanted to be made a firelord as soon as possible. And then he turned out to be an impatient and terrible leader.

Zuko said that he'd only decided on one thing. He wanted to do his coronation old school style – with Aang there. Apparently all the firelords before Sozin had been blessed by the Avatar of the time (unless the avatar at the time was too young). They would pledge to the Avatar that they would try live in harmony with stuff and maintain the balance and all that sort of thing. Really? Zuko said he'd been a bit surprised too. They never got taught that stuff in school and the first firelord to break the tradition had actually been Sozin and that was the weirdest thing – because he and Roku were still friends then. And obviously no firelord since had been blessed by an Avatar. But Zuko wanted to bring the tradition back.

Apparently Kyoshi had been there for eight coronations during her long life. Avatar Yangchen had actually been best friends with Firelady Zarsa and had gone a little overboard on the 'blessing' front. According to several records- both Zarsa and Yangchen had gotten a little wankered during the festivities and Yangchen had memorably gotten up and given a drunken little speech about how Zarsa was her _"bessh fren"_ and would be the _"bessh firelazy ever"._ And much fun was had by all.

Zuko didn't want Aang to replicate Yangchen's example (and neither do I). Zuko didn't really want anyone to give any drunken little speeches – especially Aang and his Uncle (the coronation was already going to be embarrassing enough thank-you-very-much). But he thought it would be a nice idea if Aang could be there, give a blessing and say a few words. He asked what I thought and I commended this idea.

-?-

Uncle also agreed, when he came back (with a long list). Iroh had actually planned a lot – he hadn't fixed the dates or anything, but mostly everything that needed to be booked had been booked. There would be a coronation, then a big giant party, then fireworks, then more party. Iroh wanted everything to be **big **and **loud** and **fun!** Zuko wanted everything to be _small _and _tasteful_ and _proper._ They bickered a great deal about canapés vs sit down dinner (canapés won – more variety because everyone has different tastes), what sort of music (_the flameos_ – my suggestion – because Aang really likes them and neither Zuko or Iroh have much of a preference) and did Zuko think streamers everywhere was too much? (Zuko did).

Aang came and joined us after training with Jeong Jeong. Zuko told him about the past Avatars role in coronations and asked Aang about saying a few words. Aang was **delighted** with the idea and very touched that Zuko wanted to include him in what was "Zuko's big day". Zuko gently corrected him and said that he didn't want this coronation to be all about him and he didn't want it to be seen as his "big day".

This coronation would be the official start of a new era. The war was over after 100 years and everything was going to change. Zuko thought it should be more about peace and inclusion and tolerance and stuff like that. Aang was the Avatar and he stood for all that and Zuko wanted him by his side for the coronation. Aang said yes happily and Zuko got a big hug from him. Aang was really excited because he had never been to a coronation before, but he heard that they were meant to be so much fun. Iroh said **that's what he was planning on.**

Aang had a small request – since he was going to be an official part of the celebration now. He asked if there would be fruit tarts and fruit pies at the feast because the Airnomads had them for every celebration. Iroh thought this was a splendid idea! We could have food from around the world at the feast. If Iroh had his way, there would be an endless array of canapés and nibbles and desserts from the four nations!

Toph woke up and came downstairs – just in time to be badgered by Iroh about her favourite earth kingdom dishes. Toph was perplexed by this high-spirited, snack-related interrogation first thing in the morning – but indulged Iroh while he frantically scribbled down her suggestions. Aang told her they were planning all sorts of things for Zuko's coronation and asked if Toph had any suggestions.

Toph's only suggestion was that there be some sort of games at the post-coronation party. Hoity-toity parties got **so boring **when it was just a bunch of adults standing around getting drunk and chatting. Games would make the whole thing more fun. Especially games in which people could win money/prizes. Everybody loved those. Iroh agreed. Iroh loved those too! And what a brilliant idea! Uncle's enthusiasm for their ideas encouraged Toph and Aang a great deal. Many more suggestions were made without the need of input from Zuko or myself. The three of them got _quite into_ planning together and the coronation became bigger and bigger – to Zuko's quiet dismay. At the start he would demur things like _don't you think that's a bit ...much, _but eventually he resigned himself to letting Toph, Uncle and Aang plan things.

Zuko stretched back (I found this distractingly sexy) and said that the more he protested that he just wanted things small and tasteful – the bigger the coronation grew, so he was just going to keep his mouth shut from here on out. I teased him about the unlikeness of this. Whenever Zuko resolves to be silent about something, he always has a lot more to say on the subject and it invariably slips out. I think sometimes he just likes to huff that _he's not going to say anymore on the subject. _

I said that if small and tasteful didn't work out, he could suggest other things he wanted. His Uncle had been delighted when he thought Zuko was showing an interest. Zuko shrugged and said that aside from having Aang up on stage with him, there wasn't much else he wanted – except for his Uncle to refrain from singing the hedgehog song. Zuko thought that this was very unlikely.

Zuko told me quietly that he was a bit worried about having Aang 'bless him' – but he thought that it would be **worth it** – in the long run. The benefits of Aang with him were manyfold. It'd sent the right impression to the rest of the world. It was traditional and progressive at the same time. It was a good symbolic gesture. Aang loved attention and Zuko did not. Zuko hoped that he would either "hog the spotlight" or that Zuko could palm off almost all attention/applause to Aang and then they would both be happy.

And people just _liked _Aang. They took one look at his little face and felt the urge to take him home with them and give him cookies and milk and pinch his cheeks. He said this a bit sardonically, but actually this is true. When I first met Aang – well I didn't give him cookies and milk – but I did want to take him home with me and give him seal jerky and five flavour soup – which is like the same thing.

Zuko smiled at said that he hoped the Aang-factor would work on firenation people. The firenation had some funny ideas about Airnomads and the Avatar. But Zuko was hoping that if he presented Aang to them as a hero and a force of good – they would be less terrified of him. I asked quietly, but with some surprise, _Why would anyone be scared of Aang?_ Zuko glanced at Aang quickly – but he was deep in discussion with Iroh and Toph about the logistics of getting a giant trampoline. Zuko turned back to me and mouthed _the Siege of the North._

Oh.

I'd not thought about that. Aang still was in the dark about the extensive amount of firenation casualties that day. It would be understandable that the firenation people would be a little apprehensive about the Avatar – frightened of him even - after being on the sharp end of that display of power. Zuko said quietly that he'd thought a lot about it, but in the end he thought it was crucial that the firenation people accept Aang. This peace wouldn't work without Aang. Zuko knew that he'd need Aang on his side to help him negotiate with the earth kingdom. They all loved him in the earth kingdom after all. But that wouldn't go down well with the firenation if they still saw Aang as an enemy.

He needed Aang to be seen as a hero and an ally for ending the war – rather than the all powerful Avatar who _did that thing he did_ at the North Pole. He asked what I thought and I agreed that this would be a good idea. Aang has to be Avatar for all the world, not just for the Earth Kingdom and the Water Tribes. It would be better if the firenation wasn't alarmed by him.

I pointed out with a smile that Zuko wasn't as crap at diplomacy as he thought. He had come up with this all on his own after all and it sounded like a good idea to me. He said he was glad I thought he was better at diplomacy – but he didn't know if he would ever be better at politics. He didn't want to become another slimy politician anyway. I said I didn't think Zuko was in danger of that ever happening.

He couldn't tell a lie to save himself. He was obsessed with his honour and keeping his word. And he was just **too awkward** to ever be considered a "smooth operator". None of these things were conducive to being a 'slimy politician'. Zuko looked like he wasn't sure if I was insulting him or not and he drawled out _thaaanks?_ (making it sound like a question in the process). I gave him a friendly nudge and a big smile and told him I meant it in a nice way and it was a very good thing. He smiled back at me widely.

-?-

My Dad came sauntering over, "ostensibly looking for Sokka". I could tell this was just a cover and he had really come over for a different (potentially nefarious) purpose. I said quickly that Sokka was still asleep and would be down when he was ready. (I know for a fact that Suki is up there right now and the last thing anyone needs is my Dad busting in on...whatever they're doing.)

Uncle invited Dad to sit with us while he waited and Dad took him up on his offer. Uncle had wanted to consult us on watertribe cuisine for the coronation feast. Dad said that naturally the first thing he would have to recommend was stewed seaprunes. Uncle's face was a frozen mask of politeness – but evidentially he had heard of stewed seaprunes before. He said in his normal jovial tone _Aside from stewed seaprunes – what else could you recommend. _My dad made a few recommendations and said proudly that I knew the recipes for all of them and was a wonderful cook.

Uncle nodded sagely and said that knowing the recipes would be invaluable – but _my cooking skills _would not be necessary. I was a war hero after all and it was hardly expected that I would be regulated to the kitchen for such a feast. I could pass the recipes on to Lenka and she and her staff would be more than capable of whipping up a feast suitable to even the fussiest warrior.

Dad smiled and said he hoped so. He said it had been a rather steep learning curve for the firenation cooks that Uncle had assigned for him and the other warriors. It took them a few tries before they got the hang of cooking for watertribe men. Of course once they got the hang of 'salty meat and lots of it' all the meals they had been served had been delicious.

Lunch was served and everybody tucked in. Over lunch, my dad said _speaking of delicious meals..._ as a very awkward segue into the real reason he had come over. Dad had been wondering if Iroh, Zuko, Aang and Toph would like to come over to the Watertribe house for what would be as close to a traditional Watertribe dinner as could be achieved in the firenation - tomorrow night.

It was not a "big deal" but Bato wanted to introduce his new girlfriend Ming to his family and his culture. Bato considered Dad, Sokka and I to be his family and we considered the rest of the gang to be out family and Iroh was always welcome as far as my Dad was concerned. Also Iroh was a good friend of Ming's and Dad thought that might make her less nervous about meeting everyone properly. Bato also thought she would be more comfortable if there were a few other people present and it wasn't just a Watertribe warrior sausage-fest.

Iroh was delighted – both to be invited for dinner and for Ming. Iroh was pleased for Ming because he had always wanted her to meet _a nice young man_ and he was sure that Bato – as a close friend of my father's - would fit this bill. Also he had never really tried much watertribe food – but Master Pakku would wax lyrical about something called slow simmered seal belly and Iroh hoped he would have a chance to try that.

Zuko, Toph and Aang were a little less enthusiastic than Iroh. Possibly because they had tried watertribe cuisine before. I know their various strong emotions on the subject of stewed seaprunes. Aang piped up that he was a vegetarian (really quickly and with some alarm). He said more calmly that even though he knew it was an imposition, he asked if there could be just some plain veggies for him. Dad agreed. Toph **also claimed vegetarianism** and said that we better make it double quantities of plain veggies. Dad gave her a quizzical look – because he knows full well that she can eat a great deal of meat in one sitting - but said okay.

Zuko looked like he was fighting a severe internal battle between claiming vegetarianism and potentially insulting my dad/water-tribe cuisine/culture and being polite and eating water-tribe cuisine later. He gave me a look and then schooled his features and said pointedly at Toph and Aang that **he wasn't a vegetarian.** He diplomatically that he was sure everything would be delicious and he would love to come. Dad nodded in approval and said _well that's settled then._

Iroh brought up Pakku's letter and asked if Dad had received his yet. Dad had. Well he said he'd received word from "_the old curmudgeon"_ which seemed to be his name for Master Pakku. Conversation moved to diplomatic things and the peace negotiations in Ba Sing Se. Iroh offered to give my Dad a great ship so he could get everyone he wanted to Ba Sing Se. Dad said that he might need a second ship, because some of his men were getting quite homesick and were wanting to leave for the South Pole at the earliest opportunity and Dad wouldn't need all his warriors with him and reasoned that the ones who had wives and children back home should get back to them as soon as possible. Iroh agreed.

Dad asked how Iroh and Zuko were planning on getting "their lot" to Ba Sing Se. Were they planning on going by ship too? Iroh said that was most likely. My Dad thought that ship travel might be a bit slow – considering how quickly Pakku insisted that everyone get their arses to Ba Sing Se. Aang offered the use of Appa – but I pointed out that there might be a few too many people for Appa. My dad suggested the airship that he and Chitsang had fixed up. It was built to be a war ship – but it could be refitted on the inside. It would be more than spacious enough and those airships could travel fast. Iroh was intrigued by this idea.

Dad asked what Iroh thought about Pakku's directive to "chat amongst ourselves" – because my dad found that to be a rather **patronising instruction**. Iroh said that Pakku was often inadvertently patronising and you got used to it. He probably just sick of dealing with squabbling Earth Kingdom leaders who didn't know what they wanted. It would be easier if the Firenation and the Southern Water Tribe came into negotiations knowing where their country stood at least – and clarifying your position with another always helped with that. Iroh said that it would be a good idea if Zuko –as Zuko would be the firelord during the negotiations- and My Dad could chat, at least informally, about where each of their nations stood before they got to Ba Sing Se.

Dad leapt on this idea and said that was a great idea. He added, in the most awkward fashion imaginable, that he had been hoping to have a quick chat with Zuko about _something important_, if Zuko had a moment. Then **he just stared at** Zuko in awkward but determined Dad fashion. Zuko said _now?_ with some confusion. My dad said _if you've got time _with his words. But with his eyes and his tone he actually said _of course now! _

Oh bollocks.

The moment was upon us! The moment where Zuko and my Dad had a _man to man _conversation. I could see no way to stop or halt this. Zuko didn't seem to mind and willingly got up and said _sure, Sir Hakoda, now is good._ He followed my dad, who had started walking off, but as he got to the stairs he turned and mouthed _don't worry_ at me and then he was gone.

-?-

I worried.

Of course I worried.

I was just a ball of worry. I worried for about thirty seconds before I also got up and made some lame excuse. Iroh actually smiled knowingly at me and waved off my lame excuses. I followed them, intent on eavesdropping. It only took me two seconds to find them. They were in the room that Iroh liked to use as an office. My Dad was giving his congratulations.

He had heard that Zuko was going to be the next firelord and he wanted to offer his congratulations. Zuko said _thanks._ There was a pause and then my Dad said, almost as if he was saying this against his better judgement,_ aren't you a little young to be leading a whole nation?_ Zuko didn't take offense but said _I know –right _with a rueful shrug. He explained that he'd ended up in the hotseat because Ozai and Azula were both **completely out of their gourds **and the earth kingdom refused to even consider making peace with his uncle. Dad gave him a sceptical look.

Zuko started doing his nervous babbling in response to my Dad's sceptical look. He basically said (with a lot more words and bonus stammering/yammering) that Sir Hakoda didn't need to worry –about how Zuko being firelord would effect... like peace negotiations and relations between the Watertribes and the firenation and all that sort of thing, because Zuko wanted to make sure that the Southern Watertribe were compensated for...he trailed off here and just settled on _everything._

My dad was looking at Zuko quizzically. He has not had much experience with Zuko's awkward nervous babbling. He said that he hadn't brought Zuko aside to talk to him about peace negotiations or anything like that – there was time enough for that later. Zuko looked visibly relived. My Dad huffed and sighed and crossed his arms. Then asked if Zuko wanted some advice. Zuko said _sure._ Dad said _you're nervous about being firelord right?_ But it wasn't really a question. Zuko paused and then nodded.

Dad said _well the best advice I can give you is just to __**act like your not.**_Zuko was confused by this. Dad confided that he had been nervous too, when he first became chief. But then he quickly realised how much everybody was looking to him to lead. He** pretended** that he knew exactly what he was doing and that proved good enough for that first little bit.

_So you're saying I should fake it til I make it?_ Zuko clarified. My dad said he wouldn't put it exactly like that. Most people **wanted** leadership and they would follow anyone who had some authority and looked like they knew what they were doing. The key to success as a new leader – according to my Dad – was just to **do everything with conviction** and the rest would follow. Dad said conspiratorially that he had no idea what he was doing for the first few months, but he never let on and just pretended he was a good leader... until he was. Dad said that he found out one day that it wasn't an act anymore and he just knew what to do. Dad added that he knew some of the Earth Kingdom leaders that Zuko would have to negotiate with, and learning how to **act with conviction** would be crucial for Zuko in any dealings with them. Dad lowered his voice, but said in an encouraging tone _you're going to need to prove to them that __**you're a man – not a boy.**_

Zuko smiled hesitantly and nodded and said _thanks Sir Hakoda._ My dad smiled back at him and said _Sir Hakoda? How many times? You really can just call me Hakoda okay – I've never been knighted by the Earth King after all. _ Zuko said _Okay. Thanks Hakoda._

There was a slight pause that then became an awkward pause. Zuko thanked my Dad for his advice again and got up from where he was leaning on the desk. Dad was puzzled by this and asked where Zuko was going. Zuko said Hakoda had wanted to talk to him and now they had talked... My dad said that he hadn't talked about what he wanted the talk about. Zuko said _oh, okay_ and sat back down. There was another long awkward pause. Zuko said _so...what did you want to talk to me about? _ In an effort at stopping the Awkward Pause of Doom.

My dad collected himself and began with _lets say there's this guy called...(_here Dad searched around for a name)...he settled on Iroh. Zuko made a dismayed face and said something along the lines of_ oh no, what's he done now? Has he been exposing himself inappropriately again!_ My dad said _no _quickly and then did a double take and said _again?_ Zuko shrugged and said it was his Uncle's "thing" and if Hakoda liked, Zuko could have a talk to him, because _what's one more humiliation_ at this point.

My dad said that _it wasn't about his Uncle _very firmly. He merely picked Iroh as a name for this imaginary guy - because Iroh was one of the only firenation names he knew. Zuko nodded and said that Lee was always a good fake firenation name - there were plenty of Lees. Dad nodded and said he'd keep that in mind. He began again and said _okay, so there's this guy Lee..._ he trailed off and seemed unable to continue. He made a little wiping gesture and said that Zuko should _forget all that_ and this analogy _wasn't going to work_ for my Dad anymore. I think the idea of an inappropriately exposed Iroh was distracting my Dad and **not in a good way.**

Zuko looked really confused by this **whole awkward thing.** Because he is used to being the most awkward person in the conversation and I think he has never previously been out-awkwarded before. Suddenly my dad collected himself and asked Zuko what he thought _about dinner._ Zuko looked like he thought this was a trick question. He answered slowly that he thought it usually happened in the evenings and it would be in his top three favourite meals of the day. Dad said he meant _what Zuko thought about tomorrow night's dinner with Bato and Ming... not dinner in general. _My Dad didn't say "you dolt" but I know he thought it. Zuko nodded in comprehension and said that made so much more sense.

Zuko said, after a pause (during which he probably decided against any comments made re: stewed seaprunes) that he thought it was very nice of Hakoda to invite other firebenders, especially one who was Ming's friend. Zuko said that meeting all the Watertribes at once could be intimidating for Ming. My dad nodded and interjected _I should hope so! _

Dad then asked what Zuko thought about them as a couple. Zuko seemed even more confused by this question than he had by the dinner question and answered that he didn't know either of them very well enough to comment on that. But Sokka only had nice things to say about Bato and his Uncle had only nice things to say about Ming. Zuko trailed off and said _they seem like nice people?_ But he did that thing where he made it sound like a question.

My dad suddenly leaned next to him on the desk and sighed like he was very tired. He pinched the bridge of his nose. Zuko seemed a bit alarmed by this and asked if that was the wrong answer. Dad waved him off and said no, it was a good answer. They were nice people. Dad drew himself up and turned to face Zuko and said that he had something to say to Bato and Ming and he didn't know how to say it without sounding like an arsehole. And the fact that they were nice people just made it harder.

Zuko asked what my Dad would say. Dad said bluntly, but not unkindly _I would say that they both should cut their losses right now and break it off. He's watertribe - she's firenation and it is not going to work out in the long term. _ Dad added that realistically he just couldn't see a future in which it could work out happily between them. Ming couldn't come and live in the South Pole and Bato would never adjust to life here. Dad knew that Bato would never listen to him regarding this matter, but if he ever got the chance – he was going to have a _quiet word_ with Ming because Dad thought that she would be **more practical.**

Dad had to do this, he had to say something - not because he wanted to be horrible and it was not anything against Ming as a person – because Zuko was right- she did seem like a nice person. But he had to say something because he only saw misery ahead for the two of them and he wanted to _spare them that_ – could Zuko understand that. Zuko quietly said he did.

Dad got up abruptly and patted Zuko on the back and said that he was _glad that they had this talk_.

-?-

I rushed quickly back to where the others were sitting and made it just before Dad and Zuko came back out. Zuko was avoiding my eyes and looked like he was carefully trying to school his face into a neutral expression. I wanted to pull Zuko aside and tell him what I really thought about my dad's little speech – but I knew I'd never get anything out of him when his face was doing that.

My Dad made his excuses and said that he had to be off to the watertribe house now. I quickly volunteered to help him "plan dinner tomorrow". I was actually exceptionally cranky at my dad right at that point and I wanted to get him aside and give him a **good scolding** and this seemed like the best way to achieve that. Dad was pleased that I wanted to help out and I got up to leave with him.

I waited until we were in the gardens of the watertribe house (and thus out of earshot of most people) before I let my Dad have it. I was most stroppy at him and I asked him what on earth possessed him to say those things to Zuko. My Dad was a bit affronted that I had been listening in. I scoffed at this because everyone in my tribe listens in **all the time.** We are all big eavesdropping gossips and my Dad knows this. My dad is himself an eavesdropping gossip and I wasn't going to take any of his 'well I never' posturing right now.

Dad tried to play the innocent and said that he didn't see why I was so mad. He was just telling Zuko things that he needed to hear. Zuko was a fine lad, and would make a good leader but he really needed to work on his poise, because if he did that nervous babbly thing in front of General Fong and his ilk – it would be disastrous for him. Dad was just trying to give him a confidence boost. He had just been trying to help. Dad was only focussing on the first part of his little speech. I was not at all angry at the first part. The first part had been sweet.

I was exceptionally cranky about the second part. About Bato and Ming. What possessed my Dad to say all those things? Dad changed the subject on me abruptly and asked if I had known_...about Bato and Ming? _I feigned incomprehension. Dad said he remembered how much I had discouraged him from following Bato yesterday – did I know what Dad would find if he did? I said I hadn't and Dad looked at me sceptically. He didn't believe me. He sat down and said with a sad sigh _we never used to have secrets from each other. _ He muttered that now everybody had a secret.

I sat next to him and said that I only hadn't told him because I was worried that he would react badly and embarrass Bato. Dad said that for my information, he would never deliberately embarrass Bato. When he saw that Bato was on a date and who this date was – he left. He did not make a scene, he did not react badly. He came back here and he waited up until Bato got home so he could talk to him about it properly.

I said that he was obviously reacting a little badly because he was running around wily-nily behind Bato's back and telling people that it wouldn't work out between them. Dad got a bit frustrated and said that he only said that **because it was true** and deep down both Bato and Ming knew it. I said that there was no way that my Dad could know that. For all he knew – it could work out perfectly between Bato and Ming.

Dad looked away and paused and then turned back to me. He took my hand and said sincerely _the world doesn't work that way. _He said it in this in a heavy and solemn tone. Bato would never be able to bring Ming back to the South Pole. Even if she could cope with the cold, she'd never fit in with the tribe. It would be like putting an icehawk in with the snow geese – there would be more than ruffled feathers. In my head, I reluctantly agreed that that this was true. No one in my tribe would react well if Bato brought a firebender home.

Dad continued and said that from the way Bato was talking about Ming – she had just been given a new job. It had a lot of responsibility and she wouldn't easily leave it. But Bato would never be able to stay in the firenation long term. They had been the enemy for too long and the people and the culture were so different here. Bato was watertribe through and through. He'd never adjust to the firenation.

So where did that leave the two of them?

I didn't have an answer – but I felt sure that my Dad should stay out of it. I asked if he was still planning on talking to Ming and he said he was. I said that he shouldn't. He should just leave them be and let them figure things out for themselves. It was none of my Dad's business. Dad got a bit stroppy back at me and said _Bato's happiness is my business – he is my family and I am just looking out for him. _

Dad said he couldn't just stand idly by while Bato made a giant mistake and got his heart broken. Dad was just looking out for his best interest. I said that if Dad was really doing that then he would ask Bato what he really wanted. My Dad turned to me and asked very seriously _And what does Bato really want? _

I felt like we were no longer talking about Bato and Ming right now. Perhaps we never had been. I felt so put on the spot – I knew what he was really asking, but I didn't have an answer for him. I ended up stamping my foot immaturely and saying with a great deal of disgruntlement _I don't know! But he should be able to make up his own mind without you breathing down his neck. _ Then I stormed away from my Dad in high dudgeon.

-?-

I went back to Zuko's house. Iroh had gone off to see Piandao and Jeong Jeong about something. Sokka was awake and sitting with the others- but he seemed a little distracted. Suki had gone back to check on her warriors. Sokka and Aang were having a small argument about the musical selection. Aang wanted to see if we could find Chong and his friends and get them to perform at the coronation party. The Flameos were great, but Aang espoused that **variety was the spice of life** and we should get music from all over the world. If Zuko wanted his party to be able international tolerance and getting people in the firenation to learn more about other cultures – there was no better way to do that then by introducing them to the variety of food and music out there.

Sokka was very adamant that this was a terrible and horrible idea. If Zuko wanted to promote tolerance then worst choice of music would be Chong and his friends because they made even the most kind-hearted pacifist want to **break all their instruments and beat them over the heads with them**. Aang said that he was a gentle and kind-hearted pacifist and he thought they'd been brilliant. And Sokka was just being a party pooper.

Just to annoy Sokka and because I was feeling in a cheeky mood, I started humming "don't let the cave in get you down". Sokka had ranted at length about how this was the **most annoying tune** in the entire world after our experience in the caves. He made the mistake of singing me and Aang a few bars to prove how annoying it was... and I never forgot. Sokka got most comically stroppy. He appealed to Zuko and said that it was his coronation and it was his duty to stop the madness. Zuko shrugged and said that he had resigned himself to the madness.

Sokka gave him a stern look and bopped him lightly on the head and said _what is **with you** today? _Zuko huffed and sat up. He asked _where's madness up to now?_ And explained that he'd tuned out for a bit there. Sokka explained the situation. Chong and Lily and their troupe were annoying nomadic singing idiots. Aang thought they were great and wanted them at Zuko's coronation (so they could make everybody who listened to them want to stab themselves in the eye with a fork). Aang said they were great and their music had a great beat and you could dance to it. Sokka said _you can only dance to it – if you had no shame whatsoever. _

Zuko diplomatically asked if we knew anymore about Chong et al aside from this – like a way that they could be contacted or whereabouts they might be. We did not. Zuko shrugged and apologised to Aang and said that it wouldn't be possible. If we had no idea where this Chong was aside from 'somewhere in the earth kingdom' then it would be really hard to invite them. It would be even harder to get them here on time – because the coronation would be in a couple of days – so they had to try keep most of the stuff local. Transport was a bit tricky at the moment after all.

Conversation turned to transport and logistics. Zuko told the Sokka about Kuei being found and how Pakku said that there needed to be a delegation from the Firenation and the Southern Watertribe as quickly as possible. He said that ship would probably be a bit slow and there would be too many people for Appa – but our Dad had an interesting idea about refitting the Airships. Did Sokka think that was possible?

Sokka was very intrigued by the idea and Zuko kept asking questions _like how many people could an airship take? How fast could they go?_ Sokka got Lenka to get him some paper, ink and a pen and started drawing many diagrams and offering us all many scientific explanations and hypothesises about how the Airships could work as transport vessels rather than warships. He got so into his science-y talk. After about half an hour he was trying all our patience with his mumbling out loud about weight ratios etc.

Iroh came back and Sokka quickly stopped mumbling about weight ratios (after an ill-advised comment about how many ...err_ fat people_ could theoretically go on an airship before it would be too much weight and would crash into the sea). Iroh was pleased with all of Sokka's diagrams. He also got treated to a long science-y explanation. He said that he was impressed with Sokka's inventiveness and he could get a team working on refitting the airships straight away. Sokka said his plans weren't ready yet and Iroh tasked him with getting a final plan to him as soon as he could – but Iroh was sure that wouldn't be too long. After all, Zuko had told him what a genius Sokka was. Sokka beamed and asked Zuko in a teasing fashion _you think I'm a genius? _Zuko looked a bit embarrassed and said _oh don't look so pleased with yourself – you know it's true _in an adorably disgruntled tone.

-?-

Sokka got up to go work on some plans in the office (as he is very fond of doing work on large teaoak desks). Toph and Aang started giving more suggestions to Iroh. I was thinking that now might be a good time to see if I could pull Zuko aside and have a chat woth him. Now that Iroh and Toph and Aang were so occupied. But right at that point, we were interrupted by Ty Lee who came bounding over looking for Aang.

She said hello cheerfully and hugged us each in turn. Suki had excused her from training for the afternoon and she wanted to show Aang all her favourite parts of the city. Yesterday, on Appa, she'd promised she'd take him around when she had some spare time. Now she had some spare time.

Was this a date?

Or was it just a friendly thing?

I wasn't sure. Ty Lee wasn't acting nervous at all – like you'd expect when a young lady was asking a boy out on a date for the first time in front of all his friends – so maybe it was just a friendly thing. She just acted like it was a given that Aang would go with her. Aang surprised me when he turned to me and asked me if he could go. Aang's rarely asked my permission before. I paused just because I was surprised and he gave me the puppy dog eyes. I said Of course he could go! He should go off and have some fun. Aang smiled happily and gave me a hug. Then he bounced off with Ty Lee to go and spread _explosions of happiness_ and _appreciation for the colour pink_ all over the caldera.

Toph huffed a little and said with some disgruntlement _I can't believe you just let him go like that._ Like letting Aang go off with Ty Lee was a travesty of parenting. I said that I thought it was sweet. Toph said it wasn't sweet at all and Ty Lee struck her as a very irresponsible person (I suppressed a smile at Toph complaining about someone else being irresponsible). Toph said that for all we knew, Ty Lee was going to lead Aang into a den of licentiousness filled with **big breasted acrobats.** The horror! Toph was all set to go after them, just to "ensure Aang's safety", but Zuko stopped her. He put his hand on her arm and said that maybe it would be better if she had a calming cup of tea with us instead.

Iroh gave a ..._delighted squeak._ There really is no other word for it. It was this little happy squeaky sound. Zuko turned to him and said _what's wrong with you now?_ Iroh said this was just **the proudest moment of his entire life **and wiped away an imaginary stray tear. Iroh thought _he'd never live to see the day that Zuko suggested tea instead of running off and doing something impulsive_. Soon Zuko would see that tea was the solution to almost every problem in the world. Zuko looked like he was about to argue that tea was not the solution to all of life's problems – but thought better of it at the last minute. He just shook his head amused and said _you daft old besom_ affectionately and poured Toph a cup.

Toph sipped her tea but was still a bit disgruntled. Sokka came out and joined us. He noticed Aang's absence instantly and asked where he had got to. Toph said _he's out with that ditzy girl having a "tour of the city"._ Sokka said _go Aang!_ unwisely and Toph flicked a pebble at him. Sokka tried to cheer her up and said that as soon as his leg was better – he could take Toph on a tour of something really cool. Toph smiled but said that wasn't the point.

She said she was only a little cross because Aang was getting a tour of the city and she hadn't explored any of it properly yet – aside from the manky docks. Iroh said that he had been remiss in his hosting duties – if he had never shown the brilliant miss Bei Fong around. Iroh had a suggestion that she come with him and Zuko for a turn around the city. They had been planning on going to reunification square this afternoon anyway – to check it out as a possible coronation location. Zuko said _we were?_ And Uncle gave him a look. He corrected himself and said _that's right! We were._ I don't think Toph was fooled, but she agreed to go with them because she could see that they wanted to cheer her up.

Iroh invited all of us – but it was too far for Sokka with his leg in a cast. Sokka said that was fine and they could go and we would wait here. He wanted to have a chat to me about something anyway. I had kind of been wanting to go – but Sokka gave me **a look **here. So I agreed to stay. Also I don't feel great about leaving him completely on his own without one of us nearby – with his leg the way it is. Normally Suki or Toph or myself are always close by, in case he needs anything.

Sokka had actually finished a rough plan for Iroh and he handed it over and then Zuko, Toph and Iroh left for their "tour." However I suspect that Iroh just wants to cheer Toph up and will spend most of the afternoon ladling tea down her throat and filling her head with advice.

It was nice waiting with Sokka. We had a nice chat. Sokka actually did have something that he wanted to talk to me about. He and Suki had been wondering how I was getting on with having a word to Dad about equal treatment for women. Had I done it yet? I looked at my hands and said _no,_ quietly. I explained that every time I tried to broach the subject with dad – something else always seemed to come up.

I told him about how Dad and I had a fight this morning about Bato and Ming. He was most surprised about Bato and Ming – because he had spent the morning snuggling with Suki rather than getting amongst the gossip at the water tribe house – he had not known. I filled him in on what I knew and told him that Dad didn't think it would work in the long term. Just because there was no way that Bato could bring Ming home and Bato would never fit in here and they were too different.

Sokka paused and looked away for a second. He asked me if I thought Dad was right. I said **no,** rather vehemently. Sokka nodded and said that Dad had a point though. He said _when you love someone who was from a very different place it made some things much harder._ People could love someone _so much,_ but still not know if they were willing to leave behind everything they knew for that person. He said it with some odd feeling that I couldn't put my finger on. I asked him about it and he first denied that anything was worrying him – but eventually he fessed up that he and Suki had a small talk about the future.

She'd spoken like she assumed that they would live on Kyoshi when they decided to 'settle down. ' Were they settling down? Sokka said no - they had only just had their first serious talk about it. Suki thought settling down was a long way off and she wasn't ready yet – but she wanted to broach the subject with Sokka now. She had spoken with her usual candor and honesty when she said she wouldn't be able to move to the tribe if their attitude to women didn't improve. She was willing to try almost anything to stay with Sokka – because she thought their relationship was worth it -but she wasn't willing to do that.

They were both hoping I would say something soon. Suki said it would mean the most coming from me and it was "the first step." I said that I would try and do it soon, but I just found it hard to even begin that conversation. I didn't know how to say it without sounding like I was criticizing my Dad. Sokka said that he'd say something for me if he could, but Suki said that was part of the problem. Sokka might mean well but he'd be a man speaking for me rather than me speaking for myself - if he did that.

Sokka was a bit incredulous that I would be at a loss for words when talking to my Dad. He said that I ranted at him **all the time **about it. I just said that it was easier to rant at Sokka. Sokka said that he was on my side completely – so it was no use ranting at him. That was preaching to the converted. It's just… I've been ranting at Sokka so long. I knew that Sokka listened and heard me when I ranted. But I didn't know if all the warriors would listen to what I had to say.

Suki came over not long after that. She gave Sokka a tender little peck on his forehead in greeting. It was such an offhand, little gesture of intimacy. Like she thought she'd be giving him little kisses forever. That little gesture told me all I needed to know about the two of them and how the are together. I think Sokka and Suki can last. I don't care what Dad thinks. I think that love can last between two people – even if they are from different backgrounds.

Sokka asked about her day with her warriors and she regaled us with their antics and told us about how she'd had to give _someone_ the afternoon off because _someone _was super hyper-active today. I smiled knowingly. Sokka told her about his day and said that he had just asked me to say something to Dad again.

I said that I was always intending to say something, but I was just waiting for the right time to say it. I wanted to do it properly, when I was ready and knew exactly what I wanted to say and had the menfolk's full attention. Suki and I talked a bit about the things I could/should/would say for the rest of the afternoon.

It was some time after sunset when Aang and Ty Lee came back. Ty Lee was delighted to see Suki and gave her a big hug. She explained to us all – _this girl, she's soo nice! She gave me the afternoon off. _ As if this was news for any of us. Ty Lee had evidently overheard some of our practice speeches as she walked Aang over. We had been talking about ways to get the menfolk to actually listen to me. Ty Lee offered that if she were me – she'd just chi block them all to get them to stay still - then they'd have to listen to her. It is an intriguing thought.

Aang was a bit perplexed because I haven't really gotten much of a chance to talk to him about the problems I was having with my tribe lately. He'd been so genuinely surprised in the Northern Water Tribe when Pakku wouldn't teach me. I remembered how angry Aang had been on my behalf and how he'd thought it was so unfair. He said that he thought it was just the Northern Water Tribe who were _funny about girls. _I told him sadly that my tribe was also _funny about girls. _The Southern Water Tribe wasn't as bad as the northern one, but we still had our problems. Aang offered to say something – but I gently told him that wasn't necessary. If Aang did that, there would be the same problem as Sokka speaking for me. I wanted to speak for myself.

Ty Lee said that she was sure everything was going to be great and everything would be fixed with my tribe soon. I asked how she could be so sure. She said with great enthusiasm that she could _just feel it_. Things were changing **everywhere** – surely my tribe would be no different. We all looked at her with that same combination of bemusement and amusement that Ty Lee often arouses in people.

Suki asked her what she meant by _she could feel it._ Ty Lee said it was the same way she could see auras. She just could feel change in the air. Sometimes she fancied that she could feel the whole aura of a whole country. She could tell that the firenation's aura was changing.

It felt, to Ty Lee, like the whole world was changing and anything was becoming possible. She looked at me sincerely and said that if the whole world moved forward – there was no way my tribe could be left behind. She added – still in that same sincere voice- we were right at the start of a new era. In a few years everything was going to be so different! She **just knew it. ** And this time she was sure that things were changing for the better.

Sometimes Ty Lee strikes me as an **old and wise soul.**

Then of course she completely ruined that image by turning to me and saying that if all else failed and if in a few years they were still being sexist jerks - I could tell them all that she would **Chi Block their willies **if they didn't behave (Aang and Sokka both cringed terribly here).She gave me an incredibly cheeky wink and said that she had always found that argument to be _rather persuasive._

-?-

Toph and Iroh and Zuko came back not long afterwards. Suki and Ty Lee left to have dinner with the Kyoshi warriors. And we had dinner all together. Sokka and Aang and I got filled in on the events of this afternoon. Toph had a wonderful exploratory afternoon and had been taken to Reunification Square, a Firesage temple, the Palace, a metalworks factory, seven teashops, three regular shops and rather alarmingly – a firework factory. There had nearly been a minor disaster – but that had thankfully been averted by Iroh (because he's so wily).

A few things had been settled. The coronation was going to be in Reunification Square in a couple of days. Zuko and Iroh had also reached a compromise regarding the organization. Zuko could have everything his way for the coronation as long as Iroh got full control over organizing the post-coronation celebration (and the post coronation celebration was the whole point of being coronated as far as Iroh was concerned). There were a few small arguments about the post coronation party – but I think even Zuko knows that he is going to end up giving his uncle his own way with everything.

Toph got a bit grumpy at Aang at one point and he was perplexed as to why she was so grumpy with him. There was more discussion about the logistics of getting the airship that Sokka and Dad fixed up ready to fly as a passenger carrier. Iroh had given Sokka's plans over to a good metalworker that he trusted, who had a great team. They would start working on it tomorrow. Sokka is actually quite excited to have a new project and he is going to hop over and 'check out' the airship tomorrow and discuss science-y things with this metalworker and generally be a busy-body. And before I knew it the whole day had elapsed and it was time for sleep.

-?-

Later that night I was feeling awake and restless. I was thinking about how Dad thought Ming and Bato shouldn't be together and how Sokka thought loving someone from another place was really hard and Suki thought it was worth giving it a go anyway. Ty Lee thought everything was changing and Aang thought you should always look on the Brightside. I didn't even know what Zuko really thought about any of the things I was thinking and that bothered me the most.

I had been hoping to get a chance to talk to him alone – ever since he'd had that little talk with my Dad. But I hadn't got the chance. One thing after another happened today and he was so busy with his uncle organizing stuff and there just hadn't been a free moment. I had wanted to pull him aside. I had wanted some privacy. I had wanted it to be just to two of us – because I had something important to say and I think I was nearly brave enough to say it directly to his face.

I had been wanting to tell him that I did not agree with what my dad said about how it could never work between someone from the watertribe and someone from the firenation. I did not agree with that at all.

In fact, I thought quite the opposite.

-?-

I got up to make some tea at one point – as it is the solution to nearly all life's problems. When I came close to the kitchen I saw that somebody else was up – because a few of the torches were lit. I was really glad to find that it was Zuko. He was sitting on the bench with a pot of tea on one side and a small pile of books on the other. There was a long scroll of paper peeking out between the books– I couldn't read most of the small writing but the heading said **Things To Do. **He was intently reading the book in his hands and hadn't noticed me standing at the door. So I tapped gently and made a small coughing sound.

He looked up, startled and then he saw it was me and his face softened and he smiled. Then he looked around and realized how late at night (or I guess early in the morning) it was. He said _oh I'm sorry, did I wake you? _I told him not to be silly. He hadn't woken me, I had been awake anyway. He asked if I couldn't sleep and I nodded. He said _me either. _

He offered me some tea and I came and moved the books and sat next to him on the counter. We drank in silence for a sec. Then I asked what got had him awake in the middle of the night. He said that he'd just been thinking about the fact that by this time next week he would be Firelord – hell, he could even be in Ba Sing Se, negotiating and shit – if Sokka got the airships up and running in time. There was just so much to do and so much that he needed to learn. Because he couldn't sleep – he decided to just get up and get on with it. He'd started making a **to do list** of everything he needed to do as Firelord – to help him keep track. Zuko likes lists after all and everything made more sense to him in list form.

I looked down at where the list was and I couldn't help but stifle a giggle. I could only see the first thing, but it was pretty all encompassing I thought.

_Things to do as Firelord_

_**Don't screw up!**_

I told him with a big amused smile that I couldn't believe he wrote "don't screw up" as the very first thing on a _to do_ list. He said it was the most important thing to do, so obviously it had to come first. He said it _so sincerely_ and then I really couldn't help the little chortle that escaped my lips.

Oh Zuko.

He got a little stroppy and snatched the list from me and said he didn't begrudge me all my various coping mechanisms – so I should not make fun of the list. I said I wasn't making fun of it, but it was just so…cute. Zuko made a face at me because he never appreciates being called cute or being associated with anything that could be considered cute. He started folding the list and I noticed that there was actually more than one list – he must have made a few drafts. Did they all start with **Don't screw up**? He pocketed the lists and wouldn't let me see them, so I will never know.

He changed topics and asked me why I couldn't sleep. What had gotten me up in the middle of the night? I decided to launch right in and just start with the topic I wanted to get to. I told him that I had an argument with my Dad about Ming and Bato. Zuko's eyes widened in comprehension. He said that my Dad had wanted to talk to him about that to, during their _Man-to-Man_ talk.

I asked him how he felt about their _Man to Man_ talk. He said it hadn't been anywhere near as bad as I had built it up to be. He smiled a little and said _it was actually kind of nice_ softly. My Dad was a great guy and _he hadn't mentioned penguins once. _ He'd had some _interesting advice _for Zuko and Zuko thought it was good to get my Dad's perspective and being a leader and stuff.

My dad had gone off on a weird tangent and been a bit honest with him about how he was afraid of talking to Bato and his relationship with Ming because he didn't want to come off like an arsehole. Zuko thought that had been a _really random subject_ for my Dad to be so keen on discussing with him, but he could also see my Dad's point. Things would be really hard for Ming and Bato.

I told him that was what our fight was about. I thought he was wrong about their relationship. Zuko shrugged and said he couldn't see what my Dad was so wrong about. My dad had told Zuko about how Ming wouldn't fit in with the Southern Watertribe and Bato would find it hard to adjust to the firenation. That seemed like a valid point to Zuko.

I got a bit stroppy with him and said it wasn't a valid point at all. I couldn't figure out what he was _actually_ saying. I asked if he was he saying that he agreed with my Dad and thought that Ming and Bato should break up? He said he wasn't saying that they should break up, but he was saying that everything would be difficult for them. Bato was going to have to make a really difficult choice in the end, as far as Zuko could tell.

I asked why should Bato be the one who has to choose? Zuko said, a bit defensively, that Ming didn't really have the luxury of a choice. She had responsibilities here. If Bato wanted to be with her, he'd eventually have to make a choice about whether he wanted to stay here – because moving south wasn't going to be an option for her. Bato had to decide if he wanted Ming or if he wanted other things more.

I turned around to face him and say something a bit stroppy in response – but whatever I had been about to say died in my throat when I saw his face. He was looking at me with this really soft expression. It was almost a_ longing_ expression. There was a long pause and we just stared at each other. Then Zuko blushed and looked down and said to the cup in his hand that he was sure "Ming" would understand. If Bato decided he wanted other things, Ming would understand and she wouldn't hold it against him.

I had a feeling that once again we weren't really talking about Ming and Bato here. But I couldn't believe I was hearing this from him. I said _what? _a quiet, incredulous voice. Zuko shrugged and just said that there was so much stacked against them. My Dad was a smart guy and he had a point. He added after a small pause _I mean, I can see the wisdom in splitting up now – before they get in too deep… or in not getting involved in the first place._ I was a bit flabbergasted about what to do with this statement. I disagreed with it for a start. I said that If both of them really wanted it – if they really wanted each other - I was sure that they could make it work. Zuko smiled gently and_ ah, but you're an optimist. I'm a pessimist._

There was another pause where Zuko said that those kind of relationships only worked out well in stories, as far as he could tell. _ That kind of relationship where the other person is so different… sure __**it makes you feel alive**__…_he said this with some hesitant emotion. Then he paused and looked at me again here, as if he was trying to gauge my reaction, before he added _but in reality, people always end up disappointing each other or hurting each other. Maybe it's not worth the risk. _He looked back at his cup and said that it probably would have been better if Ming and Bato had just stayed friends. Friends wasn't complicated after all.

I wanted to say that friends could also be **really friggin complicated.**

Especially when you are friends with Zuko.

But I didn't say anything like that at all. He'd put my brain in such a whirl of confusion. I hadn't liked the way this conversation had gone. But I couldn't say that Zuko was wrong to feel the way he did. But that didn't mean I had to like it. I didn't know what to do or what to say. So I did what I always do in that situation. I went on the offensive and got scoldy.

I jumped down of the bench and made a big ho-ha about the time. Zuko gave me a confused look at my abrupt change in behavior. I said something along the lines of _Oh look at the time. It's so late. We should both go to bed. You're still recovering and you need your sleep – so no more list-making tonight. _I said all this in a very bossy yet awkward fashion. Oh bloody hell I am turning into my dad! I decided to cut my losses and I faked a yawn and said I was _tired now_ and _was going to sleep_ and then I fled.

-?-

So I lay awake and pondered and thought and tossed and turned and now it is morning and I have gotten no sleep. But I have decided several things in lieu of sleep.

- Zuko is possibly the most **frustrating person in the history of ever!**

- I still love him.

- I don't want to be just friends anymore.

I've been thinking about what he actually said and what I think he was trying to say. He never said he didn't fancy me…oops I mean that "Ming" didn't fancy "Bato" – how did I end up the boy in this analogy? It sounds to me like he was trying to say (without really saying) that he is scared of a relationship with me and that he thinks it's all too hard and there is too much stacked against us and he would prefer it if we were stayed friends so that we don't _disappoint_ or_ hurt_ each other.

Well boo to that!

It's too late for me. I will be **exceptionally disappointed** if I don't get to at least kiss him soon. I will be **very hurt** if he doesn't even want to give it a try with me – especially after he's gone out on dates with _whats-her-face_ in Ba Sing Se and _Friggin Gloomy Friggin Hairbuns_. I mean he is capable of dates and relationships! Hell, I don't even want a date at this point, I don't even want a relationship. I just want a kiss!

Okay that's a lie. I just want **lots of kissing**. With tongue. One kiss would never be enough.

Okay that's also a lie – if we started with the kissing, I know I wouldn't mind a few dates…and then a relationship…and then we will get married... and have lots of children ...and I will tease him until we are old and wrinkly about how he is the **most frustrating person in the history of ever.**

He wants me – I know it. There is no way I could **not know it**, from all the touching and the cuddling and the secret sharing. I want him! I more than want him.

I love him.

I think about him so much that I am beginning to question my sanity. I just…

Gah! How did I end up in this situation?

See the thing is that he is so brave about so many things, but he's just so scared about this. The way he spoke about "those kinds of relationships" with "somebody really different." There were so many layers to the way he said _it makes you feel alive_ and now I can't stop thinking about what he actually meant by that. It's an odd choice of words. Is that how he feels about me? Did he not feel _quite alive_ before I came along? It makes me sad to think on it too much.

He's scared, and I totally get that. He's shy, he's been hurt a lot, he doesn't trust easily and sometimes getting him to open up is like pulling teeth. He doesn't want to ruin this _friendship_ we've got going between us. I understand all that. But I'm scared too. It's a scary thing – thinking about trying to move forward with someone I care about to the point where it is driving me to distraction. I mean if we did give it a go and it all went pear-shaped I'd never get over it.

It's a big risk.

But I think it could be worth the risk.

We would be worth the risk.

I just want to get him to see that.

We don't have to do it like Ming and Bato – and have it all public and have everyone gossiping and saying _oh it'll never last _behind our backs_._ I don't want that. We'll keep us secret… for as long as we can. It'll be just him and me. And we'll take it slow and move forward together and see where we end up.

If he just wants to "be friends" now – then that is cool. We will be friends. I will be the best friend he has ever had. But as soon as I get the chance, as soon as things are a little less hectic and we have a bit of time and can get just a _smidgen of privacy_, away from the various enthusiastic interrupters that inhabit both these houses – I'm going to take him _somewhere nice._ And then I am just going to use all my gumption and my courage and….and I'll just tell him how I feel. Hell, maybe I'll just show him and kiss him right then. Either way, I'm pretty sure I can _persuade_ him to see things my way.

All I need to do is find the right time. It is so hectic at the moment with the coronation and organizing the treaty. I'll do it after the coronation. After that whole shebang is out of the way – we will have more time.

Until then, I am going to just be the best friend to him that I can be.

I mean we are good friends… best friends really and I don't want to lose that at all. **I just want more than that.** I can admit that to myself now. And hopefully soon I'll be able to admit it to him too. Because I can't help it anymore and I have to say something soon or I'll explode.

I really do love my friend Zuko - frustrating idiot that he is.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

* * *

The Last Ramble!

Lovely wonderful readers! You have made it! You have reached the end of _Not Stalking Zuko!_ Thank you for reading! Also a million congratulations and I hope you enjoyed it. Enormous thanks to everyone who has reviewed or PM'ed me! You are all fabulous and we've had some great discussions and some very interesting points have been raised – so I'd like to send you all an internet sundae with cherries on the top. Reviews really do make me smile! And I can say honestly that I wouldn't have been able to write this without you guys and your lovely comments and amazing insights! So all the thanks in the world.

Also the glorious **Wandering Cat** *waves at Wandering Cat* made a brilliant **Tv Tropes** page for this fic – if you would like to check it out/help her out – just google "the stalking zuko series" and "tv tropes" and it should come up.

And now onwards to the last ramble- and naturally YMMV on everything!

At the beginning I have Pakku in Ba Sing Se – in essence helping the Earth Kingdom get their s**t together. Pakku is the White Lotus Member who gets left behind to sort out Ba Sing Se, because someone would have to step into that role. Bas Sing Se had just been liberated and there would have been a **gaping power vacuum** without the Earth King. So Pakku is the HBIC in Ba Sing Se at the moment. It's more of an administrative role, rather than an authoritarian one. Pakku would have to work _with _the various leaders rather than just telling them what to do – as he has no official authority. Actually the idea of Pakku having to be _collaborative _is a bit hilarious to me. Because Pakku doesn't suffer fools easily and he will be literally surrounded by them.

Anyway, Pakku would have a lot of unofficial authority and the Earth Kingdom is in a shambles and the various leaders would squabble like children and they'd need someone to be the "adult". I used to do model UN for a long time and it was really illuminating at how easily things become tense and squabbling ensues –when everyone has their own agenda and everyone wants the best for their own "country." I see the Earth Kingdom not as a unified whole, but a collection of principalities and territories united under one High King – so it makes sense to me that everyone would squabble a fair bit and want the best for their principalities. A leader from a coast region would have little in common with a leader of a desert tribe. But just because they have the same High King, it doesn't mean that they all get along.

I think Pakku is the most likely candidate for this role, even though he is a grumpy old curmudgeon. I think that the Northern Water Tribe and the Earth Kingdom would be natural allies and the various Earth Kingdom leaders of the principalities will be much more willing to work with Pakku than anybody else in the White Lotus. They would not want to work co-operatively with anyone from the firenation, so that rules out Iroh, Piandao and Jeong Jeong. Bumi is an Earth King and a leader of a principality and is on the same level as them. He would have a vested interest in Omashu. The position of facilitator should never go to someone with a vested interest. Also Bumi is Mad.

Anyway Pakku would have sent out scouts looking for the Earth King as quickly as possible –The Earth King has now been found. How Kuei feels about being the Earth King now, as opposed to how he felt in season two when he didn't even know there was a war, will be explored next Now the EK leaders once again have a High King and can present a "united front." So the EK leaders are getting along right at this point and have reached some semblance of agreement. Pakku would have sent quickly for Iroh and said the equivalent of _the time is now!_ _get your arse over here as quickly as humanely possible._

To my knowledge -peace treaties normally do get underway pretty quickly after a conflict. They don't get finalized for a long time because there is normally a fair bit of squabbling – but the process is definitely started quickly. It makes everybody more comfortable when there is an official signed document saying _"we won't attack you no more."_ So Zuko and the Gaang will have to head to Ba Sing Se not long after he is coronated to start working on a treaty (don't worry -I won't make it boring). For more tales of Ba Sing Se, you will have to tune in to _Not Stalking Firelord Zuko. _

There are a few subtle things that will be more important later. Pakku's_ feelings_ regarding the position of firelord is that Iroh should do it. Because Pakku wouldn't take crap from a 16 year old (Pakku don't take **no crap** from **nobody! –**_except Kanna_**)** and he thinks other old curmudgeons in the firenation will feel exactly the same way.

Also Hakoda finds Pakku **very patronizing.** And Pakku was a little patronizing in his letter to Hakoda. The Southern Watertribe is definitely the less prestigious of the two water tribes and I don't know if they would see eye-to-eye on certain issues. Anyway inter-tribe relations for the Water Tribes are going to come up next fic. The fall out from the Siege of the North will also be addressed.

There was a lot about coronations in this chapter. first off - Zuko's coronation can't be in coronation plaza. In the show, there is a panshot that shows all the charred buildings and then bam-coronation time. I think that the square where the coronation takes place that we see in the finale cannot be the same one that Zuko and Azula fought in. So I made up reunification square - because I thought an alternative venue was necessary. And can I just say that Ozai's coronation is just in really poor taste! It's his Dad's funeral for goodness sake! His Dad is on is funeral pyreand is, in fact,** on fire (literally!) **right next to him.

What is _with_ that?

I don't think that could be customary because in almost every culture there is some sort of recognised mourning period – especially for leaders. Like seriously Ozai? At least wait until after the funeral. Have a different ceremony the next day. Wait just a few seconds before making grabby hands for the crown. I'm sure Firelord Azulon was a bit of a _bastard coated bastard with bastard filling _(for all we know he may have been a magnificent bastard) but it just strikes me as very disrespectful that Ozai chooses to get crowned when his Dad is on fire next to him!

It's just a bit eeurgh to me. So I've tweaked that a bit. Ozai's coronation, like the rest of his rise to power, was a little bit unorthodox – but he wanted and needed to be crowned as quickly as possible. So much to the disapproval of the firesages and the gathered nobles and army – he did his coronation his own way and used his firelordly powers to get that to happen for him. He held is as soon as his father is officially "dead" and did not recite the sacred oaths – because promises to try and be a good leader are not really Ozai's thing. And as a result his coronation was seen as a little vulgar. But the firenation is an absolute monarchy and he was firelord by then (and he is also a psychopath) -so no one is really going to say that to his face. So I count Ozai's coronation as anomaly in firenation culture.

I started thinking about what we see of Zuko's coronation and why Zuko made such a _big brou- ho-ha _about Aang being with him and what a hero Aang was. Aang is a hero yes, but Zuko's coronation really should be about Zuko assuming leadership – not about how great Aang is (there will already be plenty of holidays about that). I came to the conclusion that Zuko must have wanted it that way and I've come up with some fanwank to explain this.

Zuko has to present Aang as a hero to the firenation. Aang's a hero for stopping the war - and the war hurts the firenation too. Aside from a small select group of people, I think that everybody in the firenation would actually be relieved that the war is over and their sons/daughters can come home safe. Aang has to been seen as a hero and someone who is an ally of the firenation domestically for Zuko's reign to be successful. Realistically, all that most people in the firenation would know about Aang was that as the Avatar - he was their "enemy" and that he caused the most calamitous defeat in firenation history at the _Siege of the North._ (The _Siege of the North_ and all the casualties will come up in Not Stalking Firelord Zuko – because Aang **really needs to know** at this point.)

Anyway people in the Firenation will have mixed feelings towards Aang at the start, and Zuko will do his best to improve Aang's image with his people. So that is why his coronation is as much about Aang as it is about him.

I don't think the tradition of Avatars being at coronations of new leaders is a tradition exclusive to the firenation. I think that it just makes sense that The Avatar would be there at the coronation of new leaders across the world, unless they were too young/unable. The Avatar has to balance the four nations and it would just make sense if they knew the leaders of the four nations and acknowledged when a new leader was coronated/came to power. I think that there would be a separate set of vows that would have to be sworn to an Avatar by new leaders – but no one has said them in over 100 years. But Zuko will bring the tradition back and he'll be the first to be coronated old school style – by both the firesages and Aang. Bless his cotton socks.

I think that this would have been an old tradition – but because it has fallen out of favour for 100 years, it would be seen as a progressive thing to do. My theory has a small snag in that Roku did not attend Sozin's coronation in the "Avatar and the Firelord." however I reckon the fact that he missed it could actually work for their relationship and canon.

It would have been such an old tradition and Sozin would have just assumed that Roku would come. Roku would have been really caught up in a more pressing Avatar duty (lets say there's a big problem in the EK and he needs to fix it). Roku would have said that he couldn't make it – but he knew Sozin would understand. This would be the first little crack in what was once a strong friendship.

Roku would have taken his friendship with Sozin a little for granted – and assumed that Sozin wouldn't hold it against him and would understand that he has duties. This would have been the first time that he would have very clearly chosen his Avatar duties over the firenation and Sozin wasn't cool with it. He would have written back –_yeah that's cool,_ but secretly he would have been a bit put out. He never would have said he felt hurt by it – out of pride and a few other things – and Roku never knew there was a problem. But Roku's choice would have made Sozin start seeing him more as "the Avatar" rather than "My Oldest Childhood Friend Roku."

Aside from organising coronations - there were a few other things that I touched on that will become more important later. The airships will be given a new life as a Zeppelin fleet – eventually. Because there would be a growing need for rapid transport between the nations and there will be a lot of people moving about in the coming peace. And Sokka will be in his inventive element with this new "project." Toph is getting just a _teensy_ bit jealous over Aang and Ty Lee. Ty Lee can _Chi-Block willies_ and is willing to do it too – to get her own way. There is a cheeky, naughty streak in Ty Lee and Aang is a bit blind to it at the moment. I think that Aang would put any girl he develops a crush on – on a big giant pedestal. But Ty Lee is going to fall off hers pretty quickly and there will be shenanigans. There will be lots more romance related drama in _Not Stalking Firelord Zuko. _Especially for our Dynamic duo – because they are at a bit of an impasse right now.

Zuko and Hakoda have their man-to-man talk in this chapter and penguin sledding doesn't get mentioned once. Contrary to Katara's fears – it was not a big giant embarrassing fest. There was some awkwardness, but understandable awkwardness. This is also the first of many conversations about "Bato" and "Ming" – Bato who is a crucial part of the Southern Watertribe, has a high position in the tribe and very dear to everyone there and Ming who has just been given a new job that has a lot of responsibility and she will not be easily able to leave it or the firenation– you guys see what I did there?

Hakoda's not an idiot – he's not blind. He can see that there is "something there" despite all of Katara's denials. He's not sure if they are actually a couple, or if they are still both crushing on each other – either way he doesn't want it to go any further. He chooses to talk to Zuko about it (rather than Katara) because being a typical southern watertribe man he feels more confident talking to another man – who will be more "reasonable." Hakoda is actually as scared of talking to Katara over this - as he fears it will be a huge giant awkward schmozzle with her. Hakoda is well aware of his own awkwardness in this area. He always says the wrong thing and makes everything awkward when he tries to talk to her about sex and love and stuff and he wants to avoid that if possible.

He had a whole speech planned out for Zuko that he then pretty much threw that out the window. He adopted the "Bato" and "Ming" analogy because it oddly fit – and because Bato and Ming are on his mind too. Hakoda is very firmly of the opinion that it can't work between a fire and water couple. He and Bato have had a rather interesting discussion about this that morning – when Bato came back from his date. Hakoda would have waited at the Watertribe house for Bato and then confronted him about his relationship with Ming and his sneaky behaviour. Bato wouldn't have denied it – he is in that first flush of love and he would have waxed lyrical about Ming's better qualities etc. Hakoda would have outlined his various strong feelings on the subject and Bato would have been all "problems scmropblems – she makes me happy." He would have said that Hakoda would have to meet her properly and then he would understand - and the idea of dinner would have been **cooked up.**

Then Hakoda would have gotten Pakku's letter – and thought _you patronising bastard_ – and been even more pissed off. So all in all – it's not been a great morning for him. He would have paced for a bit and then decided that he was just going to take Zuko aside and give him _A talk._ He can't do anything about Bato and Ming – because they are both adults. But Katara is **his daughter** and he'll be damned if he's going to sit idly by while she makes the same "mistake" he sees Bato making.

He would have gone over to Zuko's house – intent on having the talk right then – but then all these other topics come up that also need his due attention. When Iroh suggests that he and Zuko need to have at least an informal chat about their respective country's positions – Hakoda is all over that idea as it gives him a valid excuse to take Zuko aside. But then when he's with Zuko his pre-planned speech kind of falls apart.

I think Hakoda would actually like Zuko as a person. The first time Hakoda met him, he was sticking to Sokka loyally at Boiling Rock and helping them all escape. Sokka and Katara both have nothing but nice things to say about him but more importantly – Hakoda can see for himself that Zuko's a decent person. But he's still firenation – about to be the leader of the firenation, and therein lies Haokda's issue.

Hakoda would very easily be able to tell that Zuko's a bit anxious about being firelord. He's a bit perplexed as to why it's Zuko and not Iroh - because Zuko is 16 and impulsive and Iroh's _un certain age_ and wise. And so he asks about it and is treated to a barrage of nervous babbling. Zuko's a bit nervous because he thinks that Hakoda actually wants to start doing some bona-fide negotiation right now and Zuko's still feeling a little ill-prepared for all that stuff! (Zuko is also nervous because he's stuck in a room with Sir Hakoda and Sir Hakoda has that effect on him!)

This would have stopped Hakoda in his tracks. He really wants to give Zuko a hard time about Katara – but the kid is so ill-at-ease about so many things and Hakoda would have felt his **Dad-Mode** kick in, despite himself. Hakoda is just _such a dad-_ bless his cottons socks – that his **Dad-Mode** gets activated at the slightest hint of teenaged confusion. Hakoda, as chief and as an active participant in the war, has probably had a fair few dealings with the Earth Kingdom Generals and various other people that Zuko is very soon going to have to deal with. He knows that Zuko's nervous demeanour is going to lead him into strife when dealing with those people and he feels worried for him. So he give him the best advice he can – Just do everything with more confidence and conviction.

This is good advice for Zuko as a leader, because publically at least, he will have to appear self-assured and certain– no matter how much he might second guess himself behind closed doors. Zuko needed to hear something like that. I honestly think Zuko's demeanour would be a bit of an obstacle for him. He does need to learn to present a calm, composed and convincing front. Hakoda's doing a nice thing here and Zuko's feeling pretty good about this whole _Man-to-Man_ talk thing at that point.

Zuko has a great deal of healthy respect for Hakoda on a general level, as the blue wolf, as the leader of the Southern Water Tribe, as Sokka and Katara's father – but this is the first time they have really related on a personal level and he's got to experience some of Hakoda's epic-dadness for himself (awwww).

He's is going to listen to and think about everything Hakoda says. So when Hakoda says that he doesn't think it can ever end happily for a couple from the firenation and the watertribes – Zuko is not going to dismiss that out of hand. He is going to think on that and obsess on that for the rest of the day. Hakoda would have said all this stuff gently – because he is a good guy really and he has a good heart. He's trying to be reasonable about things. But he doesn't want the people he loves – like Katara and Bato – to be hurt and he honestly can't see how a fire/water coupling could end happily.

I think his main object to Zuko would be a cultural one – it's nothing against Zuko as a person, just like it is nothing against Ming as a person. Hakoda just doesn't think a firebender could make either Katara or Bato happy in the long run. There is a big problem posed by where a couple chooses to settle. This is a similar problem to the one that Sokka and Suki will face. Someone has to choose – and that is always hard.

Haokda's point is that it will be even harder for Bato and Ming and Zuko and Katara – because the choice will be on Katara and Bato. Both Zuko and Ming have big responsibilities in the fire nation that they cannot leave (and even if they could - it is highly unlikely that a firebender would be easily accepted in the Southern Water Tribe after _everything_). If Bato and Katara really want their fiery partners – they'll have to choose to stay in the firenation. Hakoda doesn't think either of them will be able to adjust to living in the firenation. Hakoda can't fathom that either of them would choose the firenation in the first place.

Hakoda sees the whole thing as doomed to failure and he wants to "spare" the people he loves all the hurt he can. He does this by going behind their backs and in a high handed manner – but his heart is in the right place and he means so well.

Sokka and Suki are also going to have to deal with a similar problem about where they are going to settle down. They have been going out for a long time and are fairly serious about each other, but now they have had their first conversation about **"the future." ** They would not have had this conversation prior to the end of the war – because the future was so uncertain. But now that the war is over – that conversation has become long overdue. Suki would have instigated it – because she wanted to know where Sokka stood on certain issues, but then it would have turned into a big giant discussion. They love each other – but both of them are exceptionally attached to their homelands and where they will live is going to be an issue for them. Suki would have confessed that she couldn't countenance the idea of living in the Southern Watertribe – with their attitude to women being what it is. Sokka would have said quickly that he could help fix that and they could get Katara to give some of her epic speeches etc. Anyway all this is to say that I haven't forgotten this plot point and I am planning on writing more about sexism and the water tribes – but you will have to wait a little longer my lovelies.

Zuko and Katara have a chat over tea and I know some of you and probably very cranky at me right now and saying _boo you – you big tease!_ Both Zuko and Katara have been thinking about what Hakoda has said about the infeasibility of a fire/water romance and have reached very different conclusion. They get to have a chat about their relationship without actually having a chat about it – through the analogy of "Ming" and "Bato".

Zuko would be much more reluctant to get into a relationship with Katara. He does love her and want her – but he's gotten **so used to not getting what he wants** that he doesn't really expect that she'll love him and want him back. When he entertains the possibility that she might - he gets terrified and insanely hopeful in equal measure. For Zuko, Katara is probably the best friend he's ever had. His relationship with her is certainly one of his healthiest – He wouldn't want to jeopardise that at all. But he also wants more from her. He had been trying to work up the courage to tell her – but now Hakoda's gone and poured cold water all over that.

I think that Zuko would be much more pessimistic about a possible relationship to begin with. Zuko does not have much trust in romantic love – I think a lot of that would have been absorbed from watching how his parents were together (and I don't think Ozai and Ursa had a _happy marriage_). He's much more shy and he has poorer self-image and he has been hurt/and or let down a lot in the past. He's never been the one to make the first move in a romantic/sexual relationship. Both Jin and Mai came on to him – and he reacted to them. He did not go out with them on his own initiative.

He wasn't that invested in either of these relationships (there will be lots more on how this relates to Zuko and Mai in the early parts of _Not Stalking Firelord Zuko_). He wasn't risking that much of his heart with these girls. When things went pear-shaped – he could cope with it. He wasn't reduced to an ice-cream eating, crying, moping, emo wreck of a person– sulking in the dark – listening to sad music. Okay granted, he already did the emo-sulking-in-the-dark thing a fair bit. But you guys know what I mean.

Katara means so much to him already, she's his go-to person for so many emotional needs. At this point, if they got involved and it went pear-shaped - he would literally **never get over it.** He doesn't want to disappoint her or hurt her ever – and in his experience most relationships seem to end that way - so he thinks that it would be better to avoid that whole relationship quagmire. He's already been thinking along these lines, but then when he and Hakoda have their talk – it would have really reinforced a lot of these thoughts. When Hakoda outlines the various added difficulties for a fire/water couple – difficulties that he sees as insurmountable – Zuko, who has so much respect for Hakoda to begin with, couldn't help but agree.

Zuko's not even sure if Katara feels the same way about him at this stage. The only think he's sure of, and that he manages to convince himself of during the day – is that it is not worth the risk. Katara, on the other hand has come to the opposite opinion.

"Bato" and "Ming" allow them to talk about their relationship – without having to directly talk about it. For Zuko it is so much easier to say _I think "Ming_"_ would feel this _rather than _I feel this. _Zuko -through thinly veiled Ming analogy – is able to tell Katara where he's at. He tells her that he is scared of the thought of them getting together and having it not work out. Because there is no way that these two could get together (at this point) just for a quick fun fling. If they got together, it would be for keeps and Zuko knows what a big ask that would be for Katara. He's stuck in the firenation now and if she wanted to be with him, she'd have to give up a lot to do that. Zuko was telling her that he had no expectations of her and he'll understand if she doesn't want him – but if she does, he doesn't think it's was worth the risk. She was telling him that she thinks it very much is worth the risk and they could work it out.

Katara has also been thinking about what Hakoda said and all the various points and difficulties her dad outlined. She has decided that they are not insurmountable differences. She's thinking about the things she's learned and the other relationships she's seen and what she actually wants. She has very much certain that a relationship with Zuko would be worth the risk. She chickens out in the kitchen from saying it to his face – because it is still a bit of a scary step and she's not _quite_ there yet. But she is willing to admit to herself now that she wants more from their friendship – despite all the risks. She is getting close to feeling brave enough to declare herself.

I wanted to have _Not Stalking Zuko_ end in a way that reflected _Stalking Zuko (_the fic that started me down this rambly path)_._ Stalking Zuko ended with Katara resolving to be Zuko's friend. This fic ends with her resolving to be more than friends – but how _Not Stalking Firelord Zuko_ will end is anybody's guess – (actually I'm kidding, I do know how that will end).

But this is it for Not Stalking Zuko.

To all my wonderful readers – if you have read this far then you I have so much love for you.

I have lots planned for _Not Stalking Firelord Zuko_ – there will be coronation shenanigans, more Tales of Ba Sing Se, and lots of relationship-related drama/sillyness. Three of my favourite J's will make an appearance (Jee, Jun and Jet). We will get to see how Zuko copes with being firelord. We will get to see how Azula is going and how she is coping with her illness. And how Hakoda copes with all the changes in his children. We will see how it works out between Bato and Ming.

Iroh will be a great advisor to Zuko **some of the time**, embarrass him terribly at every opportunity **the rest of the time** and give him "calming tea" **all the time.** Toph will find a place she fits in and can completely be her awesome self. Aang will find hope for the future of the airnomads. Ty Lee will find her purpose. Suki will find that being the calm and sensible one can be a chore when everybody else is out of their gourd. Sokka will find the recognition he craves. Mai will find an answer to her boredom. Mai will also _annoy the bananas_ out of Katara – until Katara wants to strangle her with those gloomy hairbuns.

And Katara herself will tell us what she thinks of all these goings on in long ranting style.

Til then lovely readers!


End file.
